#121: Don't Drink The Coronaccino

#121: With the coronavirus pandemic sweeping the country, the boys are under quarantine doing the podcast from their houses; Brody got pissed a guy manhandled his coffee lid; Skeery discovered a supermarket Scamboni; Brody couldn't get away from a close talker; Skeery bought useless stuff for his home equipment setup

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:00):
Start up, dat Up, start Up, Brooklyn Boys, start Up,
Brooklyn Buys, start Data. They're making noise data up Episode
one one of the Brooklyn Boys podcast. And we're not

(00:21):
second one from home. We're doing it for us. How
do you feel about that, Brodie? Well, I'm not in
my basement today where it was freezing. I'm in my
den because my family's out taking a ride to nowhere,
driving around being safe, and so I can yell and
scream in my own house. I mean, I may not
yell and scream, but I can if I want to.
So I'm sitting here in my den in front of

(00:43):
my fake fireplace. That's that heats up the space within
three ft of it. Unfortunately I'm six ft away from it,
so I'm still cold. It sounds like you didn't pay
your rent. No I have. But what's going on? You
want me to call the city? No. My my den
is right off the garage, and so one wall is

(01:04):
not insulated to the garage. So, uh, it's not as
warmer room as it could be. There's not as much
heat in the room as there should be, so it's
a little colder than my other rooms, but much warmer
than my basement. That's what I'm saying. Okay, Well, I'm
happy that you're doing well. I'm trying to figure out
this this mixer. Yeah okay, so so yeah, last episode

(01:27):
we talked about how you kept me on. You kept
talking for five and a half minutes talking about this
new equipment you bought. Right, So today is Saturday, and
we were supposed to do the podcast on Thursday. Then
we didn't do it on Thursday, and then we didn't
do it on Friday. So you've had two and a
half days to get this thing ready to do the podcast,
and then when I call you, you took another twenty

(01:48):
minutes trying to figure out how to make it work.
What have you doing for two and a half days,
growing a beard and sitting here. I'm not doing well, Brodie.
I'm really not. Okay, your face isn't call team. You
can shave your beard. I don't think I've ever seen
you with a beard. I don't. I'm a mess right now.
I am. I am really a mess because I've tried

(02:09):
to get this equipment up and running. I tried like
calling places ordering the right parts. I even went to
Staples to get connectors and connections that I later found
out I didn't need. So now I have to get
brody on my side because I have a full receipt
with three items that I bought on accident. I thought

(02:32):
I needed a CAT six cable. Do you know what
a CAT six cable is? I know roughly what it
might be. Yeah, it's a it's a it's like a
Cat five but stronger. But the thing is apparently the
way that information for computers are carried, it carries the faster,
the higher number, the better. Well, apparently someone said, oh,

(02:56):
well you need a high speed to get stuff, you know, communicator.
I know who said I know who said that to you?
A salesperson. No, it wasn't. It wasn't a salesperson. It
was somebody that somebody in radio that told me that
I needed to do it. And the engineer used to
buying radio station quality gear. No, I already had a

(03:17):
Cat five E, which is what we use every day
on all of our Ethernet cables. So I didn't need
a Cat six. And what did I do? I busted
open the box and before then I then I realized
after the fact, damn it. So now I have a
broken box. And then they said, oh, well you need
a sound card reader. Well, I'm like, okay, that thing
cost me like bucks, but I gotta I gotta tell you.

(03:39):
When I got home, I realized the back of my
computer has a sound card reader. I don't need a
sound card reader, so I want to return that, but
I already opened it up. See now, when you don't,
when you have kids to support and a family, you
don't make these financial mistakes because you pay more attention
and you're more um sensible with your money. That's your problem.

(04:01):
Your girlfriend's not around, you have no kids or pets,
so you're flinging money around and cats six cables. Listen,
my four one k took it hit like everybody else's no, no, my,
my my, if you no kidding. If I'm gonna be
completely honest, but little extra money I have during the week,
I don't really think twice about frivolously spending it and
then and then finding a way to what I will say,

(04:24):
I've saved a lot of money this week because Amazon
isn't two days shipping everything. So I have your dog benefit.
My dogs are going crazy. That means one of two things.
The Maleman is here, uh or my family is home,
in which case We're gonna pause this thing and I'm
gonna move downstairs. You could pause it or we could
start over again. Oh, we'll pause the podcast. Okay, yeah,

(04:52):
I have I have two dogs. They're going crazy in
the in the front window. Well, I haven't heard they.
Is Amazon delivering essential hims? Is that? What's going on?
Do you got some toilet paper finally arriving? Oh? No,
I got toilet paper a Target. Target has a great
thing on its website. I don't if I talked about
this last episode, but you can go to Target's website,
put in the item you're looking for, and then it
will show you which locations have it. And so I've

(05:15):
just found the places that had toilet paper, and I've
gone there and gotten just what I need because they
have a one toilet paper a one toilet paper limit,
so you buy the biggest package you can because by one.
And so I'm good on toilet paper. And then two
nights ago they said they had wiped sanitary wipes sanitizing
wipes rather than stock. Uh. And it was like seven

(05:36):
thirty and they closed at eight, and I thought I
want to run out of the house and fly over there.
Then I didn't, so I went first thing in the
morning and they were sold out. So you have to
you have to watch the website from the parking lot
and then when something says it's in stock, running so wow,
I mean, I mean it's that competitive. It is. Yeah,

(05:56):
although they drove me crazy because on the website, not
only does Target tell what's in stock. And this is
not a commercial for Target, not a sponsor. Um, we
got the point. Shut up. I guess it wasn't your family, no, no, so,
And I wouldn't tell my family to shut up either.
I know what you're saying. Though. Target will not only
tell you if it's in stock, it tells you what

(06:17):
ailet's in. So for instance, it said the sanitizing wipes
are in a fifty as an apple fifty because they
so you know exactly where to look. So I go
to the store again early in the morning and I'm
looking at the aisles in the you know how supplies pharmacy,

(06:37):
and it's like a forty four, forty five. It gets
to a forty seven and there's no more aisles. It
becomes the grocery department. There is no forty nine and fifty.
So I'm walking around like a chicken out a head
looking for a fifty, and there is no a fifty.
So I asked one of the sales member that the
team members there a target and she says, that's a

(07:00):
great question. That's what she said to me. Wow, that's
a great question. Yeah, she I said, do you know
where l a fifty? Because it ends at forty seven?
Just why I never noticed that before? So I said, okay,
but where is it? I don't know. Maybe the website
is wrong, I said, well, I doubt the website is

(07:22):
wrong because apparently you've got a bunch of stuff in
that aisle. And so together we walked over to another
sales associate and they said, oh, no, it's all the
way over there. So what they did was along the
side wall of Target. Um, they started the numbers from
forty eight, right. So the problem is a forty eight

(07:42):
is approximately next to a thirty, like across from so
you'd have no way of knowing to go all the
way back to the front of the store to start
the numbers and continue. That's ridiculous. Why why wouldn't you
put forty eight next to already seven and go up
towards the front of the store rather than start counting

(08:04):
again from the front. It makes no sense, right. So
the aisle that was actually next to forty seven, which
was unlabeled, was something like a sixty three or something.
So f you target designing numbering lane, guy, because you
screwed me. But anyway, we got to a fifty, which
was like by the dog food, uh, nowhere near where

(08:26):
I was looking, and they didn't have the product anymore.
I'm convinced they sold out while I was looking for
that aisle, Like, I feel like they had it when
I got there. You waste You wasted all that precious time. Yeah,
and the ten minutes of trying to find someone that
kne where the aisle was. I feel like people who
maybe knew where they was got there first and got
the lysol wipes. So what a mess? Yeah? Yeah, what

(08:49):
are you gonna do? As I'll tell you what you're
gonna do. You're gonna wash my hands more often. So Brodie, I, Um,
I had a little grocery store incident the other day too.
Uh and it reeks of a scamboni. And I want
your opinion. Okay, well maybe I did, but no, what
do you make of this? You go into a grocery store.

