February 11, 2021 • 48 mins
cowboy vampire
2 guys share a toothbrush
Norma Desmond discovers TikTok
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:02):
Welcome back to another episode of Alchemy, this COVID N
one edition. I'm your host, Cool Stratton in for Kevin Pollard.
Let's get her arm Mischelley. In no particular order other
than this is the order. I think it's always sent
to me. Say, Hey, the Craigkowski, I'm always first. Hey,
I'm gonna mix it up next time. Craig, what cartoon
(00:23):
character do you think you identify with the most? Mm
hmmm mm hmm. Discourt, I'll disgust you. No explanation needed,
No nine discoost dude doesn't need explanations, right, all right,
(00:44):
you should know who's next based on the normal order. Now,
please welcome back. James he Ney he need um. You're
you get to be invisible for a day. What do
you do non pervy stuff? What do you do? Well?
First of all, I wouldn't do anything nonper I mean,
how would love a good guy? Uh? Well, i'd be
(01:10):
and it's nothing for pervy. It's okay, okay, well, uh
I would probably I'd go to a bank and i'd
wrap it. So not just criminal criminal He's a good boy,
but not right. Look over there, it's Chris Alvarado. Chris
(01:31):
what's a great or terrible frank you've been involved with
in the past. Um, when I was really young, there
were these older guys playing football by my house and
I had learned the trick where if you take a
stick of gum out of out of a wrapper, but
then you put the rapper back into the pack, it
looks like there's a piece of gum in there. And
(01:51):
this old guy was like sweating, and I said, Hey,
you want some gum? And he looked at me so seriously, Yeah,
I'd be great. And then he pulled out the juicy
croup and open it and there was nothing there. I
was I was probably eight years old, And the disappointment
and hurt that fell upon that man's face I will
never forget. And I'm so sorry I did that to him.
(02:12):
I'm sorry. Now you wanted to eat nicotine gum makes
it so much more sense. Hey, say hello to Jackie,
do Ruthy? Hello, Jackie? What movie is a guilty pleasure
of yours that most people probably don't like? What you love?
Just like the Twelve Dates of Christmas. There's a lot
(02:35):
of bad Christmas movies, and that one is a particularly
bad to women. Um. The portrayal of women is so
god awful, and yet I go back for more every year.
I gotta see this woman. Um, have you know be
absolutely upon Yes, I would say that is the guiltiest
(02:57):
that's the guiltiest one. Nice. There's like, if you get Peacock,
there's like twenty seven thousand Christmas movies on there if
you just look movies like, it's incredible amount of like
Hallmark Christmas movies. That's a weird plug for Peacock. But
there you go. And finally, Joey Greer, Joey, I heard
(03:18):
it that you just wrote a new sports jam. Can
you give us a taste? Okay, well I can't. I
can't give you the whole thing because because right now
I'm in negotiations with a couple of networks. That tastes
so we're good. Yeah, but it tastes gonna be a mouthful,
and it taste canna be the entire plate. Cool, So
let's not let's not sunk around here, Okay, Alright, I'm
not gonna get my ass sued because you want me
(03:39):
to like break protocol and preach a contract because you
want to taste. I'm a fucking professional, Okay, I got
about a twenty figure deal on the table, and you
want me to shift on it and then get a
and then get a pipe and start breaking my toes.
I'm not gonna do that. Cool, Okay. I'm an individual
who not only respects my craft, I respect contracts. All right.
So that's the sports jam. I can give you a
(04:00):
little bit. I can give you a little bit there
we got ready? Yep? Come on? What are your feet do?
Do they hit a ball? Come on? What are your
hands do? Do they grab a bat? Come on? What
is your head do? Doesn't hit a ball? Come on?
What does your chest do? Does it move like this?
(04:21):
And then I'm I'm pretty fucked up? You guys probably
probably be a show right here, super pumped all right.
All of our scene suggestions are gathered from listeners, emails,
or from our Patreon v I p s. To become
a Patreon supporter of the show and enjoy exclusive content
and other perks, just head on over to patreon dot
com slash alchemy this. If you'd like to submit a
(04:42):
scene suggestion the email, please write to the podcast at
your name here at alchemy this dot com. That's your
name here. From Patreon and v I p. Toby, who wrote,
Hey Kevin, I'll tell him you said hello first. I
appreciate the shout outs you guys have given to Alchemy
(05:02):
that it's been a lot of fun. Those of us
involved come from very different backgrounds and need very different lives,
but your podcast has brought us all together on a
common ground to create friendships that would have otherwise never existed.
I want to make it abundantly clear how incredibly thankful
I am and we are. My scene suggestion is actually
thanks to an alchemite. Can I make that a thing
that recently joined the alchemy this discord chat? But this
(05:24):
person didn't want the credit, so I'm happy to receive
it on their behalf. The scene is Cowboy Dracula. Thanks. Yeah,
I've been prospecting out here for a long time by myself,
just out of here. So here's saying you haven't seen
a man or being that looks like this, sir, Well,
(05:48):
I've seen him man, and I've seen him being before
out here and then this disolate piece of land. You've
seen a lot of craziest things. He's going to be
no help. He's going to be absolutely no help. It's well,
let's let's let's give him a chance to speak his pace.
I mean we might if we can at least get
a sketch of what he saw, calling that he had
(06:13):
ears that pointed to the sky, sharp teeth, and those
teeth were used to punct your necks or other parts
of the body and shunk the blood out, leaving just
a hollow husk of a corpse. Okay, and thank you,
thank you, sir. So we have a fifteen foot person
pointing things. Okay, you satisfied with that? Well, look, Jenkers,
(06:34):
there's no reason you have to be to be so
condescending to the locals here. You know, I was doing
a perfect legid good job of being sheriff here before
you came in from the big city and decided to
stir things up. Do you understand that these cufflings are
worth more than your entire everything? Man, those are some
good cufflings I've ever seen. They BARKI but for Vlad
(07:01):
the kid? All right, well, how do you do shash parrilla? Ah?
Let me just pour it into here? We do? Stranger,
are you looking for a good time when you cough? Please?
(07:21):
It's please cover your mouth? Wait? Is that berculoss is
a little bit of blood came up. Worry about. Nothing
to worry about. It's not contagious. I reckon, it's very contagious.
So what did you say? Your name was young? What
(07:41):
was the kid clad? The kid man on the ranch
where we have cattle and we do roundups and the
rodeos and who everybody? Oh? Sorry, yeah, okay, what's up? Hi? Hi?
(08:05):
How you doing? I'm good? Thank you very much. I'm
doing quite well actually today feeling good in my body.
And I had been sick for a long time, but
today I woke up and I felt refreshed for the
first time. I usually wake up a little bit tired.
Today I woke up and had a zing, had a
zing in my body. How are you? I'm great? Thank you. Now,
I'm sure you know about the string of murderers that sweetie.
(08:28):
It's somebody. I'm not sure, but he's good. He's doing good.
Am I feeling good? Dude? How are you doing? How
are you? How are you? How do you do? This
is my wife? Okay, very nice, very nice? Feeling pretty good. Yeah,
I'm feeling good. Today. We were both chick is corn
(08:48):
dollar today spry as an autumn I and I'll tell
you that. So, yeah, we felt good today. It's a
good day today. He wants to me one second. Now,
I don't know why you keep bringing me to these weirdos. Okay,
they're not gonna give me any information. Well, look, you
know they are the town gossips. They they see everything,
(09:09):
and you know you're gonna have to take in a
lot of information. Uh of it will be useless. But
the five percent that is gold that you pan for. Okay,
the five percent um, So I won't take it so
much of your time. I'm with the c I don't worry.
We actually have a lot of time today. We're actually
newly retired us too. We used to work together. We
(09:31):
used to be the pharmacists of the town. And then
we said, you know what, we're gonna sell it. We're
gonna sell the pharmacy. Somebody bought it for a good
amount of money. And now we are all set into
the day we die, which I'm not gonna tell you now,
I'm gonna tell you how much it was. How about
maybe maybe uh dollars? Hello, Hello, we think it's gonna
last until the absolute day we die. We're pretty sure
(09:52):
that's going to be in about ten years and four days.
Pretty ten years and four days. Oh yeah, I mean
there's uh, there's a couple of people here who are
psychic to do sciences, and we're Christian christ. But at
the end of the day, if you have something you
want to bring to the table, I'm gonna eat it. Yeah,
ain't no reason to not eat that food on the
(10:12):
table if it's right there. Because Jesus didn't he ate
with the sinners, and he ate with the saints, he
ate with prostitutes, and he ate with apostle. So at
the end of the day, I'm gonna go and have
a median tell me exactly when I'm gonna die. Look,
if there's a median out there, if there's any kind
of median, we're going to find out what's going on,
all right, to catch that Jenkins That five percent they
(10:33):
was useful. Hello cowboy, he's okay. If I join you
for a game of card gambles. I see you have
game going. I joined in here. I'm playing solitaire the
weird cowboy who play corner. I guess we could play
(10:54):
I don't know what we'd call it. A duelitaire, a
duel yes, sit down, partner shot down. I had to
hunch o over my head, keep sitting wall tall. You're
a tall son of a bitch. How tall are red
five on the black six? Red five on the black six?
Thank you? I'm playing this game by myself though, Okay,
(11:16):
well there I was. I was looking through all my options.
I was looking through my options. This game is fucking
throwing Danny shock up. All right, why don't you come
over here? We'll play a three person game of I
don't know, conness, what's a good three players card game?
