April 19, 2025 • 60 mins
This week on The Parent Squad, neuroscience educator Kathryn Berkett revealed how much - if at all - you should get involved with your children's friendships.
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Speaker 1 (00:05):
You're listening to the Weekend Collective podcast from News Talks.
Speaker 2 (00:09):
Be an outcome of a floor plan, So go check
it out because that's what we would look to do.
Speaker 3 (00:14):
Okay, well, time flies when you're having fun. Hey, thanks
so much for coming in. Lovely to see you again
and again Wolf Property Coaching. Just look it up on
the net and gosh, time flies when you're having fun.
We're gonna have to rush because we'll be back in
just a moment. With the Parents Squad, Catherine B. Burkett
talking about can you manage your children's friendships or not
keep out of it?
Speaker 4 (01:07):
Una us USA, USA, USA, USA, Usa, USA, USA.
Speaker 5 (10:36):
And who is hard to say? You get you everywhere
and we could never be a there, no bad on
need you. But how did you come here? And it's
hard to see you?
Speaker 6 (10:55):
Bet?
Speaker 5 (10:55):
How be you will as hands think you will? I
gets you everywhere? Over do something that strong?
Speaker 3 (11:04):
Then yes, welcome back to the Weekend Collective. I'm Tim
Beverage And if you've missed any other previous hours, I
always like to remind people you can go and check
out the podcast. It's a fascinating conversation with Elsa Wolf
There from Wolf Property coaching around. In fact, we didn't
(11:25):
really get into the politics that it so much. We
just talked about the practicalities of how people should invest
in property by adding value rather than the old model
of just buying it letting the rent pay for the mortgage,
which it doesn't anymore. So you can go and check
out that. I think there's some pretty good advice on that.
I go and check it out by going to the
Weekend Collective look for that on either iHeartRadio or newstalk SHADB,
(11:46):
dot co dot NZ. And I also had a great
panel with the Wilhelmina Shimpton and Mark Kraisel. Quite a
raucous panel, I think it was, if I think of
in terms of the sound levels of most of our panels,
I think it was a pretty busy one and a
lot of laugh send. But anyway, you can go and
check that out as well on news talk s HEADB.
But now it is I don't think we're going to
be quite as raucous. It doesn't feel quite the right
(12:08):
sort of hour for that on the Parent Squad. But
we're going to have a chat about well, the question
of whether you could can should would interfere in your
child's friendships or relationships, because it's not exactly a new
concept that and the number of parents you probably think
(12:30):
that such and such as such a bad influence on
their child. I'm sure there's been incidences where maybe they
have just failed to recognize the perhaps their child was
the one who was the problem. But I'm sure every
parent at some stage been cautious of at least one
of their child's friends, whether it be a friend or
a boyfriend or a girlfriend or whatever. And you've been
(12:53):
on a high alert at times. Should you? Could you?
But what are the circumstances in which you actually should
interfere in the friendships that your child has forged?
Speaker 7 (13:07):
Now?
Speaker 3 (13:07):
I do know of a few occasions. In fact, I
even know of someone who basically shifted their child to
a completely different school because they'd fallen in with the
wrong crowd. I think that that's probably the more common instance.
But yeah, when is it okay for parents to interfere
(13:28):
and sort of try and influence the friends that their
children make, Because on the other side of it is
you might find that you deprive your child of the
tribe where they're most comfortable. You might not necessarily relate
to their friends in the way that you you know,
because they're not like the friends that you grew up with,
but they might be friends who your kids are perfectly
comfortable with. Anyway, we're going to dig into that. We'd
(13:48):
love to take your calls on that. Eight hundred eighty
ten eighty. Have you ever interfered in a relationship that
your child has had or do you wish she had?
Give us a call eight hundred eighty ten eighty and
waiting patiently to be introduced is our guest this hour.
She's a neuroscience educator and she's well known to our
audience because we love having on the show. Catherine Burke
(14:10):
at good afternoon. So how are you doing anyway? By
the way, have you had the thunderstorms and stuff that?
And how's the weather been in your neck of the woods? Oh? Oh,
get stuffed? Actually, well, good on you, yes, because it
(14:39):
hasn't been the flashes weather around the country. So is
it finally just sort of kicked on for you guys?
And you've had the day you've been waiting for. Yeah, Well,
(15:03):
I've just got back from christ Church. And both times
I've been to christ Church, one was at Christmas time
and and then when one just the last week that
I happened to draw the short straw both times those
days in christ Church with it with cloud is at
about ten feet high. It's just this gray cloud in it.
So anyway, good on you Wellington, as they say, can't
beat it on a good day. Anyway on um, well,
(15:31):
my family is still away. So apparently there's a chocolate
bunny sitting on the bench for me, my wife told
me before I came home. She said, which is very sweet.
There's a bunny there for you, and there's one for
your brother. So there we go. Hey, children's friends. Every parent,
i'm sure has gone through times where they have questioned
(15:52):
the friendships that their kids have got. And sometimes I
imagine there is good reason for intervening, isn't there? I mean,
did you? I mean, it's a difficult one for us,
each of us to talk about, because I don't like
to talk about my own kids and their friendships. But
there will have been times where we were like, I'm
just not sure that our daughter has chosen the right
(16:15):
friend for her. It wasn't particularly so much from a
judgment point of view, but just whether you know what
crowd they fit into? Have you have you gone through that,
you must have asked yourself that question without having to share,
and you know stuff about your own kids too much
on a difficult topic because it is a difficult one,
isn't it.
Speaker 8 (17:25):
Oh god, mm hmmm, I think that.
Speaker 3 (17:53):
Yeah. I wonder if one of the on the less
serious side of the scale, because we can imagine if
your if your child fell in with a group who
were I'm gonna I guess up to no good and
heading towards doing illegal things than you would want to intervene.
But a lot of the time I wonder where the
parents simply make the mistake of thinking, would I have
(18:14):
been friends with this person? You know what? Because our
children are different and they might I mean, the obvious
example I imagine would be if your child is a
emo or something and is hanging around with the sort
of emo crowd, and you might not be that sort
of parent, and you might think, why are they hanging
around with them? But that might be there, that might
be their tribe, and it would be a mistake to
think that. I want you to have friends like I
(18:35):
had growing up. I want you to be friends with
the sporty ones or the you know, the ones that
do X, Y and Z. Hmm, what is emo? I
(19:08):
just meant I just mentioned that crudely, but as a
as a group that was different to who I would
are goths. Hm hm.
Speaker 6 (20:16):
Hm hm.
Speaker 3 (21:04):
So what I'm in? Just as you were saying that,
I was trying to think, what do we model about
our friends? But my friends were just my friends, I guess,
And you know, we like having people around and catching
up for coffee or whatever like that, but we're all
We're pretty tame. I'm not sure they would have what
they'd learned from me about my friendships. But what are
the negative things they can pick up?
Speaker 6 (22:05):
Hmmm?
Speaker 3 (22:15):
Because I mean my late mum I think was in fact,
I think she was encouraged to take a trip overseas
because I think her mother wasn't happy with who she
was hanging out with, and basically was given a trip
to Europe to end that relationship, which which was certainly successful,
(22:38):
and I think she at a ball. But I mean,
there are people who go to quite some lengths to
try and separate their kids from an unhealthy friendship. I mean,
what would be the signs that one of your children's relationships, no,
let's not go boyfriend, girlfriend, let's just talk about friendships
earlier on. What are the signs of a friendship that
(22:58):
is actually detrimental and unhealthy?
Speaker 9 (23:28):
Yeah?
Speaker 3 (23:42):
Mm hmmm, Well what do you do about it?
Speaker 2 (23:55):
Then?
Speaker 3 (23:55):
Okay, you've decided that, so you've they've got a friend
who you are thinking is? I mean, it's worth pointing
out by the way that I think there have been
plenty of times when parents have thought that the other
child was the problem. It's turned out that actually and
that's probably just been a little bit blind to your
own children's traits or personality anyway. I mean, you should
(24:20):
know whether they because if you if you know your
children well enough, I mean, how many times would children
pull the wool over their parents' eyes as to whether
they were that bad friend?
