November 12, 2024 • 59 mins
Jazz speaks with television icon Angela Bloomfield. Angela talks about her time on Shortland street and how her character Rachel was the vehicle for any teenage tropes. She also talks about how she feels she can start her life again after divorce and her experience with post natal depression.
Hope Is Real is a Podcast to help you feel a little less alone, a bit more inspired, and a lot more hopeful. Join Jazz Thornton every week as she speaks to empowering and inspiring people from around the world and shares their stories to normalise the way we talk about mental health in society.
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
The Zitim podcast network.
Speaker 2 (00:04):
So I started on the show. I was nineteen, she
was sixteen, and I was basically the vehicle for any
teen issue you could have playing a character five days
a week and going where do you start? And where
does she stop? And so yeah, I think that was
probably the polarizing bit for me.
Speaker 1 (00:22):
Hey guys, here we are again.
Speaker 3 (00:23):
Welcome back to another episode of Hope is of the podcast,
the podcast designed to help you feel a little less alone,
a bit more inspired, and of course, as always a
lot more hopeful. Now today's episode, we have an icon,
a legend. I would go as far as say New
Zealand Royalty Angela Bloomfield. You may have seen her on
(00:46):
your screens growing up on Shortland Street. You may have
seen her on such shows as Celebritish Treuter Island Dancing
with the Stars, and as a matter of fact, on
this podcast we both talk about our experiences on their
kind of sharing.
Speaker 1 (00:57):
We both did those two shows.
Speaker 3 (00:58):
I didn't do Shortland Street obviously, but she did, and
she talks about a whole bunch of different stuff, I guess,
kind of living life in the public eye, but then
also dealing with anxiety, panic attacks and doing that on
set in front of a bunch of people, she talks
of an experience that she had where she began to
(01:19):
realize that this was more than just anxiety, that she
was really getting pushed into the side of panic attacks.
Speaker 1 (01:24):
And not really knowing how to deal with that.
Speaker 3 (01:27):
Angela opens up about her divorce and her postpartum depression
and everything that happened along those times.
Speaker 1 (01:34):
For her.
Speaker 3 (01:34):
It was a really difficult time that she managed to
really fight through. She's got some beautiful moments, some beautiful
realizations in this episode, and it's been such an honor
to be able to sit with her and hear her
story as someone that I grew up watching. I remember
watching her when I was younger on the TV, and
to sit with her now and kind of hear her
wisdom has been incredible. So I hope that you guys
(01:57):
enjoy this episode. As always, If anything and here triggers you,
please it's okay to take time, It's okay to talk
to people, but other than their Angela's story is coming
up right after this.
Speaker 1 (02:12):
Angela, Welcome to Hope It's All the podcast. First of all,
how are you?
Speaker 2 (02:16):
I'm great? Thank you for having me to meet.
Speaker 1 (02:19):
I'm so excited for you to be here.
Speaker 3 (02:20):
I feel like I'm setting amongst New Zealand royalty right now.
Speaker 2 (02:23):
Really I do will skip it up and died. I
don't know.
Speaker 1 (02:28):
It used to be.
Speaker 3 (02:30):
No, you still are, like I just anyone who kind
of has watched TV in the last twin When were
you first.
Speaker 2 (02:37):
Cast on Shortland Street ninety two?
Speaker 1 (02:40):
That's before I was born.
Speaker 2 (02:41):
Yeah, I'm a little bit older than you.
Speaker 1 (02:43):
Wow, so many mini years.
Speaker 2 (02:46):
Many years that you. I feel like that beginning a.
Speaker 3 (02:48):
Lot of people have just kind of grown up with you,
which is Yeah, that's a vibey gear, yeah, which is amazing,
and I want to I want to talk about that
so in kind of that even just your hold journey
with that, so you're there for such a long time.
But before we do that, as I was kind of
researching for this podcast, I realized we've got two exactly
the same TV shows, reality TV shows that we're cloth done,
Dancing with the Stars and Slebrity Treasure Island.
Speaker 2 (03:10):
This is correct.
Speaker 1 (03:11):
I've got to ask which one did you prefer.
Speaker 2 (03:16):
It's funny because so I did Dancing with the Stars
like fifteen years ago, and then so when I reflect
upon it. I'm like, I feel like I couldn't do
that now because it's really rigorous, as you've experienced, and
so I think I would probably right now do a
(03:36):
Treasure Island again because I feel like it's not that
whole performing live on a dance that you've taken a
week to learn. Likes that's next level kind of stuff.
It's amazing achievement stuff like really pat yourself on the
back stuff, but it's it requires so much of you
physically and mentally.
Speaker 3 (03:57):
I feel like people need to know like it's live,
like it's as live as gets and I think people
don't sometimes understand that. And I don't know about you,
but like when you do the big like light the
rehearsal right before the live show, and I feel like
everything tends to go wrong there the amount of times
that we caked lifts on my finale dance, we did
the dirty dancing lift and in the rehearsal right before
(04:19):
I went right over into the judges desk, like, did
you have any incidences like in those rehearsals where you
caked it?
Speaker 2 (04:25):
We didn't have. I didn't have anything like that, but
I certainly had that feeling of like not maybe not
quite heading it or still not being where I needed
it to be. And then I don't drink coffee. And
there was one night I know, I don't know how
it got through life, but so there was one night,
this is fifteen years ago, where I was feeling quite
low in energy. So I had like a three month
four month old baby when I did Dancing at the Stars,
(04:47):
so she went from three months to six months over
that time. And there was one weekend I was feeling
real tired. It was a two dance show and I thought,
I'm going to have a red bull. I don't drink
coffee and I've never really can know, and I suddenly
it was oh, I remember. I still feel like really
angry at myself, but I did it because I got
really floppy and I couldn't hit anything sharply and I
(05:09):
knew it was the red bull. And that was the
night I went home and it was just this whole
kind of like, yeah, this whole kind of like why
did I do that? I could have been so much better?
Speaker 1 (05:19):
Well, how far did you make it through?
Speaker 2 (05:22):
I was only not in two shows, so wow, it
felt good?
Speaker 1 (05:25):
Yeah, pretty far.
Speaker 2 (05:26):
But at that time it was an early days I
got eliminated. It felt like the shortened street person was
eliminated at the female was eliminated on the same show.
I know that's controversial to say it's not actually about that,
but it would just so happen, not Mariamah or people
later on, but it was the same week. It was like, Okay,
(05:46):
we've got bums and seats, now you can go.
Speaker 1 (05:50):
It's so ruthers.
Speaker 3 (05:51):
When I was doing it, I genuinely can't comprehend how
you did this with a three month old, Like I
had no humans that I was looking after and I
couldn't function, or.
Speaker 2 (06:01):
I had two humans I was talking after. One would
just happen to be a little baby. I think for me,
like if you know me, well, you know that I
tend to pack it in, not intentionally, but like, well,
this just seems to be the right time to do it.
And when they asked me to do it, and my
brain I went, oh, third season, such a synic, probably
(06:24):
won't do more than four. I've got to do it now.
There won't be another chart retrospect. I was so wrong,
and so I just and I hadn't been on Telly
for a couple of years, and I hadn't been working,
I'd been a mum, and I think there was a
piece of me that wanted to earn some money and
have some worth in that space, and also just wanted
(06:44):
to get back out there and do something that was
me centric. But I don't want to boys who not
at all.
Speaker 1 (06:52):
Not at all, do you.
Speaker 2 (06:53):
But for me, the contract was I'm a real contract person,
and it basically said, we're in Wellington all weekend and
through the course of the week, you need to do
ten hours of dance training. And I was like, I
can do that. I can do that with my babies.
And then it was about the fifth show and I
was talking to I think Lorraine Downs's partner, dance partner,
(07:15):
and he was just like, I don't know how you're
doing it, and I said, it is. We're all doing
it the same way, aren't We's like two hours of
dance a day and he was like what, and I
was like, well, the contract like two hours of dance
training a day was like on a lorrain and I
are in the studio eight hours a day, six hours
a day. And I went I went, well, I didn't
kind of go, you're cheating, but in my brain it
(07:37):
had never been suggested to me that we could dance
more than ten hours, and I committed to ten hours
a week and on a two dance week, that was
not a lot of time for Johnny. And he didn't
ever say to me, hey, have you got more hours
than you? And I just cried and cried and cried,
and I lost all well to live and went well
(07:59):
if I know when you know, it was just and
that was it. It just it just fell over. Oh.
Speaker 1 (08:03):
I we were doing like.
Speaker 3 (08:05):
We were in the studio up to ten hours a
day for were eleven weeks straight. Didn't have a single
day off because were you doing two shows or one show?
Speaker 2 (08:14):
We did one show?
Speaker 3 (08:16):
Yeah, so we did the two So we were doing
the Sunday Mondays and then yeah, Davi your dancing by
like the Wednesday, and so we literally had no days off.
Speaker 1 (08:22):
It was crazy.
Speaker 3 (08:23):
And by the end of it, you're just like so
exhausted and just so ready to be done.
Speaker 1 (08:27):
But I felt like I felt that same exhaustion.
Speaker 3 (08:29):
Ready to be done when I did Treasure Island as well,
which was more recent for you.
Speaker 1 (08:34):
When did you do Treasure Island?
Speaker 2 (08:35):
I did Treasure Island in twenty twenty.
Speaker 1 (08:38):
Wow, Oh, so that would have been the COVID twenty twenty.
Speaker 2 (08:41):
No, so that's when we came out. It was the
one out of the COVID. Oh yeah, so no, so
we meant to do it twenty twenty and we did
it twenty twenty one, right, so it got ditched and
then reprised. And yeah, when I look back home, man,
that was a whole different kind of broken. And it's
(09:02):
for me, And it seems so basic to say out aloud.
And I don't know why I didn't think of it
as going to be the niggle point. But I think
a lack of food, a lack of sleep, and a
lack of connection to people that mean something to you,
for me personally just derails me. And I didn't think
about that as a thing. I was so obsessed with,
(09:24):
you know, perception and people going they're going to try
and bait you and turn you into this agitated person.
I was like, no, I can, you know I can.
And it just wasn't about that. It was stripping away
basic need no food, no sleep, a real sense of
like I'm having to survive and no person there that's
(09:48):
like your person. Yeah, yeah, it was.
Speaker 3 (09:52):
It sounds like we had kind of similar Rish experiences
with Treasure Island and then even kind of the aftermath.
I was talking to a of mine this morning saying
that I was about to interview and they were just like, man,
I think she had a real rough time on the
island of what that whatever they eat it was, which again,
people do not comprehend that reality TV is not reality,
(10:12):
Like there's so many things that can be edited and skewed,
and like, I know that for me, a lot of
the times the producers would really kind of try and
pull out a story or be like, well, did you
see those people like over there talking and when you're
tired and you haven't eaten and all of that, you're like,
oh my gosh, everyone hates me, Like I was, just
it was it was so hard. Did you when when
the show then came out, what was the response like,
(10:36):
and how did you feel?
Speaker 2 (10:39):
Yeah? That's a whole different ballgame, isn't it. And and
that's also the thing that I was very unprepared for.
And that was the worst part of it because when
I was we still call it the island, even though
in nor the Island. When we were on the island,
(11:02):
I thought I was pretty good at well not pretty good.
It's my default. If there's a camera there, then we're working,
you know, if there's a mic on me, then we're working.
And as soon as they went I was in rest mode.
So I think a lot of people were like, oh, wow,
you really got into it. And I was like, when
the camera was there, like when the camera's not there,
I was just sitting there, you know, chilling, doing nothing.
(11:26):
So I definitely gave good I'm here to play a
game for you know, the show, But yeah, I don't know.
When it came to air, I was just I was
really thrown by what other people had said about me,
which I didn't expect to be thrown by and also
didn't expect to have it said about me, and it
(11:48):
felt so it felt so left of field because I
couldn't see the person that they were seeing, and they
almost had created this really competitive person. I was like,
it's just not me. I'm just you've asked me to
play a game. I'm here and I'm playing it when
you were here filming. But that's the beginning and the
(12:08):
end of it. And yeah, I think for me, I
was started off with a whole lot of you know,
Sports Stars was a very different sort of personality type
to mine, and it was all and we got very
quickly into what you're here to offer, what you bring,
(12:29):
and it became really clear immediately that they felt I
bought nothing because I didn't have any physical strength, and
I was just like so thrown by, Oh, I'm in
this space nothing that you see of value. And so
it did take a good sort of eight days or
something for them to be a team adjustment. And then
(12:52):
I found people but were also not sports stars, that
were just having fun and doing best thing ready for
and which is something that actors do, like basically, you know,
the best thing about your day or something that you learned,
and I felt really comforted and that for me was
where the fun happened. And watching it was exactly like that.
(13:14):
So it started off being really hard to watch, and
I literally would watch it with all my family and
all my friends, so we'd all be watching it at
the same time and in like a zoom so that
in the ads we could mute it and they could
sit there and I could debrief and they were going,
no that read well and like because I just needed
so much kind of off the ledge chat and I
(13:36):
didn't think I thought I was stronger than that.
