February 26, 2024 • 47 mins
Join us for a heartfelt discussion on navigating loss and finding hope amidst grief. In this episode, we address a viewer's emotional question about balancing the pain of loss with creating new memories. Granger Smith offers insights and empathy, drawing from personal experience. If you're seeking solace and guidance through difficult times, this video is for you.
In a subsequent question, Granger Smith addresses Jackie's heartfelt plea for guidance. Jackie opens up about her struggles as a mother, wife, and individual, expressing her desire for a more fulfilling life centered around family and farming. Join us as Granger offers support and advice, navigating the complexities of finding purpose amidst life's challenges. If you're seeking inspiration to overcome obstacles and pursue your dreams, this video is a must-watch.
This podcast is sponsored by Shopify.
Go to Shopify.com/granger now to grow your business-no matter what stage you’re in.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
And so if you're still experiencing what you think is grief,
I'm here to tell you it's not grief anymore. Now
it's self inflicting, self deprecating depression. And that is Oh,
here comes the worst part about this. That is narcissism.
Speaker 2 (00:25):
What's up, guys, Welcome to the podcast.
Speaker 1 (00:26):
Thanks for being here, watching, listening wherever you're coming from
Episode to twenty seven. Thank you for everyone that has
taken this journey for so long with me. I believe
this podcast started in twenty seventeen, so we're looking at
as real time right now, we're looking at about seven
years of this. So man, I love you guys, and
(00:47):
I love the opportunity to just real talk. No edits,
no clicks, no notes, no quotes in front of me,
no books that I'm discussing here, just answering your questions.
If you have one for me, email podcast at grangersmith
dot com. We'll walk through it like we're sitting around
a campfire. This first question comes from Morgan. It says, Hey, Granger,
(01:09):
I love listening to the podcast. I'm twenty one years old,
I'm from Tennessee, and I am starting to realize a
reoccurring thought of a guy that I no longer talk to.
In the beginning, I was relieved that the situation was
over and did not think much of it. It has
been at least five months now. However, the past month
(01:31):
or so he has come to mind often. I realize
it is something I need to take to God and
ask him about. As I do, I'd love to hear
your take on it. Normally, if someone comes to mind,
I'll pray for them and reach out to them if
i'm thinking about them. I have done both. He did
not respond when I reached out. He is still a
(01:53):
thought in the back of my mind, and I'm so
confused about it. There is such great vice, great advice
in each episode, and I hope to hear back on
this topic. Thank you all right kicking it off with Morgan,
I appreciate you, And look, I'm not always right on
this stuff. I'd just like to answer like we're two friends.
(02:16):
Maybe we're sitting sitting in the cap of a truck
or sitting sitting around a campfire, and we talk through this,
and so I hear these questions for the first time,
and there's not always.
Speaker 2 (02:26):
The right answer.
Speaker 1 (02:28):
Except for you, except for this one. Morgan, you got
look the guy says, the guy is gone, right, and
you reach out to him and he doesn't respond. That
is enough. That is an answer in itself. He might
(02:52):
not have responded with words, but he responded clearly with
no words. And it means I don't want to talk.
For whatever reason, I've moved on, I don't. I don't
want to talk or have anything to.
Speaker 2 (03:05):
Do with you.
Speaker 1 (03:07):
You're twenty one, You're from Tennessee, and you say all
you say, right, is there is a guy I no
longer talk to. I think that's all we know about
this guy. But look, Morgan, this is, first of all,
it's normal. Let's acknowledge this. This is a normal feeling
that you're having. And when he doesn't reply, it also
(03:28):
triggers something in your mind that it kind of thinks,
what why is he not replying?
Speaker 2 (03:35):
Is he hurt? Is he injured?
Speaker 1 (03:37):
Did he get in a car accident? And he's he's
ran off a cliff and no one knows where he is.
And if I, if I find him, then you know
that maybe I'll be the one to be able to
rescue him. No, that's not what this is. He doesn't
want to talk to you.
Speaker 2 (03:51):
Anymore.
Speaker 1 (03:52):
And look, you say, I'll pray. I've been praying, and
I need to take this to God. Look you're getting
in a clear answer from God and everyone else.
Speaker 2 (04:06):
That the guy's moved on, so you should too.
Speaker 1 (04:10):
Next question comes from Anonymous, and it says, hey, Granger,
I lost my twenty one year old son on December
fourteenth of last year. It was unexpected, and we put
him to bed and he never woke up. I have
two other children, a three year old daughter and a
seven month old baby. My fear is that I won't
ever be able to have joy with my other children
(04:33):
ever again. All I see is him not being there.
How do I balance the pain of losing my two
year old with making new memories with my other children?
Speaker 2 (04:44):
Also? Does this pain ever subside? Thank you all right, Anonymous.
Speaker 1 (04:50):
I'm so sorry, and unfortunately I could I know this
and I could relate. The first thing I would say
is we're going to answer kind of your question in
parts here. And your first question is how do I
(05:13):
balance losing my two year old with making new memories
with my other children? Well, that's the answer to that
question is. First of all, you don't you're not trying
to plan next year. You're not trying to plan five
(05:33):
years from now. You're not You're not trying to get
a ten year plan. You're not trying to figure out
when you're gonna go to Disney World when they're preteens.
All you have to do is work on today. And
the reason I say that is because pain comes in waves,
and sometimes you're going to feel okay. And on those days,
(05:56):
you have a three year old daughter and a seven
month old baby. On those days, you'd be as present
as you can with them, and when you get you
get down on the carpet, you know, in their room
and their bedroom, and you get lost with your three
year old and you start having conversations with her, and
sure you might break up and start crying a little bit,
(06:19):
and it's okay for her to see you crying, and
you could say I miss your little brother, and that's okay.
And then other days you might not bring it up
at all because it doesn't it doesn't cross your mind
to tell her that.
Speaker 2 (06:33):
And so my point is if you if you work.
Speaker 1 (06:36):
Day by day instead of week by week or year
by year, you just work day by day and sometimes
just hour by hour, then I promise you the days
will go by and you'll start collecting good days along
with the bad ones. The problem is, what you'll realize
is that sometimes you'll be laughing with your kids and
(06:59):
there's a thought, an evil thought, that comes in your
head that says, how dare you laugh with these kids
when they lost a sibling and you lost a son.
And I want to tell you right now, Anonymous, that
that is that feeling is the enemy. It is a lie,
(07:20):
and it is here to steal your joy. And so
you reject that thought, and he say, no, no, I
me having joy and laughing with my kids does not
compete against the grief of losing my son. They can
(07:41):
coexist at the same time. And listen, I don't have
to convince you that you could probably already think back
as you listen to this podcast of many times when
that's already happened, when you've you've felt joy and you
laugh genuine I mean, three year olds are kids you
want to laugh all the time. They say funny things,
(08:02):
they do funny things. And I'm sure you have seen
your daughter say or do something funny and you've smiled,
and whether or not you felt guilty about it, I
want to tell you that that smile can coexist with
the grief of losing your son. They could both exist.
Speaker 2 (08:20):
In your mind.
Speaker 1 (08:21):
There's no reason why you should feel guilty about that.
And then the last question is for you, does the
pain ever subside? And the answer is absolutely yes. There
might be people that tell you no, I've heard those
people and I still hear those people. They say, losing
a child is a loss, it's a pain that never
(08:43):
goes away. Well to those people, I will say, there's
a problem. If you truly believe, and it has been
maybe decades and I've heard this, that the pain of
losing a child never subsides, then there's something else wrong
because you're now past you're past the appropriate time to grieve,
(09:07):
and now you're in self deprecation mode and you're in
depression grief just like you know, you get.
Speaker 2 (09:16):
The flu, right and you.
Speaker 1 (09:19):
Cough, and you have this bacterial infection in your lungs
with the flu, and then that can turn into pneumonia.
Pneumonia is not the flu, but as the flu lingered
too long, it manifested into pneumonia. And grief and loss
can manifest into depression if it's not dealt with correctly
(09:42):
and So if you're still experiencing what you think is grief,
I'm here to tell you it's not grief anymore.
Speaker 2 (09:48):
Now.
Speaker 1 (09:48):
It's self inflicting, self deprecating depression. And that is oh,
here here comes the worst part about this. That is narcissism.
And it's like, whoa hold, what do you say? Did
you say that my self deprecation and my depression from
(10:08):
losing a loved one is narcissism? I'm saying it could
become that yet, because it could become where all you
think about is yourself, not in a good way, but
in a bad way. All you think is poor me,
poor me, because of this. I don't have this because
(10:30):
of that, I have missing out on this. My life
is not the way it should have been because of this.
And what that is is just me, me, me, me me.
It's narcissism. That's what it becomes. So let me answer
the question. Finally, does the pain ever subside? Absolutely?
