October 3, 2024 • 37 mins
It’s another round of Dear Banya! Becca and Tanya try to help Scrubbers with issues like unkind in-laws, an uncomfortable guest bed, and what do you do when you need some space from your fiancé!
Plus, who would “Banya” be if she were a REAL person??
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Scrubbing In with Becca Tilly and Tanya rap An iHeartRadio podcast.
Speaker 2 (00:08):
Hello everybody, we are scrubbing in, rub dub dumb. Before
we begin this Dear Bonnia episode, I want to wish
a very happy birthday to Kate Stram.
Speaker 3 (00:22):
Scrubber.
Speaker 2 (00:23):
Her husband reached out and wanted us to give a
shout out, which I think is the cutest thing ever.
Speaker 4 (00:28):
So I love a cute husband.
Speaker 3 (00:29):
We love you, Kate. We hope you have the best
day ever.
Speaker 4 (00:33):
And shout out to your husband Brian, and.
Speaker 2 (00:34):
Shout out to Brian the Big two nine, last year
of your twenties.
Speaker 4 (00:38):
Live it up Girl twenty nine has a Husband's nice?
Speaker 3 (00:44):
You'll be thirty nine with a husband?
Speaker 4 (00:46):
Correct, Yes, yes, I will be.
Speaker 3 (00:48):
And I'll be never with a husband. That's true.
Speaker 4 (00:51):
That is true.
Speaker 3 (00:52):
All right, let's get right into it. We said we
are not ways in time pace from Brook.
Speaker 4 (00:59):
That requires you maybe reading faster.
Speaker 3 (01:01):
Oh wow, okay, well that feels like she said. I
wanted to say it for a minute.
Speaker 1 (01:08):
I have a very frustrating relationship with my in laws.
My husband and I've been together nine years, and over
that time I realized it's not me, it's them. They
are unkind people who spend all their time judging others.
They usually keep their distance. I can ignore them, but
they recently spend four days with us, the first trip
to come to see us after we moved across the country,
and I wanted to cry non stop after day two.
(01:29):
My husband and I were so relieved when they left.
But his brother is getting married in November, so we're
gonna have to spend time with him. What can I
do to let their unkind comments roll off my back
and not be so sensitive about them. I've tried to
be nice, but they just won't ever be nice people.
How do you deal with people who make you uncomfortable?
Speaker 2 (01:46):
You know, this is just one of those like classic
things of it has nothing to do with you.
Speaker 3 (01:52):
It's just who they are, and they're probably at.
Speaker 2 (01:55):
An age where they're never gonna change, unfortunately, And I
hate to be like that unhopeful person who's like they're
too far gone. But I think at a certain age
people just stop wanting to change or trying to change,
and if they haven't made the effort this at this point,
I don't know if you're ever gonna see them change
and be like nice people.
Speaker 3 (02:15):
But I think that you just have to do you.
Speaker 2 (02:17):
I don't think it means you stop being kind or
empathetic or accommodating. I think you just don't bend your
break your back trying to get them to be nice,
because I don't think you're ever gonna get what you
want from them.
Speaker 5 (02:28):
Yeah, it's interesting because I find myself being very much
like you. I'm very affected and can be very affected
by other people's behaviors. And it's very interesting. Robbie said,
send something to me once and I'll never forget it.
Speaker 4 (02:43):
It was take people as they are.
Speaker 5 (02:46):
Just take people as they are, and it really weirdly
changed things for me, Like it was like, that's just
how this person is. I'm never gonna change them and
has nothing to do with me, and you just take
them for how they are, who they are, and it
really helped me, like not be upset by the way
other people interact Yeah with me around me, hm, it
(03:06):
really helps.
Speaker 2 (03:07):
I think you just try to avoid spending any unnecessary
time with them.
Speaker 5 (03:11):
Right, I mean, these are your in laws, so you
are going to have to spend time with them, but
it's just take them as they are, this is, this
is who they are. Take them for it and prepare mentally,
prepare yourself when you know you're going to be around them,
and that's the best that you can do.
Speaker 2 (03:23):
And I also feel like it's so nice your husband
also understands. Yeah, yeah, because it sounds like he's also
relieved when they like, You're very lucky that you're on
the same page about being pushed by them.
Speaker 4 (03:38):
For sure, getting your little cocoon together, zip it up.
Speaker 2 (03:40):
You have each other if you get stuck. If one
of you gets stuck, seek out the other. Yeah, and
get out of that situation. Onto excuse me.
Speaker 3 (03:48):
It's not you, it's them.
Speaker 4 (03:50):
Literally literally Onto the next anonymous.
Speaker 1 (03:53):
My husband's self pleasure is with porn, and it's kind
of an issue in our relationship. I've asked him to abstain,
but he has not been successful. Whenever ask him if
he's done it, he admits to it and he's super apologetic,
but he never offers to stop. He's more of a
night at owl and works late into the night, and
he'll do it after I'm asleep and I'll tell him
to wake me up. I'll help him out. Am I
overthinking this? We're in a very committed to healthy relationship
(04:13):
with open communication, and I know he's not doing it
because you're not attracted him he or doesn't love me.
I don't feel like he's betraying me or cheating on me.
It just feels taboo to me because of my conservative upbringing.
What do you think.
Speaker 4 (04:27):
Do you wan to go?
Speaker 1 (04:28):
Sure?
Speaker 5 (04:28):
I think if it's affecting your sex life, then I
think you have all the right in the world to
stand firm on it. And if you're not getting the
sex or the pleasure, you're not partaking in it as
much as you want. He's doing this more than he's
pleasing you. I think it's a huge issue, but that
doesn't seem to be the issue here. You said you
have a very committed, healthy, healthy relationship, which makes me
(04:50):
feel like you're satisfied. So I feel like you just
let him have his thing.
Speaker 3 (05:00):
I don't know. I mean, I don't, I don't.
Speaker 6 (05:02):
I don't like it, So I but that I don't.
Speaker 3 (05:06):
Like it either.
Speaker 2 (05:07):
But I think if it's I think it's affecting her.
She took the time to write into the podcast about it,
So I whether it's affecting her sex life or it's
just like bothers her and she's communicated that to him.
Then I think that's something worth potentially seeing like a
couple's therapists about because I think that if it's affecting
(05:29):
you and it's making you feel a certain way, no
matter what that way is, I think it's important to handle.
Speaker 5 (05:37):
I've had many conversations with men about this, various men,
which might sound weird on the corner, because it's so
it's so different to men than it is to women.
Speaker 4 (05:50):
Do you know what I mean?
Speaker 5 (05:51):
Like when I when I would masturbate, I would have
to think about like you have to, I have to
think about something. With men, I feel like it's so
much more transactional, like they're not getting in there.
Speaker 4 (06:02):
I mean, I have men in here so you can
if I'm wrong. It's more mechanical.
Speaker 5 (06:06):
It's more like this, like I need to just get
get get the poison out. Where for women it's so
it's so much so it's like we I can't it's
hard for us to understand each other because it's just
it's like two separate planets, do you know what I mean?
Speaker 1 (06:22):
But what I don't understand is if she's offering to
be there for his needs twenty four to seven, why
does he not take advantage.
Speaker 4 (06:29):
Of that I do not wake me up.
Speaker 2 (06:34):
I'm saying she cares enough about this to say, like,
wake me up in the middle of the night, and
I will do what you need me to do. And
he's still taking this fantasy like option over that, which
I don't like.
Speaker 5 (06:53):
I see it's I don't think it's fantasy like for men.
Then I think it's fantasy like for women.
Speaker 3 (06:59):
Then why I guess.
Speaker 2 (07:01):
I guess I don't get why you want to take
the real thing over what you're watching on a screen.
Speaker 1 (07:06):
That's hard for me too, because I would always take
the real thing if it were up to me.
Speaker 7 (07:09):
Yeah, I mean to defend the dude, I guess masturbating
and sex with another person are very different experiences, Like
they are very different parts of your of you know,
your sexuality, and uh, like, I don't think that you know,
I don't think that you shouldn't you should never master
(07:29):
rate if you're like in a committed relationship. I think
that's a she says that, like, oh, just wake me
up and I'll handle it. I don't think she would
actually like that if that.
Speaker 1 (07:38):
Happened, but I would call that bluff.
Speaker 7 (07:41):
Yeah, I mean, uh, That's what I think is happening.
And also I think the dude is probably like, well,
I mean it's.
Speaker 1 (07:49):
What one in the morning.
Speaker 7 (07:50):
Now, I'm like, like, I just kind of want to
get this was handled, you know, it's all he's like
lighting candles and like putting up a picture of doing
like shower after I don't know, that's my story.
Speaker 1 (08:03):
I just like to look on your face sometimes after
you say things that I receive them want it.
Speaker 5 (08:08):
Like sometimes I'm like, it's like, you know, if he
wants tonight and I'm like I just don't want to shower,
I'll just be like, let me just let me help
you here. You know.
Speaker 4 (08:15):
Yeah, I guess I just don't.
Speaker 2 (08:16):
I might relate to her because I grew up with this,
like a very strong viewpoint on poorn, like a very
conservative Christian mindset on it, So it feels a lot.
Speaker 3 (08:26):
I think it'll always.
Speaker 2 (08:27):
Feel heavier to me than like it is for Like
I think I think it is heavy for some people,
like I do think it becomes a problem for some people.
But I also think sometimes it's like it just is
what it's like, it's just a what it means to
an end.
Speaker 1 (08:41):
Yeah, it's transactionally, it's let me just because that's the
other thing is, it's like I can just knock this
out in thirty seconds, right, or I can wake her
and it's a thing.
Speaker 3 (08:49):
Ye shower.
Speaker 1 (08:50):
I don't know about the showering thing. I don't think
that's universal.
Speaker 4 (08:52):
But so it could just everybody showers after they have.
Speaker 1 (08:56):
Said I don't think so. I think some people just
cud it up and go to sleep anyway. It could
be a convenience. But judgment the conservative upbringing kind of
throws me a little bit because that just feels judgy
to me, Like.
Speaker 3 (09:10):
You know, that's That's what I'm saying. It's like a
deep rooted thing.
Speaker 2 (09:13):
And whether it's judging or not, if it's inside of
you and you're told it was wrong your whole life
and your partner shouldn't be doing that, it is a
It does feel heavier.
Speaker 1 (09:20):
I think she needs to get over that part of it.
But that's not to say she doesn't have a legitimate
gripe here, because she probably does.
