February 19, 2025 • 33 mins
Comedian, television host, six-time New York Times best-selling author and advocate Chelsea Handler is joining the pod! Her new book, I'll Have What She's Having is out February 25th - Chelsea is divulging everything she's learned along the bumpy road to turning 50.
From challenging herself to be nice while in pain to setting boundaries and how she's overcome friendship breakups, Chelsea is giving the best advice you need to hear.
Plus, she tells us about her most recent "I Choose Me" decision and how it impacted her love life.
Get your tickets for the live stream of the "I Choose Me" Live event!
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:01):
You're listening to I Choose Me with Jenny Garth. Hi, everyone,
welcome to I Choose Me. This podcast is all about
the choices we make and where they lead us. You know,
I love this podcast because I love getting to hear
from all different types of people and learning about them
(00:23):
and learning things from them. And today I'm so excited
to sit down and chat with my guests because she
is absolutely incredible. She's a comedian, television host, six time
six time you Guys, New York Times best selling author,
about to be seven I'm Predicting, and an advocate. Her
new book, I'll Have What She's Having, comes out on
(00:44):
her birthday February twenty fifth. Please welcome my friend Chelsea
Handler to the podcast.
Speaker 2 (00:50):
Hi, Chelsea, I.
Speaker 1 (00:52):
Was recently on your podcast.
Speaker 2 (00:53):
Which way was a huge hit. I was, Yeah, people
loved it.
Speaker 3 (00:58):
People conversation around you talking about your like your marriage
and I'm your current husband, current husband.
Speaker 1 (01:08):
Your husband, I say that too, it's okay.
Speaker 3 (01:11):
Knowing what he signed up for and then kind of
being like, wait a second, is this my new life?
Speaker 2 (01:15):
Yeah, people loved it.
Speaker 3 (01:16):
I got so many comments about it, and there was
so we had a great conversation.
Speaker 2 (01:21):
We did.
Speaker 1 (01:21):
I loved it, but we were talking a lot about me,
and today I just want to talk about you because
you have a book coming out on your birthday. How
perfect is that timed?
Speaker 2 (01:30):
Yes, that's perfectly timed.
Speaker 1 (01:32):
I'll have what she's having. Yes, tell me why, Okay,
tell me why that title? I know that title is
a line from Harry met Sally. What a great scene,
What a great line. Did it have anything to do
with that or just come from a different it?
Speaker 2 (01:44):
Did you know? My I gave the book when I
was done with it.
Speaker 3 (01:47):
We were trying to fish around for a title, and
I had given it to my editor obviously and some
other people in my life.
Speaker 2 (01:53):
And my editor came back and she's like, I think
the titles. I'll have what she's having. And I'm like,
I can't name a book that about my own story.
What is that? And she said, no, that's how you
feel after you're done reading it. I want what you have.
Speaker 3 (02:07):
And I was like, oh, and she's like, and there's
a Halle Harry Matt Sally reference.
Speaker 2 (02:11):
It's kind of like it had a double and you
had a real meeting and then it had a kind
of referential meeting. And I was like oh oh, and
then I was like I love that. I love that.
I want to give representing what I have. So that's
where your.
Speaker 1 (02:23):
Editor is a genius. That is so exactly how I felt.
I was reading your book last night, speed reading some
of it and reading all of it like I couldn't
get enough. I didn't want to stop before the beginning
of this podcast, so I will complete it. But that's
how I felt. I felt like I want what Chelsea has.
I want to be free to make my own decisions,
not have to like worry about a husband or kids,
(02:44):
all the things that can strain us in certain ways.
But you have always lived your life the way you've
wanted to and that is what's so beautiful about you,
and it's magnetic.
Speaker 2 (02:54):
Thank you, Thank you so much.
Speaker 3 (02:56):
I think that you know, if you can inspire other
people to like, feel or think something, then I would
want to inspire people to feel just more empowered about
who you are, like how special you are being you,
Like each one of us is so special, so individual,
and we all have a purpose. And as soon as
you nail down what that purpose is, and you nail
(03:18):
down your strengths and weaknesses, like you.
Speaker 2 (03:20):
Can soar it's sore like an eagle.
Speaker 1 (03:23):
Do you think you only get that sort of awareness
at fifty Did you have that at forty eight?
Speaker 2 (03:29):
Ah? Good, cush, good question.
Speaker 3 (03:31):
I mean, I think therapy helps a lot with the
gift of self awareness, right. I think as soon as
you start going to therapy and finding out that you're
not everything you thought you were, you're like, oh, whoopsie doodle,
I had no idea I was a bitch, a cunt
to all of the things that you know could be
attributed to me, or that I was nasty, or that
I inserted myself into situations where no one ask my opinion,
(03:52):
that I gave unsolicited advice all the time, as soon
as I had someone who wasn't involved in my life
give it to me straight and in a gentle, loving way,
of course, because otherwise, you know, it's therapy, that's they're
going to tell you in a nice way, right, But
as soon as you get the gift of self awareness,
then it's really up.
Speaker 2 (04:08):
To you, like, what what are you going to do
with now?
Speaker 3 (04:11):
What are you going to do now that you know
how you're coming across that you're not just crushing it
all the time, that sometimes you hurt people's feelings. Sometimes
you're hurtful to yourself sometimes, you know, like all of
the things you kind of want to know about yourself
but without being told.
Speaker 1 (04:24):
Wait, your therapist told you these things, Like in a session,
we just we just.
Speaker 3 (04:29):
Talked about my behavior a lot, and like the way
that I've gotten through life up until then. You know,
I didn't go to therapy until I was like forty,
and then I went real seriously for about two years,
and that was just a big gift of wake the
fuck up and take a look at yourself, like you're.
Speaker 2 (04:43):
Not all that you think you are, You're more.
Speaker 3 (04:46):
And less like and take an honest kind of inventory
of the things that you're doing that are working for
you and the things that you're doing that aren't working
for you, and also how are you impacting others?
Speaker 1 (04:58):
And who do you want to be moving forward? Because
this is like a time when you can do and
be anything.
Speaker 3 (05:04):
Yes, And I think that's something that we also, like
we don't ever talk about that, Like you and I
have never sat down and been like, what did you
want to be when you grew up? You ask little
girls all the time, what do you want to be
when you grow up.
Speaker 2 (05:15):
You don't go what kind of person do you want
to be when you grow up? You know? What kind
of like? And and and we don't.
Speaker 3 (05:22):
We rarely check in and say, oh, how am I doing?
Where am I in life? Is this what I wanted?
What am I looking for?
Speaker 2 (05:29):
Like? How am I achieving my goals? Or am I
way off track?
Speaker 3 (05:34):
And so the book starts out with this kind of
me reflecting when I was a little girl to thinking
about all of the things that I wanted to be
as a woman. You know, I wanted to be loud
and brave and stand up for people, and I wanted
to have lots of lovers, and I wanted to have
I speak languages and travel and I wanted to be sophisticated.
(05:54):
And and you know, we forget when we go through life.
Speaker 2 (05:58):
We forget to check.
Speaker 3 (05:59):
In with that little girl and like her dreams and
to find out, Wait, am I doing what I dreamt
I was going to be doing?
Speaker 2 (06:06):
Am I doing more? Am I doing less? Am I
on track? You know?
Speaker 3 (06:09):
We fall off track all the time too, and it's
up to us to get back on track. So yeah,
you really, I mean, being fifty is fucking awesome.
Speaker 2 (06:18):
I'm about fifty and I.
Speaker 3 (06:20):
Can't tell you how grateful I am that I have
all this knowledge about myself because now I have all
this data to show you're the one who got you
all this way, so you don't have to worry about
you anymore.
Speaker 1 (06:32):
You've said in the book too, two steps forward, three
steps back, Like, just because you have this great self
awareness now and you've learned all this wonderful stuff about
yourself moving forward, it doesn't mean you're going to fuck
up sometimes, and you know your old habits are going
to come. Like just ten minutes ago, I was an asshole,
and I you know, I'm like, ah, I don't want
to do this. I don't want to be go to
those old habits of ways that I handle things all
(06:54):
the time. But in those moments, you're like, oh, it's
rising in me. You know.
Speaker 2 (06:59):
It's funny you say that because the other day I'm
dealing with this shoulder.