Speaker 3 (13:39):
Yeah, I really, I mean I literally felt the same.
Like watching I think what was really hard about something
like that is one everything that you experience is obviously
so long before it even years, like it's everything that
happens on the island, and then suddenly you're seeing it
back and it's kind of different to what you remember.
Speaker 1 (13:57):
And I was.
Speaker 3 (13:58):
Really taken aback by the fact that I didn't know
how it was going to come across or how people
what people were going to say. And I was actually
pretty much fine through the whole thing until they there
was a storyline that didn't actually happen that came out
for mine.
Speaker 1 (14:11):
And then finding out and seeing.
Speaker 3 (14:13):
It with the rest of the country I think is
a really hard thing as well, Like you're hearing these
things about yourself alongside everyone else, and it's it's really difficult.
And I mean, but there are such fun moments on
that show as well, right, but I do think like
it it just tests you so much with like you said,
not eating, not doing any of that, and not having
(14:34):
people like there was one night I went up with
the producer and just like lost, like bawling my eyes
out to the point of like I need to quit,
Like I cannot do this.
Speaker 1 (14:44):
She's like no, stay And I ended up.
Speaker 3 (14:45):
Getting eliminated a few days later anyway, so which I'm
very thankful for now. I mean, my first shower after
that show, and it was like brown as it was
like as the showers going. It was so gross because
we were in Queen, Wanica and the lake was freezing,
so like we didn't want to be out there, but
you know, it was just disgusting.
Speaker 1 (15:03):
But how doy TV's weird?
Speaker 3 (15:05):
Do you think it was also hard for you because
you've grown up, like you've done all of your a
lot of your on screen stuff.
Speaker 1 (15:11):
You're playing someone else and all these shows it's you.
Speaker 2 (15:14):
Yeah, yeah, and that's been And I don't want to
take anything away from the people that watched the show
and watched me and supported me and actually enjoyed me,
because that that's important. But we're breaking it down into
actually what it was like. But I think, yes, since
since doing stuff outside of scripted work, which has only
(15:38):
happened in the last set of ten years, I and
also doing my new job, you know, real estate, it's
that real thing of like who am I? Who am I?
Playing a character? Five days a week and going where
do you start and where does she stop? And so yeah,
I think that was probably the polarizing bit for me.
(15:59):
I was myself on TV, but it was me and
I was saying it, and there was nothing, you know,
and I didn't say anything bad about anybody or anything,
but you could see that I was emotionally fraught and
struggling and watching yourself in that space and knowing that
everyone else is watching as well. It's just like opening
(16:20):
your diary or opening your ribcage and going come in
and see all the that layers underneath. And I was
just like, oh, I don't know if I can have
people see me this fragile.
Speaker 3 (16:31):
I fully understand that, and I think, you know, for me,
that's kind of been what I got. I hate saying
it's such a weird thing to say. What I got
knowing for was literally like, here's all of my life trauma.
And so people saw that. But for people that have
grown up or have kind of lived careers like yourself
or like sports stars or people that have been in
the public eye, and there is this kind of way
(16:53):
that you need to hold yourself when you get used
to holding yourself to kind of be able to, I
guess handle that. To then have people see some of
the stuff that you're struggling with is like it's hard,
and it's frightening and it's scary. But I also think
it's what humanizes you. And it's like you can be
this rock star five days a week on TV and
(17:14):
also be a real life human and I think people
often disconnect that and only see you as this person
who they were seeing on TV, but actually there's so
much more behind there.
Speaker 1 (17:25):
How old were you when you got cast on Fallen Street?
Speaker 2 (17:28):
I was nineteen woweah?
Speaker 1 (17:30):
And you were on it for how many years?
Speaker 2 (17:33):
I mean about twenty five? But sometime some parts of
that I was directing, and then most of the time
I was acting.
Speaker 3 (17:40):
Dang, I was reading. While I was doing the research
for this. There was kind of someone who did like
a roundup of your character, which I was just like,
oh my gosh. It was not like a round but
just like the things that your character went through, and
I just I was shook by all of this. You
survived full marriages? No, it says you survived full marriage.
Speaker 1 (18:00):
Did you know? Was it a lie? Well?
Speaker 2 (18:02):
I mean, let's see, she got married to Nick Harrison,
for the the what do you do in university to
get the money when you're married. I didn't go to university.
Speaker 1 (18:11):
I don't know. The yeah allowancy.
Speaker 2 (18:13):
Thing, yeah, something like that. So that wasn't a that
was a wedding. It was like a you know, a
protesting thing. Okay, so it wasn't a real wedding. And
then there was no one else. And then before they
brought me back. At one point I came back for
like a special birthday or something and so and had
an affair with Chris and I had I don't know
(18:35):
if I was married to him, but I had a partner.
And then Chris Warner is the person that I married, So.
Speaker 1 (18:41):
Maybe I don't know where they got marriages from. Four people.
Cautless explosions.
Speaker 2 (18:47):
I mean, there's always an explosion. There's always on Shorty Street.
I've been in a part of them and I've filmed them,
and they tend to be pretty awesome but also very
you get one hit at it, right. So I had
the major one one day where Rachel is an alcoholic
and she'd been driving drunk and she caused a terrible
accident and there was a burning car and there was
a baby in the back of the burning car. Oh,
(19:09):
I had to get the baby out and then I
had to run away, and the key shot was me
running with the baby and the car exploding in the background.
You get one shot it at multiple cameras, and I remember,
you know, you just don't want to do anything terrible
that's going to muck it up. And I feel like
my reaction or my physical arch to the bang was
just a little bit overcooked. And I'll never forget it.
Speaker 3 (19:34):
How many explosions can one hospital like, it's quite concerning,
you know, well.
Speaker 2 (19:38):
You know, it's a soap opera, and I know, thirty
years old, and it should be at least it There
should be at least an explosion a year, so you know,
if we're talking about a rate of.
Speaker 3 (19:49):
I mean this is her alcoholism was in this as well.
I read an eating disorder. Was that a part of it?
Speaker 2 (19:54):
Definitely? So I started on the show, I was nineteen,
she was sixteen, and I was basically vehicle for any
teen issue you could have. So, you know, she was
the daughter of separated parents. She had bolimia and anorexia,
she had STDs, she hadn't it's anything. It was just
(20:16):
that thing of like every couple of months. Okay, what
do teenagers go through this? So yeah, but alcoholism was
the resounding because her dad was an alcoholic, Right, how
was that portraying that? I mean, this sounds terrible but
fun but also at times, and I suppose this is
(20:40):
where we're unpacking it. Right when I was probably in
the depths of one of the longer times that they
traversed the alcoholism, I got really unwell, and so my
body because you're basically telling yourself that you have nothing,
(21:00):
You're worth nothing, you know, And so that was the
state I was sitting in for a couple of months,
because that was what my character was doing, just having
outbursts and being in a really bad place and everyone
was trying to help, and she's pushing people away. So
it lasts for quite a while, and I remember just
getting this rational over my body and just feeling crap
(21:24):
and going to the doctor and they you know, did
tests and things. But it was just that I was
feeding myself the message that I was a piece of
shit and my body was trying to survive. So that's
when I started learning about meditation and power of thought,
and I got some strategies courtesy of another actor, which
(21:45):
I still share with people to other actors to this day,
about how to sort of breathe yourself back in and
breathe the character out, and just little rituals that you
can do so that when you do finally walk in
the door, you're as close to you as you can
be as opposed to because you've got to think, when
I go home, I'm learning my lines for the next day.
(22:07):
And at the point at that time, I was living alone,
and so it was just very immersed in a lot
of self kind of achiness, and my body just didn't cope.
Speaker 3 (22:16):
I mean, that's such a like a physical example of
what the power of thoughts is, right Like the fact
that obviously, for you, it was a character that then
morphed into you weren't able to get away from those thoughts.
And then for people who may be struggling with these
thoughts themselves, and then to be constantly dwelling on it
and thinking about it like that literally your body starts
(22:38):
to believe it and have those responses to it. And
the fact that you, who were portraying another character, that
started to kind of leak over to your everyday life
is such a crazy kind of representation of that, like
how how do you separate those things when you've got
this character going through so many crazy things and like
(22:58):
you said, you're at that point, you're living alone and
you're learning lines and next. I don't know people know
that Chortland Street at that time was or is the
fastest like what's it called moving TV show?
Speaker 2 (23:09):
Like multi camera? Yeah, like Last turn Around TV. Yeah,
we do it really fast, and I think, yeah. I
also got my training on the set of Shortened Street.
So I didn't go to a drama school where you're
taught how to manage building a character and a toolbooks,
a toolbox of sort of like ways of finding your emotions,
(23:31):
and so my way of finding my emotions and teaching
myself was to think bad things. And I remember when
I was very young, I reveled in it. I remember
me and my brother were brushing washing the dishes and
I was on washing and he was on drying, and
I was like watch this, and I sort of turned
away and I was washing the dishes and I was
just thinking awful things, like about our parents dying and stuff.
(23:53):
And then I turned around and I'm like crying. He's like,
oh my god, I'm like, I know, so impressed with myself,
but like, you need to learn safe ways of engaging
emotion and it eventually needs to come not from source
spots or your own trauma. And as an actor, yeah,
(24:15):
once you've experienced this a few times and you know
ways of doing that. And I think the other thing
that I was sort of traversing around that time when
I was playing those sort of more challenging storylines was
there was kind of the height of shortened Street and
so at the same time, whenever I left the house,
(24:38):
there was just eyes on me. And it was also
a fun time in the nineties where we were getting
invited to parties and there was just this very strange
world that I was suddenly a part of. So on
the one hand, I'm just trying to be a really
good actor and was very invested in my character, and
on the weekends, I'm sort of trying to blow it
off and partying, and yeah, it was just a lot.
Speaker 3 (25:04):
I can't even imagine, like, especially at the peak of
that show, like literally the whole country was blooming watching it,
and I know, like even for me, since I came
out of Lockdown and TikTok Blew up, Like I have
so much social anxiety now because I just there's eyes
on me all the time, and I can't even imagine,
for you going eyes on you on the screen all
week and then step outside your house and more eyes
(25:26):
on you again.
Speaker 1 (25:26):
Like it's a lot, like a lot to deal with.
Speaker 3 (25:29):
And I know that you've spoken a bit about this
in an interview that I read anyway about starting to
experience panic attacks.
Speaker 1 (25:36):
Can you kind of explain the first time.
Speaker 3 (25:38):
That you remember feeling anxiety and then the first time
that you experienced a panic attack.
Speaker 2 (25:44):
Yeah, it's funny because I knew we were going to
be chatting about it, and so I sort of had
a little dig around my memory banks, and I think
I do healthy or not sort of clearly do by
what I'm about to say. I just I block stuff out,
you know. So for me, I remember being on set,
(26:04):
and mine stems from not getting it right, So me
myself feeling like I'm failing, which is actually such a crippling,
stupid headspace to be in for a creative because now
I know the whole point of being better as an
actor is to get it wrong, is to start and
not know where it's going to go. That's the beauty
(26:26):
and the good stuff. So I was constantly trying to
and as I was untrained, I didn't want to get
it wrong, so I was constantly trying to control everything.
And I remember being on set and something had happened
and we were behind, as we are often, but that
can get stressful when you're behind, and people can get
(26:49):
stressed and push that out there, you know. And I
just remember and they were getting ready to film and
the scene started with me in the middle of the
space and no one else, and I just remember feeling
my whole body going really weird and going, I'm about
to cry something. Something bad's happening to my body. And
(27:11):
I got something, you know, like I hadn't failed it before,
and multiple cameras staring at me darkness, people were about
to and I just my instinct was just you need
to remove yourself, and so I just slowly stood up
and I just walked away into the darkness and just
lost it.
Speaker 1 (27:31):
Wow.
Speaker 2 (27:32):
And it probably wasn't yet till years later that I
and I had experienced it. Since that someone told me
that it was a panic attack. But I was speaking
to my mum in the weekend and she kind of
told me about something that started much earlier I was
(27:54):
on the show, but much earlier than I remember. She
recounted a story that we were in a maw and
I just and I was around the corner kind of
like bent over, just like not breathing, and I was
just like.
Speaker 1 (28:05):
Ohow, And you don't remember that. Wow. So your brain
and your body is literally just kind of blocked blocked
it out.
Speaker 2 (28:13):
Yeah. Wow.
Speaker 3 (28:14):
I think it's really interesting that you talk about, especially
as a creative, and that it wasn't it was around
not being able to get things right. I think I
speak and the hundreds of schools every year, and you
see so many kids that go through that just from
the pressure of even just with their parents and trying
to get into the best schools or get the best grades,
(28:35):
and especially around exam time, and people go on to
this full fledged panic attacks around just not being good
enough or not being able to kind of meet expectations.
