January 15, 2024 • 58 mins
Granger Smith Podcast Episode 221: In this episode, Jessica, an 18-year-old dealing with verbal abuse from her father, seeks advice on how to handle the situation. Despite her father's church attendance, he fails to embody the teachings of Jesus. Jessica feels helpless as her attempts at communication or counseling are thwarted, and she grapples with conflicting emotions. The segment explores the emotional turmoil Jessica faces and the struggle to reconcile her faith with the difficult circumstances at home.
In a subsequent question, Max seeks advice on avoiding the tendency to over-spiritualize every aspect of life. Having recently embraced faith, Max grapples with discerning what is genuinely spiritually driven and what isn't.
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
I wish we lived in a world where young girls
didn't have to deal with an abusive father. Welcome back
to the podcast. We're back on a normal Monday schedule.
(00:21):
I know that we had some as we switched platforms.
We had a couple of weeks where we took off
because of Christmas Day and New Year's Day. And I
don't want that to be an indication that every once
in a while you're just not going to hear from me. Instead,
I could promise you that we're going to be consistent
about putting these out. And we also had a little
(00:41):
technical difficulty with the Apple podcast app on the on
the last episode, so that supposedly is fixed now. Through
iHeart and a bunch of stuff that's way over my head.
Welcome back. We've got one of my favorite guests, Marshall,
who's also my pastor at a Mais Church and Georgetown, Texas.
Welcome back. I love your wisdom. Thanks, it's good to
(01:05):
be back. You are you are. You're so good at
answering questions that I have in my life and it
and just like I figured it would translate well to
their questions. You just think through things very well. Oh,
by God's grace man. The only thing I need you
to do is mood that mighty ya. Okay. What we
(01:29):
do is we answer your questions. If you're new here,
you email podcast at grangersmith dot com, ask any question
and we'll walk through it. We're not always right, but
we'll give you our best answer, as if we're just
having a conversation at lunch with friends. First question comes
(01:49):
from Aaron. He says this, I'm Aaron from Kansas. I'm
wanting to buy a drone. I don't have any experience
with drones, but I'm a big hunting and fisherman guy
and I would love to get your opinion on a
budget starter drone for a filming setup. Thanks for all
you do, brother, Okay, Aaron, that's a good way to
(02:10):
ease into the podcast. I have used a Mavic Mini.
That's the only drone I've ever had, and then I
got a Mavic Mini too pro and highly recommend the Mavicks.
You can get in to to you know, three or
(02:31):
four hundred bucks I think was the Mavic Mini, and
I think the Pro is more like six hundred. But man,
they last until you hit a tree or actually I've
hit a couple of trees and they still laugh, or
until you throw it into a lake, like I've done
a couple of times. But they're they're really good drones,
good quality, and even a guy like me could figure
it out. So Mavic Mini pro too. That's that's my thought.
(02:58):
Next question comes from anonymous that grander big fan of
your podcast, loved listening to your book. I've been married
for over ten years now, have three little boys, and
my husband told me about a month ago that he's
addicted to watching porn. See it doesn't take long to
go from drones to porn in this podcast, since he
(03:18):
was a teenager that's in parentheses. I really hoped that
he would take action to overcome the addiction, but I
have seen no evidence of it. I'm constantly worried about
what he is doing. I don't trust him. I want
our boys to grow up in a christ centered home,
but my husband doesn't put God first. That's a plot twist.
(03:43):
He doesn't think going to church, praying, or reading the
Bible is important. I'm trying to be the best example
I can for him and my children. My question is
what do I do in my situation? Let me recap
husband Okay, I got it. Okay, So this is all
about the husband, married ten years, three little boys. Husband
(04:08):
is addicted to watching porn, and he told you about
a month ago. You are I could tell you were
upset about it, and you wanted him to take action
to overcome this. And now a month has gone by
and you're like, hey, I don't see anything. I don't
see any change, And now you're worried that this could
(04:31):
get worse. And that's a good worry, it's a legitimate concern.
But now you're saying something at the end of this
that makes it worse for everyone, and that you say,
I don't trust him. So this is more than just
he admitted he's watching porn and he's addicted to it.
And this is more than you don't see immediate steps
(04:52):
in it getting better. This is now you don't trust him,
which is a much bigger issue than all of this.
And then you go on to say that you want
him to be a good dad and christ in her home.
I get it. So you got a good You got
a good guest here today anonymous to have Marshall here,
(05:17):
let's start with her. Let's not even talking about because
this the message really not is. It's not about him anyway.
There's not a message to him from us. This is
a message to her. Yeah. So we see poorn questions
a lot on this podcast, but a lot of times
it's from the man. This is just from the woman.
(05:38):
So how does she handle this with what the information
that we know? Now? What does she do? What does
she not do in this situation?
Speaker 2 (05:48):
Yeah? I mean my first answer is pray for your husband.
Pray for him regularly, just that the Lord would work
in his heart, that he would he would kill this
desire in your husband's heart to view these things and
(06:09):
and and be clinging so tightly to them because he's
going to need the Lord to change his heart. He
can't change his He's not gonna be able to change
himself on it. And even if he does, he'll you know,
it's not about behavior modification because they're there, you're just
gonna find a different thing. So if you're trying to
get him to trust the Lord more, if you're if
you're praying for that, because you said you want to
(06:30):
be a godly husband, godly father, that's what you should
be praying for him. And I don't doubt that you're
you're already doing that. So in some sense, I'm encouraging
you in that, continue to pray for your husband and
then be thankful for the graces that have already shown
up in that he's told you about this. He's not
he's not trying to hide it. That doesn't make what
he's doing right and doesn't make it okay, and it
(06:51):
doesn't give him an excuse to keep doing it. But
so many situations the husband's hiding it constantly and and
this question could have easily been caught him yeah, or
I know, and he doesn't know that I know, and
that makes it even more difficult. But the fact that
he was open with you and is wanted to talk
through it, I think it's a big step. And so
I think you just continue having that conversation with him,
You continue checking in on him, Hey are you viewing
(07:13):
this or why is it so difficult for you? And
then I'm assuming you're in church because of wanting them
to be a godly husband and a godly father, but
you're not seeing some of those evidences of the fruit
of the spirit or being worked out in his life
by a desire to read God's word, a desire to
be praying a desire to fight this this sin issue
in his life. And so I'm assuming you're in church
(07:35):
with that, and so with that, I would I would
take this to your pastors. I would, I would ask
your pastors to sit down with you, guys, and just
give you some counsel on how to care for one
another in the situation and how to to fight this
sin well, because until your husband wants to do that,
it's going to be again you can't change him. The
Lord's gonna be the only one who can change him.
(07:57):
And so continue to pray for that. Could you pray
for his heart, Pray that the Lord would change his
heart in that, and and bring involve your pastors in
on this. You shouldn't have to have to bear this
weight on your shoulders by yourself. This should be something
your your church family should come around you and help
you in that, specifically your pastors first, and then maybe
(08:17):
a couple of ladies in the church who you're close
to that would be some of my initial counsel. There's
a lot deeper I go into that if this was
one of our members coming to us and saying this,
but that that's where I go right now, especially if
he's hesitant to do some of these things like like
praying in the word and.
Speaker 1 (08:34):
Yeah, man, I think that's great. And on top of that,
with everything Marshall said there there could be a tendency
for you to get angry and possessive and offended, and
you could You could go to your pastor, like Marshall's saying,
(08:55):
and you could you could go to your husband and go, hey,
you're meeting with their pastor. I told him about this,
and he wants to have lunch with you. So you
need to set this lunch up because it's been a
month and you still I haven't seen anything changing. And
guess what, I don't trust you. That's probably the worst
thing you could do in this situation. So following the
same guideline that Marshall's saying, just do it with grace.
(09:18):
You can come to him. And first of all, Anonymous,
just know this that in your immediate circle, your husband's
not the only one. This is widespread And just on
this podcast alone, hundreds of emails probably just about porn
that I don't even get a chance to get to
because then every single episode would just be about porn.
(09:40):
So this is widespread. Like Marshall said, Let's be encouraged
that he actually told you about it, because that takes
a lot of courage for him to do this. Let's
think just for a second how humiliated he felt, but
overcome by this guilt that he needed to tell you.
(10:00):
I don't know how this happened. Maybe he just sat
you down. I mean, that's not a casual conversation. Hey,
I need to tell you I watch porn and I'm
addicted to it. So if you could find grace in that,
if you could say, I just want to let you know.
It must have taken a lot of courage for you
(10:21):
to tell me something about a sin that is so vulnerable,
that it is something that is so potentially deadly for
our relationship, and you brought it to me. I am
so encouraged by this. So instead of looking at the
month that's gone by you see no action, take a
second to make sure that you're approaching him in that way.
(10:44):
And when you do bring it up, and you should,
you shouldn't just let it lie. But when you do
bring it up, say hey, I want to talk about
you know, the you know the thing the conversation. Is
there anything I could be doing as a wife because
I love you, and I care about this relationship and
I care about our three boys. Is there anything any
way that I could help encourage you? Maybe? I know
(11:07):
this sounds awkward, but is there a way that I
could keep you accountable? Because because I know of this
website that I heard on Granger's podcast called covenantiyes dot com.
And you know you can, honey, you can go to
covenantiyes dot com and enter your IP address on your
phone and computer and then send send that to me
and it notifies me. And so that makes you makes
(11:29):
you think twice about going to that website because you
know it's gonna send me a message. Is that something
I could help you with? But if you could be
an encourager instead of a nagger, because I think and honestly,
I wouldn't blame you if you nagged him, and I
wouldn't blame if you were upset with this. I don't
even blame you that you don't trust him, But I
just want to encourage you to fight against that urge
(11:51):
to say, oh, please, don't ever tell him I don't
trust you because of this, because that's going to make
him become more of a recluse, hide it more he's
going to hide his struggle more because I don't want
to tell her. She's just going to get more angry,
more angry than she already is. And then the last
thing he's going to going to want to do is
meet with the pastor that you set up. All that
(12:13):
just depends on how you present this to him.
Speaker 2 (12:17):
Yeah, I would treat it like you treat would treat
any other sin issue that maybe when your friends would
come to you with right, you want to walk alongside
the minute. You don't want to just say, hey, let
me know how you're doing a couple of a month
from now. And so if you replaced his addiction to
porn to an addiction with alcohol, alcohol, you want to
help that person walk through it. What can I do
(12:38):
to help you out? Let's get all the alcohol of
the house. Let's let's make sure we're not putting ourselves
in situations where there's going to be alcohol present. Let's
let you know I'll check in on you every day,
you know. And so if you if you think of
it as okay, this is if you take out the
porn issue and just think it's a sin issue, and
I want to walk alongside him and helping him fight
(12:58):
this sin issue because you know we're we're one where
we're one in we're one in Christ. If we're both believers,
we're married, and so the Lord has put us together.
