De-Aging My D**k Just Like Bryan Johnson Trend 11/20: Bryan Johnson, Jay Leno, 'Wicked', McRib Sauce
November 20, 2024 • 23 mins
In this edition of De-Aging My Dick Just Like Brian Johnson Trend, Jack and Miles discuss Bryan Johnson's latest anti-aging stunt gone wrong, an update on Jay Leno's busted face, people singing too damn loud in early screenings of 'Wicked', McDonald's selling huge tubs of McRib sauce and much more!
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
Hello the Internet, and welcome to this episode of Dag
and My Dick. Just like Brian Johnson trend. Uh, that's
courtesy of one of the stories. You remember people remember
that song right lying number, just like Brian Willson. Dude,
you know, no, was that?
Speaker 2 (00:21):
Who is that?
Speaker 1 (00:21):
Who's that? Who's this guy? Who's this?
Speaker 2 (00:23):
Is this guy?
Speaker 1 (00:23):
Wait?
Speaker 2 (00:24):
Wait? What song is that?
Speaker 1 (00:25):
It was like on contemporary rock radio stations? Was it
was barn Ladies? Brian will Soon, Dude, it was Barna
Ladies singing a song called Brian Wilson. Anyways, that d
(00:48):
age of my Dick, just like Brian Johnson. That's how
I remember that guy's name is Brian Johnson, the guy
who uh used his son, his kids, his kids, has
used as son as a blood bag in order to
accomplish his stated goal of having a younger dick. He's
(01:10):
he's doing all sorts of stuff since then that have
been too boring pay attention to. But he uh was
just in People magazine because his face kind of blew
up because he injected somebody somebody else's fat into his
(01:30):
donor face. Donor fat into his face. Donor fat sounds
like something Joe Biden would mumble under his breath. Uh,
the it blew his face.
Speaker 3 (01:42):
His face looks it looks like his face is rejecting
the donor fat.
Speaker 1 (01:48):
Yeah, yeah, but I don't know. He also that this
article let us know he took out all the plasma
in his body or play it with like a chemical
that I'd never heard of. Yeah, album millennium aluminum. Anyways,
(02:09):
it's terrifying. His whole existence is scary to me. The
comments in the article are a great cross section of
the just like what the sorts of people who I
guess would be into this sort of thing. One person said,
keep up the good work. You got great results. This
(02:32):
will be the blueprint for future research to keep fit,
healthy and young looking. The same people who are detractors
are the same ones who use cosmetics, haircut stylists, yoga, exercise,
vitamin supplements, and rap fashion with torn jeans to maintain
a current and hip vibe.
Speaker 2 (02:53):
Not imatchine, you'll get the fuck.
Speaker 1 (02:56):
Out of here and rap fashion.
Speaker 2 (02:59):
That is the most.
Speaker 3 (03:00):
That ship sounds more racist to me than just saying
the N word, Like, what the you're trying to say?
Speaker 2 (03:06):
What is this ship?
Speaker 1 (03:07):
You're just an airyan god using the edges of science
to keep yourself young and good looking. By the way,
like he has never looked anything other than like very
strange like from Oh yeah.
Speaker 3 (03:22):
He's always looked artificially healthy like he Yeah, I'm not
buying it for a second.
Speaker 1 (03:28):
He looks like a sex doll.
Speaker 2 (03:29):
Yeah but made but ai.
Speaker 1 (03:32):
Yeah, okay, he looks like my sex doll. There are
you happy?
Speaker 2 (03:35):
Okay? What's it based on?
Speaker 1 (03:38):
It's based on him? Oh okay, just then absolutely Anyways,
we also have an update. So there's one update for
you on one important story. Also an update on yesterday's
Jay Leno's story. Uh you know we so we we
(03:58):
talked immediately after the video hit the Internet of him
outside of a comedy club with an eyepatch and the
entire side of his face being purple. We immediately thought
something was off.
Speaker 3 (04:14):
According to him, he was just trying to go to
a restaurant by his hotel and tumbled down sixty feet
on a hill and smashed his head on a rock,
had his fingernail torn off, and broke his wrist.
Speaker 1 (04:25):
Yeah it just so yeah, yeah it was. He was
at a hotel, not in Los Angeles, not in New York.
So he didn't have one of his thousands of cars,
and the hotel told him, yeah, the only good restaurant
is at the bottom of that hill, and he looked
down and it was, you know, right there, just sixty
(04:48):
seventy feet down. And then he looked at a map
and it would have taken him a mile and a
half to get there, and so he just dove down
the hill head first like that, you know, as one does,
and it didn't go as well as you would expect.
It's a completely banana's story that he tells unconvincingly to TMZ,
(05:15):
and people have questions. So some people are pointing out
this is just the latest accident to befall. Jay Leno
twenty twenty two, he had to get skin graphs after
severely burning himself in a gasoline fire. Although again I
mentioned this, I think the last time we talked about this,
he didn't look like everyone was like so brave of
(05:39):
him to like come out after the skin graphs, and
he didn't look like he had skin graphs at that time.
Not long before that, he broke his collarbone two ribs
and cracked both of his kneecaps while riding a motorcycle.
The Internet was immediately skeptical, partly because he's supposedly worth
nearly half a billion dollars and the hotel where he's
(06:01):
staying had never heard of an uber.
Speaker 3 (06:06):
Yeah, yeah, well you know, he's in Greensburg, Pennsylvania, and
look zeitgang, if you're in Greensburg, Pennsylvania. I need some
recon because I've looked at Google Maps.