(09:13):
It says two for five dollars on this milk. So
I'm like, oh, that's interesting. I think I'll have to
I'll get two of them now because because I'm saving money, right,
I bring them up to the front and I'm like,
before you bring that up, I'm like, how much are
they each? And the woman says to fifty. But I said,
that's not a discount. I said, they're two fifty each
and it says two for five dollars? Should they be

(09:34):
three dollars each? So it makes me feel like I'm
saving a dollar. She says no, because we're just you know,
we're at the end of our lotment on that. That's
a that's a major scambony because they want people to
think they have to buy two to get the deal.
That is exactly it. So when you see two for
five dollars, make sure that you are saving some money.
They were just at the expiration data is coming up

(09:56):
people into buying two, right, and most people wouldn't ask.
So I said no, no, no, no, no no no.
I said, I think I just want one then, and
she said okay, and I put it the other one back.
But the point is that's a sucking major scamboni because
you know, she made me, he made me think she mean,
she mind funcked me. It's just thinking I'm saving money,

(10:17):
so I'm gonna buy two. But meanwhile they're two fifty each.
Who cares? Okay, So I don't want to I don't
want to dog poble on Target because I'm a big fan.
But they do the same thing. I buy six packs
of diet Pepsi or diet coke, and they'll do, like, oh,
four dollars, Like oh, that's a great deal because normally
it's like three dollars each, three and a quarter each,
so it's a good deal. So you're look and it

(10:40):
says four dollars and an entiny print. We gotta get
a magnifying glass out it says two. So you're like, oh,
I gotta buy four, or I gotta buy eight, or
I gotta buy twelve, because they want you to think
you're only getting the deal if you buy it in
units of four. She you always have to check that
sometimes it's legit. Like I buy um baked scoops, totatoes, Tostitos,

(11:02):
big scoops and they're always three for six when they're
on sale. Two p six when they're on sale, but
they're not three dollars each, so that's legit. Yeah, of
course it's legit. But the thing is, why does it
Why does it have to go backwards where I have
to find I have to go backtrack at the register
and say how much are they each? Like? Why did
isn't it say it right there? How much they are each?
They just wanted to pair them together and sell them

(11:23):
and get them the hell off the shelf. I mean
that's that is pretty low. Well it almost it almost
worked on you, but you listen to this podcast and
you know not to trust anybody. But speaking of me,
I'm not a fan. I wanted to give a shout
out to j C. Guitardi. Hold on, I'm gonna go on.
I'm gonna go on Apple iTunes and rate this one star.
Do you want to give a shout out? The shout

(11:44):
out to j C. Guitarty on the Instagram who sent
me a picture or you know, maybe our listeners sent
me a screenshot of this. But it's um it's a milk.
That's a gallon of milk and it says best buy
right be used by February three, beeth So if that's
the case. Does that milk never spoil if it's best

(12:06):
used my February thirty and that's never gonna happen, then
is it never good? Yeah? So that was I want
to thank you, thank him for that picture. That was great. Um. Yeah,
So you gotta be careful in stores what you're paying for. Um.
I will tell you somebody overpaid for a product. But
I totally get it. Um. Dj Millie on Twitter at
DJ Underscore, M I l l I underscore and why Uh.

(12:29):
He tweeted me and said, look at what I bought
on Amazon for thirty bucks. I caved and it's delicious.
It's a case of diet grape Pico soda. Um, my
favorite diet grape soda in the country that only ships
as we talked about a couple of weeks ago to Alabama,
so you can get it on Amazon and overpay, which
he did. So he's happy with his purchase. I might

(12:50):
have to break down at some point during this um
this quarantine and get me some diet grape soda because
I'm here all day. I might as well. Right, I'm
gonna got to treat yourself. You gotta treat yourself now
you're right, I read it. I read a great post
today from I think it was our friend it was
a Cubby or j J. I forget which one. It said,

(13:12):
gas is at all time low, well at least in
the past ten twelve years. Airline tickets are ridiculously cheap,
but we're not allowed to go anywhere. So I have
the gas by my house was a dollar ninety nine.
But I'm not driving anywhere, so I don't need it.
But I feel like I should buy it just because
it's so cheap. Am I wrong? No, you're not. Why

(13:34):
don't you get a couple of gallon containers and fill up?
And I'm still not doing that. I'm not a prepper.
I'm not gonna start stocking up like Scotty Beef from
our show. Yeah, this is the time to fly, and
and you know you can't. I know that, I know that,

(13:55):
but this, this would be the time. Well, why don't
you buy tickets for the future, Like why can't you
project and say, you know what, I'm gonna go somewhere
in August because they're not selling tickets for you to
fly next year for thirty dollars. They want you to
fly now while the planes are empty. So if you
look at August, if you look at August prices right now,
you're not gonna see anything. You're not gonna see like

(14:16):
a bargain. I don't know. I can't plan ahead. Who
the hell knows what's going on in the world in August.
It could still be going on to this level. It
could be relapsing because we all went back to work.
I can't plan it to to in August. What we're
gonna be doing. I'm still hoping baseball comes back. Let
them figure it out. Now they're talking about playing baseball.

(14:36):
We talked about this last week. How that now that?
What did I say? You heard from me first? Now
they're talking about playing in neutral sites in warm weather,
playing the World Series in December. I called it, said
they were gonna play in neutral sites and indoors and
in warm weather. But how do you get you get
enough people to fill up a stadium when it's a site.

(14:57):
As of today, baseball players came out and said they
don't have a problem playing in front of empty stadiums
because they realize the problem. Because they want to get paid,
they want to play. You get all the players who
are gonna be free agents, you don't want to be
a free agent based on a bad season or a
half a season. You want, you want, you want to play,
So yeah, this is interesting. They're gonna play all doubleheaders

(15:20):
and UH and neutral sits. So I look for UH
for teams like hours, like the Mets here in New York.
They could be playing in UH in Tampa Bay in
the Dome. But you know to watch the game, so
you have to watch it on TV. But who's going
to show up? It'll be funny when you know what
we made this joke on the air about, Like you know,
there are teams that have no fans in the stadium normally,

(15:41):
like you know, Miami and sometimes Pittsburgh. No offense, UH,
it'll look like that. The foul balls, nobody catches them,
home runs hit the seats, nobody's there. Well, all I
could say is that I am I am going out
of my mind in this corn team I've done. I've

(16:02):
started getting to the point where I'm pulling apart my
drawers and closets and rearranging them. Like you know, the
junk drawer that everybody has I got. I got one
of those. I literally pulled it out and I took
everything out of it. I started throwing some things away
and I started rearranging it. But the title of the

(16:23):
drawer is drunk drawer. It's that's from where all the
junk is supposed to go. You're not supposed to clean
out the junk drawer. It's supposed to be for junk.
Everything in it is junk. Wells sorting everything out. I
had about twelve twelve things left in there, and I'm like,
this is is everything was indeed junk. Why don't we
even keep junk drawers? And everything should just go in

(16:44):
the garbage A lot of time the drunk good. Look.
Everyone has stuff in their life that you don't know
where to put it right because there's no specific spot
for uh the uh Budweiser bottle opener that you got
from ten years ago that you don't want to throw
out because you might need it. So you're like, I'll
throw it in the drawer. You know it's the egg slicer.