And so I want to walk him through this and
walk with him through it, not not not try to
drag him out of it, but I want to. I
want to try to try to take each step with him.
(13:18):
And because you would do that with any sin issue.
I mean, if Granger came to me said I'm struggling
with the sin issue, I want to walk him through it,
walk with him through it, not not giving one or
two steps and say I'll check in on you in
a month, let me know how you're doing. But just
how can I how can I care for you as
we walk through this together, because you're not alone in this.
I'm not sitting over here waiting for you to get
(13:38):
better and then and then we'll deal with things together.
Speaker 1 (13:41):
But I want to.
Speaker 2 (13:41):
I want to be there with you in it.
Speaker 1 (13:43):
So that's good and an anonymous you also are not alone. Yeah,
you're dealing with this with him, and it might seem
like the walls are closing in on you, but there's
a lot of families right down your street, probably that
this is going on and the wife doesn't know about it.
So which which position? And would you rather be in
yours or the wife down the street that doesn't know
(14:03):
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(14:24):
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(14:46):
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(15:06):
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(15:30):
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(15:50):
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next question says once again from anonymous, and it says, Hey, Granger.
(16:58):
Eleven years ago, I finally had enough with the toxic
relationships I was pursuing. I pulled out my journal and
wrote a letter to God that I am ready to
do what it takes and become who it takes to
find my life partner. The following year was a wild ride.
I was given multiple opportunities to say no to old,
(17:21):
familiar relationships. After going through multiple tests, I met my
life partner, and we recently celebrated our ten year anniversary.
Our love is so kind, so generous, so safe, so nurturing,
so respectful. It is everything I never got to see
growing up. The kicker is we're both women. Recently, I
(17:46):
have begun deepening my relationship with God, reading the Bible
every day, praying every day, and even going to church. Writing.
This is truly astonishing, as I never ever thought I
would be going to church or reading a Bible due
to extreme family trauma surrounding religion. But I have been
(18:08):
feeling called to Jesus. The one megafriction point that has
me in tears of confusion is why would God send
me my life partner and then simultaneously say our love
is a sin. I do agree that many queer people
(18:29):
are immoral in their sexuality, as are many hetero people.
That is simply not who we are. It's tough because
I want to be part of the Christian community, but
am outwardly told how wrong I am. I would love
to hear your opinion. All right, Anonymous, thank you for
(18:51):
trusting me with this. It's not often I get these questions. Well,
let me rephrase, it's not often that I answer them,
and I'm encouraged that you listen and trust me enough
to hear my opinion when it comes to something in
(19:14):
the Bible. It's interesting to think of it in terms
of I don't have an opinion when it comes to
the Bible, and that's a good thing, because my opinion
as I look back on my life, my opinion on
things like politics and social issues and paradigms in our culture,
(19:39):
it's changed as the world around me has changed, and
my reaction to it has changed. My opinion on music
and songs and movies has changed over the years. And
so when I say, thank goodness, I don't have an
opinion when it comes to Bible things. That's not a
negative thing. That's not saying thank goodness. I'm a robot
(20:01):
and I just followed this mindless thing. It's going, Thank goodness,
there is the truth that I could stand on, and
everything else just waves around like all my little opinions.
So when you say I would love to hear your opinion,
I will give you some of my opinion, but then
I'll also stand on what we know is the truth.
And I believe anonymous that you know that as well.
(20:24):
And I believe that's why you worded it the way
you did, and I believe that's why you're struggling with this.
I'm gonna I'm definitely gonna let Marshall get in on this,
and I want to kind of take some stabs around
with this too. What I see this is multi layered,
(20:46):
and I see the multi layers when especially when it
comes to these this family trauma surrounding religion that you're
that's what you're standing on, right, so that all these
mixed ideas and so you have to admit it's really
interesting that you have this trauma you call it surrounding religion,
(21:08):
and you never thought you would go to a church
or read a holy book, especially the Bible. But despite
all of that, you want to how strange is that
and how much of a testimony is that to the
truth of the Bible that it's drawing you despite every
(21:30):
every fleshly thing in your mind. You're being called against
all of these things, including the love of your life.
You're being called against it to read something that speaks
contrary to it, that doesn't make any sense. And if
I'm an alien looking at this planet, if I'm an
atheist listening to the podcast. Right now, I go, that's
some mental health issue, because that doesn't make any sense.
(21:53):
In fact, if I'm an atheist, and I've told atheists this,
if I'm an atheist looking at religion as a whole,
all the major religions in the world, I'm going it
has to be mental health problems because they're delusional. Because
the fact that babies are born all over the planet
every year and grow up to worship the sky and
(22:17):
raise their hands and say prayers, that is so strange
that we can't breed that out of this accidental race
that we are as humans. Right, That's one side of it.
That's one side of the coin here. The other interesting
thing is your struggle. You have to hear me on something.
(22:41):
Your struggle with sin is not different than mine. It's
a fundamental understanding of what sin is that is usually
the problem. And I'm going to say this with trying
my best not to offend you on a personal level,
(23:03):
because I truly love you and I truly care for you,
Otherwise I wouldn't care about this question. But here's the
fundamental problem, and I'm going to tell you why I
believe you're wrong in what you're thinking on a personal level.
Because you think sin is something God sees on you
(23:25):
as something either you've done to yourself or you've done
to society, or society has done to you, and God's
responsibility is to clean it up for you. That's actually
not what sin is. Your sin is actually a violation
to God himself. So if we see it that way,
(23:49):
Isaiah fifty nine says, your iniquities have made a separation
between you and your God. Your sins have hidden his
face from you so that he does not hear that
is that is a huge revelation for us in a
world where we think sin is a mistake that we
(24:10):
have done against society or ourselves, if we miss the
point that our sins or in that case in that translation,
iniquities has caused a gap between us and our creator
so much so that his wrath is upon us. That
is a much different You've got to admit, Anonymous, that's
a much different idea than why why would God say
(24:35):
this is a sin when I'm obviously in love and
he wants me to be happy? You see. The difference
is when you realize a sin is a sin against God,
against the Creator, that puts a whole new spin on things,
and it is true. There is in a sense, it
is true that sin hurts us personally and not sinning
(24:58):
and following God's law makes us feel better and do bad.
There's a sense that that's absolutely true. But we can't
just say that. We have to also say it's causing
a separation between us and God and it. And the
reason also we have to say that is because if
we only rely on if we don't sin, we feel better.
(25:19):
That doesn't always work because sometimes sin makes you feel
really good, sometimes sinning more makes you feel really good,
and not sinning makes you feel really bad, and so
that doesn't always line up that way. So we have
to see it for what it is. Marshall, I'll shut
up what you got.
Speaker 2 (25:36):
I mean, first of all, I'm encouraged to hear what
the Lord's doing in your life. Sounds like he's slowly
drawing you to himself. That's just that whole first part
of that email is so encouraged, Yes, just to hear
the things going on and the thing with the past
trauma with religion in your family history. I'm glad to
(26:02):
hear that that's not preventing you from listening to this
kind of drawing from the Lord to get into his word,
because you don't want somebody, you don't want past sins
from others to kind of define who you are and
what you're doing, right, Like you're in your own story
(26:23):
that the Lord has written for you. And so this
trauma shouldn't define what you do when it comes to
wanting to know who God is. And so there isn't
this sense of separate it from religion. Right, So the
goal is not to be religious. The goals to have
this relationship with God. And so what's hindering you from
this relationship with God? And that's the question for anybody.
(26:45):
It's a question for me, it's a question for Granger's
question for anybody asking or thinking, you know, what's preventing
me to be right with God? And so, the couple
things that stood out in that email to me when
you started saying, I think the question was word It's
something like why would God send me the my life partner,
(27:08):
the love of my life? I can't remember I was worded.
But then also be saying this thing in his word
that seems contrary to that doesn't make.
Speaker 1 (27:15):
Sense, simultaneously say our love is sip yeah, yeah, yeah.
So I think.
Speaker 2 (27:20):
I think when we think of things like that, when
you take the step back and think, Okay, here are
two things that I'm saying are true, but they don't
appear that they can be true. So are one of
these wrong? Well, we can point to verses that says,
you know, what what you're feeling is or what what
y'all have is wrong in the relationship even though you
(27:40):
might be feeling might be a true feeling. You can
love somebody. But the thing is is we were created
to being be beings that love. That's how That's how
we were designed. The problem is that as sinners that
love gets distorted and we tend to love the wrong things.
I'm not in the same situation you are, but there
(28:00):
are things that I love that are wrong that I
need to that I need to constantly check my own
heart and say, am I loving the right things? Because
if I'm not loving the right things, I can't claim
that that's a gift from the Lord. James writes, every
good and perfect gift comes from the Father, and so
if it's not a good and perfect gift, then it
(28:21):
didn't come from the Lord. So if the Lord is
saying in his word, hey, this is this is a sin,
this is wrong. We can't also say, well, then he
must have sent it to me as well. So if
you're if you're reading in his word that the relationship
you're in is contrary to the teachings of Jesus, is
contrary to what God has designed. The other truth can't
(28:42):
be true, which you think to be true, can't be true.
It can't be that God sent you your life partner
to be your life partner. That doesn't mean you can't
love them. I love Granger as a brother in Christ.
I don't love him like my wife, but I love
Granger as a brother.
Speaker 1 (29:00):
And so.
Speaker 2 (29:02):
There's this this reorienting of our loves when we are
confronted with the truth of Scripture.
Speaker 1 (29:07):
Is if I.
Speaker 2 (29:08):
Truly love Jesus, am I going to obey what he says?
Am I going to submit to what he says?
Speaker 1 (29:13):
I mean?
Speaker 2 (29:13):
If anything, when we see the Christian life in Scripture,
it's not easy.
Speaker 1 (29:17):
It's hard.
Speaker 2 (29:17):
You're constantly having to lay down these things that you love.
Every what you're going through is something every person has
gone through who's ever become a Christian. They're just laying
down different things for you. It might have to be
this relationship. It might have to be these desires that
you have for other women, if that's the ongoing thing
moving forward. But these are just things we have to
(29:38):
lay down for someone else. It might be porn, it
might be alcohol, it might be exalting self. I mean,
grain use your own story right, exalting self on the
stage constantly and lays down countrymus didn't have to do that,
but he lays down this understanding that my love for
myself is getting in the way of my love for Jesus,
(30:01):
and so I need to lay these things down.
Speaker 1 (30:03):
And so.
Speaker 2 (30:05):
That's what Jesus is telling people when he says, you
need to be willing to to leave your father, your mother,
your brothers, your sisters. You got to you gotta be
willing to leave your whole family if that's what it's
going to take, if they're leading you away from me.
