October 19, 2021 • 55 mins
Area 51 intern accidentally lets the alien escape;
mosquitos!;
A gardener in the north of England, hates his colleagues.
Learn more about your ad-choices at https://www.iheartpodcastnetwork.com
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:02):
Welcome back to another episode of Alchemy. This I'm your
guests called Stratton filling for KP for. It's gonna be
a little stretcher, guys, so let's eat everybody this. First up,
it's Craig Kowski. Greg. I saw that you just went
to the brand new Academy Museum. I also went there
last week. What do you think? Uh, it's pretty amazing.
(00:26):
I mean they have rosebud, which, uh, I guess I
shouldn't spoil what that is, but it's it's a famous
object from a famous movie. But uh, I would reveal
the end of the movie if I told you exactly
what it is. A rosebud? Is there? Uh? Three po
and R two are there? Uh? Yeah? I mean is
that is that C three C three p? Yeah? Yeah?
(00:52):
But why is so formal like his friends just going
three poss not? Like I thought, it was pretty impressive,
especially when you get to the costumes section that then
goes into that. It was like they have shares big
Oscar dress it's infamous there and Bob Mackie dress. Yeah.
I got a membership. So so Chris, I can take
you and I'll explain what everything is. Yes, I bought
(01:16):
that like right when the shutdown was starting, and I
was like, why don't I just buy this? I don't
know when this thing's gonna open, but finally did. It's
definitely really cool. So if you're in l I check
that out. Next up, James Ceney. James, what's a weird
fact that you know? Okay, I don't know if I
should say it out loud, but let's just say I
(01:36):
won't give a lot of information, but I will say this.
I was part of the team that worked on the
piping for a police station's jail, and this is a
weird thing. I was in charge of making sure that
the hot water returned from the hot water heater wouldn't
go above a certain temperature because if it does, they
(01:58):
could purposely burn something. And I'm not qualified to be
a piping person, but I do know cat editing because
of video games. So that's a word fact about me,
like got me the job because I feel like this
person would get in a lot of trouble and I
feel like this jail would probably be like, we can't
(02:19):
trust this work anymore. You can trust the work. I've
followed the instructions. It's just like a video game, is
the official title Piping Person. Well, what it was is
I was taking There was blueprints that were on paper
and all I was doing was copying those pipes to
be in three D cat editing, and it had to
have the right pipe pieces and had to have it
(02:41):
all in the right position because they were building it.
I don't know if the text comes down at the bottom,
but I hope that doesn't. Don't say that name out loud,
but that is the name. I feel like it's redundant
to say a weird fact about James. He that does
it itself a fact. Next up, Jackie Gonzalez de Rothie. Jackie,
(03:05):
if you were asked to do something for twenty four
hours straight for charity, what would you choose to do?
And you can't choose sleeping? Don't the amazing? If I
could do that, um for twenty four hours straight, what
I could do and enjoy doing? Sure? Or just would do?
(03:26):
I would like play games. I would play tarades, I
would play board games. I would I would do a
twenty four hour game, Jackie. On November six at Life
is Happening, where you played twenty four hours of games.
So technically they're supposed to be video games, but you
could play charades for twenty four hours from I could
do video games too. I love Mario's like picturing the sharades.
(03:51):
You know, Oh god, another movie that, Yeah, that would
be good. Chris Alvarado, Chris, what's one thing that never
fails to cheer you up? Um? Probably the stories that
Jackie posts on her Instagram. She'll she'll, I mean, some
(04:11):
of it's her own content, very I love that, but
a lot of it she'll just take the time at
it for day to post, like a monkey giving a
dog a hug or something like that. That ship feels good.
It's surprising how good that feels. And I think that's
how the that's how social media should be used, you know,
just like that, a little injection of joy. You also also, James,
(04:34):
do you have any idea what the object is? The
rosebud object? You don't have to site. I'm pretty sure
it's from the cartoon Alice in Wonderland. It's the uh
my guesses it's a white rosebud at the end, and
it's before it's painted. But I don't know, and I
don't want to spoil, but all the roses get painted red.
They're not grown red. Pretty close just a coffee sweetener
(05:01):
on the table and pulp fiction anyways, uh, last of
Joey Greer. Joey, I've heard you gotta beat Poetry special
coming out? Can he gives a little taste, you know
what I did? And then I got the rug pulled
out underneath me, and all the producers just bailed. Apparently
we couldn't get the money in time. And I told him,
I was like, look, we don't got to do it
(05:21):
for big budget, all right, Like the whole point of
the project is just to get the poetry out there.
I don't need know this. But they wanted flame throwers,
they wanted they wanted flame chairs, they wanted flame the ceilings,
and it was just like so it was too much.
I was like, that's too much, and we couldn't get
the permits for the flames, and then everything kind of
fell through. Before that, not to mention, there was like
a whole issue with transport and there was like this,
(05:44):
there was actually a piping issue. I don't want to
get a can't it was a jail system, there was it,
but it doesn't don't say where it was. You could
have just retitled your special from Joey Greer spits fire.
That's why they wanted all the pyrotechnics. God, there you go. Alright,
let's do a damn show, shall we. All of our
(06:04):
scene suggestions are gathered from listeners, emails, or from our
Patreon v I p s. To become a Patreon supporter
of the show and enjoy exclusive content and other perks,
just head on over to Patreon dot com slash alchemy this.
You'd like to submit a scene suggestion via email, please
write to the podcast at our new email address, Alchemy
this email at gmail dot com. That's Alchemy this dot com.
(06:30):
Scene one is from listener Kale, who wrote, Hey, Alchemy
this team, hope you're all staying safe. I'm always excited
for Tuesdays and Thursdays when the newest episode arrives in
the feed. You're all easily my favorite improv team. Suggestion
Area fifty one. Intern accidentally lets the alien escape all
the best kaleh it seems like everything in the fridge
(06:51):
is labeled. Are we not allowed to eat anything out
of here? No? Um, well yeah, you can't eat anything
with the label on it. See everything. Problem is, I
brought my own food, but there's there's no room to
put my lunch in there. Most even the shelves are labeled,
and the shelves are labeled for different people in the tent. Right,
(07:14):
So we've got our scientists, we've got our computer graphics.
They each have their own shelves. Um, your first intern,
we just don't have a shelf for you yet yet.
It's just that I've got milk in my lunch box. Interrupt,
there's your coffee. I just want to check on those
computer graphics, making sure they're up to up to part.
(07:34):
Oh absolutely, yes, Um, fantastic, I'll show you right here.
D Oh, it's cool. And then so this is being
projected outside of every fifty ones compound. Correct? People think
it's just some kind of defunct amusement park. Is that Yeah,
it's kind of like one division. Um, we're in. Um.
(07:54):
I actually only watched the first three episodes, but I
get it. Um, do you really want to know? I'm asking.
I'm so sorry. It's just that you're an intern and
this seems like I'm and I'm a marveling And I
will show you how I do all of the computer
(08:17):
graphics for our projection. Heck, globe, I'm gonna go find
somewhere to put my lunchbox. So I actually stopped watching
it because I wasn't laughing, and because of thirty minutes,
I thought I should be, And so I just don't
want the Sorry, Elizabeth, Paul, bad news, we're not gonna
(08:41):
go for season two. Evidently didn't test well an Area
fifty one. I'm so sorry. I know you guys thought
it'd be great to explore the characters further. But we're
going to end it here, we we what's what? What's
the issue? Well, you know, most of America really enjoyed
the show, but the numbers came back from Area fifty
(09:01):
one and it's just didn't play well. There, didn't play well,
and as you know, they fund most of the Marvel projects,
and uh, Daddy's not happy. You know, this is disappointing.
I'm going to be honest with you. I'm sorry, Paul.
I mean, you were great in the role. I mean,
it was great that we finally bring you back. But
you know, but I mean it was it's a thirty
(09:24):
minute show. Were they not laughing? Well, no, that was
the problem. They stopped laughing. And I know that if
they just made it to episode four, when the format
really changed. They said it became more marvel e and
they would have liked it, but maybe three was too
many to do. Kind of straight up, you know, you know,
I'm laughing at cranky anchors a f V. Really any
(09:49):
kind of prank show like that kind of thing, like
that's like what I want to see. So you just
do you want me to get rid of the coffee?
Or I just thought you wanted to. Hey, hi, oh
you must be new. I'm just it's kind of chilly
in here. I was trying to put my lunch box
(10:11):
in here. It looks downright cold. Sure, yeah, yeah, I
live here. So dark, it's so dark in there. I
can't I can't quite. Oh can you come? Holy sh it,
Oh my god, you look like you're sick. No, this
is just the way we look. Just they caged you
(10:32):
up in here like an animal. You know. In my galaxy,
I'm a doctor, really, yeah, an actual And just because
I have slime dripping from my face, they think I'm
some kind of animal. Oh no, you're a chiropractor in
our galaxy. Okay, let he's him, But my real name, yes, Tolerber. Yeah,
(11:05):
and actually in our galaxy, I am a doctor. Okay, okay,
but still I wear I have clients, I have my
own office. So that's something. What do you what do
you got in that bag? Oh? This is I got milk.
I've got it's a ham and we got milk. Shut up? Good?
Can we can we have some of that milk? I
(11:28):
it's really just like a single carton. It doesn't it
wouldn't single We take we take a drop of it?
Just I mean, listen, you know you better put that
thing away. It's gonna go bad anyway. So hope, perhaps, yeah,
that was the problem I had. Um, can I just
get a link a lick of my milk? Jackass? I
really like that one. I wish they'd great that one back. Hey, wait,
(11:53):
have you seen my intern? Sorry? Sorry? Sorry sorry? I
U gosh, let's up. Maybe we should get to work, Paul.
So does this mean word like through or I mean
that's that's the case that Marvel movies use alien and
(12:15):
uh and US enforces technology. I mean, I mean, if
we don't have that blessing, we can't make the show. Paul.
I mean, are we through? Are we? Are we a thing?
Are we not? Wow? I'm very embarrassed. I'm very embarrassed
because I'm married to Jennifer Connolly and I'm Elizabeth right right, dude,
(12:42):
I'm telling you man, all right, I've been seeing this
stupid amusement parks just like run down by my house.
Like all the time I was up by was pretty
far out there. You know, I live in the stick car. Look,
we just go in there, all right. We can tag
it up, all right, and then once we get our
tags down, we'll be able to hit up all the cities. Man,
you know what I mean? Perfect though, right, Yeah, you
(13:03):
get down, get down to the plane. Get get down,
pie hype. There's a plane. Dude. Holy shit, that guy
think came fast. It was like totally like dark and
creepy looking. Yeah, dude, I know we've seen a plane
like that before. Man, what the heck was that? I
don't know, brot. Just my day just got amped up,
you know, dude. Have you seen Independence Day? Oh? My god,
(13:25):
I wouldn't, haven't. I I love that movie. Man, It's
just like it's still realistic. Way dude, I hate it.