(17:05):
You don't you don't know where you're gonna use it again,
but you don't want to get rid of it, so
you throw it in the drawer. Yeah, it's the drawer
for like, where do I put this? So if you
organize it. Eventually you're gonna throw unorganized stuff on top
of it, so there's no point. You're wasting your time.
That's like buying a CAT six cable you're wasting or

(17:26):
a there's another one that I got this USBC two
into Ethernet. I don't need it, no, because I don't.
I have an Ethernet. I have Ethernet on my computer.
It's silly, it's really silly. Oh man, they got me
at Staples. They really did. They really got well, I
got myself. It's my own fault. You're your own easy button.
They saw you. They're like, oh, this guy's easy and everything. Well, no,

(17:50):
it was it was. I got bad advice before I
showed up in the store. Believe me. Let me tell
you what's going on there. These people aren't trying to
sell me anything. They're trying to run the other way.
They see a customer walk in the store and they're like,
somebody actually had the guts to come outside, and they all,
you know, they're running around with their gloves and they
don't want to approach you unless you know, so you're
not really getting the best customer service. And I understand

(18:13):
why you're not looking for the best customer service in
these situations, because the same way you don't want to
have interaction with people, they don't want to have interaction
with you, and they have ever right too. So so yeah,
so it was kind of you know, I was walking
up and down the aisles by myself. You know, there
was no one in the store. They were kind of
surprised to see me. And then finally, I, uh, you know,

(18:34):
I went when when I needed their assistance, the guy
reluctantly came from behind the counter with his gloves on everything,
and he got me what I needed, you know. But
you know, and and now it turns out I need
none of it. But we'll tell me one thing though.
This gives me a task for tomorrow. I get to
go out and I get to return to stuff. Exactly.

(18:54):
I feel like I've done something with myself, right, Well,
you should definitely wear gloves if you're could be doing
something with your elf. Okay, great, that was a masturbation
jokes here, no, no, no, I got it. A little
bit of a delay here on the road podcaster pro. Yeah,
you got the podcaster pro. It's a delay again. I
want to point out to the slices I've got eleven

(19:16):
year old laptop here and a bluetooth from ten years
ago in my ear and it's now. I do have
a rant about my bluetooth. But I wanted to reference
something you mentioned a second ago. Well, you said the
employees had gloves. So a few things I want to
want to want to hit on. Number one, I was
in Chipotle a couple of days ago, and they have
they put chairs in front of the counter all the

(19:39):
way across so you can't get close to the counter,
which is very smart. In cvs, they have um fold
up tables like bridge tables, a row of them across,
so you with the credit card machine on the table
so that you can't get close to the cashier, which
I think is great. Also, remind me to tell you
about the guy at the pizza place. I get to
him in a minute. But as far as gloves go,

(20:00):
I do want to talk about a couple of places
that I was at this weekend um or the past
couple of days that didn't have gloves. But before I do,
I want to reference a nurse who tweeted me very
upset today. She listened to episode one twenty other podcast
and you know last week I complained that a couple
of businesses that I was at, the employees weren't wearing gloves.

(20:20):
And I'm just gonna paraphrase her tweet, and she said
she's a nurse, which, by the way, shout out to
all the nurses and doctors and medical professionals who are
working their asses off long shifts to save lives and
protect lives who are unfortunately for many reasons, working without
proper equipment, without the supplies they need, which is a

(20:41):
tragedy in this country anyway. So the nurse who tweeted
me was upset because she felt I was saying that
the employees don't have gloves. Yet she's working in a
garbage bag and reusing the same gloves every day, and
how come I'm upset when the the kid at the
ice cream store doesn't have gloves. She was saying that

(21:03):
that was you being petty. Well, she was saying, I
shouldn't be upset that they don't have gloves. There's a
glove shortage and nurses are being affected, and I shouldn't
be you know, there's a reason they don't have gloves.
So I want to explain my comments because I'm gonna
make more of them today. Um, I'm very upset nurses
don't have gloves, but nurses use surgical level, high quality

(21:25):
gloves to protect them and and they should have as
many as they need. And every politician locally and nationally,
she would do whatever they have to to get them
to the to the right people. I'm referring to the cheap, thin,
restaurant level gloves that shop right cells and boxes and
bins right now that anyone can buy. I'm talking about

(21:46):
the box that was on the counter at the ice
cream store behind the kid and he was choosing not
to wear them. I'm talking about so you're clarifying your coat.
I'm talking about when I was at Whole Foods three
days ago and the cashier was handling all my foodos
that you expected him to wear surgical gloves. No, no, no, no,

(22:07):
what she was What she was saying was I shouldn't
be surprised they don't have gloves when nurses don't have gloves.
And but they're not talking about right, That's what I mean,
talking about the fact that the woman who rang up
my old, my stuff at Whole Foods a few days
ago wasn't wearing gloves. And the box of gloves, full
box of gloves was sitting next to her on the counter,

(22:29):
and she was choosing not to wear them, and not
just because she was touching my stuff. I was ranting
or I'm granting now because she should be wearing them
for her own protection. I don't get it, you know
what I mean. So absolutely nothing but respect for the
medical staffs that have to get the equipment they need.
Um my comments had nothing to do with that, and

(22:50):
I hope that we uh we still have a listener.
And she did not follow me, which is great. She
was very respectful. So she came upset. Well, I didn't
say she came around. I said, as of now, I
wrote her back. I hope she's understanding of my commentary.
So there you go. Now. On that note, we get
a lot of text messages for the morning show, and

(23:12):
I see a lot of tweets on social media. If
you're going to work doing an important job, that's fantastic.
If you're going to work and just doing your job,
that's good, right, But that doesn't mean you're on the
level of the medical professionals who are risking their lives
and coming down with illnesses with the coronavirus because they're

(23:32):
trying to save lives. And so well, no, right, no,
people complain that we didn't shout out their profession, which
which goggles my mind. And and so I'm not gonna
say the professions. Um, but I wanted to read some
of the tweets minus the actual profession. All right, let's
do that coming up right after this, okay, because okay,

(23:52):
you break alright, alright, Okay, So, as I was saying,
before the commercials from our lovely sponsors, we got a
text message that said, you are forgetting to support blank
and blank blanks that are risking themselves. Nope, nope, those
people are not risking themselves. Uh. Then somebody wrote, I

(24:13):
wish someone supported us blanks like they are supporting healthcare work.
I gotta stop you right there, Brodie, what listen? Do
you have balls or do you have balls? You've got
you saying blank blank is is not entertaining. And furthermore,
it's we can't. I can't even debate you on any
of this stuff. You gotta give me a full tweek.

(24:35):
Did the Brooklyn Boys ever blankety blank blank? Okay, all right,
I'll read you one. I'll read you one verbatim, don't
forget us retail workers who are always working the front
lines during this pandemic, the front lines front. Okay, I
am very appreciative that you are going to work at
department stores and and pizza places and and what I

(24:59):
get it the second hold on the way before you
go any further. I have hold on. I have a
chance finally to use this and that's why I brought
the beautiful shiny equipment. Now, look, if you're a retail
worker listening to this podcast, don't get offended. We are

(25:21):
all very very happy that you're going to work. We
hope you stay safe. I hope you're wearing gloves. But
I know that you're not putting yourself in the same
category as doctors and nurses. I know you're not. I
know this is just one text message, but the front lines.
Are you kidding me? Um? Here's another one. I want
to pull this one up. Hold on, um, hey, why

(25:44):
aren't you shouting out banking uh employees? What about the tellers?
What about the tellers who give money out and keep
the economy going? What would you do with a us
this of shiny new equipment in all right? All right, okay,
so again, I'm not looking to offend. But when you

(26:06):
ask what we would do without tellers, my responses a
t M S. In other words, look, it's important you
go to work. I know people like going to the banks.
I get it, and I will say, no, there is
a degree of risk because they're handling dirty, filthy money
things coming out of people's pockets. I but but it's
but how do you put that on the on the

(26:27):
same wet level as a nurse or a doctor or
somebody who's on the front lines performing surgery in these situations.
I'm not I'm not saying that everyone doesn't deserve to
be thanked, because you do. You're you're helping society going.
I get it. It's just when you text that in
right after Elvis on our big show, thanks the first responders,

(26:50):
police and firefighters, and yeah, right, they're not on the
same level, right the police, like, hey, you forgot about
so and so. There's there's a hundred million occupations, there's that.
There's only some at the moment like, hey, I'm gonna
shout out the Army Corps of Engineers right now because
they just built hospitals in a in a um in

(27:13):
a convention Center in New York in like two days.
That's a shout out, right, Like, that's unbelievable. But the
fact that you picked up the garbage is a nice thing.
But it's not on the same level. So I'm gonna
I'm gonna I agree with you. So look, I know
I don't I don't want to get a shout Brody,
because because I'm coming to work every morning, I'm still

(27:36):
in that studio hanging out there with with Straight and
Nate while everybody else's broadcasting my risking, my risking my job.
Do I get a shout out? I'm being facetious. I
do not listeners. A lot of our listeners have been very,
very appreciative of the fact that we're still doing a
show and and and it's the least we can do.

