May 3, 2022 • 52 mins
Becca and Tanya have swapped lives! (kinda). Find out what happens when Tanya is up late eating chicken fingers and Becca got up early for a workout!
Should you invite your significant others on a “bestie” trip?? “Relationship Tanya” has a much different point of view from “Single Tanya”.
How do you react when someone complains that they don’t show up on your IG grid??
And, find out what it means to be truly “Livinge”!
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
Scrubbing In with Becca Tilly and Tanya red and I
heart radio podcast. Hello everybody, We're scrubbing in. Scrub a
dub dub. Happy Monday. It's Monday Fun Day. Becca and
I lived um opposite lives one day this week, and
(00:22):
it was very funny because it literally I lived a
Becca life for twelve hours and she lived a Tanya
life for twelve hours. And I have to tell you,
I felt like garbage. Yeah, you gotta you gotta commit
to it for a few weeks back anymore with the
(00:43):
garbage eating and stuff. You gotta like it's like anything
you have to commit for a few weeks before you
start feeling good. So I went out to a birthday
party and so I was like out and they had
raisin canes there and so and Reds has never had
raising canes, and I was like, oh my gosh, this
is Becca's like favorite thing ever. You have to get
(01:04):
the toast blah blah blah. So we get it and
I ate it like eleven o'clock at night or something,
and I just felt so awful the next day. Becca
that morning had salmon and vegetables for dinner and woke
up early for a workout the next day. Well, so,
so I've been working out and I'm doing it in
(01:24):
the morning because I've been doing it with Ali and
she has to do morning classes. And I feel like
a little I'm because of my competitive brain. I do
better if there's someone in there that I know, so
I can like kind of compete with them in my head.
She didn't know I'm doing that. Um and so I
and so Jojo was in town and she I was
(01:45):
telling her, like, Hey, do you want to do this
pilates class with me? And I had invited Tony. I
was like, We're gonna go at nine fifteen tomorrow. Come
like you'll love it. So she's I'm going to this
party tonight and whatever, and um, so she sent me.
I woke up the next morning and I had um
picked sures of them eating canes and I was like,
oh my gosh. And then she text me She's like,
there's no way I'm going to make it to class.
(02:05):
I feel so sick. And I was like, we are
literally living parallel lies because we ate salmon and veggies
for dinner and we're going to hot pilates and you
ate canes last night, and You're like, I need to
sleep in. So it really was what a life swap,
if you will. Yeah, but I do have to say
I couldn't, like I had to get up and I
(02:28):
went on a run because I felt like such garbage.
I was like, I have to get my mental game
back on to like work, and so I just went
on a run and I felt a little bit better.
But I gotta tell you, the Becca lifestyle does not
suit me. But the becc of life, like that's all
I've known my whole entire life. Like I was raised.
(02:50):
I mean, my my mom cooked, but I also we
ate fast. We love fast food. It's like a very
southern you know. That's just how I grew up. So
I've never had like a strict routine where I ate
super healthier exercised every day. You know. I just have
always done my own thing. And so but I will say,
like I have been trying to eat better just to
(03:11):
have the energy because I'm working out, and I am
not like craving the unhealthy food as much like we
Jojo and I went to stagecoach and I ate like
pretty healthy for being at like this country festival all weekend,
and I was proud of myself. I feel good. But
now that you brought up cane, that sounds really good
(03:32):
right now. I do have to say those that chicken
is like not a lot of batter and very juicy
and delicious. Like I felt like it was like really great,
It's really good and everything. It's so simple. All they
offer is the same meal in different forms, which is
toast chicken, tenders, fries, and the sauce. The sauce really
(03:57):
makes sense. Yeah, the sauce is good. Yeah, healthy options
at stage coach. That surprises me that there are healthy sorry.
So so yeah, we we had a house and so
we and we didn't go till I mean, I don't
know how people rage for three days all day long, seriously,
because we and it's it was a hundred and three
(04:19):
degrees like it was so freaking hot, and we went
I think, uh Saturday, we laid by the pool day
and we ate like at the house and stuff, and
then we didn't go to the festival till I think
six pm as it cooled off. So and then we
just we drank, which I wish we had eaten a
little something to soak up the alcohol, but it is
(04:41):
what it is. And I was thinking to myself, and
then we left Sunday and I was thinking, how do
people do this for three days straight, all day drinking
in that heat? I don't know, youth, there's people not
youth there. I'm like I used to in college, Like
I could rage Thursday, Friday and Saturday night. But it's
(05:03):
the day and it's the desert and the dust, and
there's so many people. I was just like blown away
thinking about I mean, I've done it. I've done three
days of it, but half days and my feet. Man,
there we've sprayed mental pain reliever spray and it saved us.
The situation is pretty gnarly out there, and those polo
(05:28):
grounds or what are they ground grounds and gnarly. Jojo
had never been JoJo's never been to Stage Coach or Coachella,
so she had no idea. And I was like, I
don't think you can grasp how much walking in the
dirt there is like no matter how v I P
you get, there's no nothing will stop you from walking
the walks there's and the v I P at Stagecoach
(05:50):
is right now. It's like next to the stage, so
it's as far up as you can get, which is great.
Once you get there, but you are not cute, everybody says.
Everybody says, like, you know, the celebrities that go that
have like the artists wrist bands, are like, oh, they
have artist wrist bands. It's not hard. And I'm like,
I don't even I've never had an artist rests band,
but I'm pretty confident everybody has to walk that walk.
(06:13):
Like the artists don't get to just I think the
artist like the actual pass, but not people with artist wristbands.
They still got to go through the same security. Yeah,
it was. It was and then they get to go
into the front of the stage, but it's still a
lot of walking. Yeah, we got to It was fun.
We we saw Um, I got to see Taylor Lautner,
I haven't seen him in so long, and his fiance
(06:36):
Taylor and yeah Taylor, Taylor, Taylor, the Taylor's and so yeah,
that was really fun. I'm trying to think we said
we got to see I haven't seen Amanda. I just
got to see people because of the pandemic that I
haven't seen in so long, probably since the last stage coach.
And it was really fun to just like be in
(06:58):
a you know, big event like that. Yeah. Um, and
then I got back last night. I went to him
the Him show at the Hollywood Bowl. Yeah. I mean,
I gotta give you some credit. You have been social
out and about. Like my weekend was literally the opposite
I have been. I've been working on this project and
my deadline was coming up, and I've just been like
(07:20):
in this haze, like I feel like if I'm not
working here, like I'm not doing radio or podcasts, I'm
working on this project. So I feel like I haven't
I've been doing anything else. And so I finished that
this weekend and I just feel so good. And I
got a leak in my apartment, and so now I'm
beginning to think that there's some sort of significance with
water in my life, because everything in my life has
(07:42):
to deal with leaks. And so I'm going to start
reading into that. Well, don't read too much into it,
just read enough to be like that could be it.
But don't don't go off the deep end. Yeah like
you tend to do sometimes. Yeah I do. Um, But
we had some family time and hung up my family
(08:02):
and had a cute, really cute date night. We didn't
have a cute date night, Oh yeah, I mean he
put a lot more effort into the drawing. And I
would like to acknowledge this for Robbie because he drew
this like art piece on where were you all? This
restaurant it's called Potch and they have like brown they
have like brown, um what do you call that? Like
(08:23):
a construction paper? Yeah, but it's like you like lunch
bag paper that they put on the tables and they
give you crams, so yeah, to draw on the brown stuff.
And I actually remember was one of our first dates.
We went there and he drew my name on like
a thing. I was like, that's cute, you know he did,
like I love what I can draw during dinner. I
(08:45):
love it. Yeah, I thought you were at Macaroni Grill
because he drew a whole thing. He drew like my
name and there was halos and then there was like
a rocket ship because he calls me like a rocket
ship that just is like gonna sore high, So he'd
like a rocket ship and he drew like butterflies in there,
and like it was very like beautiful. So did you
(09:07):
just last minute do your drawing? Okay, I was gonna
say this did not feel like the same effort was
put forth, which you know, I just I figured there
was a reason for it, and I was like, maybe
Tanya last minute was like, I'm gonna, you know, do something.
I thought also beautiful. So I took a picture of
his drawing and then mine was blank in front of me.
So then I felt bad. So I just drew like
a heart with his name, and I felt that. I
(09:30):
felt that rush. Oh yeah, I'm glad you're out at
date night. Those are good. Yeah, they're necessary. Yeah, they're
very necessary. Yeah, but you just wait now that mom
has got some more time on her hands. I'm gonna
we're I'm gonna be living at I V I n
(09:52):
g E. There's a place in Door County, Wisconsin where
you can draw on the tables and if they like it,
and they'll take it and they'll rip it out and
they'll post it in their lobby. And that was one
of the most exciting things for me, is when they
did that with this picture that I drew back in.
Isn't that cute? They do that at this when too,
(10:15):
they have them like ripped out and put on the walls.
Oh I love that. Yeah, I was. I felt so honored. Mark.
You should go to pat and try to draw and
see if they'll put it up. That is on my lift.
That sounds like fun um. I. So I went to
the concert last night. I was obviously really tired, but
I was like, you know what, I'm just saying yes
(10:36):
to things that I actually want to go to, like
because you are living like the nge Um. I feel
like living um. I felt like I was watching, Like
when I was looking at him on the stage, I
was like, I felt like I was watching people are
(10:58):
gonna be around for a long time time, Like they're
so cool. Have you ever seen them in concert? Though?
But I do like them. They are so cool. Watching
a show at the Hollywood Bowl is like just amazing.
It is amazing. But I've seen them. I saw them
at the Greek Theater and I felt the same way.
But I just feel and they're like these l A girls,
(11:20):
and they really play into like being from l A
and um like the valley and they were so emotional
playing at the Bowl and it was just so cool.
I was like this, They're just I always told Caroline
and Hink if my sisters, if we, if we had
any musical talent, he could be a band could have
been us. Yeah. I really feel back like you've been
living and I like itang live v I n G.
(11:47):
What else have I been doing? You've just been living
like I just look at you and I'm like, gosh,
she is living and I am into it. I am
subscribing and I am I'm coming along for the party
now too, are you? I am living. Once I get this,
once I get this water situation patched out to my
(12:08):
home and I organize, oh you can't. I'm gonna be
like the Tasmanian devil run around town. I'm gonna see,
Like what does water signify? It's gonna take me to
a dark place in life. I bet it's something about Clint,
like Clint being I need to cleanse right now, like
it's time for me to be associated with birth, fertility
(12:30):
and refreshment. What if it's just a coincidence. There's been
a lot of flooding in my life, like more than
your average gal. I would say, you know, I stand
by my question. Wait, wait, no, sorry. The spiritual meaning
of water mainly represents emotions, new beginnings and purification and
living gans. I need a new beginning and to my living,
(12:55):
and that's what's happening. Um, yeah, I figured it was
something with like the purification is where I was like thinking,
but refreshment, cleansing, like think of Taylor swift, clean, new beginning,
that vibe. So look at that little sprinkled drip drip
in your living room as a blessing drip drip. I
(13:20):
want to talk about something that We're going to take
a break first that Tanya texted me, so we'll be
right back. Alright, we're back. So yesterday I get a
(13:43):
screen shot of my Insta. I get a text from
Tanya and it's a screenshot of my Instagram page and
it says I'm feeling a little um dot dot dot
And I was like what and she was like, you
have to scroll. They already far down before you see
me on my Instagram And I said, like a laughing emoji.
