June 20, 2022 • 56 mins
Becca welcomes visiting physician Kaitlyn Bristowe into the O.R.! Kaitlyn shares her experience with the power of manifestation and how you can harness it to achieve your goals!
Becca and Kaitlyn open up about their relationship with social media, and we find out exact what about Jason gives Kaitlyn "the ick"!
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
Spreading in with Becca Tilly and Tanya Red and I
heart radio podcast. Hello everybody, we are scrubbing in and
you know, Tanya is off in St bart somewhere living
her best life. And so it was like, I need
a co host. I need someone that can hang. I
(00:22):
need someone who's gonna chat with me, keep the conversation going,
and I thought, who better than the one and only
Kitlin Bristo. Your microphone is killing me right, that is
a comical tiny microphone, actually shocking. So normally we record
(00:43):
in tanya studio and she has like a full setup
for the radio show, so it's like, you know, Big
Mike's equipment everywhere. But when she's not here and I
do it remotely, I this shockingly has really good audio quality.
I feel like to joke, like you got that out
of like a Barbie box and it's just like, honestly,
(01:05):
to make people laugh. I can't believe that thing works.
That's very funny. No, Actually easting our Easton, who is
our engineer, he was like, let me test the quality,
and that sentence, He's like, it sounds great. So we've
just kept in. It's really cute. I could totally see
you with one. It's adorable and also like the you
know how we started off in cell phone world, Well,
(01:28):
I guess they started really big, but then we went
to the tiniest of tiny, little flip phones and it
was like the smaller the better. Yes, that's what that
microphone reminds me of, because now the microphones were podcasting
like the size of your head. But you're just kicking
it old school over there with a little baby mike. Listen.
I have always liked tiny things, like it was a
thing in my whole life growing up. I liked miniature
(01:48):
So honestly, this is a dream come true that I'm
using this tiny mic and that it works like those
videos like Britney Spears likes where it's like all those
like tiny little um like Pollypop get size everything and
it's like a little piece of toast and they toasted
in a mini toaster and then have a little baby
like knives just read butter on it and everybody seems
to like that. I love it, and I like there's
(02:11):
it's actually they have a full account. It's called Tiny
Kitchen and they make all these things. So me and
Bernie Spears definitely are on the same wave there yeah,
we're both from Louisiana and we like tiny things. We
love to dance, and you love to tum. How are you?
You just celebrated your birthday yesterday. I know that you're
(02:32):
probably feeling just chipper and ready to chat away today,
but you know me, well, you know it's funny, is
so yeah, thank you for the birthday mentioned because it
was one of those birthdays where I actually didn't care,
like it was one of those like, oh, it's just
you know, like it's I feel like thirty thirty five,
forty will be a big one, but thirty seven is
(02:53):
one of those like, hey, I just don't really care.
I just wanted to be around like my family, and
that's what we did, and it was it was really nice.
But I'm at a point in my life and this
is not a bregg this is actually embarrassing where I
just I can drink so much wine and feel nothing
the next day. So it's it's a blessing and a
curse because then I'm like, well, might as well just
drink a lot of wine tonight. Um. But you know,
(03:15):
here we are. I was tired this morning, but I
feel good now. I'm on my second coffee and just
just here feeling great. So okay, does that mean you
can drink as much as long as it's wine and
you don't get hungover? Now I can do tequila gin,
no hangover. I rarely get hungover. Like it's Jason always
calls me like an anomaly or a psycho, one of
(03:38):
the two. But he is like, how do you do that?
And he goes where does it go? Like? Where does
it go? I'm like, I don't know. It's not cool.
I'm not like, yeah, I could drink not get hungover.
I wish I did. I wish I got hungover because
then it would just like limit me at least. Well,
it is true because you're like so tiny, and the
(03:58):
fact that your body can handle that without any repercussion
is yeah, it's scary. Actually, I'm like, where does it go?
I'm not sure we should. I should be like a
study that they do on like and then. And I'm
always a little bit paranoid about like is my liver okay? Um?
Because I also don't get like it's not like I
(04:19):
go get sloppy drunk every night. I just do wine.
I enjoy it cocktail. Um. But my mom is always like,
can you please get your liver checked. And every time
I do, they're like, doo good, it's great, everything's funcdating perfectly.
I'm like, they're like, we don't understand, but it looks amazing. Yeah, yeah,
looks great liver. It looks like a new liver. Yeah.
(04:41):
I don't know. It's so bizarre. I have this. I
was looking through old videos the other day. I came
I was trying to find videos of something and I
came across the videos when we were at your I
guess it was it a condo and apartment. You state
it for Dancing with the Stars, and it was when
we all did the rooftop dinner and for some reason,
and the Greatest Showman was the choice of soundtrack that night,
(05:03):
and you were singing to one of the dogs and
you hauld like lifted his ear and you were like
singing the end of the slow song, the inspirational one,
No no, no, it was for the world We're gonna
make yeah yeah yeah, but you whisper it in his ear.
(05:25):
I have the funniest videos from that night and you
and Becca Becca kirl friend, we really went for it
that night. What was that? Was that just a It
was some start, we're celebrating something. What were we celebrating.
Weren't we celebrating you being on Dancing of the Stars.
Maybe that was I don't know. That was really nice,
but it was like a whole no, I swear it
(05:47):
was something else because there was a sign and it
was like it felt like my birthday but it wasn't
my birthday. But it was so fun and um, we
definitely got in like trouble because of the COVID officers
out there, but I remember being like, I remember actually
a few days after that, I got a false positive
(06:10):
COVID test and I thought my career on Dancing with
the Stars was over because as soon as you test positive,
you're out of the competition. And so I am driving
down the street. I'm about to go to like a
costume fitting, and they called me and say, hey, um,
Caitlin moved really bad news. You tested positive for COVID.
And I just like turned white and thought I was
(06:30):
gonna throw up. And I pulled over and I just
started hysterically bawling, and I was like, but what, I
don't feel sick, like blah blah, And They're like, Okay,
there is like a really small chance that this is
like a false positive, and they were like Vernon Davis
had a false positive, so like, and I was like,
oh my gosh, and I immediately drove to a walk
in clinic and waited and I got tested and they're like, no,
(06:53):
it says negative. And I had to have three negative
tests to move forward in the competition. And this was
like early on too, and I was just so scared.
And then I had three, uh three negatives in a row,
so I wasn't positive and I was like, nobody even
look at me anymore. I am so in the zone
(07:13):
and I just like stayed in my little apartment and
didn't see anyone. It was awful. I actually think, yeah,
I think like I think that was the last time
I saw you during that time out here, because it
gone and nobody even come near me. I was so
paranoid because, oh my gosh, if that journey would have
ended for me early, I just I don't I probably
wouldn't be able to show up for this podcast today.
(07:34):
I would still be like in a corner crossing over it. Honestly, though,
I mean, You've done so much with Dancing Went the
Star since then, and I felt like the tour well,
I was laughing because, um, you and I talked about
how you were on the back of the bus and
how horrible the back is. But you feel like you're
like the queen or king because you get the big
(07:55):
room and it's like the worst spot on the bus.
It was like the bottom deck of the Titanic. Are
you missing that? Are you missing like dancing and being
on stage? I do? I miss it so much. I
thought three months on a bus and dancing every day,
I was like, I am going to be miserable because
that's a lot of work. And then I knew how
(08:18):
crazy it got on Dancing with the Stars, where I
was just like emotionally and physically just beaten down. And
so for that, I was like, this is like it's
going to be a dream. But after, you know, three
weeks of this, I'm going to be miserable. But I
was like crying at the end when it was over.
I didn't want to leave everybody. I like they felt
like family. There was no drama. It was just like fun.
(08:39):
Every single night. We played cards, we drank wine, we danced,
we went to the gym. We like all did everything together.
And I enjoyed every second of it. Except for the bus,
but like I loved the bus, but I hated sleeping
on it. But everything else was just like it's so
crazy because I, truly my whole life, thought that like
(09:00):
I would be dancing for my until I couldn't anymore.
Like you know how athletes have to retire at a
certain point because it just does so much damage to
their body. Like that's how I thought my I'd retire
at thirty five as like a dancer, and so the
fact that I was thirty six and just like on
tour with Dancing with the Stars, I was like, so
get in Caitlin, like appreciate every moment, and I was
so happy to be there. I was such a like
(09:22):
they were even like we've never seen someone like want
to be a part of Usually they want their own
dressing room and like kind of keep to themselves and
do their own thing. And I was like I was
like in on their zoom meetings with like Dancing with
the Stars, acting like I was like part of the show. Still,
it was so funny. I was like, you got to
put it out in the universe because I want to
host that show. That's my next dream. I'm like, please, please,
(09:44):
I'm gonna put it out there. I'm like just acting
like I'm already in well. I feel like you are
the queen of manifesting. Like what did you have a
moment where you were like this works for me? Or
was it like after a while you started thinking about
things that you've always dreamed of and watched them happen
like more like a reflecting and realizing it or is
(10:04):
it hasn't always been like an intentional thing that you
do know it is now. But I was manifesting, I
think since out of the womb. Like I'm pretty sure
I did it without even realizing I was doing. Yeah,
I just I feel like I've been manifesting things. Um.
I remember being twenty two years old. So I'm actually
on this tour right now. This is why I'm in Canada.
I'm on a wine Women and well Being UM tour.
(10:27):
I'm a keynote speaker and it's about manifesting and um,
so I was thinking about this and I'm like, I
truly have been manifesting before I realized it was a thing.
And I remember being twenty two and my girlfriend Penny
was with me and she goes, if you want to
live your dream life? She goes. You just have to
start off by writing things down things, she goes, and
(10:49):
you can't dream too big, Like nothing is too big.
Write down anything you would ever want in your life
and hang it in your mirror and look at it
every day. And I was like, okay. So I sat
there and she took pictures of me, and I still
have these photos of me writing lists of things I
wanted to do, and um, I didn't realize it. But
I didn't realize it until I was about thirty four
(11:10):
when she sent me this photo and said, do you
know it's on this list? And I said, no, I
forget and it was, Um. I wanted to be an entrepreneur.
I wanted to start my own businesses. I wanted to
have my own radio show, which I didn't know podcasting
was going to be a thing. I wanted to be
on TV. I wanted to have a Golden Retriever, and
I wanted to have, um a guy that drove a
(11:31):
truck and liked country music. So I dropped the ball
on that one, Jayson. It definitely it's not like driving truck,
but that's you know, can't have it all, um. But
it was so interesting because I'm like holy crap. I
used to look at that every single day and I
used to think about it. And even when I went
through like the roughest time in my life and threw
a breakup, and um, everybody was like, oh, you know,
(11:53):
like are you gonna do something, go to school or education,
and I was like, back to working at a restaurant.
I just always in the back of my mind knew
something was going to happen. And I was just like, no,
I just know some something will happen for me where
it's it's I've just thought about this for way too
long in my life. And then manifesting really became a thing,
um where like now we all talk about manifesting and
(12:16):
like you want to do it and believe it. But
I mean even back when so I talked so much
so I hope this is no, this is great. I'm
like so fascinated by this. Okay. Um, So even back
I think I was twenty three and my boyfriend at
the time was snowboarding and I was home visiting family
and I was so mad because he was not calling
(12:38):
me and not answering my text messages, and I was like,
what the hell is going on? And my girlfriend called me,
and she said, you're gonna need to get back on
this next flight. Um, your boyfriend is in the hospital.
