October 5, 2023 • 35 mins
In the newest installment of this continuing series on weird royal deaths, Ben, Noel and Max explore intensely ...crappy... stories of royals who, despite all their worldly power, died on the toilet. Tune in to hear what may be the lads' classiest podcast yet.
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
Ridiculous History is a production of iHeartRadio. Welcome back to
(00:27):
the show Ridiculous Historians. Thank you, as always so much
for tuning in, and shout out to our resident super
producer and regicide expert, the research associate for this episode,
mister Max Williams.
Speaker 2 (00:43):
Indeed, regicide, I love that word. Do you remember the
death metal band named di A Side?
Speaker 1 (00:49):
Yes, to kill a God, to kill a God, all
these asides, there's side.
Speaker 2 (00:55):
And we'll have many as sides of our own in
this episode, most likely in terms of tangent.
Speaker 3 (01:00):
A lot of poop jokes. By the way, I'm Ben
or Nol because we.
Speaker 1 (01:04):
Are a no pun left behind kind of crew, and
we want to start, of course, with the requisite disclaimer
every single death is a tragedy. However, as time passes
on and you get a little distance, you can see
the gallows or in this case, the poop humor in
(01:28):
some of these unfortunate things, especially when we're talking about
medieval era royalty who had a tendency to be corrupted
by the power that they wielded.
Speaker 2 (01:41):
You know, we talk about the Song of Ice and
fire books a lot when we do these accounts of royals,
and some of their bad behaviors. You may recall spoiler alert,
I guess for the series a major character that gets
killed by a crossbow while sitting on privy.
Speaker 3 (02:02):
Yes it is uh.
Speaker 1 (02:05):
This is a continuation of our ongoing Royal Death series.
Checkout parts one and two in your podcast feed of choice.
This one, Like you said, Noel, this one has a
little bit of a little a little bit more of
a focus as well. In this episode, we're exploring the
(02:26):
stories of British monarchs and a German born Russian empress
who all died in weirdly similar ways depending upon which
historical sources you trust, So shout out to shout out
to some of our sources. Khalad el Hassan for History Collection,
Yoda Suzuki MD, and Abe DeAndre Junior MD for National
(02:50):
Library of Medicine, of course, Britannica dot com, more and more.
I'm persuaded that they're they're just solid with a lot
of their research and spoiler Elizabethmaxim Grunge dot com. Great
people of history who died on the toilet.
Speaker 2 (03:08):
One hundred percent? So why don't we get to it?
Or should I say pooet? I shouldn't, but I did
takes these bacsies on ridiculous history. George the Second sixteen
eighty three born, passed away seventeen sixty. He was the
King of Great Britain, the Elector of Hanover, and a
(03:30):
Prince elector of the Holy Roman Empire. Of course, until
he passed away, he was a constitutional monarch. So this
was a little bit different than the like, you know,
power bestowed by God, right.
Speaker 3 (03:46):
Like absolute monarch.
Speaker 1 (03:47):
Yeah, yeah, So there were some other people in the
room who could say, I don't know, man, I love
to yes, had you because you're the king and you
could kill me.
Speaker 2 (03:56):
But so talk era where Parliament is really starting to
kind of take the reins, right.
Speaker 1 (04:03):
We're yet, we're in an era wherein people are still
accepting the notion that royalty and monarchy are divinely inspired
and decreed. But the role of some demographic of the
people is increasingly prominent. Right, So, the as a constitutional monarch,
(04:29):
our buddy, George the Second, to your point, he doesn't
have a ton of control over concrete British policy. However,
people I don't want to say mascot, but kind of mascot.
The people love this feeling of continuation, right of legacy
(04:50):
of stability and the British Empire also prospers during George's
time as king. He is the last British monarch born
outside of Great Britain. He is also the last British
monarch to personally lead an army into battle. Queen Elizabeth
just never quite got there. That battle took place in
(05:12):
seventeen forty three the War of Austrian Secession. George commanded
troops in what is known as the Battle of Dettingen
against a French army.
Speaker 3 (05:22):
That's right.
Speaker 2 (05:23):
And then in seventeen forty five there was a bit
of a political scare when an uprising was staged by
the Jacobins in order to restore the Stewart dynasty to
the throne. But this was an abject failure. So more
or less, during George's tenure, things were pretty you know,
(05:46):
pretty easy going as far as political regimes go.
Speaker 1 (05:50):
I mean, especially in comparison to some other to some
other historical reigns.
Speaker 3 (05:55):
Think about George was he wasn't.
Speaker 1 (05:58):
Everybody's favorite guy because he did not seem to be
a man of the people to the public. He had
a thick German accent. He was he was not himself
a yes ander, he was a no better he was.
He was nagging people constantly. He was really he really
had a short temper. And he was called boorish often,
(06:23):
and borish does not mean boring, no, it means a
slovenly kind of lay about, I guess, or just someone
that lacks decorum, someone that.
Speaker 2 (06:34):
Doesn't know how to read the room. And he was
not very well liked. You mentioned his accent. He was,
in fact ones a small, young gentleman boy, and that's
carried along with him throughout his reign, and that accent
alone was sort of like a bit of.
Speaker 3 (06:48):
A red flag to the proper Brits of the day.
Speaker 1 (06:51):
Yeah, and still one of the main drivers for what
is considered a successful leadership position is how your country
is doing while you're in charge. There was a lot
of growth in prosperity for Britain. There was a lot
of growth and prestige. The British Empire during this time
(07:12):
was continuing its expansion to become the empire where the
sun never set, with possessions around the globe.
Speaker 4 (07:20):
And just to throw this note in here, this is
the guy that our state of Georgia is named after.
Speaker 5 (07:25):
It's this King Georgia, I want it. There's three in
a row. It's one right here.
Speaker 2 (07:28):
Okay. Good to know that our state, our fair state,
was named after a man who suffered about as undignified
a death as one could, much similar to the King
of rock and roll, mister Elvis Presley. It's October twenty fifth,
seventeen sixty, a morning like any other. As Tom Petty said,
(07:50):
it's good to be king. And so our boy George
wakes up six am sharp. Good on you for not
sleeping in George, and he has a cup.
Speaker 3 (07:59):
Of hot yummy, my hot coco.
Speaker 1 (08:02):
He was probably mad about it, knowing George, and uh.
And then he went to the royal toilet and he
had a difficult conversation with his facilities.
Speaker 3 (08:15):
He U.
Speaker 1 (08:16):
The polite way to say it is he overstrained himself
and he had an aortic aneurysm. And this happens to
people more often than any of us would like to imagine.
Speaker 2 (08:26):
If anything, I would hope that the legacy of King
George the Second. Besides, you know, the fair State of
Georgia is a lesson to the people to eat lots
of fiber and don't strain the toilet is not a
place to read the paper, do your business and then
and then go elsewhere. Don't just sit there pushing It's bad.
(08:47):
It's bad for the bot. Let it happened to you.
Speaker 1 (08:50):
And also, uh, just be the be the wave in
the ocean. Also shout out to squatty potties, which are
apparently way more healthy for you. Anyway, we do know,
if you'll recall ridiculous historians in our previous episodes on
royal deaths, there are a lot of historical questions, right.
