Spin the Bottle

Dean and Jared open up about their intimacy struggles during quarantine, especially for Jared, who’s been on lockdown with his in-laws for months. 

They share an incredibly honest conversation about self-esteem issues and how they can affect intimacy. 

But then they spill all during a SPICY round of “Spin the Bottle”!

Learn more about your ad-choices at https://www.iheartpodcastnetwork.com

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:00):
Hell I Suck Dating with Jared Haven Heart Radio podcast. Hey,
welcome to an all new episode of Help I Suck
a Dating. I'm Jared, have ben still in self isolation
with my wife Ashley, joined of course, across the country

(00:21):
by the wonderful Dean Anglert. Dean, how are you doing, buddy,
I'm good. Hey. I apologize for my audio today to
the listeners and to you Jared of course, Tory, my condolences.
I'm doing good though. I'm happy to be here talking
to you. Guys. You've got another big week of Help
I Sucked Dating. That lays ahead of us a lot
of topical events to discuss, a lot of listening to

(00:42):
emails to get to Jared's wearing a bandana across his
head like he's straight at the top. Gun. I don't
know why he's doing that, but here we are. I
was getting like Outer Banks vibes. Yeah, I can see that,
Outer Banks. What's that? Oh? Just to television sEH on Netflix.
I gotta start watching TV. You know what I gotta
start watching is Ozark because I over the weekend obviously
I heard all about the Lakes of Ozarks, which apparently

(01:04):
that's what the show is about I don't really know,
but anyway, point is, I'm wearing a bandana because my
hair is getting really long and it gets in my face.
And Ashley's sister Lauren gave me this bandanna. Aware I'm
not gonna lie. I kind of like you guys, I'm
kind of digging it. You look cool. I'll tell you
that I think I look cool. I think some people
look like I think that I look like a a douche.

(01:28):
I think that's term, for lack of a better term,
trying to think, but I don't know. It doesn't really
fit my overall vibe. Like you never think of Jared
wearing a bandana. I'm just like a very plain vanilla guy.
But I'm digging it. I'm not gonna lie. Um, it
really spices yup a little bit of the press, and
we just gotta change things up, like not much is
happening in our lives, so you know, a bandana spices

(01:49):
it up every once in a while. So I'm gonna
start wearing the bandana more often. Uh. We do have
some topics, uh that Dean and I are going to
get into. The first one is about our very own
bachelor family. Alum Clay Harbor Dean. Did you hear about
Clay and his new fling? He's dating someone from ninety
Day Fiance? Do you watch nine D Fiance. I hadn't

(02:11):
heard about it until I read what We're Gonna talk
About Today, and I looked into it a little bit.
And my first gut reaction when I read it that
Clay was dating someone from Nina Fiance was that he
was dating the same girl that was dating a guy
that we had on our podcast a couple of weeks
ago ed and I was like, all everything was thrown
out of wack. I was so confused for a second,
but I looked it up. I think that the term

(02:32):
dating is pretty loosely used, Like it sounds like they
were on one real life date and now they're like
going to Skype a couple of times. And she likes
his big muscles and she likes that he used to
be a football player. That's about all that I gathered from.
I mean, I like his big muscles. I get it. Well,
first of all, it's ninety days, so her name is
Fernando Flores and she was on Fiance and then obviously

(02:52):
Clay was on Bachelor and Bachelor in Paradise and she
was divorced, so she was Her divorce got finalized in March,
so only like three months ago. You know what's crazy?
There started dating via zoom like they I don't think
they've ever met in real life, right, I think that
they have been real life once, That's what I gathered,
but I couldn't be mistaken. But it doesn't look like

(03:14):
they have once in a photo that they are together
at like a concert or a bar. Yes, but like
I said, my mind immediately went to Ed's fiance from
the show Dave Fiance, and I was so confused, so
I looked it up. But apparently this woman is from
Mexico if I understand that correctly, she's a model like
she uh, she's an attractive woman. And I looked up

(03:35):
her ex husband, the guy that she was on Today
Fiance with, and I couldn't find much about him, So
I don't really know. I don't know how she was
on on Dave Fiance. I guess I don't really understand
the whole show in the sense. But I mean, good
for Clay, happy for him for for for branching out.
It's funny that he uh reading that article and like

(03:55):
kind of looking at Fernando's Instagram a little bit. She
gives me a lot of Nicole eyes, like I see
a lot of seces between her and and Clay's ex
from Bachelor in Paradise, Right, I think I think she's
Latin as well. Yes, I believe, but it's just I
guess Clays has got a type. You know? Yeah, I mean, hey,
don't we all my friend? Uh? So, she says her

(04:19):
ex is Jonathan Rivera. Do you know who that is? Tor? Yeah,
he's no, but he's very attractive. Let me let me
click on this guy. Hold on, let me find out
who this guy is. Very very attractive couple. They were.
I told you I looked him up. I couldn't find him.
Oh he's handsome. He kind of gives me Chris Randome
vibes a little bit. Huh. Yeah, he's got a great beard.
He was a good beard. Good beard they are. They

(04:40):
were very attractive couple, weren't they. What? Jared, are you
shocked by this news? And how do you feel about it?
I guess really like that. Well, I don't know. I mean,
good for him. I'm happy for him. I'm very curious
how this whole thing started, because they they met, they
obviously met in real life once because they're, like you said,
Tori is a picture of them. So I'm curio us
that they met when she was still with her husband,

(05:05):
which I mean, I'm not saying that shady, but you know,
I wonder if there's any flirtation back then, and then
she got divorced in March, and then I wonder if
they've I wonder if they've like snuck out and try
to see each other during quarantine because they both live
in Chicago, m and surprise. I feel like that's kind
of uh, what's what's the word? Not acceptable behavior but

(05:26):
expected behavior? You know. I'm confused though, it's because on
the bottom it's it says a quote from Fernanda. I'm
saying that right, correct, Fernanda. Fernanda, am I an idiot?
I hope you got it right. She says, I do
want kids. Fernanda says, after Clay ass on the show,

(05:48):
what what does that mean? Were they on a show together?
Maybe their first zoom date was tell was tell? I
think that's what it was. It was something a show
in quarantine, and they met on that show after I've
already met in person and that's probably where they're pulling
that quote from. She says, if you ask me this
question when I was fresh out of my separation, I

(06:08):
would say no, I will never date again. I don't
believe in men, but you know, I'm ready to give
love a chance again. She said, she's looking forward to
her future and uh, she's excited to touch his muscles
and have physical contact once this whole thing is over.
She's Mexican. Yes, yes, she's, because it says the Mexican Beauty.

