Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone with Maggie Maye

This week we invite powerful witch Maggie Maye to talk about Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone. Maggie is a Ravenclaw! Caitlin is a Squib! Jamie loves Lemony Snicket!

(This episode contains spoilers)

Follow @Maggiemayehaha on Twitter! While you're there, you should also follow @BechdelCast, @caitlindurante and @hamburgerphone

Learn more about your ad-choices at https://www.iheartpodcastnetwork.com

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:00):
On the Doe Cast, the questions asked if movies have
women and um, are all their discussions just boyfriends and
husbands or do they have individualism? The patriarchyeth and best
start changing it with the bel cast. Hi, and welcome
to the beck Doel Cast. My name is Caitlin Durante.
Oh I had to throw in my last name. Why

(00:20):
did you do that? I don't know. I'm not going
to give any of my names. We're only allowed to
have too and you just use both of them on yourself. Sorry,
I'm whomever you want me to be. You. I'm more
of an idea. You're just a floating orb of essence.
That would be really nice. It sounds very low made.

(00:40):
Oh yeah, you would never have to shower. Oh here,
here's what I'll do. My name's Jamie Bethany Loftist. Whoa
full name? It Jamie Bethany Loftist. No one likes that.
No one likes you like Bethany triples on that. Boom
boom boom, Jamie Bethany loped us. Should everyone be a
my middle name? Yeah? I guess to get us back

(01:02):
on the even playing field. Thank you. My name is
Caitlin Marie Durante. I know, but thank you, You're welcome.
I feel like Marie is like a go to middle name.
My parents are not Marie, and it's just really a
little connector piece. Yeah. Lynn some one time, Yeah, someone

(01:23):
thought my middle name was Lynn, and I was like,
you think my name is Caitlin Lynn Durante. There was
a brief period of time when I was very young
where I wanted to go by Jamie Beth because of
Lorie Beth Denverg who was on All That and she
was my favorite cast member, and I'm like, I want
to be Jamie Beth Leaptus so I can be a

(01:43):
little bit closer to Laurie Beth Denverg, but didn't stick.
Bethany's also a miscarriage of my mom's. She my brother
and I both have miscarriage middle names. Oh I remember this.
I know this bit. You have a bit about it
you're doing for stand up. Yeah, it's a little fictional,
like the bit, but the middle name thing is it
is true. She's like, well, if it doesn't work first

(02:04):
time around, kicking in the middle of the next one.
So they're never comfortable with their middle name. Ever, I
was contemplating whether or not to reveal something about my mother,
which I do stand up material on this as well,
so I don't think it would be a big deal,
although she did ask me to never tell anyone. Wait

(02:25):
a second. Well then I was like, Mom, I wrote
a really funny stand up bit about it. Can I
tell everyone the thing you told me not to tell anybody?
And she's like, okay, so let me preface is this
thing that my mom is a great lady and I
love her a lot. Shout out to Laurie. My mom
had two abortions before I was born. This bad. I didn't,

(02:48):
not not bad, but yeah, I you know, it's a
personal thing, and you know it was her body, her choice,
And there are people out there who would think that
she's terrible for having done this, but she's not. She's
even better because if she hadn't had those abortions, I
wouldn't have been born, her life would have came out

(03:09):
very differently, and I wouldn't be here. So I tried
that same approach with my mom once. I'm like, well,
maybe if you hadn't had those two because both the
miscarriages were I mean obviously before my brother, and I
I was like, well, maybe you wouldn't have had us,
and she was like, no, I wanted four kids. I
was like, well fuck, sorry, sorry it didn't work out.
But we wouldn't have the fun origin story of my

(03:30):
mom getting those experimental womb steroids, which is why I'm
you were born twice. That's why I was born two times.
Why I was a fat, fat, fat fat baby where
she could have no babies and then she could only
have huge babies. It was like a magic spell. She
wouldn't be magic magic. That was an intentional segment. But

(03:51):
before we go into that, we shouldn't introduce our guests. Yes,
she's a very funny comedian. You've seen her on Conan.
Maggie May thanks a bunch for being here. Of course,
so you've brought us a movie. That movie is called
Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone. Kaitlyn is so excited

(04:13):
this episode and you're so not. I'm I'll be okay, Yeah,
I'm strong. We watched it together. We did. We had fun.
I like this movie. Cool. I just don't like Carrot
part I see, Um, that's a different podcast, different podcasts.
We don't need to go into it. Oh I'm sure
we will, so tell us about your history, was like,
why did you pick this movie? Well, I'm a big

(04:36):
fan of Harry Potter because I'm a big fan of magic. Um,
I actually do stand up material on this as well. Um,
I am magical. You can't tell me i'm not. So
I mean, y'all don't know my life, you don't know
how I do stuff. So, um, you don't even know
my middle name. So I'm magic and y'all can't tell me.
But I'm not Maggie magic May. Is that your name?

(04:58):
There's it's actually my middle name is actually Maggie. It's
Magic Maggie May. That way smooth, got it? But yeah,
I love magic. I love fantasy. I loved the Harry
Potter franchise. It was so good and smart and well

(05:18):
thought out. Um. I read the books first, the last book.
I actually went to the There was like a release
party and you can get your book at midnight like
Barnes and Noble. Yeah, so I showed him to that,
got my book, put headphones on, ran to the car,
drove home and then read it. Didn't check my email,
didn't turn on the TV, and none of that until

(05:40):
I was done. Because the one before someone had ruined
it before I finished three. That's a big ruin for
the sixth book. Yeah, And they showed like dudes driving
by like lines outside of bookstores just yelling out what
happened and people just being like, domestic terrorism. Really, that's
exactly what that What are they Slytherins? Right, Oh gosh,

(06:04):
that's not gonna happened to me. So I think that
that's so that that is really cool that there was
like a series, because there was like no other series.
And I think our lifetimes where I mean so many
people have that exact experience of like getting the book
at midnight, then going and not communicating with anyone until
they read the whole thing. Like, that's really cool that
that happened as recently as what like ten or a

(06:26):
little more than ten years ago. That's crazy. I'm a
big Harry Potter fan. Although so I've seen this movie
maybe fifty times or more. It's insane. I got it
on DVD and my sister and I watched it every
day for an entire summer, sometimes twice a day, similar
to what I did with the Titanic double vhs. Right,

(06:48):
that I can that experience, I can connect with the
Harry Potter when I can't. I mean, I just I
loved the books so much. I had read the first
four I think at that point, and I was just like,
oh my god, I love Harry Potter. This movie is
not that great. It's a little camp be I still
love it. You know, I've seen enough times to be

(07:09):
able to quote every single line of dialogue is embarrassing.
And then I started rereading the book in preparation for
this episode because I wanted to see if there's like,
are women portrayed any differently in the book? And I
was like, oh, wow, the Pros and this is like
for a much lower reading level than I remember. It's like,
this is for sixth graders. I for some reason thought

(07:31):
like the Pros was just more mature or something. I
don't know, Harry Potter. I think from the book perspective.
We're talking about this yesterday too. I feel like there's
something too. When you get a kid a book that
is like looks long and like big, they're like, whoa,
this is so cool. I am smart because when you're like,

(07:52):
you know, it's like quantity not quality when you're kids.
And but the margins on Harry Potter is bananas, like
five words to a page. It's the same thing with
the lemon stick at books, and those were the ones
that I was like towned around, like look at me,
this is twoes long. But that translates to like it
takes a couple of hours to read because there's like

(08:13):
four one inch margins and then on every side it's crazy.
The font is like size sixteen, Like Harry Potter has
a ridiculous font. Yeah, I will say there's a little
there's some curves to that. I was like, oh this
is is this a fantasy book? Is this what we're reading?
The looks real magical? Yeah, it does it. It's a

(08:34):
very but like Microsoft word magic, like how would Clippy
envision magic? Because we're gonna talk about Clippy a little.
Oh man, he just wanted to help, that's all I wanted.
He's like, are you writing a letter? But there's like
a military drama about Clippy somewhere, like he was just

(08:57):
trying to help and why it is out he was
a casualty of war, ignored by his peers. All right,
well this is my spare time. I'll do the recap. Please,
here we go Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone is

