August 3, 2024 • 29 mins
Why is anxiety becoming so much more prevalent in children? Are evolving parenting styles to blame?
Parent coach Jenny Hale joins Tim Beveridge on The Weekend Collective to discuss this and more.
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Speaker 1 (00:05):
You're listening to the Weekend Collective podcast from News Talk Sedborn.
Speaker 2 (00:23):
I'm palling a part and fun Gaggle. Welcome back. This
is the Weekend Collective. I'm Tim Beverage. If you've missed
any of the previous hours of fascinating chat with Nicolewis,
property expert, a new guest on the show, you can
go and check out our podcast on iHeartRadio. Just look
(00:43):
for the Weekend Collective or wherever you get your podcasts.
If you search for the Weekend Collective you should be
able to find it all, as well as our entertaining
panel with Williamina Shrimpton and Irene Garden. We cover a
range of topics. We're lots of fun today, but right
now it is time for the parents Squad. My guest
is from the Parenting Place and her name is Jenny Hale. Hi, Jenny,
how are you going?
Speaker 3 (01:03):
I am going really well. Tim's great to be here.
Speaker 2 (01:05):
Yeah, yeah, nice to have you in studio. Actually, by
the way, I was chatting with our producer just about
the book that you've got out. Not that you've come
here to promote your book, but you're the book that
kind for what is it.
Speaker 3 (01:15):
Called kind Foon Calm. You just have to think of KFCO.
Speaker 2 (01:21):
But you can get it at the parenting place Surfy
if you're listening at the show and you're enjoying what
you're hearing from. Jenny Hale and I actually have a
copy of The Bockets and get given a lot of
books on the in the context of working the show.
But it is actually one of those books where you
name a situation as a parent that you might be
facing and worried about. The good chance that Jenny's got
some good advice for you on that. So awesome anyway,
(01:42):
Anxiety is We're gonna talk about anxiety. If you've got
any questions straight off the bat, we want your calls
on one hundred and eighteen eighty or text nine two
nine two. But Genny and I are going to have
a chat about it right now. Anxiety. Is it our
kid's more anxious these days? Do you think you get
surveys that say it's more prevalent? But I would I
(02:04):
would suggest that may with the last few years that
we've had and everything, there probably is a case to
say that kids are more anxious.
Speaker 3 (02:09):
But are they Yeah, Well, the surveys are telling us
that they are teachers are telling us that the kids
at school are more anxious, and I think more parents
are feeling it with their kids. So yes, I would
say kids are more anxious, But we talk about it
a lot, a little bit more, or a lot more.
And I think to some degree we're a bit anxious
about being anxious, because we've almost made anxiety out to
(02:33):
be a really bad thing and a sort of something
that has to be fixed and sorted and got rid of.
And there's a lot of anxiety that's very normal. And
I think that if we normalize anxiety to some degree
and give parents, who are the best teachers and contractors,
(02:53):
if we give them some helpful ideas on what they
can do, and also to know what to do if
it's beyond them, because there is some anxiety that needs
extra professional help. A lot of the anxiety that kids
face on a daily basis is really helped by a
caring person who can do some good things and maybe
(03:14):
not and be aware of the things not to do.
Speaker 2 (03:17):
What is anxiety? Because I guess if we're playing a
game with I can't even say the word forsaurus. Is
it just being worried about stuff? Is it constant worry
is what is anxiety death? How is there a question
with the defining it?
Speaker 3 (03:31):
It is having a It's often a fear of something
that's looming, a fear of being separated from someone and
not doing well on your own. Like little kids have
anxiety mainly around separation, and primary age kids might be
more anxious around worried about big events earthquakes and calamities
(03:54):
and stuff like that. And then as you get into
the teenage years, their anxiety is around belonging, socializing, having friends,
fitting in, being up with the play, all of those things.
And it is, Yeah, it's worry. It's been caught off guard.
It's thinking about something so much that often you are
(04:16):
distracted from being able to concentrate. And I think what
real anxiety does is it puts us into the fight,
flight or freeze mode.
Speaker 2 (04:25):
And that's a that's an evolved instinct, doesn't it.
Speaker 3 (04:28):
Yeah, it is, And we I think we can when
we recognize it and understand what it's doing and realize
it's actually been designed to really help us. But what
we know with anxiety is it can't tell the difference.
It's like a smoke alarm, but it doesn't know the
difference between the toast is burning a little bit and
(04:49):
the house is on fire.
Speaker 2 (04:52):
Actually, that does sum it up quite well, because if
you feel anxious, and it's when people try and rationalize it.
It's like, if you're feeling anxious, you're feeling anxious full stop,
isn't it? And that's why I think does that that
as a parent, if you've got anxious with adult anxiety
as well what we're talking about parenting, Does that mean
that trying to tell a kid that the problem is
(05:16):
no big deal is not particularly helpful because if they're
feeling anxious, they're feeling anxious, and it doesn't matter if
you tell them their problem isn't really significant.
Speaker 3 (05:26):
Is that something we really we're trying to help children
see it in context and that you know this is nothing,
but actually you're right if you feel it. If you
feel anxious, you can't be convinced by logic it's nothing
to worry about. And so I think we're better to
validate that they're feeling anxious or maybe even use a
(05:49):
different word. Oh, you can see you're a bit surprised
by that, or you aren't feeling that you're in control,
or you're a bit uncomfortable. Sometimes anxiety is the only
word we use. But I think we're much better to
accept anxiety and bring it in rather than think you, no,
you're not worry that's not worth worrying. Let me tell
you what you should worry about, which is really dismissive.
(06:12):
Or we can just jump in and overdo the reassurance
or overdo the talk. You know, if we talk too
much about something, I think I coulds know this is
really worth worrying about because Mum or Dad are going
on about it.
Speaker 2 (06:28):
Yeah, actually I do want I'm telling myself a bit
that day these days, sometimes just to slow the pace
of everything down. And if my daughter is worried about something,
then actually to what she probably just needs one some time,
just maybe a hug or whatever, or just a bit
of reassurance. And I don't mean reassurance saying you don't
(06:51):
have a problem, but you know, I often just say
that do you want to hug? And she'll say yes,
and it's just like and sit and just sit there quietly,
and then maybe other things come out. Whereas you know,
we got today's parents, we're all running around trying to
solve every problem we can. And I wonder if that's
is that part of the problem our own.
Speaker 3 (07:10):
Yeah, we're anxious about our kids' anxiety, and in good heart,
we'll often want to get it there and tease it
out and talk about it. But what you just said
is it is so good. Children need our stillness. They
actually need a non anxious presence of a bigger person,
(07:31):
and often they just need some affection or a hag
or someone sitting with them saying I get it or
I believe you. Small words like that. You don't have
to say, oh, that's that's nothing, because then you get
a little bit of a fight on your hands when
a child is trying to defend that they are feeling bad.
