March 30, 2025 • 25 mins
Kahira Olley (Ngāti Rongomai, Ngāti Pikiao, Ngāti Toa), after experiencing family violence for 25 years, established the Save Our Babies Charitable Trust and initiated programmes to support and empower victims of domestic violence and sexual abuse in Rotorua.
Her initiatives offer a safe space for women and girls to talk about their experiences and receive guidance and support. As well as support groups, they include a community fitness group, a free school lunch programme, free clothing through ‘Boutique of Aroha’, and a photoshoot and runway event with models who are survivors of domestic violence and sexual abuse. She was also recently a finalist in the Kiwibank Local Hero of the Year (2025).
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Speaker 1 (00:09):
You're listening to a podcast from News Talk sed B.
Follow this and our wide range of podcasts now on iHeartRadio,
Real Conversation, Real Connection. It's Real Life with John Cowen
on News Talk zed B.
Speaker 2 (00:33):
Gooday, welcome to Real Life. I'm John Cowen and it's
a great privilege to talk to a m n z
M winner. It's Kahira rata Oli and it's a privilege
to talk to you. Welcome to the show.
Speaker 3 (00:47):
Cura Cura, John, Thank you for having me. It's okay.
Speaker 2 (00:51):
So it's congratulations on your work being recognized. I mentioned
for a long time this type of work. You just
do it, and probably not many people are saying thank
you at all. Tell us a little bit about the
type of work you've been doing.
Speaker 4 (01:03):
Yes, So, I'm the founder of Say Their Baby's Charitable
Trust and a lot of the stuff that we do well, actually,
all of the stuff that we do is because of
my life experience. So we do a lot of stuff
around providing safe spaces for both Bahma.
Speaker 3 (01:22):
And Tani women and our males and female.
Speaker 4 (01:26):
Sorry that are going through some forms of abuse or
have been through some forms of abuse. We provide free clothing.
They're all pre love clothing that have been donated by
the community. We provide school lunches for our time of
a kid that are going to school with no lunches.
Speaker 3 (01:46):
What else do we do.
Speaker 4 (01:47):
We run a number of different programs and initiatives for
both our males and our females.
Speaker 3 (01:54):
And it's basically just a safe space.
Speaker 4 (01:57):
We provide a safe space for baro that are that
have or are going through some pretty traumatic stuff.
Speaker 2 (02:05):
Well, good on you, that's great. And you say that
this is coming out of your own experience, and so
have you experienced domestic violence?
Speaker 4 (02:15):
Yeah, so I was actually brought up in a home
where domestic violence was a part of my life all
my life.
Speaker 3 (02:23):
And then.
Speaker 4 (02:26):
I actually married my mate's husband and then we raised
our three children in a home where domestic violence was
also a part of their lives. And so it's that
monkeys see monkey do I think? But I knew, I
knew that there was more to life than what I
(02:50):
was experiencing. But I was also raised in a family
where sexual abuse was happening from the age of five,
and it came out when I was ten.
Speaker 3 (03:04):
And you know, so when you're brought up in a home.
Speaker 4 (03:07):
Where these abuse of all kinds financial abuse, you know, hunger,
all that sort of thing. It's really hard to see
any light at the end of the tunnel. So for
twenty five years, all forms of abuse was all I knew.
Speaker 3 (03:27):
That was that was just my life.
Speaker 2 (03:30):
That's tragic. How did you manage to escape from that?
Speaker 4 (03:35):
I moved to Australia actually on the eighth of January
nineteen ninety eight, myself in two of my three children,
moved to Australia with nothing. We were homeless. We had
three suitcases, three backpacks, backpecks. But I had faith, and
that's all that I really.
Speaker 3 (03:58):
Relied on was just faith. And when I got.
Speaker 2 (04:01):
There, what do you mean by faith that there was
a future? Faith in God? Faith? What was what was this?
What do you mean by you had faith?
Speaker 3 (04:09):
It was just a feeling. So I cut a care.
I do pray.
Speaker 4 (04:13):
I don't go to chech as such, but I cut
a care too. And whether it's to my Tipuna, my ancestors,
whether it's the universe that's everything, whether it's God, but
for me, I cut a care and I still cut
a care today. It's just a part of my life.
And I just felt that there was more than what
(04:39):
I was going through in life.
Speaker 3 (04:40):
It was just a feeling and I went with it.
I went with it, and you know.
Speaker 4 (04:48):
I started to make the changes where I removed myself
from negative people, from negative environments, even my way off thinking,
because when you're brought up in abuse, you can become
negative and you can lean on violence and even your
talk or put it or it can be aggressive and
(05:12):
violent and all of that sort of thing. But I
started to change how I was approaching people, my approach
to myself. I started to accept what had happened to me,
and I even forgave, and that's not something I tell
people to do, but for.
Speaker 3 (05:29):
Me, I had to.