(09:19):
about a young boy, Harry Potter. He's the boy who lived.
He gets dumped off on a doorstep because his mom
and dad get murdered by Voldemort. Ak you know who
a k he who must not be named, grow up,
everyone just say his fucking name. So he has to

(09:40):
live with these muggle family members of his, these non
magical people. And then when he's eleven, he gets a
letter and he's like, whoa, I'm accepted to Hogwarts. Holy crap,
I'm a I a wizard and Hagrid, his friend comes along.
His new friend is like, you are a wizard, Harry.
So he leaves this muggle world. He's abducted by a

(10:01):
huge man on a motorcycle. On a motorcycle. I'm just like,
this is not the president. We need to be setting
very weird early Bush era kind of politics to be like,
don't get on the gigantic stranger's motorcycle because he tells
you you have magical powers. Set deeply troubling anyways, but

(10:24):
that is what happens. All I wanted to do, but
I was nine. I shouldn't have wanted there. And you know,
he takes your shopping. He's like, you have the owl
he's get there's that scene he pointed out yesterday where
he's sitting on his own stoop, playing the lute and

(10:44):
like luring children into his cabin. Then and he's like,
oh high, like you're just not only he's just a
classic Herbert move, luring him in with music. He's not
even he's not playing just any song. He's playing the
score to Harry Potter. He's playing. He's like, do I
notice that that's some pied pipe or kind of nonsense

(11:05):
right there? Exactly. Yeah, a loot is trying to take
your children away from you. I think it's a safe
bet to just say, don't trust anyone with a loot.
Loot owners, you're unnoticed. Lot owners are louds. Oh see. Easy.
Loots are louds, easy to remember, especially if they're playing

(11:26):
John Williams scores. And you know, I don't don't don't
trust them bad. That means they're not even cultured. That's
the that's step one. Basic ass loot players. Someone's playing
the Star Wars theme on their loot, don't approach to
their home. Oh god. There's a lot of scenes with
children alone with Hagrid that now very much bother me,

(11:48):
Like there should be. Super takes them into the dark
forest and he's like, this is detention. We got to
find this dead unicorn because there's an evil thing out
there killing it. It's like, that's that's not safe. You've
been for the wizard World. But anyway, I'm jumping out
of myself. So he got all worked up about Hagrid
and how he's a perfect Harry Potter discovered that he's

(12:10):
a magical person, and he gets accepted to Hogwarts School
of Witchcraft and Wizardry. So he like preps to go
to school. He does all the school shopping and then
he goes and he meets his friend Ron Weasley, mediocre
as hell. Fun guy, give him a chance, I say,
fun guy, give him a chance. And then he meets

(12:31):
his other friend, Hermione Granger, who she's great. I like
her a lot, but they only become friends with her
because they feel bad for incessantly bullying her for the
first part of the school year. To be fair, she
is mean, she a bit, she is mean to them.
I think this is a later discussion that I want

(12:52):
to have. We'll get there. And then you know, there's
the headmaster Dumbledore. He's the best Wizard of All Time
or whatever. Good Dumbledore, not like he's scary. He's scary,
he's too harsh. I want to help him, and I'm

(13:12):
not sad when he spoiler alert passes away natural causes. Yeah,
very slowly. It's a period of years. He is like,
at he's so old. We never know how old he is? Great,
should we really be morning? He could be eight hundred
years old and dying of servy when he was friends

(13:33):
with Nicholas Famel who had the Lixor of Light. Yeah, um,
which is what this movie is about. So there's this
secret item that Haggard takes out of a vault at
grin Gots the Wizard Bank, and Harry's like, what is
this item? We don't know what's happening. And then they
discovered this three headed dog inside Hogwarts the castle and
they're like, what's this guarding? Is the dog guarding the

(13:55):
thing that was taken out of the vault And then
they figure out that it must be this sorcer stone,
which is this thing that can turn any metal into
gold and it produces the elixir of life, which makes
your immortal. And they deduce that one of the bad professors,
Snape or someone who they think is bad once the
elixir of life to give to Baltimore because he maybe

(14:18):
died whenever you tried to kill Harry Potter also left
that part out. Whoops, Yeah, he killed Harry Potter, tried
to didn't succeed. He's got a lightning speak because Harry
Potter's mom got the same weird experimental operation my mom
got in North Carolina, and that's why her baby is
huge and can't die. Exactly. That is part of Harry

(14:41):
Potter canon. We had the same experimental birth doctor started
off in North Carolina exactly. Harry Potter's roots actually lie
in North Carolina. Okay, so they're like Snape is bad
and he's friends with Baltimore, and Baltimore must be trying
to come back because you know, we think he might

(15:02):
have died, but maybe he also didn't and he maybe
is trying to resurface. They have their whole school year.
Harry Potter's great at quidditch. What isn't he great at?
He's truly great at everything, and when he whenever he
does something wrong, everyone's like, actually that's good because either
like the Catches, you're wealthy, or like the Catches, we

(15:24):
know you broke the rules, but now you're the captain
of the sports team. Like that happens over and over
and over where he's just and I get it from
the perspective of like kids are going to be like
I want to be like this, I want to break
the rules and then get you know. And he had
a tough past, but I'm also just like, there's so
few things that Harry Potter actually has to he doesn't
really get in trouble ever. Yeah, exactly, like exactly, even

(15:50):
in the magic world, there's still white male, privileged, straight
white male. Harry Potter just takes it. He's just like, oh,
I broke the rules. I guess I'm the captain. Now.
They're just like funck off because that's, you know, probably
how your whole life's going to go. Yeah, don't even
need to learn the lesson. That doesn't matter. You're good. Yeah,

(16:13):
Like he said, he's wealthy. I want him to share
his wealth. He's got a poor as friend Ron. All
the Weasleys are poor. Share your wealth, Harry, And they
get him presents. Yeah, Mrs Weasley knits him a sweater
and it's like, no, you give her something. And then
there's this whole thing at the end with her like,
oh my god, we gotta stop Snape from stealing the

(16:35):
Sorcerer's Stone so that he doesn't give it to Baltimore.
But surprise, it's not Snape. It's Professor Quarrel, who's a
little UCB three oh one graduate. His acting is that
of a USB three o ue graduate who's very proud
of himself. He's like, it's like, you're great, job, Like

(17:02):
would you like some you know, yes? And then everything
I think Professor Quirrel is hilarious because all of his
line reads are like I don't know who's act in
the dungeon, right, and then I thought, you want to know?
And then he like passes out. I'm just like I
have been sidelined and this exact horrible improv scene that

(17:22):
you're doing right now, and and and just it was
an interesting thing because I haven't seen this movie, and like,
I think between like six to ten years um, certainly
before I knew what UC me through one graduated. But
that's totally I I think that they just plucked him
up from from from British UCB, ye old UCB, and

(17:49):
they're like, oh yeah, you seem like you you have
a basic feel for the craft. Put on a turban,
white man and scare every child, like every child. And
also that's the other thing that Professor gurl of. He's
the white guy in a turban and surprise what happened
was under the turban is scary And that's not a

(18:10):
good precedent set either. Yeah, most people who wear turbans
in real life don't have a Baltimore face on the
back of their head. I think we can just take
out the word most. I don't know a single person
except for Judy. She's got a else but she's very nice,

(18:33):
nic hurt. Any thing for she is um. So, yeah,
they discovered that it's Quarrel and that he is harboring Baltimore,
who like can't have his own body yet because he's
still like he's like this half person. So of course

(18:55):
Harry Potter wins. He defeats the bad guy even though
he's an eleven year old man like I won, and
the pretty much the end of the movie. Yeah, and
then he gets on a train and the big perfect
says see you next year. Book. Don't accept the perpet's offering.