(06:32):
Uh yeah, I mean she changed her mind pretty quickly
after March. I mean good for them. Whatever, if you
can somehow find a girlfriend through quarantine, I mean good
for you. Yeah. I mean she's kind of objectifying his
muscles a little bit. But other than that, I guess
here the question for you as it as it pertains
to dating and kind of uh you know. Obviously, the

(06:52):
central root of our podcast is do you think having
just divorced her husband in March, is it too soon
for her to be especially like public be dating now?
Like privately dating, I guess is one thing, but now
to be like so vocal about wanting to meet someone new,
is that a bad luckty thing? I wonder if they're
actually dating or if this whole thing is being blown
out of abortion because they had a really good zoom
date and they made it public. Because you're right, she

(07:15):
just got divorced in March. Maybe they were separated for
a while, so maybe she was ready to move on.
But a divorce is a pretty exhausting experience to go through,
so I'm sure she was pretty excited to have it
over And then I'm just curious. I guess the bigger
question for me is, like you said, Dean, can you,
like I guess you could be boyfriend girlfriend via virtual dates? Tori?

(07:39):
Would you ever say you had a boyfriend if you
never met them before and only talk to them via zoom? Like,
would you feel comfortable saying that? No? I think that
you have to have that conversation in order to use it.
Let me pitch you a hypothetical scenario. You're real quick, Tory.
Let's say you and Brad Pitt are all of a
sudden zoom dating like once a day every day during

(08:01):
this whole quarantine. He asks you to be his girlfriends.
What do you respond? Because you haven't really met him
in person yet, but you've just been zooming with you know,
skyping with him every single day. The emotional connection is there.
You're interested in his life, he's interested in yours. But
obviously we understand it's kind of like the um love
is blind thing in a sense, you know, where uh,

(08:22):
all you really get is to be able to talk
to them, and you don't really get to explore the
physical complaintance. I feel like that makes it more exciting
where I would be like, yeah, for sure, we're confident
that we don't need any of that other stuff besides
just communication and not having the physical aspect of it
and still being entertained by each other. It's like a
huge quality you'd want in a relationship. So I'd be like, hell, yeah,

(08:44):
I'm your girlfriend. Listen, I'm gonna say I'm gonna play
Devil's advocate here, so don't This is not my whole
opinion on this. Do you think we downplay physical attraction?
Do you think we downplay the physical part of a
relationship Sometimes I mean to downplay it because we always
talk about like love is blind or like, you know,
a physical uh part of the relationship is you know,

(09:09):
not the most important. And you know you can believe
in love because you can get to know someone before
the physical attraction comes. But like, isn't the difference between
being friends and being in a romantic relationship the physical aspect?
So once you say that's pretty important because what if
you found a husband or a wife and you were
just you like had the friend part of it, but

(09:31):
you didn't have the romance part of it. So aren't
you guys just friends? At that point you tell me,
what do you think? Well, I don't know, Dean. I'm
I'm gonna want to ask you the questions here. Okay,
well let me ask you. Let me ask you this, uh,
not to get too personal, but I think I remember
seeing that you said that you and Ashley are not
being intimate while you're staying at her parents house, which
is very reasonable, understandable. Right, So as you consider over

(09:53):
the past two months just actually as a friend or
do you still consider her as your wife? I wouldn't
say we haven't been intimate, but what I would say
that you know the parents are close by, so it's
a little m it's not as uh uh how do
I phrase this? Not as a not a like it's
always you know, no know how to say that, not

(10:16):
as promiscy with in your own home. Maybe you just
you know, you keep things down. I don't know, um,
but do you feel like that you have to communicate
a lot more with each other to get through those times?
Like did it change into feeling like does every kind
of sometimes feel like, Oh, I feel like I'm more
friendly with my wife right now than like an actual wife.
We've had conversations about that where we've because we've been
friends for so long that sometimes you know this, if

(10:40):
I'm being honest, it comes from actually more than me
where she feels more like a friend sometimes and that
makes you know, that makes her sad, and it's it's
we kiss all the time, and we kiss constantly, but
you know, she've been told me she was like, I
want to be objectified sometimes, and I was like, all right,
I can do that. It's hard, though. It's hard to
objectify someone that you care so much about, um and

(11:01):
that you you're so comfortable and close with, you know,
it's hard to kind of like that. I guess I
can speak from my own experience. After I broke my leg,
I was pretty incapacitated for a long time, and uh,
my physical connection with Kaylin took it. You know, took
a bit of a hit, but I will I want
to say that I felt even closer to her during

(11:21):
during that time than I would than I did before,
when intimacy was never really a front of mine issue.
It was, you know, even though we were less intimate.
I kind of feel we were talking about this obviously,
even though we were being less intimate because I had
like that was incapable of it because my hip was
you know, rehabbing, I still felt more connected to her

(11:41):
than I had in the nine months of our relationship prior.
Was it easy to flip the switch back on? Uh,
not necessarily. I like him going throught. I'm like going
through some like self worth issues at the moment because
I like put on some facts. Since breaking my leg
and not really being as act of I feel like
I'm not like as uh as cool as I used

(12:03):
to be. So I'm like going through some self worth
stuff right now. So it's not just like a switch
that you can get flipped right back on. What's you know,
It's it's just it's a steady progression. I think a
lot of girls, I think when you think of a
heterosexual relationship, you would assume that girl struggles like self
esteem wise, like way more than men do. But do
men actually do that, They just don't vocalize. Like it's
interesting hearing Dean saying skills and secure because like you

(12:25):
would never know. Yeah, I mean from my experience, I
can only speak from that. I definitely, like, I know
it's a direct increase in just like general not just happiness,
but like self esteem becauseually, like when I'm going to
the gym a lot, or like if I'm climbing a
lot more, or if I'm doing things that interests me
a lot more, I think that generally makes me happier,

(12:45):
which then in turn boosts my sex drive, you know,
oh totally, especially like not being able to like even
go outside and go on a hike during the course
of the past three months or however long since I
broke my leg, Like it definitely just like lowered my
libido to a point that it's kind of probably like
the lowest tropics ever been in. And I would say,
so what happened after that? Like I'm curious because I

