Love Actually with Debra DiGiovanni

Actually, Caitlin, Jamie, and guest Debra DiGiovanni actually discuss Love Actually's noticeable lack of actual female relationships, among its other barf pile-inducing qualities. 

(This episode contains spoilers)

Follow @DebraDiGiovanni on Twitter! While you're there, you should also follow @BechdelCast, @caitlindurante and @hamburgerphone 

 

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:00):
On the be Dol Cast, the questions asked if movies
have women in um, are all their discussions just boyfriends
and husbands, or do they have individualism the patriarchy? Zef
and best start changing it with the Bedel Cast. Hi,
welcome to the Bechtel Cast. My name is Jamie Loftus,
my name is Caitlin Durante. And this is the Okay,

(00:24):
Caleb start to dope queens. Oh no, that's crap, we
funked up. It's okay, let's stop. No, this is great,
this is gold. We're keeping it. Our podcast is about
the portrayal of female characters in movies. That's true, and
that's why we call it the Bechtel Test. We just
had a long discussion if we should keep introducing what

(00:45):
the Bechtel Test is, and we decided no, no, We're
We're done. Aristotle are the man of the operation. He's
usually just tied to his chair, but he also does
an amazing job. We took the ball gug out of
his mouth right and he's like, well, he made a suggestion.
He gets to say one sentence every time they see him.

(01:07):
And he made the great recommendation that if you don't
know what it is. Just go back to the first
episode and listen. And in the time it took me
to say that, we could have just told you what
it was. Well, nobody's perfect. It's almost Christmas, it's Chris
it is. It's a Mike's Hard Lemonade day for me, Jamie,
I've had a really Christmas e day. Is Mike's Hard

(01:28):
Lemonade a Christmas e? No, this is a coping mechanism,
I see. But I spent all day chasing around mall
Santa's for my job, and none of them wanted to
talk to me except South Central Santa, who really gave
me a lot of things I need to think about.
That's great. No, it's a disgrace with my life and time.

(01:51):
It sounds like you're doing very interesting things. Who else
today in America or anywhere in the world being cont
and here the only one. Well, here's my Mike's Hard Lemonade.
To that, without much further ado, I say, we introduce
our wonderful guests. Hey, let's do it. She is a

(02:12):
comedian and a very wonderful person. I'm so happy. Oh yeah,
we love you so much. Debra. We're good. What is
your job? What do you what. So I write for
news outlet called Inverse, and I'm They're like, only West

(02:32):
Coast writer. They let me sort of do whatever, and
they were like, Jammian, we think would be really fun
if you talk to a lot of mall Santa's. And
I wasn't anticipating so many hoops to jump through to
talk to them. All there's a ton they don't want
to talk to you. I left it my apartment at
eight this morning and I went to Glendale. Both the

(02:54):
Santa said fuck off. No, I went to South Central
that Santa would talk to me. I went to the
Grove they said fun would say come on. They even
offered me like a really embarrassing consolation price. They're like,
you can take a picture with the gingerbread man. Now,
you guys fuck off. And then I tried to hit
up to Beverly Hills Santa's, who were assholes. And then

(03:17):
I have to go to Santa Monica after this if
my person is also going to be an ass like
I'm going to drive all that way and he's gonna
tell me to funk off. Trouble is like malls are
always in these like elitist neighborhoods, and they're like these
rich It's true, it's true. Yeah, malls are night little dicks,
It's true. But the South Central Santa was nice to you, right,

(03:39):
he was awesome. Yeah, if you're listening to this, maybe
check it out. It will be on in first dot com.
And I had a great conversation with him. He's the
first black mall Santa ever. Yeah, that's awesome. Yeah. So anyways, anyways,
that's what said about. Now, No, we're here to talk
about the movie love. Actually, oh no, I feel like

(04:04):
we're going to get in trouble. Yeah, people love this movie.
Like this was my first time watching. Okay, I have
avoided I don't know why I've avoided it, but I
have because it's a piece of shit. Makes me. PU said,
I used to love this movie. Me too. I remember

(04:25):
the first time watching and I love this movie. And
on every successive watch I hate it more and more. Kids,
And like I was trying to put myself in like
what if I watched this when it came out, and
I think I would have loved it. I love a
good one because I loved I love vignettes, love it.
But what year was it done to me? I didn't
even check two. Okay, so a long time ago, but

(04:47):
I have no excuse. I was not young, you know
what I mean. I feel like I was eleven, No, no,
with a grown woman. I was. It was reason enough
that it's like I was like, we're thinking that different,
That's what I mean. It's not like three. We could
give it a bit of a pass. But now no
sor it too recent for it to be this bad.

(05:10):
Oh my god. I had a lot of problems, but
I was also like sort of horny. The home confusing.
How do we launch into this, like with our rage
against Yeah, this is a tough one. We usually start
by doing just a very brief overview of the story,
of which there are around trillion Yeah, yeah, yeah, okay,

(05:33):
so yeah, this movie is full of just little micro stories.
It's a bunch of vignettes, sort of tidy wedding and
Harry poorly poorly connected like in the most unbelievable ways.
But anyway, tell like whenever this was like mapped out
in a room, like there's just a bunch of dudes

(05:53):
jerking off. Yeah, they so hard after this, like what
we make and Thompson and Hugh Grant brother and sister,
but never mentioned it until the very end, I mean
some Chronicles of Narnia ship. Yeah, no, And then I
was like at the end, I was like, was that
supposed to be a twist? Like and they're like, look

(06:14):
at this big reveal. It's like, no one gives a ship.
He was like, Oh, this movie was bad. So each
of these storylines depicts like a separate relationship because this
movie is about love, love actually. It's even like man
splaining in the title, isn't it actually actually love actually?

(06:41):
So each of these stories really, they're all so dumb
and they're they're focusing on a specific relationship, most of
them romantic, but not all of them. The first one
we see is Bill Nigh, whose name is Billy Mac.
He's trying to make a comeback as a musician. His
manager is his friend, so there's that storyline. They're friends. Yeah, No,
we love Bill Knight. We've said this before. Didn't give you,

(07:03):
we we forgive you, and we love you all the
same because he is, oh Night, He's made a lot
of missteps, still him, he's oh yeah, yeah, he's um. Yeah,
he's in the worst movie I've ever seen, which is
I Frankenstein Star. He's the villain and it looks like
he was not briefed on what the movie sinister and

(07:27):
then he leave, but he plays a gargoyle overlord. I
want it's also the weird octopus villain from Pirates of
the Caribbean. Oh yeah, he isn't forgot Okay, Because I
was wondering, I was like, did he and Kiera Knightley
already know each other because of the whole octopus guy things?
Maybe not think this movie came first? Okay? So they

(07:48):
were like, oh love actually on the set of Party cool.
Another storyline we get Colin Firth's character Jamie. I want
to say, uh Jamie, Look isn't Jamie? Oh yeah, he
luncle Jamie. He falls in love with Portuguese woman. No,

(08:08):
I'm sorry, but we'll get to a second. He gets
cuckolded by his brother, so that's another storyline. Liam Neeson
is sad about his dead wife and then he accepts
on who is in love with a girl at school. Yeah.
I've never hated a child more than that child. Next

(08:32):
storyline is Emma Thompson. I forget her character's name. She
is in a relationship with Alan Rickman. He assistant throws
herself at him and then he like kind of strays
a little bit. That's a storyline. There's the ugly guy
who wants to bang the American ladies. There's the porn standard.