(19:18):
It's pictures of you and your family from when you
were young, like, I don't open it to you, so
I'm not in your side. So there's there's the movie.
We forgot to to talk about what this podcast, Steven is,
you're right, movies up. Well, maybe we'll just say this

(19:40):
one hopefully you know, hopefully you know, but the role
of women in movies, that's right. Yes. One of the
questions I would like to pose is why J K
Rowling a woman, a pretty outspoken feminist today, at least
you've got some feelings about that, I can tell, but
it snap her over my leg. Okay, I generally like her,

(20:06):
but I am just curious to know why she didn't
write a female lead. Why a novel when she is
a woman. Why did she was like, oh maybe I
should write this book and have the men out number
the female characters. Has she written a female lead anything?
I don't know about her work outside of Harry Potter

(20:28):
or how much of it there actually neither. There's casual Vacancy,
which I don't remember she wrote that under a pen
name or not. I just remember I worked at a
bookstore when I came out, and everyone was like, oh,
probably don't. It's not that's not supposed to be a
very good one. I don't know. I don't know anything
about it though. Yeah, I haven't read any of her
other work besides Harry Potter, but I guess you know,

(20:50):
is it interesting that she decided to make the lead
a boy. I was thinking about that too, because there
are a lot of straw female characters in the book.
There aren't like in the movie. If we're just going
by the movie, I didn't see any weak female characters
except for that one girl that came and got sorted after. Yeah,

(21:15):
like she, I was like, you are her names Susan
Bones and bones that is also my stripper name. Thank
you please, We'll go to the stage hunted house as
name is Susan Bones, garbage, lazy timid one. You know,
yeah you hufflepuff is all the other female characters were

(21:40):
super strong. But the male characters there were weak male characters,
and there were backstabbing male characters, and there were bad
male characters and two faced ones. Literally, so I saw
it in sending Harry. It's a go get your dudes,

(22:01):
you know, like your dudes are causing all the trouble
in Hogwarts. They're causing all the trouble in the magic world.
It is not our responsibility to now go and have
to produce the emotional labor of handling your dudes. Go
get your dude, like I saw it like that. I
like that. I like that, put yourself in danger and
go get your dude. Right, I'm gonna be out here

(22:22):
with the snake grass or whatever there wherever they are.
So I did a little bit, as as upsetting as
it is to me to engage in Jake Haroling's life,
I wanted to like go over her story a little bit.
So she was a single mom when she read this,
I believe, a single mom to a young boy. So

(22:45):
that's the main reason I would give her a pass
on Harry. But you know she's like raising a little boy,
so that kind of makes sense. But um what I
what I did think it was interesting was that the
reason that her pen name is j. K Rowling is
because when she gave the manuscript and they were like, yeah,
we really like this, but because she went by like
jo Anne or whatever, and they were like, but we

(23:05):
don't think that people are gonna want to read a
book by a woman. So that's why they made her
change it to like this kind of androgynous J. K
Rowling so it could have been like the exactly writer
of The Outsiders. They did that to her too, right, right,
And people like, we know j K. Simmons, that's a man,
j People confuse it and I think he's like doing

(23:27):
a weird pivot. But but it's it is interesting to
me that was happening like as recently as you know,
ninety seven. It seems like, yeah, you'd think we meet
over that well, but we're not, not even today. Yeah,
but so, I mean, it's it's it is weird. I mean,

(23:47):
I agree that all the female characters are strong and
intelligent and don't really cause trouble at least until we
meet like Electrics less strange later on, and she's like
pretty much, And who's that bitch that wears pink? Oh?
Um professor Umbridge, she's Laura's Umbridge. She's a she's Yeah,

(24:10):
I think they don't. I think a movie that was
the first time I used the C word in conversation.
I'm sure, yes, that's like she is. She is it
problematic for us to be saying that, maybe, but that
is no, I mean, we'll claiming the word. Fine. Every
Harry Potter villain is a cunt. A villains are cuts.

(24:33):
Let's make no exceptions. All villains freeze cut, total cut
everyone except Doc. He's not a cunt. We really need
to give him some thoughts. Okay, I was I think
that maybe he was trying to do it for the
good of science and then maybe got a little sidetracked.
I was going to start a clock everybody, how long

(24:54):
it would take you to mention Alfred Molina or one
of his characters. Well, I think the Alfred Malina really
sell you on the idea that maybe, like docc is
a very nuanced character, unless her actor would not have
done that. Perhaps, so shout please tweet back its answer.
He didn't answer and tweet. I'm so sad. I'm sweating now. Anyway, So, yeah,

(25:17):
Dlora's Umbridge, she's a cunt, she's aunt. Yeah, but that's
I mean, that's okay, that's okay, okay, Right. She gives
cat lovers a bad name. I forgot that she has cat.
She loves cat. Isn't she the lady that made that
like basically cut her students. She gave Harry a penn
and she's like, you must not tell lies. And when

(25:39):
he wrote it on the parchment, it actually dug into
his hand like it was like he was cutting major cunt. Kids.
Don't cut your kids, easy rule. Yeah, alright, well cps
the magic world, Yeah where it goes? Is there ever,

(26:01):
Like I know that there's like magic government, but is
there any sort of regulatory force to protect children because
all the children are repeatedly they're like, it seems like
you've got this, which is crazy. Where do kids they
don't go to school, presumably until they're eleven when they

(26:21):
go to Hogwarts. Where do they learn to read? When
did they read? And there's a math? There's no there's
magical math or just like picking up on the way
there could be no women. There is no women in STEM,
although I would argue that Professor McGonagall is a woman
in STEM. I feel like transfiguration is the science of

(26:42):
the wizarding world. What is transfiguration? It's like turning one
thing into another. But potions like that's like Baker potions
is like chemistry. Yeah, tubes, Yeah, transfiguraction you need math
for that. You need math for two. The T and
the T and STEM I think stands for transfiguras and magic, science, transfiguration, engineering,

(27:11):
magic and magic. Yeah, yeah, you can you can twist it. Okay.
There are women in STEM yeah, and plenty of them.
And then also, oh wait, no, I was thinking of
the they have the herbology Is it herbology in the
that's kind of science. Yeah, it's still like home medicinal
kind of. It seems health related. There's the study of

(27:34):
plants whatever that is. Yeah. Yeah, Professor Sprout is teaching
botany classes and they take, um, no, she's a woman. Okay,
that's what I thought. Okay, so that is a female professor.
And then there's, um, we don't never see her in
the movie, but there is I think a female um
astronomy professor that teaches No, that's um yeah, they never

(28:01):
they don't take it. I think, like yeah, right, and
we I think we don't see her until the third
movie or we don't need the third book. Um, but
there's another astronomy professor who's a woman. Um. So there's
a lot of women teachers. A lot of them don't
get mentioned or flying class, Madam, Jim Teacher, Jim teacher,

(28:22):
I mean that is Jim teacher, right, that's their equivalent. Yeah,
like she's she's like and it's Cassini in seventh grade
and there it is the school nurse Ak, Madam Pumprey,
other woman. Um. But a lot of these characters, at
least in the movie, don't get a lot of screen
time or any significant besides and besides Professor McGonagall, it

(28:44):
doesn't seem like many of them have like a high
standing in the school. He has double doors in charge.
We know that. And it seems like mcgonagal is next,
she's the head of griffin Door House. And then right
there's house masters. But are there any other female house masters?
I know Snap is Slytherin. Who raven Claw and raven
Claw I don't know, isn't Oh? I think huffle Puff

(29:07):
is Professor Flitwick, the little the little Guy, the little Guy,
and then raven Claw I think let me look it up.
Their original raven Claw was Rowena raven Claw. Yeah, she
was one of the four founding members of She was
that book I'm assuming. Oh wait, Maggie, have you ever

(29:27):
taken like the quiz they're supposed to take to figure
out what house you're in? Yes? I took two because
the first quiz gave me some bullshit. I got Griffin
Door the first time. I was like, I'm not a
Griffin door. It's not that's not where I am. And
then the next time I got raven Claw, which is
where I should be. I'm going to Harry Potter World

(29:48):
on Sunday, so I'm going to get sorted, and if
I don't get into raven Claw, I'm throwing a scene.
Wait do you get sorted at Universal Florida. I've been times,
but I didn't want to ever wait in the line. Wait,
I'm sorry. I saw the commercial and its cool. I'll
kinds of it's going to be ridiculous. We should go

(30:12):
like is the head of raven Clahouse. So I'm so
sorry for all the listeners at home, like you were wrong,
because I know that's what you were doing. Sorry, all
Calyn's nerds calmed down. The head of Hufflepuff is Professor

(30:32):
Sprill Horbology. Okay, okay, that makes sense. So it is
half and half for the house masters. Yes, okay, well
that's good. We've got women in some leadership roles. That's nice,
good on the right track. But in terms of just important, yeah,
female characters who contribute to the story in the movie