There's a lot of vagary in these sources, just because
(09:13):
of the amount of time that passed and because honestly,
of the importance of the people. So we have to
remember that history is kind of history is always written
with a slant, so it's it's difficult sometimes to get
the truth about embarrassing deaths of powerful people. In this case, though,
we do have some solid sources, more so than others,
(09:37):
because we do know, because do do we. Because mister
Andrews the house surgeon, closest thing they have to a
you know, doctor McCoy. He is immediately brought in after
George's valet. Here's a crash in the bathroom he sees
(09:57):
that the king has fallen from in mac. Really, he
has fallen from his throat.
Speaker 5 (10:03):
I'm quoting the source. I'm quoting the source.
Speaker 1 (10:06):
Ah, yes, that's that's our that's our buddy, Khalid Elissad.
And so the false throwers come out and this surgeon,
mister Andrews is brought in and says, I can't revive
the king.
Speaker 3 (10:19):
I better keep taking his blood away.
Speaker 2 (10:22):
Yeah, because that was always going to work, That's definitely.
It was certainly the science of the times. But after
multiple attempts at blood letting, Uh, it was pretty clear
that the king had had passed from this mortal coil.
I don't know did did did he ever get the
Did the strain result in anything? I don't think he
(10:43):
When you die, you kind of you poop yourself. One
one would hope that at the very least he you know,
he got it out.
Speaker 3 (10:51):
That's the very end.
Speaker 1 (10:52):
But there are the modern doctors who have looked back
at this case and specific there are primary sources. We
know a doctor Nichols performed an autopsy on the King's
cadaver and embalmed him as well, meaning we have an
autopsy report, and this means that in the modern day
(11:14):
medical professionals have been able to examine the case, and
they have some differing opinions. You know, with the benefit
of modern technology and modern learning, you can poke holes
in some of the autopsy.
Speaker 3 (11:30):
It's right.
Speaker 2 (11:31):
We have a perspective from some modern physicians. Yoda Suzuki,
MD and ab DeAnda Junior, MD wrote in a paper
revisiting the death and autopsy of King George the Second
for the National Library of Medicine, and they had this
to say. First, as noted in the description of the autopsy,
the aorda did not rupture the right ventricle ruptured Surgeons
(11:53):
have long observed bleeding from the epicardial surface of either
ventricle associated with an acute a or to dissection, typically
originating from tracking of subadventiteal blood from the aorda onto
the surface of the harp, not as the result of
a hole in the ventricle. Okay, totally get that. Secondly,
(12:18):
going against doctor Nichols hypothesis, going back to quoting the piece,
with modern experience with pulmonary hypertension and with real time
monitoring with either right heart catheterization or continuous monitoring with
a pulmonary artery catheter. We know that systemic pulmonary artery
pressure or a pressure surge in the artery will not
result in.
Speaker 3 (12:38):
Rupture or perforation of the right ventricle.
Speaker 2 (12:40):
Instead, such high pulmonary artery pressures result in acute failure
of the ventricle. For example, the pathophysiology scene with a
large pulmonary embolism. Third, King George the Second had been
having cardiac symptoms for some time.
Speaker 3 (12:58):
I think that's the important takeaway here.
Speaker 1 (13:01):
Yeah, because he had even even back then, they knew
enough about the circulatory system to know that the king
had a bum ticker, because he had complained about what
would be called distresses and sinkings about the region of
the heart if we if we unpack this, because of
(13:21):
course there's a little bit of high level medical terminology there.
Everybody is saying that his heart gave out. They're just
talking about how it gave out and where right, how
the how the system broke down with arteries, ventricles, et cetera.
We don't know for certain then the absolute specifics of
(13:43):
how King George the Second did pass away, but we
do know where he died on the toilet.
Speaker 3 (13:50):
He did he did.
Speaker 2 (13:58):
Let's move on to another royal who I believe was
named Edmund ironside Edmund the Second Edmund, which is a
fun spelling of Edmund born circa nine to ninety three
died November thirtieth of ten sixteen. He was the King
(14:19):
of England from April twenty third to November thirtieth, ten sixteen,
and the son of King Ethelred ethel Red the Second
the unready.
Speaker 5 (14:31):
Best king name of all time, and he pops up
so often't.
Speaker 3 (14:34):
He just wasn't ready. He was caught unawares every time.
Speaker 4 (14:37):
Because this series, I've been learning a lot more about
this time in history, which I really didn't know anything about.
This guy just is always like omni president. He did
nothing as king. He wasn't ready, he was always there.
He's always twice.
Speaker 1 (14:51):
I picture him in like a sitcom where they introduce
people by their names. I want him to show up
in the sitcom intro mont you know, where the people
look towards the camera and do a little bit, and
I want him to not have been ready for his
shot and his guest slot in the camera, you know.
Speaker 3 (15:09):
I want him to be on his phone or something.
Speaker 1 (15:11):
And like Edmund or ooh, making a milkshake anyway, Edmund
here street named Edmund Ironside. He possibly died in a
similar restroom or water closet location. He went against his
(15:32):
dad in the name of romance.
Speaker 3 (15:34):
His oh you love to see that?
Speaker 1 (15:37):
Yeah, Ethel read the second said I'm not ready classic
Ethel red for you to marry the widow of this
Danish lord that's occupying English territory. I think you're doing
it to up your chances at gaining the throne. And
Edmund was like, you're not the boss of me, even
though you're thinking so, and you don't understand me.
Speaker 3 (15:59):
Dad, leave me alone.
Speaker 1 (16:01):
And nevertheless, when England was invaded later in ten fifteen,
Edmund did raise an army in northern England and he
ravaged areas of the world that wouldn't back him up.
That's how he got the street name Ironside because of
his quote staunch resistance to that massive invasion, which was
(16:23):
led by a Danish king named Canute.
Speaker 3 (16:26):
I want to say.
Speaker 4 (16:27):
Fun note either his son or grandson became king. Also,
his name was Hardy Canute. It's probably not how it
was pronounced, but it's how it's spelt. Hardy Canute.
Speaker 2 (16:36):
I love a good hearty Canue. I just let out
a hardy Canute.
Speaker 3 (16:39):
I blame that Chile was.
Speaker 4 (16:41):
Just be careful, we don't want to have you. On
the next part of this series, Ben.
Speaker 3 (16:45):
Expiring on the commode, no way to go.
Speaker 2 (16:48):
So when his father ethel Read passed away in April
of ten sixteen, there were some you know, counselors and
a citizen group of London town that's declared that Edmund
was their ruler. But there was also, of course, there's
all these disputes when there's a monarch who passes away.
There was a larger body of more moneyed gentry, perhaps in.
Speaker 3 (17:12):
Southampton they declared for Canute.
Speaker 1 (17:18):
They were like, we liked the Danish guy better, and
your dad was just really never ready for anything.
Speaker 3 (17:24):
He's never on time. They were in cahoots swith Canute.
Speaker 4 (17:28):
And if I'm remembering correct, I could look this up
really quickly, but I'm not going to Knute's dad had
been king of England at one point, because there was
like I believe that's correct, ethel Red was king, then
Knut's dad was king, and Dan ethel Wright was king again,
and then now it is Connute versus Edmund, who's ethel
Wright's son.
Speaker 5 (17:47):
Going real game of thrones right here, That's really what's
going on.
Speaker 1 (17:51):
And so Edmund decides to go proactive with it. He says,
I'm going to be more than ready, and he he
launches a series of attacks against his rival Canute. And
if Edmund is doing pretty well, he regains control of Wessex,
(18:11):
he saves London from a siege. He eventually is defeated
by Canute at Ashington in Essex on October eighteenth, and
they have a peace settlement. And in this peace settlement,
you know, they talk Turkey, they jibber jabber, and Edmund
gets to keep possession of Wessex, and Canute gets all
(18:31):
the land north of the Thames, the River Thames. And
then after Edmund dies, probably of natural causes, we're about
to get into it, Canute becomes the sole ruler of England.
