August 8, 2023 • 35 mins
Clare Crawley is sitting down with Ben and Ashley to go IN DEPTH on her journey to motherhood!
Clare opens up about every step of the IVF process, including her honest reaction to the gender reveal!
Plus, Clare hints that we could all get an intimate behind-the-scenes look at everything she’s been through… and it might be coming soon!
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:01):
This is Ben and Ashley I Almost Famous in Depth.
Speaker 2 (00:06):
Hey, guys, welcome to a special episode of the Almost
Famous podcast. Today we have Claire Crawley here talking about
her baby news. We found out last week that is
a baby girl and we are so excited to get
all the deeds from her about seracacy and their journey
to have this baby. Ben, are you ready, so ready,
(00:26):
let's talk babies. It's your turn next. You know, Nick
announced his baby on the way today.
Speaker 1 (00:34):
You sound like every other human in the world.
Speaker 2 (00:36):
I know. I love that. I'm now that person. I'm
so effing annoying.
Speaker 1 (00:42):
Oh goodness.
Speaker 2 (00:43):
You just want all your friends to be in the
same chapter of life as you.
Speaker 1 (00:47):
I get it. I want to be in that chapter
two And I would say, we're not far away, but
let's bring Claire and let's talk about her baby first.
Speaker 2 (00:53):
Guys, Claire Crawley has joined us, and congratulations you are
a mom to be going to be a mom in January.
January is a great time to have a baby come
your way. Also, January baby?
Speaker 3 (01:07):
Is that a Capricorn baby? Is that what I'm having?
Speaker 2 (01:09):
He's a sad nont know, he's an Aquarius. Aquarius Okay, okay.
Speaker 1 (01:15):
Yeah, is there really what that means? Well, Ashley is there.
Here's my question. Is there a bad time to have
a baby? Like, is there a month that you're like, don't.
Speaker 2 (01:21):
Have a bigstrological sign.
Speaker 1 (01:24):
Honestly, that wasn't exactly what I was basing off of,
but just in general, if you're like, hey, January is
such a good month have a baby, I'm assuming then
there has to be a bad month to have a baby.
Speaker 2 (01:35):
Well, August. I just think it's great because you know,
Dawson was born in January, and he was born on
my mom's birthday, which was also the day that my
parents was born, were born, were born, well they met.
Speaker 1 (01:47):
Goodness, Hey, Claire, congratulations, Thank you so much.
Speaker 3 (01:52):
It's finally feels so good to be able to talk
about it because I've been holding it in for so long,
and I at this moment now because it's like I
didn't talk about it for so long, and there were
so many people on my literally I would get all
the time on my social media where I was just
kind of like going introspective and just focusing on this baby,
(02:12):
and a lot of people on social media were like,
you're so boring you're not doing anything. All you do
is make smoothies now, And I'm like.
Speaker 2 (02:19):
Little do you guys know, Oh my goodness.
Speaker 3 (02:23):
Show only social media only shows you so much.
Speaker 2 (02:25):
Yeah. Well, you sort of not so subtly hinted to
me when we were in the Santa Barbara area in
May that there may be something coming because you seemed
very interested in baby products and like what works and
what doesn't. So I was like kind of catching on
and it was kind of like a wink wink scenario,
(02:48):
and I'm just very excited that it's like official. At
what point were you because May do you know, January?
Like you must have just been like, was did you
know if something was sticking with the surrogate at that point?
Speaker 3 (03:02):
It was a still it was she was pregnant at
the time. It was in question if the baby was sticking. Yeah,
And I think for the longest time too, I didn't
believe it. Like it's surreal to finally be at this
point and you don't want to jinx anything, and it
was kind of like you don't want to get your
(03:22):
hopes up because then you're just gonna get crushed. And
it's just been years of praying for this and hoping
for this, and so it was almost like, is this
really happening. I don't want to jinx it or anything,
you know, but I know I know you and I
even when was it last year? I feel like you
and I were talking about baby formula and you were
talking about the formula that you love and I was like,
(03:44):
when the time comes, and you were like, Claire, when
the time comes, I will share, and that's I remember
back in me, I was like, remember that time we
talked about the formula.
Speaker 2 (03:53):
Yeah again, Yeah, it's Bobby in an amazing formula brands
mom owned and found. Now, there was definitely like back then,
like even over a year ago, you were just like
you knew that you be a mother at some point
in your life and it was on the horizon and
you secretly were with Ryan at that point and I
(04:14):
didn't know, and I was asking, I was like, is
there a guy? She's like, there's a you know, maybe
there's like someone I just started dating. And it was
lo and behold her future husband.
Speaker 3 (04:23):
So that's cool, Oh so crazy, Ben? Is this exciting
for you to talk about? Forty and.
Speaker 2 (04:30):
One day he's gonna appreciate this knowledge?
Speaker 3 (04:34):
You're surrounded by women who are in the know. So
it's a good thing.
Speaker 1 (04:37):
I mean, I'm telling you I've learned so much in
the last two years of this walking with Ashley. Is
it exciting for me? Yes, I'm excited for you. Do
I do? I think much about what formula is the best?
Never in my life.
Speaker 3 (04:54):
It doesn't matter until you need it, and matter for sure.
Speaker 2 (04:58):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (04:59):
So, Okay, I have some questions that I want to
ask you, but the big one is this, and I
want to try to frame it properly. Okay, we have
this is what ye're eight of the Almost Famous podcast.
I think it's been It's been a long, long road
and so through that we've seen and been able to
(05:19):
be a part of a lot of your experiences on
the show and throughout the show and off the show,
and then obviously we participated in Wonder Games together. But
more importantly, you know, you've always been somebody we enjoy
having on the show, enjoy being around you know, similar
to Ashley's story clear in a lot of ways for me,
where when I first met Ashley, she was kind of
(05:41):
like in love but not finding it. She knew what
she wanted, but she didn't know if it was ever
going to happen, and there was, like I have on
my phone a whole reel of tear filled videos of
her just being like, I don't know if I'm ever
going to find love, and then she did. For you,
I feel like it's a very similar story where we've
watched you fall in love, get your heart broken, invest
(06:05):
in relationships, get your heart broken, wonder if anything's ever
going to happen. Now we see something happen and it
feels like it just all happens so fast for me,
like it feels like there's just been like this, Oh,
I hope Claire find somebody, and then all of a
sudden at the back end, like it all happens at once.
And so I'm wondering for you, how does that feel
for you? Does it feel similar where like the last
(06:25):
twelve months of your life have just been incredible? Or
like has this you know? Have you how do you
function emotionally in the midst of all these good things?
Speaker 3 (06:36):
It does feel incredible it to this very second, it
feels incredible. But I'll say it's I know it seems
fast for a lot of people, and I know it
seems like, oh my god, all of a sudden, you
have everything you ever dreamt of. But this is truly
as you as you said, Ben, like, this has been
years of my life. I'm forty two. It's not like
(06:58):
I'm twenty one being like, oh, look this all just happened.
This has been something that didn't happen suddenly. This has
been like years of working on myself, years of not
giving up on myself, years of watching everybody else have babies,
watching everybody else get married, cheering everybody else on while
hoping and creating my own life that I've dreamt of.