He's in a coma and he's been in this terrible accident.
He was airlifted to the hospital. Um, he like tried
to go off a jump and he was really good.
(12:59):
He tried to do like a backflip, but a little
kid was coming through, so he panicked in the air
and ended up ended up landing on his head. And
so I was freaking out and I could not get
a flight till the next morning. And so I was like,
what can I do to like not think so negatively,
to like put out positive thoughts? And my mom was like,
(13:19):
why don't She had read the book The Secret. She goes,
why don't you watch The Secret? I have it on
a DVD. And I was like okay, And I started
watching The Secret and it's all about like putting out
positive thoughts or like the law of attraction. And I
just sat there and I wrote down like how he
was going to be okay, And I just kept watching
this movie that brought me so much comfort in like
(13:40):
the power of positive thinking. And I got on that
flight and I got there and he woke up and
he was totally fine, and he like even made a
joke he had tubes like up his nose and he goes,
do I have like boogers in my nose? And I'm like,
oh my god, they're tubes. But anyways, and it was
just like in that moment, I was like, I'm going
(14:01):
to forever believe in the secret, and I'm going to
watch these things and I'm gonna put out all these
thoughts and I'm going to really immerse myself in the
thoughts of like, um, like what that will look like.
And I used to dream. I remember having a very
vivid dream that I was going on The Bachelor, um
and it was Ben Flannic what its name this season?
And I was like fully in it. And I remember
(14:22):
being in the I T M rooms and I would
like felt it. And so when I got a call
to go in batch, I was like, of course this
is happening. And even before I went on Dancing with
the Stars, I put a picture of a mirror ball
in my mirror and I would see that, and so
when I got the call or they said I was
going on, I was like, oh my gosh. And then
I would hold a Christmas ornament that was a mirrorball
(14:44):
to go to sleep every night, and I would like
picture what it was gonna smell, like like I could
hear Tyras say in my name at the end, like
this whole thing. I just like truly believe if you
see yourself in these situations. And like, also, manifesting can't
be used like we use the term anxiety or triggered anymore.
Like we have to think of manifesting as also patients.
(15:05):
I've been manifesting something since I was twenty two years old,
and I didn't even know until it was in my thirties. Um,
patients and a lot of hard work and putting yourself
in positions to get to where you want to be,
because um, you can't just write it down and then
be like, come on, universe, the lap, like let it
fall into the lap. Like it comes with a lot
of hard work too. Well, it's kind of like, well,
it's kind of like the um. Like I grew up,
(15:28):
you know, very Christian and so like manifesting wasn't something
that really anyway, Like I feel like it's kind of
a newer term and something that people are talking about
more really, like in the past couple of years, like
you said. But um, I remember when I was at
my old job before the Bachelor, and I never did
any practices like this where I like wrote stuff down
(15:48):
or put it out into the universe. And I mean
I prayed, but that was not like an intentional yeah,
but it was more like you know, yeah, I guess so,
but it's just I guess like you're directing it too,
I guess is the difference. Um. And so my old
boss he was like, we're going to do a practice
and we're gonna same thing that Penny said, like we're
(16:10):
going to write down everything and there's nothing too big,
like if it seems totally out of touch or not realistic,
it's fine, just write it down. And so I wrote
and like at this time, I think I had traveled
to Mexico on a cruise, like I had never traveled
beyond like very close to home, and I had said,
I wrote down I wanted to travel the world, and
(16:33):
I never thought anything about it. And when I got
when I got the call to go on The Bachelor,
I thought, this is it, Like I'm going to travel
the world. And an ironic twist the Midwest because it
was during Chrismas season, and he was a farmer, and
they wanted to see how we could handle a country
(16:54):
living and we did go to Bali at the end.
But yeah, it was like kind of funny because my
mind like it worked. But that led to what my
life is now, where it has been getting to travel
and see the world. So I like fully believe in this,
and I you know, I think some people think like, well,
I've done that and it's not happening to me, you know.
(17:16):
And I think you're talking about patients is such a
big part of it, because even Tanya does like vision
boards and stuff, and she's like, I look back on
like vision boards from years ago, and I remember, like
within the year I would look and be like, nothing's
happening from my vision board. But now i look back
at things from like five years ago and I'm like,
oh my gosh, this happened. So it's there's so much
(17:38):
patient like you you do forget that you wrote. That's
why vision boards are so cool, because or journaling or
anything that you can look back on and be like,
oh my gosh, I didn't even remember that in that moment.
I felt this way, or I thought this, or I
wanted this and now look at where I am. And
that's why I always I always tell people with like
you know they're going through such a hard time or
a job transition or a breakup or anything. It's like,
oh my gosh, please have all the patients and things
(18:00):
down and see your life in a certain way. Because
even if like how fast did the last two years
go by? So if you think of something right now
and you want to write it down in those like
five years and five years, I think happens so fast
and you look and look back on something that you
really put out into the universe. And to your point,
I think praying though, is like in my mind, it's
(18:20):
just a different form of praying. Like to me, I'm
praying to the universe, but the universe can be some
people's God, like it's exactly you believe in that higher
power and you're either praying or you know, manifesting or
I talked to the moon like a crazy lady like
I genuinely go out there on a full moon or
if I see them, I'll go out there and speak
to it for an hour. And Jason's like, you're crazy,
(18:42):
but it works, like He's like I look at this,
and he goes, Um, Like, if I first met you
and saw you doing this, I'd be like, oh, I'm
not sure about this one. He goes, put Now, I'm like, God,
everything you've like talked to the moon about just happened,
So I can't even make fun of you anymore. Yeah,
you're literally like the queen of it. And I think
you're right because you know, Haley, Um, we'll talk about
(19:05):
like putting out into the universe, and we always talked
about the similarities of praying, and it's like whatever you
are your higher power putting it out there, and and um,
like also the attitude you do it with, you know,
I think there there's something about being grateful on top
of the patients and like accepting what is right now,
(19:27):
and even if you're hoping for something new and something
better and greater, it's like being able to have gratitude
in the moment that you're in right now. It's that's
another thing where I never, um journals. I did law
was on The Bachelor, and then um, I really wanted
I always wanted to get back into it because it
seems like such a great thing to be like, Oh,
(19:48):
I'm just gonna go journal Um, but I'm I don't know,
I just hate using independent I like using pen and paper,
but I get lazy after like tenments and like, yeah,
my hand cramps. My hand cramps all the time. Um,
but I that five minute gratitude Journal and I just
like committed to doing it every morning and night. And
then I was like, even after like three weeks, I
(20:08):
saw a shift in myself. I was like, holy crapt
three weeks of just feeling gratitude for things in them
the amount that like, even the way I talked to myself,
the way I talked to Jason, the way I like
approached to day was so different because you were constantly
thinking like, oh, I gotta remember what I'm going to
write down in the gratitude journal or this happened, and
you're you're like feeding yourself with all the positive things
(20:29):
through your day. Um, but so that you're thinking about
it by the end of the night and it's the
first thing you think about when you wake up. And
I gotta get back into that because then when you
travel and you forget it or whatever. But it's such
an important thing to do every day, even if you
don't write it down, even if you're just like you
wake up and before you scroll on your phone, be like,
oh wait, I'm gonna stop myself. Let's think about three
(20:51):
things I'm grateful for and then you can go to
your phone or do whatever you gotta do. But it
just shifts your whole brain for the day. I know
Haley is really good about journaling, like every night to
read in journal, and even if it's like writing down
just a few things like whatever happened during the day
or how she's feeling, I'm like so inspired by it
because I'm the same way. I get like so lazy
with it that I don't I'm like, that's the last thing.
(21:13):
I'm gonna scroll TikTok instead. And I'm like, what if
I use my time a little more wisely and like,
you know, did something kind of productive you could, I
tell myself And maybe this is a big old lad
I'm telling myself. But scrolling on, like you are the
curator of your own media intakes, so you can decide
(21:33):
what you're scrolling and seeing. Maybe not on TikTok, but
like Instagram you can follow like inspirational accounts or people,
but you know inspire you, and on TikTok, I swear
I've got it where like I feel creative watching TikTok,
I get like creative and I scroll and I'm like
laughing and I'm happy and I'm being inspired by people
(21:54):
there and I'm getting ideas. So I try and look
at it like that too, even though I'm like, we
should all stop scrolling as much as we do, but
you can also look at it like you could be
getting inspired of feeling creative by scrolling. You know, that's
the insight that I needed to justify my actions. Yeah,
you don't know it is true, though. I I watched
(22:16):
TikTok and it is. It's my algorithm, so random, but
it fits me. You know, like there's really funny stuff
that I'm like, I don't know if anyone else would
think this is funny. And then you know, there's a
lot of things about faith and um kind of like
being open minded to hearing what other people think. And
a lot of times I focus on people who are
(22:37):
way smarter than me and who have done a lot
more work than I have done in that area, in
any area, because I'm like I can learn from them.
And you know, TikTok's interesting because it's like who's actually
legit and what they're teaching I don't know, you know,
sometimes I because I often question them, like am I
(22:58):
inspired by this? Are like UM influenced by this because
it's what I want to hear? Or is it inspiring
and influential because it's someone that I would seek advice from,
and therefore what they're saying like inspires me or makes
you think deeper? You know, I know everybody on TikTok
(23:20):
seems to be a professional at what they do. And
then you're like, is this just because you went viral
on one thing and now you're running with it, or
like are you actually knowledgeable and going to um like
give me a new perspective? And you know, like it's
it's scary and awesome at the same time, You're like,
what am I feeding my brain? But also is it
(23:42):
like putting me in the best place that I could
be where I'm like, wow, I really learned from that today.
But I think that's what's so scary about scrolling, Like
there's just so much out there and like I'm so
into and we talked about this last time, like my
cycle or like even phases of like the moon or
certain things and all of a sudden everyone is an
(24:05):
expert on astrology and all these things where I'm like
so overwhelmed by it, but I love it, and I'm like,
what information am I taking in right now? Because it
is a lot. Well, I want to talk about relationships,
including the one with social media, but we're gonna take
a break and we'll be right back. All right, we're back,
(24:37):
So I, um, I want to talk about relationship. You know,
you and Jason wedding coming up and um, but because
we just left off on the topic of social media.
You're very open and honest about your relationship with social
media and like when it causes anxious feelings and or
brings you down or makes you feel less, Stan, and
(25:00):
I love how open and vulnerable you are, and I
think it helps a lot of people to see someone
who is so beautiful and successful and talented and someone
who has so much love and yet you still struggle
with things that we all struggle with in a daily life.
And is there like, do you like, what's your relationship now?