Speaker 3 (07:02):
I just had shoulder surgery because they found I found
an infection in my shoulder, and it was like.
Speaker 2 (07:05):
I was supposed to be up skiing. My whole schedule's
all fucked up, you know, and.
Speaker 3 (07:09):
I have to stay home in LA after the fires,
which is obviously so depressing, and god, I have a house,
but you know, I just wanted to be in my
special place and it just kind of thwarted all my plans.
And I was like, Okay, here's a perfect opportunity for
you not to be a bitch, to have all of
your plans up ended, but to still have gratitude.
Speaker 2 (07:26):
You know what I mean.
Speaker 3 (07:27):
Be grateful that you found it, that they got, the
that they caught, the affection.
Speaker 2 (07:30):
That you're not more sick. And also be kind to
people when you're in pain.
Speaker 3 (07:35):
Because I was shuffling around from doctor to doctor and
I was being short and I was just like not
making eye contact, and I caught myself and I was like, Okay,
here's the next level challenge. Can you be nicer to
people when you are in pain? And my friend's like,
you don't have to be nice to people when you're
in pain. I'm like, I know, but that's another level
that I'd like to get to. I would like to
be nice to people when I'm in pain. It's easy
(07:55):
to be nice to people when you feel great, but
it's harder to be nicer to people when you don't
feel great.
Speaker 2 (08:00):
So that's my next challenge.
Speaker 3 (08:02):
So you know, the next day I was like, okay,
everything today, be nice, be respectful, make eye contact please,
and thank you to everyone. It doesn't matter what kind
of paying you're in, you know, just kind of stuff
like that, like self awareness. Nobody tells you about self
awareness when you're a kid or a teenager. We are
so stupid and blinded and we're so wrapped up in
ourselves and have our friends so far enough, so far
(08:25):
up our own assholes that it's like, it is the best.
The best gift you can have is someone pointing out
your shortcomings.
Speaker 1 (08:32):
Absolutely. That's like one of the things when you have
a spouse or partner or somebody there's supposed to be
like a mirror of you, and they hold you up
to see yourself. How you don't see yourself and sometimes
you don't. It's not something pretty that you want to
look at. And that's the time you need to do
that reaching and that growing. Yeah, you think it's good
that you're like Also, every day is a new chance.
(08:53):
You were like short and cold yesterday, but that doesn't
mean today you have to keep doing it that.
Speaker 2 (08:58):
Yeah, Like the other day, just everything that could go
wrong went wrong went wrong. Went wrong, and I was like,
it's like, whack a mole, this fucking what is this?
And then finally I was like, you know what, go
take an edible, go up to your room. I also
have Viking in because of my surgery.
Speaker 3 (09:09):
I'm like, have a little party and then go to
bed and try again tomorrow.
Speaker 2 (09:14):
Just try again tomorrow.
Speaker 3 (09:15):
No more contact with any other people, Like there's no
more reason to communicate, right, I need a time out.
Speaker 1 (09:21):
You did give yourself a time out. That's so smart.
Oh my god. So turning fifty, what do you think
you've learned from other women? What that looks like, or
what maybe you want out of it?
Speaker 3 (09:33):
I think the most, Like I've been asking a lot
of my friends because obviously a lot of my friends
are the same age or half turned fifty, you know,
because everyone always asked that question, what is it?
Speaker 2 (09:43):
You know?
Speaker 3 (09:43):
And you kind of hear these boring answers all the time,
like I feel great.
Speaker 1 (09:47):
I don't give a fuck what anybody thinks.
Speaker 2 (09:49):
Yeah, I know, I've heard that so many times. It's
not that interesting.
Speaker 3 (09:53):
But I think one of the like the most interesting
things I've heard said about it is you spend your
twenties and thirties and worried so much about what you've done,
the mistakes you've made, and what you need to do
and not to fuck up in the future. Like we're
so busy about the past and the future that we're
not as present. And I think one of the benefits
(10:15):
of aging is that you become more and more present.
And when you are present, those are the moments of
like bliss that you get, the moments of joyfulness that
are like I love this moment.
Speaker 2 (10:26):
Or like where you know, you make up.
Speaker 3 (10:29):
I don't even drink coffee, but waking up and walking
into a kitchen and getting a warm cup of coffee
and actually being like joyful about that experience. As corny
as that may sound, when you practice that, you can
have that like fifty one hundred times a day, right,
you can and be like, oh my god, and my
bed is so comfortable. You know, this vicodin feels so good.
You know my dog, like, how good looking my dog is.
(10:50):
He's so beautiful.
Speaker 2 (10:51):
I'm so proud of his good looks. Like all of
those things.
Speaker 3 (10:54):
When you make it a pattern of behavior, it becomes
a pattern of behavior, and you actually do become you
kind of infect people with your optimism and like it's
powerful and I wish that's something I didn't know about.
Speaker 2 (11:07):
I didn't know about gratitude in my thirties, yeah, there
are my forties. Quite frankly, until my late forties, you
know and practice it. I was like, oh, that's annoying.
Speaker 3 (11:17):
That's like chakras and reiki, and I don't care about
those things either. But now I know, and I know
the difference it makes, so it's like it's up there
on my list.
Speaker 1 (11:27):
That's great.
Speaker 2 (11:28):
I don't make lists, ever, so I shouldn't even pretend.
Speaker 1 (11:30):
So much better way to go about your day feeling
grateful and seeing what comes to you because of just that,
just being grateful for.
Speaker 3 (11:37):
Something grateful, and when you're really stuck in it, when
you're really stuck in your own pity party, reach out
and help somebody else, because that gets you right out
of your own ass when you reach out to someone.
And now with everything that's happened in LA and the fires,
there are so many people you can help. I immediately
focus on other people when I'm starting to feel sorry
(11:58):
for myself or like insurmountable, which nothing really is.
Speaker 1 (12:02):
I mean, in reading your book too, I saw all
the opportunities that you've had to help other people, how
many lives you've changed and enriched, and how generous you are.
And I think I didn't know those things about you,
quite honestly, and now I kind of have a completely
different perspective and like like feeling about you after reading
(12:23):
this book for some reason, Oh wow, I feel like
I feel closer to you.
Speaker 2 (12:28):
Oh thank you. That's nice to hear.
Speaker 1 (12:31):
Yeah, are you clear on what you're meant to do
now moving forward? Have you had that moment where you're like, ah.
Speaker 3 (12:37):
I'm clear on Like the best version of me is
when I'm speaking for others, you know, like highlighting others,
sharing light, not being selfish with any of the things
that I have, whether it's my time, whether it's financials,
whether it's you.
Speaker 2 (12:54):
Know, like a spotlight on me. Like I know now that.
Speaker 3 (12:59):
Like generosity is the key ingredient to like being happy,
to be generous and to be like greedy and to
be selfish is like that nothing ends well when those
two things are at playing right, Like, no one feels good.
There's never a good story about being selfish. No one's
ever like and they were really selfish and they lived
happily ever after.
Speaker 2 (13:20):
But I think also, like I just I'm just getting
so much better at being who I am.
Speaker 3 (13:29):
And I'm also you know, everyone could argue that I
never gave a fuck about anybody in the first place,
because that's how people perceive me.
Speaker 2 (13:37):
Right, I don't know, but I really don't give a
fuck now, Like I really don't.
Speaker 3 (13:42):
Like I'm so square with myself and what I the
lengths I've gone to for people and what I'm not
that you can't hurt me.
Speaker 1 (13:52):
What a great place to be. I love that. Okay,
so you dedicated this book to flight attendants.
Speaker 3 (14:03):
Tell me why, because I feel like flight attendants really
need some more respect.
Speaker 2 (14:09):
They have been.
Speaker 3 (14:10):
Through COVID with people who refuse to wear masks as
if the flight attendants are making these rules. They have
endured people walking barefoot, playing with their toes, picking their
toes on planes.
Speaker 2 (14:23):
They have endured people.
Speaker 1 (14:25):
Faring in their sleeves shellfish my friend, my co host
on my podcast, well farting.
Speaker 3 (14:30):
Yeah, farting. But we're all tolerating that. So that's just
a flight thing, which I actually read about the other day.