(07:22):
So I know it feels like it's all of a sudden,
but it was. It's I guess, just been years in
the making this kind of stuff. To me, it doesn't
just happen like that. I know it feels like it,
but to me, it's just been years of manifesting the
man in my dreams and praying for what I want
and honing in on what type of man I want,
(07:44):
what type of man I don't want, weeding out the
bad ones, letting the good ones in, and finally getting
to a point of like, this is it. You know,
it's not just all of a sudden.
Speaker 1 (07:54):
Well, and I wonder if for a second here, because
I think your perspective is it's super interesting because there's uh,
probably somebody listening to this, many people who are in
their forties, who are women, maybe men, and they have
a very similar story and maybe they haven't found that
happy ending yet. Yeah, maybe they're still in that like
(08:17):
or maybe they're in their mid thirties and they're like,
I thought i'd be married, but now with kids and
all these things. What what now looking back on that
chapter of your life and knowing where you're at now,
what words of wisdom or encouragement or reality and truth,
maybe some tough, hard truth. What would you give them?
What would you say to them?
Speaker 3 (08:37):
Honestly, Ben, it's the words you just used when they're
hoping for that happy ending. It's the opposite of that.
The happy ending is creating your life exactly how you
want it and creating I guess just this, creating yourself
(08:58):
rooting yourself on the happy ending is not marriage and baby.
The happy ending is being happy. The happy ending is
living your truth and creating life that is exactly everything
you love for yourself. I don't think for everybody it's
the same story, and it's not for at least for me,
I can say, even with Ryan, even with having a
(09:21):
baby on the way, that is not my happy ending.
My happy ending was finding peace within myself, finding my
own happiness, whatever that looked like, even if it didn't
include a man. I was on my way, well on
my way, and the people that know me really, really well.
I was well on my way to possibly adopting. I
(09:42):
had talked to my family and my friends. I was
going to adopt a baby. I knew I wanted to
be I've always known I wanted to be a mother.
It doesn't mean a man and a baby. And that's
the happy ending, you know what I'm saying. Like it
can look many different ways. That's why I want so
bad to talk about even our surrogate happy not just
being pregnant getting birth. It looks so different for everybody,
(10:03):
and it's it's what you make of it and what
you want you can make it happen.
Speaker 2 (10:08):
That's such good advice. I love that. I feel like
every girl needs to like kind of clip every person
needs to kind of clip that and just listen to
it well.
Speaker 1 (10:17):
And it's it's only advice that could be given from
somebody's lived in it, right, I think it's it's somewhat
humorous sometimes when people want to speak into this and like,
you know, you have relational experts at like twenty five,
and it's like that's fine, Like I'm sure you've figured out.
But like when you're forty two and you look back
on that period of time, like you have some some
(10:37):
wisdom that you can only gain through living in it
and living through it and living with it. And I
think it's it's something that a lot of people should
hear because a lot of times you feel alone, you like,
if you're living in this, and you know, the truth
is if they're not. So yeah, I just appreciate you
sharing that.
Speaker 3 (10:58):
No, of course, and I have been there and I
have felt those feelings. Absolutely. I think that was normal
to feel alone and bummed and when's my person? And
when's this? And when's that? But truly, and I was
probably cliche to say this, but I found all my
happiness when I poured all that love that I was
hoping to find in somebody else into myself. And when
(11:19):
I went on adventures and I went on the hikes,
and I ate the food that I loved, and I
worked out to feel good and I just built this
life for myself that that brought happiness for myself by myself.
And then I think that's when I was attracting everything
else in my life is because I was radiating happiness
and I was at peace whatever my life was going
(11:40):
to look like.
Speaker 2 (11:42):
You're alluding to that happening after you were at the
Bachelorette and possibly after Dale, because when you were the lead,
I still thought you commanded your commanded yourself with such confidence,
like I thought that you just like you knew who
you were and what you deserved. But you think that
you got even more to an elevated point of that
after Dale.
Speaker 3 (12:03):
I definitely had it before that relationship and before going
on the show, it dipped low because I was in
a relationship that was not healthy for me. That was
you know, I can go on and on and on
about this, but it crushed right but just that relationship
(12:27):
brought out the worst in me. It crushed me, It
crushed my spirit, It crushed in so many ways who
I was as a woman. It brought me down to
a level that I didn't want to be at that
I questioned myself that I thought I was asking for
too much. I thought I was not a good communicator.
All these things that I was like, I thought I
(12:49):
knew who I was. I thought I was strong, and
I found myself crying day after day after day, feeling
so low, begging, reverting to old habits of like begging
somebody for their love for the simple things. And I
was lost after that. But you're right before the show,
I had it together. I was strong, Claire.
Speaker 2 (13:09):
That me.
Speaker 3 (13:12):
As with I think a lot of people who've gone
through tumultuous, awful relationships can I feel I can relate
to that. But I was never going to let a man.
One thing that's like I pride myself on is resiliency,
and I would never, in a millionaires let any man
bring me that low again or keep me that low.
So I just focused on rebuilding myself and brought myself
(13:34):
back to who I was and then came back even
stronger on the tail end.
Speaker 1 (13:39):
It's interesting because you know, like you said, you came
into The Bachelor at confident healthy. You know that relationship
sounds like, and tell me if I'm wrong. It it
took had you take a couple of steps back in
life to back to a not so healthy place. Then
the resilience and see came in and you said, no,
(14:01):
I'm not going to settle here. What did that process
look like? I don't think we've ever asked you like
post maybe because it was too soon and it felt weird,
but like post that relationship ending, how did you start
to refocus again and find yourself again and not ask
yourself those haunting questions of like why am I not
good enough? What's wrong with me? Why am I so
(14:22):
bad at this? Did he ever even like me? Those
like how did you not let those questions just taunt
you into like a paralysis of never moving forward.
Speaker 3 (14:32):
It paralyzed me temporarily, especially because the very last day
that I saw him, that I talked to him was
the day I was told I was going to have
to go say goodbye to my mother because she was
really really sick right then. And he basically said, that's
(14:53):
not my problem. And I begged him to please not
leave me in that moment, and it got me down
for a moment. But I think looking at it and
literally sitting there and going, I'm why am I begging
this man to have human decency? Why am I begging
this man to care like this is not what a
(15:15):
real man does, I don't care, not even a real man,
a really human like somebody who's genuine and sincere, like
somebody who, dare I say, loves you. That's not love.
Somebody who loves you even as a friend, doesn't do
that type of stuff to you and leave you in
a moment where you're so desperate and so low and
struggling as it is. So I looked at that and
(15:38):
I just thought, I don't ever I don't care if
it's a friend, I don't care. I don't ever want
to allow anybody in my life who would leave me
in a moment like that. So I just started I mean,
I was in bed for a while, but truthfully it
was and I this is so weird to say this,
(15:58):
but like I had to convinced myself to walk around
the block for ten minutes. Like I was very low.
I was very depressed. I felt the lowest you could
feel with everything combined. But like I told you before,
I think I just thought, I don't ever want to
let any man bring me that low because I've worked
(16:19):
so hard to become such a strong woman. And I
don't know. I just did a lot of therapy, and
I did a lot of inside work on why I
allowed that, why I allowed that, why I let it
get to the point of begging a man to have
human decency.
Speaker 2 (16:48):
Do you think that it was him specifically that you
were losing that you were sad about, or was it
the dream and the hope that you had found the
person that you were supposed to be with and then
you had a startup scratch.
Speaker 3 (17:00):
That's exactly what it is.