(13:07):
can relate. You know, Uh, Ashley and I were friends
for so long. I'm sure a lot of couples go
through this where they have lulls lulls in the intimacy department,
and it's hard to talk about It's very awkward to
talk about um, both as men and women. I think
as a guy can only speak upon it or like,
in my opinion, the reason it's so awkward is because

(13:29):
I I grew up in in like a world where like,
as a guy, you're supposed to be able to have
sex twenty five times a day and enjoy it every
single time, you know, like that's kind of the way,
you know, growing up in my teenage years, and then
that's what girls kind of I think, always uh expected

(13:50):
or assumed because it's so easy for a guy to orgasm,
not to like go you know, deep down this road,
but to or anything. But yeah, I mean everybody knows
that it's it's it's far easier for a mail to
to reach the point of pleasure than than a female.
And and so I think at times when you know,

(14:10):
I'm not feeling good about myself, like Dean says, you know,
where I'm not working out or I'm just not confident
about myself, and so my sex drive is down, and
there are times where I just kind of, you know,
I don't feel like having sex and Uh, that causes issues,
you know, and and because then it creates insecurities for
your partner, creates insecurities for yourself. Intimacy is a very

(14:32):
interesting part of a relationship because you know, it's not
the only thing that separates friendship from a relationship, but
it's obviously a big factor. You know. I think that
like men kind of know how to navigate women better
with their insecurities because that's more of like our stigma.
It's like, Okay, make a girl feel special, Like for
us to like orgasm, you like have to really like

(14:52):
value the woman and make her feel special and loved
in romance or whatever. But how do we, like, how
do women take care of their men if they're feeling secure?
Like what helps you guys feel like, Oh I feel
special and feel important? Like our words cheap in those times?
Or that is that the time to build up your
guy more? See a great question. I love Oh God,

(15:14):
don't judge me from this podcast alone. I love when
Ashley like craves me. Uh, that's what really turns me on. Uh.
And I think a lot of guys, at least my
friends that I felt comfortable enough to talk about sex with, uh,

(15:35):
feel very similar to me, when a girl like acts
in a way or says things in a way where
it feels like like she just doesn't want you, she
like she needs you. Uh And honestly, for a guy,
like that's the sexiest thing, uh that's ever happened to

(15:58):
me when I've encountered situations like that. Um and uh.
So I think that's maybe, you know, a piece of
advice I could give to women. It's not easy. It's
not like you know, I think, especially as a guy,
I think guys are they're very afraid to open up,

(16:18):
very very afraid to talk about certain topics. I find
that women, and you know, I'm not trying to generalize,
but just in my experience, I feel that women are
more open to talking about uh, difficult things or uncomfortable things,
whether it be about sex or other issues within the relationship.
So it's hard to get a guy to open up. Um.

(16:41):
And I would say that's why, uh, you know, there
might be a wall or a problem because I feel,
like you said, Tori, you know, in my experience, I
feel like women are much more open to saying, hey,
this is uh, this is what I need, uh, this
is how I you know, get in the mood, or
it doesn't even have to be about sex. It just

(17:02):
could be a lot of different things in a relationship,
like hey, I need this, like this is what I
need from you. Uh And for some reason, guys, I
include myself in this refused to say that, Like I
have a very difficult time, you know, talking to Ashley
been like this is what I need. A lot of
times I'm just like I'm fine, I'm fine, even though
in my head, I'm like, I know I should just
be saying what I what I want to say, which

(17:23):
is this is what I need you to do. But
for some reason, it's hard. On the contrary, though, I
like uh to to kind of answer Torrictoria question a
little bit. Is even though Calin tells me all the
time that she thinks I'm the most handsome man in
the world or whatever, I don't feel like I am
in like good shape or handsom. Then I think it's

(17:44):
just kind of like falling on deaf years in the
sense where it's like it kind of comes from with it. Then, like,
if I don't feel that way, then no matter what
you tell me, it's not gonna get me to feel
any sort of way. You know what I mean, so
it's like, yes, it's nice to be like wanted and
yearned for, but at the end of the day, at
least in my experience, in my opinion, if it's like,
if it's not starting from within, then it's not gonna
like really do much for me. Like we have kind

(18:06):
of this run and get running gag Calin and I
where she'll like compliment you know, either the way that
I look at the moment, or like something that like
a nice gesture that I did for her, or like
something stupid, and I always respond, but don't patronize me
because it's always like I always feel like unless I'm
actually proud of like the way that I look or
the way that I feel, or the way like this
project that I just completed, Uh, then I don't necessarily

(18:29):
think that boosting me up is gonna necessarily get me there.
And it's like, obviously, you know, I know that she's appreciative,
and you know she actually does think that I'm handsome,
but it all kind of like starts from I guess
my like bludding insecurities of all these things. So how
do you how does she deal with that? Though? What
should she do? That's a that's a hard question. Uh well,

(18:49):
I mean we've basically established what we what we're gonna
do moving forward is she will continue to either will
there to be complimentary. We just and then I like
crack a joke at it, and then we like both
understand each other, Like I understand that she really does
feel that way, and she understands that I'm appreciative of it.
It's just our way of like kind of thing with it,
you know what I mean. Yeah, guys are stupid. We're

(19:14):
all dumb. Yeah, Oh my gosh, I absolutely I agree. Yeah,
what else do we have on the docket for today?
Because I feel like we need to take a quick break.
Let's take a quick break and then we can talk
about something that I found very upsetting and it really
just left me pained. I can't wait to hear what
it is. I'm excited for the listeners. Stay tuned. We

(19:35):
are going to take one quick break and we're gonna
jump back in to what Jared cannot get off of
his brain. In addition to that, we're gonna play another
Last week we played seven Minutes at Heaven, and through
this quarantine, we're gonna be playing some fun dating, kissing, Uh,
how do I what do I want to call these

(19:55):
teenager esque games? So this week we're playing spin the Bottle.
It's gonna get real hot, real heavy. You're not gonna
wanna miss that. That's gonna come later on the episode two.
To stay tuned. All right, welcome back. We were just

(20:19):
about to talk to Jared about what has been keeping
him up at night. Jared, I'm I'm all ears here.
I'm sitting on the edge of my seat. What's going
on over there? Buddy? Well, you know, I don't watch
a lot of TV shows, but one show that I've
watched a couple of seasons of that for some reason,
like I feel a kinship with, is a little show

(20:39):
called Riverdale. Do you guys watched the show at all tour?
I feel like you must have seen a couple episodes.
I've actually watched, like a couple of seasons. Yes, okay,
so I I for I watched the first two seasons.
I love the first season, the second season. In the
third season, I've watched couple episodes. Couldn't really get into
it yet, but I really need to start trying. The
reason I started getting into it was because skill, which

(21:00):
was in it, and ski art Rich is the ability.
He's the original killer and scream. Long story, but I'm
a huge screen fan, so I started watching because of that,
and then I really started loving Uh Cole Sprouse his
character in it, who Tory? Do you remember his name
in the show? Junkhead? Junkhead Jones, thank you very much.