Speaker 5 (09:26):
But I also think there is something to be said
about having that conversation, being honest about how you feel him,
having an honest conversation about how he feels and then
maybe just understanding it. There's there's it is what it is?
Speaker 4 (09:38):
You know what I mean?
Speaker 3 (09:39):
That's what I was gonna say.
Speaker 2 (09:40):
Is it really is it affecting you in your relationship?
Or have you been told that it does affect you
in your relationship?
Speaker 4 (09:45):
It's bad? And then wrong?
Speaker 3 (09:46):
Yeah?
Speaker 1 (09:47):
And does it come up because you're like, hey, shall
we and he's like, oh sorry, I just.
Speaker 4 (09:51):
Did that's a problem.
Speaker 1 (09:54):
Right, all right, we move on.
Speaker 4 (09:56):
I feel like we did good with that one nail that.
Speaker 1 (09:59):
Let's step away, shall we?
Speaker 4 (10:01):
Oh yeah, we got to regroup post breakup words of encouragement.
Speaker 2 (10:05):
No, no, all right, we're back and we are keeping
(10:27):
the pace on this.
Speaker 4 (10:29):
That's right, Mark, take it away.
Speaker 1 (10:31):
We're moving along too, Sophia, I'm six months post breakup
with someone who's been four years with and thought I
was going to spend the rest of my life before
being blindsided with a breakup due to quote social incompatibilities.
He's very extroverted and social. I had trouble becoming close
with his friends, while he became very close with my friends.
(10:51):
I turned thirty four in a few weeks, and I'm
feeling so much pressure to put myself back out there,
even when I feel so heartbroken and devastated by this loss.
I'm going to therapy or piano lessons. I've been working
really hard on trying new things and battling my social anxiety,
but i still feel so sad. I tried getting back
on dating apps and maybe feel worse. I'm looking for
words of encouragement of ways that you've healed and come
(11:13):
out on the other side of a breakup feeling stronger.
Speaker 2 (11:17):
I think that you are not ready to put yourself
back out there, and I think that's okay to not
feel like you immediately need to get on the dating
apps and go on dates, like regardless of turning thirty four.
Like it sounds like you need to let yourself heal.
It sounds like you're trying to find new things that
you love and you're doing things for yourself, and I
(11:38):
think that is such a beautiful thing to focus on
during this time, because you might not be ready to
give your heart to someone again just yet, And that's okay.
Speaker 5 (11:46):
On the flip side, it's a numbers game, and you're
not if you're sitting on your couch and you're not
meeting anyone and you're not going to meet anyone, you know,
So I say, get back out there. It's a numbers game,
keep them coming. But masturbation is a beautiful thing.
Speaker 1 (12:03):
Sure, I have a great time with you, but it.
Speaker 4 (12:05):
Makes you more confident.
Speaker 1 (12:06):
I'm glad that we have a theme, but I think that, uh,
dating apps can be depressing, and I get it as
soon as you open it up, Like, I never wanted
to be on these again. I thought I was done
with this nonsense. So maybe don't do the dating apps,
but you still got to get out there.
Speaker 4 (12:22):
I'm all for that end.
Speaker 1 (12:24):
But live your life, join social groups, play in anxiety. Well,
that's true. I don't know that's a good point.
Speaker 2 (12:33):
Yeah, dating apps are made for her, but she's trying
new things to work on them, and I think that
doing things for herself and meeting new people could lead
to her meeting someone. And I don't think that getting
on the apps. I think if she was like I've
tried everything, I just want to meet someone. I want
to go on dates. But I don't think she wants
to go on dates right now. I think she's feeling
(12:53):
sad and she's going through heartbreak. I haven't known you
six months past the breakups. I haven't known you out
of a four year relationship six months at that point.
I know you for the trigger event and that was not.
Speaker 4 (13:11):
You never knew me after Arizona guy. Oh wow, she
was a pill day crying. But yeah she got back
on the horse. Let me tell you many horses.
Speaker 1 (13:20):
She did get on.
Speaker 4 (13:23):
Those horses.
Speaker 2 (13:25):
But I feel like there's a lot of tears and sadness. Yeah,
I personally say, don't do that. I think your heart
needs to heal. I think you're doing what you need
to do for yourself. I think you work on going
to things that aren't a romantic environment to challenge yourself
with your social anxiety and and learn to love yourself
(13:48):
so that when the time comes, you're ready to give
that love to somebody knew.
Speaker 1 (13:52):
And also, don't you have to get into the mindset
of that wasn't him. He's still out there. That wasn't it.
And maybe you dodged a bullet because that wasn't it.
What if you married the guy that wasn't it?
Speaker 4 (14:04):
Maybe he still is it.
Speaker 1 (14:05):
Oh, don't do that to her.
Speaker 4 (14:07):
What maybe he is. I hated when everybody said that
to me he broke up with you. It's over. I'm like,
but it's not inside me. I know it's not over,
but she.
Speaker 1 (14:16):
Needs to move on. You can't. You can't hang on.
Speaker 5 (14:18):
That true facts. So I'm just saying it could it
could be this guy. We don't know, That's what I'm saying.
I don't think she needs to rush out there and date.
I don't think she's she wants that.
Speaker 2 (14:32):
I think I think she still wants it to be
this guy, and I think that in the right now
it's it's not him.
Speaker 5 (14:39):
Having a healthy mindset around it, I think is key
if you're dating. If you have a mindset of I
had to start dating again, that would be me, then
the dates are going to suck. If you have the
mindset of, like I have to start dating again, I
want to find someone and I want to spend my
life with someone. So here we go such a different mind.
Speaker 2 (14:57):
But I think you were just ready to find someone.
I think you were ready for that phase of your
life to meet someone and settle down.
Speaker 3 (15:03):
Correct.
Speaker 4 (15:04):
And I think she is as well.
Speaker 2 (15:06):
It was going to be her guy for four years
and it wasn't him, So she's having to grieve the
thought of it not being the person she had planned
her life with and.
Speaker 1 (15:15):
Isn't the mentality Also now that we have to get
into this whole work on yourself therapy, great the best
person of you and good things will come.
Speaker 2 (15:24):
The whole reason he into things is because there was
this incompatibility of her not wanting to be social. So
work on being social. Put yourself out there, see what people.
He might come back and you might be like, I
don't want you anymore. I've moved on.
Speaker 3 (15:39):
Yeah, so this is the time to work on yourself.
Speaker 4 (15:45):
Yeah, and masturbate at okay?
Speaker 1 (15:47):
Sure, Anonymous.
Speaker 3 (15:49):
It gives you.
Speaker 4 (15:50):
The what am I trying to say? It gives you
the mojo?
Speaker 1 (15:56):
It does High Mark Eastern Beka, Tanya, look at me
with the top building there, Anonymous. My boyfriend and I
have a lot of friends in another city. We visit
a few times a year, but while we're there, we
stay with our best friends. They're a married couple and
they insist we stay with them because they have a
great house with plenty of room in a large guest
suite and they miss us since we moved away. But
their gaft bed sucks. The mattress is lumpy and it's
(16:17):
caving in, and the pillows are too thick, and last
time we slept there, my or ring said, I got
nine minutes of rem it's that bad?
Speaker 4 (16:24):
That would send me.
Speaker 1 (16:25):
What would you do? Would you risk offending them by
telling their bed sucks or getting an airbnb instead? And
do we suck it up? They are by far our
best friends and have by far the most space to
host us, so staying with someone else doesn't make any sense.
Speaker 2 (16:37):
You guys, the money that you would spend on an
airbnb buy them a mattress.
Speaker 4 (16:42):
So hey, they're your best friends.
Speaker 5 (16:43):
Like if I spent them my at Becca's house and
it was horrible sleep, I'd be like, Beca, you need
a new mattress because that thing is whack.
Speaker 3 (16:49):
I think I would tell my friend be like, yeah,
that was rough. Have you ever slept in that bad that?
Speaker 4 (16:55):
I would send you a screenshot of my or.
Speaker 5 (16:57):
Rings and say, look what you did to me?
Speaker 1 (17:00):
Are they sensitive? Because I feel like this is a
funny conversation to have.
Speaker 2 (17:04):
But I also feel like you could be like, hey,
since we're the ones staying there, when we come visit,
we'll go have these with you, Like, let's go gift
your bestie of in yourself a new mattress.
Speaker 4 (17:14):
Yeah, nine minutes of RIM is criminal.
Speaker 3 (17:18):
That makes me want to throw I would throw up.
I'd be so sick from that.
Speaker 5 (17:20):
If I wake up with less than twenty percent of REM,
it's not a good day.
Speaker 1 (17:25):
I think you get to I think you make it
seem like it's something serious. Okay, we have to have
a talk. We love you guys, but we need to talk. WHOA,
what's going on? Oh my gosh, have you there? They haven't,
you know they haven't. Yeah, I think it's I think
it's funny. I think you make it work.
Speaker 2 (17:42):
You could say, hey, if you're if you don't feel
good about doing that, can we sleep in your bed
and y'all can sleep in there visit.
Speaker 1 (17:48):
Yeah, but I like the idea going in on a
bed with him done, or.
Speaker 5 (17:51):
Just like get some bed bugs and slip them in
there and be like, oh my gosh, you have bed bugs.
Speaker 3 (17:55):
That feels terrible.
Speaker 1 (17:56):
Idea, bad idea. Yeah, you're right, we.
Speaker 4 (17:58):
Should have ended one.
Speaker 1 (18:00):
I'm going to be hi Becca, Tana Easton, and Mark. Okay,
Sopa got top billing and Tany was misspelled. So I'm
the matron of honor and my friend's wedding and currently
planning her bachelorette party, and I just found out I'm pregnant.
I'll be about ten weeks a long at the bachelorette party,
but I'm not sure I want to tell anybody at
that point. I can hide drinking at the Airbnb, but
(18:21):
worry how I can manage this at the wine tastings
I have planned that is more challenging. Should I tell
the bride and have her help me cover I don't
want to make it a big thing and be about me,
so I'm hesitant. I'll be about thirty six weeks pregnant
at her wedding, which also makes me nervous. What should
I do?
Speaker 4 (18:37):
One hundred percent you should tell the bride.
Speaker 2 (18:39):
I definitely think you should tell the bride, and I
think you just say, hey, this is the only thing
that this that I'm going to tell you that will
be about me this weekend because I need you to know.
Speaker 3 (18:50):
But I she's going to be so excited for you,
first of all.