Speaker 2 (10:50):
It does. The memory and.
Speaker 1 (10:55):
The love and this sting from the loss itself exist
as you move forward with it, and it becomes less
and less painful as you look back on it. That's
a healthy way of moving forward with that loved one.
Speaker 2 (11:20):
Right.
Speaker 1 (11:21):
So you don't do that by forgetting them. You don't
do that by wishing them away or carrying with them
like they're like they're an idol and a shrine. You
don't do it either of those ways. But if you
could work away where you're remaining present, playing with your
other kids, living moment to moment with those kids, finding
(11:45):
joy in those moments with those kids, then you'll notice
the seconds go by, the minutes go by, hours, the days,
the weeks, the months, and then the years. And you
collect enough years and you look back and you go,
I don't hurt as bad. I still remember, and I
still feel, and I still have moments, but it's not
(12:08):
all sad anymore. In fact, now when I look back
at my son, I'm talking to you, anonymous, you'll smile
more than you cry. You could do this, and that's
a healthy way to grieve, it is. Next question comes
from Elizabeth hey Gringer. My name is Elizabeth. I'm thirty five.
(12:31):
My husband and I recently found out that someone who
we have been close friends with was a registered sex offender.
Not only have we become friends with the person, but
our son has also become closer friends with this person's
son as well. This person has served their time and
(12:51):
I'm told they no longer are on the registry. However,
it has changed the dynamic of our friendship. We are
believers and so this yes, and so is this person.
We completely believe in redemption and that God can change
hearts and can take people out of bondage. But are
(13:12):
we wrong for setting boundaries for our family based on
what we are comfortable with. We are praying for God's
wisdom as we move forward in our friends and in
our friends with this person and the rest of the family.
Thanks for your time. We love your music into preaching.
Thanks Elizabeth. Yeah, that's a great question, Elizabeth. Thank you
(13:32):
for asking it and bringing up a you know, an
interesting topic. And we've said this before in this podcast,
but there we know that there's a difference between forgiveness
and love and how God changes hearts. There's a difference
(13:54):
between those things, and then there's a separation in trust,
right because we trust is earned and we have to
be responsible with who we give it to. We can
give freely our forgiveness, and we can give freely our love,
but but trust we give limited amounts of as it's earned,
(14:22):
and that that would be my advice to you is
when you're if it was just you and you're you're
hanging out with this person, that's one thing maybe, but
with your children involved, it becomes it becomes difficult. And
now your obligation to protect your children and prepare them
(14:46):
for the world is now greater than the desire to
make friends and keep them. You're gonna have to You're
gonna have to wrestle with that because those two priorities.
Being friends with someone, being loving, being a good neighbor
is not equal to I need to also protect my
(15:09):
child from a registered sex offender or an unregistered sex offender,
even if they seem recovered. The protecting your child from
possible danger is greater than your trust of a neighbor.
Not your love, not your forgiveness, that's different, but your
trust of that neighbor. So you're gonna have to have
(15:32):
great discernment. And I think it's absolutely right that you're
setting boundaries. I think that's part of your question, and
I think you're absolutely right, and there would be no
objection from the Smith family if that was the situation
we saw. Next question comes from Kurt, and it says,
(15:58):
dear Granger, I sent this question for I sent in
this question good paying job versus ministry position that y'all
answered in episode two to two, and that got me really emotional.
I remember that was with Bernie, and Kert goes on
to say, I just want to say thank you for
(16:18):
all your advice and your insights, and I apologize for
getting Bernie choked up, but thank you for not cutting
and for that raw emotion and his heart.
Speaker 2 (16:29):
It really moved me.
Speaker 1 (16:30):
I truly believe that I'm I am an ambassador for
Christ and whatever area I work, So thank you for
that word, Granger. I walked away from the podcast feeling convicted,
as my prayer life has not been consistent and is
an area of my life that I.
Speaker 2 (16:47):
Want to grow in.
Speaker 1 (16:49):
So that's great getting a getting a follow up to
a question that was That was an impactful podcast episode
two twenty two because Bernie, who's a regular guest on here,
got really emotional, so much so that he couldn't speak anymore.
And that's the first time I've seen it in all
these episodes, the first time I've seen a guest or
(17:10):
me get so choked.
Speaker 2 (17:12):
Up that they could not speak anymore.
Speaker 1 (17:16):
So Kurt I'm glad you heard that, and I'm glad
that you reached back out that it means a lot
to me.
Speaker 2 (17:25):
Let's hit another question here.
Speaker 1 (17:31):
A question says, Hey, Granger, I emailed about a month
ago about me and this girl. We recently split our
separate ways, but this has taken me. Our relationship was
something else, so it's very rough to part ways with
(17:51):
someone I have found so special. I need some tips
on how to get out of this dark place. I'm
trying to follow your email. This comes from Carter from
the state of Wisconsin.
Speaker 2 (17:59):
He says, so.
Speaker 1 (18:03):
Recently split up with this girl and you said our
relationship with something else, So it's very rough to part
ways with someone that I found so special, and I
need some tips on how to get out of this
dark place.
Speaker 2 (18:15):
Okay, first tip is.
Speaker 1 (18:18):
Yeah, it feels like we haven't done this in a while,
but my first tip is block her on everything. Block
her on Instagram and Facebook and anything else you're following
her on and on your phone.
Speaker 2 (18:30):
Block her on your phone.
Speaker 1 (18:32):
If the relationship is truly done, which it's come on,
it sounds like it is. You don't want to see her,
You don't want to see her pop up on your
feed saying something or messaging you in a week time,
knowing that it's just going to end up going back
the way that it was, and to protect your heart
in this kind of situation, it's necessary. It might seem rude.
(18:56):
If you feel better about it, probably wouldn't reckon in this.
But if you feel better about it, message her, text
her and say just to let you know, I'm going
to block you on everything and it's not personal. I
just need to move on and not seeing you will
help with that, and then blocker before she could reply blocker.
If you feel convicted enough to do it. I probably
(19:18):
wouldn't even recommend that. I wouldn't even do it myself.
I would just go ahead and block her on everything
and she'll know eventually it's not personal. But that's the
first step in your healing. Is you don't want to
see her. I don't know your situation. I don't know
if you see her every day. I don't know if
(19:38):
you see I don't know if you work with her
or see her in your small town. But I would
I would let that time go by and just know
that the time as.
Speaker 2 (19:50):
It rolls, as it ticks on, you'll get better. And
you'll get better.
Speaker 1 (19:55):
I promise you, Carter, time will heal In this scenario.
You can't always say that, can't always just go yeah,
time heels. But in this situation, if you block her
out of sight, out of mind, out of heart, time
goes by.
Speaker 2 (20:11):
And you'll get better. I promise.
Speaker 1 (20:13):
It was a long time ago that I started grangersmith
dot com. Since that website launched into the world was
in two thousand and two, twenty two years. First of all,
could we just think for a second how crazy it
is that two thousand and two was twenty two years ago. Well,
since then, that website has evolved so much. I remember
when we first started selling a T shirt that was
(20:35):
probably two thousand and five. Music was probably four, and
things really didn't start picking up at all until maybe
two thousand and six, and I was still just selling
it right out of my house, coming out of the
cabinets in my kitchen.
Speaker 2 (20:48):
My mom was helping me.
Speaker 1 (20:50):
It's crazy to think that back then I had no vision.
I hoped, I had expectation, but I had no vision
for what that online store would become.
Speaker 2 (20:59):
And it became ee dot com.
Speaker 1 (21:01):
Now, when you're creative and you're making creative things you
don't think so much about the technology behind it. And
that's where Shopify came in and really really helped our
company grow from those early days in the kitchen to
now having the ee farm. Shopify is the global commerce
platform that helps you at every single stage of your business.
(21:23):
And it doesn't matter what that business is, whether you're
selling scented soap or outdoor apparel like EEE. Shopify helps
you sell everywhere, from their all in one e commerce
platform to their in person POS system. Wherever or whatever
you're selling.
Speaker 2 (21:37):
Shopify has got you covered.
Speaker 1 (21:38):
They do all the behind the scenes stuff that take
it all out of your hands so you could do
what you do best and be creative and come up
with the product. And meanwhile they're turning browsers into buyers.
With the internet's best converting checkout thirty six percent better
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(22:01):
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award winning help is there to support your success every
(22:22):
step of the way, because businesses that grow grow as
Shopify sign up for a one dollar per month trial
period at shopify dot com slash granger all lowercase. Go
to shopify dot com slash granger now to grow your
business no matter what stage you're in shopify dot com
slash granger. If you want to get a hold of me,
(22:43):
maybe a video message. You know, you know I could
do that. People all the time are like, hey, can
you send me a video message? I'm like, I got
an easy thing for you to do. Go to cameo
dot com. That's cam Eo Cameo dot com slash granger
Smith or just search for me on that website or
the app, and I'll suit you a video message based
on what you tell me to do. So it's like, hey, Granger,
(23:05):
can you please tell my brother in law happy birthday.