(14:06):
And I was like, well, we need to have a
Tanya and back in night. Let's get cute and take pics.
And she said, I'm very far down there. I said, well,
I'm pretty far down there on yours as well, and
she goes, but I actually care, and I said, I said,
what do you mean? And she goes like it actually
makes me sad, It doesn't actually make you sad, like
she was just trying to counter my attack by attacking me.
(14:29):
But she doesn't care where She's not on my Instagram feed,
but I actually care. And I said, okay, well let's
do something together. We've both been busy, but I'd love
to have a cute bestie night with you, and she goes,
I'm like half joking. I wanted to think I was
like seriously mad about it. Like I didn't want you
to think I was mad, you know, because text can
get taken out of context, and you never know. With you,
(14:51):
you never know, you really never know, And so I
wanted you to know that I wasn't. I was kind
of yanking your chain, but at the same time, like
you could throw up a picture of us my best friend,
why don't you make time we make time for each
other to hang out so we can take a new
photo together. I'm down, I'm living. I don't know if
(15:12):
you've heard. So we got invited together. This is an
interesting So we got invited to go on this best
friend's trip, like to celebrate best friend national best friend
date or something. And it's this trip to where Aruba.
Tanya goes, why don't you ask, I mean Scrabbie and
I'm like, it's for best friend trip and she's like, yeah,
(15:32):
but we could like just pay pay for their flights
and stuff. And I'm like and she was like, and
then we can just take pictures for it. And I'm like,
it's the best friend trip. Why are you trying to
invite the significant others? So, first of all, I don't
even know anymore is a whole different person. Okay, I
(15:53):
think it would be so fun to go on a
trip together, and she's just trying to make it a
couple's trip. First of all, I was not I was
given not that much information. I thought we were just
getting invited to go the two Like I thought I
knew for sure they were. It was inviting the two
of us for National best Friend Days and said that
(16:15):
in the subject line of the email. I got a
phone call. I got a phone call, and so I
was like, okay. So I'm like looking at the dates,
and I'm thinking, like, when can I actually go logistically
with work and stuff, when it can I actually make
this trip happen? Like when can I go? And I
was like, okay, maybe Memorial Day weekend makes sense. So
I'm like, look at the calendar and I'm like, oh,
(16:35):
that's my weekend with Robbie without kids, So that that's
just kind of how my brain works right now. That's
just like what I thought. So in my mind, I'm like, Okay, yeah,
we'll go. We're trying to arrange the dates with you
to Da Da and you were like, I don't really
want to go for two days. Well I know it
was because it's a ten hour flight, so it's like
if we couldn't make it work, yeah, that didn't even
(16:56):
cross my mind. And then she's like, what I thought
would go because you were gonna invite Robbie. So you're
just like, we're going on a couple's vacation. I thought
that it was going to be the four of us.
I literally the whole time thought it would be the
four of us. Well, I was like interesting, interesting because
when we don't even have a picture on Instagram because
(17:18):
we haven't spent hardly any time together as best friends
aside from doing the podcast, and she won't even go
on the best friends specific trip with me without him.
Tell you imagine I think back to the pre Robbie era,
which I know it's very hard for you to imagine,
but we were all there for it. If in the
pre Robbie era you had said to Becca, hey, best
friend's trip, wouldn't go to a ruby together? They're gonna
(17:40):
said it's gonna be great, and Becky said great, you
would have been heartbroken and you would have whined about
it for a month. That's not true. That is true. Yeah,
I would. First of all, I'm not a whiner, so
excuse me, um, I think you would have brought up
that a number of times instead of having a best
friends trip. I definitely think you would have said, like,
(18:05):
I really would love to have just like a weekend
like with me and you. Well, yeah, but that's how
this was approached. Has not approached to me in that way.
I'm telling you it was not. Well, whoever approached you
about it did not read the email. It was a
thing I did not. It was with you. It was
like me and you and so I literally just thought
(18:25):
it would be the four of us. This is not
this is not my bad, and this is not my bad.
I think it's your bad. And as far as not
whining goes, I think texting beck and saying I'm nowhere
near the top of your whining, she was just half
joking it's half probably displays of affection, okay, and honestly no, no,
(18:52):
seriously though below me. It made me think because my
first reaction, which I actually sent, was like, oh, I'm
not far on there on yours. Then you were like,
but you don't care whatever. In my first reaction was like,
well what does that mean? Like to get defensive, and
then I was like, you know what, I don't really care,
and if Tanya does care, then that is something that
I can make happen as her best friend, because that
means a lot to her, even though it doesn't mean
(19:14):
to me. And so I was like trying to make
that happen and say like, let's have a night together,
Let's get cute, let's go to dinner, you know when
we will be cute and a tango. But that's our
boudoir photo shoot, Yeah, which is that's in That's a
little bit what we take photos together. Like what do
(19:35):
we are? We? Like ingerie? Like did you imagine? Like yeah,
that would be very strange. Croctless panties, Like hello, those panties?
What that's what I'm wearing in mine in my photo shoot?
(19:57):
Are you giving these? What did this turn into? Like
you're making Robbie a calendar. Say, what are you talking about?
We're taking Boudoir's photos. What are you wearing? I don't know? Shorts? No,
But like, okay, well there is a fine line between
(20:18):
boy shorts and cratchels fannies. Like where is the middle ground?
Like a like lace thong or something? Okay, minds a
lace thong that has the crotol this this motion? Well wow, yeah,
we're definitely not taking photos together with you and crach um,
(20:42):
but we do have that where we're gonna be looking cute.
But maybe like we could actually do like a cute
night where we go out and we catch I don't
know if you remember, but like last week, I literally
one week ago to the day, I said, do you
want to hang out after this? We can stay, we
can watch Gray's Anatomy And you're like, I can't because
I had work. Well Yeah'm just saying it's not two
(21:03):
It's not a one way street here, sister. Okay, alright,
See this is called getting defensive instead of being like, actually, Becca,
I would love to go get dinner, let's get cute
and go somewhere together. Yeah, I would love to go,
but I also would not like to get cute to go.
I would like to go to dinner. You should have
seen me. I was not cute, No, ma'am, I was not.
(21:25):
I've seen you on your date nights when you post
your mirror picks but sweats in a blazer on. Yeah,
I'm in their free vibes. That is that living? Yeah,
because I is not looking cute living. Tanya is in
a transformation phase. This is a water so she she's
(21:45):
there's some contradictions in her statements, and well, no, to
be honest, I do usually get dressed up for date
nights and stuff. I feel like I feel as though
the last few weeks I have been under pressure and
so all my free time I was working, and like
on on before Day night, I totally lost track of
time and he came to my apartment. He was like,
our reservations at six and it was five fifty and
(22:07):
I was still on this zoom and so I was like,
oh crap, I no makeup on either, Like ran up,
changed and left and I was like, you know what,
I'm hot, I have no makeup on. I look good. Yeah, yeah,
welling it whatever feels. When I say cute, I'm just
saying like however you want to look to take pictures
for me to post on my intern Okay, Okay, I
(22:27):
respect that. So whatever that means to you, okay, I
just want you to want you to feel loved, cared for, respected,
honored on my Instagram. Thank you. That's all I'm asking for.
'sok A long time to get there, I cannot. I'm
(22:50):
impressed with how you handle that, Beckat because, uh years ago,
two eleven, my dad came to me and he's like,
you know, I don't see many pictures of me on
your Facebook. And I was like, watch this, and I
deleted Facebook. I deactivated it. I was on Facebook until
like two years ago. I was off for a very
long time because I was like, this doesn't matter. Pictures
(23:12):
doesn't didn't mean anything. I'll show you how much it
matters to me. I'm gonna delete that, you know. And
I thought that was a very defensive thing to say
instead of like, oh you know, why, why does that
bother you? Let's talk about this. Uh So I'm impressed
with because that's the right way to do it. Even back,
I was like, screw it, just deleted. Yeah, And that
actually feels very like gnarly of a reaction from you. Yeah,
(23:36):
you know, well I thought it was a weird thing
to bring up to somebody like like I don't know, sorry,
sorry talking you. But I did think it was like
a weird thing to say. But also it was a
very gnarly nuclear reaction from me. See, I also find
it so weird, like I could never see myself doing that. However,
I appreciated her communicating it to me as opposed to
(23:58):
like stewing about being passive aggressive, like the passive aggressive
about it. So for me, I was like, would I
ever do that? No, but this is a very Tanya
thing for her to do, and she's communicating what she
needs and what's important to her. I'm like that this
is mature. This is you know what they call their
m a t You are dollars of therapy in dating
(24:23):
someone who is similar in their communication. That's great. Thankful
for this. I'm reaping the benefits. Yes, you are so. Wait,
so you will not take pictures of Tania if you
have to decide on the lingerace she whereas before you
(24:44):
will take pictures of her at the Boodwar photo shoot.
What she's wearing for her individual No, I don't care
at all. I'll get every angle she wants and those
crosses underwear. But like I like posing together like this
(25:05):
a little yeah, like siblings are dating and um yeah,
so that we do have that coming up, but those
will not be together, so we will plan a a
friend date night. Accordingly happy too happy to great because
(25:25):
you know why, honestly I do. I feel like a
bird who just like cleaned her wings off, you know,
or butterfly. Some may say, oh yeah, and she's ready
to fly. What wait, what's the cause of you being
(25:45):
a butterfly ready to fly? Like what? I don't know, nothing, nothing,
has nothing to do with the bird or flying. That
was just my analogy. But what's the newfound? Like living right?
Because I was bogged down. I had a little bit
of stress with deadlines, and now I'm not anymore. So
now I'm free of deadlines. Correct. We also have to
(26:07):
decide what we're wearing for wingo tango. I have some thoughts,
Oh hell, what I was thinking, like for euphoria vibes,
like kind of like bright No, no, okay, that's not
the right word, but like bright colors, like you know
everyone's doing that cool like pop pink, you know, like
the thing over the eye, you know, and like photo,
(26:28):
I'll just send you some photo and spow. Okay, well
I have seen. I'm a little nervous because so Tanya
has sent me sends me dress options for JoJo's wedding,
which is black tie, so you know, typically it's like
a longer like it's fancy and uh elegant. And Tanya
(26:48):
sends me a hot, pink metallic dress that's like has
a slit basically up to like the hip and it's
sure like it's a cocktail dress. And she's like, what
do you think about this for JoJo's wedding? And I
was like, I can't tell if you're getting or not.
