A List of Bad Things The Queen Did (Before Dying)

Queen Dead! The gang goes over a list of bad things the Queen did (when she was still alive) & why the royal family is not very good.

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:05):
Who's dying today. It's the Queen. It's the Queen. Well, correction,
she's not dying, she's she's dead, that lady dead. Yeah,
very sad, obviously, very sad. Grieving podcast today, brought to
you by It could happen here. It's all of us.
It's it's me, it's Get, it's Chris, it's Robert, and

(00:27):
it's the ghost of the Queen. We're talking about the Queen.
She's dead. What's up with that? Yeah, she's real dead. Um,
I haven't seen. You know. What I haven't seen that
I'm disappointed of is a new version of the Monty
Python Dead Parrot sketch involving her corpse and it's and
it's fancy casket. Um, but that's still time, still time

(00:49):
we can change that. Now. My question is, James, is
that legal in the UK? Now? Absolutely not No, you
will get so arrested, not even arrested. This is the
first part people have just like I don't understand what
the fund is wrong with people, but they have become
volunteer cops to like defend a guy who's been credibly
accused of pedophilia. And I am disappointed in us. Do

(01:12):
not be policing your fellow people for exercising some of
the very few rights at the conservative well because everybody
has taken away from them. Actually, but yeah, you've only
let yourself down. I'm disappointed. Yeah, they they they really
really hating anyone who is not thrilled about the monarchy.

(01:32):
The arresting people of having not my king signs. I
see that Jetwood is taking it to the fascist state,
which is great to see. But we're gonna be talking
about the queen or former former queen. Um, I do
want to do want a note that you know, the
day the Queen died, a big wave of condolences came in,

(01:55):
including from Domino's Pizza UK, which which if you understand,
the Queen had a very deep relationship with Dominoes. So
this this does mean a lot. Um they were they were,
they were lovers. Among those who posted their condolences was
Hamilton's West End. The the Britain r MT, which is

(02:18):
like the British Railway unions, stopped their strike, which I
think is the most pissed at coward thing I've ever seen.
The union do. British Cycling suggested that people not go
out for a bike ride during the time at the
Queen's are you fucking serious? My god, they're literally she
was six deal with including food. I think the funniest

(02:42):
one was labs Rob posted, everyone is deeply saddened by
the passing of her badesty in the Queen and we
offer our sincere condolences to the royal family. We joined
together with the people of the United Kingdom and all
around the world and mourning her loss, which they then
which they then deleted an hour later. If there's one
thing that Mrs Rob is about, it's about people all

(03:03):
over the world mourning the loss of monarchy. It's the
main thing about it. So yeah, most of on Twitter
was definitely it was definitely split between these companies posting
how they're so sad that also a lot of people, uh,
pretty pretty thrilled that the Queen died, because it's kind
of funny because we were all shocked by the ninety

(03:25):
five year old woman who died. She was so young.
It's amazing she was. She was at an age that
if you reversed her age and told me she had died,
I still wouldn't have been surprised. Like she was at
an age where like even if you flip the numbers.
She's still old. Yeah, it's great to see the Telegraph

(03:47):
today running a headline five mile q too few and
it's the second coffin. We'll see horrible stories of suffering.
This is a country where she said, will not be
able to heat their homes this winter. It's a country
good an explosion in food, insecurity, and this is what
we're doing. It's like like the British like, okay, so

(04:10):
the Crown did not call directly for a blood sacrifice.
The British people are just bound and determined to have
people die like that. They're lay They're like they're lining
up in the streets to sacrifice themselves for the dead.
I mean, magical things don't do us all that way.
There's some people sharing up with not my King signs

(04:31):
and getting assaulted by mobs. And for most people, like
regular as people. Yeah, yeah, most people are not that concerned.
Most people are not like it's just like the Turfs
in Britain. There are like a small minority of people
who do nothing but tweet right for the Guardian, who

(04:51):
misrepresent the opinion to most British people who are not
that concerned. But like a lot of these British people
do show up in person and like shut down, like yes,
it's certainly, it's not It is not the case that
like there isn't widespread support for this kind of ship.
It's just that it's it's not uniform. That's people who
do speak The people who do speak up also tend
to get arrested, which because it's just like it's it's

(05:13):
sort of amazing. It's like, okay, Britain got industrial capitalism
before like any other country on Earth, right, the bourgeoisie
has one job. One job there. One job is to
destroy feudalism. And they couldn't even the British couldn't do it.
They had they had the largest head start of any
country on Earth, and they couldn't do it. It's incredible,

(05:34):
it's miraculous. They were co opted into these few elites
through things that the Great Reform Acts, which which use
property as a proxy for land or capitalist ap proxy
for land, and it's worked remarkably well. And now we
just do false consciousness ship like this, like how good
is your false consciousness game? When people who can't heat
their homes are sleeping on the street to say goodbye

(05:57):
to presumably a billionaire who have a cat about them? Yeah,
it's like, yeah, who absolutely, who was not equipped emotionally
to have ever cared about them, Who's soul would never
have allowed her to care about them? Yeah, I mean,
let's let's like, you know, as as lots of people
were romanticizing the monarchy and the Queen and doing their

(06:19):
like performative mornings, obviously there was a wave of other
people being like, hey, you know, the royal family is
kind of kind of sucked up. You know, they've stolen
billions of dollars and jewels from countries like India and
across the South Africa. Um, they're continuing to benefit from
Britain's history of colonialism. The earlier earlier this year, during

(06:42):
the during the during the Queen's jubilee celebration, an old
Kenyan revolutionary fighter used the used the the occasion to
call for an explanation from the Queen for why she
hasn't been compensated after being tortured with axes by British troops.
People should look at the way Britain treated the Mau Mau.