Speaker 2 (05:30):
And was there an environment that you found yourself in
an over in Australia that enabled that to happen?
Speaker 5 (05:36):
Was it?
Speaker 2 (05:36):
Did you come into contact with people that cared for you,
or a community or anything? Was it? Or was it
just the space that you then had.
Speaker 3 (05:46):
I actually had some uncles over there. I knew them, but.
Speaker 4 (05:54):
Not all of them, and they came with no conditions
to love me and my children. They just loved us
and they protected us. And I hadn't ever felt that
type of love and protection because for me, conditions came
with love and and these.
Speaker 3 (06:19):
So when I was going.
Speaker 4 (06:20):
Through my sexual abuse, as as an example as a child,
if I wanted to play the radio gream because back
in my day it was the radio dream my abuse,
I would say, well you want that, then you've got
to do this. So there was always conditions. The same
with my ex husband, there was always conditions attached to
(06:44):
his love for me. And the love that I had
experienced experienced up until I met my second husband was.
Speaker 3 (06:58):
It wasn't love that was.
Speaker 4 (07:02):
Like love love love, love that had no conditions, but
a love that was true and pure.
Speaker 2 (07:10):
Yeah, and you see that as being something that sort
of restored you and healed you.
Speaker 4 (07:18):
Yeah, yes, absolutely So for from nineteen ninety eight, I've
been on this journey that I call healing.
Speaker 3 (07:26):
I will never be.
Speaker 4 (07:26):
Off this journey. I'll never be off my healing journey.
The hope is that I just never go back to
where I started. And in my mind that will never happen.
But you have to put the work in. You have
to put the work in, so changing your environment and
just I'm a big affirmations person, positive affirmations person, and
(07:52):
so what.
Speaker 2 (07:53):
Does this do you mean? What proverbs? And Yeah, and
just things like this that you grab hold of and.
Speaker 4 (08:01):
Live love love, you know, just things like that law
of attraction where however people want to it's all about
positive courted or you know. I'm all about what you
think about, you bring about there you're going to and
the same with verbalizing it.
Speaker 2 (08:16):
What you think about you bring about. And I guess
for people locked in abuse, that's what happens, and it
guests for people when they're heading out of it, that's
what helps them rise above it. Hey, I realize that
for some of the listeners tonight this may be triggering,
It might be opening up old wounds, it might be
describing the situation you're in. And I hope tonight will
(08:36):
give some hope and encouragement to people in situations like that.
And also later on at the end of a show,
I'll be giving some numbers and contacts for people to
be able to call if they're eating a bit of
assistance to get out of that situation or to get
their head straightened out after having been abused. So I'm
talking with Cahra Oli Cahira rata Ali and hearing about
(09:02):
a story which is both tragic but also one which
has got a lot of hope as well. Now you're
talking about the love of your of your fano over
in Australia, which didn't have the fishocks attached, sort of
lifted you back out of this. You're now involved with
helping other people. Do you find being involved constantly with
(09:24):
people that probably have tragic stories, sometimes worse, sometimes civil
to your own? Does that retraumatize you? Does this bring
you down? Or do you do you find you can
rise above that you?
Speaker 3 (09:37):
No, it doesn't.
Speaker 4 (09:38):
And I think that's where I'm lucky personally, is that
because I've done the work, I've done the hard work.
Speaker 3 (09:45):
And I'm at the other end.
Speaker 4 (09:48):
And so for me, I had to do that so
that I can hold that safe space for I know,
for our people that are going or have been through abuse,
and their story is their story, it's not my story.
So I don't bring I don't bring it home as such.
(10:08):
I may cry for them because I see the child
or the adult that was abused or harmed. But to
be quite honest, John, I feel very blessed that these
people trust me enough to share with me their deepest,
darkest secret. I get to be a part of that
(10:31):
journey and that they trust me because for all of us,
I think I can speak honestly for all of us
that have suffered from trauma. Trust is a big thing.
Trust is a big thing. So for me, they trust
me enough to be able to share.
Speaker 2 (10:52):
They're hurt, right, and the lovely thing is that it
does them good. I'm glad to hear that it doesn't
do you harm because I do know that people that
sometimes get involved in other people's pain the pain damages.
Then I'm just wondering what things keep you resilient and
healthy and happy in an environment where you're constantly You've
(11:14):
talked about how you get a buzz from the fact
that people trust you and you see they have changing,
But are there things that you do that just invigorate
you keep you healthy and well? What puts what puts
the energy back into you.
Speaker 4 (11:28):
I'm Moukapuna my grandchildren, my grandchildren have been my wife
for twenty years and I am constantly reminded, reminded of
why I need to do what I do because I
was not surrounded by people that showed love, looked and
(11:51):
we trusted and all that sort of stuff. So for me,
my grandchildren, I need to be an example for them
as an adult and as an adult figure and a
trusted adult figure. So for me, it's they give me
the bot, They give me the drive and the why
(12:12):
and the motivation just to keep moving forward. As harrowing
as some of the stories that are shared with me,
I one, obviously I can separate it from bringing it home,
and that's their journey, that's not mine. But it's my grandchildren.