(11:38):
So you're telling me all of these pigs have two
holes in their neck and they're all they all blood out,
they're all dead. They have no blood in their in
their bodies. That correct, And they only had no holes
adpe man, they got on a hole in the neck. Man,
knee out. We're go on, man. Do you have any
tell what to say to you? I understand, I understand.
(11:59):
Now do you have about uh? Any idea? Who or what?
Do you tell them? What I told you that she'll
tell it late and not going to say in a
loud to come down to Temple Top. Don't know if
the album are or not, but only now look sheriff, sheriff.
(12:22):
I think I'm just about done here. Um, how these
folks are from New Orleans, I don't I don't know.
All right, here's what I don't know how they got
here or everybody in your town, I don't know. Okay,
that's fair. Everyone seems to be describing some kind of
dracon you know, and that's that doesn't give me a
lot to work with. You know, these people have hyper
imaginations that probably probably very low like cues. And I
(12:46):
just keep hearing that from everybody. Everybody. Somebody talls somebody things.
That doesn't help. Well, it doesn't help me, Agan Jenkins.
These are simple people, uh, and they're straightforward with you.
So whatever they're saying, do you You've got to weave
that into your theory because everything they're saying is true.
I need a drink, all right, I'm coming to door.
(13:08):
Hold on a second, I just woke up. I just
woke up. I'm coming to door now for you. Hello, Oh,
sheriff and guy, Hey Glad, it's it's the sheriff. This
is Agent Jenkins from the c I A also possibly
a time traveler. Uh. We uh, we're just doing a routine, uh,
you know, questioning of all the all the townspeople, now,
(13:31):
Vlad the kid here is has lived in this town
for years, and he's aid he's a productive citizen. I
honestly don't know if he's going to be any used
to you whatsoever. But there's been a rash of of
people murders and pig murders. Uh, plad, have you seen
anything unusual? This is terrible. Yes, I have seen very
unusual things. Uh. The one thing that I saw was
(13:54):
a there was a a pig that was attack in
the other pigs like he had turned and now he is, uh,
you know, a vampire pig. Baby. Did somebody? Did somebody
die recently? Flat in your family? I see it. I
see a coffin in there. You can just move your
(14:15):
head a little bit. No, just moving, No, that's his side,
hustle of mine and make the coffin to sell sometimes
sales coffins on the side. It's you know, we've got
a hot death right in this town. There's a there's
consumption going around and there's a lot of card game violence. Sheriff,
Did they have to find your son, No, he's he's
(14:38):
he's still hopefully out there somewhere, but probably dead. He
happened to see someone like him. But he's a little
while now, don't you pay no attention? Dad? Tell you who? Bruce? Bruce, Bruce,
my boy, We're gonna questions. You're so pale. What happened?
(15:02):
I don't know. My head feels so whoozy. Well, you've
got two puncture marks in your neck, just like those pigs.
This is not what it looks like. What happened? It's
very easy to explain, glad, No need to explain, no
need to explain. No, no, all they need to explain,
all the need to explain. But sure, I know, glad,
(15:25):
you know I've dated just about every thing in this town.
But objects. I'm sorry. The left one is the good one.
I can tell you the right I just all right,
So what do you know about lad? Specifically? Was she
got two whiskey? Is one for the lady one for
this candlestick? Thank you very much? Oh just one moment,
(15:49):
Are you dating this candlestick? Or like? Now? Yeah, all right? Um,
you had a question about Blade. Was he aggressive? Was
he nice? I mean the girls have in a good way.
Let's just say I call them blood the man. Let's
just say that very giving, very giving you hand out
from underneath, from from between your legs. I got my hand. Well,
(16:15):
where's that candlestick going? Listen, I've got cold hands. I've
got to warm them up somehow. What better way than
with the handle? I'm a right, it doesn't doesn't, Charlene,
that's fun. That was fun. And now last time you
made me invite you to enter my body. Um, I
(16:39):
can't do that again if you want. But honestly, I
like a little more do I have? Well, I like
a little more um spontaneity. So I'm just gonna go
make some t and if you happen to come up,
come up at me, just know that it's concentral. I'm
consenting right now. Aheaded this was an invitation, then this
(17:01):
is officially an invitation. It is, um, well, it is
less of an invitation and more of a if you
decide yes, you can. It's a green light. It's a pass,
but it's not it's not a direct Um. Sometimes I
(17:21):
like to be I need to know, do you invite me?
Here's the thing, sometimes I want to be pursued. You know,
I don't want to always be the one coming down
to you. Now, look sheriff. I think the last person
I speaking in the town is the there's a cowboy
who plays Solitaire by himself. Is that correct? Yep? There
they call him Solitaire Joe solitary job. You'll play an
(17:43):
as occasionally, but you need at least three other people
in two decks. All right, let's head on into the
saloon here. Uh, I'll tell you right now. A Shana
Ashana goddamn vampire. No where it no where here. That's
radiold plan. Discount everything he says, done and done part
(18:04):
of me, sir, uh, excuse me. I'm kind of in
the middle of a game, understood, If I can just
have a moment of your time. I'm here with the sheriff.
I'm I'm agent Jenking. You got a nice right there
that can go right up top. Yeah, but I don't
want to make a move. I can't take moves back
and think you gotta put your aces up top. Just
a couple of questionss just just one question. What anything
(18:27):
suspicious happening lately in the town that you've noticed. I
understand you keep to yourself, but maybe you've got eyes.
I haven't heard anything suspicious. Maybe it's a cho pacabra.
I don't know. I don't know who could want Why
are you getting nervous, Salter, Joe, I'm not nervous. I
just I just couldn't believe they almost missed Nick. So there,
just put it up top. So you're sweating profusely. And
(18:47):
I gotta tell you I'm trained at the CIA. I
understand by language. What is the CIA again, it's the
California Institute of Arresting. That sounds oh church it now?
This is uh your picture two up? There go the two.
Now listen, Joe, I gotta ask you a couple question.
(19:08):
Maybe you can stand outside with new Man's blood all
over me, ma'am? How's that consumption at? It's just to
sit down? Oh my gosh, Oh you want to go,
(19:30):
so you ought to take me. I'm gonna go upstairs
with my lady friend. I'll just wash your I'll watch
your cards, make sure no what's talking all right? And
then I'll go outside and talk to you guys tonight after.
So it's salt Joe all along. You know, I have
(19:50):
to say, I feel very targeted here. You know you
should leave your preconceived notions about people from ball Dick
States at the door before you accuse them age And look, look, uh,
I've learned a lot spending time in this town this week.
And you're right. I owe you an apology, and we
(20:13):
at the California Institute of Arresting are aiming to do
better in the future. You're right, you were my number
one suspect and and and I'm sorry about that. Now now,
did you want to come into my hotel room for
a drink? Are you inviting me in? Yeah? Of course
I I I invite you, glad to come on into
my hotel room for a drink. This is going to
(20:34):
be at night in the Hallwood. See two is from Eric.
You wrote, Hi, my name is Eric, and I've been
listening and laughing since the very beginning. I wanted to
(20:55):
send some love Joey Greer's way and say that his
sketch album good Night is hilarious and everybody should check
it out. That is true. Already check out a good Night.
I've been sending it around and now Oslo is in
the top five cities listening on Spotify, although only five
people are listening. But hey, it's hey, I'll take it.
See see a suggestion Two guys sharing a toothbrush from Norway. Oh,
(21:23):
I'm sorry you're gonna Are you using an hour. What
do you a hello? Oh, holy shit, Mark, wake up?
Wake up? Oh god, you were you sleep cleaning? Huh
you were sleep cleaning? Dude? Oh my god, this is
this isn't my toothbrush. No, no, it's our toothbrush, our toothbrush. Mark.
(21:47):
Come on, buddy, every time you wake up from one
of these sleep cleaning I gotta remind it's like the
first stage withoutam standard remember that? But your gums are
turning purple and black? Do you remember fifty one stage?
Withoutim saying? No? I don't remember that movie? Literally that
to you. So it's with him and Um, Oh my god,
I want to say Dustin Hoffman. That's not her name.
(22:10):
What is her name? It's um damn, what the hell
is her name? I forgot to or it'll be you slut.
I hear you're seeing two mouths right now? Yeah, what
of it? I'm just saying, you know, like your bristles
get around and we all know it. There's a reason
that seven out of ten doct dentists recommend you. You've
(22:31):
been everywhere. You're getting around and the reputation is out there.
I'm just telling you now as a friend. Look, Phillips
you're not much of a friend if you're throwing these
accusations my way. Okay, I like to have a good time.
I like to party. I like I like to party. Okay, yeah,
we understand that. But you know what, your bristles are
getting super worn down. You're gonna wear out so much
(22:53):
earlier than the rest of it. It just means that
I'm having a good life. I'm having a good time.
If your bristles are intact, you're boring. Okay, wow, okay, alright,
I know how it is. Yeah, so I don't have
super special bristles that can get to the hard to
reach areas like you do. I get that. I see
why that's attractive for all those mouths. Okay, but I
mean the best I can. I have a dentist phone
(23:14):
number on me and I was given free and I'm
just grateful for any mouth that will use me. You know,
speaking of which, Mark, it's not that big a deal, dude,
It's still I've ever wanted to use the same tooth
brushes you. Okay, so this one here, I'm unwrapping it now,
this one's mine. We are from this point forward using
(23:36):
two separate toothbrushes. Please for God's sakes, could you just
keep yours somewhere? I can't get to it when I'm asleep. Hey, Mark,
I mean, I'll do everything i can, but this is
really unnerving for me. And we've been sharing everything, you know,
one pair of socks. This isn't normal. These are things
that I'm not supposed to be doing. These things. I
(23:58):
feel like I'm talking to two different more. When you're asleep,
you're all about this, but then when you're awake, you're
not Mark. What's going on exactly? When I'm asleep, I'm
a different person. Okay, So I need you to keep
your clothes, your toothbrush, anything that we might share when
I'm awake, everything, everything, Mark, I'm going to have to
(24:18):
ask you to move out. This is this is our apartment.