(07:03):
We're gonna have stuff on this. I have stuff on
this later for this episode. Actually we're gonna be talking
about that. Seventeen estimate found that the royal family is
estimated to be worth eight eight billion dollars um. Yeah,
and a lot of that's obviously not in straight up cash,
which is one of the ways like people are talking about, Oh,
Charles inherited half a billion, No, Charles billions of dollars.

(07:26):
Like they own a lot of land. Yes, they owned
a huge amount of land. Um. Charles has his own
real estate empire that he like created while he was
waiting for his mom to fucking croak um. And they
also have like a fortune and really actually uncountable, like
you have to think about their wealth like the Vatican,

(07:48):
Like there's no actual way, Like it's functionally limitless money
because so much of what they own is like priceless antiquities,
many of which were stolen from other people. Yeah, any
time to put angible number, and they're sort of their
value And that's sort of what if you want to
go to celebrity status, Yes, what is that fucking diamond
in the goddamn crown worth? Right? Like there's no real

(08:09):
way to appraise that. Yeah. Well, and and I want
to point this out, like if they tried to sell
the diamond almost certainly. What would happen is like the
British people would give her three billion dollars and they
give her the diamond back they funded, Yeah, they'd stopped
doing the subsidies for heating that they've just started doing,
and buy the diamond back. Here, let's talk about that.
Let's le let's talk about the heating thing briefly, because
I think uh. An anchor on BBC was discussing how

(08:34):
news of the Queen's passing basically interrupted all other news
in the UK, UM including statements being given on the
price increase in energy bills and the rising cost of living,
by stating that that those topics, that the topics of
cost of living and the rising energy bills was quote insignificant.

(08:54):
Now due to the gravity of this situation, we can
we can insert this clip here. I have I have
it saved for Daniel because it's just it's wild. Doctors
in Scotland were concerned about the Queen's health coming um
as liszt Trust was making a rather important statement concerning
um the future of energy bills UM that of course insignificant.

(09:17):
Now given the gravity of the situation we seem to
be experiencing with her. Just an old lady died. She
was not a very nice old lady. I've known old
ladies who were nice that died and I was sad.
I've known old ladies who are night and not nice
that died, and I didn't really care in any case,
Like it's it's not it's not a big deal because

(09:37):
old people like, that's what human beings do when they
reach ninety six, is they die a lot of the time.
And it's it's okay, Like it's okay. Queen would see
that of everything about her, it's fine. Queen Elizabeth was
the longest reigning monarch in the history of Britain. Yeah,
probably close to the longest. And like maybe Ramsey is
the fucking second is up there, like years, you don't

(10:00):
run into a lot of competition in terms of links.
Seventy years thrown at nineteen fifty two. Yeah, And it's
worth a lot of old ladies are going to die
in Britain this winter because of the okay, And it's
also worth knowing that the Queen tried to use a

(10:21):
bunch of state poverty money that was emerged for schools,
hospitals and low income families to pay bucking camp houses
heating bill. Oh wow, uh yeah, that's that's wild. That's great. Well,
you wouldn't want an old woman like that to be
out of out in the rain. Because I believe the
Crown is States, and I'll have to check this real quickly.

(10:43):
I believe the Crown of States did evict people during
the COVID nineteen pandemic, talking of old folks being kicked
out into the rain and for for around two weeks
after the Queen's death, basically all of Britain kind of
grinds to a halt um. It's which which would honestly,
one of the base parts about this is that this
does potentially cost the UK economy billions of dollars because

(11:05):
they just shut down for two weeks um. So this
is like the equivalent of the boat getting stuck in
the canal. Y. I do want to I do want
to make a quick note for everybody. The longest reigning
verifiable monarch, according to this Wikipedia page that I just skimmed,
is so Boosa, the second of Swaziland, which was a

(11:27):
British protectorate until nineteen sixty eight. He reigned from eighteen
ninety nine to August of nineteen eighty two, two years.
So you know what, Elizabeth, not that impressive. I am
a sabooza. The second stand now absolute chat ship. The
fact that he just snuffed it before he got to

(11:49):
see a pot tight end very yeah, that is yeah, wow, yeah,
it's just yeah, it's looking at some of the evictions
of krown of states done over the years, you can
learn it's pretty heartbreaking ship. Well, luckily the Queen actually
did not die in Buckingham Palace. She died in a
castle in Scotland. That's great because Buckingham Palace is a

(12:13):
hideous monument of trash. Like the castle she died, it
looks pretty cool that a lot of the Yeah, one
thing you're supposed to get with a monarchy is like
really rad looking castles. It is like neat the castles
are cool, except for Buckingham Palace, which looks like fucking tenements.
Yeah so, but Buckingham Palace is a building that dares

(12:37):
you to go steal back all of the wealth if
they stole from you to build it. So the plan
for if the Queen died in this Scottish castle was
called Operation Unicorn, which is wild. What is the Unicorn?
A ninety six year old woman dying is not a
unicorn situation, operations squirrel or something more. How is the

(13:00):
giving a couple of their third I don't get it,
I I know. Um. So the plan for this type
of thing is, so the queen died on last Thursday afternoon.
It was announced the Friday following Friday morning. After the
queen dies, Uh, they call Operation Unicorn. They then call
they send like my emergency alerts to all the British leaders. Um. No,

(13:23):
the new Prime Minister who is incredibly funny um, and
you know, all of all these people are notified and
then press press gets notified that next morning as as
as they did. So staff members in the castles and
palaces all got sent home. Um. All parliamentary business gets postponed. Uh,

(13:49):
every everything, everything shuts down, which means all of the
stuff they were working on on energy bills gets shut down,
like they were working on trying to figure out what
the funk they're gonna do for this percent cost increase.
All that gets shut down until late September. Um. So
that's that's cool. Um. But no, this is actually kind
of a unique thing because because of how long Elizabeth