And for you to have been doing that kind of
earlier than you even remember, what was how how long
do you think you were experiencing kind of that that
heightened time of panic attacks when you were on the show.
Speaker 1 (29:00):
The whole time, whole time.
Speaker 2 (29:01):
Yeah, but I just got better at managing it and
learned strategies around it. But I think my kind of
default of getting it right happened very early on in
my life, like as a little in you know, And
so it really is the making of you as a person.
Like I still have it now and I have to
kind of just I just blow it off, do you
(29:21):
know what I mean? I go, it is what it is.
I still I'm still incredibly driven and ambitious, and I
try and make it as good as it can be.
But at some point I go not to the level
we were going to get deranged about it, but and
often it isn't. I you know, watched my daughter her
first year of exams at high school. And I don't
(29:43):
put any pressure on my children to be anything other
than the best that they want to be. You know.
It's really like I'll say to them, I feel like,
you know, there's a space between what you're applying yourself,
but I feel like there's a bit more to give.
But that's on you. You know that that's totally up
to you if you want to if you want to
stop at that level. And I watched Maya just wrap
(30:07):
herself up in nots and and a lot of emotions
and a lot of dysregulation, and we talked about it
a lot, and that was just her dance up to
something that meant a lot to her. So we worked
a lot the next year about just changing the dance
because you get to decide what it looks like.
Speaker 1 (30:27):
I really love that saying change the dance.
Speaker 2 (30:30):
Yeah, well that's really cool. Well, well, we all do it, right,
and I think actors do it, and so often in
acting terms, I talk and like movement and dance and
whatever your your thing is. But and everyone has their
thing and some people, some people do need to turn themselves.
I choose not to, you know, yeah yeah, and to be.
Speaker 3 (30:48):
Able to even just kind of go through and experience
those feelings. But I really love that the way that
you just worded that because I also think that it
it gives the power back to people that are going
through that as well too. You do have the ability
to change that response and to prepare yourself. And when
I was going through kind of everything, when treas railing
came out for me, I remember someone saying it's pre
(31:10):
warned is pre armed. And I think when you've gone
through something like that before, and you've kind of got
that pre warning of that's what has happened. You can
be pre armed, and you can kind of put in
the work and do the things to be able to
I guess, change the not necessarily the outcome, but change
the way in which you respond. And I think sometimes
with anxiety and with with panic attacks, it can feel
so overwhelming and all consuming that you feel like it
(31:33):
will never it could never change. And I would love
to know what your advice would be to anyone who's
listening to this that might be dealing with panic attacks
themselves and just like this is like at the peak
of it, this is what I'm going to live with forever.
Speaker 1 (31:46):
What would you say to them?
Speaker 2 (31:48):
Oh, so much. I think it's doing it's talking to
people sharing. Obviously it's a cliche, because it's true. You know,
a problem shared is a problem haves So finding someone
anyone in your life that you can share it with,
because saying it out aloud is half the problem because
(32:09):
then you go, oh, you know, it's not admitting it,
but it's going it's safe enough to talk about. And
then that person, hopefully or someone in your life, will
give you some strategies around managing panic attacks, like I
know that there's some that you can't think yourself out of,
but there is definitely ways that you can minimize. So
(32:34):
grounding as one having that truth in your head that
no state stays the same. Every state moves, everything evolves,
nothing stays the same. So this the state will evolve
and move. But I think grounding is probably the thing
I do the most when I feel like I'm getting disregulated,
(32:58):
and it just it's just an immediate kind of like
stops the brain and lets the body rest, because that's
what it is. You just have to let you stop
your body and let it rest.
Speaker 3 (33:09):
Yeah, I really love that, And it's just so it's
so relevant to so many people. And I think that
for people that are watching, like I said, people on
screen or sports fields or whatever, it may be just
this assumption that they don't struggle with anything.
Speaker 1 (33:23):
It's just it's not true.
Speaker 3 (33:24):
And I mean we were just talking before we started
recording that you were at an event that I was
supposed to be at not too long ago, and I
literally couldn't go because of the panic and anxiety that
I had, which has kind of escalated more so recently.
I don't know if you've ever had a situation like
this growing up on Shorten Street.
Speaker 1 (33:42):
But I had a stalker situation.
Speaker 3 (33:46):
But this guy flew over from the Netherlands to find me,
found my house within two days, located me with sending
very threatening, scary messages, and then I had the criminal
behavior forensic psychologist from police who specializes in psychopaths basically
talk me through what to do if worst case scenario happened,
like it was terrifying, and this was only about a
(34:08):
maybe two months ago, I think, And so then being
out in public situations.
Speaker 1 (34:14):
Like the panic is so real.
Speaker 3 (34:17):
But having to do these things again and remind myself
and grounding myself and trying to not let it take
over my social life has been a really kind of
big journey for me, and also why I was really
excited to also have you one. I think around the
idea of anxiety and panic attacks and still having to
live your day to day life knowing that this is
(34:38):
something that you can experience, but also just breaking down
the stigma of it of like we all go through
stuff and it's really about learning to manage it and
to deal with it. And grounding has been such a
massive thing for me that's really helped as well, did
you ever have any kind of when you're on kind
of the peak of shortened street like scary interaction with people?
Speaker 2 (35:03):
Remember I'm a good blocker, OUs.
Speaker 3 (35:05):
Pointing, just dig right back into that art.
Speaker 2 (35:10):
I mean, nothing, nothing that compares to We've just been
not not at all. I mean I've certainly been yelled
at in the street and yelled you know, yucky things
like you've got chlamydia and oh yeah you know. But
(35:34):
and I mean, fear just keeps you walking, right, do
you know what I mean? What? What? What are you?
What am I going to? What was I going to? Do?
You just carry on walking? I suppose for a week
while there, if someone called out Rachel, I wouldn't turn around.
But if someone called out it was kind of my
little rule someone new. Was someone going to call out Angela,
then I then they get me. I can I'm going
(35:55):
to turn around. But if they call out Rachel.
Speaker 1 (35:57):
It's not my name, Well, people struggle.
Speaker 2 (35:59):
I'm allowed to keep walking. Yeah.
Speaker 1 (36:02):
I think that still to this day.
Speaker 3 (36:04):
People struggle to see the difference between a character and
a person. And like some of my friends who were
actors that were just like, yeah, people would like attack
me on the Street for someone that my character did,
and I'm like, it's not me, like I'm just acting
someone like it's I mean, I've never been an actor,
so I don't know what that's like, but I can
imagine that would be quite frustrating.
Speaker 2 (36:26):
I have the benefit of time, so because I've had
a long time on that show, she evolved into a
capable woman, a step mom, a wife, a professional who
ran a business, and people got to watch that in her,
(36:46):
and I supposed to put that on me if they
couldn't see the difference. And then I also evolved as
a person and so and did enough Woman's Day articles
that most interactions start with a you Angela, not are
you Rachel? It starts what did you play Rachel? So
time has allowed people get excited, but I don't really
(37:09):
get called Rachel anymore. Oh that's nice, So it is.
It's really nice. She's definitely part of the conversation. And
sometimes they're like, did I go to school with you?
And I went, I don't think so, and I'd pecked
my moment. If I help people out of it, I
help the most nine times out of teen, and I
help them. But I don't want to be that person
(37:31):
that goes I was on a two big so I
you know, I just go you know, but yeah, look,
I've just been overseas with my daughter and I haven't
been on screen for a really long time, and you know,
still a thing. Yeah, a thing. Yeah.
Speaker 1 (37:49):
I don't know if this is so.
Speaker 3 (37:51):
You absolutely don't have to short about this at all.
But I just again saw it when I was doing
all of the research.
Speaker 2 (37:55):
And the fairly open book.
Speaker 1 (37:56):
Well this is good. You went through a divorce.
Speaker 2 (38:00):
Oh wow, I thought you were going to go in
a different direction. I did go through it. I do,
I am, I'm a separated person.
Speaker 3 (38:05):
It was one of the first things that kate when
I was searching.
Speaker 2 (38:08):
It was what you googled angela Bluefield and divorced it?
Speaker 1 (38:10):
Did it?
Speaker 2 (38:11):
Did? I'm sorry to algorithms, geez, but.
Speaker 1 (38:16):
There was, But there also wasn't a lot.
Speaker 3 (38:18):
It was assuming someone were probably just doing some clickbating
title with what had been said in it.
Speaker 1 (38:23):
But the only reason that I wanted.
Speaker 3 (38:25):
To bring it up was that there's even a few
people there I know that are kind of in the
very very beginnings of a divorce and feel like their
entire world is crumbled, and there is just no, there's
no step out of this, and that's the only reason
that I wanted to bring it up. And again, you
don't have to talk about it, but if you are
willing to.
Speaker 2 (38:45):
Yeah, wow, I think I wouldn't. I wouldn't wish separation
on my worst enemy. It is. I think there's so
many layers to this conversation, but I will say for me,
there was a lot of learning and a lot of
(39:08):
growth and realizing that life is a gray area, it's
a big there's just no black and white, and I'd
become really bound by sort of self belief statements that
were not helping me. And I suppose one of them
was I'll never get divorced, and I'd say it out
(39:28):
aloud and it was almost like I've you know, it
was just a really silly thing. I didn't say it
a lot, but I was saying it, and it's and
it's just a really unhelpful thing. Because then when when
that's one of your key things and then it actually
is not right, you become really destabilized by it and
(39:51):
you go, who am I am a failure? So I
had to walk through so much learning and the fact
that be careful what you say about yourself. And I
did feel like a failure, and I did feel like
I would have effectively broken my children and broken my
a bit of my life and a bit of you know,
(40:11):
this other person's life. And I would say, it's yeah,
it's literally taken me the ten years that I was married.
It's taken me another ten years to unravel separation. And
I remember when I turned fifty saying to my mum,
I feel like my life can start again now. I
(40:32):
feel like I'm allowed to have a life now again,
which is a really annoying thing to happen. But I
really had gone You've had your joy, that's it. You
wrecked it. You have to sit in that, and it
was it was really unhelpful.
Speaker 1 (40:49):
It makes me. I am a little bit teary.
Speaker 3 (40:51):
It makes me a little bit emotional just what you
just said then about what you said to your mom
that you can start your I know I.
Speaker 2 (40:57):
Forget, but that's but and I don't know why I
needed it to be so long. But the thing I'll take,
I'll say to you now in the same breath, is
it's starting again. And instead of saying like I'm only
fifty one and I've got so much more ahead of me,
and that includes in love. Yeah you know, or it's
(41:18):
just so it's so for you to say that as well.
Speaker 3 (41:20):
I was so hopeful for those that are in the
middle of it, like the fact that sure it took
you ten years to get to that point. That the
fact that you can look at that and go, no,
I can I can fall in love again. I can
I can start my life again. That that says so much.
And I hope that you kind of you see this
(41:41):
the strength in that, because I mean, I haven't been
through marriage separation, but like just to be able to.
Speaker 1 (41:50):
Have that stance and be like I'm okay.
Speaker 2 (41:52):
Yeah, I'm okay, the kids are okay, Chris is okay.
That said, I you know, maybe I did make it
harder on myself than it needed to be. So you know,
I'm not here to give unsolicited advice, but to anyone
that is traversing that, I would say, go easy on yourself.
And the thing I learned that's resonated most in my
(42:16):
life that helps me out the most is if you
can refine the ability to truly live in the moment,
that is where that's when you start living. And so yeah,
you don't have to beat yourself up for ten years.
You can start living earlier than that. Yeah, it's up
to you. Yeah, Yeah, it's so true.
Speaker 3 (42:37):
And I also think like, even when you were saying
on the kind of beliefs that you had in that
in those ten years, and how much even just I
think behavior and things like that. This is something I
was thinking about recently, actually talking to my therapist about
there was a lot of things that I would do
or things that I would respond to, and I'd be.
Speaker 1 (42:54):
Like why do I do that?
Speaker 3 (42:55):
And I'll get so mad at myself for these responses.
And she just said, Jazz, I want you to think
of like five year old year. I was like why,
and she was like, all that kid was trying to
do was survived the best way that she knew how to,
and that's how she did it. So these behaviors that
you're hating in these beliefs and these responses that you're
so like, why am I Like this.
Speaker 1 (43:14):
Just came from this little kid who was trying to
protect herself.
Speaker 3 (43:18):
And I think it's so important to, like, even in
responses when we're going through things like that, to be like,
this is just this little kid who dealt in some
whatever situation it may have been, that these behaviors and
responses and beliefs they come from somewhere, and often it's
just a younger version of ourselves.
Speaker 1 (43:36):
It's like, I'm so sorry. I was just trying to
do the best.
Speaker 3 (43:38):
I could, and they were so healing for me to hear,
and I was like, dang, Like that's so true, because
our responses when we go through like this, we can't
control half of the time that we were like in
the middle of this kind of turmoil thing to be
like how am I responding? But to go you know,
for you to have gone through all of those ten
years of marriage and then ten years of that and
(43:59):
then be like I'm okay, and like I probably should
have gone easier on myself.