(27:56):
We provide a service, information, maybe an escape from this
awful quarantine stuff. We're all stuck in our house. But
none of us would ever in a million years. Uh
expect to shout out. I do not expect level as
the people who are saving lives. I do not expect
to shout out. I hope everyone listening, whatever you do
for a living, you don't get offended. Uh, your your

(28:18):
your slices who don't get offended easily. We know that. Well,
that was the next thing I was gonna say. I
feel like you're preaching to the wrong choir because but listen,
people that listened to this podcast, they're not snowflakes. I know.
But I offended a nurse and that wasn't my intention.
And she's a loyal listener. Okay, but but but did

(28:39):
she have any misunderstood my comments? Want someone else? That's
something else. But but to these people sending these texts, seriously,
that's something for Yeah, Okay, I got you, Yeah, I
got Yeah. It's snow in David Brody. The snowflakes are
out and the fire is so delightful. Okay, that's it.

(29:07):
On that note, though, again, if you're going to work
and you're keeping us the wheels moving, we thank you
and appreciate you. We do, We really do, because if
those people didn't go to work at Target, uh, you know,
we would be lost without the supply. Get that. I
totally get it. So nothing but love. Um what else
you got going on? Um? Well, still been like twenty

(29:29):
seven days since I saw my girlfriend, twenty and counting.
That's why. Again, that's why I mentioned the gloves. I
haven't seen my parents in about a month and a half.
Started before it started, before the quarantine, I hadn't seen
my parents. I haven't seen my mom in three weeks. Yeah,

(29:50):
it's getting you know, and I do have a couple
of my buddies, uh that you know, God love my buddy,
you know, David David Ako. You know, he's he's uh
what do we call him on this podcast? Something big
on the way Dave Um because she's going completely batshit

(30:12):
shut out. By the way, did not promise him a
shout out, but he's getting one here, but for the
wrong reason. So we're all under self quarantine. But every
day he he does the opposite to him. Well, I'm
not outing him. I'm I'm going to tell you what
he wants to. He wants to get like me and

(30:33):
a couple of like Will and a couple of the
guys together for dinner. He every day of the week,
he's like, Hey, maybe the uh, you guys could come
over for some drinks just a couple of hours before
you guys in that right last week last week it
was like, oh, let's go to everyone's you know, just

(30:54):
a couple of us are gonna have dinner together. We're
gonna take out or or get catered or have cook
or something. So you think that I'm a guy with
FOMO and I can't sit still and I can't you know,
I mean, this guy is me times ten. He's legit
going crazy. He sent me a Texas morning saying, Hey,
maybe you and Falco want to get together, just the

(31:17):
three of us at my place and we'll have dinner
and drinks and some laughs. So I'm sitting here like,
oh man, I don't know if I should do this.
I mean, I don't want to do this because I'm
gonna break the streak. I haven't seen anybody, you know,
so so I don't think I'm gonna go. You know,
I have to say, ask if people to come over

(31:39):
your house with all that's going on is kind of
a kind of a dick move. I know a guy
now that you tell that story, ye who just uh
he keeps asking me to come over his house. He uh,
he just bought a very expensive piece of podcasting equipment
for his house, right, and he shut up so excited
about and he keeps saying, you should come over my house, Brodie,

(32:01):
and we could do the podcast from here. How great
would it sound? I got two microphones and all this equipment.
You should come over. What a dick that guy is?
Am I right? Okay? First of all, we're serving the
greater good, the people listening to heroes. It's much better.
It's much better if the two of us were in
were in person together. I mean right, I should risk,

(32:22):
I should risk getting coronavirus so we can make the
podcast sound a little bit better and I could be
a hero. Shout out to the podcasters who were keeping
their podcast quality sound up to stands. Not about the sound,
it's about the dynamic. It's about listen. I know we're
making the best of the situation right now. But you
and me getting together when we've both do you and me,

(32:44):
me and you, you and I, him and I, him
and me and them and her all together doing at
all those people together, weren't We're fucked. No. But but
if if it's just the two of us doing just
the two of us, I don't have that sound. Sorry.
If the two of us were just hanging out in
a room together doing a podcast and we've both been

(33:04):
self quarantining, no harm, no foul, and that's what I'm saying, yeah, no,
I get it. I get just saying we we definitely
play off each other better when we're in person. I
hate doing this over this lone. I don't feel comfortable
right now. I know. I know last week I was
saying I'm used to it from my other podcast, but
I think after listening to last week's Brooklyn Boys, something

(33:28):
is missing when the two of us are not in
the in the same room. But other podcast I can
do remotely because it's a little more even Keel Sharon,
I have our chemistry and interact is more relaxed, and
she's better right. I can yell at your more when

(33:49):
I'm looking at your face. I understand what you're saying.
But did I mention I have a fireplace, a fake
fireplace right now that is heating up the room right
in front of it, which I don't have when we
when we work in the studio. So I'm looking at
this roaring fireplace, which maybe I'll post a picture of
at some point. Um It's it's a it's a three

(34:09):
D image of logs and like a projected image of fire,
and boy, it makes me feel like I'm in a
cabin in the woods. This is fantastic. Eat your heart out.
I said some sarcasm just a little bit. So. By
the way, speaking of speaking of sarcasm, I mean I
put up a post today. I think it was today,

(34:30):
it was this morning, or late last night. It was
late last night. I put up a very very sarcastic post. Right.
It was a very pro Governor Cuomo New York post
because I I think, and many people think that Governor
Cuomo is doing a great job. And it was blatantly sarcastic.
Yet three people were like, oh no, I think he's
doing a great job. Or if you think he's bad,

(34:53):
our Governor's worse. I'm like, oh my god. It was
the most positive sarcastic tweet ever. People don't get sarcasm
these days, right, So somebody said, this should be a
sarcasm emoji, Like when you put it in, people know
you like you're being sarcastic. So we need to figure
out what emoji would be like good for sarcasm. Well,
the one with the smirk, the smirk that exists is

(35:14):
that is actually as close to sarcasm as possible. It's
like it's like almost like like a smile, maybe a wink,
maybe a wink. The problem, yeah, play a sarcasm is
you don't say that was sarcastic. You just say it
and people know you're being sarcastic. Hold on, I'm gonna
google sarcasm emoji. It already exists, but you just don't

(35:36):
know it yet. You don't you know? Yeah, you know, Yeah,
I totally don't know it exists. Hold on, no, I'm
I'm talking about this. You're being sarcastic, you bastard. I
see what you're doing here. You're trying to win. I
wink you didn't see me wink. Sarcasm emoji, Yeah, this
is the one. This is the one. What does it say?