It's my grandchildren and they are my focus constantly.
Speaker 2 (12:36):
If you've just joined us, this is real life on Newstork,
said v I'm John Cown talking with Kahererrata Ali, who
is an m n ZM winner and also as a
finalist in the Local Hero section of the New Zealander
of the Year Awards, doing fantastic work in a community
helping all sorts of people, women, men and children recover
(12:58):
from abusive situations. I'll be talking more about his story
after his break.
Speaker 1 (13:04):
Intelligent interviews with interesting people. It's real life on Newstork.
So I'm gonna stand up, take my people.
Speaker 5 (13:17):
Together.
Speaker 3 (13:18):
We are going to a renew.
Speaker 2 (13:23):
For a gross story.
Speaker 5 (13:26):
You here freedom.
Speaker 2 (13:28):
Call calling me fil a, Gonna.
Speaker 3 (13:32):
Keep U keep it.
Speaker 2 (13:36):
Welcome back to real life. I'm John Cown talking to
Ghira rata Oli and what are we listening to there? Cahira?
Speaker 3 (13:44):
Stand up all right?
Speaker 2 (13:47):
And why have you picked this?
Speaker 4 (13:49):
It's actually a song that we use for one of
our videos for our Unsilenced Runway event and.
Speaker 3 (13:58):
Photoshoot, and it's just a very.
Speaker 4 (14:01):
Powerful song to go with our movement, because save our
Babies is a movement we don't want it to sign.
Speaker 2 (14:08):
Right now, I'm intrigued that you run runway events, which
I associate with sort of fashion and all sorts of
things like this. I can understand how you'd work with
if you're working with people that are coming out of
domestic abuse, you you know, you'd want to give them
support and a kappa and give them lots of love
and surround. But runway events photo shoots, how does that
(14:31):
work in you with your work?
Speaker 5 (14:34):
You know?
Speaker 4 (14:34):
Because I'm quite the type of person that thinks outside
of the box. How can we get the message out
there that regardless of what we're going through or have
been through, that we can still unsilence ourselves and set
ourselves free and basically reclaim what was taken from us.
Speaker 3 (14:52):
And Runway event came to.
Speaker 4 (14:54):
Me and this photo shoot, the photoshoot is very unique.
It's very confronting, empower empowering and powerful. The photoshoot is
for survivors of sexual abuse only where we'd be all
but they're very subtle, they're very they're very beautiful, and
(15:14):
all the all the models survivors of sexual abuse, but
both male and female.
Speaker 3 (15:23):
Yeah, and if you.
Speaker 4 (15:24):
Want to have a lot, just go on to Save
our Baby Facebook page and you'll see the video there.
And the runway event is for survivors of both the
messic violence and sexual abuse, but all the models. This
is the uniqueness about unsilenced. All the models are survivors.
Nobody that walks the runway, Yeah, it's not a survivor.
(15:46):
And the powerful thing about unsilenced runway, then say in
the photosheet, no.
Speaker 3 (15:52):
One speaks, not one person speaks at all.
Speaker 2 (15:56):
Yeah, we have design A message gets across.
Speaker 4 (16:00):
Though, a message gets across, and it's just we have
designers that come from all over New Zealand. I'm always
looking for more designers. But it's just about getting out there,
standing there, holding your head up, holding your shop to
(16:20):
your shoulders back. And yes, everybody in that audience will
know that you survived either one you know without saying
a word.
Speaker 2 (16:31):
I I'm reluctant to say I can understand how someone's
self esteem would be crushed by abuse, because I haven't
experienced that, So I don't want to pretend that I
can and understand the magnitude of it. But I know
that they do get very crushed in their self esteem.
To be able to stand up there in a runway
(16:51):
in a photo shoot, it must it must be transformative.
Speaker 3 (16:57):
Yeah.
Speaker 4 (16:57):
One of the one of our participants a male, when
he did the photo shoot, he said, Wow, this is
just so invigorating, how powerful, and this is coming from
you know, a real tough, tough, gum boots man who
(17:17):
survived abuse and he bear it all to basically not
only set himself free, but to be the voice for
those that have not yet found their voice.
Speaker 2 (17:31):
I'm intrigued that you work with men as well, because
I could imagine there would be a strong anti male
bias amongst some people working in this area when you
hear a story after story of man on woman abuse
that you are also working with a k.