(30:53):
and also in the books, especially the movie. There goes
your mixard made pardon my mix. Hard Um, they just
don't have that much to contribute to the story. Although
I would argue, okay, so let's talk about Hermione, She's
that's the main person we have to talk about it,
I would say that she contributes more to the progression

(31:13):
of the story than Ron, if we're arguing that, like Harry,
Ron and her Mine are the three main characters, because
I think she a number of times is almost like
the exposition tool who pushes forward, like and now we're
going to the library, and then she'll be the one
to figure out, this is what we came to the
library for. Okay, next scene, and then she'll like I

(31:34):
feel like there's a few scenes in a row where
she figures out a critical thing that otherwise it's like, oh,
I don't know what they would have done right. So
there were a couple of times in the movie I
noticed when Harry was like, oh, well, if it wasn't
for her money, we would not like when Ron was like,
well lucky, I didn't panic, it's lucky hermony. And then

(31:58):
she's like you're a great great wizard and he's like
you're better. She's like yeah, friendship and whatever. And also
like you're my richest friends be aware when speaking to
their richest friend. It's not even a gender thing. That's
a class issue. I wouldn't tell my richest friend and

(32:20):
smarter than him, even if that was true, like, no,
you're really smart. I wouldn't tell my richard friend that
I am smarter than him because I hate rich people,
and then lock him in a cake. I can drink
him by being hey, you can't even buy smarts like me,

(32:40):
give me your money and try. Yeah, slap yeahramatically hundreds
or like quarters if you're poor, hurt more. Yeah, I
got a stock full of quarters. Bam. Smack the wealthy
with it? Yeah, oh so hashtag smack the wealthy. Let's

(33:01):
get it going. Find your wealthiest friend. They'll if they're cool,
they'll understand why you're doing it. They're your friend. They
won't press charges, right right, they'll be like, you know what,
this is symbolic of something larger and I right, I accepted.
Now let's go to dinner. I'm buying because I'm wealthy

(33:25):
and I need to spread my wealth. That's all I
want for wealthy people to spread their Well, they're sorry,
I'm a socialist. The only time I've ever hit someone
in my whole life. Was in college and I punt.
I was like in an argument with my closest male
friend and we had just been like doing. It was

(33:47):
over something very stupid, but I got so mad. I'd
never been that mad before, and I'm like, I don't
have any words left. I'm going to hit him. And
so what I did was in the Boston Common, I
just getting out of class. I knew he would be
heading for the transtation, and I knew we were supposed
to be meeting up for dinner to argue more. Insteadled

(34:08):
his end it now and I hid behind a tree
and waited for him to pass me, and I leaped
out and I punched him in the face. And it
wasn't a good punch, but it was. It was very dramatic.
I've been waiting for a while for him to get
out of class and I punched him in the face,
and I'm like never like he stood there and I

(34:28):
was just like, I don't want to have this argument anymore.
And I was like after I hit him, and he
was like okay, and then he brought me out to dinner.
And that's all I've ever hit someone. I want to
do that like every twenty years. It sounds like it
was effective, and I like it would have been totally
valid if it wasn't effective. But I'm very glad that

(34:50):
it was. Yeah, right, I didn't. I don't think you've
ever been I don't know if you'd ever been hit
by anyone, um, much less someone you'd never expect to
hit you. And he rewarded you with sizzler afterwards, and
I got, I got it was like wingsnider or something.
I didn't put him out, it was it was good. Yeah, hey,
bring it all back. This doesn't happen in this movie,

(35:11):
but Hermione does punch Jacob Malfoy in the face in
book when she's wearing that hoodie. Yeah yeah, pink hoodie
these he deserved it. Um. But going back to Hermione,
topic I'll always bring up is a woman needing to
be saved. It happens over and over again. It's a
horrible trope, very annoying, and it happens in the scene

(35:35):
it's like Halloween time and someone has let the troll
in the castle. And this is right after Harry Ron
was like, no, wonder she hasn't got a friends, She's
a stupid beach or whatever he said. That's exactly what
he says. Uh, And so she goes to the bathroom
and cries all afternoon, and then someone lets the troll in,

(35:57):
and then Harry's like, wait, we've got to tell her mine.
She doesn't know, and they go and the troll is
in the bathroom fling his two thousand one c g
I flaying in his little club around and as want
to do right her Monee, Like, it's just she doesn't
do anything to save herself, even though she's the most

(36:19):
competent of the three of them in magic, like she
could be like hey en Guardian Lobiosa, and she though
she might not, but I feel like, well, they always
have their wands on them at all times. This is
Is this the only time in the movie it happens?
It is, right, And so I'm willing to forgive it,
because she then saves either Ron or Harry or the

(36:43):
both of them like three times after that. Right. I
think that maybe the fact that that comes so early
in the story is almost like a misdirective, like it
looks like she can't defend herself because obviously I'm sure
like in the right circumstances she could have I don't know,
but maybe she was just maybe peeing. You know, she's
in the bathroom. I mean she had whiles would she

(37:04):
had been there was off? Well, she was good. She
was crying all day because they were bullying her. I've
cried and be at the same time, we don't know
an idea coming out of face, like all of my
orifices crowding but there I don't know. But but then
I guess this if we want to harken back to

(37:25):
her a few episodes ago, to our Wonder Woman episode,
when a woman isn't a superhero, I feel like it's
almost a little bit misleading to have her succeed in
every scene of like I think it's okay that her
money fails or she didn't even fail, but like is
freaked out and doesn't isn't like hyper competent in every scene,

(37:45):
because I just feels kind of I don't know, like
it almost feels like a human thing to me, of
like you're not going to be competent in every moment
of trouble. I think about her money. That I noticed
is that she has her strengths and she knows where
other people have their strengths and is comfortable enough in
herself to let people work on their own strength, Like, um,

(38:08):
when Ron is doing chess, you mean to tell me,
smart ass her mind, he can't play some chess. You
probably can't. But she's like, Ron's out here doing it
all the time. He probably grew up playing wizarding chess.
I will defer to him, especially right, this is the
only thing he has to contribute to the whole. She's like,
he's not going to make him the credits, let him

(38:28):
do this. That's interesting, like the the idea of just
like choosing her moments carefully, because I mean, that's certainly
not something that Ron does. But but I also think
that for most moments, he's afraid rather than thinking rationally.
I think it is funny that Ron's main moment, like

(38:48):
his moment of strength, is essentially like I'm eleven and
I'm going on a suicide mission, Like I'm gonna die
for my friend I've known for six months. I was like, oh,
so still dumb as fuck. Like but like, you know,
noble dumb as fuck. There's such a thing's to do

(39:09):
whatever with some candy frogs. You buy a Weasley a
candy frog, you have a friend for life, that mom
would meet you a sweater on Christmas everything, because I mean,
like Harry Potter hadn't even really met his family at
that point. You're like, oh, you bought our you about
our kids candy ones, Yeah, you can get. My parents

(39:30):
were a little bit like that. They're like, well, we
get our kids. Not super easy to be friends with.
If you're going the extra mile, you will be rewarded.
Also that scene where he buys like the chocolate frogs
and all the other candy on the train, and that
scene there are so many shots of a child's crotch
because like Harry's like pulling change out of his pocket,

(39:50):
or like scabbards is on Ron's lap, and you just
see like a shot just as like a small boy's crotch,
and it's like, surely you could have shot this a
little differently. Little boy shot in this movie makes you
think about Chris Columbus and where's he as well? This
is a vile topic. Do we get any hermoney crutch shots?

(40:17):
None that I remember, not that I remember. We'd get
several Harry crotch shots at least one. And then I
have to go home now, And then there's that scene
at the end where Harry saying goodbye to Hagrid that
big old perfect and Harry's head comes up to Hagrid's crotch.