Speaker 2 (44:05):
This kind of parts to that isn't there because and
I think I still have a little bit of work
to do in the I'm a learner. I'm happy to
learn till the day I die. I need to learn
till the day I die. But when I think about
like my five year old self, I can still feel
there's some there's some there's some pain there. So I
still have some stuff to do in that space. Which
(44:28):
is exciting. Yeah, But also as a parent, I knew
that before I had children that whole It's not a
premise that that that that reality of we are the
person you can see, but we are still the child,
and that responsibility as a parent to do the best
I could not not to not to break them, and
(44:50):
not to do things that were going to cause default
behavior that was responsive and not helpful for them as
a teenager as an adult, and I still drive quite
a bit of dialogue with my children in that space
and will forever because that's how I talk with my
friends as well, you know. But yeah, constantly sort of
(45:13):
sitting back and looking at my kids and going, I
haven't break them too much. Do I need to talk
to them about that? Do I need to go on
and talk to them about that? Because we're just trying
to survive as a parent, Yeah, but also nurture this
little being that's just wants to be protected and loved. Yeah.
Speaker 3 (45:32):
There was something I saw on tektok a while ago
that was someone who had just videoed their mum and
was like, I often forget this is her first time
living as well, and it just I was like, oh,
I mean, it's true.
Speaker 1 (45:45):
Just trying to figure stuff out.
Speaker 3 (45:47):
And I also think that, again, I'm not a parent,
but I know that like some of my real deep
rooted trauma came from like these situations that happened with
my friends when I was younger as well, and things
that parents just literally can't control and don't have any
kind of you know, say over, but to be actively,
I mean the fact that you were aware to be like,
(46:08):
I need to have these conversations with my kids and
kind of make sure. It's a big step to what
a lot of parents don't do, and you know that's
not a lot of people experienced. So I feel like
it's massive kudos to you that you were able to
have these conversations and kind of be aware of what
impact of what you say to your kids can also
have on their belief in their sense of who they are.
Speaker 1 (46:30):
Is so huge, And I think as well for I mean,
I can't even imagine what it would be like to
be a parent.
Speaker 3 (46:35):
I've just got a dog recently, and I can't sleep
at night the amount of times have to take to
the emergency vet because she's constantly trying to die on
me and eat things that she shouldn't eat, and you're like, oh, well,
I don't know how people do this with a real
life human being, and then to be doing that with
a real life human and then doing things like Dancing
with the Stars with a three months or you're a superwoman.
Speaker 2 (46:56):
That's a really good segue into I suppose something that
I suppose because I was older, I had more kind
of like, you know, comparing it to panic attacks, I'd
say it was it felt harder because I distinctly remember
being at home with Max on his first night in
(47:18):
the middle of winter, and there was an All Blacks
game on, so Chris was watching it, and I think,
you know, Max was asleep lying there, and I was
just looking at him and going to Chris, what do
we do? So do we what do we do? And
he was like, I don't know. I'm like, okay, we'll
just sit and wait. You know. But I very quickly,
(47:38):
and this does happen to people that have I suppose
a level of expectation on themselves kind of high functioning.
So I got postnatal depression pretty quickly after Max was born,
and but for a little bit I didn't know what
it was, and so I just was just someone that
(48:01):
couldn't kind of handle being around him and better. But
I had to. But I was the only person that
he wanted, you know, And it was just really hard.
Speaker 1 (48:11):
What kind of ways did that, like, what were you
seeing in yourself?
Speaker 3 (48:14):
What were the kind of I don't want to use
a symptoms, but you know, the things that you were
experiencing before you got realized that it was postnatal.
Speaker 2 (48:23):
So I had a little bit of trouble breastfeeding, and
so we were having quite a painful journey with that,
and that probably was a trigger in it. And so
he was he anytime he cried, I'd feel pain physically
because I was like, oh, he's going to want to
be fed, and it hurts me and so and so
(48:48):
I wouldn't look at it. I'd look at him and
sort of not have this kind of like oh my god,
it's so amazing. I'd look at him and just be like,
you know. And so there was that, and then I just, yeah,
I was terribly upset. I would get angry if no
one would no one seemed to want to do it
(49:09):
the way I wanted to do it. And I'm not
saying I'm not putting that on anyone else. They was
trying to survive it as well. And so finally I went,
I can someone just go buy some formula. I just
need to do a feed that's not you know, And
it was I remember just you know, my clothes were
all on and and he was wrapped in a blanket
and he was feeding, and I was just able to
go and breathe and feel joy. And then not too
(49:33):
long after that, you know, we got we got people,
and we got specialists, and we got fix its and solutions,
and I carried on brist fitting until he was seven
months and he's Yeah. Once I was on the right
medication for what was happening in my body, the whole
(49:54):
thing changed. And it was a really good eye opener
for me. I'm segueing myself, I'm sorry, I love it.
Give me because I knew at that point, because the
hormonal shift that happens after you have children is not
dissimilar to when you go through menopause. And I literally meant,
I said it out aloud. I was like, I'm going
to go on this stuff when I go through menopause.
(50:16):
I'm going to go on this medicine, you know. And
I haven't had to go on any antidepressants or anything
but I have definitely been more proactive and acutely aware
of like hormonal shifts and at this point in my
life and going I'm not going to get there, I'm
not going to get angry and arranged and yeah, yeah,
(50:37):
and it was I think it was while I because
Dancing with the Stars I went through when I was
with Maya, So by the time I got to her
and there was no you know, there was Yeah.
Speaker 3 (50:48):
The fact that I mean sharing that experience, thank you
for doing that, because I also think a lot of
parents who go through that can feel.
Speaker 1 (50:55):
So isolated and alone and be like, what is wrong
with me?
Speaker 3 (50:58):
And that's why I kind of asked you to explain
what it was like for you, because I think it's
so important for people to know one they're not alone
in it too. It can literally be a cycle, like
it's a thing that medication can help and seeing people
and specialists can.
Speaker 1 (51:12):
Help with that, and that you're not alone in it.
Speaker 3 (51:15):
And I mean the fact that even being able like
you just did the perfect segue into then kind of
hitting it with menopause and kind of knowing the similarities
of what the hormonal stuff can do with that, Yeah, I.
Speaker 1 (51:29):
Thank you for being able to just speak. And I think.
Speaker 3 (51:34):
Kind of like we were talking about earlier, I know
that it can be so hard when you have been
a character for so long to let people see you
and let people see kind of different things that is
not just a different person on TV that I will
play an act and it's a whole different I don't
want to say ball game, but it's a whole different
thing right to be like, this is who I am.
(51:55):
But it's so important because there are so many people
that have lived to their lives watching you that can go,
oh my gosh, like I'm not the only one, and
maybe I can still have a successful life or do these.
Speaker 1 (52:09):
Things even though I'm struggling with this.
Speaker 3 (52:11):
And that's kind of the whole reason why we do
this podcast, so that people, no matter what it is
that they're facing, can feel like they're not alone. And
I would love to know you've already kind of given
advice for people they might be going through panic attacks
and anxiety. But I just now I want to know
someone who might be in the very beginning of postnatal depression.
(52:31):
What would you say to them, Just.
Speaker 2 (52:38):
The same thing. You've got it, You've got to talk
about it. You've got to find someone you trust. And
it is hard because you know, I'm a communicator, and
my husband is husband's a good communicator, and so as
my mum, and so through through that, I did feel
like I wasn't being heard, but I probably I mean,
(53:02):
it's in the delivery, right, But I'm not going to
beat myself up on me not knowing to have the
right delivery because I was at the heart of it,
and in essence they were there to support me, which
they did. But you just don't have the where you
just don't have the rational mind to go I'm going
through something. If I take someone by the hand and
(53:23):
say no, please stop, you need to listen to me,
they'll stop right because you just don't have those those functions.
But I think any time in our life where we're
feeling like, hey, I feel different to how I would
usually feel, find someone to talk to. I think I'm
not scared of going and talking to a doctor. I
think that's I think that's especially important with these kind
(53:45):
of key issues because and it's not about throwing medicine
at it unless that's the right thing to do. But
doctors can be quite good at steering you in the
right direction of you know, a variety of solutions and yeah,
just got to be kind, got to be kind to yourself.
We're so tough on ourselves.
Speaker 3 (54:05):
Also that especially New Zealanders, like we've got that she'll
be right attitude that's really just kind of ingrained in us.
Speaker 2 (54:12):
Yeah, and we have that which is so weird that
this is only happening to me and not in an
ego way, and so don't share it because you're the
weirdo that this is only happening to you. And I
remember we did. We you know, we had a little
coffee group that was there and out there from my
Intonadal class. But I was too scared. And then finally
(54:34):
my girlfriend at about six weeks was like, come on,
come on, come on. And I remember it, just sitting
there and listening and watching and they were doing it
exactly the same as me. They didn't know what they
were doing, they had had insecurities, they'd been crying, they'd
felt and just hearing it, I was like, oh my god,
(54:55):
what You're such a fool land to think that this
was only happening to you. And I remember with Maya,
anytime I got up to feed in the middle of
the night, just taking a little moment to go they're
a woman right now and soft lit rooms awake, feeding
their children. You're not one of one, You're one of
so many, you know, And even though we didn't know,
(55:17):
you know, just take solace in that we're all doing it.
We're all doing it together.
Speaker 3 (55:21):
And that's the power of being able to tell these
stories and the power of that lived experience. And I
know that for me, when I was in my teenage
years and was in and out of the psyche wards
a lot a lot of that time, I would spend
so much of my time just trying to research anyone
else who had been through it, just to know that
there was hope. And back then I just couldn't find anything.
People weren't talking And so now to be able to
(55:42):
have these conversations and provide people with this kind of
tool that allows him to know that no matter what
it is that you're facing, you're not alone on it,
and especially the different things in your journey to be
like you're you're.
Speaker 1 (55:53):
Not the only one going through it.
Speaker 3 (55:55):
And like you said that communication and been able to
communicate is such a big thing. And this in schools
when we do the big school assemblies around the country
that if people like translating what's going on in your
mind to out here, if people don't know what's happening,
that no one knows what the hell's going on, like
everyone's just assuming, everyone's just guessing, and no one can
(56:15):
help without that information. People can only help you with
the information that you give them. And so been able
to be honest and have these conversations and speak up
is so incredibly important. And I'm so thankful that you've
chosen to be able to come in and hang out
and speak on this podcast today. I know we've not
actually met in person before, but today we did, and
to kind of dive straight into a conversation like this,
(56:37):
I know it was kind of an odd way, but
I'm really thankful that you have. I think it's going
to help so many people to just feel less alone,
no matter what it is that they're facing. And I
just want to ask you one final question before I
let you go. This podcast is called Hope Is Real,
and I asked us to everyone at the end of every.
Speaker 1 (56:57):
Episode, what does the word hope mean to you?
Speaker 2 (57:02):
The future? Like, hope for me is like everything that
exists beyond this moment, that hasn't happened because I'm I
intrinsically try to be positive and I'm hopeful always, you know,
for me and for my children and for the people
and my world and for anybody.
Speaker 1 (57:23):
Yeah, I love that.
Speaker 3 (57:25):
I love that so much. Well, thank you so much
for taking the time and coming here. How can people
how can people find you?
Speaker 1 (57:30):
Follow you? Not physically find you.
Speaker 2 (57:31):
But social media?
Speaker 1 (57:32):
I know we don't want no one come over from
the Netherlands. Please thank it.
Speaker 2 (57:36):
I think it's just and Bloomfield.
Speaker 3 (57:40):
Yeah yeah, And then you're also REALI stated, can you
can you help me buy a house?
Speaker 1 (57:43):
Balloons? I'm so yes, I care, like I'm so sad.
Speaker 4 (57:46):
So I've been needing to for at everyone keeps telling
me to buy a house, like it's so I don't
even know where to start, and so I just don't
if I don't know how to do something, I would
love to help, like four years without putting air in
my tires on my car because I did it know
how to do it. And so when I don't know
how to do something, I'm like, I'm just not going
to do it.
Speaker 3 (58:02):
So we can will chat after this, because I genuinely
need to do that. But again, thank you so much
for coming. Any for joining means thank you.
Speaker 2 (58:11):
Well.
Speaker 3 (58:11):
Do you have it, guys, thank you so much for
staying and for listening to this episode. And like I've
said at the beginning, and I always say, if anything
in this episode that's been talked about has brought anything
up for you, you feel like you need to talk
to someone, then please remember and know that the bravest
thing that you can do right now is to talk
to someone, is to ask for help, whether that's from
(58:32):
a friend, a family member, or if you don't know
who to talk to, then if you live in Altiola
here you can call or text one seven three seven
at any time to talk to a trained counselor. Or
if you live overseas, go to dub dub dub dot
the Voices of Hope dot org for a list of
international helplines. Remember that no matter what it is that
you're facing, no matter what it is that you're going through,
(58:54):
that in all things, hope is real and change is possible.