Speaker 1 (17:01):
You you.
Speaker 3 (17:03):
Oh, I know so many women like this. It's like
you put so much faith, so much energy, so much
time in investing your sincere feelings into loving somebody, hoping
that they're gonna, you know, reciprocate that, and I don't know.
It's it's painful because you really don't want to start over.
And like I said, at this, it's like you've done that.
(17:25):
I've done that over and over and over and over again,
and it's tough. It's it was tough for each time
coming back from a really from relationships. And that was
just kind of like he knew my weak points, he
knew where I was struggling. I had just been dealing
with at the very tail end of that too, getting
my breast and plants out and going through surgery and
(17:45):
going through so many health things where I felt super
super sick. So I don't know, I just I the
more time, I guess it worked in my benefit because
I even even after we like talked, I kept reaching
out and say, like trying to talk to him, trying
to have conversations with him, he just wouldn't talk to me.
He wouldn't answer. It was just done. And it worked
(18:08):
out in my favor because all that time that he
was ignoring me, all that time that he just cut
it off, I was allowed that time to process everything
that he did, everything circumstanced. Even when I had my
breast implants out, he showed up, took a selfie for
self you know, for social media, and left the next
day while I was going recovering from surgery, just to
(18:32):
show people that he was there. You know, things like
that where it's like gross, I looked at that, and
I'm like, no man would ever ever do that. And
it makes me cry all the time. Now how grateful
I am for Ryan, because honestly, if it wasn't for
that relationship, like I appreciate everything down to the very
(18:52):
last thing that Ryan does for me, because like this,
I mean even now, it's like gets me emotional because
he's so good to me. He's so good to me
and is there in the darkest, deepest moments, you know,
like when I was going through all the IBS stuff,
and it's stressful, it's hard to go through. It's emotional
(19:15):
so much so that I lost a lot of my
hair and it's just starting to grow back now, but
I lost a lot of my hair because of the
stress of it. And every day he would tell me
how beautiful I was, and it's like I never once
had that before in my last relationship. So not to
bring up the last relationship and talk about it, but
it gives me perspective on how appreciat I've had him
(19:37):
for a good relationship, you know.
Speaker 1 (19:39):
I think that's uh, it's interesting because we've talked about
it many times. But those bad relationships, the ones that
you know, we could sit back on and just have
probably pushed us into a couch, yeah, crying, you know,
and wondering, are also the ones that, at some point
in your life become one of the biggest gifts. Because
(19:59):
when you find somebody, it's not a comparison, it's a
like you said, it's it's a it's a gratitude, it's
a perspective. It's a piece of calm, a joy that
you found somebody that loves you. I remember, Claire, when
we were in Santa Barbara, Chris Harrison and I were
walking out of his villa and you and Ryan had
just left, and Chris looked at me, he goes, just
(20:22):
that just makes me happy. I remember he just looked
at that and said that just makes me happy. And
it was like a very like sincere. I don't know,
you'd have to get Chris on to ask him, but
like it felt like for me listening to him say
those words, there had been this like like friendship weight
on him where it's like, I don't know what's going
(20:42):
to happen here in Claire's life. I like Claire, and
I care about Claire, and I love Claire, but like
this isn't like a lot of things aren't going in
her favor when it comes every romance. And then we
see you and Ryan sitting on a couch and it
felt like he like took a deep breath and goes,
that just makes me very happy. And you could sell
oh and I say that to say you could tell
that Ryan has a love for you that is not
(21:05):
an infatuation, that's not like it's a there's a depth
to how he looks at you and just says like
you're it for me. And I think that's a beautiful
thing to see you in that in that role with him,
because you're also so great at it and you're shining.
Speaker 3 (21:20):
Oh, that's what the right relationship does. I feel like
everything up until this point I can look back and go,
it completely makes sense why those didn't work out. M
completely makes sense because I was even talking to my
sister about it the other day. We fight for things
and we don't understand at the time why relationships don't
(21:43):
work out, why circumstances don't work out or situations, and
it's like you beg so hard for them to work
out and pray and want so hard for them to
work out, but then it doesn't make sense at the time,
But I guess hindsight, looking back, it's like I get it.
If I hadn't gone through everything, I went through, each
and every step played it pivotal role in my life
to where I am now, And if I didn't go
(22:04):
through all that, I wouldn't have what I have now
and who I have now and I every day, every
single day, I am so grateful for Ryan, and he
says the same thing to me on how do we
get here? And we're so thankful we did.
Speaker 1 (22:19):
I have a weird question for you, not to totally
like derail, because I think there is, like there's a
beauty in your relationship with Ryan. But again, I don't
think we've ever asked you this because of timing and
because of being inappropriate, but I think now I can
ask you it. If it is still you can just
tell me. Okay, looking back now on your time as
(22:39):
a bachelorette, do you now wish you would have done
things differently? Do you wish you would have left? Are
you glad that you still left early? Or do you
now wish you would have stayed for the entirety of
the season and get to know everybody else. I guess
I'm interested based on one, obviously how that relationship ended,
and then two with the perspective obviously you don't want
(23:01):
somebody else other than Ryan, but with the perspective of, hey,
that relationship is going to work out, and now you
found somebody so great for you, So I just can
you give us an insight into kind of how you
look at that season of life now.
Speaker 3 (23:16):
I will never regret how everything played out. There was
so much that I was grateful for for being the Bachelorette.
I will say there was so much toxicity and regressed
all the work that I have done as a woman
and as a person. It was very challenging on the
(23:39):
backside of it, and it was it was extremely stressful
being the Bachelorette. I think I think it was toxic
for my mental health being the Bachelorette. And I think
it was a good thing that I left. When I left,
I won't say entirely that it was my decision to leave,
(24:03):
and it wasn't. It was not entirely my decision to leave.
I'm glad I left. I don't regret it. I'll never
regret it. It was supposed to be that way, ye.
Speaker 2 (24:23):
Do you think that the fact that you did so
many shows leading up to the Bachelorette role kind of
jaded you a bit, like you were actually too aware
of what went on behind the scenes.
Speaker 3 (24:38):
Yes, and no, I knew what was going on. I
knew too much of what was going on, exactly like
you say. But I feel like I'm one of those people.
That's like, I rise to the occasion if it's challenging,
like I tell myself, and maybe it's overconfidence, but I'm like,
(24:58):
I could do it. I could totally do it, even
knowing all the stuff that behind the scenes. But that's
what made things, I think a lot more difficult for production,
was me knowing and me having the awareness. Not only that,
but I think my age played a lot into it,
of I think they bank on a lot of naivity
(25:20):
and the power struggle of you got to do what
we say, and I know there's so much of that,
but there's also this role as just as a woman
and as a strong woman of like, I don't care
who you are, I don't care what I signed up for.
I will only do what I'm comfortable doing and what
(25:40):
I feel feel okay doing. Even if you tell me
this is what I'm supposed to do or these are
the rules, it doesn't mean I have to do it.
I have rights, you Like, there's so many things where
they try to pressure you and push you into certain things,
and oh they tell you that this is kind of
how things are, and yes, it's like what you signed
(26:02):
up for, but just because it's what I signed up for.
Doesn't mean I signed my life away that you have
ownership over over me.
Speaker 1 (26:11):
And my moral No, they kind of do have ownership
over us. I have a slot machine in Vegas. I've
never made a dime on with my face on it,
and a lot of extent.