Milk has been ingested strength building. How are you feeling alright? Man?
I'm all right, yeah, I feel good like I feel
(13:46):
you hear. My voice is changing. I'm feeling. Yeah, we
really gotta like that. Don't drink all that milk when
that is fuel for our ship. All right, we gotta
make sure that we use to get the hell out
of here. I think I'm drinking the ship. Can these bars? Now?
I don't want that? What's the play? Sure, Mayber, I'm
just saying we need a ship, can get us out
of here. Take a lick, Take a lick. I'm not
gonna what do you mean dr to Lerber isn't in.
(14:10):
I've had this appointment for two galaxy years. Mhm um
he uh, he has been abducted. This always happens under
my h m oh, well, you've got to get a
better system then. Indeed. Um, I mean, look, it's just
(14:34):
a check up. But I've discovered these mysterious seventeen lumps
on my gortax, and I don't I'm a little concerned. Well,
I'm only a receptionist. I can't diagnose your dor text,
But I mean, limps can be attractive. Did not look
at it that way? Just I'll cancel all future equipments. Then,
(14:56):
thank you. You've opened my eyes. Uh theoretically, I mean,
I didn't do a lot of research on this. Company.
But we aren't like a nefarious company, are we? Like?
What what did I? What am I? This is a
college credit, right, it's definitely college credit. We want paying you,
(15:17):
that's for sure. We got around some some some laws,
like through a loophole that way, because technically we should
be paying for work. But because it's a college credit,
whether you're enrolled in college or not, as long as
you say yes to the college credit, we cannot pay you,
which is awesome for us. So if you just I
just I found I found something when I was looking
(15:39):
for a place from my lunchbox, like inspirations. I don't
I don't. I don't know how long you've worked here,
and I don't know how deep this goes. And I
don't know if you're a bad person. But they're keeping
people locked up in a dark cold room. Yeah, I
had to give him. I had to give him something
to drink. I felt bad. Wait, first of all, we
(16:03):
keep we've been keeping people locked up in dark cold
rooms for centuries, and how we keep law in order. Right,
if you have something bad, there is a punishment, and
even if even if for a Disney bird, these were doctors,
well one was a doctor and the other was a
kind of know if you watched Oh what was that
(16:23):
show called? I kind of liked it. I watched the
first half and then I looked on Wikipedia for the ending,
the one with Nicole Kidman and Hugh and Hugh Grant
where he's a doctor but he does real bad things.
Do you see that? All? We just gotta protect this ship.
That's it, you know. And one comes there and man,
kick anyone's ass, you know what I mean? No one's
getting on this ship ship. You know, Like, shouldn't you
(16:48):
like have your issue gun with you? Oh? Where did
I put it? You mean my hands? Yeah? I got
a gun, zombie man. All right, I'm gonna leave the
weapon through and through I mean just because you have
a gun on your beltics, I mean you have to
use it. You could still use your hands. I touch it.
All personnel has escaped. The asset has escaped. Fuck are
(17:14):
you coming with me or not? That we don't have
any fuel, man, we're the We gotta find more fucking
mind the fuel. Now, I'm you want to cut you
open and just start draining your milk. But no, no,
let's get to the ship and I'll stick my cortex
into the capacitor. Jesus. Man, you're a chiropress. You don't
know this goddamn ship works. Jesus, get here. You want
(17:35):
to hang out here for the rest of your life?
Of course not. Man. Look, we gotta go to the
kitchen or some kind of like spacefal they have the food.
We gotta find that milk and then we can get
to the ship. All right, dude, I'm telling you, my
cortex is full of milk. Jesus, full of milk. You're
a doctor. You can extract the milk from my cortex,
for sure. That's but you would die. Man. I'd kill
you and don't care. I'd rather die first. Also, I
(17:57):
have bumps in my cortex. Let me see that. Holy
sh it, you got seventeen yea, seventeen bumps here. That's
you're pregnant. You're pregnant. No, yeah, oh my gosh. We
self replicate. So it's you know, no, I know, or
the moment. Let's get out of here. There's some doctor death.
(18:21):
That's a podcast. I haven't listened to it, but I
mean you get it from the title, right, huh. Yeah.
I just don't worry about the alarm. Sometimes let's go off.
I don't know something fun, go go fun. I don't
know what's gonna happen, but I know that you're gonna
die and you're but has escaped. Hey James, James, we
(18:46):
love your voice. Um, can you do something else? So
because like that, can you tell like be more specific
with the escape route or whatever. It's just it's such
a good, it's such a good. You have such a
good base to your voice, James. That is God talking
to you. M Okay, you want me to announce on
(19:07):
the intercom at area fifty one that there's an escape bro.
I just want to make sure I have this clear
because I was I don't know the blueprints. I'm sorry.
It is Dr tillerber Ben returned to the galaxy and
I just had so many replicants and my house is
(19:27):
overwhelming and I don't know what to do to stop it.
I noticed that you don't have those bumps anymore, so
you must have replicated. Yes, I replicated many a time,
and I don't have the room in my personal pod.
Let me see. Let me just look at Dr Tillerber's book. Yes,
still held captive on Earth. It says, uh for for
(19:52):
eighty years. That's earth years. So Uh so that's about
five minutes our time. Okay, well that just put me
on the book for whenever you can fit me in,
and hopefully my offspring will have not eaten me at
that point. Okay, good luck with that. Thank you. Are
you drinking all the milk? Stop drinking all the damn milk? Man?
(20:17):
I feel fucking great. I feel good. I feel like
I could actually get a medical degree. That's great. Let's
let's keep that inspiration. That's actually really good. But look,
let's find that we need some courtons for a few
of the craft. Let's get to the craft. I just
need a gallon of milk and then I'll get us
there and the doors locked here, let's just yeah, oh
(20:39):
my god, oh my god. It's by no no, no, no no, no, no. Okay,
do you know what this is. He's a chiropractor. That's
a that's Dr Tolerbert. Uh, he's a doctor. I have
to believe it because I'm only case at a computer
(21:01):
the whole day every day. I know nothing else. Okay,
I always the orange juice. Man, Is there any milk? Yeah?
Is there any milk around here? Uh? You guys had
the only carton that I brought in my lunch box
in this entire area. Well, we have a cheese. Each
(21:24):
of the shelves is labeled and which Sorry don't know
if our security clearance allows us to use the brake room.
But Paul Bettany and Elizabeth Olsen, stars of One Division,
we love you, respectively. Thank you, thank you? Are you?
Are you in extraterrestrial? About any chance you got me? Yeah? Yeah, yeah, yeah,
(21:50):
you got any milk on chance? Milk? No? No, I'm
I'm on a non dairy thing Marvel's request, yes, apple
juice man, can you take me to the mark refrigerator? Me? Yeah, mate,
Paul Bettny okay, great, great good. Yeah. Look I could
also just kill you like that, and I don't want
(22:12):
to do that. Well sorry, a hold on and reverse
everything lies on you. You have full liability. What fucked
up company? A little bit? Is that? Is that? That's
our first scene. Vision will return and ant Man and
(22:33):
dr to Lerber. Let's do our second see Jelley. It's
from listener patroon Double v I P Katherine Waiser, who wrote, Hey,
Kevin and Phillow Maniacal improvisers, just now around sundown. I
was out weeding in my yard and pondering this late
summer scene suggestion. Mosquitoes. As always, thanks for all the gufas,
(22:55):
Catherine and Tusson. You better, you better sprayed on, you better?
Right on thick now that's true. Yes, you do thick
thick because you know there should be a there should
be a clear film on your skin. When you touch
your skin, your fingers should just slide right off. That's it.
(23:16):
That's how you know that. That's enough. Most people don't
put on enough bus right, I mean one can should
only take up about a quarter of your body. So
I hate the way it smells. Well, you're gonna hate
getting stuff by God damn mosquito and getting injected whatever
God damn poison it has. You know, it's an alien,
you know that, right, Mosquitoes are God aliens. You know,
imagine getting west now you would hate that. You would
(23:37):
hate getting Some people don't at that. That's horrible. Would
you hate? It's just none of the other kids have
to slather on as much as this. None of the
other kids are as beautiful and caring as you. None
of the other kids names are Jeremiah Jenkins, well except
for Jeremiah Jenkins in the sixth grade, but none of
the other kids in your greater named Jeremiah Jenkins. It's
(24:00):
just that when we play Capture the Flag or Hide
and Seek, it's very easy for them to use their
set to smell to find me, you know, because the
smell of the boy. Am I thirsty? Are you thirsty? Game? Game? Oh? God?
(24:23):
I am so thirsty? Do you smell some Jenkins in
the air? I smell some Jenkins. Do you smell Jenkins?
Six Squad Jenkins or Fourth Square Jackens? I mean it's
a little musty up, but he'll get stronger we follow.
I wouldn't mind some more, but sure blood they should
(24:44):
give it a shot. Either that or we can, you know,
stop by the Squito's casino on the way back and
get a drinking here. But were to get it? Now?
Do I do love that casino? Can Jeremy come out
and play? Can Jeremiah come out and play? Jeremy to
think to think about this? Well, don't wait ti long
(25:06):
because we're picking teams and Jeremiah is great. What game
are you playing? Because if it's football, then no, no, okay,
if it's Red Rover then no. He's got very weak risks.
Can you come up, babe? Yeah, just hiding behind the door. Hi, okay,
(25:35):
and there they go. So, what what game is he playing?
I heard, I heard a couple of knows. I don't
know a game. We're probably gonna make one up. Okay,
let's do right now, We're gonna make it up. Yeah,
we have to know. We have to know. Is it
a contact spoort, is it non contact s board? Is
he gonna be allowed or is he not going to
be allowed? Mm hmm um. Well, well, it's a game
(25:55):
where you just say, nice thing. Are you wearing mosquito sprat? No?
Oh my gosh, okay, okay, all right, that's okay, we
gotta okay, okay, push Why are you pushing me out
the door because you okay, you're attracting mosquitoes? Thank you
very much. There, it's easy to watch, it's easy. Look
how many are on you? That's the whole like, look
(26:17):
how many amelia on you that you could just do that.
It's so many food that you were done before when
it took you so long to think of the game.
I have to be on. My dad's a chiropractice. It
doesn't help, doesn't help what she's trying to say. That
doesn't help. What she's trying trying to say is you
build an immunity. If you let them all bite you
(26:38):
a bunch, then you're you're almost like become half mosquito.