Speaker 2 (18:53):
Yeah, but also just say, I'm not ready to tell everybody,
So I just want you to know why I'm not
going to be drinking at the wine tastings, and you know,
help if you can help me cover it.
Speaker 3 (19:04):
Up without letting anyone know.
Speaker 5 (19:06):
Tasting is a tough one because it's like I'm like,
nobody's really I don't feel like nobody notices that somebody's
not drinking unless you make a point to be like, no,
not drinking.
Speaker 2 (19:14):
I feel like a lot of places they maybe have
non alcoholic wine, like I had a non alcoholic champagne
or like a maybe they have like a sparkling cider
or something that you can sip on so it doesn't
look like.
Speaker 3 (19:26):
Just water in a glass.
Speaker 5 (19:28):
Yeah, but yeah, maybe get the wine cellar.
Speaker 2 (19:32):
Yeah, call them and see if they have anything, or
you bring some of your own and they can serve
that to Yeah.
Speaker 5 (19:37):
Just like, hey, I'm pregnant and I haven't told anybody.
Can help a sister out. Yeah yeah, yeah, yeah, that's
a good idea. And she's gonna be thirty six weeks
at her wedding.
Speaker 4 (19:46):
That makes me notice too.
Speaker 5 (19:49):
Feels very yeah.
Speaker 4 (19:52):
Across that bridge when we get there.
Speaker 3 (19:53):
Yeah yeah, yeah, let's talk in thirty six weeks.
Speaker 4 (19:55):
Yeah, that feel good.
Speaker 1 (19:57):
Next Mark Next up here we go from Anonymous. I'm
a lawyer listening to your podcast. I appreciate the thoughtful
advice you give. I related to a listener who recently
wrote in about struggling to communicate the need for alone
time to their partner. I'm thirty three, I'm engaged. We've
been together six years. He has an amazing relationship with
my ten year old son. We built a great life together.
He is loving, he always wants to be around me.
(20:17):
He's a great communicator. I love him so much, But
why do I feel like he's more into me than
I'm into him? Is it normal for one person in
the relationship to be on a higher scale than the other.
I value my alone time. While he respects that, I
don't think he truly gets it. I even get excited
when he goes on work trips so I can have
some space. I struggle with this nagging thought, and it's
(20:39):
exactly what Beca said to this previous listener. Maybe he
isn't my person. The thought of ending this relationship kills
me because it would ruin our family, and my son
would be devastated, as well as my friends and family.
I feel crazy for even having these thoughts and my
overthinking and self sabotaging. What is wrong with me? Any
advice would be appreciated.
Speaker 5 (20:58):
I just have one thing to say, here comes to here,
she comes. If you're questioning not being in this relationship
because it's gonna hurt your son and your family, that's
momentary versus your life, your your life, yeah, and your forever.
Speaker 3 (21:16):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (21:17):
With that being said, I think that there's a lot
of people who would resonate with this. I also don't
have kids, so I don't know the dynamic of like
always having a child who is like meeting you constantly
and like you're having to give, give, give, and then
also having a partner who's like needing a lot from
you and you're having to give, give, give, So I
(21:40):
don't know that I really am able to like chime
in on this. I just feel like I always thought.
I mean, you can listen to old episodes of the
podcast where I was like, I want to date someone
who travels a lot so that I can have my
alone time, And now when Haley and I have spent
any time a part I'm like miserable. So I do
know that there's a world where you can where you
(22:04):
don't feel this way.
Speaker 5 (22:05):
I think, yeah, and you're speaking the wrong girl, because
I need no space.
Speaker 1 (22:11):
Well that's the thing. So I think she would regret
ending this relationship. I think she's overreacting to these feelings
she's having. I think everything's actually fine. Patti Rodriguez, remember Patty, Yes,
she used to work here. She had a theory that
the healthiest relationships the woman is a no the guy
is a little bit more into the woman than vice versa.
(22:33):
And I think there is something to this theory. I
think those are the best relationships. I don't know, I
don't know. I can't explain it, but I think she's right.
I think it's okay that he's a little bit more
into you. Now, if that becomes a gap, a big chasm,
then we got a real problem. But I think it's okay.
I think everything is okay here. Everything I read on
this thing is okay. And as long as you're not
(22:54):
feeling a need to escape the relationship, you just need
some time every once in a while, I think everything's fine.
Speaker 2 (23:00):
She said, I value my alone time, and while he
respects that, I don't think he truly understands that. So
maybe it's a conversation of really explaining to him that
when you get what you need, which is your time
by yourself, you're going to be able to give more
to him and show up better in the relationship and
maybe he feel like maybe he's like, oh, yeah, I
get it, you need your alone time, but like, maybe
(23:21):
you really solidify what that looks like and block it
out in your schedule where you have time to where
you do something just by yourself. Do you think do
you feel like Robbie's more obsessed with you than you
are with him or do you find it to be equal.
Speaker 1 (23:35):
I think you're more obsessed than he is with you.
Speaker 3 (23:37):
Really, I don't.
Speaker 4 (23:39):
I just but you only see me. He's pretty obsessed
with me.
Speaker 3 (23:44):
I do find him to be pretty obsessed with her.
Speaker 5 (23:46):
Like weirdly, but so I think we're pretty equally obsessed
with each other. But I feel like I've never been
the type of person that needs space right, just in general,
I'm not like a space needer.
Speaker 4 (24:01):
When he's out of town, when we're.
Speaker 5 (24:02):
Apart, I'm not like devastated door c correct, I'm fine,
and I like I do enjoy it. I'll like to
sit in a song, I'll do my workouts, So I'm
not like sad, but I don't like need it.
Speaker 4 (24:14):
Like I'm not like go right right, just not me.
Speaker 2 (24:19):
Yeah, Like I think it's human to enjoy doing your
own thing by yourself. Like, I don't think that that
means that he's not your person, just because you need
that time for yourself and I I just think that
if you're only with him because you don't want your
son or family or friends to be sad, that's something
to think about.
Speaker 4 (24:42):
I still think about Mark's judgment of my relationship.
Speaker 3 (24:46):
I know I'm not.
Speaker 2 (24:48):
I have felt like I always felt that about Tanya,
but then I've seen like the way he responds to
her text and how he speaks to her, and like
the things that he does, and I'm like, oh, I
think he's.
Speaker 3 (25:00):
I think it's a very equal obsession.
Speaker 6 (25:03):
Yeah, he's just not as vocal. Yeah, we don't have
a podcast where he talks about it, right, but like
I do like say same. Like he'll say things and
I'm just like, what it looks like.
Speaker 3 (25:13):
I would say, yeah, it's it's pretty cute.
Speaker 4 (25:17):
It is pretty cute. But I just asked him, so
we're good.
Speaker 1 (25:20):
How did you phrase it?
Speaker 4 (25:21):
Do you think I'm obsessed with you more or you're
obsessed with me more?
Speaker 3 (25:24):
That's such a great I would say it's equal.
Speaker 2 (25:28):
I would say it's pretty equal. That's what I think
he's going to say. Okay, what do you all think he's.
Speaker 3 (25:32):
Going to say.
Speaker 1 (25:33):
Yeah, he's going to be like right down the middle.
I think he's gonna be a new phone.
Speaker 2 (25:36):
Who is I think I'll say fifty to fifty or equal?
Speaker 3 (25:42):
Okay, did we do give you good advice?
Speaker 1 (25:45):
Yeah? I think we did just really expert.
Speaker 3 (25:47):
But she's a fiance, so like this is marry him.
Speaker 1 (25:51):
You won't regret it. Wow, that's my advice.
Speaker 4 (25:54):
He said.
Speaker 5 (25:54):
I think it's equal. Mine's a more quiet obsession. Yours
is more blatant, laytant.
Speaker 1 (26:01):
That's your autobiography right there, Layton obsessed.
Speaker 4 (26:07):
I've got three dots. I'm not sure if there's more
than well, you know what.
Speaker 1 (26:11):
We'll find out the rest.
Speaker 3 (26:33):
Right, we're back. Did we get an update?
Speaker 5 (26:35):
We've got an update. So the first part was I
think it's equal. Mine's more quiet obsession, Yours is more blatant.
And he said, like, I don't stare at you while
we're watching TV, but in my mind I'm obsessed that
I just get to lay next to you.
Speaker 3 (26:47):
Oh that is so cute.
Speaker 4 (26:53):
I know I can't handle it.
Speaker 1 (26:56):
All right, great, all right, one more? We got two
more the last one.
Speaker 4 (26:59):
Do the last one?
Speaker 2 (27:00):
No?
Speaker 3 (27:00):
We got two more?
Speaker 4 (27:01):
Oh we do?
Speaker 2 (27:01):
I know.
Speaker 1 (27:01):
I'm asked my husband as a new colleague that I
am not a fan of if I met her once
and she was nice, but my husband told me about
something else she said to him, and it rubbed me
the wrong way. At a reason lunch meeting, he went
to shake her hand, and she responded by saying, oh, no,
we're on a hug basis now. I told him that
I would like him to set some boundaries as well
as not hug her. He said he has, but it's
hard not to hug her when everyone else in the
(27:22):
office is hugging. I personally don't hug my colleagues, but
I do understand some people hug after they've known each
other for some time. Is my request ridiculous?
Speaker 3 (27:31):
Oh? This is so hard because I.
Speaker 2 (27:36):
Totally get her side of being like, set the boundaries,
but I totally get him being at work being like,
I can't hug you.
Speaker 4 (27:43):
Right, I'm this girl, I am the hugger girl.
Speaker 3 (27:45):
Me too.
Speaker 2 (27:45):
I'm a hugger as well, and it makes me think
I need to be aware of who I'm hugging.
Speaker 4 (27:51):
Right, Yeah, Yeah, I hug everyone.
Speaker 3 (27:56):
How does he set the boundary now that they've established
a hug He can't.
Speaker 1 (28:01):
He can't, but also can he just avoid it? Can
you just be like hey, kind of walk past her
like there's nobody's a hugging, but.
Speaker 3 (28:06):
She's like, come here, You're not getting by without a hug.
Speaker 5 (28:09):
No.
Speaker 4 (28:09):
But you can also be like, oh, I'm a little sick.
Fist bump.
Speaker 1 (28:12):
Yeah, maybe tiny's the huggiest person I know, but she
didn't hugging every day. We hug before we leave for Christmas,
you know, like I'm it's not much more than that, Like, oh,
I'm not going to see it for a few weeks,
have a good time, you know that sort of thing.