(14:11):
rained the last death of a monarch was in the fifties,
so it's it's been a while since this has happened,
so everyone's kind of rusty. Like no, like if we
aren't as prepared for this. If if it's okay, My
my hope is that we get a couple of we
get people get a lot of experience with dead British
monarchs in the next decond. King Charles the Third, I

(14:34):
don't think we'll be around for too long. Yeah, I've
seen that man's hands and it's maybe. Here's the thing.
Every every time a monarch dies, it's kind of it's
like a top down, rolling general strike. So if we
get enough of them in a row, we can start
doing serious damage capital. By the way, quick quick note
about the Chad Sabooza, the second of Swazi Land died,

(14:55):
died with a thousand grandchildren. Oh my god, Jesus, wow,
man and always pictured shirtless. Elizabeth cannot compete. No, I'm
fine without not being the case. Actually, I don't want
to see any contetion. Yeah, and he probably wasn't racist

(15:17):
to any of their partners, which actually can say about
the real families. Here's a neat thing he and he
took all control of all non or of all Swazi
land and mineral rights from non Swazi interests that had
gained control during colonialism and indigenized all of that, which
is dope. So there you go, So boost of the
motherfucking second. Yeah called a god king. I have to

(15:41):
go and get injected with a small dose of a disease. Well,
let everything but injected in that. Chris, Hey, Daniel's back,
So let's take an ad break, um, and we'll be
back to learn more about the queen. You know what
else will give you a small dose to a disease?
That's right, that's right, Yes, these products and services, Yeah,
I'll just say the Queen of England. But yeah, and

(16:13):
we're back. So yeah, it's been a while since since
the monarch died. Last time this happened in the fifties,
mourners wore black arm bands to show respect for King George.
That's the one who was like a big fan of Nazis, right,
But I don't I don't think we're gonna see so

(16:33):
I don't think that tradition is going to continue. I
doubt we're gonna see a wave of black arm bands.
If anyone was gonna do it. It would probably be
the Anglos. Yeah, I I suppose so, yeah, it's uh
oh yeah it was Edward Edward the eight who abdicated
um and and then was replaced by the guy who

(16:53):
you were talking about. Okay, that's the guy like nazis
Edward the Eighth. So I'll all all all the UK
flags are gonna be flown at at half masted until
the day of the funeral, and then the day of
the funeral is going to be a bank holiday as well.
So that's pretty exciting. That's great. I hope that the
poor get to eat sweetmeats or something. No, no, no, again,

(17:17):
they're just they're just closing down almost all almost all businesses,
almost all businesses in the okay will close. The stock
Exchange is going to close um like on on. Following
present Princess Diana's death in the late nineties, uh, Britain,
business owners in Britain quote felt that they were quote

(17:37):
forced to close their shops or canceled sporting sporting events
the day of the funeral lest they feel the rage
of the tear stained hordes outside unquote. Yeah, that's an
incredible that is an incredibly funny way to talk about
monarchist though, like thank you, thank you, thank you the
Guardian for that amazing quote. It's unbelievable, I mean, and

(17:58):
at least with Diana, it was actually sad, like she
was a nice person who was badly treated in her
life by the royal family and died tragically and young,
as opposed to somebody who got everything they want from
the day they were born and died at ninety. So
then currently they are assembling the quote Ascension Council to

(18:20):
formally declare Prince Charles the King, which he's he's already
known as King Charles, but you know there's the whole
separate formal process because he could pick another name. Still
he says he's not. He says he's oh, he's he's confirmed.
That good because kings, Kings Charles have a good history
in the UK. They don't often get executed. So the

(18:42):
Council will make the proclamation of ascension to be to
be read on Proclamation day will be will be soon
after the death um and that'll be somewhere somewhere in
a London. How do they still have all the ship
like there's so many weird ruals that they still do
of both houses of Parliament are suspended are suspended until

(19:06):
after the official state funeral um, and both and and
all politicians have to wear new allegiance to the to
the newly ascended monarch. This is really like genuinely the
world's most pathetic ruling class. Like, oh my god, Jesus Christ,
it's pretty funny. You have one job. Well, but also

(19:29):
like back in the day before we had monarchs and capitalism,
whenever you know, you had a new coronation, whenever there
was something big that happened with the monarchy, the thing
they would do is make sure everybody had a shipload
of food and nice stuff. The king would give it away.
It's all over the world. Cultures would do this, even
you do. Yeah, it's what you do when you come

(19:50):
to power, because they were at least that scared of
the people where it's like, all right, I gotta like
do something to ring in this rain good so they
don't start to wonder, why do we have a king now?
So I'm gonna give him a bunch of fucking food
And then they'll be like, oh, the king, he's the
guy who gives us food every now and then. That's dope.
It's amazing now that in the UK it's just like,
all right, we've got a new monarch and the old

(20:11):
one died, so you guys, a lot of you don't
get to eat for a while. So King Charlie seventy
three is the oldest person in British history to become king,
which is I think a great side very unsabosi a
second of him. And then we're also getting a new
queen technically, uh, the Camella, the Duchess of Cornwall, which

(20:33):
again all this sounds made up um is now is
now the queen consort um. So that's exciting, that's thrilling.
I'm I'm thrilled for Queen Camilla. It is the Duchess
of Cornwall or so and Queen Elizbeth, Queen Elizabeth's coffin

(20:55):
is is being prepared to lie in state, meaning it
will be presented for the public to view so they
can cry on the coffin, which is pretty cool, or
crying near the coffin. They don't want the poorest to
get too close. Meanwhile, so Booza the second turned Swazi
Land into a major asbestos ex border, which Queen Elizabeth

(21:18):
also never did. So wait, so when when when when
the queen dies, do they like from like? Do they
like preserve her from Aldehide or whatever? They've got some
fancy they have some fancy ass ship because they were
probably embalming er while she was alive, just as her
limbs stopped working, squirting some in. The Queen's body will

