December 11, 2023 • 56 mins
Granger Smith Podcast Episode 218: Join me as I discuss this topic and more on this week's podcast!
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
And he keeps putting his mother's needs ahead of mine.
For example, she taught my two year old son to
call her mom and he defended her. Wow. Welcome to
(00:24):
the podcast guys. Thank you for being with us. I
got one of my best friends and second week in
a row to help me answer your questions. Bernie Calcot welcome.
Speaker 2 (00:33):
Yeah, thanks thanks for having me back. And last time,
I know, guys, I talked a lot on every question
about getting off of social media, and I got like
tons of emails and people saying, hey, bahbah, you know
this is my job and I'm just kidding. Nobody ever
use emails me, but I was thinking, hey, you should
get off of social media. If you hear what I'm
saying in it and it hits you and you have
(00:56):
that conviction, if it's your job and is whatever, then
don't listen to me. But I just want to clarify
that from last week.
Speaker 1 (01:02):
Sept for the Grangersmith podcast.
Speaker 2 (01:05):
Yeah, you don't have to be on social media to
do that.
Speaker 1 (01:08):
Do you know, unless you're like watching it on YouTube
that just only watched that.
Speaker 2 (01:13):
Oh yeah, for some reason, I don't. For I don't
know if I consider YouTube social media.
Speaker 1 (01:17):
Maybe it is now that they have YouTube shorts you know.
Oh yeah, it's it's it's creeping up there as a
social media platform for sure. Yeah, because my kids aren't
allowed on social media, and YouTube shorts is part of that,
Like you can't be on YouTube. That's part of the thing.
Speaker 2 (01:34):
And I know that we need to jump into the questions,
but I got a quick question for you, if that's okay.
Speaker 1 (01:38):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (01:40):
I heard recently on your another podcast or something maybe
with Amber that you guys were going like no screens
for your kids.
Speaker 1 (01:50):
Yeah, Like.
Speaker 2 (01:55):
I use that all the time with my kids. By
the way, I'm like grangers kids don't even get screen.
You guys, y'all need to be grateful.
Speaker 1 (02:02):
Okay. So I uh, I read in a book somewhere
where the guy his dad offered him so much amount
of money. It's like five hundred bucks. And this was,
you know, when he was a kid, his dad offered
him five hundred bucks to be off of TV for
a year, and he said he hated it. At first,
(02:25):
he took it because he wanted the money, and then
he hated it, and then he started to love it,
and then he looks back and now he's like a lawyer,
and he's so grateful that his dad did that. So
I was like, I'm gonna do that. So with inflation
at five hundred, probably is around two grand. So I
told each of my kids, I'll give you two thousand dollars.
Two thousand dollars you don't touch screens for a year,
(02:49):
which it was at London's birthday in October. So by
next London's birthday next October, if you successfully made it,
I'll give you two thousand dollar. Now the idea is
the idea is YouTube. Combine it Lincoln in London and
we'll go to Disney World. Nice, and we'll use that
four grand and go to Disney World. Yeah, and so
(03:11):
they're like really excited and then and it has rules
that are attached with It's not like they just can't
look at a screen. You would do family movie Night. Yeah,
I get to pick the movies occasionally. They could have input.
You could have an hour on a Saturday morning to
watch a cartoon show if you're with others, can't watch
(03:35):
it by yourself, And we'll give you a video game
allowance in the week, and it's going to be once
a week. It once again, in a community, you have
to be in a community. Can't be by yourself, and
you can't just be playing online with somebody. You have
to be together in a community playing the game. And
(03:57):
then aside from that, loccasions like you're sick, you're home,
you got the flu. Okay, you can watch them YouTube
or something, but you cannot just randomly pick up a
screen and start watching something and you make it. You
get two thousand bucks. Now that that is in London,
Like two months later, it's like, I'm out. I'm not
(04:21):
gonna I'm not.
Speaker 2 (04:22):
Long did she go though?
Speaker 1 (04:23):
She went like two months. But I told her you
can't get out. You can't, You're already in. I'm not
letting you get out. She was like why wait? What
I thought this is this is an agreement that you
You gave me an opportunity. And I was like, yeah,
I change my mind.
Speaker 2 (04:38):
It's now it's im I get to do that.
Speaker 1 (04:42):
And Lincoln back there like this is typical Lincoln. He
was like, hey, daddy, so if she quits but I
won't quit, do I get both money? Like I get
extra money. It was like, stop it, man, stop it,
stay out of this conversation.
Speaker 2 (04:57):
That sounds like Boston.
Speaker 1 (05:00):
Yeah. So Anyway, that's where we are. I honestly don't
know how this experiment's going to turn out. And there
have been times when I'm like, what are you doing? Yeah,
I'm looking at hairstyles on Pinterest. I'm like, that's a
social media and that's a screen. Yeah but dad, I'm
just looking out to curl my hair tomorrow. Yeah. No,
(05:21):
they didn't count.
Speaker 2 (05:21):
Yeah ah yeah.
Speaker 1 (05:23):
So that's where we are. Well, it's not it's not pretty,
it's not perfect.
Speaker 2 (05:27):
Hey, man, I think the message to everybody, including what
I'm here in two, is like, you are trying something.
You're trying to like push against the norm of culture,
and man, I admire that so much. That's gonna look
different for everybody out there, but I think the message is, guys,
we should be trying something. It should be counterculture, because
(05:48):
if we're just doing what the norm is and conforming
to that, it is not going to produce healthy, you know,
kids that don't have anxiety and all kinds of issues
like you're.
Speaker 1 (06:00):
Trying, man.
Speaker 2 (06:01):
And I love that Boston would have negotiated at least
up to six or seven grand before we even started.
He was like, all right, I'll see your two I'll
raise you another eight. I'm like that way.
Speaker 1 (06:14):
I don't think they listened to this podcast. They did
not negotiate the deal, but that would have been funny
if they would have been like twenty two hundred. And
my goal really is that they I don't just give
them cash. Really, my goal is that we go on
like some kind of vacation.
Speaker 2 (06:29):
Yeah, you know, hey, I love that. The investment though,
that you're making in them is far more than the
two grand or whatever that it takes to go to
Disney World.
Speaker 1 (06:38):
That's really well, I'll see. I'll let everybody know how
this turns out. What we do here you asked me
a question. What we do is we answer your question.
The listener. You email me at podcast at grangersmith dot com.
Podcast at grangersmith dot com, and we'll walk through these questions.
Today it's Bernie and I and the first question comes
(06:58):
from Coleman. It says, Hey, Granger, I am a recent
college graduate of the University of Georgia and now I'm
working here go dogs. My question slash situation is this.
I am working an office job. The advantage is it
is a stable job, but I find myself not enjoying it.
I think about it because it's generally a boring job.
(07:23):
I have a girlfriend up here and live in an
apartment with four roommates. My goal right now is to
save money put towards a house in the future. My
question is this, how long do you think I should
stay in a job that I don't hate but I
also don't enjoy? Thanks and come to Athens someday. Hey,
great question to kick the show off with Coleman. Man.
(07:47):
You've got a great guest today for this question, Bernie.
Bernie's gonna be all over this. Let me recap it
for my own brain. You're in a job. You're young.
I don't know how old you are, but you're pretty.
You're working in an office job. It's stable. You don't enjoy it,
but you also don't hate it. It's just boring. You
(08:10):
have a girlfriend, you got four roommates, and you're wanting
to think about your future, maybe save up some money,
maybe for a house. So then your question is how long?
How long do I live in this season with this
job that I don't enjoy? And I'm excited. Actually, I'm
going to kick it to you, Burns, because I love
(08:31):
the way you think through scenarios like this.
Speaker 2 (08:34):
I appreciate you setting the bar so high for me. Sorry, listen,
there's just a regular dude over here. But I think
that I would answer this question honestly two different ways
if there would have been any mention of belief in
God and his plan for me. But there's not, and
(08:54):
so I just think I would answer it two different
ways if there was. If there is not, I think
that the and we've answered, you know, similar questions before
where we kind of get set on these ideas of
(09:14):
our lives and really we've watched too much social media,
we've watched too much TV. We think that we're all
going to be country music stars, and the reality is
is you're not like that thing that media has taught
you that you're going to be. And if you just
work harder, you just get that break or whatever, you're.
Speaker 1 (09:32):
Going to be rich.
Speaker 2 (09:33):
And it's just not true, guys, it's not true. So
what you need to recognize is you have skills, and
you have opportunities in front of you. Use those skills
to be the absolute best at the opportunities you have
in front of you, the absolute best, pursue it everything
(09:53):
with excellence, and I believe that does open other doors
to you. You will know for sure when you have
just hit a ceiling at the place that you're at.
You will get a sense like, man, I am overqualified
(10:16):
for what I am doing right now, and you will
have already probably started looking on LinkedIn or wherever people
look these days for jobs to find something like, man,
this is the skill I have. There's this opportunity. I'm
going to try to go for it. I just think
if you if you're okay. So this is a quote
(10:37):
from Francis Chand that I just heard, and what he
said is our greatest fear should not be failure, but
being successful at the wrong things, things that don't matter.
So those things that you're wanting to do or have
a house, which isn't a bad thing, but you need
(10:59):
to sit in consider like what is important to me?
What matters with my life? And once you have a
clear picture of that, you just get rid of everything
else and you give everything to pursuing that. And the
steps to get there may not look pretty, but I
believe that you'll have affirmation along the way, like Okay,
I'm on the path, I'm in where I need to be,
(11:22):
So I do there's a.
Speaker 1 (11:24):
Book you recommended last episode that you talked about a
little bit about working passionately. What was that again?
Speaker 2 (11:32):
So good they can't ignore you? By Cal Newport. It's
basically in the title, like you're going to become You're
going to work at this like a craftsman hones his craft.
You're going to get so good that your potential customers
or your boss they can't ignore, like how talented you
really are. But you're not going to do that if
(11:53):
you're just going on this passion of like I want
to get a house and I want to do this,
and I want to make money. Like making money is
just not gonna do it. You have to like create
and refine those skills.
Speaker 1 (12:05):
That's good man, and I would challenge you, Coleman. I
would challenge you to finish this season strong and and
extend this season because this is going to look really
good on a resume. One day, it doesn't look good
if it's like seven months out, seven months in another one,
and then three months in this one. It looks good.
(12:26):
If it's like, oh, I see here, you worked six
years for this company. Why did you leave this company?
You go, yeah, I you know, I worked really hard
in that company. I didn't totally enjoy it. I had
passions in other places, but I wanted to I wanted
to do do the job with excellence for as long
(12:49):
as I could until a new job came around. I
think there's something to say for that. So let this
season extend out a little bit. And also remembered that
this is a new thing in America where we now
say I don't think I love my job. Anython want
to change jobs. It's a new thing in America. If
you think about our fathers, and definitely our grandfathers, they
(13:12):
just worked a job. It was a job. That's the
only thing they did. You think about the old sitcoms
from the seventies, those guys working factories in Indiana and
their dad worked the same factory and they've packed their
lunch every day. Do you think they loved it or
(13:32):
you think they were passionate about the factory, or that
they quote enjoyed it. No, but it was a job,
and it paid the bills, and it provided stability, which
you say your job does, and it helped with the
bank loan of the house for the family to raise
the kids, and it you know, that's just what you
(13:53):
did back then and then we've created this world now
where we go. I gotta love it, you know, otherwise
I just don't want to get out of bed because
I still love it. Andy Coleman, I'm not not saying
that's you. I'm just that's us.