(40:40):
So we get when we're seeing stuff at Harry's perspective,
we are looking at Hagrid's. We've got to assume horse
stick maybe bigger than a horse. Maybe the man's huge.
He's like, yeah, which we learned later in the series
that his mother was a giant and his father was

(41:01):
a human. How did that sex happen? Okay, don't talk
about me and my ex boyfriend. Don't talk about me
and my mom. Man, it works. Also, I'm probably gonna
get yelled at for kink shaming or something. A giant
and a human can't funk what's wrong with that? It's curious,
that's all I'm saying. Have to climb up her to

(41:24):
do that? Yeah, people don't just like that's not I
bet he could have crawled inside of her vagina, left
into that cowardous vagina. Maybe there's like a whole Ulysses
style adventure. He took inside her vagina, found his way
back out, and then somehow he had, you know, scuffed

(41:47):
to the right place. And she was pregnant. We don't
know that their starry because she was artificially insidated garbage
bag full of yeah, he whole from the past. Move
like yeah, he had to come in a jar every
day for six years, and then there's a twenty percent

(42:08):
chance his wife might conceive. If Aristotle is crying, they
just put it in a super so girl like the
best or like a T shirt gun. Just this is
not king shaming. This is king empower. This is the

(42:31):
science behind women in stem. Just just a discussion of
just normal reproduction. Yeah, well, um, come inside you is
an acceptable king, I'll say it. Um. Going back to

(42:52):
her mind and so yes, she doesn't need to be
saved by Harry and ron Um and scene with the troll.
But then a bunch of other things happen where when
they're like running through the third floor corridor and they
like need to escape filch, she's like, Hellohamura, she knows
the spell, so it's like kind of a minor one.

(43:12):
But then whenever she realizes that what she thinks of
snape cursing Harry on his broomstick during the quidditch game,
She's like, leave it to me, and then runs up
to Snape's little audience pit area, his little family the
opera area and lights his robes on fire with love

(43:34):
it Arson got a love a good uh you know,
felony um and your teacher on fire, you know, and
then manages, even though like she targets the wrong person,
she manages to save Harry from you know, falling off
his room and dying. And then towards the end, like
you already mentioned, when they get caught in the Devil's

(43:54):
snare the big plan, She's like, you just gotta relax.
And then Ron is freaking out and you can't exactly
and he's just like Harry listens but a personality uh
and then yeah, Ron is all like, oh yeah, look,
it's like she saved your ass just waking acknowledge it

(44:15):
for one second, which is why Ron is a chode
and he sucks. Man. Okay, you're right, you're right. But
I think as a chode, he like all cho they grow,
They grow if you just give him a chance. He doesn't.
Though he stays a piece of ship through the entire series.

(44:38):
He does nothing but like verbally abuse her and undermine
her abilities. He's not he's a show really, Okay, Well,
I believe you. I'm sorry. I okay, I just have
a lot of problems with ron. I just had a
crush on Ruper Grant for too long, and I'm being
an apologist in that, and that's on me. Ruper Green

(44:58):
came into the bookstore I where once, and I'm taller
than him. Who Yeah, it's kind of like a human
slash giant test kind of well, and they'll welcome him
James Joy's voyage within me. But I wasn't enough to Yeah, hey,

(45:20):
I got a T shirt, gun a few and you
have six months and a lot of amazing opening line
I want to go for. Okay, another thing that her
minde does that. Okay, so she here's the thing. She's
poised as this like brainiac. She's very clever, she's a

(45:42):
know it all. Her smartness and cleverness is almost poised
as like a flaw of hers because at least at
the beginning, she's like, look at everything I know, and
look at all the spells I know, and look how
smart I am and how good I am it all
the school things. And then she man splains a lot.
She's like it's actually Levio Sa, Levio SA or whatever.

(46:03):
But that's kind of fun. Though it's kind of like
I don't mind that she's explaining overly explaining, because it's
like you're you're a boy and you're dumb, and I'm
a smart girl. And then she grows out of that, like,
you know, maybe she sees like this isn't the way
to be or maybe just like not even the most
effective way to get what she needs to get done
done by just pissing people. I don't know, but I mean,

(46:26):
I feel like her. I feel like it created results,
like her telling Ron how to correctly say when Guardian
Leviosa like later on he used it right paid one.
That's true. So I mean, and then what I didn't
think about when we were watching the movie but occurs
to me now is that also she aside from the

(46:47):
fact that there's clear weird gender disparity at Hogwarts to
some extent, she is also coming from the point of
like she's seen as and this comes out I think
in later books it's like a half breathe mud. She's
a mud, but right, and so I'm sure like even
at the point where that's not discussed in the movie,
she is maybe of the mind of like, well, I
have something to prove. So I have to be I mean,

(47:10):
and this is this goes back to it a gender
sort of metaphor of like, well I have to be
twice as good to be taken seriously as this redheaded cuck,
you know. And so I don't know, know that I
think of it like like that. And she's not coming
from like any point of privilege in the magic world.

(47:32):
Fuck that sentence, Jamie. But but like I I don't know,
I guess that justifies her attitude. Well also like um,
I would say that the uh, you're not from a
pure wizarding family, you're not a pure blood, Like that's
the racism of the wizarding world, right, you know what? Honestly,

(47:53):
Hermione was a black person. Did y'all know that in
the books like written like in that play that they
have in England, it's a black person playing her Miniver
was kissed and like J. K. Rowling was like, I
never said she was white. And if you look at
the books, like she never they said she has frizzy hair. Yeah,

(48:15):
they just said she has frizzy hair. And it's like
a brillo pad and it's like soft. Nobody wanted to
touch it. She had never let anybody, but yeah, she
like could easily be a person I love. I never
knew that. Yeah, I think there's casting directors then for
casting Emma Watson. Yeah yeah, And they need to watch
Beauty and the Beast unfair to watch all those perfume

(48:38):
ads come. I love that. Oh my god, I wish
I wish that even further, like adds another layer of
other stuff that she's now also having to like go
against and like perceptions that people are going to perceive
of her just for being, you know, any kind of

(49:00):
a way, you know, intersectionality. Oh, she's so angry, she's
such a bit. No, dude, she's just a person of color.
That's cool. I want to read more about that. Play ye. Also,
to make Emma Watson's hair frizzy in this movie, they
actively crimp her hair the hall, which is another just
a beautiful early Oughts touch that I appreciate it. They're like,

(49:23):
how do we frizzit? Of Oh, don't worry, my daughter
has a crimping iron in her house. We'll figure this out.
Going back to this is a very white movie. There
are some people of color, they usually don't have any lines,
except for like Lee Jordan as he's announcing the quidditch game. Um,
although is I want to say Angeline and Johnson one

(49:43):
of the quidditch players a person of color. I think
she is so, Yeah, I think so. And then there's
one other guy that's like kind of the periphery of
his little like friend group o'dan honest, I think so
because he's there age right, he's like a little buddy

(50:05):
buddy with that one kid that keeps blowing himself up Scottish. Yeah,
Shamus and Dean. Yeah, I think Dean I kind of
like that friendship. Yeah, let's see their story. I wanna
spin off those are there. Well, there's like because the
kids in this movie are such adults, it's like fun
to see like kids behaving like dumb little kids sometimes
and blowing themselves up. It's nice, yeah, true, or like

(50:28):
never long about him, like I'm scared you are weird,
weird little kid. Going back to quidditch though, I did
enjoy that it's as you pointed out, co ed teams. Yeah,
didn't feel the need to separate them into you know,
a boy's team and a girl's team. Also all three female. Well,

(50:49):
she's like the quidditch master Jim Teacher. I don't know
if they have coaches, Master Jim Teacher, but all three
of the chasers on the Prifven door team are women,
so it's like and they're like point scores, they're like,
they're like they're the ones dealing with the heavy ones around.

(51:10):
I love how. Also, quidditch is a sport invented by
someone who has no understanding of how sports work. Listen,
if you're a real life person, I'm gonna I'm looping
you in with the steampunk community as far as people
I don't respect. If you're a real life person and you,

(51:30):
in your spare time play quidditch with your other adult friends,
I'm gonna need you to walk into the sea. It's
just an unacceptable way to spend your time. Go meet
up with your local steampunks and let's start off. I'm
all about quidditch, though. If your kid is on a
quidditch team, I'll go watch them. It's with kids, it's

(51:54):
it's with kids as a kid with like with with
the better fly though, If it's a bunch of kids
running around and throwing stuff, I don't have time. That's soccer.
The children had better be able to fly Yeah, they're
better be real magic and real brooms. My college had
a quidditch team, and I found it so deeply upsetting.
That's like, oh, someone I went on a date with
is now actively in public flailing about thinking he can fly.