(25:22):
Because I'm curious, as you've gotten older, you've been in
this like world for such a long time, and I've
my relationship with it has changed a lot. But I'm
curious where you are at with social media on this day. Uh,
it really does depend on the day and where I'm
at my cycle. Um. So true though, for real, because
(25:43):
I am I am just such a I don't I
would have never said this about myself ten years ago,
but I'm such a go getter. And I'm like, I
like being busy, but I also like taking time to
just like shut off and have my downtime. So when
I went from like Dancing with the Stars to back
(26:04):
to back film into the Bachelorette to the tour, I
was like, good, I'm doing stuff. I'm like busy. Uh,
this you know is like this is gonna sound really bad,
but I'm like this looks good for my resume for
like what I want to do coming up, and like
if I want to get a housing role or whatever
I want to do, I'm staying like I hate the
word relevant, but like relevant like in a in a
(26:27):
world where that is my business. I need to stay
in certain positions to you know, keep being successful at
my podcast and this. And I had to really think
about what success meant to me because I was like,
is it overworking myself? Um? And I got really excited
to actually come off the tour to focus on just
(26:48):
my podcast, Do Edit and Spade and Sparrows. I was like,
those are my three like pillars where um, I need
to focus on and I like that. But then I
get on social media and I see people like because
because obviously we're in a world where we are friends
with people who are hosting and doing TV shows and
working so hard and you see all this and everyone
(27:09):
thinks about this hustle culture and you see it on
social media every day. So then I got home and
I'm like, this is gonna be so great. I'm going
to have that downtime and I'm going to focus on
my businesses and that alone should be enough because because
it is that, I see everybody doing all these other
things and I'm like, oh my god, why am I
not hosting the MTV Movie Awards and why am I
not getting this phone call to do this? And it's
(27:33):
because I'm seeing it on social media and I and
I have like this weird thing where I love watching
people succeed. I love it, um because I think it's
the coolest thing in the world to like live your
dreams and do these big things. And like, so when
I saw Tasha hosting that I had this mixed feeling
of like, dude, we're supposed to host things together, why
(27:54):
am I not there, but also just being like, fully, crap,
good for you. That is amazing that you look beautiful.
And then I started thinking like am I not enough
to get these calls? And like I had this like
I don't know, my brain is sometimes where I'm like,
aren't you supposed to be on my same team? And
we aren't sometimes And it all comes from schooling, and
(28:17):
so I have like that duality of being so happy
for people and also wondering why I'm not getting these
same opportunities, um, which is just so silly. So it
really does depend on the day, but um, I think
I just have to really remind myself that I'm doing
a lot and I should be so proud of the
(28:37):
things that I have and I want to evolved as
a businesswoman so much. I keep listening to podcast like
Bethany Frankel's inspires me so much, and because I'm like,
there's so much too, um, you know, not not looking
successful on social media, like being successful in your own
(28:59):
brain and doing what love can be can mean being successful.
And I've had to kind of shift my perspective on
what success looks like to me, because it really is
being happy in the things that I am doing, whether
that be like being president, in my relationship, being on
all these business calls for Spade and Sparrows, learning about
that like it doesn't mean a dollar amount or um
(29:20):
my social media following. Like the other day, I was
like freaking out that I was going to go drop
down to under two million followers because brands are going
to look differently at me and I'm not going to
see like not because I care about like who likes
me and who doesn't, of course, but not to that extent.
It like the numbers to me mean business. Um, and
so I might stop looking at that and always think
(29:43):
today of like, what does success mean to you? It's
not that number, it's um, building that community that you
have in your podcast, or being happy in your relationship, um,
focusing more on what you actually like love doing instead
of thinking about what you should be doing. So, um,
I think it's redefining and telling myself what success is
(30:04):
to me while scrolling social media. Yeah, I mean I
think it's so. I don't think that there's I don't
think it's realistic to do what I mean we I mean,
you do way more than I do in terms of
like business, and you're much more of a go getter
than I am. But I am. So you're claimed not
(30:27):
a go getter. I'm really not, but I'm fine with it,
um And I get things done. But I'm a grastinator
and not a go getter. Um. But I do think
it's impossible to have the expectation that we're going to
be in this industry where everything, everything is about what
(30:48):
you're seeing on social media. And I think that what
you have created in Spain and Sparrows and do at
it and every your podcast, everything you do is or
the longevity and like being a businesswoman and what has
a long term power and all of these things like
the hosting gigs and what other people doing. It's so
(31:09):
exciting and it's so easy to cheer on and go like,
that's so awesome and I'm so happy for her, and
I hope I get to do something like that one day.
But also being able to like be content in the
things that you're working on behind the scenes that's not
like focused or shiny and new on social media exactly exactly.
(31:30):
But I do think like sometimes we're really hard on
ourselves of like I'm not going to compare myself. But
it's like, listen, we're in a world where unfortunately it's
the name of the game, and I think it's finding
just like you said, finding that balance of I can
cheer her on and still aspire to get something like that. Yeah,
both feelings can exist and that's okay. And like even
(31:52):
if you're feeling like you're comparing, just look at it
through a different lens of comparison, like, oh, it's going
to be inspiring instead of competitive, or maybe that can
like like you can be happy for them and also
be like okay, and then what do I want to
do with this and like let it kind of motivate
you instead of break you down. Yeah, And we were
(32:15):
kind of part of, especially in the Bachelor world, like
the first round of like Instagram influencers to come off
of the show and so then as like every season
kept coming and girls were having more followers and more
instant success, it was like, oh my gosh, like it's
you know, I'm gonna be forgotten And in my mind,
(32:36):
I'm like it's fine, I'll find someboding else not go
get her mentality, just like it'll be fine. That's a
good mentality to have to because that's I've had a
little more of that. I know. Everyone just keeps getting
younger and prettier in the bachelor world, and I'm like,
I'm just getting older, and like, I know it a
stupid way of thinking, but it's I mean, we're all
(32:59):
human beings that have the same insecurities and thoughts and everything.
But yeah, that was crazy. I'll never forget you. And
I went out um after women Tell All, and I
woke up the next day with so many more followers
just after one night because I think it got out
that maybe I was going to be the Bachelor or something.
I don't know, And then, um, why am I bringing
(33:21):
this up? Sean used to say to me, like, I
think you paid for your followers, and I was like,
asked Becca, I even I wish fun at Earth that
night to be able to think, Yeah, she was not
buying followers. We were I don't know what we were doing,
but she wasn't putting a credit card number and anything.
I'll tell you that much. Good times. Um, speaking of nothing,
(33:52):
what what's going on with the wedding planning? And I mean,
what is that something that you're like, are you someone
who's like had a dream and like vision envisioned your wedding,
your whole life or is it's okay? I haven't either
ever thought about that, even when, um, you know knowingly
(34:13):
I'm going on the Bachelorette to get engaged at the end,
I always pictured being engaged, but I never pictured like
what my wedding will look like, or like I never
was that little kid that put on the like freaking
pillow case on her head and was like I'm gonna
be a ride, Like I would never like that. Um,
and this is so crazy, but I had a past
(34:34):
life progressor on my podcast to talk about like when
I was like in past lives and I don't know
if this is true or what a bunch of bs,
but it was, like she said, in all of my
past lives, like I've just wanted to have my own
voice and like go against the grain, and like I
would stand on a street in like the seventeen hundreds
and like be called the witch, and like that's probably
(34:58):
not exactly how the story went, but like it was
in all of my life, I've wanted to just be
this independent person who had my own voice and like
just went against what society told me to do. And
so I'm like, even in this world, I'm like, what
does marriage mean? Because if you go back into like
(35:20):
where it originated, it was like a man owning a
woman and like to me, I'm like I hate that. Um.
But also Jason is very much like Mr. Traditional, where
he's like, you go to school, you get your education,
you get married, you have children, um. And so we're
(35:41):
so different in that way where he just pictures, you know,
this wedding and this big wedding, and he's actually got
me excited to have a bigger wedding and do this
because he's always envisioned it and I'm like sure, and
then once we talk about it, it gets exciting. But
I'm just never you know, I've just been like, can't
we just say we're married? Like I want, I want
to be with you forever? Can I just call you
my husband and we can have a party, But like,
(36:02):
do we have to sign these papers that say like
and I just I go back to where marriage originated
and I get all like feminist on everyone because I'm like, now, um,
So it's been interesting because you know, obviously I know
we're going to get married, and I just keep thinking,
like what does that mean? And I have to really
(36:23):
just tell myself, like my definition of marriage can be
different from where it all started. And so when it
comes to wedding planning, Jason, Jason is usually a really
good planner, but we're both just like, and this is
something we really need to work on in our relationship.
And I've talked about this on other podcasts or my own,
but we're so career driven, the both of us, that
we forget to put each other first in our relationship first.
(36:46):
We kind of put it second, um, because we are
both just so focused on what we need to do,
and sometimes we're like, wait, we should probably get back
on the same page and like make our relationship a
priority because we can see ourselves drifting sometimes or not
being like as close as we used to be. And
when you're not as close as you used to be,
are on the same page, still obviously in love, but
(37:08):
just on different pages. You don't think about planning a
wedding and you're not gonna down and like do all
these things to you know, And we've tried to set
a date, and we've tried to find a venue and
wedding planning is a lot harder than I thought it
was going to be. Um, even though we have a
wedding planner. But it's like if you if you say
(37:29):
something like to a vendor or a venue or something,
you add the word wedding onto it, they're gonna like
triple quadruple the price of it. And then Jason gets
so mad because he hates being taken advantage of and
he's such a budget or. And it's so funny because
then we just get so discouraged through wedding planning when
it should be really fun and exciting, and we find
(37:50):
it really discouraging and annoying, and we feel taken advantage
of by people, and it just like has been putting
not a hold on it, but like slowing it down
when we should, you know, And especially because I just
turned thirty seven yesterday, so I'm like, I really want
to have a baby, so you know, if Jason wants
to get married first one, I'm like, I don't care. Yeah, yeah, Okay, guys.
(38:23):
We just recap a very major episode Beverly Hills and
nine o two now and it is juicy. Dylan's dad
is trying to steal its money, Brenda is crying over Dylan.
David is about to drop Steve as his manager. Looking
back at these episodes is honestly so fun, and it's
(38:44):
even more fun to look back with our fans, who
we usually remember more than we do for we love
your feedback, so keep it coming. We read all your comments,
and we appreciate your love so much. You guys, so
join us every week for new episode recaps and special guests.
Listen to nine O two one, OMG wherever you listen
(39:06):
to podcasts. Traditions are so hard because there's a lot
of beauty and tradition. You know, there's a lot of
sentiment in tradition, but there's also that feeling that I
also get to where it's like, is am I participating
(39:28):
in tradition because it's what is expected expected of me
from society? Or is this something that I want to
experience in my own life? And um, you know, there's
things that Haley and I both agree on and then
things where we're like different, you know, have different opinions
or views on and um, I do think that the
(39:49):
being both of you being career driven is interesting because
Haley is definitely like super career driven, like she like
she loves to work, like she considers work with a hobby.
I'm like, well, I don't understand. So I'm like give
me attention, like I need attention. And sometimes it's like
having that conversation of like, hey, I want to be
(40:09):
as like I want you to be as excited about
like date night as you are about work, you know,
And it's like finding that balance and so I totally
get that, and I don't think people talk about that
enough to where it's like normalized that. Sometimes it's so
important to have a moment where you reconnect and like
get back on the same page and because then everything
(40:32):
everything in life kind of like flows better, especially in
this world when people are so invested in your relationship
and you know, people have waited so long to hear
about your relationships and now they probably want to know everything.