Speaker 10 (24:31):
I don't know, are we.
Speaker 3 (25:30):
Okay? So what if you've decided that one of your
children's friends or the circle of friends is actually detrimental,
like they have fallen in with the wrong crowd. I mean,
it's not an expression that's become a cliche for no reason,
But when your child has fallen them with the wrong crowd,
what practical steps? What are the options? H m hm
(26:33):
mm hmm. Yeah, Well, well here's a simple one. So
(26:59):
when your children are reliant on you for the choices
they make socially, so for instance, playdates. And I'm thinking
back to a couple of friends I had at school
who went this too bad influences. But I don't think
I ever was ever went round to their house after
school because the opportunity never seemed to happen, Whereas I
did have a couple of friends where we used to
(27:21):
regularly catch up. And now I realize I think that
was my mum sort of shaping screening. But for instance,
I mean, you know, so you're child's being asked if
they can go around and have a sleepover at this
child's house, and a parent might say, unfortunately, we're busy
that evening and that mm hmm, okay, what about what about? Okay,
(28:13):
why can't I go to X's sleepover or or go
with them to the park today? And you are not
going to allow them to because you don't you don't
want them to. You've made that call. This is not
that they can be friends at school but outside no,
So what do you how would you handle? I mean,
because there would be parents who do that. I mean,
I'd probably I'd probably be one of them. I'm sure
(28:36):
if I have m hmm okay, for instance, say I'm
(29:03):
not at this age. That's all factors. But if I
wouldn't want my kids vaping or going out and drinking alcohol,
getting hold of out of hold of alcohol when they're
too young, and if they are a group of friends
who are accessing that stuff, I'd be like sorry, I
would actually say you're not doing it. I just say
this is not how, this is not what, This is
not the way we want you to behave if you're
going out and accessing alcohol when you're too young to
(29:25):
do it, and I would I would be comfortable enough
to say so if that's what you're about, it's not
happening full stop. Hm hm hmm, yeah, hmm.
Speaker 9 (30:11):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (30:13):
But older, it gets very hard to do that forbidden.
But it's about that early stuff, that conversation talking to them.
If you've got a reasonable reason, then that's fine. But
I think what the beginning of the topic is is
that you, as a parent need to ask is it
a reasonable reason? Is it real? Or is it you?
Speaker 3 (30:33):
Yeah, we're going to dig into this a bit more
after the after the break listen news talk said be
for instance, and I'll preface this before we go to
the break is I imagine one of the fears of
many parents would be we've seen those the burnout meetings
where people get together, they drink too much and people
riding cars. Often we've seen people killed at these events.
I mean, that's the sort of stuff for parents. That's
(30:55):
the last thing you want your child to be involved with.
And at what point do you try and make a
selection as to who they can hang out with so
it doesn't get to that point. We're going to dig
into this a bit more more. We'd love your call
I Wight one hundred eighty ten eighty if you have
had your friendships into the fed with when you were
a young person, or if your parents who's actually had
to make some choices about Sorry, but I can't have
(31:16):
them hanging out with these kids because they're bad news.
Twenty seven and a half past five News Talks.
Speaker 11 (31:20):
He'd be.
Speaker 7 (32:11):
UNA seven.
Speaker 12 (34:26):
Living me to get away.
Speaker 3 (34:31):
To the weekend collective. I'm Tim Beverages is the Parents Squad.
My guest is Katherine Burkett. She's a neuroscience educator and
neuroscience trainer. And we're talking about when if ever, and
I think there are times we can imagine we would
interfere with our children's friendships, But how do you do
it and under what circumstances do you think it's justified?
Is it because you just sort of think, oh, you know,
(34:52):
not too sure about not too sure about this crowd,
or not give us a call. I weight one hundred
eighty ten eighty. I got a text here, Catherine, says
young man. Young Man befriended son and started pressing of
suns and started pressing them to take and buy cocaine.
So I got a random SIM card and sent what
(35:14):
was titled a friendly warning, a quite descriptive treat to
stay away from the younger boys at clubs. It worked,
never to be seen again. Oh so it was put generically, well,
that's pretty extreme stuff.
Speaker 2 (35:27):
But yeah, and I think and absolutely that's extreme. And
when you mentioned the car races, I do want to
say that in those cases we are talking about some
serious intervention, because this is our kids physical and like,
if it's really emotional safety, it's huge. I think it's
more when it's in that middle ground that we're finding
(35:47):
it hard. But and by the way, online now, man,
we need to keep up to date with what they're
doing online because there's some serious danger there as well.
So we're not just talking about boy racers going out
and raising there. We're talking about like this befriending. And
I don't know if that befriending was online or in person,
And can I just say.
Speaker 3 (36:05):
That I think it was person recruiting young kids to
buy drugs basically, And.
Speaker 2 (36:12):
I obviously don't know the situation because I've just heard
you there, But can you see one of the things
I hear in that text is that the young people
told them. Now, one of the biggest things we need
to do is keep that conversation up when our kids
are young. When they say things like this happened to
me or this, we hear them, we listen to them,
we valid I'm not talking about always believing everything they say.
(36:33):
But those young people obviously shared that with their parents,
so their parents knew what was going on. What's the
real scary thing is when our young people don't think
they can share with us, and then they have got
these friendships or they are doing things and we don't
know about them. So that's a really hard part is
keeping that conversation up, which is a huge part of
this puzzle as well.
Speaker 3 (36:53):
Yeah, I think that that text us also looked like
it could be sent anonymously because obviously the person they
were concerned about was targeting more than just their kids,
so they wouldn't have known who was sending the text. Gosh,
you're getting in? Yeah, that's that's that's certainly more on
the more I think, isn't it.
Speaker 2 (37:12):
I'd be intervening, however, I could in that space two
one hundred.
Speaker 3 (37:16):
Well, actually, what when you were growing up, did you
ever get the sort of sense from your parents that
you should be giving someone a bit of a cold
shoulder in terms of your friendships or not? Or were
you an angel? I can't remember whether you've confessed to
me whether you were an angel or just a you know,
a bit hard to manage.
Speaker 4 (37:37):
M No.
Speaker 2 (37:38):
I wouldn't. Definitely wouldn't say I was an angel. No,
my parents weren't backward in telling us what they thought
about our friends. And write a boyfriend who rode a
motorbike and that was a definite no no. And they
literally banned me. So guess what. I keep going off them,
So I think, but it wasn't It wasn't a bad situation.
It was a lovely person. Yeah, I I I haven't
(38:02):
had that myself necessarily with my kids, like completely banning them.
But we've got to know that as soon as you
ban something, as soon as you say absolutely, unless it's
a cocaine space or the boy racist. Don't get me wrong,
I'm not talking about that. But if you're just making
an assumption about someone, and by the way, you don't
necessarily know that other person, do you know that they
are a bad person or are you assuming something?
Speaker 3 (38:26):
I think to me, what I'm gleaning from this as
a parent is I would I think it's about having
the relationship with your kids where they would expect you
to give your opinion on something if it got to
a point where you felt, you know what I mean,
if you are if you've got an open line of
communication to your children and they know what you do
approve of and don't approve of. If you for instance,
(38:46):
if my daughters struck up a friendship with someone I
thought was deleterious to their best interests, they would almost
expect they would almost be unsurprised if I said, hey, listen,
we need to have a chat about this friendship of yours.
And I think they would probably see it coming if
with that sentence. And I mean that's the key for parents,
(39:07):
isn't it in a way that if you have this
ongoing dialogue with your kids, that you almost have this
right to comment and whether and have a discussion with
it as long as it's you know, you're not always
just laying down the law all the time, you know
what I mean.