People are wondering is it? Is it a natural cause?
An accident of fate? The dark lottery of unfortunate events
(18:52):
Over at grune dot com. Elizabeth Baxmu mentioned earlier, says
that Edmund died suddenly on November thirty, ten, sixteen. He
was a very young dude. By the way, he was
in his twenties and his cause of death was originally
listed as having occasion to retire to the house for
(19:14):
relieving the call of nature. His brother in law hid
in the pit in the outhouse pit and stabbed the
king twice what from beneath with the dagger, left the
weapon fixed in his butt, and then escaped the bathroom.
Speaker 3 (19:33):
So death by butt stabbing.
Speaker 2 (19:35):
Okay, okay, so can we just really quickly paint the picture.
These would have been sort of a more brick and
mortar version of like a porta potty, right, so there's
like an area underneath where the stuff goes. This guy
would have been up to his ankles and human waist.
Speaker 3 (19:55):
Ankles is very optimistic. He would have been in there.
Speaker 4 (19:58):
He would have remember remember the soap episode. This is
one time period where they didn't use soap Paul.
Speaker 2 (20:04):
Right, right, and so this and what does that matter
when he's in human Well, it's because.
Speaker 4 (20:10):
The humank on to our afterwards he's brought him back
and he's like, oh, the king is dead, and is
like his.
Speaker 5 (20:15):
Like pants are just covered in fecal matter. It's like
he died on the throat.
Speaker 2 (20:18):
Everything was fine, I wasn't there exactly. We got to
find out who did this. It's like the hot dog sketch,
and I think you should leave.
Speaker 1 (20:25):
And this comes from this description comes from Historia Anglorum,
which is a history of England written by Henry of Huntington,
first published in eleven twenty nine. Anyway, the other theories
say that maybe someone was hiding down there and shot
him with an arrow, or maybe somebody was hiding down
(20:46):
there and got him in the booty with an iron hook.
Speaker 3 (20:49):
I bet George R.
Speaker 2 (20:51):
Martin took some inspiration from a lot of these for
what I described earlier.
Speaker 1 (20:55):
Yeah, one hundred percent. Song of Ice and Fire is
very loosely inspired by the War of the Roses as well.
So this account is heavily disputed. You'll hear a lot
of historians, the majority, in fact, I would say today,
arguing that Edmund did die from natural causes. But if
it's natural causes versus the repugnant story of someone hiding
(21:21):
in a little pond of poop to kill you through
the butt, then you're gonna go with that story.
Speaker 3 (21:29):
He left it in there insults to injury.
Speaker 1 (21:33):
Well, he can't think about it from his perspective. You
can't be running around with it. You're already covered in poop,
you look suspicious.
Speaker 2 (21:39):
It would have been so much easier to just like
murder people secretly. There were no fingerprints, no DNA, nothing,
and you know, it was just about like hearsay. If
he didn't have an eyewitness, was there wouldn't have been
what's more private than literally the privy and he's no
one's gonna be no one else is going to be
down there. Yeah, this would have been connected to a sewage,
something like a cistern. Perhaps maybe he could have even
(22:01):
crept in there from some other introm outside.
Speaker 1 (22:05):
Yeah, I'm also thinking, you know, the murder weapon would
have been the key indicator of regicide because to your point, Max,
it probably was way more common for people to run
around covered in poop.
Speaker 3 (22:19):
He was not the only guy who had poop on him.
Speaker 2 (22:22):
And also, if you're stabbing someone from underneath in the
all over you so this guy's covered in poop and
blood and potentially guts, because that's where that's what would
come out. If you stab someone in the butt hole there,
they would get gutted, probably.
Speaker 5 (22:37):
Especially if you're pushing your strength.
Speaker 1 (22:40):
And then you're pulling if because to stab twice you
would have to.
Speaker 3 (22:47):
Because was also potentially in play.
Speaker 1 (22:50):
Yeah, where we might tag this one is explicit because
we're talking about prolapsing and disabaliant.
Speaker 2 (22:57):
This is some goatsy stuff right here. Man, don't look
that up. Don't look that up.
Speaker 1 (23:01):
Well, let's we're since we're up, Since we're already here,
let's go to one of the biggest myths.
Speaker 3 (23:08):
That I'm leaving to be busted.
Speaker 1 (23:11):
Catherine the Great, which is a way cooler nickname than
the Unready. For many years, you may have heard this
too growing up, if you were a history buff. For
many years, one of the dirty legends about Catherine the
Great was that she died having sexual congress with an animal,
specifically a horse, that she was a zoophile. That's not true.
Speaker 3 (23:39):
None of it.
Speaker 2 (23:40):
That the death I get, But was she I mean,
I know she was into some kinky stuff. Have you
seen that show The Great on I think it's on Hulu.
It's definitely definitely intrigue, Yeah, for sure.
Speaker 4 (23:54):
I Mean it's just like it's hard to tell what
all's real and what's all fake because everyone's slandering everyone.
Speaker 3 (24:00):
That's what I'm saying not.
Speaker 2 (24:02):
And I think because she was a strong woman who
owned her sexuality, men didn't like that. And I'm sure
rumor mongering was just running wild. And what how better
to slander someone for their sexuality than to say something
vile as vile as this, you know.
Speaker 5 (24:17):
And you say it after they die, right.
Speaker 1 (24:19):
And she was also she was also not native to Russia.
She was a princess born in Germany who became the
Impress of Russia from seventeen sixty two until she passed
away in seventeen ninety six.
Speaker 2 (24:33):
And she got the czarina, a term I was not
aware of. I guah, yeah, but that's it's sort of
like a queen versus king. I guess I've never heard
that term before.
Speaker 1 (24:42):
Yeah, so she only becomes the queen because or the
impress is the term they would use. Because her husband
saw Peter the third was assassinated. You know, you got
to wonder about the state of their marriage was very
much a political thing, not a romance thing. People at
the upper echelons of society at this time didn't often
(25:04):
marry for love. She was married off at age fourteen,
and yeah, and the marriage was disastrous because Peter was
mentally unstable, extremely neurotic, and max to your point about
how history is written. There were a lot of historians
(25:25):
posthumously saying that he was impotent. So eighteen years of
just an absolute horrible relationship.
Speaker 2 (25:33):
I think a lot of that is dramatized in The Great.
It's been a minute since I've seen it and I
haven't finished it, but it's very good and it's very funny. Actually,
I believe your ghost Lanthemos has something to do with it.
The guy who did The Favorite, and he's got a
new movie coming out. It's called Poor Things. It's sort
of like a Frankenstein kind of story, with Willem Dafoe
(25:55):
as like a Victor Frankenstein tepe figure.
Speaker 3 (25:57):
It's supposed to be great. I'm a big fan of
his work.
Speaker 2 (26:00):
Yeah, definitely could understand why she would work her way
to not taking any crap from anybody after being treated
so horribly for so long.
Speaker 1 (26:12):
Yeah, and she did have children or issue as they
would be called in royal parlance.
Speaker 2 (26:18):
I know's yeah, me too, learned so much today, guys.
