The Cum Conspiracy Episode

From milking machines to testicle tanning, the gang tells four stories of semen based conspiracy theories and quack science spreading across the online conservative right.

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:05):
Dearly beloved, Welcome to it could happen here. We are
gathered here today to get through this thing called life.
Electric word life. It's a thing that only happens with
the addition of a couple of ingredients, and one of
those ingredients is the subject of our episode today. Oh yeah,
you guys like that? Everybody really happy with that? I

(00:27):
love that. Yeah, I'm feeling not at all like I
want to kind of shower. You can you can? You
can hear the moment where we're all like simultaneously questioning
every single decision we've ever made in our entire lives. Yeah,
now we're all bonded together. So how's everybody doing today?
We've got mea Wong Garrison Davis, James Stout, and I

(00:48):
should let people know I wasn't joking about the come thing.
So those of you who are two online will know this.
Those of you who are not online enough, this is
one of the online things that you will want to
know because it's very funny. And the gist of it
is that like four days ago, doctor Jordan B. Peterson
got sent a link to a Twitter account that is

(01:10):
that purports to be spreading like hidden news about the
evils of the Chinese communist regime, and they put out
a video that was a segment from a British milking
fetish pornography video. Now, if you're not aware the milking,
as far as I can tell, I believe the kind
of descended from the long lineage of like rubber fetishists, right,

(01:33):
and there's like a lot of medical fetish stuff it
tied into it. But the idea is that men are
entirely wrapped up on hospital gurneys and giant pump sucked
the semen out of them, So it's the machine is
very cow This Twitter account put this up, claiming that
it was the Chinese government stealing the semen of young men,

(01:57):
and Jordan Peterson shared it saying it was an unbelievable
act of evil and then everyone had the best day
of their lives. And an hour of two later he
deleted it. Now I have been continuing coward, coward, coward. Yeah,
so strange, so strange that he left the world of
peer reviewed academia. Yeah, it's it's wild, but he's no

(02:19):
longer professor. It's very funny. We're continuing to give him
shit for it online, but it set us off down
an interesting road, and because some other stuff fell through,
we're going to talk about the wide world of weird
right wing come conspiracies. Most of them released are going
to be right wing. There's a surprising number of semen
based conspiracies. Everybody did research on their own special thing.

(02:43):
I wanted to start by talking about this this Jordan
Peterson come via video and giving kind of some of
the some of the background on it, so I believe it.
Last July, the Chinese Human Sperm Bank of Shanghai announced
that it was hosting a competition college students to find
out whose seamen was the best in terms of, like,

(03:05):
you know, a number of modal sperm per milli leader.
I think is the way that they judge it. And
basically the idea was that they were trying to find
like people with sperm concentration greater than sixty million per
milli leader, and if they visited a sperm bank a
set number of times in a six month period, they
could receive a prize that was equivalent to about twelve

(03:26):
hundred dollars right now. The reason this is happening is
that China, for the first time, as a result of
a number of different policies, had negative population growth very recently,
and this is the thing that can cause a problem
for a country for a variety of reasons. So the
government is trying to shore up birthrights, and there are
a lot of couples in China that have had issues conceiving,

(03:49):
and so there's a huge amount of demand for sperm
in the country right now. So this is not a
weird story. It is actually a thing that happens all
around the world regularly. But right around the time that
this happened, a little bit after that, it came out
that a Japanese company started selling what is called in

(04:11):
the articles I found an automatic sperm extractor two Chinese
sperm banks. Now this is I'm gonna send y'all the
link I was hoping you would. Oh yes, good friends, Thanks, Yes,
we're all going to see this. So the Machines price

(04:32):
listing on ali Baba, where it sells for about five
to six thousand dollars, describes it as a device that
quote merges modern digital technology, automatic control technology, and simulation
technologies with semen collection and premature ejaculation desensitization training function.
So it has a number of purposes, including guests to
help guys stop coming too early, which no shame. It's

(04:57):
funny that someone built a machine for its It's extremely funny,
And that you can buy an Ali Express. It's like,
I personally, I'm not attaching anything. I bought an Ali
Baba too sensitive parts to my body tis thousand dollars.
It's not cheap. Now, the primary these are not being
used for people who are coming to too quickly. Um,
it's like the worst ever were two D two? This

(05:19):
it is? It is weird. What's the orientation? Does it
stand on the ground and you just approach it? You
have to stand up? Yeah? But what if you're a
shocking Yeah, I say, I'm sure they have options. It
has like the rough shape of like Cantel massage device,
but it's kind of like formed like almost an art
deco robot vagina. And basically, from what I've read, kind

(05:42):
of the reasoning is that, like, hey, we need people
to donate sperm. Some people feel weird about just masturbating
in a clinic, and we hope this is a more
pleasant experience for them. So again this we're laughing because like, look,
a machine designed to capture seamen is kind of a funny. Thing.
That's okay, no shame on anybody for that. Um but
the fact that you have both the government trying to

(06:04):
encourage people to donate sperm and this weird machine kind
of created fertile ground for a bunch of right wing
weirdos to start making ground grounded, I know, fertile ground
to make to make the completely un ungrounded claim that
like the government was trying to steal people seemen, right,
And that is the basis of doctor Jordan B. Peterson's

(06:26):
fun little freak out on the internet. And I will
say you should try to find the videos of the
automatic sperm extractor, this this amazing Japanese machine, because it
is fascinate. We should change some of these on the
cool Zone account. Do they have to like like like
change like I assume they liked Ye, yeah, you can't

(06:47):
clean that. If you watch the video, there's like a
there's a rubbiot that like comes out like the thing
that the penis goes in is also the captured device,
so it is removed with the sperm donation when you
take it out. Um. So again this is you know,
funny because come but there's nothing sinister here. It's just

(07:09):
in the same way that literally everything is. People have
like spun it up into a nonsense thing. But because
of this beautiful, beautiful story, which I hope we've all
gotten to enjoy, I got to do a lot of
work on the some of you. If you live, if
you've worked in agriculture, you're not going to be surprised
that stealing come is a massive industry, like it is
a There is a lot of money to be made

(07:31):
in stealing semen. There's enough money to be made in
stealing semen that there are two different official terms that
I have found for semen theft. The first is sperm jacking.
How could it get better? How could it get better
than that? Garrison? It gets better because the second the
second is spurgling. These are like les who like come

(08:01):
up with these terms. Uh, these are genius. There actually is.
I did find in my research there is one actual
Chinese based sperm conspiracy. It's just not a very sinister one.
There's this Chinese businessman, Jesse Jabbi Zoo who stole there's this.