Speaker 2 (06:16):
I did a topography search.
Speaker 3 (06:17):
I tried to see which hill this may have been
the closest one that looks like it's when he could
have tumbled down, was like on the other side of
a highway, so he would have had to cross a
highway to get to this said to said hill, or
the other side would have had him go into a
residential neighborhood. Either way, there was no restaurant that looked
like it was down the hill, at least from my
(06:39):
cursory look at Google Maps. So I'm a little bit
like I think again, we're still in the Dubious Explain
The Dubious Explanations panel is still in session. Now. There's
versions of people on the Internet being like, Yo, this
dude is getting involved with the mob.
Speaker 2 (06:55):
I mean, two cracked kneecaps does sound.
Speaker 3 (06:57):
Like a mob, like you've like fucked up, they're going
to crack you knee caps. But I don't know, And
he has apparently has a history with talking about shit
with the mob.
Speaker 2 (07:07):
That doesn't feel quite like the I don't know.
Speaker 3 (07:10):
I feel like Okham's razor is going to lead us
to a place that's just like maybe just sad.
Speaker 1 (07:15):
I don't know, all right, Yeah, so like part of me. Yeah,
so the mob thing, I guess he's talked about playing
mob owned clubs when he was younger. He said a
mob bouncer once stabbed a guy during his set, and
his friend later called Leno asking for help when he
was arrested. He also said he was strong armed into
(07:35):
playing a mob run church fundraiser by Frank Sinatra. And
I don't know that, Like, so that's that's that's theory.
Speaker 2 (07:45):
What's the Illuminati theory?
Speaker 1 (07:47):
Any remote run in with someone having to do with
the mob. For a person, Jay Leno's age is the
most exciting a thing that they love to talk about again, right.
Speaker 3 (07:58):
So I'll just like, what is it, gam, that's the
only thing you'd like, you're gonna get your shit cracked over.
Speaker 2 (08:03):
I guess based on me watching the sopranos a bunch.
Speaker 1 (08:06):
There's also a significant amount of online chatter around the
black eye club, and I probably don't have to explain
what that.
Speaker 2 (08:13):
Is, right, No, no, you don't know.
Speaker 1 (08:15):
It's a widespread conspiracy theory used to explain why various celebrities,
including Pope Francis, my favorite celebrity, Kanye Doja Cat, as
well as politicians like John Kerry and George W. Bush
have turned up with black eyes. Happenn't really, Uh, They
(08:37):
clearly are participating in rituals to get into the Illuminati
that involved being punched on the eye and then like
little birds going around your head and then you have
like a big purple eye, I guess.
Speaker 3 (08:51):
And then they bonk you over the head with a
mallet and then a big not shows up.
Speaker 2 (08:54):
On top of your scalp. Yeah yeah, yeah, perfect, perfect,
and then you're in the Illuminati. Great.
Speaker 1 (09:00):
There's the QAnon interpretation that the black eye are really
that the black eyes are really a side effect of
being injected with adrenochrome, which I don't know. The big
like purple thing on his face doesn't look like any
injury I've seen before, so this seems like the most
likely explanation. He's face, he's shooting adrenochrome, man, but.
Speaker 2 (09:23):
Just on the one side of his face. Pretty sure.
Speaker 1 (09:25):
It's also been suggested it's evidence of soul scalping by
the Reptilians. I do love the idea that the Reptilian
elite overlords are uh, you know, masquerading as seventy four
year old comedian Jay Leno. I'm playing playing dates in Greenberg, Pennsylvania.
Speaker 2 (09:45):
They got to keep it up, man, They keep it up.
They got to keep it up.
Speaker 1 (09:50):
Yeah, but I don't know. I have seen suspense. Not
gonna name names, but living in la you sometimes see
famous people, and I have seen one famous person who
every time I see them, looks like they've had the
shit beaten out of them. Yeah, and no real explanation.
Speaker 2 (10:13):
You think it.
Speaker 3 (10:14):
Maybe it's like a rich people thrill because like they're
so their existential threats are so limited that sometimes it's
like maybe.
Speaker 2 (10:22):
I's kind of to fuck myself up a little bit
to feel a lot, you know, like the same way.
Speaker 3 (10:26):
Yeah, those people went down to go see to the
fucking Titanic and shit in a fucking like playmobile toy submarine.
Speaker 1 (10:33):
That makes the most sense to me. It's like some
manner of affluenza where it's just like I don't feel
anything anymore. Yeah, Like you know, I don't know that.
One of the problems with the Black Eye Club theory
is that some of the photos you'll find on the
internet that point two. I mean, look at these Robert
(10:54):
Downey Junior, Ryan Gosling are photographs from movies in which
they're wearing black Eye makeup.
Speaker 3 (11:01):
So Sylvester Stallone, I mean, he got beat up real
bad in the eighties.
Speaker 1 (11:06):
Did you see that motherfucker down at mar A Lago. Yeah,
one of the great Americas.
Speaker 3 (11:13):
I mean, are we surprised. I feel like if you're
doing human growth hormone and shit like that, you're probably
voting for Trump based on everybody that is, like Joe
Rogan and Elon and this folk.
Speaker 2 (11:24):
So yeah, yeah, well the HGH club.
Speaker 1 (11:26):
But I feel like the simplest explanation is usually the
right one. So in Leno's case, it's probably just God
punishing him for what he did to Conan.
Speaker 2 (11:36):
Right right, right, right right. If there is a God,
that's what this is all about.