And it's like, I think it's so um hard to
talk about the hard times because you're like do people
(40:53):
want to hear that or do they want to hear
the fairy tale of like how great everything is? And
because I'm such a book and I just talk about
everything and people think like, oh my god, You're like
I'll probably here later, Like you stop putting your career first,
and then they'll start, you know, like people will blame
me for not getting married. And when you put everything
(41:14):
out there, everyone has an opinion and and obviously like
they're allowed to because I'm putting everything out there, so
they're allowed to either agree with me or not or
you know whatever. But then you hear about it all
and then you start questioning everything that you're doing. But yet, Wow,
I really lost my train of thought there. What was
no just talking about being on the state well, talking
(41:38):
about like normalizing, Yeah, normalizing like that sometimes like all
relationships go through such ups and downs, Like there's like
maybe zero point zero one percent of relationships that maybe
just are so compatible and like smooth sailing, but like
that is so abnormal and like good for those people,
(42:00):
that's amazing, but that's so not normal, and so for me,
I think it's always and Jason's kind of like, hey,
can you like maybe not overshare all of our problems
and unlike? But that's important to me because um, I
don't like putting out a perfect image of what relationships
look like or having all good times like it is.
(42:21):
I think it is important to talk about not being
on the same page and how that's okay, and that
it doesn't mean that it's the end or it doesn't
mean you guys have problems. It means that you're probably
normal relationship that are that's going through something. And you know,
it's been three and a half years for us and
we were like incomplete bliss and honeymoon phase for so long, um,
and then it was like back to back work work
(42:43):
work and being gone um. And the same thing for him,
like he's doing like he had his head down working
on a book for so long and then he's out
on a book tour and I'm here and we're both
just always gone that like that's bound to happen in
a relationship where you're like, wait, where are we at?
And go on with us and like we have been
(43:03):
going through like a tougher time because of that, And
I'm like, but that's also okay, Like it's and yeah, again,
I just think it's okay that even when you said, like, hey,
I wish you would like give the same excitement to
a date night as you do to work. Like I
say that to Jason all the time, and he'll you know,
point right back at me. And be like do you
(43:25):
know like who you are and what you're doing. I'm like,
I'm like, put your phone now, why are you working?
All you care about his work? And he's like, dude,
you literally haven't been home in a year. I've been working.
And I'm like, shit, that is so me. Like We'll
be doing something and I'll be on my phone just scrolling,
(43:45):
and then I'll be done scrolling and Haley will be
on her phone and I'm like, excuse me, and she's like,
You've literally been on your phone this whole time. So yeah,
it's it is interesting. And I have a question for you, because,
m do you ever see on TikTok? I guess people
call them like we we grew up calling them like
turn offs. But is there anything Jason does like regularly
(44:08):
that he gives you the yeah, Oh my god. I
think sometimes we drive each other nuts with that kind
of thing, because um he first of all, people know this,
but I have misophonia where sounds really triggered me. Um
Like if somebody SIPs coffee, I'm like I might hate you.
(44:28):
Um or like like snoring really really triggers my misophonia,
and he snores so loud that I am actually so
turned off that I just will stare at him while
he's staring and go like, oh, like because it just
like triggers that misophonia in my brain where I get
like unreasonably rag and and I think, yeah, so I
(44:54):
would say the snoring or the noises that like, he's
also like got a deviated set them. There's something we're
just like the breathing sounds. I'm like, I feel like
I'm a monster because of how you are. Yeah, I'm like,
why am I so enraged right now? From a sound? Like?
(45:14):
Is that normal? Um? But yeah? Also Instagram Jason gives
me the ick plays elaborate. Who's the guy that's like
does the selling like a the like um, like a
(45:34):
freaking like what is that? Like an infomercial? Like a
oh there's more Like That's how I see on Instagram
is always like let me tell you something, blah blah blah,
and then we've got this and I'm like, oh gosh,
like like Instagram Jason is like so on, but like
the real Jason, I'm like, oh, I love the real
(45:58):
Like so the Instagram Jason just it's like he's like
an infomercial, always trying to sell me on something, and
I'm like, let's just let's just reel it in a
little bit. Does he notice? Yeah, about himself. He told
me to mute him on Instagram. He's like, why do
you just mute me? Because all I could go through
his story and I'll be like, Ah, it's just so much,
(46:19):
It's so much, but it's his thing, and it's yeah,
he really is like that, even if it's just not
on Instagram, Like, he just gets so passionate about things,
so I can't be annoyed at it. But also I
can because I'm human being who lives with this person
and the things are obviously going to drive you nuts.
But yeah, Instagram, Jason, the miss aphonia thing is real.
(46:40):
The other day, I did like the cutest TikTok where
I was I don't know if you've seen the trend,
but it's like where you ask your significant other like
what day of the week do I remind you of?
And the whole thing is that there do you want
them to say a Sunday? Because there's a song lyric
of this guy being like you remind me of Sunday? Whatever. Yeah,
So I asked Haylee and I'm like, have the owned
facing me so you don't see her. And I was like, hey,
(47:03):
I was like, what day of the week to I
remind you of? And she was like she does not
even watch She's like not on TikTok at all, and
she was like, um, Sunday and I smile. But the
noise that my mouth made when I smiled, I was like,
I can't boast no, because I literally was like I
(47:23):
can't post it because I also missing voting and I
couldn't do that to anybody else. Get it, I know
exactly talking to what it's like. We call him smile pops,
and I hate it. I hated it. So I was like, well,
that's gonna have to live in the drafts and maybe
I'll silence the sound or something. I want to see
(47:45):
that because it was probably the most genuine little smile
that's she said, Sunday. That's the right answer. I feel
like me like Tuesday, because like, wait, what is my
justification to this? I feel like Mondays. He I feel
like Mondays. He likes like he's like, let's get motivated.
(48:06):
It's the start of the week. Let's where Tuesdays like
his Monday, where he's like Tuesday's kind of annoying because
it's like not on day yet, that's not like close
to the weekend. It's like it kind of annoys him.
I feel like I'm like a little like annoying sometimes
to him, where he's like half the time he called
me a Tuesday, and then half the time he might
call me a Sunday again, depends on where I'm at
my cycle. The cycle thing is so real though, and
(48:30):
you know, like them when I whenever I'm on Instagram,
and I find myself feeling like really sensitive to things
that like aren't even rude, you know, they're just like
statements or something like some of the other like last
month was like I don't like your your eyebrows and
(48:52):
it was just like an opinion, which like it wasn't
even I mean, it wasn't like nice, but it wasn't
like horribly mean. I've gotten way work, and I was
just like, I'm getting off Instagram. I'm not doing social
media anymore, and I was like, why am I reacting
like this? And then I have remembered she's coming, Oh yeah,
she's on her way. It's it's actually it's just such clockwork.
(49:16):
And I always say, like you'd think at the age
of it's hard for me to say, thirty seven, now,
that's so weird. At the age of thirty seven, you
would think like, well, kayline, you've been dealing with this
for however many years, like like over like twenty five years,
you've been dealing with this. You would think at this
point you can like really take a look at your
calendar and be like, yeah, okay, and this is what
(49:37):
it is. But you're always like, no, that's not what
it is. This is really how I'm feeling, and you
want to like deny that it's like PMS because you're
like no, because you don't want it to take away,
like dismiss how you're actually feeling. You're like, literally, excuse
I want this to be that's how I feel. You're
like want to be an excuse you want you don't
want to like be excused of being cho You're like,
(50:00):
let me just feel how I feel without a reason
for it. Yeah, this is who I am right now,
and it's not I'm not going to take this back.
I mean it. And she's not pretty, but she's real,
but she's really not she's real, but she's really like
she's not herself. She's really yeah, she's real, but she's
not herself. She's um like the devil kind of takes
(50:23):
over your body for a couple of days, and I
feel that's how I feel. I feel like something comes
into my body where I turn evil for about three days,
even to myself. I mean to myself, I mean to
other people, I'm grumpy. I'm so irritable to the point
where I'm like, what happened yesterday? Something happened yesterday? It
was like my birthday answer and my mom said something
(50:45):
and she said so, and I was like, oh, so
it's so, Mom, just say so, like why are you staying?
It look so? And then I was like, oh, Sally,
my periods coming. It turns me into a person that
I'm like, I'm not need to not be around anybody
who I love. At least I swear Jason plans his
(51:07):
trips around my period, because I've got emails that go
out to him from my app that you do. I
think sometimes you book trips around my period where you're like,
I am, hey, Jason, he just came back from workout
(51:29):
and happened to walk in at the time where I
was like, I think he planned trips aroout my period
and then he's like I heard that. I'm like, You're like,
but do you do? But do you? I like, so
right now, I'm like, at that time is coming, so
it storms are bruin and I'm just gonna let that
one go. Storms of bruins. Um, Okay, we're coming to
(51:54):
an end. But where where? Where can people find you?
What are you doing? What do you want people to
know about? Right now? I am honestly, I have never
worked so hard at something in my life as I
have with Spade and Sparrows. We are really trying to
get into retail right now and things are going really well.
So I just want everybody to follow Spade and Sparrows
on Instagram. We're one of the most followed wine brands
(52:16):
out there, which I'm like so proud of because it's again,
I just love a community. I love people coming together
and like, even if you don't drink wine. Um. Also
please if you struggle with addiction with alcohol, please don't
follow my page because um, I just don't like triggering anybody,
and I feel like people do get you know that way. Um,
(52:38):
But it's so I've just worked so hard at it
and it's so fun and I'm so proud of my team.
And um, we're just having really big conversations with like
Target when I got him obsessed with her little fluff face.
Oh my gosh. Um so Spade and Sparrows. Um also
do edit. We're always dropping new UM edits and launching
(53:00):
fun things. We did a Pride edit this or for
the month of June. We're still in dude, yeah for
June and that was so fun. And then also my
podcast off the Vine. Um, I just podcasting is one
of my favorite things to do, just because I love
genuine conversation and we don't do it enough with people,
and it just happens to be my job where I'm like,
I get to put my phone down and have such
(53:22):
a nice conversation with like you or someone that I
would never have a conversation with ever in my life.
But I'm going to just like be in the moment.
And um again, that Facebook group, I know you have
a great Facebook group to a bunch of just amazing people.
So um yeah, all those things, just a few things
here and there. She's dabbling in, dabbling in a few things. Well,
(53:44):
I just have to say I love you. I've loved
you from the moment I met you when we were
on the Bachelor together, and it's so cool, Like I
always felt like I knew you were going to do
so much, but I don't think I ever You were incredible,
and I think that the more time goes by, the
more you're like so in touch with yourself and who
(54:06):
you are. And I think that's what makes you so
special and that's why people love you and have continued
to follow you. So UM, thank you for filling in
and some one, and let me just say the same
to you. When I met you, I'll never forget you
had ugg boots and shorts. The next morning you were
wearing ug boots and shorts and like a baseball like
three quarter length tea, and I was like, she's so
(54:28):
funny and cute and smart, and I just feel like
we're going to be friends for a long time and
we have been. And I'm so proud of you and
just so happy for you, and I just love chatting
with you. And thank you for having me fill in today.
I it was an honor, truly. I love you so much.
I love you all right. Thank you so much to
(55:02):
Caitlin for filling in for Tanya, and UM also I
wanted to talk about this and I forgot, but I
did try to watch ships Creak again this week um
while I was sick, and I want to talk about
that with Tanya when she's back next week. And also
we want to say thank you to the fabulous v
I P partners from My Heart Radios Wango Tango the
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Rob's Backstage Popcorn. Rob is a longtime pal of the
Jonas Brothers and they know good popcorn. We love you guys,
(56:11):
have a great weekend. We will be back next Monday. Bye.