(08:23):
I think it was a Canadian company. No, it was
a US company who had So this is for like
bull semen and one of the things that you want
for bull semen is you don't want if you're inseminating cows,
you want all of the babies to be female generally, right,
because bulls are not very with outside a certain specs.
If you're like trying to make more breeders or whatever,

(08:44):
if you're in industrial agriculture, you don't want any of
the boys, right. You just want to keep making those sweet,
sweet lady cows that are you know, more useful to
you in a financial sense. So there's a US company
that developed a method of before insemination looking through the
sperm and like sorting out the sperm that will make uh,
female cows. Um. And that is apparently hard to do.

(09:08):
I mean it sounds like it would be hard to do, right. Um.
And this this uh, this Chinese businessman was like reverse
engineering there. It's kind of actually it's basically the same
story as Jurassic Park. Um. And anyway, this guy has
has gotten sued for a bunch of money. Yeah, he's
a raptor cattle. I hope it works out just as

(09:30):
well as Jurassic Park. Yeah, it's very funny. I will
say there's a couple of really wild lines from this
the CBC story. I found I'm just going to read
one to you. Um zoos activities could best be described
as machiavellian. At various points he outlined a plan to
make x Y that's the American company. Quote feel all
the time, the sort of damocles is on their heads

(09:51):
and brag the law is strong, but the outlaws are
ten times stronger. Okay, Yeah, Jesse Jabezu my hero, the
sperm Bandit, incredible sperm jacker, one of the best spurglers
in the business. This man lives on an island with
his cow raptors. What a hero. Um. There was also

(10:12):
a case of a Japanese man who illegally took wag
you cattle sperm to China to try to give them sperm,
and like the Chinese government immediately caught him and was like, no,
this is actually incredibly dangerous, Like you're not allowed to
just take animal breeding material into the country without because
you know, there's a wide variety of reasons that that
could be in horribly so he got in a shipload

(10:33):
of trouble. Yeah, anyway, that's my that's my sperm stories. Everybody.
Thank you for yeah, thank you, thank you for spurgling
my knowledge. Garrison we're back, and James is here to

(10:58):
talk to us about the kind of sperm jacking that
you do when you don't jack. I'm talking about jacking
your own sperm by keeping it inside of you seem
in retention. Yeah, it's it. How was that beautiful? Unscripted?
Did you just didn't even write that? A Garrison? Yeah,

(11:19):
it's on the back of his hand. He had a
brainwave at two in the morning and I got that down.
Those are the kind of things you can do when
you've been podcasting as long as it's been in a
come space for several years. I've been in those soggy
trenches for a long time. All right, we are after all.
It works, so let me continue. So I'm going to

(11:41):
talk about what happens when you keep your come inside you. Okay, yeah,
this is the thing. What are we doing today? This
is this is critical journalist and we are making content
things it Okay, talking of content, let's talk about the

(12:02):
content of some Reddit posters. So the what's called the
semen retention movement, and this will this will shock many
of you began on Reddit dot com. Oh my god,
yeah yeah yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, like so many one.
I feel like I feel like, because I feel like

(12:25):
if you type that into your phone, it would have
finished the sentence the same way what is auto directed
to Reddit would Believe me, we're gonna go there, Garrison,
because when you google sperm retention, you do indeed find
some stuff on Reddit. So now they've spun off from Reddit,
right then now have their own organization, which is no
fat dot com and no fact dot com is a

(12:47):
community centered sexual health platform. I'm I'm using. I'm allowing
them to define themselves here. I guests designed to help
people overcome poor addiction and compulsive sexual behavior, which is
is not necessarily like like the this isn't not all
seamen retention, as we're going to learn, is basically helping
people I become addiction to pawn but so far as

(13:10):
that is a thing that people actually have. And if
someone was accusing Rabbitt of being addicted to pawn on
on his timeline this weekend, that would be because I
keep ratio and Jordan Peterson with the the pornography video
that he mistaking the post that's correct, Yeah, yeah, I
just want him to respond so I could ask him, Jordan,

(13:31):
tell me in your own words what you thought was
happening in that video. I really hope he thinks it's
like milking, Like they have r F I D callers
and they get fed based on their production level. That
would be great. Yeah. And what did you you're a
you're a medical doctor. Did you think that come actually
worked that way? And you could just stick a sucker

(13:52):
somebody anyway? Yeah, just get it out, Okay. So after
after this movement began on Ready dot com, be pivoted
to kind of offering all kinds of weird physical and
mental health benefits, and that's where it was adopted by
friends of the podcast the Proud Boys. Luckily, we do
have a bit of insight into why and into the

(14:14):
exact nature of the no fat fascism that the Proud
Boys practice. Sanks to Kyle Cheney. He's a political reporter
who was reporting on the trial of one of the
Proud Boys accused of additional January six called Zach Rell,
and that trial for reasons that I'm not exactly clear on,
the Proud Boy I guess it's like their handbook like that,

(14:35):
the kind of a Proud Boy Bye was introduced and
into the record. Somebody's there, Yep, it's in the court record, buddy,
because because what the lawyers decided that it was pertinent
to the case. So a proud boy may not ejaculate
alone more than once in every thirty days. That means
he must abstain from pornography during that time. And if

(14:56):
he needs to ejaculate, this is really weird. It must
be within w one yard of a woman. Fascinatingly specific. Yeah,
yeah right, And I like that they've they've gone with
imperial measurements with her consent, so that's nice. The woman
may not be a prostitute, so that that's the proud
poison nature. Then no fa fascism. But I think I

(15:16):
think the way of understanding why some people practice this
perhaps best is to is to go on to reddit
dot com. So I found a post by Reddit user
you slash monk one nine one eight one seven. It
seems like a nice guy and there are four votes.
What I did was I went to semen retention and
I looked at, you know, sorted by popular posts, found

(15:39):
this one from a bunch of numbers, and so this
guy has nine years of experience with semen retention. So
I'm just going to read I'm presuming it a boy yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,
him and some months off the coast of fucking lind
Spark couldnt be healthy. No, I don't think it is.

