November 16, 2021 • 52 mins
The Donner party as an actual party;
Pre-sneeze face, speakerphones and loud hand dryers;
A celebrity works their way through the legal system.
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:02):
Welcome back to another episode of Alchemy. This I guess
it could spreads stilling for Katie. I'm sorry, guys. Soon enough,
Katie will be back. Because culture, guys can be over hanging.
Let's meet everybody to speak shally. First up as Chris Salvado, Chris,
would you rather live stoop to nuts or balls to
the wall. I think I've already spent enough time living
(00:27):
balls to the wall, and at this age, I'm coming
sup to nuts. So you know I've been. I've been
to both places. They both have their pros and cons
um but I'm glad I made out. I made it
out of live. I made it out alive of being
balls to the wall. Great questions, Really nice to have
you called. Really well. If you love that, you're gonna
(00:49):
love the rest of these. Jackie Gonzalez to Ruthie, Jackie,
would you rather bark up the wrong tree or bite
off more than you can chew? Bark up the wrong tree? Yeah,
because then they can say something. I can be like hey,
and I can still snap right back at bark right
back too much then can chew. I'm choking. I don't
(01:10):
like that, alright, fair. Next up is James Heeney, Heeney.
Would you rather be penny wise and dollar foolish or young,
dumb and full of come? Oh my god, Oh my god. Well,
what what's the first choice again? You want to be
(01:33):
a clown and murders kids. I don't even know what
the first one is. But I had a hell of
a great time being young, dumb and full of come.
I take a second round of that, right, that's what
we all wondering. Uh, it's Greg Craig. Would you rather
be the pot calling the kettle black? Or go down
(01:55):
in flames? Uh? The one sounds just like it's gonna
be trouble, So like I'm gonna go down in flames?
Sounds like trouble to you. I don't want to I
don't want to call anybody anything. It's too problematic in
(02:17):
this day and age. That makes sense. Finally, it's Joey Greer. Joey,
would you rather make a storm in a teacup? Or
take it with a grain assault? Holy sh it, I
can make a storm in a teacup? Are you kidding me? Yeah?
I'm taking that superpower. Get me the hell away from England, baby,
you know what I'm saying? Like I am what are
you talking to? Storm in a teacup? It's crazy, Yes,
(02:40):
a storm in a teacup and knew that's what you're
going to choose and how you're going to interpret. Let's
do a damn show, Shelly. All of our scene suggestions
are gathered from listeners, emails, or from our Patreon v
I p s. To become a Patreon supporter of the
show and enjoy exclusive content and other perks, just head
on over to Patreon dot com Slash Alchemy. That you'd
like to submit a scene suggestion via email, please write
(03:03):
to the podcast at our email address, Alchemy This email
at gmail dot com. That's come. Scene one is from
alchem Niac Dougie, who wrote, Dear Alchemists, here's the fact
that I'll inevitably change your lives. The trombone doesn't actually
contain any bone. Scene suggestion. The Donner party wasn't actually
(03:25):
a party at all, but what if it was. I'm
traveling east, Dougie, all right, you got okay, so we
got our gear, right, we got all the water, we
got some, got some drink. This is gonna be sick.
So my buddy Donner, he's got this like crazy set
up out like just a couple of um, a couple
(03:46):
hundred miles out and hundred miles trust me, dude, you
want to be out there, man, You're gonna be able
to see the stars and like the it's a slip party,
but hundreds of miles so it's a destination batchelor party.
Is that too much us? Um? No, I guess not.
We're gonna hike there, not the whole hundred miles. This
(04:08):
is this isn't that Donna you're always talking about? Right,
You're gonna look, he's wild. This guy is so cool
and he's so centered and like just it's like the
coolest duality ever where it's like we can live on
the edge but like centered. Yeah, I just mean of
like spiritually, like personally, Well, all the pictures you've showed
us of them, she looks kind of like, I don't know,
(04:32):
wild beard eyes two different sizes. He doesn't look centered.
He doesn't look centered, Henry, that's really fucked up. That's
really fucked up. To just make that point that you
just met personally and spiritually, man, I guess I guess
that he's bringing so many people to a bachelor party
(04:52):
that he's never even met are are those pictures you've seen?
Are they sketches? Are they like oils? Uh? They're sketches.
H You know, Henry, if you don't want to go,
you don't have to. Man, you just sound really, really
on the edge. I don't. Well, when I heard we
were going to go camping for the weekend, I figured
(05:12):
regular old off the side of the road. I've never
hiked more than probably, I don't know, ten miles in
a day. Look, the train just got here. Okay, so
someone more supplies so we can just pop off and
grab it and then we can just cupid blitz in Dasher. Yeah,
(05:32):
what's up? Well, it's it's Donner's birthday. Yeah, I know,
no one has wished him a happy birthday. He's really sad.
That's he brings it on himself. Anyway. Did you hear
what he's doing this year? Um? No, I did not.
(05:57):
He's combining his birthday party with a bachelor party with
some humans, right, So go talk to your friend around humans.
I'm sorry I'm taking this out on you. I don't
mean to take it on you, but just like I can't,
I can't anymore. I just feel like everyone woke up
on the wrong side of the bed. When it was
(06:17):
my birthday, you all threw me a really fun we
like you a reindeer exclusive birthday party. Rein deer and
humans don't mix. Thus it is, and thus it always
has been. You're so alive, he gang, Sorry, no one's
(06:38):
coming to my party. But you know, you guys will
just have to fly around without me this weekend. Well, Donna,
we can't fly around without you. It's only with the
power of nine that we can act. Power of nine.
We can fly to the skin power of nine. We
fly to the skin power of nine. All right, look, Donald,
(07:02):
you know you're doing this to yourself right. Also, where
are you having this now? In the desert? Yeah, it's
a little, um, it's a little out there, but I
think it's gonna be fun because it's not gonna be
a fucking snow bullshit day like it is three sixty five.
You know, the duality of you is crazy because you're
so centered, but you're you're you're I'm gonna say, you're
(07:24):
a fucking madman. Okay, you're crazy. Beard is nuts. That
one eye is weird. I'm saying it all right now, everybody,
I'm sorry, I'm sorry, really going for a dasher. That's
no reason to beg on my fashion choices. All of
you look the exact same, except for Rudolf with that schnaz. So,
you know, I think maybe if I go ahead and
(07:46):
grow this thing out and you know, just kind of
give myself a little personality, maybe people will be more
excited to sing songs about us a little less about
sky and stuff. You know. Excuse me, I'm sorry. I
know it's not parent teacher day, but I saw the
book that you sent home with my kid about what
(08:07):
are you doing here? What are you doing here? Listen,
it's my lunch break, Okay, I've got I'm in the
middle of teaching a lesson. Yeah, well, I wanted to
put a stop to it real quick because you're teaching
life where your kids? Did you go through the office,
nor kids? Kids. There's no such thing as kids. Don't
(08:28):
don't listen, don't now the only braindeer that specialist Rudolph.
And that's the way that we always taught it. And
that's at least I was taught. I don't like what
you're doing in this class. Everyone can be special in
their own special way. Your daughter's a crazy reindeer and
he has a beard. He's a deer with a beard.
That sounds ridiculous. DearS don't have beards, Okay, oh I've
(08:52):
seen it. Yeah, they have extra hair on their chins. No,
you're mistaken. Yeah, goats can grow. I'm I can't rain here,
crazy class. No, I don't have a kid in this class.
(09:14):
But I've heard about the bullshit that you're teaching, and
you're killing Christmas circuit. I want to take I want
to I want to do a class here. Jared, Where
the hell were you when your your lunch break was
only fifteen minutes? You come back silking wet? What the
hell is going on? Well, I went for a quick jog.
I'm just trying to keep in good shape. That way
I can bring it, you know, when it's got to
(09:34):
get brought. You jogged in your suit? Yeah, I jogged
in my suit. Did you think I was gonna take
my suit off and chuck naked? No? No, no, I
didn't think the papers Chris's remportant documents. Do you have
a towel? Yeah, of course, I got that dinner towel
over there. Actually got it for Christmas. Damn it, God,
(09:57):
damn it. What it's not Christmas. That has nothing to
do with Christmas, Donna. The reindeer. I mean, it's almost Christmas,
all right, it's it's not I'm not talking about Timeline.
I'd celebrate Christmas with you and in October easy, it's
Halloween times, Jared, I'm not going to celebrate Christmas. No,
I'm just saying the problem is that that reindeer is
(10:18):
it's basically heresy against Christianity. Is Yeah, what do you
think Christmas? Christianity heresy? That deer is not real. Rudolph
has a red nose. It's the only thing that separated
them from the other deer. Well, Jerry wants those papers
(10:39):
are ready? Oh ship ship? Um? Mark, let me tell
somewhere now, okay, um, we were We're starting a movement here.
Jared's onto something here of inquisition, all right, Wenna start
gathering people and asking them whether or not they believe
that Donner should be a legitimate representative of the nine. Okay, alright,
so there, the papers aren't ready? Or Mark, would you believe?
(11:00):
Do you believe daughter is one of the strongest members
of the night. What do you mean I'm being recalled?
I didn't I didn't make up the rules. It's just
like a weird votes going on, and you're being recalled,
and honestly, after your last request of me, you're also
(11:22):
kind of being canceled. Just because my name is Vixen
doesn't mean that I'm going to come to your bachelor party,
themes birthday party and dance around. Okay, I mean, I
just thought you wanted to be involved, and that just
seemed like a fun thing for you. And also I'd
like to be invited. I don't want to come and
dance for for for the gap, for the dudes. Al right, Sorry,
(11:48):
I do like dancing, and I will dance in front
of dudes, but not for the dudes. All right, Well,
this is a conversation we could have had before you
just went ahead and helped cancel me and get me recalled,
but I didn't help. I just kind of told the
story and it just kind of went around, and then
(12:08):
other people decided, like, we don't like that. Donors out
right now, my crazy it's getting crazier. Alright, fellas, this
is as far as I can take you. I was
happy to pick up a couple of hitchhikers. Haven't done
that in years, to be honest, But yeah, this is it.