I'm like, okay, well this I was waiting to read
about this. Obviously, the air pressure in the cabin makes
everybody fart, because why farting on planes in the first place.
Speaker 2 (14:44):
But my producer on my podcast, Catherine whom you met?
She when I met.
Speaker 3 (14:49):
Her, she traveled on planes with hard boiled eggs, eggs
on planes.
Speaker 1 (14:56):
And I was friend.
Speaker 2 (14:58):
First of all, I don't even want to know you anymore.
I'm not sure.
Speaker 3 (15:01):
Secondly, if you're going to bring a hard boiled egg anywhere,
and you shouldn't.
Speaker 2 (15:06):
If you are, you need to swallow it whole. You
can't bring it out.
Speaker 3 (15:09):
Take a bite of it, and then that air emit
like you have to swallow it.
Speaker 2 (15:13):
Whole, like they did in the Charlie and the Chocolate Factory.
Remember when she was coming. Oh no, that was airplane
in the movie when the end's just.
Speaker 1 (15:21):
Different movie.
Speaker 2 (15:22):
But yeah, yeah, But I think flight attendants.
Speaker 3 (15:24):
I spend so much of my life on planes, and
they make the biggest difference in your travel. It's so
nice to have a great flight attendant and more drop in.
Speaker 2 (15:32):
They are great. I've only ran into a couple of
duds in all the time. I mean, I would I would.
Speaker 3 (15:37):
Argue that I spend a third of my life on planes,
and they just really make everything better and nicer and there,
and they just really deserve our respect.
Speaker 2 (15:45):
There are babysitters in the sky and they're stuck with us.
Speaker 1 (15:48):
Absolutely. Yeah, I love flight attendants too. You're talking your
book about boundaries and about friend breakups. Those are two
big topics. I think as we aged, we're going to
run into these things. Boundaries isn't all your whole life
kind of thing. But as for friend breakups, what have
they taught you?
Speaker 3 (16:07):
Well? I think a lot of boundary the lack of
boundary making can lead to a lot of friendship breaking,
you know, I think boundaries go hand. I've never been
good at boundaries. I didn't have any boundaries growing up.
I ignored them when they were, you know, introduced to me.
Speaker 2 (16:25):
I've never said that's.
Speaker 3 (16:27):
Too much, or you're too close, or this is I'm
like the opposite of a boundary, you know, whatever that is.
So I've had to really learn that lesson probably seventy
five thousand times in my life.
Speaker 2 (16:38):
But I don't know that I'll ever.
Speaker 3 (16:39):
Change that part of me because I don't hate that
part of me, you know. I like the fact that
I'm kind of open and like come on you come
to the party too. I like that I bring my
driver in to watch a movie at my friend's house
or to a funeral. I mean a lot of people
think it's too much, and like, no, everybody, you know, Chelsea,
it's too much.
Speaker 2 (16:57):
I like that. I think it's kind of fun to
like live life and and be that way.
Speaker 1 (17:02):
But but the lack.
Speaker 3 (17:05):
Of boundaries always will come back and bite you in
the ass because when.
Speaker 2 (17:09):
You don't have them, then they're not there. No one
else is going to create them.
Speaker 3 (17:12):
Because if a relationship is working in someone's favor and
there are no boundaries, obviously they're not going to be like, hey,
hold on.
Speaker 2 (17:18):
A second, I'll want some more boundaries here. So I
have had a lot of friendship.
Speaker 3 (17:23):
I always have had a lot of moving people in
my life. Like I've always had friendship breakups ever since
I was.
Speaker 2 (17:30):
A little girl.
Speaker 3 (17:31):
A lot in my adult life, I have lots of
friendships that are you know, very long, but I have
I've been through a lot of friends and had a
lot of friend breakups.
Speaker 2 (17:40):
And what I know about it.
Speaker 3 (17:41):
Is that.
Speaker 2 (17:43):
It's painful.
Speaker 3 (17:45):
And when someone doesn't like if you're the one getting
broken up with, someone asks you for space, give them
double Just let be like, be graceful.
Speaker 2 (17:59):
Like you know, someone wants to end.
Speaker 3 (18:01):
If you're in a relationship and a guy wants to
end the relationship, let them go bye.
Speaker 2 (18:05):
That's okay. I will survive. I will come.
Speaker 3 (18:08):
You know, we all are going to survive. We've all
been through it. We all get there. When you're doing
the breaking up, that's different, you know now, I know
to be a little bit less, you know, harsh and
softer and not everything needs an announcement. You can just
kind of walk away quietly without making.
Speaker 2 (18:26):
A pronouncement about it.
Speaker 3 (18:29):
But for anyone who's dealing with being broken up with
in a friendship, I just I would always argue that
whatever you lose comes back to you in tenfold in
different versions of other people. If you you know, you're
going to make a new friend, or you're going to
make three new friends, and they are going to fill
what you never got from that friendship in the first place.
Speaker 2 (18:51):
If a guy breaks up with you, the next guy
you're going.
Speaker 3 (18:54):
To date is going to be great, and he's going
to be even better than the last guy. Like I
believe that I think the biggest part problem that we
have is like kind of resisting reality, Like you just
need to accept the reality of the situation.
Speaker 2 (19:09):
And I think the biggest hurdle that we all experience.
Speaker 3 (19:12):
And you and I talked about this a lot, actually
when you were when you finally let go of the
idea that you know, this relationship might not be the
relationship is when the relationship came became real again, right,
And it's letting go, like really letting go. And that's
what all of these books talk to you about, you know,
whether it's letting go or let them or all these
(19:33):
self help books, it's always about just don't hold on
so tightly to things, because when you do that, that's when.
Speaker 2 (19:40):
Things start to fall away.
Speaker 3 (19:42):
Yeah, someone wants to leave, you, wish them well and
try not to sit there bitching and moaning and talking
about them.
Speaker 2 (19:50):
Be graceful.
Speaker 1 (19:52):
It's that attachment, you know. We talk about that a
lot in this class that I take, it's a Buddhist class.
It's about the attachment to the way we ca expect
things to be, or to the way we want things
to be, or to the way things have been. And
it's releasing that attachment that you get such freedom.
Speaker 3 (20:07):
Yeah, yeah, that sounds cool that Buddhist class. I would
love to go to a Buddhist class. Maybe I'll come
with you one day.
Speaker 2 (20:14):
I would love that.
Speaker 3 (20:14):
That's like the only spirituality slash religion. I mean, I'm spiritual,
but religion it's really debilitating and I can't even wrap
my head around it.
Speaker 2 (20:23):
But Buddhism really seems to be where it's at.
Speaker 1 (20:26):
It really does speak on a level that I comprehend
and like I can take it into my real life,
which is more than I have ever found in any
other So yeah.
Speaker 3 (20:35):
Right, And and I know you feel this way too,
Like we go through periods in our life where we're
not the best that we are. We're not the best
versions of ourselves. We do behave badly. That's we're human,
that's what happens. We do things that are regrettable. We
you know, fire off at people, say things. We act selfishly.
We're not thoughtful. We can hurt people, but that's not
(20:58):
that doesn't define you unless you can't see.
Speaker 2 (21:02):
Yourself clearly, like you.
Speaker 3 (21:05):
A real, self actualized person looks at that behavior and goes, Okay,
I've got to do better, Like I can do better,
and I will do better.
Speaker 2 (21:13):
A person who's not self actualized, will be.
Speaker 3 (21:15):
Like, everything's fine. What do you mean that person's an asshole.
That person's an asshole. That person's an asshole. It's like, no,
sometimes you're the asshole. Yeah, denominator is that you are
the asshole. And I have no problem, like, you know,
coming to terms with that at the point of my
life where I needed to.
Speaker 1 (21:31):
Yeah, I always say, stop pointing the finger and start
pulling the thumb. Yeah, you got to look at yourself
and what you what part you had in this situation.
And it's always You're always going to have a pardon.
Speaker 3 (21:42):
It always, always have and always It's just so much
cooler in life to be non reactive, like you know,
when when when shit is hitting the fan and everything
is falling apart of the seams, where you can actually
sit in a place, you know, absent from running from
a fire.
Speaker 2 (21:59):
I'm not talking about that. Obviously, you have to be reactive,
and that's the instance, but I'm.