(16:01):
There is, and we'll get to this evidence that you
shouldn't do this. So, in his nine years of experience,
he has experienced the following things. Semen, when retained in
our bodies, has healing, rejuvenating effects. Loss of semen has
the opposite effects. This may not be scientifically proven, but
it's proven by experience. That's a red fla. That's interesting

(16:24):
getting reddit medical advice. While attempting any task, it demands
high physical, mental, or intellectual abilities. If we are semen
retention powered, we would actually enjoy the task, which would
otherwise seem dull. This is called sexual energy transmutation in
layman's terms. Oh no, that's the layman's are the what's
the non layman term? Just it's got even more? I

(16:47):
have no idea spermozoic fucking fission. So for peak performance
it's always necessary to be powered by semen. It would
be best to use semen only for regeneration purpose is
since nature riginally intended it for regeneration and not use
it for sexual purposes. Apart from to create a child.
If not serving that purpose, Master whatever teach techniques are

(17:10):
useful in not letting the seed out while having sex.
At the end of the day, don't let your seed
out like a worthless thing. There's more so, just contain yourself.
Great great, which is exactly the reason why core religions
are based on celibacy, because opposite of regeneration is degeneration,
which will cause a man to fall into a lower
state controlled by his lower nature, rather than when he's

(17:32):
subduing it. We should let seeman retention be part of
our lives, not something that is done for superpowers. For
superpowers are, in my experience, the sudden ecstasy that we
feel wants. We transition from the degenerated to the regenerated state,
and that will stabilize after some time, similar to how
a flight maintains stable altitude after takeoff. Very very similar. Actually, yeah,

(17:54):
that's what you can hear when the engine are spinning up.
It's just a dude trank really hard not to nut
and it makes that noise. So excited for the next
Marvel film where the where the superhero from not come
so he can get tiny no fat man. Yeah, so yeah,

(18:15):
he didn't. I should add that this person confess us
to having collapsed at some point in the nine years.
Yeah it Armstrong was on steroids. It's just disappointing. It's yeah,
no one would have seen it coming. See what I
did there. Okay. So this person then urges other posters

(18:37):
on the Seema retention sub credit to not use streets
to outperform others, or look better about ourselves or bring
others down. The battle with lust is a lifelong fight.
And the more we get better at finding victories Yeah, yeah, buddy,
at finding victories over internal battles the battle, we become
as high valued men. Hell yeah. I've often wished that,

(19:01):
you know, if the if the pandemic hadn't been a thing,
and I could force you all to work in a
central location, I could have like a wall of murals
where I put under each of your faces a quote
from an episode that you've participated in, and James that
that would be your quote. The battle against lust is
a lifelong struggle. Yeah, that'll get some T shirts knocked up.

(19:24):
But we can do a FUNDRAI let me eventually get
the cools on media offices. But you have a portrait
hanging on the wall of each of us with one
quote underneath yeah yeah, yeah yeah, on a plaque with
a yeah, let me get the cool when we when
we take over the meta offices three weeks from now. Yeah,
there is a marketing company that has been emailing me
for about six months telling me how cheap it is

(19:47):
to buy a billboard by the side of a road
and send a message to a loved one. So maybe great, great,
maybe I'll bang rang yeah yeah, yeah, yeah, Well they
will be into I put my positive messages about the
controlling lust and holding seamen inside our bodies, true and
return mentor former glory. So a lot of a lot

(20:10):
of the Reddit posts rely on a couple of different studies, right,
and one of these studies measured participants. A lot of
what they're doing is they're claiming to increase testosterone right
right at the bat. The testosterone does have, as Long's
armstrong can tell you some performance enhancing benefits, so yeah,
you know, increases your muscle growth, your your coverage from exercise,

(20:31):
all that stuff. One of the studies measured participates testosterone
levels at baseline before masturbation and then in ten minute
intervals after masturbation. Right, and then they were asked to
abstain for three weeks, and they came back and they
did the process again. Testosterone was higher in the baseline
measurement at the end of the three weeks of abstinence, right,

(20:53):
but the sample size was pretty small, and there's some
theorizing that the boost was actually caused by the empty
sipated masturbation that they were about to do at the
second It was so ready to go, yeah, yeah, yeah,
you're just ready to pop after three weeks. The second
study looked at a forty five percent intury, so after

(21:14):
a few days, seven days of abstinence. But even the
study showed this was a temporary peak that returned to
normal even with continuing abstinence. So there's there's just these
two studies. They're pretty they happened a long time ago.
We'll post them all in the show notes if you
guys want to read more about no fab science. But
we should just point out that there is in fact

(21:36):
a multitude of evidence. This is a bad idea that
having sex is actually good for you. Having sex will
will trying not to ejaculate. It's probably not good for you,
probably not good for your your relationship either. One would surmise,
there I will share into that. Whatever. Yeah yeah, yeah, yeah,
well if that's your thing, you do you do you.

(21:59):
There was a study that investigated the motivation for semen
retention among semen retainers, and a lot of it it
seemed like its people were people who felt that like
either sex or masturbation was unhealthy or wrong or sinful.
And there is evidence to show that like feeling like

(22:19):
guilty about yourself or like living with stress and self
loathing like that is bad for you, right, and that
will reduce your testosterone level. There's also some evidence to
suggest not ejaculating could give you prostate issues, which yes,
um yeah, there's there's and this is like pretty debatable,
like most things that people talk about with in regards

(22:42):
to coming and health, like you can find some studies,
like the studies on testosterone. Some of them are kind
of sketchy anyway. Yeah, I don't think will come or
come either way. Um, you know, it's whatever. But if
you do have a chance to fuck one of those
ali baba row bots, I recommend it out. Let's talk

(23:04):
about come demons. Hell yeah wait, okay, okay, hard hard
pivot here from so okay, we we are not going
as far afield from the no fat people as as
as as you would think. Okay, but all right, now,
the year is twenty twenty. Everyone on earth has collectively

(23:26):
gone insane. Uh, this is this is this is the summer.
This is the summer of twenty twenty. So this is
the part of twenty twenty where fun stuff is happening.
This is like late July, Garrison, that's when we met.
So yeah, we we're getting just incredibly poisoned. Yeah, yeah,
we share where it'll be fun in like twenty years. Well,

(23:49):
while while life or death struggle for the sort of
the life or death struggle for the fate of the
United States and whether or not people are going to
be conducing murder by the cops is being waged in
the streets, Donald Trump and Donald J. Trump Tonald Donald J. Trump, Wow,
Donald Trump Junior. That one. That's that's that's the Trump
and the little drum here. Yeah, Trump, we're you know,

(24:11):
looking for look at looking for their their they're they're
cure to COVID nineteen on Twitter. And okay, so as
we probably all remember, right, the thing that they found
was hydroxy. Okay, so one of the first ones that
they found before before I remacted. This is this is
before ye went it inside of them all along. Man, No,
this is this is. This is hydrochloric the thing that
was probably I hope they weren't full of the record question.