He's a fan of you, and make fun of him
a little bit because he's a bad fisherman.
Speaker 2 (23:13):
And I read that and I'm.
Speaker 1 (23:14):
Like cool, I get off my phone, turn on the
camera and it's like, Hey, John, your brother in law
wanted me to give you a shout.
Speaker 2 (23:22):
I know it's your birthday.
Speaker 1 (23:23):
One of these days I need to give you a
phishing lesson whatever it might be, Hey, any kind of occasion.
The message could be you two, but I will send
you that straight from my phone. Just go to cameo
dot com slash Granger Smith. Next question comes from Justin.
It says, Hey Granger, I'm justin IM from Athens, Alabama.
Speaker 2 (23:42):
I like a woman that is in jail a lot
due to drugs.
Speaker 1 (23:47):
My friends tell me to leave her alone, and I
want to, but my heart tells me that I need
to stick around and help her because she obviously doesn't
have the friends that she needs and I want to
be there for her.
Speaker 2 (23:59):
Please give me some advice.
Speaker 1 (24:01):
And if I do read this, if you do read
this email, I want to thank you for your time.
Christ Is King and yee please come back to northern
Alabama all right. Justin appreciate you, buddy. Thank you so
much for emailing. And you know this answer is not
(24:22):
difficult to give, but difficult to hear. This girl is
not right for you. And I'll tell you why. In
a romantic relationship, you are looking for a life partner
(24:42):
that is going to partner with you. I mean, you said,
christ Is King, You're going you want a life partner
that's going to be your ministry partner in life, that's
going to be your your your partner with raising kids.
Speaker 2 (24:56):
You want to see eye to.
Speaker 1 (24:57):
Eye on on schools and and issues that come with
raising kids and jobs and finances. You need someone you
can lean on, someone you could trust, someone that in
good times and tough times and joyful times, she's steady right,
(25:17):
as steady as she should be. And that's not this girl.
And the problem is, really there's a difference between you're
looking for a life partner that's going to you're looking
for a job applicant that's going to be your assistant,
(25:37):
your assistant manager of your household, right, And so to
look for an assistant manager of your household, you don't
go after drug addicts that go to jail. That would
never happen if you were running a company and you're
looking like I'm looking for an assistant manager to help
run this facility, then somebody says, hey, have you checked
(25:58):
the jail. Have you looked at anyone in and out
of jail doing drugs, you'd say you look at them
like they're crazy. But because she's probably cute and you
like her because she's pretty and you get along with her,
you see her as a project and you're getting rewarded
when you feel like you're helping this project.
Speaker 2 (26:19):
So the problem.
Speaker 1 (26:20):
Is that in a in a friend situation, this sounds
like a great opportunity to help a friend and to
help revitalize them and help help show them how to
move forward in life and to to get off these
drugs and to stay out of jail. That's that's a
good project. But not for your your co manager, not
(26:41):
for your life partner, right, So you got to and
because of that, and because you have an emotional attraction
to her, you got to cut this off. And it's
really tough because you'll you'll immediately start thinking that if
you cut her off, she's going to get worse and
she's gonna go off the deep end. And the hard
(27:05):
reality is that's not your problem in that way, because
it is your problem if you're if you're trying to
help recover a friend, but you're also trying to find
find the mother of your children.
Speaker 2 (27:25):
So you see the problem.
Speaker 1 (27:26):
That's why it's not your problem, because you're looking for
the mother of your future children, Lord Willing, and you
don't want a drug addict in and out of jail.
So you're getting this dopamine kick by helping her, and
it feels good.
Speaker 2 (27:39):
And and she's like, oh.
Speaker 1 (27:41):
You're no one else cares about me, and no one
else speaks to me or or does the things that
you do for me. I don't have anybody in my
life like you, so thank you so much. And you think, wow,
this is I'm a hero. Like here I come night
on the white Horse, save in the day and it
feels good. All of us like the puffer chick stuff
a little bit and go, yeah, this is good. I
(28:02):
feel really great about this. But not for the future
mother of your children. You got to break this off,
justin you have to break this off.
Speaker 2 (28:17):
Next question.
Speaker 1 (28:21):
Sub decline is patience says hey Granger, and my name
is Jackie, and I am having a really difficult time lately,
and I have no one to turn to. I'm thirty
five years old, I have three kids that live at home,
which I homeschool. I'm married to a long haul truck
driver who is home on the average of three to
(28:43):
four days a month. I have minimal friends, all that
live in either other states as we've all moved a bunch,
and I do not have many close relationships with any
of my family members. To say that I'm overwhelmed, lonely,
and incredib burnout is an understatement of the century. The
(29:03):
last couple of years, I have found peace, joy, and
religion through gardening and reconnecting with the earth. As for
the last year, I've had this overwhelming feeling of wanting
to go home, and this feeling of just knowing that
we are supposed to buy land and start our own farm,
(29:25):
finally get my husband off the road, and then back
with our family. But my husband feels the same way. However,
It's been one thing after another preventing us from getting
started on that path. It just feels like every path
through our future is blocked and I'm not sure what
to do. What I'm really struggling with is this calling
(29:46):
to go home and knowing that that call is coming
from my God, but not understanding the path to get there.
How could you know wholeheartedly what your God wants from you,
but have the patience to wait for the right path
to show itself, especially when you are incredibly miserable in
(30:06):
the life you're currently living. Thank you for any thoughts
you have, and I appreciate you, Jacqueline, she calls herself Jackie. Okay,
great email and a lot to unpack here. You know,
let's dive into this and it's multi layered, and let
(30:31):
me find a starting spot here. I want to point
out that every time she said god, it's a god
or my god in its lowercase G, and it implies, Jackie,
you're implying that you have a god and I have
a god. Okay, So we'll start kind of there, and
(30:53):
my question would be this, do you think they are
multiple gods? And do those multiple gods kind of going
back to the last email, do they kind of co
manage the earth? And they like one god has a
certain amount of people and the other god has got
another amount of people. And your god apparently speaks through gardening.
(31:14):
That's your religion, you say, mother Earth. Okay, So I
reject all that, and maybe that's not what you think,
but I reject all that. All that thought. If there
is a god, there is only one, and if there
is only one God, then he is.
Speaker 2 (31:35):
Let me stop there. He is everything. There's no way
other way around it.
Speaker 1 (31:43):
If there were, you know, hypothetically, if there were a
God in this email scenario that wasn't all powerful or
all knowing or all planning or all sovereign or all providential.
If there wasn't, if he wasn't any of those things
are all good, that he wouldn't be God. You know,
(32:04):
he would be maybe like a Marvel Marvel character or something.
I don't know, but he wouldn't be God and he
and he if he wasn't all that, then he would
have a creator himself, or he would have a father himself. Right,
this is a weird rabbital for some reason I got into.
But I'm trying to walk down the path because I
(32:25):
believe this is a strange email because of the lowercase
G and this idea. Okay, where else was I going
to go? Let me collect correct my my brain here? Oh,
I know I know where it's going to go. The
idea that you're that there is home that you're being
called to and you're not there now, but it's out there,
(32:49):
and then you go at the last sent it says,
especially when you're living an incredibly miserable life. So in
other words, Jackie, you are painting a picture of this
calling that mother Earth, God is calling you to and
you feel a sense of home, and you're living a
(33:12):
miserable life. Now, well that's interesting because if you walk
down that path a little bit. C. S. Lewis had
this idea that if we have a sense that there
is something greater than any desire we could possibly achieve
here on this earth, then we must not be from
(33:35):
this earth, and all of us can testify. No matter
who you are, no matter what you believe, your conscience
betrays you because you have felt at some point a
feeling that there has to be something better than this,
especially if you look at like celebrities and people that
(33:56):
have achieved a lot, or that have a lot of
money or have the world and still seem unhappy and
uncontent and like they can't quite get what they want.
It's like that you two songs still haven't found what
I'm looking for. That testifies that maybe there is something
(34:20):
else out there.
Speaker 2 (34:21):
Maybe we don't belong.
Speaker 1 (34:23):
To this life right, like, maybe there is something bigger
and something greater to look forward to. A Christian would
say it's a longing for heaven. And Christians know that
we it's healthy to cultivate a longing for heaven because
we could satisfy that desire that you have.
Speaker 2 (34:44):
Right now and we can go.