(52:20):
I can't. I can't accept its college like with brooms
between their legs, running around and trying to be athletic. Yeah, yeah,
it's some real art bullshit. Yeah, grow up art school,
grow up art school. Pick up a fucking basketball and
figure it out on the football field. Yeah, you had

(52:42):
a concussion for sports. Yeah, put on a get strap
your skates on. Let someone kick you in the head
with a skate. Also, why is quidditch the only sport
in the wizarding world? There should be We don't have
just wizard baseball, Wizard b balla quidditch is the only
sport because it looks like it's like five sports put together,

(53:04):
like nine things happening at all times. I guess, like
sort of every it was about like three or four
different kinds of balls. There's a blood Yer's quaffles in
this niche. Yeah, I wonder how much thought she actually
put into that. Yeah, hard to say, but it comes
part of the books, especially that it's like why are

(53:25):
why are you so much emphasis on this anyway I
wanted to talk about. Oh I love how like this
is not about what this podcast is about, but I
have to mention that I love how much product placement
there is in this movie for products that don't exist,
products that ten years later what exists, and then they

(53:46):
can like like capitalize on that later on with all
the birdie bots, every flavor beans like that, because if
you go to Universal Studios to Harry Potter World, can
you can buy wands and you can buy all the
candy and but there's just like so many shots where
it's check out this logo for the Nimbus two thousand
and it's like it's like, was Nimbus sponsoring this movie?

(54:07):
Did you get money to put Nimbut it's like so
funny because like Harry Potter as like a movie franchise
had flopped that would be so embarrassing to watch back now.
It's like they were really like swinging for the rafters
with that, but it just happened to like work out
in a pretty spectacular way. Um, there isn't the second
movie they Flying Car is like afford remember that although

(54:33):
I don't. I tried looking it up. I don't know
if it's a real type of Ford. It was like
a Ford I forget, but I was like, what Ford Fiesta?
Were they driving a Ford Fiesta for focus? I'd have
to sensible choice. My mom and sister both drive a
Ford Focus dress focus, boring car, very boring. Um. Hey,

(54:56):
here's something I wanted to talk about. Why doesn't Hermione
have any female friends? I was wondering about that. Yeah,
that's a good question. She's got people to choose from.
She's got Lavender Brown, she's got Pevardi Patel. She doesn't
have people right later, doesn't she kind of become friends
with Luna Lovegood a bit. Yeah, but that's quite a

(55:17):
bit later on. I don't think we even meet Luna
until book five Younger, right, I think she's their year,
but she's in raven klawon that. Like it seems like
the houses don't they only are enemies with each other. Yeah,
they don't like hang out, which, like what kind of
precedent is? But yeah, that is interesting. I mean I
know that probably statistically she is there's less girls, or

(55:41):
it looks in this movie anyways, there's less girls that
go to Hogwarts. Maybe I think that that might even
out later on, but still it's I don't know, that's interesting.
It didn't really look like a lot of girls and
griffriend door. Yeah. I can't really like it's like they's

(56:01):
like and then a few weather kids. Yeah, okay, I
love that. The implication basically about the weaves Las is
like they're probably Catholic. It doesn't seem it doesn't seem
like they really believe in birth. They were like old school,
like New England Catholic dosh kid like, yeah, freckle irish

(56:24):
kid had never seen econom in their life, even though
there's probably a fucking spell for that that's free. What
does wizard birth control? Like? Good question, there's no probably
effective right probably else there's a counterspell like I want
to get you. I don't know one man has ever

(56:46):
truly said that, I want to get your preyny and
well a question for J. K. Rowling to answer in
a series of very boring clickbad articles sometime in the
next five hours. I can't stand when she does is
that where she every couple of years or she's like, oh,
it feels like maybe interest isn't like where it should be. Uh,
this character is By doesn't change anything that happened. Chill out.

(57:13):
We we see you, You're I see you. You're fine.
You're still a millionaire. You don't need to tweet about
we still like the books. Yeah, it's like you don't
need to tweet about which teenager you're saying is By.
I think the more people, the more arbitrary makes LGBT
the better. I'm sick of all these fucking straight white people.
But I don't like that she does. She seems to

(57:34):
do it for like fucking attention, Like it's not Maybe
can we talk about Professor mcdonagall y Downtown Abbey, Mrs
Downton Abbe Abbey of Downtown. Yeah, this is Abigail Downtown.
That's my c w remain of Downtown Abbey. Downtown Downtown

(57:57):
is about girl trying to make it in New York
City after Hermione. She's the female character with the most
screen time and dialogue and importance and bearing on the story.
I mean, I really like her. She's stern, and she's strict,
you know, tough but fair. She's no nonsense, but she's
also compassionate and highly capable, very smart, a boss as

(58:21):
bitch a lover u sports. Yeah, real into sports. You
could tell she was that. Yeah, but she was on
the team back in the day. She was a scout.
She basically was like, Harry, you're a secret now. Yeah,
she's one of the people, like you wrote the rule,
here's your rule. And she buys Harry a broom like

(58:43):
he's got money. Right, there's you Weasley a broom. He's poor.
These Weasley's what are they? She made me think she's
got money on a lot of those quidditch games. Yeah,
maybe interest nagas got dice. Why she isn't headmaster if

(59:09):
if you're listening, here has an idea for some club. Baby, Yeah,
I'll click the all of that. Yeah, yeah on Facebook
it works, it works. Oh boy, she's great. I like
her a lot. Um, she doesn't have a whole lot
to do with the actual like I'm gonna do a
thing that makes the story go forward. She's you know,

(59:29):
sort of on the periphery for the most part. But
she's an important character in later books and movies. Um,
I think maybe plays more of a significant role in
different things. But we even talked about on Petunia at all, right,
and she I mean, obviously don't like her, but I
think she's a more interesting character than she gets credit
for something, because especially this movie is like it's a

(59:51):
Chris Columbus movie. He made Home alone. I think he
came at this like I'm making a goofy kids movie
and it works. I like it. But I like the
character of and Petunia because it's sort of like her
attitude informs Harry Potter's life in such a major way,
where she had this rivalry with her sister and like
there was a lot of jealousy that she wasn't, you know,

(01:00:13):
perceived to be as special as her sister was, and
that kind of derails the first ten years of her
nephew's life. And so I don't know, I feel like
she has like a weird amount of power over this story.
And even though you only sort of see her being
like like, she sort of is kind of like an
inciting person in how the whole series goes just which

(01:00:36):
is interesting because and it also from I was just like,
would I rather like actively it sounds exhausting making an
adorable child miserable for ten years like over like, well,
he's important in this area of the world that I
don't have to associate with. If I don't want to,
why not just let him go? But I mean that
speaks to how mad she was, probably because I often wondered, like,

(01:01:00):
why wouldn't you just like it wasn't like they were
going to come into contact with that. It doesn't seem
like they ever would have had to know. So weird
because it maybe perhaps there's like some female rivalry, which
I mean with sisters is more. I mean that just happens, um,
But it's strange she would keep that rivalry up for

(01:01:23):
her dead sister though, who died to pretty brutal way.
That's kind of weird that she wouldn't be like, Okay,
well shoot, you know, let me, you know, put a
bookmark in this and like not she was just like,
oh yeah, yeah, and by the way, I'm also going
to funk up your kid's life too. Yeah. That's that's intense,
you know principle. Are there any like twists with her

(01:01:46):
later in the series or like where it turns out
and I don't find out something about how she agreed
to protect Harry so that like Baltimore could never find
find him at their house, so she did something no
bull at something. It seems like she would have had
to because otherwise, like that's that's like I can't imagine

(01:02:10):
anyone having that level of anger after their sibling is
like brutally. It's like she's like cartoonishly bitter and dig
about it. Yeah yeah, and like well kind of waste
her own life making a boy to someone who has
been dead for ten years. Yeah, she's such a cook.
On the other side too, because she is so over
by her son. Her Yeah, her fun She is such

(01:02:34):
a cook. I'm like, oh, like you're just letting everybody
else is it a thing of like, oh, my kid
is a piece of ship. So I'm going to take
that out on because she doesn't seem like she has
much power over who. Only the way this movie is stylized,
especially at the very beginning, it looks like Chris Columbus
thinks he's like adapting a roll dollbook because it's very good.