It's not a trashy dress. Like it's very elegant. And
(27:11):
it was not what I would describe as elegant, but
it's not trashy. It was avant garde. It was avant garde,
but it would be like something you'd wear to Wingo tango. What,
oh my god, You're just like wo tango. It's like
a daytime festival. You were an avant garde dressed and
wango tango. You were like, okay, it could be jingle ball. Yeah.
(27:35):
I was because a jingle Ball or like I hurt
Festival Vegas. Yeah, I think of all I heard events
kind of the same, like dress about I wore like
a cute dress to the last Wingo Tango I went too,
So I'm like confused, but um, anyways, it's interesting. And
then she sends me a Neon green. Granted this one
(27:57):
was long, but it had like cutouts throughout the mid
sex it and I'm like, Tanya, are you gonna do
this or like how long? I'm like, maybe something a
little more neutral, like less rips out of the stomach,
like there is you know, you can be sexy. There's
a way of being sexy and still keeping it like
within the appropriate you know. It was the website that
(28:21):
I was on. I truly once I got off that website,
I realized that, you know, things, When I look back
at the photos, I say, it was like literally laughing
out loud of crying because I was just like looking
at them and I'm like, these are not black tie
at all. But I've just you had this conversation with Sycity.
I overheard it the other day in the studio. You
(28:42):
were saying to her black tie and said You're like, yeah,
that means to the floor, dressed to the floor, Like, well,
I don't know, it doesn't and he's like, yes, I
am so this. I focus so much on this, and
I don't know if it's a good thing necessarily, but like,
being appropriately dressed has been very important to me my
whole life, Like I never want to be like underdressed
(29:04):
or overdressed. Like it's always been really important that I'm
like dressed at the expectation of the event that's being thrown,
if that makes sense. Yeah, but I don't know if
everyone cares. Like Joejo is kind of like I don't care,
but I don't know if she'd feel that way if
you showed up and you're like, neon, no, I'm back,
because as long as the dress isn't white, I think
we're good. Yeah. Tony's like I found the perfect dress,
(29:26):
shows up in like a white gown with a train
and a veil. The dress it's black and it's to
the ground and it's very t She's like, they said
it was for a wedding. They said perfect black tie wedding.
Whatever that means. So funny. I haven't been to a
black tie wedding in a minute. I've been buffed so
many times being underdressed, and I hate that feeling so
(29:47):
much that I overdressed it as any question at all,
whatsoever the story. This was ten years ago at least,
but we're doing the Secret Show and the Vice President
of the United States, Joe Biden, was coming in to
be interviewed. I didn't even think about it. I was like, okay, great,
and I was focused on that, and I was nervous
about that. I wanted to make sure it went perfectly.
But I didn't think about what I was wearing. That
never even occurred to me. So I go to work
(30:08):
wearing what I always wear, which is like a college
shirt and jeans. I get there Everyone's in a suit,
everyone in the entire staff, and then a suit and
dreth like, oh my god. I didn't even think about that.
So basically I'd hide in the corner when the Vice
President comes in because I'm the idiot who's drifted in
a normal shirt and jeans while everybody else is in
a suit. I felt terrible. So ever since then, if
(30:29):
there's any question, I'll put out a jacket or a tie,
just because I don't want to be that guy. Ever again,
I was humiliated. I that's exactly how I feel like.
I'd rather just be totally overdressed and people be like, wow,
she really went for it than people being like wow,
she did not care right right to But Tanya, I'm
(30:50):
just living in my sweats, lady, living like living in
my sweats. The concept of dressing up is is so like,
I don't because we've just not done it in a minute,
you know. Well, the thing is is that you have
because you've done like red carpet events, so like of
any of the group, it would be you who would
(31:14):
be like knowing what to wear, but even like jeans,
Like I put on jeans now and I'm like, jeans
are so constricting. Um wait, I need to ask Easton.
So I saw that you and Alison went to the Renaissance.
Is it the Renaissance Fair? Well, technically it's the Renaissance
Pleasure Fair, California. What is what happens at the pleasure Fair? Well,
(31:36):
you know it's it's your typical Renaissance fair. People in
costume living their medieval best life, and there's jousting and uh,
there's turkey legs abound. It was for our friend's birthday
and we we had a grand old time. Alison and
I dressed up as the Edge Sheer and Taylor Swift
song The Joker and the Queen. I was the Joker
(32:00):
and Allison was the Queen. I know that song is
about playing cards, but we, uh, we still took it
to the Royal Court version. Uh. Yeah, it's it's a
lot of fun. If you've never been to a rent fair,
there's probably one in your area, and I recommend you
check it out because it's, uh, it's it's a blast.
So I've always seen these on social media, and I've
always seen like just random people. Like it's like I
(32:26):
saw I got walked around on a leash with a collar.
But I don't think it was sexual nature. I think
it was just that he was someone's pet. That's what
I think that I think giving thrown by the word pleasure.
I think that's the problem pleasure. And I also have
like b D s M in my mind because I
was reading a lot about that Megan Fox interview where
they like drink each other's blood or yeah, but in
that same interview, there's like a whole thing about b
(32:47):
D s M. And I had to look up what
it was not b D s M. But I always thought,
I don't know anyone who would go to that, and
I was so curious. So when I saw you all there,
I was like, I need to know, like what happens
at this thing, because is it just like you dress
up in costume and you kind of like live as
they did in the Renaissance times? You can't. I've been
(33:08):
to a few Resiolance Bears in my day, and uh
it's I just like themed entertainment. That's what it comes
down to for me. But yeah, you don't have to
dress up. I mean I saw dudes just like in
flannel shirts and like ball craps is walking around drinking
mead um. But it's fun, you know, Like, um, I
went to buy a bottle of water and the guy
you know, uh that will be sixpence sir, and I
(33:30):
like a ten And I didn't know how to say
thank you, so I just said good gracious and he
laughed at me. But uh, it's it's a fun. It's
a fun time. I don't know. Yeah, you get to
like role play. Uh we did a knife throwing. They
have like archery. Um there's uh you know, you can
put someone in the stocks where you like have your
It's like a punishment thing. You put your head in
(33:51):
there in your arms, you know. Uh yeah, yeah. The
word pleasure through me too, because I've been to other
Renaissance prayers that don't have that in the title, and
I'm not sure if that's like a copyright thing or
what it is, but their pleasures in the title. I
didn't see anything like sexual there. It was just a
regular Renais. You're giving ideas with the man on the
(34:11):
leash and the guy and the wooden thing. She's over here.
You said, um, what what do you say? You said,
role play? Her head twitch turning. All right, good to know.
I've just always been curious and I was like, I
gotta ask Easton about that. I think it's renting all month.
If you want to hit up, I might get on
(34:34):
Amazon in order and outfit. Oh yeah, that's what I'm saying.
I don't know about Turkey like that. People are calling
me like me lady and stuff. That could be fun. Yeah,
that's that's a that's a good time. Maybe that could
be a cute friend date. Yeah, Okay, we're gonna take
a break and we'll be right back with emails. Yeah, alright,
(35:11):
we are back Mark, we have some emails we sure
dud Becca, thank you very much. Both anonymous again. The
first one says, I've been with my husband for a
total of ten years, three years married, and we're only
in our late twenties. We were high school sweethearts. He's
truly my best friend. We've built a nice life together.
He's a hard worker, and he's very supportive, and he's
very social, and he's funny, and there's lots of friends,
(35:32):
in a great family, et cetera. However, he's really picked
up a bad habit of drinking every single day. Years ago.
When it started, he was hiding liquor bottles in his
room when we were dating and living at our separate
homes with our parents, And thankfully he has since stopped
drinking liquor because it turns them into a whole different person.
I'm now the nagging, annoying wife who gets on him
(35:53):
about it every day, and I don't want to be
that person, but I just don't understand the need for
one to four beers every night when we both work
nine to five jobs money through Friday. I'd love to
hear your thoughts and opinions, especially since I know Mark
and Easton don't drink at all, and by being unreasonable
for being so annoyed. This is really hard because I
(36:15):
don't think that you're unreasonable for not wanting your spouse
to like need to drink every night. Um. I know
a lot of people have will like come home and
have a beer glass of wine to just wind down
after a long day, but um, I personally like only
I only drink socially because I don't really like the taste,
(36:38):
Like I don't find comfort in the taste of alcohol.
So I don't know that I have great advice for this. Well, yeah,
you do think about it, like, don't necessarily put the
alcohol with it. But it's like, Okay, you've been with
somebody for so many years and then they develop a
habit that is not something that has been in the
beginning of your relationship. They develop a new habit like, well,
(37:01):
it sounds like it has been in the beginning of
the relationship that he was high. It was liquor before,
and now it's just beer. But it's I just think
at the end of the day, like you, I don't
think it's wrong to be annoyed at all, because again,
it's not your preference. You don't you know, you're allowed
to be annoyed by things. But at the same time,
it's like you can't force somebody, you know, if that's
(37:23):
the way he she's choosing to unwind unless it's a
real issue and he's not making it to work, and
it's like impacting other things, Like you can't tell somebody
else how to live their life. Yeah, I mean, I
guess it's like if he's if he's getting drunk and
it's altering his like demeanor and personality, I think that's
a bigger conversation because it's like or like he's being
(37:45):
mean to you, you know, like if he's being rude
or he's treating you in a different way when he drinks,
and then that's like a hell no. Yeah. But if
I guess I'm with Tony in the sense that if
he is coming home and it takes four beers for
him to relax and he's not like if he has
a high tolerance for it, I just in my mind,
I think, like is four going to turn into six?
(38:06):
It's six gonna you know. It's just like once you
get numb or adjusted to a certain amount, will it increase.
And I think that's where it becomes as scary as
as someone who if I was like watching my significant
other do that, I would be like, Okay, is this
going to turn into a problem. So I get the
fear of like do I try to? I don't want
to be nagging and annoying, but can we have a
(38:27):
bigger conversation about what what is this? And is it
going to continue forever? And I also think two, you
can you know, do things in a way that maybe
you know, you can say you want to not drink
as much, or maybe you guys like challenge each other
and you do like a month where you kind of
like reset and don't drink and and you know, go
(38:47):
to sleep early and kind of I don't know, there's
like I feel like there's more positive ways to encourage
it versus yeah, yeah, yeah, I do. I just not
for me because I don't I've never been drunk. But
as you said, but I do think about my wife,
but why drinks wine? And she drinks it pretty regularly,
And I have thought to myself, like, well would I
do if suddenly every single night there was a bottle
(39:08):
in the recycling bin? Like at what point would I
step in and say, like we we need to have
a talk. And I think that's what it is. I
think you just got to sit down and not in
a nagging way, but in a loving way, say that
you're concerned because and there's other angles to like that's
a lot of money, and that's a lot of calories.