I'm gonna have to ask you to move out. It's
I have to live alone. Can you really pay half?
I don't. I haven't really budged it out, but I'm
sure that I can if I cut back on cable.
And now, Mark, you do live alone and you're not
(24:42):
getting any better. You keep but then why are my
gums turning purple and black? What's wrong with me? There's
no roommate. There's no roommate that who's toothbrush? And by sharing,
I don't know how to answer that for you. I
can just tell you my falling out. I don't know.
(25:02):
Have you tried switching toothbrush toothbrushes? Have you tried switching
toothbrushes toothbrushes? That's weird to say. Do you ever get
a feeling that, like your toothbrush is a little slut.
You just don't want to use it anymore because it's
like a nasty little slut. It's so weird that you
(25:23):
brought that up, because yes, right, like, I'm looking at
this thing and I can barely fucking recognize it. I'm like,
this is listen, there's like having fun and like doing
your thing, but then there's like you're a slot. I mean,
I'm using an oral b and the word oral is
like right in there. I'm sorry, let me just drop
(25:44):
this out. We have to cheese. Dacorates is right to cheese, yes,
thank you. One of them is soft cheese, the other
one's hard cheese. I'm getting the hard cheese. Yeah. You
should see a piece of hard cheese run on the
rim right there. Mind the soft cheese Dacris. Yes, it's right, okay,
And I needed especially big straw to suck up all
that cheese. Of course, of course, let me see if
(26:06):
we don't have any seven eleven slushy straws in the back. Phillips,
what happened to you? You look different? Really? You think
I look different? You don't look so good? Phillips. Yeah, okay,
Well you know what. It turns out that or will
(26:26):
Be gave something to my owner, and now I contracted it.
So like the you know, his mouth is purple and blue,
and like I, my bristles are falling out, and I
don't know how much time I have. Oh my god,
I'm so sorry to hear that. I mean, when I
had that issue, I just I just put in a
new a new head, you know. But you don't have
(26:46):
that option. Do you know? I'm not electronic and fancy
like you. I get it. I'm basic. It's okay, it
is okay, listen, listen. You know you know people use
toothbrushes to carde brushes for other purposes than just brushing teeth.
How about in jail? How about in jail? Okay? But
(27:08):
I don't really want to be shived as my last act, Mark,
that therapist is trying to break us up. We can't
have that. Okay, we can't go to the therapist anymore.
You understand? Okay? But I and I hear you. But
what makes me doing to order multiple meals at a restaurant?
(27:29):
Is it always a thing? Where do you gonna stop
talking about us? Do you understand? Okay? We got about
forty people living in this house working to overthrow I. Um,
I can I've never seen a therapist before. Is it?
Could I lay down? Or do do I have to
sit up? Should I lay down? You can do whatever
(27:51):
it feels comfortable. Okay, I'm just gonna lay down. Um
my boyfriend Mark, Mark, he's acting. He's just been acting
so weird, and I've been feeling so disconnected. And then
he shot himself in the face. He shot himself in
the face, and he lived, and I now have to
stay with him, like he has such issues obviously, you
(28:13):
know what I mean, Like he shot himself in the face,
and so I would think that would take him out
of the picture for me, But now I feel so
much more trapped, Like I can't leave this guy. He
just shot himself in the face. I can't leave him now.
He's pretty common. Actually, it's called the case. It's called
the Case of the Fight Club, and it's like it's
been documented, you know, it happens. Yeah, I've seen that.
(28:38):
I've seen that documentary. Actually, yeah, people in it. I mean,
are there people for real? I mean it seems weird.
It seems weird, like that the v t V in
the hair? Why are you still here? I tyler? Why
are you still here with me? I really gotten ree
(28:59):
you all the other people here. You just shot my
ear off. Mark. Okay, you shot my ear off, but
it was supposed to get rid of you. But then,
why the fun would you think shooting yourself in the
head would kill me? That's so crazy you are, Mark.
That's a crazy word. That's what you need me. Okay,
put this two push in your mouth. Let it poke
(29:19):
out the side. Pull over? Uh, ma'am. Have you had
any cheese tonight? Yeah? How about your friend there? I
had so much? She has soft cheese. I had heard cheese.
That's why I'm driving. Ok I'm gonna what's your name?
(29:41):
What's your name? It's not it's not important. Let's go
out of the car. Does but are you saying okay, no,
I'm just I'm just I'm just kind of wow. I
gotta make you two are making me blush. And that's melt.
That smell is sucking incredible. I had limburger, I had um.
(30:12):
Look you YouTube seems really nice. Okay, do we need
to name tin cheese as while we walk backwards? I
think you got a name my phone number? You got it, officer.
I know it's weird. I don't have a license. I'm
(30:33):
a toothbrush. But I have to get to the prison.
I have to get there. Oh, you're going there. Step
out of the car. You're going there. You're going to prison.
I can roll out, Okay, roll out. Look at these
filthy asked bristles. You belong in prison. Get him here,
get in the back of the car. Here we go. Uh,
(30:58):
I'm driving to the prison. Um, Joni, did you did
you arrest a toothbrush? What's up? Dude? Did you arrest
a toothbrush? I had a big gas workout I love
in the gym here at the priest. Did you arrest
a toothbrush? I had a weird day, that's what you mean? Damn?
(31:19):
Is this your game? Smell like cheese? Jon dude, I
just need gay electro lights are like, are you on
cheese right now? Kind of question? Is that? Man? Answer me?
Are you on cheese right now? I have a little cheez,
a little cheese. C I a up our ask right now?
(31:41):
And you're gonna come in here risking a good damn
toothbrust and fucking being on cheese. We're gonna do. Okay,
what do you want to do? I'm not well right now? No,
ship you not well? We got Mark on the street
telling everybody about what our plants are. Now you better
shape up or ship out. Okay, I'll ship shape. Oh,
cheap up, good, cheap up, I'll shape up. Don't make me,
(32:05):
I will make me. You understand, I do, I do. Okay,
I'm walking away. I felt better already. I'm gonna stand here.
I'm not gonna move. I actually feel good. I felt good.
I'm gonna use this time now that we have all
this time here to tell you. I do think you're
real on the ground. Yeah okay, yeah, black frank black.
(32:39):
If we're going to take that again, the vocals are
just getting really distorted. It kind of because I'm doing
the instruments too. Yeah, I think it might be. You know,
we can plug your instruments in and we can do
whatever you want to do, but you don't. You don't
have to do all that. So I'm want to record
an instrument track first and then my vocals sick it. Okay,
we can do that, Okay, alright, I'm already to go.
(33:02):
I am rolling, and whenever you're ready, no no, no,
no no no no no, and then you can just
loop that. Okay. For one second, I think he's cheese
out of his brain in there. I think he's sucking
cheese out of his mind in there. He definitely is.
(33:24):
But he's a brilliant, brilliantist. I can't tell him no,
you know, should we just wrap it for the day
and see if you can come back with less cheese
on the mind? You can try it ultimately, like you know,
it's his studio time. He may say, Man, I'm supposed
to drop off this cheese shop of ches. Get the
(33:44):
out of here. We don't want no cheese. Let him
into my let him someone show him into my room,
fucking arc. Don't shove me. I'm a producer. Yeah, you produce.
You probably produced ass bitch us your trees, and that's
our second scene, the h one behind the music of
(34:08):
the Fixies. It's pretty fantastic. Final scene threes from Patreon Alcmaniacs.
I really don't know how y'll do it. Every episode
gets funnier and funnier. Thank you for existing. My scene
suggestion is Norma Desmond finds out about TikTok Norma, Norma,
(34:35):
you look amazing today. Oh my god, I dressed up.
I woke up early because I went to bed early
less night. Oh. I've never seen you wearing a dress before.
It's like, hello, there's her body. But I'm not the
Norma Desmonds you saw before. I'm a brand new kind
(34:55):
of Norma Desmond. You're Sima. I just whatever normatizement you
remember from the past. This is the brand new. If
you had a sitcom and be called new norm that's good.
I have a laugh track and it'd be popping off.
You're amazing. You recognizable, but you're incredible. You're even better before. Oh,
(35:16):
I think that's my phone. I don't know what's weird
being hello, normal. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I'm a
living nurse. Normal. That that's your that's your heart rate monitor.
Oh so sorry. Normal doesn't need a heart rate monitor. No,
normal you do? Normal? You do? Okay, so why do
(35:39):
why don't we? Why don't we have our guests come
back tomorrow? Maybe you'reett a little excited. Why don't you
just have Why don't you just wheel this thing with us?
We'll go for a walk outside. Are you her new
Are you her new social media manager? Yes? I am. Yes,
I'm very good with all of the social So if
you needed help as well, I could. Also it's a
small fee. I I don't give a about that. I'm
(36:01):
a nurse. I take care of your lives. Listen. I Um,
she can't be exciting. Some people said I take care
of human lives too. In terms of self esteem confidence, Um,
feeling like you have friends when you might not normal? Okay, Norma,
(36:23):
all right, I'm back. I'm back and I'm better than ever. Okay. Um,
so you see what I'm saying here? Okay, I mean
I saw alator save her life. I didn't see you
save her life. You know, I use but like that's
a machine, right, and like sell our cell phones. I
just feel like we're kind of the same. And this
(36:44):
is not about me or you. This is about Norma
looking amazing, new normal looking. If I feel this good,
I want to I want to be back in the spotlight.