Is that a day?
Speaker 5 (28:26):
No, but like not daily at work? But like if
if we have like a jingle ball or festival, hug.
Speaker 4 (28:31):
You when I see you at like something like that
out in the wild. Yeah, So it's like less in
the office more if I see you outside the office.
Speaker 5 (28:39):
Yes.
Speaker 1 (28:40):
So I think maybe this will fizzle out because she
can't keep that up forever, hugging every person every day.
Speaker 3 (28:45):
If she if for.
Speaker 2 (28:46):
Whatever reason, the wife's feeling is correct and this woman
has ill intention and she does make an effort to
hug him every day doesn't matter.
Speaker 5 (28:56):
But she doesn't trust her husband. I mean at the
end of the day, and like, yeah, there's some certain things.
Speaker 1 (29:01):
He can do.
Speaker 2 (29:01):
You don't think he should be like, hey, like I
I want to be respectful to my relationship.
Speaker 4 (29:09):
No, that's weird.
Speaker 5 (29:13):
It would make her look weird to his coworkers, I think,
And I don't care. She doesn't want to have and
I don't think it's a look that you want your
husband to have with his colleagues that like, I can't
hug you because my husband thinks my wife thinks it's weird.
Speaker 2 (29:28):
Okay, So the advice is you try to just avoid it.
Otherwise you just trust him and know that it's just to.
Speaker 4 (29:36):
Just say, like, hey, I'm a little sick, fist bump
and maybe yeah.
Speaker 1 (29:39):
But also, it doesn't matter what her intentions are. If
you trust your husband, it doesn't matter if you hug
you once in a while at work. It's not the
end of the world. I don't think, I.
Speaker 3 (29:46):
Mean, I don't know. I think I think men are
easily seduced.
Speaker 2 (29:51):
Seduced, yes, really, yes, I know. But if he could
set the boundary of not hugging someone that makes his
wife uncomfortable.
Speaker 1 (30:04):
But we should get into that this men are easily seduced.
That's interesting said because it also puts the blame not
on him.
Speaker 2 (30:12):
I know, I think it's I think there's equal parties,
but I think she doesn't care about his The woman
coming in does not care about his marriage or his wife.
Speaker 3 (30:22):
True, she doesn't care.
Speaker 1 (30:24):
That might be overstating it. Though she's just a hugger
like Tanya hugs me. Doesn't mean she doesn't care about
my wife.
Speaker 3 (30:29):
No, but I'm saying that.
Speaker 2 (30:31):
She's not gonna like think about look like Tonya is
not hugging you, thinking like, oh it's Mark's wife.
Speaker 3 (30:36):
She's just like, oh I love Mark. I'm gonna hug Mark.
Speaker 1 (30:39):
Yeah right right.
Speaker 3 (30:40):
So, but I'm saying if there's ill intention in that,
then she's like I don't care like I like this guy.
Speaker 4 (30:47):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (30:47):
Facts, wait, I came in.
Speaker 2 (30:51):
With ill.
Speaker 4 (30:53):
That's the example is me. But let's just go with it.
Speaker 2 (30:57):
But I'm saying, if you're if you were not with
Robbie and you had ill intentions and you wanted Mark,
then you coming into hug Mark, what is just would
be like you wouldn't be like, oh no, I'm worried
about what his wife thinks.
Speaker 1 (31:13):
Facts.
Speaker 3 (31:13):
You would just be like, but it doesn't.
Speaker 1 (31:15):
I'm just saying it doesn't matter if the husband, If
you trust your husband and he's a reliable guy, nothing
ever as bad as going to happen. People's thoughts are
people's thoughts. Facts.
Speaker 3 (31:23):
I agree. I'm just saying there's a lot of facts
being thrown out.
Speaker 1 (31:28):
My wife when we first started dating, even I was
in an improv goog call comedy sports and improv people
tend to be this way, and so every time you
showed up for a show, everybody hugged everybody, and that
took her a minute like, Okay, this is weird because
she wasn't raised like that. She wasn't like that with
her friends, so it was bizarre to her that every
guy and girl in the room got a hug when
I arrived, and then the next person arrives, hug, hug, hug,
zug hugs. It's weird. So I understand where she's coming
(31:50):
from if it's not her way of being, But I
think you get too.
Speaker 4 (31:55):
I totally get it. I get the uncomfortableness.
Speaker 1 (31:57):
So your question is not ridiculous to answer your question.
Speaker 3 (32:00):
No, I don't think you're ridiculous.
Speaker 2 (32:01):
I just think it's an uncomfortable situation for everyone evolved
now yeah, maybe for future people coming in.
Speaker 5 (32:10):
I just say, like germs, No, I used to be
such a hugger before COVID, and I feel like since COVID,
I've become like way less of a hugger.
Speaker 1 (32:20):
Hugging was fine during COVID because your germs are going
out the.
Speaker 4 (32:22):
Back whatever and all.
Speaker 3 (32:24):
Just actually the hug felt safer than the handshake.
Speaker 1 (32:27):
Sure.
Speaker 7 (32:27):
Did you see on Dancing with the Stars of the
first episode the Palmer horse guy. I can't remember his name,
but he uh. They showed him in the package like
the pro was like, I'm a hugger and he's like,
I'm a shaker handout.
Speaker 3 (32:39):
He has a girlfriend, and I like that cool? What
are your where are your thought?
Speaker 4 (32:44):
No one's watching Dancing with.
Speaker 7 (32:50):
Although we feel, uh, I mean, you shouldn't have to
hug everybody, damn, Like you know, like, uh, just because
someone wants to hug he doesn't mean you have to
do it.
Speaker 2 (33:00):
Alison said, I I feel weird about Becca and I
don't want you hugging her.
Speaker 3 (33:06):
And but we had already established that we hug what
would you do so hard?
Speaker 1 (33:10):
I'd have to say.
Speaker 4 (33:13):
I was just I was just carefully deflected.
Speaker 7 (33:15):
I guess I wouldn't say I was sick, but I'd
be like, you come in for the hug and I'd
have to put out the fist or.
Speaker 5 (33:21):
Yeah, yeah, it's just weird, like because if he said
that to you, if he's just like, my wife doesn't
really want me hugging other girls like.
Speaker 3 (33:30):
I mean, I guess I would be more like, oh,
I get it. Respect respect her.
Speaker 4 (33:36):
I'd be like, I'm not trying to hit on you. Yeah,
if you go maniac.
Speaker 7 (33:42):
If my wife said that, I wouldn't put it on her.
I'd be like, hey, I you know I'm not really
hugging kind of guy.
Speaker 1 (33:49):
Can we.
Speaker 3 (33:51):
Okay? Okay, great, I'm not hugging again.
Speaker 1 (33:57):
Yeah all right.
Speaker 2 (34:00):
We didn't pay some one my bad, but we didn't
all agree, which that helped. That hurts with the pacing.
Speaker 1 (34:05):
True. All right, what more from Rico? Firstly, I wanted
to say you guys did an amazing job at Epicon.
I hope there's another crossover with call it what it is. Secondly,
so obviously we all we all know if Banya was
a real human, she would be exuding modern woman energy.
But what else should we know about her? What does
she look like? What's her personality? What is your line
(34:26):
of work? Is she single? Dating? Mary? Divorce? Does she
and the men? Women are both? Can't wait to hear
more about Banya the person love you all?
Speaker 2 (34:34):
Well? We know it's a hat, Yeah, Bonya has a
cone shaped hat on a bonnet shaped wool hat. She
has brownish blondish hair, is bron she's a bronde.
Speaker 4 (34:47):
She's a brond blue eyes. Sure about mid tit length,
the old.
Speaker 3 (34:53):
Mid tit mid title, Yeah, the old MTL.
Speaker 4 (34:59):
I say she's.
Speaker 2 (35:01):
I would say she's like a dear abby like call
uh uh, she like writes in the Jersey's a journalist.
Speaker 4 (35:09):
Oh journalists, how to go scientists? Because she's smart?
Speaker 3 (35:13):
No, no, no, she's a journalist. She's a good writer.
She gives advice.
Speaker 5 (35:16):
Okay, yeah, fine, she's into men and women's yet into both?
Speaker 4 (35:20):
Yeah, she's uh more about the person.
Speaker 3 (35:23):
She's dating, married or divorced or single?
Speaker 4 (35:27):
Dating?
Speaker 3 (35:28):
I would say dating.
Speaker 4 (35:29):
Too, Yeah, that's about she has like cool style.
Speaker 3 (35:36):
She's like cool girl.
Speaker 4 (35:37):
She's a cool girl. But she can also get down
on like sweats.
Speaker 3 (35:39):
Yeah, you know nice. Yeah, we got really creative with these.
Speaker 7 (35:45):
And uh.
Speaker 5 (35:47):
She enjoys eyebrow jel okay and gold hoots and her dogs.
Speaker 3 (35:54):
Loves her dogs.
Speaker 4 (35:55):
Loves her dogs.
Speaker 3 (35:56):
She has a cavaboo and a pal Yes, multiple dogs,
she has a a palm.
Speaker 1 (36:03):
Yeah.
Speaker 4 (36:03):
Wants children go either way, either way. Wants to get married,
but anyway.
Speaker 3 (36:18):
She's a good gal.
Speaker 4 (36:19):
She's the best gal.
Speaker 3 (36:20):
Yeah, we have no notes for old Banya.
Speaker 4 (36:23):
Everybody wants to be friends with Bonya.
Speaker 3 (36:25):
Yeah, everyone wants to be they everyone comes to Bonya.
Speaker 5 (36:28):
Yes, she's like the neighbor that everybody borrows sugar from. Yes,
watches your dog when you leave town.
Speaker 3 (36:35):
Yeah, she's there for you.
Speaker 4 (36:37):
Stalks your ex when you don't need to look. She
does it all, She does it all.
Speaker 3 (36:42):
That's one thing about Bonya, and.
Speaker 4 (36:44):
That's one thing about her.
Speaker 2 (36:45):
Bonnie oh yeah, Bonnie for short. Yeah, well not for short,
that's just her nickname. Yeah for sure, that should be
your grandma name.
Speaker 4 (36:57):
Yeah yeah, yeah, yeah, I like it.
Speaker 3 (36:59):
Cute sister. Oh no, what was that so called buyd.
Speaker 1 (37:03):
Secrets of the Sister. I mean, I don't know what really.