Speaker 2 (14:07):
Yeah, what do you think it was that? Because you're
absolutely right. What do you think brought us here?
Speaker 1 (14:12):
I feel like we've had the same discussion on this podcast,
And like your dad was a police officer.
Speaker 2 (14:16):
Thirty five years, same thing.
Speaker 1 (14:18):
I mean, he just did it. He just showed up
and just did it. My dad only had one job
at the same company. I don't he never changed jobs
as long as I knew my dad, Your dad didn't either.
And I bet you most people listening their dads did
not change jobs, but just didn't. But but your friends
have probably changed jobs a thousand times.
Speaker 2 (14:38):
Yeah, do you think it's the whole social media? Well,
social media, but also hard times produce strong men. Strong
men produce good times.
Speaker 1 (14:54):
Good times. Good good times produce.
Speaker 2 (14:56):
Weak weak men hard times, and so we're in that,
you know, we're riding the coattails of our forefathers that
created these good times, and we have so many options. Yeah,
A lot of times those guys they didn't have options,
and we just feel like we, oh man, there's all
kinds of work out there. We just we just switch,
(15:17):
you know whatever.
Speaker 1 (15:18):
Switch wives, switch jobs, switch trucks. Just go get it
and take it and trade it in, trade in your
truck at the dealerships.
Speaker 2 (15:27):
This is good, man, because what it's getting down to
is a heart of discontentment. We have been conditioned. And
maybe it is the exposure to all the options instead
of like just learning to be content because this is
what you got in front of you be content with it.
Speaker 1 (15:45):
I don't know, dude, I get it, man, And uh yeah,
this has taking a huge spin for this one simple
question from Coleman and Coleman, I hope, I hope you're listening,
and I hope that you really dwell on this and
kind of dig to where this feeling's coming from. I
could attest in my time in country music, you know, man,
what a what a privilege and a blessing to be
(16:09):
able to work as a country singer. And I didn't
think that all the time. Probably most of the time,
I didn't. I remember clearly recently this earlier this year,
we went to Idaho and Lincoln and I Lincoln was
on tour with me. We played a concert in Idaho
and Lincoln was on tour and we went trout fishing
(16:32):
with this guide and we're going out and I was
riding out to this to the river with this guy,
super cool dude, you know, trout fishing guide in Idaho.
And he was like, man, I just live and breathe this.
And I was like, I was like, so, what's your job?
And he's like, well, this I take out during the
summer and fall and spring. I take out trout fishing
(16:53):
guys for trout fishing. And in the winter it's all
elk and mule deer. And I was like, what else
that's your job? Like, you literally get to take you
get to fish and hunt and camp. That's your job
in the mountains of Idaho.
Speaker 2 (17:10):
Yeah, and then I have to go shot up, you idiot.
Speaker 1 (17:13):
You're country singer. Yeah, you travel around singing country music.
What are you talking about on your tour? And your
little tour bus is not good enough for you? You know?
And I have to slap myself that that spirit of
discontentment it gets even you might think it's hitting you Coleman,
and your your your office job. I guarantee you it
hits you on a country music stage as well.
Speaker 2 (17:34):
Yeah, everybody everywhere. I think that that. Uh. I can't say.
I wasn't alive one hundred years ago, but it seems
like with the development of media and how readily available
information about what is happening in so many different parts
(17:55):
of the world is now it it just makes made
us more aware.
Speaker 1 (18:02):
Oh wow, sure he's.
Speaker 2 (18:04):
Doing this and I'm not doing that. And it's not
just like one guy on your trip. It's like, oh,
I'll scroll through social media for five minutes and man,
there's one hundred people doing something I want to do.
And before I was just working out on the farm,
happy as a clam. Yeah. Now it's like, well wait,
(18:25):
you know, so there's I don't know how you know, practically,
you know, we encourage people to combat that spirit of
you know, discontentment, but man, it is prevalent.
Speaker 1 (18:38):
Hey, awareness comes first, just being aware that it exists,
ye spirit of discontentment. Being aware of that spirit.
Speaker 2 (18:46):
Is a great first step.
Speaker 1 (18:48):
If you're looking for a last minute gift for somebody
that seems to have everything, or you just can't think
of anything that you could possibly get them, well, how
about a cameo for me. I could shoot him a
video saying exactly what you need me to say, with
the bullet points that you want me to follow, and
you just say, Hey, Granger, my friend Mark or my
my husband or my wife or my girlfriend or my
(19:10):
son is a fan of you or the Smiths or
your podcast or your book like a River, or your
music or Earl Dabbles Junior. Can you shoot them a
message and just tell them Merry Christmas and I'll customize
it and make it just for them however you need
me to do it. It's super easy. I do it
on my phone and then I'll I send you that
message and then you give it to them whoever you
(19:32):
want to give the gift to, whenever you want to
do it, maybe Christmas morning. You could do this by
going to cameo dot com slash Granger Smith. Or you
could download the cameo app and search for me Granger
Smith again, that's cameo dot com, c am eo dot
com slash Granger Smith. And then, speaking of Christmas presence
(19:53):
or our Birthday presence or pick me up presence, have
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(20:15):
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(20:36):
Ye is a family run business owned by me and
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a Smith endeavor to the fullest for sure. Again, go
to yee ye dot com and check out what's new.
Hey Grainger, my name is Jake. I'm from Greenville, Ohio.
I really appreciate your podcast. I wanted to ask you
(20:58):
what should we do with regret? I know we all sin,
and I know God is abundantly gracious to his children,
but how do how should we deal with regret? As Christians?
Especially over big mistakes and sins. I love your kind
thoughts and biblical insight on your podcast. Thank you for
what you do. God blushed, Brother Jake Man, great question,
(21:23):
m HM and Greenville, Ohio. He's asking, I'm always got
to recap from own brain, what should we what should
we do with regret? I know we all sin and
and God is abundantly gracious to his children, but how
should we deal with regret, especially over big mistakes? Okay,
(21:45):
this is great And something one thing about this podcast
with Bernie and I is that possibly we could be
probably more thorough and more precise if we actually knew
these questions were and prepared and had some research and
some Bible verses ready to go. But we don't. And
I think part of the intrigue of the part of
(22:07):
the reason I like doing this is because this is
more like you're literally asking me on the phone, and
I need to answer right now. I'm not gonna say, hey,
let me get back to you, Jake and look some
stuff up. I'm just going to answer on the fly.
And so that's what we're gonna do. Because this question,
I could research it for a few hours and just
really give you everything you need to know. But here's
(22:30):
the thing. When we are believers, and I know you
are because you signed off by saying solely Day Gloria.
And when you are a believer, meaning when you're a Christian,
(22:50):
meaning you believe the gospel, meaning you believe that Jesus
Christ came, died on the cross for sins of his
people as a substitute, becoming the sacrificial lamb, becoming the
ultimate sacrifice to satisfy the wrath of God and reconcile
(23:15):
God's people to himself. Basically, God demands from us, because
God's perfect, God, is holy, He's a holy, just God,
because he demands from us a righteousness that we cannot give.
He gives to us the righteousness that he demands from
(23:37):
us as a gift, and with it brings us to himself.
That's the gospel. And with that, as he does that
on the cross, he covers our sin and he makes
our sin remembered no more. And we should in two
(23:59):
things to that. Well, So where does that leave us
if we're if we're a Christian and we're covered in
our sin is remembered no more and we are given
to us the righteousness that we could not produce ourselves.
If that's us, what do we do with all these
old feelings, like, but I'm messed up when I was younger,
are a couple of years ago, I still got some
(24:20):
stuff that's kind of lingering. What do I do with that?
Two things? I think One, understand that you're covered, you're forgiven,
that God sees you as Christ, he sees Christ who
is in you, and you're covered, you're made new. And
(24:42):
then two, I think we use that to fuel us
a little bit. I think it's there, that regret is
there a little bit, so that we go man, that
that hurt, and I don't want to go back there again.
I'm covered, I'm forgiven. I don't have to worry about
that coming up in my past and haunting me so
(25:02):
that I don't make it to heaven or something weird
like that. But I also realize it's still there because
we're still in the fallen world and sin has consequences,
and those consequences could still be lingering, which perpetuates the regret.
And so that kind of lingers, partly so that we
(25:22):
go I don't want to do that again. I want
to get as far from that. And that's what repentance
is turning from that. I want to get as far
from that as I can, because I'm a new creation.
What do you got on this.
Speaker 2 (25:35):
Pernch Yeah, man, that's all really good. That's really good.
I don't have a whole lot to add except maybe
just kind of going back to the the the exercise
of the mind, because what I have struggled with whenever
I mess up, or whenever I make a mistake or whatever,
(25:58):
you know, like he's talking about, is this tendency to
listen to myself instead of talking to myself. So whenever
I talk to myself, I say everything that you just said,
Jesus is the high priest, who is ever interceding for
me before the Father? Like these sins are as far
from the east as the west. Like that's not who
(26:20):
I am. I am covered. When I listen to myself,
the tone is different and the words are different. There
their accusations and they're well, man, you did this again,
you can't stop doing it. Well, if you really believed
(26:41):
in Jesus, you really had faith, there's this different tone
whenever I am listening to myself instead of talking to myself.
I think that this practice of preaching to ourselves needs
to be a mental habit. And again, like, I'm not
licensed in anything, and I'm not in semina. I'm just
a dude like the rest of not the rest of y'all.
(27:03):
There's probably some really smart people out there, but I'm
just a regular guy. So I'm thinking through this as
my own struggle with the same question. Here's what I'm
trying to do. I'm trying to spend time in God's
word and the truth. I'm gonna hide it, I'm gonna
let it dwell in me ritually, and then I'm gonna
(27:23):
try all day every day to preach that to myself
because inevitably there will be these attacks that I will
launch on myself to start listening to those lies. And
that's really the difference, is listening to the truth or
listening to their lies.
Speaker 1 (27:43):
Yeah, it's so good, that's great. I would meditate in
the psalms, particularly for you, Psalm fifty one. Have mercy
on me, O God, according to your steadfast love, according
to your abundant mercy, blot out my transgressions, Wash me
thoroughly from my iniquity, and cleanse me from my sin.
For I know my transgression, my sin is ever before
(28:05):
me against you, and you only have I sinned and
done what is evil in your sight, so that you
may be justified in your words and blameless in your judgment.
I was brought forth in iniquity and in sended. My
mother conceived me. Behold you delight in truth and inward being,
and you teach me wisdom and the secret heart. Purge
me with hissop, and I shall be clean, wash me,
and I shall be whiter than snow. Let me hear
(28:27):
joy and gladness. Let the bones that you have broken rejoice.
Hide your face from my sins and blot out my iniquities.
Create in me a clean heart, O God, and renew
a right spirit within me, and on and on and on.
I wouldn't meditate and stuff like that, and just jump
into the psalms and just hear David saying the same
thing you're saying, how do I deal with this regret?
(28:48):
And you go through the word of God by going
to the cross and remembering what has been done for me,
Drew says. In the next question, here, Drew says, is
someone trying to get their mental health right? During the
Winter Blues quote, I told myself, I'm gonna start hitting
the gym. What are some workout routines that you do
(29:08):
to stay consistent in them? By the way, from the
bottom of them of my heart, thank you, Thank you
for everything you do. You're truly you have truly shown
me the type of man I strive to be. You're
making a difference in a lot more lives than you think.