And so there's this constant is are the things that
I love, whether they're they're they're things or other people,
(30:25):
are they in line with what Jesus says? Or am
I loving the wrong things? And if I'm loving the
wrong things, and I can't claim that those are gifts
from the Lord. Those are things that are in my
way that are impeding me from actually obeying Jesus who
I claim to love now or who I'm trying to
love now, or I'm trying to follow now, And so again,
for you, it's this relationship, it's this other, this other
(30:47):
woman in your life. But again for other people, it's
so many other things, and it's just a constant question
am I loving the right things? Am I loving rightly?
Speaker 1 (30:57):
Also? So I think it's probably worth hanging on this
question a little bit longer instead of just moving away,
because it's also important after everything we both said, it's
also important to know that everything we're saying would come
after belief in Jesus and his lordship over your life,
(31:22):
because otherwise we're just talking about moralism. Don't do something
because it's wrong. And the last email was about porn,
don't do this. It could be the same conversation about alcoholism.
It's like, don't do the don't do do, don't do it.
None of that matters. Then it's just every other religion
in the world giving you some kind of legalistic moralism,
(31:42):
So it must follow logically. It's ironic because because Marshall's
preaching one Corinthians fifteen this weekend, which is the gospel.
And it's interesting because the desire to do everything Marshall
said to the desire to follow Jesus would come after
(32:06):
the initial belief in him and the understanding of what
he did. So it's believing in him who he is,
and then knowing what he did, and what he did
was the whole bit I gave you about sin and
our misunderstanding of what sin is, and it's actually a
violation to God himself. It's separating us from God. Jesus
(32:29):
comes because no one can reconcile that gap. So he
comes to say, I'll do it. I'll reconcile the gap
between the sinner and God. God's wrath is in between.
I will take on God's wrath myself to close that
gap to bring us to God. That's what he comes
(32:50):
to do, to bring us to God. But it's not
everybody that he brings those that believe. And so you
believe in who he is, believe in what he did,
which is he died to kill sin, to defeat death.
You believe in him and what he did, and then
because of that you want to start a desire will
(33:13):
be cultivated within your new heart, to start living like
he did, to live closer to what he did, to
start obeying not perfectly, but you'll start hating the things
that he hates. You'll start disliking the things within you
that make you sin, or the sin itself. That's the difference.
It's you'll stop loving it and you'll start saying, this
(33:36):
just feels wrong. I can't live with it anymore. After
I love Jesus, after I've believed in Jesus, I just
can't get over this stuff anymore. Just I can't sleep
at night. I gotta do something about it. That's what
it's like to be a Christian. Yeah, that is the
Christian life. But here's the thing, and you you also
(34:00):
need it after all that, you also need to know
that Jesus says if you come to him, then you
will after you've given up stuff and you denied yourself,
you will have peace and joy and rest after you've
given it up. So you're not going it's gonna hurt
bad to give this stuff up. It stings to give
(34:23):
up sin that we love. But when you do, you
promised that you'll find even though your life might be chaotic,
within the chaos, you'll be able to rest in the chaos.
I am very encouraged by this email, and I would
love a follow up. I would love like a six
(34:43):
month follow up. What's going on? Ant Man is producing
this podcast, he sorts these emails, and I would love
for him to be able to grab one from you
again to kind of pin this and just come back
and if you're in the exact same situation you are today, okay,
we'll talk about it again. But I got a feeling
you're not going to be. Yeah, I got a feeling
(35:06):
something's something's working in here. And I also hope you,
I hope you you realize too that this is once again,
it doesn't have to be my opinion. I don't want
to go against what Jesus says. Yeah, last thing I
want to do is to that point, I want to
just ask you, Marshall, what about the person that goes
Jesus never said a word about homosexuality? How do you
(35:27):
nswer that he did?
Speaker 2 (35:29):
And if we think of Scripture being all the word
of God, then there's multiple places where it talks about it, right,
and so I mean the clearest is is Roman's one.
That's that's the that's the easy go to.
Speaker 1 (35:42):
But that was, Paul. That was that's the argument.
Speaker 2 (35:45):
That was Paul.
Speaker 1 (35:46):
I agree with you.
Speaker 2 (35:46):
I'm just making it no not no, but I mean
if so, I don't want to give the the go
to answer for it. But if that's if that's the
person's argument, I would I would want to know how
you read all four Gospels and read every word Jesus said.
The answer is always no, Right, then I would want
(36:08):
to talk to the person. If you've read all four
Gospels and you can even highlight all the speeches Jesus gave.
If you've done that, then then let's sit down and talk.
I would say, go read the four Gospels. I don't
want to just give you a verse and tell you that.
I want you to see it for yourself.
Speaker 1 (36:25):
That's the best answer I've heard of that question. I
like that. Yeah, all right. The next question comes from Jessica.
It's nice to have a non anonymous person. Thanks Jessica
for giving us your name, says hi, mister Smith. My
name is Jessica. I'm eighteen years old. I'm at a
breaking point with my father. He verbally abuses me and
flies off the hinge at the littlest things. He calls
(36:48):
me the B word and says I'm an effing lazy
daughter and other horrible things. He goes to church but
doesn't follow Jesus. I've been praying that he come to
know the Lord, and I don't know what else to do.
You can't talk to him or my mom about it
because they will say that I'm being disrespectful and that
(37:10):
I'm in the wrong. I'm at the point that I
don't want a relationship with him, but I don't know
if that's the wrong mindset to have. We have tried
counseling through our church, but he always makes sure that
he has the right answers so that it's not conducive
to anything. So it was not conducive to anything. On
(37:31):
top of the fact that my mom told me, he
does not say anything so that it doesn't make him
look bad. I get it. I've become angry towards my dad,
but I don't know what God calls me to do.
How do you handle this? All? Right? Recap for my
own brain here. Jessica eighteen, verbally abused and by an
(37:56):
angry father. They go to church. He's not a follower.
She recognizes that, and she wants to know. She says
I've become angry towards my dad, but I don't. But
I know that that's not what God calls me to do.
So you want to know how to handle it without
(38:19):
getting angry. It's a tough situation for an eighteen year old,
and I'm really sorry, Jessica, that you're in this. I
wish we lived in a world where young girls didn't
have to deal with an abusive father. That's just not
the case we do. I also, I also wish that
(38:43):
we lived in a world where we didn't have people
that went to church and then did this, but we do.
It kind of goes to the old I don't go
to church because they're hypocrites in there, and we say yes,
But at least we had minute that were hypocrites. Jessica,
(39:07):
you are right around in age where this conversation kind
of changes, because if you're twelve, thirteen, fourteen, the conversation
is probably different than when you're eighteen, nineteen twenty. As
far as you're probably if you haven't moved out already,
you're probably getting close to not living with dad, and
(39:28):
that's going to change the dynamic, regardless you're not under
his roof anymore, and it kind of changes the whole
Where did mom say this disrespectful? Yeah, you can't talk
to him or mom about it because they say that
I'm being disrespectful and I'm in the wrong. A little
bit has to do with you living there, I think.
I think that changes when you have your own job
(39:50):
and you have your own apartment and you're not up
in his business and he's not in yours all the time.
I'm assuming you live there, So that's something you're gonna
have to do with anyway. I personally feel like eighteen
in any culture is the right age around the right
age to get out. You think that.
Speaker 2 (40:14):
I think it's a safe age to get out.
Speaker 1 (40:15):
It's a safe age to get out. You can't really
be young. I mean younger than that is tough, and
older than that starts to create problems under the roof
of the parents. Yeah, so it's yeah, it's good Marshall.
So safe age to get out. So that might be
part of this conversation. This might be just time to
get out. You guys are agnoying it. You're annoying your
(40:38):
dad and he's annoying you, and that's that's manifesting in anger.
Did she say is there an example of what he's doing,
what she's doing or is it just little things? Didn't
really say, yeah, what she's doing, what he's doing? Would
you what she's doing to make him mad? It? Is
(40:59):
there an exact there's not an example in here. That's
definitely what we would ask, like, what's an example? If
we were with you having lunch or something, we'd say, well,
like what what are we talking about? Politics? Or or
the temperature in the on the on the thermometer in
the house. You know you are You said, I've become
(41:22):
angry towards my dad, But I know that's not what God,
God calls me to do. That's the question. So we'll
just deal with that. There's a lot of unknowns. We'll
deal with that. You cannot control what he says to you.
You cannot control that he flies off the hinge. You
cannot control that you go to church and and he
doesn't follow Christ. You cannot control that your mom defends him.
(41:47):
You can control how you respond to him. And I'm
so sorry that that is a tough situation for an
eighteen year old girl to be in. But this is
this is this is the heel you take. This is
the battle you fight, Dad, I love you. I forgive
you because your dad. It doesn't make me agree with
you on this issue, it doesn't make me trust that
(42:10):
you're gonna be kind to me, But I love you
therefore I also just forgive you. And is there anything, Dad,
that I'm doing that is maybe making you uncomfortable? Making
life more difficult for you? Is there anything I could do?
Is there if I'm living here? Is there any other
chore I could do around the house? I want to
earn my keep. It won't be long before I go
(42:33):
to college or whatever are your plans? But Dad, how
could I serve you more? Things? There? Jessica, there's definitely
things going on outside of your relationship with him, for sure,
whether it's work, whether it's his marriage, there's there's a
lot of There's a lot going on that's more than
(42:53):
just you're annoying him and so he's flying off the handle.
So we forgive because we know, like you said in
this last sentence, we know that's what God calls you
to do, to love and forgive him. But even though
your heart doesn't agree with it, this is what you say,
and this is what you do, and you let your
heart catch up to it. After that, what do you
(43:16):
got for this? Yeah?
Speaker 2 (43:18):
Oh, I mean, first, Jessica, I love that you say
you're praying for your dad. That's man, I feel like
it's been on repeat today, but it's you can't underestimate
the power of prayer, and so I would encourage you
to keep doing that. And the other thing, you know,
hate that we even have to say this, but if
it ever escalates past just verbal abuse, reach out to
(43:41):
the police, get out of there, get yourself safe. It
should you know, physical abuse is never okay, and so
get yourself out of there. If it ever escalates to
anything close to that, pray to God that never happens.
But as far as dealing with what you're going through
right now, I agree with it everything Granger has said.
It's I hate this for you that you have to
(44:03):
go through this. And so as you're thinking about how
to navigate your time left in the house with your parents,
specifically your dad, I think just remembering not to return
evil for evil, So you honor your dad in the
best way you can, even in the midst of his
sin towards you. Again, that doesn't mean put yourself in
(44:25):
a dangerous spot, but you honor your father as much
as you can in the situation you've been placed. I
think it's similar to like Romans thirteen or Titus. I
can't remember, it's two or three off the top of
my head. Those two passages are talking about our relationship
to the government, and so it and in scripture's calling
us to submit to those who are an authority over us.