Speaker 3 (26:26):
Yes, But like I said, when it comes to morals
and what you stand for and what you will and
won't accept, yeah, there's things. Here's an example. You're expected
to kiss a lot of people and take on this
role of you have to do this, you have to
do that, and this is kind of what you're supposed
to do. But as somebody who has come from sexual
(26:47):
abuse in my past, child sexual abuse, which is not
a light topic, I come from that childhood, and I
refuse to kiss somebody who I don't feel comfortable kissing,
or do something sexually that I don't feel comfortable doing,
and not one person. I don't care how my contract is.
(27:08):
I'm not going to do it. If I don't want
to do it, I'm not going to do it. And
yes that's going to ruffle feathers, and yes it might
make me look bad, but I don't care. This is
my life and I have to live with myself when
the cameras turn off. I have to be accountable to
myself and feel good about what I'm doing.
Speaker 2 (27:27):
You were encouraged to kiss certain people they didn't feel
like it.
Speaker 3 (27:31):
Yes, Ben, Well, is that did you experience that at all?
Speaker 2 (27:35):
Or is it just me?
Speaker 1 (27:37):
Was I encouraged to kiss? No, because I kissed everybody?
I don't think.
Speaker 2 (27:45):
That seven was also twenty six true?
Speaker 1 (27:49):
No, clear, in all seriousness, I can one hundred percent
hear what you're saying. Like, there was a date during
my season that we were they were trying to do
or it was like a h not a strip tease,
I don't know what. It was like some kind it
was like very and it was I said, no, I'm
not doing that, Like that's very That's not something I'd
ever do in my real life. And it's not something
that like we should put anybody in the place to
(28:11):
have to decide if they're going to do or not.
This is just weird, it's and so there were things
that you you stand up for. I mean, you know,
I think leads who have to like to have that interconfidence,
like yourself, they do stand up and say what they
they want and what they don't want. I never felt
(28:34):
I never felt morally like I was ever put in
a situation I didn't want to be in one of
those reasons though clear I think I had the benefit
of like my faith was such a at the forefront
of my story that I think it would have been
really weird for them to put me in any situation
Like I kind of felt like I had that like protection.
Does that make sense over me? Where I went into
(28:56):
it being like, you know, a man of faith and
from Indiana, and you know he's he's just a simple
dude trying to find love. And they kind of like
as a result, played that story throughout it and it
would have been weird if that would have changed too much.
I think the audience would have been confused.
Speaker 3 (29:15):
Yeah, well, that's honestly. I think it was my circumstance
and what I went through as a child. I know
production was very well aware of it. Yeah, I think
it was maybe too much for ABC, and I don't
I understand that to bring that into the mix. But
it's my story. It's part of who I am and
(29:37):
what has shaped me and to be the woman that
I am and to there was a lot of things
that were omitted there were a lot of things that
are omitted and that I don't know. I struggle with
it sometimes because full stories were not shared on circumstances,
and I think if the full story was shared, things
(29:59):
would look a lot different, things would turn out a
lot different, and people would understand a little bit better.
But instead, that's why it was so hard on the
On the back end when the show was airing, I'd go,
that's not what happened. That's not why I didn't kiss
that person and walked away and didn't have dinner with them,
you know, like, but again, I don't regret going through it,
(30:20):
and I don't have any animosity or anger. I think
I've worked through a lot of that and hurt and
pain from that.
Speaker 1 (30:26):
It's interesting to me that that wasn't a part of
your story. I mean, I know, I know that you
feel like that might have been too much for ABC,
But why would it be too much for ABC. It's
your reality, it's your truth, it's you know, good or bad.
It's formed you in a lot of ways on how
you date and how you see people and how you
function in the world. And I think that's maybe back
(30:49):
a few years ago when people were asking for the
Bachelor to kind of change things up a bit to
advance themselves. You know, yes, race was at the front
of that conversation, but I also think that there was
an underlying currency of Hey, with that in mind, with
(31:10):
race in mind, also, we just want the truth to
these situations. Again, like we want to know people's stories.
We want to hear the good, the bad, the ugly,
that the things that make these people who they are,
because that's what makes us ultimately understand them, fall in
love with them, get to know them. And and I
think that's what the show went away from for so long.
(31:30):
And you were kind of right in the midst of
when that the show felt like it was so going
so far offline from what us as an audience really
fell in love with the show for in the beginning, loved,
which was the reality and the truth to story.
Speaker 3 (31:47):
Well that that is why I thought that they chose me,
because when I initially went down to interview with producers,
I actually they'd asked me to be on Bachelor in
Paradise that year and I went down there. I told
them prior to me even going down for the interview
(32:07):
for Bachelor in Paradise, I said I was talking to
one of the producers and I said, I don't want
to go on Bachelor in Paradise, but I want to
talk to everybody like I miss the producers. I missed
them as not as producers, but as people. I missed them,
and it was I wanted to catch up with them.
So I went down there and I said, I don't
want to say yes to Bachelor in Paradise, but I
(32:29):
want to thank you, guys, because if it wasn't for me,
you guys choosing me for whatever reason to be on
the first season of The Bachelor that I was on
with Juan Pablo, I wouldn't have been able to have
that voice as a woman to stand up for myself
when I stood up to him, and that propelled me
into this life of speaking my truth. And I shared
(32:54):
with the producers I said in that interview when I
went when they chose me as the bachelorette. In that interview,
I said, I want to thank you guys for giving
me the platform because now I feel comfortable talking about
my sexual abuse as a child. Now I feel comfortable
and empowered and not just this shame that I carried
(33:14):
for so many years and that I held in silence like,
thank you for helping me grow and being a pivotal
part of me growing as a woman into who I
am today and having the strength that I do now,
and I wish I could speak up for other women
or other people who have gone through things and felt
unworthy and struggled with things even at my age and
(33:34):
are fighting for their happiness in spite of feeling worthless
and so much shame. And that's when I was, you know,
they said thanks for coming cool, it was great to
seeing you. I know. He said no to Paradise, So
that's why I was going back to the airport and
that's when they called. Chris Harrison called me and said
you turn that car. We want you to be the
Bachelorette and speak.
Speaker 2 (33:55):
Chris Harrison called you. This is like something that's on
TV where they can make it seem like Chris Harrison
in charge of everything, and he's you know, he's usually
just the figurehead producer.
Speaker 3 (34:05):
They took me back to a hotel and Chris Harrison
facetimed me and he was like, with what you just
told us. We want you to be the Bachelorette and
all that you've evolved in how you evolved how your
life is evolved, and I thought I was signing up
to be this empowered woman to share with other people,
to share with other women like there is hope, and
(34:27):
that is not that's why I signed up for it.
I didn't I was dating, happily dating, and didn't need
to be the bachelette. I didn't care to be the bachelorette.
Didn't even know it was an option to be the
bachelorette happily dating. So when I said yes this, I
was like, maybe this is a way to share with
other people, to have hope, you know. But again, that's
not how it turned out, and that's okay, but it
(34:50):
was wasted opportunity. I feel like.
Speaker 2 (34:53):
Claire, we did not intend on getting this juicy as
far as your Bachelor experience went. So we're gonna make
this a two parter. We're gonna close this episode out now,
and in the next episode that'll be out very soon,
we'll talk all about the baby journey. Follow the Ben
and Ashley I Almost Famous podcasts on iHeartRadio or subscribe
(35:17):
wherever you listen to podcasts.