(09:02):
Oh my god, I almost blocked that part out almost,
Oh god, And that's such a shame because we love him,
Martin Freeman. This, I feel like this was the big
very beginning, and like he really needed the money for this. Okay,
let's give him the benefit of the But that said,
I feel like I could have written that storyline like
in like a ninth grade short story, like wouldn't it

(09:23):
be wild? Yeah? And then you get expelled from school?
But right, and then I make actually love yeah okay,
the holidays okay, very atheist okay. Uh. Then we have

(09:44):
the walking dead guy and he's in love with Pure
Knightley even though she's married to his best friend. His
best friend. Yeah, but then it's still like, isn't this romantic? No,
it's horrible per worded. Yeah, that video I can't even Okay,
there's more stories? Is there one more? There's the Prime Minister,

(10:09):
I mean, perfect casting. How could Hugh Grant not be
playing the pri and he falls in love with I
don't know if she's an intern, she gets that's what
we know. She brings some biscuits, but also sometimes important files.
I don't know, we've all had that job. And finally

(10:30):
Laura Lenny who's in love with I don't know if
he's Italian, I'm not sure. And his name is Carl,
a hot barign man named You couldn't even given us
a Carlos at the very last, but you Carlo, Carl

(10:50):
Carl car so many letters to work with. Yeah, that's it.
So those are the you know, that's a different story lines, Hubris,
That's what I think about this. But I like, let's
lead with the concept of an ensemble movie is so great,

(11:11):
but I feel like it's so rarely works. Su I
think it's tough. I think it's tough because this is
this is huge, This is like this is a whole bunch,
Like all the British stars are in this, you know, honestly, Yeah, seriously, Yeah, Yeah,
it's it's tricky and again like the vignettes also tricky,
and there's a lot, there's too many, like it's just

(11:32):
nine or ten. Is just it's a lot to try
to interweave. Yes, is probably yes, Yeah, but this is
so now. Okay, basically, I think you get by now
that we really hate this movie. I think that is
you know, you've picked up on that unless you're you know,
troubled um. But the movie itself is you know, every
every single one, they're just it's just deplorable. It's awful.

(11:55):
But then when you go back, because I knew the
right away, I was like, this is gonna be fun
to talk about because it's so awful. But then when
you actually focus on the female characters, it made it
like double horrible. Like I just I literally felt sick
for a moment when you really go back and and
just figure out every So let's let's start from the
beginning and just talk about the women, how they're portrayed

(12:18):
in this it's so awful. Number one Okay, so well,
there's no female characters in the Bill Night storyline. And
on Calin Firth and Aurelia. Yeah, first of all, he
is cu colded by his by his brother and his wife. Right,
so um, but I have just the thing that drives
me insane. I already even just you know, everyone we

(12:38):
call every cock and that's a new word in our
life now. I find it interesting that men even just
get a word for when they're cheated on. Do women
get a word for when we're cheated on? We don't.
Basically that he was cuckolded and women, it's like it's
it's a part of life, like that's basically you know
what I mean. Boys get a special word because they

(13:00):
were cuckled, but no, we just live with it. We
call you're exactly right, right, fine, I know you know
that doesn't It's just it's always that's always irked me
that it's like, oh, dudes get a word for anyway whatever? Um,
but y yea and God forbid a man be cheated on?

(13:23):
Oh no, So he gets cheated on right away and
then goes to his cottage or something. Yeah, And and
there's um yeah, and there's a cleaning woman. I guess
the maid. Who is she? And she doesn't speak a
word of English deeply on a level where like none
of us have experienced in our lives yet, you know,

(13:46):
and they don't but they don't speak the same language
at all, which is me neither. I didn't like it
at all. This that I have in front of me
describes it as in spite of the fact that neither
of them speak the same language, their personnel. These are similar.
That's the problem. Because there are so many different storylines

(14:07):
and so many characters, there's not enough time to develop
anyone characters fair enough. Characters are under developed, and then
just the depiction of love and romantic love and relationships
is very glossed over because everything that's portrayed as very
surface level, and usually the character's relationships are based on
like a physical attraction rather than so like, yeah, they

(14:29):
were hot, that would have been fair. Like if they
would have just like you know what I mean, it
would just been a hot weekend of passion, fund right.
I think we all would have accepted that and been like,
all right, but no, But then they get married and
proposed stories like if that had just ended with like
he learned some Portuguese and as yeah, I would have
been like, that's actually very sweet, where he finds the

(14:52):
will to love again and then just moves on with
his life. No longer cook because yeah, because this story
takes place over the course of five weeks, so in
that time he manages to write a novel because it
only takes five weeks. I don't know. If you fall
in love and propose Mary, that's not too effort cook.

(15:14):
That's a free official work for a cook. And you
know what, we love calling Firth week you know, lovely,
he always you know, he's great, but this is you know,
they're just it's just too quick. You know. The whole
of the whole thing is that no one gets to
stretch the legs, no one gets to really you know,
be worthwhile in any capacity in this movie. So he's

(15:36):
just stuttering king exactly exactly you've seen. That really drives
me nuts in this storyline is where all of his
papers fly into the little pond and she just strips
down for no reason and jumps in the water, and
like the way the camera like lingers on her body

(15:56):
and pans up and down. Very gross. But the thing
I kept trying to put my head in, like what
if I saw this when it came out, because I
would have been eleven when this game out? Oh did
I not say eleven? Did I say? It's like I
think that if I had seen that scene, like you know,
when you're younger, I would have interpreted like, oh so

(16:16):
that's what you do. Yeah, someone's papers, a veritable stranger's
papers about I would have taken it as gospel like
the nice time someone drops something, I'm just gonna strip
new like and which is gross. And the way it
was like like the way that they pan her body
and just like come and really like would you you
have to save your your maids out for it from

(16:39):
getting wet? I mean seriously, like I would maybe take
off my shoes in my watch, but other than that,
I'm you know, you keep everything. He could get it, yes,
exactly yea, and he could be yeah, he can type
on a laptop and save it. Yes. And what I
really hated I hated the when they go to the

(17:00):
her family's restaurant and then the way they like they
pick the other sister against her and she's the gross sister.
I hated it so much. It was just I found
that part just like, oh, is this the comic relief
part where there's a un attractive one that should marry
for Oh, it's just there's I made notes of all
the times that women are reduced to nothing more than

(17:24):
either how attractive they are or what they look like,
and there are dozen't of course. Yeah, there's one instance
in this storyline where Aurelia's father is talking to her
other her sister and he calls her like miss Duncan
Donuts two thou or two thousand three because she's a
heavier woman. And it's just like that's like a Donald
Trump comic, frustrating, and there's tons of those. Were like,

(17:49):
I'm sorry anyway. Also, um Natalie, who is the love
interest of the gods, her father also calls her tubby
or bee. That's her And if that woman is fat,
like sign me up, Like are you kidding me? There
is nothing fat about her. She's a perfect hour glass

(18:10):
and she's gorgeous, and they they talk about her thighs
the entire character anyway, Yeah, disgusting. So has that happens
a lot. Women are just like they're either like objectified
or like deeply disappointed. That's all I get. That's all
I get. Okay, what's the next one after after Uncle

(18:31):
Jamie liam Neeson slash his stepson. Yeah, you know, I
will say the only okay, there was only two scenes
in this entire movie still that maybe kind of go okay.
Three in the beginning when they're at the funeral and
he plays her her favorite song, and that's still the
only part that I was like because and that's just
that's a lovely look, but that's it. But that is all.