Speaker 2 (39:23):
And that's a big one hundred percent, And that's a
big thing. And I was going to and you just
said it, not laying down the law. We need to
have conversations with our young people when they're five, six, seven, eight,
where they get to have a conversation with us and
we actually listen to them and we actually hear them,
and we can still disagree with them, but we disagree
with them in a mutual way rather than an authoritarian way.
(39:44):
So when they do get to that point and you say, hey,
this friend, and by the way, there's two elements there. One,
you've kept up the communication with your young person and
they're willing to have a conversation, but two you have
to have a good reason why that friend's not and
they could come back to you and say, actually, I
disagree with you, dad, you're saying that you don't want
me to hang out with them because they're actually not
or whatever. That should be allowed into that conversation as well.
(40:07):
And if we're having that conversation, that's significantly more healthy
than just saying I don't want you to be friends
with that person. And if we can keep those channels open,
it's huge with our young people.
Speaker 3 (40:19):
It still I always think with parenting. There was an
expression that you might remember the personal personality of Ian Grant,
who was the.
Speaker 2 (40:29):
One of the parenting gurus by.
Speaker 3 (40:32):
The way, founder of The Parenting Place. But he had
that program with his wife. Yes, yes, yes, I guess
you know, but he had his TV show called The
Herd where and I just remember one expression he used
once and I obviously it was a great piece of
advice because it stuck with me. But it was it
was reminding parents to constantly have dialogue with their always,
(40:55):
you know, be having conversations with your children when you
are when they're at a young age. So and the
expression he used was because if you are constant having
conversations with them and relating with them, then when they
do get to the age where they are trying to
tell you of you know, back off mum or back
(41:15):
off dad. The expression he used is he says you've
earned the right to speak into their lives. But that's
simply about you know, you can't go from woe to
go if you haven't had that ongoing conversation with your
kids about their relationships and friendships and choices right through
their formative years.
Speaker 2 (41:32):
One dred percent. And that's why in most research that
we look at that talks about not just the adolescent
years but raising kids. And I don't agree exactly with
the research. It says that you should have dinner, you know,
three four times a week you're on the table, and
I definitely think that will be fantastic. But what I'm thinking,
what that means is creating three or four times a
week where you and you're a young person actually sit
(41:53):
and be together in a space. And that could be
going for a drive, going for a walk, not necessarily
just dinner, right, but if you create that space, but
you honestly talk into their lives, not authoritarianly, you know,
like you let them speak to you and you go. Actually,
maybe I was wrong when they're five, six, seven, eight,
Actually that's interesting. I didn't understand that. So they learn
(42:15):
that if they have a conversation with you, it's a
two way conversation. How many parents actually have two way
conversations with the young people. So when they become an adolescent,
they get to choose whether they have that conversation with
you or not. And like you said, the brain changes
mean they're more likely to choose not to have that.
So they will then as in would say, they would
then choose to have that conversation with you. But you
(42:38):
can't exit start that when they're thirteen and you suddenly
decide you don't want them going out with those kids
racing the cars.
Speaker 3 (42:45):
The expression is much simpler. It's just simply always make
time for your kids. You know, you pick them up
at school. Your phones areway that's that's the thing with
the blooming phones, isn't it so that bloody phone off?
Speaker 2 (42:58):
But you can easily make that a habit, right, and
that's a beautiful habit you can make. Turn off notifications
two degrees is just coming out of that new thing,
you know, turn everything off, stop it. I saw a
thing post the other day and a kid had in
their house a basket and every time everyone walked into
their house, any kids came around to see their friends
that all phones go into the basket and they get
popped up on the way out. I mean, starting up
(43:18):
things like that when your kids are young are so
good because you're right, we have to be present in
these conversations, and we're not present when we're sitting behind
a phone.
Speaker 3 (43:27):
We're only ever really a hop, skip and a jump
in these conversations from the whole social media and devices thing,
aren't we because it's they're probably the most influential and
in a negative way on our kid's well being. I mean,
I don't know. We had a neuroscientist on Mark Williams
had done a lot of work on the effect of
devices and social media, but he said he'd been to
Zuckerberg's house, and when you go to Mark Zuckerberg's house,
(43:50):
you have to sign your device in at his door.
No device is allowed in the Zuckerberg residence. And I
was thinking, this is the guy who you know, runs
the company that has the algorithm rhythms, which are designed
to capture our attention, and he doesn't allow his kids
anywhere near it. I was thinking, if that doesn't tell
you something.
Speaker 2 (44:11):
So one, Yeah, no, they are we really do have
to look at the impact and having conversation face to face,
learning non verbal signals, all of that's so important. Yeah, huge,
by the way, and it's huge, And I'm just, by
the way, it's really hard for parents. I'm just saying,
you know, we can preach from the Ivory Tower. It's
so hard to negotiate these things these days.
Speaker 3 (44:30):
By the way, if we did have a text just
on the Emo and Goth, somebody's stick to saying Emo
and Goth are not the same brother as a terrible
example of mine. By the way, sorry, it says Emo
is wearing his sister's skinny jeans. Apparently whatever that means. Anyway,
it's nineteen minutes to six.
Speaker 13 (44:46):
Back in a tick, Usa, USA.
Speaker 14 (47:03):
Must think I.
Speaker 4 (48:00):
Must be to you.
Speaker 3 (48:15):
Welcome back to the parents Squad. I've just realized how
much I like this song every time I hear a
little snippet from it. Mind you, maybe it's just because
I like this particular snippet. Anyway, this is the parent Squad.
Catherine Berthett Burkett neuroscience trainer, is with us talking about
managing your kids friendships or not. And I think part
of it's got on to the actually I'll just read
one text before we carry on with the conversation, Catherine.
(48:35):
It says, Tim, whatever the reason the parent has to
talk about a choice of friends and associates, don't ever
not have a conversation. That's from Lee. Well, I actually
agree with that one hundred percent. If you need to
have a conversation, least you've got to. You've got to.
You've got to talk, don't you beautiful?
Speaker 2 (48:51):
Yeah, And that's that respect between you and the young
person and keeping that that's kicks the dialogue open, isn't it. So? Yeah? Great,
great advice.
Speaker 3 (48:59):
What about it does time into something where we're going
to spend a bit more time talking about it as
a second conversation piece. But it does tie into that
authoritarian thing as to you know, whether it's okay for
your parents, for a parent to basically be do as
I say, not what as I do? You know, because
none of us set the perfect example. And you know,
(49:21):
sometimes you say, well don't do such and such a
will you do? Kids have said well you do, well,
I don't care if I do you or not to
do it. One would be the class that would be
using your mobile phone because I will I'm using mine
I actually explain it. I just say, well, actually i'm
reading this news site, and then I'm reading this news site,
(49:44):
and I could do it on my laptop, and I'm
doing it on my phone. If you want to show
me how you're reading all the news on yours, then
carry on. But I mean, but there should be a
point where I should just say, hey, shut up, I
just get off your phone.
Speaker 2 (49:59):
What do you reckon a matter of work? When they're young,
and you can actually authoritarian them, not the minute they
start to have their own independence. So again, it's about
building up that modeling early, isn't it. And authoritarian parents,
I mean, we all know that it doesn't work well
when it comes comes down to it. But our kids
see things more than they hear it, and we've got
(50:21):
to be really aware of what we actually do. And
it's really fascinating to stop and think about what we do.
And I remember, you know, when my son was young
and he said bugger a lot, and I was like, oh,
you've got to stop saying you know, it's not a
nice word. So we set up a jar for him
to put in whenever he said that word. And of
course I set myself up a jar because that's only fair, right,
(50:41):
So I set myself up one and he caught me
three times before I even caught him, and I hadn't
realized I was doing it. It was really it was
so innate in me that I'd been doing it, and
then I was blaming him. And I use it as
an example because how much are you actually telling them
not to do that you're actually.
Speaker 3 (50:58):
Doing the same language is a classic and actually I
have in fact. Funny thing is they accept that they
can't say certain words and slip with me. But I
will always say I'm sorry, I should not have said that.