Speaker 3 (22:02):
Talking about like anything psychological or anything that's happening. It's
just so much cooler to be like, Okay, let me
take this information in and come up Instead of being reactive,
I'm going to come up with a response after I
thought about it.
Speaker 2 (22:16):
You know, I don't have to fire that text.
Speaker 3 (22:17):
Off in the in the moment that I get the
text that annoys me, I can sleep on it. Like
I never believe those were actual options. When people said that,
I was like, oh yeah, sleep on it.
Speaker 2 (22:28):
I'm like maybe, no, no, no, I've.
Speaker 1 (22:29):
Got to defend myself. I've got to stand up for myself.
Speaker 2 (22:31):
And defend defend right. I'm right, I'm right.
Speaker 3 (22:34):
And then you get to a place in your life
where you're like, as long as you're arguing you're.
Speaker 1 (22:38):
Wrong, right, nobody's going to feel good right in this moment.
Speaker 2 (22:42):
If you're good, if you're right, you don't have to argue.
Speaker 3 (22:44):
You just sit there and go okay, great, and then
there's there's no like, you know, you you kind of
diffuse the whole situation because you're not participating in the argument.
Speaker 1 (22:54):
You say at one point in your book, I'm going
to paraphrase because I can't remember you say that. To
know that I'm choosing myself always makes me recognize how
powerful I am. When I choose that, I will eventually
land on my feet. So it's all about those choices
of knowing yourself, knowing what you're capable of knowing what's
important to you and who you want to be out
there in the world.
Speaker 2 (23:15):
Yeah. And also like I've gotten this far right, I'm
going to be fifty years old. How old are you,
Jenny fifty two?
Speaker 3 (23:23):
Fifty two? You have gotten to be fifty two. Like
we're both sitting right here. We both have very healthy lives,
healthy careers.
Speaker 2 (23:33):
There's no more is this going to break me? Is
this going to break me? Is this going to be
my last opportunity?
Speaker 3 (23:40):
Am I gonna There's no more of that because we
have the scientific data. It's been proven from the ages
that we started working.
Speaker 2 (23:48):
We're still here. We're still sitting here having this conversation
for one reason. Yeah, because we are equipped to deal
with this kind of lifestyle. So there's no more doubt.
Like the self doubt is not in my you know.
Speaker 3 (24:00):
I mean, I'm sure if something comes along, I can
experience it again. But as a whole, when I look
at my life and I think about all the times
I was like freaking out about an opportunity or when
I quit E I'm like, what if I never get
another job?
Speaker 2 (24:13):
What if everyone thinks I'm.
Speaker 3 (24:14):
Terrible because I quit my job, and like, no, there's
none of that anymore. Like I've proven over and over
and over again how capable, how talented.
Speaker 2 (24:24):
And how reliable I am.
Speaker 3 (24:26):
And like now that I respect myself, like I feel
it all the time.
Speaker 1 (24:30):
Right, you choose to trust yourself. That's the best feeling.
Speaker 2 (24:33):
Yeah, yeah, right? Is that how you feel now at
fifty two?
Speaker 1 (24:37):
Absolutely? And it gets stronger and stronger. But I still
do have to take those beats where I'm like, take
a deep breath, take a beat, Let think this through
before you fire back. I still have those you know,
things to learn and things places to grow to. But
I feel definitely very different at fifty two.
Speaker 2 (24:54):
Yeah, I mean it's pretty beautiful. You know, it's pretty
beautiful also.
Speaker 3 (24:59):
To like watch what's happening in our industry and watch
watch all of the women and the ages that they
are at achieving what they're achieving, Like look at the
year that Pamela Anderson had, look at the year that
Demean Moor had, look at June's squib, like, look at
these women. You know, you used to be considered valueless
after forty and now Hollywood, which is kind of like
(25:22):
the leading influence over culture and always has been for
a long time. I mean, maybe TikTok will take over
or already has, but Hollywood has a pretty strong is
a pretty strong indicator of what's to come. It's pretty
beautiful to see women excelling at these ages and getting.
Speaker 2 (25:40):
More beautiful and more self assured and really being, you know,
stepping into who they are as women.
Speaker 3 (25:48):
I like, I love seeing that, and I never will
prescribe or subscribe to the belief that a certain age
prohibits you from doing a certain thing, Like I was
talking about my shoulders somewhere that like, doesn't getting old suck.
Speaker 2 (26:04):
I'm like, this has nothing.
Speaker 3 (26:05):
To do with age, Like I will never relent to
like I will never be like I just give in
and give up, like, oh I'm getting old. No, no, no,
this is another bump in the road, and I will
get past it.
Speaker 1 (26:16):
Watch me, what if you did just lay down and
then you're like, oh, well, I'm falling apart. So I
guess I'll just put myself up to pasture.
Speaker 3 (26:23):
I know, I would love to euthanize myself at some point.
Apparently you have to be you have to be seventy.
I said that to my sister. I'm like, I'm just
looking for a euthanasia doctor. And she said, you have
to be seventy, sissy, you have some time.
Speaker 1 (26:35):
Oh man, that's disappointing to hear.
Speaker 3 (26:37):
Actually because I love that feeling, not because I want
to be gone from this world.
Speaker 2 (26:41):
I mean, the world is a scary place, but I
love I had. When I had surgery on Friday, I
was like, whatever you get put under, I love that feeling.
So and then they count back.
Speaker 3 (26:52):
They're like count back from ten and they go ten,
nine and then it's over. And I said to the anesthesiologist,
I go listen, I want I want to party.
Speaker 2 (27:01):
I want like.
Speaker 3 (27:02):
Ten minutes of a good time. And he's like, I
want to be awake, don't just put me out and
it's over. I'm like, I'm getting surgery, but feel it. Yeah,
let's turn this into a fun vibe. I love talking
and I'm like, just get let me be on the
drugs for like ten minutes in the o R and
then you can put me out.
Speaker 2 (27:19):
And that's what he did. And who do you want
to party with him? Like, you guys, let's party.
Speaker 1 (27:24):
Wait when you woke up for They're like, this is
what happened. This is what you said.
Speaker 2 (27:28):
My doctor's like, oh, you hadn't met Chelsea before. She
loves drugs.
Speaker 3 (27:34):
So no, I remember everything I said. I'm a great
drug user. We've talked about this. I was fully cognizant.
And it's not like we were even we were talking
about geography and world wars and the history of wars.
But I just love that warm feeling, you know of
like conversation while you're you know, on opioids.
Speaker 2 (27:51):
You know, I can't really do those in my real life.
That would be a disaster.
Speaker 1 (27:54):
Yeah, that's that's too far.
Speaker 2 (27:56):
Yeah, too far, Michael Style, can't go there. There. Even
though I've thought about that, doctor.
Speaker 1 (28:03):
Well, there's still time tells. I know that you've gone
through breakups in the public eye as I have. And
right now with this beautiful chapter that you're in, what
does love mean to you? Like, what are you looking
for in a relationship?
Speaker 3 (28:23):
I mean, right now I have a relationship with someone.
I'm in one relationship. I'm not limited to being in
one relationship, Okay, I'm open to everything. I like the
idea of lots of lovers throughout my life. I like
the idea of lots of love stories. I've never been
someone to subscribe to this kind of Prince Charming fantasy
bullshit that we've all been fed our whole lives. I
(28:45):
want someone who knows that I need my space, that
I'm independent, that I don't need anything from.
Speaker 2 (28:51):
You except for your care. Like I woke up the
other morning.
Speaker 3 (28:55):
I was with my boyfriend in Whistler, Canada, and up
the other morning and he goes, do you know how
lucky I feel to wake up next to you?
Speaker 2 (29:03):
He goes, do you know how many men would die
to wake up next to you? And I wanted to
be like, not as many as you think.
Speaker 3 (29:08):
But I was like, what a sweet thing for you
to think about. And then to say I would.
Speaker 1 (29:14):
Like to articulate. Yeah, yeah, my part part.
Speaker 2 (29:17):
You would keep that to yourself. Most men, you know
what I mean, Like, I don't want to give her
too much power, too much love for me, But what
is to say out loud?