(18:53):
And then Liam turns into a pitiful excuse of a
man and doesn't know how to relate to a child,
which I guess I understan dand but the whole thing
is just it's just contrived and awful. And that child,
oh god, he's just yeah, and how old was he
supposed to be and madly in love with I think

(19:13):
a girl much older than him. She seemed she did
see the way out of his story, out of his
leg and that's yeah, exactly supposed to be eleven and
she was like seventeen easy but there's no way, and
and just super duper out of his league whatever developed, Yeah,
very much and really beautiful. And then learning the drums
to who the whole thing is about him trying to

(19:34):
snag a girl even though like he just he never
even just spoke to her, but never even even at
that young age, like it was like he never even
say I guess think for Uncle James Portuguese is the
adult equivalent yeah, yeah, yeah, which again he was able
to do in two weeks. Yea, all it takes to

(19:55):
learn the drums. I can't believe. I can't believe none
of us have written a novel or learned to play
the drums. Wow, we've been talking like, I'm disgusted with us.
Where is our Maybe it's like in the matrix when
you can just like plug in and three. It would

(20:15):
be like a floppy disk I missed. I found a
bunch of floppy disks in my house when I was
visiting home in the most recent time. I was like,
we'll just never know. There's a line of dialogue I wrote,
also wrote down my favorite lines of dialogue. So as
Liam Neeson is lamenting about his dead wife, Emma Thompson

(20:39):
says to him, how how how are they related? Again,
they don't specify. Okay, okay. He starts crying and she says,
get a grip. People hate sissies. No one is going
to shag you if you cry all the time, which
is like, what now the good message for the kids? Yeah,

(21:01):
he's like pouring his heart out to her. Her response
is just like to perpetuate this like idea of like
the word masculinity, and it wor to be like a
funny moment. It's just like I'll only fucking man if
he's crying. Yeah, that's my power give you something to
cry with me. Yeah, it's like you want to cry.

(21:28):
Actually one time promised tears. But even the words sissy,
it's like really like it's suddenly it's all. It's just yeah,
it's it's ochaic and ridiculous. Anyway, I forgot about that,
Like I glossed over that, Like I don't even think

(21:48):
I even heard that. The second it is like yeah,
because and his wife is barely cold and dead in
the ground, and like it's been twenty minutes, and they're like,
you should be fine, king already. What Jesus give him
a minute, you know. Anyway, and that's another very male
thing of like you got to get back out. They're

(22:09):
like women, they're like, we're black for a year exactly.
You have to cover your face, yea. So okay, are
we say that the whole movie is five weeks? Because
that's fair, all right. So then at the end two
of his vignette, he meets Claudia Schiffer. Of course he does, um, yes,
because that makes perfect sense. Um because she's the mother
of the of the beautiful, the teacher or something. Yeah.

(22:36):
And so then at five weeks of mourning the loss
of his wife, he's ready for Claudia. Sure, I mean
I guess who knew, I get who wouldn't be Let's
be honest. Anyway, Yeah, the next early on two, by
the way, that really I think unbelievable. Okay, the next

(22:59):
one is Emma Thompson. Again I don't remember. Okay, me neither,
but I will say again we'll do a little you know.
I love Emma Thompson usually and thank you, and we
love of course Alan Rickman as well. Uh, this one
it's they're seeing there is repugnant as well. But at
the same time, I don't know, like they just they

(23:21):
may just because I like the both of them, they
felt the least disgusting to me. Um, but I mean,
you know the his stories of course, the beautiful young
chippy at the office, she's just like so slutty. It's ridiculous,
Like it's just the kind of behavior that like at
the office. Really with the sitting with the legs apart,

(23:41):
it's like, whoa, I mean, it's just it's ridiculous. That
reminded me of Margot Robbie in Yes, Yeah, and also
what's the movie with Sharon Yes, Yes, I mean ridiculous
And this is at the office Okay, the whole story

(24:01):
is is that, you know, obviously he's been married to
Emma Thompson for a while, they have children, you know,
they're a regular couple. And then he is tempted by
this the young hot girl, the psychopath, it's going to say,
who will clearly go through your trash and never leave
you alone. Um, but he falls, you know, he likes
but we nothing, nothing happens between the two of them.
He buys her a present that should have been for

(24:23):
you know, she thinks it's the wife thinks it's for her,
it's not. It's jewelry. And he then he gets her
Joni Mitchell c d's, which, let's be honest, you know whatever,
and it kind of sucks. But so nothing but he
but he does think about it, obviously, and that's enough
for her. Now I'm going to say this, this is
really like you don't go to therapy or try to
work it out. He thinks of another woman, and you're done,

(24:45):
yes or no? Are we like? That seems to be
a bit impetuous. I mean, yes, okay, that was a
mental emotional cheat. But I would maybe we have kids,
I would maybe think about it. I mean, I would
go for some therapy and then figure it out. No, yes,
I'm wrong, No, I think she has an appropriate reaction
with just to be just be upset when she comes up.

(25:07):
But then yes, she pretty really readily just ye oh yeah,
I mean she she's broken. And I will say again,
Emma Thompson is a fabulous crier. She just did. She's
a good crier. And the scene where she goes and
cries in the bedroom and then comes back and she's like,
all right, let's go to the pageant. I find me too.
I did feel that too, because she's a really good crier. Yes,
but of yeah, I get it. Yes you'd be heartbroken

(25:29):
because you know what your husband's thinking and doing. But
I would have gone to therapy after all of these
character Yes, therapist if they moved into that family would
make a killing killing But I don't know, Like, especially
because Emma Thompson's character is introduced as being like so
set in her ways and like this is the life
path she's chosen and she's sticking to it, it seems

(25:51):
almost like out of character about the very little we
know about her that she would just be like you
know what, fusk However, many exactly she's made this she
so big into her family, and it's like she'said and
she's this wonderful mother and she takes care of everything
and then she's like I'm done. I mean it just
it's very like she would do it my mom did,
which is just be like you will obey me. Now

(26:14):
I'm in charge and you have a very short law.
If I'm the cock, that's it. That's it. And they
also portray her, you know, as that sort of like
pitiful type of oh and she's let herself go and
I don't know, like they just really gave her kind
of like a schleppy type vibe. The whole thing is like,

(26:34):
you know, and we love Alan Rickman, but like what
I mean, it's not like you know what I mean,
it's yes, you know what I mean, like they are
equally matched, that is, you know, it's not at all
like shocking, and they just make it so like she's,
you know, whatever deserves to be cheated on or something.
I don't know. There's a scene where me A, the

(26:55):
young assistant that's in love with him, that's throwing at him,
takes off all of her clothes and it's just like
in a red bra and underwear, and she like and
it's like, why is this in the movie? What? And
I like, for a second, like, I guess you could
argue that it serves to contrast because in the scene

(27:16):
shot right before that you see Emma Thompson having taken
off her dress. That's exactly what I thought of too,
and she's in like a full like slip. Yeah, yeah, yeah,
and its evil but yeah, what you know, and what
bothers me about that is is guess what. Mia, By
the way, Earth is also going to age at some

(27:36):
point and she will one day be Emma Thompson. So
just get the funk over yourself. Man. Anyway, Oh I
got angry there for a second. Does she not? Also
does she not also answer the door in the same bra?
Am I wrong? Or she wearing the top when she
answers the answer? She's wearing it? Okay, Okay, I just
feel like she's in that red rob the very She's

(27:57):
like one of those cartoon character closets. It's just so
red bros. I thought she's the Einstein of Red Brass
to dug or something totally anyway, Yeah, professor's name was
My mom loves this storyline, and I'm like what mom,

(28:20):
But she like so much for Emma Thompson's character. But
as you mentioned, like there was sort of like an
emotional infidelity that happened. But and that would and that
would don't get it wrong, that would it would happen.
But if you're married to someone else, you still find
yourself attracted. Absolutely. Yeah. And this wasn't like a boyfriend.