And it's fine. That's I'm gonna throw up. I'm gonna
throw up. That is half a mosquito. You're doubling down, bartender.
Can I get a Can I get a human blood?
A human blood for my friend, to human bloods coming
(26:58):
right in any else? One for you don't live to you?
He the casino seems kind of dead today. What's going on? Oh,
it's just sarly you guys waiting around, and it'll be
happening in just a few I don't know, a few hours. Well,
there's no time at a casado, right, Well, unfortunately this
(27:19):
is while there's no time inside of here. People don't
typically show up at nine. Yeah, all right, well I
have a I have a three day life's bad, okay,
So i'd like to I'd like to get something happening. Look,
you see in there, that's where all the mosquitoes live.
And if we just threw a rocket it, or we
(27:41):
stepping out with their feet and then we ran away,
that could be a fun game, or we could play straight, right, Like,
I know that that's fun. I don't know if this
is throwing your rock is fun. I know the shrades
is fun. I'm very good at guessing. I think that
just throw a rock at the mosquito thing? What are
(28:03):
what the hell are you kids doing in the woods?
The old man, this is my here, this is my
mosquito farm. Hell you doing? What do you need some mosquitoes?
Well it's it's American, it's my god giving right to
farm this land. Alright, what do you do with that rock?
(28:23):
Holding it? Plan tarades? These are mosquito bites, idiots. I'm
becoming half mosquito. That's a true thing, right, that's a
real thing. Absolutely, Look at me. I'm about a hundred
two bumps away from being skeeter myself. Why do you
want to be half? Well, you idiot? If you never
(28:45):
wanted to fly before? I need? This is? What do
you do? That's to uh young bachelors doing here at
the casinos? Hello? What what brings you to this uh
pond of stagnant water? Well, I just wanted to see
(29:07):
if there's a thing happening. You know, you have such
a short life, sped what are the big Can I
have a blood bird TV? Please? When getting in? How
many eggs can you lay? Out of time? Will be? Uh?
Sixty plus sixty plus? Okay? All right? Terrible at this?
(29:36):
You think I want to learn in the four hours
the've been alive? Uh? What do you do? You prefer
rock throwing or sharades? Oh you're so cute, dude. I'm
gonna cut to it. Let's let's reproduce, all right? Can
we reproduce? You want to reproduce with me? That's gonna
(29:57):
be sixty blood pieces. Oh, your professor, You can't make
that transaction at this bar. You got to go to
the tables. I'd rather stay. That's the stagnant water. Jeremiah,
come in, Jeremiah. Can you hear me? Yeah? I can
(30:17):
hear you. You gotta okay, Yeah, I can hear you.
I'm in my closet. Okay, but you gotta do the noise.
Oh I don't know if you're on the walkie talkie
or not. Oh. Sorry, it's just I don't I just
it's just why your parents keep you locked up. I'm
(30:38):
turning into a mosquito. What are you not wearing? Spray? On?
Contrary my friend on the contrary, and if you keep
wearing the spray, well, we can't be friends. I'm lacked here.
They won't even let me come down because somebody was
(31:00):
down there and told him that we were going to play.
I don't know. They must a light or something. They
told me, I'm not a lot to leave my room.
I came what you weren't wearing. Oh that makes a
lot of sense. Look, it's not just me, it's Tiffany too.
You guys are both turning in mosquitoes. Yeah. She's in
(31:22):
a weird process though, because she got bit so much
that now she's taking a nap. I think it's I
think something. I think she's becoming a mosquito faster than me. Now.
I know my parents are very strict, but they seem
to think that that many mosquito whites is dangerous. Are
you sure that maybe they might be spart on this one?
(31:43):
Absolutely not. My dad's a chiropractor, sweetie. Did you hear
that one of Jeremiah's classmates died? Yeah, Tiffany break through malaria.
I know it's insane, That's what I'm saying. We have
to spray spray, spray, spray spray. They thick, thick exactly.
There has to be a clear film over your body.
(32:04):
It just doesn't make any sense. I just feel like,
if he doesn't want to listen, that's not that's that
hurts me. Now think if it companies any council members
and members of the community. Now, obviously there is a
situation here, yea, we gotta get rid of that goddamn
man in the woods. All right, he's farming mosquitoes. It's
that guy's fault. Well, he's part of the community, and
(32:27):
we're gonna take a vote. Do we want to embrace
the mosquito community, let them build out their casinos, their
whorehouses and whatnot, or do we dump a thick, thick
spray on this entire community. I would honestly bring back
DDT to get rid of these mosquitoes. We're not even
considering Zeka. There are so many. Okay here, there are
(32:50):
mosquitoes here who get to speak as well. They don't
make taxes, they only live for three days. What you
have the you have the four mosquitoes, thank you. I'm
a bartender's at the Mosquito Casito in the in the
bog area, and I just want to say that it's
(33:11):
not fair that you want to get rid of us. Don't.
Somebody's murdering us in the crowd. Stop it. Someone just
beat me, So I don't know what you want me
to do. We're just feeding that. That was me. I
just beat you. Hey, Hey, comry man, Hey, what's up man? Sorry?
The mosquitoes were here long before men were here, and
(33:31):
we think it's only right that we have rightful ownership
of the lab. Okay, sounds pretty good to me. So
I want to make a claim here to say the
earth is only two thousand years old. Alright, I'm gonna
say the earth is alright, Rick, like every week, we
(33:52):
have that on the record. That is, you say that
if you just give us a mosquito district, we can
stick to that, and then everybody could be happy, because
if you don't, my good friend babe here just got
malaria from a professional and he might want to spread it.
If you see what I'm saying. Malaria Okay, relaxed, relaxed, Okay,
(34:18):
So Mosquito district. Okay, that's not a bad idea. Think
it's a good compromise. Let's just wait it out that
the thing will die in three days. Just wait it out.
How many? How many eggs can you lay? Typically me, Yeah,
well I'm a I'm a male male, but skin my
(34:39):
name is Gabe. I'll take two shots of a negative.
Uh and whatever this guy wants? Okay, when they negative?
And what do you want? Pal? They always try to
be positive. It's just serious. Do you really wants really
(35:02):
do what? Why ain't negative? You know you know that
they're freaking they're exterminating us tomorrow. It's just over. It's
just over. I don't want anybody talking bummer talking my
casino baroque. Hey, you do whatever I want with my
last day. If I want to drink myself into a
freaking Kobe, I could do that. If I want to
(35:25):
talk negative, I can do that. Fine. Here's here, here's
your drinks. You're gonna find lonely company. I'm sure be positive.
A guy isn't gonna want to hear you talk about
doom and glue gives me right on my mouth. Bartender,
(35:46):
there's no way I'm gonna kiss. I take this shot.
I'm not gonna take the shot, and I really want
to take the shot. And after the shot, I want you.
I mean, you just bought a drink for this fella here.
You want me to kiss you right in the left
a little kidder. I don't know that. And then after
I take well, I was talking, I like that. Take
(36:09):
it on, Diddy, Thank you all for coming. Jeremiah Jenkins
was a con sweet boy who unfortunately passed away the
first time he was allowed out to play. Oh my god,
nobody your jackens four? That's sixth grader six or fourth grader? Who?
Which one? Oh you know I didn't. Uh. Forensic hasn't
(36:30):
come back with the grade level of the body, so
I'm not sure if does. Anybody who wants to say
a few words human osquito or now would be the
time to do so I'll say something. Um, I guess
I'm gonna have to. I'll be jumping from the fourth
and sixth grader because I don't know which one. It
was lost to us, But for the fourth grade Jenkins,
(36:58):
it's like jump kank Jesus Christ. Sorry, man, you just
had a beautiful piece of skin right there. I just
couldn't resist myself. God just pinched the back of my arm. Man.
And that's a second scene, y'all. Oh that poor boy.
(37:24):
Our third scene, scene three is from Listener Joe, who
wrote Hello Kevin and the Gang, thank you all for
making my work life bearable. I truly believe you are
excellent at what you do. Even if my wife is this,
she doesn't get it. I am a gardener in the
North of England and I hate my colleagues. Luckily, a
lot of my work involves the use of ear defenders,
(37:45):
so I get to listen to you guys instead of
the incessant bollocks they talk. Here's my suggestion. A gardener
somewhere in the North of England hates his colleagues because
they're all our souls. Thanks again, Anonymous Joe. So I
finally said, or said, the only way we're gonna get
it is that we'll make it away famous messing up.
(38:07):
She's not even always christ the bloody Governor, and I
always going all my let's say, oh, don't let me
take off my headphones. I think that they were muffling
up your sound a bit. I couldn't really think I
was saying, is it right? You can just repeat it? Now?
Let me repeat everything I just bloody said because you
(38:30):
listen stand you with my headphone. So Fuco fuck Bushes,
w Aldis Dandies cook sent them almost look like bollocks.
What's going on? But fucking working on it? Oh? You know,
I dodn't look like I says. I've got a chatter
and not much planning. You know, you show there's some chatter. Chatter,
(38:53):
shatter like fucking talking, cheese like cheese cheddar, Look, just
get his player by four pm. I'm going to come
back and check the work, all right, father? Can I
go outside and talk to the gardeners? Please? Father, talk
to me. Put your pipe down, put the paper down,
and just look at me. Why would you want to
(39:15):
talk to the help boy? I feel like I can
learn something from them. There are another class, yeah dead.
Have you ever read read the Books to Dartha by him? Yes?
I kind of feel like Dartha. Really. I feel like
(39:39):
you're protecting me from the evils of the world. But
the evils of the world is the world, and perhaps
I should be among them. So you think a religion
should be based around your life, that's the that's how
egocentric you are or something or something. Book my first child,
(40:02):
it's seventy two years old. I don't know very much
time left on this earth, and I've got to make
my way through all the books in this library, and
you're disturbing me. Son, I'm sorry, So yes, if you'd
like to go out and play with the gardeners, honey, Uh,
(40:24):
do you mind if I go out and talk to
the gardeners. They are out there working so hard. I
want to bring them tea? Oh Hi, Son, Hi, step mom, bamby,
So like, I'm going to go out and bring the
gardener's tea if that's okay. Oh look how it comes
that fucking yankee weird boy and his god damn plastic mother. Hi, Hi, Hello,
(40:55):
what's going on? I wanted to introduce my son to
you guys. I don't know if you guys have gotten
a chance to meet him. These not blood I've never
had a baby. He's trying to say with that, but
IM just saying. I'm just saying, he is this lippt
in tea? Is this ship? Drink this shot? It's all
(41:20):
the road you've come to our play now? All the
road pig tips are road. I'm so sorry. I'm from America.