Have fun at your party and it's the middle of
(12:28):
the desert. Yes, as far as I go, I'm I
parked right up here. M hm Ganer. I just want
to say, um, thank you so much for the stories
you told us. Don't don't okay, thank you. So right
over here, this rock over here actually was like like
like it's like so old. Donner was telling me that,
(12:50):
like like these rocks are like ancient rocks. Nickles, just
like touch your hand on make you feel so thirsty.
You should have brought water. Man, that train was dropping
of all the supply. I didn't want to touch it.
It's I I had a canteena water. I had one
cantina water. Yeah, but you dumped it out because you
said your feet were hot, so you just started dumping water.
(13:10):
Now I've got a blister. I should have probably done
it sooner. Where's your friends daughter? That we've been here
so much about. I just gotta be somewhere up here.
We just gotta keep walking. We'll find it, don't worry.
Can I have some of your water? No, man, you
can't have any of my water. Henry, you should have
got some supplies in the train, Mark, Could I have
some of your water. I'm holding on to it. Man. Okay,
(13:32):
all right, I'm fine, I'm fine. It's that Do you
see that that that news article that came out about
the all all the wood? Yeah? Crazy, yeah, yes, yes, indeed,
(13:54):
Mr crank Small. I'm a serious reporter. I've done many
a beat more sleep crime. Do not give me this
story about wood. I'm better than this. We need you
to hit the streets hid to get aut the information
to can on the wood. I've solved multiple murders that
(14:16):
the police didn't. Even my investificatory journalism did that. Yeah,
that's why we put you on the wood case. This
thing is gonna blow wide open. It's just that there's
that there's a surplus of wood this year, which also
kind of means that there's a extra deforestation. That's great,
(14:38):
that's right. That's you got to connect the dots we
just did. It's not it's a paragraph most knock knock,
starting interrupt. I just want to say thank you so
much for the story on this new inquisition slash like
cult that's emerging. How do this paper company? You're welcome.
Lisa is new. She's only big here for two months.
(15:01):
I have earned my stripes I have put in the scut. Yeah,
you know how you earned your stripes through opportunity, and
it was time to give Lisa an opportunity and then
give her shitty stories after that. I deserved the cult
story I want there. I'm actually already on the list
of Polzer. What they heard that I was writing about
(15:24):
this story and they're like, we think they might give
me the Pultzer. Look, if you want something different here,
they're replacing Donna with a new reindeer named Domino, So
you can get to that once you once you finish
the wood story. Yeah, crazy, crazy stuff, man, I'm in
(15:46):
a wood surplus Like there's a great time to get
in on the ground floor if you want wood, Like
it's super cheap. No, it's And also it's just like, okay,
I understand that would is like a fine ende research, right,
but you were there. Plus, what if we were to
like crawl a couple of miles they take forever? Because
(16:06):
what could be that hydrated that quickly? I just I
was drinking last night and I threw up. I pre partied,
pre party. Where is this daughter? And more importantly, where
are the girls? Yeah? Yeah, this is yeah, I'm really
not seeing any Hey Donner, Um, I'm sure you heard
(16:28):
the news, but we got a new guy coming in. Yeah,
I heard. You should probably head over to your party.
I'm sure everyone's excited to celebrate you. I guess I'll
head on down. I help. I hope you're able to
fly with your new nine before you go. Do you
(16:48):
want to meet him? Or would that be weird? Might
as well? Good to know what the future of the
nine looks like coming out. He's pretty cool, Domino. It's
me Domino. Oh, I'm sorry, this is weird. I shouldn't
(17:10):
run into you, should I h you had a good run, though,
you had a good run. Hi fife that but what
I mean? Look at me? I got fingers. I'm a
reindeer with fingers. That's what makes me special. Hey, Domino,
(17:31):
I just poked the escalator. He's the keys. Thanks, well,
good luck to you. Can they go kill a bunch
of humans in the desert? That doesn't sound like it's
in the Christmas spirit? Where do we put our keys?
They're a key guy around here. I think you're the
only one who drives. What that's our first C two
(18:01):
is from alche Maniac Aircraft too. Row This is my
first submission as a v I V alchy maniac, and
I'm so happy I could finally upgrade to the best
here and support you guys the best I can. I
just want to say that the scene from the nine
nine show with Deek in the Dean was top five
all time alchemy this scene. Here's some suggestions, all of
them based off of topics I wanted to one day
(18:22):
talk about when I became a stand up comedian. That's
not happening. So here, you guys can have it. There's
like three things. I'll read them all and then you
guys what you want with it? Uh? People on speaker phone, priest,
sneeze face loud, bathroom hand dryers, what was the middle one?
Let's figure out we can work them all. Thanks, guys,
(18:44):
you're the best. Craig, I love that thing you did,
you know, the one? Uh huh. It's good though, you know,
because you're wasting trees, you're actually wasting paper when you're
using you know, those little like towels and stuff like
that that inside the bathroom. So the hand drying, the
air drying, the disons are just going to make everything more.
(19:06):
But don't they have to burn trees to get the
electricity to make the blower go. No, we have a
hydroelectric damn. That's how we get our part. Yeah. It's
a waste of water and the water runs through it.
It's god, does it goes through water? Real? Fest? Have
you seen the Hoover dam? Yes, hundreds of gallons pour
(19:27):
out of that thing. I understand that, sir, But this
is we We talked to the board being and you
signed off on it. You said that this is what
you wanted to put in. If you'd like us to
change it, we can't, sir, that that won't be a problem. No, no, no,
I signed off on it. I did, yes, or you did? Yeah? Well, yeah,
that's a good idea. It's a good yes, excuse me
(19:49):
part of me. Yes, let's watch afternoon, good afternoon. Yeah,
a lot of soap. That's a lot of soap. You
know you're gonna have to wash again. That's not gonna
come off on the dion. No, we don't add more soap, don't. Yeah,
(20:13):
we just can't try out your skin, right. I don't
know who you two are. Um. This is Mr Lock here,
he owns the building in the building. Yeah, all these
offices rent from me. Yeah, I'm I want to rent
from you. Oh so I'm kind of like your landing. Well,
yeah you might. I'm a lord of I'm a lawyer,
(20:35):
so so see he's yeah. So we just install the
new dicon. So you still got a lot of soap
on there. It's not gonna that the Dyson will not
take that off, so you're gonna have just just wash
off the soap. This is normally help people use the bathrooms.
I'm not sure, sir, normally give me one sec I
gotta take this. Hello. Hey, hey, you're a speaker. I
(21:00):
gotta I gotta have some help. Fact, got to help me.
Let me put it up to your ears so it
doesn't have to be on speaker. Okay, do you want
to wash your hand? Sir? You're gonna want to. I
mean the bathroom at our house, and I'm a toilet
paper and then getting needs you to bring me some okay, Okay,
(21:24):
the closet like this, it's not just here. It's too messy.
I can't walk to the closet like this. If there's
two other gentlemen who are listening in on this, maybe
they have any some ideas. We're not necessarily listening it.
We're just I'm listening in. And for the record, if
you take one of these roles of toilet paper, I'll
(21:44):
sue your ass. Okay, I bought you get rental to
use this unit in the restrooms on this floor, but
you can't take stuff from here. Sure, I'm so sorry.
We've actually removed the toilet paper for a dyson, so
there's no more toilet paper in it. Yes, you did.
Oh baby, Maybe you want to try that? What blow drying?
(22:07):
Blow drying my part? Yeah, I get a blow dry
you have a blow dryer. I guess I could try
it on the cool setting. Okay, Yeah, Hey, Doc takes
for seeing me short notice. I I felt like I've
had to sneeze for the last two and a half
days and it's just stuck this way. It just stuck
this way. I don't know what to do. Well, you
(22:28):
definitely have psf Oh god, God, I read about that. No,
it's it's it's all right. Psf is is common in men.
Uh under forty? What do I do to get rid
of this painful? It looks terrible? Well, is there any
(22:49):
way you can sneeze that will usually relieve the the
pre SNEeSe face I've been trying. I've been trying. I like,
just put a bunch of cayenne pepper on the table
and went over. That didn't work. I went into a
field of poppies, which I'm terribly allergic to. Didn't work.
I had somebody scare me, but then I heard that
was for hiccups, so it definitely didn't work. Scaring didn't work. Now, doctor,
(23:17):
I understand that a lot of these patients are coming in.
I just want to offer you at cotton. Now, this
medication right here is not happened for me. It's not addictive,
all right, But given it to your patients, I believe
we'll actually see a high yield transformation. Tell me, tell
me the brand name one more time? At you cotton?
At cotton? Okay? Great? And and do you you have
(23:39):
some samples that I can give up? Yes? Yes? Or
right here, right at your cotton? What is it? Well,
it's uh, this is highly experimental, but it's it's brand new,
and I'm gonna start you with a sample you can
take home for free. And uh, if if it doesn't
make you sneeze, then come back for more. So if
(24:04):
it doesn't work, I should get more of it. Exactly. Okay,
I'll try anything, Doc. Thank you. I hope it's at
your does the trick and doesn't have any weird side effects. Yeah,
we'll get another steak. Doctor. I just want to say,
thank you so much. Our sales matched with your business
are through the roof. Thank you so much. I'm still
working on this sixty four porterhouse. By the way, I
(24:26):
don't know that we did any more. Excuse me. You're
the doctor, right, you're the doctor, right, Yes, let's go
with me. I need some more cutting. You have it
a patient of mine. Yeah, yeah, I couldn't sneeze. Couldn't sneeze? Doctor. Okay,
so you're you're you're suffering from PSF right, yeah, yeah, yeah,
(24:49):
you have suffering. I'm suffering. Okay, keep your hand, keep
your heads off. I got some I have some mom,
I got always keep my poems. Thank God, Get out
of here, Get out of I think you're gonna get
through that sixty four rounds. I think you will. Yeah.