(24:33):
I thought it was semen. No, no, well we'll get
to that where there there's a The road is long,
but it ends with cum demons. But we first must
walk the road. So the road here is Donald Donald
Trump Junior post to tweet saying like this, saying this
is necessary watching about this video from this doctor named

(24:57):
doctor Stella Emmanue. Now, okay, so who is this person? Um?
She she is part of a oh okay, I say
part of She runs this thing called Firepower Ministries, which
oh no, so you don't think it's going great. Um,
she's also part of yeah, okay, cool. Yeah, she's also

(25:20):
part of America's frontline doctors who are yeah yeah, yeah,
I forgotten y yeah, these dipshits. Oh my god. Okay,
So this is this is very very very much in
the same vein as architecture nine eleven truth. They found
a bunch of people who technically have medical degrees or
like nurses, who were like no, No, vaccines are bad

(25:43):
and hydroxy chloriclean hytractic chor clean is well, we'll chloric
covid cork with that one. Yeah, it's it's it's been,
it's been. It's been a long day. I I've slept
for eight hours, but in like several distinct parts of
the day that we're not continuous. It's been. Things are going,
things are going, Corey, if you'd taken some horse medicine

(26:04):
fish quite possibly, I mean, is it's all like you
could have gone worse? All right, all right, So so
this this person's from the very sketchy doctors who are
trying to sell like a bunch of random shit to
to to cure covid. And okay, so who actually is
this person? Um? She is from Camera Roon and doctor

(26:30):
Stella Emitt Emanue was caught up in the unbelievably sort
of like I mean right, like yes, objectively right wing,
also very very weird wave of Pentecostalism and charismatic Christianity
that's been sweeping across that part of Africa as part
of sort of a you know, I sort of like

(26:50):
a very sort of long range of coordinated effort by
by right wing Christian missionaries. So okay, so for for
for people who don't know your Christianity very well, the
Pentecostals and the charismatic Christians are like firmly in the
very very weird camp of Christians. Like these are these
are the people who do faith healing. Um. One of

(27:12):
the very common sort of Pentecostal things is this belief
that like like you just you talk to God, like
God's in your head and you just have conversations with Him.
Now unfortunately for like all of us, and and this
is you know what a thing that is a not
insignificant contributing factor to why the last I don't know
ten years have been so bat shit is that like
this this originally was kind of an isolated Pentecostal thing,

(27:33):
and like the broader evangelicals were like, no, no no, no,
God only talks to me like your pastor, like he's
probably not like you're you're not like having a conversation
in your head with but like change that's changed. Yeah,
this shit has, this ship has fucking taken over everywhere.
It's really bad. Um. And these people believe a lot
of very very weird stuff. So well do I mean, okay,

(27:55):
so like, you know, she she has like some of
the sort of standard like really really hardline like David
Ike shit, Like she believes that the world's being run
by aliens and like reptiles, and like the vaccine has
like alien DNA in it to like take over your dude.
You know. It's just like sort of kind of Facebook
moments Alex Jones, Shit, yeah right, okay, but okay, I'm

(28:18):
gonna read this quote from will Sumner. This is a
quote from one of her for her sermons. They which is,
demons are responsible for serious guy necological problems. Emmanuel said,
we call them all kinds of names, and Tromesius and Travisius,
we call them molar pregnancies, we call them fibroids, we
call them cysts. But most of them were evil deposits

(28:40):
from spirit husband God. No, they are responsible for miscarriages, impotence,
men that can't get it up. So all right, immediately
we we have like we have there there are several
kinds of cum demons here that we're dealing with. So
there are are like there, there's there's there's okay. So

(29:02):
a lot of this is drawn from what is a
very like a J. Whitely unbelievably dubious piece of theology.
So when when I was reading musician this right, I saw,
I saw, I saw someone there there was there was
like a religious scholar who was writing this. He was like, oh,
I immediately recognized the theology of this. This is from
this is from a Genesis six So okay. So I

(29:24):
was like, Okay, what what the fuck are they talking about?
So I went back and I read GENI Okay, So
I went back and I read the Genesis, and I'm
going to read the two this is. This is from
Genesis chapter six, verses one and two, And I am
just going to read these two sentences, and I'm going
to see if you two can produce cum demons from this. Okay, happy?
I mean I could produce cum demons from all modist

(29:48):
in anything that is the power with the right machinery.
You know what, I think we know exactly what the
right machinery is. Look, we know that we can produce
come demons mechanically. Our challenge here is to produce them theologically. Okay,
I'll try. I will, I will use all of all
of my knowledge. We must we must find a way

(30:10):
to evacuate the vast deference of the soul. Okay, so
I'm using I'm using the King James translation because that's
the translation that all these psychos use. And it came
to pass when men began to multiply on the face
of the earth and daughters were born onto them, that
the sons of God saw the daughters of man, that

(30:30):
they were fair, and they took them wives of all
which they chose. Okay, so I I do know why
they're I do know what what they are doing. So
the sons of God, those would be what like fallen
angels that have been procreating with women and yeah, yeah,
this this ties into like the Book of Enoch stuff,
which was made a little bit like after Genesis, but

(30:51):
it kind of it like retconned a lot of like
the creation story. So I can see where they're they're
pulling come Demons from, but it is it is a
bit of a stretch. Yeah, they're gonna you could say,
come demons in the way that like God seemed. Yeah,
you could see it. Yeah, it's that's it is a
stretch now, Okay, my my, my, my analysis, because I

(31:13):
think I think I think they're pulling this out of
their ass and I think they're pulling this out of
their as Ye, it's also come deepon So yeah, they're like,
I I I I have. It is well known for
people who follow me on Twitter that I have an
immense and powerful disrespect for theology. But what what what

