May 30, 2022 • 40 mins
Would you ever hang out with your partner’s ex?? Or would you want YOUR ex chilling with your significant other?? Tanya is about to pull off the impossible with her next Taco Tuesday.
Becca opens up about the messages and reactions she’s heard since going public with Hayley and how it feels to include each other on their social media/
And, we find out if you can truly have multiple “best friends”!
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Scrubbing In with Becca Tilly and Tanya Ren and I
Heart Radio podcast. Hello everybody, we are scrubbing in. It's well,
well yeah it's a Memorial Day. But we're recording this
on a Friday because we're taking the day off. But
I have to tell you the funniest story. So I, um,
(00:25):
I woke up extra early this morning for work because
I was doing the news. So I just had a
little bit more work on my plate this morning. Right,
So I finished work and before the podcast, I had
like a couple hours and so in my mind, I
was like, I'm a little tired. I'm gonna take like
a quick twenty minute nap then wake up and you know,
do all the things. Right. I passed out and I
(00:48):
did not wake up. I didn't set an alarm because
I was like, I'm just gonna sleep for twenty minutes.
How that? What howl? There's no way. I thought I
was going to sleep for two and a half hours. Like,
no way. But if I'm waking up, what time did
you wake up? If I'm waking up at five thirty
(01:08):
and I'm gonna lay down for a snooze, I'm not
trusting that. I'm just gonna wake up in twenty minutes.
So I wake up fifteen minutes before we're supposed to
record the podcast, in a panic because I was like
just not prepared. I was just not and so I
am very um spaghetti brain right now. So it's gonna
(01:28):
be a good podcast. Tanya comes in. She was like,
do I look like I just woke up? And I
was like, yes, but maybe just because I know you.
You know, it's a friday, look freshmen, Yeah, thank you,
It's a friday before a holiday weekend. So you know,
I'm just gonna do some of these to my cheeks
and um, back in the game. A long week. It's
(01:49):
been an emotional week. It's been just a week there.
It was a very emotional week and it was like,
you know, the last podcast, which thank you all for
so much support and listening and messaging me. It was
very emotional and overwhelming. And then obviously the news and
(02:09):
what has happened at what happened in Texas, and it
just was there was this past week has been so heavy,
and hey, you know, I've seen more people talking about it,
like I think everyone is just absolutely fed up. And
Mark I, I can't even imagine with two daughters and
like them in school, how how enraged because I don't
(02:32):
have children, but I feel so angry about the situation
and like having conversations and seeing people talk about it
that are so insensitive, and I think it's just it's
been it's so devastating, and I can't stop thinking about
these families. And that day I felt like the tears
(02:54):
were always right there at the surface that whole day.
It's really, it is really hard. And then of course
my thirteen year old didn't want to go to school
that day and and she actually got COVID so that
worked out for her. Um, she's fine, by the way,
but she did actually, so she has not been back
to school since. But anyway, the point is, um that yeah,
and I think I'm hopeful. I'm always hopeful. I'm hopeful
(03:17):
that now is the time that we're going to tone
down the rhetoric a little bit, because, you know, politics
the past five six years has gotten kind of crazy.
The Democrats say that Republicans are pro school shooting, and
the Republicans say the Democrats are a bunch of baby killers,
and like it's okay, it's time to calm down and
stop all of that. No more Hitler comparisons, no more
(03:39):
Nazi cut comparison. Let's just talk and figure out the
way to do this. And it seems like, and I
don't know why, I'm hopefully after all these years, it
seems like there's a possibility that there's some common sense
stuff that everybody could agree to. I feel like I've
I'm less hopeful than I've ever been, um just because
(03:59):
of all the stuff that you know, everything's funded by
the n r A, and you know, there's all this
there's all this kind of back end bs to be
honest that I feel like controls things. That is disheartening
and sad. And I don't know, I've just been kind
of I've been really sad. I was like crying a
(04:20):
lot from the shootings because it's just like I get
really upset because I think everybody talks about it and
they post on social media, but nobody's like doing anything.
And I'm starting to get really fed up because nobody's
doing anything. So I mean, I'm trying to be proactive.
I signed up for these um these. I saw this
(04:43):
phone number going around that says like text the word
act and so they start sending you, you know, articles
and resources and things to sign and so I'm trying
to you know, I'm going to try and do my part,
but it's like that's also like, what's my part? You know?
I think that's kind of the conversation is obviously everyone's
upset and it's devastating, but it is kind of like
(05:04):
what is going to be the change? And I'm with you, Mark,
I almost feel a sense of a little more hope
because I'm seeing people talk about it and it's not political.
It's just like, what is the solution for this? Like
it's obviously this We've watched it happen over and over again,
like what was it ten days after the shooting in
(05:25):
the grocery store, and we read the headlines and we
just almost like for a second, turn our head away
because we're like another you know, it's like another one.
And I think you go to the movies and it's
like you're looking at the exits, like how where do
we go? And it's we're so almost like desensitized to
the reality of what's going on. And I don't think
(05:47):
I don't know what the solution is, but I I
have seen more people talking about it who maybe two
different sides of the political spectrum, and I just think
it's a political issue. I mean, it shouldn't be a
political issue anymore. And I think more people are starting
to realize, like the fact that sending our kids, sending
(06:09):
kids to school is scary for people right now. Is
is not how it's supposed to be. And I think
the conversations are going at least in the direction where
people are agreeing on a topic. Everything is a political
issue nowadays, and that also is sad, you know. I mean,
we had a virus that killed a million people in
(06:30):
this country and that became a political issue. I mean,
the Johnny Depp trial is apparently a political issue. It's
crazy that everything that comes up people immediately run to
one side or the other. And then if you aren't
specifically or like definitively on one side, that's also a
(06:51):
problem for people, like there's no win in it. And
so I think it's I mean, I had many conversations
about with different people that you know, we're talking about
being able to own a gun, and I'm like, listen,
I'm not anti gun. I think guns, when used properly,
protect us and save lives. But that's not what's happening
(07:11):
and why does any common citizen need to have easy
access to an automatic weapon? I'm not locked them up.
Who needs a gun? I think I agree with tany
But realistically, yes, realistically, if you if you won't have
a handgun, you're always been able to have a handgun
for protection in America. I know, I know it's not ideal.
Tony is rolling your eyes. I get that I'm never
gonna have one. And if you want to have a
(07:31):
hunting rifle, you're gonna be able to get a hunting roll.
But you're right, it's these assault weapons, these things that
can kill that are actually their only purpose is to
kill as many people as possible in a short amount
of time as possible. That's the only reason these weapons exist. Yeah,
they don't think we can keep them out of people's hands.
We can do better than we're doing. And what why
was it it took I was thinking about this. It
(07:52):
was I was thinking, like what a background check looks like.
And the only thing I've I think I've had was
when I went on the Bachelor, and it was three
days of background checks, psychological testing, Like to go on
a reality TV show was harder to than to own
an automatic weapon. Like that does not make any sense
(08:14):
to me, and so I think it's just like something's backwards, man,
it's yeah. So most most importantly is the grieving of
these children and these two teachers, and now one of
the teacher husband died essentially from a broken heart and grief,
and there are four kids that they've left behind, and
(08:38):
it's just not fair. It's not fair. You know. They
woke up Tuesday morning and everything was fine, and they
were going to did their jobs in school and everything,
and then and two days, three days later, mom and
dad are gone. They didn't make the weekend. It's really
so wild. Yeah, So I just I just hope that
(09:01):
people can first have empathy and compassion for what's going
on and be angry about how this happened before they
get defensive about owning weapons. I know, like last week,
we had talked about having a Thursday episode, but it
(09:23):
just didn't feel appropriate or right because we were talking
about stuff that honestly does not matter um in comparison.
So I just wanted to acknowledge that and hope that
we can just do better as a whole and figure
out a solution without just always having to start an
(09:43):
argument or fight and I think that's just like there
has to be unity and like fixing a problem because
it is a problem. Um, so we're going to take
a break and we'll be right back. All right, we
(10:13):
are back, And what do you do? Oh? I went
to just shifting some gears. We're gonna we are shifting
some gears over here. Yes, what do we do? This week?