Can we get another round of stakes? Can we get
(25:09):
a flight of stakes? This this great look at I
can't stop sneezing. Well, I told you that could be
a side effect of the chu cotton. I mean if
you break down the Latin roots of that ach for
you or constantly sneezing and content meaning a continuous sneeze.
(25:35):
Can I try Titan? Oh well, I mean there are
there are even more extreme side effects with kazoot Titan.
Just I'll try anything. All right, babe, listen, I gotta,
I gotta, I gotta dry my hands. I got a
big case today, so I'm about to lose you about three. Okay,
(25:58):
she's still on she's thinking a strange sound. All right,
all right, all right. I think I don't think she
knows she's still on the man. You're still on the phone. Man.
I'll tell her, baby, baby, I love you, But now
(26:25):
my hands can't try my hands so much. Soap on
your hands? This product you got soap? The soap off
your hands first, here, put them under. Put him under
where the faustage is. Let's put it on. It's like
the hoover. Damn over here. Okay, that uses a lot
of wood. Right, water, boys, you's got nine one one
distress calling this apartment complex. Right, Apparently something's going on.
(26:47):
I think there might be a bear attack. That's what
the neighbors are saying, all right, based on the noises.
All right, now, that's just going there. We kept kept it.
That seems so vague. So somewhere in this building there's
a loud noise. That's what we do. Okay, we're firefighters.
We gotta find the noise, find the scent, and make
sure we do something about it. All right, let's get
on and wait. Wait I did never can say that
was part of the job. That's interesting, you know. Now
(27:09):
that we're paused, I think we should take a moment
to actually do some self assessment here. Okay, I appreciate
that car, right, Even though we're on a rush job here,
I do think it's important that we take time for
each other and to check in how's everyone doing. I
feel like I'm pretty hot and all this gear. Honestly,
I'd really rather I'd really rather just get on with
it and the rookie can learn as he goes. Okay, look,
(27:32):
check in on Lenny here. Okay, he's experienced very superficial
realities here. All right, you're talking about how hot he
is in the student, not what's going on inside Lenny.
What's inside it's like always is fireproof and importation to bear.
I don't know if I need the fireproof stuff, maybe
like bear spray. I don't have any bear spray. Oh
my god. Again noticed this Lenny is rejecting the question
about how he's doing inside. Isn't that interesting? Captain? Captain,
(27:56):
real quick? Uh, the hoses are gone, they've been replaced.
But ice and dryers. What are we supposed to do
when we go in there? We had to bring the
truck closer. All right, okay, doctor, oh doctor, it's almost
stop down there? Okay with can you be more specific? Well,
(28:17):
I had gone to the bathroom and that already wasn't
going so well, you know, And then I was waiting
for my love to bring me some toilet paper from
the you know, the hallway. And then some guys said
that I should maybe try blow dryer. They're drying everyone
(28:38):
out down there. And now it's like, I don't you
have to just look? You have to look. Okay, well,
I'm a general practitioner, but I'll take a look. I'll
take a look. It's almost like, um, like a concrete mixer,
you know. Okay, everything got all mess top and okay
(29:02):
this let me let me take a look, all right, Uh, okay,
I can Yeah, everything's a little out of order there,
everything's a little everything's there, everything's there's going on here.
That's going on, Captain. I think I figured it out
(29:26):
what's going on. I was in the building right and
I was looking for that bear, and then it hit me,
the bear is not there because my fear is not
there anymore. The bear was my fear. It was just
fear the whole time. That's what was That's what I
was afraid of. Yeah, amazing there there There still could
be a bear. I just want to make sure that
we all could be. But I love the metaphor. I
(29:49):
love understand. Yeah, that's great, Lenny. Do you hear that?
Do you hear what's going on? Kept? That was a
bullshit story just gave you. I mean, there's a there's
a bear in one of these apartment units, and you're
heartwarmed by his story? Is that wrong, Lenny? Is that
wrong that I'm showing you've kind of empathy? We're here,
excuse me? Excuse me? Are you're the nine one one crew? Yeah?
(30:13):
I I called it the bear attack. Uh, it's on
floor three. You're down, You're down on floor one. Interesting,
you know, once you come here for a second, I
got a question for you. Okay, I gotta come down
both flights of stairs. So you know, we got this
at the net. We got this little net and you
can just jump right there. I don't want to jump.
There's took two flights of stairs. It's okay, right, all right,
(30:38):
you know what, Yeah, I've always wanted to jump into
a net. It's a little trust jump. Just alright. So
my pitches this. One man falls to his death because
the net was not big enough to catch him. How
many more I'm working? I'm sorry, I'm working on my stories. Okay,
I can't have this. I got the pullets. I'm just
pitching it to you. I just wanted your feet flush
(31:03):
that ash you're blushing, hey, doc um, all right, so
the Kazoom Titan stop my sneezing. Good but um, I'm
having Vietnam flashbacks. And I have sixteen penises now, okay, okay,
(31:25):
well that did you read the fine print on the
Gazooon Titan? No? I just took it. It was so
miserable with this sneezing. Okay, And when were you in Vietnam?
I wasn't. That's the start off. Al right, surely this
the soap is gone. I have a big case to
get to you heard my wife on the phone. I
gotta get home. Can I can I hit it now? Will?
(31:46):
Your hands are a little too wet, Dison just you
might want to wipe him with out on your shirt
and then and then, oh, I can see I can
see your I can see your I guess boobies. I
guess it's boobies, yes, sir, Yes, sir, that's pretty funny.
I've always wondered why guys had him right. I was
(32:08):
gonna do some stand up with it, but I guess
I'll just try it here in the bathroom, yes, sir,
bad day for a white shirt. Uh, very good, sir. Good. Okay,
I'm gonna do I need to push a button or
put my hands underneath. How do we get this? You
just you have to press your lips to the top
(32:29):
part right right there. You might want to try your shirt.
You look ridiculous. Just press your lips to the top part. Okay,
well maybe okay, you're gonna have to do it. It's
kissing the machine. The sense just not reading it because
you're kissing it. Sometimes. I just I know you're just
(32:55):
a gp, but if you could just help me psychologically,
I'm going to really of time doctor. My husband left
me for a dyce and dryer. Really, yeah, well, I
think I think you have to ask yourself what is
that dryer? Providing that you're not Lauren there, I can
(33:16):
do that, though, look at this it doesn't have the
power teeth forguts. And that's our second seed. C three
is from listener Candle. Then, after committing a heinous crime,
a celebrity experiences the benefits and burdens of stardom as
(33:39):
they work their way through the legal system. I always
enjoy the show, from questions to plugs. M I'm not
quite sure if I'm in the right office. I couldn't
read this the sign outside, and it seems like everybody
I was looking for on sleep. I'm just feeling I'm
(34:01):
just dropping off these applications. So okay, in what office
were you dropping off these applications to? Really, this is
kind of a Maverick application, so I could work pretty
much anywhere you're looking for work. Yeah, okay, great, Well,
we don't have any openings here, but um, I would
(34:23):
love to help you out with some interview skills if
you wanted that. I'm pretty good at that. Okay, sure, sure, great, Um,
what is your biggest weakness? Oh god, I steal I have.
I don't need a lot of things, but I feel
sometimes like it's like I don't know, like a treasure
(34:46):
that I've got. Okay, well, oreo, So maybe pick something
simple like that, you know, something mundane, something a little
not a big deal. Um, but I like your honesty,
but honestly, pick something a little less incriminating. If you
want a job, not here because we don't have any openings,
(35:07):
but somewhere else in the build. I'm going to leave
an application anyway, so that when you do have an opening,
you could Uh, what's your what's your biggest strength? I
love watching television. I feel like I could spend hours
hours doing it. S Sharon. Yeah, I'm waiting for a
(35:30):
big time client, big time clients. When he gets here,
let me know, I absolutely will thank you. I love
that for you. Thank you. Um yeah great. So my
biggest strength is organization. That must work really good here
(35:50):
as a secretary. Well that's what I'm saying. I try
you to pick a true strength that also correlates with
the job that you're Look at what I have receipts.
I'm I'm not even a smoker and this is a
cigarette but he shot check the show. So dude just
left like extra copies of his resume and the facts
bring out. This is funny. Nice. Hey, wouldn't be nuts
(36:15):
like we went around and like use this resume as ourselves,
like we would just it'd be crazy. I mean, we
already have jobs. But yeah, hey, did you see that
article in the paper? H holy shit, Holy sh it.
(36:37):
I already know what you're talking about, and it was
crazy nuts, dude. We should just try it though. Hey,
um here, just how many important? Three thirty? I know
you know who I am, but I'll go ahead and
sign in here, thank you? Um, well great, and I'll
just need it your idea for verification. Oh my god,
(37:00):
well my my I d doesn't match my stage name,
but there you go. Oh my god, is that who?
I think? It is a very different name. Oh can
I see you? Excuse you? I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I'm
here for a job. I'm a big fan. I watched
(37:23):
TV all the time. Hey, you look different on TV.
You look I don't know, younger, thinner, taller. Wow, can
I see your ID? What? What? Why would you ask that?
I mean, don't ask that. I might go into a rage.
If I go into a rage, I can't control what
happens if I go into a rage. Sharon, you're gonna
(37:45):
let me know when my important client gets here, right, yes, Um,
they are here and I'm gonna bring him right. Oh hello,
there he goes. Okay, Um, you know what, why don't
you Why don't you follow me? Why don't you follow me? Think?
Is looking at your resume here? Uh? You know we
we shall teeny tiny partitions for offices? Right? Yeah? Absolutely.