So slow it down.
Speaker 2 (07:53):
By the way, I do have some moments, just in
case I sounded like, mister wonderful for seeing No, I
do moments when also my anxiety kicks it on. I'm
just like, I can't deal with us right now. Yeah,
but that's a human reaction as well.
Speaker 3 (08:04):
Yeah, you're right, Tim, We've actually while we're parenting, we
work on our own stuff and it happens to coincide,
which is why parenting is a little bit of a
challenge because while they're worried. We've got stuff that we're
worried about as well, and sometimes we're churning and kind
of can't engage with them because we've got our own stuff.
(08:26):
So parents are on the journey as well, but as
we manage our anxiety or let our kids know, Look,
I've got a bit a bit of a I've got
a few worries at work and I'm not sure I'm
going to hand a how I've handled it, and I'm
thinking about it a lot. And then we come back
with them with a sense of you know what, I've
just gone for a walk or of debrief with a friend,
(08:50):
and I think I've got some ideas.
Speaker 2 (08:52):
Is that something that I think of old school parenting,
where you know, Mum or dad would keep their problems
to themselves, And obviously you don't want to stress your
kids out by by unloading on your problems. But I
did say I was a bit stressed the other day
for a couple of reasons, and I just said to
my daughter when she was asking me something, actually I said, honey, actually,
(09:15):
I'm actually got a couple of things I'm really struggling
to deal with at the moment. So I'm not in
the greatest frame of mind. Can we talk about this
a little bit later? And I didn't, you know, she said,
as anything, you know, she asked me more details. I said, Look,
everything's okay. I'm just I've got a problem I have
to sort out. And then I, I guess that's the question.
How much do you share with your kids so you
(09:35):
don't add to the well.
Speaker 3 (09:38):
I think that we can normalize the fact that we
all have worries, and that that I think helps children
feel normal and okay about having a worry. What you
weren't doing is if we're really undone and we are
so beside ourselves and we're signaling you can't yeah, I
(09:59):
can't handle this job of parenting. That's scary for kids.
But when we just say I'm actually a bit distracted
at the moment, and I'm going to work through this
and I know I'll get through it, sort of a
bit of hope in there. But the reality is, I
don't think we should hide feelings from kids.
Speaker 2 (10:18):
Yeah, because if you aren't coping yourself as a parent.
I mean, actually, to be honest that it was the
other day and actually there are a few things I
wasn't feeling very I was sick as tired, and there
are a couple of things that were really bugging me
and I needed to get on top of them. And
I was just and the builders had turned up, and
I was just like, I'm maxed out right now. I'm
totally Actually, it's probably the time I thought this is
(10:39):
the perfect sort of cluster of really, if anything else
disastrous happens right now, I'm just going to I'm just
gonna sit down and have a little cry. But actually, yeah,
so how would what is the best way to deal
with that? And then, by the way, I've got some
feedback we're going to deal with as well. So eight
hundred and eighteen eighty if you want to call, But
what do you do in those circumstances where you are
(11:01):
and maybe your kids have picked up a bit of
anxiety because of that?
Speaker 3 (11:04):
Yeah, well, well the cluster is true. I think it's
good to recognize that, you know, we can we deal well,
we're okay with one or two, but sometimes it's four
or five, and that's when we're really struggling. And I
think our kids need to see that we have some
strategies for reducing our anxiety. And you know, for me,
I'll go for a walk, I have a glass of water,
(11:27):
I will talk to a friend, I will journal some stuff,
I'll listen to music. I have strategies. Yeah, and I'm
trying to do that deep breathing one because the research
says that breathing deep, taking deep breaths is significantly helpful,
is it. Yeah?
Speaker 2 (11:45):
Yeah, Well that's good because if somebody told me and
take some deep breaths, I'd be like, I'm not sure
I'd be feeling that was very helpful.
Speaker 3 (11:51):
FU. No, That's why I'm a slow uptaker of the
deep breath. But apparently it's really helpful. And can I say,
if you've got kids and you say go and calm
down and do your deep breaths, they're not going to
do it. They actually co read you're late with you,
So you kind of got to do the deep breathing
with them.
Speaker 2 (12:10):
Okay. Of course, there's so many questions coming out of this,
but that's that's our point of there in these discussions.
I guess I weight one hundred eighty ten eighty. We'd
love to have your cause on this as well. How
much Okay, getting onto stresses with kids and things that
are causing them anxiety? What are the majors. Are there
particular common stressors for children that we can do something about.
Speaker 3 (12:38):
I think there are children who are stressed about going
to school.
Speaker 2 (12:44):
Or that's quite a big one.
Speaker 3 (12:46):
Actually, that's that is, especially after COVID, that's probably got
a bigger search right now, and that's separating from their
parent or loved one. I think lots of kids are
stressed about doing well enough at school, whether they're reading
or writing, or they've got a perfectionist lens on things,
(13:09):
and so they've got a striving to achieve and never
feeling that they are, So they're worried about that. Kids
worry about the cross country, about speech contests, about who's
picking them up at the end of the day. Sometimes
it's anything.
Speaker 2 (13:25):
See, these things seem like the cure for them is
that they sort of have to solder on and they
have to face that thing they're worried about. So they're
worried about a speech competition, but really the cure for
that is in life, you have to learn to do
these things. And which to me, it's my daughter. I mean,
I don't think my daughter is worried about her speech.
(13:45):
I think she's quite looking forward to it. Funny enough
because it's speech time. But if she wasn't and I
really don't want to go to school to speech day
or such and such, I would still feel like, honey,
it's actually okay. I can understand that you might be
nervous and things, but everyone else is feeling the same way. Actually,
the thing I say to her is, no one cares
about you as much as you do. They're worried about themselves.
(14:06):
So seriously, just get up there and do it. But
of course that might be advice where she goes. That's
not helping. I still terrified, but I wanted. But to me,
the cure for that is I did it, daddy, and
it wasn't so bad. And I think the mistake that
parents can make is to something's worrying their kids. Okay,
you don't have to do that. This is worrying me. Okay,
you don't have to do that. I'm nervous about going
(14:28):
to sport today. Okay, you don't have to do that.
That's not really the answer, is it.
Speaker 3 (14:33):
No? And we are tempted to do that because we
know that there will be initial relief if you say,
that's fine, you don't need to do the speech contest.