Speaker 1 (11:42):
I don't know. Also, and this is just me wild conjecture.
Old people fall all the time.
Speaker 2 (11:52):
It's that's true. That's true.
Speaker 1 (11:54):
One of the leading causes of old person death.
Speaker 3 (11:58):
Right, Yeah, it's just a fatal tumble.
Speaker 2 (12:01):
Yeah, I don't know.
Speaker 3 (12:02):
I mean, because again a lot of things seem like
the accident on the motorcycle, going up in flames in
your garage. It could be like he's maybe insisting that
he's he's still got it.
Speaker 1 (12:13):
It's still got it, man.
Speaker 3 (12:14):
Yeah, he kind of fucking burned your garage down until
you broke both your kneecaps and now you fell down
a hill. I think I think you're coming to live
with us dad.
Speaker 1 (12:24):
Right, yeah, So I don't know, we'll see. Or it's
probably the more interesting thing that he's in some secret
society of yeah, yeah, cult. Yeah, it's one of the two,
one of the two. We will keep you updated on
this as theories and details, but mainly theories emerge. We'll
be right back, and we're back. We are back, and
(12:58):
we are back, and Wicked is coming with Gadiator is
upawn us this weekend. Early screens of Wicked have uh
found some audience members singing along to the movie too loud,
which kissing people off.
Speaker 3 (13:19):
I mean, you have to fuck that y'all like this,
Like anything with a huge following that involves singing, you
put that in a movie theater, they're gonna be singing.
Speaker 2 (13:28):
Yeah, I just that's just it is what it is.
But I guess some I don't know, is there edit
around what it's?
Speaker 3 (13:35):
Is there any like except like for seeing I guess yeah,
you would be like, hey, no one paid his he
hear your ass sing?
Speaker 2 (13:42):
I came to watch this movie.
Speaker 3 (13:43):
I watched Ariana Grande Grandy.
Speaker 2 (13:48):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (13:49):
I think the etiquette is like, don't fucking do it,
except like if it's a sing along musical.
Speaker 3 (13:55):
Yeah, right explicitly right, yeah, because they have those I
remember like the Greatest Showmen when I was like, people
watch that and the like, yeah they do.
Speaker 1 (14:02):
Like I even feel like with concerts, I feel like
it's not quite as bad because the music is so loud.
Speaker 2 (14:11):
That like someone singing behind me.
Speaker 1 (14:13):
You have had somebody singing directly next to me in
a way that was distracting and annoying for sure, But
like with a movie that feels like next level, like
get the fuck out of here man.
Speaker 3 (14:28):
Yeah, because I remember that those the Taylor Swift concert,
those those people weren't even in their seats. They were
just like, fuck it, we're dancing around here.
Speaker 2 (14:36):
It makes sense. It's a concert movie.
Speaker 1 (14:38):
It's a concert movie. I guess we we We've covered
before the Bodyguard Musical stage show. Uh had to literally
stop the show to throw people out because they just
like couldn't help themselves.
Speaker 2 (14:51):
Singing that big fucking final tune.
Speaker 1 (14:55):
They're like, bro, serious, the singers, the themselves or like wait,
so what.
Speaker 2 (15:01):
Are they are? They gonna kick people out?
Speaker 1 (15:04):
So uh, they're trying to get ahead of it. AMC
is warning ticket buyers that singing of any kind is
prohibited inside the theater at all times. They even have
a special Wicked themed pre show video, like the way
that the Maverick movie had the weird pre show video
where Tom Cruise was just like, ah, fucking movies, man,
(15:24):
I'm so happy you came to watch a movie with
me in it. This one is a pre show video
that says no talking, no texting, no singing, no wailing,
no flirting, and absolutely no name calling. Okay, I think
they should have just said no singing. Like why they
had to like make it into like a whole like
(15:45):
cute thing.
Speaker 2 (15:47):
Let's be able to give me business blirt ith me,
fuck around and find out. If we catch your ass singing,
you're fucking gone. Welcome to AMC.
Speaker 1 (15:57):
Obviously, some people on social media have that they're going
to sing no matter what, which, of course they have.
We're in the era of unsupportable opinions proudly held, so
why not.
Speaker 3 (16:11):
I'm not going to get vaccinated and I am going
to full voice sing in the theater.
Speaker 1 (16:16):
Yeah yeah. Universal is releasing a special sing along edition
of the movie, seemingly trying to discourage people from singing
in the regular screenings. But it doesn't come out until Christmas.
So if you can't just hold it, just hold it
that much.
Speaker 3 (16:31):
Yeah right, Just edge your desire to sing until Christmas,
and then you can let it all out.
Speaker 1 (16:37):
You can even just lip sync, do all the hand
gestures in your seat while.
Speaker 3 (16:41):
You're Oh god, that's even more unsettling, just like a
bunch of people like mouthing the words I think we
are in the wrong universe.
Speaker 2 (16:49):
I think we need to leave.
Speaker 1 (16:50):
And finally, McDonald's is going to honor the spirit of
Christmas and win back the people of America by selling
big fucking jugs of McRib sauce. Oh my God, yeah,
do they know how in?
Speaker 3 (17:07):
Yeah, man, their brand is right. Now, come on, McDonald's.
The McRib fucking sucks. I've I took a bite of
one years ago and I've never wanted to eat that
shit again. And I know that there's always the manufactured
the McRib is back or it's gone, and we know.
Speaker 2 (17:24):
You like to just fuck with people about it coming back.