Speaker 1 (26:22):
She had a series of lovers, and she herself strongly
hinted that none of the kids she had were actually
her husband's and when her husband he is Peter was
a grand duke when he married this fourteen year old
and eventually he becomes the Czar of Russia in seventeen
(26:42):
sixty one, and he is terrible at this. All he
does is talk trash about Russia and talked about how
Germany is so much better. Imagine if Steve Jobs went
up on those Apple you know ted talk things and
just talked about how great micro softwise and said the
iPhone stink.
Speaker 3 (27:03):
So that was bizar. He was not good for morale.
Speaker 1 (27:06):
He tried to get rid of his wife several times,
like as in, kill her, not divorce her. But she
also hated him, and so she joined a conspiracy to
stage a coup. In seventeen sixty two, Peter is arrested,
he is forced to abdicate the throne, and just like
(27:28):
in a week or eight days, he is murdered. Catherine
gains the throne and the crown. She is the Impress
for thirty four years. She will rule Russia. You can
imagine this was controversial.
Speaker 2 (27:41):
Indeed, and she ruled I believe quite successfully, right, I mean, yeah,
she did a good job. So when she passed away, Unfortunately,
these rumors started to circulate that, because of her insatiable
sex drive again quotation fingers here, that she died from
(28:04):
sustaining injuries resulting from, as you mentioned, ben intercourse with
a horse. The truth, however, while embarrassing, was not nearly
as inflammatory. The truth in fact, was that she had
been suffering from bouts of constipation and much like our
(28:27):
first entry in today's episode, perhaps may have pushed a
little too hard seeking relief while on the.
Speaker 3 (28:35):
Privy and suffered a stroke.
Speaker 1 (28:38):
She would have been of more advanced years here as well. Right, Yeah,
she was sixty seven. And the thing people don't tell
you about being the Emperor, the Empress, the king, the queen,
really any high level royalty, is that you don't often
get to poop alone. You have valets, maids who are
(29:01):
following around. They're waiting outside the door maybe, and that's
what happens to Catherine. These folks are her maids. Her
retinue is waiting outside the door for her to finish
her deposit, and she is grunting, she's groaning, she's you know,
she's making all the noises you've heard at airport restrooms.
(29:22):
And then when she stops grunting. Her maids look at
each other and they say, okay, wow, that was a
weird one. Thank god, you know, the the Empress has
got it out. And they wait and then they keep waiting,
and they wait longer and longer the minutes drag on.
Eventually one of them decides to risk their career and
(29:42):
say something like, your majesty all is well.
Speaker 3 (29:46):
Yeah, there's a fine line.
Speaker 2 (29:48):
Right when you're attending to somebody and you have to
literally wait outside for them to do their business.
Speaker 3 (29:53):
At what point do you come and knocking, you know,
and at out to the death of Stalin.
Speaker 4 (29:58):
And like the way like we've we've talked about like
the czars and the empresses, Like remember we had that
episode the two part about the Empress that everyone like
hated or whatever was evil, Like if you interrupted, these
people are just wrong.
Speaker 5 (30:13):
You're dead.
Speaker 4 (30:13):
You're gonna kill you, they'll execute you, or they'll make
you be a jester or something.
Speaker 1 (30:18):
Right, right, and Jester the role of the Gester itself
is an episode when I'm right in the future, because
that's that's way different than it's portrayed and dressed in
motley and sometimes yeah, oh it gets we might have
to tag that when explicit too, so they don't hear
an answer when when they inquire about the empress, and
(30:40):
so eventually they take a peek into the water closet
and they find her dead on the commode. According to
again our pals of Britannica, this is not a one
hundred percent proven story. In fact, they think it is
woefully inaccurate.
Speaker 2 (30:58):
I mean, you're gonna print the most interesting version of
the story, I guess, or at least that's the one
that people are gonna remember. She suffered the event that
led to her death while on the toilet, so for
all intents and purposes, she died on the toilet. However,
the truth is more likely that she actually passed the
next day as a result of the stroke. She had
the stroke in the bathroom, and then the next day
(31:21):
she did pass away on November seventeenth of seventeen ninety six.
Speaker 3 (31:27):
No horse involved whatsoever.
Speaker 1 (31:29):
No horse involved as far as we know, and probably
not a horse involved in the death of Ironsides, just
because it'd be tough for it to get into the
lavatory pit. And then, you know, you don't have to
love horses. But let's face it, they haven't stabbed anyone, and.
Speaker 2 (31:45):
They gotta say I've been I went to I've been
taking a lot of tours lately, and I went to
the Detroit Institute of Art, and I was reminded how
in a lot of like Renaissance paintings there are horses
in the most intense torsions with the really aggressive like
you know, flared nostrils and they're all reared back and stuff.
(32:05):
I'm a big fan of the depiction of war horses
in art.
Speaker 1 (32:09):
There's a great exhibit samurai exhibit here at the High
Museum where you can see real life samurai horse armor.
Speaker 3 (32:18):
It is so cool.
Speaker 1 (32:19):
Look up a picture if you get a chance, visit
if you happen to be in town. And then also
I was at the Prado recently in Madrid, and they
are all about some of those paintings.
Speaker 3 (32:30):
Man.
Speaker 1 (32:30):
I I also like the I also like the weird
symbolism where all of a sudden in a medieval painting,
there's some guy with a snail, or there's yeah, or
there's some guy with.
Speaker 3 (32:43):
A well look what kind of hygienk Simon.
Speaker 1 (32:47):
Expression while they're being u while they're being ripped apart. Anyhow, yes,
these stories are important, and they tell the way they
are told tells us about the society in which they
were created. And so it's a struggle. History is an
active thing. It is a struggle to determine the truth.
But we're very happy today to end our episode by
(33:12):
conclusively telling you it's got the Ridiculous History stamp of approval.
Catherine the Great did not die in some sort of
TMZ situation with a horse, so put some respect on her.
Speaker 2 (33:24):
Name indeed, But yeah, I think that gets us through
this installment of royal deaths. That, as Max pointed out
in our conversations off Mike, these are some of the
most popular episodes we do. So we're just giving the
people what they want. Y'all are messed up, not Max,
March is not us.
Speaker 3 (33:42):
But we're good boys and girls.
Speaker 4 (33:44):
It is condiments a UFO episode, and this they are.
Speaker 5 (33:48):
They are above everyone.
Speaker 3 (33:50):
Else I've got.
Speaker 1 (33:51):
I've got more condoment episodes too.
Speaker 3 (33:53):
I always excited. Okay, oh kind of, It's just so great.
Speaker 1 (33:56):
And yes, as Noel said, thank you, as always this
ridiculous historians, thank you for tuning in. Thanks our research
associate and super producer, mister Max Williams, and let's all
remember the main takeaway, whether you feel you are a prince,
a princess, or a pauper or a peasant, don't push
(34:17):
yourself literally, don't push yourself on the toilet.
Speaker 2 (34:20):
Or if you're John Popper from Blues Traveler who lost
a lot of weight and still blows those harmonicas with
a plumb.
Speaker 1 (34:26):
And thanks also to christ Vrasiotis, thanks to Eves Jeffco,
thanks to Alex Williams who composed this.
Speaker 3 (34:32):
Slap and bop. Shout out to our pal Gabe luz Yer.
Speaker 1 (34:36):
And oh we also had a Quist run in in.
Speaker 3 (34:40):
Vegas, a run in but not an appearance.
Speaker 1 (34:43):
No, his rider is crazy as he becomes increasingly villainous.
Speaker 3 (34:48):
We'll see you next time, folks.