(44:45):
And specifically when Titus writes that the main guy in
charge is literally burning people alive and so, but he's
still saying submit to the submit to the governing authorities
over you. And so there's a sense of that's not
only a call when things are going well, that's a
call even when those who are in charge are sinning
against you. You still honor those that the Lord's put
(45:06):
it put over you to the best of your ability
and trust the Lord in it. And I think that
means through prayer as well. And so again I agree
with Granger. You're eighteen, you'll probably be out of the
house soon, and until then you just seek the best
ways you can to honor your dad while still remaining safe,
(45:27):
and then you continue to pray for him. And then
when you're out of the house, things are different. Council
is different at that point, and so if you're not
already thinking about those next steps for getting out of
the house eighteen nineteen twenty, I would start thinking through
those you know, I don't know if that's going off
to school for you, or finding your own place after
(45:50):
you get a job, whatever it might be, but start
thinking through those steps as well. You don't at eighteen.
You don't need to stay there. You have that freedom now,
and that's why I said eighteen is a safe age
to do that. I think at eighteen it's a safe
age because you have the abilities in different areas to
take care of yourself.
Speaker 1 (46:09):
Now.
Speaker 2 (46:09):
In an ideal world, you know, if you're in a
loving family and your dad is caring for you super well,
like I wouldage, I would encourage you to stay there
and be shepherded by your dad. But in this situation,
because of what you're having to experience, I think eighteen
is a safe age to start figuring out how to
get out, to continue to grow in the Lord yourself.
(46:34):
Don't let it discourage you. And I think the last
thing I would tell you, at least in this moment,
would be because you're praying for your dad, because you're
trying to discern you think you can discern, he's probably
not following the Lord himself. I'm going to assume you're
a professing Christian, and so if that's true, what I
just want to encourage you with is, despite however your
(46:56):
earthly father treats you, you have a heavenly father who
will never treat you that way, and who loves you
immensely and has given his son for you and wants
the best for you, and will not leave you or
forsake you, and is with you at all times and
will strengthen you and just hold you and walks with you.
And so every time your dad yelling at you, you
(47:17):
know you have a heavenly father who's comforting you in
the moment and who's with you and has not left
you in that situation alone. And so I just want
to encourage you with, Yes, our earthly friends and family
members will hurt us deeply, sometimes, we have a heavenly
father who will never do that. And I just want
(47:38):
you to be encouraged by that today and not be
so discouraged and beaten down by what your dad tells you.
But remember, you have a heavenly father who loves you
deeper than you could ever imagine, and in a much
better way than your dad ever possibly could your earthly dad.
So I just wanted to leave you with that encouragement.
So it's not just on a hey, tough at you know, and.
Speaker 1 (48:00):
That's why you're a pastor. Marshall. Uh. Yeah, that's fantastic,
And that's so good to wrap up that question, Jessica.
If we're just having lunch right now and you're and
you're like, we're getting the check and we're saying, hey,
thanks so much. I hope, I hope this gets worked out,
and you say, well, guys like, how do we like,
what do I practically do today? And I think, just
(48:22):
to wrap up this conversation, I say I would go home.
First of all, you're praying, you're you're on your knees
about dad, and then you go home and you go
mom and Dad. I just want to let y'all know,
I think I'm gonna I'm gonna start looking for a place.
Whether that it's going to depend on finances, but that
could mean you're gonna rent a couch from a friend.
(48:44):
And if you don't have a job already, hopefully you do.
You're gonna be thinking about that and and thinking about
making that that leap into independence and break that to them.
Tell them that because then the reason I say it
is because as I'm looking at your email in the
first thing you said was I'm at a breaking point
with my father. We don't want to find out where
(49:05):
that is or what that is. You're admitting that there
is a breaking point and you're close to it. Why
test this, Why try to get there? So let's pray
for him, let's forgive him, let's love him, let's serve him,
and let's try to get out of the house before
it gets to a place where you're forced out. Let's
choose to get out. We're on good terms before you
(49:27):
have to. Yeah, we are. I'm gonna go. I'm gonna
go to one more question before we go over time here,
So this is my last one is from Max. I
want to do a little side note here. I don't
know what what I'm getting into with all these questions.
I literally scroll and here it is. So it's not
(49:49):
like I'm planning. Max is the you know, Max is
the climax of this podcast. Just yeah, that's kind of cool.
Hey Granger, my name is Max. I'm thirty years old,
current living in Calgary, Canada. Your weekly podcast episodes make
my Mondays much better. Thank you for this blessing. Appreciate you, Max.
How do I make sure I'm not over spiritualizing each
(50:11):
and every aspect of my life. I'm very aware of
God and work on a daily basis, but lately I
feel as though I'm trying to explain or justify every
last detail of my life in the entire world around
me from a biblical perspective or principle. I question if
this is a healthy approach. As someone who came to
(50:33):
faith in the last five years, I am struggling to
keep things in the proper context and discern what is
spiritually driven and what is not. May peace be with
you so great question, Max, And I don't think it's
necessary to take a lot of time on this at
the end, But over spiritualizing is the thing? Yeah, Like
(50:55):
that's something we see see with Americans a lot. It's
like over spiritualizing every little thing, and like every decision
it's like should we eat it Chili's or olive garden?
Oh Lord, which one should it be. Let's look up
the politics on these two organizations and see if anyone
(51:16):
is in sin and the corporate levels, and maybe it's
got to be olive garden like it. People do that.
I see them do it, and you're right, I agree.
I don't think it's a healthy approach. So instead Marshall
will run circles around this. But if we're if we're
(51:36):
learning who God is as He's revealed himself in his
Word and max, if you have a a daily time
outside of church, outside of your men's group or your
small group, or your Bible study, or a random podcast
episode or a sermon you hear on YouTube, outside of
(51:59):
all that you have set aside, a time with you
and God in his Word as he's revealed himself, That's
how we learn who he is continually. It's like when
I was a kid, we used to my grandparents have
these puzzles, and you start filling in the puzzles, and
the more we're in his word, the more that big
(52:21):
puzzle starts to come together and we see the image
of Him in it. And the more you see him
and know him, then the more you trust him and
believe his promises are good, and the more you can
rest in His providential will, which means the span of
history that he has accomplished and the future that he's
(52:44):
already planned. The more you can trust in that and go, God,
I am trusting, I'm abiding, or I am living in
your word, I am believing you, I'm trusting my life
to you. I'm denying myself. When you're doing those things
and you have a good church life and your prayer
life is never great, but you're working on it and
(53:06):
you desire to do it, then at that point you
can start trusting your desires. We're taught so much in
the Christian culture don't trust your heart. It's evil though,
and that's true, it's biblical. But to an extent, as
we learn who God is, as we have submitted to him,
to his lordship, there is an extent we could start
(53:28):
trusting our own desires that He has planned them, that
he has planted them in us, and then you can go,
I'm really craving Italian. Don't only if I don't want
to go to Chili's, I want to go to Olive Garden,
and you don't have to over spiritualize it at that point.
Speaker 2 (53:49):
The two ways I've heard so over spiritualized can mean
many different things, right, depending on who's talking about it.
The two most commons I hear the first one over
spiritualizing would be using faith in the wrong way. If
I have enough faith, I can I can get this thing,
I can manifest it whatever it is. If if that's
what's being talked about, that's just contrary to the Bible.
Don't believe that. That's false. That's not how faith works,
(54:12):
that's not what faith is. So if that's what I
don't think that's what's being talked about. But I wanted
I wanted to clarify that because that is how it
can be used sometimes. But the other way I hear
it is kind of what you're talking about of just
how do I know if I'm making the right decision?
Am I walking the right path?
Speaker 1 (54:29):
Nikes should whatever? Yeah? You know what?
Speaker 2 (54:32):
What college should I go to? I'm looking for a
sign in the sky I'm looking at I was driving
down the highway and the billboard read something, and so
that that was my sign that I was supposed to
do something right, and so can the Lord do that stuff?
Speaker 1 (54:45):
Sure?
Speaker 2 (54:45):
But the the the point is you're right when you
say God is always at work, because that's what I mean.
He's in control of everything. That's his providence, He's he
cares about his creation, and he's constantly working over That's
an absolute truth. But that truth is not meant to
cause you anxiety. It's supposed to cause you comfort. And
(55:06):
so if we're constantly over spiritualizing everything, you're taking this
truth that God's in control and he's constantly at work,
and you're using that truth to bring you anxiety wondering
am I actually doing? Am I falling the right way?
If God's really at work, That's not the question should
be asked. It's am I trusting what He's doing? And
(55:27):
so you know this could turn into a super long answer.
But one helpful thing that that I can recommend to
you is a really small book that was really helpful
to me and thinking through this, and it's called Speaking Nike.
Just do something, not just do it, but just do
something by Kevin de Young. Super helpful book and thinking
(55:50):
through this of how to not over spiritualize stuff when
trying to figure out what's God's will for my life.
That's usually where a lot of people over spiritualized stuff,
is what's God's will form my life? How do I
know I'm doing what God wants me to do. That
book is so helpful, so I would just encourage anybody
to buy it.
Speaker 1 (56:06):
It's super short, just takes a day or two. It's
like one hundred pages.
Speaker 2 (56:10):
It's like maybe ten or twelve bucks on Amazon. So
super super helpful.
Speaker 1 (56:14):
But it's not deeply theological. It's commonly written and easy
to read.
Speaker 2 (56:20):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (56:21):
Cool, all right, dude, thank you so much for being
hunter Mane. It was great. You got to get you again.
I would be I would be really encouraged to have
someone show up at a Mais in Georgetown, Texas and say,
I heard you guys on the podcast. That's how I
heard about this church, Marshall, and I really do not.
(56:42):
If you know me enough, you know I don't go
around promoting my church so that people will will come
and fill up the chairs. I don't, which is why
I'm actually having this conversation at the end of this podcast,
because if you made it all the way to the end,
that says something about you. You're interested enough to hang
all the way to the end. And I'd be encouraged
(57:03):
if someone heard this end of this podcast, in this
particular message from me saying I'm going to be there
every Sunday, Marshall's going to be there every Sunday. Marshall
is going to be preaching there almost.
Speaker 2 (57:15):
Three fourth Sunday something like that, something like that.
Speaker 1 (57:18):
But you're going to be there all at the other times,
So come up to us. It's not We're not a
church where it's so big you're never going to find us.
You'll literally walk in and there, We're going to be
right there and say, hey, I heard you talking about
this on the podcast and I was encouraged and that
would mean a lot to me. Love you guys, See
you next Monday. Thanks for joining me on the Grangersmith podcast.
(57:39):
I appreciate all of you guys. You could help me
out by rating this podcast on iTunes. If you're on YouTube,
subscribe to this channel, hit that little like button and
notification spell so that you never miss anytime I upload
a video. Yihi
I wish we lived in a world where young girls
didn't have to deal with an abusive father. Welcome back
to the podcast. We're back on a normal Monday schedule.