God is using you ps come to Northwest Indiana about
by a Valparaiso. I love y'all, Drew.
Speaker 2 (29:30):
Does that get old? Man?
Speaker 1 (29:31):
No? No, But when I hear that, I just think, oh, dude,
I'm I'm so far from your hero, you know, I
am when you When I hear things like you have
shown me the type of man I strive to be,
I just think, man, you got I have so far
to go.
Speaker 2 (29:49):
But I think I think the point is is it
in them seeing the fruit of your life and then
hearing you in humility say that that's the model man.
That's what they're saying. They're like, man, I hope that
I have fruit in my life like that, But I
can also still be on a path of humility that says, man,
I am. I am still a sinner and I'm still
(30:12):
in need of God's love and his grace, And so
I meant the part about like come to Wyoming or
come to Ohio, come to wherever. Ain't nobody asking me
to go anywhere?
Speaker 1 (30:22):
Man?
Speaker 2 (30:23):
People in separate emails, they they keep asking you come here.
Speaker 1 (30:28):
You have been on the road with me.
Speaker 2 (30:29):
My wife is like, hey, come home. You know that's
what I get.
Speaker 1 (30:33):
You've been on the road with me, and you've seen
people start collecting around you to just talk. Like Burnie
from the podcast, we still need to do a podcast tour.
We have to just do it, you know, have to
figure that out. Okay, Sorry, I love the rest question.
The question is great because and I think we've been
asked this before, but it's great because we have very
different answers. I love this. I think the question is
(30:56):
what are some workout routines that you do and how
do you stay consistent in them? Oh?
Speaker 2 (31:06):
Yeah, man, So he's got winter, like he's experienced winter.
So this is like a north This is not South
central Texas.
Speaker 1 (31:17):
He's at Valpo, which gets pretty cold and overcast like
I did when we lived in Nashville. Yep. So my
answer is very different than Burns. And my answer has
stayed the same for man. I used to say six years,
seven years, but now it has to have been more
(31:38):
than that since I've been doing this, maybe ten I
mean it's yeah, probably since about twenty thirteen, twenty fourteen.
So what happened was, I'll try say this quickly. Amber
and I used to do you remember P ninety x
back in the day. So Amber and I, like when
we first got married, we used to do P. Nine
(32:00):
that comes off this Beach Body app. You download the
Beach Body app. By the way, absolutely no sponsoring at
all going on in this situation. I'm just going to
tell you tell it the way it is. We used
to go to Beach Body app and we'd watch P
nin e X. Well, one day I saw on that
app there's other there's a lot of other things on there,
and one of them is called body Beast. It's by
(32:21):
this guy named Segie, and I was like, I'll check
that out. So it's it's this. It's a strength training
using weights, using heavyweights exercise, and it's focusing on specific
muscle groups. So like chest is one workout, back is one,
(32:41):
shoulders is one, cardio is one legs is one, core
is one. Arms as one. So it's all divided and
there's like ten ten of these little videos and I
tried it and I actually really started liking it. This
guy Sagi, And so what I did is I downloaded
it on my phone and I found that it helped
(33:05):
me go to especially on the road. Like I'm say,
I'm in a hotel, I could just press play and
Segi there is Segie and he's like, here we go
and we're doing this workout. And it forced me not
to just peddle around or go what am I going
to do today, or like what kind of work out
I'm going to do? Fast forward. I'm still doing it
(33:27):
like a decade later. I did it this morning, and
so like here's I go to my phone and I
just hit this, guys.
Speaker 2 (33:41):
This is bulk back. If you want huge back lead,
let's get it guys.
Speaker 1 (33:49):
So then starts this warm up. Right there's my buddy
Chris right there and my buddy Brian.
Speaker 2 (33:58):
If you have limited a quiz.
Speaker 1 (34:01):
So these three guys, like I've listened to them for
like ten years, and so I usually do like Chest
on Mondays, back on Tuesdays, Cardio on Wednesdays, shoulders on Thursdays,
arms on Fridays legs on the weekend like I have it.
I've been doing that forever. Yeah, that is my way
(34:22):
to answer your question. How do I stay consistent? I
just I go all right, some days I'm tired, I
don't want to. I just hit play and here's Sigi
and he's like, let's do this.
Speaker 2 (34:32):
We bump. Yeah that's good man.
Speaker 1 (34:36):
And I still get sore, which is important too.
Speaker 2 (34:38):
Yeah, all right, okay, So I'll go quick shout out
to my buddy Andy at at swift Fit at X.
I've worked out and trained with him for a long time.
One of the things, and I've learned a lot from
him just about the body, about how things work.
Speaker 1 (34:56):
And so.
Speaker 2 (34:58):
One thing that he told me me a while back
that I really believe is just the body wants to
be fooled, so, you know, changing up. So for me,
I'm I'm gonna do like yoga or like a bickroom
yoga or like a sauna on a Monday, something that's
(35:19):
you know, just totally different than the next day when
I'm gonna do like a hill and outside, like he'll
repeat workout, I'm gonna go mountain biking. I'm gonna do
some strength training with Andy in the gym. I'm gonna,
as we've talked about before, I'm gonna go on some
trail runs for like two or three hours. I know,
if you're like in a place where it's snow and
(35:40):
you know, unless you want to be like Rocky, maybe
that's not a you know, it's not an option. But
so I would just say for me, I think Granger
has a good point having a plan. I try to
set that at the beginning of the week. I don't
have Sigiz as name, I don't have him, but I
think having a plan so that you don't have to
wake up that morning and be like, Okay, what am
(36:01):
I going to do? Because you're not going to do it.
Speaker 1 (36:03):
You're in trouble.
Speaker 2 (36:04):
Trouble, yeah, But I just I try to have some
accountability to it, meet some guys for some things, and
just try to like fool my body and surprise my
body a little bit. Because yesterday, instead of instead of
doing a he'll repeat workout, Andy and I went to
a track and we did a track workout, and I
guarantee you that shocked my body because I haven't run,
(36:25):
you know, for two hundreds in a long time. Like
you know, kind of sprinting after you know, all of
our warm ups and everything. So I know that you're
probably looking for something or like what Granger is talking about,
because a lot of that is inside. But I think
a lot of fun is just trying new things and
getting into different things that will push your body. And also,
(36:47):
I guess the most important thing, what's your goal, like
understanding your.
Speaker 1 (36:52):
Goals fighting mental health?
Speaker 2 (36:54):
Okay, so for fighting mental health, but I'm I think
that that could be physical activity is one of the
things he's using to fight mental health. But as far
as like your physical goals, like is there any that
you have you want to run a race or you
just want to get you know, bigger, you want to
get stronger, like what I think that could dictate maybe
(37:15):
what you get into.
Speaker 1 (37:16):
But yeah, that great point. And as as I promised you,
two completely different answers, same same result in staying consistent.
Like Bernie as long as I've known, I've known him
a long time, last everyone years, You've been really consistent
with that the many years. And so can I ask
you a personal question though you don't have to answer this,
(37:39):
how much is Andy.
Speaker 2 (37:42):
Like per hour?
Speaker 1 (37:43):
Yeah, you don't have to answer but maybe ballpark.
Speaker 2 (37:45):
It's it's not cheap for somebody like that. You're gonna
pay between I don't know, seventy five and one fifty
an hour, okay, just depending on where you are, what
level of certifications they have. You can also getting group sessions,
which I'll do with Andy sometimes and it's awesome because
there's this one girl, Jess that I jump into a
(38:05):
group session with. Yeah, and the rate's lower, but she
is a beast and she will push me, and Andy's
training both of us. So you could also find if
finance was a thing, you could find somebody that could
do a group session.
Speaker 1 (38:18):
So find your flaw, Drew. If your flaw is, man,
I'm just granger. I'm sorry. I'm not gonna hit play
on Sigi Like, I'm just not gonna do that, then
I go, okay, go to the gym and find an Andy.
Every gym has one, yep, every single gym has one,
and go tell them that, hey, I'm want to get
rid of these winter blues. I'm gonna get going. And
(38:40):
they're like, okay, I've got a spot on at seven
thirty on the weekdays, can you do that? And you're like, yeah,
I guess like, here we go and get ready and
you're gonna show up at seven thirty and if it's
you know, if it's seven thirty five, he's probably texting
you like, hey, bro, you on your way, and that
(39:01):
kind of motivation. Maybe maybe, Drew, maybe you need that.
And that's a cool thing I went through during the
during like the twenty twenty season. I remember I did
that with Tyler and Parker and I still work out
with those guys on Mondays and so having that accountability.
But we were going to the gym with another trainer
and he was thankfully he wasn't charging us. He just
(39:22):
that was his workout time. But man, it's a lot
of accountability when you have someone waiting for you to
get there. So, yeah, there you go, Drew. That's a
lot of options for you. But I'm happy. I think
I think you're right in thinking that it's really good
to get out in sweat.
Speaker 2 (39:38):
Is it Rocky for Is that the one where he's
in Russia? Yeah, all right, we go watch that too.
That'd be some kid motivation. Just get out in the snow. Man,
he's like carrying logs on his you know, shoulders through
the snow.
Speaker 1 (39:50):
Yeah, that's really good.
Speaker 2 (39:51):
I have a tiger.
Speaker 1 (39:52):
Is that? The one? Yeah? Nice question comes from Dolly,
who I love that name, says, hey there, thank you
so much for sharing your story and spreading the God.
Y'all are amazing. I've been married for five years now,
and he keeps putting his mother's needs ahead of mine.
For example, she taught my two year old son to
call her mom, and he defended her. Wow. She used
(40:18):
to barge into our home when she felt like it
without a call or a text, and he would defend her.
She is extremely controlling, manipulative, and possessive. All right, Dolly,
thank you so much. I would hang on a second.
It keeps going. There's another page to this. Her twenty
six year old son and thirty eight year old daughter
(40:41):
live at home and don't have anything going for them.
I kindly and politely set some hard boundaries, but my
husband just doesn't get it. He expects me to give
up my peace and privacy for her, and I cannot.
There are hundreds more examples and I could provide, but
I think you get the point. We've tried counseling and
married ministry at church, and everyone tells him the same thing.
(41:04):
He agrees to the face, but he doesn't change. I'm
getting exhausted, and we also have a four and two
year old boys. We are also new Christians, and I
feel like I'm doing all the things wrong, but I
don't know what else to do myself. I cannot allow
myself nor my children to suffer at her hand or
her twisted ways. Thank you, Dolly, Okay, Dolly, thanks for
(41:28):
the question. That's crazy just hearing her teaching your son
to could call her mom.
Speaker 2 (41:36):
Yeah, that's a hard stop for me.
Speaker 1 (41:38):
Man, Like, no way. Yeah, we see these kind of
emails a lot, but that's that's an extent.
Speaker 2 (41:43):
That's different. Yeah, that's different. And we were just saying
on one of the earlier breaks, like we don't really
know like the extent of these situations. We can say,
you know, oh grace and like consider yourself and whatever,
but it's like you may be in the middle of
like a very crazy, toxic situation.
Speaker 1 (42:02):
Yeah, and we just can't.
Speaker 2 (42:03):
We always don't really know this. Uh. The the discouraging,
the most discouraging part about this is that they have
been to people at the church, they've been through counseling,
they've and he's heard the unhealthy nature of this, and
he still will say yes to their face and then
(42:23):
refuse to change. Yeah. Uh, that's a tough spot, Dolly,
I'm sorry. I guess that's yeah.