Speaker 3 (17:26):
But the.
Speaker 2 (17:28):
Sauce is awful.
Speaker 3 (17:31):
M M.
Speaker 1 (17:32):
I mean that's just like your opinion, man, I've never
fucked with the way the mcribb like the McRib itself
to soft, the bread to not soft. So like there's
something about like I feel like when I bite into it,
it just like squashes out, you know, in a way
the meat should squash squashes on it, bro, but I
(17:56):
felt that, Yeah, I don't want to know squirshy meat. Yeah.
So basically they're trying really hard to get people to
come back after more than one hundred customers were sickened
in the recent E Coli outbreak, and they have a
bit of an ace up their sleeve. A half gallon
jug of mic rib sauce sold in windshield wipe or
(18:18):
fluid bottles. Yeah, right, in the like anti freeze bottles
that you get at gas stations, like big old gallon
jugs of a Yeah, I've only ever seen these bottles
used to for like motor oil or you know, like
you only see these style bottles that pep boys and
(18:39):
O'Reilly's oh ohrilly, oh yeah grave stamp. That sounds a
great stopping ladies sound.
Speaker 2 (18:52):
Just to take it there for a second.
Speaker 1 (18:55):
It might be the last thing that drifts through my
brain before I die.
Speaker 2 (18:59):
Wow. Oh now the sound of your children's laughter.
Speaker 1 (19:02):
No, I think it might be the Yeah, depending on
how I go.
Speaker 2 (19:08):
You know, as as you enter elysium, that's amazing.
Speaker 3 (19:13):
It's like the lassie in a gladiator and ship when
he's dying, and it's like.
Speaker 2 (19:20):
It's just.
Speaker 1 (19:22):
It's the same thing my hand passing over the top
of like some wheat in a wheat field. And then
except the sound is just the grape stomping lady.
Speaker 3 (19:32):
Oh oh my god, dude, how much sugar is in
that sauce?
Speaker 1 (19:37):
Though, by the way that makes it I mean, they
better be putting that on there, the label I should.
We don't want to make it sound like this is
going to be unsuccessful. It's gonna hit because the label
has been designed to look like a Christmas sweater, which
is so cute. But yeah, I that, like, I'm assuming
there will be Actually, I'm assuming there won't be health
(19:58):
information on the side of this bottle because they wouldn't
have done it if so.
Speaker 3 (20:01):
Like, right within this jug is.
Speaker 2 (20:05):
Seventy two pounds of sugar. Doesn't even weigh that? What
the fuck is.
Speaker 1 (20:10):
This fucking The reason we have to keep suspending the
McRib is because the process to just like boil down
the hyper hyper soluble sugar like down to its most
like baked in level, it takes years and years, in years.
Speaker 3 (20:30):
It's apparently seventy two cans of Coca Cola boiled down
equals equals one.
Speaker 1 (20:36):
Table the most sugar saturated product ever sold. But yeah,
I do. You got to respect McDonald's. Their solution for
creating a health catastrophe is a giant jug of health catastrophe,
getting someone COVID, then apologizing by buying them a carton
(20:56):
of cigarettes.
Speaker 3 (20:58):
You know, sorry, Hey, you ever you ever smoke fiberglass? No?
Speaker 1 (21:06):
Waight? Is that good? Yeah?
Speaker 2 (21:07):
Yeah yeah yeah, clove cigarettes. Check it out.
Speaker 1 (21:10):
Anything we want to talk about on the Trump side,
what do we just.
Speaker 3 (21:13):
I mean, he's already just quickly another self imposed eli.
He's doing the thing from that he did when he
was president where he doesn't understand how anything works already
and is complaining about it. So he's talking about all
the judges the Democrats are confirming in the Senate right
now in like this, you know, the in this liminal
space between the now and the the Trump administration part two.
(21:35):
And so basically, the Democrats are on a confirmation blitz
to get as many judges confirmed to the bench as
they can. And Republicans are current, they're pretty helpless, and
they only hold forty nine seats in the Senate, so
any chance they have it blocking some confirmations, it's completely
predicated on every single Republican senator showing up. So cut
to Tuesday, Trump drags along five senators with him to
(22:00):
Texas to watch Elon's space toy test rocket test go,
which by the way, ended in a literal fireball in
the ocean. He did that on purpose, exactly, and I
meant to do that because it gets more eyeballs on
the situation. But basically, though so that lack of senator
has made it a lot easier for these confirmations to
(22:20):
go through, and like a lot of other Senate Republicans
like what the fuck, Like, why are you taking these
people like this is we are kind of trying to
stop this. They're probably I mean, they just don't give
a fuck. But this is in the Daily Beast when
talking about like the kinds of criticism that Senate Republicans
were just sort of like articulating quote not everyone is
open to that kind of criticism. When a right wing
(22:42):
pundit tried to call out JD Vance for missing the
votes Tuesday, he had a complete meltdown, claiming he was
way too busy to bother showing up and then it
wouldn't make a difference if he did. Within an hour,
he had deleted the temper trantum temper tantrum as it
was explicitly at odds with what Trump had to demand
it stop this shit. It's like, broll, you took them
with you, so anyway, just that I mean, obviously, oh
(23:06):
you'll well we talked about it on Tomorrow show. But
Linda McMahons tapped as the secretary man hey yeah yeah, yeah,
yeah yeah and.
Speaker 1 (23:13):
More ww yeah yeah yeah. All right, those are some
of the things that are trending on this Wednesday, November twentieth.