(38:10):
It says here that you ate all of your friends
at some kind of joint fat in the parties. Yeah. Yeah,
I guess. I guess if that's on there, I must
have done it, right, I guess this is some serious
stuff in here. So yeah, like yeah, this this is
really disturbing. This is kissing me off all right, Well
(38:33):
what does it say? This is shick? What's well? Right now?
By this ship? It's not it's not. Thank you, Sharon,
no problem, good to have a Okay, it's been tough
(39:01):
while I'm here. I'm just gonna leave this. I'm just
gonna leave this on your desk. That's my resume. Bye.
Unless you wanted to talk to me, No, is he
with you? No, he's with me. He's not with me.
He's evidently he's a fan, but he's out with sharing outside.
I'll just sit. Can you get this guy out of
(39:22):
your please? Which one the non celebrity problem? No? Please, please,
I'm going to have to escort you this way, and
I can show you a signature from take this resume,
take keep me, keep it. I got too many of Okay,
I'll take you. Okay, thank you. All right. Look, I'm
(39:46):
gonna be honest with you. Okay, Yeah, it's gonna be tough. Okay,
it's gonna be tough, but because of who you are,
it won't be as tough. If you know what I mean,
got it, got it? You know I have my repeat patient.
You know, people love Ricky Drazzle Dazzle, and I just
I gotta, I gotta keep that name up. I mean,
there's so many rumors swirling, and I gotta tell you
(40:08):
a lot of them are true. Yeah, I'm I go
if I fly into rages and then crazy things happen,
and not necessarily violent things. But just when I go
into a rage, I'm not myself anymore. You know, I'm
not Ricky Raza Dazzle. I'm like Ricky the Monster. You know,
we don't want that. Yeah, yeah, I'm let me. I'm
not violent when I'm in these rages, but I commit
(40:31):
lots of tacks, fraud, a lot of it. Yeah. So okay, alright,
so listen, Um, we know who you are, Mr Rasza Dazzle.
The system knows who you are, Mr Ressa Dazzl. So
here's the way I see things. How they're gonna go. Okay,
we're gonna go to court. It was gonna be a judge.
You're gonna Razzle dazzle or or that's my job. You're
(40:54):
gonna be found guilty of a lesser degree. Get you
in a nice, cushy little hotel like jail. You have visitors, friends,
video games, food, a couple of weeks there, get you
out done, all right? I mean okay, And I don't
(41:14):
need your resume, man, I need your valet ticket. Oh hold,
let's say you both have the same resume with that
was that's possible. I'm that's weird because total was my
resume that was on this resume. Man, So it's got
(41:36):
the resume. Who do it's resume? Get all this ship?
Hey Sharon, Hey, can you come in here please, no problem, Sharon,
Yes hi, Sharon, um, will you please escort Mr Resudent
(41:58):
to the police station. He's gonna turn himself in and
we've got a whole plan late out. Okay, Sharon, Sharon,
I need to remind you this is not a date.
You're just taking him to the police station. Okay. Well
it's thirty minutes away, so I don't happen in Okay, here,
(42:21):
just just take spark sharing. I can't hear myself in.
What we have now is so incredible. We gotta go
on the run, you know, I can't. Just don't quick you.
I'll visit you. Just listen. I love you so much.
But I also can't lose my job. I get that.
(42:41):
I get that, But come on, let me razzle Dawsy
around the world. Mm hmmmmm. It's so good, it's so
it's such a tempting offer. I'll make you. What a
cute couple man. Yeah, well, this as far as I
can go. I haven't picked up hitchhikers in a long time,
(43:03):
but I think you're gonna enjoy it out here. But
this is, uh, it's kind of a dead center of
a desert. But if you just go east, you'll be
able to find Paris coast Rico wherever you wherever you're going,
all right, all right, Oh that's just gonna walk back
to my car. I told you I should have driven.
(43:25):
All right, gentlemen, Now I brought you both in here.
I'm looking at both your resumes. My assistant Sharon just quit.
And to be honest, I found these resumes sitting on
my desk. So you're both here. I'm glad I left it.
All right, all right, I can I say that. I like, yeah, whatever, man,
(43:48):
this is good, this is good. What's up? He's using
my resume? Okay, not a good look for you to
start off with this. This, this, this is kind of paranom.
Compare them, hare him? Who could? Okay, no problem. So
it looks like why you have you? Are you done? Oh? No,
(44:11):
I should look at this resume because whatever ship at
least he's just he's my latest pitch. A couple gets
dropped off in the desert and they end up going
four miles east and ending up in this cabin and
there's uh, can you help me run these steaks? Okay?
(44:33):
Can you help me run the stakes? I get it.
Your journalist at one point, But now you running stakes
from me? Okay, let's go, come on. Pick him up,
very very heavy and I have very small wrists. I'm sorry. Okay,
that's an eighteen pound cedar board. We need something sturdy
to handle all the stakes on there. I just feel
like I can bring more to this table, you know.
(44:54):
Stop dropping off resumes and drop off the stakes up?
Thank you? Okay, I gotta go. I got here are
your flight of stakes? Okay, great, there's a New York
strip on there, the New York strip. Here's the Skirt's
(45:17):
a skirt. Here's a little bully, cha do anymore? Alright?
Get away from me? Put one in the mouth for
and how long have you been feending for it? Oh?
At you on the record? Did this doctor give it
(45:38):
to you? And did he give you too much? Yes? Wait? Wait?
Are you some kind of investigative journalist? I am? Are
you hiring? No? I'm a doctor. You never know who
needs an investigative eye, you know, and I've done. Hey,
(45:59):
you too, look like a nice couple. Nice couple. Now,
this is an exclusive party. This is do you guys?
Are you guys on the list for the dinner party? Well,
let me just let me show you who I am.
I'll take my sunglasses down and oh my god, please
right this way. Mr Donner will be happy to see you.
(46:22):
He's he's perched over there on that very old rock.
Enjoy the party. You a lot about that dinner guy.
I've seen so many of the sketches. Yeah, me too,
pencil sketches, some oil paintings too. Yeah, yeah, yeah, rum
(46:44):
We don't really, but we're happy to. We just love
to party. I've been in the psilocybin space for about
twelve years. I'm really looking forward to see how that
space evolves. Wow, that's really cool. My ground floor kind
of stuff, you know what I mean. Sure, yeah, Michaelsing
or big old fatties, big old fattage. I took the
(47:06):
entire cap and I just let her on. Okay, great,
look cheron. We're in the desert now. I smuggled in
some gazooon. Titan wanted me to take some of this
and just have a hell of a time. Sure, I
heard that if you sneeze seven times in a row,
you orc at them. Have you ever heard of that? Yes,
(47:27):
I've heard of that. Now you're on your I know
it looks bad that my client isn't here today, but
as you know, you can't stop the razzle dazzle. I
rest my case. Thank you so much, thank you so much.
You're correct, hate dismiss the old that's our show, everybody,
(47:55):
let's thank you. See what they're up to, Joey Grab
I'm up to it November now, so there's no more
ghost shows. There are, but it's not in the same spirit,
no fun intended. But I'm looking at turkey recipes as
of now. I gotta get gotta get on that. I
feel like turkeys are gonna be hard to come by,
(48:16):
and I gotta work on a good Brian. You know
that's the trick, Brian, Chris Alvarado, You know I have um.
I'm eating a lot of pies this season. I'm just
about finish with my eight pies in the fridge right now,
although I'm gonna be honest, there's a part of Pie
seven is left and part of Pie eight is left.
(48:38):
I'm eating them together. This morning I had two slices
of one pie and then a third slice of the
other pie. So I'm almost done with eight, going to ten.
No one cares anymore, but it's become my own personal care, Craig,
what's what's this? What's my own personal? What? Everest? Ever ever? Everest? Yeah? Yeah,
(49:01):
thank you, thank you. What was the timeline on it?
Didn't you have like a timeline? Yeah? I said, I
said ten pies by Thanksgiving? Oh by thanks. Yeah, here's
the issue, if I can just really quick, I said
I was gonna eat ten Costco pies. And I've had
friends make me pies. Two different friends make your pies.
They're not Costco size, so you know, none of those
(49:21):
ques doesn't count either. I know, I had a whole
pumpkin cheesecake. It looks so fucking good. I will say
I'm down two pounds, but I don't feel great. Thank you, Cole,
You're welcome. Jackie Gonzalez, Yes, thank you, thank you for
having me call. Of course, what a great time we're in.
(49:44):
November does the season to watch Christmas movies and then
you know, listen about it on the most wonderful pot
of the years. We're watching a lot of some stinkers,
but some good ease to Yeah. They just because the
November first rolled around like so every month the streamers
released a bunch of stuff. You know, there's so many
(50:06):
dog Christmas movies that just came out Netflix and stuff
I'll dog related. So that's your thing, James Ceney, Oh,
I just can't wait for people to check out game
Front on YouTube. We're doing videos. There's pretty much a
video every single day if you're into that stuff. One
(50:28):
new kick I've been on is Humble Choices. Uh there's
twelve games every month that I crushed through and uh
advice whether or not they're worth it. Check it out?
You love it? Nice, Greig diet Howski, Thanks for having
me cold. I feel like today's episode was my own
personal Everest in that I suffered improv frostbite and my
(50:50):
my frozen corpse will remain in this episode till the
end of time. We all got a little dinner party today. Uh.
I'm at Cold Stratton or at Stradding Calling Socials SF
Sketch Fester twentie festival coming up. Lineup out November nineteen.
Tickets on sale November twenty one. Go to sketch fest
dot com. There's a very decent chance a k it's
(51:12):
happening that alchemy this will be there at the festival.
I pulled some strings the thing that I run. Uh
so yeah, Well, announced the dat and all that stuff.
We get closer, but yeah, let's thank our engineer, producer
Doug Bain, and the fine folks that I heart media
(51:33):
dot com. Bum bum, bum bum. Please write to us
at Alchemy this email at gmail dot com. That's until
next time.