Speaker 1 (58:58):
I'll see you guys next week.
Speaker 4 (59:00):
Instead, stop and stay State
The Zitim podcast network.
Speaker 2 (00:04):
So I started on the show. I was nineteen, she
was sixteen, and I was basically the vehicle for any
teen issue you could have playing a character five days
a week and going where do you start? And where
does she stop? And so yeah, I think that was
probably the polarizing bit for me.
Speaker 1 (00:22):
Hey guys, here we are again.
Speaker 3 (00:23):
Welcome back to another episode of Hope is of the podcast,
the podcast designed to help you feel a little less alone,
a bit more inspired, and of course, as always a
lot more hopeful. Now today's episode, we have an icon,
a legend. I would go as far as say New
Zealand Royalty Angela Bloomfield. You may have seen her on
(00:46):
your screens growing up on Shortland Street. You may have
seen her on such shows as Celebritish Treuter Island Dancing
with the Stars, and as a matter of fact, on
this podcast we both talk about our experiences on their
kind of sharing.
Speaker 1 (00:57):
We both did those two shows.
Speaker 3 (00:58):
I didn't do Shortland Street obviously, but she did, and
she talks about a whole bunch of different stuff, I guess,
kind of living life in the public eye, but then
also dealing with anxiety, panic attacks and doing that on
set in front of a bunch of people, she talks
of an experience that she had where she began to
(01:19):
realize that this was more than just anxiety, that she
was really getting pushed into the side of panic attacks.
Speaker 1 (01:24):
And not really knowing how to deal with that.
Speaker 3 (01:27):
Angela opens up about her divorce and her postpartum depression
and everything that happened along those times.
Speaker 1 (01:34):
For her.
Speaker 3 (01:34):
It was a really difficult time that she managed to
really fight through. She's got some beautiful moments, some beautiful
realizations in this episode, and it's been such an honor
to be able to sit with her and hear her
story as someone that I grew up watching. I remember
watching her when I was younger on the TV, and
to sit with her now and kind of hear her
wisdom has been incredible. So I hope that you guys
(01:57):
enjoy this episode. As always, If anything and here triggers you,
please it's okay to take time, It's okay to talk
to people, but other than their Angela's story is coming
up right after this.
Speaker 1 (02:12):
Angela, Welcome to Hope It's All the podcast. First of all,
how are you?
Speaker 2 (02:16):
I'm great? Thank you for having me to meet.
Speaker 1 (02:19):
I'm so excited for you to be here.
Speaker 3 (02:20):
I feel like I'm setting amongst New Zealand royalty right now.
Speaker 2 (02:23):
Really I do will skip it up and died. I
don't know.
Speaker 1 (02:28):
It used to be.
Speaker 3 (02:30):
No, you still are, like I just anyone who kind
of has watched TV in the last twin When were
you first.
Speaker 2 (02:37):
Cast on Shortland Street ninety two?
Speaker 1 (02:40):
That's before I was born.
Speaker 2 (02:41):
Yeah, I'm a little bit older than you.
Speaker 1 (02:43):
Wow, so many mini years.
Speaker 2 (02:46):
Many years that you. I feel like that beginning a.
Speaker 3 (02:48):
Lot of people have just kind of grown up with you,
which is Yeah, that's a vibey gear, yeah, which is amazing,
and I want to I want to talk about that
so in kind of that even just your hold journey
with that, so you're there for such a long time.
But before we do that, as I was kind of
researching for this podcast, I realized we've got two exactly
the same TV shows, reality TV shows that we're cloth done,
Dancing with the Stars and Slebrity Treasure Island.
Speaker 2 (03:10):
This is correct.
Speaker 1 (03:11):
I've got to ask which one did you prefer.
Speaker 2 (03:16):
It's funny because so I did Dancing with the Stars
like fifteen years ago, and then so when I reflect
upon it. I'm like, I feel like I couldn't do
that now because it's really rigorous, as you've experienced, and
so I think I would probably right now do a
(03:36):
Treasure Island again because I feel like it's not that
whole performing live on a dance that you've taken a
week to learn. Likes that's next level kind of stuff.
It's amazing achievement stuff like really pat yourself on the
back stuff, but it's it requires so much of you
physically and mentally.
Speaker 3 (03:57):
I feel like people need to know like it's live,
like it's as live as gets and I think people
don't sometimes understand that. And I don't know about you,
but like when you do the big like light the
rehearsal right before the live show, and I feel like
everything tends to go wrong there the amount of times
that we caked lifts on my finale dance, we did
the dirty dancing lift and in the rehearsal right before
(04:19):
I went right over into the judges desk, like, did
you have any incidences like in those rehearsals where you
caked it?
Speaker 2 (04:25):
We didn't have. I didn't have anything like that, but
I certainly had that feeling of like not maybe not
quite heading it or still not being where I needed
it to be. And then I don't drink coffee. And
there was one night I know, I don't know how
it got through life, but so there was one night,
this is fifteen years ago, where I was feeling quite
low in energy. So I had like a three month
four month old baby when I did Dancing at the Stars,
(04:47):
so she went from three months to six months over
that time. And there was one weekend I was feeling
real tired. It was a two dance show and I thought,
I'm going to have a red bull. I don't drink
coffee and I've never really can know, and I suddenly
it was oh, I remember. I still feel like really
angry at myself, but I did it because I got
really floppy and I couldn't hit anything sharply and I
(05:09):
knew it was the red bull. And that was the
night I went home and it was just this whole
kind of like, yeah, this whole kind of like why
did I do that? I could have been so much better?
Speaker 1 (05:19):
Well, how far did you make it through?
Speaker 2 (05:22):
I was only not in two shows, so wow, it
felt good?
Speaker 1 (05:25):
Yeah, pretty far.
Speaker 2 (05:26):
But at that time it was an early days I
got eliminated. It felt like the shortened street person was
eliminated at the female was eliminated on the same show.
I know that's controversial to say it's not actually about that,
but it would just so happen, not Mariamah or people
later on, but it was the same week. It was like, Okay,
(05:46):
we've got bums and seats, now you can go.
Speaker 1 (05:50):
It's so ruthers.
Speaker 3 (05:51):
When I was doing it, I genuinely can't comprehend how
you did this with a three month old, Like I
had no humans that I was looking after and I
couldn't function, or.
Speaker 2 (06:01):
I had two humans I was talking after. One would
just happen to be a little baby. I think for me,
like if you know me, well, you know that I
tend to pack it in, not intentionally, but like, well,
this just seems to be the right time to do it.
And when they asked me to do it, and my
brain I went, oh, third season, such a synic, probably
(06:24):
won't do more than four. I've got to do it now.
There won't be another chart retrospect. I was so wrong,
and so I just and I hadn't been on Telly
for a couple of years, and I hadn't been working,
I'd been a mum, and I think there was a
piece of me that wanted to earn some money and
have some worth in that space, and also just wanted
(06:44):
to get back out there and do something that was
me centric. But I don't want to boys who not
at all.
Speaker 1 (06:52):
Not at all, do you.
Speaker 2 (06:53):
But for me, the contract was I'm a real contract person,
and it basically said, we're in Wellington all weekend and
through the course of the week, you need to do
ten hours of dance training. And I was like, I
can do that. I can do that with my babies.
And then it was about the fifth show and I
was talking to I think Lorraine Downs's partner, dance partner,
(07:15):
and he was just like, I don't know how you're
doing it, and I said, it is. We're all doing
it the same way, aren't We's like two hours of
dance a day and he was like what, and I
was like, well, the contract like two hours of dance
training a day was like on a lorrain and I
are in the studio eight hours a day, six hours
a day. And I went I went, well, I didn't
kind of go, you're cheating, but in my brain it
(07:37):
had never been suggested to me that we could dance
more than ten hours, and I committed to ten hours
a week and on a two dance week, that was
not a lot of time for Johnny. And he didn't
ever say to me, hey, have you got more hours
than you? And I just cried and cried and cried,
and I lost all well to live and went well
(07:59):
if I know when you know, it was just and
that was it. It just it just fell over. Oh.
Speaker 1 (08:03):
I we were doing like.
Speaker 3 (08:05):
We were in the studio up to ten hours a
day for were eleven weeks straight. Didn't have a single
day off because were you doing two shows or one show?
Speaker 2 (08:14):
We did one show?
Speaker 3 (08:16):
Yeah, so we did the two So we were doing
the Sunday Mondays and then yeah, Davi your dancing by
like the Wednesday, and so we literally had no days off.
Speaker 1 (08:22):
It was crazy.
Speaker 3 (08:23):
And by the end of it, you're just like so
exhausted and just so ready to be done.
Speaker 1 (08:27):
But I felt like I felt that same exhaustion.
Speaker 3 (08:29):
Ready to be done when I did Treasure Island as well,
which was more recent for you.
Speaker 1 (08:34):
When did you do Treasure Island?
Speaker 2 (08:35):
I did Treasure Island in twenty twenty.
Speaker 1 (08:38):
Wow, Oh, so that would have been the COVID twenty twenty.
Speaker 2 (08:41):
No, so that's when we came out. It was the
one out of the COVID. Oh yeah, so no, so
we meant to do it twenty twenty and we did
it twenty twenty one, right, so it got ditched and
then reprised. And yeah, when I look back home, man,
that was a whole different kind of broken. And it's
(09:02):
for me, And it seems so basic to say out aloud.
And I don't know why I didn't think of it
as going to be the niggle point. But I think
a lack of food, a lack of sleep, and a
lack of connection to people that mean something to you,
for me personally just derails me. And I didn't think
about that as a thing. I was so obsessed with,
(09:24):
you know, perception and people going they're going to try
and bait you and turn you into this agitated person.
I was like, no, I can, you know I can.
And it just wasn't about that. It was stripping away
basic need no food, no sleep, a real sense of
like I'm having to survive and no person there that's
(09:48):
like your person. Yeah, yeah, it was.
Speaker 3 (09:52):
It sounds like we had kind of similar Rish experiences
with Treasure Island and then even kind of the aftermath.
I was talking to a of mine this morning saying
that I was about to interview and they were just like, man,
I think she had a real rough time on the
island of what that whatever they eat it was, which again,
people do not comprehend that reality TV is not reality,
(10:12):
Like there's so many things that can be edited and skewed,
and like, I know that for me, a lot of
the times the producers would really kind of try and
pull out a story or be like, well, did you
see those people like over there talking and when you're
tired and you haven't eaten and all of that, you're like,
oh my gosh, everyone hates me, Like I was, just
it was it was so hard. Did you when when
the show then came out, what was the response like,
(10:36):
and how did you feel?
Speaker 2 (10:39):
Yeah? That's a whole different ballgame, isn't it. And and
that's also the thing that I was very unprepared for.
And that was the worst part of it because when
I was we still call it the island, even though
in nor the Island. When we were on the island,
(11:02):
I thought I was pretty good at well not pretty good.
It's my default. If there's a camera there, then we're working,
you know, if there's a mic on me, then we're working.
And as soon as they went I was in rest mode.
So I think a lot of people were like, oh, wow,
you really got into it. And I was like, when
the camera was there, like when the camera's not there,
I was just sitting there, you know, chilling, doing nothing.
(11:26):
So I definitely gave good I'm here to play a
game for you know, the show, But yeah, I don't know.
When it came to air, I was just I was
really thrown by what other people had said about me,
which I didn't expect to be thrown by and also
didn't expect to have it said about me, and it
(11:48):
felt so it felt so left of field because I
couldn't see the person that they were seeing, and they
almost had created this really competitive person. I was like,
it's just not me. I'm just you've asked me to
play a game. I'm here and I'm playing it when
you were here filming. But that's the beginning and the
(12:08):
end of it. And yeah, I think for me, I
was started off with a whole lot of you know,
Sports Stars was a very different sort of personality type
to mine, and it was all and we got very
quickly into what you're here to offer, what you bring,
(12:29):
and it became really clear immediately that they felt I
bought nothing because I didn't have any physical strength, and
I was just like so thrown by, Oh, I'm in
this space nothing that you see of value. And so
it did take a good sort of eight days or
something for them to be a team adjustment. And then
(12:52):
I found people but were also not sports stars, that
were just having fun and doing best thing ready for
and which is something that actors do, like basically, you know,
the best thing about your day or something that you learned,
and I felt really comforted and that for me was
where the fun happened. And watching it was exactly like that.
(13:14):
So it started off being really hard to watch, and
I literally would watch it with all my family and
all my friends, so we'd all be watching it at
the same time and in like a zoom so that
in the ads we could mute it and they could
sit there and I could debrief and they were going,
no that read well and like because I just needed
so much kind of off the ledge chat and I
(13:36):
didn't think I thought I was stronger than that.
Speaker 3 (13:39):
Yeah, I really, I mean I literally felt the same.