Speaker 1 (29:25):
Yeah it is? We need that because we can do
anything we need to do on our own. We're all
such capable women, you and I especially, we call our
own trots, you know. And the men can feel really
intimidated by strong women such as us.
Speaker 3 (29:40):
Yeah, and a lot of men think no, no, no,
I'm good. I like, I like your strength, like, yeah,
not going to emasculate me. And usually they say yeah,
right right, yep. What are you gonna do for your birthday? Well,
my book comes out on my birthday, so I'll be
doing my press tour.
Speaker 2 (29:58):
I have a ski video that I still need to to.
Speaker 3 (30:00):
Shoot, because every year I shoot a ski video of
me skiing down a mountain with my dogs and a
joint and the margarita.
Speaker 2 (30:08):
I'm just gonna have parties wherever I go. I'm gonna
have one in Whistler. I'll have one in New York
because I'll be there for my book release.
Speaker 3 (30:14):
I'll have one in La probably just kind of little
gatherings as I kind of go across the country in
different cities.
Speaker 2 (30:21):
I mean, I feel like I'll just celebrate it throughout
the year.
Speaker 3 (30:24):
And yeah, fuck it, I thought, you know, I thought,
oh god, I don't need it.
Speaker 2 (30:28):
Whenever my friends started like, what do we want to do?
We've got to blow this out.
Speaker 3 (30:32):
This is your fiftieth And as soon as my editor
said do you want your book to come out on
your fiftieth, I go, actually, yes, that's perfect because that
takes the load off of all of this planning and
talking about planning, but on another aspect of it, I
just feel like so much of my life is a party.
So much of my life is a celebration. I've had
(30:53):
so many nights where I felt like it was my wedding,
you know, like so many I get up on stage
every week and perform in front of thousands of people.
That feels pretty fucking awesome. That feels like at your
birthday party every single time. So I was like a
little bit like, I don't know if I want to
celebrate myself. But anytime now that I'm resistant towards anything,
(31:14):
I just go for it.
Speaker 2 (31:15):
I'm like, oh, yes, you have to do it.
Speaker 3 (31:17):
Like I'm really bad at dancing, and I'm decided I'm
just gonna start dancing.
Speaker 2 (31:21):
I'm very self conscious.
Speaker 3 (31:23):
I know I'm a bad dancer, and i feel like
everyone's staring at me, and I'm like, you know what,
this is good. You're going to start dancing at fifty
and it doesn't matter.
Speaker 1 (31:29):
That you were kind of dancing just like solo dancing.
Speaker 3 (31:32):
Any dancing, Like I can't even dance to a beat,
like at the tailor shone, like just go two step
and you feel like you.
Speaker 1 (31:38):
Want to dance, but you hold yourself back because it's
not nobody needs to see that.
Speaker 3 (31:44):
Yes, yeah, totally like self conscious. It's like, my self
conscious thing is my dancing.
Speaker 1 (31:49):
And you should be free to just dance. I'm happy
you get to dance the whole year of yours.
Speaker 3 (31:54):
I know I'm gonna I'm gonna start dancing and not
care what anyone thinks.
Speaker 1 (31:58):
I love this. This is good.
Speaker 2 (32:00):
Yeah, because I need I need new challenges.
Speaker 3 (32:02):
I've you know, I need something else to like be like, Okay,
this is I haven't done. I haven't done a lot
of acting work recently.
Speaker 2 (32:07):
I'm going to do that decided. I'm like, I'm going
to do stuff that isn't in my comfort zone.
Speaker 1 (32:13):
It's like a beauty of it.
Speaker 2 (32:15):
Yeah. I feel like.
Speaker 3 (32:15):
Fifty is like a reset, like a reset, like okay,
now let me go around. It's like you're going back
into the hotel room to look and see what you
forgot right before you check out, You're like, okay, you
let me do one more past.
Speaker 1 (32:29):
Okay, Chelsea Handler, before I let you go, what was
your last I choose me moment?
Speaker 2 (32:35):
Well, my breakup with Joe Koy was a big one.
I choose me. That was great.
Speaker 3 (32:40):
I came to like a moment where it was either
I would have to compromise my whole being and what
I've grown up to be or and I didn't want
to break up. You know, we were in love and
I wanted it to work out. And in that moment,
I just remember like thinking, I have to use this
(33:01):
or choose myself.
Speaker 2 (33:02):
And I chose me.
Speaker 1 (33:04):
That's a big I choose me moment.
Speaker 2 (33:07):
Yeah, I'm so glad.
Speaker 1 (33:08):
I'm so glad you did. You're so worth choosing. Like
you've proven time and time again your resilience and you're
so capable, You've reinvented yourself. And I really do look
up to you.
Speaker 3 (33:19):
Oh, thank you, Thank you so much. I really appreciate that.
Speaker 1 (33:24):
And I'll be celebrating your birthday by dancing from.
Speaker 2 (33:27):
Yes, please dancing throw something of you. You did dancing
with the Stars, and you really know how to dance.
Speaker 1 (33:33):
I don't. I don't anymore. Like once you do it,
if you don't do it more, you lose it. I've
lost it.
Speaker 2 (33:38):
So oh it's like Spanish.
Speaker 1 (33:40):
Yeah, but thank you so much for taking the time.
All the best with your book, tour. You're going to
have such a great year. I see it, I see it.
Speaker 2 (33:47):
Thank you, Jenny, love talking to you. Thank you so
much too.
Speaker 1 (33:50):
Okay bye,
You're listening to I Choose Me with Jenny Garth. Hi, everyone,
welcome to I Choose Me. This podcast is all about
the choices we make and where they lead us. You know,
I love this podcast because I love getting to hear
from all different types of people and learning about them
(00:23):
and learning things from them. And today I'm so excited
to sit down and chat with my guests because she
is absolutely incredible. She's a comedian, television host, six time
six time you Guys, New York Times best selling author,
about to be seven I'm Predicting, and an advocate. Her
new book, I'll Have What She's Having, comes out on
(00:44):
her birthday February twenty fifth. Please welcome my friend Chelsea
Handler to the podcast.
Speaker 2 (00:50):
Hi, Chelsea, I.
Speaker 1 (00:52):
Was recently on your podcast.
Speaker 2 (00:53):
Which way was a huge hit. I was, Yeah, people
loved it.
Speaker 3 (00:58):
People conversation around you talking about your like your marriage
and I'm your current husband, current husband.
Speaker 1 (01:08):
Your husband, I say that too, it's okay.
Speaker 3 (01:11):
Knowing what he signed up for and then kind of
being like, wait a second, is this my new life?
Speaker 2 (01:15):
Yeah, people loved it.
Speaker 3 (01:16):
I got so many comments about it, and there was
so we had a great conversation.
Speaker 2 (01:21):
We did.
Speaker 1 (01:21):
I loved it, but we were talking a lot about me,
and today I just want to talk about you because
you have a book coming out on your birthday. How
perfect is that timed?
Speaker 2 (01:30):
Yes, that's perfectly timed.
Speaker 1 (01:32):
I'll have what she's having. Yes, tell me why, Okay,
tell me why that title? I know that title is
a line from Harry met Sally. What a great scene,
What a great line. Did it have anything to do
with that or just come from a different it?
Speaker 2 (01:44):
Did you know? My I gave the book when I
was done with it.
Speaker 3 (01:47):
We were trying to fish around for a title, and
I had given it to my editor obviously and some
other people in my life.
Speaker 2 (01:53):
And my editor came back and she's like, I think
the titles. I'll have what she's having. And I'm like,
I can't name a book that about my own story.
What is that? And she said, no, that's how you
feel after you're done reading it. I want what you have.
Speaker 3 (02:07):
And I was like, oh, and she's like, and there's
a Halle Harry Matt Sally reference.
Speaker 2 (02:11):
It's kind of like it had a double and you
had a real meeting and then it had a kind
of referential meeting. And I was like oh oh, and
then I was like I love that. I love that.
I want to give representing what I have. So that's
where your.
Speaker 1 (02:23):
Editor is a genius. That is so exactly how I felt.
I was reading your book last night, speed reading some
of it and reading all of it like I couldn't
get enough. I didn't want to stop before the beginning
of this podcast, so I will complete it. But that's
how I felt. I felt like I want what Chelsea has.