Welcome back to another episode of Alchemy. This I guess
it could spreads stilling for Katie. I'm sorry, guys. Soon enough,
Katie will be back. Because culture, guys can be over hanging.
Let's meet everybody to speak shally. First up as Chris Salvado, Chris,
would you rather live stoop to nuts or balls to
the wall. I think I've already spent enough time living
(00:27):
balls to the wall, and at this age, I'm coming
sup to nuts. So you know I've been. I've been
to both places. They both have their pros and cons
um but I'm glad I made out. I made it
out of live. I made it out alive of being
balls to the wall. Great questions, Really nice to have
you called. Really well. If you love that, you're gonna
(00:49):
love the rest of these. Jackie Gonzalez to Ruthie, Jackie,
would you rather bark up the wrong tree or bite
off more than you can chew? Bark up the wrong tree? Yeah,
because then they can say something. I can be like hey,
and I can still snap right back at bark right
back too much then can chew. I'm choking. I don't
(01:10):
like that, alright, fair. Next up is James Heeney, Heeney.
Would you rather be penny wise and dollar foolish or young,
dumb and full of come? Oh my god, Oh my god. Well,
what what's the first choice again? You want to be
(01:33):
a clown and murders kids. I don't even know what
the first one is. But I had a hell of
a great time being young, dumb and full of come.
I take a second round of that, right, that's what
we all wondering. Uh, it's Greg Craig. Would you rather
be the pot calling the kettle black? Or go down
(01:55):
in flames? Uh? The one sounds just like it's gonna
be trouble, So like I'm gonna go down in flames?
Sounds like trouble to you. I don't want to I
don't want to call anybody anything. It's too problematic in
(02:17):
this day and age. That makes sense. Finally, it's Joey Greer. Joey,
would you rather make a storm in a teacup? Or
take it with a grain assault? Holy sh it, I
can make a storm in a teacup? Are you kidding me? Yeah?
I'm taking that superpower. Get me the hell away from England, baby,
you know what I'm saying? Like I am what are
you talking to? Storm in a teacup? It's crazy, Yes,
(02:40):
a storm in a teacup and knew that's what you're
going to choose and how you're going to interpret. Let's
do a damn show, Shelly. All of our scene suggestions
are gathered from listeners, emails, or from our Patreon v
I p s. To become a Patreon supporter of the
show and enjoy exclusive content and other perks, just head
on over to Patreon dot com Slash Alchemy. That you'd
like to submit a scene suggestion via email, please write
(03:03):
to the podcast at our email address, Alchemy This email
at gmail dot com. That's come. Scene one is from
alchem Niac Dougie, who wrote, Dear Alchemists, here's the fact
that I'll inevitably change your lives. The trombone doesn't actually
contain any bone. Scene suggestion. The Donner party wasn't actually
(03:25):
a party at all, but what if it was. I'm
traveling east, Dougie, all right, you got okay, so we
got our gear, right, we got all the water, we
got some, got some drink. This is gonna be sick.
So my buddy Donner, he's got this like crazy set
up out like just a couple of um, a couple
(03:46):
hundred miles out and hundred miles trust me, dude, you
want to be out there, man, You're gonna be able
to see the stars and like the it's a slip party,
but hundreds of miles so it's a destination batchelor party.
Is that too much us? Um? No, I guess not.
We're gonna hike there, not the whole hundred miles. This
(04:08):
is this isn't that Donna you're always talking about? Right,
You're gonna look, he's wild. This guy is so cool
and he's so centered and like just it's like the
coolest duality ever where it's like we can live on
the edge but like centered. Yeah, I just mean of
like spiritually, like personally, Well, all the pictures you've showed
us of them, she looks kind of like, I don't know,
(04:32):
wild beard eyes two different sizes. He doesn't look centered.
He doesn't look centered, Henry, that's really fucked up. That's
really fucked up. To just make that point that you
just met personally and spiritually, man, I guess I guess
that he's bringing so many people to a bachelor party
(04:52):
that he's never even met are are those pictures you've seen?
Are they sketches? Are they like oils? Uh? They're sketches.
H You know, Henry, if you don't want to go,
you don't have to. Man, you just sound really, really
on the edge. I don't. Well, when I heard we
were going to go camping for the weekend, I figured
(05:12):
regular old off the side of the road. I've never
hiked more than probably, I don't know, ten miles in
a day. Look, the train just got here. Okay, so
someone more supplies so we can just pop off and
grab it and then we can just cupid blitz in Dasher. Yeah,
(05:32):
what's up? Well, it's it's Donner's birthday. Yeah, I know,
no one has wished him a happy birthday. He's really sad.
That's he brings it on himself. Anyway. Did you hear
what he's doing this year? Um? No, I did not.
(05:57):
He's combining his birthday party with a bachelor party with
some humans, right, So go talk to your friend around humans.
I'm sorry I'm taking this out on you. I don't
mean to take it on you, but just like I can't,
I can't anymore. I just feel like everyone woke up
on the wrong side of the bed. When it was
(06:17):
my birthday, you all threw me a really fun we
like you a reindeer exclusive birthday party. Rein deer and
humans don't mix. Thus it is, and thus it always
has been. You're so alive, he gang, Sorry, no one's
(06:38):
coming to my party. But you know, you guys will
just have to fly around without me this weekend. Well, Donna,
we can't fly around without you. It's only with the
power of nine that we can act. Power of nine.
We can fly to the skin power of nine. We
fly to the skin power of nine. All right, look, Donald,
(07:02):
you know you're doing this to yourself right. Also, where
are you having this now? In the desert? Yeah, it's
a little, um, it's a little out there, but I
think it's gonna be fun because it's not gonna be
a fucking snow bullshit day like it is three sixty five.
You know, the duality of you is crazy because you're
so centered, but you're you're you're I'm gonna say, you're
(07:24):
a fucking madman. Okay, you're crazy. Beard is nuts. That
one eye is weird. I'm saying it all right now, everybody,
I'm sorry, I'm sorry, really going for a dasher. That's
no reason to beg on my fashion choices. All of
you look the exact same, except for Rudolf with that schnaz. So,
you know, I think maybe if I go ahead and
(07:46):
grow this thing out and you know, just kind of
give myself a little personality, maybe people will be more
excited to sing songs about us a little less about
sky and stuff. You know. Excuse me, I'm sorry. I
know it's not parent teacher day, but I saw the
book that you sent home with my kid about what
(08:07):
are you doing here? What are you doing here? Listen,
it's my lunch break, Okay, I've got I'm in the
middle of teaching a lesson. Yeah, well, I wanted to
put a stop to it real quick because you're teaching
life where your kids? Did you go through the office,
nor kids? Kids. There's no such thing as kids. Don't
(08:28):
don't listen, don't now the only braindeer that specialist Rudolph.
And that's the way that we always taught it. And
that's at least I was taught. I don't like what
you're doing in this class. Everyone can be special in
their own special way. Your daughter's a crazy reindeer and
he has a beard. He's a deer with a beard.
That sounds ridiculous. DearS don't have beards, Okay, oh I've
(08:52):
seen it. Yeah, they have extra hair on their chins. No,
you're mistaken. Yeah, goats can grow. I'm I can't rain here,
crazy class. No, I don't have a kid in this class.
(09:14):
But I've heard about the bullshit that you're teaching, and
you're killing Christmas circuit. I want to take I want
to I want to do a class here. Jared, Where
the hell were you when your your lunch break was
only fifteen minutes? You come back silking wet? What the
hell is going on? Well, I went for a quick jog.
I'm just trying to keep in good shape. That way
I can bring it, you know, when it's got to
(09:34):
get brought. You jogged in your suit? Yeah, I jogged
in my suit. Did you think I was gonna take
my suit off and chuck naked? No? No, no, I
didn't think the papers Chris's remportant documents. Do you have
a towel? Yeah, of course, I got that dinner towel
over there. Actually got it for Christmas. Damn it, God,
(09:57):
damn it. What it's not Christmas. That has nothing to
do with Christmas, Donna. The reindeer. I mean, it's almost Christmas,
all right, it's it's not I'm not talking about Timeline.
I'd celebrate Christmas with you and in October easy, it's
Halloween times, Jared, I'm not going to celebrate Christmas. No,
I'm just saying the problem is that that reindeer is
(10:18):
it's basically heresy against Christianity. Is Yeah, what do you
think Christmas? Christianity heresy? That deer is not real. Rudolph
has a red nose. It's the only thing that separated
them from the other deer. Well, Jerry wants those papers
(10:39):
are ready? Oh ship ship? Um? Mark, let me tell
somewhere now, okay, um, we were We're starting a movement here.
Jared's onto something here of inquisition, all right, Wenna start
gathering people and asking them whether or not they believe
that Donner should be a legitimate representative of the nine. Okay, alright,
so there, the papers aren't ready? Or Mark, would you believe?
(11:00):
Do you believe daughter is one of the strongest members
of the night. What do you mean I'm being recalled?
I didn't I didn't make up the rules. It's just
like a weird votes going on, and you're being recalled,
and honestly, after your last request of me, you're also
(11:22):
kind of being canceled. Just because my name is Vixen
doesn't mean that I'm going to come to your bachelor party,
themes birthday party and dance around. Okay, I mean, I
just thought you wanted to be involved, and that just
seemed like a fun thing for you. And also I'd
like to be invited. I don't want to come and
dance for for for the gap, for the dudes. Al right, Sorry,
(11:48):
I do like dancing, and I will dance in front
of dudes, but not for the dudes. All right, Well,
this is a conversation we could have had before you
just went ahead and helped cancel me and get me recalled,
but I didn't help. I just kind of told the
story and it just kind of went around, and then
(12:08):
other people decided, like, we don't like that. Donors out
right now, my crazy it's getting crazier. Alright, fellas, this
is as far as I can take you. I was
happy to pick up a couple of hitchhikers. Haven't done
that in years, to be honest, But yeah, this is it.