Speaker 4 (17:51):
Yeah, it's very important because the men in my life
are important and they met her in my life. And yes,
it was males that hurt me, and it was family
males that hurt me, but men were meant to love
and protect me. But if we want our men to
(18:13):
be better men, we need to provide safe spaces for
them to heal as well. And to be quite honest,
the horrific stories that our men bring into these spaces
of abuse, it's just heartbreaking.
Speaker 3 (18:31):
It's always the men stories that.
Speaker 4 (18:36):
Make me very sad, because when what people see is
the male, the man today, twenty thirty, forty fifty, sixty,
seventy old man that may not all of them, may
have caused harm towards another, I will see the four year.
Speaker 3 (18:55):
Old child, the eight year old child.
Speaker 4 (18:57):
The thirteen seventeen year old child that was sexually abused, raped,
even beaten, And so for me it's important to keep
the balance. Don't give me wrong, John, There are some
people in this world that need to be dropped off
on an island and left there. There is that's just
(19:18):
it in a nutshell.
Speaker 3 (19:20):
But there are.
Speaker 4 (19:21):
Also men who were hurt children, and it's important to
hold those spaces for them.
Speaker 2 (19:30):
Can you share a story of without revealing any identifying details,
or the story of someone who has come through this.
You've shared your own story, but other people that you've
worked with a story that springs to mind.
Speaker 4 (19:45):
Well, GC, I've had hundreds. We're probably going into the
thousands of real good stories outcomes.
Speaker 3 (19:51):
But I think one of the was a male.
Speaker 4 (19:55):
He was one of our males and we were around
COVID time and I've known him for a couple of
years through someone else, and he messaged me and he
just says.
Speaker 3 (20:06):
Auntie, can I come and see you? And I said,
of course, baby.
Speaker 4 (20:10):
And I had a shoulder operation, so I wasn't feeling
very good, but I thought and then I says when
and he said tonight, and jeez, it's serious.
Speaker 3 (20:20):
He comes in.
Speaker 4 (20:21):
I'm not feeling the beast. But I just says to him,
what's going on, honey? And now I'm talking about a
forty year old male, right, And then he told me
that he was a victim of sexual abuse as a child,
and then I just I just saw this child and
(20:43):
I just says to him, why now, honey, And he
just said it was always going to be you, Auntie.
I just needed to find the right time.
Speaker 3 (20:51):
From there, through.
Speaker 4 (20:53):
His talking and sharing his story with me, I invited
him to be a part of the Unsilenced Run My
event in photo shoot.
Speaker 3 (21:02):
He's a man's men.
Speaker 4 (21:04):
I was saying, you know, the red band, gum boots,
the trucky, the.
Speaker 3 (21:10):
Hunter, you know, just a real typical means me. He came,
he beard all for.
Speaker 4 (21:18):
The will to see, because that's what our photos are
all about.
Speaker 3 (21:22):
He wasn't going to come to the Runway event.
Speaker 4 (21:25):
He arrived late, and then he got on that Runway
event and I just saw this beautiful man in front
of me who looked free with his red beans on.
You know, it's just it's those stories because obviously I
(21:46):
know that because of his his trauma, these other things
that they do and their relationships with those that are
near and dear because of the because they're a broken child.
Speaker 3 (22:03):
But what I saw was just this beautiful.
Speaker 4 (22:07):
Man that looked for on the night of the Runway
event in twenty twenty three. And it's those stories that
remind me of the importance other than my grandchildren, it's
those stories because if I can get to the toughest
and the toughest, the toughest of people and I'm talking
both male and female, to set themselves free from the trauma,
(22:33):
then what are we creating. We're creating a better community
for everybody.
Speaker 2 (22:39):
I've been talking with caherro Rata Ollie and if something
that she's been talking about has been troubling you or
triggering you, Hey, if you're an immediate danger, call one
one one, and even if you can't speak on the phone,
when you call, dialing five to five after one one
one will indicate that you want the police. You can
text or call one seven three seven if you'd like
(23:01):
to talk with someone who'll be able to help you
in whatever situation you're in, or point you towards someone
that can help you. And of course there are other
helplines that you can call, like eight hundred four five
six four five oh where you'll be talking to a
trained counselor, and you can reach Woman's Refuge if you're
needing to get to a safe place eight hundred Refuge,
(23:25):
eight hundred Refuge. You can google a Uoka dot org
dot nz for more advice on resources. And I'm sure
the thing you need to remember is help helps. You
don't need to stay stuck. Okay here, It's been a
privilege talking with you, and I wish you all the
best for your multiple works that you're doing with people
(23:48):
and all sorts of tragic situations, but going to go
out on another song you've picked, and what's a second
song that you've picked for us?
Speaker 4 (23:56):
This is Me was from the Showman and yeah, we
just love the words, we love the money behind it
and it's part of our on Silence from way.
Speaker 3 (24:06):
Agains as well. So thank you, Jo.