Spreading in with Becca Tilly and Tanya Red and I
heart radio podcast. Hello everybody, we are scrubbing in and
you know, Tanya is off in St bart somewhere living
her best life. And so it was like, I need
a co host. I need someone that can hang. I
(00:22):
need someone who's gonna chat with me, keep the conversation going,
and I thought, who better than the one and only
Kitlin Bristo. Your microphone is killing me right, that is
a comical tiny microphone, actually shocking. So normally we record
(00:43):
in tanya studio and she has like a full setup
for the radio show, so it's like, you know, Big
Mike's equipment everywhere. But when she's not here and I
do it remotely, I this shockingly has really good audio quality.
I feel like to joke, like you got that out
of like a Barbie box and it's just like, honestly,
(01:05):
to make people laugh. I can't believe that thing works.
That's very funny. No, Actually easting our Easton, who is
our engineer, he was like, let me test the quality,
and that sentence, He's like, it sounds great. So we've
just kept in. It's really cute. I could totally see
you with one. It's adorable and also like the you
know how we started off in cell phone world, Well,
(01:28):
I guess they started really big, but then we went
to the tiniest of tiny, little flip phones and it
was like the smaller the better. Yes, that's what that
microphone reminds me of, because now the microphones were podcasting
like the size of your head. But you're just kicking
it old school over there with a little baby mike. Listen.
I have always liked tiny things, like it was a
thing in my whole life growing up. I liked miniature
(01:48):
So honestly, this is a dream come true that I'm
using this tiny mic and that it works like those
videos like Britney Spears likes where it's like all those
like tiny little um like Pollypop get size everything and
it's like a little piece of toast and they toasted
in a mini toaster and then have a little baby
like knives just read butter on it and everybody seems
to like that. I love it, and I like there's
(02:11):
it's actually they have a full account. It's called Tiny
Kitchen and they make all these things. So me and
Bernie Spears definitely are on the same wave there yeah,
we're both from Louisiana and we like tiny things. We
love to dance, and you love to tum. How are you?
You just celebrated your birthday yesterday. I know that you're
(02:32):
probably feeling just chipper and ready to chat away today,
but you know me, well, you know it's funny, is
so yeah, thank you for the birthday mentioned because it
was one of those birthdays where I actually didn't care,
like it was one of those like, oh, it's just
you know, like it's I feel like thirty thirty five,
forty will be a big one, but thirty seven is
(02:53):
one of those like, hey, I just don't really care.
I just wanted to be around like my family, and
that's what we did, and it was it was really nice.
But I'm at a point in my life and this
is not a bregg this is actually embarrassing where I
just I can drink so much wine and feel nothing
the next day. So it's it's a blessing and a
curse because then I'm like, well, might as well just
drink a lot of wine tonight. Um. But you know,
(03:15):
here we are. I was tired this morning, but I
feel good now. I'm on my second coffee and just
just here feeling great. So okay, does that mean you
can drink as much as long as it's wine and
you don't get hungover? Now I can do tequila gin,
no hangover. I rarely get hungover. Like it's Jason always
calls me like an anomaly or a psycho, one of
(03:38):
the two. But he is like, how do you do that?
And he goes where does it go? Like? Where does
it go? I'm like, I don't know. It's not cool.
I'm not like, yeah, I could drink not get hungover.
I wish I did. I wish I got hungover because
then it would just like limit me at least. Well,
it is true because you're like so tiny, and the
(03:58):
fact that your body can handle that without any repercussion
is yeah, it's scary. Actually, I'm like, where does it go?
I'm not sure we should. I should be like a
study that they do on like and then. And I'm
always a little bit paranoid about like is my liver okay? Um?
Because I also don't get like it's not like I
(04:19):
go get sloppy drunk every night. I just do wine.
I enjoy it cocktail. Um. But my mom is always like,
can you please get your liver checked. And every time
I do, they're like, doo good, it's great, everything's funcdating perfectly.
I'm like, they're like, we don't understand, but it looks amazing. Yeah, yeah,
looks great liver. It looks like a new liver. Yeah.
(04:41):
I don't know. It's so bizarre. I have this. I
was looking through old videos the other day. I came
I was trying to find videos of something and I
came across the videos when we were at your I
guess it was it a condo and apartment. You state
it for Dancing with the Stars, and it was when
we all did the rooftop dinner and for some reason,
and the Greatest Showman was the choice of soundtrack that night,
(05:03):
and you were singing to one of the dogs and
you hauld like lifted his ear and you were like
singing the end of the slow song, the inspirational one,
No no, no, it was for the world We're gonna
make yeah yeah yeah, but you whisper it in his ear.
(05:25):
I have the funniest videos from that night and you
and Becca Becca kirl friend, we really went for it
that night. What was that? Was that just a It
was some start, we're celebrating something. What were we celebrating.
Weren't we celebrating you being on Dancing of the Stars.
Maybe that was I don't know. That was really nice,
but it was like a whole no, I swear it
(05:47):
was something else because there was a sign and it
was like it felt like my birthday but it wasn't
my birthday. But it was so fun and um, we
definitely got in like trouble because of the COVID officers
out there, but I remember being like, I remember actually
a few days after that, I got a false positive
(06:10):
COVID test and I thought my career on Dancing with
the Stars was over because as soon as you test positive,
you're out of the competition. And so I am driving
down the street. I'm about to go to like a
costume fitting, and they called me and say, hey, um,
Caitlin moved really bad news. You tested positive for COVID.
And I just like turned white and thought I was
(06:30):
gonna throw up. And I pulled over and I just
started hysterically bawling, and I was like, but what, I
don't feel sick, like blah blah, And They're like, Okay,
there is like a really small chance that this is
like a false positive, and they were like Vernon Davis
had a false positive, so like, and I was like,
oh my gosh, and I immediately drove to a walk
in clinic and waited and I got tested and they're like, no,
(06:53):
it says negative. And I had to have three negative
tests to move forward in the competition. And this was
like early on too, and I was just so scared.
And then I had three, uh three negatives in a row,
so I wasn't positive and I was like, nobody even
look at me anymore. I am so in the zone
(07:13):
and I just like stayed in my little apartment and
didn't see anyone. It was awful. I actually think, yeah,
I think like I think that was the last time
I saw you during that time out here, because it
gone and nobody even come near me. I was so
paranoid because, oh my gosh, if that journey would have
ended for me early, I just I don't I probably
wouldn't be able to show up for this podcast today.
(07:34):
I would still be like in a corner crossing over it. Honestly, though,
I mean, You've done so much with Dancing Went the
Star since then, and I felt like the tour well,
I was laughing because, um, you and I talked about
how you were on the back of the bus and
how horrible the back is. But you feel like you're
like the queen or king because you get the big
(07:55):
room and it's like the worst spot on the bus.
It was like the bottom deck of the Titanic. Are
you missing that? Are you missing like dancing and being
on stage? I do? I miss it so much. I
thought three months on a bus and dancing every day,
I was like, I am going to be miserable because
that's a lot of work. And then I knew how
(08:18):
crazy it got on Dancing with the Stars, where I
was just like emotionally and physically just beaten down. And
so for that, I was like, this is like it's
going to be a dream. But after, you know, three
weeks of this, I'm going to be miserable. But I
was like crying at the end when it was over.
I didn't want to leave everybody. I like they felt
like family. There was no drama. It was just like fun.
(08:39):
Every single night. We played cards, we drank wine, we danced,
we went to the gym. We like all did everything together.
And I enjoyed every second of it. Except for the bus,
but like I loved the bus, but I hated sleeping
on it. But everything else was just like it's so
crazy because I, truly my whole life, thought that like
(09:00):
I would be dancing for my until I couldn't anymore.
Like you know how athletes have to retire at a
certain point because it just does so much damage to
their body. Like that's how I thought my I'd retire
at thirty five as like a dancer, and so the
fact that I was thirty six and just like on
tour with Dancing with the Stars, I was like, so
get in Caitlin, like appreciate every moment, and I was
so happy to be there. I was such a like
(09:22):
they were even like we've never seen someone like want
to be a part of Usually they want their own
dressing room and like kind of keep to themselves and
do their own thing. And I was like I was
like in on their zoom meetings with like Dancing with
the Stars, acting like I was like part of the show. Still,
it was so funny. I was like, you got to
put it out in the universe because I want to
host that show. That's my next dream. I'm like, please, please,
(09:44):
I'm gonna put it out there. I'm like just acting
like I'm already in well. I feel like you are
the queen of manifesting. Like what did you have a
moment where you were like this works for me? Or
was it like after a while you started thinking about
things that you've always dreamed of and watched them happen
like more like a reflecting and realizing it or is
(10:04):
it hasn't always been like an intentional thing that you
do know it is now. But I was manifesting, I
think since out of the womb. Like I'm pretty sure
I did it without even realizing I was doing. Yeah,
I just I feel like I've been manifesting things. Um.
I remember being twenty two years old. So I'm actually
on this tour right now. This is why I'm in Canada.
I'm on a wine Women and well Being UM tour.
(10:27):
I'm a keynote speaker and it's about manifesting and um,
so I was thinking about this and I'm like, I
truly have been manifesting before I realized it was a thing.
And I remember being twenty two and my girlfriend Penny
was with me and she goes, if you want to
live your dream life? She goes. You just have to
start off by writing things down things, she goes, and
(10:49):
you can't dream too big, Like nothing is too big.
Write down anything you would ever want in your life
and hang it in your mirror and look at it
every day. And I was like, okay. So I sat
there and she took pictures of me, and I still
have these photos of me writing lists of things I
wanted to do, and um, I didn't realize it. But
I didn't realize it until I was about thirty four
(11:10):
when she sent me this photo and said, do you
know it's on this list? And I said, no, I
forget and it was, Um. I wanted to be an entrepreneur.
I wanted to start my own businesses. I wanted to
have my own radio show, which I didn't know podcasting
was going to be a thing. I wanted to be
on TV. I wanted to have a Golden Retriever, and
I wanted to have, um a guy that drove a
(11:31):
truck and liked country music. So I dropped the ball
on that one, Jayson. It definitely it's not like driving truck,
but that's you know, can't have it all, um. But
it was so interesting because I'm like holy crap. I
used to look at that every single day and I
used to think about it. And even when I went
through like the roughest time in my life and threw
a breakup, and um, everybody was like, oh, you know,
(11:53):
like are you gonna do something, go to school or education,
and I was like, back to working at a restaurant.
I just always in the back of my mind knew
something was going to happen. And I was just like, no,
I just know some something will happen for me where
it's it's I've just thought about this for way too
long in my life. And then manifesting really became a thing,
um where like now we all talk about manifesting and
(12:16):
like you want to do it and believe it. But
I mean even back when so I talked so much
so I hope this is no, this is great. I'm
like so fascinated by this. Okay. Um, So even back
I think I was twenty three and my boyfriend at
the time was snowboarding and I was home visiting family
and I was so mad because he was not calling
(12:38):
me and not answering my text messages, and I was like,
what the hell is going on? And my girlfriend called me,
and she said, you're gonna need to get back on
this next flight. Um, your boyfriend is in the hospital.
He's in a coma and he's been in this terrible accident.
He was airlifted to the hospital. Um, he like tried
to go off a jump and he was really good.