Speaker 1 (42:33):
There's a there's a couple of things. I hate. I
hate to even say this, but I think I should
because we need to uncover every rock here, turn over
every rock. I think there's a good chance you're in
you're in a not so healthy church. I think it's
a pretty good I could say that, whether or not
I know you or not, I know your story or not.
(42:55):
I think there's a good chance, especially as a new Christian,
that you ended up at a a very secret, sensitive
church that is more interested in reaching the lost and
less interested about shepherding the current flock that they have.
See that a lot as I travel, I see it
a lot. And so when you say you did this
(43:17):
married ministry at church, I kind of see it's like
a here, here's some information, uncle, do it instead of
let's walk it together, how's it going, Let me text you,
let's have coffee, let's talk.
Speaker 2 (43:30):
Yeah, that's a great question that she doesn't say, like
does your husband have like elders in the church or
or godly men, wise counsel in his life that he
is accountable to and meeting with regularly, that will speak
truth and he will receive it from them. Yes, Okay,
let's say that she answers that she says he does not.
(43:51):
What do you say then, because.
Speaker 1 (43:52):
Yeah, because of what I think, what I think she's
talking about with the church is typically it's like, hey,
on the on the fifteenth of next month, we're doing
a married session, So all you married couples, come on.
We're going to come in at seven pm at the
sanctuary and we're all going to get in there and
get motivated and bringing in a guest speaker and they're
(44:12):
going to talk and him and his wife are going
to discuss and then you go out and you live
your life as opposed to like a one on one
like you're saying, which is discipleships called it's literally called discipleship.
And so I want to see that. I think I
don't think you have that, And that's none of this
(44:34):
is an accusation. I'm just trying to, like I said,
uncover every rock here. So to your question, Burns, if
if she comes back and says he doesn't have anybody
or he just has the guys at his work. I
want you to know that all of this is on him.
The mother in law thing, I'm not worried about her.
(44:56):
This the psycho thing she's doing to your son. Do
not concern me. That secondary next to the husband that
is defending her. He has to stop. The mother in
law will not stop unless the husband steps in and
goes Hang on a second, this is my wife, this
(45:17):
is my family. Mom. I love you to death boundaries,
but that's going too far here, And so what do
we do? I want to answer your question, what do
we do if she says he doesn't have anybody speaking in,
he doesn't have coffee with anybody, Because what you don't
want to do is say you need some friends. Yeah
(45:38):
you need to start having coffee with some Christian men,
like don't don't do that.
Speaker 2 (45:42):
Yeah, he's gonna run for the hills.
Speaker 1 (45:46):
He's run for the hills. So how do.
Speaker 2 (45:48):
We m I mean, I think that byen nature, I
will hang out with some of my and build relationship
with other guy friends that are husband's to my wife's friends,
just because what's her name, Dolly? Dolly, Dolly's like, hey,
(46:12):
Julie and her husband are coming over. We're gonna have
some burgers and hang out. And then you just meet
Mike for the first time, and you know, you're like, oh,
Mike's kind of cool. But then you and Julie, you
really see her as someone that is a godly woman,
and she's told you about Mike and like he's a
strong believer, and you're like, he could be a good influence.
(46:36):
And maybe you just start hanging out with people that
you feel like could be an influence and see if
those you can't force it, but maybe you see if
those relationships kind of click on things that are not
related to marriage advice or you know, counsel or anything
like that, like, oh, hey, Mike's a huge Cowboys fan,
so are you? Like, And then all of a sudden,
(46:57):
there's like some kind of trust that starts to he's
gonna have have to like trust somebody. He's gonna have
to trust somebody to speak into his life, yea other
than his mother.
Speaker 1 (47:06):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (47:07):
So it sounds like.
Speaker 1 (47:09):
I'm thinking of more things for Dolly not to do.
And another thing not to do Dolly is don't go
to another man and tell him the problems that you're
having with your husband. As if he's going to be
able to speak to your husband. Yeah, that's a dangerous
place to go.
Speaker 2 (47:25):
Battle tale kind of thing.
Speaker 1 (47:26):
There's all kinds of bad things that couldn't come out
of that. So the other thing is usually with a
question like this, after two hundred and eighteen podcast, I
will go to grace and I'll say I want to
make sure, Dolly that you are having grace for your husband,
(47:47):
that you are not turning into this jaded recluse that's
like protecting your kids and you're creating a separation. I
want to make sure that it's that's not happening, because
that's gonna make everything worse. I understand protecting your children
from her twisted way, as you said, but at the
(48:09):
same time, I want you to be still open with
your husband in a way that's like, Hey, we're a team,
we're gonna do this together. Are you having date nights?
That's a good one, right, Like, Hey, I got ass
reservations at your favorite restaurant. Not your favorite restaurant, Dolly,
but his serve him in a healthy way. Don't take
(48:32):
that the wrong way, in a healthy way. Like I've
made reservations at so and so restaurant on Friday night
and we're gonna go out. And then during that conversation,
it's not nagging on him, it's not telling him his
mom's horrible and twisted and she's ruining the kids and
can you believe she did the It's more like, I
want to talk about raising our kids in the best
(48:54):
way possible. Let's kick around some things that are helpful
right now in our life, and let's kick around some
things that aren't so helpful, and let him join that
conversation where he feels like he's helping fix some things,
not you, And you're not accusing, You're just like, what
are some things totally hypothetical? Dolly? What are some things
(49:15):
right now that's giving our kids anxiety? And you start
naming everything but the mother in law and let him go, yeah, mom,
you know, mom's kind of been doing some weird stuff.
And then you could be like, like, what, let him
lead it, let him create, let him see the problem,
(49:36):
and then start to try to fix it himself. It's
like a psychological trick here.
Speaker 2 (49:41):
That's no. I think that that's good. I would I
would also say that date night probably needs to come
after a date night that doesn't talk about any of that.
Speaker 1 (49:56):
That's good.
Speaker 2 (49:56):
If you don't have the foundation, Like I'm just if
your marriage is not at a place where you guys
can openly be vulnerable and discuss things, you need to
build that trust. So that means get away from the
kids and his mom and everything and just go connect
with your husband and just start to ask other questions
about him. Hey, what's going on with you? No, we
(50:18):
haven't been able to do this in a while, Like.
Speaker 1 (50:20):
Yeah, yeah, And what you didn't mean, You didn't mean
what's going on with you? You meant like, tell me,
tell me what's going on at work? Yeah, that's what
you mean.
Speaker 2 (50:29):
Yeah, yeah, and the things that you guys both love,
like talk about those things, and hey, you want to
go on a trip, Well, where will we go if
we go on a trip, like start to just really
you initiate building that foundation. If it's not there. If
it is there, that's the date that the granger just said,
(50:50):
that's the date that you need to have and start
to just ask those questions, not in a condescending way,
but in a way that's very genuine and authentic.
Speaker 1 (51:00):
It's gonna be tough. You have to swallow a lot
of pride, Dolly.
Speaker 2 (51:04):
To do this, and it probably won't be I mean
against speculating, but it probably won't be the way you
think it's like, it won't go down the way you
think it's gonna go down. It's not gonna be one
moment where he's like, you know what, we gotta cut
my mom out. It's probably not gonna happen like that,
but there could be like a slow transition to some
healthy boundaries. And it sounds like that's what you're after, So.
Speaker 1 (51:29):
Yeah, that's great. I think the last thing I could
possibly add to this, Dolly, is to make sure you
are also getting poured into We're talking a lot about
him and his discipleship and men pouring into his life
and church and things that help him, ministries and counseling
that help him. Make sure you also have a lot
of people, or at least some good biblical women that
(51:53):
are pouring into you, not men. And this should come
through a healthy church. If you have a women's small
group or a you're working through a book of the Bible.
Amber right now is working through the Book of Job
with like eight or nine women and all there's like
(52:14):
four or five churches represented there. So it doesn't have
to be your church. It could be different churches. Just
that people in your neighborhood, like people that live around you.
Make sure you're make sure you are getting poured into.
That is huge. Make sure you have a good, healthy,
quiet time with God for yourself as a new Christian,
(52:36):
reading your Bible as an old Christian as well, making
time every day at some point of the day, whereas
it's you and your Bible and the simple prayer of God.
Reveal yourself to me today. Reveal yourself in your word.
Read Psalm one nineteen and see how the Psalmist is
(52:57):
in love with the Word of God, and pray that
you could think and want and desire the Word like that.
So make sure that's part of the day you're getting
poured into. These are You can't neglect yourself. You've got
to keep the oxygen mask on yourself. When you're trying
to fix your husband and your your kids and your
twisted mother in law and all that stuff. Make sure
(53:18):
you got yourself taken care of as well. That's good, dude.
I think we've we've we've run down a lot of
stuff today. I actually could we could hit one more
real quickly from Maddie. Hey, my name is Mattie. I'm
(53:40):
twenty six. I have a degree in business, and right
now I'm working for a construction equipment rental company called
sun Belt Rentals. I've heard of them, and part of
me doesn't know if I want to stay forever. My
dream job is to be a manager of an artist,
specifically a country music artist, but I have no idea
how to even start that. Help me. Thank you. I
love how God is using you.
Speaker 2 (54:01):
Okay, you're lucky day, Maddie. I've actually been thinking about
launching a country music career and I'm looking for a manager.
Speaker 1 (54:08):
So now you know where to start, Maddie, start with Bernie.
Speaker 2 (54:12):
I wish that was true, Mattie, I really do, But
for me, it's not.
Speaker 1 (54:19):
Love the dreams. I love the good construction equipment rental
company that you're working for. You're not gonna You're not
going to bypass that. Getting into country music management is
extremely difficult, extremely difficult. But I'll answer your question quickly.
You say, how do I start? You start by meeting
(54:41):
people in that industry. And so that industry is going
to be The majority is in Nashville, there is some
in New York, in Austin and LA. As far as
country music, the majority of country music managers are going
to be in Nashville. And just a heads up, Bernie
knows this as well. That job is going to start
(55:02):
off as an internship making nothing. So you're gonna have
to give up time and energy and all this stuff
you got going on with other things. You're twenty six
years old, and go do it for free, and do
it for nothing at a chance that maybe one day
you'll get taken on as a full time employee. And
(55:22):
it's probably gonna you're gonna burn out and you're gonna
realize being a country music manager it's very difficult. You're
always on call. You're like a fireman working twenty four
to seven putting out fires. And I don't know if
it's going to be all yes.
Speaker 2 (55:37):
So maybe before Maddy moves to Nashville or New York,
maybe do a little more research. Maybe go to a
local show and find a local band and say, hey,
do you guys have management. I'd love to talk to
them and just ask their manager, Hey, what does this
job look like. I'm interested in it. I think once
you start to get more educated, it probably starts to
(56:00):
back the veil of you know, this shiny career and
it's like you get to know the real And if
all of that still sounds appealing and you have like
gained all this knowledge, then pack it up.
Speaker 1 (56:13):
Love it. It's good all right, guys, Thanks so much.
It's all we got today. See you next week. Thanks
for joining me on the Grangersmith podcast. I appreciate all
of you guys. You could help me out by rating
this podcast on iTunes. If you're on YouTube, subscribe to
this channel, hit that little like button and notification spell
so that you never miss anytime I upload a video.
(56:36):
Yig
And he keeps putting his mother's needs ahead of mine.
For example, she taught my two year old son to
call her mom and he defended her. Wow. Welcome to
(00:24):
the podcast guys. Thank you for being with us. I
got one of my best friends and second week in
a row to help me answer your questions. Bernie Calcot welcome.