This is Ben and Ashley I Almost Famous in Depth.
Speaker 2 (00:06):
Hey, guys, welcome to a special episode of the Almost
Famous podcast. Today we have Claire Crawley here talking about
her baby news. We found out last week that is
a baby girl and we are so excited to get
all the deeds from her about seracacy and their journey
to have this baby. Ben, are you ready, so ready,
(00:26):
let's talk babies. It's your turn next. You know, Nick
announced his baby on the way today.
Speaker 1 (00:34):
You sound like every other human in the world.
Speaker 2 (00:36):
I know. I love that. I'm now that person. I'm
so effing annoying.
Speaker 1 (00:42):
Oh goodness.
Speaker 2 (00:43):
You just want all your friends to be in the
same chapter of life as you.
Speaker 1 (00:47):
I get it. I want to be in that chapter
two And I would say, we're not far away, but
let's bring Claire and let's talk about her baby first.
Speaker 2 (00:53):
Guys, Claire Crawley has joined us, and congratulations you are
a mom to be going to be a mom in January.
January is a great time to have a baby come
your way. Also, January baby?
Speaker 3 (01:07):
Is that a Capricorn baby? Is that what I'm having?
Speaker 2 (01:09):
He's a sad nont know, he's an Aquarius. Aquarius Okay, okay.
Speaker 1 (01:15):
Yeah, is there really what that means? Well, Ashley is there.
Here's my question. Is there a bad time to have
a baby? Like, is there a month that you're like, don't.
Speaker 2 (01:21):
Have a bigstrological sign.
Speaker 1 (01:24):
Honestly, that wasn't exactly what I was basing off of,
but just in general, if you're like, hey, January is
such a good month have a baby, I'm assuming then
there has to be a bad month to have a baby.
Speaker 2 (01:35):
Well, August. I just think it's great because you know,
Dawson was born in January, and he was born on
my mom's birthday, which was also the day that my
parents was born, were born, were born, well they met.
Speaker 1 (01:47):
Goodness, Hey, Claire, congratulations, Thank you so much.
Speaker 3 (01:52):
It's finally feels so good to be able to talk
about it because I've been holding it in for so long,
and I at this moment now because it's like I
didn't talk about it for so long, and there were
so many people on my literally I would get all
the time on my social media where I was just
kind of like going introspective and just focusing on this baby,
(02:12):
and a lot of people on social media were like,
you're so boring you're not doing anything. All you do
is make smoothies now, And I'm like.
Speaker 2 (02:19):
Little do you guys know, Oh my goodness.
Speaker 3 (02:23):
Show only social media only shows you so much.
Speaker 2 (02:25):
Yeah. Well, you sort of not so subtly hinted to
me when we were in the Santa Barbara area in
May that there may be something coming because you seemed
very interested in baby products and like what works and
what doesn't. So I was like kind of catching on
and it was kind of like a wink wink scenario,
(02:48):
and I'm just very excited that it's like official. At
what point were you because May do you know, January?
Like you must have just been like, was did you
know if something was sticking with the surrogate at that point?
Speaker 3 (03:02):
It was a still it was she was pregnant at
the time. It was in question if the baby was sticking. Yeah,
And I think for the longest time too, I didn't
believe it. Like it's surreal to finally be at this
point and you don't want to jinx anything, and it
was kind of like you don't want to get your
(03:22):
hopes up because then you're just gonna get crushed. And
it's just been years of praying for this and hoping
for this, and so it was almost like, is this
really happening. I don't want to jinx it or anything,
you know, but I know I know you and I
even when was it last year? I feel like you
and I were talking about baby formula and you were
talking about the formula that you love and I was like,
(03:44):
when the time comes, and you were like, Claire, when
the time comes, I will share, and that's I remember
back in me, I was like, remember that time we
talked about the formula.
Speaker 2 (03:53):
Yeah again, Yeah, it's Bobby in an amazing formula brands
mom owned and found. Now, there was definitely like back then,
like even over a year ago, you were just like
you knew that you be a mother at some point
in your life and it was on the horizon and
you secretly were with Ryan at that point and I
(04:14):
didn't know, and I was asking, I was like, is
there a guy? She's like, there's a you know, maybe
there's like someone I just started dating. And it was
lo and behold her future husband.
Speaker 3 (04:23):
So that's cool, Oh so crazy, Ben? Is this exciting
for you to talk about? Forty and.
Speaker 2 (04:30):
One day he's gonna appreciate this knowledge?
Speaker 3 (04:34):
You're surrounded by women who are in the know. So
it's a good thing.
Speaker 1 (04:37):
I mean, I'm telling you I've learned so much in
the last two years of this walking with Ashley. Is
it exciting for me? Yes, I'm excited for you. Do
I do? I think much about what formula is the best?
Never in my life.
Speaker 3 (04:54):
It doesn't matter until you need it, and matter for sure.
Speaker 2 (04:58):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (04:59):
So, Okay, I have some questions that I want to
ask you, but the big one is this, and I
want to try to frame it properly. Okay, we have
this is what ye're eight of the Almost Famous podcast.
I think it's been It's been a long, long road
and so through that we've seen and been able to
(05:19):
be a part of a lot of your experiences on
the show and throughout the show and off the show,
and then obviously we participated in Wonder Games together. But
more importantly, you know, you've always been somebody we enjoy
having on the show, enjoy being around you know, similar
to Ashley's story clear in a lot of ways for me,
where when I first met Ashley, she was kind of
(05:41):
like in love but not finding it. She knew what
she wanted, but she didn't know if it was ever
going to happen, and there was, like I have on
my phone a whole reel of tear filled videos of
her just being like, I don't know if I'm ever
going to find love, and then she did. For you,
I feel like it's a very similar story where we've
watched you fall in love, get your heart broken, invest
(06:05):
in relationships, get your heart broken, wonder if anything's ever
going to happen. Now we see something happen and it
feels like it just all happens so fast for me,
like it feels like there's just been like this, Oh,
I hope Claire find somebody, and then all of a
sudden at the back end, like it all happens at once.
And so I'm wondering for you, how does that feel
for you? Does it feel similar where like the last
(06:25):
twelve months of your life have just been incredible? Or
like has this you know? Have you how do you
function emotionally in the midst of all these good things?
Speaker 3 (06:36):
It does feel incredible it to this very second, it
feels incredible. But I'll say it's I know it seems
fast for a lot of people, and I know it
seems like, oh my god, all of a sudden, you
have everything you ever dreamt of. But this is truly
as you as you said, Ben, like, this has been
years of my life. I'm forty two. It's not like
(06:58):
I'm twenty one being like, oh, look this all just happened.
This has been something that didn't happen suddenly. This has
been like years of working on myself, years of not
giving up on myself, years of watching everybody else have babies,
watching everybody else get married, cheering everybody else on while
hoping and creating my own life that I've dreamt of.
(07:22):
So I know it feels like it's all of a sudden,
but it was. It's I guess, just been years in
the making this kind of stuff. To me, it doesn't
just happen like that. I know it feels like it,
but to me, it's just been years of manifesting the
man in my dreams and praying for what I want
and honing in on what type of man I want,
(07:44):
what type of man I don't want, weeding out the
bad ones, letting the good ones in, and finally getting
to a point of like, this is it. You know,
it's not just all of a sudden.
