After the Affair

Disgust isn’t just a passing reaction. For many betrayed partners, it’s a visceral, body-based response that no amount of logic or reassurance can dissolve.

In this episode, we unpack one of the most misunderstood trauma responses after infidelity: disgust. Why it shows up. What it’s really saying. And how to respond to it without shame.

This is for anyone who’s ever recoiled at the sight or touch of the person they used to love, a...

Understanding why someone betrayed you can be helpful. It can explain what happened. It can offer context. It can even soften the sting, temporarily.

But it doesn’t erase the pain.

In this episode, we unpack the emotional tug-of-war between empathy and accountability after infidelity. We explore how understanding your partner’s internal struggles, their fears, avoidance, or disconnection doesn’t mean you're condoning their choices....

Betrayal leaves behind more than heartbreak, it leaves questions that echo in your mind day and night.

“Was it real?”

“Did I miss the signs?”

“Is this my fault?”

“Will I ever trust again?”

In this episode, I, Luke Shillings, walk you through the most common thoughts and questions that come up in the aftermath of infidelity, based on real conversations from hundreds of discovery calls and coaching sessions.

Whether you're feeling st...

Have you ever been told you're too emotional, or secretly believed it yourself?

If conflict overwhelms you, if you shut down or spiral in arguments, if you find yourself apologising just for feeling… this episode is for you.

Luke explores how what looks like emotional reactivity is often a learned survival strategy, rooted in fear, not dysfunction. From childhood patterns to nervous system responses, you'll gain insight into why ce...

You know your partner’s betrayal wasn’t your fault.

You understand the logic.

But still, deep down, you’re stuck.

Still needing reassurance. Still bracing for the next emotional shift. Still terrified of being too much, or not enough.

Why?

Because some of what you’re feeling didn’t start with them.

In this episode, Luke explores how emotional survival strategies from childhood shape the way we respond to betrayal, uncertainty, and ...

When you suspect infidelity but don’t have the proof, it can feel like you’re living in emotional limbo, caught between your gut and your guilt. In this episode, we unpack the messy, painful, and very human experience of wondering whether something’s going on behind your back.

You’ll learn how to stop spiralling and start grounding, why your feelings are valid even without confirmation, and how to begin reclaiming trust in yourself...

When betrayal shatters your world, knowing where to start can feel overwhelming.

In this episode, Luke breaks down a simple yet powerful framework to help you regain clarity, direction, and strength, The ABCs of Infidelity Recovery: Acceptance, Boundaries, Compassion.

These three pillars aren’t just concepts. They’re tools.

Tools to help you stay grounded when your emotions spiral.

Tools to help you protect yourself, reconnect wi...

You were the one who was lied to.

The one who was betrayed.

And yet somehow… you’re the one walking on eggshells.

Afraid to say too much.

Afraid to bring it up again.

Afraid of looking paranoid, insecure, or like you're the problem.

If you’ve ever told yourself, “I can’t say anything,” this episode is for you.

In today’s conversation, Luke explores the hidden fear many betrayed partners carry, the fear of speaking their truth. Whet...

There are moments when it all feels like too much, when the pain of betrayal, the weight of healing, or the sheer exhaustion of trying to hold it together leaves you questioning your strength.

In those moments, the most important decision you can make is not to fight harder, or fix everything, or know exactly what to do.

The most important decision is to not abandon yourself.

In this episode, Luke offers a deeply grounded reminder:

After betrayal, it’s natural to want answers.

Will they cheat again?

Will we make it through this?

Will I ever feel okay again?

We fixate on the outcome, hoping that if we could just know where this ends, we’d finally be able to breathe.

But in this episode, Luke explores a powerful truth:

Clarity doesn’t come from predicting the future, it comes from how you show up in the present.

Letting go of the outcome isn’t about giving up, ...

After betrayal, many people feel like they’re walking around under a spotlight, like everyone is watching, whispering, judging. But here’s the truth: it’s not always their judgement that holds you back, it’s your perception of it.

In this episode, Luke unpacks how imagined judgement can shape your behaviour, limit your authenticity, and keep you stuck in cycles of shame and silence. More importantly, he reveals how to reclaim your ...

We’re wired to crave certainty. Especially after betrayal, when everything familiar suddenly feels fragile, we reach for something solid, answers, guarantees, anything that promises safety.

But here’s the truth: You don’t need certainty to heal. You need self-trust.

In this episode, we explore how your relationship with uncertainty is the very foundation of growth, clarity, and transformation. Because while control might feel comfo...

We all say we don’t want to waste time, yet most of us do, especially after infidelity. We get stuck in waiting: waiting for clarity, waiting for healing, waiting for someone else to change. But here’s the truth: time is the only resource you can’t get back.

Imagine if every morning, you were given £1,440 to spend, but by midnight, anything left unused disappeared forever. Would you waste it? Would you ignore it? Would you give it ...

After infidelity, it’s easy to feel like you have to do something, have to leave, have to stay and fix things, have to forgive to move on. Society, family, and even your own mind push you to believe there’s a “right” decision you must make.

But here’s the truth: You don’t have to do anything. You only have to choose.

In this episode, we break down the illusion of obligation, why so many people feel trapped in expectations about hea...

After infidelity, it’s almost impossible not to compare yourself to the affair partner. Were they more attractive? More exciting? Did they have something you didn’t? The mind starts ranking you against them, like a game of Top Trumps, where someone’s ‘stats’ must be higher.

But here’s the truth: this mindset is a trap.

In this episode, join me Luke Shillings as I break down why we compare ourselves to the affair partner, why it mak...

Desire can feel overwhelming, especially when you’re caught up in an affair or emotional connection outside your primary relationship. It can seem like the attraction is uncontrollable like you have no say in what you feel. But what if I told you that while desire may not be a choice, what you do with it always is?

In this episode, we’re diving deep into the relationship between desire and choice. Whether you're struggling with an ...

Betrayal isn’t just about broken trust, it’s about identity. For many men, their sense of self is built on strength, control, and loyalty. But when infidelity happens, it doesn’t just hurt, it threatens everything they thought they knew about themselves.

In this episode, I explore the ego’s role in betrayal recovery, why the pain runs so deep, and how to shift from ego-driven reactions (anger, control, blame) to true healing. If yo...

Feeling trapped between two impossible choices? Whether it’s staying in a relationship after betrayal or walking away, deciding whether to tell the full truth or keep things buried, or any other major life decision, binary thinking can make it seem like there are only two options, when, in reality, there are more.

In this episode, I explore how black-and-white thinking limits your ability to make the best decision for your future, ...

What if you could curate your thoughts like a bookshop owner curates their shelves? In this episode of After the Affair, I explore the power of intentional thinking using the metaphor of a bookshop. Your thoughts, like books, fill the shelves of your mind, but not all of them deserve to be displayed prominently. Some belong in the archives, while others should be highlighted as bestsellers.

We’ll talk about how to manage your menta...