Like that's what That's kind of what I've always thought
about alcohol. Two, it's like it's very expensive and boy,
(39:28):
for a night really does add up. But I think
it's a loving way. You got to come after and
just say that you're you're concerned, that you think that
it's becoming something that is a compulsion and that's not good.
And you want to be there for him and help him.
And if he's dealing with something, you're there for him
and you want to help help him in any way
that you can. He may not respond well to that.
I don't know, but I do think it's going to
(39:49):
have to be resolved at some point or another because
it's gonna keep bothering you. And it's not wrong that
it bothers you. Yeah, I agree. I think it's like
just approaching it more and like I care about you
and I I don't want this to become a problem
or something that's continually getting increased. And maybe there's a
way of like, hey, like we drink on the weekends,
or you know, if he likes the taste of it,
(40:11):
they have nonalcoholic beers. You know. I think there's just
like a way of approaching it of like, hey, I
want you to be healthy and I want you to
be around for a long time, and is there you
know I want to I want to be there for
you and support you and not feel like I'm like
nagging you. Yeah, just let him know that you're not
trying to do it in that way. You just care
about him. Yeah, And until like anything else with addiction,
(40:35):
until he realizes he has a problem. It's not going
to do much about it, but it's good to at
least playing some seeds. Uh, this is a tough one.
The second song, Oh sorry, I'm just gonna go with
dear John. Oh why just imagining his name is John
for some reason? Okay, so dear John, you're just imagining
(40:59):
that his name miss John. Yeah, okay, And that song
deals with addiction, and um, I'm gonna go interesting that
you forced this part in and yet you have kind
of a cop out answer. I'm gonna go with um.
I wish you would. Oh my gosh, good one. Yeah,
even I could to make a list of her songs,
(41:19):
and we talked about that last week. All Right, this
is a tough one. My husband of eight and a
half years revealed a month ago that he's been having
an affair for the last six months. He has surrendered,
told me everything and feels so much guilt and shame
and does not want to keep living that fake life.
He ended it with her. We actually both talked to
(41:40):
her on the phone. We're going to marriage counseling and
individual counseling. Well, it was just revealed a few days
ago that she's pregnant. She swears she hasn't been with
anyone but him. She also doesn't want my husband involved
in this child's life at all. Ever, I love my husband,
he has my person. We have a one year old child.
(42:01):
Question one, do we need a paternity test? Question two?
What do or can we do about her not wanting
my husband involved in the child's life? Question three? Kind
of marriage survived this? I really wanted to, but I
don't want to be kidding myself. Let's go one at
a time, shall we. First? I am so sorry this
(42:22):
is so devastating, devastating and complicated, and I can't even
imagine what you're going through. Um, do we need a
paternity test? I mean I would say yes, just in
the sense that you didn't say in your email. But
this woman that's saying he's the father is she's saying
(42:44):
I don't want you involved, but I want your money.
It doesn't sound like it. I don't. The first two
questions are tough because I feel like those are legal
questions that we don't have the expertise on. I think
you need to talk to an attorney if you do,
because you can't force a paternity test on her. Are
you have to have a judge do that. And same
with the custody. If he wants custody of his child,
(43:04):
he might be able to get it, but again you
have to get a lawyer involved. Yeah, I don't think
I I agree with Mark. I think those are way
above our level of But yeah, I'm thinking if this
person is wanting money, then you for sure get a
praternity test, and like you for sure if you if
(43:24):
you that's what you want, I would assume he would
want custody if it is his child, then I would
say hell, yeah. Yeah, but even just visitation yeah, um,
and even can your marriage survive this? I I mean,
I don't know. I would have a very I personally
(43:47):
would have a very hard time. I don't know that
I could be in live in peace with knowing someone
could do that to me. And at the same time,
I know there's so much healing that can happen, especially
like committing to each other and going to therapy and
like really committing to like being there for each other.
(44:08):
I do. I've heard of people's stories having redemptions, So
I definitely think if both people want it to it
can survive it. But you really have to take care
of yourself in this situation and like pay attention to
how you're feeling through it all, because of course he
feels guilt and shame, you know, like a I mean,
at the very least, that's why he should be feeling
(44:30):
for doing that, do you, especially with having a child together.
But I think it's like you've got to really tune
into how you're feeling and how your heart feels, and um,
if you're able to like actually continue living your life
and and having a healthy relationship with trust and loyalty,
because that's going to be hard to like just let
(44:51):
go of what he's done. Yeah, And I just I honestly,
I think it just depends on like you personally, in
the type of person you are, because I know for
me personally, that's something I couldn't get past because I'm
not you know, I'm not the school of thought of
ones a cheat are always a cheatter. I think people
make mistakes. I think people grow and learn from them.
(45:13):
But I do think that if you were in a
serious committed relationship, as you guys were, you were married,
and somebody goes outside of that marriage, there is a
character flaw, there is something there that they can be
in a committed marriage to you and go outside the marriage,
there's there's something not there, and so I would have
(45:35):
a hard time. I know for me personally, I couldn't
do it, But that's just me. I don't think it's impossible,
and I think yes you can. Um. I think you
just have to really like look at looking in it
yourself and think to yourself if you can, because I
know for me, I wouldn't be able to. Yeah, well
(45:56):
you wouldn't be able to. Back wouldn't be able to.
I don't think i'd be able to. But the only
person's opinion that really matters here is the anonymous emailer
who says in your email she really wants her marriage
to survive this. And if that's the case, then I
think you can get through this. If he is as remorseful,
if he has a contrite as you make him out
to be, I think there's hope here. And I know
(46:16):
that's weird, uh, because six months is a long time
to be betraying somebody. That's a tough one. That that's
what would bother me. And maybe you're going to make
the commitment to continue this. In a couple of months
from now, you're gonna realize that he can't be out
of your sight without you torturing yourself with all these thoughts.
Maybe you're gonna realize this is too hard for you
to continue. Well, time will tell, But as of right now,
(46:36):
if you want this to work, I think it's clear
he wants this to work. The fact that you're open
to him having a being involved in his child's life
that was had outside of your marriage. You're a heck
of a person, I think so. I think you guys
have got a shot. I think you can do this
if you both kind of recommit to each other. I
think there's hope. Yeah, I also was thinking that too.
(46:56):
It wasn't just like a one time like I was
dumb and I cheated. It was like a that was
like a continuation of him. That's a lot of lying. Yeah, Yeah,
it's a lot of them coming home, coming home every
night kissing you while they're who knows what with somebody else.
You know, it's like at what point do what point
where the lies? Like where did the lies start? And
(47:18):
where did the lies stop? You know, it's just like
thinking of thinking, I mean I would be it would
not go well with me. It gives me hope that
he admitted to it, like that she didn't like find
catch him or like find something like he brought it
up to her. That being said, Mark and I have
worked on a certain podcast about someone who has tried
(47:39):
to work past infidelity in a marriage, and it just
seemed every single minute of every single day was like
work and it just seems like so exhausting and difficult,
and you know it can be done, but like at
what costs? Um, I don't know, is this something she
has to think about that's so hard? Yeah, I was
gonna say that too, Like at what point are you
(48:02):
not even able to enjoy the relationship because you're trying
so hard to make it work or you know, and
also you know, I in the email, she did say
this is my person and I wanted to work. But
really think about that, like what is it about the
relationship that you wanted to work? You know, like is
it actually him or is it the comfortability of being
(48:22):
in a relationship and you know, working hard and spending
so much time investing your time because I know sometimes
that just the fear of starting over is what keeps
people in relationships they don't necessarily want and other lies,
Like all of the related lines are going to start
to come up. Like there's gonna be moments when you're like, oh,
we should check out that restaurant. He'll be like, oh
(48:44):
I've been there. Yeah I've been there without you. Or oh,
yeah you went to Lake Taho last year, didn't you
for for work? No? I didn't. I was a lie.
I was actually in Santa Monica with her at a hotel. Yeah,
that stuff's gonna come up, and man, that's gonna be
brutal every time. It's going to be reopening that wound. Yeah,
oh my god, I just saw back and looking for
(49:04):
a Taylor Swift song and I'm not prepared. Here we go,
Taylor Swift song. What's going to be? She can really
use a good one right now. No, I'm trying to.
I'm gonna say peace because I want her to find peace,
whether it's like outside of the marriage or in her marriage.
I hope she finds peace with herself and with her
relationship whatever she chooses. One. Okay, I'm gonna go with
(49:36):
wildest dreams. And my reason for this is because your
wildest dreams are possible and it's not good random and
then you're backward justified because like I wanted to know that,
(49:56):
like her wildest dreams can be reality, like she EXI, Oh,
what's excel about? That's a good one. Yeah, what's excel about?
It's basically about someone who like they see their life
like with another person. You know, I gave so many signs.
I gave so many signs. What's the inn where she's
(50:20):
like all this time? I never learned to read your mind.
I couldn't turn things around. You never gave a warning sign?
Oh my god? How about illicit affairs? Well, I mean
it's a little on the nose. By the way, time
your exile, when that came out, that's the song that
you said you needed to have in and around your
(50:40):
Oh yeah, I'm sorry, that's the Bonnie Bear song. Yeah,
that's rights such a funny way to describe this song.
I did God that one. Okay, maybe this is maybe
this is me trying, okay, good one like she's gonna
(51:02):
try It's okay, I've just given that one before. I
feel like that could be applied to every advice you
now we give someone trying that's why they preached out
so or stay beautiful, you know, just like stay all right,
all right, I think I think we're good. Um, all
you had to do was stay like that's going to
(51:24):
fire her up. That song is gonna fire you up.
If you don't be fired up, listen to that one.
All you gotta do is stay. All you had to
do is be faithful. Should have said, now, all right, well,
well well you maybe you should study those or write
them out just so. Well it's a it's a serious situation.
She needed about eight different Tailors songs and yeah, that's true.
(51:45):
She wants them to feel good, to feel fired up.
You know. The whole playlist for you. Um, all right,
that'll be it. We'll be back Thursday. We have a
Thursday episode this week, so we will be back Thursday Thursday. Then,
I hope you all have a great beginning of the week.
The Met Gala is that happening right now? Is literally
(52:08):
as we speak, the red carpet is happening. Wow. Yeah,
I saw some early sneak peaks of Joe Jonathan Sophie
Turner I saw that too. Yeah. Yeah, I never understand
it fully, but like you know, it's it's something that
if you're if you're following the right people, you're forced
to see him be a part of something to strive for.