I went to Taco Tuesday. It was great. Becca came
like festively dressed, which I really appreciate because it's really
(10:34):
like we just make a bunch of tacos and we
call it Taco Tuesday because we do it on Tuesdays,
but it's not really like you know, themed party of sorts.
But I really appreciate the respect that Becca gave it
this week because she came fully dressed up, um for theme,
and she came ready to party. And I respect you
(10:55):
for that. I thought it was a thing, like I
thought it was like like I thought everyone's gonna be
was like dressed up ready for the night. So I
wanted my first time to be memorable. Memorable, memorable it
was because no, we don't dress up because it's like
a Tuesday, so normally like jeans and a tank top
or like sweats very low key. I'll know that for
(11:15):
next time. But you know what, it made me kind
of want to step up our game and like maybe
not make it so low key and like make it
a thing every Tuesday, because, you know what, we deserve
to have some fun on a Tuesday. I mean, it
was still fun, and it definitely was still a thing
on a Tuesday. I just was overdressed essentially, which is fine.
I posted videos of Becca and Red Star playing ping pong,
(11:36):
and everybody really really enjoyed that. Those really yeah, yeah,
they really want to know who won. So good. Uh,
Robbie is such a great ping pong player and he puts.
I would say I'm pretty competitive in the sense that
I can keep up with most people, and we did,
(11:57):
like we had one game that went like over time
for a while. Yeah, but um, he's so good and
it infuriates me, like it put spin on the ball,
so much spin. And he had these paddles. I've never
played with these paddles before, but we both had them,
so it wasn't like he had it and I didn't.
But I hated it puts. I could I literally couldn't
(12:18):
even hit it back and I was like this, can
we play with normal ping pong paddles? And see obviously
when he switched and didn't have the special formula, I
was closer in the game. But um, the way he
serves two is like so obnoxious, Like it's like a
whole wind up and like and he's like feet back
from the table, like it's so dramatic. So yeah, I mean,
(12:43):
I just I'm hoping that playing him, I'll get better
and eventually be able to beat him. Because there was
one like he kept doing this serve and he was
like this is how this is the only way you
can return it, and he just told me what to
do and like immediately I caught on. So like I
feel like I'm like quick enough to be able to
battle him, but it's so it takes me. I have
(13:06):
to like decompress after we played because I get so mad.
But um, yeah it was fun aside from losing. Yeah,
but so glad you guys have each other to play
because I can't play him. I'm like, it's like it's
a joke. Tanya invited Michael, who um like years ago.
I don't even know if he ever. Did you ever
(13:27):
have like a nickname or anything? On the podcast. No,
I don't know, a few dates. Yeah, I went on
a few dates. I don't know, called him like New
York guy or something. Michael Garofolo. He's he was on
the Bachelor, on the Bachelor and Paradise, I think in Paradise.
But um, she was like, yeah, I invited Michael and
he's coming, and I was like, I love you. Also,
you went to Robbie's reunion and you invited his ex
(13:49):
or something that I totally did. Yeah. It's like, you know,
I just want we want our Taco Tuesdays just to
be kind of like an open door. So we want
to start like branching out because we always just have
like kind of the usual suspects, and we're like, we
just want to start inviting just more like random people
who want, like our friends to meet people. And Michael
Garoffalo's new to l A, the l A area, and
(14:12):
he and Robbie just like hit it off at Ben
and Jess's wedding weekend, and so he's been what he
always asks us to like hang out. And I was like,
you know, we should invite him to Taco Tuesday, and
he like fully came. It was like so cute. Um,
he's such a nice guy. I'm all about like inviting
new people, but like, is it just like exclusively xs
or the new people like people you've both dated? Is
(14:34):
that the connect that I met at the reunion did
not come this week? I think she's gonna come next week.
But no, we're just gonna open it up to you.
We're just like not going to be um exclusive tory.
Is that a word? Nope, definitely not exclusive. I think
(14:54):
that's your word. Well, what's the tor one? I'm looking for?
Exclusion a tori exclusionary, exclusionary Okay, yeah, got there. You're
gonna be inclusive to whoever loves to come, got it correct?
So you never know, it's just every Tuesday, it's going
to be a different story. I want to find Michael
(15:15):
a great girl. He is so kind and handsome and
like successful. I'm like, we gotta find this man. I know.
I'm with you. Should we have him on the podcast? Yeah?
We should. I'd be down because I feel like a
scrubber would be so good for him. Yeah, contest, it's
(15:35):
like it's like a scrubbing and dating show because I
just feel like scrubbers are like the best in heart,
and I feel like that's what he that's what he
deserves and needs. We should have local scrubbers like submit themselves.
You guys can go through and pick your favorite three
and then we could do like a dating game on
the podcast. Okay, well, so we probably need his Uh,
(15:58):
they should be against his will. He should know what's
happening him. Just book him as a guess and just
tell him what we're doing. Like by the way we're
taking it upon ourselves, I think he would appreciate it, honestly. Yeah,
he up. Yeah, I like that idea. Great idea, really
great idea. Becca. Becca is on her a game lately.
(16:20):
Let me tell you she's a thinker. She is just
thinking I'm gonna do think. I think that, to be honest,
like ever since last living Yeah, I just feel like
a weight is lifted. But I didn't realize that. It
(16:42):
was like I didn't. We were so used to you know,
we we Haley and I were both talking about how
like it's so weird going to post stuff with each
other in it, being like, oh, yeah, we we were
doing this instead of like because normally I guess she's
in the background something. I'm like, oh, you know, I'm
not going to post that or I'll reshoot it or whatever.
(17:02):
You can just go. I know. It's so it's weird,
like we're both adjusting to it still, like we're gonna
you share this? Is that okay? I know. I'm curious
to see how much you're going to post of each other,
Like now that the gate has opened, are you going
to just like is she going to be all over
the grid? Are you gonna keep it kind of like
the same you're always worried about the group? Yeah, which
I do. I want to get to in a second,
(17:24):
because I'm back on the grid. Oh yeah, Tommy is
back on the grid. No I um, yeah, I don't
know that I'm gonna just like exploit our relationship. But
the difference exploiting and sharing, I think there's a difference. Yeah,
I mean I think when it makes sense, like if
there's a reason or like a cute photo and I'm
like this cute, I'm gonna throw it up on the grin,
(17:46):
then it goes up. But like stories and stuff I'm
saying like like last night we went out to eat
and she posted like a video of us, you know,
and she she posted it was like on her TikTok
and she was just like finally and it was just
like her looking at me and me looking you know,
it's just like things that were that we never did.
So it's been fascinating and I just have to reiterate
(18:07):
like how amazing the Scrubbers are and just it really
has blown my mind. And I'll forever be grateful for
the support and like them the kindness and like just
rooting for really both you and I, both you and me,
(18:30):
and I'm just really great the next level and I
you know, what I also appreciate about the Scrubbers is
that they're not just super sweet and amazing, but they
always kind of like they show up with like a
little bit of like a twist because I love that
every like so many d ms that I got were
people and they would say crying with the E at
(18:51):
the end, so they like keep the jokes going, and
like I just love it's like we all have this,
we all have inside jokes that there's so many of them,
and I just I love that. I also really appreciate
like the on the more serious topics and having like
dms with Scrubbers is so I normally have such like respectful,
productive conversations, and I think there's a sense of like
(19:14):
feeling this sense of connection and friendship that um makes
it different than just like a random person like in
my DMS, like being like mad or yelling at me.
It's always something that comes from like a place where
I feel like it's not attacking, you know, like it
never feels like an attack. And I just I'm very
grateful for the scrubbing in uh episode. Yeah, but listen.
(19:39):
Haley does not listen, like she is not a regular listener,
and so she texted me and she was like, UM,
I'm sitting in the car outside listening to the your podcast.