But and they actually they're actually surprisingly understanding that they know,
don't worry, dad, but we know we can't say that word.
Speaker 2 (51:16):
And that's okay if you say that word every now
and the NDC. But if you were saying that word
consistently and it became in their lexicon and they just
understood it became quite natural, that's different, do you see.
So if you say it every now and then, then
it's not in their subconscious and not on their procedural
sort of pace, So you're allowed to slap up every
now and.
Speaker 3 (51:35):
At the time, at the time, I was talking to
a friend and I forgot my daughter was in the
back seat. I just totally forgot, and I said something
around with plucking bell and then I was like looking
at me like I went oops, anyway, hey, look, time flies, Catherine,
thanks so much for your time. Does lovely to catch
up with you again.
Speaker 2 (51:55):
And if people, absolutely anytime people.
Speaker 3 (51:57):
Want to catch up with what you do, they go
to Engage Training.
Speaker 2 (52:00):
Engage training dot co dot m Z. I've got actually,
I've got a resilience parent present up there at the moment,
and I'm just about to put an adolescent one up
there that digs into the adolescent brain changes. So fourteen
seventy five for signing up for that, So keep an
eye out over the next week it should be up there.
But yeah, Engage training dot co.
Speaker 3 (52:16):
Doa in zed thanks so much, great to talk to you.
Speaker 2 (52:19):
We'll be be tim.
Speaker 3 (52:20):
Yep, we'll catch you saying we'll be back shortly to
Rap Sport with Christopher Reeve News Talk zed B. It's
eleven minutes to.
Speaker 12 (52:26):
Six us.
Speaker 4 (54:39):
US.
Speaker 1 (55:36):
The one roof property of the week on the weekend Collective.
Speaker 3 (55:41):
Oops, that's not the property of the week, it's actually
the sports rap I think I think have we got
the sports rap sting ready to go.
Speaker 10 (55:47):
Just for fun, I.
Speaker 3 (55:48):
Think we should just play that to get us in
the mood. Have we got that ready to run?
Speaker 7 (55:51):
There?
Speaker 3 (55:52):
Let's see their week.
Speaker 1 (55:53):
Both good weekend collective sports rap.
Speaker 3 (55:57):
I just have to hear the sports rap to get
me in the mood to talk sport. Not that it
takes too much of these days. I'm getting a bit
more involved in the sport with the f one and
all that. But Christopher New Zealand Herald sports journalist and
guru is with me a chross a gang.
Speaker 15 (56:11):
Yeah good, Guru is a new one.
Speaker 3 (56:12):
Jeez, just take it.
Speaker 12 (56:14):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (56:14):
Also our America's Cup guru too. I love the fact
that you're all over that.
Speaker 15 (56:17):
Don't you try and do a bit of everything.
Speaker 3 (56:20):
Now, we've got a couple of things we're on preview.
We've got currently at the moment, by the way, we've
got Minor Pacifica playing. Who are they playing?
Speaker 15 (56:27):
They're playing the Brumbi is the ten yeel Down. It's
pretty pretty bad game, pretty bad conditions, very very slippery
whereabouts poka koe.
Speaker 3 (56:36):
Oh okay, right, well, I'm a big fan of wine
at Pacifica, so I'm hoping they'll turn that around anyway.
But let's talk about the match for tonight A couple
of games. Auckland f C. What's up?
Speaker 15 (56:48):
Yeah, Auckland f C can go one step closer to
claiming the Premier's Plate tonight. They're over in Melbourne against
Melbourne Victory, who are currently six on the table. These
two played out and lillill draw last time they met.
But if Auckland get a win tonight then they could
very well in that sort of top seed for the
playoffs and next weekend at home against Perth, so plenty
(57:09):
on the line time.
Speaker 3 (57:10):
So the plate means you actually do win something coming top,
do you yes, and then you have the championship. I
guess yes.
Speaker 15 (57:15):
So it's like a minor Premiership sort of thing. That's
what they give you when you claim the top seed,
and then you obviously go into the playoffs to play
for the big title at the end of the road.
Speaker 3 (57:25):
I don't want to get ahead of myself, but I
have a suspicion and a feeling that they are the
sports story of the last six months, aren't they. They
have seved to go from not existing to being. I mean,
they would have to be your short list for the
top sports story of the year, wouldn't they?
Speaker 15 (57:44):
They'll definitely be close to it. I think mine at
this point will be Liam Lawson because that's just been
a roller coaster the story. Yeah, the story. I mean
that's only been four or five races in and that's
just been all over the place, but actually definitely a
feel good one.
Speaker 3 (57:59):
You're thinking from the news worthy, I'm thinking in terms
of just in terms of achievement from not existing to
be at the top of the pops.
Speaker 15 (58:07):
Then yeah, yeah, absolutely So.
Speaker 3 (58:09):
How are they looking? How do you think they're going
to go against Melbourne?
Speaker 15 (58:12):
Yeah, it's a tough one. The chat in the office
during the week has been a little bit nervous at times.
Some people have been saying it might be a little
bit of a banana skin game for them. I mean
they've only lost twice this year. Surely at some point
that's going to change. Hopefully not. But Melbourne are a
good team and Auckland f CeAl definitely have to be
at the best to get the win. They've they've drawn
(58:32):
five of their last six.
Speaker 3 (58:33):
They've got a personnel, they've got everyone available they want
or any as far as I'm aware, Yes, they've been
quite lucky with injury then, haven't. They don't say it?
Speaker 15 (58:42):
Yeah, yeah, see now now we're going to lose.
Speaker 3 (58:46):
Not a commentator okay.
Speaker 15 (58:47):
I don't know you could call yourself a commentator stretch.
Speaker 3 (58:52):
Anyway. So they're not there's no particular playmakers. They're looking
to sort of be on top of their game to
win this one.
Speaker 15 (58:58):
No, they're pretty well rounded team actually, so that's what's
been I guess their benefit this year. They've got a
lot of guys who can do a lot of things.
Speaker 3 (59:06):
Although their goalie has he has been they've had some
very good goalkeeping during their season and and.
Speaker 15 (59:13):
They Yeah, Alex Paulson's a pretty good that's probably why
Bournemouth signed him out of the Wellington Phoenix last year.
I mean he's been great. He's kept them in games
and potentially save them from a few losses.
Speaker 3 (59:23):
And with a minute to go, we've got the Warriors
tonight at seven point thirty.
Speaker 15 (59:27):
Yeah, that's going to be a tough one for the
Warriors against Brisbane Broncos. Both teams lost last week. Neither
of them played particularly well, the Broncos coming pretty much
full strength and the Warriors have a few key guys missing,
so they've got to play Kurt Capewell in centers. He's
normally a second rower. They're just kind of out of
options there.
Speaker 3 (59:46):
Well, here's the hot take on that. Beverage's hot take.
We're not expecting them to necessarily have a great game,
sugguess what I reckon they're going to do them.
Speaker 15 (59:53):
Yeah, I disagree.
Speaker 3 (59:56):
I just said that to provoke you sort of. But
also I think when you're expecting good things of the Warriors,
they disappoint and when you're not so. But are they
up against it with they lack of person now, well.
Speaker 15 (01:00:06):
The Bronkers are just a very good side. I think
that the Warriors.
Speaker 3 (01:00:09):
Okay, so you had to nitpick about the opposition being
quite good, didn't you. I did good on you and
Liam Lawson's facing qualifying avenidas 'nee.
Speaker 15 (01:00:17):
Yeah, so early morning for the for the early Birds.
You can tune into that in Saudi Arabia. Hopefully he
goes well.
Speaker 3 (01:00:23):
Thanks mate. That's Christopher Reeve from the New Zealand Herald
Tomorrow Politics. So lockwood Smith is with us on luxn's
visit to the UK. We got the Wellington Chamber of
Commerce CEO talking about Wellington and the Maryalty and other things,
So tune in tomorrow, catch you again soon, Roman Traver's Next.