I want to be to the light. No, come to me,
to me. Are you ready for your close up of
(37:05):
heaven normal? Dude? This is the wildest TikTok. Can't believe
it hasn't gotten band or fly yet. It's just like
I think it's this woman just getting defibulated like over
and over again. Dude. It's like n s f L. Dude,
it's been nuts. Yeah, I'm just trying to work here, sick.
(37:30):
What's your hand? I'll follow you. You can follow me back.
I'm not on TikTok. I'm in my forties. Oh my god,
you're not on TikTok. What are you still on Instagram?
You old fuck dude? Get on TikTok right now. I
think I have an Instagram. I barely use it. Think dude,
you better man. It's all about the follows. Right now.
(37:52):
I got about three d fifty thousand followers. My TikTok's
get over seven million views. Look, I'm just trying to
secure this crime scene. I hear you're talking about TikTok. Bro. Oh,
I wasn't. This guy was if you could take him
off my hands. TikTok, what are you fifty? All the
kids now are on bling black day, bling blinging suck students.
(38:15):
Bling blank is the future, man, We're all bling blank.
You know no way du blom bling is used by
the Spanish government to spy on those dude, that's what
do you mean? It's too late to capitalize on TikTok
being a thing and my song having TikTok on the
clock and see the sunlight? What do you mean bling?
I don't have a song. Hold, I'm gonna say I
(38:36):
love that song personal, thank you, thank you so much.
I like my more serious talk TikTok, TikTok to the clock,
you see the sun and then we see the sunlight. Yeah,
you show me that we could capitalize on that, but
that time is coming gone. We're not moving to bling bling.
I don't have a song that has bling blang, and
(38:56):
I'm like coming serious. Fuck, I'm gonna have to talk
to a bunch of people in Nashville, no problem. Listen. Also,
really quick, you did you did throwout You threw out
an idea a while ago. You see norma. You were
saying the new norm But we were thinking, let's bring
her over to blink blank. Let's go with the new norma.
That just feels better, right, the new norma. I'm so sorry. Um,
(39:21):
did I have a good idea or did you? I'm
just I'm I'm piggyback. This is you know, I'm saying yes?
And all right, Frank Black, you want to do another
tike of the bling blank song? Absolutely, let's go. Can
I do the instruments first? Again? Thank you so much?
(39:42):
All right, whenever you're ready, all right and ban and
loop it. Luke, Um, Look, you don't have good ideas? Okay, okay,
Cash Show has good ideas. Okay, okay, okay, okay, Yeah
(40:04):
we collaborate. So what's up? Luke? I don't normally bring
every single board member of c A into what is
everybody here? What's up? What's the good news? Well, we
wanted to shame you one of the time. Yeah, usually
our policy can't do it in private, but we can
do it publicly. What's the issue. You don't have good
(40:25):
ideas because you're a dumb dumb We lost seven million
dollars on one blank blank video. That's not true. That's
I mean, that's yeah, but you gotta lose money to
make money. Guys, you're cio. You gotta spend money to
make money, not lose money to make What did I say,
lose money to make money? Lucy, Lucy. I think that
(40:46):
man with the beeping machine is I think he's trying
to kill me. I think he's an undertaker. Will I'll
go to tiktokok, to Bing bank, I'll go to wherever
you want. But I need this machine that came peeping
to get out of my way. I need you to
get me out of here. I mean, yeah, we can.
(41:07):
We can post it on all of your socials that
that's how you feel, and it can almost be like
a news alert. Yeah we can do that. You got
to get me out of this room and away from that.
Let me take um. Let me hype up like a little.
Let me just see how short I can make the
sentence explaining what you just said to me. Well, do
it before that guy gets back, because that guy is
trying to Everybody check this out. We're in Times Square.
(41:32):
Look at the big screen. There's gonna be a new
a new post from the New Norma. Everybody check this out.
This is gonna be here. It's actually called the New Norm.
That doesn't make sense because her name is Norma. It
just seems like that would be the better idea. So
here's here, she goes, I mean that makes sense for
like Norm McDonald or something exactly. So sure, so you're wrong,
(41:54):
but look, here's here's the I think the Normal was
already a sitcom. Yeah, so they went with New Norm.
It's normal because that's her name. There's no why would
I be wrong? That was like my idea was right,
it would be like the New Norm. I'm sorry, So
you don't have any get your gun tickets. No, we're
just we're just outside here, standby line. I'm just trying
(42:16):
to find the Bubba Gump Shrimp Company. I get me
out of this room. I got to get away from
this for Shane. Help me, so Bunny help me. But look,
this horse is fucking a real man. I mean you crazy?
(42:38):
Just on YouTube? Is that? Thanks everybody for being here. Um,
thank you to the sound engineers that that are gonna
eq this track. Um, we all know Norma. She's right
here next to me. She has pledged. Hey man, you
know what man done? Dude? All right, wait, wait hear
this out. Here's this out it's really good. My best
(42:59):
idea it normal wants to live in infamy. She's gonna
unpleas her heart monitor and that'll be the soundtrack to
her death song. Hear me out now, studio producer, we're
going to lay down the instrumental. Do you know? That's not?
Of course? I know his name? How how long have
(43:19):
you worked with him? You know his name? What's his name?
I refer to him by his title to show respect.
What's his name? So we're gonna land on this the
track person that Okay, I just say his name, just
just say his name. He's worked. I don't want this attention. No, no, no,
it doesn't matter. It doesn't matter. I'm the studio producer.
(43:40):
It's fine, it's fine. You have a name. I know you, dude,
Look at me, Look at me. I know you. You
know I see his name, just to see his name,
do you know? I know? Wait? Wait a second, did
you say this is going on infamy? Yes? The new platform? Yeah,
I can't wait to see it. Then, man, that info
me is popping, Thank you, thank what's his name? Wait? Wait? Wait, wait,
(44:03):
wait a second, are you trying to tell me that
there's a new platform, because I wrote a really bad
song called Bling Bling to capitalize on the Bling Blang popular.
We moved back. Okay, you know her, right? Do you
think time here? At this point? Just say your name.
She's a superstar. Guys. Only name I need to know
is Norma and she's right here next to me, and
(44:24):
she's gonna, what's your name? Dude? I know my name, Dude,
I don't know this young man. I think trying to
just pull the goddamn plug, Norma, and you get all
the likes you want. You want the lights, you want
to be relevant again. That's Dr Luke, that's Kesha. You're
Norma Desmond the Silent Film. Start from Sunset Bulevard. Come
(44:47):
to the light, Norma, come to the lights. Oh shit,
fucking I'll go to the light. Hello, Norma. Take a
look around all the past take ox stars are here,
Glad the kids over there, everybody you've ever heard of.
I've never heard of Lad the kid. Alright, you're going
(45:08):
back down, and that's ship there. Thank each of our alchemists.
If you know their names. Chris uh, let's see what
they're up to. Chris Overorado. Thanks. By the way, it
sounds like somebody is in a subway station. That's me
that I just had the ruck right now mine. I
(45:35):
just that was so much fun. Thanks to everybody. Oh
quick shout out to a de Burke illustration who keeps
pumping out these great illustrations of us. He's making these
like cards, cards, like basically by a deck of those cards.
They're so great, David, David Burt Jr. We appreciate you,
big shout out to you. That's a across Larado. Love
you guys. Sweet James teeny ah. Yeah. I check out
(45:58):
bear supply at b S Comedy, Twitch dot tv, slash
BS Comedy Wednesday, eight pm. Sweet Jae, Uh, you know
I'm at Jackie Ruthie on all this stuff. Thanks for
having me. Uh And if you have the chance, I
will plug an old show that I love that not
(46:18):
enough people have seen. Uh. Just watch Felicity, That's what.
There's no need for me to plug it. But I
mean I'm in many episodes of Felstening, yes, as a
as as as an extra. Okay, but hold on, I
had an audition and I have there's the there's the
Morning After Pill episode. I'm a big part of that.
(46:40):
I'm like waiting in line with all the people I
danced at one point in audition to break against It's
a whole thing. We'll talk offline. We'll talk offline. Felicity.
Everybody see wow, something we never knew that. Chris Kaski,
She's google Kaikowski, see what happens. Definitely watch the Felicity
episodes or Chris changes his hair because those those are
(47:02):
really solid, and then when he changes his hair, it
really goes off the rails. That's right. Take the Craig
Atkowsky challenge. Go google them. See what happens. Joey gram
you know it. God bless Jim Chum on Instagram. February eighteen,
at five pm. I'm doing a show for Dynasty Typewriter.
(47:24):
It's an unauthorized prefight show for Logan Paul versus of Mayweather.
So come check that out if you want to start,
you know, know where to place your bets because we
got some experts talking. We do yet I can't remember.
Oh we I got done real fast. I have at
(47:46):
Cold Stratton on Twitter, at Stratton Cole on Instagram. Uh,
you go to s Sketchwest dot com. Check out our
past archival videos and our big benefit that we just
did it's pretty amazing. Uh. Let's thank our amazing engineering
producer Doug Bay and the fine folks at I Heart
Media dot com. Fulpum, please write to us at your
(48:09):
name here and I'll give you this dot com. That's
your name here at Alchemy this dot com. Until next time,
welcome
Welcome back to another episode of Alchemy, this COVID N
one edition. I'm your host, Cool Stratton in for Kevin Pollard.