I'll talk to the teacher. No, you don't have to
do for zed today. No, the cross country. You don't
like cross country, And that will give ye a feeling
of relief, but also reinforces the fact that these things
(14:54):
are too big and too much for us. And you know,
there's a saying which is don't avoid avoidance, you know,
and I think that we do need to face I.
Speaker 2 (15:04):
Would have made and that's a big one for parents
to try to avoid, is avoidance. Sorry to be so
sort of double talk there, but just shouldn't avoid today.
Speaker 3 (15:15):
No, and we do need to sit with our kids.
You know, being with them and being able to say
it is tricky. I get it. You're validating that their
feelings are genuine and that you believe them. That's a
good start. And then sometimes you break it down for them.
You know, kids often need a big A speech contest
(15:36):
is sometimes massive because they see it as I need
to have my speech written and I need to memorize
it and I need to deliver it, and they're struggling
with the size of the job. And so often we
walk with a kid and we break it down and say, well, look,
give it. Do you the first time around, you know,
do you speech to the cat you know? Or yeah,
(15:59):
you can be playful, or we'll do Yeah, you don't
need to write the whole speech on one day. And
so we look for ways to break it down, and
we look for ways to sometimes just keep the kind
but firm pressure on our kids that we know it's
going to be hard, but we're not backing out. You know.
(16:21):
I'm thinking of the children who they want to be
enrolled in soccer or something like that, and then you
get them there and they say, I don't I'm not playing,
and they're freaking out about all the things they don't
know and all the rules they don't know. But often
you can just help them by you say, well, we're
here now, so we're going to sit and watch, and
you talk to the coach and say sorry, but we're
(16:42):
actually just going to watch today, and you don't drive
them home.
Speaker 2 (16:47):
Yeah, that's the thing. You don't give them the complete out. Actually,
it's interesting the schools, the school that my girls go to,
and I think it's quite a good I think I
was told about That's something that my mum once said
to me that if I was going to have a
crack at something, she said, well, if you're going to
do it, you are doing it for the year, for
the term. She says, you're not just trying. And it
was telling me that there was a commitment involved. And
(17:08):
one of the rules that the school has for sport
with my girls, as I say, if you commit to
a sport, you must think about it because your commitment
is to a team and if you pull out, you
are out of all sport at the school. So they're
saying you are in and it's I mean, but it
does make it easier for the kids to understand you're
in this, and it's just understanding what a commitment is. Yeah, great, good, tough,
(17:34):
but you know.
Speaker 3 (17:35):
I think that there is a toughness that or a
robustness that we need to bring to things. And yeah,
I think when children know that there is a gate
open behind them, there's just a natural desire to I
want to I want out, I don't want to be here.
And depending on the age and stage of your child,
of course, yeah, little kids you're often watching something and
(17:58):
they're observing and learning and getting the noise and the
sound and the rules and all of that. And then
you are sometimes been very boring by insisting that we're
just staying here. You bring your coffee flask and have
a good have a coffee while you watch, but you're
not jumping in the car and driving home. So there's
lots of situations where we can do that type of
(18:18):
nudge on our kids.
Speaker 2 (18:20):
Right, we're with We're with Jenny Hale from the Parenting Place.
What's the website for the Parenting Place again? Is it
the Parenting Place?
Speaker 3 (18:26):
No?
Speaker 2 (18:26):
Just Parentingplace dot n z, okay, Parentingplace dot enz if
you want to check out. In fact, you guys have
a you are you about to do a course on anxiety?
For you? You're doing something.
Speaker 3 (18:37):
On anxiety, right, really online course called Untangling Anxiety. You know,
we've talked to enough parents and lots of parents come
to coaching with anxious kids. And this is a wonderful
online course that you can do at your own pace,
which is really awesome. And in the course, you there's videos,
(19:00):
there's psychologists speaking, there's parents speaking, but you're really able
to navigate with some strategies and ideas on how to
manage anxiety. And I think that parents are the best
people too healthy kids, and so we should be arming
ourselves with the resources that help us work alongside our kids.
(19:21):
So yeah, because you can do it in your own
time and your own home, at your own pace, and
it's really interesting. I think that it will help parents.
Speaker 2 (19:29):
Good stuff. Parentingplace dot Curtera in Zat. We'll be back
in just a moment. It's twenty six past five News
Talk sd B.
Speaker 1 (19:37):
Oh the.
Speaker 2 (19:44):
Y's Welcome back to the Parents Squad. My guest is
Jenny Hall from Parenting from the Parenting Place. As I mentioned,
and the only reason I give Jenny's book a bit
of a plug A kind firm car which you can
get from the Parenting Place is is a fantastic accessible
guide for parents if you've got any problems or something
you want to have a look at than kind of
firmcarm by Jenny Hale from the Parenting Place. We're talking
(20:07):
about anxiety. I've got a couple of texts here, Jenny.
One says that we have we have a seven year
old who suffers with anxiety. But I feel responsible as
we are probably a bit helicopter parents and trying our
best to give her more space and chances to make mistakes.
But can you help well?
Speaker 3 (20:25):
I love that you recognize that you probably tend towards
being a helicopter parent. You know, loving, you'll be loving
great parents. And I think that there'll be times when
you think, you know, we've talked about this, and you
give your child a sense of, you know what, we're
going to leave it for now. We're not going to
(20:46):
talk about it anymore. And if you've got more thoughts
about it, we'll do that. We'll have another chat tomorrow.
But I think we've got to reduce the amount of
oxygen that we give things and sometimes our over talking
and problem solving and you know, regurgitating it, because anxiety
is such in kids that it comes back and back
(21:09):
and back, and we reassure and we say the same things,
and then we get a bit frustrated. And I think
we need to say to our kids, you know what.
I think you've got this, and if you need any
more ideas, I might have some, but I'm busy right
now and I'm just going to do such and such.
And you give that sense of I am not bothered,
I am not jumping on the roller coaster of your anxiety,
(21:34):
even if you're inviting me to. And one of the
techniques for anxiety is called containment, and this is what
is part of cognitive behavioral therapy. But it's where you say, oh, yeah,
that sounds like a worry. We're going to put that
into our talk time tomorrow and we'll give it some
thought then, so you don't launch into the worry there
(21:55):
and then, and you're signaling to your child, I care
about this. It isn't urgent, and so we are not
dropping everything to go boom. Isn't this a problem?
Speaker 2 (22:06):
Yeah? As part of the thing with helicopter parenting as well,
you have to prepare yourself for those moments, in those
stages in your child's life where they are going to
ask for something, which means you have to trust some
of it. More so, it's like first play dates, the
first time that they go around to a group party
with their friends, and you almost have to prepare for
that because if you're an anxious person yourself, otherwise you're
(22:27):
going to react with your gut reactions like I don't
think we can do that, or we can't do that,
as opposed to just think ahead. I mean, do you
have to anticipate these moments?