(28:41):
This was her like husband for Dick. Yeah, absolutely, And
you know, and again I were not, you know whatever
to each is that one how you think about it?
But you're right men and of course women too, but
men have a tendency to have a wandering eye a
little bit more because you know, they're way more visual
than women are. And so yeah, you look at the
hot girl at the office, Okay, I mean it gets

(29:03):
the buying of the gift means something he does, he does,
act on it, he does. And also really, I mean
I guess and she young, slutty, sexy Mia, she's going
for a man like thirty years or senior. Really, yeah,
like what's the motive? I mean, wasn't at the same
office that Carl works at. I mean she's like yeah

(29:24):
the whole time. That was just sort of like you
know all due respect exactly anyway, we all have a
radic tape A little weird. That's problem with almost every
storyline in this movie is that the character's personalities aren't established,
so you have no idea what anyone likes anywhere. We're
just we're facing it on agent. Looks that's what we're doing,
right right. I forgot a line of dialogue that I

(29:46):
wrote down that is just what a gem. He's telling
his assistant or whatever Mia to plan the Christmas party,
and he says it's one of the things to do
advise the girls to avoid Kevin if they want their
breasts unfondled, which the implications of that are he is
the boss and he knowingly has an employee who sexually

(30:10):
assaults women, and his advance is just to keep your
breaths away from this. Yeah, whatst That is really disgusting.
Will I think that his secretary she has to change
her panties every five she's just like the yeah from

(30:31):
a Yeah, she's just gooping. Yeah, I've totally forgot that
line that. I don't know if I even never noticed
it Inte neither, but I know I know that that, Yeah,
it's just like a throwaway line. But it's like, wait
a minute, condoning sucking asshole. Yeah. Anyway, next storyline, when

(30:55):
Colin got a X wants to go to America to Wisconsin.
They this is my most hated I hate this one
so much. It's really dumb. Alright, Akay, let's get into Okay.
First of all, you at the beginning called him ugly,
and it's so true because he's got like God bless

(31:15):
He's friend calls him ugly. He is. He's one of
those eyes with too much space, you know what I'm saying,
Like it's like the eyes on a bit of a
fish with it's on the opposite and you know whatever
I mean. Please, I know what I look like. But
this boy, this is a little unfortunately. Of course, what
saves him, of course in this whole thing is the

(31:36):
British accent. And that's the only part that's clever in
this whole thing is the fact that he's a British
accent and then American women go crazy for him. Now,
this is we sometimes do this. I'm not gonna lie.
We have moments when we do this because there is
something about a British accent that it's so able and
it's wrong, and I feel stupid for saying it, but
it's true. They have cute and the little and their

(31:58):
words in there. And that's the only part about the
whole scene, his whole storyline that is actually like, okay,
remotely clever. When they're asking him to name things, what
do you call this, and it's yeah, exactly, it's all right,
that's cute. But of course then he goes to America
because he says, and where does he go? Idaho or something? Wisconsin? Okay,
So he shows up and he just walks into a

(32:18):
diner of some sort and then meets those three women
who like they hurt my soul, like I just it
was January. That was January jar oh my gosh. Yeah.
And then um, the other with the Chris, the Canadian
girl what's her name, yeah, Cuthbert yeah. And then um,

(32:38):
of course the girl from American Pie Oh, Elizabeth, yes, Shannon, yeah, right,
And there was there was one more oh yes, and
then that that other one, the third girl who I
can I don't know her name anyway, all hot, gorgeous
girls and the way they they portray them is just ridiculous.
It's just it's it is. It's absolutely really. I think

(32:59):
they're all wearing cowboy hats, aren't they. They're like it's
like someone google yeah, yeah, yeah, and it's ridiculous. Yeah,
it's so stupid, And I think it's meant to be,
like sure, they want to balance certain storylines out. Some
of them are going to be more comical, some of
them are going to be more emotionally. Yeah, but it's like,

(33:20):
oh God, try harder. I don't know, like they're so
not just even their backstory they all lived together and
then they shared it's so gross and they as like
absolutely absolutely, like they accidentally sprayed each other with ketchup

(33:41):
or something and it's just, oh, my top and they
it's just it's so like cue the music, Like the
nineteen seventies porn should have happened immediately because it was
just ridiculous. But I thought was going to happen like
this would be like that sort of and it's hacky
and terrible too, but it would have been less offensive
if like he shows up and there's two slow any
chicks and one is like not like the others, and

(34:03):
she's like, I don't fall for your and I was
waiting for her to come to yea no, she doesn't know.
It just it just gets worse and he just immediately
kisses him, and it's just like she walks in. She's
just like God, because that's what Americans do, by the way,
I don't know if you know that they immediately kiss
you on the mouth. I mean, it's just it's it's

(34:23):
it's absolutely ridiculous. It's just and the whole like they're back,
they're all roommates and they sleep together, and it's just
like who taught you about women? Whoever wrote this scene?
Like it is just it is some thirteen year old
boys fantasy and they put it on the director of
this movie because some googling. Anyways, we'll get there. He

(34:45):
wrote it to write and directed. Oh he's a yeah.
I did fall for that though. Whenever I was a young,
younger person and I was living in New York City
and there was a British guy in a bar and
he's like, yeah, yeah, yeah, it's Australian. Yeah. We had

(35:08):
a little bit of a romance on the fact that
he was British not that attractive. If he was, that
American accent have been repulsive. Once a British navy men
offered me m d m A and I was so
close to taking it just and he looked like a
foot that like maybe I didn't. It's we're suckers. It's awful,

(35:31):
but it's true. Yeah. The next one is the porn
stand ins, which, first of all, I want to see
that's as high production value enough that they hire standing
where's where's that porn? It's not on porn hub. That
tends to be a full service job. So it's Martin

(35:54):
Freeman and a character whose name is just Judy and
she's credited in the Oh no, I guess like the
gimmick here is that they're shy and they're afraid to
like ask each other l even though they're like miming
Fallacio and each other and stuff. And she's they're naked,
like she's full naked. Yeah, she's like bouncing on his

(36:18):
like dick at one point, but they're too shy to
actually ask each other for coffee. And oh again, just
another like this is supposed to be one of the
funny ones and it's just it's yeah, and that sits
it and that's all it is, Like that's the whole thing,
that's the whole scene. They just every scene we see
them in a more graphic sexual position, and them talking

(36:41):
about the books they've read, and that's not even They
talk about traffic at one point like I don't even
know again another and they fall in love. But I
do wonder, like I looked at us and I'm like, oh,
that's probably kick them one two days to yeah, they
probably made a lot of money and two days I
know you can't. I was going to say, you can't
get mad at anyone here because this is the page check.
It's it's always a paycheck. But you know, hopefully you

(37:03):
saved that money and you can be more discriminating from you.
What I'm learning from this movie is that the people
you fall in love with are just the ones who
are near you. Oh my god. Oh it's totally a
proximity game. Absolutely was this before? Oh my god, we're
always in the same room. Everyone loves Aristotle. Everyone loves Aristotle.

(37:29):
Was this before? I guess this is way before online dating.
Of course there is this two thousand and three. Well,
I think it existed, but there wasn't. There was no
swipe thing at this pot. I think it was still
like there was a stigma around ye yes, dot com,
but you were a weirdo in the basement. I remember, yeah, wait,
do I have to move my car? What's happening? Okay?
Oh oh yeah, you drive a Prius. You know how

(37:49):
to drive a Prius. Guys, sorry, guys, more druma than
is in Love. This is actually way more exciting than
the entire movie. What's going to happen Christmas? Everybody? Okay,
I get it. We're real people, still real people. To

(38:12):
move it, you know, just like everybody else. What do
we talk about now that Aristotle's gone? We can say anything? Oh,
maybe this is just a route. Maybe he doesn't my
car doesn't have to move. Maybe he just has to poop.
He took your keys to go and poop in my car?
You pooped in my car? No, I think he went

(38:34):
to poop in the bathroom with the cricket. That's yeah,
that's a good cover. I'm not gonna take to take
you a long time and seriously, wow, wows, I'll use
that one one time. I really will love. Actually, do
we have anything else to say about that? The chable one?