(00:21):
I know that we had some as we switched platforms.
We had a couple of weeks where we took off
because of Christmas Day and New Year's Day. And I
don't want that to be an indication that every once
in a while you're just not going to hear from me. Instead,
I could promise you that we're going to be consistent
about putting these out. And we also had a little
(00:41):
technical difficulty with the Apple podcast app on the on
the last episode, so that supposedly is fixed now. Through
iHeart and a bunch of stuff that's way over my head.
Welcome back. We've got one of my favorite guests, Marshall,
who's also my pastor at a Mais Church and Georgetown, Texas.
Welcome back. I love your wisdom. Thanks, it's good to
(01:05):
be back. You are you are. You're so good at
answering questions that I have in my life and it
and just like I figured it would translate well to
their questions. You just think through things very well. Oh,
by God's grace man. The only thing I need you
to do is mood that mighty ya. Okay. What we
(01:29):
do is we answer your questions. If you're new here,
you email podcast at grangersmith dot com, ask any question
and we'll walk through it. We're not always right, but
we'll give you our best answer, as if we're just
having a conversation at lunch with friends. First question comes
(01:49):
from Aaron. He says this, I'm Aaron from Kansas. I'm
wanting to buy a drone. I don't have any experience
with drones, but I'm a big hunting and fisherman guy
and I would love to get your opinion on a
budget starter drone for a filming setup. Thanks for all
you do, brother, Okay, Aaron, that's a good way to
(02:10):
ease into the podcast. I have used a Mavic Mini.
That's the only drone I've ever had, and then I
got a Mavic Mini too pro and highly recommend the Mavicks.
You can get in to to you know, three or
(02:31):
four hundred bucks I think was the Mavic Mini, and
I think the Pro is more like six hundred. But man,
they last until you hit a tree or actually I've
hit a couple of trees and they still laugh, or
until you throw it into a lake, like I've done
a couple of times. But they're they're really good drones,
good quality, and even a guy like me could figure
it out. So Mavic Mini pro too. That's that's my thought.
(02:58):
Next question comes from anonymous that grander big fan of
your podcast, loved listening to your book. I've been married
for over ten years now, have three little boys, and
my husband told me about a month ago that he's
addicted to watching porn. See it doesn't take long to
go from drones to porn in this podcast, since he
(03:18):
was a teenager that's in parentheses. I really hoped that
he would take action to overcome the addiction, but I
have seen no evidence of it. I'm constantly worried about
what he is doing. I don't trust him. I want
our boys to grow up in a christ centered home,
but my husband doesn't put God first. That's a plot twist.
(03:43):
He doesn't think going to church, praying, or reading the
Bible is important. I'm trying to be the best example
I can for him and my children. My question is
what do I do in my situation? Let me recap
husband Okay, I got it. Okay, So this is all
about the husband, married ten years, three little boys. Husband
(04:08):
is addicted to watching porn, and he told you about
a month ago. You are I could tell you were
upset about it, and you wanted him to take action
to overcome this. And now a month has gone by
and you're like, hey, I don't see anything. I don't
see any change, And now you're worried that this could
(04:31):
get worse. And that's a good worry, it's a legitimate concern.
But now you're saying something at the end of this
that makes it worse for everyone, and that you say,
I don't trust him. So this is more than just
he admitted he's watching porn and he's addicted to it.
And this is more than you don't see immediate steps
(04:52):
in it getting better. This is now you don't trust him,
which is a much bigger issue than all of this.
And then you go on to say that you want
him to be a good dad and christ in her home.
I get it. So you got a good You got
a good guest here today anonymous to have Marshall here,
(05:17):
let's start with her. Let's not even talking about because
this the message really not is. It's not about him anyway.
There's not a message to him from us. This is
a message to her. Yeah. So we see poorn questions
a lot on this podcast, but a lot of times
it's from the man. This is just from the woman.
(05:38):
So how does she handle this with what the information
that we know? Now? What does she do? What does
she not do in this situation?
Speaker 2 (05:48):
Yeah? I mean my first answer is pray for your husband.
Pray for him regularly, just that the Lord would work
in his heart, that he would he would kill this
desire in your husband's heart to view these things and
(06:09):
and and be clinging so tightly to them because he's
going to need the Lord to change his heart. He
can't change his He's not gonna be able to change
himself on it. And even if he does, he'll you know,
it's not about behavior modification because they're there, you're just
gonna find a different thing. So if you're trying to
get him to trust the Lord more, if you're if
you're praying for that, because you said you want to
(06:30):
be a godly husband, godly father, that's what you should
be praying for him. And I don't doubt that you're
you're already doing that. So in some sense, I'm encouraging
you in that, continue to pray for your husband and
then be thankful for the graces that have already shown
up in that he's told you about this. He's not
he's not trying to hide it. That doesn't make what
he's doing right and doesn't make it okay, and it
(06:51):
doesn't give him an excuse to keep doing it. But
so many situations the husband's hiding it constantly and and
this question could have easily been caught him yeah, or
I know, and he doesn't know that I know, and
that makes it even more difficult. But the fact that
he was open with you and is wanted to talk
through it, I think it's a big step. And so
I think you just continue having that conversation with him,
You continue checking in on him, Hey are you viewing
(07:13):
this or why is it so difficult for you? And
then I'm assuming you're in church because of wanting them
to be a godly husband and a godly father, but
you're not seeing some of those evidences of the fruit
of the spirit or being worked out in his life
by a desire to read God's word, a desire to
be praying a desire to fight this this sin issue
in his life. And so I'm assuming you're in church
(07:35):
with that, and so with that, I would I would
take this to your pastors. I would, I would ask
your pastors to sit down with you, guys, and just
give you some counsel on how to care for one
another in the situation and how to to fight this
sin well, because until your husband wants to do that,
it's going to be again you can't change him. The
Lord's gonna be the only one who can change him.
(07:57):
And so continue to pray for that. Could you pray
for his heart, Pray that the Lord would change his
heart in that, and and bring involve your pastors in
on this. You shouldn't have to have to bear this
weight on your shoulders by yourself. This should be something
your your church family should come around you and help
you in that, specifically your pastors first, and then maybe
(08:17):
a couple of ladies in the church who you're close
to that would be some of my initial counsel. There's
a lot deeper I go into that if this was
one of our members coming to us and saying this,
but that that's where I go right now, especially if
he's hesitant to do some of these things like like
praying in the word and.
Speaker 1 (08:34):
Yeah, man, I think that's great. And on top of that,
with everything Marshall said there there could be a tendency
for you to get angry and possessive and offended, and
you could You could go to your pastor, like Marshall's saying,
(08:55):
and you could you could go to your husband and go, hey,
you're meeting with their pastor. I told him about this,
and he wants to have lunch with you. So you
need to set this lunch up because it's been a
month and you still I haven't seen anything changing. And
guess what, I don't trust you. That's probably the worst
thing you could do in this situation. So following the
same guideline that Marshall's saying, just do it with grace.
(09:18):
You can come to him. And first of all, Anonymous,
just know this that in your immediate circle, your husband's
not the only one. This is widespread And just on
this podcast alone, hundreds of emails probably just about porn
that I don't even get a chance to get to
because then every single episode would just be about porn.
(09:40):
So this is widespread. Like Marshall said, Let's be encouraged
that he actually told you about it, because that takes
a lot of courage for him to do this. Let's
think just for a second how humiliated he felt, but
overcome by this guilt that he needed to tell you.
(10:00):
I don't know how this happened. Maybe he just sat
you down. I mean, that's not a casual conversation. Hey,
I need to tell you I watch porn and I'm
addicted to it. So if you could find grace in that,
if you could say, I just want to let you know.
It must have taken a lot of courage for you
(10:21):
to tell me something about a sin that is so vulnerable,
that it is something that is so potentially deadly for
our relationship, and you brought it to me. I am
so encouraged by this. So instead of looking at the
month that's gone by you see no action, take a
second to make sure that you're approaching him in that way.
(10:44):
And when you do bring it up, and you should,
you shouldn't just let it lie. But when you do
bring it up, say hey, I want to talk about
you know, the you know the thing the conversation. Is
there anything I could be doing as a wife because
I love you, and I care about this relationship and
I care about our three boys. Is there anything any
way that I could help encourage you? Maybe? I know
(11:07):
this sounds awkward, but is there a way that I
could keep you accountable? Because because I know of this
website that I heard on Granger's podcast called covenantiyes dot com.
And you know you can, honey, you can go to
covenantiyes dot com and enter your IP address on your
phone and computer and then send send that to me
and it notifies me. And so that makes you makes
(11:29):
you think twice about going to that website because you
know it's gonna send me a message. Is that something
I could help you with? But if you could be
an encourager instead of a nagger, because I think and honestly,
I wouldn't blame you if you nagged him, and I
wouldn't blame if you were upset with this. I don't
even blame you that you don't trust him, But I
just want to encourage you to fight against that urge
(11:51):
to say, oh, please, don't ever tell him I don't
trust you because of this, because that's going to make
him become more of a recluse, hide it more he's
going to hide his struggle more because I don't want
to tell her. She's just going to get more angry,
more angry than she already is. And then the last
thing he's going to going to want to do is
meet with the pastor that you set up. All that
(12:13):
just depends on how you present this to him.
Speaker 2 (12:17):
Yeah, I would treat it like you treat would treat
any other sin issue that maybe when your friends would
come to you with right, you want to walk alongside
the minute. You don't want to just say, hey, let
me know how you're doing a couple of a month
from now. And so if you replaced his addiction to
porn to an addiction with alcohol, alcohol, you want to
help that person walk through it. What can I do
(12:38):
to help you out? Let's get all the alcohol of
the house. Let's let's make sure we're not putting ourselves
in situations where there's going to be alcohol present. Let's
let you know I'll check in on you every day,
you know. And so if you if you think of
it as okay, this is if you take out the
porn issue and just think it's a sin issue, and
I want to walk alongside him and helping him fight
(12:58):
this sin issue because you know we're we're one where
we're one in we're one in Christ. If we're both believers,
we're married, and so the Lord has put us together.
And so I want to walk him through this and
walk with him through it, not not not try to
drag him out of it, but I want to. I
want to try to try to take each step with him.
(13:18):
And because you would do that with any sin issue.
I mean, if Granger came to me said I'm struggling
with the sin issue, I want to walk him through it,
walk with him through it, not not giving one or
two steps and say I'll check in on you in
a month, let me know how you're doing. But just
how can I how can I care for you as
we walk through this together, because you're not alone in this.
I'm not sitting over here waiting for you to get
(13:38):
better and then and then we'll deal with things together.
Speaker 1 (13:41):
But I want to.