Speaker 2 (24:10):
Go here, Thank you. This is real life on news Talk,
said B. I hope you've enjoyed tonight, looking forward to
being back with you next Sunday night Drama.
Speaker 5 (24:21):
This is Brain, this is Bruce, this is who met,
this is Me.
Speaker 1 (25:03):
For more from news Talk, said B. Listen live on
air or online, and keep it shows with you wherever
you go with our podcasts on iHeartRadio
You're listening to a podcast from News Talk sed B.
Follow this and our wide range of podcasts now on iHeartRadio,
Real Conversation, Real Connection. It's Real Life with John Cowen
on News Talk zed B.
Speaker 2 (00:33):
Gooday, welcome to Real Life. I'm John Cowen and it's
a great privilege to talk to a m n z
M winner. It's Kahira rata Oli and it's a privilege
to talk to you. Welcome to the show.
Speaker 3 (00:47):
Cura Cura, John, Thank you for having me. It's okay.
Speaker 2 (00:51):
So it's congratulations on your work being recognized. I mentioned
for a long time this type of work. You just
do it, and probably not many people are saying thank
you at all. Tell us a little bit about the
type of work you've been doing.
Speaker 4 (01:03):
Yes, So, I'm the founder of Say Their Baby's Charitable
Trust and a lot of the stuff that we do well, actually,
all of the stuff that we do is because of
my life experience. So we do a lot of stuff
around providing safe spaces for both Bahma.
Speaker 3 (01:22):
And Tani women and our males and female.
Speaker 4 (01:26):
Sorry that are going through some forms of abuse or
have been through some forms of abuse. We provide free clothing.
They're all pre love clothing that have been donated by
the community. We provide school lunches for our time of
a kid that are going to school with no lunches.
Speaker 3 (01:46):
What else do we do.
Speaker 4 (01:47):
We run a number of different programs and initiatives for
both our males and our females.
Speaker 3 (01:54):
And it's basically just a safe space.
Speaker 4 (01:57):
We provide a safe space for baro that are that
have or are going through some pretty traumatic stuff.
Speaker 2 (02:05):
Well, good on you, that's great. And you say that
this is coming out of your own experience, and so
have you experienced domestic violence?
Speaker 4 (02:15):
Yeah, so I was actually brought up in a home
where domestic violence was a part of my life all
my life.
Speaker 3 (02:23):
And then.
Speaker 4 (02:26):
I actually married my mate's husband and then we raised
our three children in a home where domestic violence was
also a part of their lives. And so it's that
monkeys see monkey do I think? But I knew, I
knew that there was more to life than what I
(02:50):
was experiencing. But I was also raised in a family
where sexual abuse was happening from the age of five,
and it came out when I was ten.
Speaker 3 (03:04):
And you know, so when you're brought up in a home.
Speaker 4 (03:07):
Where these abuse of all kinds financial abuse, you know, hunger,
all that sort of thing. It's really hard to see
any light at the end of the tunnel. So for
twenty five years, all forms of abuse was all I knew.
Speaker 3 (03:27):
That was that was just my life.
Speaker 2 (03:30):
That's tragic. How did you manage to escape from that?
Speaker 4 (03:35):
I moved to Australia actually on the eighth of January
nineteen ninety eight, myself in two of my three children,
moved to Australia with nothing. We were homeless. We had
three suitcases, three backpacks, backpecks. But I had faith, and
that's all that I really.
Speaker 3 (03:58):
Relied on was just faith. And when I got.
Speaker 2 (04:01):
There, what do you mean by faith that there was
a future? Faith in God? Faith? What was what was this?
What do you mean by you had faith?
Speaker 3 (04:09):
It was just a feeling. So I cut a care.
I do pray.
Speaker 4 (04:13):
I don't go to chech as such, but I cut
a care too. And whether it's to my Tipuna, my ancestors,
whether it's the universe that's everything, whether it's God, but
for me, I cut a care and I still cut
a care today. It's just a part of my life.
And I just felt that there was more than what
(04:39):
I was going through in life.
Speaker 3 (04:40):
It was just a feeling and I went with it.
I went with it, and you know.
Speaker 4 (04:48):
I started to make the changes where I removed myself
from negative people, from negative environments, even my way off thinking,
because when you're brought up in abuse, you can become
negative and you can lean on violence and even your
talk or put it or it can be aggressive and
(05:12):
violent and all of that sort of thing. But I
started to change how I was approaching people, my approach
to myself. I started to accept what had happened to me,
and I even forgave, and that's not something I tell
people to do, but for.
Speaker 3 (05:29):
Me, I had to.
Speaker 2 (05:30):
And was there an environment that you found yourself in
an over in Australia that enabled that to happen?
Speaker 5 (05:36):
Was it?
Speaker 2 (05:36):
Did you come into contact with people that cared for you,
or a community or anything? Was it? Or was it
just the space that you then had.