(38:57):
I think, yeah, I don't think I had any other
nuts on that one. Do we have left we have? Mark?
I think? Is this character's name the guy from Walking Down.
This is like the iconic who doesn't speak. Does how
many words you say in the whole movie? Heeping? Yeah?
I know that this one. They're trying to make this
one so romantic and it's supposed to be, like it's not.

(39:20):
It's just creepy parodied like this, just like because that
scene became so iconic somehow, where he's like, it's a
rip off of say anything basically, like, but it's also
a rip off of you know, subterranean homes like blues. Basically,
that's what that is. That's Bob Dylan with It's a
Bob Dylan video where he just stands with the yeah

(39:43):
and that's his whole song, like and it's so early seventies.
I met Richard Curtis, the director, it was like, it's
oh much, but I'm saying, this is the whole case,
the whole thing. It's Cure Nightly and her lovely husband
and you know we see them right it's at the
wedding and we find out that Um Walking Dead is
best friends and he's also taken the wedding video and

(40:06):
then she goes to see it and the most the
most exciting thing about this whole scene is that she
mentions banoffie pie. Have you had Boffell? I didn't know. God,
it's caramel banana pie. Everybody look into it and get
into it. That's the only That's what I have to
tell you from this whole movie. But Affie, my stuff

(40:26):
just lift. What do you get so romantic? I tell
you know. There was a little place, um, there was
a little place in the grove actually that um called
Simple Santa. Yes, it's called Simple Things. It's in the
you know, it's in the Yeah, it's it does fabulous sandwiches.
But they used to do a bonoffy pie there that
Oh my god. A friend took me and I've I've

(40:47):
it's one of those ones that I had like three
years ago and I still think about it sometimes, one
of those of you're just like, but yeah, anyway, So
that's the highlight of that scene. My favorite part of
the entire movie is when they played Titanic and it's
just the other movie happening in this movie, because that's
the best. I can't Titanic because I feel like that

(41:12):
would be a three hour special because I think it's beautiful, dude.
My favorite part of okay, quick Titanic. I have read
the script to Titanic like the way James Cameron wrote it,
and he is a perfect There's a scene, the sex

(41:33):
scene in the car. I remember because I read it
when I was like thirteen. I was like, it says like,
and this is so like Victorian romance novel. He says
like Jack gets on top of Rose and she flourishes
under his welcome weight. I was like, whoa what flourishes
under his welcome I was like, who has ever flourished

(41:56):
under someone's welcome That sounds like your first day at
wait watchers. Here's my welcome way. It's just so great.
That's so gross. Oh I love that little that's scene.
We never would have known that, but now we go. No,
I might be the only person besides James Cameron. Yeah,
that's that's nice anyway. Okay, okay, so what did you

(42:19):
what do you have to say about this one? Because
this is a you know, well number one. So they
show him being really mean to her, Yes, she doesn't.
He pretends like he doesn't like her. Yeah, and I'll
get into that Khaki ship like come on, yeah, it's god. Yeah,
their their wedding and Laura, Lenny's there because guess what, guys,

(42:40):
they're all connected. Yeah, and she sees him like staring
at them dancing like the Mary couple dancing, and she's like,
do you love him? And he's like what. She's like,
you know, it's not maybe might love him. I just
want to ask a question. And he's like absolutely not,
no way, no way in hell, gross no. And it's like, okay,
you're he's well, he talking very being dismissive of the

(43:06):
fact that he might be that she was suggesting that
he was in love with her husband because it's two three, Yeah,
queer eyes. So there's a few other instances of like
some subtle homophobia. I sort of assumed that that would
be the case for any two thousand three movie, and
feel like these are the waning years where people make

(43:27):
gay jokes in mainstream films and it's like, this is funny.
We cap out and I now pronounce you Chuck and
Larry two hour Engage. It always bugged me that there
was no like a depiction of a gay yeah characters. Yeah,
statistically there would be yeah, absolutely to yeah, but we

(43:51):
don't see that, right, So he yeah, he's being very
dismissive that someone suggests that he might be gay. Horrified. Yeah,
he's very, very disgusted by it. Now I feel like
that is more like this whole thing, like he loves
his best friend's wife is more of a cheat than
Alan Rickman even buying a present for what I mean,

(44:13):
that would that would and your I would be like,
we're not friends anymore like you he I mean he is.
He is obsessed over his best friends, right, and and
the way she reacts because she like granted, she like
extends in all of branch and it's like, oh, let's
be friends, but it doesn't seem like she is. But

(44:34):
she kisses him right after he does the whole thing.
He shows up at the door and says, you know,
I'll always love you, and then she runs out and
she's like, this is you know, because you missed out,
So she gives him a pity kiss, but it's still
like honestly, it's still more and she's just been married.
They're like, they're like three weeks married, you guys are,
but like I got we don't know when I saw

(44:56):
that scene where like when kier And Nightly kisses him,
like you bet you just want the attention the only
but that's the only thing I could think of, because
they don't like she doesn't seem to particularly. She's like,
I want to be friends with my husband's friend, even
though I know he's declared as that. Wouldn't you be
like come and wouldn't you be like no, stop and
then go away. I'm okay, maybe I'm stupid, but I

(45:17):
would go in and I would say to my husband,
your best friend just totally hit on me and told
me they loves me. And I would tell scary video
of me on our wedding day that we I think
we paid him to do the video. He only took
footage of me, I mean. And then all she says is, oh,
I look very pretty. Okay, first of all, take it
down or not tonight? Like you know what I'm saying,

(45:39):
But you know, but I don't know. I don't know
if other women would keep that quiet, but I would.
I would be like, yeah, I would you keep acquired?
Would you tell your husband? No? I would. I wouldn't
tell I want to put that scene on YouTube with
horror movie playing and be like that would that would
be scary for me? If I'm like that was four
three years later, he rapes her like there's no way. Okay,

(46:00):
maybe that was a jump that, but she's dead somewhere
and that's all we know. And don't like, don't kiss
that man, because now he's never going to let it go.
I know, I just I just think the kiss was
super super unnecessary, right, well, the way, like the way
his love for her is also I know, well it's

(46:20):
like also extremely cartoonishly represented because he loves her so
like why why why number one? Number two? If when
he knows that his best friend is marrying her, he
needs to work on himself and get yes, he needs
to do something. Yeah. The fact that he just allows

(46:41):
himself to keep loving her from in absolutely is borderline insane. Yeah,
he's insane because again we know that they're trying to
make this this big romantic like unrequited love, and it's like, no,
it's it's really not. It's it's weird. And you're right,
he's a grow man. Get over it, you know, seek

(47:02):
some therapy and and find yourself your own girl. And
if I can't get over it, then stop hanging out
with them. Yeah, exactly, move Like I just I tried
to contextualize this with anyone i'd ever dated friend, and
I just like I would tell someone right away. I
would be so freaked out, like and I I, and
this is what's so like damaging, and I feel like

(47:24):
it results in all these creepy love moves from men
in real life. Is like that, this is like, oh,
this is how you do it exactly. And then someone
saying like sends you a creepy mix tape about your
feet and you're just like, what the fund is this?
And they're like, oh, I thought you'd like you Like, No,
I don't like it. It's about my feet. That's just

(47:45):
a little slice in my own life. There's it's not specifics.
Oh my god, I do love that. I love that
scene where like he runs outside and he's like blowing
off the steam because she just discovered that he loves her.
And they're like, I think it's an Enya song or something,

