The Daily Zeitgeist Presents: Santa University 12.24.17

The Daily Zeitgeist presents Jamie Loftus's much anticipated table read for her screenplay "Santa University." Cast members include Jamie Loftus, Jack O'Brien, Anna Hossnieh, Miles Gray, & Sophie Lichterman.

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:00):
Hey guys, this is a special episode of The Daily
Zeist that is absolutely nothing like any other episode of
nothing daily news comedic podcast. Uh. This is something that
Jamie Loftus, probably our most beloved guest and most frequent guests.
At one point during one of our many seasons, let

(00:22):
slip that she has been working on a script for
a film called Santa University and it sounded awesome. Uh,
so we asked her if we could give it a
read for the holidays. And so you're about to hear
a dry run. So without further ado, gang, I just
want to thank everyone for joining me today for the

(00:42):
first ever table read of a preview of my five
hour long future film Standing University, I've been working on
for five years as the truth. Uh. And this is
this is as far as we've gotten so far. We've
got today, We've got select scene some of my faves
from one of the longest movies to ever grows three
billion dollars. Uh. And and so we're gonna I mean,

(01:05):
I think should we say who we are and what
we're what we're playing. My name is Jack O'Brien, and
I will be playing Janine and Goth Santa. My name
is Anna host Nay and I will be playing Mike
Santa and Gal Santa Santa. My name is Sophie like Jaman,
I'll be playing Jill Santa, Professor Santa and Intellect Santa.

(01:28):
My name is Miles Gray Uh. And today I will
be playing the part of Dance Santa. Thank you, long
difficult casting process went into this, but this is this
is years of hard word. My name is Jamie Uh.
My name is Jamie Lofis. I'm the writer, creator, director
of Santa University, and I will also be playing Dean
Santa today. So let's start, shall we We shall so,

(01:49):
without further Ado Santa University, Santa, please enjoy Santi University
interr Gymnasium Day. The remnants of the normal high school
graduation phill the gymnasis him streamers, hats and a banner
that says hey, good job you guys as celebrating students
in their families file out. Sitting in the center of
the dispersing frenzy is Dan Santa eighteen and looks like ship.

(02:11):
For some reason, Dan Santa is always wearing a Santa suit.
He holds a diploma in one hand, his head in
the other. I'm such a freaking loser. Dan Santa opens
his diploma holder and it is a piece of scrap
paper that reads, you sucked, Dan Santa. I'm gonna be
a diploma list version for freaking ever. Probably Dan Santa's parents,
Jill and Mike Santa, in their fifties and very hot,

(02:33):
approached their loser son. They look pissed. At least they
let you pretend to graduate. Dance Santa. You waste. Yeah,
Dan Santa, you didn't even get into your backup college lids.
You never believed in me. Mom and Dad, You're damn right.
We didn't dance Santa. We never wanted a son who
was a Santa, who wanted a cool son for better yet,

(02:55):
just give birth to money. I asked my buddy John
at the meth lap hunting as a Burlington Co. Factory
if the mall needed a Santa this year, But all
he said was that he couldn't hire my failure of
a Santa son. Then he sold me my meth Obviously,
I'll figure it out. I promise, I'll deliver papers, I'll
become a dancer. I just need some time. Time's up,

(03:16):
Dan Santa, we need you out of the house by morning,
you want to write your room out to clowns. We
meet on Tinder oh No. Page two of the movie
Santa University, and the stakes are already high. By the way,
this came to the house for you today. Goodbye, Dan Santa.
We wish you were never born. Mike and Joel Santa
lead the gymnasium, mumbling something about being on their way

(03:38):
to buy some more meth. Dan Santa examines the envelope.
It's labeled sensitive Jingle information within with the freaking heck.
Before he can open the envelope, Janine seventeen and in
a graduation gown slaps the envelope out of his hand. Hello,
Dance Santa, my boyfriend for now. That is Janine. Dance
Santa lead the hugger, but she uses them away. Dan Santa,