We are back tomorrow with the whole last episode of
the show. Until then, be kind to each other, be
kind to yourselves, get the vaccine, don't do nothing about
white to phantasy, and we will talk to y'all tomorrow.
Speaker 2 (23:34):
Bye bye bye
Hello the Internet, and welcome to this episode of Dag
and My Dick. Just like Brian Johnson trend. Uh, that's
courtesy of one of the stories. You remember people remember
that song right lying number, just like Brian Willson. Dude,
you know, no, was that?
Speaker 2 (00:21):
Who is that?
Speaker 1 (00:21):
Who's that? Who's this guy? Who's this?
Speaker 2 (00:23):
Is this guy?
Speaker 1 (00:23):
Wait?
Speaker 2 (00:24):
Wait? What song is that?
Speaker 1 (00:25):
It was like on contemporary rock radio stations? Was it
was barn Ladies? Brian will Soon, Dude, it was Barna
Ladies singing a song called Brian Wilson. Anyways, that d
(00:48):
age of my Dick, just like Brian Johnson. That's how
I remember that guy's name is Brian Johnson, the guy
who uh used his son, his kids, his kids, has
used as son as a blood bag in order to
accomplish his stated goal of having a younger dick. He's
(01:10):
he's doing all sorts of stuff since then that have
been too boring pay attention to. But he uh was
just in People magazine because his face kind of blew
up because he injected somebody somebody else's fat into his
(01:30):
donor face. Donor fat into his face. Donor fat sounds
like something Joe Biden would mumble under his breath. Uh,
the it blew his face.
Speaker 3 (01:42):
His face looks it looks like his face is rejecting
the donor fat.
Speaker 1 (01:48):
Yeah, yeah, but I don't know. He also that this
article let us know he took out all the plasma
in his body or play it with like a chemical
that I'd never heard of. Yeah, album millennium aluminum. Anyways,
(02:09):
it's terrifying. His whole existence is scary to me. The
comments in the article are a great cross section of
the just like what the sorts of people who I
guess would be into this sort of thing. One person said,
keep up the good work. You got great results. This
(02:32):
will be the blueprint for future research to keep fit,
healthy and young looking. The same people who are detractors
are the same ones who use cosmetics, haircut stylists, yoga, exercise,
vitamin supplements, and rap fashion with torn jeans to maintain
a current and hip vibe.
Speaker 2 (02:53):
Not imatchine, you'll get the fuck.
Speaker 1 (02:56):
Out of here and rap fashion.
Speaker 2 (02:59):
That is the most.
Speaker 3 (03:00):
That ship sounds more racist to me than just saying
the N word, Like, what the you're trying to say?
Speaker 2 (03:06):
What is this ship?
Speaker 1 (03:07):
You're just an airyan god using the edges of science
to keep yourself young and good looking. By the way,
like he has never looked anything other than like very
strange like from Oh yeah.
Speaker 3 (03:22):
He's always looked artificially healthy like he Yeah, I'm not
buying it for a second.
Speaker 1 (03:28):
He looks like a sex doll.
Speaker 2 (03:29):
Yeah but made but ai.
Speaker 1 (03:32):
Yeah, okay, he looks like my sex doll. There are
you happy?
Speaker 2 (03:35):
Okay? What's it based on?
Speaker 1 (03:38):
It's based on him? Oh okay, just then absolutely Anyways,
we also have an update. So there's one update for
you on one important story. Also an update on yesterday's
Jay Leno's story. Uh you know we so we we
(03:58):
talked immediately after the video hit the Internet of him
outside of a comedy club with an eyepatch and the
entire side of his face being purple. We immediately thought
something was off.
Speaker 3 (04:14):
According to him, he was just trying to go to
a restaurant by his hotel and tumbled down sixty feet
on a hill and smashed his head on a rock,
had his fingernail torn off, and broke his wrist.
Speaker 1 (04:25):
Yeah it just so yeah, yeah it was. He was
at a hotel, not in Los Angeles, not in New York.
So he didn't have one of his thousands of cars,
and the hotel told him, yeah, the only good restaurant
is at the bottom of that hill, and he looked
down and it was, you know, right there, just sixty
(04:48):
seventy feet down. And then he looked at a map
and it would have taken him a mile and a
half to get there, and so he just dove down
the hill head first like that, you know, as one does,
and it didn't go as well as you would expect.
It's a completely banana's story that he tells unconvincingly to TMZ,
(05:15):
and people have questions. So some people are pointing out
this is just the latest accident to befall. Jay Leno
twenty twenty two, he had to get skin graphs after
severely burning himself in a gasoline fire. Although again I
mentioned this, I think the last time we talked about this,
he didn't look like everyone was like so brave of
(05:39):
him to like come out after the skin graphs, and
he didn't look like he had skin graphs at that time.
Not long before that, he broke his collarbone two ribs
and cracked both of his kneecaps while riding a motorcycle.
The Internet was immediately skeptical, partly because he's supposedly worth
nearly half a billion dollars and the hotel where he's
(06:01):
staying had never heard of an uber.
Speaker 3 (06:06):
Yeah, yeah, well you know, he's in Greensburg, Pennsylvania, and
look zeitgang, if you're in Greensburg, Pennsylvania. I need some
recon because I've looked at Google Maps.
Speaker 2 (06:16):
I did a topography search.