I want to be free to make my own decisions,
not have to like worry about a husband or kids,
(02:44):
all the things that can strain us in certain ways.
But you have always lived your life the way you've
wanted to and that is what's so beautiful about you,
and it's magnetic.
Speaker 2 (02:54):
Thank you, Thank you so much.
Speaker 3 (02:56):
I think that you know, if you can inspire other
people to like, feel or think something, then I would
want to inspire people to feel just more empowered about
who you are, like how special you are being you,
Like each one of us is so special, so individual,
and we all have a purpose. And as soon as
you nail down what that purpose is, and you nail
(03:18):
down your strengths and weaknesses, like you.
Speaker 2 (03:20):
Can soar it's sore like an eagle.
Speaker 1 (03:23):
Do you think you only get that sort of awareness
at fifty Did you have that at forty eight?
Speaker 2 (03:29):
Ah? Good, cush, good question.
Speaker 3 (03:31):
I mean, I think therapy helps a lot with the
gift of self awareness, right. I think as soon as
you start going to therapy and finding out that you're
not everything you thought you were, you're like, oh, whoopsie doodle,
I had no idea I was a bitch, a cunt
to all of the things that you know could be
attributed to me, or that I was nasty, or that
I inserted myself into situations where no one ask my opinion,
(03:52):
that I gave unsolicited advice all the time, as soon
as I had someone who wasn't involved in my life
give it to me straight and in a gentle, loving way,
of course, because otherwise, you know, it's therapy, that's they're
going to tell you in a nice way, right, But
as soon as you get the gift of self awareness,
then it's really up.
Speaker 2 (04:08):
To you, like, what what are you going to do
with now?
Speaker 3 (04:11):
What are you going to do now that you know
how you're coming across that you're not just crushing it
all the time, that sometimes you hurt people's feelings. Sometimes
you're hurtful to yourself sometimes, you know, like all of
the things you kind of want to know about yourself
but without being told.
Speaker 1 (04:24):
Wait, your therapist told you these things, Like in a session,
we just we just.
Speaker 3 (04:29):
Talked about my behavior a lot, and like the way
that I've gotten through life up until then. You know,
I didn't go to therapy until I was like forty,
and then I went real seriously for about two years,
and that was just a big gift of wake the
fuck up and take a look at yourself, like you're.
Speaker 2 (04:43):
Not all that you think you are, You're more.
Speaker 3 (04:46):
And less like and take an honest kind of inventory
of the things that you're doing that are working for
you and the things that you're doing that aren't working
for you, and also how are you impacting others?
Speaker 1 (04:58):
And who do you want to be moving forward? Because
this is like a time when you can do and
be anything.
Speaker 3 (05:04):
Yes, And I think that's something that we also, like
we don't ever talk about that, Like you and I
have never sat down and been like, what did you
want to be when you grew up? You ask little
girls all the time, what do you want to be
when you grow up.
Speaker 2 (05:15):
You don't go what kind of person do you want
to be when you grow up? You know? What kind
of like? And and and we don't.
Speaker 3 (05:22):
We rarely check in and say, oh, how am I doing?
Where am I in life? Is this what I wanted?
What am I looking for?
Speaker 2 (05:29):
Like? How am I achieving my goals? Or am I
way off track?
Speaker 3 (05:34):
And so the book starts out with this kind of
me reflecting when I was a little girl to thinking
about all of the things that I wanted to be
as a woman. You know, I wanted to be loud
and brave and stand up for people, and I wanted
to have lots of lovers, and I wanted to have
I speak languages and travel and I wanted to be sophisticated.
(05:54):
And and you know, we forget when we go through life.
Speaker 2 (05:58):
We forget to check.
Speaker 3 (05:59):
In with that little girl and like her dreams and
to find out, Wait, am I doing what I dreamt
I was going to be doing?
Speaker 2 (06:06):
Am I doing more? Am I doing less? Am I
on track? You know?
Speaker 3 (06:09):
We fall off track all the time too, and it's
up to us to get back on track. So yeah,
you really, I mean, being fifty is fucking awesome.
Speaker 2 (06:18):
I'm about fifty and I.
Speaker 3 (06:20):
Can't tell you how grateful I am that I have
all this knowledge about myself because now I have all
this data to show you're the one who got you
all this way, so you don't have to worry about
you anymore.
Speaker 1 (06:32):
You've said in the book too, two steps forward, three
steps back, Like, just because you have this great self
awareness now and you've learned all this wonderful stuff about
yourself moving forward, it doesn't mean you're going to fuck
up sometimes, and you know your old habits are going
to come. Like just ten minutes ago, I was an asshole,
and I you know, I'm like, ah, I don't want
to do this. I don't want to be go to
those old habits of ways that I handle things all
(06:54):
the time. But in those moments, you're like, oh, it's
rising in me. You know.
Speaker 2 (06:59):
It's funny you say that because the other day I'm
dealing with this shoulder.
Speaker 3 (07:02):
I just had shoulder surgery because they found I found
an infection in my shoulder, and it was like.
Speaker 2 (07:05):
I was supposed to be up skiing. My whole schedule's
all fucked up, you know, and.
Speaker 3 (07:09):
I have to stay home in LA after the fires,
which is obviously so depressing, and god, I have a house,
but you know, I just wanted to be in my
special place and it just kind of thwarted all my plans.
And I was like, Okay, here's a perfect opportunity for
you not to be a bitch, to have all of
your plans up ended, but to still have gratitude.
Speaker 2 (07:26):
You know what I mean.
Speaker 3 (07:27):
Be grateful that you found it, that they got, the
that they caught, the affection.
Speaker 2 (07:30):
That you're not more sick. And also be kind to
people when you're in pain.
Speaker 3 (07:35):
Because I was shuffling around from doctor to doctor and
I was being short and I was just like not
making eye contact, and I caught myself and I was like, Okay,
here's the next level challenge. Can you be nicer to
people when you are in pain? And my friend's like,
you don't have to be nice to people when you're
in pain. I'm like, I know, but that's another level
that I'd like to get to. I would like to
be nice to people when I'm in pain. It's easy
(07:55):
to be nice to people when you feel great, but
it's harder to be nicer to people when you don't
feel great.
Speaker 2 (08:00):
So that's my next challenge.
Speaker 3 (08:02):
So you know, the next day I was like, okay,
everything today, be nice, be respectful, make eye contact please,
and thank you to everyone. It doesn't matter what kind
of paying you're in, you know, just kind of stuff
like that, like self awareness. Nobody tells you about self
awareness when you're a kid or a teenager. We are
so stupid and blinded and we're so wrapped up in
ourselves and have our friends so far enough, so far
(08:25):
up our own assholes that it's like, it is the best.
The best gift you can have is someone pointing out
your shortcomings.
Speaker 1 (08:32):
Absolutely. That's like one of the things when you have
a spouse or partner or somebody there's supposed to be
like a mirror of you, and they hold you up
to see yourself. How you don't see yourself and sometimes
you don't. It's not something pretty that you want to
look at. And that's the time you need to do
that reaching and that growing. Yeah, you think it's good
that you're like Also, every day is a new chance.
(08:53):
You were like short and cold yesterday, but that doesn't
mean today you have to keep doing it that.
Speaker 2 (08:58):
Yeah, Like the other day, just everything that could go
wrong went wrong went wrong. Went wrong, and I was like,
it's like, whack a mole, this fucking what is this?
And then finally I was like, you know what, go
take an edible, go up to your room. I also
have Viking in because of my surgery.
Speaker 3 (09:09):
I'm like, have a little party and then go to
bed and try again tomorrow.
Speaker 2 (09:14):
Just try again tomorrow.
Speaker 3 (09:15):
No more contact with any other people, Like there's no
more reason to communicate, right, I need a time out.
Speaker 1 (09:21):
You did give yourself a time out. That's so smart.
Oh my god. So turning fifty, what do you think
you've learned from other women? What that looks like, or
what maybe you want out of it?
Speaker 3 (09:33):
I think the most, Like I've been asking a lot
of my friends because obviously a lot of my friends
are the same age or half turned fifty, you know,
because everyone always asked that question, what is it?
Speaker 2 (09:43):
You know?
Speaker 3 (09:43):
And you kind of hear these boring answers all the time,
like I feel great.