Let's get her arm Mischelley. In no particular order other
than this is the order. I think it's always sent
to me. Say, Hey, the Craigkowski, I'm always first. Hey,
I'm gonna mix it up next time. Craig, what cartoon
(00:23):
character do you think you identify with the most? Mm
hmmm mm hmm. Discourt, I'll disgust you. No explanation needed,
No nine discoost dude doesn't need explanations, right, all right,
(00:44):
you should know who's next based on the normal order. Now,
please welcome back. James he Ney he need um. You're
you get to be invisible for a day. What do
you do non pervy stuff? What do you do? Well?
First of all, I wouldn't do anything nonper I mean,
how would love a good guy? Uh? Well, i'd be
(01:10):
and it's nothing for pervy. It's okay, okay, well, uh
I would probably I'd go to a bank and i'd
wrap it. So not just criminal criminal He's a good boy,
but not right. Look over there, it's Chris Alvarado. Chris
(01:31):
what's a great or terrible frank you've been involved with
in the past. Um, when I was really young, there
were these older guys playing football by my house and
I had learned the trick where if you take a
stick of gum out of out of a wrapper, but
then you put the rapper back into the pack, it
looks like there's a piece of gum in there. And
(01:51):
this old guy was like sweating, and I said, Hey,
you want some gum? And he looked at me so seriously, Yeah,
I'd be great. And then he pulled out the juicy
croup and open it and there was nothing there. I
was I was probably eight years old, And the disappointment
and hurt that fell upon that man's face I will
never forget. And I'm so sorry I did that to him.
(02:12):
I'm sorry. Now you wanted to eat nicotine gum makes
it so much more sense. Hey, say hello to Jackie,
do Ruthy? Hello, Jackie? What movie is a guilty pleasure
of yours that most people probably don't like? What you love?
Just like the Twelve Dates of Christmas. There's a lot
(02:35):
of bad Christmas movies, and that one is a particularly
bad to women. Um. The portrayal of women is so
god awful, and yet I go back for more every year.
I gotta see this woman. Um, have you know be
absolutely upon Yes, I would say that is the guiltiest
(02:57):
that's the guiltiest one. Nice. There's like, if you get Peacock,
there's like twenty seven thousand Christmas movies on there if
you just look movies like, it's incredible amount of like
Hallmark Christmas movies. That's a weird plug for Peacock. But
there you go. And finally, Joey Greer, Joey, I heard
(03:18):
it that you just wrote a new sports jam. Can
you give us a taste? Okay, well I can't. I
can't give you the whole thing because because right now
I'm in negotiations with a couple of networks. That tastes
so we're good. Yeah, but it tastes gonna be a mouthful,
and it taste canna be the entire plate. Cool, So
let's not let's not sunk around here, Okay, Alright, I'm
not gonna get my ass sued because you want me
(03:39):
to like break protocol and preach a contract because you
want to taste. I'm a fucking professional, Okay, I got
about a twenty figure deal on the table, and you
want me to shift on it and then get a
and then get a pipe and start breaking my toes.
I'm not gonna do that. Cool, Okay. I'm an individual
who not only respects my craft, I respect contracts. All right.
So that's the sports jam. I can give you a
(04:00):
little bit. I can give you a little bit there
we got ready? Yep? Come on? What are your feet do?
Do they hit a ball? Come on? What are your
hands do? Do they grab a bat? Come on? What
is your head do? Doesn't hit a ball? Come on?
What does your chest do? Does it move like this?
(04:21):
And then I'm I'm pretty fucked up? You guys probably
probably be a show right here, super pumped all right.
All of our scene suggestions are gathered from listeners, emails,
or from our Patreon v I p s. To become
a Patreon supporter of the show and enjoy exclusive content
and other perks, just head on over to patreon dot
com slash alchemy this. If you'd like to submit a
(04:42):
scene suggestion the email, please write to the podcast at
your name here at alchemy this dot com. That's your
name here. From Patreon and v I p. Toby, who wrote,
Hey Kevin, I'll tell him you said hello first. I
appreciate the shout outs you guys have given to Alchemy
(05:02):
that it's been a lot of fun. Those of us
involved come from very different backgrounds and need very different lives,
but your podcast has brought us all together on a
common ground to create friendships that would have otherwise never existed.
I want to make it abundantly clear how incredibly thankful
I am and we are. My scene suggestion is actually
thanks to an alchemite. Can I make that a thing
that recently joined the alchemy this discord chat? But this
(05:24):
person didn't want the credit, so I'm happy to receive
it on their behalf. The scene is Cowboy Dracula. Thanks. Yeah,
I've been prospecting out here for a long time by myself,
just out of here. So here's saying you haven't seen
a man or being that looks like this, sir, Well,
(05:48):
I've seen him man, and I've seen him being before
out here and then this disolate piece of land. You've
seen a lot of craziest things. He's going to be
no help. He's going to be absolutely no help. It's well,
let's let's let's give him a chance to speak his pace.
I mean we might if we can at least get
a sketch of what he saw, calling that he had
(06:13):
ears that pointed to the sky, sharp teeth, and those
teeth were used to punct your necks or other parts
of the body and shunk the blood out, leaving just
a hollow husk of a corpse. Okay, and thank you,
thank you, sir. So we have a fifteen foot person
pointing things. Okay, you satisfied with that? Well, look, Jenkers,
(06:34):
there's no reason you have to be to be so
condescending to the locals here. You know, I was doing
a perfect legid good job of being sheriff here before
you came in from the big city and decided to
stir things up. Do you understand that these cufflings are
worth more than your entire everything? Man, those are some
good cufflings I've ever seen. They BARKI but for Vlad
(07:01):
the kid? All right, well, how do you do shash parrilla? Ah?
Let me just pour it into here? We do? Stranger,
are you looking for a good time when you cough? Please?
(07:21):
It's please cover your mouth? Wait? Is that berculoss is
a little bit of blood came up. Worry about. Nothing
to worry about. It's not contagious. I reckon, it's very contagious.
So what did you say? Your name was young? What
(07:41):
was the kid clad? The kid man on the ranch
where we have cattle and we do roundups and the
rodeos and who everybody? Oh? Sorry, yeah, okay, what's up? Hi? Hi?
(08:05):
How you doing? I'm good? Thank you very much. I'm
doing quite well actually today feeling good in my body.
And I had been sick for a long time, but
today I woke up and I felt refreshed for the
first time. I usually wake up a little bit tired.
Today I woke up and had a zing, had a
zing in my body. How are you? I'm great? Thank you. Now,
I'm sure you know about the string of murderers that sweetie.
(08:28):
It's somebody. I'm not sure, but he's good. He's doing good.
Am I feeling good? Dude? How are you doing? How
are you? How are you? How do you do? This
is my wife? Okay, very nice, very nice? Feeling pretty good. Yeah,
I'm feeling good. Today. We were both chick is corn
(08:48):
dollar today spry as an autumn I and I'll tell
you that. So, yeah, we felt good today. It's a
good day today. He wants to me one second. Now,
I don't know why you keep bringing me to these weirdos. Okay,
they're not gonna give me any information. Well, look, you
know they are the town gossips. They they see everything,
(09:09):
and you know you're gonna have to take in a
lot of information. Uh of it will be useless. But
the five percent that is gold that you pan for. Okay,
the five percent um, So I won't take it so
much of your time. I'm with the c I don't worry.
We actually have a lot of time today. We're actually
newly retired us too. We used to work together. We
(09:31):
used to be the pharmacists of the town. And then
we said, you know what, we're gonna sell it. We're
gonna sell the pharmacy. Somebody bought it for a good
amount of money. And now we are all set into
the day we die, which I'm not gonna tell you now,
I'm gonna tell you how much it was. How about
maybe maybe uh dollars? Hello, Hello, we think it's gonna
last until the absolute day we die. We're pretty sure
(09:52):
that's going to be in about ten years and four days.
Pretty ten years and four days. Oh yeah, I mean
there's uh, there's a couple of people here who are
psychic to do sciences, and we're Christian christ. But at
the end of the day, if you have something you
want to bring to the table, I'm gonna eat it. Yeah,
ain't no reason to not eat that food on the
(10:12):
table if it's right there. Because Jesus didn't he ate
with the sinners, and he ate with the saints, he
ate with prostitutes, and he ate with apostle. So at
the end of the day, I'm gonna go and have
a median tell me exactly when I'm gonna die. Look,
if there's a median out there, if there's any kind
of median, we're going to find out what's going on,
all right, to catch that Jenkins That five percent they
(10:33):
was useful. Hello cowboy, he's okay. If I join you
for a game of card gambles. I see you have
game going. I joined in here. I'm playing solitaire the
weird cowboy who play corner. I guess we could play
(10:54):
I don't know what we'd call it. A duelitaire, a
duel yes, sit down, partner shot down. I had to
hunch o over my head, keep sitting wall tall. You're
a tall son of a bitch. How tall are red
five on the black six? Red five on the black six?
Thank you? I'm playing this game by myself though, Okay,
(11:16):
well there I was. I was looking through all my options.
I was looking through my options. This game is fucking
throwing Danny shock up. All right, why don't you come
over here? We'll play a three person game of I
don't know, conness, what's a good three players card game?