Like watching I think what was really hard about something
like that is one everything that you experience is obviously
so long before it even years, like it's everything that
happens on the island, and then suddenly you're seeing it
back and it's kind of different to what you remember.
Speaker 1 (13:57):
And I was.
Speaker 3 (13:58):
Really taken aback by the fact that I didn't know
how it was going to come across or how people
what people were going to say. And I was actually
pretty much fine through the whole thing until they there
was a storyline that didn't actually happen that came out
for mine.
Speaker 1 (14:11):
And then finding out and seeing.
Speaker 3 (14:13):
It with the rest of the country I think is
a really hard thing as well, Like you're hearing these
things about yourself alongside everyone else, and it's it's really difficult.
And I mean, but there are such fun moments on
that show as well, right, but I do think like
it it just tests you so much with like you said,
not eating, not doing any of that, and not having
(14:34):
people like there was one night I went up with
the producer and just like lost, like bawling my eyes
out to the point of like I need to quit,
Like I cannot do this.
Speaker 1 (14:44):
She's like no, stay And I ended up.
Speaker 3 (14:45):
Getting eliminated a few days later anyway, so which I'm
very thankful for now. I mean, my first shower after
that show, and it was like brown as it was
like as the showers going. It was so gross because
we were in Queen, Wanica and the lake was freezing,
so like we didn't want to be out there, but
you know, it was just disgusting.
Speaker 1 (15:03):
But how doy TV's weird?
Speaker 3 (15:05):
Do you think it was also hard for you because
you've grown up, like you've done all of your a
lot of your on screen stuff.
Speaker 1 (15:11):
You're playing someone else and all these shows it's you.
Speaker 2 (15:14):
Yeah, yeah, and that's been And I don't want to
take anything away from the people that watched the show
and watched me and supported me and actually enjoyed me,
because that that's important. But we're breaking it down into
actually what it was like. But I think, yes, since
since doing stuff outside of scripted work, which has only
(15:38):
happened in the last set of ten years, I and
also doing my new job, you know, real estate, it's
that real thing of like who am I? Who am I?
Playing a character? Five days a week and going where
do you start and where does she stop? And so yeah,
I think that was probably the polarizing bit for me.
(15:59):
I was myself on TV, but it was me and
I was saying it, and there was nothing, you know,
and I didn't say anything bad about anybody or anything,
but you could see that I was emotionally fraught and
struggling and watching yourself in that space and knowing that
everyone else is watching as well. It's just like opening
(16:20):
your diary or opening your ribcage and going come in
and see all the that layers underneath. And I was
just like, oh, I don't know if I can have
people see me this fragile.
Speaker 3 (16:31):
I fully understand that, and I think, you know, for me,
that's kind of been what I got. I hate saying
it's such a weird thing to say. What I got
knowing for was literally like, here's all of my life trauma.
And so people saw that. But for people that have
grown up or have kind of lived careers like yourself
or like sports stars or people that have been in
the public eye, and there is this kind of way
(16:53):
that you need to hold yourself when you get used
to holding yourself to kind of be able to, I
guess handle that. To then have people see some of
the stuff that you're struggling with is like it's hard,
and it's frightening and it's scary. But I also think
it's what humanizes you. And it's like you can be
this rock star five days a week on TV and
(17:14):
also be a real life human and I think people
often disconnect that and only see you as this person
who they were seeing on TV, but actually there's so
much more behind there.
Speaker 1 (17:25):
How old were you when you got cast on Fallen Street?
Speaker 2 (17:28):
I was nineteen woweah?
Speaker 1 (17:30):
And you were on it for how many years?
Speaker 2 (17:33):
I mean about twenty five? But sometime some parts of
that I was directing, and then most of the time
I was acting.
Speaker 3 (17:40):
Dang, I was reading. While I was doing the research
for this. There was kind of someone who did like
a roundup of your character, which I was just like,
oh my gosh. It was not like a round but
just like the things that your character went through, and
I just I was shook by all of this. You
survived full marriages? No, it says you survived full marriage.
Speaker 1 (18:00):
Did you know? Was it a lie? Well?
Speaker 2 (18:02):
I mean, let's see, she got married to Nick Harrison,
for the the what do you do in university to
get the money when you're married. I didn't go to university.
Speaker 1 (18:11):
I don't know. The yeah allowancy.
Speaker 2 (18:13):
Thing, yeah, something like that. So that wasn't a that
was a wedding. It was like a you know, a
protesting thing. Okay, so it wasn't a real wedding. And
then there was no one else. And then before they
brought me back. At one point I came back for
like a special birthday or something and so and had
an affair with Chris and I had I don't know
(18:35):
if I was married to him, but I had a partner.
And then Chris Warner is the person that I married, So.
Speaker 1 (18:41):
Maybe I don't know where they got marriages from. Four people.
Cautless explosions.
Speaker 2 (18:47):
I mean, there's always an explosion. There's always on Shorty Street.
I've been in a part of them and I've filmed them,
and they tend to be pretty awesome but also very
you get one hit at it, right. So I had
the major one one day where Rachel is an alcoholic
and she'd been driving drunk and she caused a terrible
accident and there was a burning car and there was
a baby in the back of the burning car. Oh,
(19:09):
I had to get the baby out and then I
had to run away, and the key shot was me
running with the baby and the car exploding in the background.
You get one shot it at multiple cameras, and I remember,
you know, you just don't want to do anything terrible
that's going to muck it up. And I feel like
my reaction or my physical arch to the bang was
just a little bit overcooked. And I'll never forget it.
Speaker 3 (19:34):
How many explosions can one hospital like, it's quite concerning,
you know, well.
Speaker 2 (19:38):
You know, it's a soap opera, and I know, thirty
years old, and it should be at least it There
should be at least an explosion a year, so you know,
if we're talking about a rate of.
Speaker 3 (19:49):
I mean this is her alcoholism was in this as well.
I read an eating disorder. Was that a part of it?
Speaker 2 (19:54):
Definitely? So I started on the show, I was nineteen,
she was sixteen, and I was basically vehicle for any
teen issue you could have. So, you know, she was
the daughter of separated parents. She had bolimia and anorexia,
she had STDs, she hadn't it's anything. It was just
(20:16):
that thing of like every couple of months. Okay, what
do teenagers go through this? So yeah, but alcoholism was
the resounding because her dad was an alcoholic, Right, how
was that portraying that? I mean, this sounds terrible but
fun but also at times, and I suppose this is
(20:40):
where we're unpacking it. Right when I was probably in
the depths of one of the longer times that they
traversed the alcoholism, I got really unwell, and so my
body because you're basically telling yourself that you have nothing,
(21:00):
You're worth nothing, you know, And so that was the
state I was sitting in for a couple of months,
because that was what my character was doing, just having
outbursts and being in a really bad place and everyone
was trying to help, and she's pushing people away. So
it lasts for quite a while, and I remember just
getting this rational over my body and just feeling crap
(21:24):
and going to the doctor and they you know, did
tests and things. But it was just that I was
feeding myself the message that I was a piece of
shit and my body was trying to survive. So that's
when I started learning about meditation and power of thought,
and I got some strategies courtesy of another actor, which
(21:45):
I still share with people to other actors to this day,
about how to sort of breathe yourself back in and
breathe the character out, and just little rituals that you
can do so that when you do finally walk in
the door, you're as close to you as you can
be as opposed to because you've got to think, when
I go home, I'm learning my lines for the next day.
(22:07):
And at the point at that time, I was living alone,
and so it was just very immersed in a lot
of self kind of achiness, and my body just didn't cope.
Speaker 3 (22:16):
I mean, that's such a like a physical example of
what the power of thoughts is, right Like the fact
that obviously, for you, it was a character that then
morphed into you weren't able to get away from those thoughts.
And then for people who may be struggling with these
thoughts themselves, and then to be constantly dwelling on it
and thinking about it like that literally your body starts
(22:38):
to believe it and have those responses to it. And
the fact that you, who were portraying another character, that
started to kind of leak over to your everyday life
is such a crazy kind of representation of that, like
how how do you separate those things when you've got
this character going through so many crazy things and like
(22:58):
you said, you're at that point, you're living alone and
you're learning lines and next. I don't know people know
that Chortland Street at that time was or is the
fastest like what's it called moving TV show?
Speaker 2 (23:09):
Like multi camera? Yeah, like Last turn Around TV. Yeah,
we do it really fast, and I think, yeah. I
also got my training on the set of Shortened Street.
So I didn't go to a drama school where you're
taught how to manage building a character and a toolbooks,
a toolbox of sort of like ways of finding your emotions,
(23:31):
and so my way of finding my emotions and teaching
myself was to think bad things. And I remember when
I was very young, I reveled in it. I remember
me and my brother were brushing washing the dishes and
I was on washing and he was on drying, and
I was like watch this, and I sort of turned
away and I was washing the dishes and I was
just thinking awful things, like about our parents dying and stuff.
(23:53):
And then I turned around and I'm like crying. He's like,
oh my god, I'm like, I know, so impressed with myself,
but like, you need to learn safe ways of engaging
emotion and it eventually needs to come not from source
spots or your own trauma. And as an actor, yeah,
(24:15):
once you've experienced this a few times and you know
ways of doing that. And I think the other thing
that I was sort of traversing around that time when
I was playing those sort of more challenging storylines was
there was kind of the height of shortened Street and
so at the same time, whenever I left the house,
(24:38):
there was just eyes on me. And it was also
a fun time in the nineties where we were getting
invited to parties and there was just this very strange
world that I was suddenly a part of. So on
the one hand, I'm just trying to be a really
good actor and was very invested in my character, and
on the weekends, I'm sort of trying to blow it
off and partying, and yeah, it was just a lot.
Speaker 3 (25:04):
I can't even imagine, like, especially at the peak of
that show, like literally the whole country was blooming watching it,
and I know, like even for me, since I came
out of Lockdown and TikTok Blew up, Like I have
so much social anxiety now because I just there's eyes
on me all the time, and I can't even imagine,
for you going eyes on you on the screen all
week and then step outside your house and more eyes
(25:26):
on you again.
Speaker 1 (25:26):
Like it's a lot, like a lot to deal with.
Speaker 3 (25:29):
And I know that you've spoken a bit about this
in an interview that I read anyway about starting to
experience panic attacks.
Speaker 1 (25:36):
Can you kind of explain the first time.
Speaker 3 (25:38):
That you remember feeling anxiety and then the first time
that you experienced a panic attack.
Speaker 2 (25:44):
Yeah, it's funny because I knew we were going to
be chatting about it, and so I sort of had
a little dig around my memory banks, and I think
I do healthy or not sort of clearly do by
what I'm about to say. I just I block stuff out,
you know. So for me, I remember being on set,
(26:04):
and mine stems from not getting it right, So me
myself feeling like I'm failing, which is actually such a crippling,
stupid headspace to be in for a creative because now
I know the whole point of being better as an
actor is to get it wrong, is to start and
not know where it's going to go. That's the beauty
(26:26):
and the good stuff. So I was constantly trying to
and as I was untrained, I didn't want to get
it wrong, so I was constantly trying to control everything.
And I remember being on set and something had happened
and we were behind, as we are often, but that
can get stressful when you're behind, and people can get
(26:49):
stressed and push that out there, you know. And I
just remember and they were getting ready to film and
the scene started with me in the middle of the
space and no one else, and I just remember feeling
my whole body going really weird and going, I'm about
to cry something. Something bad's happening to my body. And
(27:11):
I got something, you know, like I hadn't failed it before,
and multiple cameras staring at me darkness, people were about
to and I just my instinct was just you need
to remove yourself, and so I just slowly stood up
and I just walked away into the darkness and just
lost it.
Speaker 1 (27:31):
Wow.
Speaker 2 (27:32):
And it probably wasn't yet till years later that I
and I had experienced it. Since that someone told me
that it was a panic attack. But I was speaking
to my mum in the weekend and she kind of
told me about something that started much earlier I was
(27:54):
on the show, but much earlier than I remember. She
recounted a story that we were in a maw and
I just and I was around the corner kind of
like bent over, just like not breathing, and I was
just like.
Speaker 1 (28:05):
Ohow, And you don't remember that. Wow. So your brain
and your body is literally just kind of blocked blocked
it out.
Speaker 2 (28:13):
Yeah. Wow.
Speaker 3 (28:14):
I think it's really interesting that you talk about, especially
as a creative, and that it wasn't it was around
not being able to get things right. I think I
speak and the hundreds of schools every year, and you
see so many kids that go through that just from
the pressure of even just with their parents and trying
to get into the best schools or get the best grades,
(28:35):
and especially around exam time, and people go on to
this full fledged panic attacks around just not being good
enough or not being able to kind of meet expectations.
And for you to have been doing that kind of
earlier than you even remember, what was how how long
do you think you were experiencing kind of that that
heightened time of panic attacks when you were on the show.
Speaker 1 (29:00):
The whole time, whole time.