(21:39):
lie in state until the day of the funeral, shall
then become a public holiday. There's at least a ten
day morning period starting the day after her death, um,
and then should be transported to win Westminster Abbey by
gun carriage for the state funeral, and then after the
funeral she'll be she'll be buried in the King George
the Sixth Memorial Chapel. I believe her the body of

(22:05):
her late husband, Prince Philip, who died last year, will
be moved from the vault that he's currently at to
beneath the chapel to join here. That's pretty funny. Yeah, um,
I don't have nothing to say about that other than
it's funny that they've just got that dude in a
fucking freezer. It's really funny. The new coordination will cost

(22:26):
billions of pounds. Oh good. That's a good because England's
like doing great right now, They've got plenty of money
for all the necessities. You know, everything's been well great,
cost of livings really down, So it's it's a good
idea to spend billions of dollars making a little death
cult about this elderly woman. That's just like the last

(22:47):
like big royal wedding costs between one point two billion
and six billion pounds, which is quite quite the quite
the spectrum there one two to six billion. That's like, huh,
I feel at that point all money's fake. Like the
cost of the coronation is expected to be similar, if
not a little bit higher. Right, Yeah, you gotta you

(23:07):
gotta spend a lot of money on a coronation for
fucking Charles. Uh, So that you can, because that's what
real countries do. In two, that's very real country ship.
Speaking of money, new currency is already being printed and
in fact that that'll be cheap though, and in fact

(23:27):
portraits of Charles have already been made on currency. There's
like a reserve of money depicting the next king, just
like it's being stored to like moving in from from
when the queen died. It's like lots of this money saved.
Just like how funny it would have been if, like
six months before this happened, his seventy two year old

(23:48):
ass had a heart attack. Have to like burn all
that money, They got to burn all the Charles Bucks.
He's not gonna be around long. Rice that Britain longer
has the world's reserve currency, can you imagine? No, we
we took on on this network, on our various shows.

(24:10):
We we spent a lot of time digging into ugly
aspects of American history and American culture. But let's all
celebrate one thing that I'm legitimately proud of, which is
that a long time ago people who were like that
seems stupid to let those that family run everything. Why
are we? Why are we doing that? Let's get those
fuckers out of here. Um, at least we did that,
although now a bunch of Americans are being fucking boot

(24:32):
liquors too, and in Oregon and a bunch of other
states we're putting in the flags at half staff, which, like,
you don't not know why this country exists? This is
the one based thing we did. Yeah, Like, like even
the US, which I probably has the most murderous boorgeoisie
in human history. At least we did our Burge revolution. Damnit.
Like at least we destroyed feudalism. So now we're gonna

(24:53):
move on to the next segment of the show, entitled
An Incomplete List of the politicians, warmongers, generals and otherwise
bastards who queenlis the second bestowed awards. So I have
I have quite the collection of people here. Um, let's
let's start with Palestine. So Shimon Perez served as Prime

(25:15):
Minister of of of Israel. He got a Nobel Peace
Prize in like the nineties for intern key steal that
like failed in the long run to turn into a
um assassinated. No, I don't think. I don't think I
was the one who you could argue might have deserved

(25:37):
an award. So he's he. But Perez is kind of
known as more of like a peaceable leader. He's like
compared to some of his like colleagues. UM. You know,
it's specifically with like the various ethnic cleansings that they
do in Palestine. Perez is kind of seen as like
the the good guy. Um. And then in the mid

(25:58):
nineties he was facing a major right wing backlash um
in his home over over the peace deal with the
Palestinians UM and in the middle of an election campaign
which he was kind of losing, so during this time
he unleashed Operation Grapes of Wrath, which caused four hundred
thousand Lebanese to flee their homes, with almost eight hundred
of them fleeing into a United Nations base in uh Kawana.

(26:22):
I believe it's called UH in South and South Lebanon,
and he didn't really stop there UH in order to
kind of appease the right and Aldrezier calls it UH.
In an attempt to shore up his military credentials before
a general election, which he then lost to Benjamin net
not Yahoo, he ordered the army to strike this U

(26:44):
n A shelter, killing a hundred and two civilians, mostly
women and children. UH. At the time of the attack,
Perez said that in my opinion, everything was done according
to clear logic and in a responsible way. I am
at peace UM. Perez that the compound had been hit
due to an incorrect targeting based on erroneous data, but

(27:05):
the United Nations investigations found it unlikely that the shelling
was unintentional because they were severing the area heavily beforehand.
So he did, he did, He did this massacre, killed
like a hundred a hundred people to boost his polls
for the right wingers in this election. UM November two,
as an eight, Queen Elizabeth awarded him with an honorary knighthood.

(27:29):
He was knighted in the Grand Cross of the Order
of St. Michael and St. George. And during his knighthood
like that that day, Perez spoke to the Queen about
the escalating Israeli Palestine conflict, saying that quote, the British
learned from the Bible, and we learned from the British democracy.