Speaker 1 (34:46):
I'm struggling right now, but I know I'm not home,
and I know that I have a cultivated longing for heaven,
and because of that, there is a contentment that comes
with this life now, Like I have a sense of
contentment here and I know that I have a purpose here,
(35:08):
and I don't have to think that maybe Mother Earth,
God is calling me to garden in another place with
my husband, with land and acreage, and that's gonna make
everything better. Like if I just go to this land
and garden with my kids and my husband gets finally
gets off the road, then I'll be happy. Then this
(35:29):
miserable life will be worth living. You know, Jackie, you
know that is not true. You have all the data.
We have all the data points and the evidence that
testifies against that idea that the grass.
Speaker 2 (35:44):
Is not greener.
Speaker 1 (35:46):
It doesn't take much to know, to talk to people,
to see on TV, to watch to read history. The
grass always seems greener, and it is not true. So
what you're left with is if you know the grass
is not greener, that this life doesn't exist, that hypothetically
you go and you just live this life and it's
all better because you know you're listening to Mother Earth God.
(36:09):
If you know that that's not true, you're left with
a really big problem. You're left with the incredible of
your words, the incredibly miserable life that you're currently living.
What do you do about that. I'm not going to
go too much in depth because I do a lot
(36:29):
on this podcast and I always like to go a
little bit different directions sometimes, especially for the people that
listen all the time. But I'll go this email, I'll
go this way. This god you're you're referring to, and
we already kind of had this discussion about if there
is one god or multiple gods, there can't be multiple gods.
Speaker 2 (36:49):
It can't.
Speaker 1 (36:50):
It cannot happen because one would have to exist before another.
If there was thousands of gods, there would have to
be one that bird the other gods there, they couldn't
all have come into existence at the same time. In fact,
if any of them came into existence, then they also
wouldn't be God. The only being that would qualify to
(37:13):
be God is a being that didn't come into existence.
It always was, and always is and always will be God.
Nothing else makes sense. And the idea that there is
no God also doesn't make any sense because something can't
come from nothing. And so if anything, if something exists,
(37:35):
anything exists, it had to have come from something, because
everything comes from something. And so if there is anything,
it had to have come from something, and that something
has to be God. And if if it came from God,
then God has to be the only thing that has
always pre existed. Like this is not this is not
(37:57):
deep theology, this is not deep systematic religion, whatever. This
is just just thinking. We're thinking around the campfire, right.
It's a good it's a good discussion in the cab
of a truck. And so here's here's my point, Jackie.
If there is one God, which we I think I
just made an argument for, don't you think that God
(38:22):
would have made a way to communicate with its creation
or do you think God made its creation and let
it spin out of control? And wonder if there's a
map in the stars or something in the dirt of
(38:42):
the earth that leads like national treasure, This strange cryptic
roadmap to happiness instead of living a miserable life. If
you dig deep enough in this garden, you'll find the
secret hidden that leads you if you follow closely to
(39:04):
a secret life that's waiting for you with some acreage
and a husband that's not on the road, and this
cryptic God leaves these breadcrumbs.
Speaker 2 (39:14):
Does that sound right to you?
Speaker 1 (39:16):
Once again talking about all knowing, all powerful, all sovereign,
pre existed before everything. Don't you think that being that
God through his creation would make a way to communicate
with them. That's what I want you to chew on
and then come back next week. Chew on that, think
(39:38):
about it, Jackie, and let's talk. Next question says, hey, Grae,
I'm seeking your advice on how to leave someone you love.
I'm twenty four and I've been in an on and
off relationship with my boyfriend for ten years. We grew
up together and he is my first everything. As a
young couple, we picked up toxic behavehavior that we've been
(40:01):
fighting to break free of the last five years. We
have been really worried or excuse me, We've been really
working hard on us and overcoming many obstacles However, I
can no longer deny the fact that he isn't my forever.
He isn't a bad man. He is my best friend.
(40:22):
He is very kind giving, and I know we'll be
an amazing husband slash father someday. We're in the middle
of building our first house together. However, our religious beliefs, standards,
and worth ethics do not line up, and we still
fall into old, toxic habits more than I'd like. I
(40:43):
now have a wondering eye for something better, and I
know that that's not fair to either of us. I
had a wife. I had a wife mentality of not
leaving him although we are not legally married. What does
it mean to feel like it's still a sin to
leave even though you're not married. I don't want to
(41:04):
hurt him. I love him, So how.
Speaker 2 (41:06):
Do I leave?
Speaker 1 (41:07):
I appreciate your I appreciate your time and feedback, and
for all that you do. You've encouraged me and strengthened
my relationship with God, and that is a gift I
could never repay you for. I'd like to remain anonymous.
Recapping from a brain here. Anonymous, twenty four years old
(41:30):
in a ten year relationship with your boyfriend. You guys
are your first everything. We all understand what you mean
by that. And I'm trying to find are you living? Oh,
you're building hang on a second.
Speaker 2 (41:48):
Last five years, on and off. I get it.
Speaker 1 (41:52):
You don't like him anymore. You love him, but you
don't like him, right that old saying he isn't bad.
To get it, to get it, he's going to be
amazing for someone. I get it. You're in the middle
of building a house. Why why are you building a
house together? I don't understand that.
Speaker 2 (42:12):
You're different.
Speaker 1 (42:13):
You got different religions, different standards, different worth ethics. Why
can't I say that anytime it comes up? Old habits toxic?
You have a wondering eye, you have a not leaving mentality,
you're not legally married. And then you come back to
(42:33):
saying you're getting stronger with God and you don't want
this to be a sin to leave. Okay, this is
weird and I gotta be honest with you. Anonymous, your
sinate says, what does it mean to feel like it's
sin to leave even though you're not married. It's not
(42:57):
sin to leave, it's sin to stay in this situation.
Think about that for a second. It's not sin to leave,
it's sin to stay. I don't want to hurt him.
Irrelevant say I don't want to hurt him. That's irrelevant
because guess what you're doing hurting him by staying. See,
(43:19):
that's the problem. It's not that you don't want to
hurt him. That's not the that's not the issue, because
if you loved him, you'd tell him the truth and
you would break this off as quickly as possible, pulling
a band aid off. But that's not the case. It's
not that you don't want to hurt him, it's that
you don't want to see him hurt by you and
feel bad and guilty about it. This is really about you, Sorry,
(43:44):
but it is. This is about you. This is about
you wanting to hang on, check out, just in case
maybe you're maybe you're wrong, like maybe he's going to
get better, maybe things will start lining up a little
bit better. He was your first everything, so that's kind
of convenient to keep the first one and around you
know that way, you don't have to have to explain
that to other people other relationships. But the truth is,
(44:06):
it's not about hurting him. This is about you, because
you're absolutely hurting him. Right now, you're hurting him by
emailing me saying I'm in a toxic relationship. We're building
a house together, and I want to leave, and you're
hurting him by not telling him this. So your question
(44:27):
is how do I leave? Well, it depends on how
brave you are, because if you're brave, you will set
up a meeting and you will you'll say, look, you'll
lookim right in the eye, and you'll sit across from
each other in two chairs, and you'll put your hands
on his knees and you'll say, I love you.
Speaker 2 (44:49):
You know that.
Speaker 1 (44:51):
But I can no longer do this relationship. I'm going
to be moving on and there's no chance of us
getting back together. It's nothing you did, It's just I
have fallen out of believing that this is going to work.
There's too many factors, religion, standards, worth that ethic.
Speaker 2 (45:12):
I can still can't say that. Worry y'all.
Speaker 1 (45:15):
They don't line up. And I know we're building a house,
so that makes things complicated. I want to do X
y Z to pull myself out of this contract or
if your name's on it and I need to move on, Look,
my heart is I don't want to hurt you, and
I realize that dragging it out is hurting you. The
(45:35):
longer I go hurts you worse. So please hear my heart.
I'm telling you in this very specific, blunt, truthful way
so that you have a fair chance at moving on,
finding someone and becoming a great husband and great father,
which I know you will. Okay, and then you say
I love you, and this is goodbye, And at that
(45:59):
point love means just love because they're an image bearer
of God and they're a friend. But it's not romantic love.
Speaker 2 (46:06):
Okay. That's what you do. If you're brave.
Speaker 1 (46:10):
If you're not so brave, you send a text message,
in a phone call FaceTime. If you're less brave than that,
you leave a letter, and you leave like an old
country music song. And if you're less brave than that,
you disappear, which you can't do anymore because of social media.
So you owe after ten years, you owe him a
face to face conversation, and you owe.
Speaker 2 (46:33):
Him this as soon as possible.
Speaker 1 (46:39):
And I appreciate all of You'll thank you so much
for email, and if you have a question for me,
email podcast at grangersmith dot com and we'll see you
next month. Thanks for joining me on the Grangersmith podcast.