(12:59):
He tried to do like a backflip, but a little
kid was coming through, so he panicked in the air
and ended up ended up landing on his head. And
so I was freaking out and I could not get
a flight till the next morning. And so I was like,
what can I do to like not think so negatively,
to like put out positive thoughts? And my mom was like,
(13:19):
why don't She had read the book The Secret. She goes,
why don't you watch The Secret? I have it on
a DVD. And I was like okay, And I started
watching The Secret and it's all about like putting out
positive thoughts or like the law of attraction. And I
just sat there and I wrote down like how he
was going to be okay, And I just kept watching
this movie that brought me so much comfort in like
(13:40):
the power of positive thinking. And I got on that
flight and I got there and he woke up and
he was totally fine, and he like even made a
joke he had tubes like up his nose and he goes,
do I have like boogers in my nose? And I'm like,
oh my god, they're tubes. But anyways, and it was
just like in that moment, I was like, I'm going
(14:01):
to forever believe in the secret, and I'm going to
watch these things and I'm gonna put out all these
thoughts and I'm going to really immerse myself in the
thoughts of like, um, like what that will look like.
And I used to dream. I remember having a very
vivid dream that I was going on The Bachelor, um
and it was Ben Flannic what its name this season?
And I was like fully in it. And I remember
(14:22):
being in the I T M rooms and I would
like felt it. And so when I got a call
to go in batch, I was like, of course this
is happening. And even before I went on Dancing with
the Stars, I put a picture of a mirror ball
in my mirror and I would see that, and so
when I got the call or they said I was
going on, I was like, oh my gosh. And then
I would hold a Christmas ornament that was a mirrorball
(14:44):
to go to sleep every night, and I would like
picture what it was gonna smell, like like I could
hear Tyras say in my name at the end, like
this whole thing. I just like truly believe if you
see yourself in these situations. And like, also, manifesting can't
be used like we use the term anxiety or triggered anymore.
Like we have to think of manifesting as also patients.
(15:05):
I've been manifesting something since I was twenty two years old,
and I didn't even know until it was in my thirties. Um,
patients and a lot of hard work and putting yourself
in positions to get to where you want to be,
because um, you can't just write it down and then
be like, come on, universe, the lap, like let it
fall into the lap. Like it comes with a lot
of hard work too. Well, it's kind of like, well,
it's kind of like the um. Like I grew up,
(15:28):
you know, very Christian and so like manifesting wasn't something
that really anyway, Like I feel like it's kind of
a newer term and something that people are talking about
more really, like in the past couple of years, like
you said. But um, I remember when I was at
my old job before the Bachelor, and I never did
any practices like this where I like wrote stuff down
(15:48):
or put it out into the universe. And I mean
I prayed, but that was not like an intentional yeah,
but it was more like you know, yeah, I guess so,
but it's just I guess like you're directing it too,
I guess is the difference. Um. And so my old
boss he was like, we're going to do a practice
and we're gonna same thing that Penny said, like we're
(16:10):
going to write down everything and there's nothing too big,
like if it seems totally out of touch or not realistic,
it's fine, just write it down. And so I wrote
and like at this time, I think I had traveled
to Mexico on a cruise, like I had never traveled
beyond like very close to home, and I had said,
I wrote down I wanted to travel the world, and
(16:33):
I never thought anything about it. And when I got
when I got the call to go on The Bachelor,
I thought, this is it, Like I'm going to travel
the world. And an ironic twist the Midwest because it
was during Chrismas season, and he was a farmer, and
they wanted to see how we could handle a country
(16:54):
living and we did go to Bali at the end.
But yeah, it was like kind of funny because my
mind like it worked. But that led to what my
life is now, where it has been getting to travel
and see the world. So I like fully believe in this,
and I you know, I think some people think like, well,
I've done that and it's not happening to me, you know.
(17:16):
And I think you're talking about patients is such a
big part of it, because even Tanya does like vision
boards and stuff, and she's like, I look back on
like vision boards from years ago, and I remember, like
within the year I would look and be like, nothing's
happening from my vision board. But now i look back
at things from like five years ago and I'm like,
oh my gosh, this happened. So it's there's so much
(17:38):
patient like you you do forget that you wrote. That's
why vision boards are so cool, because or journaling or
anything that you can look back on and be like,
oh my gosh, I didn't even remember that in that moment.
I felt this way, or I thought this, or I
wanted this and now look at where I am. And
that's why I always I always tell people with like
you know they're going through such a hard time or
a job transition or a breakup or anything. It's like,
oh my gosh, please have all the patients and things
(18:00):
down and see your life in a certain way. Because
even if like how fast did the last two years
go by? So if you think of something right now
and you want to write it down in those like
five years and five years, I think happens so fast
and you look and look back on something that you
really put out into the universe. And to your point,
I think praying though, is like in my mind, it's
(18:20):
just a different form of praying. Like to me, I'm
praying to the universe, but the universe can be some
people's God, like it's exactly you believe in that higher
power and you're either praying or you know, manifesting or
I talked to the moon like a crazy lady like
I genuinely go out there on a full moon or
if I see them, I'll go out there and speak
to it for an hour. And Jason's like, you're crazy,
(18:42):
but it works, like He's like I look at this,
and he goes, Um, Like, if I first met you
and saw you doing this, I'd be like, oh, I'm
not sure about this one. He goes, put Now, I'm like, God,
everything you've like talked to the moon about just happened,
So I can't even make fun of you anymore. Yeah,
you're literally like the queen of it. And I think
you're right because you know, Haley, Um, we'll talk about
(19:05):
like putting out into the universe, and we always talked
about the similarities of praying, and it's like whatever you
are your higher power putting it out there, and and um,
like also the attitude you do it with, you know,
I think there there's something about being grateful on top
of the patients and like accepting what is right now,
(19:27):
and even if you're hoping for something new and something
better and greater, it's like being able to have gratitude
in the moment that you're in right now. It's that's
another thing where I never, um journals. I did law
was on The Bachelor, and then um, I really wanted
I always wanted to get back into it because it
seems like such a great thing to be like, Oh,
(19:48):
I'm just gonna go journal Um, but I'm I don't know,
I just hate using independent I like using pen and paper,
but I get lazy after like tenments and like, yeah,
my hand cramps. My hand cramps all the time. Um,
but I that five minute gratitude Journal and I just
like committed to doing it every morning and night. And
then I was like, even after like three weeks, I
(20:08):
saw a shift in myself. I was like, holy crapt
three weeks of just feeling gratitude for things in them
the amount that like, even the way I talked to myself,
the way I talked to Jason, the way I like
approached to day was so different because you were constantly
thinking like, oh, I gotta remember what I'm going to
write down in the gratitude journal or this happened, and
you're you're like feeding yourself with all the positive things
(20:29):
through your day. Um, but so that you're thinking about
it by the end of the night and it's the
first thing you think about when you wake up. And
I gotta get back into that because then when you
travel and you forget it or whatever. But it's such
an important thing to do every day, even if you
don't write it down, even if you're just like you
wake up and before you scroll on your phone, be like,
oh wait, I'm gonna stop myself. Let's think about three
(20:51):
things I'm grateful for and then you can go to
your phone or do whatever you gotta do. But it
just shifts your whole brain for the day. I know
Haley is really good about journaling, like every night to
read in journal, and even if it's like writing down
just a few things like whatever happened during the day
or how she's feeling, I'm like so inspired by it
because I'm the same way. I get like so lazy
with it that I don't I'm like, that's the last thing.
(21:13):
I'm gonna scroll TikTok instead. And I'm like, what if
I use my time a little more wisely and like,
you know, did something kind of productive you could, I
tell myself And maybe this is a big old lad
I'm telling myself. But scrolling on, like you are the
curator of your own media intakes, so you can decide
(21:33):
what you're scrolling and seeing. Maybe not on TikTok, but
like Instagram you can follow like inspirational accounts or people,
but you know inspire you, and on TikTok, I swear
I've got it where like I feel creative watching TikTok,
I get like creative and I scroll and I'm like
laughing and I'm happy and I'm being inspired by people
(21:54):
there and I'm getting ideas. So I try and look
at it like that too, even though I'm like, we
should all stop scrolling as much as we do, but
you can also look at it like you could be
getting inspired of feeling creative by scrolling. You know, that's
the insight that I needed to justify my actions. Yeah,
you don't know it is true, though. I I watched
(22:16):
TikTok and it is. It's my algorithm, so random, but
it fits me. You know, like there's really funny stuff
that I'm like, I don't know if anyone else would
think this is funny. And then you know, there's a
lot of things about faith and um kind of like
being open minded to hearing what other people think. And
a lot of times I focus on people who are
(22:37):
way smarter than me and who have done a lot
more work than I have done in that area, in
any area, because I'm like I can learn from them.
And you know, TikTok's interesting because it's like who's actually
legit and what they're teaching I don't know, you know,
sometimes I because I often question them, like am I
(22:58):
inspired by this? Are like UM influenced by this because
it's what I want to hear? Or is it inspiring
and influential because it's someone that I would seek advice from,
and therefore what they're saying like inspires me or makes
you think deeper? You know, I know everybody on TikTok
(23:20):
seems to be a professional at what they do. And
then you're like, is this just because you went viral
on one thing and now you're running with it, or
like are you actually knowledgeable and going to um like
give me a new perspective? And you know, like it's
it's scary and awesome at the same time, You're like,
what am I feeding my brain? But also is it
(23:42):
like putting me in the best place that I could
be where I'm like, wow, I really learned from that today.
But I think that's what's so scary about scrolling, Like
there's just so much out there and like I'm so
into and we talked about this last time, like my
cycle or like even phases of like the moon or
certain things and all of a sudden everyone is an
(24:05):
expert on astrology and all these things where I'm like
so overwhelmed by it, but I love it, and I'm like,
what information am I taking in right now? Because it
is a lot. Well, I want to talk about relationships,
including the one with social media, but we're gonna take
a break and we'll be right back. All right, we're back,
(24:37):
So I, um, I want to talk about relationship. You know,
you and Jason wedding coming up and um, but because
we just left off on the topic of social media.
You're very open and honest about your relationship with social
media and like when it causes anxious feelings and or
brings you down or makes you feel less, Stan, and
(25:00):
I love how open and vulnerable you are, and I
think it helps a lot of people to see someone
who is so beautiful and successful and talented and someone
who has so much love and yet you still struggle
with things that we all struggle with in a daily life.
And is there like, do you like, what's your relationship now?
(25:22):
Because I'm curious, as you've gotten older, you've been in
this like world for such a long time, and I've
my relationship with it has changed a lot. But I'm
curious where you are at with social media on this day. Uh,
it really does depend on the day and where I'm
at my cycle. Um. So true though, for real, because
(25:43):
I am I am just such a I don't I
would have never said this about myself ten years ago,
but I'm such a go getter. And I'm like, I
like being busy, but I also like taking time to
just like shut off and have my downtime. So when
I went from like Dancing with the Stars to back
(26:04):
to back film into the Bachelorette to the tour, I
was like, good, I'm doing stuff. I'm like busy. Uh,
this you know is like this is gonna sound really bad,
but I'm like this looks good for my resume for
like what I want to do coming up, and like
if I want to get a housing role or whatever
I want to do, I'm staying like I hate the
word relevant, but like relevant like in a in a
(26:27):
world where that is my business. I need to stay
in certain positions to you know, keep being successful at
my podcast and this. And I had to really think
about what success meant to me because I was like,
is it overworking myself? Um? And I got really excited
to actually come off the tour to focus on just
(26:48):
my podcast, Do Edit and Spade and Sparrows. I was like,
those are my three like pillars where um, I need
to focus on and I like that. But then I
get on social media and I see people like because
because obviously we're in a world where we are friends
with people who are hosting and doing TV shows and
working so hard and you see all this and everyone
(27:09):
thinks about this hustle culture and you see it on
social media every day. So then I got home and
I'm like, this is gonna be so great. I'm going
to have that downtime and I'm going to focus on
my businesses and that alone should be enough because because
it is that, I see everybody doing all these other
things and I'm like, oh my god, why am I
not hosting the MTV Movie Awards and why am I
not getting this phone call to do this? And it's
(27:33):
because I'm seeing it on social media and I and
I have like this weird thing where I love watching
people succeed. I love it, um because I think it's
the coolest thing in the world to like live your
dreams and do these big things. And like, so when
I saw Tasha hosting that I had this mixed feeling
of like, dude, we're supposed to host things together, why
(27:54):
am I not there, but also just being like, fully, crap,
good for you. That is amazing that you look beautiful.