(04:01):
I'm breaking up with you, jeez, Louise. I'm going to
Dartmouth next year, and I deserve better than you. You
can't read and you look like shit. I'll be better,
I promise. I'm sorry. I just don't believe in Santa.
Dance Danta, christ big fat stupid teams the word play.
But regardless, I am hurt. Good luck, Dan Santa. Maybe

(04:25):
they're hiring it best by Janine exits. Dan Santa is shaken.
It's only page three of the movie Santa University. Yet
the stakes have been rising from moment one. Surely a
breaking the tension is forthcoming. He looks at the envelope again.
Sensitive jingle information within. I don't know what jingle information
could be more sensitive that the jingle information within my

(04:49):
heart that is currently broken. Dancing the envelope, it reads
an attacking funt congratulations, welcome to Santa University. Didn't apply
to any Santa University. He examines the paper closely. We
see the first paragraph greeting Stan Santa. We know you
did not apply to Santa University, but regardless, we have

(05:09):
admitted you. Please show up tomorrow with everything you own
and report to the Dean's office. Dan Santa is elated.
He woo, he hollers in the now empty gymnasium. And
this is where a musical number would go is called.
I believe in Santa, and I believe in Santa and
I will go to Santa University. I'm going to Santa University.

(05:33):
Hell yeah, A faithless voice has heard over the crackling
loud speaker in the gymnasium. Wow, only page four of
the movie Santa University, and the plot is really moving.
We come forward to the next day exterior Santa University
campus day, and at this point, Jack, I'm actually gonna
recast you as also Dean Santa because I realized that

(05:57):
there's too many stage directions. They're written in block form, okay.
Dan Santa wears a fresh red suit with a Santa
University logo emblazoned on the front and moves through a sprawling,
tensel covered campus. Script note this set will need to
be built to scale and in its entirety please set
us had three million in the budget for this one shot.

(06:19):
Dan Santa moves through a crowd of forty thou identically
dressed Santa's of every race and gender, and looks deeply intimidated.
Script note important that extras are hired and fitted for
individual Santa suits. Suits must be real velvet. If I
find out any corners were cut, I swear to God
I'll throw my cat and no river meats or an

(06:40):
altline campus more like Crampus Dr Dune Santa's office day.
Dean Santa is a gnarled, old, fucking or red suit.
Maybe he was a Santa one time, but now he's
a mean old bitch within the Jeta. He's the godfather

(07:01):
of all Santas. Dan Santa enters in a signature Santa suit,
the uniform at Santa University. He's extremely nervous. You must
be Dan Santa. You must be Dean Santa. You must
be Dan Santa, new student at Santa University. You must
be Dean Santa, the dean of Santa University. Yeah, I'm

(07:21):
fucking oh it days. I'm the dean and I'm a Santa. Also,
my full name is Dean Santa. Nice uniform, fuckhead, it
only came in one size, fat, yet agile Dean Santa
wilds out and throws his computer at the wall. You're
damn right, it only comes from one size. You don't

(07:43):
know the first thing about Santa University. I didn't even
apply to Santa University, Dean Santa. The letter disappeared. Santa
University is a destiny, not a choice. It's like that
book about the British workman who gets out of all
those scraps using plot magic, except way more violent. Violent.
There's only one rule at Santa University. They can only

(08:04):
be one Santa each year, but there's so many of
us there sure are. At the end of every year,
only the strongest Santa lives, and all others are sent
to the Santa killing field. I might die this year.
You might die now. Stean Santa pulled out a tinsel
covered harpoon gun and aims it at Dan Santa. Davina

(08:25):
screams and cows behind his chair. Dean Santa laughs and
puts the gun down, but not before you meet my
lovely daughter. Get out from behind that chair, loser, Gal Santa.
Gal Santa eighteen enters in a full Santa University red suit.
She looks annoyed. What Dean Santa stand and put this

(08:47):
big meat hand onto his daughter's shoulder. This is my daughter,
Gal Santa short for Galactic. No, it's not. It's just
indicates she has the primary female character in the movie
Santa University. That's bad writing regardless. I want you to
get a good look at my daughter. Dan Santa. Hi,
Dan Santa, Hi, I'm Dan Santa. This is your competition.