I don't know what that word is. Cold. You bring
some fucking biscuits or something. We're hungry, you know? Could
I work with you guys today, little babysitt. No, you
(41:44):
don't need a babysit me. I'm old enough to take
care of myself and I can. I'm a hard worker.
Wow are you? You hold yourself to be a little older,
but you sound like a child. They won't tell me
exactly what you meant covering your ear, Cover your ears,
Cover your ears. He's thirteen. He can't work for you, guys,
(42:05):
that's too young. Okay, No, he's nice. I mean he's
I know he's I We're giving we're having an age reveal. Okay,
we're gonna have an age reveal for him. It's gonna
gonna he's gonna think. You know what the problem is.
It's like, I'm only I'm only nineteen a right up. Look,
(42:32):
here's the situation. I'm an eighty five year old man
married to a nineteen year old woman. I sawed a
child the first time when I was seventy two. His
mother died in childbirth, and I then married an even
younger woman and uh and then relocated to the North
of England, where I have an extensive library. Also, biography
(42:57):
is going to need to be longer. I mean, it's
I'm writing it, but you know, we're going to do
our best with these words. But why not. I mean
that that's a pretty straightforward autobiography. If you get the
job done in five pages, why not do it. It's
more like a pamphlet. Fine, fine, then we'll put it
out as a pamphlet. Well, we'll print two copies. Uh,
(43:17):
my my son is having an age reveal party, so
all right, okay, we just check this out. So all
right until I have malaria on the next little thing here?
What is this pamphlet? Okay? Interesting? What the fuck? Uh?
Excuse me? Um, I'm sorry. I have an appointment with
(43:41):
with the chiropractor in a little bit. But just looking
at some of the pamphlets you have here accessible to
the patients in the waiting room. Um, and uh, this
is just a strange one. Um about an eighty four
year old man. I don't order the pamphlets. Is this
like a health issue or what is it? What is
this supposed to be preventing or making me a I
don't know. I think that one is more of like
(44:02):
a straight up biography. But I think a lot of
these are more like with chiropractic and uh, you know,
lower back pain. Okay, So this has to do with
lower back when you're saying, I'm saying that one probably
not so much. But you know, sometimes when we buy
our pamphlets, they'll throw in, you know, like some newer
stuff that they're just trying to unload. You know, wait
(44:24):
a second, so that's a hard work day. Mates. Now
that we're mates, I was wondering if one I can
have one of those cigarettes, and two if you three
want to come to my age revealed party tonight. I mean,
I'll definitely give you a cigarette. I don't know if
I want to go to a third and year old party.
(44:45):
My it's okay, Look, maybe next week we can convince
your parents to give you a name revealed party. Gee,
I thought I thought I was in my thirties. At
least a right is a cigarette? My alright? I think
(45:08):
he's done for us to fuck off. So no, no,
we're mates now, right, I mean we work together, you
know it's not yeah, it's all do you forty three? Howl?
Are you forty three? And you? What the are you? Sorry?
(45:37):
I got a legal fucking yeah. I gotta bring home
the quick, all right, we gotta offload these pamphlets. Okay,
I don't give a ship. Just stuff them in with whatever. Okay,
we got too many of these kind pamphlets. Just just
just ship them with wherever. Just ship them with wherever. Okay, Okay,
they're just doing really good with any of the other
materials that we have. I mean, we have got a
(45:59):
lot of health material and then I don't know this
is this is a biography, I know, just stuff it in.
Just we gotta move it. Okay, it can't sit here,
all right. If it's sits here, it costs awesome money.
There's only two hundred of them. I don't think it
would be that hard to get rid of them. Oh
you think that, you think? Okay, okay, you're my fucking editor. Okay,
(46:20):
you're not my friend. You work for me. You're telling
me that I didn't make the New York Times best
Selling list because a fucking pamphlet did. We'll think about this, okay,
think about the popularity of Britain and the fact that
it was so Popular's a book and then now it's
a TV show and people are into pamphlets. People are
into pamphlets. I don't follow that logic, Pam, Well, that's
(46:42):
because you haven't read the books or seen the show,
which makes you one in a million because most of
America has, which is why you didn't make the cut
this year. Now what are you going to do to
make it? I don't know. I guess a flyer perhaps, Yeah.
If people want shorter things, the attention span is smaller,
(47:02):
they want a thumbnail something quick, Pam, I didn't mean
that thing about not being friends. Now this is amazing.
Now everyone has seen your flyer. It's in every sttle,
single city, silly city. I can't even speak. I'm so excited. Ken,
What was the impetus? How did you create this flyer?
I mean it's it's so good. I think, like a
(47:23):
lot of humans, I had a need. I had a
need and then wanted to satisfy that need, as you
could tell by the little perforated things the bottom of
this flyre right, you can pull one of those for
guitar lessons, Yes, for guitar lessons. And it's a it's
a story. It's the human story. Thank you very much.
(47:44):
What do you say to people who say they can't
they couldn't get I'm sorry you don't get to ask
questions on my show. Are you serious? We work in
the same work you have your show. Father. I can't
believe you're on your deathbed. I only knew you for
(48:04):
a short amount of time. I never got to read
all the books in the library. I'll READTHM for you.
They're too long, they're too long. Why why can't they
all be flyer or pamphlet size? You know, I'm so young.
I have my whole life to read books and be
just like you. You're thirteen. I'm sorry you had to
(48:27):
find out that way. It's okay, Gif. If I can
return to full strength, we'll have a name revealed party
later this week. Your name would be nice father. When
you die, I can Can I kiss Bamby? Can you
(48:49):
kiss Bamby? Maybe you should get your rest? Maybe you
should just get your rest. Whis Bamby? Sorry? Love, he's
got a tend to him. He's got a tend to him.
It's all right. Yeah, we might have to hill him tonight,
just a little heads up kill. Yeah, we don't know,
we don't. We'll have the spice. So yeah, just occurred
to me that my wife has a boy's name. All right, Love,
(49:12):
let's just get another pillow, fool. Yeah, you're putting it
on his face. Yeah, we might have to do it.
We just might have to do it. Goodbye, Goodbye, Spencer.
Oh I'm sorry you had to find out this way. Bye.
I love your Spencer. I love you Dad. I tried
(49:34):
the pamphlets, learn about who I was, push harder. Now
I just come back to him. Alroways so fine. Now
he loved hey gang co workers friends. So I probably
heard my dad died. Yeah, weird. We read it in
the in the New Fortune Cookie Times. It's the greatest
(49:55):
newspapers one sentence. Yeah, so you guys still gonna work here,
or like, you know, like find somewhere else to work.
Or I'm thinking about just concentrating on being a teenager
now you know, Oh that sounds cool. I can't do that.
(50:15):
I'm thinking about getting rid of my accent and becoming
like a publishing editor. Reading those pamphlets really really inspired me,
and I feel like I know what the world wants pamphlets,
pamt Yeah. I thought about taking different micro organisms, extracting
DNA sequences and maybe even making my own some kind
(50:38):
of camera like animal will plant, you know what I mean,
and creating a whole new garden of Eden for myself
and to be able to tend that big dreams over there. Yeah, yeah, big,
whatever we do, why don't we finished our job here
and get rid of this mosquito colony right on here
in this boggy area. Okay, right in this age area.
(51:01):
I thought you's a right in Bulgarian and I thought
I cannot get on another plane, the last one not
going to Bulgaria day from as we're going right here. Sorry, guys,
let me let me take off my headphones. It gets
in the middle of the communication. You know, a thing
we were showing, but I don't think I was understanding
you very well. You've got to repeat. You know I
(51:28):
cleared it up, not Bulgaria. This is it, boys. Let's
toast as we watch a community crumble. Everybody, I just
want to let you know how much I respect all
of you. I'm on my deathbed, just three days after
(51:53):
I was bored. You're about to last all the way.
This is the very bit red. Okay, that's good, that's good.
Another round of human blood for everyone, another round crash,
and that's our show, everybody, So sad uh. Let's see
(52:19):
what our alchemists are up to. You say goodbye, Craig Katkowski,
Hey Akakowski. On Twitter, see Kikowski on Instagram when it
doesn't shut down and uh, stop the world. Yeah, find
me on the social media, which is poison. Jackie gonzalas Ruthie.
(52:40):
Oh yeah, I'm at Jackie. I know I'm not Jackie. Ruthie. Um.
And at the end of this month, the most wonderful
pot of the year is starting back up, and we're
starting a little early with the Halloween surprise. UM that
I'm very excited about that. We've been talking that, we've
been teasing for some years, and so I'm very very
excited about that. If you like Christmas movies, take a listen,
(53:03):
Chris the crash at the end of that last scene
where you trying to have the aliens crash into the
bug colony the alien ship. No, that would have been
so good. That was just But if we're talking about,
you know, reveals, or would have I was helping my
name reveal party would have been I would have been
named Buddha. But you know, what are you gonna do?
(53:24):
What are you gonna do? I guess I'll just take
it from here, uncle, so you can find me'd be
comedy fixed. That's my other podcast here. Otherwise I'm eating
a bunch of pumpkin pies act for Selparado. Um. It
kind of upsets some people, which is funny, which is
funny to me. Um, But I don't want to name
names or say anything. But some people, you know, aren't
(53:44):
into the into the pumpkin cheer and that's that's their problem,
not mine. That's great, that's right, Cole. So glad you're here. Hey,
thanks James Teeney on November six, Extra dash Life dot
Org is where you go you can donate money and
it goes to the Children's Miracle Network hospitals. There's gonna
(54:05):
be tons of people doing twenty four hour gaming streams.
One of the many is going to be game Front,
So you could go to extra dash life dot org
and if you search for game Front you'll find it
and you could get involved. Also, it's a good cause.
Nice Joey career. Yeah, you know, I do think social
media is poison. I'll plug you know, alchemy this and
(54:27):
all that whatever. But and what what we all should
be doing really just going out there hunting for your
own denom, making your own denom, and just like you
gotta hunt for it, and it's just it's therapeutic. It's
nice get out in nature. Look for that. There's raw
denom everywhere everywhere. Stop paying for it. That makes sense.
I am at Cole Stratton at Stratton Cole, i'm um.
(54:50):
Whatever those social media things are, find us all a
l O. I mean that's where you kids are nowadays. Uh,
thanks so much for coming to the podcast. Yeah, let's
thank your engineering producer Doug Babe and the fine folks
at iHeart Media dot com. From please write to us
at Alchemy this email at gmail dot com. That's Alchemy
(55:15):
dot com dot com. Until next time,
Welcome back to another episode of Alchemy. This I'm your
guests called Stratton filling for KP for. It's gonna be
a little stretcher, guys, so let's eat everybody this. First up,
it's Craig Kowski. Greg. I saw that you just went
to the brand new Academy Museum. I also went there
last week. What do you think? Uh, it's pretty amazing.