Speaker 3 (06:17):
I tried to see which hill this may have been
the closest one that looks like it's when he could
have tumbled down, was like on the other side of
a highway, so he would have had to cross a
highway to get to this said to said hill, or
the other side would have had him go into a
residential neighborhood. Either way, there was no restaurant that looked
like it was down the hill, at least from my
(06:39):
cursory look at Google Maps. So I'm a little bit
like I think again, we're still in the Dubious Explain
The Dubious Explanations panel is still in session. Now. There's
versions of people on the Internet being like, Yo, this
dude is getting involved with the mob.
Speaker 2 (06:55):
I mean, two cracked kneecaps does sound.
Speaker 3 (06:57):
Like a mob, like you've like fucked up, they're going
to crack you knee caps. But I don't know, And
he has apparently has a history with talking about shit
with the mob.
Speaker 2 (07:07):
That doesn't feel quite like the I don't know.
Speaker 3 (07:10):
I feel like Okham's razor is going to lead us
to a place that's just like maybe just sad.
Speaker 1 (07:15):
I don't know, all right, Yeah, so like part of me. Yeah,
so the mob thing, I guess he's talked about playing
mob owned clubs when he was younger. He said a
mob bouncer once stabbed a guy during his set, and
his friend later called Leno asking for help when he
was arrested. He also said he was strong armed into
(07:35):
playing a mob run church fundraiser by Frank Sinatra. And
I don't know that, Like, so that's that's that's theory.
Speaker 2 (07:45):
What's the Illuminati theory?
Speaker 1 (07:47):
Any remote run in with someone having to do with
the mob. For a person, Jay Leno's age is the
most exciting a thing that they love to talk about again, right.
Speaker 3 (07:58):
So I'll just like, what is it, gam, that's the
only thing you'd like, you're gonna get your shit cracked over.
Speaker 2 (08:03):
I guess based on me watching the sopranos a bunch.
Speaker 1 (08:06):
There's also a significant amount of online chatter around the
black eye club, and I probably don't have to explain
what that.
Speaker 2 (08:13):
Is, right, No, no, you don't know.
Speaker 1 (08:15):
It's a widespread conspiracy theory used to explain why various celebrities,
including Pope Francis, my favorite celebrity, Kanye Doja Cat, as
well as politicians like John Kerry and George W. Bush
have turned up with black eyes. Happenn't really, Uh, They
(08:37):
clearly are participating in rituals to get into the Illuminati
that involved being punched on the eye and then like
little birds going around your head and then you have
like a big purple eye, I guess.
Speaker 3 (08:51):
And then they bonk you over the head with a
mallet and then a big not shows up.
Speaker 2 (08:54):
On top of your scalp. Yeah yeah, yeah, perfect, perfect,
and then you're in the Illuminati. Great.
Speaker 1 (09:00):
There's the QAnon interpretation that the black eye are really
that the black eyes are really a side effect of
being injected with adrenochrome, which I don't know. The big
like purple thing on his face doesn't look like any
injury I've seen before, so this seems like the most
likely explanation. He's face, he's shooting adrenochrome, man, but.
Speaker 2 (09:23):
Just on the one side of his face. Pretty sure.
Speaker 1 (09:25):
It's also been suggested it's evidence of soul scalping by
the Reptilians. I do love the idea that the Reptilian
elite overlords are uh, you know, masquerading as seventy four
year old comedian Jay Leno. I'm playing playing dates in Greenberg, Pennsylvania.
Speaker 2 (09:45):
They got to keep it up, man, They keep it up.
They got to keep it up.
Speaker 1 (09:50):
Yeah, but I don't know. I have seen suspense. Not
gonna name names, but living in la you sometimes see
famous people, and I have seen one famous person who
every time I see them, looks like they've had the
shit beaten out of them. Yeah, and no real explanation.
Speaker 2 (10:13):
You think it.
Speaker 3 (10:14):
Maybe it's like a rich people thrill because like they're
so their existential threats are so limited that sometimes it's
like maybe.
Speaker 2 (10:22):
I's kind of to fuck myself up a little bit
to feel a lot, you know, like the same way.
Speaker 3 (10:26):
Yeah, those people went down to go see to the
fucking Titanic and shit in a fucking like playmobile toy submarine.
Speaker 1 (10:33):
That makes the most sense to me. It's like some
manner of affluenza where it's just like I don't feel
anything anymore. Yeah, Like you know, I don't know that.
One of the problems with the Black Eye Club theory
is that some of the photos you'll find on the
internet that point two. I mean, look at these Robert
(10:54):
Downey Junior, Ryan Gosling are photographs from movies in which
they're wearing black Eye makeup.
Speaker 3 (11:01):
So Sylvester Stallone, I mean, he got beat up real
bad in the eighties.
Speaker 1 (11:06):
Did you see that motherfucker down at mar A Lago. Yeah,
one of the great Americas.
Speaker 3 (11:13):
I mean, are we surprised. I feel like if you're
doing human growth hormone and shit like that, you're probably
voting for Trump based on everybody that is, like Joe
Rogan and Elon and this folk.
Speaker 2 (11:24):
So yeah, yeah, well the HGH club.
Speaker 1 (11:26):
But I feel like the simplest explanation is usually the
right one. So in Leno's case, it's probably just God
punishing him for what he did to Conan.
Speaker 2 (11:36):
Right right, right, right right. If there is a God,
that's what this is all about.
Speaker 1 (11:42):
I don't know. Also, and this is just me wild conjecture.
Old people fall all the time.
Speaker 2 (11:52):
It's that's true. That's true.
Speaker 1 (11:54):
One of the leading causes of old person death.