Speaker 3 (37:07):
Came out quick. Well that's it for this week. You
guys and girls. We love you so much and we
hope you have a wonderful weekend. Yes, we love you,
Love you by
Scrubbing In with Becca Tilly and Tanya rap An iHeartRadio podcast.
Speaker 2 (00:08):
Hello everybody, we are scrubbing in, rub dub dumb. Before
we begin this Dear Bonnia episode, I want to wish
a very happy birthday to Kate Stram.
Speaker 3 (00:22):
Scrubber.
Speaker 2 (00:23):
Her husband reached out and wanted us to give a
shout out, which I think is the cutest thing ever.
Speaker 4 (00:28):
So I love a cute husband.
Speaker 3 (00:29):
We love you, Kate. We hope you have the best
day ever.
Speaker 4 (00:33):
And shout out to your husband Brian, and.
Speaker 2 (00:34):
Shout out to Brian the Big two nine, last year
of your twenties.
Speaker 4 (00:38):
Live it up Girl twenty nine has a Husband's nice?
Speaker 3 (00:44):
You'll be thirty nine with a husband?
Speaker 4 (00:46):
Correct, Yes, yes, I will be.
Speaker 3 (00:48):
And I'll be never with a husband. That's true.
Speaker 4 (00:51):
That is true.
Speaker 3 (00:52):
All right, let's get right into it. We said we
are not ways in time pace from Brook.
Speaker 4 (00:59):
That requires you maybe reading faster.
Speaker 3 (01:01):
Oh wow, okay, well that feels like she said. I
wanted to say it for a minute.
Speaker 1 (01:08):
I have a very frustrating relationship with my in laws.
My husband and I've been together nine years, and over
that time I realized it's not me, it's them. They
are unkind people who spend all their time judging others.
They usually keep their distance. I can ignore them, but
they recently spend four days with us, the first trip
to come to see us after we moved across the country,
and I wanted to cry non stop after day two.
(01:29):
My husband and I were so relieved when they left.
But his brother is getting married in November, so we're
gonna have to spend time with him. What can I
do to let their unkind comments roll off my back
and not be so sensitive about them. I've tried to
be nice, but they just won't ever be nice people.
How do you deal with people who make you uncomfortable?
Speaker 2 (01:46):
You know, this is just one of those like classic
things of it has nothing to do with you.
Speaker 3 (01:52):
It's just who they are, and they're probably at.
Speaker 2 (01:55):
An age where they're never gonna change, unfortunately, And I
hate to be like that unhopeful person who's like they're
too far gone. But I think at a certain age
people just stop wanting to change or trying to change,
and if they haven't made the effort this at this point,
I don't know if you're ever gonna see them change
and be like nice people.
Speaker 3 (02:15):
But I think that you just have to do you.
Speaker 2 (02:17):
I don't think it means you stop being kind or
empathetic or accommodating. I think you just don't bend your
break your back trying to get them to be nice,
because I don't think you're ever gonna get what you
want from them.
Speaker 5 (02:28):
Yeah, it's interesting because I find myself being very much
like you. I'm very affected and can be very affected
by other people's behaviors. And it's very interesting. Robbie said,
send something to me once and I'll never forget it.
Speaker 4 (02:43):
It was take people as they are.
Speaker 5 (02:46):
Just take people as they are, and it really weirdly
changed things for me, Like it was like, that's just
how this person is. I'm never gonna change them and
has nothing to do with me, and you just take
them for how they are, who they are, and it
really helped me, like not be upset by the way
other people interact Yeah with me around me, hm, it
(03:06):
really helps.
Speaker 2 (03:07):
I think you just try to avoid spending any unnecessary
time with them.
Speaker 5 (03:11):
Right, I mean, these are your in laws, so you
are going to have to spend time with them, but
it's just take them as they are, this is, this
is who they are. Take them for it and prepare mentally,
prepare yourself when you know you're going to be around them,
and that's the best that you can do.
Speaker 2 (03:23):
And I also feel like it's so nice your husband
also understands. Yeah, yeah, because it sounds like he's also
relieved when they like, You're very lucky that you're on
the same page about being pushed by them.
Speaker 4 (03:38):
For sure, getting your little cocoon together, zip it up.
Speaker 2 (03:40):
You have each other if you get stuck. If one
of you gets stuck, seek out the other. Yeah, and
get out of that situation. Onto excuse me.
Speaker 3 (03:48):
It's not you, it's them.
Speaker 4 (03:50):
Literally literally Onto the next anonymous.
Speaker 1 (03:53):
My husband's self pleasure is with porn, and it's kind
of an issue in our relationship. I've asked him to abstain,
but he has not been successful. Whenever ask him if
he's done it, he admits to it and he's super apologetic,
but he never offers to stop. He's more of a
night at owl and works late into the night, and
he'll do it after I'm asleep and I'll tell him
to wake me up. I'll help him out. Am I
overthinking this? We're in a very committed to healthy relationship
(04:13):
with open communication, and I know he's not doing it
because you're not attracted him he or doesn't love me.
I don't feel like he's betraying me or cheating on me.
It just feels taboo to me because of my conservative upbringing.
What do you think.
Speaker 4 (04:27):
Do you wan to go?
Speaker 1 (04:28):
Sure?
Speaker 5 (04:28):
I think if it's affecting your sex life, then I
think you have all the right in the world to
stand firm on it. And if you're not getting the
sex or the pleasure, you're not partaking in it as
much as you want. He's doing this more than he's
pleasing you. I think it's a huge issue, but that
doesn't seem to be the issue here. You said you
have a very committed, healthy, healthy relationship, which makes me
(04:50):
feel like you're satisfied. So I feel like you just
let him have his thing.
Speaker 3 (05:00):
I don't know. I mean, I don't, I don't.
Speaker 6 (05:02):
I don't like it, So I but that I don't.
Speaker 3 (05:06):
Like it either.
Speaker 2 (05:07):
But I think if it's I think it's affecting her.
She took the time to write into the podcast about it,
So I whether it's affecting her sex life or it's
just like bothers her and she's communicated that to him.
Then I think that's something worth potentially seeing like a
couple's therapists about because I think that if it's affecting
(05:29):
you and it's making you feel a certain way, no
matter what that way is, I think it's important to handle.
Speaker 5 (05:37):
I've had many conversations with men about this, various men,
which might sound weird on the corner, because it's so
it's so different to men than it is to women.
Speaker 4 (05:50):
Do you know what I mean?
Speaker 5 (05:51):
Like when I when I would masturbate, I would have
to think about like you have to, I have to
think about something. With men, I feel like it's so
much more transactional, like they're not getting in there.
Speaker 4 (06:02):
I mean, I have men in here so you can
if I'm wrong. It's more mechanical.
Speaker 5 (06:06):
It's more like this, like I need to just get
get get the poison out. Where for women it's so
it's so much so it's like we I can't it's
hard for us to understand each other because it's just
it's like two separate planets, do you know what I mean?
Speaker 1 (06:22):
But what I don't understand is if she's offering to
be there for his needs twenty four to seven, why
does he not take advantage.
Speaker 4 (06:29):
Of that I do not wake me up.
Speaker 2 (06:34):
I'm saying she cares enough about this to say, like,
wake me up in the middle of the night, and
I will do what you need me to do. And
he's still taking this fantasy like option over that, which
I don't like.
Speaker 5 (06:53):
I see it's I don't think it's fantasy like for men.
Then I think it's fantasy like for women.
Speaker 3 (06:59):
Then why I guess.
Speaker 2 (07:01):
I guess I don't get why you want to take
the real thing over what you're watching on a screen.
Speaker 1 (07:06):
That's hard for me too, because I would always take
the real thing if it were up to me.
Speaker 7 (07:09):
Yeah, I mean to defend the dude, I guess masturbating
and sex with another person are very different experiences, Like
they are very different parts of your of you know,
your sexuality, and uh, like, I don't think that you know,
I don't think that you shouldn't you should never master
(07:29):
rate if you're like in a committed relationship. I think
that's a she says that, like, oh, just wake me
up and I'll handle it. I don't think she would
actually like that if that.
Speaker 1 (07:38):
Happened, but I would call that bluff.
Speaker 7 (07:41):
Yeah, I mean, uh, That's what I think is happening.
And also I think the dude is probably like, well,
I mean it's.
Speaker 1 (07:49):
What one in the morning.
Speaker 7 (07:50):
Now, I'm like, like, I just kind of want to
get this was handled, you know, it's all he's like
lighting candles and like putting up a picture of doing
like shower after I don't know, that's my story.
Speaker 1 (08:03):
I just like to look on your face sometimes after
you say things that I receive them want it.
Speaker 5 (08:08):
Like sometimes I'm like, it's like, you know, if he
wants tonight and I'm like I just don't want to shower,
I'll just be like, let me just let me help
you here. You know.
Speaker 4 (08:15):
Yeah, I guess I just don't.
Speaker 2 (08:16):
I might relate to her because I grew up with this,
like a very strong viewpoint on poorn, like a very
conservative Christian mindset on it, So it feels a lot.
Speaker 3 (08:26):
I think it'll always.
Speaker 2 (08:27):
Feel heavier to me than like it is for Like
I think I think it is heavy for some people,
like I do think it becomes a problem for some people.
But I also think sometimes it's like it just is
what it's like, it's just a what it means to
an end.
Speaker 1 (08:41):
Yeah, it's transactionally, it's let me just because that's the
other thing is, it's like I can just knock this
out in thirty seconds, right, or I can wake her
and it's a thing.
Speaker 3 (08:49):
Ye shower.
Speaker 1 (08:50):
I don't know about the showering thing. I don't think
that's universal.
Speaker 4 (08:52):
But so it could just everybody showers after they have.
Speaker 1 (08:56):
Said I don't think so. I think some people just
cud it up and go to sleep anyway. It could
be a convenience. But judgment the conservative upbringing kind of
throws me a little bit because that just feels judgy
to me, Like.
Speaker 3 (09:10):
You know, that's That's what I'm saying. It's like a
deep rooted thing.
Speaker 2 (09:13):
And whether it's judging or not, if it's inside of
you and you're told it was wrong your whole life
and your partner shouldn't be doing that, it is a
It does feel heavier.
Speaker 1 (09:20):
I think she needs to get over that part of it.
But that's not to say she doesn't have a legitimate
gripe here, because she probably does.
Speaker 5 (09:26):
But I also think there is something to be said
about having that conversation, being honest about how you feel him,
having an honest conversation about how he feels and then
maybe just understanding it. There's there's it is what it is?
