Friendship IRL: Real Talk About Friendship, Community, and What It Actually Takes

Fitting social gatherings into busy lives often isn’t easy, but let me remind you of their value:

One of the longest studies on human connection found that adults who went to social gatherings regularly reported reduced levels of depression and better life satisfaction.

The good news? You don’t have to wait for life to ease up or to get invited to see your people; you can start creating recurring friend gatherings right now, which is...

Have you ever felt like you have nobody to call, and wondered: how did I get here? Where are my people?

Maybe you’d been focusing on your career and lost touch with your friends. Maybe a big life transition has made you feel the friendships you used to have were tied to a version of you that no longer exists.

I’ve been there. I feel your pain, and I wish I could give you a big hug. But as somebody who’s been in this situation before,...

Like it or not, AI is becoming part of our world in countless capacities – including navigating friendships. 

Today’s guest is Connor Joyce, a senior user researcher on the Microsoft Copilot team who has been working in the AI space for five years. He has integrated AI into almost every aspect of his life, including friendships. 

To some of you, this might seem intense, and I get it. But I challenge you to stay curious and listen to ...

Ever feel both happy and also … a little jealous when a friend shares good news?

I experienced this dichotomy the other night, when my friend shared a success. I found myself performing enthusiasm while dealing with conflicted emotions; I wanted that kind of success, too. Did this make me a bad friend for feeling something other than pure joy for her?

In this episode I talk about jealousy in friendship: how it happens, for all things...

While brainstorming episode ideas, I sometimes search Google Analytics to see what people are asking. Here’s what I found this week: How do I ask someone to hang out without making it weird?

Turns out, millions of people are feeling anxious about asking someone to join them for coffee! (What do I say? What if they think I’m weird? What if they say no?)

Today, we end that cycle. I’ll talk you through how to ask someone to hang out: wh...

She used to call herself the shy, awkward kid with one best friend. Now she calls community her superpower.

Last year, Alison Kinsey decided to run an experiment: invite 10 interesting people to coffee in one year. The result? New friendships and a complete shift in how she sees herself.

And you’d never guess it was a cross-country move to California that encouraged her to become an initiator. From afar, I’ve see...

This is the second installment in a two-part series about group chat anxiety.

If having a massive group chat text chain stresses you out, then I’m going to let you in on a secret: it’s because you CARE about your friendships. But with these chains, we’re also sometimes pouring this caring into the wrong place.

In this episode, I talk about auditing these group chats and determining what’s working and what’s draining. How can we use t...

Have you ever picked up your phone and discovered a hundred unread text messages?

Likely you’re at the tail end of a group chat, and it kind of feels like walking into a party two hours late. You want to respond but wonder: will people be annoyed at you for backtracking? Maybe you even feel resentful for being added to this chat without consent. 

Group chats can sometimes feel like you’re operating with one arm behind your back – but...

When Michelle Valiukenas lost her daughter Colette after being born at 24 weeks, the grief was devastating – and this grief had real effects on her friendships, both good and bad.

In today’s episode, Michelle and I talk about the evolution of relationships through all of life’s ups and downs and the value of showing up imperfectly.

Shortly after recording, my own friends lost their son in the NICU, and I felt uncertain how to go abou...

One reason I do this work is I believe all humans deserve to feel safe – but for a lot of us, that’s not a reality right now. 

Across the country, from Minneapolis to Maine, people, including children, are being kidnapped from their homes under the guise of immigration crackdown. 

So today’s episode is about leveraging connection as a form of resistance to protect our neighbors. What can you offer, and how do you present yourself as ...

Ever feel like, all of a sudden, you have TOO many friendships to juggle?

I know – this sounds like the most privileged problem ever! But truly, it’s a common experience, and I think the reason some of us get burnt out is because we feel we need to show up for each person in the same way. 

My thoughts? Some friends are lifelines; others add color to your life. Both types matter. But you don’t have to show up the same way for everyone...

Have I made it sound like it’s easy to keep friendships strong and resilient?

If so, let me set the record straight: making changes in friendships, even if they’re for the better, is HARD. A lot of the time, it involves uncomfortable conversations, confrontation, and hard feelings. It’s so tempting to push problems aside to keep relations “peaceful.”

I think there’s an expectation to put in work for romantic and familial relationship...

Imagine you’re fresh out of college and just moved back to your hometown. Suddenly, making plans with your friends feels hard.

Instead of meeting them in the apartment next door or in the dining hall, you’re texting back and forth, trying to get together – but much of the time, it doesn’t pan out, or it’s just not the same. This story is a reality for so many people, including today’s guest.

Jason Edmonds is a Seattle resident who de...

I sobbed in the car about the holidays this week – but not for reasons you might think.

Here’s what made me emotional: I am so grateful and excited for the ways we are celebrating our holidays this year. It could not be further from the reasons I’ve car sobbed in years past.

Some of you are already excited about the holidays, and I love that for you. But that is not everyone’s experience, and for years, it was not mine. There was a p...

If you’re somebody who dreads going to a party, then this episode is for you.

Sometimes the couch feels more appealing than going out into the world and socializing, and I get it. Attending a gathering takes energy. Sometimes it feels awkward. But gatherings can also make us feel inspired and supported and invigorated.

Today I offer an approach that will help you take charge of your guest experience with three simple questions. You c...

Raise your hand if you’ve ever walked away from an interaction and thought, gosh, I was so awkward! They’ll never want to talk to me again.

If this is you, you’re not alone, and honestly, it probably wasn’t as bad as you think; we’re often harder on ourselves than other people are on us. When it comes to connections, there’s a name for this underestimation of how much others actually enjoy interacting with us.

The Liking Gap is a soc...

Let's talk about the Martha Stewart trap so many of us have fallen into.

You decide you’re going to get everyone together to see your new place. But then you start thinking you need to deep clean everything; you need more seating, more cutlery, and you need to cook a nice meal. Eventually you start wondering: when did hosting get so expensive?

I’m here to tell you it doesn’t have to be. Today’s episode will reframe a few things ...

I’ve never been a big drinker. In my early twenties, I remember having to stand up for myself to be included during drinking games, even though I was drinking water.

But at a recent gathering we hosted, I realized there were actually MORE non-drinkers than drinkers present. Making non-alcoholic options (and non-alcoholic activities) a normal part of our get-togethers has certainly been an evolution, and I’m grateful for it.

There are...

Ninety-four percent of people have experienced more than one friendship break-up.

Let that sink in. Nearly EVERYONE listening has been through this heartbreak multiple times – and yet, we barely even talk about it as a society! 

This statistic comes from a survey conducted by today’s guest, Meenadchi, a somatic healing practitioner, communications expert, author of Decolonization Non-Violent Communication, and TEDx Talk presenter abo...