Speaker 3 (22:35):
You do, and you have to stretch yourself because you
know that your child might go through some hard stuff
and might miss you and might be lonely, and might
miss out on getting a prize, all of those things
we care about with our kids. So I think there
is so much growth that parents do when they sit
on their hands a little bit and stop themselves overreacting
(22:57):
or signaling we don't think you can do this, We
don't think you're going to be okay, so we're going
to hover around you. So sometimes we script till we
find new scripts for ourselves that say to kids, you know,
this is a wonderful opportunity, and yes, you'll have some
big feelings about it, and that's fine when you say
(23:18):
I know big feelings are coming, and you let your
you preempt some of the worry by just saying it's
going to come and you'll be fine.
Speaker 2 (23:26):
Actually, the I think the first moment to take as
a parent to avoid being the helicopter parent is the
one that schools will want every new parent to do,
because and every preschool and school. In fact, my wife
was just because she looks after the newbies and her role.
But there's a letter that goes to the parents, and
there's one pertinent sentence which you can ease these gloss over.
(23:48):
But It's like we would encourage once you've dropped your
child off to just don't linger, because that can create
half the problem. If mum and dad just hey, presto,
suddenly they're not there and the child's being distracted, they
just get on. But if you stick around, you feed
the child's anxiety, and before you know, we've got wailing
(24:09):
and crying and tears, and mums and tears, dads and tears,
child's and tears in there. It's all over.
Speaker 3 (24:14):
No, it's a great thing to do, and it goes
against our natural desire to see a child already sort
of happy and waving goodbye. But I think we have
a good signal that we're going to see goodbye. We
don't stay too long. If we need to touch base
with the teacher later, we can but brief, warm, confident separations.
Speaker 2 (24:36):
And I still remember the earlier child the preschool that
my kids went to, and one of my daughters, I
think was going through a brief phase of being like emotional,
and I was just watching the teachers. You'd say okay,
and they know you're going to say goodbye, but you'd say, oh,
what are you doing here? And the teacher would be
they have this exchange of eyes, and she'd take your
child over and show them, well, look at this such
(24:58):
and such, and then she'd just look at me and
be like, go now quick, Coco co co. And then
now I'd seen it done with other parents, and you
realize the child totally once mum and dad have gone bingo. Anyway,
it's a slightly bit of a tangent on that one.
A text here and from someone else on the dealing
with anxiety. My kids, when anxious or upset, like to
go for a drive. I always find after a while
(25:19):
of listening to music and just driving, they start to
open up and talk. They still do this and they're nineteen.
It's worked so well for them. What's the moral of
the story there there, Jenny.
Speaker 3 (25:28):
I think there's some soothing this in the in the drive,
in the motion of a car, in knowing that somebody's
probably going to listen to you. I mean, we all
feel so much better when there's somebody who will be
there to hear us out and not necessarily have any
answers for us. Yeah. So you know, we should make
(25:52):
time to talk to our kids about the things that
worry them and not necessarily at the moment of worry,
talk about it later so that they know that they're
they're yeah, they can definitely be heard.
Speaker 2 (26:06):
It's the out of that's creating a space for conversation.
I was thinking, before we could go for a drive
in a car, what do people used to do. Maybe
they're just go and sit outside and look at the
view or something, or go for a walk. But it's
it's getting you away from the phone, the TV or distractions,
and it's not steering each other in the eye either
your shouldered shold just together.
Speaker 3 (26:26):
Yeah. I think there is something about moving away from
the environment that is sort of you're worried about. And
so that's why I think we, you know, and even
science and the research is telling us we actually need
more time and nature. We need to walk on the
beach or through the forest. We need to have time
when we're not scheduled in any shape or form. Our
(26:48):
brains need a break. And so when we are on
screens and screen, you know, intensely inside a lot, we
haven't seen the sun or the clouds, or we haven't
just touched the earth. I think that worries become harder
to manage.
Speaker 2 (27:06):
It sounds sort of combayer doesn't it. But it's actually
I mean it just also as common sense, isn't it.
I mean it's even ties on with that thing of
taking a deep breath. It's going for a walk, doing
something that gets that just gets the air and your
lungs and blood pumping in a different way than it
does when you're sitting on the couch, you know, watching
the latest and playing the latest game.
Speaker 3 (27:26):
We distract ourselves too much with technology, and I think
we need a different distraction, which can come in nature
as well. And I think that we would do better
if we put more time into that. And maybe you
said it earlier on slow down a bit. I think
that the pace of life and the busyness that we're
(27:49):
under it and the next thing that we're going to
and the next thing doesn't always give us a chance
to kind of refresh the page and just settle in
a bit.
Speaker 2 (27:57):
Actually it reminds me of in fact, we need to
do that. We did. You've got a template for screen use,
for getting off a cell phone, and you've got a
contract that you get kids to sign with their parents.
And my wife did say to me the other day,
we need to get that contract out and go through it.
Again because I think we've lost three of things. But
it's got some great rules and understand so you can
(28:18):
lay the lay the groundwork for this is the rules
around your.
Speaker 3 (28:21):
Screen and come back to it. And because it's written,
you know, we all forget and every family needs resets,
so we come back and think, Okay, what did we
decide and is there anything to update? And then it's
written and both parties can see what's here, what's been
signed and agreed to.
Speaker 2 (28:37):
Yeah, gosh, hey, time's flowing. We've actually pretty much run
out of time, Jenny, But thank you so much for
coming in again. And I'm just going to tell the
audience again if you're just looking for a reference that
you can sit down and read once the kids have
gone to bed, Jenny's book Kind Firm Calm is available
through the Parenting Place. I don't mention it because Jenny
wants me to plague it or anything, but it's been
(28:59):
a useful reference for my wife and I and it's
a great starting point for any sort of questions you
might have with your kids. And also you can go
to Parentingplace dot co dot in Z. Isn't that right?
Dot Parenting Place dot co dot in Z. I think
that's the one, isn't it.
Speaker 3 (29:11):
I think it's parentingplace dot in Z.
Speaker 2 (29:13):
I think you might. As I said that, I suddenly
went I think I've got the wrong. But anyway, look,
if you google parenting place in Z, you're gonna get
it anyway. Jenny, thanks so much for coming and we'll
look forward to next time. Eh.
Speaker 3 (29:24):
Yeah, awesome.