(09:11):
Gal Santa is smart, she's hot, and she's frothen to
be Sin. I am also fluent in five language. Pipe down,
Gal Santa, we don't need to know more than three
details about the female character. Gal Santa gets in Dan
Santa's face, eyes narrowed. Welcome to Santa University, Dan Santa.
I look forward to competing with you, Dan Santa. LuxI Cameron,

(09:32):
I think I'm in love as hell. I've got to
go Dad, Cool Santa's waiting and Dan Santa. Yes, I'm
Dan Santa and I'm wanting a kiss from you, but
it is too early in the movie. Gal gives him
a once over. Get a suit in your size, Dan
Santa and Dean Santa sit you hear that, Gal Santa
sand something sassy before leaving the room. That's great writing.

(09:56):
Who's this cool santas he's going to meet? That's her
boy friend, the coolest Santa at Santa University, and thus
his name, which is cool Santa. He's captain of the
jingle team. Whoa Actually, that's a fourth detail about a
female character. Let's take back me saying she's smart. Here's
where a song would go. Uh, this is where Dean

(10:17):
Santa would here called a song called you don't know
Nothing about No Santa. You don't know nothing about No Santa.
That was good. I know, I know it was so
to be the one true Santa, I'd have to kill
Cool Santa and your daughter, plus the forty thousand other
Santa's we admit to Santa University every year. It's a

(10:38):
safety school. We accept a lot of Santa's. That's not sustainable.
Dean Santa flips at table. This isn't about sustainability, Dan Santa,
you flash and waist. It's about Santa. Okay, okay, I
have a good first Dant Okay. We got forward to
Dan Santa's first day of class. Dan Santa sits next
to Goth Santa eighteen, his roommate, who is a Santa

(11:00):
Goth and therefore a little different from the other Santas.
At the front of the classroom is Professor Santa, who
writes the words jingle class on the board and chalk. Okay,
Santa's today, there are forty thousand of you come Christmas,
there are only be one. Now let's learn how to
jingle a fucking bell. Cool Santa eighteen and beefy hot

(11:22):
and very cool. Laughs. Oh are cool? The bells jingle themselves.
Gal Santa sits next to him and Scoff's yeah right,
Cool Santa, my boyfriend into like Santa. An eighteen year
old female Santa also scoffs. Just pay attention in class,
Gal Santa, I'm sure that the real Santa will value

(11:43):
hard work and dedication to the Santa craft. Dan Santa
and God Santa. Whispering in the back of the class,
they pull out two small jingle bells. Goth Santa rings
his and maybe a Goth Santa. But that doesn't mean
I can't ring a bell just as good as any
other Her Santa. You damn right, God Santa, my roommate

(12:04):
and only ally at Santa University. Thanks Dan Santa, and
thank you for also stating our relationship to each other.
Try bringing yours. Dan Santa shakes the jingle bell, but
nothing happens. He looks around, embarrassed and tries again. Stupid
bell must be broken. Professor Santa appears behind beside Dan
Santa's desk. She's not just Dan Santa's bell and jingles effortlessly.

(12:25):
It's not the bell who's broken, Dan Santa, it's you
and the fact that you cannot read and look like ship.
Oh man, you'd better be careful. Santa's who can't jingle
their own bells don't last long at Santa, you very long.
You suck, Dan Santa, There's no way you'll live until
the Big Game, whispers to God Santa. The Big Game.

