Ellie Goulding Says Last Year Was 'The Hardest Of My Life'

Ellie Goulding opened up about her mental health on New Year's Eve. In a lengthy Instagram post, the singer called 2021 “the very best (year) of my life.”

“I’ve had time to sit down with great musicians and writers and made exciting new music that I hope will give people who hear it the same euphoric escape that I experienced when writing it. I have released my first book, performed to the Duke and Duchess of Cambridge, the President and Joni Mitchell (and I can’t explain how grateful I am for that privilege),” she wrote.

“I became a mother, the greatest joy I’ve known. I have a dog and a cat that love me, I have my friends that really love me, and I have a husband that adores and supports me every single day,” Goulding continued before revealing that “this year has also been the hardest of my life. I’ve struggled daily, nightly, hourly with a kind of panic I didn’t even know existed.”

"While the moments of being on stage in front of all of you have been some of the most exhilarating and calming, this year I have been struggling," she divulged. "If I was to really think about it, my anxiety has dictated quite a lot of my life and career, and I feel sad about that. But it has also made me who I am, and sometimes at my most terrified, when I feel there is no escape from the sheer panic and dread in my heart and brain, I remind myself that I can feel. I feel so much and that is how I have got to this place in my life."

Goulding went on to confess that she hasn't responded to friends who ask how she's doing because she was "too scared to admit that the answer is, not very good."

“I feel like something is broken inside," she wrote. "This is something so so many people have gone through, you may be going through right now, or might go through in the future – and I just wanted to say, and I have to remind myself all the time, that it’s not just you, it’s not just me. Crippled by anxiety.”

“I know so many of you reading this feel this same pain and at the same time so many of you won’t have experienced it, but will most likely know someone who has struggled,” she added. “For those that are in this right now, we’re together and we can get through this – most importantly, by talking. Talking and opening up is the hardest, and the best thing you can do.”

See Goulding's full vulnerable message below.