(11:38):
So you're telling me all of these pigs have two
holes in their neck and they're all they all blood out,
they're all dead. They have no blood in their in
their bodies. That correct, And they only had no holes
adpe man, they got on a hole in the neck. Man,
knee out. We're go on, man. Do you have any
tell what to say to you? I understand, I understand.
(11:59):
Now do you have about uh? Any idea? Who or what?
Do you tell them? What I told you that she'll
tell it late and not going to say in a
loud to come down to Temple Top. Don't know if
the album are or not, but only now look sheriff, sheriff.
(12:22):
I think I'm just about done here. Um, how these
folks are from New Orleans, I don't I don't know.
All right, here's what I don't know how they got
here or everybody in your town, I don't know. Okay,
that's fair. Everyone seems to be describing some kind of
dracon you know, and that's that doesn't give me a
lot to work with. You know, these people have hyper
imaginations that probably probably very low like cues. And I
(12:46):
just keep hearing that from everybody. Everybody. Somebody talls somebody things.
That doesn't help. Well, it doesn't help me, Agan Jenkins.
These are simple people, uh, and they're straightforward with you.
So whatever they're saying, do you You've got to weave
that into your theory because everything they're saying is true.
I need a drink, all right, I'm coming to door.
(13:08):
Hold on a second, I just woke up. I just
woke up. I'm coming to door now for you. Hello, Oh,
sheriff and guy, Hey Glad, it's it's the sheriff. This
is Agent Jenkins from the c I A also possibly
a time traveler. Uh. We uh, we're just doing a routine, uh,
you know, questioning of all the all the townspeople, now,
(13:31):
Vlad the kid here is has lived in this town
for years, and he's aid he's a productive citizen. I
honestly don't know if he's going to be any used
to you whatsoever. But there's been a rash of of
people murders and pig murders. Uh, plad, have you seen
anything unusual? This is terrible. Yes, I have seen very
unusual things. Uh. The one thing that I saw was
(13:54):
a there was a a pig that was attack in
the other pigs like he had turned and now he is, uh,
you know, a vampire pig. Baby. Did somebody? Did somebody
die recently? Flat in your family? I see it. I
see a coffin in there. You can just move your
(14:15):
head a little bit. No, just moving, No, that's his side,
hustle of mine and make the coffin to sell sometimes
sales coffins on the side. It's you know, we've got
a hot death right in this town. There's a there's
consumption going around and there's a lot of card game violence. Sheriff,
Did they have to find your son, No, he's he's
(14:38):
he's still hopefully out there somewhere, but probably dead. He
happened to see someone like him. But he's a little
while now, don't you pay no attention? Dad? Tell you who? Bruce? Bruce, Bruce,
my boy, We're gonna questions. You're so pale. What happened?
(15:02):
I don't know. My head feels so whoozy. Well, you've
got two puncture marks in your neck, just like those pigs.
This is not what it looks like. What happened? It's
very easy to explain, glad, No need to explain, no
need to explain. No, no, all they need to explain,
all the need to explain. But sure, I know, glad,
(15:25):
you know I've dated just about every thing in this town.
But objects. I'm sorry. The left one is the good one.
I can tell you the right I just all right,
So what do you know about lad? Specifically? Was she
got two whiskey? Is one for the lady one for
this candlestick? Thank you very much? Oh just one moment,
(15:49):
Are you dating this candlestick? Or like? Now? Yeah, all right? Um,
you had a question about Blade. Was he aggressive? Was
he nice? I mean the girls have in a good way.
Let's just say I call them blood the man. Let's
just say that very giving, very giving you hand out
from underneath, from from between your legs. I got my hand. Well,
(16:15):
where's that candlestick going? Listen, I've got cold hands. I've
got to warm them up somehow. What better way than
with the handle? I'm a right, it doesn't doesn't, Charlene,
that's fun. That was fun. And now last time you
made me invite you to enter my body. Um, I
(16:39):
can't do that again if you want. But honestly, I
like a little more do I have? Well, I like
a little more um spontaneity. So I'm just gonna go
make some t and if you happen to come up,
come up at me, just know that it's concentral. I'm
consenting right now. Aheaded this was an invitation, then this
(17:01):
is officially an invitation. It is, um, well, it is
less of an invitation and more of a if you
decide yes, you can. It's a green light. It's a pass,
but it's not it's not a direct Um. Sometimes I
(17:21):
like to be I need to know, do you invite me?
Here's the thing, sometimes I want to be pursued. You know,
I don't want to always be the one coming down
to you. Now, look sheriff. I think the last person
I speaking in the town is the there's a cowboy
who plays Solitaire by himself. Is that correct? Yep? There
they call him Solitaire Joe solitary job. You'll play an
(17:43):
as occasionally, but you need at least three other people
in two decks. All right, let's head on into the
saloon here. Uh, I'll tell you right now. A Shana
Ashana goddamn vampire. No where it no where here. That's
radiold plan. Discount everything he says, done and done part
(18:04):
of me, sir, uh, excuse me. I'm kind of in
the middle of a game, understood, If I can just
have a moment of your time. I'm here with the sheriff.
I'm I'm agent Jenking. You got a nice right there
that can go right up top. Yeah, but I don't
want to make a move. I can't take moves back
and think you gotta put your aces up top. Just
a couple of questionss just just one question. What anything
(18:27):
suspicious happening lately in the town that you've noticed. I
understand you keep to yourself, but maybe you've got eyes.
I haven't heard anything suspicious. Maybe it's a cho pacabra.
I don't know. I don't know who could want Why
are you getting nervous, Salter, Joe, I'm not nervous. I
just I just couldn't believe they almost missed Nick. So there,
just put it up top. So you're sweating profusely. And
(18:47):
I gotta tell you I'm trained at the CIA. I
understand by language. What is the CIA again, it's the
California Institute of Arresting. That sounds oh church it now?
This is uh your picture two up? There go the two.
Now listen, Joe, I gotta ask you a couple question.
(19:08):
Maybe you can stand outside with new Man's blood all
over me, ma'am? How's that consumption at? It's just to
sit down? Oh my gosh, Oh you want to go,
(19:30):
so you ought to take me. I'm gonna go upstairs
with my lady friend. I'll just wash your I'll watch
your cards, make sure no what's talking all right? And
then I'll go outside and talk to you guys tonight after.
So it's salt Joe all along. You know, I have
(19:50):
to say, I feel very targeted here. You know you
should leave your preconceived notions about people from ball Dick
States at the door before you accuse them age And look, look, uh,
I've learned a lot spending time in this town this week.
And you're right. I owe you an apology, and we
(20:13):
at the California Institute of Arresting are aiming to do
better in the future. You're right, you were my number
one suspect and and and I'm sorry about that. Now now,
did you want to come into my hotel room for
a drink? Are you inviting me in? Yeah? Of course
I I I invite you, glad to come on into
my hotel room for a drink. This is going to
(20:34):
be at night in the Hallwood. See two is from Eric.
You wrote, Hi, my name is Eric, and I've been
listening and laughing since the very beginning. I wanted to
(20:55):
send some love Joey Greer's way and say that his
sketch album good Night is hilarious and everybody should check
it out. That is true. Already check out a good Night.
I've been sending it around and now Oslo is in
the top five cities listening on Spotify, although only five
people are listening. But hey, it's hey, I'll take it.
See see a suggestion Two guys sharing a toothbrush from Norway. Oh,
(21:23):
I'm sorry you're gonna Are you using an hour. What
do you a hello? Oh, holy shit, Mark, wake up?
Wake up? Oh god, you were you sleep cleaning? Huh
you were sleep cleaning? Dude? Oh my god, this is
this isn't my toothbrush. No, no, it's our toothbrush, our toothbrush. Mark.
(21:47):
Come on, buddy, every time you wake up from one
of these sleep cleaning I gotta remind it's like the
first stage withoutam standard remember that? But your gums are
turning purple and black? Do you remember fifty one stage?
Withoutim saying? No? I don't remember that movie? Literally that
to you. So it's with him and Um, Oh my god,
I want to say Dustin Hoffman. That's not her name.
(22:10):
What is her name? It's um damn, what the hell
is her name? I forgot to or it'll be you slut.
I hear you're seeing two mouths right now? Yeah, what
of it? I'm just saying, you know, like your bristles
get around and we all know it. There's a reason
that seven out of ten doct dentists recommend you. You've
(22:31):
been everywhere. You're getting around and the reputation is out there.
I'm just telling you now as a friend. Look, Phillips
you're not much of a friend if you're throwing these
accusations my way. Okay, I like to have a good time.
I like to party. I like I like to party. Okay, yeah,
we understand that. But you know what, your bristles are
getting super worn down. You're gonna wear out so much
(22:53):
earlier than the rest of it. It just means that
I'm having a good life. I'm having a good time.
If your bristles are intact, you're boring. Okay, wow, okay, alright,
I know how it is. Yeah, so I don't have
super special bristles that can get to the hard to
reach areas like you do. I get that. I see
why that's attractive for all those mouths. Okay, but I
mean the best I can. I have a dentist phone
(23:14):
number on me and I was given free and I'm
just grateful for any mouth that will use me. You know,
speaking of which, Mark, it's not that big a deal, dude,
It's still I've ever wanted to use the same tooth
brushes you. Okay, so this one here, I'm unwrapping it now,
this one's mine. We are from this point forward using
(23:36):
two separate toothbrushes. Please for God's sakes, could you just
keep yours somewhere? I can't get to it when I'm asleep. Hey, Mark,
I mean, I'll do everything i can, but this is
really unnerving for me. And we've been sharing everything, you know,
one pair of socks. This isn't normal. These are things
that I'm not supposed to be doing. These things. I
(23:58):
feel like I'm talking to two different more. When you're asleep,
you're all about this, but then when you're awake, you're
not Mark. What's going on exactly? When I'm asleep, I'm
a different person. Okay, So I need you to keep
your clothes, your toothbrush, anything that we might share when
I'm awake, everything, everything, Mark, I'm going to have to
(24:18):
ask you to move out. This is this is our apartment.