(00:26):
I mean they have rosebud, which, uh, I guess I
shouldn't spoil what that is, but it's it's a famous
object from a famous movie. But uh, I would reveal
the end of the movie if I told you exactly
what it is. A rosebud? Is there? Uh? Three po
and R two are there? Uh? Yeah? I mean is
that is that C three C three p? Yeah? Yeah?
(00:52):
But why is so formal like his friends just going
three poss not? Like I thought, it was pretty impressive,
especially when you get to the costumes section that then
goes into that. It was like they have shares big
Oscar dress it's infamous there and Bob Mackie dress. Yeah.
I got a membership. So so Chris, I can take
you and I'll explain what everything is. Yes, I bought
(01:16):
that like right when the shutdown was starting, and I
was like, why don't I just buy this? I don't
know when this thing's gonna open, but finally did. It's
definitely really cool. So if you're in l I check
that out. Next up, James Ceney. James, what's a weird
fact that you know? Okay, I don't know if I
should say it out loud, but let's just say I
(01:36):
won't give a lot of information, but I will say this.
I was part of the team that worked on the
piping for a police station's jail, and this is a
weird thing. I was in charge of making sure that
the hot water returned from the hot water heater wouldn't
go above a certain temperature because if it does, they
(01:58):
could purposely burn something. And I'm not qualified to be
a piping person, but I do know cat editing because
of video games. So that's a word fact about me,
like got me the job because I feel like this
person would get in a lot of trouble and I
feel like this jail would probably be like, we can't
(02:19):
trust this work anymore. You can trust the work. I've
followed the instructions. It's just like a video game, is
the official title Piping Person. Well, what it was is
I was taking There was blueprints that were on paper
and all I was doing was copying those pipes to
be in three D cat editing, and it had to
have the right pipe pieces and had to have it
(02:41):
all in the right position because they were building it.
I don't know if the text comes down at the bottom,
but I hope that doesn't. Don't say that name out loud,
but that is the name. I feel like it's redundant
to say a weird fact about James. He that does
it itself a fact. Next up, Jackie Gonzalez de Rothie. Jackie,
(03:05):
if you were asked to do something for twenty four
hours straight for charity, what would you choose to do?
And you can't choose sleeping? Don't the amazing? If I
could do that, um for twenty four hours straight, what
I could do and enjoy doing? Sure? Or just would do?
(03:26):
I would like play games. I would play tarades, I
would play board games. I would I would do a
twenty four hour game, Jackie. On November six at Life
is Happening, where you played twenty four hours of games.
So technically they're supposed to be video games, but you
could play charades for twenty four hours from I could
do video games too. I love Mario's like picturing the sharades.
(03:51):
You know, Oh god, another movie that, Yeah, that would
be good. Chris Alvarado, Chris, what's one thing that never
fails to cheer you up? Um? Probably the stories that
Jackie posts on her Instagram. She'll she'll, I mean, some
(04:11):
of it's her own content, very I love that, but
a lot of it she'll just take the time at
it for day to post, like a monkey giving a
dog a hug or something like that. That ship feels good.
It's surprising how good that feels. And I think that's
how the that's how social media should be used, you know,
just like that, a little injection of joy. You also also, James,
(04:34):
do you have any idea what the object is? The
rosebud object? You don't have to site. I'm pretty sure
it's from the cartoon Alice in Wonderland. It's the uh
my guesses it's a white rosebud at the end, and
it's before it's painted. But I don't know, and I
don't want to spoil, but all the roses get painted red.
They're not grown red. Pretty close just a coffee sweetener
(05:01):
on the table and pulp fiction anyways, uh, last of
Joey Greer. Joey, I've heard you gotta beat Poetry special
coming out? Can he gives a little taste, you know
what I did? And then I got the rug pulled
out underneath me, and all the producers just bailed. Apparently
we couldn't get the money in time. And I told him,
I was like, look, we don't got to do it
(05:21):
for big budget, all right, Like the whole point of
the project is just to get the poetry out there.
I don't need know this. But they wanted flame throwers,
they wanted they wanted flame chairs, they wanted flame the ceilings,
and it was just like so it was too much.
I was like, that's too much, and we couldn't get
the permits for the flames, and then everything kind of
fell through. Before that, not to mention, there was like
a whole issue with transport and there was like this,
(05:44):
there was actually a piping issue. I don't want to
get a can't it was a jail system, there was it,
but it doesn't don't say where it was. You could
have just retitled your special from Joey Greer spits fire.
That's why they wanted all the pyrotechnics. God, there you go. Alright,
let's do a damn show, shall we. All of our
(06:04):
scene suggestions are gathered from listeners, emails, or from our
Patreon v I p s. To become a Patreon supporter
of the show and enjoy exclusive content and other perks,
just head on over to Patreon dot com slash alchemy this.
You'd like to submit a scene suggestion via email, please
write to the podcast at our new email address, Alchemy
this email at gmail dot com. That's Alchemy this dot com.
(06:30):
Scene one is from listener Kale, who wrote, Hey, Alchemy
this team, hope you're all staying safe. I'm always excited
for Tuesdays and Thursdays when the newest episode arrives in
the feed. You're all easily my favorite improv team. Suggestion
Area fifty one. Intern accidentally lets the alien escape all
the best kaleh it seems like everything in the fridge
(06:51):
is labeled. Are we not allowed to eat anything out
of here? No? Um, well yeah, you can't eat anything
with the label on it. See everything. Problem is, I
brought my own food, but there's there's no room to
put my lunch in there. Most even the shelves are labeled,
and the shelves are labeled for different people in the tent. Right,
(07:14):
So we've got our scientists, we've got our computer graphics.
They each have their own shelves. Um, your first intern,
we just don't have a shelf for you yet yet.
It's just that I've got milk in my lunch box. Interrupt,
there's your coffee. I just want to check on those
computer graphics, making sure they're up to up to part.
(07:34):
Oh absolutely, yes, Um, fantastic, I'll show you right here.
D Oh, it's cool. And then so this is being
projected outside of every fifty ones compound. Correct? People think
it's just some kind of defunct amusement park. Is that Yeah,
it's kind of like one division. Um, we're in. Um.
(07:54):
I actually only watched the first three episodes, but I
get it. Um, do you really want to know? I'm asking.
I'm so sorry. It's just that you're an intern and
this seems like I'm and I'm a marveling And I
will show you how I do all of the computer
(08:17):
graphics for our projection. Heck, globe, I'm gonna go find
somewhere to put my lunchbox. So I actually stopped watching
it because I wasn't laughing, and because of thirty minutes,
I thought I should be, And so I just don't
want the Sorry, Elizabeth, Paul, bad news, we're not gonna
(08:41):
go for season two. Evidently didn't test well an Area
fifty one. I'm so sorry. I know you guys thought
it'd be great to explore the characters further. But we're
going to end it here, we we what's what? What's
the issue? Well, you know, most of America really enjoyed
the show, but the numbers came back from Area fifty
(09:01):
one and it's just didn't play well. There, didn't play well,
and as you know, they fund most of the Marvel projects,
and uh, Daddy's not happy. You know, this is disappointing.
I'm going to be honest with you. I'm sorry, Paul.
I mean, you were great in the role. I mean,
it was great that we finally bring you back. But
you know, but I mean it was it's a thirty
(09:24):
minute show. Were they not laughing? Well, no, that was
the problem. They stopped laughing. And I know that if
they just made it to episode four, when the format
really changed. They said it became more marvel e and
they would have liked it, but maybe three was too
many to do. Kind of straight up, you know, you know,
I'm laughing at cranky anchors a f V. Really any
(09:49):
kind of prank show like that kind of thing, like
that's like what I want to see. So you just
do you want me to get rid of the coffee?
Or I just thought you wanted to. Hey, hi, oh
you must be new. I'm just it's kind of chilly
in here. I was trying to put my lunch box
(10:11):
in here. It looks downright cold. Sure, yeah, yeah, I
live here. So dark, it's so dark in there. I
can't I can't quite. Oh can you come? Holy sh it,
Oh my god, you look like you're sick. No, this
is just the way we look. Just they caged you
(10:32):
up in here like an animal. You know. In my galaxy,
I'm a doctor, really, yeah, an actual And just because
I have slime dripping from my face, they think I'm
some kind of animal. Oh no, you're a chiropractor in
our galaxy. Okay, let he's him, But my real name, yes, Tolerber. Yeah,
(11:05):
and actually in our galaxy, I am a doctor. Okay, okay,
but still I wear I have clients, I have my
own office. So that's something. What do you what do
you got in that bag? Oh? This is I got milk.
I've got it's a ham and we got milk. Shut up? Good?
Can we can we have some of that milk? I
(11:28):
it's really just like a single carton. It doesn't it
wouldn't single We take we take a drop of it?
Just I mean, listen, you know you better put that
thing away. It's gonna go bad anyway. So hope, perhaps, yeah,
that was the problem I had. Um, can I just
get a link a lick of my milk? Jackass? I
really like that one. I wish they'd great that one back. Hey, wait,
(11:53):
have you seen my intern? Sorry? Sorry? Sorry sorry? I
U gosh, let's up. Maybe we should get to work, Paul.
So does this mean word like through or I mean
that's that's the case that Marvel movies use alien and
(12:15):
uh and US enforces technology. I mean, I mean, if
we don't have that blessing, we can't make the show. Paul.
I mean, are we through? Are we? Are we a thing?
Are we not? Wow? I'm very embarrassed. I'm very embarrassed
because I'm married to Jennifer Connolly and I'm Elizabeth right right, dude,
(12:42):
I'm telling you man, all right, I've been seeing this
stupid amusement parks just like run down by my house.
Like all the time I was up by was pretty
far out there. You know, I live in the stick car. Look,
we just go in there, all right. We can tag
it up, all right, and then once we get our
tags down, we'll be able to hit up all the cities. Man,
you know what I mean? Perfect though, right, Yeah, you
(13:03):
get down, get down to the plane. Get get down,
pie hype. There's a plane. Dude. Holy shit, that guy
think came fast. It was like totally like dark and
creepy looking. Yeah, dude, I know we've seen a plane
like that before. Man, what the heck was that? I
don't know, brot. Just my day just got amped up,
you know, dude. Have you seen Independence Day? Oh? My god,
(13:25):
I wouldn't, haven't. I I love that movie. Man, It's
just like it's still realistic. Way dude, I hate it.
Milk has been ingested strength building. How are you feeling alright? Man?