(01:02:57):
Every shot of Uncle Vernon is like he's like mugging
in some way, like and like it's so funny. Because
the series does get so dark later until the point
where the whole like the movies are three hours long
and like blue, but the first I don't know that's
part of why I like this movie because it's like
there is like a levity to it that there isn't

(01:03:17):
to the others. But the family at the beginning, especially
like there's just they're just cartoon characters. It was very
much like Matilda, right, yeah, letters, I was like, this
is that scene in Matilda, the veto in Matilda. We
should you Matilda episode. Okay, okay, we haven't talked about

(01:03:39):
the most important female character in the whole movie. Mrs Norris,
the cat. She just kidding, but she holds a special
place in my heart because she's also she you know,
she does things. She's like you, I'm gonna run and

(01:03:59):
you have to run away from me so you don't
get in trouble. And then that's what leads them to
the corridor on the third floor where they find Fluffy
the Three Headed Dog, and that's how they figure out
the whole thing. So Mrs Norris more important than we
give her credit for. I'm with it. I like her.
It's my hot take on the cat, hotcat take he

(01:04:20):
takes being a dog's both Fluffy the Three Headed Dog
and fang Hagrid's dog. We mustn't forget that. We need
to say dogs out like hogs out, the dogs out,
the dogs out. You're perfect, don't take your hog outs

(01:04:42):
will be placed under her ass. It is amazing watching
that movie. Why would you let a child be alone
with that person? I don't now we're gonna be getting
emails about size shaming. He's very scary. He's scary and
he's and they're like, he's a gentle giant. I think
maybe we should stop talking to kids about gentle giants

(01:05:04):
so much. They seem sort of like outliers versus perverts
who want to eat you. Well, you know, Dumbledore trusts
him with his life. He gets all the important tasks,
even though he also manages to funk everything. Dumbledore, the
old man who constantly puts children in grave danger. Let's

(01:05:24):
listen to his recommendation. He's like, I try to agree
with my life. Meanwhile, Haggard's like, should I'll take this
dragon egg and let me just tell you all the
secrets about how to get past my three headed dog.
Stranger in a bar whose face I never saw. He's
a drunk, he's an alcoholic. He's an alcoholic. He was

(01:05:45):
always like, I shouldn't have told you that, And look
at his life though I would die. I mean, look
at his is in a tiny shack with an assortment
of animals. His only friends are children. Yeah, seems a
little sad. He's a oh you, And at this point
in the movie he doesn't even he's a he's like
a janitor. He doesn't he's not a teacher. Rights In fact,

(01:06:08):
he's a Yeah, he got expelled from Hogwarts. He can't
even do magic. He still does it. Maybe that's when
he gets off the sauce, when he gets a job
as a teacher. Maybe you lay off the butter beer. Yeah, yeah,
the butter beer, which is basically just what is that
at at Universal Studios. It's basically cream soda with like

(01:06:28):
butter scotch flavoring. It's disgusting. I hate it, will not
buy it. People like it. I prefer pumpkin juice. If
you're going to go to your Universal and get a
hairy Potter drink all about the pumpkin juice. So that's
just another hot take from Let's Go. I have a

(01:06:50):
few days left on my season past hell yeah, at
the end of June. But I have a few blackout
days on the weekend. Okay, just so, I mean, let's
figure this out. Do you have any fun I thought
you want to say about the movie, the portrayal of
women in the movie. I do want to bring up
one more because she was kind of a background character,

(01:07:11):
but she provided the biggest magic of all this Harry's mom.
She provided the biggest magic of all, which is like
what we do see in flashbacks. I always I forget
that you see her in flashbacks. But that's why Harry
was able to like win is because she gave him
the best magic, which was punk asked love. Still. That

(01:07:31):
was like she essentially was the hero of or the
catalyst behind his heroism. So I found that right, Yeah, right,
He's only the famous celebrity Harry Potter because she sacrificed.
Which why are women sacrificing themselves for men be sacrificing? Well,

(01:07:52):
she appears in the mirror to right, She's just like
in the mirror and the little photo book that Haggard
gives him a d end she pops up all over
the place. Is a weird pervert took these pictures of
you and your family. He's like, don't flip to page.
My thumbs and one of them moving on the side.

(01:08:14):
That's great, let's talk about whether or not the movie
passes the Bechdel tests. So there is one scene that
I think is a candidate that we did not catch
the first time, right. I had to rewatch it again
and I was like, wait a minute. There's the scene
after they've defeated the troll in the girl's bathroom. Professor
McGonagall comes in. She's like, what's all this. Oh my god,

(01:08:35):
you guys could have been killed. Harmony steps forward and says,
it's my fault, Professor McGonagall. I was looking for the troll.
I'd read about them and thought I could thank you.
I'd read about them and thought I could handle it.
I was wrong. If Harry and Ron hadn't saved me,
I'd probably be dead. She says, Harry wrong and then right,

(01:08:56):
and then Professor mcgonagal replies and she's just like I
expected more rational thinking from you. I'm really disappointed in you.
I can't believe this. Five points from Griffin door yeah,
first of all, five points really yeah, more yeah, the
very arbitrary there seems to be extremely and there's like
we're like, there's like very crazy point inflation later in

(01:09:19):
the mine before to at the end of the year.
They're like that you for this, give me some chips.
D points double Door manipulates children. He's like, hey, it's
Lutheran's you won. Just kidding, bitch, Like I was like,
they're eleven, Why would you do that? You're eight hundred

(01:09:40):
years old? So mean if your grandpa did that to you.
It was like, Jamie my favorite, actually just kidding. Literally
everyone else is my favorite. That's so mean. I would
argue that you've got to start manipulating people young so
they can get used to it when they're an adult.
Because people are always going to manipulate. They need these

(01:10:02):
kids need practice because here's the thing. Baltimore manipulated people
into following him, So you gotta be prepared. You gotta
know like how not like you can now win an
Academy award and then lose it, and now you know
how it feels. You're he moonlighted those kids, so like,
what is the worse pain than then those kids got

(01:10:24):
missed Columbia? Wait o, wait so wait wait In this analogy,
Slytherin was La La Land, which if there's ever been
a more Slytherin movie pointed out to me because in
Moonlight was Griffin door yeah, or or the alternate double
door is Steve Harvey, and then I forget the two

(01:10:47):
other countries, but double Doore is Steve Harvey, right, got
the same wace front Wave. Did I ever say the
double doors white? Because maybe they should agast Steve Harvey.
What a different series. It would be awesome. That was
like what Steve Harvey was like remembered for mainly I

(01:11:09):
just watched The Whiz for the first time. Please can
there be another adaptation of Harry Potter where it's an
all black cast? Oh my god, yes, yes, please, and
whoever is listening please hire me to do it. Yeah.
I work for cheap. I will tell sag whatever you
need me to tell them. I'll work all day and

(01:11:31):
all night. Partial nudity, I'll show use the shoulder. That
would be so good. Oh yes, I do all my
own stunts too perfect. I have my own broom. Let's
Oh my god, we were talking about if this movie
passes the bactoral test or not. So kind of hard

(01:11:54):
to tell because she does her money. Does mention Harry
and Ron in that line of dialogue, However, it's not
really what the conversation is about. She's taking the well
she's kind of blame for them too. I don't think
it passes because the men are or the boys are
like integral to that conversation. I could argue that it's

(01:12:16):
like she's talking about being able to defeat a troll
and she failed, but she's taking the blame for two boys.
That's the reason why I don't take because she could
have just said, like I was here taking a monstrous ship.
It's unclear why she even feels the need to cover
for them anyway. I don't get why that happens. There's

(01:12:38):
no need. I think I possibly because in the context
of the scene, they put themselves in danger on her behalf,
and maybe she felt it. I could see that way,
but that scene doesn't pass for me. And also just
the fact that there had to be this much discussion
to reach any sort of conclusion. It's just like, well,
it probably could have done better. There's female characters around,

(01:13:00):
and then they're only I think two other scenes where
there are women together in the room who might have
had an opportunity to talk, but it doesn't happen. There's
another scene where Professor McGonagall and Hermione. I think they're
in her office after she has found them like lurking

(01:13:21):
outside of the cast at she wouldn't be lurking um
And she's like, you guys get detention. But I don't
think Hermione even speaks in that scene. It's mostly Harry
and Professor McGonagall talking. And then later in the movie
whenever they're like, we need to talk to Dumbledore. Someone's

(01:13:42):
trying to steal the Chamber of secrets. What's this movie?
And what's the operative prop in this one? Like that one? Yeah,
I mean the first four that it's it's Harry Potter
and this prop. Harry Potter in a rock, Harry Potter
and Harry Potter in a building, Harry Potter in a cup.