Speaker 1 (29:24):
Thanks for more from the Weekend Collective. Listen live to
News Talk zed be weekends from three pm, or follow
the podcast on iHeartRadio.
You're listening to the Weekend Collective podcast from News Talk Sedborn.
Speaker 2 (00:23):
I'm palling a part and fun Gaggle. Welcome back. This
is the Weekend Collective. I'm Tim Beverage. If you've missed
any of the previous hours of fascinating chat with Nicolewis,
property expert, a new guest on the show, you can
go and check out our podcast on iHeartRadio. Just look
(00:43):
for the Weekend Collective or wherever you get your podcasts.
If you search for the Weekend Collective you should be
able to find it all, as well as our entertaining
panel with Williamina Shrimpton and Irene Garden. We cover a
range of topics. We're lots of fun today, but right
now it is time for the parents Squad. My guest
is from the Parenting Place and her name is Jenny Hale. Hi, Jenny,
how are you going?
Speaker 3 (01:03):
I am going really well. Tim's great to be here.
Speaker 2 (01:05):
Yeah, yeah, nice to have you in studio. Actually, by
the way, I was chatting with our producer just about
the book that you've got out. Not that you've come
here to promote your book, but you're the book that
kind for what is it.
Speaker 3 (01:15):
Called kind Foon Calm. You just have to think of KFCO.
Speaker 2 (01:21):
But you can get it at the parenting place Surfy
if you're listening at the show and you're enjoying what
you're hearing from. Jenny Hale and I actually have a
copy of The Bockets and get given a lot of
books on the in the context of working the show.
But it is actually one of those books where you
name a situation as a parent that you might be
facing and worried about. The good chance that Jenny's got
some good advice for you on that. So awesome anyway,
(01:42):
Anxiety is We're gonna talk about anxiety. If you've got
any questions straight off the bat, we want your calls
on one hundred and eighteen eighty or text nine two
nine two. But Genny and I are going to have
a chat about it right now. Anxiety. Is it our
kid's more anxious these days? Do you think you get
surveys that say it's more prevalent? But I would I
(02:04):
would suggest that may with the last few years that
we've had and everything, there probably is a case to
say that kids are more anxious.
Speaker 3 (02:09):
But are they Yeah, Well, the surveys are telling us
that they are teachers are telling us that the kids
at school are more anxious, and I think more parents
are feeling it with their kids. So yes, I would
say kids are more anxious, But we talk about it
a lot, a little bit more, or a lot more.
And I think to some degree we're a bit anxious
about being anxious, because we've almost made anxiety out to
(02:33):
be a really bad thing and a sort of something
that has to be fixed and sorted and got rid of.
And there's a lot of anxiety that's very normal. And
I think that if we normalize anxiety to some degree
and give parents, who are the best teachers and contractors,
(02:53):
if we give them some helpful ideas on what they
can do, and also to know what to do if
it's beyond them, because there is some anxiety that needs
extra professional help. A lot of the anxiety that kids
face on a daily basis is really helped by a
caring person who can do some good things and maybe
(03:14):
not and be aware of the things not to do.
Speaker 2 (03:17):
What is anxiety? Because I guess if we're playing a
game with I can't even say the word forsaurus. Is
it just being worried about stuff? Is it constant worry
is what is anxiety death? How is there a question
with the defining it?
Speaker 3 (03:31):
It is having a It's often a fear of something
that's looming, a fear of being separated from someone and
not doing well on your own. Like little kids have
anxiety mainly around separation, and primary age kids might be
more anxious around worried about big events earthquakes and calamities
(03:54):
and stuff like that. And then as you get into
the teenage years, their anxiety is around belonging, socializing, having friends,
fitting in, being up with the play, all of those things.
And it is, Yeah, it's worry. It's been caught off guard.
It's thinking about something so much that often you are
(04:16):
distracted from being able to concentrate. And I think what
real anxiety does is it puts us into the fight,
flight or freeze mode.
Speaker 2 (04:25):
And that's a that's an evolved instinct, doesn't it.
Speaker 3 (04:28):
Yeah, it is, And we I think we can when
we recognize it and understand what it's doing and realize
it's actually been designed to really help us. But what
we know with anxiety is it can't tell the difference.
It's like a smoke alarm, but it doesn't know the
difference between the toast is burning a little bit and
(04:49):
the house is on fire.
Speaker 2 (04:52):
Actually, that does sum it up quite well, because if
you feel anxious, and it's when people try and rationalize it.
It's like, if you're feeling anxious, you're feeling anxious full stop,
isn't it? And that's why I think does that that
as a parent, if you've got anxious with adult anxiety
as well what we're talking about parenting, Does that mean
that trying to tell a kid that the problem is
(05:16):
no big deal is not particularly helpful because if they're
feeling anxious, they're feeling anxious, and it doesn't matter if
you tell them their problem isn't really significant.
Speaker 3 (05:26):
Is that something we really we're trying to help children
see it in context and that you know this is nothing,
but actually you're right if you feel it. If you
feel anxious, you can't be convinced by logic it's nothing
to worry about. And so I think we're better to
validate that they're feeling anxious or maybe even use a
(05:49):
different word. Oh, you can see you're a bit surprised
by that, or you aren't feeling that you're in control,
or you're a bit uncomfortable. Sometimes anxiety is the only
word we use. But I think we're much better to
accept anxiety and bring it in rather than think you, no,
you're not worry that's not worth worrying. Let me tell
you what you should worry about, which is really dismissive.
(06:12):
Or we can just jump in and overdo the reassurance
or overdo the talk. You know, if we talk too
much about something, I think I coulds know this is
really worth worrying about because Mum or Dad are going
on about it.
Speaker 2 (06:28):
Yeah, actually I do want I'm telling myself a bit
that day these days, sometimes just to slow the pace
of everything down. And if my daughter is worried about something,
then actually to what she probably just needs one some time,
just maybe a hug or whatever, or just a bit
of reassurance. And I don't mean reassurance saying you don't
(06:51):
have a problem, but you know, I often just say
that do you want to hug? And she'll say yes,
and it's just like and sit and just sit there quietly,
and then maybe other things come out. Whereas you know,
we got today's parents, we're all running around trying to
solve every problem we can. And I wonder if that's
is that part of the problem our own.
Speaker 3 (07:10):
Yeah, we're anxious about our kids' anxiety, and in good heart,
we'll often want to get it there and tease it
out and talk about it. But what you just said
is it is so good. Children need our stillness. They
actually need a non anxious presence of a bigger person,
(07:31):
and often they just need some affection or a hag
or someone sitting with them saying I get it or
I believe you. Small words like that. You don't have
to say, oh, that's that's nothing, because then you get
a little bit of a fight on your hands when
a child is trying to defend that they are feeling bad.