I appreciate all of you guys. You could help me
out by rating this podcast on iTunes. If you're on YouTube,
subscribe to this channel. Hit that little like button and
not of Fication spell so that you never miss any
(47:02):
time I upload a video.
Speaker 2 (47:04):
YI
And so if you're still experiencing what you think is grief,
I'm here to tell you it's not grief anymore. Now
it's self inflicting, self deprecating depression. And that is Oh,
here comes the worst part about this. That is narcissism.
Speaker 2 (00:25):
What's up, guys, Welcome to the podcast.
Speaker 1 (00:26):
Thanks for being here, watching, listening wherever you're coming from
Episode to twenty seven. Thank you for everyone that has
taken this journey for so long with me. I believe
this podcast started in twenty seventeen, so we're looking at
as real time right now, we're looking at about seven
years of this. So man, I love you guys, and
(00:47):
I love the opportunity to just real talk. No edits,
no clicks, no notes, no quotes in front of me,
no books that I'm discussing here, just answering your questions.
If you have one for me, email podcast at grangersmith
dot com. We'll walk through it like we're sitting around
a campfire. This first question comes from Morgan. It says, Hey, Granger,
(01:09):
I love listening to the podcast. I'm twenty one years old,
I'm from Tennessee, and I am starting to realize a
reoccurring thought of a guy that I no longer talk to.
In the beginning, I was relieved that the situation was
over and did not think much of it. It has
been at least five months now. However, the past month
(01:31):
or so he has come to mind often. I realize
it is something I need to take to God and
ask him about. As I do, I'd love to hear
your take on it. Normally, if someone comes to mind,
I'll pray for them and reach out to them if
i'm thinking about them. I have done both. He did
not respond when I reached out. He is still a
(01:53):
thought in the back of my mind, and I'm so
confused about it. There is such great vice, great advice
in each episode, and I hope to hear back on
this topic. Thank you all right kicking it off with Morgan,
I appreciate you, And look, I'm not always right on
this stuff. I'd just like to answer like we're two friends.
(02:16):
Maybe we're sitting sitting in the cap of a truck
or sitting sitting around a campfire, and we talk through this,
and so I hear these questions for the first time,
and there's not always.
Speaker 2 (02:26):
The right answer.
Speaker 1 (02:28):
Except for you, except for this one. Morgan, you got
look the guy says, the guy is gone, right, and
you reach out to him and he doesn't respond. That
is enough. That is an answer in itself. He might
(02:52):
not have responded with words, but he responded clearly with
no words. And it means I don't want to talk.
For whatever reason, I've moved on, I don't. I don't
want to talk or have anything to.
Speaker 2 (03:05):
Do with you.
Speaker 1 (03:07):
You're twenty one, You're from Tennessee, and you say all
you say, right, is there is a guy I no
longer talk to. I think that's all we know about
this guy. But look, Morgan, this is, first of all,
it's normal. Let's acknowledge this. This is a normal feeling
that you're having. And when he doesn't reply, it also
(03:28):
triggers something in your mind that it kind of thinks,
what why is he not replying?
Speaker 2 (03:35):
Is he hurt? Is he injured?
Speaker 1 (03:37):
Did he get in a car accident? And he's he's
ran off a cliff and no one knows where he is.
And if I, if I find him, then you know
that maybe I'll be the one to be able to
rescue him. No, that's not what this is. He doesn't
want to talk to you.
Speaker 2 (03:51):
Anymore.
Speaker 1 (03:52):
And look, you say, I'll pray. I've been praying, and
I need to take this to God. Look you're getting
in a clear answer from God and everyone else.
Speaker 2 (04:06):
That the guy's moved on, so you should too.
Speaker 1 (04:10):
Next question comes from Anonymous, and it says, hey, Granger,
I lost my twenty one year old son on December
fourteenth of last year. It was unexpected, and we put
him to bed and he never woke up. I have
two other children, a three year old daughter and a
seven month old baby. My fear is that I won't
ever be able to have joy with my other children
(04:33):
ever again. All I see is him not being there.
How do I balance the pain of losing my two
year old with making new memories with my other children?
Speaker 2 (04:44):
Also? Does this pain ever subside? Thank you all right, Anonymous.
Speaker 1 (04:50):
I'm so sorry, and unfortunately I could I know this
and I could relate. The first thing I would say
is we're going to answer kind of your question in
parts here. And your first question is how do I
(05:13):
balance losing my two year old with making new memories
with my other children? Well, that's the answer to that
question is. First of all, you don't you're not trying
to plan next year. You're not trying to plan five
(05:33):
years from now. You're not You're not trying to get
a ten year plan. You're not trying to figure out
when you're gonna go to Disney World when they're preteens.
All you have to do is work on today. And
the reason I say that is because pain comes in waves,
and sometimes you're going to feel okay. And on those days,
(05:56):
you have a three year old daughter and a seven
month old baby. On those days, you'd be as present
as you can with them, and when you get you
get down on the carpet, you know, in their room
and their bedroom, and you get lost with your three
year old and you start having conversations with her, and
sure you might break up and start crying a little bit,
(06:19):
and it's okay for her to see you crying, and
you could say I miss your little brother, and that's okay.
And then other days you might not bring it up
at all because it doesn't it doesn't cross your mind
to tell her that.
Speaker 2 (06:33):
And so my point is if you if you work.
Speaker 1 (06:36):
Day by day instead of week by week or year
by year, you just work day by day and sometimes
just hour by hour, then I promise you the days
will go by and you'll start collecting good days along
with the bad ones. The problem is, what you'll realize
is that sometimes you'll be laughing with your kids and
(06:59):
there's a thought, an evil thought, that comes in your
head that says, how dare you laugh with these kids
when they lost a sibling and you lost a son.
And I want to tell you right now, Anonymous, that
that is that feeling is the enemy. It is a lie,
(07:20):
and it is here to steal your joy. And so
you reject that thought, and he say, no, no, I
me having joy and laughing with my kids does not
compete against the grief of losing my son. They can
(07:41):
coexist at the same time. And listen, I don't have
to convince you that you could probably already think back
as you listen to this podcast of many times when
that's already happened, when you've you've felt joy and you
laugh genuine I mean, three year olds are kids you
want to laugh all the time. They say funny things,
(08:02):
they do funny things. And I'm sure you have seen
your daughter say or do something funny and you've smiled,
and whether or not you felt guilty about it, I
want to tell you that that smile can coexist with
the grief of losing your son. They could both exist.
Speaker 2 (08:20):
In your mind.
Speaker 1 (08:21):
There's no reason why you should feel guilty about that.
And then the last question is for you, does the
pain ever subside? And the answer is absolutely yes. There
might be people that tell you no, I've heard those
people and I still hear those people. They say, losing
a child is a loss, it's a pain that never
(08:43):
goes away. Well to those people, I will say, there's
a problem. If you truly believe, and it has been
maybe decades and I've heard this, that the pain of
losing a child never subsides, then there's something else wrong
because you're now past you're past the appropriate time to grieve,
(09:07):
and now you're in self deprecation mode and you're in
depression grief just like you know, you get.
Speaker 2 (09:16):
The flu, right and you.
Speaker 1 (09:19):
Cough, and you have this bacterial infection in your lungs
with the flu, and then that can turn into pneumonia.
Pneumonia is not the flu, but as the flu lingered
too long, it manifested into pneumonia. And grief and loss
can manifest into depression if it's not dealt with correctly
(09:42):
and So if you're still experiencing what you think is grief,
I'm here to tell you it's not grief anymore.
Speaker 2 (09:48):
Now.
Speaker 1 (09:48):
It's self inflicting, self deprecating depression. And that is oh,
here here comes the worst part about this. That is narcissism.
And it's like, whoa hold, what do you say? Did
you say that my self deprecation and my depression from
(10:08):
losing a loved one is narcissism? I'm saying it could
become that yet, because it could become where all you
think about is yourself, not in a good way, but
in a bad way. All you think is poor me,
poor me, because of this. I don't have this because
(10:30):
of that, I have missing out on this. My life
is not the way it should have been because of this.
And what that is is just me, me, me, me me.
It's narcissism. That's what it becomes. So let me answer
the question. Finally, does the pain ever subside? Absolutely?
Speaker 2 (10:50):
It does. The memory and.
Speaker 1 (10:55):
The love and this sting from the loss itself exist
as you move forward with it, and it becomes less
and less painful as you look back on it. That's
a healthy way of moving forward with that loved one.
Speaker 2 (11:20):
Right.