Speaker 2 (13:41):
I want to be there with you in it.
Speaker 1 (13:43):
So that's good and an anonymous you also are not alone. Yeah,
you're dealing with this with him, and it might seem
like the walls are closing in on you, but there's
a lot of families right down your street, probably that
this is going on and the wife doesn't know about it.
So which which position? And would you rather be in
yours or the wife down the street that doesn't know
(14:03):
about it? Something I think about podcast is brought to
you all by Better Help. Have you heard that phrase
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(14:24):
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taking your supplements every morning, you're trying to eat healthy,
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what I'm trying to say is therapy helps you find
(14:46):
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(15:06):
I'm ready to talk to someone too, I'm ready to
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(15:30):
Celebrate the progress you've already made. Visit better Help dot
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(15:50):
That's c ame eo dot com. Search for me Granger Smith.
You could also download the Cameo app on your phone
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I do this all the time. I do this daily.
I go, I check my Cameo account, there's a there's
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(16:14):
Happy birthday. Your wife Kim sent me to you. Thank
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(16:37):
then lastly, this Friday, January the nineteenth is the new
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in store. Go to yee ye dot com. All right,
next question says once again from anonymous, and it says, Hey, Granger.
(16:58):
Eleven years ago, I finally had enough with the toxic
relationships I was pursuing. I pulled out my journal and
wrote a letter to God that I am ready to
do what it takes and become who it takes to
find my life partner. The following year was a wild ride.
I was given multiple opportunities to say no to old,
(17:21):
familiar relationships. After going through multiple tests, I met my
life partner, and we recently celebrated our ten year anniversary.
Our love is so kind, so generous, so safe, so nurturing,
so respectful. It is everything I never got to see
growing up. The kicker is we're both women. Recently, I
(17:46):
have begun deepening my relationship with God, reading the Bible
every day, praying every day, and even going to church. Writing.
This is truly astonishing, as I never ever thought I
would be going to church or reading a Bible due
to extreme family trauma surrounding religion. But I have been
(18:08):
feeling called to Jesus. The one megafriction point that has
me in tears of confusion is why would God send
me my life partner and then simultaneously say our love
is a sin. I do agree that many queer people
(18:29):
are immoral in their sexuality, as are many hetero people.
That is simply not who we are. It's tough because
I want to be part of the Christian community, but
am outwardly told how wrong I am. I would love
to hear your opinion. All right, Anonymous, thank you for
(18:51):
trusting me with this. It's not often I get these questions. Well,
let me rephrase, it's not often that I answer them,
and I'm encouraged that you listen and trust me enough
to hear my opinion when it comes to something in
(19:14):
the Bible. It's interesting to think of it in terms
of I don't have an opinion when it comes to
the Bible, and that's a good thing, because my opinion
as I look back on my life, my opinion on
things like politics and social issues and paradigms in our culture,
(19:39):
it's changed as the world around me has changed, and
my reaction to it has changed. My opinion on music
and songs and movies has changed over the years. And
so when I say, thank goodness, I don't have an
opinion when it comes to Bible things. That's not a
negative thing. That's not saying thank goodness. I'm a robot
(20:01):
and I just followed this mindless thing. It's going, Thank goodness,
there is the truth that I could stand on, and
everything else just waves around like all my little opinions.
So when you say I would love to hear your opinion,
I will give you some of my opinion, but then
I'll also stand on what we know is the truth.
And I believe anonymous that you know that as well.
(20:24):
And I believe that's why you worded it the way
you did, and I believe that's why you're struggling with this.
I'm gonna I'm definitely gonna let Marshall get in on this,
and I want to kind of take some stabs around
with this too. What I see this is multi layered,
(20:46):
and I see the multi layers when especially when it
comes to these this family trauma surrounding religion that you're
that's what you're standing on, right, so that all these
mixed ideas and so you have to admit it's really
interesting that you have this trauma you call it surrounding religion,
(21:08):
and you never thought you would go to a church
or read a holy book, especially the Bible. But despite
all of that, you want to how strange is that
and how much of a testimony is that to the
truth of the Bible that it's drawing you despite every
(21:30):
every fleshly thing in your mind. You're being called against
all of these things, including the love of your life.
You're being called against it to read something that speaks
contrary to it, that doesn't make any sense. And if
I'm an alien looking at this planet, if I'm an
atheist listening to the podcast. Right now, I go, that's
some mental health issue, because that doesn't make any sense.
(21:53):
In fact, if I'm an atheist, and I've told atheists this,
if I'm an atheist looking at religion as a whole,
all the major religions in the world, I'm going it
has to be mental health problems because they're delusional. Because
the fact that babies are born all over the planet
every year and grow up to worship the sky and
(22:17):
raise their hands and say prayers, that is so strange
that we can't breed that out of this accidental race
that we are as humans. Right, That's one side of it.
That's one side of the coin here. The other interesting
thing is your struggle. You have to hear me on something.
(22:41):
Your struggle with sin is not different than mine. It's
a fundamental understanding of what sin is that is usually
the problem. And I'm going to say this with trying
my best not to offend you on a personal level,
(23:03):
because I truly love you and I truly care for you,
Otherwise I wouldn't care about this question. But here's the
fundamental problem, and I'm going to tell you why I
believe you're wrong in what you're thinking on a personal level.
Because you think sin is something God sees on you
(23:25):
as something either you've done to yourself or you've done
to society, or society has done to you, and God's
responsibility is to clean it up for you. That's actually
not what sin is. Your sin is actually a violation
to God himself. So if we see it that way,
(23:49):
Isaiah fifty nine says, your iniquities have made a separation
between you and your God. Your sins have hidden his
face from you so that he does not hear that
is that is a huge revelation for us in a
world where we think sin is a mistake that we
(24:10):
have done against society or ourselves, if we miss the
point that our sins or in that case in that translation,
iniquities has caused a gap between us and our creator
so much so that his wrath is upon us. That
is a much different You've got to admit, Anonymous, that's
a much different idea than why why would God say
(24:35):
this is a sin when I'm obviously in love and
he wants me to be happy? You see. The difference
is when you realize a sin is a sin against God,
against the Creator, that puts a whole new spin on things,
and it is true. There is in a sense, it
is true that sin hurts us personally and not sinning
(24:58):
and following God's law makes us feel better and do bad.
There's a sense that that's absolutely true. But we can't
just say that. We have to also say it's causing
a separation between us and God and it. And the
reason also we have to say that is because if
we only rely on if we don't sin, we feel better.
(25:19):
That doesn't always work because sometimes sin makes you feel
really good, sometimes sinning more makes you feel really good,
and not sinning makes you feel really bad, and so
that doesn't always line up that way. So we have
to see it for what it is. Marshall, I'll shut
up what you got.
Speaker 2 (25:36):
I mean, first of all, I'm encouraged to hear what
the Lord's doing in your life. Sounds like he's slowly
drawing you to himself. That's just that whole first part
of that email is so encouraged, Yes, just to hear
the things going on and the thing with the past
trauma with religion in your family history. I'm glad to
(26:02):
hear that that's not preventing you from listening to this
kind of drawing from the Lord to get into his word,
because you don't want somebody, you don't want past sins
from others to kind of define who you are and
what you're doing, right, Like you're in your own story
(26:23):
that the Lord has written for you. And so this
trauma shouldn't define what you do when it comes to
wanting to know who God is. And so there isn't
this sense of separate it from religion. Right, So the
goal is not to be religious. The goals to have
this relationship with God. And so what's hindering you from
this relationship with God? And that's the question for anybody.
(26:45):
It's a question for me, it's a question for Granger's
question for anybody asking or thinking, you know, what's preventing
me to be right with God? And so, the couple
things that stood out in that email to me when
you started saying, I think the question was word It's
something like why would God send me the my life partner,
(27:08):
the love of my life? I can't remember I was worded.
But then also be saying this thing in his word
that seems contrary to that doesn't make.
Speaker 1 (27:15):
Sense, simultaneously say our love is sip yeah, yeah, yeah.
So I think.
Speaker 2 (27:20):
I think when we think of things like that, when
you take the step back and think, Okay, here are
two things that I'm saying are true, but they don't
appear that they can be true. So are one of
these wrong? Well, we can point to verses that says,
you know, what what you're feeling is or what what
y'all have is wrong in the relationship even though you
(27:40):
might be feeling might be a true feeling. You can
love somebody. But the thing is is we were created
to being be beings that love. That's how That's how
we were designed. The problem is that as sinners that
love gets distorted and we tend to love the wrong things.
I'm not in the same situation you are, but there
(28:00):
are things that I love that are wrong that I
need to that I need to constantly check my own
heart and say, am I loving the right things? Because
if I'm not loving the right things, I can't claim
that that's a gift from the Lord. James writes, every
good and perfect gift comes from the Father, and so
if it's not a good and perfect gift, then it
(28:21):
didn't come from the Lord. So if the Lord is
saying in his word, hey, this is this is a sin,
this is wrong. We can't also say, well, then he
must have sent it to me as well. So if
you're if you're reading in his word that the relationship
you're in is contrary to the teachings of Jesus, is
contrary to what God has designed. The other truth can't
(28:42):
be true, which you think to be true, can't be true.
It can't be that God sent you your life partner
to be your life partner. That doesn't mean you can't
love them. I love Granger as a brother in Christ.
I don't love him like my wife, but I love
Granger as a brother.
Speaker 1 (29:00):
And so.
Speaker 2 (29:02):
There's this this reorienting of our loves when we are
confronted with the truth of Scripture.
Speaker 1 (29:07):
Is if I.
Speaker 2 (29:08):
Truly love Jesus, am I going to obey what he says?
Am I going to submit to what he says?
Speaker 1 (29:13):
I mean?
Speaker 2 (29:13):
If anything, when we see the Christian life in Scripture,
it's not easy.
Speaker 1 (29:17):
It's hard.
Speaker 2 (29:17):
You're constantly having to lay down these things that you love.
Every what you're going through is something every person has
gone through who's ever become a Christian. They're just laying
down different things for you. It might have to be
this relationship. It might have to be these desires that
you have for other women, if that's the ongoing thing
moving forward. But these are just things we have to
(29:38):
lay down for someone else. It might be porn, it
might be alcohol, it might be exalting self. I mean,
grain use your own story right, exalting self on the
stage constantly and lays down countrymus didn't have to do that,
but he lays down this understanding that my love for
myself is getting in the way of my love for Jesus,
(30:01):
and so I need to lay these things down.
Speaker 1 (30:03):
And so.
Speaker 2 (30:05):
That's what Jesus is telling people when he says, you
need to be willing to to leave your father, your mother,
your brothers, your sisters. You got to you gotta be
willing to leave your whole family if that's what it's
going to take, if they're leading you away from me.