Speaker 3 (05:46):
I actually had some uncles over there. I knew them, but.
Speaker 4 (05:54):
Not all of them, and they came with no conditions
to love me and my children. They just loved us
and they protected us. And I hadn't ever felt that
type of love and protection because for me, conditions came
with love and and these.
Speaker 3 (06:19):
So when I was going.
Speaker 4 (06:20):
Through my sexual abuse, as as an example as a child,
if I wanted to play the radio gream because back
in my day it was the radio dream my abuse,
I would say, well you want that, then you've got
to do this. So there was always conditions. The same
with my ex husband, there was always conditions attached to
(06:44):
his love for me. And the love that I had
experienced experienced up until I met my second husband was.
Speaker 3 (06:58):
It wasn't love that was.
Speaker 4 (07:02):
Like love love love, love that had no conditions, but
a love that was true and pure.
Speaker 2 (07:10):
Yeah, and you see that as being something that sort
of restored you and healed you.
Speaker 4 (07:18):
Yeah, yes, absolutely So for from nineteen ninety eight, I've
been on this journey that I call healing.
Speaker 3 (07:26):
I will never be.
Speaker 4 (07:26):
Off this journey. I'll never be off my healing journey.
The hope is that I just never go back to
where I started. And in my mind that will never happen.
But you have to put the work in. You have
to put the work in, so changing your environment and
just I'm a big affirmations person, positive affirmations person, and
(07:52):
so what.
Speaker 2 (07:53):
Does this do you mean? What proverbs? And Yeah, and
just things like this that you grab hold of and.
Speaker 4 (08:01):
Live love love, you know, just things like that law
of attraction where however people want to it's all about
positive courted or you know. I'm all about what you
think about, you bring about there you're going to and
the same with verbalizing it.
Speaker 2 (08:16):
What you think about you bring about. And I guess
for people locked in abuse, that's what happens, and it
guests for people when they're heading out of it, that's
what helps them rise above it. Hey, I realize that
for some of the listeners tonight this may be triggering,
It might be opening up old wounds, it might be
describing the situation you're in. And I hope tonight will
(08:36):
give some hope and encouragement to people in situations like that.
And also later on at the end of a show,
I'll be giving some numbers and contacts for people to
be able to call if they're eating a bit of
assistance to get out of that situation or to get
their head straightened out after having been abused. So I'm
talking with Cahra Oli Cahira rata Ali and hearing about
(09:02):
a story which is both tragic but also one which
has got a lot of hope as well. Now you're
talking about the love of your of your fano over
in Australia, which didn't have the fishocks attached, sort of
lifted you back out of this. You're now involved with
helping other people. Do you find being involved constantly with
(09:24):
people that probably have tragic stories, sometimes worse, sometimes civil
to your own? Does that retraumatize you? Does this bring
you down? Or do you do you find you can
rise above that you?
Speaker 3 (09:37):
No, it doesn't.
Speaker 4 (09:38):
And I think that's where I'm lucky personally, is that
because I've done the work, I've done the hard work.
Speaker 3 (09:45):
And I'm at the other end.
Speaker 4 (09:48):
And so for me, I had to do that so
that I can hold that safe space for I know,
for our people that are going or have been through abuse,
and their story is their story, it's not my story.
So I don't bring I don't bring it home as such.
(10:08):
I may cry for them because I see the child
or the adult that was abused or harmed. But to
be quite honest, John, I feel very blessed that these
people trust me enough to share with me their deepest,
darkest secret. I get to be a part of that
(10:31):
journey and that they trust me because for all of us,
I think I can speak honestly for all of us
that have suffered from trauma. Trust is a big thing.
Trust is a big thing. So for me, they trust
me enough to be able to share.
Speaker 2 (10:52):
They're hurt, right, and the lovely thing is that it
does them good. I'm glad to hear that it doesn't
do you harm because I do know that people that
sometimes get involved in other people's pain the pain damages.
Then I'm just wondering what things keep you resilient and
healthy and happy in an environment where you're constantly You've
(11:14):
talked about how you get a buzz from the fact
that people trust you and you see they have changing,
But are there things that you do that just invigorate
you keep you healthy and well? What puts what puts
the energy back into you.
Speaker 4 (11:28):
I'm Moukapuna my grandchildren, my grandchildren have been my wife
for twenty years and I am constantly reminded, reminded of
why I need to do what I do because I
was not surrounded by people that showed love, looked and
(11:51):
we trusted and all that sort of stuff. So for me,
my grandchildren, I need to be an example for them
as an adult and as an adult figure and a
trusted adult figure. So for me, it's they give me
the bot, They give me the drive and the why
(12:12):
and the motivation just to keep moving forward. As harrowing
as some of the stories that are shared with me,
I one, obviously I can separate it from bringing it home,
and that's their journey, that's not mine. But it's my grandchildren.