To go there, Yeah, i'd be so cute. Alright. Well,
(52:31):
on that note, I hope you all have a great day.
We love you. We'll see you Thursday.
Scrubbing In with Becca Tilly and Tanya red and I
heart radio podcast. Hello everybody, We're scrubbing in. Scrub a
dub dub. Happy Monday. It's Monday Fun Day. Becca and
I lived um opposite lives one day this week, and
(00:22):
it was very funny because it literally I lived a
Becca life for twelve hours and she lived a Tanya
life for twelve hours. And I have to tell you,
I felt like garbage. Yeah, you gotta you gotta commit
to it for a few weeks back anymore with the
(00:43):
garbage eating and stuff. You gotta like it's like anything
you have to commit for a few weeks before you
start feeling good. So I went out to a birthday
party and so I was like out and they had
raisin canes there and so and Reds has never had
raising canes, and I was like, oh my gosh, this
is Becca's like favorite thing ever. You have to get
(01:04):
the toast blah blah blah. So we get it and
I ate it like eleven o'clock at night or something,
and I just felt so awful the next day. Becca
that morning had salmon and vegetables for dinner and woke
up early for a workout the next day. Well, so,
so I've been working out and I'm doing it in
(01:24):
the morning because I've been doing it with Ali and
she has to do morning classes. And I feel like
a little I'm because of my competitive brain. I do
better if there's someone in there that I know, so
I can like kind of compete with them in my head.
She didn't know I'm doing that. Um and so I
and so Jojo was in town and she I was
(01:45):
telling her, like, Hey, do you want to do this
pilates class with me? And I had invited Tony. I
was like, We're gonna go at nine fifteen tomorrow. Come
like you'll love it. So she's I'm going to this
party tonight and whatever, and um, so she sent me.
I woke up the next morning and I had um
picked sures of them eating canes and I was like,
oh my gosh. And then she text me She's like,
there's no way I'm going to make it to class.
(02:05):
I feel so sick. And I was like, we are
literally living parallel lies because we ate salmon and veggies
for dinner and we're going to hot pilates and you
ate canes last night, and You're like, I need to
sleep in. So it really was what a life swap,
if you will. Yeah, but I do have to say
I couldn't, like I had to get up and I
(02:28):
went on a run because I felt like such garbage.
I was like, I have to get my mental game
back on to like work, and so I just went
on a run and I felt a little bit better.
But I gotta tell you, the Becca lifestyle does not
suit me. But the becc of life, like that's all
I've known my whole entire life. Like I was raised.
(02:50):
I mean, my my mom cooked, but I also we
ate fast. We love fast food. It's like a very
southern you know. That's just how I grew up. So
I've never had like a strict routine where I ate
super healthier exercised every day. You know. I just have
always done my own thing. And so but I will say,
like I have been trying to eat better just to
(03:11):
have the energy because I'm working out, and I am
not like craving the unhealthy food as much like we
Jojo and I went to stagecoach and I ate like
pretty healthy for being at like this country festival all weekend,
and I was proud of myself. I feel good. But
now that you brought up cane, that sounds really good
(03:32):
right now. I do have to say those that chicken
is like not a lot of batter and very juicy
and delicious. Like I felt like it was like really great,
It's really good and everything. It's so simple. All they
offer is the same meal in different forms, which is
toast chicken, tenders, fries, and the sauce. The sauce really
(03:57):
makes sense. Yeah, the sauce is good. Yeah, healthy options
at stage coach. That surprises me that there are healthy sorry.
So so yeah, we we had a house and so
we and we didn't go till I mean, I don't
know how people rage for three days all day long, seriously,
because we and it's it was a hundred and three
(04:19):
degrees like it was so freaking hot, and we went
I think, uh Saturday, we laid by the pool day
and we ate like at the house and stuff, and
then we didn't go to the festival till I think
six pm as it cooled off. So and then we
just we drank, which I wish we had eaten a
little something to soak up the alcohol, but it is
(04:41):
what it is. And I was thinking to myself, and
then we left Sunday and I was thinking, how do
people do this for three days straight, all day drinking
in that heat? I don't know, youth, there's people not
youth there. I'm like I used to in college, Like
I could rage Thursday, Friday and Saturday night. But it's
(05:03):
the day and it's the desert and the dust, and
there's so many people. I was just like blown away
thinking about I mean, I've done it. I've done three
days of it, but half days and my feet. Man,
there we've sprayed mental pain reliever spray and it saved us.
The situation is pretty gnarly out there, and those polo
(05:28):
grounds or what are they ground grounds and gnarly. Jojo
had never been JoJo's never been to Stage Coach or Coachella,
so she had no idea. And I was like, I
don't think you can grasp how much walking in the
dirt there is like no matter how v I P
you get, there's no nothing will stop you from walking
the walks there's and the v I P at Stagecoach
(05:50):
is right now. It's like next to the stage, so
it's as far up as you can get, which is great.
Once you get there, but you are not cute, everybody says.
Everybody says, like, you know, the celebrities that go that
have like the artists wrist bands, are like, oh, they
have artist wrist bands. It's not hard. And I'm like,
I don't even I've never had an artist rests band,
but I'm pretty confident everybody has to walk that walk.
(06:13):
Like the artists don't get to just I think the
artist like the actual pass, but not people with artist wristbands.
They still got to go through the same security. Yeah,
it was. It was and then they get to go
into the front of the stage, but it's still a
lot of walking. Yeah, we got to It was fun.
We we saw Um, I got to see Taylor Lautner,
I haven't seen him in so long, and his fiance
(06:36):
Taylor and yeah Taylor, Taylor, Taylor, the Taylor's and so yeah,
that was really fun. I'm trying to think we said
we got to see I haven't seen Amanda. I just
got to see people because of the pandemic that I
haven't seen in so long, probably since the last stage coach.
And it was really fun to just like be in
(06:58):
a you know, big event like that. Yeah. Um, and
then I got back last night. I went to him
the Him show at the Hollywood Bowl. Yeah. I mean,
I gotta give you some credit. You have been social
out and about. Like my weekend was literally the opposite
I have been. I've been working on this project and
my deadline was coming up, and I've just been like
(07:20):
in this haze, like I feel like if I'm not
working here, like I'm not doing radio or podcasts, I'm
working on this project. So I feel like I haven't
I've been doing anything else. And so I finished that
this weekend and I just feel so good. And I
got a leak in my apartment, and so now I'm
beginning to think that there's some sort of significance with
water in my life, because everything in my life has
(07:42):
to deal with leaks. And so I'm going to start
reading into that. Well, don't read too much into it,
just read enough to be like that could be it.
But don't don't go off the deep end. Yeah like
you tend to do sometimes. Yeah I do. Um, But
we had some family time and hung up my family
(08:02):
and had a cute, really cute date night. We didn't
have a cute date night, Oh yeah, I mean he
put a lot more effort into the drawing. And I
would like to acknowledge this for Robbie because he drew
this like art piece on where were you all? This
restaurant it's called Potch and they have like brown they
have like brown, um what do you call that? Like
(08:23):
a construction paper? Yeah, but it's like you like lunch
bag paper that they put on the tables and they
give you crams, so yeah, to draw on the brown stuff.
And I actually remember was one of our first dates.
We went there and he drew my name on like
a thing. I was like, that's cute, you know he did,
like I love what I can draw during dinner. I
(08:45):
love it. Yeah, I thought you were at Macaroni Grill
because he drew a whole thing. He drew like my
name and there was halos and then there was like
a rocket ship because he calls me like a rocket
ship that just is like gonna sore high, So he'd
like a rocket ship and he drew like butterflies in there,
and like it was very like beautiful. So did you
(09:07):
just last minute do your drawing? Okay, I was gonna
say this did not feel like the same effort was
put forth, which you know, I just I figured there
was a reason for it, and I was like, maybe
Tanya last minute was like, I'm gonna, you know, do something.
I thought also beautiful. So I took a picture of
his drawing and then mine was blank in front of me.
So then I felt bad. So I just drew like
a heart with his name, and I felt that. I
(09:30):
felt that rush. Oh yeah, I'm glad you're out at
date night. Those are good. Yeah, they're necessary. Yeah, they're
very necessary. Yeah, but you just wait now that mom
has got some more time on her hands. I'm gonna
we're I'm gonna be living at I V I n
(09:52):
g E. There's a place in Door County, Wisconsin where
you can draw on the tables and if they like it,
and they'll take it and they'll rip it out and
they'll post it in their lobby. And that was one
of the most exciting things for me, is when they
did that with this picture that I drew back in.
Isn't that cute? They do that at this when too,
(10:15):
they have them like ripped out and put on the walls.
Oh I love that. Yeah, I was. I felt so honored. Mark.
You should go to pat and try to draw and
see if they'll put it up. That is on my lift.
That sounds like fun um. I. So I went to
the concert last night. I was obviously really tired, but
I was like, you know what, I'm just saying yes
(10:36):
to things that I actually want to go to, like
because you are living like the nge Um. I feel
like living um. I felt like I was watching, Like
when I was looking at him on the stage, I
was like, I felt like I was watching people are
(10:58):
gonna be around for a long time time, Like they're
so cool. Have you ever seen them in concert? Though?
But I do like them. They are so cool. Watching
a show at the Hollywood Bowl is like just amazing.
It is amazing. But I've seen them. I saw them
at the Greek Theater and I felt the same way.
But I just feel and they're like these l A girls,
(11:20):
and they really play into like being from l A
and um like the valley and they were so emotional
playing at the Bowl and it was just so cool.
I was like this, They're just I always told Caroline
and Hink if my sisters, if we, if we had
any musical talent, he could be a band could have
been us. Yeah. I really feel back like you've been
living and I like itang live v I n G.
(11:47):
What else have I been doing? You've just been living
like I just look at you and I'm like, gosh,
she is living and I am into it. I am
subscribing and I am I'm coming along for the party
now too, are you? I am living. Once I get this,
once I get this water situation patched out to my
(12:08):
home and I organize, oh you can't. I'm gonna be
like the Tasmanian devil run around town. I'm gonna see,
Like what does water signify? It's gonna take me to
a dark place in life. I bet it's something about Clint,
like Clint being I need to cleanse right now, like
it's time for me to be associated with birth, fertility
(12:30):
and refreshment. What if it's just a coincidence. There's been
a lot of flooding in my life, like more than
your average gal. I would say, you know, I stand
by my question. Wait, wait, no, sorry. The spiritual meaning
of water mainly represents emotions, new beginnings and purification and
living gans. I need a new beginning and to my living,
(12:55):
and that's what's happening. Um, yeah, I figured it was
something with like the purification is where I was like thinking,
but refreshment, cleansing, like think of Taylor swift, clean, new beginning,
that vibe. So look at that little sprinkled drip drip
in your living room as a blessing drip drip. I
(13:20):
want to talk about something that We're going to take
a break first that Tanya texted me, so we'll be
right back. Alright, we're back. So yesterday I get a
(13:43):
screen shot of my Insta. I get a text from
Tanya and it's a screenshot of my Instagram page and
it says I'm feeling a little um dot dot dot
And I was like what and she was like, you
have to scroll. They already far down before you see
me on my Instagram And I said, like a laughing emoji.