And I was like, okay, so you only you only
listen when it's about you. She was like, uh, Robbie
listened to hed. He's not a listener. I'd tell him
(20:01):
not to, but he listened to that one. Yeah, I
think a lot. I mean it's also a major milestone,
so I can understand her wanting to hear that for sure. Yeah,
she was like, you told all the story because I
told her. I was like, I told some of the story,
but you know, I was gonna wait for you to
come on to have your version. And she listened to
it you like you told the whole story. And I
was like, Haley is not a scrubber. She doesn't know
(20:23):
how long, like we can really go into some stories,
some details, yeah, detail. Yeah, but she she came positioning
and all the things. We're not doing that tongue positioning. Yeah,
like when you first kissed. No we're not first. We're
definitely not doing that. A girl can dream, um, but yeah.
(20:48):
She she came in and she was still listening to
it and it was one it was like the part
where we were saying how I think you were saying,
like how amazing of how patient Haley was with you,
and she got terry it again and she was like afterwards,
he was like, thank you for saying such nice things
about me. And I was like, it's like as if
I'm never nice or something. I was like, yeah, of course,
(21:12):
I was like, it's a true Then she was like,
I know, it's just nice to hear it. I'm sure though,
so sweet. Yeah. So it's been a whirlwind and I've
had so many kinds like text and messages from people
that you know, I haven't heard from in a long
time and actually wouldn't even know how they would respond
(21:33):
to it, you know. So it's been great. I'm very
thankful and um but moving on. You are back on
the grid. I'm back on the grid, baby, and I'm
feeling good. I'm flying high. Oh I was down low
and beck And just brought me up high and she
brought me back up to the clouds. Cloud nine Baby.
She posted this reel reels and it was to um
(21:57):
Ellie Golden song Army, And there's just like videos of
us just like friend moments and that. Oh it made
me cry. It made me cry. It made me cry.
It was so fun like going through video because I
just like went into my video app and then went
back to two thousand and sixteen, which is when we
met two thousand fifteen, but like became friends in two
(22:18):
thousand sixteen, and like seeing how many I mean, I
just had endless amounts of videos and photos and just
it was so fun to see all the things that
we've been through and what we've done together and be crazy.
I don't know, I think maybe it was your birthday
or something. I was going through all of our old
videos to make a video, and I was just like
(22:39):
like looking at the videos from when we shared a
wall in that apartment complex. Those videos are so funny
because Rebecca's house literally looks like Grand Central Station, Like
it's just I don't know if that's the Red comparison.
It was like hundreds of people there. There's like wires everywhere.
(23:00):
She had like a coffee table, so just like a
total mess in there, like a college dorm, but like
worse like that. We ate lunch and we ate our
food on my herd ab dolly and like there was wires,
like the TV had like more wires than I've ever
seen in my life. And those videos are so funny
(23:20):
to me because we just we also look like trash,
like we just we hung out and just like just
And there's a part in the video where she says,
um and I was drunken on all the nights, drunken
on the floor, and back up put a video of
me where I'm just like trashed and you can see
it like in my eyes. I was just gone, Yeah.
I wanted to get the point across that it was
(23:41):
you weren't fact drunk on the floor. Yea. So I
really enjoyed that, And thank you to all the scrubbers
who messaged me. Um I am. I did cry and
it did make my day and thank you. They said
it was a long overdue, so thank you. I told you.
I was like, Tany was like and then of course
(24:04):
after I post the real, Ali text me and she's like,
where's my real And I'm like, it's one thing at
a time, and I do want to point out. And
when you're in your little caption, you wrote friend not best. Yeah,
we're just gonna let that one slide. Well, I guess
we're not. It sounds like we're not gonna let it
(24:24):
point that one out, point point point. Yeah, it's already
been pointed out. I did see it, and I had
the option to change it. But a friend is a friend,
is a friend for life, and I think having out
of having to have best in front of it really,
because then if I were to say, when I said
my best friend's wedding under JoJo's a problem putting best
(24:45):
friend's wedding under Joe, I said, yours also would say
my best friend's wedding. Because once I have exited elementary school,
my my world became I can have multiple best friends.
And um, this is a controversial, controversial topic actually, because
some people think best friend is reserved for one person.
I don't think it's reserved for one, but I would
(25:05):
think that my caption would say best friends. I said
so many other nice things, and that's what you take
away from that. It just was something. I was like,
interesting choice. It's like, wonder the thought that went behind that.
But I appreciated the rest of the message. I cried, Yeah,
but I think that if if you live your life
that way, always picking out the bad things and things,
(25:28):
you're you're never going to be happy. But talk my therapist. Okay,
is that is something I'm working on. Let me tell
you Mama knows her flaws and that I do do that,
so that is something. But you know, as my best friend,
you should know that about me and just step up
your game. Okay, Wow, you asked for photos. I gave
(25:49):
you a full montage. I'm totally joking. I'm joking. I
love you. Okay. On that note, should we do some emails? Well,
let's take a break first, we'll come back. Okay. This
(26:10):
is Paris Hilton. This week on the This is Paris podcast,
NICKI and I will be joined by Anna Delby. You
may think you know her from inventing Anna on Netflix.
Get to know the real Anna. Is she a con
artist and a fraudster or risk taking entrepreneur and audacious?
Wanted that love her or hate her, We're all curious.
(26:31):
The real heiress is sit down with the fake heiress
right now on This is Paris. Listen to This is
Paris now wherever you listen to podcasts. All right, we
are back and Mark is going to take on the emails.
Thank you very much. It's from anonymous. So I was
dating a guy for three months. It was going great.
(26:52):
We both said we love each other and see a
future with each other. I met his kids. Backstory. He
has a career with the military and just gotta signed
to a new u it. He's insanely busy. But a
week ago we talked on the phone and he said
he needs to hit pause on our relationship to try
to get things under control. He doesn't have enough hours
in the day to do everything he needs, and he
feels like he's neglecting me, his kids, his self care, etcetera,
(27:13):
and that his kids have to come first, which I understand.
He said he still sees the future with me slash us,
and he doesn't want to drag me along when he
can't devote the time slash energy that a relationship needs.
The last thing he said before ending of the call
was I do love you. My question is how do
we take this? Do I just need to be patient
with him? Should I reach out to him or let
him initiate? Do you think that it's just him being
(27:34):
busy or was he just saying that did not hurt
my feelings? Do you think there's a chance we could
get back together. I feel like this is kind of
a good one for you to answer. Well, yeah, I
mean the military element throws a different you know, I'm
not there's a different element into it, because I do
think that is very consuming and it's it's different than
(27:56):
other careers. You know, people say they're busy with work
and kids. It's one thing. When you the you know,
the military in there, I feel like that is very
all consuming. So um, but I will say I think
that love is patient. That's the first thing that they
say about love, like love is patient, And I think
(28:16):
that is I always come back to that because when
Red Star and I first started dating, I was ready
for all the things, Like it was just like I
was ready to be married years ago, and you know,
like I could have escalated our relationship from zero to
a hundred fast. And I was doing those things, um,
and he was in a different phase of his life.
(28:36):
He was, you know, starting a brand new life with
two with two kids, and so he had to have
a different pace and a different mindset. And so I
think that I've had to practice patients in my relationship throughout.
And then when we you know, when we had that
time where we were broken up, Um, he did reach
(28:58):
out to me, so like I did. I don't want
to say, like, let him come to you, but I
think I was. I had the mindset of, like, I know,
this is my guy. I don't know why we're broken up.
I don't know what's going on, so it's confused. But
I wasn't reaching out to him because I also felt
like I wanted to give him that space to not
have me and see what that felt like too. So, UM,
(29:19):
I just would encourage you and just remind you, like
love is patient, is a you know, very I find
it to be so interesting, or it is like love
his patient, love is kind, love is all these things,
but the first word is patient because you never think
of love as patient. Like when you think about love,
you think about like romance, and all the things. You
(29:42):
never think of the word patient, and I think that
you know, it's there for a reason, and I just
think I don't think he would. I don't know him,
but I don't think people say things they don't mean,
So I would take what he says to heart, but
also kind of lean into you're life and what you've
got going on. Don't wait for him, but also hold
(30:04):
out hope if that's what you want. Yeah, I'm torn.