Speaker 3 (11:58):
Right, Yeah, it's just a fatal tumble.
Speaker 2 (12:01):
Yeah, I don't know.
Speaker 3 (12:02):
I mean, because again a lot of things seem like
the accident on the motorcycle, going up in flames in
your garage. It could be like he's maybe insisting that
he's he's still got it.
Speaker 1 (12:13):
It's still got it, man.
Speaker 3 (12:14):
Yeah, he kind of fucking burned your garage down until
you broke both your kneecaps and now you fell down
a hill. I think I think you're coming to live
with us dad.
Speaker 1 (12:24):
Right, yeah, So I don't know, we'll see. Or it's
probably the more interesting thing that he's in some secret
society of yeah, yeah, cult. Yeah, it's one of the two,
one of the two. We will keep you updated on
this as theories and details, but mainly theories emerge. We'll
be right back, and we're back. We are back, and
(12:58):
we are back, and Wicked is coming with Gadiator is
upawn us this weekend. Early screens of Wicked have uh
found some audience members singing along to the movie too loud,
which kissing people off.
Speaker 3 (13:19):
I mean, you have to fuck that y'all like this,
Like anything with a huge following that involves singing, you
put that in a movie theater, they're gonna be singing.
Speaker 2 (13:28):
Yeah, I just that's just it is what it is.
But I guess some I don't know, is there edit
around what it's?
Speaker 3 (13:35):
Is there any like except like for seeing I guess yeah,
you would be like, hey, no one paid his he
hear your ass sing?
Speaker 2 (13:42):
I came to watch this movie.
Speaker 3 (13:43):
I watched Ariana Grande Grandy.
Speaker 2 (13:48):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (13:49):
I think the etiquette is like, don't fucking do it,
except like if it's a sing along musical.
Speaker 3 (13:55):
Yeah, right explicitly right, yeah, because they have those I
remember like the Greatest Showmen when I was like, people
watch that and the like, yeah they do.
Speaker 1 (14:02):
Like I even feel like with concerts, I feel like
it's not quite as bad because the music is so loud.
Speaker 2 (14:11):
That like someone singing behind me.
Speaker 1 (14:13):
You have had somebody singing directly next to me in
a way that was distracting and annoying for sure, But
like with a movie that feels like next level, like
get the fuck out of here man.
Speaker 3 (14:28):
Yeah, because I remember that those the Taylor Swift concert,
those those people weren't even in their seats. They were
just like, fuck it, we're dancing around here.
Speaker 2 (14:36):
It makes sense. It's a concert movie.
Speaker 1 (14:38):
It's a concert movie. I guess we we We've covered
before the Bodyguard Musical stage show. Uh had to literally
stop the show to throw people out because they just
like couldn't help themselves.
Speaker 2 (14:51):
Singing that big fucking final tune.
Speaker 1 (14:55):
They're like, bro, serious, the singers, the themselves or like wait,
so what.
Speaker 2 (15:01):
Are they are? They gonna kick people out?
Speaker 1 (15:04):
So uh, they're trying to get ahead of it. AMC
is warning ticket buyers that singing of any kind is
prohibited inside the theater at all times. They even have
a special Wicked themed pre show video, like the way
that the Maverick movie had the weird pre show video
where Tom Cruise was just like, ah, fucking movies, man,
(15:24):
I'm so happy you came to watch a movie with
me in it. This one is a pre show video
that says no talking, no texting, no singing, no wailing,
no flirting, and absolutely no name calling. Okay, I think
they should have just said no singing. Like why they
had to like make it into like a whole like
(15:45):
cute thing.
Speaker 2 (15:47):
Let's be able to give me business blirt ith me,
fuck around and find out. If we catch your ass singing,
you're fucking gone. Welcome to AMC.
Speaker 1 (15:57):
Obviously, some people on social media have that they're going
to sing no matter what, which, of course they have.
We're in the era of unsupportable opinions proudly held, so
why not.
Speaker 3 (16:11):
I'm not going to get vaccinated and I am going
to full voice sing in the theater.
Speaker 1 (16:16):
Yeah yeah. Universal is releasing a special sing along edition
of the movie, seemingly trying to discourage people from singing
in the regular screenings. But it doesn't come out until Christmas.
So if you can't just hold it, just hold it
that much.
Speaker 3 (16:31):
Yeah right, Just edge your desire to sing until Christmas,
and then you can let it all out.
Speaker 1 (16:37):
You can even just lip sync, do all the hand
gestures in your seat while.
Speaker 3 (16:41):
You're Oh god, that's even more unsettling, just like a
bunch of people like mouthing the words I think we
are in the wrong universe.
Speaker 2 (16:49):
I think we need to leave.
Speaker 1 (16:50):
And finally, McDonald's is going to honor the spirit of
Christmas and win back the people of America by selling
big fucking jugs of McRib sauce. Oh my God, yeah,
do they know how in?
Speaker 3 (17:07):
Yeah, man, their brand is right. Now, come on, McDonald's.
The McRib fucking sucks. I've I took a bite of
one years ago and I've never wanted to eat that
shit again. And I know that there's always the manufactured
the McRib is back or it's gone, and we know.
Speaker 2 (17:24):
You like to just fuck with people about it coming back.
Speaker 3 (17:26):
But the.
Speaker 2 (17:28):
Sauce is awful.
Speaker 3 (17:31):
M M.