I'm all right, yeah, I feel good like I feel
(13:46):
you hear. My voice is changing. I'm feeling. Yeah, we
really gotta like that. Don't drink all that milk when
that is fuel for our ship. All right, we gotta
make sure that we use to get the hell out
of here. I think I'm drinking the ship. Can these bars? Now?
I don't want that? What's the play? Sure, Mayber, I'm
just saying we need a ship, can get us out
of here. Take a lick, Take a lick. I'm not
gonna what do you mean dr to Lerber isn't in.
(14:10):
I've had this appointment for two galaxy years. Mhm um
he uh, he has been abducted. This always happens under
my h m oh, well, you've got to get a
better system then. Indeed. Um, I mean, look, it's just
(14:34):
a check up. But I've discovered these mysterious seventeen lumps
on my gortax, and I don't I'm a little concerned. Well,
I'm only a receptionist. I can't diagnose your dor text,
But I mean, limps can be attractive. Did not look
at it that way? Just I'll cancel all future equipments. Then,
(14:56):
thank you. You've opened my eyes. Uh theoretically, I mean,
I didn't do a lot of research on this. Company.
But we aren't like a nefarious company, are we? Like?
What what did I? What am I? This is a
college credit, right, it's definitely college credit. We want paying you,
(15:17):
that's for sure. We got around some some some laws,
like through a loophole that way, because technically we should
be paying for work. But because it's a college credit,
whether you're enrolled in college or not, as long as
you say yes to the college credit, we cannot pay you,
which is awesome for us. So if you just I
just I found I found something when I was looking
(15:39):
for a place from my lunchbox, like inspirations. I don't
I don't. I don't know how long you've worked here,
and I don't know how deep this goes. And I
don't know if you're a bad person. But they're keeping
people locked up in a dark cold room. Yeah, I
had to give him. I had to give him something
to drink. I felt bad. Wait, first of all, we
(16:03):
keep we've been keeping people locked up in dark cold
rooms for centuries, and how we keep law in order. Right,
if you have something bad, there is a punishment, and
even if even if for a Disney bird, these were doctors,
well one was a doctor and the other was a
kind of know if you watched Oh what was that
(16:23):
show called? I kind of liked it. I watched the
first half and then I looked on Wikipedia for the ending,
the one with Nicole Kidman and Hugh and Hugh Grant
where he's a doctor but he does real bad things.
Do you see that? All? We just gotta protect this ship.
That's it, you know. And one comes there and man,
kick anyone's ass, you know what I mean? No one's
getting on this ship ship. You know, Like, shouldn't you
(16:48):
like have your issue gun with you? Oh? Where did
I put it? You mean my hands? Yeah? I got
a gun, zombie man. All right, I'm gonna leave the
weapon through and through I mean just because you have
a gun on your beltics, I mean you have to
use it. You could still use your hands. I touch it.
All personnel has escaped. The asset has escaped. Fuck are
(17:14):
you coming with me or not? That we don't have
any fuel, man, we're the We gotta find more fucking
mind the fuel. Now, I'm you want to cut you
open and just start draining your milk. But no, no,
let's get to the ship and I'll stick my cortex
into the capacitor. Jesus. Man, you're a chiropress. You don't
know this goddamn ship works. Jesus, get here. You want
(17:35):
to hang out here for the rest of your life?
Of course not. Man. Look, we gotta go to the
kitchen or some kind of like spacefal they have the food.
We gotta find that milk and then we can get
to the ship. All right, dude, I'm telling you, my
cortex is full of milk. Jesus, full of milk. You're
a doctor. You can extract the milk from my cortex,
for sure. That's but you would die. Man. I'd kill
you and don't care. I'd rather die first. Also, I
(17:57):
have bumps in my cortex. Let me see that. Holy
sh it, you got seventeen yea, seventeen bumps here. That's
you're pregnant. You're pregnant. No, yeah, oh my gosh. We
self replicate. So it's you know, no, I know, or
the moment. Let's get out of here. There's some doctor death.
(18:21):
That's a podcast. I haven't listened to it, but I
mean you get it from the title, right, huh. Yeah.
I just don't worry about the alarm. Sometimes let's go off.
I don't know something fun, go go fun. I don't
know what's gonna happen, but I know that you're gonna
die and you're but has escaped. Hey James, James, we
(18:46):
love your voice. Um, can you do something else? So
because like that, can you tell like be more specific
with the escape route or whatever. It's just it's such
a good, it's such a good. You have such a
good base to your voice, James. That is God talking
to you. M Okay, you want me to announce on
(19:07):
the intercom at area fifty one that there's an escape bro.
I just want to make sure I have this clear
because I was I don't know the blueprints. I'm sorry.
It is Dr tillerber Ben returned to the galaxy and
I just had so many replicants and my house is
(19:27):
overwhelming and I don't know what to do to stop it.
I noticed that you don't have those bumps anymore, so
you must have replicated. Yes, I replicated many a time,
and I don't have the room in my personal pod.
Let me see. Let me just look at Dr Tillerber's book. Yes,
still held captive on Earth. It says, uh for for
(19:52):
eighty years. That's earth years. So Uh so that's about
five minutes our time. Okay, well that just put me
on the book for whenever you can fit me in,
and hopefully my offspring will have not eaten me at
that point. Okay, good luck with that. Thank you. Are
you drinking all the milk? Stop drinking all the damn milk? Man?
(20:17):
I feel fucking great. I feel good. I feel like
I could actually get a medical degree. That's great. Let's
let's keep that inspiration. That's actually really good. But look,
let's find that we need some courtons for a few
of the craft. Let's get to the craft. I just
need a gallon of milk and then I'll get us
there and the doors locked here, let's just yeah, oh
(20:39):
my god, oh my god. It's by no no, no, no no, no, no. Okay,
do you know what this is. He's a chiropractor. That's
a that's Dr Tolerbert. Uh, he's a doctor. I have
to believe it because I'm only case at a computer
(21:01):
the whole day every day. I know nothing else. Okay,
I always the orange juice. Man, Is there any milk? Yeah?
Is there any milk around here? Uh? You guys had
the only carton that I brought in my lunch box
in this entire area. Well, we have a cheese. Each
(21:24):
of the shelves is labeled and which Sorry don't know
if our security clearance allows us to use the brake room.
But Paul Bettany and Elizabeth Olsen, stars of One Division,
we love you, respectively. Thank you, thank you? Are you?
Are you in extraterrestrial? About any chance you got me? Yeah? Yeah, yeah, yeah,
(21:50):
you got any milk on chance? Milk? No? No, I'm
I'm on a non dairy thing Marvel's request, yes, apple
juice man, can you take me to the mark refrigerator? Me? Yeah, mate,
Paul Bettny okay, great, great good. Yeah. Look I could
also just kill you like that, and I don't want
(22:12):
to do that. Well sorry, a hold on and reverse
everything lies on you. You have full liability. What fucked
up company? A little bit? Is that? Is that? That's
our first scene. Vision will return and ant Man and
(22:33):
dr to Lerber. Let's do our second see Jelley. It's
from listener patroon Double v I P Katherine Waiser, who wrote, Hey,
Kevin and Phillow Maniacal improvisers, just now around sundown. I
was out weeding in my yard and pondering this late
summer scene suggestion. Mosquitoes. As always, thanks for all the gufas,
(22:55):
Catherine and Tusson. You better, you better sprayed on, you better?
Right on thick now that's true. Yes, you do thick
thick because you know there should be a there should
be a clear film on your skin. When you touch
your skin, your fingers should just slide right off. That's it.
(23:16):
That's how you know that. That's enough. Most people don't
put on enough bus right, I mean one can should
only take up about a quarter of your body. So
I hate the way it smells. Well, you're gonna hate
getting stuff by God damn mosquito and getting injected whatever
God damn poison it has. You know, it's an alien,
you know that, right, Mosquitoes are God aliens. You know,
imagine getting west now you would hate that. You would
(23:37):
hate getting Some people don't at that. That's horrible. Would
you hate? It's just none of the other kids have
to slather on as much as this. None of the
other kids are as beautiful and caring as you. None
of the other kids names are Jeremiah Jenkins, well except
for Jeremiah Jenkins in the sixth grade, but none of
the other kids in your greater named Jeremiah Jenkins. It's
(24:00):
just that when we play Capture the Flag or Hide
and Seek, it's very easy for them to use their
set to smell to find me, you know, because the
smell of the boy. Am I thirsty? Are you thirsty? Game? Game? Oh? God?
(24:23):
I am so thirsty? Do you smell some Jenkins in
the air? I smell some Jenkins. Do you smell Jenkins?
Six Squad Jenkins or Fourth Square Jackens? I mean it's
a little musty up, but he'll get stronger we follow.
I wouldn't mind some more, but sure blood they should
(24:44):
give it a shot. Either that or we can, you know,
stop by the Squito's casino on the way back and
get a drinking here. But were to get it? Now?
Do I do love that casino? Can Jeremy come out
and play? Can Jeremiah come out and play? Jeremy to
think to think about this? Well, don't wait ti long
(25:06):
because we're picking teams and Jeremiah is great. What game
are you playing? Because if it's football, then no, no, okay,
if it's Red Rover then no. He's got very weak risks.
Can you come up, babe? Yeah, just hiding behind the door. Hi, okay,
(25:35):
and there they go. So, what what game is he playing?
I heard, I heard a couple of knows. I don't
know a game. We're probably gonna make one up. Okay,
let's do right now, We're gonna make it up. Yeah,
we have to know. We have to know. Is it
a contact spoort, is it non contact s board? Is
he gonna be allowed or is he not going to
be allowed? Mm hmm um. Well, well, it's a game
(25:55):
where you just say, nice thing. Are you wearing mosquito sprat? No?
Oh my gosh, okay, okay, all right, that's okay, we
gotta okay, okay, push Why are you pushing me out
the door because you okay, you're attracting mosquitoes? Thank you
very much. There, it's easy to watch, it's easy. Look
how many are on you? That's the whole like, look
(26:17):
how many amelia on you that you could just do that.
It's so many food that you were done before when
it took you so long to think of the game.
I have to be on. My dad's a chiropractice. It
doesn't help, doesn't help what she's trying to say. That
doesn't help. What she's trying trying to say is you
build an immunity. If you let them all bite you
(26:38):
a bunch, then you're you're almost like become half mosquito.
And it's fine. That's I'm gonna throw up. I'm gonna
throw up. That is half a mosquito. You're doubling down, bartender.
Can I get a Can I get a human blood?
A human blood for my friend, to human bloods coming
(26:58):
right in any else? One for you don't live to you?