And so there's this constant is are the things that
I love, whether they're they're they're things or other people,
(30:25):
are they in line with what Jesus says? Or am
I loving the wrong things? And if I'm loving the
wrong things, and I can't claim that those are gifts
from the Lord. Those are things that are in my
way that are impeding me from actually obeying Jesus who
I claim to love now or who I'm trying to
love now, or I'm trying to follow now, And so again,
for you, it's this relationship, it's this other, this other
(30:47):
woman in your life. But again for other people, it's
so many other things, and it's just a constant question
am I loving the right things? Am I loving rightly?
Speaker 1 (30:57):
Also? So I think it's probably worth hanging on this
question a little bit longer instead of just moving away,
because it's also important after everything we both said, it's
also important to know that everything we're saying would come
after belief in Jesus and his lordship over your life,
(31:22):
because otherwise we're just talking about moralism. Don't do something
because it's wrong. And the last email was about porn,
don't do this. It could be the same conversation about alcoholism.
It's like, don't do the don't do do, don't do it.
None of that matters. Then it's just every other religion
in the world giving you some kind of legalistic moralism,
(31:42):
So it must follow logically. It's ironic because because Marshall's
preaching one Corinthians fifteen this weekend, which is the gospel.
And it's interesting because the desire to do everything Marshall
said to the desire to follow Jesus would come after
(32:06):
the initial belief in him and the understanding of what
he did. So it's believing in him who he is,
and then knowing what he did, and what he did
was the whole bit I gave you about sin and
our misunderstanding of what sin is, and it's actually a
violation to God himself. It's separating us from God. Jesus
(32:29):
comes because no one can reconcile that gap. So he
comes to say, I'll do it. I'll reconcile the gap
between the sinner and God. God's wrath is in between.
I will take on God's wrath myself to close that
gap to bring us to God. That's what he comes
(32:50):
to do, to bring us to God. But it's not
everybody that he brings those that believe. And so you
believe in who he is, believe in what he did,
which is he died to kill sin, to defeat death.
You believe in him and what he did, and then
because of that you want to start a desire will
(33:13):
be cultivated within your new heart, to start living like
he did, to live closer to what he did, to
start obeying not perfectly, but you'll start hating the things
that he hates. You'll start disliking the things within you
that make you sin, or the sin itself. That's the difference.
It's you'll stop loving it and you'll start saying, this
(33:36):
just feels wrong. I can't live with it anymore. After
I love Jesus, after I've believed in Jesus, I just
can't get over this stuff anymore. Just I can't sleep
at night. I gotta do something about it. That's what
it's like to be a Christian. Yeah, that is the
Christian life. But here's the thing, and you you also
(34:00):
need it after all that, you also need to know
that Jesus says if you come to him, then you
will after you've given up stuff and you denied yourself,
you will have peace and joy and rest after you've
given it up. So you're not going it's gonna hurt
bad to give this stuff up. It stings to give
(34:23):
up sin that we love. But when you do, you
promised that you'll find even though your life might be chaotic,
within the chaos, you'll be able to rest in the chaos.
I am very encouraged by this email, and I would
love a follow up. I would love like a six
(34:43):
month follow up. What's going on? Ant Man is producing
this podcast, he sorts these emails, and I would love
for him to be able to grab one from you
again to kind of pin this and just come back
and if you're in the exact same situation you are today, okay,
we'll talk about it again. But I got a feeling
you're not going to be. Yeah, I got a feeling
(35:06):
something's something's working in here. And I also hope you,
I hope you you realize too that this is once again,
it doesn't have to be my opinion. I don't want
to go against what Jesus says. Yeah, last thing I
want to do is to that point, I want to
just ask you, Marshall, what about the person that goes
Jesus never said a word about homosexuality? How do you
(35:27):
nswer that he did?
Speaker 2 (35:29):
And if we think of Scripture being all the word
of God, then there's multiple places where it talks about it, right,
and so I mean the clearest is is Roman's one.
That's that's the that's the easy go to.
Speaker 1 (35:42):
But that was, Paul. That was that's the argument.
Speaker 2 (35:45):
That was Paul.
Speaker 1 (35:46):
I agree with you.
Speaker 2 (35:46):
I'm just making it no not no, but I mean
if so, I don't want to give the the go
to answer for it. But if that's if that's the
person's argument, I would I would want to know how
you read all four Gospels and read every word Jesus said.
The answer is always no, Right, then I would want
(36:08):
to talk to the person. If you've read all four
Gospels and you can even highlight all the speeches Jesus gave.
If you've done that, then then let's sit down and talk.
I would say, go read the four Gospels. I don't
want to just give you a verse and tell you that.
I want you to see it for yourself.
Speaker 1 (36:25):
That's the best answer I've heard of that question. I
like that. Yeah, all right. The next question comes from Jessica.
It's nice to have a non anonymous person. Thanks Jessica
for giving us your name, says hi, mister Smith. My
name is Jessica. I'm eighteen years old. I'm at a
breaking point with my father. He verbally abuses me and
flies off the hinge at the littlest things. He calls
(36:48):
me the B word and says I'm an effing lazy
daughter and other horrible things. He goes to church but
doesn't follow Jesus. I've been praying that he come to
know the Lord, and I don't know what else to do.
You can't talk to him or my mom about it
because they will say that I'm being disrespectful and that
(37:10):
I'm in the wrong. I'm at the point that I
don't want a relationship with him, but I don't know
if that's the wrong mindset to have. We have tried
counseling through our church, but he always makes sure that
he has the right answers so that it's not conducive
to anything. So it was not conducive to anything. On
(37:31):
top of the fact that my mom told me, he
does not say anything so that it doesn't make him
look bad. I get it. I've become angry towards my dad,
but I don't know what God calls me to do.
How do you handle this? All? Right? Recap for my
own brain here. Jessica eighteen, verbally abused and by an
(37:56):
angry father. They go to church. He's not a follower.
She recognizes that, and she wants to know. She says
I've become angry towards my dad, but I don't. But
I know that that's not what God calls me to do.
So you want to know how to handle it without
(38:19):
getting angry. It's a tough situation for an eighteen year old,
and I'm really sorry, Jessica, that you're in this. I
wish we lived in a world where young girls didn't
have to deal with an abusive father. That's just not
the case we do. I also, I also wish that
(38:43):
we lived in a world where we didn't have people
that went to church and then did this, but we do.
It kind of goes to the old I don't go
to church because they're hypocrites in there, and we say yes,
But at least we had minute that were hypocrites. Jessica,
(39:07):
you are right around in age where this conversation kind
of changes, because if you're twelve, thirteen, fourteen, the conversation
is probably different than when you're eighteen, nineteen twenty. As
far as you're probably if you haven't moved out already,
you're probably getting close to not living with dad, and
(39:28):
that's going to change the dynamic, regardless you're not under
his roof anymore, and it kind of changes the whole
Where did mom say this disrespectful? Yeah, you can't talk
to him or mom about it because they say that
I'm being disrespectful and I'm in the wrong. A little
bit has to do with you living there, I think.
I think that changes when you have your own job
(39:50):
and you have your own apartment and you're not up
in his business and he's not in yours all the time.
I'm assuming you live there, So that's something you're gonna
have to do with anyway. I personally feel like eighteen
in any culture is the right age around the right
age to get out. You think that.
Speaker 2 (40:14):
I think it's a safe age to get out.
Speaker 1 (40:15):
It's a safe age to get out. You can't really
be young. I mean younger than that is tough, and
older than that starts to create problems under the roof
of the parents. Yeah, so it's yeah, it's good Marshall.
So safe age to get out. So that might be
part of this conversation. This might be just time to
get out. You guys are agnoying it. You're annoying your
(40:38):
dad and he's annoying you, and that's that's manifesting in anger.
Did she say is there an example of what he's doing,
what she's doing or is it just little things? Didn't
really say, yeah, what she's doing, what he's doing? Would
you what she's doing to make him mad? It? Is
(40:59):
there an exact there's not an example in here. That's
definitely what we would ask, like, what's an example? If
we were with you having lunch or something, we'd say, well,
like what what are we talking about? Politics? Or or
the temperature in the on the on the thermometer in
the house. You know you are You said, I've become
(41:22):
angry towards my dad, But I know that's not what God,
God calls me to do. That's the question. So we'll
just deal with that. There's a lot of unknowns. We'll
deal with that. You cannot control what he says to you.
You cannot control that he flies off the hinge. You
cannot control that you go to church and and he
doesn't follow Christ. You cannot control that your mom defends him.
(41:47):
You can control how you respond to him. And I'm
so sorry that that is a tough situation for an
eighteen year old girl to be in. But this is
this is this is the heel you take. This is
the battle you fight, Dad, I love you. I forgive
you because your dad. It doesn't make me agree with
you on this issue, it doesn't make me trust that
(42:10):
you're gonna be kind to me, But I love you
therefore I also just forgive you. And is there anything, Dad,
that I'm doing that is maybe making you uncomfortable? Making
life more difficult for you? Is there anything I could do?
Is there if I'm living here? Is there any other
chore I could do around the house? I want to
earn my keep. It won't be long before I go
(42:33):
to college or whatever are your plans? But Dad, how
could I serve you more? Things? There? Jessica, there's definitely
things going on outside of your relationship with him, for sure,
whether it's work, whether it's his marriage, there's there's a
lot of There's a lot going on that's more than
(42:53):
just you're annoying him and so he's flying off the handle.
So we forgive because we know, like you said in
this last sentence, we know that's what God calls you
to do, to love and forgive him. But even though
your heart doesn't agree with it, this is what you say,
and this is what you do, and you let your
heart catch up to it. After that, what do you
(43:16):
got for this? Yeah?
Speaker 2 (43:18):
Oh, I mean, first, Jessica, I love that you say
you're praying for your dad. That's man, I feel like
it's been on repeat today, but it's you can't underestimate
the power of prayer, and so I would encourage you
to keep doing that. And the other thing, you know,
hate that we even have to say this, but if
it ever escalates past just verbal abuse, reach out to
(43:41):
the police, get out of there, get yourself safe. It
should you know, physical abuse is never okay, and so
get yourself out of there. If it ever escalates to
anything close to that, pray to God that never happens.
But as far as dealing with what you're going through
right now, I agree with it everything Granger has said.
It's I hate this for you that you have to
(44:03):
go through this. And so as you're thinking about how
to navigate your time left in the house with your parents,
specifically your dad, I think just remembering not to return
evil for evil, So you honor your dad in the
best way you can, even in the midst of his
sin towards you. Again, that doesn't mean put yourself in
(44:25):
a dangerous spot, but you honor your father as much
as you can in the situation you've been placed. I
think it's similar to like Romans thirteen or Titus. I
can't remember, it's two or three off the top of
my head. Those two passages are talking about our relationship
to the government, and so it and in scripture's calling
us to submit to those who are an authority over us.