Speaker 1 (01:00:51):
For more from the Weekend Collective, listen live to news
Talks'd be weekends from three pm, or follow the podcast
on iHeartRadio
You're listening to the Weekend Collective podcast from News Talks.
Speaker 2 (00:09):
Be an outcome of a floor plan, So go check
it out because that's what we would look to do.
Speaker 3 (00:14):
Okay, well, time flies when you're having fun. Hey, thanks
so much for coming in. Lovely to see you again
and again Wolf Property Coaching. Just look it up on
the net and gosh, time flies when you're having fun.
We're gonna have to rush because we'll be back in
just a moment. With the Parents Squad, Catherine B. Burkett
talking about can you manage your children's friendships or not
keep out of it?
Speaker 4 (01:07):
Una us USA, USA, USA, USA, Usa, USA, USA.
Speaker 5 (10:36):
And who is hard to say? You get you everywhere
and we could never be a there, no bad on
need you. But how did you come here? And it's
hard to see you?
Speaker 6 (10:55):
Bet?
Speaker 5 (10:55):
How be you will as hands think you will? I
gets you everywhere? Over do something that strong?
Speaker 3 (11:04):
Then yes, welcome back to the Weekend Collective. I'm Tim
Beverage And if you've missed any other previous hours, I
always like to remind people you can go and check
out the podcast. It's a fascinating conversation with Elsa Wolf
There from Wolf Property coaching around. In fact, we didn't
(11:25):
really get into the politics that it so much. We
just talked about the practicalities of how people should invest
in property by adding value rather than the old model
of just buying it letting the rent pay for the mortgage,
which it doesn't anymore. So you can go and check
out that. I think there's some pretty good advice on that.
I go and check it out by going to the
Weekend Collective look for that on either iHeartRadio or newstalk SHADB,
(11:46):
dot co dot NZ. And I also had a great
panel with the Wilhelmina Shimpton and Mark Kraisel. Quite a
raucous panel, I think it was, if I think of
in terms of the sound levels of most of our panels,
I think it was a pretty busy one and a
lot of laugh send. But anyway, you can go and
check that out as well on news talk s HEADB.
But now it is I don't think we're going to
be quite as raucous. It doesn't feel quite the right
(12:08):
sort of hour for that on the Parent Squad. But
we're going to have a chat about well, the question
of whether you could can should would interfere in your
child's friendships or relationships, because it's not exactly a new
concept that and the number of parents you probably think
(12:30):
that such and such as such a bad influence on
their child. I'm sure there's been incidences where maybe they
have just failed to recognize the perhaps their child was
the one who was the problem. But I'm sure every
parent at some stage been cautious of at least one
of their child's friends, whether it be a friend or
a boyfriend or a girlfriend or whatever. And you've been
(12:53):
on a high alert at times. Should you? Could you?
But what are the circumstances in which you actually should
interfere in the friendships that your child has forged?
Speaker 7 (13:07):
Now?
Speaker 3 (13:07):
I do know of a few occasions. In fact, I
even know of someone who basically shifted their child to
a completely different school because they'd fallen in with the
wrong crowd. I think that that's probably the more common instance.
But yeah, when is it okay for parents to interfere
(13:28):
and sort of try and influence the friends that their
children make, Because on the other side of it is
you might find that you deprive your child of the
tribe where they're most comfortable. You might not necessarily relate
to their friends in the way that you you know,
because they're not like the friends that you grew up with,
but they might be friends who your kids are perfectly
comfortable with. Anyway, we're going to dig into that. We'd
(13:48):
love to take your calls on that. Eight hundred eighty
ten eighty. Have you ever interfered in a relationship that
your child has had or do you wish she had?
Give us a call eight hundred eighty ten eighty and
waiting patiently to be introduced is our guest this hour.
She's a neuroscience educator and she's well known to our
audience because we love having on the show. Catherine Burke
(14:10):
at good afternoon. So how are you doing anyway? By
the way, have you had the thunderstorms and stuff that?
And how's the weather been in your neck of the woods? Oh? Oh,
get stuffed? Actually, well, good on you, yes, because it
(14:39):
hasn't been the flashes weather around the country. So is
it finally just sort of kicked on for you guys?
And you've had the day you've been waiting for. Yeah, Well,
(15:03):
I've just got back from christ Church. And both times
I've been to christ Church, one was at Christmas time
and and then when one just the last week that
I happened to draw the short straw both times those
days in christ Church with it with cloud is at
about ten feet high. It's just this gray cloud in it.
So anyway, good on you Wellington, as they say, can't
beat it on a good day. Anyway on um, well,
(15:31):
my family is still away. So apparently there's a chocolate
bunny sitting on the bench for me, my wife told
me before I came home. She said, which is very sweet.
There's a bunny there for you, and there's one for
your brother. So there we go. Hey, children's friends. Every parent,
i'm sure has gone through times where they have questioned
(15:52):
the friendships that their kids have got. And sometimes I
imagine there is good reason for intervening, isn't there? I mean,
did you? I mean, it's a difficult one for us,
each of us to talk about, because I don't like
to talk about my own kids and their friendships. But
there will have been times where we were like, I'm
just not sure that our daughter has chosen the right
(16:15):
friend for her. It wasn't particularly so much from a
judgment point of view, but just whether you know what
crowd they fit into? Have you have you gone through that,
you must have asked yourself that question without having to share,
and you know stuff about your own kids too much
on a difficult topic because it is a difficult one,
isn't it.
Speaker 8 (17:25):
Oh god, mm hmmm, I think that.
Speaker 3 (17:53):
Yeah. I wonder if one of the on the less
serious side of the scale, because we can imagine if
your if your child fell in with a group who
were I'm gonna I guess up to no good and
heading towards doing illegal things than you would want to intervene.
But a lot of the time I wonder where the
parents simply make the mistake of thinking, would I have
(18:14):
been friends with this person? You know what? Because our
children are different and they might I mean, the obvious
example I imagine would be if your child is a
emo or something and is hanging around with the sort
of emo crowd, and you might not be that sort
of parent, and you might think, why are they hanging
around with them? But that might be there, that might
be their tribe, and it would be a mistake to
think that. I want you to have friends like I
(18:35):
had growing up. I want you to be friends with
the sporty ones or the you know, the ones that
do X, Y and Z. Hmm, what is emo? I
(19:08):
just meant I just mentioned that crudely, but as a
as a group that was different to who I would
are goths. Hm hm.
Speaker 6 (20:16):
Hm hm.
Speaker 3 (21:04):
So what I'm in? Just as you were saying that,
I was trying to think, what do we model about
our friends? But my friends were just my friends, I guess,
And you know, we like having people around and catching
up for coffee or whatever like that, but we're all
We're pretty tame. I'm not sure they would have what
they'd learned from me about my friendships. But what are
the negative things they can pick up?
Speaker 6 (22:05):
Hmmm?
Speaker 3 (22:15):
Because I mean my late mum I think was in fact,
I think she was encouraged to take a trip overseas
because I think her mother wasn't happy with who she
was hanging out with, and basically was given a trip
to Europe to end that relationship, which which was certainly successful,
(22:38):
and I think she at a ball. But I mean,
there are people who go to quite some lengths to
try and separate their kids from an unhealthy friendship. I mean,
what would be the signs that one of your children's relationships, no,
let's not go boyfriend, girlfriend, let's just talk about friendships
earlier on. What are the signs of a friendship that
(22:58):
is actually detrimental and unhealthy?
Speaker 9 (23:28):
Yeah?
Speaker 3 (23:42):
Mm hmmm, Well what do you do about it?
Speaker 2 (23:55):
Then?
Speaker 3 (23:55):
Okay, you've decided that, so you've they've got a friend
who you are thinking is? I mean, it's worth pointing
out by the way that I think there have been
plenty of times when parents have thought that the other
child was the problem. It's turned out that actually and
that's probably just been a little bit blind to your
own children's traits or personality anyway. I mean, you should
(24:20):
know whether they because if you if you know your
children well enough, I mean, how many times would children
pull the wool over their parents' eyes as to whether
they were that bad friend?