I'm like I I've seen it happen with Tania, and
so I part of me is like, you know, don't
like move on so fast. But the other part of
me that I would, that I was telling Tanya during
(30:25):
that time was like take care of yourself and like
do what you need to do, and like take care
of your heart and live your life, and don't wait
around for someone who isn't sure about you, because I
would never you know, I was always telling Tania like,
we would never tell someone to wait around for someone
who's not sure about them. But if he's I respect
him for wanting to put his kids first, but it's
(30:45):
also like you deserve to be put first too, So
if if there's a you know, if you can find
peace with moving on and and maybe at a certain
time things happen and you'll come back together. That would
be great, But part of me says, like you can
still love each other and decide to do us best
(31:06):
for you that maybe doesn't involve him. And also not
waiting around is different because remember I, like I try
to go on that FaceTime date with that one guy.
Well it was just a weird time because it was
kind of pandemic, So I didn't really have a desire
to be like locking lips with strangers. Yeah we're going
on dates. No, but it's like you can try, but
if you're not in it, your heart is not ready,
then like it's not waiting around, but you don't have
(31:31):
to date other people. I think you can work on yourself,
but not be like waiting around for him, like be
open to other possibilities and not just because ultimately, what
happens if you wait around and then he's never ready,
like you're you're just waiting for nothing. Is There's a
phrase we've said before on this show that I go
(31:52):
back to you a lot lately. There was no such
thing as too busy. There's only a matter of priorities.
Now that does not mean his priorities are not legitimate.
In fact, they're streaming legitimate, the military and his children.
But you deserve to be with someone for whom you
can be a priority. So I don't think this is
worth sticking around for. I really don't. I think you
move on. If it's meant to happen, it will happen.
You cannot fight the universe in that way. If it's
(32:13):
going to happen, he's going to realize what he has
in you, and he's going to figure it out. But
he's got a lot going on and you need to
you need to, you need to move I think you
need to move on. I think that, uh, this isn't
the right time. Yeah, And you know what, Tanya did
give Robbie the space, and then when they got back together,
like there was such a shift where there was like
(32:35):
this moment where Tanya was like at the forefront and
he was really making sure like he he knew her
value when she was not in his life for that
amount of time. I think he recognized how much she
brought into his life. And I think either your guys
are gonna have that moment and he's going to be
like I I'm going to prioritize you, and I'm gonna
(32:58):
make it happen. I'm going to make the time or
he's going to say, you know, I realized I'm living
this life and I'm not. I feel more free without
you here. But you know what's interesting what a lot
of people said to me when I started dating Red
Star was that, you know, oh, dating guy with kids,
you're you're never his top priority, just like get used
to never being his top priority. And it's interesting because
I always was like, you know, I'm fine, I have
(33:20):
a lot of friends, have a full life. I don't
you know, I don't necessarily need to be anybody's top priority,
you know, like if his kids are, um, But I don't.
I don't think that's the case, because I do think
there was this shift where now I feel like it's
me and his kids are kind of on the same Yeah.
But but but people are so about the ranking, like
(33:42):
it's always like you're gonna come second to the kids,
And I was like, I don't feel like it's that
at all. Like I feel like he and I are
a team and we both look after each other and
the kids, you know what I mean, Like it's not
this this thing that I think people have a different
perception of that, and I think the thing is meeting
the needs of both you and his kids. Think he
does a really great job of doing that for both
(34:02):
of you, and sometimes you might need more, sometimes the
kids and I might need more, and he has to,
you know, balance that. But um, I agree. I mean,
I think I was one of those people who was like,
it's gonna be hard for you to feel number one
in a relationship where there's kids involved, And I think
Robbie has proven that wrong in the sense that he
prioritizes both you and his kids. So all that to say,
(34:26):
I think that you have to do what's best for
you without feeling like you're just waiting around for him.
I don't think that's like healthy for anyone's like mental
like mental health. Yeah, alright, this one's from anonymous as well,
(34:48):
and it's kind of a similar thing. Do you believe
in right person, wrong time? That's a nice segue from
the last one, which was kind of similar. She says
she's been any guy four months. He checked off every
box she had. I really liked him, but he's starting
a new job and I'm moving to a new state
to start grad school. A month and a half later,
I'm in my new state. I start dating a new guy.
He treats me super well, makes me feel super secure
(35:08):
when it's feelings towards me in the way the first
guy never did. But he doesn't check off one big
box that's really important to my family and me. I
can't help but compare him to the first guy. Is
he treats me like a queen? A good enough reason
for dating someone. I wish she would have said, what
the big boxes? I interpret that as a religions too,
(35:36):
so let's go with that. But either way, she's got
this guy burd in the hand treats her great missing
a box. The other guy who has checked every box,
although he didn't make her feel secure about his feelings
for her, which I think is a box that is
left unchecked. Boxes are for the birds. Okay, So I'm
gonna take your boxes and turn him into bird feeders
(35:58):
and give him out to the hummingbirds in your backyard
because that's where they belong. Get out of the bad box.
You're right, Tanya, You're a great example of this because
if you had held Robbie up to the checkboxes, the
checklist that you thought you had in your mind, you
would not be with him today. No way. The same
with me, And seriously like it. I had multiple list
(36:21):
of the man that I was going to marry and
they were so specific, and I even feel like some
of the guys that I dated had all those qualities
and there was still something there was an there was
a box not even listed that wasn't being checked and um,
(36:42):
there's a lot of things with Haley, Like if I
looked at that listing compared, it's like there's a lot
of we have a lot of differences, but there's other
things that I never even put on my list that
are checked off. And I think that that mentality is
just kind of put put you in your own box
(37:03):
to where you miss out on opportunities to be in
a beautiful, great, healthy relationship because it doesn't write match
something on a piece of paper. Yeah, Like, I think
we're talking about this earlier. If I let's say I
was like, Okay, I always wanted to marry Christian man,
so I only went on Christian Mingle. That was the
only dating app I ever tried. I would have never
(37:23):
ever met my boyfriend ever. He would not have been
on Christian would not have been on Christian mingle, and
there's something in our relationship that's very undeniably meant to be,
Like it's like there's this chemistry, there's this familiar like
he's my home, you know, and like that you can't
put a box on that. You just can't think from
(37:44):
this email is how do you feel? You don't talk
about your feelings at all, and I think that's really important,
is how do you feel about each of them? Because
I think that's what should win. Also, I noticed the
box that isn't checked as very important to my family
and me, and I think sometimes we take on the
expectation of our family and like, you know, what we're
(38:08):
expected to do in their opinion. And I think sometimes
there's a way of like respecting your family and then
still doing what's best for you because eventually you're going
to be an individual who is on your own making
a life with someone else. And so I also would
take that into consideration too. If it's important to you,
(38:28):
that's I am fully stand by that. But if you're like,
this is my family, you know, there's something to navigate
there too. I think do some imagination works and that's
something I used to do and still do sometimes about
different things in life. Is just imagine imagine raising kids
with one of them. Imagine raising kids with the other one.
(38:48):
Imagine living with one of them. Imagine living with the
other one. And this is the big one for me,
imagine your life without that person, completely, living separate lives.
They're dating someone else, you're dating someone else. And do
it for both of them, and I think you'll realize
which your heart is pulling you toward. We didn't do
a Taylor Slift song for the first one, but Taylor
Slift song for this one. I'm gonna say that's the
(39:11):
way I loved you. Oh my god, the moment I
knew but she is no Okay, treacherous. Oh that's a
good one, Tanya, thank you, thank you so much. What
about the first one, which is the one where he
needs space? Um? Hello is love? Oh I can't get
(39:38):
better than that? Sorry? All right then, I'm not going
to argue with you, all right? And also keep emailing us.
Make sure you're emailing us at scrubbing in at iHeart
media dot com for just absolute wisdom and advice. Um.
Also on Thursday, we have at Greg Tarzan Davis and
(39:59):
he is from Gray's anatomy. He's in the new Top
Gun movie, and I am so excited to talk to him.