Speaker 1 (07:54):
Well, and I wonder if for a second here, because
I think your perspective is it's super interesting because there's uh,
probably somebody listening to this, many people who are in
their forties, who are women, maybe men, and they have
a very similar story and maybe they haven't found that
happy ending yet. Yeah, maybe they're still in that like
(08:17):
or maybe they're in their mid thirties and they're like,
I thought i'd be married, but now with kids and
all these things. What what now looking back on that
chapter of your life and knowing where you're at now,
what words of wisdom or encouragement or reality and truth,
maybe some tough, hard truth. What would you give them?
What would you say to them?
Speaker 3 (08:37):
Honestly, Ben, it's the words you just used when they're
hoping for that happy ending. It's the opposite of that.
The happy ending is creating your life exactly how you
want it and creating I guess just this, creating yourself
(08:58):
rooting yourself on the happy ending is not marriage and baby.
The happy ending is being happy. The happy ending is
living your truth and creating life that is exactly everything
you love for yourself. I don't think for everybody it's
the same story, and it's not for at least for me,
I can say, even with Ryan, even with having a
(09:21):
baby on the way, that is not my happy ending.
My happy ending was finding peace within myself, finding my
own happiness, whatever that looked like, even if it didn't
include a man. I was on my way, well on
my way, and the people that know me really, really well.
I was well on my way to possibly adopting. I
(09:42):
had talked to my family and my friends. I was
going to adopt a baby. I knew I wanted to
be I've always known I wanted to be a mother.
It doesn't mean a man and a baby. And that's
the happy ending, you know what I'm saying. Like it
can look many different ways. That's why I want so
bad to talk about even our surrogate happy not just
being pregnant getting birth. It looks so different for everybody,
(10:03):
and it's it's what you make of it and what
you want you can make it happen.
Speaker 2 (10:08):
That's such good advice. I love that. I feel like
every girl needs to like kind of clip every person
needs to kind of clip that and just listen to
it well.
Speaker 1 (10:17):
And it's it's only advice that could be given from
somebody's lived in it, right, I think it's it's somewhat
humorous sometimes when people want to speak into this and like,
you know, you have relational experts at like twenty five,
and it's like that's fine, Like I'm sure you've figured out.
But like when you're forty two and you look back
on that period of time, like you have some some
(10:37):
wisdom that you can only gain through living in it
and living through it and living with it. And I
think it's it's something that a lot of people should
hear because a lot of times you feel alone, you like,
if you're living in this, and you know, the truth
is if they're not. So yeah, I just appreciate you
sharing that.
Speaker 3 (10:58):
No, of course, and I have been there and I
have felt those feelings. Absolutely. I think that was normal
to feel alone and bummed and when's my person? And
when's this? And when's that? But truly, and I was
probably cliche to say this, but I found all my
happiness when I poured all that love that I was
hoping to find in somebody else into myself. And when
(11:19):
I went on adventures and I went on the hikes,
and I ate the food that I loved, and I
worked out to feel good and I just built this
life for myself that that brought happiness for myself by myself.
And then I think that's when I was attracting everything
else in my life is because I was radiating happiness
and I was at peace whatever my life was going
(11:40):
to look like.
Speaker 2 (11:42):
You're alluding to that happening after you were at the
Bachelorette and possibly after Dale, because when you were the lead,
I still thought you commanded your commanded yourself with such confidence,
like I thought that you just like you knew who
you were and what you deserved. But you think that
you got even more to an elevated point of that
after Dale.
Speaker 3 (12:03):
I definitely had it before that relationship and before going
on the show, it dipped low because I was in
a relationship that was not healthy for me. That was
you know, I can go on and on and on
about this, but it crushed right but just that relationship
(12:27):
brought out the worst in me. It crushed me, It
crushed my spirit, It crushed in so many ways who
I was as a woman. It brought me down to
a level that I didn't want to be at that
I questioned myself that I thought I was asking for
too much. I thought I was not a good communicator.
All these things that I was like, I thought I
(12:49):
knew who I was. I thought I was strong, and
I found myself crying day after day after day, feeling
so low, begging, reverting to old habits of like begging
somebody for their love for the simple things. And I
was lost after that. But you're right before the show,
I had it together. I was strong, Claire.
Speaker 2 (13:09):
That me.
Speaker 3 (13:12):
As with I think a lot of people who've gone
through tumultuous, awful relationships can I feel I can relate
to that. But I was never going to let a man.
One thing that's like I pride myself on is resiliency,
and I would never, in a millionaires let any man
bring me that low again or keep me that low.
So I just focused on rebuilding myself and brought myself
(13:34):
back to who I was and then came back even
stronger on the tail end.
Speaker 1 (13:39):
It's interesting because you know, like you said, you came
into The Bachelor at confident healthy. You know that relationship
sounds like, and tell me if I'm wrong. It it
took had you take a couple of steps back in
life to back to a not so healthy place. Then
the resilience and see came in and you said, no,
(14:01):
I'm not going to settle here. What did that process
look like? I don't think we've ever asked you like
post maybe because it was too soon and it felt weird,
but like post that relationship ending, how did you start
to refocus again and find yourself again and not ask
yourself those haunting questions of like why am I not
good enough? What's wrong with me? Why am I so
(14:22):
bad at this? Did he ever even like me? Those
like how did you not let those questions just taunt
you into like a paralysis of never moving forward.
Speaker 3 (14:32):
It paralyzed me temporarily, especially because the very last day
that I saw him, that I talked to him was
the day I was told I was going to have
to go say goodbye to my mother because she was
really really sick right then. And he basically said, that's
(14:53):
not my problem. And I begged him to please not
leave me in that moment, and it got me down
for a moment. But I think looking at it and
literally sitting there and going, I'm why am I begging
this man to have human decency? Why am I begging
this man to care like this is not what a
(15:15):
real man does, I don't care, not even a real man,
a really human like somebody who's genuine and sincere, like
somebody who, dare I say, loves you. That's not love.
Somebody who loves you even as a friend, doesn't do
that type of stuff to you and leave you in
a moment where you're so desperate and so low and
struggling as it is. So I looked at that and
(15:38):
I just thought, I don't ever I don't care if
it's a friend, I don't care. I don't ever want
to allow anybody in my life who would leave me
in a moment like that. So I just started I mean,
I was in bed for a while, but truthfully it
was and I this is so weird to say this,
(15:58):
but like I had to convinced myself to walk around
the block for ten minutes. Like I was very low.
I was very depressed. I felt the lowest you could
feel with everything combined. But like I told you before,
I think I just thought, I don't ever want to
let any man bring me that low because I've worked
(16:19):
so hard to become such a strong woman. And I
don't know. I just did a lot of therapy, and
I did a lot of inside work on why I
allowed that, why I allowed that, why I let it
get to the point of begging a man to have
human decency.
Speaker 2 (16:48):
Do you think that it was him specifically that you
were losing that you were sad about, or was it
the dream and the hope that you had found the
person that you were supposed to be with and then
you had a startup scratch.
Speaker 3 (17:00):
That's exactly what it is.
Speaker 1 (17:01):
You you.
Speaker 3 (17:03):
Oh, I know so many women like this. It's like
you put so much faith, so much energy, so much
time in investing your sincere feelings into loving somebody, hoping
that they're gonna, you know, reciprocate that, and I don't know.