(27:50):
Earlier that year, I d F launched Operation hot Winter,
a military campaign targeting the Gaza Strip in response to
a series of Homoss rockets that killed one forty seven
year old Israeli student um which that attack was in
response to the IDs killing eight Home mass members earlier
that month. But during during the ID s Operation Hot Winter,

(28:11):
one hundred and ten Palestinians were killed, fifty four of
them were children. Uh. And then a month, just one
month after Perez was knighted, the two Assanate Gazo War
broke out, also known as the Gaza massacre and that
was started by the IDF, who called it Operation cast
lead a three week large scale military campaign in the
Gaza Strip. The massacre resulted in uh in like one

(28:36):
thousand and four hundred Palestinian deaths and thirteen Israeli deaths,
four from friendly fire. Um, so it's just a massacre. Yeah.
So that that that was like a few weeks after
after Queen Elizabeth knighted unighted the then president of of

(28:56):
of of of Israel who previously served as the prim Sister,
which is more of like a real rule. Um. Anyway,
moving on to more fun people. Nine eighty nine, Queen
Elizabeth awarded Ronald Reagan with an honorary knighthood. Um. That's
good now, thankfully. The way honorary knight Knighthood's work is
you don't become a sir because sir is a title

(29:19):
reserved for people from Britain. I'm not mistaken. You can't
hold office in the United States if you are a knight.
Oh I wouldn't. I think it's an old rule we have. Yeah,
I read something about that. Yeah, yeah, no, I think
isn't it No, it's not on the constitution, but there's
something about yeah, but it's a it's a even though

(29:41):
you know you can't become a sir because you're not
from Britain. Um you Okay, here we go. No title
of nobility. This is Article one, Section nine, closet of
the Constitution. Constitution. Yeah, no title of nobility shall be
granted by the United States, and no person holding any
office of profit or trust under them shall without the
consent of the Congress, except of any President, volume in office,
or title of any kind whatsoever, from any king, prince,

(30:03):
or foreign state. Fascinating. Yeah. So, like again, the people
who made this country, for all of their flaws, looked
at the British monarchy and we're like, that's fucking nuts. Well,
because because because Reagan was was night was received on
airy knighthood. The one benefit he does get is that

(30:26):
at dinner parties, Reagan was able to sit closer to
the queen than the unknighted former presidents. That's good. I'm
glad that we have to like, honestly, look again, I
hate like like America flex shit, but I feel like
any president of the US should be able to pull
up Ryker style, flip a chair around, sit down next

(30:49):
to you, and say, look, we've been pulling your ass
out of the fire for the last century. Like, you
don't get to fucking make me sit somewhere. I'm the
president of the United States and you're a doddering old
queen of a fucking third rate power. Um, I hate that.
I just went like, full fucking whatever they're But honestly,
that's fucking ridiculous. It's like like maybe maybe maybe the

(31:11):
only country ever that the U s getst moral superiority.
It's like, is the British Empire? Like, don't you don't
like what? Seriously, lady unbelievable. One other president who was
knighted was George H. W. Bush, who was knighted into
the Grand Cross of the Order of the Bath. Well,

(31:34):
he did look like he could use one a lot
of the time, where a rarely awarded top order of knighthoods.
That's good. I'm glad he got that. Uh. British officials
said that the knighthood marked the close relationship between the
Republican president and Britain's conservative government, particularly during the Gulf War. Um. Yeah,

(31:57):
that was a real moment of of of iolan tragedy
for the British royal family. They had they had to
sit there and watch they were burned, conscripts alive, and
they were really at risk. There. I'm gonna quote from
the book Royal Babylon by English poet and activist Heathcote Williams. Quote.
The fact that each US president's record, without exception, would

(32:19):
earn them seats on the dock at Nuremberg or at
the International Criminal Court on genocide charges doesn't deter the
royal family from honoring them. For by an ironic twist,
each US president morphs into George the Third, against whom
their forebearers fought. Which is a nice and nice a
nice little quote by by this this this English this

(32:40):
English writer and the pretty good book Royal Babylon if
you want to if you want to learn about how
fucked up the monarchy is, Uh, this is a pretty
a pretty fun book. Um, let's see who else who
else should be? Uh? Who else should we? Let's let's
talk about Norman Schwartz and Covs schwartzkof. Norman schwartzkof. He

(33:02):
was the head of the He was the guy who
actually like ran the Desert Storm campaign. Yes, he said
that the dead iraqis quote warn't worth counting and among
like casualties of war and that quote I want every
Iraqi soldier bleeding from every orifice. Yeah, it's uh. I mean,
you know, Schwartzkov was a guy who fought in Vietnam

(33:24):
and took the loss hard, and I think he a
big part of why, A big part of what was
going on with Desert Storm was a desire to quote
unquote reclaim like our military pride by beating the ship
out of a smaller country. Um. Which is not to
say that like I don't believe there was Like Iraq
had invaded a neighbor and occupied it. That's bad, something

(33:45):
should have been done. But the whole, the whole like masturbatory.
I want all of their fucking conscript soldiers, these like
teenage kids to die. Is is like sick lunacy, as
was the masturbation over the anywhere whatever. We don't need
to talk about the Gulf War here. He was anyway,
he was. He also received knighthood after all of that stuff,

(34:05):
which is fun. Also, Elizabeth gave a knighthood to Colin
Powell Um who facilitated, covered up, and justified many US
war crimes in Vietnam. Hey, Hey, Garrison facilitated cover ups. Yes, yeah,
most famously my Lie. Yes, the my Lie massacre is

(34:27):
the biggest thing that he was that he was involved in.
There were others. He also like that guy. I think
he's like like the thing. I think it important. He
is probably the one person on earth in the Bush
administration who could have stopped the Iraq war if he
wanted to. And he didn't. Like he he he knew
that it was all bullshit, and he was like, nah,

(34:48):
fuck it, let's do the gonna lie to the u
N Quoting Powell, we burned down the thatched huts, starting
the blaze with ronson and zippo. Latter's why were we
torching house and destroying crops? Ho Chi Ming said that
his people were like the sea in which guerrillas swarm.
We tried to solve the problem by making the whole

(35:09):
sea uninhabitable. In the hard logic of war, what difference
does it make if you shot your enemy or starved
him to death? So anyway, night night night, Colin Powell.
So true, So true, Buddy Um probably the least problematic
person among this list. In the Queen approved on an