So the Gray's cast member in the O R to
try to kiss Bailey, is it? Yeah, he like he
came into the he moved like from where Meredith was
doing all her Yeah, and then he like is infatuated
(40:20):
with he was like infatuated with Bailey. Um, but I'm
really excited to talk to him. And he's a Louisiana native,
so Becca's gonna immediate connection. She's gonna feel like a
Kindred Kindred connect connection. Um. But on that note, I
hope everyone has a great holiday, and we love you
and we love you a lot. Stay safe, Stay safe,
Scrubbing In with Becca Tilly and Tanya Ren and I
Heart Radio podcast. Hello everybody, we are scrubbing in. It's well,
well yeah it's a Memorial Day. But we're recording this
on a Friday because we're taking the day off. But
I have to tell you the funniest story. So I, um,
(00:25):
I woke up extra early this morning for work because
I was doing the news. So I just had a
little bit more work on my plate this morning. Right,
So I finished work and before the podcast, I had
like a couple hours and so in my mind, I
was like, I'm a little tired. I'm gonna take like
a quick twenty minute nap then wake up and you know,
do all the things. Right. I passed out and I
(00:48):
did not wake up. I didn't set an alarm because
I was like, I'm just gonna sleep for twenty minutes.
How that? What howl? There's no way. I thought I
was going to sleep for two and a half hours. Like,
no way. But if I'm waking up, what time did
you wake up? If I'm waking up at five thirty
(01:08):
and I'm gonna lay down for a snooze, I'm not
trusting that. I'm just gonna wake up in twenty minutes.
So I wake up fifteen minutes before we're supposed to
record the podcast, in a panic because I was like
just not prepared. I was just not and so I
am very um spaghetti brain right now. So it's gonna
(01:28):
be a good podcast. Tanya comes in. She was like,
do I look like I just woke up? And I
was like, yes, but maybe just because I know you.
You know, it's a friday, look freshmen, Yeah, thank you,
It's a friday before a holiday weekend. So you know,
I'm just gonna do some of these to my cheeks
and um, back in the game. A long week. It's
(01:49):
been an emotional week. It's been just a week there.
It was a very emotional week and it was like,
you know, the last podcast, which thank you all for
so much support and listening and messaging me. It was
very emotional and overwhelming. And then obviously the news and
(02:09):
what has happened at what happened in Texas, and it
just was there was this past week has been so heavy,
and hey, you know, I've seen more people talking about it,
like I think everyone is just absolutely fed up. And
Mark I, I can't even imagine with two daughters and
like them in school, how how enraged because I don't
(02:32):
have children, but I feel so angry about the situation
and like having conversations and seeing people talk about it
that are so insensitive, and I think it's just it's
been it's so devastating, and I can't stop thinking about
these families. And that day I felt like the tears
(02:54):
were always right there at the surface that whole day.
It's really, it is really hard. And then of course
my thirteen year old didn't want to go to school
that day and and she actually got COVID so that
worked out for her. Um, she's fine, by the way,
but she did actually, so she has not been back
to school since. But anyway, the point is, um that yeah,
and I think I'm hopeful. I'm always hopeful. I'm hopeful
(03:17):
that now is the time that we're going to tone
down the rhetoric a little bit, because, you know, politics
the past five six years has gotten kind of crazy.
The Democrats say that Republicans are pro school shooting, and
the Republicans say the Democrats are a bunch of baby killers,
and like it's okay, it's time to calm down and
stop all of that. No more Hitler comparisons, no more
(03:39):
Nazi cut comparison. Let's just talk and figure out the
way to do this. And it seems like, and I
don't know why, I'm hopefully after all these years, it
seems like there's a possibility that there's some common sense
stuff that everybody could agree to. I feel like I've
I'm less hopeful than I've ever been, um just because
(03:59):
of all the stuff that you know, everything's funded by
the n r A, and you know, there's all this
there's all this kind of back end bs to be
honest that I feel like controls things. That is disheartening
and sad. And I don't know, I've just been kind
of I've been really sad. I was like crying a
(04:20):
lot from the shootings because it's just like I get
really upset because I think everybody talks about it and
they post on social media, but nobody's like doing anything.
And I'm starting to get really fed up because nobody's
doing anything. So I mean, I'm trying to be proactive.
I signed up for these um these. I saw this
(04:43):
phone number going around that says like text the word
act and so they start sending you, you know, articles
and resources and things to sign and so I'm trying
to you know, I'm going to try and do my part,
but it's like that's also like, what's my part? You know?
I think that's kind of the conversation is obviously everyone's
upset and it's devastating, but it is kind of like
(05:04):
what is going to be the change? And I'm with you, Mark,
I almost feel a sense of a little more hope
because I'm seeing people talk about it and it's not political.
It's just like, what is the solution for this? Like
it's obviously this We've watched it happen over and over again,
like what was it ten days after the shooting in
(05:25):
the grocery store, and we read the headlines and we
just almost like for a second, turn our head away
because we're like another you know, it's like another one.
And I think you go to the movies and it's
like you're looking at the exits, like how where do
we go? And it's we're so almost like desensitized to
the reality of what's going on. And I don't think
(05:47):
I don't know what the solution is, but I I
have seen more people talking about it who maybe two
different sides of the political spectrum, and I just think
it's a political issue. I mean, it shouldn't be a
political issue anymore. And I think more people are starting
to realize, like the fact that sending our kids, sending
(06:09):
kids to school is scary for people right now. Is
is not how it's supposed to be. And I think
the conversations are going at least in the direction where
people are agreeing on a topic. Everything is a political
issue nowadays, and that also is sad, you know. I mean,
we had a virus that killed a million people in
(06:30):
this country and that became a political issue. I mean,
the Johnny Depp trial is apparently a political issue. It's
crazy that everything that comes up people immediately run to
one side or the other. And then if you aren't
specifically or like definitively on one side, that's also a
(06:51):
problem for people, like there's no win in it. And
so I think it's I mean, I had many conversations
about with different people that you know, we're talking about
being able to own a gun, and I'm like, listen,
I'm not anti gun. I think guns, when used properly,
protect us and save lives. But that's not what's happening
(07:11):
and why does any common citizen need to have easy
access to an automatic weapon? I'm not locked them up.
Who needs a gun? I think I agree with tany
But realistically, yes, realistically, if you if you won't have
a handgun, you're always been able to have a handgun
for protection in America. I know, I know it's not ideal.
Tony is rolling your eyes. I get that I'm never
gonna have one. And if you want to have a
(07:31):
hunting rifle, you're gonna be able to get a hunting roll.
But you're right, it's these assault weapons, these things that
can kill that are actually their only purpose is to
kill as many people as possible in a short amount
of time as possible. That's the only reason these weapons exist. Yeah,
they don't think we can keep them out of people's hands.
We can do better than we're doing. And what why
was it it took I was thinking about this. It
(07:52):
was I was thinking, like what a background check looks like.
And the only thing I've I think I've had was
when I went on the Bachelor, and it was three
days of background checks, psychological testing, Like to go on
a reality TV show was harder to than to own
an automatic weapon. Like that does not make any sense
(08:14):
to me, and so I think it's just like something's backwards, man,
it's yeah. So most most importantly is the grieving of
these children and these two teachers, and now one of
the teacher husband died essentially from a broken heart and grief,
and there are four kids that they've left behind, and
(08:38):
it's just not fair. It's not fair. You know. They
woke up Tuesday morning and everything was fine, and they
were going to did their jobs in school and everything,
and then and two days, three days later, mom and
dad are gone. They didn't make the weekend. It's really
so wild. Yeah, So I just I just hope that
(09:01):
people can first have empathy and compassion for what's going
on and be angry about how this happened before they
get defensive about owning weapons. I know, like last week,
we had talked about having a Thursday episode, but it
(09:23):
just didn't feel appropriate or right because we were talking
about stuff that honestly does not matter um in comparison.
So I just wanted to acknowledge that and hope that
we can just do better as a whole and figure
out a solution without just always having to start an
(09:43):
argument or fight and I think that's just like there
has to be unity and like fixing a problem because
it is a problem. Um, so we're going to take
a break and we'll be right back. All right, we
(10:13):
are back, And what do you do? Oh? I went
to just shifting some gears. We're gonna we are shifting
some gears over here. Yes, what do we do? This week?
I went to Taco Tuesday. It was great. Becca came
like festively dressed, which I really appreciate because it's really
(10:34):
like we just make a bunch of tacos and we
call it Taco Tuesday because we do it on Tuesdays,
but it's not really like you know, themed party of sorts.