Speaker 10 (24:31):
I don't know, are we.
Speaker 3 (25:30):
Okay? So what if you've decided that one of your
children's friends or the circle of friends is actually detrimental,
like they have fallen in with the wrong crowd. I mean,
it's not an expression that's become a cliche for no reason,
But when your child has fallen them with the wrong crowd,
what practical steps? What are the options? H m hm
(26:33):
mm hmm. Yeah, Well, well here's a simple one. So
(26:59):
when your children are reliant on you for the choices
they make socially, so for instance, playdates. And I'm thinking
back to a couple of friends I had at school
who went this too bad influences. But I don't think
I ever was ever went round to their house after
school because the opportunity never seemed to happen, Whereas I
did have a couple of friends where we used to
(27:21):
regularly catch up. And now I realize I think that
was my mum sort of shaping screening. But for instance,
I mean, you know, so you're child's being asked if
they can go around and have a sleepover at this
child's house, and a parent might say, unfortunately, we're busy
that evening and that mm hmm, okay, what about what about? Okay,
(28:13):
why can't I go to X's sleepover or or go
with them to the park today? And you are not
going to allow them to because you don't you don't
want them to. You've made that call. This is not
that they can be friends at school but outside no,
So what do you how would you handle? I mean,
because there would be parents who do that. I mean,
I'd probably I'd probably be one of them. I'm sure
(28:36):
if I have m hmm okay, for instance, say I'm
(29:03):
not at this age. That's all factors. But if I
wouldn't want my kids vaping or going out and drinking alcohol,
getting hold of out of hold of alcohol when they're
too young, and if they are a group of friends
who are accessing that stuff, I'd be like sorry, I
would actually say you're not doing it. I just say
this is not how, this is not what, This is
not the way we want you to behave if you're
going out and accessing alcohol when you're too young to
(29:25):
do it, and I would I would be comfortable enough
to say so if that's what you're about, it's not
happening full stop. Hm hm hmm, yeah, hmm.
Speaker 9 (30:11):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (30:13):
But older, it gets very hard to do that forbidden.
But it's about that early stuff, that conversation talking to them.
If you've got a reasonable reason, then that's fine. But
I think what the beginning of the topic is is
that you, as a parent need to ask is it
a reasonable reason? Is it real? Or is it you?
Speaker 3 (30:33):
Yeah, we're going to dig into this a bit more
after the after the break listen news talk said be
for instance, and I'll preface this before we go to
the break is I imagine one of the fears of
many parents would be we've seen those the burnout meetings
where people get together, they drink too much and people
riding cars. Often we've seen people killed at these events.
I mean, that's the sort of stuff for parents. That's
(30:55):
the last thing you want your child to be involved with.
And at what point do you try and make a
selection as to who they can hang out with so
it doesn't get to that point. We're going to dig
into this a bit more more. We'd love your call
I Wight one hundred eighty ten eighty if you have
had your friendships into the fed with when you were
a young person, or if your parents who's actually had
to make some choices about Sorry, but I can't have
(31:16):
them hanging out with these kids because they're bad news.
Twenty seven and a half past five News Talks.
Speaker 11 (31:20):
He'd be.
Speaker 7 (32:11):
UNA seven.
Speaker 12 (34:26):
Living me to get away.
Speaker 3 (34:31):
To the weekend collective. I'm Tim Beverages is the Parents Squad.
My guest is Katherine Burkett. She's a neuroscience educator and
neuroscience trainer. And we're talking about when if ever, and
I think there are times we can imagine we would
interfere with our children's friendships, But how do you do
it and under what circumstances do you think it's justified?
Is it because you just sort of think, oh, you know,
(34:52):
not too sure about not too sure about this crowd,
or not give us a call. I weight one hundred
eighty ten eighty. I got a text here, Catherine, says
young man. Young Man befriended son and started pressing of
suns and started pressing them to take and buy cocaine.
So I got a random SIM card and sent what
(35:14):
was titled a friendly warning, a quite descriptive treat to
stay away from the younger boys at clubs. It worked,
never to be seen again. Oh so it was put generically, well,
that's pretty extreme stuff.
Speaker 2 (35:27):
But yeah, and I think and absolutely that's extreme. And
when you mentioned the car races, I do want to
say that in those cases we are talking about some
serious intervention, because this is our kids physical and like,
if it's really emotional safety, it's huge. I think it's
more when it's in that middle ground that we're finding
(35:47):
it hard. But and by the way, online now, man,
we need to keep up to date with what they're
doing online because there's some serious danger there as well.
So we're not just talking about boy racers going out
and raising there. We're talking about like this befriending. And
I don't know if that befriending was online or in person,
And can I just say.
Speaker 3 (36:05):
That I think it was person recruiting young kids to
buy drugs basically, And.
Speaker 2 (36:12):
I obviously don't know the situation because I've just heard
you there, But can you see one of the things
I hear in that text is that the young people
told them. Now, one of the biggest things we need
to do is keep that conversation up when our kids
are young. When they say things like this happened to
me or this, we hear them, we listen to them,
we valid I'm not talking about always believing everything they say.
(36:33):
But those young people obviously shared that with their parents,
so their parents knew what was going on. What's the
real scary thing is when our young people don't think
they can share with us, and then they have got
these friendships or they are doing things and we don't
know about them. So that's a really hard part is
keeping that conversation up, which is a huge part of
this puzzle as well.
Speaker 3 (36:53):
Yeah, I think that that text us also looked like
it could be sent anonymously because obviously the person they
were concerned about was targeting more than just their kids,
so they wouldn't have known who was sending the text. Gosh,
you're getting in? Yeah, that's that's that's certainly more on
the more I think, isn't it.
Speaker 2 (37:12):
I'd be intervening, however, I could in that space two
one hundred.
Speaker 3 (37:16):
Well, actually, what when you were growing up, did you
ever get the sort of sense from your parents that
you should be giving someone a bit of a cold
shoulder in terms of your friendships or not? Or were
you an angel? I can't remember whether you've confessed to
me whether you were an angel or just a you know,
a bit hard to manage.
Speaker 4 (37:37):
M No.
Speaker 2 (37:38):
I wouldn't. Definitely wouldn't say I was an angel. No,
my parents weren't backward in telling us what they thought
about our friends. And write a boyfriend who rode a
motorbike and that was a definite no no. And they
literally banned me. So guess what. I keep going off them,
So I think, but it wasn't It wasn't a bad situation.
It was a lovely person. Yeah, I I I haven't
(38:02):
had that myself necessarily with my kids, like completely banning them.
But we've got to know that as soon as you
ban something, as soon as you say absolutely, unless it's
a cocaine space or the boy racist. Don't get me wrong,
I'm not talking about that. But if you're just making
an assumption about someone, and by the way, you don't
necessarily know that other person, do you know that they
are a bad person or are you assuming something?
Speaker 3 (38:26):
I think to me, what I'm gleaning from this as
a parent is I would I think it's about having
the relationship with your kids where they would expect you
to give your opinion on something if it got to
a point where you felt, you know what I mean,
if you are if you've got an open line of
communication to your children and they know what you do
approve of and don't approve of. If you for instance,
(38:46):
if my daughters struck up a friendship with someone I
thought was deleterious to their best interests, they would almost
expect they would almost be unsurprised if I said, hey, listen,
we need to have a chat about this friendship of yours.
And I think they would probably see it coming if
with that sentence. And I mean that's the key for parents,
(39:07):
isn't it in a way that if you have this
ongoing dialogue with your kids, that you almost have this
right to comment and whether and have a discussion with
it as long as it's you know, you're not always
just laying down the law all the time, you know
what I mean.
Speaker 2 (39:23):
And that's a big one hundred percent, And that's a
big thing. And I was going to and you just
said it, not laying down the law. We need to
have conversations with our young people when they're five, six, seven, eight,
where they get to have a conversation with us and
we actually listen to them and we actually hear them,
and we can still disagree with them, but we disagree
with them in a mutual way rather than an authoritarian way.