He the casino seems kind of dead today. What's going on? Oh,
it's just sarly you guys waiting around, and it'll be
happening in just a few I don't know, a few hours. Well,
there's no time at a casado, right, Well, unfortunately this
(27:19):
is while there's no time inside of here. People don't
typically show up at nine. Yeah, all right, well I
have a I have a three day life's bad, okay,
So i'd like to I'd like to get something happening. Look,
you see in there, that's where all the mosquitoes live.
And if we just threw a rocket it, or we
(27:41):
stepping out with their feet and then we ran away,
that could be a fun game, or we could play straight, right, Like,
I know that that's fun. I don't know if this
is throwing your rock is fun. I know the shrades
is fun. I'm very good at guessing. I think that
just throw a rock at the mosquito thing? What are
(28:03):
what the hell are you kids doing in the woods?
The old man, this is my here, this is my
mosquito farm. Hell you doing? What do you need some mosquitoes?
Well it's it's American, it's my god giving right to
farm this land. Alright, what do you do with that rock?
(28:23):
Holding it? Plan tarades? These are mosquito bites, idiots. I'm
becoming half mosquito. That's a true thing, right, that's a
real thing. Absolutely, Look at me. I'm about a hundred
two bumps away from being skeeter myself. Why do you
want to be half? Well, you idiot? If you never
(28:45):
wanted to fly before? I need? This is? What do
you do? That's to uh young bachelors doing here at
the casinos? Hello? What what brings you to this uh
pond of stagnant water? Well, I just wanted to see
(29:07):
if there's a thing happening. You know, you have such
a short life, sped what are the big Can I
have a blood bird TV? Please? When getting in? How
many eggs can you lay? Out of time? Will be? Uh?
Sixty plus sixty plus? Okay? All right? Terrible at this?
(29:36):
You think I want to learn in the four hours
the've been alive? Uh? What do you do? You prefer
rock throwing or sharades? Oh you're so cute, dude. I'm
gonna cut to it. Let's let's reproduce, all right? Can
we reproduce? You want to reproduce with me? That's gonna
(29:57):
be sixty blood pieces. Oh, your professor, You can't make
that transaction at this bar. You got to go to
the tables. I'd rather stay. That's the stagnant water. Jeremiah,
come in, Jeremiah. Can you hear me? Yeah? I can
(30:17):
hear you. You gotta okay, Yeah, I can hear you.
I'm in my closet. Okay, but you gotta do the noise.
Oh I don't know if you're on the walkie talkie
or not. Oh. Sorry, it's just I don't I just
it's just why your parents keep you locked up. I'm
(30:38):
turning into a mosquito. What are you not wearing? Spray? On?
Contrary my friend on the contrary, and if you keep
wearing the spray, well, we can't be friends. I'm lacked here.
They won't even let me come down because somebody was
(31:00):
down there and told him that we were going to play.
I don't know. They must a light or something. They
told me, I'm not a lot to leave my room.
I came what you weren't wearing. Oh that makes a
lot of sense. Look, it's not just me, it's Tiffany too.
You guys are both turning in mosquitoes. Yeah. She's in
(31:22):
a weird process though, because she got bit so much
that now she's taking a nap. I think it's I
think something. I think she's becoming a mosquito faster than me. Now.
I know my parents are very strict, but they seem
to think that that many mosquito whites is dangerous. Are
you sure that maybe they might be spart on this one?
(31:43):
Absolutely not. My dad's a chiropractor, sweetie. Did you hear
that one of Jeremiah's classmates died? Yeah, Tiffany break through malaria.
I know it's insane, That's what I'm saying. We have
to spray spray, spray, spray spray. They thick, thick exactly.
There has to be a clear film over your body.
(32:04):
It just doesn't make any sense. I just feel like,
if he doesn't want to listen, that's not that's that
hurts me. Now think if it companies any council members
and members of the community. Now, obviously there is a
situation here, yea, we gotta get rid of that goddamn
man in the woods. All right, he's farming mosquitoes. It's
that guy's fault. Well, he's part of the community, and
(32:27):
we're gonna take a vote. Do we want to embrace
the mosquito community, let them build out their casinos, their
whorehouses and whatnot, or do we dump a thick, thick
spray on this entire community. I would honestly bring back
DDT to get rid of these mosquitoes. We're not even
considering Zeka. There are so many. Okay here, there are
(32:50):
mosquitoes here who get to speak as well. They don't
make taxes, they only live for three days. What you
have the you have the four mosquitoes, thank you. I'm
a bartender's at the Mosquito Casito in the in the
bog area, and I just want to say that it's
(33:11):
not fair that you want to get rid of us. Don't.
Somebody's murdering us in the crowd. Stop it. Someone just
beat me, So I don't know what you want me
to do. We're just feeding that. That was me. I
just beat you. Hey, Hey, comry man, Hey, what's up man? Sorry?
The mosquitoes were here long before men were here, and
(33:31):
we think it's only right that we have rightful ownership
of the lab. Okay, sounds pretty good to me. So
I want to make a claim here to say the
earth is only two thousand years old. Alright, I'm gonna
say the earth is alright, Rick, like every week, we
(33:52):
have that on the record. That is, you say that
if you just give us a mosquito district, we can
stick to that, and then everybody could be happy, because
if you don't, my good friend babe here just got
malaria from a professional and he might want to spread it.
If you see what I'm saying. Malaria Okay, relaxed, relaxed, Okay,
(34:18):
So Mosquito district. Okay, that's not a bad idea. Think
it's a good compromise. Let's just wait it out that
the thing will die in three days. Just wait it out.
How many? How many eggs can you lay? Typically me, Yeah,
well I'm a I'm a male male, but skin my
(34:39):
name is Gabe. I'll take two shots of a negative.
Uh and whatever this guy wants? Okay, when they negative?
And what do you want? Pal? They always try to
be positive. It's just serious. Do you really wants really
(35:02):
do what? Why ain't negative? You know you know that
they're freaking they're exterminating us tomorrow. It's just over. It's
just over. I don't want anybody talking bummer talking my
casino baroque. Hey, you do whatever I want with my
last day. If I want to drink myself into a
freaking Kobe, I could do that. If I want to
(35:25):
talk negative, I can do that. Fine. Here's here, here's
your drinks. You're gonna find lonely company. I'm sure be positive.
A guy isn't gonna want to hear you talk about
doom and glue gives me right on my mouth. Bartender,
(35:46):
there's no way I'm gonna kiss. I take this shot.
I'm not gonna take the shot, and I really want
to take the shot. And after the shot, I want you.
I mean, you just bought a drink for this fella here.
You want me to kiss you right in the left
a little kidder. I don't know that. And then after
I take well, I was talking, I like that. Take
(36:09):
it on, Diddy, Thank you all for coming. Jeremiah Jenkins
was a con sweet boy who unfortunately passed away the
first time he was allowed out to play. Oh my god,
nobody your jackens four? That's sixth grader six or fourth grader? Who?
Which one? Oh you know I didn't. Uh. Forensic hasn't
(36:30):
come back with the grade level of the body, so
I'm not sure if does. Anybody who wants to say
a few words human osquito or now would be the
time to do so I'll say something. Um, I guess
I'm gonna have to. I'll be jumping from the fourth
and sixth grader because I don't know which one. It
was lost to us, But for the fourth grade Jenkins,
(36:58):
it's like jump kank Jesus Christ. Sorry, man, you just
had a beautiful piece of skin right there. I just
couldn't resist myself. God just pinched the back of my arm. Man.
And that's a second scene, y'all. Oh that poor boy.
(37:24):
Our third scene, scene three is from Listener Joe, who
wrote Hello Kevin and the Gang, thank you all for
making my work life bearable. I truly believe you are
excellent at what you do. Even if my wife is this,
she doesn't get it. I am a gardener in the
North of England and I hate my colleagues. Luckily, a
lot of my work involves the use of ear defenders,
(37:45):
so I get to listen to you guys instead of
the incessant bollocks they talk. Here's my suggestion. A gardener
somewhere in the North of England hates his colleagues because
they're all our souls. Thanks again, Anonymous Joe. So I
finally said, or said, the only way we're gonna get
it is that we'll make it away famous messing up.
(38:07):
She's not even always christ the bloody Governor, and I
always going all my let's say, oh, don't let me
take off my headphones. I think that they were muffling
up your sound a bit. I couldn't really think I
was saying, is it right? You can just repeat it? Now?
Let me repeat everything I just bloody said because you
(38:30):
listen stand you with my headphone. So Fuco fuck Bushes,
w Aldis Dandies cook sent them almost look like bollocks.
What's going on? But fucking working on it? Oh? You know,
I dodn't look like I says. I've got a chatter
and not much planning. You know, you show there's some chatter. Chatter,
(38:53):
shatter like fucking talking, cheese like cheese cheddar, Look, just
get his player by four pm. I'm going to come
back and check the work, all right, father? Can I
go outside and talk to the gardeners? Please? Father, talk
to me. Put your pipe down, put the paper down,
and just look at me. Why would you want to
(39:15):
talk to the help boy? I feel like I can
learn something from them. There are another class, yeah dead.
Have you ever read read the Books to Dartha by him? Yes?
I kind of feel like Dartha. Really. I feel like
(39:39):
you're protecting me from the evils of the world. But
the evils of the world is the world, and perhaps
I should be among them. So you think a religion
should be based around your life, that's the that's how
egocentric you are or something or something. Book my first child,
(40:02):
it's seventy two years old. I don't know very much
time left on this earth, and I've got to make
my way through all the books in this library, and
you're disturbing me. Son, I'm sorry, So yes, if you'd
like to go out and play with the gardeners, honey, Uh,
(40:24):
do you mind if I go out and talk to
the gardeners. They are out there working so hard. I
want to bring them tea? Oh Hi, Son, Hi, step mom, bamby,
So like, I'm going to go out and bring the
gardener's tea if that's okay. Oh look how it comes
that fucking yankee weird boy and his god damn plastic mother. Hi, Hi, Hello,
(40:55):
what's going on? I wanted to introduce my son to
you guys. I don't know if you guys have gotten
a chance to meet him. These not blood I've never
had a baby. He's trying to say with that, but
IM just saying. I'm just saying, he is this lippt
in tea? Is this ship? Drink this shot? It's all
(41:20):
the road you've come to our play now? All the
road pig tips are road. I'm so sorry. I'm from America.
I don't know what that word is. Cold. You bring
some fucking biscuits or something. We're hungry, you know? Could
I work with you guys today, little babysitt. No, you
(41:44):
don't need a babysit me. I'm old enough to take
care of myself and I can. I'm a hard worker.
Wow are you? You hold yourself to be a little older,
but you sound like a child. They won't tell me
exactly what you meant covering your ear, Cover your ears,
Cover your ears. He's thirteen. He can't work for you, guys,
(42:05):
that's too young. Okay, No, he's nice. I mean he's
I know he's I We're giving we're having an age reveal. Okay,
we're gonna have an age reveal for him. It's gonna
gonna he's gonna think. You know what the problem is.