(01:14:06):
He's a prov comedian. He's a comedian, a petition I'm
figured anyway. In that scene also she's like Dumbledore's not here,
he's in London for the Ministry of Magic. Again, her
money doesn't say anything. So surprisingly, few opportunities for women
to even talk in the movie. It's a symptom of

(01:14:28):
the problem of storytellers not feeling the need to just
make more of the characters women. There's so many, like
of the male characters, we've got Harry Ron Dumbledore, Haggard, Draco, Neville,
long Bottom, Snape, Quarrel, Baltimore, and then like secondary and
tertiary characters like Oliver, would the Weasley, the other Brothers, Flitwick,
nearly Headless, Nick, the Centaur, Man in the Woods, and

(01:14:51):
then really, of the main female characters, it's Hermione and
Profession McGonagall, and that's pretty much it. There's Madam Hooch,
he's she says a few lines, and Petunia has a
bit of a role in the story, but like they
never intersect with other female characters, or they rarely do.
I would be interested, and maybe there are we have

(01:15:12):
listeners who are hardcore enough Harry Potter fans. I'm sure
this exists out there somewhere, but be interested in how
that evolves over from like movie to movie, from story
to story, and then eventually from my guest director to director.
Because this one I doesn't pass, I would imagine, because
I think the second movie is kind of the same

(01:15:32):
exact tame as the first movie. If it does pass,
probably not by that much. But it's I don't know,
I mean, it's not nothing's going to make me rewatch
these movies. I thought it would be interested to know.
We see much more of Mrs Weasley in the second movie,
that's true. Yeah, we see of the new professors. It's
the Gildroy Lockhart. So he's a handsome, handsome, handsome cut

(01:15:56):
guy who can't do anything mediocres actor you TV one
on one. Uh yeah, i'd have to really, let's just
do all the Harry Potter movies back if you're another episode, absolutely,
because I have strong opinions and I can think of
some scenes from like later ones where I'm like, this

(01:16:17):
would totally pass the Bechtel test for sure, like Book seven, right,
for sure, the Unbridged movie. That's gotta pass because she's
in so much of it, and I feel like to
her McGonagall, like have it out at some point, or like,
I Harriston, I think I just actually called you Haristotle, Haristotle, Haristotle.

(01:16:40):
You should go by Harry for short, Harry Potter. Okay,
Harry Stottle don't make Harry Stotle. He doesn't deserve it
in a good way. And then hot take, I agree
that let's write the movie on her nipple scale. We

(01:17:01):
read the movie on a scale of zero to five
nipples based on its portrayal of women. I would say
I'm gonna give it three or three and a half.
I'll skew down to a three because I think it
could have done a better job, especially considering it was
adapted from source material written by a woman. I don't
know why she didn't include of the female characters that

(01:17:23):
there are a lot of them are. Yes, they're strong characters,
they are well developed, but there's just not enough of
them that contribute that much to the story. Hermione is great,
and I think, as we've agreed, she has more bearing
on the story than Ron, who is virtually useless. But man,

(01:17:43):
I'm gonna get so many tweets people Ron, would you?
And I just wish that the gender balance was more equal,
Like why aren't there more female characters who are contributing
more to the story. That might improve down the road,

(01:18:04):
but at least for this first movie, I'm gonna go
with the three nipples. The nipples belong two of them.
I love giving having a nipple belong to an animal,
so um. Two of them belong to the three headed
dog Fluffy, so it's got some fluffy nipples. And then

(01:18:24):
the third one it belongs to the center, whose nipples.
We do see whose nipple? Oh yeah, we do. Because
he's shirtless. You can see his big horse dick, and
we see his nipples, his human nipples. We see that
half horse talk. I'm going to piggyback on you. I
agree with three because similar reasons. There are not really

(01:18:48):
any female characters that we are actively introduced my as
Susan Bones. But like almost every female character were introduced
to is strong, is a professional, or at least has
enough of a background that you understand where they're coming from,
which is all you can ask out of a character.

(01:19:09):
They're not. You know, they're not all going to be
fucking wonder woman bad ass bitches, but we know where
they're coming from their characters. That I feel like is
pretty impressive for any movie. But they don't talk to
each other. And I think another positive thing you can
say for this movie is that women are not actively
punished in the way I think women in major movies

(01:19:32):
often are just because they are women and around. But again,
that is not a trophy or an accomplishment. That's just
something that you wouldn't should default too. But movies can't
even manage to default to that, right, Like movies that
came out ten years after that, movies that came out
sucking yesterday. It still can't pull it off for a
lot of the time. So that's good. But three nipples

(01:19:54):
because they don't talked to each other enough. Give two
of the nipples to Double Door, but Steve, Steve Harvey,
Double Door, and then I'll give my last nipple to
Ron's Rats who turns out it turns out to be

(01:20:15):
that that British character actor who's in every movie. Yeah,
so three, yeah, I would agree with that. I would
give three. I was leaning to three and a half
nipples because of the strong female characters UM that were
an important part of the story, but their inclusion in
the story was what kind of what gave them that ceiling.

(01:20:37):
I didn't like that they didn't talk to each other.
I didn't like that Hermione didn't have other feet. Like
I can't even off the top of my head be like, oh, yeah,
this other woman is a griffin door. Oh I've seen
you know, other griffin doors sitting around, Like I've seen
other male griffin door sitting around. It was just an
emphasis on men with strong female characters sprinkled in UM

(01:20:57):
and men's relationships like all the bonds apart from his
bond with Hermione, most of the like relationships in the
movies Harry and Hagrid, Harry and Dumbledore's budding, Harry and
Ron Christmas together. Sorry, yeah, there's no happy Christmas. Christmas

(01:21:19):
real British? Yeah was there to the celebrating Christian holidays.
Here's some Christian witches. Let's see who get these nipples? Um?
I would give the half nipple is ms Norris? Cool
because very small kitties have eight nipples, as we recently

(01:21:43):
learned from the line Caitlyn and I captured a strike
and count it? Wait what was the movie? Like? They're
from the Wizard of Oz because I was like the
cowardly lion. How many nipples do cats have? And eight
is the number? Sixt eight one and a half yeah? Um.

(01:22:05):
And then another nipple goes to Professor flit Wick. Is
he the one who was decorating the Christmas tree? He
gets because I really feel like he's seen some stuff
out there. And another nip goes to uh, you know what,
I'm gonna give this nip to Snap? Okay, oh yeah,
I can't get a lot of love, right. You get

(01:22:27):
to have a nipple and his perky okay, and it
would be that's why his robes are so flowing. His
nips are hard. Just the one nip this year is
real hard and just I learned it. You earned it.
I like it recipes Alan Rickman. Yeah, well, Maggie, thank

(01:22:47):
you so much for being here. Then I would say
even magical. Where can people find you online? I'm on
Twitter at Maggie May ha ha and that's m a
y ees may. I got a Facebook page out there,
Craigslist sometimes looking for a dresser. Hit a nuck on Craigslist.

(01:23:09):
If you've got a dresser, I'm on I'm on some
magic apps. You muggles wouldn't know anything about y'all wouldn't
know anything about that. Y'all don't know about match app,
match app now, okay, don't worry about it. That so,
but you can find me on Twitter. I'll be there.
You can follow us on Twitter at Bechtel Cast. You

(01:23:29):
should follow us on Instagram at Becktel Cast. You can
email us at the Becktel Cast at gmail dot com.
There's a Facebook page you can We've got a Facebook
also called the Bechtel Cast. We're everywhere, no reason and
not I hang out with us. We got a Bengo
a lot. I'm gonna Bengal on Wednesday nights sometimes if
we're not busy, right. That sounds fun though. Yeah, we

(01:23:52):
would love me nice. I'll go. I won't talk about
any man either. O. Yeah, I think please please come
with us. It'll be a blast. Let's be friends. I'm
gonna say something really good to close out. The episode
comes here. It comes um about about all right. Bye bye,