Speaker 2 (29:01):
Yeah, but I just got better at managing it and
learned strategies around it. But I think my kind of
default of getting it right happened very early on in
my life, like as a little in you know, And
so it really is the making of you as a person.
Like I still have it now and I have to
kind of just I just blow it off, do you
(29:21):
know what I mean? I go, it is what it is.
I still I'm still incredibly driven and ambitious, and I
try and make it as good as it can be.
But at some point I go not to the level
we were going to get deranged about it, but and
often it isn't. I you know, watched my daughter her
first year of exams at high school. And I don't
(29:43):
put any pressure on my children to be anything other
than the best that they want to be. You know.
It's really like I'll say to them, I feel like,
you know, there's a space between what you're applying yourself,
but I feel like there's a bit more to give.
But that's on you. You know that that's totally up
to you if you want to if you want to
stop at that level. And I watched Maya just wrap
(30:07):
herself up in nots and and a lot of emotions
and a lot of dysregulation, and we talked about it
a lot, and that was just her dance up to
something that meant a lot to her. So we worked
a lot the next year about just changing the dance
because you get to decide what it looks like.
Speaker 1 (30:27):
I really love that saying change the dance.
Speaker 2 (30:30):
Yeah, well that's really cool. Well, well, we all do it, right,
and I think actors do it, and so often in
acting terms, I talk and like movement and dance and
whatever your your thing is. But and everyone has their
thing and some people, some people do need to turn themselves.
I choose not to, you know, yeah yeah, and to be.
Speaker 3 (30:48):
Able to even just kind of go through and experience
those feelings. But I really love that the way that
you just worded that because I also think that it
it gives the power back to people that are going
through that as well too. You do have the ability
to change that response and to prepare yourself. And when
I was going through kind of everything, when treas railing
came out for me, I remember someone saying it's pre
(31:10):
warned is pre armed. And I think when you've gone
through something like that before, and you've kind of got
that pre warning of that's what has happened. You can
be pre armed, and you can kind of put in
the work and do the things to be able to
I guess, change the not necessarily the outcome, but change
the way in which you respond. And I think sometimes
with anxiety and with with panic attacks, it can feel
so overwhelming and all consuming that you feel like it
(31:33):
will never it could never change. And I would love
to know what your advice would be to anyone who's
listening to this that might be dealing with panic attacks
themselves and just like this is like at the peak
of it, this is what I'm going to live with forever.
Speaker 1 (31:46):
What would you say to them?
Speaker 2 (31:48):
Oh, so much. I think it's doing it's talking to
people sharing. Obviously it's a cliche, because it's true. You know,
a problem shared is a problem haves So finding someone
anyone in your life that you can share it with,
because saying it out aloud is half the problem because
(32:09):
then you go, oh, you know, it's not admitting it,
but it's going it's safe enough to talk about. And
then that person, hopefully or someone in your life, will
give you some strategies around managing panic attacks, like I
know that there's some that you can't think yourself out of,
but there is definitely ways that you can minimize. So
(32:34):
grounding as one having that truth in your head that
no state stays the same. Every state moves, everything evolves,
nothing stays the same. So this the state will evolve
and move. But I think grounding is probably the thing
I do the most when I feel like I'm getting disregulated,
(32:58):
and it just it's just an immediate kind of like
stops the brain and lets the body rest, because that's
what it is. You just have to let you stop
your body and let it rest.
Speaker 3 (33:09):
Yeah, I really love that, And it's just so it's
so relevant to so many people. And I think that
for people that are watching, like I said, people on
screen or sports fields or whatever, it may be just
this assumption that they don't struggle with anything.
Speaker 1 (33:23):
It's just it's not true.
Speaker 3 (33:24):
And I mean we were just talking before we started
recording that you were at an event that I was
supposed to be at not too long ago, and I
literally couldn't go because of the panic and anxiety that
I had, which has kind of escalated more so recently.
I don't know if you've ever had a situation like
this growing up on Shorten Street.
Speaker 1 (33:42):
But I had a stalker situation.
Speaker 3 (33:46):
But this guy flew over from the Netherlands to find me,
found my house within two days, located me with sending
very threatening, scary messages, and then I had the criminal
behavior forensic psychologist from police who specializes in psychopaths basically
talk me through what to do if worst case scenario happened,
like it was terrifying, and this was only about a
(34:08):
maybe two months ago, I think, And so then being
out in public situations.
Speaker 1 (34:14):
Like the panic is so real.
Speaker 3 (34:17):
But having to do these things again and remind myself
and grounding myself and trying to not let it take
over my social life has been a really kind of
big journey for me, and also why I was really
excited to also have you one. I think around the
idea of anxiety and panic attacks and still having to
live your day to day life knowing that this is
(34:38):
something that you can experience, but also just breaking down
the stigma of it of like we all go through
stuff and it's really about learning to manage it and
to deal with it. And grounding has been such a
massive thing for me that's really helped as well, did
you ever have any kind of when you're on kind
of the peak of shortened street like scary interaction with people?
Speaker 2 (35:03):
Remember I'm a good blocker, OUs.
Speaker 3 (35:05):
Pointing, just dig right back into that art.
Speaker 2 (35:10):
I mean, nothing, nothing that compares to We've just been
not not at all. I mean I've certainly been yelled
at in the street and yelled you know, yucky things
like you've got chlamydia and oh yeah you know. But
(35:34):
and I mean, fear just keeps you walking, right, do
you know what I mean? What? What? What are you?
What am I going to? What was I going to? Do?
You just carry on walking? I suppose for a week
while there, if someone called out Rachel, I wouldn't turn around.
But if someone called out it was kind of my
little rule someone new. Was someone going to call out Angela,
then I then they get me. I can I'm going
(35:55):
to turn around. But if they call out Rachel.
Speaker 1 (35:57):
It's not my name, Well, people struggle.
Speaker 2 (35:59):
I'm allowed to keep walking. Yeah.
Speaker 1 (36:02):
I think that still to this day.
Speaker 3 (36:04):
People struggle to see the difference between a character and
a person. And like some of my friends who were
actors that were just like, yeah, people would like attack
me on the Street for someone that my character did,
and I'm like, it's not me, like I'm just acting
someone like it's I mean, I've never been an actor,
so I don't know what that's like, but I can
imagine that would be quite frustrating.
Speaker 2 (36:26):
I have the benefit of time, so because I've had
a long time on that show, she evolved into a
capable woman, a step mom, a wife, a professional who
ran a business, and people got to watch that in her,
(36:46):
and I supposed to put that on me if they
couldn't see the difference. And then I also evolved as
a person and so and did enough Woman's Day articles
that most interactions start with a you Angela, not are
you Rachel? It starts what did you play Rachel? So
time has allowed people get excited, but I don't really
(37:09):
get called Rachel anymore. Oh that's nice, So it is.
It's really nice. She's definitely part of the conversation. And
sometimes they're like, did I go to school with you?
And I went, I don't think so, and I'd pecked
my moment. If I help people out of it, I
help the most nine times out of teen, and I
help them. But I don't want to be that person
(37:31):
that goes I was on a two big so I
you know, I just go you know, but yeah, look,
I've just been overseas with my daughter and I haven't
been on screen for a really long time, and you know,
still a thing. Yeah, a thing. Yeah.
Speaker 1 (37:49):
I don't know if this is so.
Speaker 3 (37:51):
You absolutely don't have to short about this at all.
But I just again saw it when I was doing
all of the research.
Speaker 2 (37:55):
And the fairly open book.
Speaker 1 (37:56):
Well this is good. You went through a divorce.
Speaker 2 (38:00):
Oh wow, I thought you were going to go in
a different direction. I did go through it. I do,
I am, I'm a separated person.
Speaker 3 (38:05):
It was one of the first things that kate when
I was searching.
Speaker 2 (38:08):
It was what you googled angela Bluefield and divorced it?
Speaker 1 (38:10):
Did it?
Speaker 2 (38:11):
Did? I'm sorry to algorithms, geez, but.
Speaker 1 (38:16):
There was, But there also wasn't a lot.
Speaker 3 (38:18):
It was assuming someone were probably just doing some clickbating
title with what had been said in it.
Speaker 1 (38:23):
But the only reason that I wanted.
Speaker 3 (38:25):
To bring it up was that there's even a few
people there I know that are kind of in the
very very beginnings of a divorce and feel like their
entire world is crumbled, and there is just no, there's
no step out of this, and that's the only reason
that I wanted to bring it up. And again, you
don't have to talk about it, but if you are
willing to.
Speaker 2 (38:45):
Yeah, wow, I think I wouldn't. I wouldn't wish separation
on my worst enemy. It is. I think there's so
many layers to this conversation, but I will say for me,
there was a lot of learning and a lot of
(39:08):
growth and realizing that life is a gray area, it's
a big there's just no black and white, and I'd
become really bound by sort of self belief statements that
were not helping me. And I suppose one of them
was I'll never get divorced, and I'd say it out
(39:28):
aloud and it was almost like I've you know, it
was just a really silly thing. I didn't say it
a lot, but I was saying it, and it's and
it's just a really unhelpful thing. Because then when when
that's one of your key things and then it actually
is not right, you become really destabilized by it and
(39:51):
you go, who am I am a failure? So I
had to walk through so much learning and the fact
that be careful what you say about yourself. And I
did feel like a failure, and I did feel like
I would have effectively broken my children and broken my
a bit of my life and a bit of you know,
(40:11):
this other person's life. And I would say, it's yeah,
it's literally taken me the ten years that I was married.
It's taken me another ten years to unravel separation. And
I remember when I turned fifty saying to my mum,
I feel like my life can start again now. I
(40:32):
feel like I'm allowed to have a life now again,
which is a really annoying thing to happen. But I
really had gone You've had your joy, that's it. You
wrecked it. You have to sit in that, and it
was it was really unhelpful.
Speaker 1 (40:49):
It makes me. I am a little bit teary.
Speaker 3 (40:51):
It makes me a little bit emotional just what you
just said then about what you said to your mom
that you can start your I know I.
Speaker 2 (40:57):
Forget, but that's but and I don't know why I
needed it to be so long. But the thing I'll take,
I'll say to you now in the same breath, is
it's starting again. And instead of saying like I'm only
fifty one and I've got so much more ahead of me,
and that includes in love. Yeah you know, or it's
(41:18):
just so it's so for you to say that as well.
Speaker 3 (41:20):
I was so hopeful for those that are in the
middle of it, like the fact that sure it took
you ten years to get to that point. That the
fact that you can look at that and go, no,
I can I can fall in love again. I can
I can start my life again. That that says so much.
And I hope that you kind of you see this
(41:41):
the strength in that, because I mean, I haven't been
through marriage separation, but like just to be able to.
Speaker 1 (41:50):
Have that stance and be like I'm okay.
Speaker 2 (41:52):
Yeah, I'm okay, the kids are okay, Chris is okay.
That said, I you know, maybe I did make it
harder on myself than it needed to be. So you know,
I'm not here to give unsolicited advice, but to anyone
that is traversing that, I would say, go easy on yourself.
And the thing I learned that's resonated most in my
(42:16):
life that helps me out the most is if you
can refine the ability to truly live in the moment,
that is where that's when you start living. And so yeah,
you don't have to beat yourself up for ten years.
You can start living earlier than that. Yeah, it's up
to you. Yeah, Yeah, it's so true.
Speaker 3 (42:37):
And I also think like, even when you were saying
on the kind of beliefs that you had in that
in those ten years, and how much even just I
think behavior and things like that. This is something I
was thinking about recently, actually talking to my therapist about
there was a lot of things that I would do
or things that I would respond to, and I'd be.
Speaker 1 (42:54):
Like why do I do that?
Speaker 3 (42:55):
And I'll get so mad at myself for these responses.
And she just said, Jazz, I want you to think
of like five year old year. I was like why,
and she was like, all that kid was trying to
do was survived the best way that she knew how to,
and that's how she did it. So these behaviors that
you're hating in these beliefs and these responses that you're
so like, why am I Like this.
Speaker 1 (43:14):
Just came from this little kid who was trying to
protect herself.
Speaker 3 (43:18):
And I think it's so important to, like, even in
responses when we're going through things like that, to be like,
this is just this little kid who dealt in some
whatever situation it may have been, that these behaviors and
responses and beliefs they come from somewhere, and often it's
just a younger version of ourselves.
Speaker 1 (43:36):
It's like, I'm so sorry. I was just trying to
do the best.
Speaker 3 (43:38):
I could, and they were so healing for me to hear,
and I was like, dang, Like that's so true, because
our responses when we go through like this, we can't
control half of the time that we were like in
the middle of this kind of turmoil thing to be
like how am I responding? But to go you know,
for you to have gone through all of those ten
years of marriage and then ten years of that and
(43:59):
then be like I'm okay, and like I probably should
have gone easier on myself.