Speaker 1 (11:21):
So you don't do that by forgetting them. You don't
do that by wishing them away or carrying with them
like they're like they're an idol and a shrine. You
don't do it either of those ways. But if you
could work away where you're remaining present, playing with your
other kids, living moment to moment with those kids, finding
(11:45):
joy in those moments with those kids, then you'll notice
the seconds go by, the minutes go by, hours, the days,
the weeks, the months, and then the years. And you
collect enough years and you look back and you go,
I don't hurt as bad. I still remember, and I
still feel, and I still have moments, but it's not
(12:08):
all sad anymore. In fact, now when I look back
at my son, I'm talking to you, anonymous, you'll smile
more than you cry. You could do this, and that's
a healthy way to grieve, it is. Next question comes
from Elizabeth hey Gringer. My name is Elizabeth. I'm thirty five.
(12:31):
My husband and I recently found out that someone who
we have been close friends with was a registered sex offender.
Not only have we become friends with the person, but
our son has also become closer friends with this person's
son as well. This person has served their time and
(12:51):
I'm told they no longer are on the registry. However,
it has changed the dynamic of our friendship. We are
believers and so this yes, and so is this person.
We completely believe in redemption and that God can change
hearts and can take people out of bondage. But are
(13:12):
we wrong for setting boundaries for our family based on
what we are comfortable with. We are praying for God's
wisdom as we move forward in our friends and in
our friends with this person and the rest of the family.
Thanks for your time. We love your music into preaching.
Thanks Elizabeth. Yeah, that's a great question, Elizabeth. Thank you
(13:32):
for asking it and bringing up a you know, an
interesting topic. And we've said this before in this podcast,
but there we know that there's a difference between forgiveness
and love and how God changes hearts. There's a difference
(13:54):
between those things, and then there's a separation in trust,
right because we trust is earned and we have to
be responsible with who we give it to. We can
give freely our forgiveness, and we can give freely our love,
but but trust we give limited amounts of as it's earned,
(14:22):
and that that would be my advice to you is
when you're if it was just you and you're you're
hanging out with this person, that's one thing maybe, but
with your children involved, it becomes it becomes difficult. And
now your obligation to protect your children and prepare them
(14:46):
for the world is now greater than the desire to
make friends and keep them. You're gonna have to You're
gonna have to wrestle with that because those two priorities.
Being friends with someone, being loving, being a good neighbor
is not equal to I need to also protect my
(15:09):
child from a registered sex offender or an unregistered sex offender,
even if they seem recovered. The protecting your child from
possible danger is greater than your trust of a neighbor.
Not your love, not your forgiveness, that's different, but your
trust of that neighbor. So you're gonna have to have
(15:32):
great discernment. And I think it's absolutely right that you're
setting boundaries. I think that's part of your question, and
I think you're absolutely right, and there would be no
objection from the Smith family if that was the situation
we saw. Next question comes from Kurt, and it says,
(15:58):
dear Granger, I sent this question for I sent in
this question good paying job versus ministry position that y'all
answered in episode two to two, and that got me really emotional.
I remember that was with Bernie, and Kert goes on
to say, I just want to say thank you for
(16:18):
all your advice and your insights, and I apologize for
getting Bernie choked up, but thank you for not cutting
and for that raw emotion and his heart.
Speaker 2 (16:29):
It really moved me.
Speaker 1 (16:30):
I truly believe that I'm I am an ambassador for
Christ and whatever area I work, So thank you for
that word, Granger. I walked away from the podcast feeling convicted,
as my prayer life has not been consistent and is
an area of my life that I.
Speaker 2 (16:47):
Want to grow in.
Speaker 1 (16:49):
So that's great getting a getting a follow up to
a question that was That was an impactful podcast episode
two twenty two because Bernie, who's a regular guest on here,
got really emotional, so much so that he couldn't speak anymore.
And that's the first time I've seen it in all
these episodes, the first time I've seen a guest or
(17:10):
me get so choked.
Speaker 2 (17:12):
Up that they could not speak anymore.
Speaker 1 (17:16):
So Kurt I'm glad you heard that, and I'm glad
that you reached back out that it means a lot
to me.
Speaker 2 (17:25):
Let's hit another question here.
Speaker 1 (17:31):
A question says, Hey, Granger, I emailed about a month
ago about me and this girl. We recently split our
separate ways, but this has taken me. Our relationship was
something else, so it's very rough to part ways with
(17:51):
someone I have found so special. I need some tips
on how to get out of this dark place. I'm
trying to follow your email. This comes from Carter from
the state of Wisconsin.
Speaker 2 (17:59):
He says, so.
Speaker 1 (18:03):
Recently split up with this girl and you said our
relationship with something else, So it's very rough to part
ways with someone that I found so special, and I
need some tips on how to get out of this
dark place.
Speaker 2 (18:15):
Okay, first tip is.
Speaker 1 (18:18):
Yeah, it feels like we haven't done this in a while,
but my first tip is block her on everything. Block
her on Instagram and Facebook and anything else you're following
her on and on your phone.
Speaker 2 (18:30):
Block her on your phone.
Speaker 1 (18:32):
If the relationship is truly done, which it's come on,
it sounds like it is. You don't want to see her,
You don't want to see her pop up on your
feed saying something or messaging you in a week time,
knowing that it's just going to end up going back
the way that it was, and to protect your heart
in this kind of situation, it's necessary. It might seem rude.
(18:56):
If you feel better about it, probably wouldn't reckon in this.
But if you feel better about it, message her, text
her and say just to let you know, I'm going
to block you on everything and it's not personal. I
just need to move on and not seeing you will
help with that, and then blocker before she could reply blocker.
If you feel convicted enough to do it. I probably
(19:18):
wouldn't even recommend that. I wouldn't even do it myself.
I would just go ahead and block her on everything
and she'll know eventually it's not personal. But that's the
first step in your healing. Is you don't want to
see her. I don't know your situation. I don't know
if you see her every day. I don't know if
(19:38):
you see I don't know if you work with her
or see her in your small town. But I would
I would let that time go by and just know
that the time as.
Speaker 2 (19:50):
It rolls, as it ticks on, you'll get better. And
you'll get better.
Speaker 1 (19:55):
I promise you, Carter, time will heal In this scenario.
You can't always say that, can't always just go yeah,
time heels. But in this situation, if you block her
out of sight, out of mind, out of heart, time
goes by.
Speaker 2 (20:11):
And you'll get better. I promise.
Speaker 1 (20:13):
It was a long time ago that I started grangersmith
dot com. Since that website launched into the world was
in two thousand and two, twenty two years. First of all,
could we just think for a second how crazy it
is that two thousand and two was twenty two years ago. Well,
since then, that website has evolved so much. I remember
when we first started selling a T shirt that was
(20:35):
probably two thousand and five. Music was probably four, and
things really didn't start picking up at all until maybe
two thousand and six, and I was still just selling
it right out of my house, coming out of the
cabinets in my kitchen.
Speaker 2 (20:48):
My mom was helping me.
Speaker 1 (20:50):
It's crazy to think that back then I had no vision.
I hoped, I had expectation, but I had no vision
for what that online store would become.
Speaker 2 (20:59):
And it became ee dot com.
Speaker 1 (21:01):
Now, when you're creative and you're making creative things you
don't think so much about the technology behind it. And
that's where Shopify came in and really really helped our
company grow from those early days in the kitchen to
now having the ee farm. Shopify is the global commerce
platform that helps you at every single stage of your business.
(21:23):
And it doesn't matter what that business is, whether you're
selling scented soap or outdoor apparel like EEE. Shopify helps
you sell everywhere, from their all in one e commerce
platform to their in person POS system. Wherever or whatever
you're selling.
Speaker 2 (21:37):
Shopify has got you covered.
Speaker 1 (21:38):
They do all the behind the scenes stuff that take
it all out of your hands so you could do
what you do best and be creative and come up
with the product. And meanwhile they're turning browsers into buyers.
With the internet's best converting checkout thirty six percent better
on average compared to other leading commerce platforms. You could
sell more with less effort thanks to shopify Magic, your
AI powered all star at all stages of growth, from
(22:01):
the kitchen to the EEE farm, Shopify is there for you.
Shopify powers ten percent of all e commerce in the
US and Shopifies the global force behind all birds rothis Broke,
lennen Eee, and millions of other entrepreneurs of every size
across one hundred and seventy five countries plus Shopify as
award winning help is there to support your success every
(22:22):
step of the way, because businesses that grow grow as
Shopify sign up for a one dollar per month trial
period at shopify dot com slash granger all lowercase. Go
to shopify dot com slash granger now to grow your
business no matter what stage you're in shopify dot com
slash granger. If you want to get a hold of me,
(22:43):
maybe a video message. You know, you know I could
do that. People all the time are like, hey, can
you send me a video message? I'm like, I got
an easy thing for you to do. Go to cameo
dot com. That's cam Eo Cameo dot com slash granger
Smith or just search for me on that website or
the app, and I'll suit you a video message based
on what you tell me to do. So it's like, hey, Granger,
(23:05):
can you please tell my brother in law happy birthday.