It's my grandchildren and they are my focus constantly.
Speaker 2 (12:36):
If you've just joined us, this is real life on Newstork,
said v I'm John Cown talking with Kahererrata Ali, who
is an m n ZM winner and also as a
finalist in the Local Hero section of the New Zealander
of the Year Awards, doing fantastic work in a community
helping all sorts of people, women, men and children recover
(12:58):
from abusive situations. I'll be talking more about his story
after his break.
Speaker 1 (13:04):
Intelligent interviews with interesting people. It's real life on Newstork.
So I'm gonna stand up, take my people.
Speaker 5 (13:17):
Together.
Speaker 3 (13:18):
We are going to a renew.
Speaker 2 (13:23):
For a gross story.
Speaker 5 (13:26):
You here freedom.
Speaker 2 (13:28):
Call calling me fil a, Gonna.
Speaker 3 (13:32):
Keep U keep it.
Speaker 2 (13:36):
Welcome back to real life. I'm John Cown talking to
Ghira rata Oli and what are we listening to there? Cahira?
Speaker 3 (13:44):
Stand up all right?
Speaker 2 (13:47):
And why have you picked this?
Speaker 4 (13:49):
It's actually a song that we use for one of
our videos for our Unsilenced Runway event and.
Speaker 3 (13:58):
Photoshoot, and it's just a very.
Speaker 4 (14:01):
Powerful song to go with our movement, because save our
Babies is a movement we don't want it to sign.
Speaker 2 (14:08):
Right now, I'm intrigued that you run runway events, which
I associate with sort of fashion and all sorts of
things like this. I can understand how you'd work with
if you're working with people that are coming out of
domestic abuse, you you know, you'd want to give them
support and a kappa and give them lots of love
and surround. But runway events photo shoots, how does that
(14:31):
work in you with your work?
Speaker 5 (14:34):
You know?
Speaker 4 (14:34):
Because I'm quite the type of person that thinks outside
of the box. How can we get the message out
there that regardless of what we're going through or have
been through, that we can still unsilence ourselves and set
ourselves free and basically reclaim what was taken from us.
Speaker 3 (14:52):
And Runway event came to.
Speaker 4 (14:54):
Me and this photo shoot, the photoshoot is very unique.
It's very confronting, empower empowering and powerful. The photoshoot is
for survivors of sexual abuse only where we'd be all
but they're very subtle, they're very they're very beautiful, and
(15:14):
all the all the models survivors of sexual abuse, but
both male and female.
Speaker 3 (15:23):
Yeah, and if you.
Speaker 4 (15:24):
Want to have a lot, just go on to Save
our Baby Facebook page and you'll see the video there.
And the runway event is for survivors of both the
messic violence and sexual abuse, but all the models. This
is the uniqueness about unsilenced. All the models are survivors.
Nobody that walks the runway, Yeah, it's not a survivor.
(15:46):
And the powerful thing about unsilenced runway, then say in
the photosheet, no.
Speaker 3 (15:52):
One speaks, not one person speaks at all.
Speaker 2 (15:56):
Yeah, we have design A message gets across.
Speaker 4 (16:00):
Though, a message gets across, and it's just we have
designers that come from all over New Zealand. I'm always
looking for more designers. But it's just about getting out there,
standing there, holding your head up, holding your shop to
(16:20):
your shoulders back. And yes, everybody in that audience will
know that you survived either one you know without saying
a word.
Speaker 2 (16:31):
I I'm reluctant to say I can understand how someone's
self esteem would be crushed by abuse, because I haven't
experienced that, So I don't want to pretend that I
can and understand the magnitude of it. But I know
that they do get very crushed in their self esteem.
To be able to stand up there in a runway
(16:51):
in a photo shoot, it must it must be transformative.
Speaker 3 (16:57):
Yeah.
Speaker 4 (16:57):
One of the one of our participants a male, when
he did the photo shoot, he said, Wow, this is
just so invigorating, how powerful, and this is coming from
you know, a real tough, tough, gum boots man who
(17:17):
survived abuse and he bear it all to basically not
only set himself free, but to be the voice for
those that have not yet found their voice.
Speaker 2 (17:31):
I'm intrigued that you work with men as well, because
I could imagine there would be a strong anti male
bias amongst some people working in this area when you
hear a story after story of man on woman abuse
that you are also working with a k.
Speaker 4 (17:51):
Yeah, it's very important because the men in my life
are important and they met her in my life. And yes,
it was males that hurt me, and it was family
males that hurt me, but men were meant to love
and protect me. But if we want our men to
(18:13):
be better men, we need to provide safe spaces for
them to heal as well. And to be quite honest,
the horrific stories that our men bring into these spaces
of abuse, it's just heartbreaking.
Speaker 3 (18:31):
It's always the men stories that.