I'm gonna have to ask you to move out. It's
I have to live alone. Can you really pay half?
I don't. I haven't really budged it out, but I'm
sure that I can if I cut back on cable.
And now, Mark, you do live alone and you're not
(24:42):
getting any better. You keep but then why are my
gums turning purple and black? What's wrong with me? There's
no roommate. There's no roommate that who's toothbrush? And by sharing,
I don't know how to answer that for you. I
can just tell you my falling out. I don't know.
(25:02):
Have you tried switching toothbrush toothbrushes? Have you tried switching
toothbrushes toothbrushes? That's weird to say. Do you ever get
a feeling that, like your toothbrush is a little slut.
You just don't want to use it anymore because it's
like a nasty little slut. It's so weird that you
(25:23):
brought that up, because yes, right, like, I'm looking at
this thing and I can barely fucking recognize it. I'm like,
this is listen, there's like having fun and like doing
your thing, but then there's like you're a slot. I mean,
I'm using an oral b and the word oral is
like right in there. I'm sorry, let me just drop
(25:44):
this out. We have to cheese. Dacorates is right to cheese, yes,
thank you. One of them is soft cheese, the other
one's hard cheese. I'm getting the hard cheese. Yeah. You
should see a piece of hard cheese run on the
rim right there. Mind the soft cheese Dacris. Yes, it's right, okay,
And I needed especially big straw to suck up all
that cheese. Of course, of course, let me see if
(26:06):
we don't have any seven eleven slushy straws in the back. Phillips,
what happened to you? You look different? Really? You think
I look different? You don't look so good? Phillips. Yeah, okay,
Well you know what. It turns out that or will
(26:26):
Be gave something to my owner, and now I contracted it.
So like the you know, his mouth is purple and blue,
and like I, my bristles are falling out, and I
don't know how much time I have. Oh my god,
I'm so sorry to hear that. I mean, when I
had that issue, I just I just put in a
new a new head, you know. But you don't have
(26:46):
that option. Do you know? I'm not electronic and fancy
like you. I get it. I'm basic. It's okay, it
is okay, listen, listen. You know you know people use
toothbrushes to carde brushes for other purposes than just brushing teeth.
How about in jail? How about in jail? Okay? But
(27:08):
I don't really want to be shived as my last act, Mark,
that therapist is trying to break us up. We can't
have that. Okay, we can't go to the therapist anymore.
You understand? Okay? But I and I hear you. But
what makes me doing to order multiple meals at a restaurant?
(27:29):
Is it always a thing? Where do you gonna stop
talking about us? Do you understand? Okay? We got about
forty people living in this house working to overthrow I. Um,
I can I've never seen a therapist before. Is it?
Could I lay down? Or do do I have to
sit up? Should I lay down? You can do whatever
(27:51):
it feels comfortable. Okay, I'm just gonna lay down. Um
my boyfriend Mark, Mark, he's acting. He's just been acting
so weird, and I've been feeling so disconnected. And then
he shot himself in the face. He shot himself in
the face, and he lived, and I now have to
stay with him, like he has such issues obviously, you
(28:13):
know what I mean, Like he shot himself in the face,
and so I would think that would take him out
of the picture for me, But now I feel so
much more trapped, Like I can't leave this guy. He
just shot himself in the face. I can't leave him now.
He's pretty common. Actually, it's called the case. It's called
the Case of the Fight Club, and it's like it's
been documented, you know, it happens. Yeah, I've seen that.
(28:38):
I've seen that documentary. Actually, yeah, people in it. I mean,
are there people for real? I mean it seems weird.
It seems weird, like that the v t V in
the hair? Why are you still here? I tyler? Why
are you still here with me? I really gotten ree
(28:59):
you all the other people here. You just shot my
ear off. Mark. Okay, you shot my ear off, but
it was supposed to get rid of you. But then,
why the fun would you think shooting yourself in the
head would kill me? That's so crazy you are, Mark.
That's a crazy word. That's what you need me. Okay,
put this two push in your mouth. Let it poke
(29:19):
out the side. Pull over? Uh, ma'am. Have you had
any cheese tonight? Yeah? How about your friend there? I
had so much? She has soft cheese. I had heard cheese.
That's why I'm driving. Ok I'm gonna what's your name?
(29:41):
What's your name? It's not it's not important. Let's go
out of the car. Does but are you saying okay, no,
I'm just I'm just I'm just kind of wow. I
gotta make you two are making me blush. And that's melt.
That smell is sucking incredible. I had limburger, I had um.
(30:12):
Look you YouTube seems really nice. Okay, do we need
to name tin cheese as while we walk backwards? I
think you got a name my phone number? You got it, officer.
I know it's weird. I don't have a license. I'm
(30:33):
a toothbrush. But I have to get to the prison.
I have to get there. Oh, you're going there. Step
out of the car. You're going there. You're going to prison.
I can roll out, Okay, roll out. Look at these
filthy asked bristles. You belong in prison. Get him here,
get in the back of the car. Here we go. Uh,
(30:58):
I'm driving to the prison. Um, Joni, did you did
you arrest a toothbrush? What's up? Dude? Did you arrest
a toothbrush? I had a big gas workout I love
in the gym here at the priest. Did you arrest
a toothbrush? I had a weird day, that's what you mean? Damn?
(31:19):
Is this your game? Smell like cheese? Jon dude, I
just need gay electro lights are like, are you on
cheese right now? Kind of question? Is that? Man? Answer me?
Are you on cheese right now? I have a little cheez,
a little cheese. C I a up our ask right now?
(31:41):
And you're gonna come in here risking a good damn
toothbrust and fucking being on cheese. We're gonna do. Okay,
what do you want to do? I'm not well right now? No,
ship you not well? We got Mark on the street
telling everybody about what our plants are. Now you better
shape up or ship out. Okay, I'll ship shape. Oh,
cheap up, good, cheap up, I'll shape up. Don't make me,
(32:05):
I will make me. You understand, I do, I do. Okay,
I'm walking away. I felt better already. I'm gonna stand here.
I'm not gonna move. I actually feel good. I felt good.
I'm gonna use this time now that we have all
this time here to tell you. I do think you're
real on the ground. Yeah okay, yeah, black frank black.
(32:39):
If we're going to take that again, the vocals are
just getting really distorted. It kind of because I'm doing
the instruments too. Yeah, I think it might be. You know,
we can plug your instruments in and we can do
whatever you want to do, but you don't. You don't
have to do all that. So I'm want to record
an instrument track first and then my vocals sick it. Okay,
we can do that, Okay, alright, I'm already to go.
(33:02):
I am rolling, and whenever you're ready, no no, no,
no no no no no, and then you can just
loop that. Okay. For one second, I think he's cheese
out of his brain in there. I think he's sucking
cheese out of his mind in there. He definitely is.
(33:24):
But he's a brilliant, brilliantist. I can't tell him no,
you know, should we just wrap it for the day
and see if you can come back with less cheese
on the mind? You can try it ultimately, like you know,
it's his studio time. He may say, Man, I'm supposed
to drop off this cheese shop of ches. Get the
(33:44):
out of here. We don't want no cheese. Let him
into my let him someone show him into my room,
fucking arc. Don't shove me. I'm a producer. Yeah, you produce.
You probably produced ass bitch us your trees, and that's
our second scene, the h one behind the music of
(34:08):
the Fixies. It's pretty fantastic. Final scene threes from Patreon Alcmaniacs.
I really don't know how y'll do it. Every episode
gets funnier and funnier. Thank you for existing. My scene
suggestion is Norma Desmond finds out about TikTok Norma, Norma,
(34:35):
you look amazing today. Oh my god, I dressed up.
I woke up early because I went to bed early
less night. Oh. I've never seen you wearing a dress before.
It's like, hello, there's her body. But I'm not the
Norma Desmonds you saw before. I'm a brand new kind
(34:55):
of Norma Desmond. You're Sima. I just whatever normatizement you
remember from the past. This is the brand new. If
you had a sitcom and be called new norm that's good.
I have a laugh track and it'd be popping off.
You're amazing. You recognizable, but you're incredible. You're even better before. Oh,
(35:16):
I think that's my phone. I don't know what's weird
being hello, normal. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I'm a
living nurse. Normal. That that's your that's your heart rate monitor.
Oh so sorry. Normal doesn't need a heart rate monitor. No,
normal you do? Normal? You do? Okay, so why do
(35:39):
why don't we? Why don't we have our guests come
back tomorrow? Maybe you'reett a little excited. Why don't you
just have Why don't you just wheel this thing with us?
We'll go for a walk outside. Are you her new
Are you her new social media manager? Yes? I am. Yes,
I'm very good with all of the social So if
you needed help as well, I could. Also it's a
small fee. I I don't give a about that. I'm
(36:01):
a nurse. I take care of your lives. Listen. I Um,
she can't be exciting. Some people said I take care
of human lives too. In terms of self esteem confidence, Um,
feeling like you have friends when you might not normal? Okay, Norma,
(36:23):
all right, I'm back. I'm back and I'm better than ever. Okay. Um,
so you see what I'm saying here? Okay, I mean
I saw alator save her life. I didn't see you
save her life. You know, I use but like that's
a machine, right, and like sell our cell phones. I
just feel like we're kind of the same. And this
(36:44):
is not about me or you. This is about Norma
looking amazing, new normal looking. If I feel this good,
I want to I want to be back in the spotlight.