It's it's painful because you really don't want to start over.
And like I said, at this, it's like you've done that.
(17:25):
I've done that over and over and over and over again,
and it's tough. It's it was tough for each time
coming back from a really from relationships. And that was
just kind of like he knew my weak points, he
knew where I was struggling. I had just been dealing
with at the very tail end of that too, getting
my breast and plants out and going through surgery and
(17:45):
going through so many health things where I felt super
super sick. So I don't know, I just I the
more time, I guess it worked in my benefit because
I even even after we like talked, I kept reaching
out and say, like trying to talk to him, trying
to have conversations with him, he just wouldn't talk to me.
He wouldn't answer. It was just done. And it worked
(18:08):
out in my favor because all that time that he
was ignoring me, all that time that he just cut
it off, I was allowed that time to process everything
that he did, everything circumstanced. Even when I had my
breast implants out, he showed up, took a selfie for
self you know, for social media, and left the next
day while I was going recovering from surgery, just to
(18:32):
show people that he was there. You know, things like
that where it's like gross, I looked at that, and
I'm like, no man would ever ever do that. And
it makes me cry all the time. Now how grateful
I am for Ryan, because honestly, if it wasn't for
that relationship, like I appreciate everything down to the very
(18:52):
last thing that Ryan does for me, because like this,
I mean even now, it's like gets me emotional because
he's so good to me. He's so good to me
and is there in the darkest, deepest moments, you know,
like when I was going through all the IBS stuff,
and it's stressful, it's hard to go through. It's emotional
(19:15):
so much so that I lost a lot of my
hair and it's just starting to grow back now, but
I lost a lot of my hair because of the
stress of it. And every day he would tell me
how beautiful I was, and it's like I never once
had that before in my last relationship. So not to
bring up the last relationship and talk about it, but
it gives me perspective on how appreciat I've had him
(19:37):
for a good relationship, you know.
Speaker 1 (19:39):
I think that's uh, it's interesting because we've talked about
it many times. But those bad relationships, the ones that
you know, we could sit back on and just have
probably pushed us into a couch, yeah, crying, you know,
and wondering, are also the ones that, at some point
in your life become one of the biggest gifts. Because
(19:59):
when you find somebody, it's not a comparison, it's a
like you said, it's it's a it's a gratitude, it's
a perspective. It's a piece of calm, a joy that
you found somebody that loves you. I remember, Claire, when
we were in Santa Barbara, Chris Harrison and I were
walking out of his villa and you and Ryan had
just left, and Chris looked at me, he goes, just
(20:22):
that just makes me happy. I remember he just looked
at that and said that just makes me happy. And
it was like a very like sincere. I don't know,
you'd have to get Chris on to ask him, but
like it felt like for me listening to him say
those words, there had been this like like friendship weight
on him where it's like, I don't know what's going
(20:42):
to happen here in Claire's life. I like Claire, and
I care about Claire, and I love Claire, but like
this isn't like a lot of things aren't going in
her favor when it comes every romance. And then we
see you and Ryan sitting on a couch and it
felt like he like took a deep breath and goes,
that just makes me very happy. And you could sell
oh and I say that to say you could tell
that Ryan has a love for you that is not
(21:05):
an infatuation, that's not like it's a there's a depth
to how he looks at you and just says like
you're it for me. And I think that's a beautiful
thing to see you in that in that role with him,
because you're also so great at it and you're shining.
Speaker 3 (21:20):
Oh, that's what the right relationship does. I feel like
everything up until this point I can look back and go,
it completely makes sense why those didn't work out. M
completely makes sense because I was even talking to my
sister about it the other day. We fight for things
and we don't understand at the time why relationships don't
(21:43):
work out, why circumstances don't work out or situations, and
it's like you beg so hard for them to work
out and pray and want so hard for them to
work out, but then it doesn't make sense at the time,
But I guess hindsight, looking back, it's like I get it.
If I hadn't gone through everything, I went through, each
and every step played it pivotal role in my life
to where I am now, And if I didn't go
(22:04):
through all that, I wouldn't have what I have now
and who I have now and I every day, every
single day, I am so grateful for Ryan, and he
says the same thing to me on how do we
get here? And we're so thankful we did.
Speaker 1 (22:19):
I have a weird question for you, not to totally
like derail, because I think there is, like there's a
beauty in your relationship with Ryan. But again, I don't
think we've ever asked you this because of timing and
because of being inappropriate, but I think now I can
ask you it. If it is still you can just
tell me. Okay, looking back now on your time as
(22:39):
a bachelorette, do you now wish you would have done
things differently? Do you wish you would have left? Are
you glad that you still left early? Or do you
now wish you would have stayed for the entirety of
the season and get to know everybody else. I guess
I'm interested based on one, obviously how that relationship ended,
and then two with the perspective obviously you don't want
(23:01):
somebody else other than Ryan, but with the perspective of, hey,
that relationship is going to work out, and now you
found somebody so great for you, So I just can
you give us an insight into kind of how you
look at that season of life now.
Speaker 3 (23:16):
I will never regret how everything played out. There was
so much that I was grateful for for being the Bachelorette.
I will say there was so much toxicity and regressed
all the work that I have done as a woman
and as a person. It was very challenging on the
(23:39):
backside of it, and it was it was extremely stressful
being the Bachelorette. I think I think it was toxic
for my mental health being the Bachelorette. And I think
it was a good thing that I left. When I left,
I won't say entirely that it was my decision to leave,
(24:03):
and it wasn't. It was not entirely my decision to leave.
I'm glad I left. I don't regret it. I'll never
regret it. It was supposed to be that way, ye.
Speaker 2 (24:23):
Do you think that the fact that you did so
many shows leading up to the Bachelorette role kind of
jaded you a bit, like you were actually too aware
of what went on behind the scenes.
Speaker 3 (24:38):
Yes, and no, I knew what was going on. I
knew too much of what was going on, exactly like
you say. But I feel like I'm one of those people.
That's like, I rise to the occasion if it's challenging,
like I tell myself, and maybe it's overconfidence, but I'm like,
(24:58):
I could do it. I could totally do it, even
knowing all the stuff that behind the scenes. But that's
what made things, I think a lot more difficult for production,
was me knowing and me having the awareness. Not only that,
but I think my age played a lot into it,
of I think they bank on a lot of naivity
(25:20):
and the power struggle of you got to do what
we say, and I know there's so much of that,
but there's also this role as just as a woman
and as a strong woman of like, I don't care
who you are, I don't care what I signed up for.
I will only do what I'm comfortable doing and what
(25:40):
I feel feel okay doing. Even if you tell me
this is what I'm supposed to do or these are
the rules, it doesn't mean I have to do it.
I have rights, you Like, there's so many things where
they try to pressure you and push you into certain things,
and oh they tell you that this is kind of
how things are, and yes, it's like what you signed
(26:02):
up for, but just because it's what I signed up for.
Doesn't mean I signed my life away that you have
ownership over over me.
Speaker 1 (26:11):
And my moral No, they kind of do have ownership
over us. I have a slot machine in Vegas. I've
never made a dime on with my face on it,
and a lot of extent.