(31:34):
part of the sons of God? What? What part of
that gets you to demons? And not? Like because again,
isn't the whole point of Christianity that we are all
God's children? Like isn't it? Is this not a thing
that they tell you in every single fucking sort How
do you read that and not think they're talking about
people and immediately jump to come deemon? Like, here's what's

(31:57):
going on? I could I could explain this because this
is the King's James version. So this was made in
a post Book of Enoch world. Around the around the
alleged birth of Jesus, the Book of Enoch got very
popular UM and this this introduced the idea of a
fallen angel. The fall fallen angel isn't really in the
Bible at all, It's only it's only in like non
biblical um Abrahamic texts. So this, this idea then kind

(32:20):
of got planted into a lot of like Catholic mythology
as well. So when they're they're caused there they have
a distinction between like the like the sons of like
the sons of God versus um what was the what
was I think they used to refer to the daughters
the sons of the daughters of men exactly. So the
daughters are human, where the the the sons are like

(32:42):
came from God. So that is some type of fallen
angel that has been cast down to earth. Like there
they are doing a specific thing. But it's it's it's
it's a result of a whole bunch of like mistranslations
and a whole bunch of various various like Christian A
Gnostic texts that that have been misinterpreted for thousands of
years by the Catholic Church, and it creates a really
weird theology that is indistinguishable from like Castle of India.

(33:04):
So yeah, I'm blame. I blamed Martin lud This is
Martin Luther's fault, like that like the Mary would keep
it in high Latins can't understand this. This is this is,
this is what Martin Luther. I'm specifically because okay, so
this was already happy the count the Church was already
doing this right, but Martin Luther had a chance to

(33:25):
fix this shit, and she was like, do you know
what I'm gonna do Instead of that, I am going
to I am going to turn against the peasant revolts
and I'm going to do I'm going to bring about
a level of anti Semitism that is going to allow
me to outflank the Inquisition on the right. She could
have been fixing this bullshit. No anti Semitism. Whoo, I

(33:46):
gotta keep my patron lords in. He was German like,
there's only so much you can ask, that's true. Yeah, well,
I'm happy that we can all go to sleep at
night worrying about the sons of God and planting semen.
Oh there's also okay, So that that's that's cum demon
type type one, right, that is okay. So though those

(34:07):
are those are the demons that like they they have
they have sex with women and they produced nephelim from
or sometimes also there's there's a lot of sort of
conflicting sort of theological All that stuff comes from the
Book of Enoch. All that stuff is non cannon to
the modern Bible, but it's where it's where it comes
from fucking Council of Nicia. Okay, but there's also there's

(34:29):
also a second there's also the second kind of come demon, right,
which is these are the these are well okay, so
a succubine incubi are based here we go. I knew it.
I was down. It was counting down the the other
kind of of demon. So you have your incubi, right,
who are another type of sex demon. And the incubi
fuck men so they can steal their semen and they're

(34:51):
they're they're there. You know. There's other sermons are reasons
that there. There's another thing that she talks about, which
is that, um, there are witches who have like actual
spirit sex with men, and there's sleep and if you're
like having a sex dream, it's because you're having actual
spirit sex. Oh no, no, yeah, I mean like I
like Bill Murray, I've I've experienced that. Oh no, that
was Bill Murray. Sorry, my mistake. Oh wait, yes, okay, okay,

(35:16):
the cloud the fog is clearing. I've I've had I've
had sex with too many sex demons. It's it's a
real issue. Okay. So so all right, so we have
the sex demons who are like trying to pregnant you.
We have the sex demans you're trying to steal your
com We also have the actual we have the actual
projecting projecting witches, right, and the actual projecting witches are
trying to steal people's come as part of an Illuminati

(35:37):
plot to create like an even more powerful witch. And
the even more powerful witch is going to use gay
marriage and children's toys to like destroy the fabric of
Western civilization and thus bring about sort of general new
world order, et cetera. Honestly, witch meetings, Yeah, it is
not as far from the backstory to Warhammer forty thousand

(36:00):
it should be. That's very sadly true. I didn't want
Warhammer forty thousands coming to our come episode if I moneyed. No,
it's I mean, look, there's a lot of people who
are interested in both Seeming Retention and Warhammer forty thousands.
That's a tight drab. Yeah, yeah, they all play ultramarines.

(36:23):
That was That's pretty good Warhammer forty thousand joke for
those of you who play. Also, I also learned a
couple of days ago that I one of the many
crimes of the Emperor of forty k was passing off
at a Miri Bakara quote as his own. Oh yeah,
that is that was That was a good bit. That
was a really good bit. It's little pieces like that

(36:43):
that let you know that Dan Abnet's pretty base. That
was my favorite part of the book. So funny. That's like,
that's literally Cannon. I do have like three pages written ones.
So yeah, that's that's that's the end of the go off. Well, okay,

(37:05):
the one thing I'll add on is that one of
the more funny modern versions of these if you go
on the Bena Drill subreddit to the Recreational Penetral subreddit,
you can find people who try to take enough betadrill
to have sex with the hat Man, which is another
another form trying to subven shadow people. Maybe maybe you

(37:28):
have to you have to explain your terms for people here. Yeah,
I'm not man. The hind Man is a tall, thin
man wearing a hat who appears when you take hallucinogenic
doses of benadrill because you can't afford better drugs because
you're seventeen. Yes, we're younger, and there are some people
the hat man. Some people find the hat man extremely attractive,

(37:48):
or some of like the female shadow people variants and
they try to they I have I have read multiple
reports of people explaining their sexual experiences with shadow people. Anyways,
the President of the United States and his son we're
promoting this, so this is great. This website, by the way,
absolute adventures on here. I'm just reading about how to

(38:10):
use christ blood as a weapon. Amazing. Oh that's good. Yeah, yeah,
no problems here. Yeah. Do you know who won't steal
your semen? Everybody? We can't promise that. I can. I
can promise any advertiser on this show, I've personally approved
to make sure they will not come into your bedroom
and steal your semen. Wow, how do you do? How's

(38:30):
the approval process work? Instead of interest, I cannot divulge
private garrisons. We are. We are going to close off

(38:51):
by by talking about a sperm antestosterone um to two
of our favorite topics for this episode. For some reason,
about about a year ago, a trailer on Fox News
dropped for a new batch of Tucker Carlson originals titled
The End of Men. It opens with the text that reads,

(39:14):
in the current year, the cycle continues once a society collapse.
He said, you're in hard times. Well, hard iron sharpens iron,
as they'd say, and those hard times inevitably produce men
who are tough, men, who are resource for, men who