(35:29):
honorary knighthood to a former U s Secretary of State.
Uh what Henry kiss kiss Anger kissing kissing gerl. Yeah,
he was. He was just kind of a functionary, very
not not a big deal. We should probably, I think,
I think that's how it's pronounced. He was. He was
appointed an honor u night Commander in the Most Distinguished

(35:50):
Order of St. Michael and St. George. Christ's so funny.
We must applaud the British for for for for honoring
the most popular American in China. It's a very progressive
decision for her. Yes, Kissinger. Uh. I think a few

(36:13):
of Kissinger's assistants also got uknighted. Uh, Brent scroll Croft
scout Croft scout Croft, Um, he got he got knighted. Uh.
I think people from the Iron contra drugs uh and
arms affair stuff got knighted. Uh. There was a lot
of like war criminal dudes got knighted in this in

(36:35):
this like late nineties period. I wonder what was going
on there. Also, Uh, j Edgar Hoover was was was
knighted of h which is pretty funny. And then uh,
the the economic uh financier who endorsed uh really bad

(36:56):
derivatives to make the housing bubble kind of blow up
a green Span another American. He also green Span like
he's a horrible person. That that man, that man has
killed more people than most generals. Like he has. Oh boy,
yeah he is. He is pretty bad. Um. I think

(37:18):
I think we can do an ad break and then
James is going to join us again. Uh to finish
up by talking about Ireland and Kenya. Um, because there's
a lot of stuff in Ireland and Kenya. So anyway,
do you know who won't receive a knighthood by Queen Elizabeth?

(37:38):
That's these products and services, because it's going to say
Queen Elizabeth because she's too dead to dead. That's a joke.
She can't give them a nighthead because she's dead. Here's
the ads, very funny. Ah, we're back, and you know

(38:01):
I need to keep the audience informed about important network
business for cool Zone, so I want to let you
all know that. As he was coming back from getting
his shot, James texted us, all, Okay, I'll be on
in one sex and there's a lot of jokes that
we can make about that as as a network, and
I'm not going to make them, but I'm gonna urge
you to make them yourself. In your own heart and

(38:23):
head and then tweet them to James James is At
James is At, I write, okay on Twitter, that's my
Twitter handle, I wrote, okay, you can see a picture
of me. That's anyway. Uh So we're not gonna talk
about mainly mainly two places where British colonialism and imperialism
had devastating effects under Queen Elizabeth and a few a few,

(38:47):
uh pretty pretty evil people that that Elizabeth then also
knighted of who we're doing, who were like directly doing
this British colonialism. Uh, let's talk about kenyell a little bit.
So during the nineteen fifties, British tried to get control
of lands in Kenya that they that they had violently.
They were trying to trying to keep control of land

(39:09):
that they had previously stolen. Um. Native Kenyans fought back
in the Mau Mau Uprising. Now has we've historians Historians
have documented widespread torture by British forces, including crushing of
testicles with pliers um and the internment of up to
three d and twenty thousand people in concentration camps where

(39:30):
they then endured a slavery starvation murder and rape, rape
with blunt objects. Um. Meanwhile, one point five million Kenyans
were confined to a network of detention camps and heavily
patrolled villages, as documented by a historian Caroline Elkins in

(39:50):
her Pulitzer wise winning Britain's Gulag. So this, this, this
was all overseen by the queen as the head of state.
And by the way, she was thirty one at this point.
You don't you don't get to say, well, she just
come and you know, I was just listening to her advisors.
At thirty one years old. You are young, but you
are old enough to not be complicit in a genocide. Yeah,

(40:13):
especially when you're the head of state. Like, come on,
as the Queen of England, she had some leverage. She
is not like, oh, you came at you worked, you
were a tax collector in fucking South fucking Shire, England,
and you happened to be in doing that job when
the Mau mau. We're being suppressed. No, no, no, she was.
She she she knew about stuff, what's going on. Was
heavily involved because she was giving out like she was

(40:37):
working with people who were doing pretty like agregious things. Um.
According to Kenya's biggest newspaper, the Daily Nation. A British
policeman named Ian Henderson was known in Kenya as the
Torturer in Chief and was the kind of the the
guy behind preparing a whole bunch of bogus evidence in

(40:57):
the nineteen fifty three trial where say leading Mao Mao
uprising figures were convicted, um, including the future first President
of Independent Kenya now Queenlis. But the second honored Ian
Henderson again the Torturer in Chief, with the George Medal,
Britain's highest civilian award, in September of nineteen fifty four

(41:20):
for his work in Kenya. So this is important. Like
he wasn't military, he was just a policeman, which is
why he gets a civilian award. Um. But like she
knew what was going on was giving out individual police
officers awards for their rules in crushing the crushing these
uh independent uprisings. You know who never would have done
that is supposed the second absolute clown. I I I

(41:43):
do not know enough of the second. I don't know
how he acquired one thousand grandchildren. I'm not gonna to
be fair, there's probably some shady ship and Sabooza the
Seconds Rain, but the main thing he was known for
was taking back control of Swazi lens and ginous industries,
being a good neighbor to the other African countries once

(42:04):
they gained their independence, and of course exporting a shipload
of asbestos. So and any any other notes on on Kenya. Yeah,
so just before I do want to like just briefly
raised their like elkins Um that it was that was
a very unconventional and very good book for for young
academic and she deserved that the credit for writing it.
In the process of writing that book and then trying

(42:26):
to write her second book, obviously she dealt with a
lot of backlash from rank her first book, she uncovered
that Britain had hidden, classified, destroyed and refused to disclose
a mountain of records about its colonial crimes in Kenya.
And this is like an ongoing issue that goes on
into the twenty teams that there were public records court

(42:49):
cases about this, and it's so like we we can
see this like it's wrong to say that this is
like a just a relic of another era, right, Britain
is has continued into this era, like the ideology of
the government from then to now is actually distinguishable, right,
it's it's near liberal conservatives. They have continued to hide