Have fun at your party and it's the middle of
(12:28):
the desert. Yes, as far as I go, I'm I
parked right up here. M hm Ganer. I just want
to say, um, thank you so much for the stories
you told us. Don't don't okay, thank you. So right
over here, this rock over here actually was like like
like it's like so old. Donner was telling me that,
(12:50):
like like these rocks are like ancient rocks. Nickles, just
like touch your hand on make you feel so thirsty.
You should have brought water. Man, that train was dropping
of all the supply. I didn't want to touch it.
It's I I had a canteena water. I had one
cantina water. Yeah, but you dumped it out because you
said your feet were hot, so you just started dumping water.
(13:10):
Now I've got a blister. I should have probably done
it sooner. Where's your friends daughter? That we've been here
so much about. I just gotta be somewhere up here.
We just gotta keep walking. We'll find it, don't worry.
Can I have some of your water? No, man, you
can't have any of my water. Henry, you should have
got some supplies in the train, Mark, Could I have
some of your water. I'm holding on to it. Man. Okay,
(13:32):
all right, I'm fine, I'm fine. It's that Do you
see that that that news article that came out about
the all all the wood? Yeah? Crazy, yeah, yes, yes, indeed,
(13:54):
Mr crank Small. I'm a serious reporter. I've done many
a beat more sleep crime. Do not give me this
story about wood. I'm better than this. We need you
to hit the streets hid to get aut the information
to can on the wood. I've solved multiple murders that
(14:16):
the police didn't. Even my investificatory journalism did that. Yeah,
that's why we put you on the wood case. This
thing is gonna blow wide open. It's just that there's
that there's a surplus of wood this year, which also
kind of means that there's a extra deforestation. That's great,
(14:38):
that's right. That's you got to connect the dots we
just did. It's not it's a paragraph most knock knock,
starting interrupt. I just want to say thank you so
much for the story on this new inquisition slash like
cult that's emerging. How do this paper company? You're welcome.
Lisa is new. She's only big here for two months.
(15:01):
I have earned my stripes I have put in the scut. Yeah,
you know how you earned your stripes through opportunity, and
it was time to give Lisa an opportunity and then
give her shitty stories after that. I deserved the cult
story I want there. I'm actually already on the list
of Polzer. What they heard that I was writing about
(15:24):
this story and they're like, we think they might give
me the Pultzer. Look, if you want something different here,
they're replacing Donna with a new reindeer named Domino, So
you can get to that once you once you finish
the wood story. Yeah, crazy, crazy stuff, man, I'm in
(15:46):
a wood surplus Like there's a great time to get
in on the ground floor if you want wood, Like
it's super cheap. No, it's And also it's just like, okay,
I understand that would is like a fine ende research, right,
but you were there. Plus, what if we were to
like crawl a couple of miles they take forever? Because
(16:06):
what could be that hydrated that quickly? I just I
was drinking last night and I threw up. I pre partied,
pre party. Where is this daughter? And more importantly, where
are the girls? Yeah? Yeah, this is yeah, I'm really
not seeing any Hey Donner, Um, I'm sure you heard
(16:28):
the news, but we got a new guy coming in. Yeah,
I heard. You should probably head over to your party.
I'm sure everyone's excited to celebrate you. I guess I'll
head on down. I help. I hope you're able to
fly with your new nine before you go. Do you
(16:48):
want to meet him? Or would that be weird? Might
as well? Good to know what the future of the
nine looks like coming out. He's pretty cool, Domino. It's
me Domino. Oh, I'm sorry, this is weird. I shouldn't
(17:10):
run into you, should I h you had a good run, though,
you had a good run. Hi fife that but what
I mean? Look at me? I got fingers. I'm a
reindeer with fingers. That's what makes me special. Hey, Domino,
(17:31):
I just poked the escalator. He's the keys. Thanks, well,
good luck to you. Can they go kill a bunch
of humans in the desert? That doesn't sound like it's
in the Christmas spirit? Where do we put our keys?
They're a key guy around here. I think you're the
only one who drives. What that's our first C two
(18:01):
is from alche Maniac Aircraft too. Row This is my
first submission as a v I V alchy maniac, and
I'm so happy I could finally upgrade to the best
here and support you guys the best I can. I
just want to say that the scene from the nine
nine show with Deek in the Dean was top five
all time alchemy this scene. Here's some suggestions, all of
them based off of topics I wanted to one day
(18:22):
talk about when I became a stand up comedian. That's
not happening. So here, you guys can have it. There's
like three things. I'll read them all and then you
guys what you want with it? Uh? People on speaker phone, priest,
sneeze face loud, bathroom hand dryers, what was the middle one?
Let's figure out we can work them all. Thanks, guys,
(18:44):
you're the best. Craig, I love that thing you did,
you know, the one? Uh huh. It's good though, you know,
because you're wasting trees, you're actually wasting paper when you're
using you know, those little like towels and stuff like
that that inside the bathroom. So the hand drying, the
air drying, the disons are just going to make everything more.
(19:06):
But don't they have to burn trees to get the
electricity to make the blower go. No, we have a
hydroelectric damn. That's how we get our part. Yeah. It's
a waste of water and the water runs through it.
It's god, does it goes through water? Real? Fest? Have
you seen the Hoover dam? Yes, hundreds of gallons pour
(19:27):
out of that thing. I understand that, sir, But this
is we We talked to the board being and you
signed off on it. You said that this is what
you wanted to put in. If you'd like us to
change it, we can't, sir, that that won't be a problem. No, no, no,
I signed off on it. I did, yes, or you did? Yeah? Well, yeah,
that's a good idea. It's a good yes, excuse me
(19:49):
part of me. Yes, let's watch afternoon, good afternoon. Yeah,
a lot of soap. That's a lot of soap. You
know you're gonna have to wash again. That's not gonna
come off on the dion. No, we don't add more soap, don't. Yeah,
(20:13):
we just can't try out your skin, right. I don't
know who you two are. Um. This is Mr Lock here,
he owns the building in the building. Yeah, all these
offices rent from me. Yeah, I'm I want to rent
from you. Oh so I'm kind of like your landing. Well,
yeah you might. I'm a lord of I'm a lawyer,
(20:35):
so so see he's yeah. So we just install the
new dicon. So you still got a lot of soap
on there. It's not gonna that the Dyson will not
take that off, so you're gonna have just just wash
off the soap. This is normally help people use the bathrooms.
I'm not sure, sir, normally give me one sec I
gotta take this. Hello. Hey, hey, you're a speaker. I
(21:00):
gotta I gotta have some help. Fact, got to help me.
Let me put it up to your ears so it
doesn't have to be on speaker. Okay, do you want
to wash your hand? Sir? You're gonna want to. I
mean the bathroom at our house, and I'm a toilet
paper and then getting needs you to bring me some okay, Okay,
(21:24):
the closet like this, it's not just here. It's too messy.
I can't walk to the closet like this. If there's
two other gentlemen who are listening in on this, maybe
they have any some ideas. We're not necessarily listening it.
We're just I'm listening in. And for the record, if
you take one of these roles of toilet paper, I'll
(21:44):
sue your ass. Okay, I bought you get rental to
use this unit in the restrooms on this floor, but
you can't take stuff from here. Sure, I'm so sorry.
We've actually removed the toilet paper for a dyson, so
there's no more toilet paper in it. Yes, you did.
Oh baby, Maybe you want to try that? What blow drying?
(22:07):
Blow drying my part? Yeah, I get a blow dry
you have a blow dryer. I guess I could try
it on the cool setting. Okay, Yeah, Hey, Doc takes
for seeing me short notice. I I felt like I've
had to sneeze for the last two and a half
days and it's just stuck this way. It just stuck
this way. I don't know what to do. Well, you
(22:28):
definitely have psf Oh god, God, I read about that. No,
it's it's it's all right. Psf is is common in men.
Uh under forty? What do I do to get rid
of this painful? It looks terrible? Well, is there any
(22:49):
way you can sneeze that will usually relieve the the
pre SNEeSe face I've been trying. I've been trying. I like,
just put a bunch of cayenne pepper on the table
and went over. That didn't work. I went into a
field of poppies, which I'm terribly allergic to. Didn't work.
I had somebody scare me, but then I heard that
was for hiccups, so it definitely didn't work. Scaring didn't work. Now, doctor,
(23:17):
I understand that a lot of these patients are coming in.
I just want to offer you at cotton. Now, this
medication right here is not happened for me. It's not addictive,
all right, But given it to your patients, I believe
we'll actually see a high yield transformation. Tell me, tell
me the brand name one more time? At you cotton?
At cotton? Okay? Great? And and do you you have
(23:39):
some samples that I can give up? Yes? Yes? Or
right here, right at your cotton? What is it? Well,
it's uh, this is highly experimental, but it's it's brand new,
and I'm gonna start you with a sample you can
take home for free. And uh, if if it doesn't
make you sneeze, then come back for more. So if
(24:04):
it doesn't work, I should get more of it. Exactly. Okay,
I'll try anything, Doc. Thank you. I hope it's at
your does the trick and doesn't have any weird side effects. Yeah,
we'll get another steak. Doctor. I just want to say,
thank you so much. Our sales matched with your business
are through the roof. Thank you so much. I'm still
working on this sixty four porterhouse. By the way, I
(24:26):
don't know that we did any more. Excuse me. You're
the doctor, right, you're the doctor, right, Yes, let's go
with me. I need some more cutting. You have it
a patient of mine. Yeah, yeah, I couldn't sneeze. Couldn't sneeze? Doctor. Okay,
so you're you're you're suffering from PSF right, yeah, yeah, yeah,
(24:49):
you have suffering. I'm suffering. Okay, keep your hand, keep
your heads off. I got some I have some mom,
I got always keep my poems. Thank God, Get out
of here, Get out of I think you're gonna get
through that sixty four rounds. I think you will. Yeah.