Speaker 2 (44:05):
This kind of parts to that isn't there because and
I think I still have a little bit of work
to do in the I'm a learner. I'm happy to
learn till the day I die. I need to learn
till the day I die. But when I think about
like my five year old self, I can still feel
there's some there's some there's some pain there. So I
still have some stuff to do in that space. Which
(44:28):
is exciting. Yeah, But also as a parent, I knew
that before I had children that whole It's not a
premise that that that that reality of we are the
person you can see, but we are still the child,
and that responsibility as a parent to do the best
I could not not to not to break them, and
(44:50):
not to do things that were going to cause default
behavior that was responsive and not helpful for them as
a teenager as an adult, and I still drive quite
a bit of dialogue with my children in that space
and will forever because that's how I talk with my
friends as well, you know. But yeah, constantly sort of
(45:13):
sitting back and looking at my kids and going, I
haven't break them too much. Do I need to talk
to them about that? Do I need to go on
and talk to them about that? Because we're just trying
to survive as a parent, Yeah, but also nurture this
little being that's just wants to be protected and loved. Yeah.
Speaker 3 (45:32):
There was something I saw on tektok a while ago
that was someone who had just videoed their mum and
was like, I often forget this is her first time
living as well, and it just I was like, oh,
I mean, it's true.
Speaker 1 (45:45):
Just trying to figure stuff out.
Speaker 3 (45:47):
And I also think that, again, I'm not a parent,
but I know that like some of my real deep
rooted trauma came from like these situations that happened with
my friends when I was younger as well, and things
that parents just literally can't control and don't have any
kind of you know, say over, but to be actively,
I mean the fact that you were aware to be like,
(46:08):
I need to have these conversations with my kids and
kind of make sure. It's a big step to what
a lot of parents don't do, and you know that's
not a lot of people experienced. So I feel like
it's massive kudos to you that you were able to
have these conversations and kind of be aware of what
impact of what you say to your kids can also
have on their belief in their sense of who they are.
Speaker 1 (46:30):
Is so huge, And I think as well for I mean,
I can't even imagine what it would be like to
be a parent.
Speaker 3 (46:35):
I've just got a dog recently, and I can't sleep
at night the amount of times have to take to
the emergency vet because she's constantly trying to die on
me and eat things that she shouldn't eat, and you're like, oh, well,
I don't know how people do this with a real
life human being, and then to be doing that with
a real life human and then doing things like Dancing
with the Stars with a three months or you're a superwoman.
Speaker 2 (46:56):
That's a really good segue into I suppose something that
I suppose because I was older, I had more kind
of like, you know, comparing it to panic attacks, I'd
say it was it felt harder because I distinctly remember
being at home with Max on his first night in
(47:18):
the middle of winter, and there was an All Blacks
game on, so Chris was watching it, and I think,
you know, Max was asleep lying there, and I was
just looking at him and going to Chris, what do
we do? So do we what do we do? And
he was like, I don't know. I'm like, okay, we'll
just sit and wait. You know. But I very quickly,
(47:38):
and this does happen to people that have I suppose
a level of expectation on themselves kind of high functioning.
So I got postnatal depression pretty quickly after Max was born,
and but for a little bit I didn't know what
it was, and so I just was just someone that
(48:01):
couldn't kind of handle being around him and better. But
I had to. But I was the only person that
he wanted, you know, And it was just really hard.
Speaker 1 (48:11):
What kind of ways did that, like, what were you
seeing in yourself?
Speaker 3 (48:14):
What were the kind of I don't want to use
a symptoms, but you know, the things that you were
experiencing before you got realized that it was postnatal.
Speaker 2 (48:23):
So I had a little bit of trouble breastfeeding, and
so we were having quite a painful journey with that,
and that probably was a trigger in it. And so
he was he anytime he cried, I'd feel pain physically
because I was like, oh, he's going to want to
be fed, and it hurts me and so and so
(48:48):
I wouldn't look at it. I'd look at him and
sort of not have this kind of like oh my god,
it's so amazing. I'd look at him and just be like,
you know. And so there was that, and then I just, yeah,
I was terribly upset. I would get angry if no
one would no one seemed to want to do it
(49:09):
the way I wanted to do it. And I'm not
saying I'm not putting that on anyone else. They was
trying to survive it as well. And so finally I went,
I can someone just go buy some formula. I just
need to do a feed that's not you know, And
it was I remember just you know, my clothes were
all on and and he was wrapped in a blanket
and he was feeding, and I was just able to
go and breathe and feel joy. And then not too
(49:33):
long after that, you know, we got we got people,
and we got specialists, and we got fix its and solutions,
and I carried on brist fitting until he was seven
months and he's Yeah. Once I was on the right
medication for what was happening in my body, the whole
(49:54):
thing changed. And it was a really good eye opener
for me. I'm segueing myself, I'm sorry, I love it.
Give me because I knew at that point, because the
hormonal shift that happens after you have children is not
dissimilar to when you go through menopause. And I literally meant,
I said it out aloud. I was like, I'm going
to go on this stuff when I go through menopause.
(50:16):
I'm going to go on this medicine, you know. And
I haven't had to go on any antidepressants or anything
but I have definitely been more proactive and acutely aware
of like hormonal shifts and at this point in my
life and going I'm not going to get there, I'm
not going to get angry and arranged and yeah, yeah,
(50:37):
and it was I think it was while I because
Dancing with the Stars I went through when I was
with Maya, So by the time I got to her
and there was no you know, there was Yeah.
Speaker 3 (50:48):
The fact that I mean sharing that experience, thank you
for doing that, because I also think a lot of
parents who go through that can feel.
Speaker 1 (50:55):
So isolated and alone and be like, what is wrong
with me?
Speaker 3 (50:58):
And that's why I kind of asked you to explain
what it was like for you, because I think it's
so important for people to know one they're not alone
in it too. It can literally be a cycle, like
it's a thing that medication can help and seeing people
and specialists can.
Speaker 1 (51:12):
Help with that, and that you're not alone in it.
Speaker 3 (51:15):
And I mean the fact that even being able like
you just did the perfect segue into then kind of
hitting it with menopause and kind of knowing the similarities
of what the hormonal stuff can do with that, Yeah, I.
Speaker 1 (51:29):
Thank you for being able to just speak. And I think.
Speaker 3 (51:34):
Kind of like we were talking about earlier, I know
that it can be so hard when you have been
a character for so long to let people see you
and let people see kind of different things that is
not just a different person on TV that I will
play an act and it's a whole different I don't
want to say ball game, but it's a whole different
thing right to be like, this is who I am.
(51:55):
But it's so important because there are so many people
that have lived to their lives watching you that can go,
oh my gosh, like I'm not the only one, and
maybe I can still have a successful life or do these.
Speaker 1 (52:09):
Things even though I'm struggling with this.
Speaker 3 (52:11):
And that's kind of the whole reason why we do
this podcast, so that people, no matter what it is
that they're facing, can feel like they're not alone. And
I would love to know you've already kind of given
advice for people they might be going through panic attacks
and anxiety. But I just now I want to know
someone who might be in the very beginning of postnatal depression.
(52:31):
What would you say to them, Just.
Speaker 2 (52:38):
The same thing. You've got it, You've got to talk
about it. You've got to find someone you trust. And
it is hard because you know, I'm a communicator, and
my husband is husband's a good communicator, and so as
my mum, and so through through that, I did feel
like I wasn't being heard, but I probably I mean,
(53:02):
it's in the delivery, right, But I'm not going to
beat myself up on me not knowing to have the
right delivery because I was at the heart of it,
and in essence they were there to support me, which
they did. But you just don't have the where you
just don't have the rational mind to go I'm going
through something. If I take someone by the hand and
(53:23):
say no, please stop, you need to listen to me,
they'll stop right because you just don't have those those functions.
But I think any time in our life where we're
feeling like, hey, I feel different to how I would
usually feel, find someone to talk to. I think I'm
not scared of going and talking to a doctor. I
think that's I think that's especially important with these kind
(53:45):
of key issues because and it's not about throwing medicine
at it unless that's the right thing to do. But
doctors can be quite good at steering you in the
right direction of you know, a variety of solutions and yeah,
just got to be kind, got to be kind to yourself.
We're so tough on ourselves.
Speaker 3 (54:05):
Also that especially New Zealanders, like we've got that she'll
be right attitude that's really just kind of ingrained in us.
Speaker 2 (54:12):
Yeah, and we have that which is so weird that
this is only happening to me and not in an
ego way, and so don't share it because you're the
weirdo that this is only happening to you. And I
remember we did. We you know, we had a little
coffee group that was there and out there from my
Intonadal class. But I was too scared. And then finally
(54:34):
my girlfriend at about six weeks was like, come on,
come on, come on. And I remember it, just sitting
there and listening and watching and they were doing it
exactly the same as me. They didn't know what they
were doing, they had had insecurities, they'd been crying, they'd
felt and just hearing it, I was like, oh my god,
(54:55):
what You're such a fool land to think that this
was only happening to you. And I remember with Maya,
anytime I got up to feed in the middle of
the night, just taking a little moment to go they're
a woman right now and soft lit rooms awake, feeding
their children. You're not one of one, You're one of
so many, you know, And even though we didn't know,
(55:17):
you know, just take solace in that we're all doing it.
We're all doing it together.
Speaker 3 (55:21):
And that's the power of being able to tell these
stories and the power of that lived experience. And I
know that for me, when I was in my teenage
years and was in and out of the psyche wards
a lot a lot of that time, I would spend
so much of my time just trying to research anyone
else who had been through it, just to know that
there was hope. And back then I just couldn't find anything.
People weren't talking And so now to be able to
(55:42):
have these conversations and provide people with this kind of
tool that allows him to know that no matter what
it is that you're facing, you're not alone on it,
and especially the different things in your journey to be
like you're you're.
Speaker 1 (55:53):
Not the only one going through it.
Speaker 3 (55:55):
And like you said that communication and been able to
communicate is such a big thing. And this in schools
when we do the big school assemblies around the country
that if people like translating what's going on in your
mind to out here, if people don't know what's happening,
that no one knows what the hell's going on, like
everyone's just assuming, everyone's just guessing, and no one can
(56:15):
help without that information. People can only help you with
the information that you give them. And so been able
to be honest and have these conversations and speak up
is so incredibly important. And I'm so thankful that you've
chosen to be able to come in and hang out
and speak on this podcast today. I know we've not
actually met in person before, but today we did, and
to kind of dive straight into a conversation like this,
(56:37):
I know it was kind of an odd way, but
I'm really thankful that you have. I think it's going
to help so many people to just feel less alone,
no matter what it is that they're facing. And I
just want to ask you one final question before I
let you go. This podcast is called Hope Is Real,
and I asked us to everyone at the end of every.
Speaker 1 (56:57):
Episode, what does the word hope mean to you?
Speaker 2 (57:02):
The future? Like, hope for me is like everything that
exists beyond this moment, that hasn't happened because I'm I
intrinsically try to be positive and I'm hopeful always, you know,
for me and for my children and for the people
and my world and for anybody.
Speaker 1 (57:23):
Yeah, I love that.
Speaker 3 (57:25):
I love that so much. Well, thank you so much
for taking the time and coming here. How can people
how can people find you?
Speaker 1 (57:30):
Follow you? Not physically find you.
Speaker 2 (57:31):
But social media?
Speaker 1 (57:32):
I know we don't want no one come over from
the Netherlands. Please thank it.
Speaker 2 (57:36):
I think it's just and Bloomfield.
Speaker 3 (57:40):
Yeah yeah, And then you're also REALI stated, can you
can you help me buy a house?
Speaker 1 (57:43):
Balloons? I'm so yes, I care, like I'm so sad.
Speaker 4 (57:46):
So I've been needing to for at everyone keeps telling
me to buy a house, like it's so I don't
even know where to start, and so I just don't
if I don't know how to do something, I would
love to help, like four years without putting air in
my tires on my car because I did it know
how to do it. And so when I don't know
how to do something, I'm like, I'm just not going
to do it.
Speaker 3 (58:02):
So we can will chat after this, because I genuinely
need to do that. But again, thank you so much
for coming. Any for joining means thank you.
Speaker 2 (58:11):
Well.
Speaker 3 (58:11):
Do you have it, guys, thank you so much for
staying and for listening to this episode. And like I've
said at the beginning, and I always say, if anything
in this episode that's been talked about has brought anything
up for you, you feel like you need to talk
to someone, then please remember and know that the bravest
thing that you can do right now is to talk
to someone, is to ask for help, whether that's from
(58:32):
a friend, a family member, or if you don't know
who to talk to, then if you live in Altiola
here you can call or text one seven three seven
at any time to talk to a trained counselor. Or
if you live overseas, go to dub dub dub dot
the Voices of Hope dot org for a list of
international helplines. Remember that no matter what it is that
you're facing, no matter what it is that you're going through,
(58:54):
that in all things, hope is real and change is possible.
Speaker 1 (58:58):
I'll see you guys next week.
Speaker 4 (59:00):
Instead, stop and stay State
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