Speaker 4 (18:36):
Make me very sad, because when what people see is
the male, the man today, twenty thirty, forty fifty, sixty,
seventy old man that may not all of them, may
have caused harm towards another, I will see the four year.
Speaker 3 (18:55):
Old child, the eight year old child.
Speaker 4 (18:57):
The thirteen seventeen year old child that was sexually abused, raped,
even beaten, And so for me it's important to keep
the balance. Don't give me wrong, John, There are some
people in this world that need to be dropped off
on an island and left there. There is that's just
(19:18):
it in a nutshell.
Speaker 3 (19:20):
But there are.
Speaker 4 (19:21):
Also men who were hurt children, and it's important to
hold those spaces for them.
Speaker 2 (19:30):
Can you share a story of without revealing any identifying details,
or the story of someone who has come through this.
You've shared your own story, but other people that you've
worked with a story that springs to mind.
Speaker 4 (19:45):
Well, GC, I've had hundreds. We're probably going into the
thousands of real good stories outcomes.
Speaker 3 (19:51):
But I think one of the was a male.
Speaker 4 (19:55):
He was one of our males and we were around
COVID time and I've known him for a couple of
years through someone else, and he messaged me and he
just says.
Speaker 3 (20:06):
Auntie, can I come and see you? And I said,
of course, baby.
Speaker 4 (20:10):
And I had a shoulder operation, so I wasn't feeling
very good, but I thought and then I says when
and he said tonight, and jeez, it's serious.
Speaker 3 (20:20):
He comes in.
Speaker 4 (20:21):
I'm not feeling the beast. But I just says to him,
what's going on, honey? And now I'm talking about a
forty year old male, right, And then he told me
that he was a victim of sexual abuse as a child,
and then I just I just saw this child and
(20:43):
I just says to him, why now, honey, And he
just said it was always going to be you, Auntie.
I just needed to find the right time.
Speaker 3 (20:51):
From there, through.
Speaker 4 (20:53):
His talking and sharing his story with me, I invited
him to be a part of the Unsilenced Run My
event in photo shoot.
Speaker 3 (21:02):
He's a man's men.
Speaker 4 (21:04):
I was saying, you know, the red band, gum boots,
the trucky, the.
Speaker 3 (21:10):
Hunter, you know, just a real typical means me. He came,
he beard all for.
Speaker 4 (21:18):
The will to see, because that's what our photos are
all about.
Speaker 3 (21:22):
He wasn't going to come to the Runway event.
Speaker 4 (21:25):
He arrived late, and then he got on that Runway
event and I just saw this beautiful man in front
of me who looked free with his red beans on.
You know, it's just it's those stories because obviously I
(21:46):
know that because of his his trauma, these other things
that they do and their relationships with those that are
near and dear because of the because they're a broken child.
Speaker 3 (22:03):
But what I saw was just this beautiful.
Speaker 4 (22:07):
Man that looked for on the night of the Runway
event in twenty twenty three. And it's those stories that
remind me of the importance other than my grandchildren, it's
those stories because if I can get to the toughest
and the toughest, the toughest of people and I'm talking
both male and female, to set themselves free from the trauma,
(22:33):
then what are we creating. We're creating a better community
for everybody.
Speaker 2 (22:39):
I've been talking with caherro Rata Ollie and if something
that she's been talking about has been troubling you or
triggering you, Hey, if you're an immediate danger, call one
one one, and even if you can't speak on the phone,
when you call, dialing five to five after one one
one will indicate that you want the police. You can
text or call one seven three seven if you'd like
(23:01):
to talk with someone who'll be able to help you
in whatever situation you're in, or point you towards someone
that can help you. And of course there are other
helplines that you can call, like eight hundred four five
six four five oh where you'll be talking to a
trained counselor, and you can reach Woman's Refuge if you're
needing to get to a safe place eight hundred Refuge,
(23:25):
eight hundred Refuge. You can google a Uoka dot org
dot nz for more advice on resources. And I'm sure
the thing you need to remember is help helps. You
don't need to stay stuck. Okay here, It's been a
privilege talking with you, and I wish you all the
best for your multiple works that you're doing with people
(23:48):
and all sorts of tragic situations, but going to go
out on another song you've picked, and what's a second
song that you've picked for us?
Speaker 4 (23:56):
This is Me was from the Showman and yeah, we
just love the words, we love the money behind it
and it's part of our on Silence from way.
Speaker 3 (24:06):
Agains as well. So thank you, Jo.
Speaker 2 (24:10):
Go here, Thank you. This is real life on news Talk,
said B. I hope you've enjoyed tonight, looking forward to
being back with you next Sunday night Drama.
Speaker 5 (24:21):
This is Brain, this is Bruce, this is who met,
this is Me.
Speaker 1 (25:03):
For more from news Talk, said B. Listen live on
air or online, and keep it shows with you wherever
you go with our podcasts on iHeartRadio
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