The Alexander Standard

As David Lee Roth once said, "It's not whether you win or lose, it's how good you looked doing it!" Actually his dad said that, but we're pretty sure he learned it from Ptolemy! This guy  is the wizard behind the curtain, even if we have no wizards and no curtains. Plus, he'll really teach you how to beef up your résumé. Come hear part one of the story of Ptolemy Soter! 

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Valentine's Day is all about being with that special person in your life. But if you're Demetrius, then it's the special four, five, or even six people in your life; that is, until your own people defect to some rando and kick you out of your own country because they hate you and then you have to go back on the run and get lost in Asia until your get captured by your own stepson (who's old enough to be your dad). Yeah... Demetrius ...

Demetrius is what you would call a "Beautiful Disaster." He was supposedly quite beautiful, but he was definitely a disaster. Trust us, however hard you've ever partied, Demetrius partied harder. But don't worry, we also take a detailed look at Demetrius' love life. Also, today's episode features SEVERAL guest stars, including Pontifacts, Tsar Power, Queens Podcast, Prime Time, and Nobelesse Oblige. 

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Can you imagine your dad planning in anticipation of your death? Philip IV can. Also, for today’s episode we are joined by our dear friends, Nic and Paige! Come learn a “possum fact!!”

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It’s CASSANDER!!!!! Apparently he did stuff… maybe… We do know he was there, somewhere, and there was some hubbub between him and Olympias. Oh but there’s also cannibalism and the last food delivery service you’ll ever sign up for!

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Antigonus the One-Eyed was a big man, so big in fact that his story couldn’t be contained in a single episode. In part one we learn all about Antigonus’ parenting style, horrible dad jokes, and we finally, FINALLY deal with those pesky Silver Shields. Plus, Meredith regrets being an organ donor.  

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You’ve waited with bated breath, but he’s here! It’s POLYPERCHON! What happens when you give control of a massive empire to a mediocre commander who tries way too hard? And if everyone already knows you’re a disappointment, can you ever really let them down? We answer these questions and more on today’s episode! Brought to you by a professional wrestling interview that totally happened and the letter “S” (for obviousssss reassssons...

Well, we learned a lot in this episode! First, being the son of a king may not be as awesome as you’d think. Sure, you get the royal treatment, but you never know when someone might throw you in a dungeon for no reason. Second, you can squeeze water from a stone, but it kind of hurts. Third, toy commercials can be dark. Fourth, Dustin learns not to sit so close to the mic. Come hear the story of Alexander IV!

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Come hear about the best boy, the most betrayed boy, the most beloved boy! Hear the tales of the Greek who eats adversity for breakfast and treats treachery like it was just a sneeze! He can make scrambled eggs from a rock! He can make a horse run on a treadmill without even using the treadmill! He’s loyal to the end! He will call you a moron if you betray him! He’s right about everything but no one ever listens! He’s Eumenes of Ca...

AND WE'RE BACK! Took long enough, didn't it? How easily a few weeks turned into five months. But to pay back your patience, we've got a treat for you: It's a double-whammy!!!! Not one, not three, not five and-a-half, but TWO rulers for you in this episode! Plus all kinds of new stuff! New music, new degrees, new cats, new apartments, guest stars, monster truck rallies, and so much more! But still the same whacky, backstabbing Helle...

Remember when we posted the first episodes on a weekly basis? Pepperidge Farm remembers...

But seriously, the winter season brings food, festivities, and (for those of us working in education) a lot of work to catch up on! So right when we realized we were starting to average a month between episodes, we decided that it might be best for us to take a step back, catch our breath, and come back stronger (and sillier) than ever. Even ...

Well, it took long enough! Today's episode is about the joy of old age, rebellions, sound effects, and (most importantly) love. Antipater's episode isn't as shocking as Perdiccas' antics, but maybe someone gets their tongue cut out. Plus, we tell you why you shouldn't throw rocks at people walking outside your city and why poison should only be carried in a horse's hoof. 

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It took a while, but here we are: our first successor, Perdiccas! This episode has it all, even though Perdy didn’t last very long. We’ve got elephants, crocodiles, rebellion, marriage proposals (and rejections!), body snatching, eco-friendly footwear, and a little more rebellion for good measure. Plus Dustin reveals a dark, life-long secret to Meredith. All of this and more as we investigate whether or not Perdiccas rises up to th...

We have arrived at Alexander the Great (or is he?)! How can you rank the successors without setting the standard with the man himself? In part one we follow him from young prince to his time in Egypt, where he makes a shocking discovery about his father.

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