Alicia Keys Recalls Emotional Breakdown At Age 20: 'The Worst Time Ever'

Alicia Keys is looking back on a difficult period of her life.

It’s been nearly 20 years since the decorated R&B musician broke onto the music scene with her classic debut album, Songs in A Minor. Keys was just 20 years old when she dropped the project, never predicting the record would top the Billboard 200 and garner her five Grammy Awards.

Despite accomplishing her breakthrough at such a young age, the superstar, now 39, doesn’t recall her success story now as fondly as many fans might imagine.

“I swear, I wouldn’t go back to being 20 if somebody paid me — it was literally the worst time ever,” the “Girl on Fire” star admits in her July 2020 cover story with InStyle. “I wanted to fit in so desperately. I was so blind, so dependent on everybody else’s opinions, so uncomfortable, so unclear.”

Few fans know that the songwriter actually suffered an emotional breakdown during a 2006 photoshoot; the episode urged her to drop everything and abscond to Egypt. “It was either get the hell away or just explode,” she explained.

Keys admits that even during this time, her faith in penning songs like “A Woman’s Worth” and other ballads wavered. “There hasn’t been one that I wrote because I actually believed it at the time,” she confessed. “I needed to pull myself out of a rut or a place of confusion.

It was also in Egypt that Keys discovered the power of yoga and meditation, something she continues to practice amid the era of COVID-19.

Now, with a family of three including her husband Swizz Beatz, Keys feels even more at peace with the little joys of her life and has arrived at a place where she’s able to completely embrace herself, imperfections and all. "That’s what we’re all doing in some way," she said. "And I think my ability to access that place has brought a deeper connection to other people.”

Read Alicia Keys’ full cover story over at InStyle here.

Photo: Getty Images