Speaker 1 (09:47):
I don't give a fuck what anybody thinks.
Speaker 2 (09:49):
Yeah, I know, I've heard that so many times. It's
not that interesting.
Speaker 3 (09:53):
But I think one of the like the most interesting
things I've heard said about it is you spend your
twenties and thirties and worried so much about what you've done,
the mistakes you've made, and what you need to do
and not to fuck up in the future. Like we're
so busy about the past and the future that we're
not as present. And I think one of the benefits
(10:15):
of aging is that you become more and more present.
And when you are present, those are the moments of
like bliss that you get, the moments of joyfulness that
are like I love this moment.
Speaker 2 (10:26):
Or like where you know, you make up.
Speaker 3 (10:29):
I don't even drink coffee, but waking up and walking
into a kitchen and getting a warm cup of coffee
and actually being like joyful about that experience. As corny
as that may sound, when you practice that, you can
have that like fifty one hundred times a day, right,
you can and be like, oh my god, and my
bed is so comfortable. You know, this vicodin feels so good.
You know my dog, like, how good looking my dog is.
(10:50):
He's so beautiful.
Speaker 2 (10:51):
I'm so proud of his good looks. Like all of
those things.
Speaker 3 (10:54):
When you make it a pattern of behavior, it becomes
a pattern of behavior, and you actually do become you
kind of infect people with your optimism and like it's
powerful and I wish that's something I didn't know about.
Speaker 2 (11:07):
I didn't know about gratitude in my thirties, yeah, there
are my forties. Quite frankly, until my late forties, you
know and practice it. I was like, oh, that's annoying.
Speaker 3 (11:17):
That's like chakras and reiki, and I don't care about
those things either. But now I know, and I know
the difference it makes, so it's like it's up there
on my list.
Speaker 1 (11:27):
That's great.
Speaker 2 (11:28):
I don't make lists, ever, so I shouldn't even pretend.
Speaker 1 (11:30):
So much better way to go about your day feeling
grateful and seeing what comes to you because of just that,
just being grateful for.
Speaker 3 (11:37):
Something grateful, and when you're really stuck in it, when
you're really stuck in your own pity party, reach out
and help somebody else, because that gets you right out
of your own ass when you reach out to someone.
And now with everything that's happened in LA and the fires,
there are so many people you can help. I immediately
focus on other people when I'm starting to feel sorry
(11:58):
for myself or like insurmountable, which nothing really is.
Speaker 1 (12:02):
I mean, in reading your book too, I saw all
the opportunities that you've had to help other people, how
many lives you've changed and enriched, and how generous you are.
And I think I didn't know those things about you,
quite honestly, and now I kind of have a completely
different perspective and like like feeling about you after reading
(12:23):
this book for some reason, Oh wow, I feel like
I feel closer to you.
Speaker 2 (12:28):
Oh thank you. That's nice to hear.
Speaker 1 (12:31):
Yeah, are you clear on what you're meant to do
now moving forward? Have you had that moment where you're like, ah.
Speaker 3 (12:37):
I'm clear on Like the best version of me is
when I'm speaking for others, you know, like highlighting others,
sharing light, not being selfish with any of the things
that I have, whether it's my time, whether it's financials,
whether it's you.
Speaker 2 (12:54):
Know, like a spotlight on me. Like I know now that.
Speaker 3 (12:59):
Like generosity is the key ingredient to like being happy,
to be generous and to be like greedy and to
be selfish is like that nothing ends well when those
two things are at playing right, Like, no one feels good.
There's never a good story about being selfish. No one's
ever like and they were really selfish and they lived
happily ever after.
Speaker 2 (13:20):
But I think also, like I just I'm just getting
so much better at being who I am.
Speaker 3 (13:29):
And I'm also you know, everyone could argue that I
never gave a fuck about anybody in the first place,
because that's how people perceive me.
Speaker 2 (13:37):
Right, I don't know, but I really don't give a
fuck now, Like I really don't.
Speaker 3 (13:42):
Like I'm so square with myself and what I the
lengths I've gone to for people and what I'm not
that you can't hurt me.
Speaker 1 (13:52):
What a great place to be. I love that. Okay,
so you dedicated this book to flight attendants.
Speaker 3 (14:03):
Tell me why, because I feel like flight attendants really
need some more respect.
Speaker 2 (14:09):
They have been.
Speaker 3 (14:10):
Through COVID with people who refuse to wear masks as
if the flight attendants are making these rules. They have
endured people walking barefoot, playing with their toes, picking their
toes on planes.
Speaker 2 (14:23):
They have endured people.
Speaker 1 (14:25):
Faring in their sleeves shellfish my friend, my co host
on my podcast, well farting.
Speaker 3 (14:30):
Yeah, farting. But we're all tolerating that. So that's just
a flight thing, which I actually read about the other day.
I'm like, okay, well this I was waiting to read
about this. Obviously, the air pressure in the cabin makes
everybody fart, because why farting on planes in the first place.
Speaker 2 (14:44):
But my producer on my podcast, Catherine whom you met?
She when I met.
Speaker 3 (14:49):
Her, she traveled on planes with hard boiled eggs, eggs
on planes.
Speaker 1 (14:56):
And I was friend.
Speaker 2 (14:58):
First of all, I don't even want to know you anymore.
I'm not sure.
Speaker 3 (15:01):
Secondly, if you're going to bring a hard boiled egg anywhere,
and you shouldn't.
Speaker 2 (15:06):
If you are, you need to swallow it whole. You
can't bring it out.
Speaker 3 (15:09):
Take a bite of it, and then that air emit
like you have to swallow it.
Speaker 2 (15:13):
Whole, like they did in the Charlie and the Chocolate Factory.
Remember when she was coming. Oh no, that was airplane
in the movie when the end's just.
Speaker 1 (15:21):
Different movie.
Speaker 2 (15:22):
But yeah, yeah, But I think flight attendants.
Speaker 3 (15:24):
I spend so much of my life on planes, and
they make the biggest difference in your travel. It's so
nice to have a great flight attendant and more drop in.
Speaker 2 (15:32):
They are great. I've only ran into a couple of
duds in all the time. I mean, I would I would.
Speaker 3 (15:37):
Argue that I spend a third of my life on planes,
and they just really make everything better and nicer and there,
and they just really deserve our respect.
Speaker 2 (15:45):
There are babysitters in the sky and they're stuck with us.
Speaker 1 (15:48):
Absolutely. Yeah, I love flight attendants too. You're talking your
book about boundaries and about friend breakups. Those are two
big topics. I think as we aged, we're going to
run into these things. Boundaries isn't all your whole life
kind of thing. But as for friend breakups, what have
they taught you?
Speaker 3 (16:07):
Well? I think a lot of boundary the lack of
boundary making can lead to a lot of friendship breaking,
you know, I think boundaries go hand. I've never been
good at boundaries. I didn't have any boundaries growing up.
I ignored them when they were, you know, introduced to me.
Speaker 2 (16:25):
I've never said that's.
Speaker 3 (16:27):
Too much, or you're too close, or this is I'm
like the opposite of a boundary, you know, whatever that is.
So I've had to really learn that lesson probably seventy
five thousand times in my life.
Speaker 2 (16:38):
But I don't know that I'll ever.
Speaker 3 (16:39):
Change that part of me because I don't hate that
part of me, you know. I like the fact that
I'm kind of open and like come on you come
to the party too. I like that I bring my
driver in to watch a movie at my friend's house
or to a funeral. I mean a lot of people
think it's too much, and like, no, everybody, you know, Chelsea,
it's too much.
Speaker 2 (16:57):
I like that. I think it's kind of fun to
like live life and and be that way.
Speaker 1 (17:02):
But but the lack.
Speaker 3 (17:05):
Of boundaries always will come back and bite you in
the ass because when.
Speaker 2 (17:09):
You don't have them, then they're not there. No one
else is going to create them.
Speaker 3 (17:12):
Because if a relationship is working in someone's favor and
there are no boundaries, obviously they're not going to be like, hey,
hold on.
Speaker 2 (17:18):
A second, I'll want some more boundaries here. So I
have had a lot of friendship.
Speaker 3 (17:23):
I always have had a lot of moving people in
my life. Like I've always had friendship breakups ever since
I was.