But I really appreciate the respect that Becca gave it
this week because she came fully dressed up, um for theme,
and she came ready to party. And I respect you
(10:55):
for that. I thought it was a thing, like I
thought it was like like I thought everyone's gonna be
was like dressed up ready for the night. So I
wanted my first time to be memorable. Memorable, memorable it
was because no, we don't dress up because it's like
a Tuesday, so normally like jeans and a tank top
or like sweats very low key. I'll know that for
(11:15):
next time. But you know what, it made me kind
of want to step up our game and like maybe
not make it so low key and like make it
a thing every Tuesday, because, you know what, we deserve
to have some fun on a Tuesday. I mean, it
was still fun, and it definitely was still a thing
on a Tuesday. I just was overdressed essentially, which is fine.
I posted videos of Becca and Red Star playing ping pong,
(11:36):
and everybody really really enjoyed that. Those really yeah, yeah,
they really want to know who won. So good. Uh,
Robbie is such a great ping pong player and he puts.
I would say I'm pretty competitive in the sense that
I can keep up with most people, and we did,
(11:57):
like we had one game that went like over time
for a while. Yeah, but um, he's so good and
it infuriates me, like it put spin on the ball,
so much spin. And he had these paddles. I've never
played with these paddles before, but we both had them,
so it wasn't like he had it and I didn't.
But I hated it puts. I could I literally couldn't
(12:18):
even hit it back and I was like this, can
we play with normal ping pong paddles? And see obviously
when he switched and didn't have the special formula, I
was closer in the game. But um, the way he
serves two is like so obnoxious, Like it's like a
whole wind up and like and he's like feet back
from the table, like it's so dramatic. So yeah, I mean,
(12:43):
I just I'm hoping that playing him, I'll get better
and eventually be able to beat him. Because there was
one like he kept doing this serve and he was
like this is how this is the only way you
can return it, and he just told me what to
do and like immediately I caught on. So like I
feel like I'm like quick enough to be able to
battle him, but it's so it takes me. I have
(13:06):
to like decompress after we played because I get so mad.
But um, yeah it was fun aside from losing. Yeah,
but so glad you guys have each other to play
because I can't play him. I'm like, it's like it's
a joke. Tanya invited Michael, who um like years ago.
I don't even know if he ever. Did you ever
(13:27):
have like a nickname or anything? On the podcast. No,
I don't know, a few dates. Yeah, I went on
a few dates. I don't know, called him like New
York guy or something. Michael Garofolo. He's he was on
the Bachelor, on the Bachelor and Paradise, I think in Paradise.
But um, she was like, yeah, I invited Michael and
he's coming, and I was like, I love you. Also,
you went to Robbie's reunion and you invited his ex
(13:49):
or something that I totally did. Yeah. It's like, you know,
I just want we want our Taco Tuesdays just to
be kind of like an open door. So we want
to start like branching out because we always just have
like kind of the usual suspects, and we're like, we
just want to start inviting just more like random people
who want, like our friends to meet people. And Michael
Garoffalo's new to l A, the l A area, and
(14:12):
he and Robbie just like hit it off at Ben
and Jess's wedding weekend, and so he's been what he
always asks us to like hang out. And I was like,
you know, we should invite him to Taco Tuesday, and
he like fully came. It was like so cute. Um,
he's such a nice guy. I'm all about like inviting
new people, but like, is it just like exclusively xs
or the new people like people you've both dated? Is
(14:34):
that the connect that I met at the reunion did
not come this week? I think she's gonna come next week.
But no, we're just gonna open it up to you.
We're just like not going to be um exclusive tory.
Is that a word? Nope, definitely not exclusive. I think
(14:54):
that's your word. Well, what's the tor one? I'm looking for?
Exclusion a tori exclusionary, exclusionary Okay, yeah, got there. You're
gonna be inclusive to whoever loves to come, got it correct?
So you never know, it's just every Tuesday, it's going
to be a different story. I want to find Michael
(15:15):
a great girl. He is so kind and handsome and
like successful. I'm like, we gotta find this man. I know.
I'm with you. Should we have him on the podcast? Yeah?
We should. I'd be down because I feel like a
scrubber would be so good for him. Yeah, contest, it's
(15:35):
like it's like a scrubbing and dating show because I
just feel like scrubbers are like the best in heart,
and I feel like that's what he that's what he
deserves and needs. We should have local scrubbers like submit themselves.
You guys can go through and pick your favorite three
and then we could do like a dating game on
the podcast. Okay, well, so we probably need his Uh,
(15:58):
they should be against his will. He should know what's
happening him. Just book him as a guess and just
tell him what we're doing. Like by the way we're
taking it upon ourselves, I think he would appreciate it, honestly. Yeah,
he up. Yeah, I like that idea. Great idea, really
great idea. Becca. Becca is on her a game lately.
(16:20):
Let me tell you she's a thinker. She is just
thinking I'm gonna do think. I think that, to be honest,
like ever since last living Yeah, I just feel like
a weight is lifted. But I didn't realize that. It
(16:42):
was like I didn't. We were so used to you know,
we we Haley and I were both talking about how
like it's so weird going to post stuff with each
other in it, being like, oh, yeah, we we were
doing this instead of like because normally I guess she's
in the background something. I'm like, oh, you know, I'm
not going to post that or I'll reshoot it or whatever.
(17:02):
You can just go. I know. It's so it's weird,
like we're both adjusting to it still, like we're gonna
you share this? Is that okay? I know. I'm curious
to see how much you're going to post of each other,
Like now that the gate has opened, are you going
to just like is she going to be all over
the grid? Are you gonna keep it kind of like
the same you're always worried about the group? Yeah, which
I do. I want to get to in a second,
(17:24):
because I'm back on the grid. Oh yeah, Tommy is
back on the grid. No I um, yeah, I don't
know that I'm gonna just like exploit our relationship. But
the difference exploiting and sharing, I think there's a difference. Yeah,
I mean I think when it makes sense, like if
there's a reason or like a cute photo and I'm
like this cute, I'm gonna throw it up on the grin,
(17:46):
then it goes up. But like stories and stuff I'm
saying like like last night we went out to eat
and she posted like a video of us, you know,
and she she posted it was like on her TikTok
and she was just like finally and it was just
like her looking at me and me looking you know,
it's just like things that were that we never did.
So it's been fascinating and I just have to reiterate
(18:07):
like how amazing the Scrubbers are and just it really
has blown my mind. And I'll forever be grateful for
the support and like them the kindness and like just
rooting for really both you and I, both you and me,
(18:30):
and I'm just really great the next level and I
you know, what I also appreciate about the Scrubbers is
that they're not just super sweet and amazing, but they
always kind of like they show up with like a
little bit of like a twist because I love that
every like so many d ms that I got were
people and they would say crying with the E at
(18:51):
the end, so they like keep the jokes going, and
like I just love it's like we all have this,
we all have inside jokes that there's so many of them,
and I just I love that. I also really appreciate
like the on the more serious topics and having like
dms with Scrubbers is so I normally have such like respectful,
productive conversations, and I think there's a sense of like
(19:14):
feeling this sense of connection and friendship that um makes
it different than just like a random person like in
my DMS, like being like mad or yelling at me.
It's always something that comes from like a place where
I feel like it's not attacking, you know, like it
never feels like an attack. And I just I'm very
grateful for the scrubbing in uh episode. Yeah, but listen.
(19:39):
Haley does not listen, like she is not a regular listener,
and so she texted me and she was like, UM,
I'm sitting in the car outside listening to the your podcast.
And I was like, okay, so you only you only
listen when it's about you. She was like, uh, Robbie
listened to hed. He's not a listener. I'd tell him
(20:01):
not to, but he listened to that one. Yeah, I
think a lot. I mean it's also a major milestone,
so I can understand her wanting to hear that for sure. Yeah,
she was like, you told all the story because I
told her. I was like, I told some of the story,
but you know, I was gonna wait for you to
come on to have your version. And she listened to
it you like you told the whole story. And I
was like, Haley is not a scrubber. She doesn't know
(20:23):
how long, like we can really go into some stories,
some details, yeah, detail. Yeah, but she she came positioning
and all the things. We're not doing that tongue positioning. Yeah,
like when you first kissed. No we're not first. We're
definitely not doing that. A girl can dream, um, but yeah.