(43:10):
rather than face justice for these crimes, right, rather than
say sorry, rather than say what we did was wrong,
they've tried to cover up this ship and like we
we need to remember that when we talk about like
this is not a crime of the past, he's an
ongoing acts of genocide, of genocide denial that we keep doing. Yeah,
I should mention. So I think we're talking on operations

(43:32):
legacy as there are a bunch of different instances of
the British government like destroying other records. One of the
other fun things they were covered they've seen to have
been covering up and we don't we don't know exactly
what was in those records because again they were just
like they were destroyed. Um. But one of the other
things that was in this record is about a second
time that that the UK put a bunch of people
in concentration camps while Queen Elizabeth was president, which was

(43:54):
they did this. They also did this in Malaysia, they
put a million president. They did this. They did in
the film was Sorry She was while she was clown President,
which is to say, just to say, Queen, we're gonna
actually be talking about Malaysia in justice sec that yeah
so so uh. Ian Henderson, the torture in chief who

(44:18):
received this award obviously had to leave Kenya shortly after
the fifties because things happened um and then he he
got he got moved to Bahrain um and during a
wave of pro independence revolts in Bahrain in nineteen eight,
Henderson was appointed the head of the Secret Police and

(44:40):
served as so until nine um and over the course
of his tenure he became known as the Butcher of Bahrain,
quoting the Guardian quote. During his time, his men allegedly
detained and tortured thousands of anti government activists. Their activities
are said to have include did the ransacking of villages,

(45:01):
sadistic sexual abuse, and using power drills to name prisoners.
On many accuations, there have said to detain children without
informing their parents, only to return them months later in
body bags unquote. Yeah, and and the Barraine stuff. It's
also worth mentioning like that never stopped Like no, I
mean it stopped being him in charge, but like like

(45:24):
it only stopped him being in charge. Yeah, yeah, And
and like in two thousand eleven, there's another revolution against
like the Bahraini Baroni like monarchy, and I mean it
ended essentially with the Saudia's role tanks across the border.
But one of the things that happened was that the
British helped like the Bariny government like hunt down dissidence.
I just busted out my lecture on this hand slot

(45:44):
park stuff. If we want to talk more about there
were fifteen miles of files that they found hidden. I
mean that that was that was also the case in Ireland,
which was later the Odd File. I lose emails all
the time, that's similar to fifteen miles of paperwork. So
in nineteen four Ian Henderson was awarded by Queen Elizabeth

(46:08):
with a CBE for services to British interests in Bahrain
and UH. He also received a knighthood in the Most
Excellent Order of the British Empire. So this this was
after he was already known as the Butcher of Bahrain.
This this is this, he's well into his tenure. He
is torturing children, killing them, kidnapping them, maiming people, and

(46:31):
that's when he gets knighthooded UH for his services to
the British interests in Bahrain. Um. So, yeah, that's that's
Ian Henderson. Um. Now. During Henderson's time in Kenya uh,
he was just a part of the small team that
was developing a new form of counterinsurgency pseudo gangster tactics uh,

(46:53):
kind of weaponizing like gang gang warfare for British interests. Uh.
The other person who was of running this operation was
an Englishman named Frank Kinson. Um so he in uh
he he was also serving in Kenya UM and then
on New Year's in nineteen fifty five, Kinson was awarded

(47:14):
the British Military Cross in recognition of galleant and distinguished
services in Kenya UM and three years later he gained
a bar to that battle for his work in the
UH Malaysian emergency quote unquote. So during Britain's brutal rule
brutal war in Malaysia, um he he he played. He

(47:37):
played a part in the concentration camps which Chris mentioned.
The process was known as vigilization as they forced people
into these concentration camps all over the course of a famine,
and they were invading Malaysia to fund Britain's kind of
post war reconstruction uh. So he he was in Kenya, Malaysia. UH.

(48:00):
He also went to Bahrain, just like Henderson did. He
went to Yemen, Aiden and Cyprus, all places where the
British state is uh known for doing the widespread use
of torture. Um. And then he went to north He
went to Northern Ireland uh in not shocking turn of events. UM.

(48:20):
He then was the professional head of the British Army
during the Iraq War. Described Kitson as quote the son
around which the planets revolved, saying that quote he very
much set the tone for the operational style in Belfast. UM.
The the notorious Military Reaction Force the m r F,

(48:45):
which was accused of being behind a string of illegal
shootings of Catholic teenagers in the early seventies, was based
at Kitson's headquarters outside Belfast, and one of the units
under his command was nicknamed Wittson's Private Army uh. Its
official name was one Pea. And these were the people

(49:06):
that did bloody Sunday um. So in nineteen seventy two
in Dairy, fifteen thousand people gathered outside to protest against
detention without trial. At ten past four, British paratroopers opened fire,
twenty eight people were shot, some in the back as
they fled. Fourteen people were killed, seven of whom were teenagers,

(49:28):
and it was Kitson's private army who fired all one
hundred and eight shots in Dairy during winter of nineteen
seventy two. Uh. One of the victims are the first
teenager named Kevin, seventeen years old. He was shot from
behind while trying to crawl to safety. Um. Yeah, anyway,

(49:49):
Murphy massacre was at the same time as well. Like
it's worth, people like these are very well documented things
and people that people can read about that we don't
need to describe in detail. But so nice England England
Bad Elizabeth Queen. In nineteen seventy two, frank Kinson was
knighted again same same year as the massacre, was knighted

(50:09):
by the Queen for galleyant and distinguished service in Northern
Ireland and was promoted to Commander of the Order of
the British Empire UM. A few years later he became
a major general and the quote night Commander of the
Order of the Bath Again. What is it that he
and former head of the CIA, George H. W. Bush

