Welcome To The Suburbs

An emotional response to crickets in the yard is dramatically different than hearing nothing when you’re on stage to tell jokes or play music. 

Episode 34 of Welcome to the Suburbs we share stories of hearing the sound of crickets, professionally. 

Act 1: PolkaBoy developed a no wedding policy because…well let Andy tell you. It’s painfully funny. 

Act 2: We’re the social Security Administration, we’re buttoned up, we’ve got it all fig...

We spend our entire lives surrounded by strangers. Most of the time we give them a smile or glance and move on. 

Greg is extroverted and it’s easy for him to strike up a conversation with anyone. The Uber driver, cashier, or random person on the street. Keely can’t relate at all and prefers to just pass through life without exchanging pleasantries with people she doesn’t know. 

In episode 33 of Welcome to the Suburbs: Andy plays the ...

Greg wants to know why guys have to take something that’s supposed to be relaxing, like fishing and turn it into a competition? He’s not talking about fun little wagers, it’s the idea that fishing’s not fun unless you catch more than the other guy every time you go.

Andy on the other hand is happy not catching a single fish, if he gets to wear a shirt full of product patches. Shirts covered in patches are badass he says lol. 

Jennife...

What is something you did in 2023 that you never imagined you’d do?  That question was posed to her Facebook followers. Greg realized she and her followers wanted cuteness rather than his answer. 

Find my phone, water proof my watch, remake Snow White as a live action movie. Three action items sometimes easier said than done, unless you’re Peter Dinklage. 

Using don't as a positive with the following: push back with Andy’s mom, ...

Gabe the pup takes a trip to Florida with Andy and Jennifer. Without realizing it a webcam is his babysitter.  

Greg’s sister wanted to use webcams to keep the caregivers hones but didn’t realize you pay for storage enter Girl Math. A way of justifying the spend on anything from Starbucks to Costco sandwiches. 

Scarface rugs sold in gas station parking lots around Indy. Who buys them and does Al Pacino get a residual check from Scarf...

My dad built a home on a scenic wooded lot on a ravine. Then he became obsessed with the oak and hickory nut trees, their leaves and squirrels. Rants by the bushel basket. 

Andy practiced his FM DJ voice on a seat Nazi at a YES concert who determined he didn’t have the right to sit in the seats he bought. He’s telling me this while enjoying an orange milkshake. They make orange flavored milkshakes?

Someone stole my credit card number...

It’s hard to believe we’ve been releasing new episodes of Welcome to the Suburbs Podcast for a year! This is our Valentines Day episode. Nothing says, “I love you,” more that eating homemade brats for dinner, dying parents, or yet another traffic violation. 

We round out this episode with celebrity love and fun facts about Lindsey Sterling, the dancing violinist. Yep that  Lindsey. Andy didn’t send her a Valentine card, but she is o...

Jennifer has 2 lbs of hardware that spans her spine from top to bottom. She subtracts 2 lbs at weigh in because it’s not diet related. 

Andy was preparing for their trip to Rome when he noticed his renewed passport listed him as female. Does he travel to Europe in drag or drive to Chicago last minute to revise his revised passport? Plus other stories of being the dumb American in Rome. 

50% of Greg’s time is spent as his mom’s caregi...

Andy finds himself at the center of an FBI sting operation as the cast a net to capture a guy who is bootlegging Time Life 4 disc sets of music. Andy cooperated and they catch the guy as he picks up the discs then calls from prison to say, you’ve ruined my life. 

Awkward moments as you discover you’ve been mispronouncing a common word your entire life. For Jennifer it was serrated knife. For Greg, it was spelling the word your “high...

‘Twas the night before Christmas and in Andy’s house there is a note to Santa with practical gifts that only a precise child wants, except maybe a protractor unless that was included in the 5 piece desk set or the label maker.

Meanwhile, Greg was at his grandmas house for dry Turkey and gravy made from sage, flour, more sage, milk and some extra sage. After 60 years of the sage gravy the family voted for another gravy. His sister st...

One of Andy’s first jobs was scaling the steps at Riverfront Stadium schlepping snacks to fans at Reds games. No bat stretchers or diplomas were required but good cardio, calf muscles, and barking were recommended. 

Greg’s first spring break trip without parents didn’t require cardio, but IndyCar pit crew skills became a necessity. As if multiple tire changes weren’t enough the trip took an ugly turn when he was handcuffed on suspic...

Andy’s in the recording session takes an ugly turn when he accidentally shatters the neck of his client’s favorite 12 string guitar. Years later it was brought back to life. Life, life!  Give my guitar life!  No bolt in the neck like Frankenstein. 

It was a normal holiday weekend of playing with the kids. Keely was at work. They decided to pretend they were skiing on rollerblades. An emergency trip to the dentist ensued and the rest...

For the last year as we’ve talked about my sister and I taking care of mom, Andy has asked me about the org chart. I’m baffled by the need for one. I’m also baffled by the need to be in charge when it comes to family responsibilities. How about working as a team to move the ball forward?  My sister has to be in charge and when she doesn’t get her way, she says things like she wishes I was dead…because that’s how motivational speake...

Something was eating my grandma’s tomatoes. Was it an insect or animal?  My brother aimed to find out and find out he did when a skunk took exception to being singled out. 

Years later the phelps women wanted chickens which meant they’d become mine. Day one of tending the chickens for Carly while she was gone. I came upon a murder scene. A hawk came to dine at Carly’s chicken coop. Tears and more tears ensued because suburban c...

Andy was working with John Mellencamp during the Crumblin’ Down sessions. He shares a story about John being raised by his grandmother. She was feeling old and told Jesus they were ready to come home. John said, hold on grandma!  I’m not ready. I’ve got a lot more livin to do!

One morning this summer, as it was getting light, I noticed a pair of women’s legs standing by a tree in my front yard. The rest of her body was obscured by l...

Since COVID customer service seems to be optional depending on your negotiating skills. Andy’s tactic includes using the angry customer voice. Greg chooses FM disc jockey voice that somehow morphs into begging. 

In Episode 14, Greg joked about how he’s a magnet for Conservation Officers and their ticket book. In this episode Andy talks about negotiating his way out of a ticket with ease. Greg has gotten out of tickets, but it a...

Episode 18 of Welcome To The Suburbs is packed with stories of food. Is Chicken Knuckle soup really a thing? Jennifer catches the wrath of a lunch lady when ordering a panini of all things. How we get there and what makes food funny is part of this week’s journey. 

We also stop for a visit with Greg’s dad. He’s challenged with moving from dial up to DSL even though we are living in the era of fiber optics. Stubborn people and the ba...

In episode 17 of Welcome to The Suburbs Greg and Andy laugh about the psychology behind Halloween costumes and amateur fireworks displays. 

Then there are the awkward recording sessions with clients who have copious amounts of ambition and zero talent. 

The best, big fish story ever told. 

In high school Greg and his dad take a trip to Acorn,  Kentucky in search of the cabin where he was born. They meet cousins who live in the hollars...