So slow it down.
Speaker 2 (07:53):
By the way, I do have some moments, just in
case I sounded like, mister wonderful for seeing No, I
do moments when also my anxiety kicks it on. I'm
just like, I can't deal with us right now. Yeah,
but that's a human reaction as well.
Speaker 3 (08:04):
Yeah, you're right, Tim, We've actually while we're parenting, we
work on our own stuff and it happens to coincide,
which is why parenting is a little bit of a
challenge because while they're worried. We've got stuff that we're
worried about as well, and sometimes we're churning and kind
of can't engage with them because we've got our own stuff.
(08:26):
So parents are on the journey as well, but as
we manage our anxiety or let our kids know, Look,
I've got a bit a bit of a I've got
a few worries at work and I'm not sure I'm
going to hand a how I've handled it, and I'm
thinking about it a lot. And then we come back
with them with a sense of you know what, I've
just gone for a walk or of debrief with a friend,
(08:50):
and I think I've got some ideas.
Speaker 2 (08:52):
Is that something that I think of old school parenting,
where you know, Mum or dad would keep their problems
to themselves, And obviously you don't want to stress your
kids out by by unloading on your problems. But I
did say I was a bit stressed the other day
for a couple of reasons, and I just said to
my daughter when she was asking me something, actually I said, honey, actually,
(09:15):
I'm actually got a couple of things I'm really struggling
to deal with at the moment. So I'm not in
the greatest frame of mind. Can we talk about this
a little bit later? And I didn't, you know, she said,
as anything, you know, she asked me more details. I said, Look,
everything's okay. I'm just I've got a problem I have
to sort out. And then I, I guess that's the question.
How much do you share with your kids so you
(09:35):
don't add to the well.
Speaker 3 (09:38):
I think that we can normalize the fact that we
all have worries, and that that I think helps children
feel normal and okay about having a worry. What you
weren't doing is if we're really undone and we are
so beside ourselves and we're signaling you can't yeah, I
(09:59):
can't handle this job of parenting. That's scary for kids.
But when we just say I'm actually a bit distracted
at the moment, and I'm going to work through this
and I know I'll get through it, sort of a
bit of hope in there. But the reality is, I
don't think we should hide feelings from kids.
Speaker 2 (10:18):
Yeah, because if you aren't coping yourself as a parent.
I mean, actually, to be honest that it was the
other day and actually there are a few things I
wasn't feeling very I was sick as tired, and there
are a couple of things that were really bugging me
and I needed to get on top of them. And
I was just and the builders had turned up, and
I was just like, I'm maxed out right now. I'm
totally Actually, it's probably the time I thought this is
(10:39):
the perfect sort of cluster of really, if anything else
disastrous happens right now, I'm just going to I'm just
gonna sit down and have a little cry. But actually, yeah,
so how would what is the best way to deal
with that? And then, by the way, I've got some
feedback we're going to deal with as well. So eight
hundred and eighteen eighty if you want to call, But
what do you do in those circumstances where you are
(11:01):
and maybe your kids have picked up a bit of
anxiety because of that?
Speaker 3 (11:04):
Yeah, well, well the cluster is true. I think it's
good to recognize that, you know, we can we deal well,
we're okay with one or two, but sometimes it's four
or five, and that's when we're really struggling. And I
think our kids need to see that we have some
strategies for reducing our anxiety. And you know, for me,
I'll go for a walk, I have a glass of water,
(11:27):
I will talk to a friend, I will journal some stuff,
I'll listen to music. I have strategies. Yeah, and I'm
trying to do that deep breathing one because the research
says that breathing deep, taking deep breaths is significantly helpful,
is it. Yeah?
Speaker 2 (11:45):
Yeah, Well that's good because if somebody told me and
take some deep breaths, I'd be like, I'm not sure
I'd be feeling that was very helpful.
Speaker 3 (11:51):
FU. No, That's why I'm a slow uptaker of the
deep breath. But apparently it's really helpful. And can I say,
if you've got kids and you say go and calm
down and do your deep breaths, they're not going to
do it. They actually co read you're late with you,
So you kind of got to do the deep breathing
with them.
Speaker 2 (12:10):
Okay. Of course, there's so many questions coming out of this,
but that's that's our point of there in these discussions.
I guess I weight one hundred eighty ten eighty. We'd
love to have your cause on this as well. How
much Okay, getting onto stresses with kids and things that
are causing them anxiety? What are the majors. Are there
particular common stressors for children that we can do something about.
Speaker 3 (12:38):
I think there are children who are stressed about going
to school.
Speaker 2 (12:44):
Or that's quite a big one.
Speaker 3 (12:46):
Actually, that's that is, especially after COVID, that's probably got
a bigger search right now, and that's separating from their
parent or loved one. I think lots of kids are
stressed about doing well enough at school, whether they're reading
or writing, or they've got a perfectionist lens on things,
(13:09):
and so they've got a striving to achieve and never
feeling that they are, So they're worried about that. Kids
worry about the cross country, about speech contests, about who's
picking them up at the end of the day. Sometimes
it's anything.
Speaker 2 (13:25):
See, these things seem like the cure for them is
that they sort of have to solder on and they
have to face that thing they're worried about. So they're
worried about a speech competition, but really the cure for
that is in life, you have to learn to do
these things. And which to me, it's my daughter. I mean,
I don't think my daughter is worried about her speech.
(13:45):
I think she's quite looking forward to it. Funny enough
because it's speech time. But if she wasn't and I
really don't want to go to school to speech day
or such and such, I would still feel like, honey,
it's actually okay. I can understand that you might be
nervous and things, but everyone else is feeling the same way. Actually,
the thing I say to her is, no one cares
about you as much as you do. They're worried about themselves.
(14:06):
So seriously, just get up there and do it. But
of course that might be advice where she goes. That's
not helping. I still terrified, but I wanted. But to me,
the cure for that is I did it, daddy, and
it wasn't so bad. And I think the mistake that
parents can make is to something's worrying their kids. Okay,
you don't have to do that. This is worrying me. Okay,
you don't have to do that. I'm nervous about going
(14:28):
to sport today. Okay, you don't have to do that.
That's not really the answer, is it.
Speaker 3 (14:33):
No? And we are tempted to do that because we
know that there will be initial relief if you say,
that's fine, you don't need to do the speech contest.
I'll talk to the teacher. No, you don't have to
do for zed today. No, the cross country. You don't
like cross country, And that will give ye a feeling
of relief, but also reinforces the fact that these things
(14:54):
are too big and too much for us. And you know,
there's a saying which is don't avoid avoidance, you know,
and I think that we do need to face I.