It's like, I'm only I'm only nineteen a right up. Look,
(42:32):
here's the situation. I'm an eighty five year old man
married to a nineteen year old woman. I sawed a
child the first time when I was seventy two. His
mother died in childbirth, and I then married an even
younger woman and uh and then relocated to the North
of England, where I have an extensive library. Also, biography
(42:57):
is going to need to be longer. I mean, it's
I'm writing it, but you know, we're going to do
our best with these words. But why not. I mean
that that's a pretty straightforward autobiography. If you get the
job done in five pages, why not do it. It's
more like a pamphlet. Fine, fine, then we'll put it
out as a pamphlet. Well, we'll print two copies. Uh,
(43:17):
my my son is having an age reveal party, so
all right, okay, we just check this out. So all
right until I have malaria on the next little thing here?
What is this pamphlet? Okay? Interesting? What the fuck? Uh?
Excuse me? Um, I'm sorry. I have an appointment with
(43:41):
with the chiropractor in a little bit. But just looking
at some of the pamphlets you have here accessible to
the patients in the waiting room. Um, and uh, this
is just a strange one. Um about an eighty four
year old man. I don't order the pamphlets. Is this
like a health issue or what is it? What is
this supposed to be preventing or making me a I
don't know. I think that one is more of like
(44:02):
a straight up biography. But I think a lot of
these are more like with chiropractic and uh, you know,
lower back pain. Okay, So this has to do with
lower back when you're saying, I'm saying that one probably
not so much. But you know, sometimes when we buy
our pamphlets, they'll throw in, you know, like some newer
stuff that they're just trying to unload. You know, wait
(44:24):
a second, so that's a hard work day. Mates. Now
that we're mates, I was wondering if one I can
have one of those cigarettes, and two if you three
want to come to my age revealed party tonight. I mean,
I'll definitely give you a cigarette. I don't know if
I want to go to a third and year old party.
(44:45):
My it's okay, Look, maybe next week we can convince
your parents to give you a name revealed party. Gee,
I thought I thought I was in my thirties. At
least a right is a cigarette? My alright? I think
(45:08):
he's done for us to fuck off. So no, no,
we're mates now, right, I mean we work together, you
know it's not yeah, it's all do you forty three? Howl?
Are you forty three? And you? What the are you? Sorry?
(45:37):
I got a legal fucking yeah. I gotta bring home
the quick, all right, we gotta offload these pamphlets. Okay,
I don't give a ship. Just stuff them in with whatever. Okay,
we got too many of these kind pamphlets. Just just
just ship them with wherever. Just ship them with wherever. Okay, Okay,
they're just doing really good with any of the other
materials that we have. I mean, we have got a
(45:59):
lot of health material and then I don't know this
is this is a biography, I know, just stuff it in.
Just we gotta move it. Okay, it can't sit here,
all right. If it's sits here, it costs awesome money.
There's only two hundred of them. I don't think it
would be that hard to get rid of them. Oh
you think that, you think? Okay, okay, you're my fucking editor. Okay,
(46:20):
you're not my friend. You work for me. You're telling
me that I didn't make the New York Times best
Selling list because a fucking pamphlet did. We'll think about this, okay,
think about the popularity of Britain and the fact that
it was so Popular's a book and then now it's
a TV show and people are into pamphlets. People are
into pamphlets. I don't follow that logic, Pam, Well, that's
(46:42):
because you haven't read the books or seen the show,
which makes you one in a million because most of
America has, which is why you didn't make the cut
this year. Now what are you going to do to
make it? I don't know. I guess a flyer perhaps, Yeah.
If people want shorter things, the attention span is smaller,
(47:02):
they want a thumbnail something quick, Pam, I didn't mean
that thing about not being friends. Now this is amazing.
Now everyone has seen your flyer. It's in every sttle,
single city, silly city. I can't even speak. I'm so excited. Ken,
What was the impetus? How did you create this flyer?
I mean it's it's so good. I think, like a
(47:23):
lot of humans, I had a need. I had a
need and then wanted to satisfy that need, as you
could tell by the little perforated things the bottom of
this flyre right, you can pull one of those for
guitar lessons, Yes, for guitar lessons. And it's a it's
a story. It's the human story. Thank you very much.
(47:44):
What do you say to people who say they can't
they couldn't get I'm sorry you don't get to ask
questions on my show. Are you serious? We work in
the same work you have your show. Father. I can't
believe you're on your deathbed. I only knew you for
(48:04):
a short amount of time. I never got to read
all the books in the library. I'll READTHM for you.
They're too long, they're too long. Why why can't they
all be flyer or pamphlet size? You know, I'm so young.
I have my whole life to read books and be
just like you. You're thirteen. I'm sorry you had to
(48:27):
find out that way. It's okay, Gif. If I can
return to full strength, we'll have a name revealed party
later this week. Your name would be nice father. When
you die, I can Can I kiss Bamby? Can you
(48:49):
kiss Bamby? Maybe you should get your rest? Maybe you
should just get your rest. Whis Bamby? Sorry? Love, he's
got a tend to him. He's got a tend to him.
It's all right. Yeah, we might have to hill him tonight,
just a little heads up kill. Yeah, we don't know,
we don't. We'll have the spice. So yeah, just occurred
to me that my wife has a boy's name. All right, Love,
(49:12):
let's just get another pillow, fool. Yeah, you're putting it
on his face. Yeah, we might have to do it.
We just might have to do it. Goodbye, Goodbye, Spencer.
Oh I'm sorry you had to find out this way. Bye.
I love your Spencer. I love you Dad. I tried
(49:34):
the pamphlets, learn about who I was, push harder. Now
I just come back to him. Alroways so fine. Now
he loved hey gang co workers friends. So I probably
heard my dad died. Yeah, weird. We read it in
the in the New Fortune Cookie Times. It's the greatest
(49:55):
newspapers one sentence. Yeah, so you guys still gonna work here,
or like, you know, like find somewhere else to work.
Or I'm thinking about just concentrating on being a teenager
now you know, Oh that sounds cool. I can't do that.
(50:15):
I'm thinking about getting rid of my accent and becoming
like a publishing editor. Reading those pamphlets really really inspired me,
and I feel like I know what the world wants pamphlets,
pamt Yeah. I thought about taking different micro organisms, extracting
DNA sequences and maybe even making my own some kind
(50:38):
of camera like animal will plant, you know what I mean,
and creating a whole new garden of Eden for myself
and to be able to tend that big dreams over there. Yeah, yeah, big,
whatever we do, why don't we finished our job here
and get rid of this mosquito colony right on here
in this boggy area. Okay, right in this age area.
(51:01):
I thought you's a right in Bulgarian and I thought
I cannot get on another plane, the last one not
going to Bulgaria day from as we're going right here. Sorry, guys,
let me let me take off my headphones. It gets
in the middle of the communication. You know, a thing
we were showing, but I don't think I was understanding
you very well. You've got to repeat. You know I
(51:28):
cleared it up, not Bulgaria. This is it, boys. Let's
toast as we watch a community crumble. Everybody, I just
want to let you know how much I respect all
of you. I'm on my deathbed, just three days after
(51:53):
I was bored. You're about to last all the way.
This is the very bit red. Okay, that's good, that's good.
Another round of human blood for everyone, another round crash,
and that's our show, everybody, So sad uh. Let's see
(52:19):
what our alchemists are up to. You say goodbye, Craig Katkowski,
Hey Akakowski. On Twitter, see Kikowski on Instagram when it
doesn't shut down and uh, stop the world. Yeah, find
me on the social media, which is poison. Jackie gonzalas Ruthie.
(52:40):
Oh yeah, I'm at Jackie. I know I'm not Jackie. Ruthie. Um.
And at the end of this month, the most wonderful
pot of the year is starting back up, and we're
starting a little early with the Halloween surprise. UM that
I'm very excited about that. We've been talking that, we've
been teasing for some years, and so I'm very very
excited about that. If you like Christmas movies, take a listen,
(53:03):
Chris the crash at the end of that last scene
where you trying to have the aliens crash into the
bug colony the alien ship. No, that would have been
so good. That was just But if we're talking about,
you know, reveals, or would have I was helping my
name reveal party would have been I would have been
named Buddha. But you know, what are you gonna do?
(53:24):
What are you gonna do? I guess I'll just take
it from here, uncle, so you can find me'd be
comedy fixed. That's my other podcast here. Otherwise I'm eating
a bunch of pumpkin pies act for Selparado. Um. It
kind of upsets some people, which is funny, which is
funny to me. Um, But I don't want to name
names or say anything. But some people, you know, aren't
(53:44):
into the into the pumpkin cheer and that's that's their problem,
not mine. That's great, that's right, Cole. So glad you're here. Hey,
thanks James Teeney on November six, Extra dash Life dot
Org is where you go you can donate money and
it goes to the Children's Miracle Network hospitals. There's gonna
(54:05):
be tons of people doing twenty four hour gaming streams.
One of the many is going to be game Front,
So you could go to extra dash life dot org
and if you search for game Front you'll find it
and you could get involved. Also, it's a good cause.
Nice Joey career. Yeah, you know, I do think social
media is poison. I'll plug you know, alchemy this and
(54:27):
all that whatever. But and what what we all should
be doing really just going out there hunting for your
own denom, making your own denom, and just like you
gotta hunt for it, and it's just it's therapeutic. It's
nice get out in nature. Look for that. There's raw
denom everywhere everywhere. Stop paying for it. That makes sense.
I am at Cole Stratton at Stratton Cole, i'm um.
(54:50):
Whatever those social media things are, find us all a
l O. I mean that's where you kids are nowadays. Uh,
thanks so much for coming to the podcast. Yeah, let's
thank your engineering producer Doug Babe and the fine folks
at iHeart Media dot com. From please write to us
at Alchemy this email at gmail dot com. That's Alchemy
(55:15):
dot com dot com. Until next time,
Alchemy This News
Host
Kevin Pollak
Popular Podcasts
40s and Free Agents: NFL Draft Season
Daniel Jeremiah of Move the Sticks and Gregg Rosenthal of NFL Daily join forces to break down every team's needs this offseason.
Dateline NBC
Current and classic episodes, featuring compelling true-crime mysteries, powerful documentaries and in-depth investigations. Follow now to get the latest episodes of Dateline NBC completely free, or subscribe to Dateline Premium for ad-free listening and exclusive bonus content: DatelinePremium.com
The Bobby Bones Show
Listen to 'The Bobby Bones Show' by downloading the daily full replay.