(35:56):
What does it say? This is totally the sarcasm moji. Okay,
this emoi? Yes, if you type in sarcasm emoji, it
could be one of three. Um, the upside down smile
is the sarkas is considered sarcasm emoji. That's brown, okay.
The the one with the guy with his two eyes

(36:18):
looking up can be used as sarcasm. Isn't that eye rolling? It?
Could you roll your eyes? You could also be sarcasm.
And then the one that I said, the smirk like
the sideways I think people should just understand sarcasm and
know that if I'm tweeting it, it's sarcastic. The sarcasm

(36:40):
icon is with it. It's kind of like a crooked smile.
The best way I could put it. We do a
podcast for audio, not what the sideways the sideways smile. Yes,
I'm sorry you're missing You're messing up my emojis now,
I don't want to send a sarcastic comment. And the people,
why is this guy sending me a vagina emoji? I

(37:02):
don't get it. Oh my god. Ah. By the way,
speaking of things being um misunderstood. Um, so you know,
I don't. My Facebook is in public. It's just from
my friends and family, and so thank and thank god
it is. It's just for your friends and family. We

(37:24):
don't want that escaping out to the public. No, okay,
But I just tweeted something that was that that happened
on my Facebook page. And so somebody I worked with
many years ago in Brooklyn tagged me in a post.
We were going back and forth about something you both
agreed on on this particular political thing, and her her,
I don't know, seventy eight year old aunt puts up

(37:46):
something that was very anti one side of the political spectrum.
And what she wrote was, um, a ludicrous thing she
was accusing one of the political parties of doing. It
was ludicrous and it was like one ludicrous thing on
top of another on top of another, which I mean,

(38:07):
it was so unbelievable, right, And she's like, and that's
why those people suck. Now, I'm part of that half
of the country that she said sucked. And so I
googled the story to see what she was talking about.
And it comes from a website called The Babylon the
Babylon b which is basically another website like the Onion

(38:28):
that writes ridiculous story story. And so this woman was
ripping apart half of the country because of this story,
which is a comedy, facetious, sarcastic story, satire. It's satire
that's on a satire website. Oh my god, I love it.

(38:52):
You know, you know, you have to be able to
identify what's sarcasm and what isn't and what what is
satire and what isn't? Um, what's a parody? Speaking of parodies, UM,
I know, we usually do the unused jokes, the unused
punch lines, but didn't. Did we have an unused parody

(39:13):
from earlier this week before you play that. I just
got a tweet from the nurse. Oh you, Oh this
just in happening. It's just in this just in And
I've never been so happy to be wrong before. And
so I voiced texted her my response right, because I
voiced text most of the time. Uh, and when you

(39:35):
voice text sometimes the wrong there is not in the
response properly right. So I wrote her back three text
messages explaining myself, and she wrote back grammar police, you
use the wrong there. So to the to the nurse
that corrected my voice text. First of all, it wasn't

(39:57):
my fault. But second of all, I love you and
I'm so happy that you still have a sense of humor.
Please stay safe at work, and please continue to save lives.
Thank you very much. A slice for life. She has
a slice for life, and I am I am tingly
excited right now that she is not upset, uh, and
that she's doing the kind of work that she that

(40:17):
she does. Anyway, that being said, yes, unused jokes. So
I wrote a song for the Morning Show that Elvis
didn't feel was a good fit for the tone of
what was going on. So you know, everything fits our podcast.
So I wrote this as a tribute to what we're
all going through. So enjoy an unused parody. On the
first day of quarantine, my true love said to me,

(40:39):
this will be fun. On the second day of quarantine,
my true love said to me, let's pull around. There's
no hand to quarantine insight. On the third day of quarantine,
my true love said to me, what's on TV. There's
no hand to quarantine inside. On the fourth day of quarantine,

(41:05):
my true love said to me, let's make cut. There's
no end to quarantine inside. On the fifth day of quarantine,
my true love said to me, clean this mess up.
There's no end to quarantine insight. On the sixth day

(41:25):
of quarantine, my true love said to me, don't touch me,
sleep on the couch. There's no end to quarantine insight.
On the seventh day of quarantine, my true love said
to me, I hate you. We should socially distance are so.
On the eighth day of quarantine, my true stop singing.

(41:52):
Hey put that out let me out here. That was cute.
Thank you? What about that? I don't know how, I
ask Elvis H Well, I mean but listen, I mean,
it wasn't again you're a material. It was just okay,

(42:14):
it was cute, it was fun. It was far as
the point. Listen, my a material would be harsh and offensive,
and I can't. You know, we're not gonna do that.
But listen, Elvis knows the tone of his show. I
give nothing but but props. He didn't feel it was
a good fit or he didn't love it, and that's fine.
So that's what we have a podcast for us. He
always says, ah, do it on your podcast. So there
you go, do it on your podcast. Sometimes what you

(42:40):
guys don't know, Slices is that Scary will pitch something
for the morning show and that's so terrible. Elvis will say,
do it on your do what I'm doing your podcast? No,
He'll say, do it on the Brooklyn Boys, And I'll say,
oh god, no, do it on your other podcast, Scary.
We so ship rolls downhill. Well for years, I mean
you know, we've I've been I've been with Elvis now
for twenty five years. Any time that an idea didn't

(43:02):
make it through, would you do? Do it on your
own show? Do it on your show? Do it on
your show? To me, Yeah right, Brody would get that
we all, you know, do it on your show. That's fine.
I mean, you know it is his show, so so
and quite honestly, you know, if if this wasn't gonna
be the Brooklyn Boys, I was gonna name this podcast

(43:25):
Scary Jones own show. So we just do it on
your own show. It's my own show, right, but something better?
Is that what you were gonna do? You had a
backup plan in case I didn't. I was reading the podcast, Well,
I had other ideas in mind with other people, which
I'm not even gonna say anything about right now. Really, yeah,
because it wasn't your It wasn't your first choice. You

(43:47):
were my We were my first choice, and I know
other people, the other people that I was going, I'm
not gonna say it because that person does. You gotta
tell me that person doesn't know there my second choice. Well,
what if I quit right now, then we'll all find
out who your second choice was? Would you still pick them?

(44:09):
Would you still pick them as your second choice? Which
is why reveal it, because then they're gonna be like,
fuck you man, I want to be on your podcast
now and I don't need that? Was it? The Jersey Kid.
We're just gonna leave it right there. No, it was
the Jersey Kid. No, the Jersey Kid is the reason
why this podcast that launched, because it's freed up my time.

(44:30):
By the way, speaking of the Jersey Kid, you used
to do a podcast with him called The off Air Show. Yes,
and we left all a hundred and forty seven episodes
of the Off Air Show on this channel channel channel right.
I didn't realize that episode. Uh, we actually talked about

(44:53):
Brody and Scary. Scary and Brody and this podcast a
little bit. Yes, I didn't remember that I did, which
is why I've always said it's Scary and Brody. Because
I invited you to be part of this podcast and
do his podcast. No, no, I'm not gonna have that
fight again. But you invited me to be part of
the old podcast, and I said, hell no, so you

(45:14):
so you went and rediscovered episode one of our listeners,
one of our listeners tweeted at us. Uh. In fact,
the Brooklyn Boys Quotes guy tweeted a quote from that episode,
which I guess you didn't see even though you were
tagged in it. Because you know, you're a very popular man.
You have a lot of a lot of tweets. Um,
But it was reminding us of that discussion on the

(45:34):
off air show episode. Okay, I didn't realize that. I
don't think the Jersey Kid was in the room on
that one. He was not. It was just it was
just us, I think and and share. Yeah, it was
three of us. Yeah, I do remember that. I do
remember that. But yeah, so so go listen to that episode.
We still get credit for Yeah, we get credit for

(45:56):
everything on the channel. If you want to go back
to the beginning, have a party. But it might not
speaking of speaking of getting credit, So we have a
way of tracking as you guys know how many listens
we get every episode, and you know, if we're if
we're telling the truth, which we always do. Our podcast
is nowhere near the top fifteen anymore. On the I

(46:16):
Heart Radio podcast list. We dropped down to like forty fifty. Um,
and so scary thinks people aren't listening to comedy podcasts.
They're all listening to coronavirus podcasts and political podcasts. And
that may be slightly true. However, one of our episodes
in the past six was not doing very well. Uh,

(46:37):
it had less listens than other ones. And sometimes Scary
will tell you he believes it's because of the title.
If we put a sexual title in or something really funny,
they tend to get a little more listeners from people
kind of you know, skimming by listener that may not
be a listener. They're not really a self. But so

(46:57):
three or four, three or four weeks ago, we did
an episode about how Scary's parents won't come to have
brunch with him because it was too far. It was
before the whole lockdown. They didn't want to drive, it
was traffic, and Scary came up with a very clever title. Yea.
The title of the episode was Scary U Scari's uh

(47:17):
mom is a mother bruncher, right, which is a it's
sort of punny, it's cute whatever. Well, that episode wasn't
getting a lot of listens, so I changed the title
to Scary's mom sucks, and wouldn't you know it, the
listenership of that episode has skyrocketing. Are you kidding me?
Are you serious? Yeah? Did you really do that? Yes?