(39:44):
So when they do get to that point and you say, hey,
this friend, and by the way, there's two elements there. One,
you've kept up the communication with your young person and
they're willing to have a conversation, but two you have
to have a good reason why that friend's not and
they could come back to you and say, actually, I
disagree with you, dad, you're saying that you don't want
me to hang out with them because they're actually not
or whatever. That should be allowed into that conversation as well.
(40:07):
And if we're having that conversation, that's significantly more healthy
than just saying I don't want you to be friends
with that person. And if we can keep those channels open,
it's huge with our young people.
Speaker 3 (40:19):
It still I always think with parenting. There was an
expression that you might remember the personal personality of Ian Grant,
who was the.
Speaker 2 (40:29):
One of the parenting gurus by.
Speaker 3 (40:32):
The way, founder of The Parenting Place. But he had
that program with his wife. Yes, yes, yes, I guess
you know, but he had his TV show called The
Herd where and I just remember one expression he used
once and I obviously it was a great piece of
advice because it stuck with me. But it was it
was reminding parents to constantly have dialogue with their always,
(40:55):
you know, be having conversations with your children when you
are when they're at a young age. So and the
expression he used was because if you are constant having
conversations with them and relating with them, then when they
do get to the age where they are trying to
tell you of you know, back off mum or back
(41:15):
off dad. The expression he used is he says you've
earned the right to speak into their lives. But that's
simply about you know, you can't go from woe to
go if you haven't had that ongoing conversation with your
kids about their relationships and friendships and choices right through
their formative years.
Speaker 2 (41:32):
One dred percent. And that's why in most research that
we look at that talks about not just the adolescent
years but raising kids. And I don't agree exactly with
the research. It says that you should have dinner, you know,
three four times a week you're on the table, and
I definitely think that will be fantastic. But what I'm thinking,
what that means is creating three or four times a
week where you and you're a young person actually sit
(41:53):
and be together in a space. And that could be
going for a drive, going for a walk, not necessarily
just dinner, right, but if you create that space, but
you honestly talk into their lives, not authoritarianly, you know,
like you let them speak to you and you go. Actually,
maybe I was wrong when they're five, six, seven, eight,
Actually that's interesting. I didn't understand that. So they learn
(42:15):
that if they have a conversation with you, it's a
two way conversation. How many parents actually have two way
conversations with the young people. So when they become an adolescent,
they get to choose whether they have that conversation with
you or not. And like you said, the brain changes
mean they're more likely to choose not to have that.
So they will then as in would say, they would
then choose to have that conversation with you. But you
(42:38):
can't exit start that when they're thirteen and you suddenly
decide you don't want them going out with those kids
racing the cars.
Speaker 3 (42:45):
The expression is much simpler. It's just simply always make
time for your kids. You know, you pick them up
at school. Your phones areway that's that's the thing with
the blooming phones, isn't it so that bloody phone off?
Speaker 2 (42:58):
But you can easily make that a habit, right, and
that's a beautiful habit you can make. Turn off notifications
two degrees is just coming out of that new thing,
you know, turn everything off, stop it. I saw a
thing post the other day and a kid had in
their house a basket and every time everyone walked into
their house, any kids came around to see their friends
that all phones go into the basket and they get
popped up on the way out. I mean, starting up
(43:18):
things like that when your kids are young are so
good because you're right, we have to be present in
these conversations, and we're not present when we're sitting behind
a phone.
Speaker 3 (43:27):
We're only ever really a hop, skip and a jump
in these conversations from the whole social media and devices thing,
aren't we because it's they're probably the most influential and
in a negative way on our kid's well being. I mean,
I don't know. We had a neuroscientist on Mark Williams
had done a lot of work on the effect of
devices and social media, but he said he'd been to
Zuckerberg's house, and when you go to Mark Zuckerberg's house,
(43:50):
you have to sign your device in at his door.
No device is allowed in the Zuckerberg residence. And I
was thinking, this is the guy who you know, runs
the company that has the algorithm rhythms, which are designed
to capture our attention, and he doesn't allow his kids
anywhere near it. I was thinking, if that doesn't tell
you something.
Speaker 2 (44:11):
So one, Yeah, no, they are we really do have
to look at the impact and having conversation face to face,
learning non verbal signals, all of that's so important. Yeah, huge,
by the way, and it's huge, And I'm just, by
the way, it's really hard for parents. I'm just saying,
you know, we can preach from the Ivory Tower. It's
so hard to negotiate these things these days.
Speaker 3 (44:30):
By the way, if we did have a text just
on the Emo and Goth, somebody's stick to saying Emo
and Goth are not the same brother as a terrible
example of mine. By the way, sorry, it says Emo
is wearing his sister's skinny jeans. Apparently whatever that means. Anyway,
it's nineteen minutes to six.
Speaker 13 (44:46):
Back in a tick, Usa, USA.
Speaker 14 (47:03):
Must think I.
Speaker 4 (48:00):
Must be to you.
Speaker 3 (48:15):
Welcome back to the parents Squad. I've just realized how
much I like this song every time I hear a
little snippet from it. Mind you, maybe it's just because
I like this particular snippet. Anyway, this is the parent Squad.
Catherine Berthett Burkett neuroscience trainer, is with us talking about
managing your kids friendships or not. And I think part
of it's got on to the actually I'll just read
one text before we carry on with the conversation, Catherine.
(48:35):
It says, Tim, whatever the reason the parent has to
talk about a choice of friends and associates, don't ever
not have a conversation. That's from Lee. Well, I actually
agree with that one hundred percent. If you need to
have a conversation, least you've got to. You've got to.
You've got to talk, don't you beautiful?
Speaker 2 (48:51):
Yeah, And that's that respect between you and the young
person and keeping that that's kicks the dialogue open, isn't it. So? Yeah? Great,
great advice.
Speaker 3 (48:59):
What about it does time into something where we're going
to spend a bit more time talking about it as
a second conversation piece. But it does tie into that
authoritarian thing as to you know, whether it's okay for
your parents, for a parent to basically be do as
I say, not what as I do? You know, because
none of us set the perfect example. And you know,
(49:21):
sometimes you say, well don't do such and such a
will you do? Kids have said well you do, well,
I don't care if I do you or not to
do it. One would be the class that would be
using your mobile phone because I will I'm using mine
I actually explain it. I just say, well, actually i'm
reading this news site, and then I'm reading this news site,
(49:44):
and I could do it on my laptop, and I'm
doing it on my phone. If you want to show
me how you're reading all the news on yours, then
carry on. But I mean, but there should be a
point where I should just say, hey, shut up, I
just get off your phone.
Speaker 2 (49:59):
What do you reckon a matter of work? When they're young,
and you can actually authoritarian them, not the minute they
start to have their own independence. So again, it's about
building up that modeling early, isn't it. And authoritarian parents,
I mean, we all know that it doesn't work well
when it comes comes down to it. But our kids
see things more than they hear it, and we've got
(50:21):
to be really aware of what we actually do. And
it's really fascinating to stop and think about what we do.
And I remember, you know, when my son was young
and he said bugger a lot, and I was like, oh,
you've got to stop saying you know, it's not a
nice word. So we set up a jar for him
to put in whenever he said that word. And of
course I set myself up a jar because that's only fair, right,
(50:41):
So I set myself up one and he caught me
three times before I even caught him, and I hadn't
realized I was doing it. It was really it was
so innate in me that I'd been doing it, and
then I was blaming him. And I use it as
an example because how much are you actually telling them
not to do that you're actually.
Speaker 3 (50:58):
Doing the same language is a classic and actually I
have in fact. Funny thing is they accept that they
can't say certain words and slip with me. But I
will always say I'm sorry, I should not have said that.
But and they actually they're actually surprisingly understanding that they know,
don't worry, dad, but we know we can't say that word.