Speaker 2 (00:33):
Yeah, thanks thanks for having me back. And last time,
I know, guys, I talked a lot on every question
about getting off of social media, and I got like
tons of emails and people saying, hey, bahbah, you know
this is my job and I'm just kidding. Nobody ever
use emails me, but I was thinking, hey, you should
get off of social media. If you hear what I'm
saying in it and it hits you and you have
(00:56):
that conviction, if it's your job and is whatever, then
don't listen to me. But I just want to clarify
that from last week.
Speaker 1 (01:02):
Sept for the Grangersmith podcast.
Speaker 2 (01:05):
Yeah, you don't have to be on social media to
do that.
Speaker 1 (01:08):
Do you know, unless you're like watching it on YouTube
that just only watched that.
Speaker 2 (01:13):
Oh yeah, for some reason, I don't. For I don't
know if I consider YouTube social media.
Speaker 1 (01:17):
Maybe it is now that they have YouTube shorts you know.
Oh yeah, it's it's it's creeping up there as a
social media platform for sure. Yeah, because my kids aren't
allowed on social media, and YouTube shorts is part of that,
Like you can't be on YouTube. That's part of the thing.
Speaker 2 (01:34):
And I know that we need to jump into the questions,
but I got a quick question for you, if that's okay.
Speaker 1 (01:38):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (01:40):
I heard recently on your another podcast or something maybe
with Amber that you guys were going like no screens
for your kids.
Speaker 1 (01:50):
Yeah, Like.
Speaker 2 (01:55):
I use that all the time with my kids. By
the way, I'm like grangers kids don't even get screen.
You guys, y'all need to be grateful.
Speaker 1 (02:02):
Okay. So I uh, I read in a book somewhere
where the guy his dad offered him so much amount
of money. It's like five hundred bucks. And this was,
you know, when he was a kid, his dad offered
him five hundred bucks to be off of TV for
a year, and he said he hated it. At first,
(02:25):
he took it because he wanted the money, and then
he hated it, and then he started to love it,
and then he looks back and now he's like a lawyer,
and he's so grateful that his dad did that. So
I was like, I'm gonna do that. So with inflation
at five hundred, probably is around two grand. So I
told each of my kids, I'll give you two thousand dollars.
Two thousand dollars you don't touch screens for a year,
(02:49):
which it was at London's birthday in October. So by
next London's birthday next October, if you successfully made it,
I'll give you two thousand dollar. Now the idea is
the idea is YouTube. Combine it Lincoln in London and
we'll go to Disney World. Nice, and we'll use that
four grand and go to Disney World. Yeah, and so
(03:11):
they're like really excited and then and it has rules
that are attached with It's not like they just can't
look at a screen. You would do family movie Night. Yeah,
I get to pick the movies occasionally. They could have input.
You could have an hour on a Saturday morning to
watch a cartoon show if you're with others, can't watch
(03:35):
it by yourself, And we'll give you a video game
allowance in the week, and it's going to be once
a week. It once again, in a community, you have
to be in a community. Can't be by yourself, and
you can't just be playing online with somebody. You have
to be together in a community playing the game. And
(03:57):
then aside from that, loccasions like you're sick, you're home,
you got the flu. Okay, you can watch them YouTube
or something, but you cannot just randomly pick up a
screen and start watching something and you make it. You
get two thousand bucks. Now that that is in London,
Like two months later, it's like, I'm out. I'm not
(04:21):
gonna I'm not.
Speaker 2 (04:22):
Long did she go though?
Speaker 1 (04:23):
She went like two months. But I told her you
can't get out. You can't, You're already in. I'm not
letting you get out. She was like why wait? What
I thought this is this is an agreement that you
You gave me an opportunity. And I was like, yeah,
I change my mind.
Speaker 2 (04:38):
It's now it's im I get to do that.
Speaker 1 (04:42):
And Lincoln back there like this is typical Lincoln. He
was like, hey, daddy, so if she quits but I
won't quit, do I get both money? Like I get
extra money. It was like, stop it, man, stop it,
stay out of this conversation.
Speaker 2 (04:57):
That sounds like Boston.
Speaker 1 (05:00):
Yeah. So Anyway, that's where we are. I honestly don't
know how this experiment's going to turn out. And there
have been times when I'm like, what are you doing? Yeah,
I'm looking at hairstyles on Pinterest. I'm like, that's a
social media and that's a screen. Yeah but dad, I'm
just looking out to curl my hair tomorrow. Yeah. No,
(05:21):
they didn't count.
Speaker 2 (05:21):
Yeah ah yeah.
Speaker 1 (05:23):
So that's where we are. Well, it's not it's not pretty,
it's not perfect.
Speaker 2 (05:27):
Hey, man, I think the message to everybody, including what
I'm here in two, is like, you are trying something.
You're trying to like push against the norm of culture,
and man, I admire that so much. That's gonna look
different for everybody out there, but I think the message is, guys,
we should be trying something. It should be counterculture, because
(05:48):
if we're just doing what the norm is and conforming
to that, it is not going to produce healthy, you know,
kids that don't have anxiety and all kinds of issues
like you're.
Speaker 1 (06:00):
Trying, man.
Speaker 2 (06:01):
And I love that Boston would have negotiated at least
up to six or seven grand before we even started.
He was like, all right, I'll see your two I'll
raise you another eight. I'm like that way.
Speaker 1 (06:14):
I don't think they listened to this podcast. They did
not negotiate the deal, but that would have been funny
if they would have been like twenty two hundred. And
my goal really is that they I don't just give
them cash. Really, my goal is that we go on
like some kind of vacation.
Speaker 2 (06:29):
Yeah, you know, hey, I love that. The investment though,
that you're making in them is far more than the
two grand or whatever that it takes to go to
Disney World.
Speaker 1 (06:38):
That's really well, I'll see. I'll let everybody know how
this turns out. What we do here you asked me
a question. What we do is we answer your question.
The listener. You email me at podcast at grangersmith dot com.
Podcast at grangersmith dot com, and we'll walk through these questions.
Today it's Bernie and I and the first question comes
(06:58):
from Coleman. It says, Hey, Granger, I am a recent
college graduate of the University of Georgia and now I'm
working here go dogs. My question slash situation is this.
I am working an office job. The advantage is it
is a stable job, but I find myself not enjoying it.
I think about it because it's generally a boring job.
(07:23):
I have a girlfriend up here and live in an
apartment with four roommates. My goal right now is to
save money put towards a house in the future. My
question is this, how long do you think I should
stay in a job that I don't hate but I
also don't enjoy? Thanks and come to Athens someday. Hey,
great question to kick the show off with Coleman. Man.
(07:47):
You've got a great guest today for this question, Bernie.
Bernie's gonna be all over this. Let me recap it
for my own brain. You're in a job. You're young.
I don't know how old you are, but you're pretty.
You're working in an office job. It's stable. You don't enjoy it,
but you also don't hate it. It's just boring. You
(08:10):
have a girlfriend, you got four roommates, and you're wanting
to think about your future, maybe save up some money,
maybe for a house. So then your question is how long?
How long do I live in this season with this
job that I don't enjoy? And I'm excited. Actually, I'm
going to kick it to you, Burns, because I love
(08:31):
the way you think through scenarios like this.
Speaker 2 (08:34):
I appreciate you setting the bar so high for me. Sorry, listen,
there's just a regular dude over here. But I think
that I would answer this question honestly two different ways
if there would have been any mention of belief in
God and his plan for me. But there's not, and
(08:54):
so I just think I would answer it two different
ways if there was. If there is not, I think
that the and we've answered, you know, similar questions before
where we kind of get set on these ideas of
(09:14):
our lives and really we've watched too much social media,
we've watched too much TV. We think that we're all
going to be country music stars, and the reality is
is you're not like that thing that media has taught
you that you're going to be. And if you just
work harder, you just get that break or whatever, you're.
Speaker 1 (09:32):
Going to be rich.
Speaker 2 (09:33):
And it's just not true, guys, it's not true. So
what you need to recognize is you have skills, and
you have opportunities in front of you. Use those skills
to be the absolute best at the opportunities you have
in front of you, the absolute best, pursue it everything
(09:53):
with excellence, and I believe that does open other doors
to you. You will know for sure when you have
just hit a ceiling at the place that you're at.
You will get a sense like, man, I am overqualified
(10:16):
for what I am doing right now, and you will
have already probably started looking on LinkedIn or wherever people
look these days for jobs to find something like, man,
this is the skill I have. There's this opportunity. I'm
going to try to go for it. I just think
if you if you're okay. So this is a quote
(10:37):
from Francis Chand that I just heard, and what he
said is our greatest fear should not be failure, but
being successful at the wrong things, things that don't matter.
So those things that you're wanting to do or have
a house, which isn't a bad thing, but you need
(10:59):
to sit in consider like what is important to me?
What matters with my life? And once you have a
clear picture of that, you just get rid of everything
else and you give everything to pursuing that. And the
steps to get there may not look pretty, but I
believe that you'll have affirmation along the way, like Okay,
I'm on the path, I'm in where I need to be,
(11:22):
So I do there's a.
Speaker 1 (11:24):
Book you recommended last episode that you talked about a
little bit about working passionately. What was that again?
Speaker 2 (11:32):
So good they can't ignore you? By Cal Newport. It's
basically in the title, like you're going to become You're
going to work at this like a craftsman hones his craft.
You're going to get so good that your potential customers
or your boss they can't ignore, like how talented you
really are. But you're not going to do that if
(11:53):
you're just going on this passion of like I want
to get a house and I want to do this,
and I want to make money. Like making money is
just not gonna do it. You have to like create
and refine those skills.
Speaker 1 (12:05):
That's good man, and I would challenge you, Coleman. I
would challenge you to finish this season strong and and
extend this season because this is going to look really
good on a resume. One day, it doesn't look good
if it's like seven months out, seven months in another one,
and then three months in this one. It looks good.
(12:26):
If it's like, oh, I see here, you worked six
years for this company. Why did you leave this company?
You go, yeah, I you know, I worked really hard
in that company. I didn't totally enjoy it. I had
passions in other places, but I wanted to I wanted
to do do the job with excellence for as long
(12:49):
as I could until a new job came around. I
think there's something to say for that. So let this
season extend out a little bit. And also remembered that
this is a new thing in America where we now
say I don't think I love my job. Anython want
to change jobs. It's a new thing in America. If
you think about our fathers, and definitely our grandfathers, they
(13:12):
just worked a job. It was a job. That's the
only thing they did. You think about the old sitcoms
from the seventies, those guys working factories in Indiana and
their dad worked the same factory and they've packed their
lunch every day. Do you think they loved it or
(13:32):
you think they were passionate about the factory, or that
they quote enjoyed it. No, but it was a job,
and it paid the bills, and it provided stability, which
you say your job does, and it helped with the
bank loan of the house for the family to raise
the kids, and it you know, that's just what you
(13:53):
did back then and then we've created this world now
where we go. I gotta love it, you know, otherwise
I just don't want to get out of bed because
I still love it. Andy Coleman, I'm not not saying
that's you. I'm just that's us.
Speaker 2 (14:07):
Yeah, what do you think it was that? Because you're
absolutely right. What do you think brought us here?
Speaker 1 (14:12):
I feel like we've had the same discussion on this podcast,
And like your dad was a police officer.
Speaker 2 (14:16):
Thirty five years, same thing.