Can we get another round of stakes? Can we get
(25:09):
a flight of stakes? This this great look at I
can't stop sneezing. Well, I told you that could be
a side effect of the chu cotton. I mean if
you break down the Latin roots of that ach for
you or constantly sneezing and content meaning a continuous sneeze.
(25:35):
Can I try Titan? Oh well, I mean there are
there are even more extreme side effects with kazoot Titan.
Just I'll try anything. All right, babe, listen, I gotta,
I gotta, I gotta dry my hands. I got a
big case today, so I'm about to lose you about three. Okay,
(25:58):
she's still on she's thinking a strange sound. All right,
all right, all right. I think I don't think she
knows she's still on the man. You're still on the phone. Man.
I'll tell her, baby, baby, I love you, But now
(26:25):
my hands can't try my hands so much. Soap on
your hands? This product you got soap? The soap off
your hands first, here, put them under. Put him under
where the faustage is. Let's put it on. It's like
the hoover. Damn over here. Okay, that uses a lot
of wood. Right, water, boys, you's got nine one one
distress calling this apartment complex. Right, Apparently something's going on.
(26:47):
I think there might be a bear attack. That's what
the neighbors are saying, all right, based on the noises.
All right, now, that's just going there. We kept kept it.
That seems so vague. So somewhere in this building there's
a loud noise. That's what we do. Okay, we're firefighters.
We gotta find the noise, find the scent, and make
sure we do something about it. All right, let's get
on and wait. Wait I did never can say that
was part of the job. That's interesting, you know. Now
(27:09):
that we're paused, I think we should take a moment
to actually do some self assessment here. Okay, I appreciate
that car, right, Even though we're on a rush job here,
I do think it's important that we take time for
each other and to check in how's everyone doing. I
feel like I'm pretty hot and all this gear. Honestly,
I'd really rather I'd really rather just get on with
it and the rookie can learn as he goes. Okay, look,
(27:32):
check in on Lenny here. Okay, he's experienced very superficial
realities here. All right, you're talking about how hot he
is in the student, not what's going on inside Lenny.
What's inside it's like always is fireproof and importation to bear.
I don't know if I need the fireproof stuff, maybe
like bear spray. I don't have any bear spray. Oh
my god. Again noticed this Lenny is rejecting the question
about how he's doing inside. Isn't that interesting? Captain? Captain,
(27:56):
real quick? Uh, the hoses are gone, they've been replaced.
But ice and dryers. What are we supposed to do
when we go in there? We had to bring the
truck closer. All right, okay, doctor, oh doctor, it's almost
stop down there? Okay with can you be more specific? Well,
(28:17):
I had gone to the bathroom and that already wasn't
going so well, you know, And then I was waiting
for my love to bring me some toilet paper from
the you know, the hallway. And then some guys said
that I should maybe try blow dryer. They're drying everyone
(28:38):
out down there. And now it's like, I don't you
have to just look? You have to look. Okay, well,
I'm a general practitioner, but I'll take a look. I'll
take a look. It's almost like, um, like a concrete mixer,
you know. Okay, everything got all mess top and okay
(29:02):
this let me let me take a look, all right, Uh, okay,
I can Yeah, everything's a little out of order there,
everything's a little everything's there, everything's there's going on here.
That's going on, Captain. I think I figured it out
(29:26):
what's going on. I was in the building right and
I was looking for that bear, and then it hit me,
the bear is not there because my fear is not
there anymore. The bear was my fear. It was just
fear the whole time. That's what was That's what I
was afraid of. Yeah, amazing there there There still could
be a bear. I just want to make sure that
we all could be. But I love the metaphor. I
(29:49):
love understand. Yeah, that's great, Lenny. Do you hear that?
Do you hear what's going on? Kept? That was a
bullshit story just gave you. I mean, there's a there's
a bear in one of these apartment units, and you're
heartwarmed by his story? Is that wrong, Lenny? Is that
wrong that I'm showing you've kind of empathy? We're here,
excuse me? Excuse me? Are you're the nine one one crew? Yeah?
(30:13):
I I called it the bear attack. Uh, it's on
floor three. You're down, You're down on floor one. Interesting,
you know, once you come here for a second, I
got a question for you. Okay, I gotta come down
both flights of stairs. So you know, we got this
at the net. We got this little net and you
can just jump right there. I don't want to jump.
There's took two flights of stairs. It's okay, right, all right,
(30:38):
you know what, Yeah, I've always wanted to jump into
a net. It's a little trust jump. Just alright. So
my pitches this. One man falls to his death because
the net was not big enough to catch him. How
many more I'm working? I'm sorry, I'm working on my stories. Okay,
I can't have this. I got the pullets. I'm just
pitching it to you. I just wanted your feet flush
(31:03):
that ash you're blushing, hey, doc um, all right, so
the Kazoom Titan stop my sneezing. Good but um, I'm
having Vietnam flashbacks. And I have sixteen penises now, okay, okay,
(31:25):
well that did you read the fine print on the
Gazooon Titan? No? I just took it. It was so
miserable with this sneezing. Okay, And when were you in Vietnam?
I wasn't. That's the start off. Al right, surely this
the soap is gone. I have a big case to
get to you heard my wife on the phone. I
gotta get home. Can I can I hit it now? Will?
(31:46):
Your hands are a little too wet, Dison just you
might want to wipe him with out on your shirt
and then and then, oh, I can see I can
see your I can see your I guess boobies. I
guess it's boobies, yes, sir, Yes, sir, that's pretty funny.
I've always wondered why guys had him right. I was
(32:08):
gonna do some stand up with it, but I guess
I'll just try it here in the bathroom, yes, sir,
bad day for a white shirt. Uh, very good, sir. Good. Okay,
I'm gonna do I need to push a button or
put my hands underneath. How do we get this? You
just you have to press your lips to the top
(32:29):
part right right there. You might want to try your shirt.
You look ridiculous. Just press your lips to the top part. Okay,
well maybe okay, you're gonna have to do it. It's
kissing the machine. The sense just not reading it because
you're kissing it. Sometimes. I just I know you're just
(32:55):
a gp, but if you could just help me psychologically,
I'm going to really of time doctor. My husband left
me for a dyce and dryer. Really, yeah, well, I
think I think you have to ask yourself what is
that dryer? Providing that you're not Lauren there, I can
(33:16):
do that, though, look at this it doesn't have the
power teeth forguts. And that's our second seed. C three
is from listener Candle. Then, after committing a heinous crime,
a celebrity experiences the benefits and burdens of stardom as
(33:39):
they work their way through the legal system. I always
enjoy the show, from questions to plugs. M I'm not
quite sure if I'm in the right office. I couldn't
read this the sign outside, and it seems like everybody
I was looking for on sleep. I'm just feeling I'm
(34:01):
just dropping off these applications. So okay, in what office
were you dropping off these applications to? Really, this is
kind of a Maverick application, so I could work pretty
much anywhere you're looking for work. Yeah, okay, great, Well,
we don't have any openings here, but um, I would
(34:23):
love to help you out with some interview skills if
you wanted that. I'm pretty good at that. Okay, sure, sure, great, Um,
what is your biggest weakness? Oh god, I steal I have.
I don't need a lot of things, but I feel
sometimes like it's like I don't know, like a treasure
(34:46):
that I've got. Okay, well, oreo, So maybe pick something
simple like that, you know, something mundane, something a little
not a big deal. Um, but I like your honesty,
but honestly, pick something a little less incriminating. If you
want a job, not here because we don't have any openings,
(35:07):
but somewhere else in the build. I'm going to leave
an application anyway, so that when you do have an opening,
you could Uh, what's your what's your biggest strength? I
love watching television. I feel like I could spend hours
hours doing it. S Sharon. Yeah, I'm waiting for a
(35:30):
big time client, big time clients. When he gets here,
let me know, I absolutely will thank you. I love
that for you. Thank you. Um yeah great. So my
biggest strength is organization. That must work really good here
(35:50):
as a secretary. Well that's what I'm saying. I try
you to pick a true strength that also correlates with
the job that you're Look at what I have receipts.
I'm I'm not even a smoker and this is a
cigarette but he shot check the show. So dude just
left like extra copies of his resume and the facts
bring out. This is funny. Nice. Hey, wouldn't be nuts
(36:15):
like we went around and like use this resume as ourselves,
like we would just it'd be crazy. I mean, we
already have jobs. But yeah, hey, did you see that
article in the paper? H holy shit, Holy sh it.
(36:37):
I already know what you're talking about, and it was
crazy nuts, dude. We should just try it though. Hey,
um here, just how many important? Three thirty? I know
you know who I am, but I'll go ahead and
sign in here, thank you? Um, well great, and I'll
just need it your idea for verification. Oh my god,
(37:00):
well my my I d doesn't match my stage name,
but there you go. Oh my god, is that who?
I think? It is a very different name. Oh can
I see you? Excuse you? I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I'm
here for a job. I'm a big fan. I watched
(37:23):
TV all the time. Hey, you look different on TV.
You look I don't know, younger, thinner, taller. Wow, can
I see your ID? What? What? Why would you ask that?
I mean, don't ask that. I might go into a rage.
If I go into a rage, I can't control what
happens if I go into a rage. Sharon, you're gonna
(37:45):
let me know when my important client gets here, right, yes, Um,
they are here and I'm gonna bring him right. Oh hello,
there he goes. Okay, Um, you know what, why don't
you Why don't you follow me? Why don't you follow me? Think?
Is looking at your resume here? Uh? You know we
we shall teeny tiny partitions for offices? Right? Yeah? Absolutely.