Speaker 2 (51:16):
And that's okay if you say that word every now
and the NDC. But if you were saying that word
consistently and it became in their lexicon and they just
understood it became quite natural, that's different, do you see.
So if you say it every now and then, then
it's not in their subconscious and not on their procedural
sort of pace, So you're allowed to slap up every
now and.
Speaker 3 (51:35):
At the time, at the time, I was talking to
a friend and I forgot my daughter was in the
back seat. I just totally forgot, and I said something
around with plucking bell and then I was like looking
at me like I went oops, anyway, hey, look, time flies, Catherine,
thanks so much for your time. Does lovely to catch
up with you again.
Speaker 2 (51:55):
And if people, absolutely anytime people.
Speaker 3 (51:57):
Want to catch up with what you do, they go
to Engage Training.
Speaker 2 (52:00):
Engage training dot co dot m Z. I've got actually,
I've got a resilience parent present up there at the moment,
and I'm just about to put an adolescent one up
there that digs into the adolescent brain changes. So fourteen
seventy five for signing up for that, So keep an
eye out over the next week it should be up there.
But yeah, Engage training dot co.
Speaker 3 (52:16):
Doa in zed thanks so much, great to talk to you.
Speaker 2 (52:19):
We'll be be tim.
Speaker 3 (52:20):
Yep, we'll catch you saying we'll be back shortly to
Rap Sport with Christopher Reeve News Talk zed B. It's
eleven minutes to.
Speaker 12 (52:26):
Six us.
Speaker 4 (54:39):
US.
Speaker 1 (55:36):
The one roof property of the week on the weekend Collective.
Speaker 3 (55:41):
Oops, that's not the property of the week, it's actually
the sports rap I think I think have we got
the sports rap sting ready to go.
Speaker 10 (55:47):
Just for fun, I.
Speaker 3 (55:48):
Think we should just play that to get us in
the mood. Have we got that ready to run?
Speaker 7 (55:51):
There?
Speaker 3 (55:52):
Let's see their week.
Speaker 1 (55:53):
Both good weekend collective sports rap.
Speaker 3 (55:57):
I just have to hear the sports rap to get
me in the mood to talk sport. Not that it
takes too much of these days. I'm getting a bit
more involved in the sport with the f one and
all that. But Christopher New Zealand Herald sports journalist and
guru is with me a chross a gang.
Speaker 15 (56:11):
Yeah good, Guru is a new one.
Speaker 3 (56:12):
Jeez, just take it.
Speaker 12 (56:14):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (56:14):
Also our America's Cup guru too. I love the fact
that you're all over that.
Speaker 15 (56:17):
Don't you try and do a bit of everything.
Speaker 3 (56:20):
Now, we've got a couple of things we're on preview.
We've got currently at the moment, by the way, we've
got Minor Pacifica playing. Who are they playing?
Speaker 15 (56:27):
They're playing the Brumbi is the ten yeel Down. It's
pretty pretty bad game, pretty bad conditions, very very slippery
whereabouts poka koe.
Speaker 3 (56:36):
Oh okay, right, well, I'm a big fan of wine
at Pacifica, so I'm hoping they'll turn that around anyway.
But let's talk about the match for tonight A couple
of games. Auckland f C. What's up?
Speaker 15 (56:48):
Yeah, Auckland f C can go one step closer to
claiming the Premier's Plate tonight. They're over in Melbourne against
Melbourne Victory, who are currently six on the table. These
two played out and lillill draw last time they met.
But if Auckland get a win tonight then they could
very well in that sort of top seed for the
playoffs and next weekend at home against Perth, so plenty
(57:09):
on the line time.
Speaker 3 (57:10):
So the plate means you actually do win something coming top,
do you yes, and then you have the championship. I
guess yes.
Speaker 15 (57:15):
So it's like a minor Premiership sort of thing. That's
what they give you when you claim the top seed,
and then you obviously go into the playoffs to play
for the big title at the end of the road.
Speaker 3 (57:25):
I don't want to get ahead of myself, but I
have a suspicion and a feeling that they are the
sports story of the last six months, aren't they. They
have seved to go from not existing to being. I mean,
they would have to be your short list for the
top sports story of the year, wouldn't they?
Speaker 15 (57:44):
They'll definitely be close to it. I think mine at
this point will be Liam Lawson because that's just been
a roller coaster the story. Yeah, the story. I mean
that's only been four or five races in and that's
just been all over the place, but actually definitely a
feel good one.
Speaker 3 (57:59):
You're thinking from the news worthy, I'm thinking in terms
of just in terms of achievement from not existing to
be at the top of the pops.
Speaker 15 (58:07):
Then yeah, yeah, absolutely So.
Speaker 3 (58:09):
How are they looking? How do you think they're going
to go against Melbourne?
Speaker 15 (58:12):
Yeah, it's a tough one. The chat in the office
during the week has been a little bit nervous at times.
Some people have been saying it might be a little
bit of a banana skin game for them. I mean
they've only lost twice this year. Surely at some point
that's going to change. Hopefully not. But Melbourne are a
good team and Auckland f CeAl definitely have to be
at the best to get the win. They've they've drawn
(58:32):
five of their last six.
Speaker 3 (58:33):
They've got a personnel, they've got everyone available they want
or any as far as I'm aware, Yes, they've been
quite lucky with injury then, haven't. They don't say it?
Speaker 15 (58:42):
Yeah, yeah, see now now we're going to lose.
Speaker 3 (58:46):
Not a commentator okay.
Speaker 15 (58:47):
I don't know you could call yourself a commentator stretch.
Speaker 3 (58:52):
Anyway. So they're not there's no particular playmakers. They're looking
to sort of be on top of their game to
win this one.
Speaker 15 (58:58):
No, they're pretty well rounded team actually, so that's what's
been I guess their benefit this year. They've got a
lot of guys who can do a lot of things.
Speaker 3 (59:06):
Although their goalie has he has been they've had some
very good goalkeeping during their season and and.
Speaker 15 (59:13):
They Yeah, Alex Paulson's a pretty good that's probably why
Bournemouth signed him out of the Wellington Phoenix last year.
I mean he's been great. He's kept them in games
and potentially save them from a few losses.
Speaker 3 (59:23):
And with a minute to go, we've got the Warriors
tonight at seven point thirty.
Speaker 15 (59:27):
Yeah, that's going to be a tough one for the
Warriors against Brisbane Broncos. Both teams lost last week. Neither
of them played particularly well, the Broncos coming pretty much
full strength and the Warriors have a few key guys missing,
so they've got to play Kurt Capewell in centers. He's
normally a second rower. They're just kind of out of
options there.
Speaker 3 (59:46):
Well, here's the hot take on that. Beverage's hot take.
We're not expecting them to necessarily have a great game,
sugguess what I reckon they're going to do them.
Speaker 15 (59:53):
Yeah, I disagree.
Speaker 3 (59:56):
I just said that to provoke you sort of. But
also I think when you're expecting good things of the Warriors,
they disappoint and when you're not so. But are they
up against it with they lack of person now, well.
Speaker 15 (01:00:06):
The Bronkers are just a very good side. I think
that the Warriors.
Speaker 3 (01:00:09):
Okay, so you had to nitpick about the opposition being
quite good, didn't you. I did good on you and
Liam Lawson's facing qualifying avenidas 'nee.
Speaker 15 (01:00:17):
Yeah, so early morning for the for the early Birds.
You can tune into that in Saudi Arabia. Hopefully he
goes well.
Speaker 3 (01:00:23):
Thanks mate. That's Christopher Reeve from the New Zealand Herald
Tomorrow Politics. So lockwood Smith is with us on luxn's
visit to the UK. We got the Wellington Chamber of
Commerce CEO talking about Wellington and the Maryalty and other things,
So tune in tomorrow, catch you again soon, Roman Traver's Next.
Speaker 1 (01:00:51):
For more from the Weekend Collective, listen live to news
Talks'd be weekends from three pm, or follow the podcast
on iHeartRadio
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