And then I started thinking like am I not enough
to get these calls? And like I had this like
I don't know, my brain is sometimes where I'm like,
aren't you supposed to be on my same team? And
we aren't sometimes And it all comes from schooling, and
(28:17):
so I have like that duality of being so happy
for people and also wondering why I'm not getting these
same opportunities, um, which is just so silly. So it
really does depend on the day, but um, I think
I just have to really remind myself that I'm doing
a lot and I should be so proud of the
(28:37):
things that I have and I want to evolved as
a businesswoman so much. I keep listening to podcast like
Bethany Frankel's inspires me so much, and because I'm like,
there's so much too, um, you know, not not looking
successful on social media, like being successful in your own
(28:59):
brain and doing what love can be can mean being successful.
And I've had to kind of shift my perspective on
what success looks like to me, because it really is
being happy in the things that I am doing, whether
that be like being president, in my relationship, being on
all these business calls for Spade and Sparrows, learning about
that like it doesn't mean a dollar amount or um
(29:20):
my social media following. Like the other day, I was
like freaking out that I was going to go drop
down to under two million followers because brands are going
to look differently at me and I'm not going to
see like not because I care about like who likes
me and who doesn't, of course, but not to that extent.
It like the numbers to me mean business. Um, and
so I might stop looking at that and always think
(29:43):
today of like, what does success mean to you? It's
not that number, it's um, building that community that you
have in your podcast, or being happy in your relationship, um,
focusing more on what you actually like love doing instead
of thinking about what you should be doing. So, um,
I think it's redefining and telling myself what success is
(30:04):
to me while scrolling social media. Yeah, I mean I
think it's so. I don't think that there's I don't
think it's realistic to do what I mean we I mean,
you do way more than I do in terms of
like business, and you're much more of a go getter
than I am. But I am. So you're claimed not
(30:27):
a go getter. I'm really not, but I'm fine with it,
um And I get things done. But I'm a grastinator
and not a go getter. Um. But I do think
it's impossible to have the expectation that we're going to
be in this industry where everything, everything is about what
(30:48):
you're seeing on social media. And I think that what
you have created in Spain and Sparrows and do at
it and every your podcast, everything you do is or
the longevity and like being a businesswoman and what has
a long term power and all of these things like
the hosting gigs and what other people doing. It's so
(31:09):
exciting and it's so easy to cheer on and go like,
that's so awesome and I'm so happy for her, and
I hope I get to do something like that one day.
But also being able to like be content in the
things that you're working on behind the scenes that's not
like focused or shiny and new on social media exactly exactly.
(31:30):
But I do think like sometimes we're really hard on
ourselves of like I'm not going to compare myself. But
it's like, listen, we're in a world where unfortunately it's
the name of the game, and I think it's finding
just like you said, finding that balance of I can
cheer her on and still aspire to get something like that. Yeah,
both feelings can exist and that's okay. And like even
(31:52):
if you're feeling like you're comparing, just look at it
through a different lens of comparison, like, oh, it's going
to be inspiring instead of competitive, or maybe that can
like like you can be happy for them and also
be like okay, and then what do I want to
do with this and like let it kind of motivate
you instead of break you down. Yeah, And we were
(32:15):
kind of part of, especially in the Bachelor world, like
the first round of like Instagram influencers to come off
of the show and so then as like every season
kept coming and girls were having more followers and more
instant success, it was like, oh my gosh, like it's
you know, I'm gonna be forgotten And in my mind,
(32:36):
I'm like it's fine, I'll find someboding else not go
get her mentality, just like it'll be fine. That's a
good mentality to have to because that's I've had a
little more of that. I know. Everyone just keeps getting
younger and prettier in the bachelor world, and I'm like,
I'm just getting older, and like, I know it a
stupid way of thinking, but it's I mean, we're all
(32:59):
human beings that have the same insecurities and thoughts and everything.
But yeah, that was crazy. I'll never forget you. And
I went out um after women Tell All, and I
woke up the next day with so many more followers
just after one night because I think it got out
that maybe I was going to be the Bachelor or something.
I don't know, And then, um, why am I bringing
(33:21):
this up? Sean used to say to me, like, I
think you paid for your followers, and I was like,
asked Becca, I even I wish fun at Earth that
night to be able to think, Yeah, she was not
buying followers. We were I don't know what we were doing,
but she wasn't putting a credit card number and anything.
I'll tell you that much. Good times. Um, speaking of nothing,
(33:52):
what what's going on with the wedding planning? And I mean,
what is that something that you're like, are you someone
who's like had a dream and like vision envisioned your wedding,
your whole life or is it's okay? I haven't either
ever thought about that, even when, um, you know knowingly
(34:13):
I'm going on the Bachelorette to get engaged at the end,
I always pictured being engaged, but I never pictured like
what my wedding will look like, or like I never
was that little kid that put on the like freaking
pillow case on her head and was like I'm gonna
be a ride, Like I would never like that. Um,
and this is so crazy, but I had a past
(34:34):
life progressor on my podcast to talk about like when
I was like in past lives and I don't know
if this is true or what a bunch of bs,
but it was, like she said, in all of my
past lives, like I've just wanted to have my own
voice and like go against the grain, and like I
would stand on a street in like the seventeen hundreds
and like be called the witch, and like that's probably
(34:58):
not exactly how the story went, but like it was
in all of my life, I've wanted to just be
this independent person who had my own voice and like
just went against what society told me to do. And
so I'm like, even in this world, I'm like, what
does marriage mean? Because if you go back into like
(35:20):
where it originated, it was like a man owning a
woman and like to me, I'm like I hate that. Um.
But also Jason is very much like Mr. Traditional, where
he's like, you go to school, you get your education,
you get married, you have children, um. And so we're
(35:41):
so different in that way where he just pictures, you know,
this wedding and this big wedding, and he's actually got
me excited to have a bigger wedding and do this
because he's always envisioned it and I'm like sure, and
then once we talk about it, it gets exciting. But
I'm just never you know, I've just been like, can't
we just say we're married? Like I want, I want
to be with you forever? Can I just call you
my husband and we can have a party, But like,
(36:02):
do we have to sign these papers that say like
and I just I go back to where marriage originated
and I get all like feminist on everyone because I'm like, now, um,
So it's been interesting because you know, obviously I know
we're going to get married, and I just keep thinking,
like what does that mean? And I have to really
(36:23):
just tell myself, like my definition of marriage can be
different from where it all started. And so when it
comes to wedding planning, Jason, Jason is usually a really
good planner, but we're both just like, and this is
something we really need to work on in our relationship.
And I've talked about this on other podcasts or my own,
but we're so career driven, the both of us, that
we forget to put each other first in our relationship first.
(36:46):
We kind of put it second, um, because we are
both just so focused on what we need to do,
and sometimes we're like, wait, we should probably get back
on the same page and like make our relationship a
priority because we can see ourselves drifting sometimes or not
being like as close as we used to be. And
when you're not as close as you used to be,
are on the same page, still obviously in love, but
(37:08):
just on different pages. You don't think about planning a
wedding and you're not gonna down and like do all
these things to you know, And we've tried to set
a date, and we've tried to find a venue and
wedding planning is a lot harder than I thought it
was going to be. Um, even though we have a
wedding planner. But it's like if you if you say
(37:29):
something like to a vendor or a venue or something,
you add the word wedding onto it, they're gonna like
triple quadruple the price of it. And then Jason gets
so mad because he hates being taken advantage of and
he's such a budget or. And it's so funny because
then we just get so discouraged through wedding planning when
it should be really fun and exciting, and we find
(37:50):
it really discouraging and annoying, and we feel taken advantage
of by people, and it just like has been putting
not a hold on it, but like slowing it down
when we should, you know, And especially because I just
turned thirty seven yesterday, so I'm like, I really want
to have a baby, so you know, if Jason wants
to get married first one, I'm like, I don't care. Yeah, yeah, Okay, guys.
(38:23):
We just recap a very major episode Beverly Hills and
nine o two now and it is juicy. Dylan's dad
is trying to steal its money, Brenda is crying over Dylan.
David is about to drop Steve as his manager. Looking
back at these episodes is honestly so fun, and it's
(38:44):
even more fun to look back with our fans, who
we usually remember more than we do for we love
your feedback, so keep it coming. We read all your comments,
and we appreciate your love so much. You guys, so
join us every week for new episode recaps and special guests.
Listen to nine O two one, OMG wherever you listen
(39:06):
to podcasts. Traditions are so hard because there's a lot
of beauty and tradition. You know, there's a lot of
sentiment in tradition, but there's also that feeling that I
also get to where it's like, is am I participating
(39:28):
in tradition because it's what is expected expected of me
from society? Or is this something that I want to
experience in my own life? And um, you know, there's
things that Haley and I both agree on and then
things where we're like different, you know, have different opinions
or views on and um, I do think that the
(39:49):
being both of you being career driven is interesting because
Haley is definitely like super career driven, like she like
she loves to work, like she considers work with a hobby.
I'm like, well, I don't understand. So I'm like give
me attention, like I need attention. And sometimes it's like
having that conversation of like, hey, I want to be
(40:09):
as like I want you to be as excited about
like date night as you are about work, you know,
And it's like finding that balance and so I totally
get that, and I don't think people talk about that
enough to where it's like normalized that. Sometimes it's so
important to have a moment where you reconnect and like
get back on the same page and because then everything
(40:32):
everything in life kind of like flows better, especially in
this world when people are so invested in your relationship
and you know, people have waited so long to hear
about your relationships and now they probably want to know everything.
And it's like, I think it's so um hard to
talk about the hard times because you're like do people
(40:53):
want to hear that or do they want to hear
the fairy tale of like how great everything is? And
because I'm such a book and I just talk about
everything and people think like, oh my god, You're like
I'll probably here later, Like you stop putting your career first,
and then they'll start, you know, like people will blame
me for not getting married. And when you put everything
(41:14):
out there, everyone has an opinion and and obviously like
they're allowed to because I'm putting everything out there, so
they're allowed to either agree with me or not or
you know whatever. But then you hear about it all
and then you start questioning everything that you're doing. But yet, Wow,
I really lost my train of thought there. What was
no just talking about being on the state well, talking
(41:38):
about like normalizing, Yeah, normalizing like that sometimes like all
relationships go through such ups and downs, Like there's like
maybe zero point zero one percent of relationships that maybe
just are so compatible and like smooth sailing, but like
that is so abnormal and like good for those people,
(42:00):
that's amazing, but that's so not normal, and so for me,
I think it's always and Jason's kind of like, hey,
can you like maybe not overshare all of our problems
and unlike? But that's important to me because um, I
don't like putting out a perfect image of what relationships
look like or having all good times like it is.