(21:21):
And and so I heard before the rundown, I saw
on the news yesterday or the day before that, Riverdale's
Cole Sprouse and Lily Reinhardt, who is also a lead
in the show. Then they were dating on the show
and dating in real life, and they broke up again
less than a year after they got back together. And

(21:43):
it's very sad, guys, because I'm a big Cole Sprouse
fan and a big Lily Ryan Heart fan. But Cole Sprouse, like,
I just feel like this kinship with him. I feel
like a lot of people do, if I'm being honest.
He used to be an archaeologist, which is crazy. Dean,
do you know who this kid? This kid is he's
one of the twins. You know who is Have you
ever seen Big Daddy? Of course he's the kid. He's

(22:04):
one of the twins. It's Cole and Dylan sproused and
I was a little old for the life of Zack
and Cody. I'm not gonna lie. It like just passed
me by. Maybe I'll watch some reruns. I just got
Disney Plus. I'm sure it's on there. But I was
very sad and they broke up and they've been together
for like three years. They met on the set. It's

(22:25):
like one of those stories that I love, especially as
being a movie buff. I love the idea of two
people meeting on a movie set and then dating real life.
Like I was a big Courtney Cox and David Arquette
fan because they met on the original Scream. They obviously
got married now they're divorced. Who else met on movie sets?
Brad Pitt and Angelie and Jolie. They met on Mr.
And Mrs Smith. Oh, but that was heartbreaking. It is

(22:46):
because we were all rooting for Brad Pitt and Jennifer Anderson.
I understand, but who knows. They might come back. They've
had They had that whole Oscar thing where like Brad
and Jennifer were holding hands and looking at each other
and everybody was shipping those two. But anyway, there's a
few other Blake Lively and Ryan Reynolds. What they meet
on Green Lantern? M hmm. Melakuda is an Ashton Cutcher. Oh,

(23:10):
don't tell me the names of the show. Oh that well,
they met in that Chevenue show. Yeah, I was thinking
of the movie they did. It was like no strings
attached or friends with benefits or something. Now never mind,
it was no strings and hats. But that was Natalie
Portmant moving on. Mm hmm. What was Lily Ryanharden? Originally
because she looks familiar, but I definitely remember releasing Riverdale.

(23:31):
So what else would I know from hustlers? Hustler Jennifer Lopez.
I never saw that either m shared any others. Oh God,
I don't even know. I'd have to look up for IMDb.
Do you have any other couples though, I'm very interested
in couples that have met in movie sets. Yes, we
have Adam Brody and Layton Mister. They met on the

(23:54):
o C. How about Sarah Michelle Gellar and Freddie Prince Jr.
How much do you love the fact that they're still together? Like,
isn't that just the coolest ship ever? The fact that
Freddie Prince Jr. And Sarah Michelle Geller like scream King
and Queen from the nineties are still together. That's just awesome.

(24:16):
I see that. Even Mendez and Ryan Gosling. I forgot
about that they met on the set of Place Beyond
the Pines. I didn't even know that they were married
her together. Oh yeah, they have a couple of kids.
I think, oh, yeah, to they have two daughters. I
think they're married. They definitely have kids together though. It's
one of my favorites. Kurt Russell and Goldie Han. Have

(24:37):
you ever seen Overboard? Best movie ever? And they're just
like an iconic duo. Is that the one where she
gets a misia? Yes, so she like falls off the
bow and then thinking, yeah, he tried to get back
at her. That is we were talking about gold Goldiehon yesterday.
Actually my mom knew Goldie Han because Goldiehon had a
place to Aspen and apparently Goldie Han is just like
the nextest person ever. Oh that makes my heart so happy. Yeah,

(25:01):
she's like obsessed with there where the women flock like
the sam in a capastrono A great place. That's right.
Last one. Will Smith and Jada Pinkett Smith they met
on the Fresh Prince of bel Air, where she auditioned
for a role of Will's girlfriend but didn't get it,
but then he got her number and hit her up later. Wow,
that's so cool. She didn't get the role. Why do

(25:22):
I feel like she was on the show at some point?
She probably made a cameo after they started dating. That's
pretty awesome. Jesus fresh Prince of bel Air. So they've
been together for like thirty years? Yeah, Wow, that's crazy.
Who is that? Will Smith and Jada Pickett Smith? Oh?
They Yeah, that's crazy. I guess I don't really remember
her from that show. But yeah, it's funny to think

(25:43):
about how many, I guess actors and actresses just meet
on set. It's kind of like, in a weird way,
going on a bachelor bachelorette. You know, you spent all
this time with this person, uh, and then all of
a sudden you just like them. It would be weird, though,
like I because with all the people that have met
on set and how become gone into relationships after they've
dated in a movie, they start dating in real life.

