The Covert Narcissism Podcast

Ever feel like you’ve been living in a circus you didn’t sign up for?
In this episode, Renee Swanson uses humor to shine a light on the exhausting emotional reality of living with a covert narcissist — through the story of an inflatable clown and a bicycle pump.

You know the one: it’s dramatic, unstable, takes up too much space, and leaks air faster than you can fill it. Your job? Keep it pumped up. All. The. Time.

Through laughter ...

What if your greatest fear as a parent has already come true?
You can feel it — your child pulling away, repeating phrases that don’t sound like them, looking at you through someone else’s eyes. This is the painful reality of parental alienation, one of the covert narcissist’s most devastating tools of control.

In this episode, Renee Swanson explains how covert narcissists quietly rewrite your child’s reality — turning love into con...

Resentment is one of the hardest emotions to face after covert narcissistic abuse—because it shows up long before you even realize what’s happening. You start resenting them for the confusion, then resenting yourself for pulling away. But what if resentment isn’t bitterness at all? What if it’s your system’s way of saying, “I’ve had enough.”

In this episode, Renee Swanson breaks down why resentment builds in these relationships, ho...

When a marriage falls apart, the story children see is often only a small part of what truly happened. One parent may look angry or reactive while the other appears calm or composed — but underneath, both are often hurting, both are surviving, and both are human.

In this heartfelt episode, life coach and podcast host Renee Swanson speaks directly to the sons and daughters who grew up in homes shaped by emotional turmoil or quiet di...

If your mind can take one tiny worry and turn it into a full-blown disaster movie, you’re not alone.
That’s catastrophic thinking — and it’s one of the most common patterns survivors of covert narcissistic abuse struggle with.

After years of walking on eggshells, your brain learns to expect danger, even when there’s none. Whether you lived with a covertly abusive spouse or grew up under a narcissistic parent, your nervous system has...

We’ve all heard it—“But they had a rough childhood.” “They just don’t know any better.” “You have to feel sorry for them.”
Yes, empathy is beautiful. But at some point, we have to ask: how far does this excuse go?

In this episode, Renee pulls back the curtain on one of the most common traps survivors of covert narcissistic abuse fall into—confusing compassion with obligation. She unpacks the endless list of excuses narcissistic part...

Triangulation doesn’t stop just because you see it. In fact, once you recognize the pattern, the covert narcissist often pushes harder, twisting words, controlling the story, and pulling others into the tension.

In this episode, Renee walks you through how to handle triangulation in every stage of the journey:

While you’re still in the relationship, how to stay grounded, refuse the bait, and protect your sanity. After you’ve left, ...

In Part 2 of my conversation with Sarma Melngailis, we dive into the turning point—the awakening after covert narcissistic abuse. Sarma shares the moment she began to see the manipulation clearly, how she learned to gray rock and set boundaries, and what it means to find freedom after years of psychological control.

Together, we unpack the neurobiology of cognitive dissonance, the pull of trauma bonds, and the co...

Triangulation is one of the covert narcissist’s most insidious tools — because it’s quiet, invisible, and devastating.
It’s how they control the narrative, twist communication, and turn the people you love against each other — all while pretending to be the calm, reasonable “peacekeeper.”

In this episode, Renee shares two powerful stories that reveal how triangulation slowly poisons relationships:

• The first, a marriage where...

Sarma Melngailis—best known from the Netflix docuseries Bad Vegan—joins me to reveal the story the headlines never told. In this powerful and deeply human conversation, Sarma opens up about covert narcissistic abuse, repeated manipulation, and the long road of self-discovery that followed.

We explore how empathy, idealism, and even neurodivergence can make survivors more vulnerable to co...

You didn’t just wake up one day and decide to slap them.
That moment — the one that now fills you with shame and self-blame — didn’t come out of nowhere. It’s been building for a long time.

In this episode, Renee Swanson explores what happens when years of emotional invalidation, manipulation, and gaslighting finally push you past your breaking point. When your calm exterior cracks, and your reaction — whether yelling, slamming a do...

What happens when survivors of covert narcissistic abuse come together in one safe space? At our recent CNG retreat, fifteen women gathered with fear, doubt, hope, and courage. Some were terrified to share their stories, afraid of judgment or dismissal. Others were overflowing with relief at finally being heard.

In this episode, I reflect on the lessons and transformations from that weekend: the power of connection, the validation ...

Have you ever wondered why just being yourself feels like walking through a minefield with a covert narcissist? Why your joy, your truth, your boundaries, even your growth seem to set off explosions? In this episode, we unpack exactly why the covert narcissist sees you as a threat.

From your truth that cracks their carefully crafted image, to your feelings that highlight their emptiness, to your independence, awareness, and growth ...

In Part 2 of my conversation with singer-songwriter Caryn Dixon, we go deeper into the journey of leaving—and staying gone—from covert narcissistic abuse. Caryn opens up about the staggering reality that it takes an average of seven attempts to leave an abusive relationship before it finally sticks, and why so many survivors find themselves pulled back into the cycle again and again.

She shares the powerful response her video on th...

What happens when you stop pouring all your energy into someone else and start investing it back into yourself?

In a healthy relationship, your self-care is welcomed and even celebrated. Your partner enjoys the space to recharge too, and both of you come back stronger. But in a relationship with a covert narcissist, pulling back your supply—the constant attention, caretaking, and emotional labor—can trigger explosions, implosions, ...

In this first half of my two-part conversation with singer-songwriter Caryn Dixon, we explore the story behind her new EP Bird in a Cage—a raw and vulnerable collection of songs written out of her experience of covert narcissistic abuse. Caryn shares how life inside the “perfect couple” image felt more like a shrinking cage, one that left her hiding her pain, questioning her reality, and carrying invisible bruises.

We talk about th...

In today’s episode, I step away from the usual format to share something deeply personal and profoundly important. This is a tribute—a celebration of life—for a member of our community whose story ended too soon. For her privacy, I will call her Mary.

Mary’s life was marked by decades of devotion, sacrifice, and quiet endurance. Though her family didn’t see her pain, and though her reality went unacknowledged in her death, we will ...

Leaving a covert narcissist isn’t a single moment of walking out the door—it’s a layered process that unfolds in stages. In this episode, I explore the three different ways survivors leave: physically, emotionally, and mentally.

• In physically abusive relationships, your body often leaves first for safety, while your heart and mind lag behind.

• In emotionally abusive relationships, your heart shuts down long before your b...

You’ve researched. You’ve reasoned. You’ve shown empathy. You’ve tried again and again to help them see the truth—about their behavior, the damage, the disconnection. But nothing changes.

In this episode, Renee Swanson explores one of the most painful patterns survivors of covert narcissistic abuse face: the endless attempts to help, to explain, to connect—and the devastating realization that it never leads to real progress.

Throug...