(47:42):
I did, And so a couple of people tweeted me saying,
I see what you did. They're very funny, and so
they went back and listened to the episode again to
see why your mom sucks. Oh my god, that's hilarious.
But actually, if you think about it, that is more
in your face then a pun like mother bruncher. Yeah,

(48:02):
she sucks. If that doesn't work, I may change it
to scaryes Mom's having sex or scariest mom gives good,
gives good something, just to spice it up a little bit,
scaries mom's kids. So all right, we'll see. All right,
we got to change all the titles. Now, Yeah, the
scary mom is a skank and I haven't changed any

(48:28):
titles since we went to commercial. Are you sure about that?
I'm I'm looking at I'm looking on my phone. All right, Hey,
I want to give an update to all my time
at Walgreens. Um, if you remember the last episode, I
talked about the drive through and the blue bucket of
grossness but whatever, we called it the blue bucket of death.
And so this yesterday I went into Walgreens to pick

(48:52):
up a prescription and I had to buy a couple
of the things, and so I didn't want to go
through the drive through because I wanted it to look
for the other items I needed. And so I went
into the store and the pharmacy when you got to
pick up your prescription. You can see the drive through
person talking to the drive through people. So I remembered

(49:12):
about last week how the guy didn't have gloves on
and he put all the stuff in the blue bin
of death. So I said to her, I said, hey,
have a question, because I told the guy and he's like, oh, great, idea.
I'll put everything in the bag so people don't have
to reach into the blue bin of death. So I said, hey,
I have a question, miss. Are you guys still using
the blue bin of death in the drawer? She didn't

(49:34):
understand the reference, but she said, don't worry. We sanitize
it every day because we put people's change in there
and they have to stick their hand in, right. So
I feel bad people show up at seven o'clock at
night when everyone's been through there and they haven't sanitize
it for the day yet, because I do it in

(49:54):
the beginning of the day, right. So I said to her, well,
I was here five days ago, and I recommend that
there's some guy with glasses that you should put everything
in the bag, the change, the receipts, the credit cards.
Wouldn't that be easier right, and she said, oh, that's
a good idea. I'm gonna tell people, Dude. I guarantee
if I go in there tomorrow, they're still gonna be

(50:16):
putting the ship in the Of course they are, because
it would be too difficult to change their system. Even
if this woman changed, which I doubt she will, She's
not gonna tell her co workers. It's like when you
call a company and you say, hey, there's a problem
with your website. Why don't you have your website do this?
And they go, oh, we'll we'll make a note of
that and we'll get that to the higher ups right away.

(50:36):
They are doing the jerking off motion with their hand
as they're talking to you. Nobody tells anybody, Nobody takes
your ideas and runs with them. So not only did
the guy last week put my credit card in the
blue bin at death that I had to reach in
and scrape it off the bottom, but this woman threw
loose change in the bin that she could have just
thrown in the bag. She threw it in the bin,

(50:59):
and now people have to reach in with their bare
hands and dig around for You wonder why people are
are getting coronavirus because they're the blue bin of death.
I mean, that's how could you not leave your house
and think about everything like it is so in the
It is so in the front of my brain, and

(51:19):
I'm so like conscious, super conscious to everything that I'm touching.
Am I touching my face? This door handle I just touched.
I'm walking to my car door. There's the handle. Did
anybody touch my car handle? Did I? You know? Besides me?
You know, these are the things I'm thinking about. I'm relentlessly,
endlessly thinking the second I step out of these doors.

(51:42):
How could you not so of death? And the place
where where sick people go, which is a pharmacy, and
they've got they're reaching their fucking grubby hands in there.
How could how could not everybody, not only you know,
beside yourself say something as well, like how did I
go out? I go out every day in a long
in a in a in a shirt with a with

(52:04):
a shirt pocket, and I put my credit card in
the pocket so I don't have to reach into my wallet, right,
So I used the credit card, I wipe it down immediately.
I'm wearing gloves, and this way I don't have to
keep taking my wallet out of my pocket. And maybe
getting you know, some some kind of germs on the
on the wallet. So I'm thinking ahead, right, So I
took my daughter a Starbucks. Who there's a drive through

(52:24):
Starbucks not far from us, because they're the only one
is open, and the lines are incredibly long because everybody
knows that, you know, there's only a couple open. And
I get to the drive through and the guy had
put a regular lid on my my coffee drink. And
he's not wearing gloves, by the way, very important I
mentioned that. And again I could see his coworkers all

(52:46):
have gloves on, but he's the guy handling the money
and handing you the drinks. No gloves. Okay, So that
is a prime coronavirus contact point right there. He's on
the front lines of this ship. He's handing me a
Corona Chino. That's what he's handing me with a with
a latte virus on a latte virus. So I said

(53:07):
to him, hey, man, um, keep in mind, I want
to say at the end of the story, I put
a two dollar tip in a little bin, which is
ridiculous in a drive through to have a bucket of
money sitting there that someone's not gonna grab it and
drive off. I've said that before. Anyway, I gave him
a nice tip. So I said, hey, do you have
a sippy lid, because I'd rather use a sippy lid
then the straw if I can help it, right, He says, sure,

(53:30):
no problem, and he reaches into the stack of sippy
lids and he puts it in the palm of his
hand with his fingers touching yours. Right. No, no, no, no,
He's got his hand his fingers on the underside of
the lid, which is gonna touch my coffee, so I said, So,
I said, excuse me, I don't mean to be to

(53:52):
offend you, but you're about to hand me a lid
with your bare hands touching the park that's gonna touch
my coffee. Might you be able to grab the lid
from the sides and pass it along? So he says, oh,
no problem, and he grabs the lid with like you
know the claw machines in the arcades, where they reached
down and clawed with your fingers down. He clawsed the

(54:15):
He now clawsed the cup. I wanted him to do
a C, like a horizontal C. Right reached the sides
of the cup which I could wipe. Maybe he clawsed
the lid so that, like you said, the sippy part
is now touching the palm of his hand as he
hands me the lid. And I said, so, I said,
you know what, just give me the straw. Fuck the turtles.