Speaker 1 (14:18):
I mean, he just did it. He just showed up
and just did it. My dad only had one job
at the same company. I don't he never changed jobs
as long as I knew my dad, Your dad didn't either.
And I bet you most people listening their dads did
not change jobs, but just didn't. But but your friends
have probably changed jobs a thousand times.
Speaker 2 (14:38):
Yeah, do you think it's the whole social media? Well,
social media, but also hard times produce strong men. Strong
men produce good times.
Speaker 1 (14:54):
Good times. Good good times produce.
Speaker 2 (14:56):
Weak weak men hard times, and so we're in that,
you know, we're riding the coattails of our forefathers that
created these good times, and we have so many options. Yeah,
A lot of times those guys they didn't have options,
and we just feel like we, oh man, there's all
kinds of work out there. We just we just switch,
(15:17):
you know whatever.
Speaker 1 (15:18):
Switch wives, switch jobs, switch trucks. Just go get it
and take it and trade it in, trade in your
truck at the dealerships.
Speaker 2 (15:27):
This is good, man, because what it's getting down to
is a heart of discontentment. We have been conditioned. And
maybe it is the exposure to all the options instead
of like just learning to be content because this is
what you got in front of you be content with it.
Speaker 1 (15:45):
I don't know, dude, I get it, man, And uh yeah,
this has taking a huge spin for this one simple
question from Coleman and Coleman, I hope, I hope you're listening,
and I hope that you really dwell on this and
kind of dig to where this feeling's coming from. I
could attest in my time in country music, you know, man,
what a what a privilege and a blessing to be
(16:09):
able to work as a country singer. And I didn't
think that all the time. Probably most of the time,
I didn't. I remember clearly recently this earlier this year,
we went to Idaho and Lincoln and I Lincoln was
on tour with me. We played a concert in Idaho
and Lincoln was on tour and we went trout fishing
(16:32):
with this guide and we're going out and I was
riding out to this to the river with this guy,
super cool dude, you know, trout fishing guide in Idaho.
And he was like, man, I just live and breathe this.
And I was like, I was like, so, what's your job?
And he's like, well, this I take out during the
summer and fall and spring. I take out trout fishing
(16:53):
guys for trout fishing. And in the winter it's all
elk and mule deer. And I was like, what else
that's your job? Like, you literally get to take you
get to fish and hunt and camp. That's your job
in the mountains of Idaho.
Speaker 2 (17:10):
Yeah, and then I have to go shot up, you idiot.
Speaker 1 (17:13):
You're country singer. Yeah, you travel around singing country music.
What are you talking about on your tour? And your
little tour bus is not good enough for you? You know?
And I have to slap myself that that spirit of
discontentment it gets even you might think it's hitting you Coleman,
and your your your office job. I guarantee you it
hits you on a country music stage as well.
Speaker 2 (17:34):
Yeah, everybody everywhere. I think that that. Uh. I can't say.
I wasn't alive one hundred years ago, but it seems
like with the development of media and how readily available
information about what is happening in so many different parts
(17:55):
of the world is now it it just makes made
us more aware.
Speaker 1 (18:02):
Oh wow, sure he's.
Speaker 2 (18:04):
Doing this and I'm not doing that. And it's not
just like one guy on your trip. It's like, oh,
I'll scroll through social media for five minutes and man,
there's one hundred people doing something I want to do.
And before I was just working out on the farm,
happy as a clam. Yeah. Now it's like, well wait,
(18:25):
you know, so there's I don't know how you know, practically,
you know, we encourage people to combat that spirit of
you know, discontentment, but man, it is prevalent.
Speaker 1 (18:38):
Hey, awareness comes first, just being aware that it exists,
ye spirit of discontentment. Being aware of that spirit.
Speaker 2 (18:46):
Is a great first step.
Speaker 1 (18:48):
If you're looking for a last minute gift for somebody
that seems to have everything, or you just can't think
of anything that you could possibly get them, well, how
about a cameo for me. I could shoot him a
video saying exactly what you need me to say, with
the bullet points that you want me to follow, and
you just say, Hey, Granger, my friend Mark or my
my husband or my wife or my girlfriend or my
(19:10):
son is a fan of you or the Smiths or
your podcast or your book like a River, or your
music or Earl Dabbles Junior. Can you shoot them a
message and just tell them Merry Christmas and I'll customize
it and make it just for them however you need
me to do it. It's super easy. I do it
on my phone and then I'll I send you that
message and then you give it to them whoever you
(19:32):
want to give the gift to, whenever you want to
do it, maybe Christmas morning. You could do this by
going to cameo dot com slash Granger Smith. Or you
could download the cameo app and search for me Granger
Smith again, that's cameo dot com, c am eo dot
com slash Granger Smith. And then, speaking of Christmas presence
(19:53):
or our Birthday presence or pick me up presence, have
you been to eee dot com lately and checked out
some eee apparel. You know, December fifteenth is the last
date that you could order that we can guarantee it's
going to arrive to you before Christmas. So again, December fifteenth,
that's the cutoff date and you might get it if
(20:15):
you order after, and you usually do, but we can
guarantee before or on December fifteenth. You order something from
yeee dot com, it's gonna get to your husband or
your girlfriend, or your wife or your son, whoever you
want to get that new hat or shirt or hoodie,
your jacket, or maybe some eee jerky for the stockings.
(20:36):
Ye is a family run business owned by me and
my brother Tyler, and then Parker is our CEO, and
then Amber runs the women line. So it's a it's
a Smith endeavor to the fullest for sure. Again, go
to yee ye dot com and check out what's new.
Hey Grainger, my name is Jake. I'm from Greenville, Ohio.
I really appreciate your podcast. I wanted to ask you
(20:58):
what should we do with regret? I know we all sin,
and I know God is abundantly gracious to his children,
but how do how should we deal with regret? As Christians?
Especially over big mistakes and sins. I love your kind
thoughts and biblical insight on your podcast. Thank you for
what you do. God blushed, Brother Jake Man, great question,
(21:23):
m HM and Greenville, Ohio. He's asking, I'm always got
to recap from own brain, what should we what should
we do with regret? I know we all sin and
and God is abundantly gracious to his children, but how
should we deal with regret, especially over big mistakes? Okay,
(21:45):
this is great And something one thing about this podcast
with Bernie and I is that possibly we could be
probably more thorough and more precise if we actually knew
these questions were and prepared and had some research and
some Bible verses ready to go. But we don't. And
I think part of the intrigue of the part of
(22:07):
the reason I like doing this is because this is
more like you're literally asking me on the phone, and
I need to answer right now. I'm not gonna say, hey,
let me get back to you, Jake and look some
stuff up. I'm just going to answer on the fly.
And so that's what we're gonna do. Because this question,
I could research it for a few hours and just
really give you everything you need to know. But here's
(22:30):
the thing. When we are believers, and I know you
are because you signed off by saying solely Day Gloria.
And when you are a believer, meaning when you're a Christian,
(22:50):
meaning you believe the gospel, meaning you believe that Jesus
Christ came, died on the cross for sins of his
people as a substitute, becoming the sacrificial lamb, becoming the
ultimate sacrifice to satisfy the wrath of God and reconcile
(23:15):
God's people to himself. Basically, God demands from us, because
God's perfect, God, is holy, He's a holy, just God,
because he demands from us a righteousness that we cannot give.
He gives to us the righteousness that he demands from
(23:37):
us as a gift, and with it brings us to himself.
That's the gospel. And with that, as he does that
on the cross, he covers our sin and he makes
our sin remembered no more. And we should in two
(23:59):
things to that. Well, So where does that leave us
if we're if we're a Christian and we're covered in
our sin is remembered no more and we are given
to us the righteousness that we could not produce ourselves.
If that's us, what do we do with all these
old feelings, like, but I'm messed up when I was younger,
are a couple of years ago, I still got some
(24:20):
stuff that's kind of lingering. What do I do with that?
Two things? I think One, understand that you're covered, you're forgiven,
that God sees you as Christ, he sees Christ who
is in you, and you're covered, you're made new. And
(24:42):
then two, I think we use that to fuel us
a little bit. I think it's there, that regret is
there a little bit, so that we go man, that
that hurt, and I don't want to go back there again.
I'm covered, I'm forgiven. I don't have to worry about
that coming up in my past and haunting me so
(25:02):
that I don't make it to heaven or something weird
like that. But I also realize it's still there because
we're still in the fallen world and sin has consequences,
and those consequences could still be lingering, which perpetuates the regret.
And so that kind of lingers, partly so that we
(25:22):
go I don't want to do that again. I want
to get as far from that. And that's what repentance
is turning from that. I want to get as far
from that as I can, because I'm a new creation.
What do you got on this.
Speaker 2 (25:35):
Pernch Yeah, man, that's all really good. That's really good.
I don't have a whole lot to add except maybe
just kind of going back to the the the exercise
of the mind, because what I have struggled with whenever
I mess up, or whenever I make a mistake or whatever,
(25:58):
you know, like he's talking about, is this tendency to
listen to myself instead of talking to myself. So whenever
I talk to myself, I say everything that you just said,
Jesus is the high priest, who is ever interceding for
me before the Father? Like these sins are as far
from the east as the west. Like that's not who
(26:20):
I am. I am covered. When I listen to myself,
the tone is different and the words are different. There
their accusations and they're well, man, you did this again,
you can't stop doing it. Well, if you really believed
(26:41):
in Jesus, you really had faith, there's this different tone
whenever I am listening to myself instead of talking to myself.
I think that this practice of preaching to ourselves needs
to be a mental habit. And again, like, I'm not
licensed in anything, and I'm not in semina. I'm just
a dude like the rest of not the rest of y'all.
(27:03):
There's probably some really smart people out there, but I'm
just a regular guy. So I'm thinking through this as
my own struggle with the same question. Here's what I'm
trying to do. I'm trying to spend time in God's
word and the truth. I'm gonna hide it, I'm gonna
let it dwell in me ritually, and then I'm gonna
(27:23):
try all day every day to preach that to myself
because inevitably there will be these attacks that I will
launch on myself to start listening to those lies. And
that's really the difference, is listening to the truth or
listening to their lies.
Speaker 1 (27:43):
Yeah, it's so good, that's great. I would meditate in
the psalms, particularly for you, Psalm fifty one. Have mercy
on me, O God, according to your steadfast love, according
to your abundant mercy, blot out my transgressions, Wash me
thoroughly from my iniquity, and cleanse me from my sin.
For I know my transgression, my sin is ever before
(28:05):
me against you, and you only have I sinned and
done what is evil in your sight, so that you
may be justified in your words and blameless in your judgment.
I was brought forth in iniquity and in sended. My
mother conceived me. Behold you delight in truth and inward being,
and you teach me wisdom and the secret heart. Purge
me with hissop, and I shall be clean, wash me,
and I shall be whiter than snow. Let me hear
(28:27):
joy and gladness. Let the bones that you have broken rejoice.
Hide your face from my sins and blot out my iniquities.
Create in me a clean heart, O God, and renew
a right spirit within me, and on and on and on.
I wouldn't meditate and stuff like that, and just jump
into the psalms and just hear David saying the same
thing you're saying, how do I deal with this regret?
(28:48):
And you go through the word of God by going
to the cross and remembering what has been done for me,
Drew says. In the next question, here, Drew says, is
someone trying to get their mental health right? During the
Winter Blues quote, I told myself, I'm gonna start hitting
the gym. What are some workout routines that you do
(29:08):
to stay consistent in them? By the way, from the
bottom of them of my heart, thank you, Thank you
for everything you do. You're truly you have truly shown
me the type of man I strive to be. You're
making a difference in a lot more lives than you think.