Speaker 2 (34:57):
For more podcasts from iHeartRadio, visit the iHeartRadio Apple Podcasts
or wherever you listen to your favorite shows,
Ridiculous History is a production of iHeartRadio. Welcome back to
(00:27):
the show Ridiculous Historians. Thank you, as always so much
for tuning in, and shout out to our resident super
producer and regicide expert, the research associate for this episode,
mister Max Williams.
Speaker 2 (00:43):
Indeed, regicide, I love that word. Do you remember the
death metal band named di A Side?
Speaker 1 (00:49):
Yes, to kill a God, to kill a God, all
these asides, there's side.
Speaker 2 (00:55):
And we'll have many as sides of our own in
this episode, most likely in terms of tangent.
Speaker 3 (01:00):
A lot of poop jokes. By the way, I'm Ben
or Nol because we.
Speaker 1 (01:04):
Are a no pun left behind kind of crew, and
we want to start, of course, with the requisite disclaimer
every single death is a tragedy. However, as time passes
on and you get a little distance, you can see
the gallows or in this case, the poop humor in
(01:28):
some of these unfortunate things, especially when we're talking about
medieval era royalty who had a tendency to be corrupted
by the power that they wielded.
Speaker 2 (01:41):
You know, we talk about the Song of Ice and
fire books a lot when we do these accounts of royals,
and some of their bad behaviors. You may recall spoiler alert,
I guess for the series a major character that gets
killed by a crossbow while sitting on privy.
Speaker 3 (02:02):
Yes it is uh.
Speaker 1 (02:05):
This is a continuation of our ongoing Royal Death series.
Checkout parts one and two in your podcast feed of choice.
This one, Like you said, Noel, this one has a
little bit of a little a little bit more of
a focus as well. In this episode, we're exploring the
(02:26):
stories of British monarchs and a German born Russian empress
who all died in weirdly similar ways depending upon which
historical sources you trust, So shout out to shout out
to some of our sources. Khalad el Hassan for History Collection,
Yoda Suzuki MD, and Abe DeAndre Junior MD for National
(02:50):
Library of Medicine, of course, Britannica dot com, more and more.
I'm persuaded that they're they're just solid with a lot
of their research and spoiler Elizabethmaxim Grunge dot com. Great
people of history who died on the toilet.
Speaker 2 (03:08):
One hundred percent? So why don't we get to it?
Or should I say pooet? I shouldn't, but I did
takes these bacsies on ridiculous history. George the Second sixteen
eighty three born, passed away seventeen sixty. He was the
King of Great Britain, the Elector of Hanover, and a
(03:30):
Prince elector of the Holy Roman Empire. Of course, until
he passed away, he was a constitutional monarch. So this
was a little bit different than the like, you know,
power bestowed by God, right.
Speaker 3 (03:46):
Like absolute monarch.
Speaker 1 (03:47):
Yeah, yeah, So there were some other people in the
room who could say, I don't know, man, I love
to yes, had you because you're the king and you
could kill me.
Speaker 2 (03:56):
But so talk era where Parliament is really starting to
kind of take the reins, right.
Speaker 1 (04:03):
We're yet, we're in an era wherein people are still
accepting the notion that royalty and monarchy are divinely inspired
and decreed. But the role of some demographic of the
people is increasingly prominent. Right, So, the as a constitutional monarch,
(04:29):
our buddy, George the Second, to your point, he doesn't
have a ton of control over concrete British policy. However,
people I don't want to say mascot, but kind of mascot.
The people love this feeling of continuation, right of legacy
(04:50):
of stability and the British Empire also prospers during George's
time as king. He is the last British monarch born
outside of Great Britain. He is also the last British
monarch to personally lead an army into battle. Queen Elizabeth
just never quite got there. That battle took place in
(05:12):
seventeen forty three the War of Austrian Secession. George commanded
troops in what is known as the Battle of Dettingen
against a French army.
Speaker 3 (05:22):
That's right.
Speaker 2 (05:23):
And then in seventeen forty five there was a bit
of a political scare when an uprising was staged by
the Jacobins in order to restore the Stewart dynasty to
the throne. But this was an abject failure. So more
or less, during George's tenure, things were pretty you know,
(05:46):
pretty easy going as far as political regimes go.
Speaker 1 (05:50):
I mean, especially in comparison to some other to some
other historical reigns.
Speaker 3 (05:55):
Think about George was he wasn't.
Speaker 1 (05:58):
Everybody's favorite guy because he did not seem to be
a man of the people to the public. He had
a thick German accent. He was he was not himself
a yes ander, he was a no better he was.
He was nagging people constantly. He was really he really
had a short temper. And he was called boorish often,
(06:23):
and borish does not mean boring, no, it means a
slovenly kind of lay about, I guess, or just someone
that lacks decorum, someone that.
Speaker 2 (06:34):
Doesn't know how to read the room. And he was
not very well liked. You mentioned his accent. He was,
in fact ones a small, young gentleman boy, and that's
carried along with him throughout his reign, and that accent
alone was sort of like a bit of.
Speaker 3 (06:48):
A red flag to the proper Brits of the day.
Speaker 1 (06:51):
Yeah, and still one of the main drivers for what
is considered a successful leadership position is how your country
is doing while you're in charge. There was a lot
of growth in prosperity for Britain. There was a lot
of growth and prestige. The British Empire during this time
(07:12):
was continuing its expansion to become the empire where the
sun never set, with possessions around the globe.
Speaker 4 (07:20):
And just to throw this note in here, this is
the guy that our state of Georgia is named after.
Speaker 5 (07:25):
It's this King Georgia, I want it. There's three in
a row. It's one right here.
Speaker 2 (07:28):
Okay. Good to know that our state, our fair state,
was named after a man who suffered about as undignified
a death as one could, much similar to the King
of rock and roll, mister Elvis Presley. It's October twenty fifth,
seventeen sixty, a morning like any other. As Tom Petty said,
(07:50):
it's good to be king. And so our boy George
wakes up six am sharp. Good on you for not
sleeping in George, and he has a cup.
Speaker 3 (07:59):
Of hot yummy, my hot coco.
Speaker 1 (08:02):
He was probably mad about it, knowing George, and uh.
And then he went to the royal toilet and he
had a difficult conversation with his facilities.
Speaker 3 (08:15):
He U.
Speaker 1 (08:16):
The polite way to say it is he overstrained himself
and he had an aortic aneurysm. And this happens to
people more often than any of us would like to imagine.
Speaker 2 (08:26):
If anything, I would hope that the legacy of King
George the Second. Besides, you know, the fair State of
Georgia is a lesson to the people to eat lots
of fiber and don't strain the toilet is not a
place to read the paper, do your business and then
and then go elsewhere. Don't just sit there pushing It's bad.
(08:47):
It's bad for the bot. Let it happened to you.
Speaker 1 (08:50):
And also, uh, just be the be the wave in
the ocean. Also shout out to squatty potties, which are
apparently way more healthy for you. Anyway, we do know,
if you'll recall ridiculous historians in our previous episodes on
royal deaths, there are a lot of historical questions, right.
There's a lot of vagary in these sources, just because
(09:13):
of the amount of time that passed and because honestly,
of the importance of the people. So we have to
remember that history is kind of history is always written
with a slant, so it's it's difficult sometimes to get
the truth about embarrassing deaths of powerful people. In this case, though,
we do have some solid sources, more so than others,
(09:37):
because we do know, because do do we. Because mister
Andrews the house surgeon, closest thing they have to a
you know, doctor McCoy. He is immediately brought in after
George's valet. Here's a crash in the bathroom he sees
(09:57):
that the king has fallen from in mac. Really, he
has fallen from his throat.