Speaker 3 (26:26):
Yes, But like I said, when it comes to morals
and what you stand for and what you will and
won't accept, yeah, there's things. Here's an example. You're expected
to kiss a lot of people and take on this
role of you have to do this, you have to
do that, and this is kind of what you're supposed
to do. But as somebody who has come from sexual
(26:47):
abuse in my past, child sexual abuse, which is not
a light topic, I come from that childhood, and I
refuse to kiss somebody who I don't feel comfortable kissing,
or do something sexually that I don't feel comfortable doing,
and not one person. I don't care how my contract is.
(27:08):
I'm not going to do it. If I don't want
to do it, I'm not going to do it. And
yes that's going to ruffle feathers, and yes it might
make me look bad, but I don't care. This is
my life and I have to live with myself when
the cameras turn off. I have to be accountable to
myself and feel good about what I'm doing.
Speaker 2 (27:27):
You were encouraged to kiss certain people they didn't feel
like it.
Speaker 3 (27:31):
Yes, Ben, Well, is that did you experience that at all?
Speaker 2 (27:35):
Or is it just me?
Speaker 1 (27:37):
Was I encouraged to kiss? No, because I kissed everybody?
I don't think.
Speaker 2 (27:45):
That seven was also twenty six true?
Speaker 1 (27:49):
No, clear, in all seriousness, I can one hundred percent
hear what you're saying. Like, there was a date during
my season that we were they were trying to do
or it was like a h not a strip tease,
I don't know what. It was like some kind it
was like very and it was I said, no, I'm
not doing that, Like that's very That's not something I'd
ever do in my real life. And it's not something
that like we should put anybody in the place to
(28:11):
have to decide if they're going to do or not.
This is just weird, it's and so there were things
that you you stand up for. I mean, you know,
I think leads who have to like to have that interconfidence,
like yourself, they do stand up and say what they
they want and what they don't want. I never felt
(28:34):
I never felt morally like I was ever put in
a situation I didn't want to be in one of
those reasons though clear I think I had the benefit
of like my faith was such a at the forefront
of my story that I think it would have been
really weird for them to put me in any situation
Like I kind of felt like I had that like protection.
Does that make sense over me? Where I went into
(28:56):
it being like, you know, a man of faith and
from Indiana, and you know he's he's just a simple
dude trying to find love. And they kind of like
as a result, played that story throughout it and it
would have been weird if that would have changed too much.
I think the audience would have been confused.
Speaker 3 (29:15):
Yeah, well, that's honestly. I think it was my circumstance
and what I went through as a child. I know
production was very well aware of it. Yeah, I think
it was maybe too much for ABC, and I don't
I understand that to bring that into the mix. But
it's my story. It's part of who I am and
(29:37):
what has shaped me and to be the woman that
I am and to there was a lot of things
that were omitted there were a lot of things that
are omitted and that I don't know. I struggle with
it sometimes because full stories were not shared on circumstances,
and I think if the full story was shared, things
(29:59):
would look a lot different, things would turn out a
lot different, and people would understand a little bit better.
But instead, that's why it was so hard on the
On the back end when the show was airing, I'd go,
that's not what happened. That's not why I didn't kiss
that person and walked away and didn't have dinner with them,
you know, like, but again, I don't regret going through it,
(30:20):
and I don't have any animosity or anger. I think
I've worked through a lot of that and hurt and
pain from that.
Speaker 1 (30:26):
It's interesting to me that that wasn't a part of
your story. I mean, I know, I know that you
feel like that might have been too much for ABC,
But why would it be too much for ABC. It's
your reality, it's your truth, it's you know, good or bad.
It's formed you in a lot of ways on how
you date and how you see people and how you
function in the world. And I think that's maybe back
(30:49):
a few years ago when people were asking for the
Bachelor to kind of change things up a bit to
advance themselves. You know, yes, race was at the front
of that conversation, but I also think that there was
an underlying currency of Hey, with that in mind, with
(31:10):
race in mind, also, we just want the truth to
these situations. Again, like we want to know people's stories.
We want to hear the good, the bad, the ugly,
that the things that make these people who they are,
because that's what makes us ultimately understand them, fall in
love with them, get to know them. And and I
think that's what the show went away from for so long.
(31:30):
And you were kind of right in the midst of
when that the show felt like it was so going
so far offline from what us as an audience really
fell in love with the show for in the beginning, loved,
which was the reality and the truth to story.
Speaker 3 (31:47):
Well that that is why I thought that they chose me,
because when I initially went down to interview with producers,
I actually they'd asked me to be on Bachelor in
Paradise that year and I went down there. I told
them prior to me even going down for the interview
(32:07):
for Bachelor in Paradise, I said I was talking to
one of the producers and I said, I don't want
to go on Bachelor in Paradise, but I want to
talk to everybody like I miss the producers. I missed
them as not as producers, but as people. I missed them,
and it was I wanted to catch up with them.
So I went down there and I said, I don't
want to say yes to Bachelor in Paradise, but I
(32:29):
want to thank you, guys, because if it wasn't for me,
you guys choosing me for whatever reason to be on
the first season of The Bachelor that I was on
with Juan Pablo, I wouldn't have been able to have
that voice as a woman to stand up for myself
when I stood up to him, and that propelled me
into this life of speaking my truth. And I shared
(32:54):
with the producers I said in that interview when I
went when they chose me as the bachelorette. In that interview,
I said, I want to thank you guys for giving
me the platform because now I feel comfortable talking about
my sexual abuse as a child. Now I feel comfortable
and empowered and not just this shame that I carried
(33:14):
for so many years and that I held in silence like,
thank you for helping me grow and being a pivotal
part of me growing as a woman into who I
am today and having the strength that I do now,
and I wish I could speak up for other women
or other people who have gone through things and felt
unworthy and struggled with things even at my age and
(33:34):
are fighting for their happiness in spite of feeling worthless
and so much shame. And that's when I was, you know,
they said thanks for coming cool, it was great to
seeing you. I know. He said no to Paradise, So
that's why I was going back to the airport and
that's when they called. Chris Harrison called me and said
you turn that car. We want you to be the
Bachelorette and speak.
Speaker 2 (33:55):
Chris Harrison called you. This is like something that's on
TV where they can make it seem like Chris Harrison
in charge of everything, and he's you know, he's usually
just the figurehead producer.
Speaker 3 (34:05):
They took me back to a hotel and Chris Harrison
facetimed me and he was like, with what you just
told us. We want you to be the Bachelorette and
all that you've evolved in how you evolved how your
life is evolved, and I thought I was signing up
to be this empowered woman to share with other people,
to share with other women like there is hope, and
(34:27):
that is not that's why I signed up for it.
I didn't I was dating, happily dating, and didn't need
to be the bachelette. I didn't care to be the bachelorette.
Didn't even know it was an option to be the
bachelorette happily dating. So when I said yes this, I
was like, maybe this is a way to share with
other people, to have hope, you know. But again, that's
not how it turned out, and that's okay, but it
(34:50):
was wasted opportunity. I feel like.
Speaker 2 (34:53):
Claire, we did not intend on getting this juicy as
far as your Bachelor experience went. So we're gonna make
this a two parter. We're gonna close this episode out now,
and in the next episode that'll be out very soon,
we'll talk all about the baby journey. Follow the Ben
and Ashley I Almost Famous podcasts on iHeartRadio or subscribe
(35:17):
wherever you listen to podcasts.
Hosts And Creators
Ben Higgins
Ashley Iaconetti
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