(54:38):
I don't want coronavirus. And so I'm sorry, but you're
getting a straw because I don't want the sippy lid
from Captain Coronas and and maybe maybe the U when
he grabbed them. You know, you know there's a stack
of lids. They're all like stuck together. He probably his

(55:00):
finger his dirty fingernails, like grab grab the top one.
He's handling cash, right, He's handling cash all day. So
that was what's today? Uh Saturday? That was Thursday. Yesterday?
My daughter and I went back. Right now. I hear
him on the intercom again, right, I hear him, Uh

(55:21):
take my order. So I said to my door, goddamn,
if this guy's touching on my lips again, And she's like, Dad,
don't get mad at him. I was like, I wasn't
that nasty to him yesterday. I gave him a nice tip,
but he better not man handle my coffee again. So
we get there. He's still on the headset, but he's
about six ft from the window. Now he's standing next
to the woman. But the woman who's actually handing the

(55:43):
drinks out has big purple gloves on and she's being sanitary.
So it looks like they took Captain Corona off of
window details and just kept them on the headset. They
probably got so many complaints about him. Yeah, so he obviously,
you know, maybe you can't work the the headset and
with gloves on. So they had another woman working the uh,

(56:05):
the handoff, and I said something to her. I said, hey,
I'm glad you're here today wearing gloves. Thank you. And
she took it like, you know, she had to look
on her face like I'm a hero. And I didn't
want to tell her, Hey, man, you're not a hero,
but thanks you for not killing me. So she'll call
him on Monday looking for a shout at. Yeah, what
about the Starmucks drive for women who are wearing gloves?
Were heroes? We are heroes. We're not zeros like Mr

(56:30):
Filthy Grimy Fingertip, Guy Handley. All your lives at the
same time. You know what, proty you should have quit
while you were head because if you think about it,
the original lid that he grabbed that first time out
hit your hot coffee. The hot coffee kills the germs.
Hot coffee isn't two hundred degrees. It would have been

(56:51):
a lot better. You would have have been a lot
better than that right right there, than him man going
on to man handle your sippy cup lip part. Well,
that's why I kept the original straw lid, because that
was already on there, and he didn't make the drinks.
All right, Next time, walk up with your own cup
and have them poor have them pour the coffee from
one cup over the window, and then and then let them. Yeah,

(57:15):
you come with your own cup and lid, and you
literally have them pour their cup of coffee into your
cup of coffee. And then you go away. You drive
you're done. Yeah, I'm sure there's problems with that too,
but all right, and then you stick your hand in
the tip jar and drive off with the cash. Yeah. Hey,
did you see The New York Post had an article
twenty one year old Tennessee girl or woman was bragging

(57:36):
on social media about not taking the coronavirus outbreak seriously,
posting pictures of herself at parties, hanging out, saying I'm
not afraid, I'm not worried. I'm young, I'm not gonna
quarantine anyway. She got the coronavirus. She said, it feels
like someone is sitting on my chest. It's hard to breathe.
I coughed and so much my throat was bleeding. Now

(58:00):
I'm not happy about this story, but it's just a
reminder everyone can get it. Don't act like you can't
because you're younger than than you think. Is is affecting people,
So everyone, and that includes people having no that includes
people having weddings. Okay, just because you're at a three

(58:20):
D four hundred person wedding, that doesn't mean that you're
immune because everyone's in party mode and the bride and
groom have to get married. You know what, Stop being
fucking selfish. Stop it. They had a Lakewood, New Jersey
on Thursday night, the third one third time they had
a break up a wedding and had like three or
four hundred people at it. And listen, I understand certain

(58:45):
people are religious in a certain direction or any direction.
You got you, but you know what they're people are sacrifice?
What the sacrifice means, that's why we're all doing this together,
because I'll be damned if I'm gonna be sitting here
through fucking July in quarantine as the rest of the
world won't stay the funk home. And again, we're not
talking about people that have to go to work. No,

(59:05):
we're not talking about talking about talking about people that
are so self centered and so selfish that they continue
to have a huge wedding celebration like they did and
the police had to break it up. This was on
Thursday night in Lakewood, New Jersey. True story, you can
google it. They broke up this fucking wedding because everyone there. Well,
first of all, shame on the bride and groom and

(59:26):
the family for going through with it and and and
putting all those people at risk. And they had one
in Staten Island last week also that night, like we
don't care, we don't care, We're just gonna have the
fucking wedding because we're more important than the rest of
the country. We're right. That's no, you're not centered. That's
the seld that's the self centered bullshit that in the
New York, New Jersey area. Yes, I mean we are

(59:50):
in a pandemic at the highest level here in this area.
And if you can do anything to keep from killing somebody,
you're not more important, You're not so. I posted a
video yesterday. Uh, please go on my Twitter at David
Brody and take a look at it from us. It
was a montage of people uh in a Hershey, Pennsylvania, UM,

(01:00:15):
nursing home, uh, pleading with people to lower the curve,
stay home, save their lives. Um. And that's that's that's
it's very powerful. But you know it was not just
old people. We lost a friend of our morning show
this week, Floyd Cards, who was a Indian chef who
not only brought up food to our morning show, ran

(01:00:38):
restaurants all over the world, but used to come to
every charity event and cook and provide food for our
kids with cancer events. Um. He died this week at
fifty nine. He was healthy. Now, I know, if you're
twenty five, you're like old. No, it really isn't think
about how old your parents are. And if you want
them to die because you were at a wedding, you

(01:00:59):
gotta go hang out with your bros at the beach
because your friend Dave said come over and play cards. Well,
now Dave. But I was saying earlier on well, I
wasn't outing my buddy Dave, who wanted to have me
over for dinner. And we've and Anthony, the three of
us have been in quarantine all this time. So what
it's like, So okay, But but again I'm still not
gonna take them up on the offer. But but I'm talking.

(01:01:20):
I'm specifically referring to people that are continuing to have
large celebrations and gatherings of zero fox given. And you
know what those are the people, and those are the
communities where it's running rampant the most. Well they had
um Now, some people would call it a violation of privacy,

(01:01:40):
but there's a company that tracks cell phones. Um they
can track cell phone usage. And they had a satellite
images you know how like you have um UH. They
can track like heating the building and it shows up
red right. They can see like where bodies are in
the building. So they're able to track lights on this
particular map that represents cell phone usage. And they showed

(01:02:04):
the beaches of Florida for spring break and they were
completely lit up, all compacted, really tight um lit up
with people on cell phones and and hanging out right.
And then as soon as springbreak ended, they tracked the
cell phones and watched all the cell phone usage in
South Florida disappear and travel on planes and cars and

(01:02:27):
all almost all of it ended up in the Northeast,
from Ohio to Boston from people who flew down there.
And now what happens all those people from the beaches
that were, hey, we're having a good time, we're young,
we don't care. They're all back now in our area,
now spreading that virus to people who are out on
the streets um playing basketball or whatever. And by the way,

(01:02:49):
it got so bad in New York this week that
the mayor had to take down uh he ordered to
take down every basketball from all the parks because people
were still going and playing full contact basketball when they're
supposed to be quarantined and keeping their distance from each other.
Speaking of keeping your distance, what would you do in

(01:03:09):
this situation? So shop right near my house is doing
a really they weren't doing a mostly good job keeping
people apart, right, So what they did was they rope.
They put a rope in front of all of the
registers and then at the left side of the store,
facing the front is an entrance to get online behind
the rope right, and then on the floor they put

(01:03:31):
tape every six ft so that you would win online.
Every six ft you wouldn't be near the person in
front or behind you. Right, so one person would be
in the front, and then there were one person at
the front of the line who worked at Shopwright, who
would wave you on to go to the next register.
This way you weren't in line behind someone on the register,

(01:03:51):
like crammed up against them. They were keeping people spaced apart. Well.
At some point when I was online, four employee is
of shop right, and I'm shouting out shop right. Four
employees of shop right stood about six ft from the
end of the where the line was beginning, where the
where the first person in line would stand, two on

(01:04:12):
the left side, two on the right. And so when
they called you to go to your register, and none
of them are wearing gloves or masks, by the way,
you had to walk through them like you were in
like a bridal celebration, like right, like here comes the bride,
and like people stand like you know you walk between them.
So you basically with your shopping cart had about six

(01:04:33):
inches of separation on both sides of you as you
walked through the four of them talking, when the whole
purpose of this line was to keep you separated from
everybody else. So I turned around and I said, excuse me,
what's the point of this line? And they said to
keep people separated. I said, what's the point of the
tape on the floor to keep people six ft apart?