Speaker 4 (09:38):
You know what I mean?
Speaker 3 (09:39):
That's what I was gonna say.
Speaker 2 (09:40):
Is it really is it affecting you in your relationship?
Or have you been told that it does affect you
in your relationship?
Speaker 4 (09:45):
It's bad? And then wrong?
Speaker 3 (09:46):
Yeah?
Speaker 1 (09:47):
And does it come up because you're like, hey, shall
we and he's like, oh sorry, I just.
Speaker 4 (09:51):
Did that's a problem.
Speaker 1 (09:54):
Right, all right, we move on.
Speaker 4 (09:56):
I feel like we did good with that one nail that.
Speaker 1 (09:59):
Let's step away, shall we?
Speaker 4 (10:01):
Oh yeah, we got to regroup post breakup words of encouragement.
Speaker 2 (10:05):
No, no, all right, we're back and we are keeping
(10:27):
the pace on this.
Speaker 4 (10:29):
That's right, Mark, take it away.
Speaker 1 (10:31):
We're moving along too, Sophia, I'm six months post breakup
with someone who's been four years with and thought I
was going to spend the rest of my life before
being blindsided with a breakup due to quote social incompatibilities.
He's very extroverted and social. I had trouble becoming close
with his friends, while he became very close with my friends.
(10:51):
I turned thirty four in a few weeks, and I'm
feeling so much pressure to put myself back out there,
even when I feel so heartbroken and devastated by this loss.
I'm going to therapy or piano lessons. I've been working
really hard on trying new things and battling my social anxiety,
but i still feel so sad. I tried getting back
on dating apps and maybe feel worse. I'm looking for
words of encouragement of ways that you've healed and come
(11:13):
out on the other side of a breakup feeling stronger.
Speaker 2 (11:17):
I think that you are not ready to put yourself
back out there, and I think that's okay to not
feel like you immediately need to get on the dating
apps and go on dates, like regardless of turning thirty four.
Like it sounds like you need to let yourself heal.
It sounds like you're trying to find new things that
you love and you're doing things for yourself, and I
(11:38):
think that is such a beautiful thing to focus on
during this time, because you might not be ready to
give your heart to someone again just yet, And that's okay.
Speaker 5 (11:46):
On the flip side, it's a numbers game, and you're
not if you're sitting on your couch and you're not
meeting anyone and you're not going to meet anyone, you know,
So I say, get back out there. It's a numbers game,
keep them coming. But masturbation is a beautiful thing.
Speaker 1 (12:03):
Sure, I have a great time with you, but it.
Speaker 4 (12:05):
Makes you more confident.
Speaker 1 (12:06):
I'm glad that we have a theme, but I think that, uh,
dating apps can be depressing, and I get it as
soon as you open it up, Like, I never wanted
to be on these again. I thought I was done
with this nonsense. So maybe don't do the dating apps,
but you still got to get out there.
Speaker 4 (12:22):
I'm all for that end.
Speaker 1 (12:24):
But live your life, join social groups, play in anxiety. Well,
that's true. I don't know that's a good point.
Speaker 2 (12:33):
Yeah, dating apps are made for her, but she's trying
new things to work on them, and I think that
doing things for herself and meeting new people could lead
to her meeting someone. And I don't think that getting
on the apps. I think if she was like I've
tried everything, I just want to meet someone. I want
to go on dates. But I don't think she wants
to go on dates right now. I think she's feeling
(12:53):
sad and she's going through heartbreak. I haven't known you
six months past the breakups. I haven't known you out
of a four year relationship six months at that point.
I know you for the trigger event and that was not.
Speaker 4 (13:11):
You never knew me after Arizona guy. Oh wow, she
was a pill day crying. But yeah she got back
on the horse. Let me tell you many horses.
Speaker 1 (13:20):
She did get on.
Speaker 4 (13:23):
Those horses.
Speaker 2 (13:25):
But I feel like there's a lot of tears and sadness. Yeah,
I personally say, don't do that. I think your heart
needs to heal. I think you're doing what you need
to do for yourself. I think you work on going
to things that aren't a romantic environment to challenge yourself
with your social anxiety and and learn to love yourself
(13:48):
so that when the time comes, you're ready to give
that love to somebody knew.
Speaker 1 (13:52):
And also, don't you have to get into the mindset
of that wasn't him. He's still out there. That wasn't it.
And maybe you dodged a bullet because that wasn't it.
What if you married the guy that wasn't it?
Speaker 4 (14:04):
Maybe he still is it.
Speaker 1 (14:05):
Oh, don't do that to her.
Speaker 4 (14:07):
What maybe he is. I hated when everybody said that
to me he broke up with you. It's over. I'm like,
but it's not inside me. I know it's not over,
but she.
Speaker 1 (14:16):
Needs to move on. You can't. You can't hang on.
Speaker 5 (14:18):
That true facts. So I'm just saying it could it
could be this guy. We don't know, That's what I'm saying.
I don't think she needs to rush out there and date.
I don't think she's she wants that.
Speaker 2 (14:32):
I think I think she still wants it to be
this guy, and I think that in the right now
it's it's not him.
Speaker 5 (14:39):
Having a healthy mindset around it, I think is key
if you're dating. If you have a mindset of I
had to start dating again, that would be me, then
the dates are going to suck. If you have the
mindset of, like I have to start dating again, I
want to find someone and I want to spend my
life with someone. So here we go such a different mind.
Speaker 2 (14:57):
But I think you were just ready to find someone.
I think you were ready for that phase of your
life to meet someone and settle down.
Speaker 3 (15:03):
Correct.
Speaker 4 (15:04):
And I think she is as well.
Speaker 2 (15:06):
It was going to be her guy for four years
and it wasn't him, So she's having to grieve the
thought of it not being the person she had planned
her life with and.
Speaker 1 (15:15):
Isn't the mentality Also now that we have to get
into this whole work on yourself therapy, great the best
person of you and good things will come.
Speaker 2 (15:24):
The whole reason he into things is because there was
this incompatibility of her not wanting to be social. So
work on being social. Put yourself out there, see what people.
He might come back and you might be like, I
don't want you anymore. I've moved on.
Speaker 3 (15:39):
Yeah, so this is the time to work on yourself.
Speaker 4 (15:45):
Yeah, and masturbate at okay?
Speaker 1 (15:47):
Sure, Anonymous.
Speaker 3 (15:49):
It gives you.
Speaker 4 (15:50):
The what am I trying to say? It gives you
the mojo?
Speaker 1 (15:56):
It does High Mark Eastern Beka, Tanya, look at me
with the top building there, Anonymous. My boyfriend and I
have a lot of friends in another city. We visit
a few times a year, but while we're there, we
stay with our best friends. They're a married couple and
they insist we stay with them because they have a
great house with plenty of room in a large guest
suite and they miss us since we moved away. But
their gaft bed sucks. The mattress is lumpy and it's
(16:17):
caving in, and the pillows are too thick, and last
time we slept there, my or ring said, I got
nine minutes of rem it's that bad?
Speaker 4 (16:24):
That would send me.
Speaker 1 (16:25):
What would you do? Would you risk offending them by
telling their bed sucks or getting an airbnb instead? And
do we suck it up? They are by far our
best friends and have by far the most space to
host us, so staying with someone else doesn't make any sense.
Speaker 2 (16:37):
You guys, the money that you would spend on an
airbnb buy them a mattress.
Speaker 4 (16:42):
So hey, they're your best friends.
Speaker 5 (16:43):
Like if I spent them my at Becca's house and
it was horrible sleep, I'd be like, Beca, you need
a new mattress because that thing is whack.
Speaker 3 (16:49):
I think I would tell my friend be like, yeah,
that was rough. Have you ever slept in that bad that?
Speaker 4 (16:55):
I would send you a screenshot of my or.
Speaker 5 (16:57):
Rings and say, look what you did to me?
Speaker 1 (17:00):
Are they sensitive? Because I feel like this is a
funny conversation to have.
Speaker 2 (17:04):
But I also feel like you could be like, hey,
since we're the ones staying there, when we come visit,
we'll go have these with you, Like, let's go gift
your bestie of in yourself a new mattress.
Speaker 4 (17:14):
Yeah, nine minutes of RIM is criminal.
Speaker 3 (17:18):
That makes me want to throw I would throw up.
I'd be so sick from that.
Speaker 5 (17:20):
If I wake up with less than twenty percent of REM,
it's not a good day.
Speaker 1 (17:25):
I think you get to I think you make it
seem like it's something serious. Okay, we have to have
a talk. We love you guys, but we need to talk. WHOA,
what's going on? Oh my gosh, have you there? They haven't,
you know they haven't. Yeah, I think it's I think
it's funny. I think you make it work.
Speaker 2 (17:42):
You could say, hey, if you're if you don't feel
good about doing that, can we sleep in your bed
and y'all can sleep in there visit.
Speaker 1 (17:48):
Yeah, but I like the idea going in on a
bed with him done, or.
Speaker 5 (17:51):
Just like get some bed bugs and slip them in
there and be like, oh my gosh, you have bed bugs.
Speaker 3 (17:55):
That feels terrible.
Speaker 1 (17:56):
Idea, bad idea. Yeah, you're right, we.
Speaker 4 (17:58):
Should have ended one.
Speaker 1 (18:00):
I'm going to be hi Becca, Tana Easton, and Mark. Okay,
Sopa got top billing and Tany was misspelled. So I'm
the matron of honor and my friend's wedding and currently
planning her bachelorette party, and I just found out I'm pregnant.
I'll be about ten weeks a long at the bachelorette party,
but I'm not sure I want to tell anybody at
that point. I can hide drinking at the Airbnb, but
(18:21):
worry how I can manage this at the wine tastings
I have planned that is more challenging. Should I tell
the bride and have her help me cover I don't
want to make it a big thing and be about me,
so I'm hesitant. I'll be about thirty six weeks pregnant
at her wedding, which also makes me nervous. What should
I do?
Speaker 4 (18:37):
One hundred percent you should tell the bride.
Speaker 2 (18:39):
I definitely think you should tell the bride, and I
think you just say, hey, this is the only thing
that this that I'm going to tell you that will
be about me this weekend because I need you to know.
Speaker 3 (18:50):
But I she's going to be so excited for you,
first of all.
Speaker 2 (18:53):
Yeah, but also just say, I'm not ready to tell everybody,
So I just want you to know why I'm not
going to be drinking at the wine tastings, and you know,
help if you can help me cover it.