He's a fan of you, and make fun of him
a little bit because he's a bad fisherman.
Speaker 2 (23:13):
And I read that and I'm.
Speaker 1 (23:14):
Like cool, I get off my phone, turn on the
camera and it's like, Hey, John, your brother in law
wanted me to give you a shout.
Speaker 2 (23:22):
I know it's your birthday.
Speaker 1 (23:23):
One of these days I need to give you a
phishing lesson whatever it might be, Hey, any kind of occasion.
The message could be you two, but I will send
you that straight from my phone. Just go to cameo
dot com slash Granger Smith. Next question comes from Justin.
It says, Hey Granger, I'm justin IM from Athens, Alabama.
Speaker 2 (23:42):
I like a woman that is in jail a lot
due to drugs.
Speaker 1 (23:47):
My friends tell me to leave her alone, and I
want to, but my heart tells me that I need
to stick around and help her because she obviously doesn't
have the friends that she needs and I want to
be there for her.
Speaker 2 (23:59):
Please give me some advice.
Speaker 1 (24:01):
And if I do read this, if you do read
this email, I want to thank you for your time.
Christ Is King and yee please come back to northern
Alabama all right. Justin appreciate you, buddy. Thank you so
much for emailing. And you know this answer is not
(24:22):
difficult to give, but difficult to hear. This girl is
not right for you. And I'll tell you why. In
a romantic relationship, you are looking for a life partner
(24:42):
that is going to partner with you. I mean, you said,
christ Is King, You're going you want a life partner
that's going to be your ministry partner in life, that's
going to be your your your partner with raising kids.
Speaker 2 (24:56):
You want to see eye to.
Speaker 1 (24:57):
Eye on on schools and and issues that come with
raising kids and jobs and finances. You need someone you
can lean on, someone you could trust, someone that in
good times and tough times and joyful times, she's steady right,
(25:17):
as steady as she should be. And that's not this girl.
And the problem is, really there's a difference between you're
looking for a life partner that's going to you're looking
for a job applicant that's going to be your assistant,
(25:37):
your assistant manager of your household, right, And so to
look for an assistant manager of your household, you don't
go after drug addicts that go to jail. That would
never happen if you were running a company and you're
looking like I'm looking for an assistant manager to help
run this facility, then somebody says, hey, have you checked
(25:58):
the jail. Have you looked at anyone in and out
of jail doing drugs, you'd say you look at them
like they're crazy. But because she's probably cute and you
like her because she's pretty and you get along with her,
you see her as a project and you're getting rewarded
when you feel like you're helping this project.
Speaker 2 (26:19):
So the problem.
Speaker 1 (26:20):
Is that in a in a friend situation, this sounds
like a great opportunity to help a friend and to
help revitalize them and help help show them how to
move forward in life and to to get off these
drugs and to stay out of jail. That's that's a
good project. But not for your your co manager, not
(26:41):
for your life partner, right, So you got to and
because of that, and because you have an emotional attraction
to her, you got to cut this off. And it's
really tough because you'll you'll immediately start thinking that if
you cut her off, she's going to get worse and
she's gonna go off the deep end. And the hard
(27:05):
reality is that's not your problem in that way, because
it is your problem if you're if you're trying to
help recover a friend, but you're also trying to find
find the mother of your children.
Speaker 2 (27:25):
So you see the problem.
Speaker 1 (27:26):
That's why it's not your problem, because you're looking for
the mother of your future children, Lord Willing, and you
don't want a drug addict in and out of jail.
So you're getting this dopamine kick by helping her, and
it feels good.
Speaker 2 (27:39):
And and she's like, oh.
Speaker 1 (27:41):
You're no one else cares about me, and no one
else speaks to me or or does the things that
you do for me. I don't have anybody in my
life like you, so thank you so much. And you think, wow,
this is I'm a hero. Like here I come night
on the white Horse, save in the day and it
feels good. All of us like the puffer chick stuff
a little bit and go, yeah, this is good. I
(28:02):
feel really great about this. But not for the future
mother of your children. You got to break this off,
justin you have to break this off.
Speaker 2 (28:17):
Next question.
Speaker 1 (28:21):
Sub decline is patience says hey Granger, and my name
is Jackie, and I am having a really difficult time lately,
and I have no one to turn to. I'm thirty
five years old, I have three kids that live at home,
which I homeschool. I'm married to a long haul truck
driver who is home on the average of three to
(28:43):
four days a month. I have minimal friends, all that
live in either other states as we've all moved a bunch,
and I do not have many close relationships with any
of my family members. To say that I'm overwhelmed, lonely,
and incredib burnout is an understatement of the century. The
(29:03):
last couple of years, I have found peace, joy, and
religion through gardening and reconnecting with the earth. As for
the last year, I've had this overwhelming feeling of wanting
to go home, and this feeling of just knowing that
we are supposed to buy land and start our own farm,
(29:25):
finally get my husband off the road, and then back
with our family. But my husband feels the same way. However,
It's been one thing after another preventing us from getting
started on that path. It just feels like every path
through our future is blocked and I'm not sure what
to do. What I'm really struggling with is this calling
(29:46):
to go home and knowing that that call is coming
from my God, but not understanding the path to get there.
How could you know wholeheartedly what your God wants from you,
but have the patience to wait for the right path
to show itself, especially when you are incredibly miserable in
(30:06):
the life you're currently living. Thank you for any thoughts
you have, and I appreciate you, Jacqueline, she calls herself Jackie. Okay,
great email and a lot to unpack here. You know,
let's dive into this and it's multi layered, and let
(30:31):
me find a starting spot here. I want to point
out that every time she said god, it's a god
or my god in its lowercase G, and it implies, Jackie,
you're implying that you have a god and I have
a god. Okay, So we'll start kind of there, and
(30:53):
my question would be this, do you think they are
multiple gods? And do those multiple gods kind of going
back to the last email, do they kind of co
manage the earth? And they like one god has a
certain amount of people and the other god has got
another amount of people. And your god apparently speaks through gardening.
(31:14):
That's your religion, you say, mother Earth. Okay, So I
reject all that, and maybe that's not what you think,
but I reject all that. All that thought. If there
is a god, there is only one, and if there
is only one God, then he is.
Speaker 2 (31:35):
Let me stop there. He is everything. There's no way
other way around it.
Speaker 1 (31:43):
If there were, you know, hypothetically, if there were a
God in this email scenario that wasn't all powerful or
all knowing or all planning or all sovereign or all providential.
If there wasn't, if he wasn't any of those things
are all good, that he wouldn't be God. You know,
(32:04):
he would be maybe like a Marvel Marvel character or something.
I don't know, but he wouldn't be God and he
and he if he wasn't all that, then he would
have a creator himself, or he would have a father himself. Right,
this is a weird rabbital for some reason I got into.
But I'm trying to walk down the path because I
(32:25):
believe this is a strange email because of the lowercase
G and this idea. Okay, where else was I going
to go? Let me collect correct my my brain here? Oh,
I know I know where it's going to go. The
idea that you're that there is home that you're being
called to and you're not there now, but it's out there,
(32:49):
and then you go at the last sent it says,
especially when you're living an incredibly miserable life. So in
other words, Jackie, you are painting a picture of this
calling that mother Earth, God is calling you to and
you feel a sense of home, and you're living a
(33:12):
miserable life. Now, well that's interesting because if you walk
down that path a little bit. C. S. Lewis had
this idea that if we have a sense that there
is something greater than any desire we could possibly achieve
here on this earth, then we must not be from
(33:35):
this earth, and all of us can testify. No matter
who you are, no matter what you believe, your conscience
betrays you because you have felt at some point a
feeling that there has to be something better than this,
especially if you look at like celebrities and people that
(33:56):
have achieved a lot, or that have a lot of
money or have the world and still seem unhappy and
uncontent and like they can't quite get what they want.
It's like that you two songs still haven't found what
I'm looking for. That testifies that maybe there is something
(34:20):
else out there.
Speaker 2 (34:21):
Maybe we don't belong.
Speaker 1 (34:23):
To this life right, like, maybe there is something bigger
and something greater to look forward to. A Christian would
say it's a longing for heaven. And Christians know that
we it's healthy to cultivate a longing for heaven because
we could satisfy that desire that you have.
Speaker 2 (34:44):
Right now and we can go.
Speaker 1 (34:46):
I'm struggling right now, but I know I'm not home,
and I know that I have a cultivated longing for heaven,
and because of that, there is a contentment that comes
with this life now, Like I have a sense of
contentment here and I know that I have a purpose here,
(35:08):
and I don't have to think that maybe Mother Earth,
God is calling me to garden in another place with
my husband, with land and acreage, and that's gonna make
everything better. Like if I just go to this land
and garden with my kids and my husband gets finally
gets off the road, then I'll be happy. Then this
(35:29):
miserable life will be worth living. You know, Jackie, you
know that is not true. You have all the data.