Speaker 1 (17:32):
I mean that's just like your opinion, man, I've never
fucked with the way the mcribb like the McRib itself
to soft, the bread to not soft. So like there's
something about like I feel like when I bite into it,
it just like squashes out, you know, in a way
the meat should squash squashes on it, bro, but I
(17:56):
felt that, Yeah, I don't want to know squirshy meat. Yeah.
So basically they're trying really hard to get people to
come back after more than one hundred customers were sickened
in the recent E Coli outbreak, and they have a
bit of an ace up their sleeve. A half gallon
jug of mic rib sauce sold in windshield wipe or
(18:18):
fluid bottles. Yeah, right, in the like anti freeze bottles
that you get at gas stations, like big old gallon
jugs of a Yeah, I've only ever seen these bottles
used to for like motor oil or you know, like
you only see these style bottles that pep boys and
(18:39):
O'Reilly's oh ohrilly, oh yeah grave stamp. That sounds a
great stopping ladies sound.
Speaker 2 (18:52):
Just to take it there for a second.
Speaker 1 (18:55):
It might be the last thing that drifts through my
brain before I die.
Speaker 2 (18:59):
Wow. Oh now the sound of your children's laughter.
Speaker 1 (19:02):
No, I think it might be the Yeah, depending on
how I go.
Speaker 2 (19:08):
You know, as as you enter elysium, that's amazing.
Speaker 3 (19:13):
It's like the lassie in a gladiator and ship when
he's dying, and it's like.
Speaker 2 (19:20):
It's just.
Speaker 1 (19:22):
It's the same thing my hand passing over the top
of like some wheat in a wheat field. And then
except the sound is just the grape stomping lady.
Speaker 3 (19:32):
Oh oh my god, dude, how much sugar is in
that sauce?
Speaker 1 (19:37):
Though, by the way that makes it I mean, they
better be putting that on there, the label I should.
We don't want to make it sound like this is
going to be unsuccessful. It's gonna hit because the label
has been designed to look like a Christmas sweater, which
is so cute. But yeah, I that, like, I'm assuming
there will be Actually, I'm assuming there won't be health
(19:58):
information on the side of this bottle because they wouldn't
have done it if so.
Speaker 3 (20:01):
Like, right within this jug is.
Speaker 2 (20:05):
Seventy two pounds of sugar. Doesn't even weigh that? What
the fuck is.
Speaker 1 (20:10):
This fucking The reason we have to keep suspending the
McRib is because the process to just like boil down
the hyper hyper soluble sugar like down to its most
like baked in level, it takes years and years, in years.
Speaker 3 (20:30):
It's apparently seventy two cans of Coca Cola boiled down
equals equals one.
Speaker 1 (20:36):
Table the most sugar saturated product ever sold. But yeah,
I do. You got to respect McDonald's. Their solution for
creating a health catastrophe is a giant jug of health catastrophe,
getting someone COVID, then apologizing by buying them a carton
(20:56):
of cigarettes.
Speaker 3 (20:58):
You know, sorry, Hey, you ever you ever smoke fiberglass? No?
Speaker 1 (21:06):
Waight? Is that good? Yeah?
Speaker 2 (21:07):
Yeah yeah yeah, clove cigarettes. Check it out.
Speaker 1 (21:10):
Anything we want to talk about on the Trump side,
what do we just.
Speaker 3 (21:13):
I mean, he's already just quickly another self imposed eli.
He's doing the thing from that he did when he
was president where he doesn't understand how anything works already
and is complaining about it. So he's talking about all
the judges the Democrats are confirming in the Senate right
now in like this, you know, the in this liminal
space between the now and the the Trump administration part two.
(21:35):
And so basically, the Democrats are on a confirmation blitz
to get as many judges confirmed to the bench as
they can. And Republicans are current, they're pretty helpless, and
they only hold forty nine seats in the Senate, so
any chance they have it blocking some confirmations, it's completely
predicated on every single Republican senator showing up. So cut
to Tuesday, Trump drags along five senators with him to
(22:00):
Texas to watch Elon's space toy test rocket test go,
which by the way, ended in a literal fireball in
the ocean. He did that on purpose, exactly, and I
meant to do that because it gets more eyeballs on
the situation. But basically, though so that lack of senator
has made it a lot easier for these confirmations to
(22:20):
go through, and like a lot of other Senate Republicans
like what the fuck, Like, why are you taking these
people like this is we are kind of trying to
stop this. They're probably I mean, they just don't give
a fuck. But this is in the Daily Beast when
talking about like the kinds of criticism that Senate Republicans
were just sort of like articulating quote not everyone is
open to that kind of criticism. When a right wing
(22:42):
pundit tried to call out JD Vance for missing the
votes Tuesday, he had a complete meltdown, claiming he was
way too busy to bother showing up and then it
wouldn't make a difference if he did. Within an hour,
he had deleted the temper trantum temper tantrum as it
was explicitly at odds with what Trump had to demand
it stop this shit. It's like, broll, you took them
with you, so anyway, just that I mean, obviously, oh
(23:06):
you'll well we talked about it on Tomorrow show. But
Linda McMahons tapped as the secretary man hey yeah yeah, yeah,
yeah yeah and.
Speaker 1 (23:13):
More ww yeah yeah yeah. All right, those are some
of the things that are trending on this Wednesday, November twentieth.
We are back tomorrow with the whole last episode of
the show. Until then, be kind to each other, be
kind to yourselves, get the vaccine, don't do nothing about
white to phantasy, and we will talk to y'all tomorrow.
Speaker 2 (23:34):
Bye bye bye
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