Speaker 2 (15:04):
Would have made and that's a big one for parents
to try to avoid, is avoidance. Sorry to be so
sort of double talk there, but just shouldn't avoid today.
Speaker 3 (15:15):
No, and we do need to sit with our kids.
You know, being with them and being able to say
it is tricky. I get it. You're validating that their
feelings are genuine and that you believe them. That's a
good start. And then sometimes you break it down for them.
You know, kids often need a big A speech contest
(15:36):
is sometimes massive because they see it as I need
to have my speech written and I need to memorize
it and I need to deliver it, and they're struggling
with the size of the job. And so often we
walk with a kid and we break it down and say, well, look,
give it. Do you the first time around, you know,
do you speech to the cat you know? Or yeah,
(15:59):
you can be playful, or we'll do Yeah, you don't
need to write the whole speech on one day. And
so we look for ways to break it down, and
we look for ways to sometimes just keep the kind
but firm pressure on our kids that we know it's
going to be hard, but we're not backing out. You know.
(16:21):
I'm thinking of the children who they want to be
enrolled in soccer or something like that, and then you
get them there and they say, I don't I'm not playing,
and they're freaking out about all the things they don't
know and all the rules they don't know. But often
you can just help them by you say, well, we're
here now, so we're going to sit and watch, and
you talk to the coach and say sorry, but we're
(16:42):
actually just going to watch today, and you don't drive
them home.
Speaker 2 (16:47):
Yeah, that's the thing. You don't give them the complete out. Actually,
it's interesting the schools, the school that my girls go to,
and I think it's quite a good I think I
was told about That's something that my mum once said
to me that if I was going to have a
crack at something, she said, well, if you're going to
do it, you are doing it for the year, for
the term. She says, you're not just trying. And it
was telling me that there was a commitment involved. And
(17:08):
one of the rules that the school has for sport
with my girls, as I say, if you commit to
a sport, you must think about it because your commitment
is to a team and if you pull out, you
are out of all sport at the school. So they're
saying you are in and it's I mean, but it
does make it easier for the kids to understand you're
in this, and it's just understanding what a commitment is. Yeah, great, good, tough,
(17:34):
but you know.
Speaker 3 (17:35):
I think that there is a toughness that or a
robustness that we need to bring to things. And yeah,
I think when children know that there is a gate
open behind them, there's just a natural desire to I
want to I want out, I don't want to be here.
And depending on the age and stage of your child,
of course, yeah, little kids you're often watching something and
(17:58):
they're observing and learning and getting the noise and the
sound and the rules and all of that. And then
you are sometimes been very boring by insisting that we're
just staying here. You bring your coffee flask and have
a good have a coffee while you watch, but you're
not jumping in the car and driving home. So there's
lots of situations where we can do that type of
(18:18):
nudge on our kids.
Speaker 2 (18:20):
Right, we're with We're with Jenny Hale from the Parenting Place.
What's the website for the Parenting Place again? Is it
the Parenting Place?
Speaker 3 (18:26):
No?
Speaker 2 (18:26):
Just Parentingplace dot n z, okay, Parentingplace dot enz if
you want to check out. In fact, you guys have
a you are you about to do a course on anxiety?
For you? You're doing something.
Speaker 3 (18:37):
On anxiety, right, really online course called Untangling Anxiety. You know,
we've talked to enough parents and lots of parents come
to coaching with anxious kids. And this is a wonderful
online course that you can do at your own pace,
which is really awesome. And in the course, you there's videos,
(19:00):
there's psychologists speaking, there's parents speaking, but you're really able
to navigate with some strategies and ideas on how to
manage anxiety. And I think that parents are the best
people too healthy kids, and so we should be arming
ourselves with the resources that help us work alongside our kids.
(19:21):
So yeah, because you can do it in your own
time and your own home, at your own pace, and
it's really interesting. I think that it will help parents.
Speaker 2 (19:29):
Good stuff. Parentingplace dot Curtera in Zat. We'll be back
in just a moment. It's twenty six past five News
Talk sd B.
Speaker 1 (19:37):
Oh the.
Speaker 2 (19:44):
Y's Welcome back to the Parents Squad. My guest is
Jenny Hall from Parenting from the Parenting Place. As I mentioned,
and the only reason I give Jenny's book a bit
of a plug A kind firm car which you can
get from the Parenting Place is is a fantastic accessible
guide for parents if you've got any problems or something
you want to have a look at than kind of
firmcarm by Jenny Hale from the Parenting Place. We're talking
(20:07):
about anxiety. I've got a couple of texts here, Jenny.
One says that we have we have a seven year
old who suffers with anxiety. But I feel responsible as
we are probably a bit helicopter parents and trying our
best to give her more space and chances to make mistakes.
But can you help well?
Speaker 3 (20:25):
I love that you recognize that you probably tend towards
being a helicopter parent. You know, loving, you'll be loving
great parents. And I think that there'll be times when
you think, you know, we've talked about this, and you
give your child a sense of, you know what, we're
going to leave it for now. We're not going to
(20:46):
talk about it anymore. And if you've got more thoughts
about it, we'll do that. We'll have another chat tomorrow.
But I think we've got to reduce the amount of
oxygen that we give things and sometimes our over talking
and problem solving and you know, regurgitating it, because anxiety
is such in kids that it comes back and back
(21:09):
and back, and we reassure and we say the same things,
and then we get a bit frustrated. And I think
we need to say to our kids, you know what.
I think you've got this, and if you need any
more ideas, I might have some, but I'm busy right
now and I'm just going to do such and such.
And you give that sense of I am not bothered,
I am not jumping on the roller coaster of your anxiety,
(21:34):
even if you're inviting me to. And one of the
techniques for anxiety is called containment, and this is what
is part of cognitive behavioral therapy. But it's where you say, oh, yeah,
that sounds like a worry. We're going to put that
into our talk time tomorrow and we'll give it some
thought then, so you don't launch into the worry there
(21:55):
and then, and you're signaling to your child, I care
about this. It isn't urgent, and so we are not
dropping everything to go boom. Isn't this a problem?
Speaker 2 (22:06):
Yeah? As part of the thing with helicopter parenting as well,
you have to prepare yourself for those moments, in those
stages in your child's life where they are going to
ask for something, which means you have to trust some
of it. More so, it's like first play dates, the
first time that they go around to a group party
with their friends, and you almost have to prepare for
that because if you're an anxious person yourself, otherwise you're
(22:27):
going to react with your gut reactions like I don't
think we can do that, or we can't do that,
as opposed to just think ahead. I mean, do you
have to anticipate these moments?