(01:04:56):
So can you tell me, based on those facts, why
I to walk through the four of you to get
to the register when you guys are six inches away
from me. And they all had a dumb look on
their face with no answer. So you know what, fuck
you shop right for doing a half fast job of
keeping people safe. You made it look good, and then

(01:05:16):
you're fucked up by making me walk through a line
of four people like like like here comes the bridest
plan or I'm in a military presented uh present us
procession procession. I'm so flustered, you know, and I'm thinking, like,
you're gonna kill me while you're trying to help me.

(01:05:39):
Fuck you. So I went up to the help desk,
the customer service desk after I rang up my groceries,
and I asked that question. She said, oh, that's a
good point. You know what, that's gonna get me the
same thing it got me in Walgreens. It's never gonna
get mentioned to anybody, and it may actually get your coronavirus. Yeah,

(01:06:00):
you might get that as a bonus for free. Hey,
here's your free here's your free dessert, Christine. Items you're less.
You can get on the express line. Express line to
the hospital. No, thank you. So be careful out there,
people when you're going to places that are trying to
keep you safe, and make sure they're actually keeping you safe.
Between the blue bin of death and Captain coronavirus claw

(01:06:22):
hands at Starbucks and the weddings where there are four
hundred people there and they don't give a ship about
any pandemic going on because they just want to celebrate
with everybody and have a good time. Okay, now I
got one more story for you and then we're getting
out of here. I'm not gonna do that my Bluetooth
story until next episode, because I wanted to talk about, uh,

(01:06:43):
the guy at the pizza place that he was trying
to kill me. So there's a place in my area
that has pretty good pizza, but they also sell um
slices that are a blatant rip off of lmb's Pemony
Gardens upside down Cicilian slice where the cheese is on
the bottom and the sauces on top with a little
grated cheese on top. So my wife says, hey, let's

(01:07:05):
get pizza tonight. I'll place the order, you go pick
it up now. All the places are delivery only, right.
So I get there and I parked right in front.
It's in a strip mall, and there's a guy inside
the store with a baseball hat on, and the guy
working inside who knows me, he says, Hi, goes you're
fully ready about fifteen minutes. So I stand outside by

(01:07:27):
my car and the guy in the hat says, oh,
beautiful day. YEP, it really is. And he says, you know,
if this was a regular day, yesterday would have been
opening day for baseball, and we'll be watching baseball, counting
runs and hits and errors. But instead what counting cases
of coronavirus? So I said, uh yeah, uh huh, And

(01:07:50):
he takes a foot closer to me, so I back
up a little bit. He says, are you a baseball fan? Yes,
I am. He says you're probably a Yankee fan, aren't you,
I said, no, actually a Mets fan. Oh you're a
Mets fans, so am I. So he starts talking about
the Mets, and as he's talking to me, he's getting closer.
So I backed up a little more. At what point
is he gonna make fellow Mets fan give me a hug?

(01:08:13):
Oh no, no, you're right. Let me look hole. So
now he's in the he's in the doorway of the
pizza place, and the guy behind him in the pizza
I love people that they just can't take a hint.
They just don't know you're doing now visual body language clues,
you don't know some backing up and I'm like, uh yeah,

(01:08:35):
I keep doing that. Uh yeah. So we're talking Mets
and the guy behind him now who works there is
now my wife placed in order for like my chicken,
palm hero and some pizza for the kids whatever. So
I asked him, hey, can I add an upside down
slice to my order? He says, I'm not ringing it up.
You already paid for It's on me. I'll heat it
up for you. So he's standing behind the guy now

(01:08:56):
behind the counter with my pizza in his hand, you know,
like the plate, Like, hey, your pizza is ready. So
I'm looking him, going I'll get it in a minute,
because I can't walk past the guy. He's in the doorway.
So so the pizza I was gonna eat while I
was waiting for my food to be ready, I can't
get to. So he's going on for a few minutes,
and I'm backing up, backing up, And now he says,

(01:09:18):
you're a Mets fan, you probably agree with me politically.
What are your thoughts on blah blah blah. So I say, well,
I kind of agree with you blah blah blah. And
he says his eyes light up, Oh you don't like
that either, and what about this and this political thing
and that political thing. And I'm like, yeah, well, you know,

(01:09:38):
you know blah blah blah. Times are tough. And every
time I agree with him, he walks closer to me.
So at this point, I opened my car door, so
the card door is between me and the guy in
the hat, and so I figured the door will be
will be like a clue. I want him to stay
away from me. So he walks up to the car door.

(01:10:03):
As he's talking to me, he's all excited, and I
agree with him on sports and politics. So, by the way,
my wife says, you should have told me you're a
Yankee fan and lied about your political views so he
wouldn't talk to you anymore. I said, he just would
have argued with me. Then I was trying to yes
and the death. So finally my food's ready and it's

(01:10:23):
all on the counter. I gotta go pick it up.
I said, hey, man, uh, I gotta get my pizza.
He goes, oh, go right ahead. But he's standing between
me and the place and my car door and the
car next to me. So I go around. I go
around my door. I leave my car door open because
I can't close my car door without getting closer to him.

(01:10:46):
So I go and get the boxes of food. Now
I've got a stack of four boxes and a chicken
palm hero and my slice of pizza on top. And
he says, oh, say anyway, as I was saying, I said, sir,
I no offense. I said, I got old people in
my family. I'm really worried about getting coronavirus. Can we

(01:11:06):
keep six ft apart? Oh, yeah, no problem. I don't
know what I was thinking. And he backs up about
three ft and then says to me, I was thinking
of coming up with a dawn leash that's exactly six
ft long and rigid, so you always know people are
six ft away. So I said, well, I'm pretty sure
we're not, So if you could just give me three
more ft, I would really like to get to my car. Yeah,

(01:11:27):
no problem. So, anyway, did you see what so and
so said on television yesterday? You know what I did,
but I don't want to die, so if you can
please step back? And he he goes, oh, no problem.
I don't know what I was thinking, brain fart. And
then as I'm putting the stuff in my passenger seat,
he's like coming around my car to keep talking to me.

(01:11:47):
So I slammed the passenger door closed, and I go
back around on my car door that's still open, and
he's I closed the door and he's knocking on my window.
He's like, oh, one more thing. I go. No, I
gotta go. He's like, yeah, but I wanted to tell
you about so and so. No I know I have
a phone. Wow. Wow, this guy is pouring it on,

(01:12:07):
pouring it on. So well, it's like it's like you're
catching up with an old friend that you haven't seen
all these years. You just met this guy. I just
I don't know who he was. He's some guy in
the pizza place. Pizza place, Pete, like if he wanted
to kill me, and he was, and the guy, I
gotta be honest with you, he's like sixty sixty five
years old, you know, with a scruffy gray beard. It
wasn't like he was twenty one like company. Yeah, I

(01:12:31):
get that. You could shout it to me. Don't come
close to me. Ah, so you play the police. Don't
stand so close to me. No, yeah, I thought about that.
Starting on the show perfect, I suggested we start to
show with mc hammer the other day. Don't touch this.
You can't touch you can't touch this. I can't touch this. Yeah,

(01:12:55):
he's a place, pizza place, Pete. Man, Just stay at
your house, just stare away for he doesn't get a
fuck you because he he meant well, he just didn't
realize what's going on. Did And like I said, we
agreed on everything. The problem was if it was like
every time I stepped back, you know, anyway, my family
is home legitimately now, so we gotta end this thing.
Hit the jingle man. Oh, by the way, we are

(01:13:16):
doing the podcasts from my place next week, you're coming here, right, Okay,
Dave gotta go. No, really, come on now the dogs
are barking. Yeah, well, you know what I would sooner
go to bos