(50:30):
got to hang out in their fancy club, though these
people are so fucked up. So later later, Kitson served
as Commander in Chief for the UK Land Forces from
nineteen eighty two to nineteen eighty five and was the
aide Delak was the Aide de camp general to Queen
Elizabeth direct directly to Queen Elizabeth from nineteen eighty three

(50:54):
to nineteen eighty five. So yeah, that's uh, that's fun.
It's worth noting that the Order of the Bath is
like a I believe that some of those other honors,
that Queen's honors that you've talked about, like selected by
committee your prospect government. I'm not quite sure. The Order
of the Bath is supposed to be like the personal
the Queen's like specific selection. Yeah yeah, and the Sovereign

(51:18):
is head of the Order of the Bath like it's
like yours. It's the big it's the big diamond shape. Man,
you're tortured so dreadfully. Well. I'd love to give you
this fancy award for jamming screwdrivers into children, turning the board.
Who do you do? Go off to go breathe another Corgi.

(51:41):
That's the ghost of the Queen you have promised at
the start of the episode. So Robert's basement. Throughout the
two thousand's, Kinson remained a key advisor on US military
strategy during the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan. There is
much that the US has done which is also war
crimes and torture in those wars, and which all we mentioned. Okay,
there's there's a thing you'll get from insurgency nerds who

(52:03):
were talking about the Mala like emergency quote unquote is
like the one successful kind of insurgency, and that's just
not true. Like they started again after they stopped in seconds.
You can tell how well this went by the fact
that that guy also was helping the US do a
rock in Afghanistan, and the only thing he's ever managed
to accomplish is killing an enormous number of people. He doesn't,
it was just that he had dubs there. Yeah, he

(52:24):
was in all those countries. He was heavily involved in
Aiden and Yemen, which led to two thousand deaths between
nineteen sixty two and nineteen seventy UM and and today
British armies still continue the same the same process of
of overseeing the bombing of Yemen. UM. So this isn't

(52:47):
mean there's definitely no one the US is innocent of
just oh no, we're the ones arming h we need
to Saudi Coalition, whatever you want to call it. That's
murdering people in Yemen. But I think the Britain doesn't
have the capacity to to make as many bombs as
the US is standing to Yem and I would doubt.
But all of these processes and all of these people

(53:08):
are still continuing the same colonialism and the same yes,
all of the same oppression. Like this isn't like, this
isn't like the past. It's it's an ongoing thing that
the monarchy awards and perpetuates. They've had to downsize it
a little bit because you know, it just doesn't work
as well as it used to. And so the thing
they decided to do to downsize it was stopped paying
off the populace um and just start policing them harder.

(53:31):
And but but the money has kept flowing to the Royals. Yes, yeah, anyway,
in the Malay emergency, that Britain did pioneer the use
of Asian orange. So that's another gift that we've given
to the people of the United States. Ah well, thank
you James for that. Yeah, welcome anytime. It's that it's
t cozy's with the Queen on it's stuff coolgies, you know.

(53:53):
I want to suggest if you are looking for a
way to properly mourn Queen Elizabeth Um, maybe check out
the film Churchill The Hollywood Years. A truly exceptional movie.
If you just type it into Google and look around
on YouTube, you can find a full copy of it. Um.
It features Christian Slater as Winston Churchill and Nev Campbell
as the recently deceased Queen UM. And I don't know

(54:16):
who it is that they got to play her father,
the former king, but he's he's basically a portrayed as
like a drunk and also like every time there's a
big fancy party, he's just constantly staring at everyone's drinks
because he's angry that they're drinking is champagne because he's
a big fucking uh spinthrift Um. Very funny, very good
send up of the royal family. Um. Also, Heinrich Himler

(54:38):
conducts a Satanic wedding and by replacing a crucifix with
a chicken. It's It's a good movie watch life just
like in real life. I'll also recommend you check out
the book Royal Babylon. I was able to get it
a free copy online through great methods. Um So anyway,
yeah that if you want a nice like poetic history

(54:59):
of how the queen is sucked up and the monarchy sucks,
Royal Babylon is a nice easy read. Did you get
into the balls Lion Sisters as well? Did you do that? Now,
these two people who were disabled, they are the Queen's cousins.
They the royal family basically announced they were dead, but
they weren't dead, and they lived in an institutional home

(55:20):
for I think it was it was called the Royal
Earth Word Institution for Mental Defectives and great. They lived
there more or less anonymously, completely discerned by the family
on a very small stipend until they died. And that
is not a nice way to treat your cousins. Well, yeah,
this only spends in my opinion that, yeah, some monarchy

(55:42):
is bad bad. Something about FUCO and boomerangs and colonialism
abolished the monarchy. It's always okay to celebrate the death
of a king or queen, Um, doesn't matter who they are,
doesn't matter how it happens. Um, it's bad for the
concept of monarchy is the only thing more toxic than

(56:05):
the concept of inherited wealth. Um, and both are deeply
tied to each other. Uh, fuck the Queen and fuck
all of her relatives except for the ones who give
up their their positions in power. Those people are are cool. Yeah,
don't turn police people whose parents were killed by colonial
regimes on. Yeah yeah, and over overthrow the government of Britain. Yeah. Look,

(56:30):
we always this podcast from the beginning has been directly
in favor of an insurrection against the crown. The one
thing that you do have to hand it to the
Queen for is seeing Liz Trust as Prime Minister and
immediately dying, which is an appropriate response ritual suicide. And
you know again, King Sibudho the second did destroy democracy

(56:54):
in Swaziland, but then he replaced it with something that
kind of sounds like democracy. And that's more than een
Elizabeth did. We just started at point B something that
kind of sounds like I know, I know what King
I'm gonna stand in the future. All right, But well
that's a T shirt I'll be getting you for Christmas.
Thank you you to short, short lived King Charles the Third.

(57:23):
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