(26:05):
Would you be would you ever be comfortable calin becoming
an actress and having to kiss somebody else in a movie? Absolutely?
I'd be toolutely care with that, you're insane. I mean,
I think, like I think we talked about this last
week or two weeks ago, is that I guess you
are just a little bit different in the sense that
I think you're admittedly a little bit of a jealous person,

(26:27):
which is totally reasonable, understandable. I think a lot of
us are. But I guess I just I don't feel
that way. No, of course I'd be okay with it.
Like if if Ashley became a famous actress and she
had to go in movie roles and kiss, you know,
as much of its suck guys like you know, Leo
or Brad, if she had to ever kiss if Oh

(26:48):
my god, that would be my worst fucking nightmare. If
she ever had to do a movie and got paid
so much money and they were like, okay, well you
know she's gonna have a sex scene with Leonardo DiCaprio,
our marriage would be over. There's there's no color, there's
literally no coming back from that. Fake sex with Leo
is so much better than real sex with me, just speaking,
it's Leo, you know. Anyway, you know who else met

(27:10):
on set, Ben Affleck and Jennifer Lopez. Even though they
broke up, they made they they met on What the
hell is that movie? That Kevin Smith movie? It's Jersey Girl?
Is it Giggly? No? That's first of all, it's Julie.
I don't know why he put out to like that.
Giggly could be fun Jersey Girl two dozen four? Okay,

(27:34):
but can we talk about this for a quick second.
Bringing you back to Lily and Cole. Now they have
to work together. Sure, well if it gets renewed for
a season five? True, but how would how do you
guys handle being in the bachelor world? I feel like
everything is so convoluted and mixed together, Like, how do
you handle it when you know your partner is going

(27:56):
to go work with someone that they used to be
intimate with or really ship with. Like let's say Calin
has a crossover with someone else working on like a
collap or like let's say they're doing a photo shoot
together and the two influencers me, what are your thoughts?
I mean, I, oh god, that's a tough one. I'd

(28:16):
like to I don't know. I mean, of course, I
trust like I would trust Ashley. You have to have
a certain level of trust in your relationship in order
to have a happy and successful relationship. But man, depends
on how that long they had to work together. If
it was like a one day shoot, I mean, what
are you gonna do? But if they were like, okay,
they have to travel to Italy together and spent three
months in this photo shoot room together, I'd be a

(28:38):
little nervous. Also kind of depends on who it is.
Like if it's Chris Souls who actually used today on TV,
You're like, oh, yeah, that's fine, Chris is a good friend. Yeah, yeah,
I guess it really does depend because I wouldn't be
worried about Chris. Yeah, I don't know if i'd be
worried about anybody in Bachelor World. Dean, how would you
feel if she has Kalin has a like a perfume
shoot with Colton Underwood for the next six hours on

(29:03):
set together? Where did you? What do you feel inside?
It would be laughing inside and on the outside too.
I think that'd be hilarious. Or what about what about Connor?
I would be laughing even harder on the inside. Oh,
I would feel really bad for everyone involved. I don't know.
I was just laughing. I don't know, I don't know.

(29:26):
I just the same same boat as Jared. I don't care.
I like, I think that she's a grown woman. She's
gonna go there and be professional and get the job done.
And I'm not like worried about I mean, short of,
like Jared said, a sex scene with Leonardo DiCaprio. Yeah, fine,
Leo and Caitlin. I understand they're probably gonna run off
in the sunset together. But Fassi Nation is just funny

(29:48):
because it's like, you know, you you put these people
that you want to meet on a pedestal and then, uh,
you know, the more you get to know them, I
guess the more humanized they become. So it's like, I'm
not like, the only one that I'm worried about is
like Tyler Cameron, right, because I've never met Tyler Cameron,
but I'm sure if I met him, I'd be like, oh,
you're just like a regular guy, just like all of us,

(30:08):
you know. Um. And for the record, Calin doesn't even
think Tyler Cameron's cute, which I don't. I don't see
I think he's the hottest man in the world. Um,
But he's like the only guy that I'd really be
worried about because I've actually never met him before. I
haven't really been able to like humanize him in my
own eyes, you know what I mean versus everyone else,
Like if if, if it would happen with anyone else,
I'm like, oh, I know that guy, I know how
much I know that he's as much of anity as

(30:29):
I am, etcetera. So there's no fear for me. I
think we should keep these questions coming with the good
old for the listeners. Toriy made a very pink sign
with some beautiful handwriting, some glitters, has spin the bottle.
That's exactly what you would expect to see if you

(30:51):
were in sixth grade and you went over to your
friend's house into the basement and there's a spin the
Bottle sign hanging there. How long did it take you make?
Honestly thirty minutes, you guys, there's there's a few there's
a few trials that we had on this. We had
this one, but this one was too big. So I
like this. It's got some nice uh. I like the
font used is like fun and you know, it's a

(31:14):
nice contrast because it's a pink poster, but it has
some gold glitter and black marker. It's very nice, very
nice and done toward all right, so what are we doing?
But we have twelve questions? So I'm gonna have this
circle here? Who came up with these questions? Bottle? Are
you welcome me? Did you come up with the questions
before or after? You drank that corona? Staring perfect really

(31:39):
sets the mood. You know what. We're all sponsored by
a Krona being working from our homes, so I figured
it seemed right. And it's extra because we're gonna get
extra spicy spicy up in here, so I'm gonna spend
there's twelve questions. Um, let's start with me off the

(32:00):
bet before we start, Tori. As excited as we are
to start this game, Jared and I cannot wait. The
listeners can't wait. But before we start, I think it
would be appropriate for us to take one quick break
and to prepare ourselves for what lays ahead. So we'll
be right back after this short grade. All right, welcome

(32:28):
back to help my second dating Dean, myself, Tori. We're
gonna play spin the bottle somehow over the computer. I'm
excited to see how this goes down. So, Tori, you
have a Corona bottle very fitting, and you're gonna spin
the bottle. It's gonna land on a question. I'm assuming yep.
How do we know that this is not rigged? We
can't even see the questions. You're just spinning the bottle
and we're taking your word for it because it's all

(32:49):
the tea that I want in your guys life. So
it's not rigged the things that I want to know.
All right, here I go, I am spinning the bottle.
Question X, who's this two? This is two, Dean. I'm
going by alphabet, so D comes first in the alphabet.
What was the last thing you searched on your phone

(33:10):
put your phone on the internet. Well, I guess it
was Ben Affleck Jennifer Lopez movie. Okay, Now besides that, um, well,
I was looking up night Fiance for named to Flores.
Last thing that doesn't count either. Oh man, it doesn't
really say. I've got like some tabs open. You guys

(33:30):
know what cure is Cora. It's like it's like a
website but ask questions and then the answer. I like
to look at that a lot. This is not going
the way I was hoping it was going to go.
I don't really have anything interesting that I look at
I don't know. That's that's it, Dean. You're the You're
the hippie interesting one, all right, I'm the one who's
supposed to be bland. You know. The last thing I
looked up but the CDC website. Nice, that's very fitting.