(12:48):
That's the final showdown of all the remaining Santas at
the end of the every year. Remember it. It's a
major plot point. Later in the movie Santa University. Okay, Okay,
Dan Santa continues to watch people let him but go.
Santa pulls him and get in again to get his attention.
I know it seems like logically we will not live
that long due to the fact that you are the
protagonist of Santa University, and I am quickly establishing myself

(13:11):
as what I'm optimistic will be a fan favorite Bee character.
It's Santa the reason that we will appear at the
Big Game or the final scene. I can't be the
only Santa who can't ring their own bell yet, right,
Dan Santa observes the classroom full of Santa's. He sees
Gal Santa, Jingle herd bell, perfectly cool Santa. His other
classmates like nondenominational Santa, hype Beast Santa, Baby Santa, and

(13:35):
arms where their eyes should be Santa all Jingo pars
as well he is dejected. Dan Santa's gaze falls on
the only other frustrated looking Santa in the room, Thin Santa,
who shakes a noiseless bell annoyedly. Dan Santa approaches him, Hey, man,
don't feel bad. I can't jingle my belt either. Then
Santa looks up, tears in his eyes, which are also thin.

(13:59):
I've been trying all week and nothing. I'm Finn Santa.
He extends his hand to Dan Santa. I'm Dan Santa.
Hold it right there, than Santa. That was Cool Santa.
Cool Santa pulls out a hartpoon gun and aims at
Thinn Santa. I'm not afraid to be the first Santa
to kill this year. If you can't ring jangle that
goddamn bell, cool cool Santa, San Santa is very scared

(14:22):
and freaking out. This Santanta can't handle the pressure of
Santa University. Don't don't mind him, Thinn Santa. He's just
too late. Thin Santa has become too stressed and explodes
into a cloud of blood. The blood is very far
reaching and splats everyone in class, very graphic. Lots of
brains JFK. But if his head were three times as

(14:44):
large awful along beat Thin Santa. The classroom burst into applause.
Go Santa's covered in blood. Always such a relief to
have the first death over. The rest will feel like nothing.
Gal Santa and Intellect Santa high five. That's my ship,
Intellect Santa. Flat. Do everyone see that I scared thinta

(15:08):
than Santa so bad he freaking exploded. Well done, class,
well done. Back to your jingling. Professor Santa passes Dan
Santa and gives him a meaningful look. I'd recommend you
figure out how to jingle that bell, dance Santa. Dan
Santa is in complete shock. He has never seen anyone
exploding into a cloud of blood before and is horrified.

(15:30):
Everyone else returns to their work, cheery and not bothering
to clean themselves as the blood of Thin Santa. Dan
Zita tries to ring his bell again, but it's full
of the blood of Thin Santa. Close shot on Dan Santa. This,
in my opinion, is perhaps not the right thing to happen.
Later that day, in the cafeteria, Dan Santa, Gossanta Santa,

(15:51):
Gal Santa, and Intellect Santa all sit around a lunch table,
eating cookies and milk. Goth gallant intellect talk cheerily while
Dan Santa broods why the long face dance? Anta? While
my face is fat like Santa's, it is also naturally long. However,
I am sad, Dan Santa. Santa's exploding in the middle
of jingle class is totally a normal thing. Every student, Santa,

(16:12):
you knows that. Well, maybe it shouldn't be a normal thing.
Where I come from, people were bullies too, and bullying
stinks in my radical opinion. Where are you from again,
Dan Santa? A nondescript, lower middle class suburb, suburban hamlet. Goddamnit?
Inte like Santa places her hand on Dan Santa's trying
to calm them down. Look, Dan Santa, we all know

(16:33):
that Santa system is super messed up. I for one
wish this whole thing could be decided based on who
Tim Allen scares off a ladder. But that's a fantasy.
The real world is bloody, and I'll kill every Santa
I have to in order to take over and change
the system for good. Dan Santa stands with purpose, looking
dangerously ready to burst in a song. Is he going