(48:09):
and it's so the music is so dated, and he's
just like he keeps like spinning around. He's like, do
I go back doing? And he like stomps around and
then like, oh god, it's so dumb. I just I
was like, who can relate with this? Just like yeah,
I don't know, it's it's rare, it's and then well,
the other thing is like shows how insane, like the

(48:30):
fact that he just treats her like absolute garbage, which
is the whole thing. If you're if you're watching that's
what younger exactly, if young boys are watching this, they
are you know, they don't have a chance. So okay,
so you like a girl, so twitter like garbage to
hide your feelings and lie to your best friend and
then follow her and spy on her, and it's just

(48:50):
the whole thing is weird. The whole thing is weird.
It's like, oh, I hope, I hope young men aren't
watching this or young women. To be honest, yeah yeah
please yea god. I kept put myself in like if
I watched that scene to I was not a man
to do this for exactly. I want him to spin
around to a yeah yeah, but you don't know, probably

(49:12):
at eleven you would have, like, seriously, at eleven years old,
you might think he loves to be so much, and
it's it's so deluded and crazy. I used to watch
a ton of these movies. I loved Matthew McConaughey when
I was younger, Like the Wedding planner is my face.
I was like, I want to plan matth, you know.
I was like, this is how it happens and that's
so plan Oh my god, that was a quote. I'm

(49:37):
so so Harry. It's so it's so awful gross. Okay,
what next one? So the next storyline after that is uh,
Hugh Grant of the Prime Minister and his caters, like
not too dissimilar from the secretary thing. It's just like, oh,
you're inferior. What I am is that is that his

(50:00):
thing is niche first of all, when he dances, and
is this the one that he dances? Right? That makes
I wanted to cry that. I was like so sad
for him and this. I was like, really, they make
him dance in the office and they're to be cheeky
and he's also yeah, but oh my god, and when
you actually watch him dancing, you're like, this is the whitest, yeah,

(50:23):
most horrible. What is like here? What is like something
good he's done? I don't know, can you think of one? Honestly,
I always confuse Colin Firth and Grant. I'm like, like
Colin first the good, but you don't know. I think
I think I think he had like there's an old
British movie that apparently he was amazing in and then
we all just don't know about it. There has to

(50:44):
be because you know, even even Three Weddings and a Funeral,
it's really nothing same written by the same guy as
Actually God, no wonder also that either I didn't like
it either, by the way, and everyone loved that movie,
and I was just like, I don't see why everyone's
going so crazy over that movie. Never liked it. So
I think that that's why Hugh. That's why I think
Hugh Grant is in this movie. It's because it's the

(51:06):
same writer. Because of this man. Yeah, seriously, there anything
else anything. Most of his career have been like rom com. Yeah,
absolutely well. He was also in another Richard Curtis movie,
Notting Hill Julie Roberts, which is another weirdly sexist Britain
every Oh no, that's saying that. Um let's see. He

(51:27):
was in Bridget Jones. Oh yeah, he's been in every
Richard Curtis movie. That's Oh my gosh, Richard Curtis. He
was in Cloud Alice. I don't know if he's ever
done anything good. He was in Sense and Sensibility the
one with Kate Winslet. Oh that's right, that's maybe that
was his jumping off point. But it's like I just

(51:48):
don't every time I see him, like, why are you?
Why do we know you? Yeah, why do we know you?
Why are you around? Like you're not. You could usually
you could be like, oh, Kean isn' ship because he
was in the Matrix, right, but like he is, like what, yeah,
how did you do it? Like there's never been Oscar
buzz around Hugh Grant, Like that's never happened. Anybody's just
British American women just gobbled enough, which Britain is a

(52:12):
calling Firth or Hugh Grant, who is in that Amanda
bind movie from two thousand to call What a Girl
Wants okay, because I love that movie that I wanted okay,
never saw it. I think we don't watch any of

(52:34):
the same types of that I've only seen like okay
movies and I've seen The Jinks eight times. That's like
I watched it last week and it's like, well, because
that news came out where he released to stevement Robert,
he was like, yeah, everything I said in that series,
I was high on meth. I was like, oh, I

(52:55):
gotta watch it again, and I did and I threw mathighs.
I'm going to his trial anyways, oh my god. Really well,
he's like being tried in Pasadena in February, and so
it's in my calendar. I want to go. Anyone can go.
It's like, you can go. I'm gonna get dug In

(53:16):
Donuts and go real early. Oh god, if you should
follow you around with you if ever you guys want
to come, though, like might be into that. I was
trying to. I was like, right, I was like, and
then we can just like have a chat. But it's
hard to not like, I wouldn't want to reach out
to the wrong person and say, do you want to

(53:38):
go to Roberts trial with me? Because because he is
probably a murderer. Well he is a murderer, absolutely with
killed them, of course a murderer. Anyways, February's interesting romantic
time of yeard. We can all get horny for he
wears a neck brace. Now pure yeah okay, sorry. So

(54:05):
most of the jokes on this storyline, or just mentions
of anything, are that she is fat. Yeah, this gorgeous
girl is fat. Her boyfriend broke up with because she's fat.
So basically what they're telling everyone in the world is
fat women don't deserve love. And again, please just look
at her for one minute. She is not fat. Yeah,

(54:28):
it's like she's like the Hollywood Yeah really, and and
then it's you know, then the whole thing is that
you know, he's the prime minister and she is an underling,
and you know they hook up, and that's I'm pretty
sure against the rules. But I don't know what goes on.
So well that evolved like the heatero romantic relationships, it's
almost always between like a man in like a lot

(54:50):
more power. And then that's subordinate because none of the women, yeah,
none of the women in this movie. If if we
even know what their jobs are, it's usually a cleaning lady.
Laura Lenny. I think she's the only one that seems
to be that we don't even know what her I
just assume that she was on the same level as Carl. Yeah,

(55:11):
that's yeah, that's it. But it's like, what is Carl creative?
He was like a graphic design Yeah, somebody, I don't know.
It was big. It's weird. Yeah, yeah, it's a lot
like the men, like Alan Rickman is the boss or
whatever company that is. There's a male prime minister. It's
all these men in like positions of power and authority.
And then it's a bunch of women who are like

(55:32):
homemakers or cleaning ladies or maids. Yeah, and it's another
like I was anticipating so many like super basic rom
com trupes. I'm well versed in round Concert. It's like,
it's weird that I haven't seen this movie, but I
was expecting, you know, with this many storylines. I'm like, oh,
there's going to be like a like a herald and

(55:53):
mod kind of thing. They're going to invert it and
there's going to be one younger man older but that
never nebit. It's the same thing over and overno thing.
There's no Yeah, there could be a lesbian couple. Why
not have that, right, let's throw this and like there.
But they had so many opportunities to do it and
they had to do it, and they just like, Nope,
it's just going to be a bunch of straight white people.

(56:16):
I bet they thought they were using each other. I
bet they thought they were so progressive to have like
an interracial marriage. You know. It was another high five. Yeah,
he's only going to say like three words the entire movie,
and he's the cock and he's the but you know
with a white guy, like absolutely, oh yeah, the one

(56:39):
interracial marriage is ruined by a white male psychopath. I'm
just thinking about the Prime Minister one again. And then
of course they bring in the American Billy Bob Thornton.
Am I wrong? And depiction of Americans are terrible? But
not at all? But if you need to choose someone
to depict a sleezy American, can he your go to?