(14:06):
And I was like, well, we need to have a
Tanya and back in night. Let's get cute and take pics.
And she said, I'm very far down there. I said, well,
I'm pretty far down there on yours as well, and
she goes, but I actually care, and I said, I said,
what do you mean? And she goes like it actually
makes me sad, It doesn't actually make you sad, like
she was just trying to counter my attack by attacking me.
(14:29):
But she doesn't care where She's not on my Instagram feed,
but I actually care. And I said, okay, well let's
do something together. We've both been busy, but I'd love
to have a cute bestie night with you, and she goes,
I'm like half joking. I wanted to think I was
like seriously mad about it. Like I didn't want you
to think I was mad, you know, because text can
get taken out of context, and you never know. With you,
(14:51):
you never know, you really never know, And so I
wanted you to know that I wasn't. I was kind
of yanking your chain, but at the same time, like
you could throw up a picture of us my best friend,
why don't you make time we make time for each
other to hang out so we can take a new
photo together. I'm down, I'm living. I don't know if
(15:12):
you've heard. So we got invited together. This is an
interesting So we got invited to go on this best
friend's trip, like to celebrate best friend national best friend
date or something. And it's this trip to where Aruba.
Tanya goes, why don't you ask, I mean Scrabbie and
I'm like, it's for best friend trip and she's like, yeah,
(15:32):
but we could like just pay pay for their flights
and stuff. And I'm like and she was like, and
then we can just take pictures for it. And I'm like,
it's the best friend trip. Why are you trying to
invite the significant others? So, first of all, I don't
even know anymore is a whole different person. Okay, I
(15:53):
think it would be so fun to go on a
trip together, and she's just trying to make it a
couple's trip. First of all, I was not I was
given not that much information. I thought we were just
getting invited to go the two Like I thought I
knew for sure they were. It was inviting the two
of us for National best Friend Days and said that
(16:15):
in the subject line of the email. I got a
phone call. I got a phone call, and so I
was like, okay. So I'm like looking at the dates,
and I'm thinking, like, when can I actually go logistically
with work and stuff, when it can I actually make
this trip happen? Like when can I go? And I
was like, okay, maybe Memorial Day weekend makes sense. So
I'm like, look at the calendar and I'm like, oh,
(16:35):
that's my weekend with Robbie without kids, So that that's
just kind of how my brain works right now. That's
just like what I thought. So in my mind, I'm like, Okay, yeah,
we'll go. We're trying to arrange the dates with you
to Da Da and you were like, I don't really
want to go for two days. Well I know it
was because it's a ten hour flight, so it's like
if we couldn't make it work, yeah, that didn't even
(16:56):
cross my mind. And then she's like, what I thought
would go because you were gonna invite Robbie. So you're
just like, we're going on a couple's vacation. I thought
that it was going to be the four of us.
I literally the whole time thought it would be the
four of us. Well, I was like interesting, interesting because
when we don't even have a picture on Instagram because
(17:18):
we haven't spent hardly any time together as best friends
aside from doing the podcast, and she won't even go
on the best friends specific trip with me without him.
Tell you imagine I think back to the pre Robbie era,
which I know it's very hard for you to imagine,
but we were all there for it. If in the
pre Robbie era you had said to Becca, hey, best
friend's trip, wouldn't go to a ruby together? They're gonna
(17:40):
said it's gonna be great, and Becky said great, you
would have been heartbroken and you would have whined about
it for a month. That's not true. That is true. Yeah,
I would. First of all, I'm not a whiner, so
excuse me, um, I think you would have brought up
that a number of times instead of having a best
friends trip. I definitely think you would have said, like,
(18:05):
I really would love to have just like a weekend
like with me and you. Well, yeah, but that's how
this was approached. Has not approached to me in that way.
I'm telling you it was not. Well, whoever approached you
about it did not read the email. It was a
thing I did not. It was with you. It was
like me and you and so I literally just thought
(18:25):
it would be the four of us. This is not
this is not my bad, and this is not my bad.
I think it's your bad. And as far as not
whining goes, I think texting beck and saying I'm nowhere
near the top of your whining, she was just half
joking it's half probably displays of affection, okay, and honestly no, no,
(18:52):
seriously though below me. It made me think because my
first reaction, which I actually sent, was like, oh, I'm
not far on there on yours. Then you were like,
but you don't care whatever. In my first reaction was like,
well what does that mean? Like to get defensive, and
then I was like, you know what, I don't really care,
and if Tanya does care, then that is something that
I can make happen as her best friend, because that
means a lot to her, even though it doesn't mean
(19:14):
to me. And so I was like trying to make
that happen and say like, let's have a night together,
Let's get cute, let's go to dinner, you know when
we will be cute and a tango. But that's our
boudoir photo shoot, Yeah, which is that's in That's a
little bit what we take photos together. Like what do
(19:35):
we are? We? Like ingerie? Like did you imagine? Like yeah,
that would be very strange. Croctless panties, Like hello, those panties?
What that's what I'm wearing in mine in my photo shoot?
(19:57):
Are you giving these? What did this turn into? Like
you're making Robbie a calendar. Say, what are you talking about?
We're taking Boudoir's photos. What are you wearing? I don't know? Shorts? No,
But like, okay, well there is a fine line between
(20:18):
boy shorts and cratchels fannies. Like where is the middle ground?
Like a like lace thong or something? Okay, minds a
lace thong that has the crotol this this motion? Well wow, yeah,
we're definitely not taking photos together with you and crach um,
(20:42):
but we do have that where we're gonna be looking cute.
But maybe like we could actually do like a cute
night where we go out and we catch I don't
know if you remember, but like last week, I literally
one week ago to the day, I said, do you
want to hang out after this? We can stay, we
can watch Gray's Anatomy And you're like, I can't because
I had work. Well Yeah'm just saying it's not two
(21:03):
It's not a one way street here, sister. Okay, alright,
See this is called getting defensive instead of being like, actually, Becca,
I would love to go get dinner, let's get cute
and go somewhere together. Yeah, I would love to go,
but I also would not like to get cute to go.
I would like to go to dinner. You should have
seen me. I was not cute, No, ma'am, I was not.
(21:25):
I've seen you on your date nights when you post
your mirror picks but sweats in a blazer on. Yeah,
I'm in their free vibes. That is that living? Yeah,
because I is not looking cute living. Tanya is in
a transformation phase. This is a water so she she's
(21:45):
there's some contradictions in her statements, and well, no, to
be honest, I do usually get dressed up for date
nights and stuff. I feel like I feel as though
the last few weeks I have been under pressure and
so all my free time I was working, and like
on on before Day night, I totally lost track of
time and he came to my apartment. He was like,
our reservations at six and it was five fifty and
(22:07):
I was still on this zoom and so I was like,
oh crap, I no makeup on either, Like ran up,
changed and left and I was like, you know what,
I'm hot, I have no makeup on. I look good. Yeah, yeah,
welling it whatever feels. When I say cute, I'm just
saying like however you want to look to take pictures
for me to post on my intern Okay, Okay, I
(22:27):
respect that. So whatever that means to you, okay, I
just want you to want you to feel loved, cared for, respected,
honored on my Instagram. Thank you. That's all I'm asking for.
'sok A long time to get there, I cannot. I'm
(22:50):
impressed with how you handle that, Beckat because, uh years ago,
two eleven, my dad came to me and he's like,
you know, I don't see many pictures of me on
your Facebook. And I was like, watch this, and I
deleted Facebook. I deactivated it. I was on Facebook until
like two years ago. I was off for a very
long time because I was like, this doesn't matter. Pictures
(23:12):
doesn't didn't mean anything. I'll show you how much it
matters to me. I'm gonna delete that, you know. And
I thought that was a very defensive thing to say
instead of like, oh you know, why, why does that
bother you? Let's talk about this. Uh So I'm impressed
with because that's the right way to do it. Even back,
I was like, screw it, just deleted. Yeah, And that
actually feels very like gnarly of a reaction from you. Yeah,
(23:36):
you know, well I thought it was a weird thing
to bring up to somebody like like I don't know, sorry,
sorry talking you. But I did think it was like
a weird thing to say. But also it was a
very gnarly nuclear reaction from me. See, I also find
it so weird, like I could never see myself doing that. However,
I appreciated her communicating it to me as opposed to
(23:58):
like stewing about being passive aggressive, like the passive aggressive
about it. So for me, I was like, would I
ever do that? No, but this is a very Tanya
thing for her to do, and she's communicating what she
needs and what's important to her. I'm like that this
is mature. This is you know what they call their
m a t You are dollars of therapy in dating
(24:23):
someone who is similar in their communication. That's great. Thankful
for this. I'm reaping the benefits. Yes, you are so. Wait,
so you will not take pictures of Tania if you
have to decide on the lingerace she whereas before you
(24:44):
will take pictures of her at the Boodwar photo shoot.
What she's wearing for her individual No, I don't care
at all. I'll get every angle she wants and those
crosses underwear. But like I like posing together like this
(25:05):
a little yeah, like siblings are dating and um yeah,
so that we do have that coming up, but those
will not be together, so we will plan a a
friend date night. Accordingly happy too happy to great because
(25:25):
you know why, honestly I do. I feel like a
bird who just like cleaned her wings off, you know,
or butterfly. Some may say, oh yeah, and she's ready
to fly. What wait, what's the cause of you being
(25:45):
a butterfly ready to fly? Like what? I don't know, nothing, nothing,
has nothing to do with the bird or flying. That
was just my analogy. But what's the newfound? Like living right?
Because I was bogged down. I had a little bit
of stress with deadlines, and now I'm not anymore. So
now I'm free of deadlines. Correct. We also have to
(26:07):
decide what we're wearing for wingo tango. I have some thoughts,
Oh hell, what I was thinking, like for euphoria vibes,
like kind of like bright No, no, okay, that's not
the right word, but like bright colors, like you know
everyone's doing that cool like pop pink, you know, like
the thing over the eye, you know, and like photo,
(26:28):
I'll just send you some photo and spow. Okay, well
I have seen. I'm a little nervous because so Tanya
has sent me sends me dress options for JoJo's wedding,
which is black tie, so you know, typically it's like
a longer like it's fancy and uh elegant. And Tanya
(26:48):
sends me a hot, pink metallic dress that's like has
a slit basically up to like the hip and it's
sure like it's a cocktail dress. And she's like, what
do you think about this for JoJo's wedding? And I
was like, I can't tell if you're getting or not.