(38:10):
It says here that you ate all of your friends
at some kind of joint fat in the parties. Yeah. Yeah,
I guess. I guess if that's on there, I must
have done it, right, I guess this is some serious
stuff in here. So yeah, like yeah, this this is
really disturbing. This is kissing me off all right, Well
(38:33):
what does it say? This is shick? What's well? Right now?
By this ship? It's not it's not. Thank you, Sharon,
no problem, good to have a Okay, it's been tough
(39:01):
while I'm here. I'm just gonna leave this. I'm just
gonna leave this on your desk. That's my resume. Bye.
Unless you wanted to talk to me, No, is he
with you? No, he's with me. He's not with me.
He's evidently he's a fan, but he's out with sharing outside.
I'll just sit. Can you get this guy out of
(39:22):
your please? Which one the non celebrity problem? No? Please, please,
I'm going to have to escort you this way, and
I can show you a signature from take this resume,
take keep me, keep it. I got too many of Okay,
I'll take you. Okay, thank you. All right. Look, I'm
(39:46):
gonna be honest with you. Okay, Yeah, it's gonna be tough. Okay,
it's gonna be tough, but because of who you are,
it won't be as tough. If you know what I mean,
got it, got it? You know I have my repeat patient.
You know, people love Ricky Drazzle Dazzle, and I just
I gotta, I gotta keep that name up. I mean,
there's so many rumors swirling, and I gotta tell you
(40:08):
a lot of them are true. Yeah, I'm I go
if I fly into rages and then crazy things happen,
and not necessarily violent things. But just when I go
into a rage, I'm not myself anymore. You know, I'm
not Ricky Raza Dazzle. I'm like Ricky the Monster. You know,
we don't want that. Yeah, yeah, I'm let me. I'm
not violent when I'm in these rages, but I commit
(40:31):
lots of tacks, fraud, a lot of it. Yeah. So okay, alright,
so listen, Um, we know who you are, Mr Rasza Dazzle.
The system knows who you are, Mr Ressa Dazzl. So
here's the way I see things. How they're gonna go. Okay,
we're gonna go to court. It was gonna be a judge.
You're gonna Razzle dazzle or or that's my job. You're
(40:54):
gonna be found guilty of a lesser degree. Get you
in a nice, cushy little hotel like jail. You have visitors, friends,
video games, food, a couple of weeks there, get you
out done, all right? I mean okay, And I don't
(41:14):
need your resume, man, I need your valet ticket. Oh hold,
let's say you both have the same resume with that
was that's possible. I'm that's weird because total was my
resume that was on this resume. Man, So it's got
(41:36):
the resume. Who do it's resume? Get all this ship?
Hey Sharon, Hey, can you come in here please, no problem, Sharon,
Yes hi, Sharon, um, will you please escort Mr Resudent
(41:58):
to the police station. He's gonna turn himself in and
we've got a whole plan late out. Okay, Sharon, Sharon,
I need to remind you this is not a date.
You're just taking him to the police station. Okay. Well
it's thirty minutes away, so I don't happen in Okay, here,
(42:21):
just just take spark sharing. I can't hear myself in.
What we have now is so incredible. We gotta go
on the run, you know, I can't. Just don't quick you.
I'll visit you. Just listen. I love you so much.
But I also can't lose my job. I get that.
(42:41):
I get that, But come on, let me razzle Dawsy
around the world. Mm hmmmmm. It's so good, it's so
it's such a tempting offer. I'll make you. What a
cute couple man. Yeah, well, this as far as I
can go. I haven't picked up hitchhikers in a long time,
(43:03):
but I think you're gonna enjoy it out here. But
this is, uh, it's kind of a dead center of
a desert. But if you just go east, you'll be
able to find Paris coast Rico wherever you wherever you're going,
all right, all right, Oh that's just gonna walk back
to my car. I told you I should have driven.
(43:25):
All right, gentlemen, Now I brought you both in here.
I'm looking at both your resumes. My assistant Sharon just quit.
And to be honest, I found these resumes sitting on
my desk. So you're both here. I'm glad I left it.
All right, all right, I can I say that. I like, yeah, whatever, man,
(43:48):
this is good, this is good. What's up? He's using
my resume? Okay, not a good look for you to
start off with this. This, this, this is kind of paranom.
Compare them, hare him? Who could? Okay, no problem. So
it looks like why you have you? Are you done? Oh? No,
(44:11):
I should look at this resume because whatever ship at
least he's just he's my latest pitch. A couple gets
dropped off in the desert and they end up going
four miles east and ending up in this cabin and
there's uh, can you help me run these steaks? Okay?
(44:33):
Can you help me run the stakes? I get it.
Your journalist at one point, But now you running stakes
from me? Okay, let's go, come on. Pick him up,
very very heavy and I have very small wrists. I'm sorry. Okay,
that's an eighteen pound cedar board. We need something sturdy
to handle all the stakes on there. I just feel
like I can bring more to this table, you know.
(44:54):
Stop dropping off resumes and drop off the stakes up?
Thank you? Okay, I gotta go. I got here are
your flight of stakes? Okay, great, there's a New York
strip on there, the New York strip. Here's the Skirt's
(45:17):
a skirt. Here's a little bully, cha do anymore? Alright?
Get away from me? Put one in the mouth for
and how long have you been feending for it? Oh?
At you on the record? Did this doctor give it
(45:38):
to you? And did he give you too much? Yes? Wait? Wait?
Are you some kind of investigative journalist? I am? Are
you hiring? No? I'm a doctor. You never know who
needs an investigative eye, you know, and I've done. Hey,
(45:59):
you too, look like a nice couple. Nice couple. Now,
this is an exclusive party. This is do you guys?
Are you guys on the list for the dinner party? Well,
let me just let me show you who I am.
I'll take my sunglasses down and oh my god, please
right this way. Mr Donner will be happy to see you.
(46:22):
He's he's perched over there on that very old rock.
Enjoy the party. You a lot about that dinner guy.
I've seen so many of the sketches. Yeah, me too,
pencil sketches, some oil paintings too. Yeah, yeah, yeah, rum
(46:44):
We don't really, but we're happy to. We just love
to party. I've been in the psilocybin space for about
twelve years. I'm really looking forward to see how that
space evolves. Wow, that's really cool. My ground floor kind
of stuff, you know what I mean. Sure, yeah, Michaelsing
or big old fatties, big old fattage. I took the
(47:06):
entire cap and I just let her on. Okay, great,
look cheron. We're in the desert now. I smuggled in
some gazooon. Titan wanted me to take some of this
and just have a hell of a time. Sure, I
heard that if you sneeze seven times in a row,
you orc at them. Have you ever heard of that? Yes,
(47:27):
I've heard of that. Now you're on your I know
it looks bad that my client isn't here today, but
as you know, you can't stop the razzle dazzle. I
rest my case. Thank you so much, thank you so much.
You're correct, hate dismiss the old that's our show, everybody,
(47:55):
let's thank you. See what they're up to, Joey Grab
I'm up to it November now, so there's no more
ghost shows. There are, but it's not in the same spirit,
no fun intended. But I'm looking at turkey recipes as
of now. I gotta get gotta get on that. I
feel like turkeys are gonna be hard to come by,
(48:16):
and I gotta work on a good Brian. You know
that's the trick, Brian, Chris Alvarado, You know I have um.
I'm eating a lot of pies this season. I'm just
about finish with my eight pies in the fridge right now,
although I'm gonna be honest, there's a part of Pie
seven is left and part of Pie eight is left.
(48:38):
I'm eating them together. This morning I had two slices
of one pie and then a third slice of the
other pie. So I'm almost done with eight, going to ten.
No one cares anymore, but it's become my own personal care, Craig,
what's what's this? What's my own personal? What? Everest? Ever ever? Everest? Yeah? Yeah,
(49:01):
thank you, thank you. What was the timeline on it?
Didn't you have like a timeline? Yeah? I said, I
said ten pies by Thanksgiving? Oh by thanks. Yeah, here's
the issue, if I can just really quick, I said
I was gonna eat ten Costco pies. And I've had
friends make me pies. Two different friends make your pies.
They're not Costco size, so you know, none of those
(49:21):
ques doesn't count either. I know, I had a whole
pumpkin cheesecake. It looks so fucking good. I will say
I'm down two pounds, but I don't feel great. Thank you, Cole,
You're welcome. Jackie Gonzalez, Yes, thank you, thank you for
having me call. Of course, what a great time we're in.
(49:44):
November does the season to watch Christmas movies and then
you know, listen about it on the most wonderful pot
of the years. We're watching a lot of some stinkers,
but some good ease to Yeah. They just because the
November first rolled around like so every month the streamers
released a bunch of stuff. You know, there's so many
(50:06):
dog Christmas movies that just came out Netflix and stuff
I'll dog related. So that's your thing, James Ceney, Oh,
I just can't wait for people to check out game
Front on YouTube. We're doing videos. There's pretty much a
video every single day if you're into that stuff. One
(50:28):
new kick I've been on is Humble Choices. Uh there's
twelve games every month that I crushed through and uh
advice whether or not they're worth it. Check it out?
You love it? Nice, Greig diet Howski, Thanks for having
me cold. I feel like today's episode was my own
personal Everest in that I suffered improv frostbite and my
(50:50):
my frozen corpse will remain in this episode till the
end of time. We all got a little dinner party today. Uh.
I'm at Cold Stratton or at Stradding Calling Socials SF
Sketch Fester twentie festival coming up. Lineup out November nineteen.
Tickets on sale November twenty one. Go to sketch fest
dot com. There's a very decent chance a k it's
(51:12):
happening that alchemy this will be there at the festival.
I pulled some strings the thing that I run. Uh
so yeah, Well, announced the dat and all that stuff.
We get closer, but yeah, let's thank our engineer, producer
Doug Bain, and the fine folks that I heart media
(51:33):
dot com. Bum bum, bum bum. Please write to us
at Alchemy this email at gmail dot com. That's until
next time.
Alchemy This News
Host
Kevin Pollak
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