(44:45):
And specifically when Titus writes that the main guy in
charge is literally burning people alive and so, but he's
still saying submit to the submit to the governing authorities
over you. And so there's a sense of that's not
only a call when things are going well, that's a
call even when those who are in charge are sinning
against you. You still honor those that the Lord's put
(45:06):
it put over you to the best of your ability
and trust the Lord in it. And I think that
means through prayer as well. And so again I agree
with Granger. You're eighteen, you'll probably be out of the
house soon, and until then you just seek the best
ways you can to honor your dad while still remaining safe,
(45:27):
and then you continue to pray for him. And then
when you're out of the house, things are different. Council
is different at that point, and so if you're not
already thinking about those next steps for getting out of
the house eighteen nineteen twenty, I would start thinking through
those you know, I don't know if that's going off
to school for you, or finding your own place after
(45:50):
you get a job, whatever it might be, but start
thinking through those steps as well. You don't at eighteen.
You don't need to stay there. You have that freedom now,
and that's why I said eighteen is a safe age
to do that. I think at eighteen it's a safe
age because you have the abilities in different areas to
take care of yourself.
Speaker 1 (46:09):
Now.
Speaker 2 (46:09):
In an ideal world, you know, if you're in a
loving family and your dad is caring for you super well,
like I wouldage, I would encourage you to stay there
and be shepherded by your dad. But in this situation,
because of what you're having to experience, I think eighteen
is a safe age to start figuring out how to
get out, to continue to grow in the Lord yourself.
(46:34):
Don't let it discourage you. And I think the last
thing I would tell you, at least in this moment,
would be because you're praying for your dad, because you're
trying to discern you think you can discern, he's probably
not following the Lord himself. I'm going to assume you're
a professing Christian, and so if that's true, what I
just want to encourage you with is, despite however your
(46:56):
earthly father treats you, you have a heavenly father who
will never treat you that way, and who loves you
immensely and has given his son for you and wants
the best for you, and will not leave you or
forsake you, and is with you at all times and
will strengthen you and just hold you and walks with you.
And so every time your dad yelling at you, you
(47:17):
know you have a heavenly father who's comforting you in
the moment and who's with you and has not left
you in that situation alone. And so I just want
to encourage you with, Yes, our earthly friends and family
members will hurt us deeply, sometimes, we have a heavenly
father who will never do that. And I just want
(47:38):
you to be encouraged by that today and not be
so discouraged and beaten down by what your dad tells you.
But remember, you have a heavenly father who loves you
deeper than you could ever imagine, and in a much
better way than your dad ever possibly could your earthly dad.
So I just wanted to leave you with that encouragement.
So it's not just on a hey, tough at you know, and.
Speaker 1 (48:00):
That's why you're a pastor. Marshall. Uh. Yeah, that's fantastic,
And that's so good to wrap up that question, Jessica.
If we're just having lunch right now and you're and
you're like, we're getting the check and we're saying, hey,
thanks so much. I hope, I hope this gets worked out,
and you say, well, guys like, how do we like,
what do I practically do today? And I think, just
(48:22):
to wrap up this conversation, I say I would go home.
First of all, you're praying, you're you're on your knees
about dad, and then you go home and you go
mom and Dad. I just want to let y'all know,
I think I'm gonna I'm gonna start looking for a place.
Whether that it's going to depend on finances, but that
could mean you're gonna rent a couch from a friend.
(48:44):
And if you don't have a job already, hopefully you do.
You're gonna be thinking about that and and thinking about
making that that leap into independence and break that to them.
Tell them that because then the reason I say it
is because as I'm looking at your email in the
first thing you said was I'm at a breaking point
with my father. We don't want to find out where
(49:05):
that is or what that is. You're admitting that there
is a breaking point and you're close to it. Why
test this, Why try to get there? So let's pray
for him, let's forgive him, let's love him, let's serve him,
and let's try to get out of the house before
it gets to a place where you're forced out. Let's
choose to get out. We're on good terms before you
(49:27):
have to. Yeah, we are. I'm gonna go. I'm gonna
go to one more question before we go over time here,
So this is my last one is from Max. I
want to do a little side note here. I don't
know what what I'm getting into with all these questions.
I literally scroll and here it is. So it's not
(49:49):
like I'm planning. Max is the you know, Max is
the climax of this podcast. Just yeah, that's kind of cool.
Hey Granger, my name is Max. I'm thirty years old,
current living in Calgary, Canada. Your weekly podcast episodes make
my Mondays much better. Thank you for this blessing. Appreciate you, Max.
How do I make sure I'm not over spiritualizing each
(50:11):
and every aspect of my life. I'm very aware of
God and work on a daily basis, but lately I
feel as though I'm trying to explain or justify every
last detail of my life in the entire world around
me from a biblical perspective or principle. I question if
this is a healthy approach. As someone who came to
(50:33):
faith in the last five years, I am struggling to
keep things in the proper context and discern what is
spiritually driven and what is not. May peace be with
you so great question, Max, And I don't think it's
necessary to take a lot of time on this at
the end, But over spiritualizing is the thing? Yeah, Like
(50:55):
that's something we see see with Americans a lot. It's
like over spiritualizing every little thing, and like every decision
it's like should we eat it Chili's or olive garden?
Oh Lord, which one should it be. Let's look up
the politics on these two organizations and see if anyone
(51:16):
is in sin and the corporate levels, and maybe it's
got to be olive garden like it. People do that.
I see them do it, and you're right, I agree.
I don't think it's a healthy approach. So instead Marshall
will run circles around this. But if we're if we're
(51:36):
learning who God is as He's revealed himself in his
Word and max, if you have a a daily time
outside of church, outside of your men's group or your
small group, or your Bible study, or a random podcast
episode or a sermon you hear on YouTube, outside of
(51:59):
all that you have set aside, a time with you
and God in his Word as he's revealed himself, That's
how we learn who he is continually. It's like when
I was a kid, we used to my grandparents have
these puzzles, and you start filling in the puzzles, and
the more we're in his word, the more that big
(52:21):
puzzle starts to come together and we see the image
of Him in it. And the more you see him
and know him, then the more you trust him and
believe his promises are good, and the more you can
rest in His providential will, which means the span of
history that he has accomplished and the future that he's
(52:44):
already planned. The more you can trust in that and go, God,
I am trusting, I'm abiding, or I am living in
your word, I am believing you, I'm trusting my life
to you. I'm denying myself. When you're doing those things
and you have a good church life and your prayer
life is never great, but you're working on it and
(53:06):
you desire to do it, then at that point you
can start trusting your desires. We're taught so much in
the Christian culture don't trust your heart. It's evil though,
and that's true, it's biblical. But to an extent, as
we learn who God is, as we have submitted to him,
to his lordship, there is an extent we could start
(53:28):
trusting our own desires that He has planned them, that
he has planted them in us, and then you can go,
I'm really craving Italian. Don't only if I don't want
to go to Chili's, I want to go to Olive Garden,
and you don't have to over spiritualize it at that point.
Speaker 2 (53:49):
The two ways I've heard so over spiritualized can mean
many different things, right, depending on who's talking about it.
The two most commons I hear the first one over
spiritualizing would be using faith in the wrong way. If
I have enough faith, I can I can get this thing,
I can manifest it whatever it is. If if that's
what's being talked about, that's just contrary to the Bible.
Don't believe that. That's false. That's not how faith works,
(54:12):
that's not what faith is. So if that's what I
don't think that's what's being talked about. But I wanted
I wanted to clarify that because that is how it
can be used sometimes. But the other way I hear
it is kind of what you're talking about of just
how do I know if I'm making the right decision?
Am I walking the right path?
Speaker 1 (54:29):
Nikes should whatever? Yeah? You know what?
Speaker 2 (54:32):
What college should I go to? I'm looking for a
sign in the sky I'm looking at I was driving
down the highway and the billboard read something, and so
that that was my sign that I was supposed to
do something right, and so can the Lord do that stuff?
Speaker 1 (54:45):
Sure?
Speaker 2 (54:45):
But the the the point is you're right when you
say God is always at work, because that's what I mean.
He's in control of everything. That's his providence, He's he
cares about his creation, and he's constantly working over That's
an absolute truth. But that truth is not meant to
cause you anxiety. It's supposed to cause you comfort. And
(55:06):
so if we're constantly over spiritualizing everything, you're taking this
truth that God's in control and he's constantly at work,
and you're using that truth to bring you anxiety wondering
am I actually doing? Am I falling the right way?
If God's really at work, That's not the question should
be asked. It's am I trusting what He's doing? And
(55:27):
so you know this could turn into a super long answer.
But one helpful thing that that I can recommend to
you is a really small book that was really helpful
to me and thinking through this, and it's called Speaking Nike.
Just do something, not just do it, but just do
something by Kevin de Young. Super helpful book and thinking
(55:50):
through this of how to not over spiritualize stuff when
trying to figure out what's God's will for my life.
That's usually where a lot of people over spiritualized stuff,
is what's God's will form my life? How do I
know I'm doing what God wants me to do. That
book is so helpful, so I would just encourage anybody
to buy it.
Speaker 1 (56:06):
It's super short, just takes a day or two. It's
like one hundred pages.
Speaker 2 (56:10):
It's like maybe ten or twelve bucks on Amazon. So
super super helpful.
Speaker 1 (56:14):
But it's not deeply theological. It's commonly written and easy
to read.
Speaker 2 (56:20):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (56:21):
Cool, all right, dude, thank you so much for being
hunter Mane. It was great. You got to get you again.
I would be I would be really encouraged to have
someone show up at a Mais in Georgetown, Texas and say,
I heard you guys on the podcast. That's how I
heard about this church, Marshall, and I really do not.
(56:42):
If you know me enough, you know I don't go
around promoting my church so that people will will come
and fill up the chairs. I don't, which is why
I'm actually having this conversation at the end of this podcast,
because if you made it all the way to the end,
that says something about you. You're interested enough to hang
all the way to the end. And I'd be encouraged
(57:03):
if someone heard this end of this podcast, in this
particular message from me saying I'm going to be there
every Sunday, Marshall's going to be there every Sunday. Marshall
is going to be preaching there almost.
Speaker 2 (57:15):
Three fourth Sunday something like that, something like that.
Speaker 1 (57:18):
But you're going to be there all at the other times,
So come up to us. It's not We're not a
church where it's so big you're never going to find us.
You'll literally walk in and there, We're going to be
right there and say, hey, I heard you talking about
this on the podcast and I was encouraged and that
would mean a lot to me. Love you guys, See
you next Monday. Thanks for joining me on the Grangersmith podcast.
(57:39):
I appreciate all of you guys. You could help me
out by rating this podcast on iTunes. If you're on YouTube,
subscribe to this channel, hit that little like button and
notification spell so that you never miss anytime I upload
a video. Yihi
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