Speaker 5 (10:03):
I'm quoting the source. I'm quoting the source.
Speaker 1 (10:06):
Ah, yes, that's that's our that's our buddy, Khalid Elissad.
And so the false throwers come out and this surgeon,
mister Andrews is brought in and says, I can't revive
the king.
Speaker 3 (10:19):
I better keep taking his blood away.
Speaker 2 (10:22):
Yeah, because that was always going to work, That's definitely.
It was certainly the science of the times. But after
multiple attempts at blood letting, Uh, it was pretty clear
that the king had had passed from this mortal coil.
I don't know did did did he ever get the
Did the strain result in anything? I don't think he
(10:43):
When you die, you kind of you poop yourself. One
one would hope that at the very least he you know,
he got it out.
Speaker 3 (10:51):
That's the very end.
Speaker 1 (10:52):
But there are the modern doctors who have looked back
at this case and specific there are primary sources. We
know a doctor Nichols performed an autopsy on the King's
cadaver and embalmed him as well, meaning we have an
autopsy report, and this means that in the modern day
(11:14):
medical professionals have been able to examine the case, and
they have some differing opinions. You know, with the benefit
of modern technology and modern learning, you can poke holes
in some of the autopsy.
Speaker 3 (11:30):
It's right.
Speaker 2 (11:31):
We have a perspective from some modern physicians. Yoda Suzuki,
MD and ab DeAnda Junior, MD wrote in a paper
revisiting the death and autopsy of King George the Second
for the National Library of Medicine, and they had this
to say. First, as noted in the description of the autopsy,
the aorda did not rupture the right ventricle ruptured Surgeons
(11:53):
have long observed bleeding from the epicardial surface of either
ventricle associated with an acute a or to dissection, typically
originating from tracking of subadventiteal blood from the aorda onto
the surface of the harp, not as the result of
a hole in the ventricle. Okay, totally get that. Secondly,
(12:18):
going against doctor Nichols hypothesis, going back to quoting the piece,
with modern experience with pulmonary hypertension and with real time
monitoring with either right heart catheterization or continuous monitoring with
a pulmonary artery catheter. We know that systemic pulmonary artery
pressure or a pressure surge in the artery will not
result in.
Speaker 3 (12:38):
Rupture or perforation of the right ventricle.
Speaker 2 (12:40):
Instead, such high pulmonary artery pressures result in acute failure
of the ventricle. For example, the pathophysiology scene with a
large pulmonary embolism. Third, King George the Second had been
having cardiac symptoms for some time.
Speaker 3 (12:58):
I think that's the important takeaway here.
Speaker 1 (13:01):
Yeah, because he had even even back then, they knew
enough about the circulatory system to know that the king
had a bum ticker, because he had complained about what
would be called distresses and sinkings about the region of
the heart if we if we unpack this, because of
(13:21):
course there's a little bit of high level medical terminology there.
Everybody is saying that his heart gave out. They're just
talking about how it gave out and where right, how
the how the system broke down with arteries, ventricles, et cetera.
We don't know for certain then the absolute specifics of
(13:43):
how King George the Second did pass away, but we
do know where he died on the toilet.
Speaker 3 (13:50):
He did he did.
Speaker 2 (13:58):
Let's move on to another royal who I believe was
named Edmund ironside Edmund the Second Edmund, which is a
fun spelling of Edmund born circa nine to ninety three
died November thirtieth of ten sixteen. He was the King
(14:19):
of England from April twenty third to November thirtieth, ten sixteen,
and the son of King Ethelred ethel Red the Second
the unready.
Speaker 5 (14:31):
Best king name of all time, and he pops up
so often't.
Speaker 3 (14:34):
He just wasn't ready. He was caught unawares every time.
Speaker 4 (14:37):
Because this series, I've been learning a lot more about
this time in history, which I really didn't know anything about.
This guy just is always like omni president. He did
nothing as king. He wasn't ready, he was always there.
He's always twice.
Speaker 1 (14:51):
I picture him in like a sitcom where they introduce
people by their names. I want him to show up
in the sitcom intro mont you know, where the people
look towards the camera and do a little bit, and
I want him to not have been ready for his
shot and his guest slot in the camera, you know.
Speaker 3 (15:09):
I want him to be on his phone or something.
Speaker 1 (15:11):
And like Edmund or ooh, making a milkshake anyway, Edmund
here street named Edmund Ironside. He possibly died in a
similar restroom or water closet location. He went against his
(15:32):
dad in the name of romance.
Speaker 3 (15:34):
His oh you love to see that?
Speaker 1 (15:37):
Yeah, Ethel read the second said I'm not ready classic
Ethel red for you to marry the widow of this
Danish lord that's occupying English territory. I think you're doing
it to up your chances at gaining the throne. And
Edmund was like, you're not the boss of me, even
though you're thinking so, and you don't understand me.
Speaker 3 (15:59):
Dad, leave me alone.
Speaker 1 (16:01):
And nevertheless, when England was invaded later in ten fifteen,
Edmund did raise an army in northern England and he
ravaged areas of the world that wouldn't back him up.
That's how he got the street name Ironside because of
his quote staunch resistance to that massive invasion, which was
(16:23):
led by a Danish king named Canute.
Speaker 3 (16:26):
I want to say.
Speaker 4 (16:27):
Fun note either his son or grandson became king. Also,
his name was Hardy Canute. It's probably not how it
was pronounced, but it's how it's spelt. Hardy Canute.
Speaker 2 (16:36):
I love a good hearty Canue. I just let out
a hardy Canute.
Speaker 3 (16:39):
I blame that Chile was.
Speaker 4 (16:41):
Just be careful, we don't want to have you. On
the next part of this series, Ben.
Speaker 3 (16:45):
Expiring on the commode, no way to go.
Speaker 2 (16:48):
So when his father ethel Read passed away in April
of ten sixteen, there were some you know, counselors and
a citizen group of London town that's declared that Edmund
was their ruler. But there was also, of course, there's
all these disputes when there's a monarch who passes away.
There was a larger body of more moneyed gentry, perhaps in.
Speaker 3 (17:12):
Southampton they declared for Canute.
Speaker 1 (17:18):
They were like, we liked the Danish guy better, and
your dad was just really never ready for anything.
Speaker 3 (17:24):
He's never on time. They were in cahoots swith Canute.
Speaker 4 (17:28):
And if I'm remembering correct, I could look this up
really quickly, but I'm not going to Knute's dad had
been king of England at one point, because there was
like I believe that's correct, ethel Red was king, then
Knut's dad was king, and Dan ethel Wright was king again,
and then now it is Connute versus Edmund, who's ethel
Wright's son.
Speaker 5 (17:47):
Going real game of thrones right here, That's really what's
going on.
Speaker 1 (17:51):
And so Edmund decides to go proactive with it. He says,
I'm going to be more than ready, and he he
launches a series of attacks against his rival Canute. And
if Edmund is doing pretty well, he regains control of Wessex,
(18:11):
he saves London from a siege. He eventually is defeated
by Canute at Ashington in Essex on October eighteenth, and
they have a peace settlement. And in this peace settlement,
you know, they talk Turkey, they jibber jabber, and Edmund
gets to keep possession of Wessex, and Canute gets all
(18:31):
the land north of the Thames, the River Thames. And
then after Edmund dies, probably of natural causes, we're about
to get into it, Canute becomes the sole ruler of England.