Speaker 3 (19:04):
Up without letting anyone know.
Speaker 5 (19:06):
Tasting is a tough one because it's like I'm like,
nobody's really I don't feel like nobody notices that somebody's
not drinking unless you make a point to be like, no,
not drinking.
Speaker 2 (19:14):
I feel like a lot of places they maybe have
non alcoholic wine, like I had a non alcoholic champagne
or like a maybe they have like a sparkling cider
or something that you can sip on so it doesn't
look like.
Speaker 3 (19:26):
Just water in a glass.
Speaker 5 (19:28):
Yeah, but yeah, maybe get the wine cellar.
Speaker 2 (19:32):
Yeah, call them and see if they have anything, or
you bring some of your own and they can serve
that to Yeah.
Speaker 5 (19:37):
Just like, hey, I'm pregnant and I haven't told anybody.
Can help a sister out. Yeah yeah, yeah, yeah, that's
a good idea. And she's gonna be thirty six weeks
at her wedding.
Speaker 4 (19:46):
That makes me notice too.
Speaker 5 (19:49):
Feels very yeah.
Speaker 4 (19:52):
Across that bridge when we get there.
Speaker 3 (19:53):
Yeah yeah, yeah, let's talk in thirty six weeks.
Speaker 4 (19:55):
Yeah, that feel good.
Speaker 1 (19:57):
Next Mark Next up here we go from Anonymous. I'm
a lawyer listening to your podcast. I appreciate the thoughtful
advice you give. I related to a listener who recently
wrote in about struggling to communicate the need for alone
time to their partner. I'm thirty three, I'm engaged. We've
been together six years. He has an amazing relationship with
my ten year old son. We built a great life together.
He is loving, he always wants to be around me.
(20:17):
He's a great communicator. I love him so much, But
why do I feel like he's more into me than
I'm into him? Is it normal for one person in
the relationship to be on a higher scale than the other.
I value my alone time. While he respects that, I
don't think he truly gets it. I even get excited
when he goes on work trips so I can have
some space. I struggle with this nagging thought, and it's
(20:39):
exactly what Beca said to this previous listener. Maybe he
isn't my person. The thought of ending this relationship kills
me because it would ruin our family, and my son
would be devastated, as well as my friends and family.
I feel crazy for even having these thoughts and my
overthinking and self sabotaging. What is wrong with me? Any
advice would be appreciated.
Speaker 5 (20:58):
I just have one thing to say, here comes to here,
she comes. If you're questioning not being in this relationship
because it's gonna hurt your son and your family, that's
momentary versus your life, your your life, yeah, and your forever.
Speaker 3 (21:16):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (21:17):
With that being said, I think that there's a lot
of people who would resonate with this. I also don't
have kids, so I don't know the dynamic of like
always having a child who is like meeting you constantly
and like you're having to give, give, give, and then
also having a partner who's like needing a lot from
you and you're having to give, give, give, So I
(21:40):
don't know that I really am able to like chime
in on this. I just feel like I always thought.
I mean, you can listen to old episodes of the
podcast where I was like, I want to date someone
who travels a lot so that I can have my
alone time, And now when Haley and I have spent
any time a part I'm like miserable. So I do
know that there's a world where you can where you
(22:04):
don't feel this way.
Speaker 5 (22:05):
I think, yeah, and you're speaking the wrong girl, because
I need no space.
Speaker 1 (22:11):
Well that's the thing. So I think she would regret
ending this relationship. I think she's overreacting to these feelings
she's having. I think everything's actually fine. Patti Rodriguez, remember Patty, Yes,
she used to work here. She had a theory that
the healthiest relationships the woman is a no the guy
is a little bit more into the woman than vice versa.
(22:33):
And I think there is something to this theory. I
think those are the best relationships. I don't know, I
don't know. I can't explain it, but I think she's right.
I think it's okay that he's a little bit more
into you. Now, if that becomes a gap, a big chasm,
then we got a real problem. But I think it's okay.
I think everything is okay here. Everything I read on
this thing is okay. And as long as you're not
(22:54):
feeling a need to escape the relationship, you just need
some time every once in a while, I think everything's fine.
Speaker 2 (23:00):
She said, I value my alone time, and while he
respects that, I don't think he truly understands that. So
maybe it's a conversation of really explaining to him that
when you get what you need, which is your time
by yourself, you're going to be able to give more
to him and show up better in the relationship and
maybe he feel like maybe he's like, oh, yeah, I
get it, you need your alone time, but like, maybe
(23:21):
you really solidify what that looks like and block it
out in your schedule where you have time to where
you do something just by yourself. Do you think do
you feel like Robbie's more obsessed with you than you
are with him or do you find it to be equal.
Speaker 1 (23:35):
I think you're more obsessed than he is with you.
Speaker 3 (23:37):
Really, I don't.
Speaker 4 (23:39):
I just but you only see me. He's pretty obsessed
with me.
Speaker 3 (23:44):
I do find him to be pretty obsessed with her.
Speaker 5 (23:46):
Like weirdly, but so I think we're pretty equally obsessed
with each other. But I feel like I've never been
the type of person that needs space right, just in general,
I'm not like a space needer.
Speaker 4 (24:01):
When he's out of town, when we're.
Speaker 5 (24:02):
Apart, I'm not like devastated door c correct, I'm fine,
and I like I do enjoy it. I'll like to
sit in a song, I'll do my workouts, So I'm
not like sad, but I don't like need it.
Speaker 4 (24:14):
Like I'm not like go right right, just not me.
Speaker 2 (24:19):
Yeah, Like I think it's human to enjoy doing your
own thing by yourself. Like, I don't think that that
means that he's not your person, just because you need
that time for yourself and I I just think that
if you're only with him because you don't want your
son or family or friends to be sad, that's something
to think about.
Speaker 4 (24:42):
I still think about Mark's judgment of my relationship.
Speaker 3 (24:46):
I know I'm not.
Speaker 2 (24:48):
I have felt like I always felt that about Tanya,
but then I've seen like the way he responds to
her text and how he speaks to her, and like
the things that he does, and I'm like, oh, I
think he's.
Speaker 3 (25:00):
I think it's a very equal obsession.
Speaker 6 (25:03):
Yeah, he's just not as vocal. Yeah, we don't have
a podcast where he talks about it, right, but like
I do like say same. Like he'll say things and
I'm just like, what it looks like.
Speaker 3 (25:13):
I would say, yeah, it's it's pretty cute.
Speaker 4 (25:17):
It is pretty cute. But I just asked him, so
we're good.
Speaker 1 (25:20):
How did you phrase it?
Speaker 4 (25:21):
Do you think I'm obsessed with you more or you're
obsessed with me more?
Speaker 3 (25:24):
That's such a great I would say it's equal.
Speaker 2 (25:28):
I would say it's pretty equal. That's what I think
he's going to say. Okay, what do you all think he's.
Speaker 3 (25:32):
Going to say.
Speaker 1 (25:33):
Yeah, he's going to be like right down the middle.
I think he's gonna be a new phone.
Speaker 2 (25:36):
Who is I think I'll say fifty to fifty or equal?
Speaker 3 (25:42):
Okay, did we do give you good advice?
Speaker 1 (25:45):
Yeah? I think we did just really expert.
Speaker 3 (25:47):
But she's a fiance, so like this is marry him.
Speaker 1 (25:51):
You won't regret it. Wow, that's my advice.
Speaker 4 (25:54):
He said.
Speaker 5 (25:54):
I think it's equal. Mine's a more quiet obsession. Yours
is more blatant, laytant.
Speaker 1 (26:01):
That's your autobiography right there, Layton obsessed.
Speaker 4 (26:07):
I've got three dots. I'm not sure if there's more
than well, you know what.
Speaker 1 (26:11):
We'll find out the rest.
Speaker 3 (26:33):
Right, we're back. Did we get an update?
Speaker 5 (26:35):
We've got an update. So the first part was I
think it's equal. Mine's more quiet obsession, Yours is more blatant.
And he said, like, I don't stare at you while
we're watching TV, but in my mind I'm obsessed that
I just get to lay next to you.
Speaker 3 (26:47):
Oh that is so cute.
Speaker 4 (26:53):
I know I can't handle it.
Speaker 1 (26:56):
All right, great, all right, one more? We got two
more the last one.
Speaker 4 (26:59):
Do the last one?
Speaker 2 (27:00):
No?
Speaker 3 (27:00):
We got two more?
Speaker 4 (27:01):
Oh we do?
Speaker 2 (27:01):
I know.
Speaker 1 (27:01):
I'm asked my husband as a new colleague that I
am not a fan of if I met her once
and she was nice, but my husband told me about
something else she said to him, and it rubbed me
the wrong way. At a reason lunch meeting, he went
to shake her hand, and she responded by saying, oh, no,
we're on a hug basis now. I told him that
I would like him to set some boundaries as well
as not hug her. He said he has, but it's
hard not to hug her when everyone else in the
(27:22):
office is hugging. I personally don't hug my colleagues, but
I do understand some people hug after they've known each
other for some time. Is my request ridiculous?
Speaker 3 (27:31):
Oh? This is so hard because I.
Speaker 2 (27:36):
Totally get her side of being like, set the boundaries,
but I totally get him being at work being like,
I can't hug you.
Speaker 4 (27:43):
Right, I'm this girl, I am the hugger girl.
Speaker 3 (27:45):
Me too.
Speaker 2 (27:45):
I'm a hugger as well, and it makes me think
I need to be aware of who I'm hugging.
Speaker 4 (27:51):
Right, Yeah, Yeah, I hug everyone.
Speaker 3 (27:56):
How does he set the boundary now that they've established
a hug He can't.
Speaker 1 (28:01):
He can't, but also can he just avoid it? Can
you just be like hey, kind of walk past her
like there's nobody's a hugging, but.
Speaker 3 (28:06):
She's like, come here, You're not getting by without a hug.
Speaker 5 (28:09):
No.
Speaker 4 (28:09):
But you can also be like, oh, I'm a little sick.
Fist bump.
Speaker 1 (28:12):
Yeah, maybe tiny's the huggiest person I know, but she
didn't hugging every day. We hug before we leave for Christmas,
you know, like I'm it's not much more than that, Like, oh,
I'm not going to see it for a few weeks,
have a good time, you know that sort of thing.
Is that a day?
Speaker 5 (28:26):
No, but like not daily at work? But like if
if we have like a jingle ball or festival, hug.
