The Covert Narcissism Podcast

Talking to your adult children about a covert narcissistic parent is one of the hardest and most emotionally loaded challenges survivors face. You’re carrying years of truth inside you — experiences that shaped your life, your self-concept, your safety, and in many cases, the childhood environment your kids grew up in. And yet, speaking that truth openly can feel dangerous. It can feel like badmouthing. It can feel like you’re putt...

So many survivors walk into healing believing they were “codependent,” when the truth is far more compassionate and far more accurate:
What you were doing wasn’t codependency — it was fawning, a trauma response your nervous system used to keep you safe in an emotionally dangerous environment.

In this episode, we break down the difference between fawning and codependency in a way that finally makes sense for survivors of covert narci...

This Thanksgiving episode is unlike any you’ve heard before.
Instead of forcing gratitude outward—toward family, toward traditions, toward circumstances that may feel complicated or painful—this episode brings gratitude back home. To you.

Survivors of covert narcissistic abuse often carry shame for the very responses that kept them alive. They question their anger, their confusion, their anxiety, their numbness—never realizing these...

In Part 2 of this story, we pick up right where the alligator encounter left off — not with danger, but with the emotional aftershock that followed.

My body was still shaking, adrenaline pumping, breath unsteady. I paddled straight toward my friend in a heightened state: frightened, confused, and trying to make sense of whether I had truly just kayaked over a mama alligator… or whether I had imagined the whole thing.

And what happe...

In a healthy relationship, conversations might be difficult at times—but they are possible. You can talk, clarify, repair, and understand each other. But when you’re living with a covert narcissist, communication slowly becomes a maze you can never find your way out of.

In this episode, I share how the most ordinary exchanges in my marriage became painful, confusing, and emotionally draining. It wasn’t yelling. It wasn’t name-calli...

In this episode, I’m taking you with me on a peaceful Florida river… right up to the moment my kayak bumped over what I thought was a floating log. Except it wasn’t a log. It was a massive mama alligator. But the most surprising part of the story isn’t the alligator. It’s what my brain did in the exact moment of danger.

Instead of panicking, screaming, or flipping into the water, my mind calmly told me, “Huh. I didn’t know alligato...

Covert narcissism isn’t one-size-fits-all. Some manipulate through silence, others through guilt or tears. Some quote scripture, some play the victim, and some simply vanish into the quiet coldness that leaves you questioning your worth.

In this episode, Renee Swanson explores how covert narcissism exists on a spectrum—why it can look completely different from one relationship to the next, and even from one day to another. Through ...

Ever feel like you’ve been living in a circus you didn’t sign up for?
In this episode, Renee Swanson uses humor to shine a light on the exhausting emotional reality of living with a covert narcissist — through the story of an inflatable clown and a bicycle pump.

You know the one: it’s dramatic, unstable, takes up too much space, and leaks air faster than you can fill it. Your job? Keep it pumped up. All. The. Time.

Through laughter ...

What if your greatest fear as a parent has already come true?
You can feel it — your child pulling away, repeating phrases that don’t sound like them, looking at you through someone else’s eyes. This is the painful reality of parental alienation, one of the covert narcissist’s most devastating tools of control.

In this episode, Renee Swanson explains how covert narcissists quietly rewrite your child’s reality — turning love into con...

Resentment is one of the hardest emotions to face after covert narcissistic abuse—because it shows up long before you even realize what’s happening. You start resenting them for the confusion, then resenting yourself for pulling away. But what if resentment isn’t bitterness at all? What if it’s your system’s way of saying, “I’ve had enough.”

In this episode, Renee Swanson breaks down why resentment builds in these relationships, ho...

When a marriage falls apart, the story children see is often only a small part of what truly happened. One parent may look angry or reactive while the other appears calm or composed — but underneath, both are often hurting, both are surviving, and both are human.

In this heartfelt episode, life coach and podcast host Renee Swanson speaks directly to the sons and daughters who grew up in homes shaped by emotional turmoil or quiet di...

If your mind can take one tiny worry and turn it into a full-blown disaster movie, you’re not alone.
That’s catastrophic thinking — and it’s one of the most common patterns survivors of covert narcissistic abuse struggle with.

After years of walking on eggshells, your brain learns to expect danger, even when there’s none. Whether you lived with a covertly abusive spouse or grew up under a narcissistic parent, your nervous system has...

We’ve all heard it—“But they had a rough childhood.” “They just don’t know any better.” “You have to feel sorry for them.”
Yes, empathy is beautiful. But at some point, we have to ask: how far does this excuse go?

In this episode, Renee pulls back the curtain on one of the most common traps survivors of covert narcissistic abuse fall into—confusing compassion with obligation. She unpacks the endless list of excuses narcissistic part...

Triangulation doesn’t stop just because you see it. In fact, once you recognize the pattern, the covert narcissist often pushes harder, twisting words, controlling the story, and pulling others into the tension.

In this episode, Renee walks you through how to handle triangulation in every stage of the journey:

While you’re still in the relationship, how to stay grounded, refuse the bait, and protect your sanity. After you’ve left, ...

In Part 2 of my conversation with Sarma Melngailis, we dive into the turning point—the awakening after covert narcissistic abuse. Sarma shares the moment she began to see the manipulation clearly, how she learned to gray rock and set boundaries, and what it means to find freedom after years of psychological control.

Together, we unpack the neurobiology of cognitive dissonance, the pull of trauma bonds, and the co...

Triangulation is one of the covert narcissist’s most insidious tools — because it’s quiet, invisible, and devastating.
It’s how they control the narrative, twist communication, and turn the people you love against each other — all while pretending to be the calm, reasonable “peacekeeper.”

In this episode, Renee shares two powerful stories that reveal how triangulation slowly poisons relationships:

• The first, a marriage where...

Sarma Melngailis—best known from the Netflix docuseries Bad Vegan—joins me to reveal the story the headlines never told. In this powerful and deeply human conversation, Sarma opens up about covert narcissistic abuse, repeated manipulation, and the long road of self-discovery that followed.

We explore how empathy, idealism, and even neurodivergence can make survivors more vulnerable to co...

You didn’t just wake up one day and decide to slap them.
That moment — the one that now fills you with shame and self-blame — didn’t come out of nowhere. It’s been building for a long time.

In this episode, Renee Swanson explores what happens when years of emotional invalidation, manipulation, and gaslighting finally push you past your breaking point. When your calm exterior cracks, and your reaction — whether yelling, slamming a do...

What happens when survivors of covert narcissistic abuse come together in one safe space? At our recent CNG retreat, fifteen women gathered with fear, doubt, hope, and courage. Some were terrified to share their stories, afraid of judgment or dismissal. Others were overflowing with relief at finally being heard.

In this episode, I reflect on the lessons and transformations from that weekend: the power of connection, the validation ...