(57:02):
He is your go to? He does the job, and
just play the president. Am I wrong? He does? Okay,
so I didn't. Basically that is a that was foretelling.
We didn't know this, but that was basically he's Donald
Trump in it, Like he's basically much more attractive and
less stupid and disgusting and horrible. Let's not go there.
I can't right now. Yeah, I got music, um, and yeah,

(57:27):
and he makes a move, he grabs her ass or
something and yeah, and then and then he's of course
he stands up for her because he loves her, and
well that was enough for you Grant to be like,
she shouldn't have a job with me? Anymore. Yeah, because
he walked in on like like yeah, he like he
fired devotes her or whatever for that publishment for the

(57:49):
President of the United States hitting on you exactly demoted
girl who didn't ask for this and who was the
one being assaulted, but yeah, you get your job taken
away and away. If I were her, I would have
been like, yeah, American president sucked me right now. I
don't care if the Prime minister's in the next room.
If he walks in, I'll be like your next buddy.
After this, we're gonna fun. Let's have a three sum

(58:10):
and then any kalin. I'm just in control of my sexuality.
I would be like, can I just like escape through
a window, or like hide under a curvet or call
this c I a yes, someone get Billy bobbed from
my body? Well I would, I mean, I would only
do that his welcome wife, I am not. Oh my god,

(58:34):
that language. He was still married to what's her name,
the director of the hurt Locker, Catherine Bigelow Bigelow, I'm like,
is this does she flourish under his welcome away? He
always hated him. I always hated James anyway. Terminator two
is a fantastic movie. Okay, everyone everyone has a good link.

(58:59):
But I don't get him as a man. He seems
like it's just like a dork, doesn't he just really
like dork is his word? Yeah, like a dork who
read a lot of fame fiction when he was younger.
And now he's like, now you can make hot people
do what I want. Yeah, Like, there's no way he
didn't write fan faction, Like, there's no way. Right, I

(59:19):
don't like Avatar me neither. Okay, on the next one,
so there's well, there's a couple of I think we're on,
we're not. There's a cup lines of dialogue. The Prime
Minister is talking to one of his staff members. Yes,
and he's like, oh, you know Natalie who works here,

(59:41):
and she's like the chubby girl. I know. Okay, first
of all, she's the one who introduced Natalie. I know,
you know what her name is. And then he goes,
what I call her chubby Yeah, and she's like there's
a pretty sizeable ask this huge thighs and it's like
you're talking about someone you work with to the minister,
the Prime Minister, you have time to documentary diploma. Seriously,

(01:00:04):
this is what we do at that. This is what
we're doing in the whatever house they live in, you
know that, Yeah, and this is that, this is this
is what we're talking about that and then and it's
a woman and woman also like tearing down another woman
that way. It's like really in that moment, I was like,
what's this movie made? During like Lewinsky air but it
was years after you had no reason for it. And

(01:00:26):
then at the very very end, whenever the Prime Minister
is coming out of the gate at Heathrow because you know,
why don't they have an air force one equivalent anyone, anyone?
Why is he just walking out like they talk about
Heathrow Airport Like there's that happens at the very beginning. Yeah, yeah, yeah,
I know if they if they bring it back. But

(01:00:47):
he's like walking and she like runs and jumps into
his arms and he goes, oh god, you weigh a lot. Yeah,
her weight just commented on and she really did. Was
never the big man. I mean seriously, he easily you know,
caught her. It's just gross. And also you're right, like
no that would they wouldn't like have shot her down

(01:01:08):
or at least billy clubbed her down. I mean seriously,
you can just run up to the come on again,
why is he not using a private jet? And like
whenever he knocks on like a hundred different doors. She

(01:01:30):
works for you. You have her tax form somewhere with
her address on. Also, you the prime minister. You can
figure out where anyone lives. Why did he go? It
was so stupid? Oh okay about it. The last storyline
is Carla, which the thing that really bugged me about

(01:01:51):
this is that she puts the needs of another man
before her own. That drove me crazy. And I know
it's her brother and stuff and the crazy. Yes, he's
he's mentally ill, but he's at a he's at a hospital,
he's cared for. He's not just sitting by himself at home.
He's at a hospital with attendance. And yet she has
to be the one to give over her entire life.

(01:02:12):
And yes, okay, are we awful people? I don't know?
Are we? Probably? No? I mean, you have to like
fulfill your life and desires. Come on, sometimes there could
have been some sort of balance struck because like all this,
this whole fucking movie is about like women having to
sacrifice their dignity or like Meg extreme compromise to meet

(01:02:34):
like a philandering person in like Beyond the Middle, and
so like when you see her do that, like she's
the only female character, you're like, oh, she has a
job that isn't nine dollars an hour. And then it's like, oh, nope,
she's stuck too. I was really excited, like whenever she
starts making out with this guy who she's been pining

(01:02:55):
over in like a probably kind of creepy way, but
like we've all done that. They don't, we don't. They
don't reveal that she like spies on him or anything.
Everyone in the office as a crush. She keeps it together. Yeah,
it's not like a Mark video. No. Yeah, and she's
not mean to him, you know, she's like, hi, Carl,
Carl apparently tried to keep it together. It's cute. She's

(01:03:17):
actually does it pretty well. It's cute crush. But then
as soon as they like start making up and getting
and then like she's like, no, my brother's calling, even
though he's in a hospital on other people take care
of them. I have to talk to him. I have
to choose this moment to talk to him on the
phone and not have you inside. She's half naked. She's
half naked inside exactly, and she's like, I have to

(01:03:39):
take the call now, like let it go, turn off
your ringer and you know what I mean, come on
eighteen minutes later. That's how we gotta do. Say you
were in the tunnel and that's love. But yeah, it's
it is. It's just very much just like give over
And is that love? Really? I mean that's you know,

(01:04:01):
that's she loves her brother so much that she gives
up her own desires. I mean, not right, And I
will say again what the three things that I enjoyed
this movie is the ending when they're at the airport
and everyone they do the montage with the song and everybody,
you know, then you're they're watching people greet each other

(01:04:21):
at the airport. Literally probably I think the only thing
that makes you just go because it's not it is
watching people greet each other at the airport is lovely.
It is it is. It is coming to running into
each other's someone who is almost never greeted at they ever,
never never my entire life, and just like Nell and
trudges out and I'm just I'm just sweaty and where's

(01:04:42):
my bag? And don't touch me and yeah, yeah, yeah, right,
like it seems nice. I've never ever to It's it's fantasy.
It's never seen it happen. I've picked someone up from
the airport before. Yeah, yeah, but you never like park
your car and go wait if they're like gate right,
you just will did but really about my feets? Never again.

(01:05:07):
So the thing is is that this movie is about relationships,
yet there are almost no women on women relationships. Yeah,
there's no friend relationships in this and I have cataloged
all of the instances where women talk to each other

(01:05:28):
and or are near each other. Given given the number
of women in this movie, it's absurd how few there are. Yeah.
So the first one we see is Emma Thompson talking
to her daughter about the Christmas pageant and how she's
a lobster that technically passes the bed. It last ten
to fifteen seconds, but it does, it does pass. The

(01:05:51):
next one is when they were in the British White House. Whatever,
I can't I'm at a loss for some reason. Natalie
kind of turns to the older housekeeper woman. She's like, oh,
did you see what I did? In referencing the fact
that she swore in front of the Prime Minister. It's
barely audible and it lasts about two seconds, but it

(01:06:15):
does it count if she doesn't respond. Really, these are
just instances where they actually they're near each other and
talked to each other, just don't know. It depends because yeah,
it's like we we've we've gone through this whole thing
to every were like which version of the backtle sy
story using? Because I don't think that that other has
she doesn't have any. Either way, the point that I

(01:06:35):
will be arriving at is that the movie is two
hours and fifteen minutes long, and there's lemon then like
three minutes of women interacting with each other during the
entire thing. You know what else, even even with the
Bill night his story is about him being his best friend,
his manager, which is they gave that to the men
to which is so unlikely, Like, of course men have friendships,

(01:06:58):
but it's like we all know you know where then
where Yeah, you would assume that you would give that,
but no you can't too. That's like I mean, it's
like a broken trust of male friendship, but it's still
like a very strong male bond that's established and they
don't get they don't make obviously we know, we've already
established there are no lesbians, there's no homosexuals, there's nothing.