(20:48):
She she came in and she was still listening to
it and it was one it was like the part
where we were saying how I think you were saying,
like how amazing of how patient Haley was with you,
and she got terry it again and she was like afterwards,
he was like, thank you for saying such nice things
about me. And I was like, it's like as if
I'm never nice or something. I was like, yeah, of course,
(21:12):
I was like, it's a true Then she was like,
I know, it's just nice to hear it. I'm sure though,
so sweet. Yeah. So it's been a whirlwind and I've
had so many kinds like text and messages from people
that you know, I haven't heard from in a long
time and actually wouldn't even know how they would respond
(21:33):
to it, you know. So it's been great. I'm very
thankful and um but moving on. You are back on
the grid. I'm back on the grid, baby, and I'm
feeling good. I'm flying high. Oh I was down low
and beck And just brought me up high and she
brought me back up to the clouds. Cloud nine Baby.
She posted this reel reels and it was to um
(21:57):
Ellie Golden song Army, And there's just like videos of
us just like friend moments and that. Oh it made
me cry. It made me cry. It made me cry.
It was so fun like going through video because I
just like went into my video app and then went
back to two thousand and sixteen, which is when we
met two thousand fifteen, but like became friends in two
(22:18):
thousand sixteen, and like seeing how many I mean, I
just had endless amounts of videos and photos and just
it was so fun to see all the things that
we've been through and what we've done together and be crazy.
I don't know, I think maybe it was your birthday
or something. I was going through all of our old
videos to make a video, and I was just like
(22:39):
like looking at the videos from when we shared a
wall in that apartment complex. Those videos are so funny
because Rebecca's house literally looks like Grand Central Station, Like
it's just I don't know if that's the Red comparison.
It was like hundreds of people there. There's like wires everywhere.
(23:00):
She had like a coffee table, so just like a
total mess in there, like a college dorm, but like
worse like that. We ate lunch and we ate our
food on my herd ab dolly and like there was wires,
like the TV had like more wires than I've ever
seen in my life. And those videos are so funny
(23:20):
to me because we just we also look like trash,
like we just we hung out and just like just
And there's a part in the video where she says,
um and I was drunken on all the nights, drunken
on the floor, and back up put a video of
me where I'm just like trashed and you can see
it like in my eyes. I was just gone, Yeah.
I wanted to get the point across that it was
(23:41):
you weren't fact drunk on the floor. Yea. So I
really enjoyed that, And thank you to all the scrubbers
who messaged me. Um I am. I did cry and
it did make my day and thank you. They said
it was a long overdue, so thank you. I told you.
I was like, Tany was like and then of course
(24:04):
after I post the real, Ali text me and she's like,
where's my real And I'm like, it's one thing at
a time, and I do want to point out. And
when you're in your little caption, you wrote friend not best. Yeah,
we're just gonna let that one slide. Well, I guess
we're not. It sounds like we're not gonna let it
(24:24):
point that one out, point point point. Yeah, it's already
been pointed out. I did see it, and I had
the option to change it. But a friend is a friend,
is a friend for life, and I think having out
of having to have best in front of it really,
because then if I were to say, when I said
my best friend's wedding under JoJo's a problem putting best
(24:45):
friend's wedding under Joe, I said, yours also would say
my best friend's wedding. Because once I have exited elementary school,
my my world became I can have multiple best friends.
And um, this is a controversial, controversial topic actually, because
some people think best friend is reserved for one person.
I don't think it's reserved for one, but I would
(25:05):
think that my caption would say best friends. I said
so many other nice things, and that's what you take
away from that. It just was something. I was like,
interesting choice. It's like, wonder the thought that went behind that.
But I appreciated the rest of the message. I cried, Yeah,
but I think that if if you live your life
that way, always picking out the bad things and things,
(25:28):
you're you're never going to be happy. But talk my therapist. Okay,
is that is something I'm working on. Let me tell
you Mama knows her flaws and that I do do that,
so that is something. But you know, as my best friend,
you should know that about me and just step up
your game. Okay, Wow, you asked for photos. I gave
(25:49):
you a full montage. I'm totally joking. I'm joking. I
love you. Okay. On that note, should we do some emails? Well,
let's take a break first, we'll come back. Okay. This
(26:10):
is Paris Hilton. This week on the This is Paris podcast,
NICKI and I will be joined by Anna Delby. You
may think you know her from inventing Anna on Netflix.
Get to know the real Anna. Is she a con
artist and a fraudster or risk taking entrepreneur and audacious?
Wanted that love her or hate her, We're all curious.
(26:31):
The real heiress is sit down with the fake heiress
right now on This is Paris. Listen to This is
Paris now wherever you listen to podcasts. All right, we
are back and Mark is going to take on the emails.
Thank you very much. It's from anonymous. So I was
dating a guy for three months. It was going great.
(26:52):
We both said we love each other and see a
future with each other. I met his kids. Backstory. He
has a career with the military and just gotta signed
to a new u it. He's insanely busy. But a
week ago we talked on the phone and he said
he needs to hit pause on our relationship to try
to get things under control. He doesn't have enough hours
in the day to do everything he needs, and he
feels like he's neglecting me, his kids, his self care, etcetera,
(27:13):
and that his kids have to come first, which I understand.
He said he still sees the future with me slash us,
and he doesn't want to drag me along when he
can't devote the time slash energy that a relationship needs.
The last thing he said before ending of the call
was I do love you. My question is how do
we take this? Do I just need to be patient
with him? Should I reach out to him or let
him initiate? Do you think that it's just him being
(27:34):
busy or was he just saying that did not hurt
my feelings? Do you think there's a chance we could
get back together. I feel like this is kind of
a good one for you to answer. Well, yeah, I
mean the military element throws a different you know, I'm
not there's a different element into it, because I do
think that is very consuming and it's it's different than
(27:56):
other careers. You know, people say they're busy with work
and kids. It's one thing. When you the you know,
the military in there, I feel like that is very
all consuming. So um, but I will say I think
that love is patient. That's the first thing that they
say about love, like love is patient, And I think
(28:16):
that is I always come back to that because when
Red Star and I first started dating, I was ready
for all the things, Like it was just like I
was ready to be married years ago, and you know,
like I could have escalated our relationship from zero to
a hundred fast. And I was doing those things, um,
and he was in a different phase of his life.
(28:36):
He was, you know, starting a brand new life with
two with two kids, and so he had to have
a different pace and a different mindset. And so I
think that I've had to practice patients in my relationship throughout.
And then when we you know, when we had that
time where we were broken up, Um, he did reach
(28:58):
out to me, so like I did. I don't want
to say, like, let him come to you, but I
think I was. I had the mindset of, like, I know,
this is my guy. I don't know why we're broken up.
I don't know what's going on, so it's confused. But
I wasn't reaching out to him because I also felt
like I wanted to give him that space to not
have me and see what that felt like too. So, UM,
(29:19):
I just would encourage you and just remind you, like
love is patient, is a you know, very I find
it to be so interesting, or it is like love
his patient, love is kind, love is all these things,
but the first word is patient because you never think
of love as patient. Like when you think about love,
you think about like romance, and all the things. You
(29:42):
never think of the word patient, and I think that
you know, it's there for a reason, and I just
think I don't think he would. I don't know him,
but I don't think people say things they don't mean,
So I would take what he says to heart, but
also kind of lean into you're life and what you've
got going on. Don't wait for him, but also hold
(30:04):
out hope if that's what you want. Yeah, I'm torn.
I'm like I I've seen it happen with Tania, and
so I part of me is like, you know, don't
like move on so fast. But the other part of
me that I would, that I was telling Tanya during
(30:25):
that time was like take care of yourself and like
do what you need to do, and like take care
of your heart and live your life, and don't wait
around for someone who isn't sure about you, because I
would never you know, I was always telling Tania like,
we would never tell someone to wait around for someone
who's not sure about them. But if he's I respect
him for wanting to put his kids first, but it's
(30:45):
also like you deserve to be put first too, So
if if there's a you know, if you can find
peace with moving on and and maybe at a certain
time things happen and you'll come back together. That would
be great, But part of me says, like you can
still love each other and decide to do us best
(31:06):
for you that maybe doesn't involve him. And also not
waiting around is different because remember I, like I try
to go on that FaceTime date with that one guy.
