Table Talks with the Tares

They heard it. The tone, the words, the part you would take back. And the instinct after is to move on fast and hope it didn't stick.

But what if the part they actually need to see is what comes next?

We walk back through one of our own arguments we unintentionally had in front of the kids, what led up to it, and what we did in front of them afterward. Because your kids need your repentance more than your perfection.

Resources:

...

You said yes to all of it. The kids, the house, the work, the people who count on you.

But somewhere in there it stopped feeling like a life and started feeling like a to-do list. What if the fix isn't carrying less? We talk about how we fight to keep the joy in the things we're not putting down.

Resources:

A few weeks back we spent three episodes on building a reading plan. I wrote the whole thing out in this post, the three ste...

Most of us only think about rest when we're already out of gas. And the usual advice is to clear the schedule, which helps right up until you realize the empty evening you spent scrolling gave you nothing back. 

So what if rest has two halves and we only ever talk about one? We get into rhythms that hold our family together on the hard weeks, what we cut first, and what we make more room for on purpose.

Resources:

Margin: Res...

The first few weeks of anything good feel awkward.

Nobody walks into a gym for the first time and enjoys it. You feel clumsy, you're sore, and you wonder if people can tell you don't know what you're doing. Reading after years of scrolling works the same way. Ten quiet pages will feel slow before they feel good, and that's not necessarily a sign you picked the wrong book.

Here's the part nobody says out loud: the person who never m...

Attention is the thing every other habit runs on.

I didn't set out to fix my attention. I set out to read more. But the days I scroll are the days I can't sit with Scripture, can't pray for ten minutes, can't hold a thought long enough to finish it. It turns out the disciplines weren't the weak spot. The muscle underneath them was.

So what if sitting still with one thing is a discipline that other disciplines rely on?

We get into w...

You are always being formed by a story. The question is whether you picked it.

Most of us chase a better year with more discipline. But habits shape what you love, and what you love shapes who you are and what you do. So real change has less to do with forcing new behavior and more to do with training what you want.

What if the year you're hoping for starts somewhere other than willpower?

This one is the framework. How people actua...

Some rabbit holes are worth the fall.

It started as a detour from the plan. Because I was bored, of course. And apparently I don't like being told what to do, even when I'm the one telling me. Then it turned into 4 days of obsessive reading. Which may or may not have been followed by watching the 3-part trilogy. Any guesses on the story? Tune in for the escapade and how I’ve convinced myself some obsessions are good.

Reso...

You probably learned that discipline starts when your child does something wrong. That's the model most of us inherited, and it puts you in reaction mode for eighteen years. 

But what if most of the discipline happens before the wrong ever shows up? We walk through Clay and Sally Clarkson's Heartfelt Discipline and the three parts they name: directive, corrective, and protective. Plus the honest version of what we're still fig...

Tired people don't tend to slow down. They speed up, cram more in, and stay up late trying to claw back the little time that they have to themselves. We came home from vacation and did exactly that. So what actually gets you back to rest? In this episode we talk through what we had to clear out, the rhythms we knew we needed to lock in, and the one we kept treating as optional until it wrecked us.

Resources:

Margin: Restoring Emoti...

Mid haircut, MJ's barber asked: how do you know you're compatible with someone? Isn’t that what everyone wonders going into a relationship? This may sound crazy, but we've come to think it's the wrong question to ask. 

Compatibility asks where you match, and you’ll most likely tend to get along where you agree. So, we started asking something different: what are our differences, and can we actually live in unity wi...

Anger is one of those things you probably don't think you struggle with. But when someone lets you down, do you go cold? Get short? Decide it's not worth bringing up and tell yourself you're being the bigger person? That's the case for us. 

Then Ash read a book about how anger shows up. Some of it is loud, a hammer knocking down walls. But it shows up in more insidious ways too: resentment, dismissiveness, ignoring people, all...

You already know the prodigal son, the younger one who blows the inheritance and comes crawling home. But the story was never only about him. 

There's a second son out in the field, arms crossed, who did everything right and still won't go in, and here's the part that stings: there’s a prodigal and an older brother in each of us. 

In this episode we get into the divided soul, the war between what we ought to do and ...

What should a man aspire to? 

We recently toured the Billy Graham Library. Near the end of his life, Billy Graham realized he had reached the whole world but still wished he'd given more of himself to his own family. That stayed with MJ. 

In this episode he unpacks what it means to be a high agency father: a man who decides his family gets his best, even when good and worthy things are pulling for it everywhere else. Whet...

Every couple has that one thing from the past that keeps coming back into the present. 

For us, it surfaced right as we were getting ready to host family, with little margin left. If you've ever felt the past flare up right when life is already full, this episode meets you there. You'll watch us catch the spiral, name what's really underneath it, and find our way back. And you'll walk away with a clearer sense of how to get ba...

What if the pushback is the point? Your spouse pushes back, and the instinct is to get defensive. Genesis calls a spouse a helper, but the Hebrew means something closer to a helper who stands opposite you. The friction isn't a glitch. It's the design. We get into how to turn all that pushback into something you build with, instead of something you brace against.

Resources: Jeremy Pryor’s Article:   A Companion Who Helps ...

Some days are for laying bricks. Others are for making sure you’re not tearing down the walls. Some days we feel like we’re nailing it. Other days are monotonous, exhausting, and frustrating and suddenly we’re showing up in ways we didn’t mean. Anyone else? Proverbs 14:1 gives clear warning that a wise woman builds her house, while a foolish ones tears it down with her own hands. So, even on the unproductive...

Most family stress doesn't come from the big moments. It shows up in the ordinary transition moments nobody has a clear plan for.

In this episode, we get honest about the 4 daily transitions that were derailing our family life. Not because our kids were misbehaving, but because the expectations were never actually taught. They were just repeated. Every. Single. Day.

We talk about what was missing, the visual system we built to clos...

The hard part isn't the fight. It's figuring out what the fight is actually about.

In this episode, we talk about what happens when an old pain gets bumped and the reaction that comes out has nothing to do with the person standing in front of you.

You'll Walk Away With

• Why some reactions feel bigger than the moment and what that might be telling you.

• What it looked like when this showed up for us and why it's ...

Spoiler: physical touch doesn't mean what you think it does.

In this episode, we talk about the breakdown that happens when we try to love each other well but are speaking different languages.

You'll walk away with:

• Why it’s easy to default to your own love language even when you know better

• The real moment this showed up for us and how we worked through it

• One thing to say when you can feel the conver...