(39:36):
are strong enough to survive, and then they go on
to re establish order, and so the cycle begins again. Now,
there's a few funny things about this video, from the
ripped shirtless dudes milking cows to wrestling each other and
shooting bottles of canola oil. There's a un range. They're

(40:00):
shooting like ten bottles of canola oil for some reason maybe,
but then Mussolini's like, they're into the Mussolini stuff. He
was by far the most bizarre. I suspect they're shooting
the canola because it's like a seed oil thing. They
think that like seed sucking out your testosterone. Anyway, it's

(40:23):
something very silly, but by far the most bizarre thing
in this trailer is a shot of a laked man
with outstretched arms like Jesus on the Cross style, standing
in front of a lake at dusk with a white
machine shining a glowing red light on his dick. What
and again at the climax of the music from two

(40:47):
and Want to Space Odyssey, Uh, there's this there's this
man facing balls first in front of this large red
light at the end of this trailer, I you should
never have been any cause on our podcast or on
Fox News for anyone to say the line after the
end of the climax of the music from two thousand

(41:07):
and one a space odys scene. Oh that's the thing
we're objecting to from this episode, that's the line. Yeah, yeah,
because it shouldn't a climax. It lost its power in
that moment. It was considering both like the James that
was a very good joke. Thank you, Faith, thank you,
thank you for seeing me, buddy. Yeah, so considering both

(41:31):
like the text at the beginning, and then some of
the narration that we just heard in the trailer, they're
kind of doing this weird like Kali Yuga thing, right, Yeah,
that is that is a bit of a bit of
what's going on here. Because again you can listen to
our episodes on Savitri Devi for a little more information
about this. But it's like this weird right wing like

(41:51):
quasi apocalyptic concept that evolved during an intermix between some
of the early Nazis and some of the people who
are currently behind mind the present leader of India. It's
it's way too esoteric weird to get into. But it's
one of the things that yeah, it's like it. Um,
We're not going to get into it too much. But

(42:12):
I think the previous news unsettling that it wound up
adjacent to a Tucker Carlson episode because it's some like weird,
esoteric Nazi wizard shit. Yes um. And that previous November,
Joe Rogan posted a Kali Yuga meme which went viral.
It's it's about how hard times creates strong men, which
create good times, which lead to weak men, which create

(42:33):
hard times. It's a fucking silly his, his, his. The
The accompanying text on the Instagram post that that Rogan
did said civilizations move in predictable cycles. We are in
the kali Yuga, the age of conflict. All of the
chaos we're seeing right now is predicted in Hinduism thousands
of years ago. Rogan was probably just like parroting something

(42:58):
that he heard from one of his many fashy or
New Age friends, which, considering Rogan's social circle, that could
very well just be the same person. Yes, yeah, one
of his fucking sparring buddies is either friends with the
Nazi or just stumbled upon a fucking the Wrong podcast
and then told him that when they were smoking weed,
and you know, yeah, that's I mean, that's honestly to

(43:18):
It's problematic because of his platform, but that's how I learned.
Everything about sooteca that I learned when I was in
my twenties was some I was smoking wheat with some
sketchy dude who was going places you shouldn't have been
on the internet. So a few months after Rogan posted
this meme, we have Tucker Carlson making this whole mini
series surrounding this Hard Times Creates Strong Men kind of trend.

(43:42):
It's taking cues from the online manosphere, and Tucker posited
that weak, unmanly men are leading to the collapse of
civilization and a hardening of men is necessary to save it.
According to According to Tucker, one of the one of
the threats to manhood is a quote unquote total collapse
in testosterone levels amongst men in recent years. And the

(44:05):
solution goes beyond just your typical like anti soy crusading
that Tucker has done in the past. Now, Tucker has
turned to the cutting edge science of bromeopathic medicine as
advocation that's as advocated for by a quote unquote fitness

(44:28):
professional named Andrew McGovern who touts that infrared light and
testical tanning is this day sex Makeda for plummeting tea
levels in men. So obviously half the viewers right now
are like, what that's cutestical tanning, that's crazy. But my
view is okay, testosterone levels crash and nobody says anything

(44:48):
about it that's crazy, So why is it crazy to
seek solutions? It's not crazy to seek solutions. And I
think I was recently exposed to a term called bromeopathy,
and I think there's a lot of people out there
right now that um are don't trust the mainstream information.
This TV special is constantly referred to as a documentary,

(45:10):
so surely you would expect Tucker to try and like
interview scientists or like anyone with expertise on this topic.
Of course, not act not not the case. Serious. Andrew
McGovern are our bromeopathic hero. Works as a personal trader
at Lifetime Fitness in Columbus, Ohio, and he hasn't even

(45:34):
been a trader for very long. About a decade ago.
About a decade ago, he was the manager of an
Abercrombie and Fitch store in Miami. Oh perfect, yes, you know? Okay,
now descriptions from it works at the Abercrombie and Fitch store. Wait,

(45:56):
and but in Miami. Hey, if you want to get trimmed,
that's where you get trim yea, that is that type
of dude. He's emerging here. As of twenties of the deed,
he was the director of operations for Petland retail stores.

(46:16):
You're getting funnier. This guy's resume is highly amusing. But Tucker,
being a competent journalist, did not just interview one person. However,
Kid Rock was brought on to be the sole voice
of you laugh. But kid Rock is the other person
I've gotten prescription drugs from so real bastion. In the

(46:39):
platonic cave of men stands Kid Rock and a guy
from Apocrombie and Fitch. We must only be their shadows. Dude,
stop testicle Danny. Come on, Yeah, I haven't heard anything, Bobby.
I'm starting a punk rock band and it's called testicle tanning.
That's the end of it. I mean, don't you think

(47:00):
at this point, when so many of the therapies, the
paths they've told us to take have turned out to
be dead ends that have really hurt people. Why wouldn't
open minded people seek new solutions. I don't know what
the hell is going on in this world. I'm not
even sure if I understood that question, But some days
I just want to stop this planet, let me off.
Like kid Rock was not did not buy into testicle

(47:24):
tanning the same way, Tucker seemed to. Oh God, is
kid Rock gonna be the voice? That's what I said.
I said he was brought up to be the sole
voice of reason. We thought you were joking because it's
kid Rock, you were joking. Believe you. No, he's the
only person that doesn't. Kid Rock stands with science. It

(47:45):
is indeed sweet Home, Alabama all summer long. Tucker was
not the first person to advocate for testicular tanning as
the solution to an allegedly problematic dip in testosterone levels.
Dating back to twenty fifteen, you can find articles on
lines such as quote former MLB player Gabe Kapler says
men who want to get stronger should tan their testicles

(48:07):
from Complex and quote I put a giant red light
on my balls to triple white testoster levels from the
Men's Health twenty seventeen. Is that written by Ben Greenfield?
Banny Judts because he normally pops up with these things,
which which one the Men's health one. Let me see
the guy who injected dick to make it bigger. I
have it in my show notes here. This was written

(48:28):
by someone named Ben Greenfield. This baland has one games.
So proud of you today, Buddy, I'm so happy. Team
jas are you taking? Are you taking performance enhancing drugs
for this podcast? Shady Robert, I'm not. This is so funny.