(42:21):
I think it is important to talk about not being
on the same page and how that's okay, and that
it doesn't mean that it's the end or it doesn't
mean you guys have problems. It means that you're probably
normal relationship that are that's going through something. And you know,
it's been three and a half years for us and
we were like incomplete bliss and honeymoon phase for so long, um,
and then it was like back to back work work
(42:43):
work and being gone um. And the same thing for him,
like he's doing like he had his head down working
on a book for so long and then he's out
on a book tour and I'm here and we're both
just always gone that like that's bound to happen in
a relationship where you're like, wait, where are we at?
And go on with us and like we have been
(43:03):
going through like a tougher time because of that, And
I'm like, but that's also okay, Like it's and yeah, again,
I just think it's okay that even when you said, like, hey,
I wish you would like give the same excitement to
a date night as you do to work. Like I
say that to Jason all the time, and he'll you know,
point right back at me. And be like do you
(43:25):
know like who you are and what you're doing. I'm like,
I'm like, put your phone now, why are you working?
All you care about his work? And he's like, dude,
you literally haven't been home in a year. I've been working.
And I'm like, shit, that is so me. Like We'll
be doing something and I'll be on my phone just scrolling,
(43:45):
and then I'll be done scrolling and Haley will be
on her phone and I'm like, excuse me, and she's like,
You've literally been on your phone this whole time. So yeah,
it's it is interesting. And I have a question for you, because,
m do you ever see on TikTok? I guess people
call them like we we grew up calling them like
turn offs. But is there anything Jason does like regularly
(44:08):
that he gives you the yeah, Oh my god. I
think sometimes we drive each other nuts with that kind
of thing, because um he first of all, people know this,
but I have misophonia where sounds really triggered me. Um
Like if somebody SIPs coffee, I'm like I might hate you.
(44:28):
Um or like like snoring really really triggers my misophonia,
and he snores so loud that I am actually so
turned off that I just will stare at him while
he's staring and go like, oh, like because it just
like triggers that misophonia in my brain where I get
like unreasonably rag and and I think, yeah, so I
(44:54):
would say the snoring or the noises that like, he's
also like got a deviated set them. There's something we're
just like the breathing sounds. I'm like, I feel like
I'm a monster because of how you are. Yeah, I'm like,
why am I so enraged right now? From a sound? Like?
(45:14):
Is that normal? Um? But yeah? Also Instagram Jason gives
me the ick plays elaborate. Who's the guy that's like
does the selling like a the like um, like a
(45:34):
freaking like what is that? Like an infomercial? Like a
oh there's more Like That's how I see on Instagram
is always like let me tell you something, blah blah blah,
and then we've got this and I'm like, oh gosh,
like like Instagram Jason is like so on, but like
the real Jason, I'm like, oh, I love the real
(45:58):
Like so the Instagram Jason just it's like he's like
an infomercial, always trying to sell me on something, and
I'm like, let's just let's just reel it in a
little bit. Does he notice? Yeah, about himself. He told
me to mute him on Instagram. He's like, why do
you just mute me? Because all I could go through
his story and I'll be like, Ah, it's just so much,
(46:19):
It's so much, but it's his thing, and it's yeah,
he really is like that, even if it's just not
on Instagram, Like, he just gets so passionate about things,
so I can't be annoyed at it. But also I
can because I'm human being who lives with this person
and the things are obviously going to drive you nuts.
But yeah, Instagram, Jason, the miss aphonia thing is real.
(46:40):
The other day, I did like the cutest TikTok where
I was I don't know if you've seen the trend,
but it's like where you ask your significant other like
what day of the week do I remind you of?
And the whole thing is that there do you want
them to say a Sunday? Because there's a song lyric
of this guy being like you remind me of Sunday? Whatever. Yeah,
So I asked Haylee and I'm like, have the owned
facing me so you don't see her. And I was like, hey,
(47:03):
I was like, what day of the week to I
remind you of? And she was like she does not
even watch She's like not on TikTok at all, and
she was like, um, Sunday and I smile. But the
noise that my mouth made when I smiled, I was like,
I can't boast no, because I literally was like I
(47:23):
can't post it because I also missing voting and I
couldn't do that to anybody else. Get it, I know
exactly talking to what it's like. We call him smile pops,
and I hate it. I hated it. So I was like, well,
that's gonna have to live in the drafts and maybe
I'll silence the sound or something. I want to see
(47:45):
that because it was probably the most genuine little smile
that's she said, Sunday. That's the right answer. I feel
like me like Tuesday, because like, wait, what is my
justification to this? I feel like Mondays. He I feel
like Mondays. He likes like he's like, let's get motivated.
(48:06):
It's the start of the week. Let's where Tuesdays like
his Monday, where he's like Tuesday's kind of annoying because
it's like not on day yet, that's not like close
to the weekend. It's like it kind of annoys him.
I feel like I'm like a little like annoying sometimes
to him, where he's like half the time he called
me a Tuesday, and then half the time he might
call me a Sunday again, depends on where I'm at
my cycle. The cycle thing is so real though, and
(48:30):
you know, like them when I whenever I'm on Instagram,
and I find myself feeling like really sensitive to things
that like aren't even rude, you know, they're just like
statements or something like some of the other like last
month was like I don't like your your eyebrows and
(48:52):
it was just like an opinion, which like it wasn't
even I mean, it wasn't like nice, but it wasn't
like horribly mean. I've gotten way work, and I was
just like, I'm getting off Instagram. I'm not doing social
media anymore, and I was like, why am I reacting
like this? And then I have remembered she's coming, Oh yeah,
she's on her way. It's it's actually it's just such clockwork.
(49:16):
And I always say, like you'd think at the age
of it's hard for me to say, thirty seven, now,
that's so weird. At the age of thirty seven, you
would think like, well, kayline, you've been dealing with this
for however many years, like like over like twenty five years,
you've been dealing with this. You would think at this
point you can like really take a look at your
calendar and be like, yeah, okay, and this is what
(49:37):
it is. But you're always like, no, that's not what
it is. This is really how I'm feeling, and you
want to like deny that it's like PMS because you're
like no, because you don't want it to take away,
like dismiss how you're actually feeling. You're like, literally, excuse
I want this to be that's how I feel. You're
like want to be an excuse you want you don't
want to like be excused of being cho You're like,
(50:00):
let me just feel how I feel without a reason
for it. Yeah, this is who I am right now,
and it's not I'm not going to take this back.
I mean it. And she's not pretty, but she's real,
but she's really not she's real, but she's really like
she's not herself. She's really yeah, she's real, but she's
not herself. She's um like the devil kind of takes
(50:23):
over your body for a couple of days, and I
feel that's how I feel. I feel like something comes
into my body where I turn evil for about three days,
even to myself. I mean to myself, I mean to
other people, I'm grumpy. I'm so irritable to the point
where I'm like, what happened yesterday? Something happened yesterday? It
was like my birthday answer and my mom said something
(50:45):
and she said so, and I was like, oh, so
it's so, Mom, just say so, like why are you staying?
It look so? And then I was like, oh, Sally,
my periods coming. It turns me into a person that
I'm like, I'm not need to not be around anybody
who I love. At least I swear Jason plans his
(51:07):
trips around my period, because I've got emails that go
out to him from my app that you do. I
think sometimes you book trips around my period where you're like,
I am, hey, Jason, he just came back from workout
(51:29):
and happened to walk in at the time where I
was like, I think he planned trips aroout my period
and then he's like I heard that. I'm like, You're like,
but do you do? But do you? I like, so
right now, I'm like, at that time is coming, so
it storms are bruin and I'm just gonna let that
one go. Storms of bruins. Um, Okay, we're coming to
(51:54):
an end. But where where? Where can people find you?
What are you doing? What do you want people to
know about? Right now? I am honestly, I have never
worked so hard at something in my life as I
have with Spade and Sparrows. We are really trying to
get into retail right now and things are going really well.
So I just want everybody to follow Spade and Sparrows
on Instagram. We're one of the most followed wine brands
(52:16):
out there, which I'm like so proud of because it's again,
I just love a community. I love people coming together
and like, even if you don't drink wine. Um. Also
please if you struggle with addiction with alcohol, please don't
follow my page because um, I just don't like triggering anybody,
and I feel like people do get you know that way. Um,
(52:38):
But it's so I've just worked so hard at it
and it's so fun and I'm so proud of my team.
And um, we're just having really big conversations with like
Target when I got him obsessed with her little fluff face.
Oh my gosh. Um so Spade and Sparrows. Um also
do edit. We're always dropping new UM edits and launching
(53:00):
fun things. We did a Pride edit this or for
the month of June. We're still in dude, yeah for
June and that was so fun. And then also my
podcast off the Vine. Um, I just podcasting is one
of my favorite things to do, just because I love
genuine conversation and we don't do it enough with people,
and it just happens to be my job where I'm like,
I get to put my phone down and have such
(53:22):
a nice conversation with like you or someone that I
would never have a conversation with ever in my life.
But I'm going to just like be in the moment.
And um again, that Facebook group, I know you have
a great Facebook group to a bunch of just amazing people.
So um yeah, all those things, just a few things
here and there. She's dabbling in, dabbling in a few things. Well,
(53:44):
I just have to say I love you. I've loved
you from the moment I met you when we were
on the Bachelor together, and it's so cool, Like I
always felt like I knew you were going to do
so much, but I don't think I ever You were incredible,
and I think that the more time goes by, the
more you're like so in touch with yourself and who
(54:06):
you are. And I think that's what makes you so
special and that's why people love you and have continued
to follow you. So UM, thank you for filling in
and some one, and let me just say the same
to you. When I met you, I'll never forget you
had ugg boots and shorts. The next morning you were
wearing ug boots and shorts and like a baseball like
three quarter length tea, and I was like, she's so
(54:28):
funny and cute and smart, and I just feel like
we're going to be friends for a long time and
we have been. And I'm so proud of you and
just so happy for you, and I just love chatting
with you. And thank you for having me fill in today.
I it was an honor, truly. I love you so much.
I love you all right. Thank you so much to
(55:02):
Caitlin for filling in for Tanya, and UM also I
wanted to talk about this and I forgot, but I
did try to watch ships Creak again this week um
while I was sick, and I want to talk about
that with Tanya when she's back next week. And also
we want to say thank you to the fabulous v
I P partners from My Heart Radios Wango Tango the
(55:24):
perfect gifts for summertime. Chase our brand, t shirts, tanks, dresses,
everything your summer wardrobe needs, not your mother's, which is
high quality salon inspired clean hair care products Endure Beauty
organic products. This Skang caroline works for all skin types,
especially for those with sensitive skin. Noted and tidal hairsticks.
(55:47):
The nineties hairtrend is back for perfectly in perfect hair
and teletizes. Say goodbye to breakable clips with the Teletized
hair Clip Collection and essential elements. Plus the perfect snack
at your summer barbecues and parties, Mary's Gone Crackers and
Rob's Backstage Popcorn. Rob is a longtime pal of the
Jonas Brothers and they know good popcorn. We love you guys,
(56:11):
have a great weekend. We will be back next Monday. Bye.
Hosts And Creators
Tanya Rad
Rebecca Tilley
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