It's not a trashy dress. Like it's very elegant. And
(27:11):
it was not what I would describe as elegant, but
it's not trashy. It was avant garde. It was avant garde,
but it would be like something you'd wear to Wingo tango. What,
oh my god, You're just like wo tango. It's like
a daytime festival. You were an avant garde dressed and
wango tango. You were like, okay, it could be jingle ball. Yeah.
(27:35):
I was because a jingle Ball or like I hurt
Festival Vegas. Yeah, I think of all I heard events
kind of the same, like dress about I wore like
a cute dress to the last Wingo Tango I went too,
So I'm like confused, but um, anyways, it's interesting. And
then she sends me a Neon green. Granted this one
(27:57):
was long, but it had like cutouts throughout the mid
sex it and I'm like, Tanya, are you gonna do
this or like how long? I'm like, maybe something a
little more neutral, like less rips out of the stomach,
like there is you know, you can be sexy. There's
a way of being sexy and still keeping it like
within the appropriate you know. It was the website that
(28:21):
I was on. I truly once I got off that website,
I realized that, you know, things, When I look back
at the photos, I say, it was like literally laughing
out loud of crying because I was just like looking
at them and I'm like, these are not black tie
at all. But I've just you had this conversation with Sycity.
I overheard it the other day in the studio. You
(28:42):
were saying to her black tie and said You're like, yeah,
that means to the floor, dressed to the floor, Like, well,
I don't know, it doesn't and he's like, yes, I
am so this. I focus so much on this, and
I don't know if it's a good thing necessarily, but like,
being appropriately dressed has been very important to me my
whole life, Like I never want to be like underdressed
(29:04):
or overdressed. Like it's always been really important that I'm
like dressed at the expectation of the event that's being thrown,
if that makes sense. Yeah, but I don't know if
everyone cares. Like Joejo is kind of like I don't care,
but I don't know if she'd feel that way if
you showed up and you're like, neon, no, I'm back,
because as long as the dress isn't white, I think
we're good. Yeah. Tony's like I found the perfect dress,
(29:26):
shows up in like a white gown with a train
and a veil. The dress it's black and it's to
the ground and it's very t She's like, they said
it was for a wedding. They said perfect black tie wedding.
Whatever that means. So funny. I haven't been to a
black tie wedding in a minute. I've been buffed so
many times being underdressed, and I hate that feeling so
(29:47):
much that I overdressed it as any question at all,
whatsoever the story. This was ten years ago at least,
but we're doing the Secret Show and the Vice President
of the United States, Joe Biden, was coming in to
be interviewed. I didn't even think about it. I was like, okay, great,
and I was focused on that, and I was nervous
about that. I wanted to make sure it went perfectly.
But I didn't think about what I was wearing. That
never even occurred to me. So I go to work
(30:08):
wearing what I always wear, which is like a college
shirt and jeans. I get there Everyone's in a suit,
everyone in the entire staff, and then a suit and
dreth like, oh my god. I didn't even think about that.
So basically I'd hide in the corner when the Vice
President comes in because I'm the idiot who's drifted in
a normal shirt and jeans while everybody else is in
a suit. I felt terrible. So ever since then, if
(30:29):
there's any question, I'll put out a jacket or a tie,
just because I don't want to be that guy. Ever again,
I was humiliated. I that's exactly how I feel like.
I'd rather just be totally overdressed and people be like, wow,
she really went for it than people being like wow,
she did not care right right to But Tanya, I'm
(30:50):
just living in my sweats, lady, living like living in
my sweats. The concept of dressing up is is so like,
I don't because we've just not done it in a minute,
you know. Well, the thing is is that you have
because you've done like red carpet events, so like of
any of the group, it would be you who would
(31:14):
be like knowing what to wear, but even like jeans,
Like I put on jeans now and I'm like, jeans
are so constricting. Um wait, I need to ask Easton.
So I saw that you and Alison went to the Renaissance.
Is it the Renaissance Fair? Well, technically it's the Renaissance
Pleasure Fair, California. What is what happens at the pleasure Fair? Well,
(31:36):
you know it's it's your typical Renaissance fair. People in
costume living their medieval best life, and there's jousting and uh,
there's turkey legs abound. It was for our friend's birthday
and we we had a grand old time. Alison and
I dressed up as the Edge Sheer and Taylor Swift
song The Joker and the Queen. I was the Joker
(32:00):
and Allison was the Queen. I know that song is
about playing cards, but we, uh, we still took it
to the Royal Court version. Uh. Yeah, it's it's a
lot of fun. If you've never been to a rent fair,
there's probably one in your area, and I recommend you
check it out because it's, uh, it's it's a blast.
So I've always seen these on social media, and I've
always seen like just random people. Like it's like I
(32:26):
saw I got walked around on a leash with a collar.
But I don't think it was sexual nature. I think
it was just that he was someone's pet. That's what
I think that I think giving thrown by the word pleasure.
I think that's the problem pleasure. And I also have
like b D s M in my mind because I
was reading a lot about that Megan Fox interview where
they like drink each other's blood or yeah, but in
that same interview, there's like a whole thing about b
(32:47):
D s M. And I had to look up what
it was not b D s M. But I always thought,
I don't know anyone who would go to that, and
I was so curious. So when I saw you all there,
I was like, I need to know, like what happens
at this thing, because is it just like you dress
up in costume and you kind of like live as
they did in the Renaissance times? You can't. I've been
(33:08):
to a few Resiolance Bears in my day, and uh
it's I just like themed entertainment. That's what it comes
down to for me. But yeah, you don't have to
dress up. I mean I saw dudes just like in
flannel shirts and like ball craps is walking around drinking
mead um. But it's fun, you know, Like, um, I
went to buy a bottle of water and the guy
you know, uh that will be sixpence sir, and I
(33:30):
like a ten And I didn't know how to say
thank you, so I just said good gracious and he
laughed at me. But uh, it's it's a fun. It's
a fun time. I don't know. Yeah, you get to
like role play. Uh we did a knife throwing. They
have like archery. Um there's uh you know, you can
put someone in the stocks where you like have your
It's like a punishment thing. You put your head in
(33:51):
there in your arms, you know. Uh yeah, yeah. The
word pleasure through me too, because I've been to other
Renaissance prayers that don't have that in the title, and
I'm not sure if that's like a copyright thing or
what it is, but their pleasures in the title. I
didn't see anything like sexual there. It was just a
regular Renais. You're giving ideas with the man on the
(34:11):
leash and the guy and the wooden thing. She's over here.
You said, um, what what do you say? You said,
role play? Her head twitch turning. All right, good to know.
I've just always been curious and I was like, I
gotta ask Easton about that. I think it's renting all month.
If you want to hit up, I might get on
(34:34):
Amazon in order and outfit. Oh yeah, that's what I'm saying.
I don't know about Turkey like that. People are calling
me like me lady and stuff. That could be fun. Yeah,
that's that's a that's a good time. Maybe that could
be a cute friend date. Yeah, Okay, we're gonna take
a break and we'll be right back with emails. Yeah, alright,
(35:11):
we are back Mark, we have some emails we sure
dud Becca, thank you very much. Both anonymous again. The
first one says, I've been with my husband for a
total of ten years, three years married, and we're only
in our late twenties. We were high school sweethearts. He's
truly my best friend. We've built a nice life together.
He's a hard worker, and he's very supportive, and he's
very social, and he's funny, and there's lots of friends,
(35:32):
in a great family, et cetera. However, he's really picked
up a bad habit of drinking every single day. Years ago.
When it started, he was hiding liquor bottles in his
room when we were dating and living at our separate
homes with our parents, And thankfully he has since stopped
drinking liquor because it turns them into a whole different person.
I'm now the nagging, annoying wife who gets on him
(35:53):
about it every day, and I don't want to be
that person, but I just don't understand the need for
one to four beers every night when we both work
nine to five jobs money through Friday. I'd love to
hear your thoughts and opinions, especially since I know Mark
and Easton don't drink at all, and by being unreasonable
for being so annoyed. This is really hard because I
(36:15):
don't think that you're unreasonable for not wanting your spouse
to like need to drink every night. Um. I know
a lot of people have will like come home and
have a beer glass of wine to just wind down
after a long day, but um, I personally like only
I only drink socially because I don't really like the taste,
(36:38):
Like I don't find comfort in the taste of alcohol.
So I don't know that I have great advice for this. Well, yeah,
you do think about it, like, don't necessarily put the
alcohol with it. But it's like, Okay, you've been with
somebody for so many years and then they develop a
habit that is not something that has been in the
beginning of your relationship. They develop a new habit like, well,
(37:01):
it sounds like it has been in the beginning of
the relationship that he was high. It was liquor before,
and now it's just beer. But it's I just think
at the end of the day, like you, I don't
think it's wrong to be annoyed at all, because again,
it's not your preference. You don't you know, you're allowed
to be annoyed by things. But at the same time,
it's like you can't force somebody, you know, if that's
(37:23):
the way he she's choosing to unwind unless it's a
real issue and he's not making it to work, and
it's like impacting other things, Like you can't tell somebody
else how to live their life. Yeah, I mean, I
guess it's like if he's if he's getting drunk and
it's altering his like demeanor and personality, I think that's
a bigger conversation because it's like or like he's being
(37:45):
mean to you, you know, like if he's being rude
or he's treating you in a different way when he drinks,
and then that's like a hell no. Yeah. But if
I guess I'm with Tony in the sense that if
he is coming home and it takes four beers for
him to relax and he's not like if he has
a high tolerance for it, I just in my mind,
I think, like is four going to turn into six?
(38:06):
It's six gonna you know. It's just like once you
get numb or adjusted to a certain amount, will it increase.
And I think that's where it becomes as scary as
as someone who if I was like watching my significant
other do that, I would be like, Okay, is this
going to turn into a problem. So I get the
fear of like do I try to? I don't want
to be nagging and annoying, but can we have a
(38:27):
bigger conversation about what what is this? And is it
going to continue forever? And I also think two, you
can you know, do things in a way that maybe
you know, you can say you want to not drink
as much, or maybe you guys like challenge each other
and you do like a month where you kind of
like reset and don't drink and and you know, go
(38:47):
to sleep early and kind of I don't know, there's
like I feel like there's more positive ways to encourage
it versus yeah, yeah, yeah, I do. I just not
for me because I don't I've never been drunk. But
as you said, but I do think about my wife,
but why drinks wine? And she drinks it pretty regularly,
And I have thought to myself, like, well would I
do if suddenly every single night there was a bottle
(39:08):
in the recycling bin? Like at what point would I
step in and say, like we we need to have
a talk. And I think that's what it is. I
think you just got to sit down and not in
a nagging way, but in a loving way, say that
you're concerned because and there's other angles to like that's
a lot of money, and that's a lot of calories.