Well it was just a weird time because it was
kind of pandemic, So I didn't really have a desire
to be like locking lips with strangers. Yeah we're going
on dates. No, but it's like you can try, but
if you're not in it, your heart is not ready,
then like it's not waiting around, but you don't have
(31:31):
to date other people. I think you can work on yourself,
but not be like waiting around for him, like be
open to other possibilities and not just because ultimately, what
happens if you wait around and then he's never ready,
like you're you're just waiting for nothing. Is There's a
phrase we've said before on this show that I go
(31:52):
back to you a lot lately. There was no such
thing as too busy. There's only a matter of priorities.
Now that does not mean his priorities are not legitimate.
In fact, they're streaming legitimate, the military and his children.
But you deserve to be with someone for whom you
can be a priority. So I don't think this is
worth sticking around for. I really don't. I think you
move on. If it's meant to happen, it will happen.
You cannot fight the universe in that way. If it's
(32:13):
going to happen, he's going to realize what he has
in you, and he's going to figure it out. But
he's got a lot going on and you need to
you need to, you need to move I think you
need to move on. I think that, uh, this isn't
the right time. Yeah, And you know what, Tanya did
give Robbie the space, and then when they got back together,
like there was such a shift where there was like
(32:35):
this moment where Tanya was like at the forefront and
he was really making sure like he he knew her
value when she was not in his life for that
amount of time. I think he recognized how much she
brought into his life. And I think either your guys
are gonna have that moment and he's going to be
like I I'm going to prioritize you, and I'm gonna
(32:58):
make it happen. I'm going to make the time or
he's going to say, you know, I realized I'm living
this life and I'm not. I feel more free without
you here. But you know what's interesting what a lot
of people said to me when I started dating Red
Star was that, you know, oh, dating guy with kids,
you're you're never his top priority, just like get used
to never being his top priority. And it's interesting because
I always was like, you know, I'm fine, I have
(33:20):
a lot of friends, have a full life. I don't
you know, I don't necessarily need to be anybody's top priority,
you know, like if his kids are, um, But I don't.
I don't think that's the case, because I do think
there was this shift where now I feel like it's
me and his kids are kind of on the same Yeah.
But but but people are so about the ranking, like
(33:42):
it's always like you're gonna come second to the kids,
And I was like, I don't feel like it's that
at all. Like I feel like he and I are
a team and we both look after each other and
the kids, you know what I mean, Like it's not
this this thing that I think people have a different
perception of that, and I think the thing is meeting
the needs of both you and his kids. Think he
does a really great job of doing that for both
(34:02):
of you, and sometimes you might need more, sometimes the
kids and I might need more, and he has to,
you know, balance that. But um, I agree. I mean,
I think I was one of those people who was like,
it's gonna be hard for you to feel number one
in a relationship where there's kids involved, And I think
Robbie has proven that wrong in the sense that he
prioritizes both you and his kids. So all that to say,
(34:26):
I think that you have to do what's best for
you without feeling like you're just waiting around for him.
I don't think that's like healthy for anyone's like mental
like mental health. Yeah, alright, this one's from anonymous as well,
(34:48):
and it's kind of a similar thing. Do you believe
in right person, wrong time? That's a nice segue from
the last one, which was kind of similar. She says
she's been any guy four months. He checked off every
box she had. I really liked him, but he's starting
a new job and I'm moving to a new state
to start grad school. A month and a half later,
I'm in my new state. I start dating a new guy.
He treats me super well, makes me feel super secure
(35:08):
when it's feelings towards me in the way the first
guy never did. But he doesn't check off one big
box that's really important to my family and me. I
can't help but compare him to the first guy. Is
he treats me like a queen? A good enough reason
for dating someone. I wish she would have said, what
the big boxes? I interpret that as a religions too,
(35:36):
so let's go with that. But either way, she's got
this guy burd in the hand treats her great missing
a box. The other guy who has checked every box,
although he didn't make her feel secure about his feelings
for her, which I think is a box that is
left unchecked. Boxes are for the birds. Okay, So I'm
gonna take your boxes and turn him into bird feeders
(35:58):
and give him out to the hummingbirds in your backyard
because that's where they belong. Get out of the bad box.
You're right, Tanya, You're a great example of this because
if you had held Robbie up to the checkboxes, the
checklist that you thought you had in your mind, you
would not be with him today. No way. The same
with me, And seriously like it. I had multiple list
(36:21):
of the man that I was going to marry and
they were so specific, and I even feel like some
of the guys that I dated had all those qualities
and there was still something there was an there was
a box not even listed that wasn't being checked and um,
(36:42):
there's a lot of things with Haley, Like if I
looked at that listing compared, it's like there's a lot
of we have a lot of differences, but there's other
things that I never even put on my list that
are checked off. And I think that that mentality is
just kind of put put you in your own box
(37:03):
to where you miss out on opportunities to be in
a beautiful, great, healthy relationship because it doesn't write match
something on a piece of paper. Yeah, Like, I think
we're talking about this earlier. If I let's say I
was like, Okay, I always wanted to marry Christian man,
so I only went on Christian Mingle. That was the
only dating app I ever tried. I would have never
(37:23):
ever met my boyfriend ever. He would not have been
on Christian would not have been on Christian mingle, and
there's something in our relationship that's very undeniably meant to be,
Like it's like there's this chemistry, there's this familiar like
he's my home, you know, and like that you can't
put a box on that. You just can't think from
(37:44):
this email is how do you feel? You don't talk
about your feelings at all, and I think that's really important,
is how do you feel about each of them? Because
I think that's what should win. Also, I noticed the
box that isn't checked as very important to my family
and me, and I think sometimes we take on the
expectation of our family and like, you know, what we're
(38:08):
expected to do in their opinion. And I think sometimes
there's a way of like respecting your family and then
still doing what's best for you because eventually you're going
to be an individual who is on your own making
a life with someone else. And so I also would
take that into consideration too. If it's important to you,
(38:28):
that's I am fully stand by that. But if you're like,
this is my family, you know, there's something to navigate
there too. I think do some imagination works and that's
something I used to do and still do sometimes about
different things in life. Is just imagine imagine raising kids
with one of them. Imagine raising kids with the other one.
(38:48):
Imagine living with one of them. Imagine living with the
other one. And this is the big one for me,
imagine your life without that person, completely, living separate lives.
They're dating someone else, you're dating someone else. And do
it for both of them, and I think you'll realize
which your heart is pulling you toward. We didn't do
a Taylor Slift song for the first one, but Taylor
Slift song for this one. I'm gonna say that's the
(39:11):
way I loved you. Oh my god, the moment I
knew but she is no Okay, treacherous. Oh that's a
good one, Tanya, thank you, thank you so much. What
about the first one, which is the one where he
needs space? Um? Hello is love? Oh I can't get
(39:38):
better than that? Sorry? All right then, I'm not going
to argue with you, all right? And also keep emailing us.
Make sure you're emailing us at scrubbing in at iHeart
media dot com for just absolute wisdom and advice. Um.
Also on Thursday, we have at Greg Tarzan Davis and
(39:59):
he is from Gray's anatomy. He's in the new Top
Gun movie, and I am so excited to talk to him.
So the Gray's cast member in the O R to
try to kiss Bailey, is it? Yeah, he like he
came into the he moved like from where Meredith was
doing all her Yeah, and then he like is infatuated
(40:20):
with he was like infatuated with Bailey. Um, but I'm
really excited to talk to him. And he's a Louisiana native,
so Becca's gonna immediate connection. She's gonna feel like a
Kindred Kindred connect connection. Um. But on that note, I
hope everyone has a great holiday, and we love you
and we love you a lot. Stay safe, Stay safe,
Hosts And Creators
Tanya Rad
Rebecca Tilley
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