People are wondering is it? Is it a natural cause?
An accident of fate? The dark lottery of unfortunate events
(18:52):
Over at grune dot com. Elizabeth Baxmu mentioned earlier, says
that Edmund died suddenly on November thirty, ten, sixteen. He
was a very young dude. By the way, he was
in his twenties and his cause of death was originally
listed as having occasion to retire to the house for
(19:14):
relieving the call of nature. His brother in law hid
in the pit in the outhouse pit and stabbed the
king twice what from beneath with the dagger, left the
weapon fixed in his butt, and then escaped the bathroom.
Speaker 3 (19:33):
So death by butt stabbing.
Speaker 2 (19:35):
Okay, okay, so can we just really quickly paint the picture.
These would have been sort of a more brick and
mortar version of like a porta potty, right, so there's
like an area underneath where the stuff goes. This guy
would have been up to his ankles and human waist.
Speaker 3 (19:55):
Ankles is very optimistic. He would have been in there.
Speaker 4 (19:58):
He would have remember remember the soap episode. This is
one time period where they didn't use soap Paul.
Speaker 2 (20:04):
Right, right, and so this and what does that matter
when he's in human Well, it's because.
Speaker 4 (20:10):
The humank on to our afterwards he's brought him back
and he's like, oh, the king is dead, and is
like his.
Speaker 5 (20:15):
Like pants are just covered in fecal matter. It's like
he died on the throat.
Speaker 2 (20:18):
Everything was fine, I wasn't there exactly. We got to
find out who did this. It's like the hot dog sketch,
and I think you should leave.
Speaker 1 (20:25):
And this comes from this description comes from Historia Anglorum,
which is a history of England written by Henry of Huntington,
first published in eleven twenty nine. Anyway, the other theories
say that maybe someone was hiding down there and shot
him with an arrow, or maybe somebody was hiding down
(20:46):
there and got him in the booty with an iron hook.
Speaker 3 (20:49):
I bet George R.
Speaker 2 (20:51):
Martin took some inspiration from a lot of these for
what I described earlier.
Speaker 1 (20:55):
Yeah, one hundred percent. Song of Ice and Fire is
very loosely inspired by the War of the Roses as well.
So this account is heavily disputed. You'll hear a lot
of historians, the majority, in fact, I would say today,
arguing that Edmund did die from natural causes. But if
it's natural causes versus the repugnant story of someone hiding
(21:21):
in a little pond of poop to kill you through
the butt, then you're gonna go with that story.
Speaker 3 (21:29):
He left it in there insults to injury.
Speaker 1 (21:33):
Well, he can't think about it from his perspective. You
can't be running around with it. You're already covered in poop,
you look suspicious.
Speaker 2 (21:39):
It would have been so much easier to just like
murder people secretly. There were no fingerprints, no DNA, nothing,
and you know, it was just about like hearsay. If
he didn't have an eyewitness, was there wouldn't have been
what's more private than literally the privy and he's no
one's gonna be no one else is going to be
down there. Yeah, this would have been connected to a sewage,
something like a cistern. Perhaps maybe he could have even
(22:01):
crept in there from some other introm outside.
Speaker 1 (22:05):
Yeah, I'm also thinking, you know, the murder weapon would
have been the key indicator of regicide because to your point, Max,
it probably was way more common for people to run
around covered in poop.
Speaker 3 (22:19):
He was not the only guy who had poop on him.
Speaker 2 (22:22):
And also, if you're stabbing someone from underneath in the
all over you so this guy's covered in poop and
blood and potentially guts, because that's where that's what would
come out. If you stab someone in the butt hole there,
they would get gutted, probably.
Speaker 5 (22:37):
Especially if you're pushing your strength.
Speaker 1 (22:40):
And then you're pulling if because to stab twice you
would have to.
Speaker 3 (22:47):
Because was also potentially in play.
Speaker 1 (22:50):
Yeah, where we might tag this one is explicit because
we're talking about prolapsing and disabaliant.
Speaker 2 (22:57):
This is some goatsy stuff right here. Man, don't look
that up. Don't look that up.
Speaker 1 (23:01):
Well, let's we're since we're up, Since we're already here,
let's go to one of the biggest myths.
Speaker 3 (23:08):
That I'm leaving to be busted.
Speaker 1 (23:11):
Catherine the Great, which is a way cooler nickname than
the Unready. For many years, you may have heard this
too growing up, if you were a history buff. For
many years, one of the dirty legends about Catherine the
Great was that she died having sexual congress with an animal,
specifically a horse, that she was a zoophile. That's not true.
Speaker 3 (23:39):
None of it.
Speaker 2 (23:40):
That the death I get, But was she I mean,
I know she was into some kinky stuff. Have you
seen that show The Great on I think it's on Hulu.
It's definitely definitely intrigue, Yeah, for sure.
Speaker 4 (23:54):
I Mean it's just like it's hard to tell what
all's real and what's all fake because everyone's slandering everyone.
Speaker 3 (24:00):
That's what I'm saying not.
Speaker 2 (24:02):
And I think because she was a strong woman who
owned her sexuality, men didn't like that. And I'm sure
rumor mongering was just running wild. And what how better
to slander someone for their sexuality than to say something
vile as vile as this, you know.
Speaker 5 (24:17):
And you say it after they die, right.
Speaker 1 (24:19):
And she was also she was also not native to Russia.
She was a princess born in Germany who became the
Impress of Russia from seventeen sixty two until she passed
away in seventeen ninety six.
Speaker 2 (24:33):
And she got the czarina, a term I was not
aware of. I guah, yeah, but that's it's sort of
like a queen versus king. I guess I've never heard
that term before.
Speaker 1 (24:42):
Yeah, so she only becomes the queen because or the
impress is the term they would use. Because her husband
saw Peter the third was assassinated. You know, you got
to wonder about the state of their marriage was very
much a political thing, not a romance thing. People at
the upper echelons of society at this time didn't often
(25:04):
marry for love. She was married off at age fourteen,
and yeah, and the marriage was disastrous because Peter was
mentally unstable, extremely neurotic, and max to your point about
how history is written. There were a lot of historians
(25:25):
posthumously saying that he was impotent. So eighteen years of
just an absolute horrible relationship.
Speaker 2 (25:33):
I think a lot of that is dramatized in The Great.
It's been a minute since I've seen it and I
haven't finished it, but it's very good and it's very funny. Actually,
I believe your ghost Lanthemos has something to do with it.
The guy who did The Favorite, and he's got a
new movie coming out. It's called Poor Things. It's sort
of like a Frankenstein kind of story, with Willem Dafoe
(25:55):
as like a Victor Frankenstein tepe figure.
Speaker 3 (25:57):
It's supposed to be great. I'm a big fan of
his work.
Speaker 2 (26:00):
Yeah, definitely could understand why she would work her way
to not taking any crap from anybody after being treated
so horribly for so long.
Speaker 1 (26:12):
Yeah, and she did have children or issue as they
would be called in royal parlance.
Speaker 2 (26:18):
I know's yeah, me too, learned so much today, guys.
Speaker 1 (26:22):
She had a series of lovers, and she herself strongly
hinted that none of the kids she had were actually
her husband's and when her husband he is Peter was
a grand duke when he married this fourteen year old
and eventually he becomes the Czar of Russia in seventeen
(26:42):
sixty one, and he is terrible at this. All he
does is talk trash about Russia and talked about how
Germany is so much better. Imagine if Steve Jobs went
up on those Apple you know ted talk things and
just talked about how great micro softwise and said the
iPhone stink.