Speaker 4 (28:31):
You when I see you at like something like that
out in the wild. Yeah, So it's like less in
the office more if I see you outside the office.
Speaker 5 (28:39):
Yes.
Speaker 1 (28:40):
So I think maybe this will fizzle out because she
can't keep that up forever, hugging every person every day.
Speaker 3 (28:45):
If she if for.
Speaker 2 (28:46):
Whatever reason, the wife's feeling is correct and this woman
has ill intention and she does make an effort to
hug him every day doesn't matter.
Speaker 5 (28:56):
But she doesn't trust her husband. I mean at the
end of the day, and like, yeah, there's some certain things.
Speaker 1 (29:01):
He can do.
Speaker 2 (29:01):
You don't think he should be like, hey, like I
I want to be respectful to my relationship.
Speaker 4 (29:09):
No, that's weird.
Speaker 5 (29:13):
It would make her look weird to his coworkers, I think,
And I don't care. She doesn't want to have and
I don't think it's a look that you want your
husband to have with his colleagues that like, I can't
hug you because my husband thinks my wife thinks it's weird.
Speaker 2 (29:28):
Okay, So the advice is you try to just avoid it.
Otherwise you just trust him and know that it's just to.
Speaker 4 (29:36):
Just say, like, hey, I'm a little sick, fist bump
and maybe yeah.
Speaker 1 (29:39):
But also, it doesn't matter what her intentions are. If
you trust your husband, it doesn't matter if you hug
you once in a while at work. It's not the
end of the world. I don't think, I.
Speaker 3 (29:46):
Mean, I don't know. I think I think men are
easily seduced.
Speaker 2 (29:51):
Seduced, yes, really, yes, I know. But if he could
set the boundary of not hugging someone that makes his
wife uncomfortable.
Speaker 1 (30:04):
But we should get into that this men are easily seduced.
That's interesting said because it also puts the blame not
on him.
Speaker 2 (30:12):
I know, I think it's I think there's equal parties,
but I think she doesn't care about his The woman
coming in does not care about his marriage or his wife.
Speaker 3 (30:22):
True, she doesn't care.
Speaker 1 (30:24):
That might be overstating it. Though she's just a hugger
like Tanya hugs me. Doesn't mean she doesn't care about
my wife.
Speaker 3 (30:29):
No, but I'm saying that.
Speaker 2 (30:31):
She's not gonna like think about look like Tonya is
not hugging you, thinking like, oh it's Mark's wife.
Speaker 3 (30:36):
She's just like, oh I love Mark. I'm gonna hug Mark.
Speaker 1 (30:39):
Yeah right right.
Speaker 3 (30:40):
So, but I'm saying if there's ill intention in that,
then she's like I don't care like I like this guy.
Speaker 4 (30:47):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (30:47):
Facts, wait, I came in.
Speaker 2 (30:51):
With ill.
Speaker 4 (30:53):
That's the example is me. But let's just go with it.
Speaker 2 (30:57):
But I'm saying, if you're if you were not with
Robbie and you had ill intentions and you wanted Mark,
then you coming into hug Mark, what is just would
be like you wouldn't be like, oh no, I'm worried
about what his wife thinks.
Speaker 1 (31:13):
Facts.
Speaker 3 (31:13):
You would just be like, but it doesn't.
Speaker 1 (31:15):
I'm just saying it doesn't matter if the husband, If
you trust your husband and he's a reliable guy, nothing
ever as bad as going to happen. People's thoughts are
people's thoughts. Facts.
Speaker 3 (31:23):
I agree. I'm just saying there's a lot of facts
being thrown out.
Speaker 1 (31:28):
My wife when we first started dating, even I was
in an improv goog call comedy sports and improv people
tend to be this way, and so every time you
showed up for a show, everybody hugged everybody, and that
took her a minute like, Okay, this is weird because
she wasn't raised like that. She wasn't like that with
her friends, so it was bizarre to her that every
guy and girl in the room got a hug when
I arrived, and then the next person arrives, hug, hug, hug,
zug hugs. It's weird. So I understand where she's coming
(31:50):
from if it's not her way of being, But I
think you get too.
Speaker 4 (31:55):
I totally get it. I get the uncomfortableness.
Speaker 1 (31:57):
So your question is not ridiculous to answer your question.
Speaker 3 (32:00):
No, I don't think you're ridiculous.
Speaker 2 (32:01):
I just think it's an uncomfortable situation for everyone evolved
now yeah, maybe for future people coming in.
Speaker 5 (32:10):
I just say, like germs, No, I used to be
such a hugger before COVID, and I feel like since COVID,
I've become like way less of a hugger.
Speaker 1 (32:20):
Hugging was fine during COVID because your germs are going
out the.
Speaker 4 (32:22):
Back whatever and all.
Speaker 3 (32:24):
Just actually the hug felt safer than the handshake.
Speaker 1 (32:27):
Sure.
Speaker 7 (32:27):
Did you see on Dancing with the Stars of the
first episode the Palmer horse guy. I can't remember his name,
but he uh. They showed him in the package like
the pro was like, I'm a hugger and he's like,
I'm a shaker handout.
Speaker 3 (32:39):
He has a girlfriend, and I like that cool? What
are your where are your thought?
Speaker 4 (32:44):
No one's watching Dancing with.
Speaker 7 (32:50):
Although we feel, uh, I mean, you shouldn't have to
hug everybody, damn, Like you know, like, uh, just because
someone wants to hug he doesn't mean you have to
do it.
Speaker 2 (33:00):
Alison said, I I feel weird about Becca and I
don't want you hugging her.
Speaker 3 (33:06):
And but we had already established that we hug what
would you do so hard?
Speaker 1 (33:10):
I'd have to say.
Speaker 4 (33:13):
I was just I was just carefully deflected.
Speaker 7 (33:15):
I guess I wouldn't say I was sick, but I'd
be like, you come in for the hug and I'd
have to put out the fist or.
Speaker 5 (33:21):
Yeah, yeah, it's just weird, like because if he said
that to you, if he's just like, my wife doesn't
really want me hugging other girls like.
Speaker 3 (33:30):
I mean, I guess I would be more like, oh,
I get it. Respect respect her.
Speaker 4 (33:36):
I'd be like, I'm not trying to hit on you. Yeah,
if you go maniac.
Speaker 7 (33:42):
If my wife said that, I wouldn't put it on her.
I'd be like, hey, I you know I'm not really
hugging kind of guy.
Speaker 1 (33:49):
Can we.
Speaker 3 (33:51):
Okay? Okay, great, I'm not hugging again.
Speaker 1 (33:57):
Yeah all right.
Speaker 2 (34:00):
We didn't pay some one my bad, but we didn't
all agree, which that helped. That hurts with the pacing.
Speaker 1 (34:05):
True. All right, what more from Rico? Firstly, I wanted
to say you guys did an amazing job at Epicon.
I hope there's another crossover with call it what it is. Secondly,
so obviously we all we all know if Banya was
a real human, she would be exuding modern woman energy.
But what else should we know about her? What does
she look like? What's her personality? What is your line
(34:26):
of work? Is she single? Dating? Mary? Divorce? Does she
and the men? Women are both? Can't wait to hear
more about Banya the person love you all?
Speaker 2 (34:34):
Well? We know it's a hat, Yeah, Bonya has a
cone shaped hat on a bonnet shaped wool hat. She
has brownish blondish hair, is bron she's a bronde.
Speaker 4 (34:47):
She's a brond blue eyes. Sure about mid tit length,
the old.
Speaker 3 (34:53):
Mid tit mid title, Yeah, the old MTL.
Speaker 4 (34:59):
I say she's.
Speaker 2 (35:01):
I would say she's like a dear abby like call
uh uh, she like writes in the Jersey's a journalist.
Speaker 4 (35:09):
Oh journalists, how to go scientists? Because she's smart?
Speaker 3 (35:13):
No, no, no, she's a journalist. She's a good writer.
She gives advice.
Speaker 5 (35:16):
Okay, yeah, fine, she's into men and women's yet into both?
Speaker 4 (35:20):
Yeah, she's uh more about the person.
Speaker 3 (35:23):
She's dating, married or divorced or single?
Speaker 4 (35:27):
Dating?
Speaker 3 (35:28):
I would say dating.
Speaker 4 (35:29):
Too, Yeah, that's about she has like cool style.
Speaker 3 (35:36):
She's like cool girl.
Speaker 4 (35:37):
She's a cool girl. But she can also get down
on like sweats.
Speaker 3 (35:39):
Yeah, you know nice. Yeah, we got really creative with these.
Speaker 7 (35:45):
And uh.
Speaker 5 (35:47):
She enjoys eyebrow jel okay and gold hoots and her dogs.
Speaker 3 (35:54):
Loves her dogs.
Speaker 4 (35:55):
Loves her dogs.
Speaker 3 (35:56):
She has a cavaboo and a pal Yes, multiple dogs,
she has a a palm.
Speaker 1 (36:03):
Yeah.
Speaker 4 (36:03):
Wants children go either way, either way. Wants to get married,
but anyway.
Speaker 3 (36:18):
She's a good gal.
Speaker 4 (36:19):
She's the best gal.
Speaker 3 (36:20):
Yeah, we have no notes for old Banya.
Speaker 4 (36:23):
Everybody wants to be friends with Bonya.
Speaker 3 (36:25):
Yeah, everyone wants to be they everyone comes to Bonya.
Speaker 5 (36:28):
Yes, she's like the neighbor that everybody borrows sugar from. Yes,
watches your dog when you leave town.
Speaker 3 (36:35):
Yeah, she's there for you.
Speaker 4 (36:37):
Stalks your ex when you don't need to look. She
does it all, She does it all.
Speaker 3 (36:42):
That's one thing about Bonya, and.
Speaker 4 (36:44):
That's one thing about her.
Speaker 2 (36:45):
Bonnie oh yeah, Bonnie for short. Yeah, well not for short,
that's just her nickname. Yeah for sure, that should be
your grandma name.
Speaker 4 (36:57):
Yeah yeah, yeah, yeah, I like it.
Speaker 3 (36:59):
Cute sister. Oh no, what was that so called buyd.
Speaker 1 (37:03):
Secrets of the Sister. I mean, I don't know what really.
Speaker 3 (37:07):
Came out quick. Well that's it for this week. You
guys and girls. We love you so much and we
hope you have a wonderful weekend. Yes, we love you,
Love you by
Hosts And Creators
Tanya Rad
Rebecca Tilley
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