God is using you ps come to Northwest Indiana about
by a Valparaiso. I love y'all, Drew.
Speaker 2 (29:30):
Does that get old? Man?
Speaker 1 (29:31):
No? No, But when I hear that, I just think, oh, dude,
I'm I'm so far from your hero, you know, I
am when you When I hear things like you have
shown me the type of man I strive to be,
I just think, man, you got I have so far
to go.
Speaker 2 (29:49):
But I think I think the point is is it
in them seeing the fruit of your life and then
hearing you in humility say that that's the model man.
That's what they're saying. They're like, man, I hope that
I have fruit in my life like that, But I
can also still be on a path of humility that says, man,
I am. I am still a sinner and I'm still
(30:12):
in need of God's love and his grace, And so
I meant the part about like come to Wyoming or
come to Ohio, come to wherever. Ain't nobody asking me
to go anywhere?
Speaker 1 (30:22):
Man?
Speaker 2 (30:23):
People in separate emails, they they keep asking you come here.
Speaker 1 (30:28):
You have been on the road with me.
Speaker 2 (30:29):
My wife is like, hey, come home. You know that's
what I get.
Speaker 1 (30:33):
You've been on the road with me, and you've seen
people start collecting around you to just talk. Like Burnie
from the podcast, we still need to do a podcast tour.
We have to just do it, you know, have to
figure that out. Okay, Sorry, I love the rest question.
The question is great because and I think we've been
asked this before, but it's great because we have very
different answers. I love this. I think the question is
(30:56):
what are some workout routines that you do and how
do you stay consistent in them? Oh?
Speaker 2 (31:06):
Yeah, man, So he's got winter, like he's experienced winter.
So this is like a north This is not South
central Texas.
Speaker 1 (31:17):
He's at Valpo, which gets pretty cold and overcast like
I did when we lived in Nashville. Yep. So my
answer is very different than Burns. And my answer has
stayed the same for man. I used to say six years,
seven years, but now it has to have been more
(31:38):
than that since I've been doing this, maybe ten I
mean it's yeah, probably since about twenty thirteen, twenty fourteen.
So what happened was, I'll try say this quickly. Amber
and I used to do you remember P ninety x
back in the day. So Amber and I, like when
we first got married, we used to do P. Nine
(32:00):
that comes off this Beach Body app. You download the
Beach Body app. By the way, absolutely no sponsoring at
all going on in this situation. I'm just going to
tell you tell it the way it is. We used
to go to Beach Body app and we'd watch P
nin e X. Well, one day I saw on that
app there's other there's a lot of other things on there,
and one of them is called body Beast. It's by
(32:21):
this guy named Segie, and I was like, I'll check
that out. So it's it's this. It's a strength training
using weights, using heavyweights exercise, and it's focusing on specific
muscle groups. So like chest is one workout, back is one,
(32:41):
shoulders is one, cardio is one legs is one, core
is one. Arms as one. So it's all divided and
there's like ten ten of these little videos and I
tried it and I actually really started liking it. This
guy Sagi, And so what I did is I downloaded
it on my phone and I found that it helped
(33:05):
me go to especially on the road. Like I'm say,
I'm in a hotel, I could just press play and
Segi there is Segie and he's like, here we go
and we're doing this workout. And it forced me not
to just peddle around or go what am I going
to do today, or like what kind of work out
I'm going to do? Fast forward. I'm still doing it
(33:27):
like a decade later. I did it this morning, and
so like here's I go to my phone and I
just hit this, guys.
Speaker 2 (33:41):
This is bulk back. If you want huge back lead,
let's get it guys.
Speaker 1 (33:49):
So then starts this warm up. Right there's my buddy
Chris right there and my buddy Brian.
Speaker 2 (33:58):
If you have limited a quiz.
Speaker 1 (34:01):
So these three guys, like I've listened to them for
like ten years, and so I usually do like Chest
on Mondays, back on Tuesdays, Cardio on Wednesdays, shoulders on Thursdays,
arms on Fridays legs on the weekend like I have it.
I've been doing that forever. Yeah, that is my way
(34:22):
to answer your question. How do I stay consistent? I
just I go all right, some days I'm tired, I
don't want to. I just hit play and here's Sigi
and he's like, let's do this.
Speaker 2 (34:32):
We bump. Yeah that's good man.
Speaker 1 (34:36):
And I still get sore, which is important too.
Speaker 2 (34:38):
Yeah, all right, okay, So I'll go quick shout out
to my buddy Andy at at swift Fit at X.
I've worked out and trained with him for a long time.
One of the things, and I've learned a lot from
him just about the body, about how things work.
Speaker 1 (34:56):
And so.
Speaker 2 (34:58):
One thing that he told me me a while back
that I really believe is just the body wants to
be fooled, so, you know, changing up. So for me,
I'm I'm gonna do like yoga or like a bickroom
yoga or like a sauna on a Monday, something that's
(35:19):
you know, just totally different than the next day when
I'm gonna do like a hill and outside, like he'll
repeat workout, I'm gonna go mountain biking. I'm gonna do
some strength training with Andy in the gym. I'm gonna,
as we've talked about before, I'm gonna go on some
trail runs for like two or three hours. I know,
if you're like in a place where it's snow and
(35:40):
you know, unless you want to be like Rocky, maybe
that's not a you know, it's not an option. But
so I would just say for me, I think Granger
has a good point having a plan. I try to
set that at the beginning of the week. I don't
have Sigiz as name, I don't have him, but I
think having a plan so that you don't have to
wake up that morning and be like, Okay, what am
(36:01):
I going to do? Because you're not going to do it.
Speaker 1 (36:03):
You're in trouble.
Speaker 2 (36:04):
Trouble, yeah, But I just I try to have some
accountability to it, meet some guys for some things, and
just try to like fool my body and surprise my
body a little bit. Because yesterday, instead of instead of
doing a he'll repeat workout, Andy and I went to
a track and we did a track workout, and I
guarantee you that shocked my body because I haven't run,
(36:25):
you know, for two hundreds in a long time. Like
you know, kind of sprinting after you know, all of
our warm ups and everything. So I know that you're
probably looking for something or like what Granger is talking about,
because a lot of that is inside. But I think
a lot of fun is just trying new things and
getting into different things that will push your body. And also,
(36:47):
I guess the most important thing, what's your goal, like
understanding your.
Speaker 1 (36:52):
Goals fighting mental health?
Speaker 2 (36:54):
Okay, so for fighting mental health, but I'm I think
that that could be physical activity is one of the
things he's using to fight mental health. But as far
as like your physical goals, like is there any that
you have you want to run a race or you
just want to get you know, bigger, you want to
get stronger, like what I think that could dictate maybe
(37:15):
what you get into.
Speaker 1 (37:16):
But yeah, that great point. And as as I promised you,
two completely different answers, same same result in staying consistent.
Like Bernie as long as I've known, I've known him
a long time, last everyone years, You've been really consistent
with that the many years. And so can I ask
you a personal question though you don't have to answer this,
(37:39):
how much is Andy.
Speaker 2 (37:42):
Like per hour?
Speaker 1 (37:43):
Yeah, you don't have to answer but maybe ballpark.
Speaker 2 (37:45):
It's it's not cheap for somebody like that. You're gonna
pay between I don't know, seventy five and one fifty
an hour, okay, just depending on where you are, what
level of certifications they have. You can also getting group sessions,
which I'll do with Andy sometimes and it's awesome because
there's this one girl, Jess that I jump into a
(38:05):
group session with. Yeah, and the rate's lower, but she
is a beast and she will push me, and Andy's
training both of us. So you could also find if
finance was a thing, you could find somebody that could
do a group session.
Speaker 1 (38:18):
So find your flaw, Drew. If your flaw is, man,
I'm just granger. I'm sorry. I'm not gonna hit play
on Sigi Like, I'm just not gonna do that, then
I go, okay, go to the gym and find an Andy.
Every gym has one, yep, every single gym has one,
and go tell them that, hey, I'm want to get
rid of these winter blues. I'm gonna get going. And
(38:40):
they're like, okay, I've got a spot on at seven
thirty on the weekdays, can you do that? And you're like, yeah,
I guess like, here we go and get ready and
you're gonna show up at seven thirty and if it's
you know, if it's seven thirty five, he's probably texting
you like, hey, bro, you on your way, and that
(39:01):
kind of motivation. Maybe maybe, Drew, maybe you need that.
And that's a cool thing I went through during the
during like the twenty twenty season. I remember I did
that with Tyler and Parker and I still work out
with those guys on Mondays and so having that accountability.
But we were going to the gym with another trainer
and he was thankfully he wasn't charging us. He just
(39:22):
that was his workout time. But man, it's a lot
of accountability when you have someone waiting for you to
get there. So, yeah, there you go, Drew. That's a
lot of options for you. But I'm happy. I think
I think you're right in thinking that it's really good
to get out in sweat.
Speaker 2 (39:38):
Is it Rocky for Is that the one where he's
in Russia? Yeah, all right, we go watch that too.
That'd be some kid motivation. Just get out in the snow. Man,
he's like carrying logs on his you know, shoulders through
the snow.
Speaker 1 (39:50):
Yeah, that's really good.
Speaker 2 (39:51):
I have a tiger.
Speaker 1 (39:52):
Is that? The one? Yeah? Nice question comes from Dolly,
who I love that name, says, hey there, thank you
so much for sharing your story and spreading the God.
Y'all are amazing. I've been married for five years now,
and he keeps putting his mother's needs ahead of mine.
For example, she taught my two year old son to
call her mom, and he defended her. Wow. She used
(40:18):
to barge into our home when she felt like it
without a call or a text, and he would defend her.
She is extremely controlling, manipulative, and possessive. All right, Dolly,
thank you so much. I would hang on a second.
It keeps going. There's another page to this. Her twenty
six year old son and thirty eight year old daughter
(40:41):
live at home and don't have anything going for them.
I kindly and politely set some hard boundaries, but my
husband just doesn't get it. He expects me to give
up my peace and privacy for her, and I cannot.
There are hundreds more examples and I could provide, but
I think you get the point. We've tried counseling and
married ministry at church, and everyone tells him the same thing.
(41:04):
He agrees to the face, but he doesn't change. I'm
getting exhausted, and we also have a four and two
year old boys. We are also new Christians, and I
feel like I'm doing all the things wrong, but I
don't know what else to do myself. I cannot allow
myself nor my children to suffer at her hand or
her twisted ways. Thank you, Dolly, Okay, Dolly, thanks for
(41:28):
the question. That's crazy just hearing her teaching your son
to could call her mom.
Speaker 2 (41:36):
Yeah, that's a hard stop for me.
Speaker 1 (41:38):
Man, Like, no way. Yeah, we see these kind of
emails a lot, but that's that's an extent.
Speaker 2 (41:43):
That's different. Yeah, that's different. And we were just saying
on one of the earlier breaks, like we don't really
know like the extent of these situations. We can say,
you know, oh grace and like consider yourself and whatever,
but it's like you may be in the middle of
like a very crazy, toxic situation.
Speaker 1 (42:02):
Yeah, and we just can't.
Speaker 2 (42:03):
We always don't really know this. Uh. The the discouraging,
the most discouraging part about this is that they have
been to people at the church, they've been through counseling,
they've and he's heard the unhealthy nature of this, and
he still will say yes to their face and then
(42:23):
refuse to change. Yeah. Uh, that's a tough spot, Dolly,
I'm sorry. I guess that's yeah.