Like that's what That's kind of what I've always thought
about alcohol. Two, it's like it's very expensive and boy,
(39:28):
for a night really does add up. But I think
it's a loving way. You got to come after and
just say that you're you're concerned, that you think that
it's becoming something that is a compulsion and that's not good.
And you want to be there for him and help him.
And if he's dealing with something, you're there for him
and you want to help help him in any way
that you can. He may not respond well to that.
I don't know, but I do think it's going to
(39:49):
have to be resolved at some point or another because
it's gonna keep bothering you. And it's not wrong that
it bothers you. Yeah, I agree. I think it's like
just approaching it more and like I care about you
and I I don't want this to become a problem
or something that's continually getting increased. And maybe there's a
way of like, hey, like we drink on the weekends,
or you know, if he likes the taste of it,
(40:11):
they have nonalcoholic beers. You know. I think there's just
like a way of approaching it of like, hey, I
want you to be healthy and I want you to
be around for a long time, and is there you
know I want to I want to be there for
you and support you and not feel like I'm like
nagging you. Yeah, just let him know that you're not
trying to do it in that way. You just care
about him. Yeah, And until like anything else with addiction,
(40:35):
until he realizes he has a problem. It's not going
to do much about it, but it's good to at
least playing some seeds. Uh, this is a tough one.
The second song, Oh sorry, I'm just gonna go with
dear John. Oh why just imagining his name is John
for some reason? Okay, so dear John, you're just imagining
(40:59):
that his name miss John. Yeah, okay, And that song
deals with addiction, and um, I'm gonna go interesting that
you forced this part in and yet you have kind
of a cop out answer. I'm gonna go with um.
I wish you would. Oh my gosh, good one. Yeah,
even I could to make a list of her songs,
(41:19):
and we talked about that last week. All Right, this
is a tough one. My husband of eight and a
half years revealed a month ago that he's been having
an affair for the last six months. He has surrendered,
told me everything and feels so much guilt and shame
and does not want to keep living that fake life.
He ended it with her. We actually both talked to
(41:40):
her on the phone. We're going to marriage counseling and
individual counseling. Well, it was just revealed a few days
ago that she's pregnant. She swears she hasn't been with
anyone but him. She also doesn't want my husband involved
in this child's life at all. Ever, I love my husband,
he has my person. We have a one year old child.
(42:01):
Question one, do we need a paternity test? Question two?
What do or can we do about her not wanting
my husband involved in the child's life? Question three? Kind
of marriage survived this? I really wanted to, but I
don't want to be kidding myself. Let's go one at
a time, shall we. First? I am so sorry this
(42:22):
is so devastating, devastating and complicated, and I can't even
imagine what you're going through. Um, do we need a
paternity test? I mean I would say yes, just in
the sense that you didn't say in your email. But
this woman that's saying he's the father is she's saying
(42:44):
I don't want you involved, but I want your money.
It doesn't sound like it. I don't. The first two
questions are tough because I feel like those are legal
questions that we don't have the expertise on. I think
you need to talk to an attorney if you do,
because you can't force a paternity test on her. Are
you have to have a judge do that. And same
with the custody. If he wants custody of his child,
(43:04):
he might be able to get it, but again you
have to get a lawyer involved. Yeah, I don't think
I I agree with Mark. I think those are way
above our level of But yeah, I'm thinking if this
person is wanting money, then you for sure get a
praternity test, and like you for sure if you if
(43:24):
you that's what you want, I would assume he would
want custody if it is his child, then I would
say hell, yeah. Yeah, but even just visitation yeah, um,
and even can your marriage survive this? I I mean,
I don't know. I would have a very I personally
(43:47):
would have a very hard time. I don't know that
I could be in live in peace with knowing someone
could do that to me. And at the same time,
I know there's so much healing that can happen, especially
like committing to each other and going to therapy and
like really committing to like being there for each other.
(44:08):
I do. I've heard of people's stories having redemptions, So
I definitely think if both people want it to it
can survive it. But you really have to take care
of yourself in this situation and like pay attention to
how you're feeling through it all, because of course he
feels guilt and shame, you know, like a I mean,
at the very least, that's why he should be feeling
(44:30):
for doing that, do you, especially with having a child together.
But I think it's like you've got to really tune
into how you're feeling and how your heart feels, and um,
if you're able to like actually continue living your life
and and having a healthy relationship with trust and loyalty,
because that's going to be hard to like just let
(44:51):
go of what he's done. Yeah, And I just I honestly,
I think it just depends on like you personally, in
the type of person you are, because I know for
me personally, that's something I couldn't get past because I'm
not you know, I'm not the school of thought of
ones a cheat are always a cheatter. I think people
make mistakes. I think people grow and learn from them.
(45:13):
But I do think that if you were in a
serious committed relationship, as you guys were, you were married,
and somebody goes outside of that marriage, there is a
character flaw, there is something there that they can be
in a committed marriage to you and go outside the marriage,
there's there's something not there, and so I would have
(45:35):
a hard time. I know for me personally, I couldn't
do it, But that's just me. I don't think it's impossible,
and I think yes you can. Um. I think you
just have to really like look at looking in it
yourself and think to yourself if you can, because I
know for me, I wouldn't be able to. Yeah, well
(45:56):
you wouldn't be able to. Back wouldn't be able to.
I don't think i'd be able to. But the only
person's opinion that really matters here is the anonymous emailer
who says in your email she really wants her marriage
to survive this. And if that's the case, then I
think you can get through this. If he is as remorseful,
if he has a contrite as you make him out
to be, I think there's hope here. And I know
(46:16):
that's weird, uh, because six months is a long time
to be betraying somebody. That's a tough one. That that's
what would bother me. And maybe you're going to make
the commitment to continue this. In a couple of months
from now, you're gonna realize that he can't be out
of your sight without you torturing yourself with all these thoughts.
Maybe you're gonna realize this is too hard for you
to continue. Well, time will tell, But as of right now,
(46:36):
if you want this to work, I think it's clear
he wants this to work. The fact that you're open
to him having a being involved in his child's life
that was had outside of your marriage. You're a heck
of a person, I think so. I think you guys
have got a shot. I think you can do this
if you both kind of recommit to each other. I
think there's hope. Yeah, I also was thinking that too.
(46:56):
It wasn't just like a one time like I was
dumb and I cheated. It was like a that was
like a continuation of him. That's a lot of lying. Yeah, Yeah,
it's a lot of them coming home, coming home every
night kissing you while they're who knows what with somebody else.
You know, it's like at what point do what point
where the lies? Like where did the lies start? And
(47:18):
where did the lies stop? You know, it's just like
thinking of thinking, I mean I would be it would
not go well with me. It gives me hope that
he admitted to it, like that she didn't like find
catch him or like find something like he brought it
up to her. That being said, Mark and I have
worked on a certain podcast about someone who has tried
(47:39):
to work past infidelity in a marriage, and it just
seemed every single minute of every single day was like
work and it just seems like so exhausting and difficult,
and you know it can be done, but like at
what costs? Um, I don't know, is this something she
has to think about that's so hard? Yeah, I was
gonna say that too, Like at what point are you
(48:02):
not even able to enjoy the relationship because you're trying
so hard to make it work or you know, and
also you know, I in the email, she did say
this is my person and I wanted to work. But
really think about that, like what is it about the
relationship that you wanted to work? You know, like is
it actually him or is it the comfortability of being
(48:22):
in a relationship and you know, working hard and spending
so much time investing your time because I know sometimes
that just the fear of starting over is what keeps
people in relationships they don't necessarily want and other lies,
Like all of the related lines are going to start
to come up. Like there's gonna be moments when you're like, oh,
we should check out that restaurant. He'll be like, oh
(48:44):
I've been there. Yeah I've been there without you. Or oh,
yeah you went to Lake Taho last year, didn't you
for for work? No? I didn't. I was a lie.
I was actually in Santa Monica with her at a hotel. Yeah,
that stuff's gonna come up, and man, that's gonna be
brutal every time. It's going to be reopening that wound. Yeah,
oh my god, I just saw back and looking for
(49:04):
a Taylor Swift song and I'm not prepared. Here we go,
Taylor Swift song. What's going to be? She can really
use a good one right now. No, I'm trying to.
I'm gonna say peace because I want her to find peace,
whether it's like outside of the marriage or in her marriage.
I hope she finds peace with herself and with her
relationship whatever she chooses. One. Okay, I'm gonna go with
(49:36):
wildest dreams. And my reason for this is because your
wildest dreams are possible and it's not good random and
then you're backward justified because like I wanted to know that,
(49:56):
like her wildest dreams can be reality, like she EXI, Oh,
what's excel about? That's a good one. Yeah, what's excel about?
It's basically about someone who like they see their life
like with another person. You know, I gave so many signs.
I gave so many signs. What's the inn where she's
(50:20):
like all this time? I never learned to read your mind.
I couldn't turn things around. You never gave a warning sign?
Oh my god? How about illicit affairs? Well, I mean
it's a little on the nose. By the way, time
your exile, when that came out, that's the song that
you said you needed to have in and around your
(50:40):
Oh yeah, I'm sorry, that's the Bonnie Bear song. Yeah,
that's rights such a funny way to describe this song.
I did God that one. Okay, maybe this is maybe
this is me trying, okay, good one like she's gonna
(51:02):
try It's okay, I've just given that one before. I
feel like that could be applied to every advice you
now we give someone trying that's why they preached out
so or stay beautiful, you know, just like stay all right,
all right, I think I think we're good. Um, all
you had to do was stay like that's going to
(51:24):
fire her up. That song is gonna fire you up.
If you don't be fired up, listen to that one.
All you gotta do is stay. All you had to
do is be faithful. Should have said, now, all right, well,
well well you maybe you should study those or write
them out just so. Well it's a it's a serious situation.
She needed about eight different Tailors songs and yeah, that's true.
(51:45):
She wants them to feel good, to feel fired up.
You know. The whole playlist for you. Um, all right,
that'll be it. We'll be back Thursday. We have a
Thursday episode this week, so we will be back Thursday Thursday. Then,
I hope you all have a great beginning of the week.
The Met Gala is that happening right now? Is literally
(52:08):
as we speak, the red carpet is happening. Wow. Yeah,
I saw some early sneak peaks of Joe Jonathan Sophie
Turner I saw that too. Yeah. Yeah, I never understand
it fully, but like you know, it's it's something that
if you're if you're following the right people, you're forced
to see him be a part of something to strive for.
To go there, Yeah, i'd be so cute. Alright. Well,
(52:31):
on that note, I hope you all have a great day.
We love you. We'll see you Thursday.
Hosts And Creators
Tanya Rad
Rebecca Tilley
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