(48:53):
We have stepped into a gold mind of contact with
Ben Greenfield, the guy who injected his own dick with
stemselves to make it bigger. That's so funny. I urge you.
I compel you. If you have any free time in
your Google Ben Greenfield penis there will be several articles.
It's supposed to be reptible outlets. It will just fucking
make you unwell. Well, that's that is great to hear.

(49:17):
But despite not being the first person to talk about
testicular tanning, Tucker was certainly the most impactful. After the
airing of the End of Men, testicular tanning showed a
seven thousand increase in relative search interest on Google and
thirty thirty five thousand increase in tweets on the topic. Now,

(49:37):
surely some of these things or stuff like what if
something like making fun of it? Right, I'm yeah, But
also a lot of it's also people who are just
talking about it genuinely. Um to quote a study published
in j M I R, a dermatology publication, quote, the
promotion of testicular tanning generated significant public interest in an

(49:58):
evidence lacking and potentially dangerous health trend. Dermatologists and other
healthcare professionals should be aware of these new viral health
trends to best consultations and combat health misinformation. So like
in terms of actual data, But twenty seventeen meta analysis
of studies on sperm counts found that in North America, Europe, Australia,

(50:18):
and New Zealand, men's sperm counts have declined by about
fifty percent between nineteen seventy three and twenty eleven. Now,
these results have not been enough to really cause broad
concern unless you're like a right wing influencer for men,
because there doesn't really seem to be an equal drop
in testosterone levels. Problems mankind has had on the whole

(50:40):
not enough seamen is one of them. Yes, and and
like compared to previous decades, there is this maybe like
a twenty percent decrease in total testosterone levels amongst adolescent
and young adult males, but that's highly fluctual and it's
impacted heavily by diet. It's it's suspected that pollution environmental
degradation are also suspected of being contributing factors, with plastics

(51:05):
like a thighlight being known to interfere with the production
of hormones like distosterone. But this this area research is
still heavily contested, but still that has not stopped fitness
YouTubers and conservative influencers from tying this to like the
soyboy feminization of men and drumming up panic to grow
their social media followings, sell their supplements and advertise affiliate products.

(51:28):
The Kreme de la Kreme of red lights for testicular
tanning is the Jeve Light A light. Juve is a
light therapy panel company which which sells these LEDs. They're
they're like this, They're like this upscale wellness brand. The
smallest model they have costs over a thousand dollars with

(51:49):
the full body ones going for around ten grand. This
is when you know it's a grift. If someone is
telling you that they need to sell you sunlight, they
are having a fucking laugh. Our friend Ben Greenfield advocates
a quote that advocates that you spend the big bucks
on Drew Lest you quote fry your balls to a

(52:11):
crisp with a cheap knockoff. You wouldn't want to do that,
would you. Unwise? Yeah, it seems like it's maybe a
bad idea. I can teach you how to how to
how to cook your balls safely without spending any money
at all. Get a pair of double A batteries. Take
them right out of your out of your your your
your your remote control. You stick the active end in

(52:35):
a bottle of water, and then you put your hand
on your testicles and you're it'll it'll complete the circuit
and power your testicles up with electricity, which you can
then ejaculate instead of come. They'll probably give you superpowers
to almost certainly garrison. Legally, this is not a recommendation
to do this. If you do this, that shit's not

(52:56):
on uslition. Please can batteries you dick to quote that
JMIR study evaluating the public's interest into secular tanning quote.
The interest in this topic may be partially explained by
the men's attention and advertising men's sexual health and homeown
replacement or homeown enhancing therapies receive in the US. Although

(53:16):
subsequent media coverage largely disfavored to secular tanning due to
lacking evidence and potential dangers, other health influencers came to
defend and encourage the practice of testicular tanning, specifically by
using UV light as an unquote. As an example, here
is a clip from fitness YouTuber Elliott Hulsey's Strength Camp
with one point seven million followers, blast your balls with

(53:41):
sunshine to increase testosterone. That you can drop your draws
and let your balls get kissed by the sun, or
you can try one of these light panels to roast
by nuts and be more manly. Nineteen thirty nine studies
suggests that UV light exposure to your testicles increases sestosterone
by two. You want to join me in this experiment,

(54:01):
We could find one of these bad boys at cozyhealth
dot com. Then just go to personal labs dot com,
get your blood tested, get your testosterone. Then after eight
to twelve weeks check it again and find out if
the nut rusting really works. So this whole idea goes
back to this one nineteen thirty nine, studies eighteen thirty nine. Yeah, yeah, yeah,

(54:23):
lots of good chience in nineteen thirty nine. And if
there's one thing I trust its sides from nineteen thirty nine. Yep,
got any comments on race in this study. So this
study was published in the journal Endercnology, and it found
that frequent UV irritation to the genitals increased urinary and
drosterone metabolite of testosterone increases levels by nearly two hundred

(54:48):
percent quote unquote. Now you'll be shocked to learn that
there may be problems with this study. Guess how many
test subjects were included in this In this study, I'm
going to be generous eight, So Mia says eight, James
and Greenfield just one. One. You say one, Robert, how
many how many do you think are in the study? Geez?