We have all the data points and the evidence that
testifies against that idea that the grass.
Speaker 2 (35:44):
Is not greener.
Speaker 1 (35:46):
It doesn't take much to know, to talk to people,
to see on TV, to watch to read history. The
grass always seems greener, and it is not true. So
what you're left with is if you know the grass
is not greener, that this life doesn't exist, that hypothetically
you go and you just live this life and it's
all better because you know you're listening to Mother Earth God.
(36:09):
If you know that that's not true, you're left with
a really big problem. You're left with the incredible of
your words, the incredibly miserable life that you're currently living.
What do you do about that. I'm not going to
go too much in depth because I do a lot
(36:29):
on this podcast and I always like to go a
little bit different directions sometimes, especially for the people that
listen all the time. But I'll go this email, I'll
go this way. This god you're you're referring to, and
we already kind of had this discussion about if there
is one god or multiple gods, there can't be multiple gods.
Speaker 2 (36:49):
It can't.
Speaker 1 (36:50):
It cannot happen because one would have to exist before another.
If there was thousands of gods, there would have to
be one that bird the other gods there, they couldn't
all have come into existence at the same time. In fact,
if any of them came into existence, then they also
wouldn't be God. The only being that would qualify to
(37:13):
be God is a being that didn't come into existence.
It always was, and always is and always will be God.
Nothing else makes sense. And the idea that there is
no God also doesn't make any sense because something can't
come from nothing. And so if anything, if something exists,
(37:35):
anything exists, it had to have come from something, because
everything comes from something. And so if there is anything,
it had to have come from something, and that something
has to be God. And if if it came from God,
then God has to be the only thing that has
always pre existed. Like this is not this is not
(37:57):
deep theology, this is not deep systematic religion, whatever. This
is just just thinking. We're thinking around the campfire, right.
It's a good it's a good discussion in the cab
of a truck. And so here's here's my point, Jackie.
If there is one God, which we I think I
just made an argument for, don't you think that God
(38:22):
would have made a way to communicate with its creation
or do you think God made its creation and let
it spin out of control? And wonder if there's a
map in the stars or something in the dirt of
(38:42):
the earth that leads like national treasure, This strange cryptic
roadmap to happiness instead of living a miserable life. If
you dig deep enough in this garden, you'll find the
secret hidden that leads you if you follow closely to
(39:04):
a secret life that's waiting for you with some acreage
and a husband that's not on the road, and this
cryptic God leaves these breadcrumbs.
Speaker 2 (39:14):
Does that sound right to you?
Speaker 1 (39:16):
Once again talking about all knowing, all powerful, all sovereign,
pre existed before everything. Don't you think that being that
God through his creation would make a way to communicate
with them. That's what I want you to chew on
and then come back next week. Chew on that, think
(39:38):
about it, Jackie, and let's talk. Next question says, hey, Grae,
I'm seeking your advice on how to leave someone you love.
I'm twenty four and I've been in an on and
off relationship with my boyfriend for ten years. We grew
up together and he is my first everything. As a
young couple, we picked up toxic behavehavior that we've been
(40:01):
fighting to break free of the last five years. We
have been really worried or excuse me, We've been really
working hard on us and overcoming many obstacles However, I
can no longer deny the fact that he isn't my forever.
He isn't a bad man. He is my best friend.
(40:22):
He is very kind giving, and I know we'll be
an amazing husband slash father someday. We're in the middle
of building our first house together. However, our religious beliefs, standards,
and worth ethics do not line up, and we still
fall into old, toxic habits more than I'd like. I
(40:43):
now have a wondering eye for something better, and I
know that that's not fair to either of us. I
had a wife. I had a wife mentality of not
leaving him although we are not legally married. What does
it mean to feel like it's still a sin to
leave even though you're not married. I don't want to
(41:04):
hurt him. I love him, So how.
Speaker 2 (41:06):
Do I leave?
Speaker 1 (41:07):
I appreciate your I appreciate your time and feedback, and
for all that you do. You've encouraged me and strengthened
my relationship with God, and that is a gift I
could never repay you for. I'd like to remain anonymous.
Recapping from a brain here. Anonymous, twenty four years old
(41:30):
in a ten year relationship with your boyfriend. You guys
are your first everything. We all understand what you mean
by that. And I'm trying to find are you living? Oh,
you're building hang on a second.
Speaker 2 (41:48):
Last five years, on and off. I get it.
Speaker 1 (41:52):
You don't like him anymore. You love him, but you
don't like him, right that old saying he isn't bad.
To get it, to get it, he's going to be
amazing for someone. I get it. You're in the middle
of building a house. Why why are you building a
house together? I don't understand that.
Speaker 2 (42:12):
You're different.
Speaker 1 (42:13):
You got different religions, different standards, different worth ethics. Why
can't I say that anytime it comes up? Old habits toxic?
You have a wondering eye, you have a not leaving mentality,
you're not legally married. And then you come back to
(42:33):
saying you're getting stronger with God and you don't want
this to be a sin to leave. Okay, this is
weird and I gotta be honest with you. Anonymous, your
sinate says, what does it mean to feel like it's
sin to leave even though you're not married. It's not
(42:57):
sin to leave, it's sin to stay in this situation.
Think about that for a second. It's not sin to leave,
it's sin to stay. I don't want to hurt him.
Irrelevant say I don't want to hurt him. That's irrelevant
because guess what you're doing hurting him by staying. See,
(43:19):
that's the problem. It's not that you don't want to
hurt him. That's not the that's not the issue, because
if you loved him, you'd tell him the truth and
you would break this off as quickly as possible, pulling
a band aid off. But that's not the case. It's
not that you don't want to hurt him, it's that
you don't want to see him hurt by you and
feel bad and guilty about it. This is really about you, Sorry,
(43:44):
but it is. This is about you. This is about
you wanting to hang on, check out, just in case
maybe you're maybe you're wrong, like maybe he's going to
get better, maybe things will start lining up a little
bit better. He was your first everything, so that's kind
of convenient to keep the first one and around you
know that way, you don't have to have to explain
that to other people other relationships. But the truth is,
(44:06):
it's not about hurting him. This is about you, because
you're absolutely hurting him. Right now, you're hurting him by
emailing me saying I'm in a toxic relationship. We're building
a house together, and I want to leave, and you're
hurting him by not telling him this. So your question
(44:27):
is how do I leave? Well, it depends on how
brave you are, because if you're brave, you will set
up a meeting and you will you'll say, look, you'll
lookim right in the eye, and you'll sit across from
each other in two chairs, and you'll put your hands
on his knees and you'll say, I love you.
Speaker 2 (44:49):
You know that.
Speaker 1 (44:51):
But I can no longer do this relationship. I'm going
to be moving on and there's no chance of us
getting back together. It's nothing you did, It's just I
have fallen out of believing that this is going to work.
There's too many factors, religion, standards, worth that ethic.
Speaker 2 (45:12):
I can still can't say that. Worry y'all.
Speaker 1 (45:15):
They don't line up. And I know we're building a house,
so that makes things complicated. I want to do X
y Z to pull myself out of this contract or
if your name's on it and I need to move on, Look,
my heart is I don't want to hurt you, and
I realize that dragging it out is hurting you. The
(45:35):
longer I go hurts you worse. So please hear my heart.
I'm telling you in this very specific, blunt, truthful way
so that you have a fair chance at moving on,
finding someone and becoming a great husband and great father,
which I know you will. Okay, and then you say
I love you, and this is goodbye, And at that
(45:59):
point love means just love because they're an image bearer
of God and they're a friend. But it's not romantic love.
Speaker 2 (46:06):
Okay. That's what you do. If you're brave.
Speaker 1 (46:10):
If you're not so brave, you send a text message,
in a phone call FaceTime. If you're less brave than that,
you leave a letter, and you leave like an old
country music song. And if you're less brave than that,
you disappear, which you can't do anymore because of social media.
So you owe after ten years, you owe him a
face to face conversation, and you owe.
Speaker 2 (46:33):
Him this as soon as possible.
Speaker 1 (46:39):
And I appreciate all of You'll thank you so much
for email, and if you have a question for me,
email podcast at grangersmith dot com and we'll see you
next month. Thanks for joining me on the Grangersmith podcast.
I appreciate all of you guys. You could help me
out by rating this podcast on iTunes. If you're on YouTube,
subscribe to this channel. Hit that little like button and
not of Fication spell so that you never miss any
(47:02):
time I upload a video.
Speaker 2 (47:04):
YI
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