(33:56):
I looked up where the A C charge poor on
my van is because my A c ran out. Well,
that's because I'm not really very interesting either. This is
why what I was talking about earlier. You know, I'm
losing some of my gusto because I just feel like
I'm just a domesticated loser now. No no offense to
domestican losers out there, none offense taken. Trust me, we're

(34:17):
all losing a little bit of our augusto right now,
or as just say, our mojo. All right. I spun
the bottle again. Landed on number three. Three is Jared
tell me about your first love? Uh? Oh wow, my
first love? Oh god, I hope actually is not around.
I'm just gonna be happy I'm talking about this so

(34:39):
we ironically enough fits really the theme of this podcast.
We met on a college film set and she played
my on screen girlfriend, and um we went in for
a reading like a script reading. We took it very seriously.
I was nineteen and we went into the conference room

(35:02):
and this girl was there and she was very pretty,
and I was like, I hope this is the girl
that's playing my on screen girlfriend. And it was and
um funny enough, so we filmed the movie. I was
terrified to ask her out, but everybody knew that I
liked her. She asked me out. So she was going

(35:23):
to Boston College at the time. I was in Rhode Island.
So one night I drove up to Boston College hung
out with her and her friends, and it was like
kind of awkward because we didn't really know each other
all that well. And I went up to Boston and
hung out with her friends and I had to drive
back that night, so I wasn't drinking or anything like that.
And it was fun, but it wasn't. It definitely was
not the best first date, so we left. I left

(35:46):
then the next day or the day after, I called
her to see if she wanted to meet up again
to go on a second date. Never called me back,
and five six months goes by. This was back in January,
so now we're in summer. She's home back in Rhode
Island for the summer and the movie is finished and

(36:06):
we're gonna have like a small premiere in my buddy's backyard.
And I was curious if she was gonna go because
I called her and she never called me back, and
then she messaged me. She texted me the day before
we were supposed to see each other at the premiere,
and she apologized and she was like, well it was
my you know, I just good. I don't know. She
made excuses obviously of why she couldn't call me back,

(36:27):
who was whatever. And then we saw each other at
the premiere. It went really well, and then we started dating,
and then we dated for four years after that, and
it was a very Yeah, it was a very intense,
very intense relationship. I thought at the time I was
gonna marry her, and then she was my first love,
she was my first everything. Um, so it was very uh,

(36:51):
you know, it was just an intense situation, and so
the breakup was pretty intense. The reason we broke up.
I broke up with her it was because I felt
like I didn't know who I was without her. I
was always her boyfriend. Which is funny because I'm kind
of in a similar situation right now. Where Ashley is definitely,
you know, the leader in this relationship. Um, but at

(37:16):
the time, when I was in my early twenties, I
just kind of want to do a little bit more
self discovery and um, and so we ended up breaking
up and going out of separate ways. And then before
I knew when I was on the Bachelorette, and you know,
my life completely got turned upside down after that. Were
you emotionally healed before going on the Bachelor? Well? Mostly, yeah,

(37:40):
I'd say mostly. Um, about a year before I went
on the show, I really tried to get her back
and uh really went after and she was with another
guy at the time, and I didn't give a rat's ass,
uh so, but she wanted to continue dating the other guy,
and I was like, I totally get out of understand,

(38:01):
Like I'm the one that broke up with you. You know,
you need to do what's best for you. And um. Also,
funny enough, she was going away for a while, uh,
doing some incredible work, and um, we saw each other's
again like a year before, so I guess the boyfriend
thing was like two years before. And then a year
before the bachelorrette she called me said she's leaving for

(38:23):
a while, she wanted to meet up. Say hi. So
we met up. We ended up kissing. It was very intense,
and then I thought we were gonna get back together,
but she was gonna be gone for six months. But
I was like, that's fine, Like we'll stay a long
distance for six months and then maybe we'll get back together.
After her that So I messaged her on Facebook when

(38:43):
I when I found out she made it to her
destination and said, I'm super excited for you. Uh, you know,
stay safe, be healthy. Uh, please keep me up to
date on stories or you know, what's going on in
your life. So on and so far. Right, she never
answers that. She never answers the Facebook message. So a
couple of months go by. You know, I'm kind of

(39:04):
venting about it with my friends as as you know
we all do, and just venting like I can't believe
she didn't write me back and don and so my
friend was so piste off. She signed me up for
the Bachelorette and uh, unbelievable. Isn't that crazy? So without
that ever happening, I don't know if I would ever
be on the show, because I don't know if she
would ever be because my friend always told me to

(39:25):
sign up and I was never gonna sign myself up.
And then when I was venting to her one night,
She's just like, I'm gonna do it for you. I'm
gonna sign you up for the show. And then she
signed me up for the show. And then you know,
a couple of months later, I got a call and
then I was filming six months later. Now you're married,
and now I'm married to my wife Ashley. Ah. But yeah,

(39:46):
it's crazy. It all happened for a reason, you know. Yeah,
Uh well I don't know if it all happened for
a reason. I'm not a big believer and everything happens
for a reason. Uh. Not to be a pestimist, but
it's weird talking about your first love. You know, it's
it's it's just a it's a it's a it's nostalgic,
it's it's difficult to talk about because you know, as

(40:09):
anybody who's ever been in love, UM, I can tell
you it's just very it's so intimate. You know, the
moments that you have with this person just are moments
that you don't experience with other people. Uh. So it's
always weird going down memory lane and thinking about the
course of things and how everything happened. I don't know.