(16:55):
to sing? I hope it doesn't sing? Cool, Santa heckles
Dan Santa from nearby table. Don't you dare sing a ballad? Dancanta,
you weeks, son of garbage? Dancanta ignores them. I was
brought up believing that Santa was good and smart and
hot and didn't want to kill other Santas. I've always
believed in the perfect Santa. Oh, he's definitely gonna sing

(17:18):
that sounds like a song title. We're fucking screwed. Here
it comes aston and then that's where dancer that sings
the ballad the perfect Santa, not the perfect song, which
is what I wrote in the yard. I would drink
Fanta dreaming of a perfect Santa. Everyone is horrified at this.

(17:44):
Now we're we're skipping forward about three and a half
hours in the movie now to now we're approaching the
end of the movie. Uh smash caught title card five
months later? Wait, so what happened in between? Did I say?
What my stronger and my weekd you you guys see
the movie? Because there months later? It's five months later.

(18:05):
Here we go, you guys will catch up. Five months later,
the once vibrant Santa University campus, crampas ha Ha looks
markedly different, where once it was filled with forty Santas.
Most of the courtyard is filled with corpses. Now every
few seconds as Santa will melt through the yard, navigating
around their falling classmates. Studio note, we will need to

(18:28):
make sure these corpses are real. Spare no expenses. We
see Dan Santa, now wearing a gas mask to filter
out the stench of the Santas, who could not hack it,
walk through the campus with God Santa. They pause for
a moment and look at the corps of Professor Santa.
Dan Santa shakes his head. Sorry, so where the situation
with the Santa's dang was bad before, it is now worsened.

(18:52):
I can't help but agree. Okay, now we're so there's
I got a studio note that the movie, although five
as long, did not pass the Bechdel test. So we
went back and we did some reshoots. And this scene
takes place the night before the big game in Gal
Santa's dorm room. At night, Gal Santa and Intellect Santa
sit on their respective beds and stare at the ceiling wordlessly.

(19:15):
Intellect Santa, Yes, tomorrow is the big day in which
we will battle to the death. We meaning you myself,
Dan Santa, Cool Santa and God Santa until the advisement
of oh, under excuse me, under the advisement of Dean Santa,
who is my father, very very very long pause. Yes, okay.

(19:38):
Next scene, the big climactic scene, big sports filled outside night,
it's the big game. The stadium is decked out in
full Christmas regalia because there are no more Santa's left.
The stadium is full of elves and some of the
Santa corpses have been placed in the seats to make
it seem more full. Jock jams play throughout the stadium
as Dean Santa enters the center of the field with

(19:59):
great applau my Dean Santa. Yeah, it is I Dean Santa,
and today is my favorite of all days in the
school year. A better man would say their favorite day
is the first day when all the student Santa's are
still alive. But honey, I am not that man. Pauses

(20:22):
for laughs. None come. The audience, after all, is mostly
dead or afraid. Dean Santa becomes enraged at the lack
of response to a stupid joke and shoots a gun
into the audience. Let that be a lesson to you.
Before we bring out the five Santas that will be
dueling for the job of one true Santa for the
next calendar year. We must engage in my favorite Yuletide tradition,

(20:45):
the retirement of this year's Santa. Everyone please give a
warm welcome to Santa Clause. Santa Claus is coming to town.
Blairs over the speakers as Real Santa Claus enters on
a parade float style slay filled presents. Everyone is clapping
and so happy, and Dean Santa is Real Santa Claus
a hand down to the field. Yes, welcome to the

(21:09):
Real Santa Claus. Graduate of Santa University. Last year, he
toiled in this very field for the position, just as
my daughter and a bunch of chode losers will today,
and he brought us an excellent Christmas last year. Santa Claus,
do you have any words for your people? Real Santa
Claus suddenly looks nervous and gingerly takes the microphone. I'd