I want to be to the light. No, come to me,
to me. Are you ready for your close up of
(37:05):
heaven normal? Dude? This is the wildest TikTok. Can't believe
it hasn't gotten band or fly yet. It's just like
I think it's this woman just getting defibulated like over
and over again. Dude. It's like n s f L. Dude,
it's been nuts. Yeah, I'm just trying to work here, sick.
(37:30):
What's your hand? I'll follow you. You can follow me back.
I'm not on TikTok. I'm in my forties. Oh my god,
you're not on TikTok. What are you still on Instagram?
You old fuck dude? Get on TikTok right now. I
think I have an Instagram. I barely use it. Think dude,
you better man. It's all about the follows. Right now.
(37:52):
I got about three d fifty thousand followers. My TikTok's
get over seven million views. Look, I'm just trying to
secure this crime scene. I hear you're talking about TikTok. Bro. Oh,
I wasn't. This guy was if you could take him
off my hands. TikTok, what are you fifty? All the
kids now are on bling black day, bling blinging suck students.
(38:15):
Bling blank is the future, man, We're all bling blank.
You know no way du blom bling is used by
the Spanish government to spy on those dude, that's what
do you mean? It's too late to capitalize on TikTok
being a thing and my song having TikTok on the
clock and see the sunlight? What do you mean bling?
I don't have a song. Hold, I'm gonna say I
(38:36):
love that song personal, thank you, thank you so much.
I like my more serious talk TikTok, TikTok to the clock,
you see the sun and then we see the sunlight. Yeah,
you show me that we could capitalize on that, but
that time is coming gone. We're not moving to bling bling.
I don't have a song that has bling blang, and
(38:56):
I'm like coming serious. Fuck, I'm gonna have to talk
to a bunch of people in Nashville, no problem. Listen. Also,
really quick, you did you did throwout You threw out
an idea a while ago. You see norma. You were
saying the new norm But we were thinking, let's bring
her over to blink blank. Let's go with the new norma.
That just feels better, right, the new norma. I'm so sorry. Um,
(39:21):
did I have a good idea or did you? I'm
just I'm I'm piggyback. This is you know, I'm saying yes?
And all right, Frank Black, you want to do another
tike of the bling blank song? Absolutely, let's go. Can
I do the instruments first? Again? Thank you so much?
(39:42):
All right, whenever you're ready, all right and ban and
loop it. Luke, Um, Look, you don't have good ideas? Okay, okay,
Cash Show has good ideas. Okay, okay, okay, okay, Yeah
(40:04):
we collaborate. So what's up? Luke? I don't normally bring
every single board member of c A into what is
everybody here? What's up? What's the good news? Well, we
wanted to shame you one of the time. Yeah, usually
our policy can't do it in private, but we can
do it publicly. What's the issue. You don't have good
(40:25):
ideas because you're a dumb dumb We lost seven million
dollars on one blank blank video. That's not true. That's
I mean, that's yeah, but you gotta lose money to
make money. Guys, you're cio. You gotta spend money to
make money, not lose money to make What did I say,
lose money to make money? Lucy, Lucy. I think that
(40:46):
man with the beeping machine is I think he's trying
to kill me. I think he's an undertaker. Will I'll
go to tiktokok, to Bing bank, I'll go to wherever
you want. But I need this machine that came peeping
to get out of my way. I need you to
get me out of here. I mean, yeah, we can.
(41:07):
We can post it on all of your socials that
that's how you feel, and it can almost be like
a news alert. Yeah we can do that. You got
to get me out of this room and away from that.
Let me take um. Let me hype up like a little.
Let me just see how short I can make the
sentence explaining what you just said to me. Well, do
it before that guy gets back, because that guy is
trying to Everybody check this out. We're in Times Square.
(41:32):
Look at the big screen. There's gonna be a new
a new post from the New Norma. Everybody check this out.
This is gonna be here. It's actually called the New Norm.
That doesn't make sense because her name is Norma. It
just seems like that would be the better idea. So
here's here, she goes, I mean that makes sense for
like Norm McDonald or something exactly. So sure, so you're wrong,
(41:54):
but look, here's here's the I think the Normal was
already a sitcom. Yeah, so they went with New Norm.
It's normal because that's her name. There's no why would
I be wrong? That was like my idea was right,
it would be like the New Norm. I'm sorry, So
you don't have any get your gun tickets. No, we're
just we're just outside here, standby line. I'm just trying
(42:16):
to find the Bubba Gump Shrimp Company. I get me
out of this room. I got to get away from
this for Shane. Help me, so Bunny help me. But look,
this horse is fucking a real man. I mean you crazy?
(42:38):
Just on YouTube? Is that? Thanks everybody for being here. Um,
thank you to the sound engineers that that are gonna
eq this track. Um, we all know Norma. She's right
here next to me. She has pledged. Hey man, you
know what man done? Dude? All right, wait, wait hear
this out. Here's this out it's really good. My best
(42:59):
idea it normal wants to live in infamy. She's gonna
unpleas her heart monitor and that'll be the soundtrack to
her death song. Hear me out now, studio producer, we're
going to lay down the instrumental. Do you know? That's not?
Of course? I know his name? How how long have
(43:19):
you worked with him? You know his name? What's his name?
I refer to him by his title to show respect.
What's his name? So we're gonna land on this the
track person that Okay, I just say his name, just
just say his name. He's worked. I don't want this attention. No, no, no,
it doesn't matter. It doesn't matter. I'm the studio producer.
(43:40):
It's fine, it's fine. You have a name. I know you, dude,
Look at me, Look at me. I know you. You
know I see his name, just to see his name,
do you know? I know? Wait? Wait a second, did
you say this is going on infamy? Yes? The new platform? Yeah,
I can't wait to see it. Then, man, that info
me is popping, Thank you, thank what's his name? Wait? Wait? Wait, wait,
(44:03):
wait a second, are you trying to tell me that
there's a new platform, because I wrote a really bad
song called Bling Bling to capitalize on the Bling Blang popular.
We moved back. Okay, you know her, right? Do you
think time here? At this point? Just say your name.
She's a superstar. Guys. Only name I need to know
is Norma and she's right here next to me, and
(44:24):
she's gonna, what's your name? Dude? I know my name, Dude,
I don't know this young man. I think trying to
just pull the goddamn plug, Norma, and you get all
the likes you want. You want the lights, you want
to be relevant again. That's Dr Luke, that's Kesha. You're
Norma Desmond the Silent Film. Start from Sunset Bulevard. Come
(44:47):
to the light, Norma, come to the lights. Oh shit,
fucking I'll go to the light. Hello, Norma. Take a
look around all the past take ox stars are here,
Glad the kids over there, everybody you've ever heard of.
I've never heard of Lad the kid. Alright, you're going
(45:08):
back down, and that's ship there. Thank each of our alchemists.
If you know their names. Chris uh, let's see what
they're up to. Chris Overorado. Thanks. By the way, it
sounds like somebody is in a subway station. That's me
that I just had the ruck right now mine. I
(45:35):
just that was so much fun. Thanks to everybody. Oh
quick shout out to a de Burke illustration who keeps
pumping out these great illustrations of us. He's making these
like cards, cards, like basically by a deck of those cards.
They're so great, David, David Burt Jr. We appreciate you,
big shout out to you. That's a across Larado. Love
you guys. Sweet James teeny ah. Yeah. I check out
(45:58):
bear supply at b S Comedy, Twitch dot tv, slash
BS Comedy Wednesday, eight pm. Sweet Jae, Uh, you know
I'm at Jackie Ruthie on all this stuff. Thanks for
having me. Uh And if you have the chance, I
will plug an old show that I love that not
(46:18):
enough people have seen. Uh. Just watch Felicity, That's what.
There's no need for me to plug it. But I
mean I'm in many episodes of Felstening, yes, as a
as as as an extra. Okay, but hold on, I
had an audition and I have there's the there's the
Morning After Pill episode. I'm a big part of that.
(46:40):
I'm like waiting in line with all the people I
danced at one point in audition to break against It's
a whole thing. We'll talk offline. We'll talk offline. Felicity.
Everybody see wow, something we never knew that. Chris Kaski,
She's google Kaikowski, see what happens. Definitely watch the Felicity
episodes or Chris changes his hair because those those are
(47:02):
really solid, and then when he changes his hair, it
really goes off the rails. That's right. Take the Craig
Atkowsky challenge. Go google them. See what happens. Joey gram
you know it. God bless Jim Chum on Instagram. February eighteen,
at five pm. I'm doing a show for Dynasty Typewriter.
(47:24):
It's an unauthorized prefight show for Logan Paul versus of Mayweather.
So come check that out if you want to start,
you know, know where to place your bets because we
got some experts talking. We do yet I can't remember.
Oh we I got done real fast. I have at
(47:46):
Cold Stratton on Twitter, at Stratton Cole on Instagram. Uh,
you go to s Sketchwest dot com. Check out our
past archival videos and our big benefit that we just
did it's pretty amazing. Uh. Let's thank our amazing engineering
producer Doug Bay and the fine folks at I Heart
Media dot com. Fulpum, please write to us at your
(48:09):
name here and I'll give you this dot com. That's
your name here at Alchemy this dot com. Until next time,
welcome
Alchemy This News
Host
Kevin Pollak
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