(55:09):
I think like seven was sacred to the Nazi, So
I'm gonna say that five. A grand total of five
people are in the study. Wow, I give too much credit.
They had to pick the sacred discordion number bullshit. Three
of them are fifty four years old and have manic
depressive psychosis. The other two are twenty Honestly, not a

(55:33):
bad representative sample for Tucker's audience. I was about to
say the same thing, just actually who watches to show
The other two are twenty eight and forty five and
have a quote psychopathia with depressive features, which is very
against old timey term everyone on Twitter, etcetera, etcetera. But

(55:53):
I think what actually happened is I think they did
this study at an asylum and just found people with
depressive psychosis to do the study on it. It's just
these five, these five friend of people. Um, No, no
individual graft results were produced. It only showed the quote
unquote typical reaction and there wasn't even a control group
for the study. Not to mention, there's many problems with

(56:19):
like measuring to stosterone in the first place, because it
changes broadly day to day and by age, and it's
very kind of unreliable. Um to quote the jmi R
study again quote beyond this questionable study, research has shown
that exposure to UV radiation may increase sex steroid hormone levels. However,
these studies either do not include human participants or do

(56:41):
not specifically evaluate UV radiation exposure to the genitals. There
is there is not a single other study since then
that has done anything resembling like peer reviewed science. You
know why everybody go to go to go fund me,
help cool own determine whether or not testical tanning works.

(57:03):
And we'll get that control group. Well, okay, so what
my mile question about this? Aren't aren't all these people
getting fucking ball cancer? We are? Okay, we are about
to get to that, because yes, you may think that
shining you fee lights on your bulls might have some
long term problems. Yeah, it's great that long soundstrants come

(57:25):
back to the episode again. So Vice interviewed Seth Cohen,
a urologist and the director of the Sexual Dysfunction Program
at NYU Lengden Health. Quote. I'm not aware of any
science or data or any journal publications proving that red
light therapy improves meltostosterone and quote we change recommendations on
medical therapies based on a double blind, placebo controlled randomized trials,

(57:49):
large studies with thousands of patients. That's where you'll find
if there's any really statistical significance between red light therapy
and a placebo. Could these men who underwent red light
the rape and came out and felt stronger and more manly?
Could they could that have been a placebo effect? Of
course it could unquote So and as Mia mentioned, we
have not really even gotten into the potential dangers yet.

(58:12):
Close direct heat to your testicles actually damages sperm count
on top of the risk of giving yourself ball cancer
by blasting concentrated UV light on your genitals for twenty
minutes a day, every day of the week, which is
what is recommended to quote to quote that study one
last time quote. Research shows that excessive exposure to UV

(58:36):
radiation may lead to higher rates of genital tumor formation
and decreased sperm counts, as spermo to genesis is temperature dependent. Thus,
given the current obsession with optimizing male hormone levels, the
high cost of red light therapy, and misleading information labeling
of testicular tanning by prominent influencers, there may be an

(58:57):
increase in men exposing themselves to UV radiation and developing
associated complications. Un Right, heroic, So guys, almost done here.
But man, it's pretty it's pretty funny that all of
the worst people you know, are gonna get ball cancer? Yeah,
don't stop him. Yeah. I you know, there was a

(59:17):
period of time in my life when I had said
where I will never wish cancer on anybody. But if
you are deliberately exposing your testicles for the sun, to
the sun and the hope of getting superpowers because of
Nazi science, it's okay. It's it's okay, Like I'm not
gonna mourn that. To be fair, that thirty nine study
was from the United States, so it talking about the

(59:42):
other Nazi science. Oh yes, yeah, yeah, yeah, well yeah, um.
And I think I think of a part of this
whole narrative of like the total collapse of men's distosterone levels,
as as Tucker puts it, Man, I fucking wish, yeah
so much. But I think this is more about men

(01:00:02):
in power feeling that their position of assumed superiority is
being threatened. Really, all of our quack science and conspiracy
theory stories today all revolve around this, like subliminal dog whistle.
It's no mistake that Tucker titled his program the End
of Men. In all the stories we're covering today, it
is the fear of emasculation that is the hook used

(01:00:23):
to drum up fear and anger about how liberal feminism
is eroding manhood. It targets some of young men's sexual
insecurities while promoting this like anti woke return to the
old ways of rugged masculinity. Yeah, I might add, because
I think you're missing one aspect of it. I think
you're identifying what he's signaling to his listeners and what

(01:00:44):
they get out of it. But I also think that
what he and the other folks who are kind of
in positions of power and influence in the right get
out of this because they're not They don't believe this,
they're not actually motivated by that. Now what this is
and what because because we do not know specifically why,
like testosterone rates, maybe lower white sperm counts are definitely lower,

(01:01:04):
but it likely has to do with a massive variety
of industrial pollutants in the environment, and with the fact
that industrial agriculture and the process nature of a lot
of our foods is having a negative impact on all
of these things, like it's consequences of capitalism, right, and
because the consequences are getting increasingly hard to ignore, the

(01:01:26):
thing that people like that need to do is find
either a cure for them or another way to blame
or another thing to blame them on right. And so
if the aspect the things that are horribly unhealthy about
the society that we have built is causing men to
suffer consequences in their bodies, the thing to do on

(01:01:47):
the right is to blame that shit on the liberals
emasculating men. And the solution is whatever kind of shit
we can sell you, right, Like, that's what's going on here,
that's the motivation. And it happens outside of like and
shit too, like. That's all the right has anymore. Like
their their economic theories have been proven disastrously wrong. They
have no actual ability to govern in a meaningful way

(01:02:10):
other than by causing harm to people. So it's entirely
about taking the consequences of the world that they advocate
and blaming them on someone else and selling you snake
oil to deal with it. Yeah, exactly, And so that
is that. That is most of the of the testicular
tanning fun that I got into. We haven't even covered

(01:02:31):
all the things to date. In twenty seventeen, we'll get
back on this subject. But it is time for us
to end. This is already over an hour, So I
want to leave you all, all of you, all of
you beautiful. First, I want to thank all of our
beautiful correspondence for their research, and I want to leave
all of you with this simple piece of advice. If
you feel like your testicles aren't getting enough solar radiation,

(01:02:55):
simply purchase a glass cutter in an old microwave, cut
a circular their hole in the microwave, and you bag
it while it's on. You'll be okay. That is our
legally binding health advice. That's the end of the episode.
It Could Happen Here as a production of cool Zone Media.

(01:03:16):
For more podcasts from cool Zone Media, visit our website
cool zonemedia dot com, or check us out on the
iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen to podcasts.
You can find sources for It Could Happen Here, updated
monthly at cool zonemedia dot com slash sources. Thanks for listening.