(21:31):
just like to see that things don't have to be
this way too late, Dean Singsa pulls out a harpoon
gun and harpoons Real Santa in the head. He dies instantly,
And Santa Claus is coming to town stops abruptly. We
see that the audience is horrified and crying. In the silence,
long pause shots of sad elves watching their beloved boss
senselessly slaughtered. Dean Santa feigned surprised at his own crime. My,

(21:53):
my goodness, it appears weird down One Santa looks like
that means it's time for today's events. The final countdown
starts to play, and the audience is suddenly excited again.
The real Santa's corpses dragged from the field by mass Dell's.
That son of a bitch isn't the real Santa anymore.
Dan Santa, Go Santa, Cool Santa, Intellect Santa, and Gal
Santa all enter the field and glorious attire equipped with

(22:15):
jingle bell whips. Let the Big Game. I freaking love
the Big Game. He runs out of the way of
the battling Santa's slowly because he is withered and old.
It takes a while embarrassing for him. A horn sounds
and the Santa's lunch at each other in gladiatorial battle,
but dumber Gal Santa immediately points her hartpoon gun at

(22:36):
Cool Santa and shoots him dead instantly. But my girlfriend,
making this a vow of trust broke in he does
I got as God Santa and Intellect Santa spar with
the jingle whips. Gal Sandra and Dan Santa exchange a
loving glance. Oh, you guys should know what They fell
in love at some point in the past three and
a half hours. Thank you so much. That was amazing.

(23:00):
Up opponent Gal whips Dan Santa in the face and
he is refocused on the other side of the field.
Intellect Santa has critically wounded God Santa and he crumples
to the ground in a sweaty fat god mess. Intelect
Santa rooris one god less. She leaves his body and
attacks Gal Santa and they begin to spar. Dan looks

(23:21):
to Gal Santa and she flips them off as if
to say, if you try to help me, I will
murder you. He runs to God Santa's side instead, as
God is barely breathing through his hot topic mouth. My
sweet God, say something, Dan Santa. Oh, when it all
God Santa for you in your memory, I'll be Santa.

(23:42):
Force God Santa costs up a bunch of blood. Then
we realize he's laughing. He starles with his word, but
he's definitely making fun of Dan Santa with his dying breath.
No like shit, and can't he dies? Dan Santa whales
to the sky even Reid heur attention back to Intellect Santa,

(24:07):
who has Gal Santa pin to the ground with her sword.
They have swords, Santa's have swords. I didn't mention that earlier.
Dan Santa runs across the field in pursuit of Gal Santa.
It gives me no pleasure to snap your neck, Gala Santa,
but snap your neck, I must, Gal Santa. No, Gal

(24:27):
Santa gasped through her fear. There's one thing you forgot,
Intellect Santa. And what's that little mis nepotism? Dean Santa
on the sidelines a sick burn for the person about
to kill my daughter. A greater man would intervene. I
am not that man. I'm the hotter of two female characters.
The bloated plot to the movie Santa University wrote in

(24:48):
and so it is I who must live shit. Gala
Santa wriggles free out of Intellect Santa's clutches and knocks
her to the ground, delivering a devast eating jingle whip
blow that splits intellect. Santa's head clean open. She looks
up to Dan Santa, hungry for blood. Dean Santa cheers

(25:09):
wildly from the sideline. Dean Santa does not notice that
a pack of elves have picked up the corpse of
Got Santa and sneak up behind him. Dad look out,
the leader of the Rogue Elf Pack studio note Rogue
Elf franchise spinoff Minion style, good idea. The leader of

(25:29):
the Rogue Elf Pack righteously outrage Elf gives the signal
to his guys. Girl. The elves whacked Dean Santa with
the corpse, killing him. The elves celebrate, but Gal Santa
is devastated Dad. She runs towards him, and Dan Santa
realizes this is his chance. He lunges towards her and
grabs her by the shoulder. Gallas shocked with this bitch,