(40:31):
Spinning again for Dean six. Would you rather send your
nudes to a stranger or send your nudes to an X?
To an X X, Well, you mean what X what?
It's something I can pick the X. I would just
say that I think I would trust an X to

(40:51):
not do anything with my nudes rather than a stranger.
But I guess on the flip side, if a stranger
gets my nudes, they probably don't even know who it
is unless your face is in it. That's the question
I had, is you're facing these nudes. Yes, Well, I
guess the thing for me too is I've got like
tattoos down between my waist and my knees that are
like pretty ah, pretty telling of who I am. So

(41:14):
it's just, you know, I guess whatever people can see
my small penis, I guess it's not the biggest thing.
As soon as they see that Instagram verification tattoo, they
know exactly who that nude is from the Instagram. And
then I've got the carpet knocked him on my hip
to which is like right down here, my pp So yeah,
I guess you know, in an ideal world, no one
would ever received my nudes. In fact, I don't think

(41:34):
I've ever even actually taken a nude before. So is
there anybody? Yeah? I highly doubt that. Is there anybody
of your exes that you would feel comfortable? Like if
you gun to your head and somebody's like, Okay, I
just took a picture of your dick and you have
to send it to your one of your ex Is
there one X that you're like, Okay, if I have
to send it somebody, I'm comfortable enough explaining to Kaitlin
and this X what the hell is going on? Yeah? Absolutely,

(41:59):
you don't want to say their name? Absolutely not. Ok
But there's a I would say there's probably a few
that I would be like hey, and then like after
the fact, I could get my phone back and be like, uh, sorry,
that's funny, ha ha by you know what I mean.
But I'm being serious. I've never taken a nude before. Okay,
I never taken nudes, and I've never asked for nudes

(42:21):
in my entire life, maybe with like one exception. I
just find it. I just don't like it. It's it's
something that's kind of icky to me, I don't like
if I would never want to send one. I don't
feel comfortable asking for one, And even like the whole
process of like requesting a nude from someone just seems
so weird to me, So I just never really did it.
It's interesting with how much you travel, like I feel

(42:41):
like that would be like the number one source of
like keeping your relationship spicy. Um No, I don't. I
I mean no, it's it's not necessary for me. I've
talked about this in the podcast before. It's like, I
don't like over sexualize my relationship. Like as much as
I enjoy that stuff, I you know, it's not like
a burning desire within me too, like have fulfilled. So

(43:04):
a conversation is perfectly fine until I get back to
the house where for however long, I'm gone forward and
I'm totally okay with that. So al right, next question
too for Jared dream celebrity crush go m Rachel McAdams.
She's just perfect. I mean, she's the perfect woman behind
Ashley of course, obviously, she's just good recovery. Oh god,

(43:27):
she just looks good all the time and she has
that girl next store look and it's just there. I'm
gonna stop you now before you get yourself into much trouble.
On that note, Dan, this one question twelve the Bachelor's
Star you slid into your that you have slid into
their d ms before that no one knows about. Uh,

(43:52):
probably Tyler Cameron, I guess. No, it has to be
the opposite sex. That's just asking to bring me to
get in trouble with my girlfriend. No, it's not. I think.
I think before I had gone on Paradise for the
second time, I might have slid into Andy Dorfman's d
M s. Or I maybe just I asked Amanda Stanton

(44:14):
to introduce me to her. I can't remember. I think
that's the latter, not the former. I don't think I
ever actually officially slid, but there was a point where
I had a crush on her. You can kind of
see that big Dorfman guy. Would you have, so hypothetically say,
worked out with you and Andy? Would you have told Nick?
Would you have asked for Nick's permission to date Andy.
I'll be honest with you. I never even I never
even I forgot to even consider that they had ever

(44:36):
dated at any point. Um. I just thought you. I
just thought you was cute. I think that Amanda Standon
posted a picture with her. I was like, Oh, that
girl's cute. And then I clicked on her page and
I was like, oh, that girl used to be a bachelorette.
And then that's that was basically into that. So thank you,
guys forgetting me in trouble. I can't wait to hear
the end of this. You will get stared in trouble
next with this one. Have you or would you ever

(44:57):
have a three sun? I have not. I don't know.
I mean, I guess my hesitation already answers that question.
The fact that I'd be open to it. I don't
know if i'd be open to it anymore. I in
my single days, definitely, But the idea, well, the idea

(45:21):
of now, you know, being married with Ashley and having
someone come in, I don't know. I don't know if
i'd feel comfortable with that anymore. But uh yeah, a
few years ago, why not this one? I have set
up for both of you guys. I landed No Question
number five and I've been waiting on this one. So

(45:42):
there's three options. Let's start with Dean first block on Instagram,
Mary Netflix, and Chill. Okay, this is the Mary f Kill,
but in the PC version Walk on Instagram, Mary, Netflix
and Chill, Dean Leslie Murphy, Christine Stolman and Kayla Quinn

(46:04):
play this game. This is so bad. I'm not gonna play.
I'm gonna pass. I'm gonna take whatever punishment you can
give me because I just rather not even discussed this
at the moment. So, Jared, what do you think? Who's
the well? I answer, well, Jared's next. Yeah, so yeah,
I get three new options. Caitlin Bristow, Lea Costa, Kayla Quinn.

(46:27):
Who's Lea Costa? Who's from Australia, wasn't she? Yeah yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,
yeah yeah yeah. And I have to marry Netflix and
Chill and Block on Instagram. Yes, oh jesus, let me
preface this. I'm gonna play the game because no, you

(46:47):
just gotta answer. I'm married and the only person I
want to be with is Ashley. We understand the game.
We're at a team sleepover party, all right, Um, I
would who Leah Kayla? Oh god, well, okay, I'm gonna
marry Caitlin because I think Caitlin, I'm we're friends with Caitlin,

(47:10):
so I think that'd be a fun marriage. Um, and
then I guess I'll block Kayla and I'll Netflix and
chill with Leah good answers, All right, let me spend
the next one. And Dean was lamb about it. Accept
my plushment or whatever it may be. We'll figure it out, Jared,

(47:30):
and we have to think of something good. Well, can
it be like people that you have no idea who they?
You don't know them? So not like xes? Can I
give you three names that you just you don't even
know who they are? You know who they are, but
you don't know them in person? Sure? All right, so
let's do uh, Caitlin Bristow because that's the first name

(47:51):
it came in. And then we'll do Okay, Andy Dorfman shure,
why not? And then we'll do Who's a good one though?
Who somebody? Who's this on Peter season? Hannah? And all yeah, Hannah, Sure, sure, okay,
I block Hanna and saw that, saw that coming. I

(48:14):
would marry Andy and I would netflix and show with Kaitlin.
Bought a boom, bought a bang? Next question, spin the
bottle is getting lit up in here? Help my second
dating quarantine? Alright? The next one for Jared tell one
minute story. One minute Jared about your first kiss, one minute.
Al Right. It was a sophomore year in high school.