(01:07:19):
But they don't even they don't even represent like female friendship,
which is all. I can't believe that that's discussing two
hours in fifteen minutes. Yeah, there's a few more. There's um,
I guess, I guess, Ugly Colin. He probably has the
most girls talking to each other. That scene does lass longest,
But at no point did they ever actually talked to
each other each other. They're they're talking to him beside

(01:07:41):
each other, and that wasn't in furious because I was
waiting for that, yeah, until I was like, oh, there's
going to be a small but there isn't. It would
have been the sexy one came in and said, what
are you all doing? You idiots? Let's go back to college. Yeah,
I want to put the girl and like the other girls,
didn't it to be like guys are because she's not

(01:08:02):
wearing a tummy shirt, like she has proper underpants on.
She's wearing a flannel and briefs. And she's like, we've
got model you in you just described me. But anyway,
literally it's time to go to model you. We gotta go.
There's a scene where Laura Lenny asks me to turn

(01:08:24):
down the music that lasts about four seconds. It technically
passes the test, I think, but maybe not even There's
a scene where the woman is introducing Aurelia to Colin Firth,
being like, this is your new cleaning lady, but doesn't
pass the test because they don't talk to each other.
She only talks to Colin Firth about her. There's the

(01:08:49):
we get a few different shots of Bill little NIE's
music video, which is just women. There's just a shot
of a woman's breasts. At some point there's a woman
who did maybe playing the drums, and her legs are
just like completely spread eagle for no reason. And then
the rest of the women are just like licking their

(01:09:09):
lips the entire time. That's how it so they are.
Those women are near each other, but again they don't
they don't speak. They're mostly salivating over themselves. Old man
Richard Curtis is a perfect I feel so strongly about
how much I dislike him. The more we read about him,
the matter I get. Yeah, I want to hear what
you find. Can I ask is this basically? Is this

(01:09:31):
the average for every movie that you've discussed so far
a very bad. I think that a lot like some
that we do, don't pass, but they're usually older and
they usually have far less female characters, So I think
this is probably this is a lot of female characters
and just barely passes. They're scene where Emma Thompson is

(01:09:54):
talking to Natalie when they're at like the school play,
but there does not pass the test because they are
talking about the Prime Minister who's standing right there. They're
just seeing where Natalie is talking to. She says something
to her mom whenever the Prime Minister shows up at
the door, and she's just like, too much detailed, mom,
that's a line it. Emma Thompson talks to her daughter

(01:10:16):
after the school pageant about being an orange lobster. I
guess that passes, but like it kind of happens sort
of off screen even and then Aurelia's sister tells her
not to marry Colin for us, she's just like marry
someone else, and it does not pass because they're talking
about a man. So in the two hours and fifteen

(01:10:37):
minutes this movie lasts, there's thirty seconds where women are
passing the Bechdel tests. Having a conversation where they're talking
about something other than a man. Every single other scenes
or conversation is either two men talking to each other
or a woman talking to a man, or even less frequently,
two women talking to each other, but it's about a man.

(01:10:59):
So it's pitiful attack having Can I can I talk
about Richard Curtis a little because I need to execute
him immediately. Okay, So a brief rund out of what
he's written Four Weddings in the Funeral. Haven't seen it.
It's probably not good to probably, and I don't remember

(01:11:19):
very well. I just remember not liking it. He's a
co writer of Bridget Jones Diary, which is an adaptation
but is consistently very condescending to the protagonists of like
she's kind of fat and kind of dumb, like and
that's the whole character. So that was his and her friend. Yeah,
it's just I don't know if you worked on a sequel.
Space and then love actually awful. Uh. And then he

(01:11:43):
did this movie that I did see for some reason,
called The Girl in the Cafe and it has Bill
Night and a very young woman fucking each other and
it's supposed to be nice. Uh. And then he did
that movie about pirate radio that is all men and
slutty women, and that was in two thousand nine. And

(01:12:04):
then he wrote war Horse, which I think is very funny,
just because like who knows, I'm I don't want to
see war Horse, but I don't think it doesn't sound
like a feminist master. And then the last one I
haven't seen. It's a movie called Trash. And that is
how I feel about Richard Curtis. He's a cock. He

(01:12:28):
is sixty years old, and I hope that he contracts something.
He's a vile man. He would have infected my eleven
year old brain with some funked up ship. Oh god, Okay,
I feel better. We gotta wrap up so because I
have to go to work downstairs. A nerd nelt but

(01:12:50):
we is there any final, any final thoughts about this
movie that we want to know. I'm not surprised. I knew,
like when we when you suggested that. When I saw
it on the list, I was pretty exciting, so I
was like, oh, this is gonna be good. But I
have to tell you when you break it down like that,
I'm actually a little shocked. I don't I don't know why.
I just don't love it. I am. I mean it is,

(01:13:14):
but even just like hearing like thirty seconds it's it's
it's shocking to me. I didn't realize how bad and
it's it's super bad. I want to watch it again,
just because I was like pulling away by how much
I didn't like it. This is one of those movies
it just does not hold up, but it is really beloved,
like it is a beloved Christmas movie. They put it
up there with you know, like every oh we watch

(01:13:35):
sound to music, it's a wonderful life and love actually,
And I'm like, well it's yeah, it's a crazy cap yeah,
and as there's like the other movie I always associated with,
like oh, this one doesn't hold up, but they loved
it at the time is American Beauty. But I feel
like people are a little more forthcoming with like, oh
that movie is pretty perverted and like, but people loved
it at the time. Love actually, almost like people people

(01:13:56):
still stand by it time. Yeah, I'm saying like, I
feel like we're gonna people are gonna be like, how
could you say that about Yeah, they love this movie.
I think it's just because it's it's under the veil
of Christmas and people hot over it looking at hot
straight people. But yeah, but I don't think any surprises here.

(01:14:18):
I think this is we sort of knew coming into
this and each episode by rating the movie and in
the context of its portrayal of its female characters on
a scale of zero to five, nipples five being five
being very good, your best number of nipples to have. Yeah, good,

(01:14:39):
dispair tire. So yeah, I'm gonna give it half a nipple. Yeah, Yeah,
that's it, okay, just because I don't feel like giving
it a complete zero because some of these actresses, you know,
they got paychecks, so I'm assuming all of them got
probably not as big as the male counter, but I
hope they gave some of it. I give it a
half nipple, as Will did did nipple. I give it

(01:15:05):
also I'm gonna go also with a half nipple, and
it belongs to ugly Colin. Yeah. Simple. It just had
so many opportunities to portray women so much better than
it did, and it just failed on every single front.
Rest in peace, bury it burn it by forever um.
So yeah, thank you so much for being here. Wonderful.

(01:15:29):
Where can people find you online if they want to follow? Yeah?
This comes out this week. Oh yeah, my full name
on Twitter, because you can find everything out on Twitter,
you know, and it's I can't believe I didn't do
like a little moniker, but it's my full name. It's
I'm sorry for that, but yeah, there we go. It's good,
it's good, it's easiest. Well, I'm now eight minutes late.

(01:15:50):
I'm kinda thank you so much. Yes, thank you so
much for being here. Fuck love. Actually, actually I got
a Santa to attract under Santa, Happy holidays everyone, all right,