Speaker 1 (42:33):
There's a there's a couple of things. I hate. I
hate to even say this, but I think I should
because we need to uncover every rock here, turn over
every rock. I think there's a good chance you're in
you're in a not so healthy church. I think it's
a pretty good I could say that, whether or not
I know you or not, I know your story or not.
(42:55):
I think there's a good chance, especially as a new Christian,
that you ended up at a a very secret, sensitive
church that is more interested in reaching the lost and
less interested about shepherding the current flock that they have.
See that a lot as I travel, I see it
a lot. And so when you say you did this
(43:17):
married ministry at church, I kind of see it's like
a here, here's some information, uncle, do it instead of
let's walk it together, how's it going, Let me text you,
let's have coffee, let's talk.
Speaker 2 (43:30):
Yeah, that's a great question that she doesn't say, like
does your husband have like elders in the church or
or godly men, wise counsel in his life that he
is accountable to and meeting with regularly, that will speak
truth and he will receive it from them. Yes, Okay,
let's say that she answers that she says he does not.
(43:51):
What do you say then, because.
Speaker 1 (43:52):
Yeah, because of what I think, what I think she's
talking about with the church is typically it's like, hey,
on the on the fifteenth of next month, we're doing
a married session, So all you married couples, come on.
We're going to come in at seven pm at the
sanctuary and we're all going to get in there and
get motivated and bringing in a guest speaker and they're
(44:12):
going to talk and him and his wife are going
to discuss and then you go out and you live
your life as opposed to like a one on one
like you're saying, which is discipleships called it's literally called discipleship.
And so I want to see that. I think I
don't think you have that, And that's none of this
(44:34):
is an accusation. I'm just trying to, like I said,
uncover every rock here. So to your question, Burns, if
if she comes back and says he doesn't have anybody
or he just has the guys at his work. I
want you to know that all of this is on him.
The mother in law thing, I'm not worried about her.
(44:56):
This the psycho thing she's doing to your son. Do
not concern me. That secondary next to the husband that
is defending her. He has to stop. The mother in
law will not stop unless the husband steps in and
goes Hang on a second, this is my wife, this
(45:17):
is my family. Mom. I love you to death boundaries,
but that's going too far here, And so what do
we do? I want to answer your question, what do
we do if she says he doesn't have anybody speaking in,
he doesn't have coffee with anybody, Because what you don't
want to do is say you need some friends. Yeah
(45:38):
you need to start having coffee with some Christian men,
like don't don't do that.
Speaker 2 (45:42):
Yeah, he's gonna run for the hills.
Speaker 1 (45:46):
He's run for the hills. So how do.
Speaker 2 (45:48):
We m I mean, I think that byen nature, I
will hang out with some of my and build relationship
with other guy friends that are husband's to my wife's friends,
just because what's her name, Dolly? Dolly, Dolly's like, hey,
(46:12):
Julie and her husband are coming over. We're gonna have
some burgers and hang out. And then you just meet
Mike for the first time, and you know, you're like, oh,
Mike's kind of cool. But then you and Julie, you
really see her as someone that is a godly woman,
and she's told you about Mike and like he's a
strong believer, and you're like, he could be a good influence.
(46:36):
And maybe you just start hanging out with people that
you feel like could be an influence and see if
those you can't force it, but maybe you see if
those relationships kind of click on things that are not
related to marriage advice or you know, counsel or anything
like that, like, oh, hey, Mike's a huge Cowboys fan,
so are you? Like, And then all of a sudden,
(46:57):
there's like some kind of trust that starts to he's
gonna have have to like trust somebody. He's gonna have
to trust somebody to speak into his life, yea other
than his mother.
Speaker 1 (47:06):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (47:07):
So it sounds like.
Speaker 1 (47:09):
I'm thinking of more things for Dolly not to do.
And another thing not to do Dolly is don't go
to another man and tell him the problems that you're
having with your husband. As if he's going to be
able to speak to your husband. Yeah, that's a dangerous
place to go.
Speaker 2 (47:25):
Battle tale kind of thing.
Speaker 1 (47:26):
There's all kinds of bad things that couldn't come out
of that. So the other thing is usually with a
question like this, after two hundred and eighteen podcast, I
will go to grace and I'll say I want to
make sure, Dolly that you are having grace for your husband,
(47:47):
that you are not turning into this jaded recluse that's
like protecting your kids and you're creating a separation. I
want to make sure that it's that's not happening, because
that's gonna make everything worse. I understand protecting your children
from her twisted way, as you said, but at the
(48:09):
same time, I want you to be still open with
your husband in a way that's like, Hey, we're a team,
we're gonna do this together. Are you having date nights?
That's a good one, right, Like, Hey, I got ass
reservations at your favorite restaurant. Not your favorite restaurant, Dolly,
but his serve him in a healthy way. Don't take
(48:32):
that the wrong way, in a healthy way. Like I've
made reservations at so and so restaurant on Friday night
and we're gonna go out. And then during that conversation,
it's not nagging on him, it's not telling him his
mom's horrible and twisted and she's ruining the kids and
can you believe she did the It's more like, I
want to talk about raising our kids in the best
(48:54):
way possible. Let's kick around some things that are helpful
right now in our life, and let's kick around some
things that aren't so helpful, and let him join that
conversation where he feels like he's helping fix some things,
not you, And you're not accusing, You're just like, what
are some things totally hypothetical? Dolly? What are some things
(49:15):
right now that's giving our kids anxiety? And you start
naming everything but the mother in law and let him go, yeah, mom,
you know, mom's kind of been doing some weird stuff.
And then you could be like, like, what, let him
lead it, let him create, let him see the problem,
(49:36):
and then start to try to fix it himself. It's
like a psychological trick here.
Speaker 2 (49:41):
That's no. I think that that's good. I would I
would also say that date night probably needs to come
after a date night that doesn't talk about any of that.
Speaker 1 (49:56):
That's good.
Speaker 2 (49:56):
If you don't have the foundation, Like I'm just if
your marriage is not at a place where you guys
can openly be vulnerable and discuss things, you need to
build that trust. So that means get away from the
kids and his mom and everything and just go connect
with your husband and just start to ask other questions
about him. Hey, what's going on with you? No, we
(50:18):
haven't been able to do this in a while, Like.
Speaker 1 (50:20):
Yeah, yeah, And what you didn't mean, You didn't mean
what's going on with you? You meant like, tell me,
tell me what's going on at work? Yeah, that's what
you mean.
Speaker 2 (50:29):
Yeah, yeah, and the things that you guys both love,
like talk about those things, and hey, you want to
go on a trip, Well, where will we go if
we go on a trip, like start to just really
you initiate building that foundation. If it's not there. If
it is there, that's the date that the granger just said,
(50:50):
that's the date that you need to have and start
to just ask those questions, not in a condescending way,
but in a way that's very genuine and authentic.
Speaker 1 (51:00):
It's gonna be tough. You have to swallow a lot
of pride, Dolly.
Speaker 2 (51:04):
To do this, and it probably won't be I mean
against speculating, but it probably won't be the way you
think it's like, it won't go down the way you
think it's gonna go down. It's not gonna be one
moment where he's like, you know what, we gotta cut
my mom out. It's probably not gonna happen like that,
but there could be like a slow transition to some
healthy boundaries. And it sounds like that's what you're after, So.
Speaker 1 (51:29):
Yeah, that's great. I think the last thing I could
possibly add to this, Dolly, is to make sure you
are also getting poured into We're talking a lot about
him and his discipleship and men pouring into his life
and church and things that help him, ministries and counseling
that help him. Make sure you also have a lot
of people, or at least some good biblical women that
(51:53):
are pouring into you, not men. And this should come
through a healthy church. If you have a women's small
group or a you're working through a book of the Bible.
Amber right now is working through the Book of Job
with like eight or nine women and all there's like
(52:14):
four or five churches represented there. So it doesn't have
to be your church. It could be different churches. Just
that people in your neighborhood, like people that live around you.
Make sure you're make sure you are getting poured into.
That is huge. Make sure you have a good, healthy,
quiet time with God for yourself as a new Christian,
(52:36):
reading your Bible as an old Christian as well, making
time every day at some point of the day, whereas
it's you and your Bible and the simple prayer of God.
Reveal yourself to me today. Reveal yourself in your word.
Read Psalm one nineteen and see how the Psalmist is
(52:57):
in love with the Word of God, and pray that
you could think and want and desire the Word like that.
So make sure that's part of the day you're getting
poured into. These are You can't neglect yourself. You've got
to keep the oxygen mask on yourself. When you're trying
to fix your husband and your your kids and your
twisted mother in law and all that stuff. Make sure
(53:18):
you got yourself taken care of as well. That's good, dude.
I think we've we've we've run down a lot of
stuff today. I actually could we could hit one more
real quickly from Maddie. Hey, my name is Mattie. I'm
(53:40):
twenty six. I have a degree in business, and right
now I'm working for a construction equipment rental company called
sun Belt Rentals. I've heard of them, and part of
me doesn't know if I want to stay forever. My
dream job is to be a manager of an artist,
specifically a country music artist, but I have no idea
how to even start that. Help me. Thank you. I
love how God is using you.
Speaker 2 (54:01):
Okay, you're lucky day, Maddie. I've actually been thinking about
launching a country music career and I'm looking for a manager.
Speaker 1 (54:08):
So now you know where to start, Maddie, start with Bernie.
Speaker 2 (54:12):
I wish that was true, Mattie, I really do, But
for me, it's not.
Speaker 1 (54:19):
Love the dreams. I love the good construction equipment rental
company that you're working for. You're not gonna You're not
going to bypass that. Getting into country music management is
extremely difficult, extremely difficult. But I'll answer your question quickly.
You say, how do I start? You start by meeting
(54:41):
people in that industry. And so that industry is going
to be The majority is in Nashville, there is some
in New York, in Austin and LA. As far as
country music, the majority of country music managers are going
to be in Nashville. And just a heads up, Bernie
knows this as well. That job is going to start
(55:02):
off as an internship making nothing. So you're gonna have
to give up time and energy and all this stuff
you got going on with other things. You're twenty six
years old, and go do it for free, and do
it for nothing at a chance that maybe one day
you'll get taken on as a full time employee. And
(55:22):
it's probably gonna you're gonna burn out and you're gonna
realize being a country music manager it's very difficult. You're
always on call. You're like a fireman working twenty four
to seven putting out fires. And I don't know if
it's going to be all yes.
Speaker 2 (55:37):
So maybe before Maddy moves to Nashville or New York,
maybe do a little more research. Maybe go to a
local show and find a local band and say, hey,
do you guys have management. I'd love to talk to
them and just ask their manager, Hey, what does this
job look like. I'm interested in it. I think once
you start to get more educated, it probably starts to
(56:00):
back the veil of you know, this shiny career and
it's like you get to know the real And if
all of that still sounds appealing and you have like
gained all this knowledge, then pack it up.
Speaker 1 (56:13):
Love it. It's good all right, guys, Thanks so much.
It's all we got today. See you next week. Thanks
for joining me on the Grangersmith podcast. I appreciate all
of you guys. You could help me out by rating
this podcast on iTunes. If you're on YouTube, subscribe to
this channel, hit that little like button and notification spell
so that you never miss anytime I upload a video.
(56:36):
Yig
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