Speaker 3 (22:35):
You do, and you have to stretch yourself because you
know that your child might go through some hard stuff
and might miss you and might be lonely, and might
miss out on getting a prize, all of those things
we care about with our kids. So I think there
is so much growth that parents do when they sit
on their hands a little bit and stop themselves overreacting
(22:57):
or signaling we don't think you can do this, We
don't think you're going to be okay, so we're going
to hover around you. So sometimes we script till we
find new scripts for ourselves that say to kids, you know,
this is a wonderful opportunity, and yes, you'll have some
big feelings about it, and that's fine when you say
(23:18):
I know big feelings are coming, and you let your
you preempt some of the worry by just saying it's
going to come and you'll be fine.
Speaker 2 (23:26):
Actually, the I think the first moment to take as
a parent to avoid being the helicopter parent is the
one that schools will want every new parent to do,
because and every preschool and school. In fact, my wife
was just because she looks after the newbies and her role.
But there's a letter that goes to the parents, and
there's one pertinent sentence which you can ease these gloss over.
(23:48):
But It's like we would encourage once you've dropped your
child off to just don't linger, because that can create
half the problem. If mum and dad just hey, presto,
suddenly they're not there and the child's being distracted, they
just get on. But if you stick around, you feed
the child's anxiety, and before you know, we've got wailing
(24:09):
and crying and tears, and mums and tears, dads and tears,
child's and tears in there. It's all over.
Speaker 3 (24:14):
No, it's a great thing to do, and it goes
against our natural desire to see a child already sort
of happy and waving goodbye. But I think we have
a good signal that we're going to see goodbye. We
don't stay too long. If we need to touch base
with the teacher later, we can but brief, warm, confident separations.
Speaker 2 (24:36):
And I still remember the earlier child the preschool that
my kids went to, and one of my daughters, I
think was going through a brief phase of being like emotional,
and I was just watching the teachers. You'd say okay,
and they know you're going to say goodbye, but you'd say, oh,
what are you doing here? And the teacher would be
they have this exchange of eyes, and she'd take your
child over and show them, well, look at this such
(24:58):
and such, and then she'd just look at me and
be like, go now quick, Coco co co. And then
now I'd seen it done with other parents, and you
realize the child totally once mum and dad have gone bingo. Anyway,
it's a slightly bit of a tangent on that one.
A text here and from someone else on the dealing
with anxiety. My kids, when anxious or upset, like to
go for a drive. I always find after a while
(25:19):
of listening to music and just driving, they start to
open up and talk. They still do this and they're nineteen.
It's worked so well for them. What's the moral of
the story there there, Jenny.
Speaker 3 (25:28):
I think there's some soothing this in the in the drive,
in the motion of a car, in knowing that somebody's
probably going to listen to you. I mean, we all
feel so much better when there's somebody who will be
there to hear us out and not necessarily have any
answers for us. Yeah. So you know, we should make
(25:52):
time to talk to our kids about the things that
worry them and not necessarily at the moment of worry,
talk about it later so that they know that they're
they're yeah, they can definitely be heard.
Speaker 2 (26:06):
It's the out of that's creating a space for conversation.
I was thinking, before we could go for a drive
in a car, what do people used to do. Maybe
they're just go and sit outside and look at the
view or something, or go for a walk. But it's
it's getting you away from the phone, the TV or distractions,
and it's not steering each other in the eye either
your shouldered shold just together.
Speaker 3 (26:26):
Yeah. I think there is something about moving away from
the environment that is sort of you're worried about. And
so that's why I think we, you know, and even
science and the research is telling us we actually need
more time and nature. We need to walk on the
beach or through the forest. We need to have time
when we're not scheduled in any shape or form. Our
(26:48):
brains need a break. And so when we are on
screens and screen, you know, intensely inside a lot, we
haven't seen the sun or the clouds, or we haven't
just touched the earth. I think that worries become harder
to manage.
Speaker 2 (27:06):
It sounds sort of combayer doesn't it. But it's actually
I mean it just also as common sense, isn't it.
I mean it's even ties on with that thing of
taking a deep breath. It's going for a walk, doing
something that gets that just gets the air and your
lungs and blood pumping in a different way than it
does when you're sitting on the couch, you know, watching
the latest and playing the latest game.
Speaker 3 (27:26):
We distract ourselves too much with technology, and I think
we need a different distraction, which can come in nature
as well. And I think that we would do better
if we put more time into that. And maybe you
said it earlier on slow down a bit. I think
that the pace of life and the busyness that we're
(27:49):
under it and the next thing that we're going to
and the next thing doesn't always give us a chance
to kind of refresh the page and just settle in
a bit.
Speaker 2 (27:57):
Actually it reminds me of in fact, we need to
do that. We did. You've got a template for screen use,
for getting off a cell phone, and you've got a
contract that you get kids to sign with their parents.
And my wife did say to me the other day,
we need to get that contract out and go through it.
Again because I think we've lost three of things. But
it's got some great rules and understand so you can
(28:18):
lay the lay the groundwork for this is the rules
around your.
Speaker 3 (28:21):
Screen and come back to it. And because it's written,
you know, we all forget and every family needs resets,
so we come back and think, Okay, what did we
decide and is there anything to update? And then it's
written and both parties can see what's here, what's been
signed and agreed to.
Speaker 2 (28:37):
Yeah, gosh, hey, time's flowing. We've actually pretty much run
out of time, Jenny, But thank you so much for
coming in again. And I'm just going to tell the
audience again if you're just looking for a reference that
you can sit down and read once the kids have
gone to bed, Jenny's book Kind Firm Calm is available
through the Parenting Place. I don't mention it because Jenny
wants me to plague it or anything, but it's been
(28:59):
a useful reference for my wife and I and it's
a great starting point for any sort of questions you
might have with your kids. And also you can go
to Parentingplace dot co dot in Z. Isn't that right?
Dot Parenting Place dot co dot in Z. I think
that's the one, isn't it.
Speaker 3 (29:11):
I think it's parentingplace dot in Z.
Speaker 2 (29:13):
I think you might. As I said that, I suddenly
went I think I've got the wrong. But anyway, look,
if you google parenting place in Z, you're gonna get
it anyway. Jenny, thanks so much for coming and we'll
look forward to next time. Eh.
Speaker 3 (29:24):
Yeah, awesome.
Speaker 1 (29:24):
Thanks for more from the Weekend Collective. Listen live to
News Talk zed be weekends from three pm, or follow
the podcast on iHeartRadio.
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