(25:50):
really pull this ship, Gal Santa. My father is dead,
Dan Santa, but like, I have to kill you so
I can have a job. Dan Santa, this is seriously
messed up. I'm kind of going through something right now,
and I recognize and respect that, but you know, the
industry only allows for fine Dan Santa. Kill me. She

(26:10):
outstretches her arms, offering herself, if you want to be
Santa so bad, kill me. Dan Santa and his harpoon
gun at Gal Santa tears in his loser eyes. He
is the gun I can't do. Before Dan Santa can
finish his sentence, Gal Santa pulls out her own gun
and shoots him. He dies instantly. Gal Santa shakes her
head sadly. Oh, Dan Santa, you sweet, weak loser son

(26:32):
of a bitch. I loved you. She looks to the bleachers. Dad,
you don't have to play dead anymore. I got him
a long beat. Dan Santa's bad does not move righteously.
Outrage Elf raises his hand awkwardly. Sorry we are we
really killed him, damn rough. Celebratory music players just jack
jams again over an announcement that rings through the stadium,

(26:55):
and that makes Gal Santa our new Santa Claus for
the coming year. Can that's Gal Santa? The music fades
and the crowd disperses. Gal Santa's left alone in the
center of the stadium field that's littered with the bodies
of everyone she's ever loved. She kneels to Dan Santa's
body and kisses his forehead. This looks bad, but killing
and winning feels good, so it was worth it. She

(27:17):
looks at the camera and winks. Music begins to play softly,
and a magical wind whistles through the air. The ghost
of Gos Santa rises from his bloody Santa Corps. It's
just another year at Suddenly the music picks up and
a ray of light shines through the blood clouds. Jingle
bells ring and the ghosts of Fort Santas rise from

(27:38):
the graves and begin to dance to a jaunty beat.
And this is one. This one goes Santa Santa Santa University,
Santa Santa Santa University, Santasity. The ghost of Dance Santa
dances badly next to Gal Santa. Every year Santa's come here,
even though it means they may die. But just because

(28:01):
it might cost your life doesn't mean you shouldn't try.
You think there'd be a better vetting system, but there's not.
Portray your friends and bring your own knife, or my
name isn't goth like. The ghost of Intellect Santa hovers
above the entire scene, annoyed. There had to have been
a better way to do this. Gal Santa is no

(28:21):
longer sad and dances with the ghosts. The ghost of
Dean Santa embraces his daughter. You think it would be
easier to have more than one Santa guy, and you'd
be righting. The job is too much, which is why
all Santa's die relatively fast. The Santa matriarchy will rise
with me as its host. But just because I'm an
empowered female Santa doesn't mean my boyfriend is. And I

(28:42):
goes hey, that's me. Cool Santa's ghost approaches Dan Santa's
goes man looks like the coolest Santa got straight up
snuffed and bested by a loser Santa who looks like
shit and can't even read, extends his ghost hand shake.
Cool Santa accepts the handshake. Good. I think that's the
last loose end in the script. He floats away. Dan

(29:03):
Santa floats to Gal Santa and they kiss. Wow, I
love you, Gal Santa. I like San things slow as
I think the fact that I slit your throat will
become a major blockage for progress in our relationship, jingles.
They kiss again, the Santa goes rejoice where at Santa
Santa University to Santa Santa University, Santa Santa, we'd off

(29:30):
the red nosed reindeer flies in front of the camera
and winks and don't forgot about me Gal. Santa pulls
out a harpoon gun and shoot Rudolph. His blood sprays
onto the camera n s the end. Wow hot review
to Santa University in Theoris Christmas Day. All right, well,

(29:54):
we're gonna be back on Tuesday, the day after Christmas,
with some year end stuff. Tune in for that. But
this has been the Daily Zeitgeist preview of Jamie Loftus's
Santa University. Bravo, Bravo, and Merry Christmas everybody to or

(30:14):
you know, happy Holidays. I'm just get it. How you
live it, don't add us