Speaker 3 (27:03):
So that was bizar. He was not good for morale.
Speaker 1 (27:06):
He tried to get rid of his wife several times,
like as in, kill her, not divorce her. But she
also hated him, and so she joined a conspiracy to
stage a coup. In seventeen sixty two, Peter is arrested,
he is forced to abdicate the throne, and just like
(27:28):
in a week or eight days, he is murdered. Catherine
gains the throne and the crown. She is the Impress
for thirty four years. She will rule Russia. You can
imagine this was controversial.
Speaker 2 (27:41):
Indeed, and she ruled I believe quite successfully, right, I mean, yeah,
she did a good job. So when she passed away, Unfortunately,
these rumors started to circulate that, because of her insatiable
sex drive again quotation fingers here, that she died from
(28:04):
sustaining injuries resulting from, as you mentioned, ben intercourse with
a horse. The truth, however, while embarrassing, was not nearly
as inflammatory. The truth in fact, was that she had
been suffering from bouts of constipation and much like our
(28:27):
first entry in today's episode, perhaps may have pushed a
little too hard seeking relief while on the.
Speaker 3 (28:35):
Privy and suffered a stroke.
Speaker 1 (28:38):
She would have been of more advanced years here as well. Right, Yeah,
she was sixty seven. And the thing people don't tell
you about being the Emperor, the Empress, the king, the queen,
really any high level royalty, is that you don't often
get to poop alone. You have valets, maids who are
(29:01):
following around. They're waiting outside the door maybe, and that's
what happens to Catherine. These folks are her maids. Her
retinue is waiting outside the door for her to finish
her deposit, and she is grunting, she's groaning, she's you know,
she's making all the noises you've heard at airport restrooms.
(29:22):
And then when she stops grunting. Her maids look at
each other and they say, okay, wow, that was a
weird one. Thank god, you know, the the Empress has
got it out. And they wait and then they keep waiting,
and they wait longer and longer the minutes drag on.
Eventually one of them decides to risk their career and
(29:42):
say something like, your majesty all is well.
Speaker 3 (29:46):
Yeah, there's a fine line.
Speaker 2 (29:48):
Right when you're attending to somebody and you have to
literally wait outside for them to do their business.
Speaker 3 (29:53):
At what point do you come and knocking, you know,
and at out to the death of Stalin.
Speaker 4 (29:58):
And like the way like we've we've talked about like
the czars and the empresses, Like remember we had that
episode the two part about the Empress that everyone like
hated or whatever was evil, Like if you interrupted, these
people are just wrong.
Speaker 5 (30:13):
You're dead.
Speaker 4 (30:13):
You're gonna kill you, they'll execute you, or they'll make
you be a jester or something.
Speaker 1 (30:18):
Right, right, and Jester the role of the Gester itself
is an episode when I'm right in the future, because
that's that's way different than it's portrayed and dressed in
motley and sometimes yeah, oh it gets we might have
to tag that when explicit too, so they don't hear
an answer when when they inquire about the empress, and
(30:40):
so eventually they take a peek into the water closet
and they find her dead on the commode. According to
again our pals of Britannica, this is not a one
hundred percent proven story. In fact, they think it is
woefully inaccurate.
Speaker 2 (30:58):
I mean, you're gonna print the most interesting version of
the story, I guess, or at least that's the one
that people are gonna remember. She suffered the event that
led to her death while on the toilet, so for
all intents and purposes, she died on the toilet. However,
the truth is more likely that she actually passed the
next day as a result of the stroke. She had
the stroke in the bathroom, and then the next day
(31:21):
she did pass away on November seventeenth of seventeen ninety six.
Speaker 3 (31:27):
No horse involved whatsoever.
Speaker 1 (31:29):
No horse involved as far as we know, and probably
not a horse involved in the death of Ironsides, just
because it'd be tough for it to get into the
lavatory pit. And then, you know, you don't have to
love horses. But let's face it, they haven't stabbed anyone, and.
Speaker 2 (31:45):
They gotta say I've been I went to I've been
taking a lot of tours lately, and I went to
the Detroit Institute of Art, and I was reminded how
in a lot of like Renaissance paintings there are horses
in the most intense torsions with the really aggressive like
you know, flared nostrils and they're all reared back and stuff.
(32:05):
I'm a big fan of the depiction of war horses
in art.
Speaker 1 (32:09):
There's a great exhibit samurai exhibit here at the High
Museum where you can see real life samurai horse armor.
Speaker 3 (32:18):
It is so cool.
Speaker 1 (32:19):
Look up a picture if you get a chance, visit
if you happen to be in town. And then also
I was at the Prado recently in Madrid, and they
are all about some of those paintings.
Speaker 3 (32:30):
Man.
Speaker 1 (32:30):
I I also like the I also like the weird
symbolism where all of a sudden in a medieval painting,
there's some guy with a snail, or there's yeah, or
there's some guy with.
Speaker 3 (32:43):
A well look what kind of hygienk Simon.
Speaker 1 (32:47):
Expression while they're being u while they're being ripped apart. Anyhow, yes,
these stories are important, and they tell the way they
are told tells us about the society in which they
were created. And so it's a struggle. History is an
active thing. It is a struggle to determine the truth.
But we're very happy today to end our episode by
(33:12):
conclusively telling you it's got the Ridiculous History stamp of approval.
Catherine the Great did not die in some sort of
TMZ situation with a horse, so put some respect on her.
Speaker 2 (33:24):
Name indeed, But yeah, I think that gets us through
this installment of royal deaths. That, as Max pointed out
in our conversations off Mike, these are some of the
most popular episodes we do. So we're just giving the
people what they want. Y'all are messed up, not Max,
March is not us.
Speaker 3 (33:42):
But we're good boys and girls.
Speaker 4 (33:44):
It is condiments a UFO episode, and this they are.
Speaker 5 (33:48):
They are above everyone.
Speaker 3 (33:50):
Else I've got.
Speaker 1 (33:51):
I've got more condoment episodes too.
Speaker 3 (33:53):
I always excited. Okay, oh kind of, It's just so great.
Speaker 1 (33:56):
And yes, as Noel said, thank you, as always this
ridiculous historians, thank you for tuning in. Thanks our research
associate and super producer, mister Max Williams, and let's all
remember the main takeaway, whether you feel you are a prince,
a princess, or a pauper or a peasant, don't push
(34:17):
yourself literally, don't push yourself on the toilet.
Speaker 2 (34:20):
Or if you're John Popper from Blues Traveler who lost
a lot of weight and still blows those harmonicas with
a plumb.
Speaker 1 (34:26):
And thanks also to christ Vrasiotis, thanks to Eves Jeffco,
thanks to Alex Williams who composed this.
Speaker 3 (34:32):
Slap and bop. Shout out to our pal Gabe luz Yer.
Speaker 1 (34:36):
And oh we also had a Quist run in in.
Speaker 3 (34:40):
Vegas, a run in but not an appearance.
Speaker 1 (34:43):
No, his rider is crazy as he becomes increasingly villainous.
Speaker 3 (34:48):
We'll see you next time, folks.
Speaker 2 (34:57):
For more podcasts from iHeartRadio, visit the iHeartRadio Apple Podcasts
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Ridiculous History News
Hosts And Creators
Ben Bowlin
Noel Brown
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