(48:36):
I don't know if that makes me a late bloomer
or not, but we were slow dancing. She went to
a different school and I went to her. It wasn't ProMED,
but whatever the hell. The dances were in sophomore year
and we were doing that slow dance where her back
was to me and my arms were wrapped around her waist.
Oh yeah, it was the way to go. When you
did that, you were cool. And it was towards the

(48:57):
end of the night and I was trying to get
like my confidence up to kiss her, and then she
turned around like she did that thing where she just
kind of looked like looked at me like that. I
know the listeners can't see me, but you know where
the girl kind of like looks up like puppy dog eyes,
and then she just leaned in and kissed me. So
my first kiss, I didn't even make the move. She
made the move. I'm such a whip my entire life.

(49:21):
He kiss man, That's true. So that was my first
kist where you're in high school at that dance, it
was pretty cool. There was a memorable moment. If you
got a kiss back, then you're winning. When was your
first kiss? Story? You know, I can't remember. I think
it's so depressing, but I honestly cannot remember anything about that.

(49:42):
I mean that makes it sound like you've kissed a
lot of people. I just can't remember, like the defined
moment of like a first kiss. I'm like, was it
like seventh thy grade? But like I can't really remember?
And then like was it in high school? Like there's
just too many like vague points. So unfortunately it's kind
of sad. Okay, here we go. Next one. It is

(50:08):
Deans most embarrassing up story, most embarrassing hook up story.
Oh well, I I wanted for this tick of time,
just think of something quickly here most embarrassing, embarrassing? How
like inability to perform because there's plenty of those, Um,

(50:37):
most embarrassing hook up story? I can I didn't. I
can't think of anything, to be perfectly honest, Can I
get it? Kind of get a second question and I
can come back to this one later. Well, let's think
about it this way. Eugenie Bouchard, Um, I think she's
a professional tennis player actually opened up out one of
her worst dating stories and hook up stories. They went

(50:58):
out to dinner and then like went back to the
apartment and they both got food poisoning, so they were
like throwing up on each other like the whole night,
like sharing the bathroom. So there's something in that angle
of like he did something really romantic and then went
completely wrong or something. Yeah, but the thing is that
this is a person that came to mind. I didn't
want to share because I've already shared it on this
podcast before. But I went on a second date with
this girl who really liked We ordered Chinese food and

(51:21):
watched movies at night, and I got really sick and
was puking. I wasn't attending to stay the night, uh,
and I ended up staying night but basically sleeping on
the bathroom floor, puking the entire time in the toilet.
I got a third date, long story short, but it
was still it wasn't even like embarrassing. It was more
of just like like unfortunate, I guess um, But it's

(51:42):
hard to be embarrassed when you literally have no shame
like I do. So it's I don't really think a
very many embarrassing moments that can come to mind just
because I'm, you know, an idiot, So I would say
that's that's the one that first comes to mind. So
that must be the most average all right, spending again
for Jared ten weirdest habit, weirdest habit, I don't know,

(52:07):
obsessing over people like Tom Brady and Rob Thomas. I
guess that's pretty freaking weird. It's pretty weird. Kayla makes
one of me for this all the time. Um, I
really like sneezing, Like I would just like get a
kick out of sneezing. And so if I feel like
a booker is in the right place in my nose,
I'll like vibrate my nose and like come through my
nose to to trigger a sneeze. And every time I

(52:28):
do it, Kayla makes one of me a lot. Fair enough. Yeah,
it's better than what I had. I got nothing. I'm
very weird. I don't want to downplaying this. I'm a
very weird individual. I just can't think of anything on
top of my head. All right, hone, Okay, great, Jared?
That sorry. Dean's turn What is your biggest turnoff in

(52:51):
a partner? My biggest turnoff in a partner has to
be I'm talking physically, emotionally, what are we talking here?
Just generally speaking, I say indecisiveness. It's like, it's kind
of a big turn off for me. I want, I like,
I like decisions, and I like, I don't like wavering.

(53:14):
I just want I just want to know the answer
to the thing, not not in decisions. That's kind of
a turn off. I don't know if I remember, I
don't know if I'm on the right track here, if
that's kind of what the question was looking for. But
but yeah, it's it's like one of my big frustrating
one of the things I get frustrated on is when
and it's not just even romantic partners, it's with anyone.

(53:35):
It's like, you know, obviously there's the age old one,
Hey what do you want to eat? And then the
answer is always I don't know a lot of know,
but like that as it pertains other things as well.
So yeah, that's my biggest turn off. And the last
one ending on Jared, what was the last person in
Bachelor Nation you texted? And what does it read? Oh?

(53:56):
I like it? That's not good. Then Dan likes it.
We both you guys both get an answer this it's
probably actually it is, so do you want me to
scoop no no before other than your significant other, because
it's gonna be like do you want avocados or no,
Like it's gonna be like a supermarket. We'round the text.

(54:17):
All right, Well it's it's tanner. It's very underwhelming, and
the text just says, I feel like it's been so oversaturated.
That's it. That was the last text. Look at a
picture you were going to post or something. It does

(54:38):
It doesn't have to do with social media, yes, potentially Instagram. Nice.
Mine's funny actually because I texted Ben twenty minutes ago
in the middle of this podcast working Hard people, He's
really working hard. Ben and I sometimes bought bounced stock
ideas off each other, and he encouraged me to invest

(54:58):
in Disney a few weeks ago. Uh, And since I
bought Disney, I texted him and said, hey, Disney stock
is up twenty since I bought it. And then that
was it. Well that I'll do it. For this week's
episode of Help I Suck It dating all inclusive of
spin the bottle, uh, movie set romances? What else? What
else did we talk about we don't really get any

(55:20):
listener to emails this time, which is kind of a bummer,
But you know what, I like that we're not doing
it every time. Let's create a let's keep people on
their toes just a little bit, creat a little bit
of an episodic diversity here. And uh, big thank you
to Jared obviously for wearing that bandana looking great today
every time, Guys, all the time. I'm gonna keep wearing it.

(55:40):
Big thank you to big thank you to Tory for
spending thirty minutes on to spin the bottle sign as
well as coming up with those fantastic questions and at
least took our forty five minutes. Um. Big thank you
to all listeners out there for taking the time to
listen to another episode of Help I Suck At Dating.
B Shared tune next week because maybe we'll suck just
a little bit less. Follow help by Suck At Dating

(56:03):
on I Heart Radio or wherever you listen to podcast
h