Speaker 2 (17:30):
A little girl.
Speaker 3 (17:31):
A lot in my adult life, I have lots of
friendships that are you know, very long, but I have
I've been through a lot of friends and had a
lot of friend breakups.
Speaker 2 (17:40):
And what I know about it.
Speaker 3 (17:41):
Is that.
Speaker 2 (17:43):
It's painful.
Speaker 3 (17:45):
And when someone doesn't like if you're the one getting
broken up with, someone asks you for space, give them
double Just let be like, be graceful.
Speaker 2 (17:59):
Like you know, someone wants to end.
Speaker 3 (18:01):
If you're in a relationship and a guy wants to
end the relationship, let them go bye.
Speaker 2 (18:05):
That's okay. I will survive. I will come.
Speaker 3 (18:08):
You know, we all are going to survive. We've all
been through it. We all get there. When you're doing
the breaking up, that's different, you know now, I know
to be a little bit less, you know, harsh and
softer and not everything needs an announcement. You can just
kind of walk away quietly without making.
Speaker 2 (18:26):
A pronouncement about it.
Speaker 3 (18:29):
But for anyone who's dealing with being broken up with
in a friendship, I just I would always argue that
whatever you lose comes back to you in tenfold in
different versions of other people. If you you know, you're
going to make a new friend, or you're going to
make three new friends, and they are going to fill
what you never got from that friendship in the first place.
Speaker 2 (18:51):
If a guy breaks up with you, the next guy
you're going.
Speaker 3 (18:54):
To date is going to be great, and he's going
to be even better than the last guy. Like I
believe that I think the biggest part problem that we
have is like kind of resisting reality, Like you just
need to accept the reality of the situation.
Speaker 2 (19:09):
And I think the biggest hurdle that we all experience.
Speaker 3 (19:12):
And you and I talked about this a lot, actually
when you were when you finally let go of the
idea that you know, this relationship might not be the
relationship is when the relationship came became real again, right,
And it's letting go, like really letting go. And that's
what all of these books talk to you about, you know,
whether it's letting go or let them or all these
(19:33):
self help books, it's always about just don't hold on
so tightly to things, because when you do that, that's when.
Speaker 2 (19:40):
Things start to fall away.
Speaker 3 (19:42):
Yeah, someone wants to leave, you, wish them well and
try not to sit there bitching and moaning and talking
about them.
Speaker 2 (19:50):
Be graceful.
Speaker 1 (19:52):
It's that attachment, you know. We talk about that a
lot in this class that I take, it's a Buddhist class.
It's about the attachment to the way we ca expect
things to be, or to the way we want things
to be, or to the way things have been. And
it's releasing that attachment that you get such freedom.
Speaker 3 (20:07):
Yeah, yeah, that sounds cool that Buddhist class. I would
love to go to a Buddhist class. Maybe I'll come
with you one day.
Speaker 2 (20:14):
I would love that.
Speaker 3 (20:14):
That's like the only spirituality slash religion. I mean, I'm spiritual,
but religion it's really debilitating and I can't even wrap
my head around it.
Speaker 2 (20:23):
But Buddhism really seems to be where it's at.
Speaker 1 (20:26):
It really does speak on a level that I comprehend
and like I can take it into my real life,
which is more than I have ever found in any
other So yeah.
Speaker 3 (20:35):
Right, And and I know you feel this way too,
Like we go through periods in our life where we're
not the best that we are. We're not the best
versions of ourselves. We do behave badly. That's we're human,
that's what happens. We do things that are regrettable. We
you know, fire off at people, say things. We act selfishly.
We're not thoughtful. We can hurt people, but that's not
(20:58):
that doesn't define you unless you can't see.
Speaker 2 (21:02):
Yourself clearly, like you.
Speaker 3 (21:05):
A real, self actualized person looks at that behavior and goes, Okay,
I've got to do better, Like I can do better,
and I will do better.
Speaker 2 (21:13):
A person who's not self actualized, will be.
Speaker 3 (21:15):
Like, everything's fine. What do you mean that person's an asshole.
That person's an asshole. That person's an asshole. It's like, no,
sometimes you're the asshole. Yeah, denominator is that you are
the asshole. And I have no problem, like, you know,
coming to terms with that at the point of my
life where I needed to.
Speaker 1 (21:31):
Yeah, I always say, stop pointing the finger and start
pulling the thumb. Yeah, you got to look at yourself
and what you what part you had in this situation.
And it's always You're always going to have a pardon.
Speaker 3 (21:42):
It always, always have and always It's just so much
cooler in life to be non reactive, like you know,
when when when shit is hitting the fan and everything
is falling apart of the seams, where you can actually
sit in a place, you know, absent from running from
a fire.
Speaker 2 (21:59):
I'm not talking about that. Obviously, you have to be reactive,
and that's the instance, but I'm.
Speaker 3 (22:02):
Talking about like anything psychological or anything that's happening. It's
just so much cooler to be like, Okay, let me
take this information in and come up Instead of being reactive,
I'm going to come up with a response after I
thought about it.
Speaker 2 (22:16):
You know, I don't have to fire that text.
Speaker 3 (22:17):
Off in the in the moment that I get the
text that annoys me, I can sleep on it. Like
I never believe those were actual options. When people said that,
I was like, oh yeah, sleep on it.
Speaker 2 (22:28):
I'm like maybe, no, no, no, I've.
Speaker 1 (22:29):
Got to defend myself. I've got to stand up for myself.
Speaker 2 (22:31):
And defend defend right. I'm right, I'm right.
Speaker 3 (22:34):
And then you get to a place in your life
where you're like, as long as you're arguing you're.
Speaker 1 (22:38):
Wrong, right, nobody's going to feel good right in this moment.
Speaker 2 (22:42):
If you're good, if you're right, you don't have to argue.
Speaker 3 (22:44):
You just sit there and go okay, great, and then
there's there's no like, you know, you you kind of
diffuse the whole situation because you're not participating in the argument.
Speaker 1 (22:54):
You say at one point in your book, I'm going
to paraphrase because I can't remember you say that. To
know that I'm choosing myself always makes me recognize how
powerful I am. When I choose that, I will eventually
land on my feet. So it's all about those choices
of knowing yourself, knowing what you're capable of knowing what's
important to you and who you want to be out
there in the world.
Speaker 2 (23:15):
Yeah. And also like I've gotten this far right, I'm
going to be fifty years old. How old are you,
Jenny fifty two?
Speaker 3 (23:23):
Fifty two? You have gotten to be fifty two. Like
we're both sitting right here. We both have very healthy lives,
healthy careers.
Speaker 2 (23:33):
There's no more is this going to break me? Is
this going to break me? Is this going to be
my last opportunity?
Speaker 3 (23:40):
Am I gonna There's no more of that because we
have the scientific data. It's been proven from the ages
that we started working.
Speaker 2 (23:48):
We're still here. We're still sitting here having this conversation
for one reason. Yeah, because we are equipped to deal
with this kind of lifestyle. So there's no more doubt.
Like the self doubt is not in my you know.
Speaker 3 (24:00):
I mean, I'm sure if something comes along, I can
experience it again. But as a whole, when I look
at my life and I think about all the times
I was like freaking out about an opportunity or when
I quit E I'm like, what if I never get
another job?
Speaker 2 (24:13):
What if everyone thinks I'm.
Speaker 3 (24:14):
Terrible because I quit my job, and like, no, there's
none of that anymore. Like I've proven over and over
and over again how capable, how talented.
Speaker 2 (24:24):
And how reliable I am.
Speaker 3 (24:26):
And like now that I respect myself, like I feel
it all the time.
Speaker 1 (24:30):
Right, you choose to trust yourself. That's the best feeling.
Speaker 2 (24:33):
Yeah, yeah, right? Is that how you feel now at
fifty two?
Speaker 1 (24:37):
Absolutely? And it gets stronger and stronger. But I still
do have to take those beats where I'm like, take
a deep breath, take a beat, Let think this through
before you fire back. I still have those you know,
things to learn and things places to grow to. But
I feel definitely very different at fifty two.
Speaker 2 (24:54):
Yeah, I mean it's pretty beautiful. You know, it's pretty
beautiful also.
Speaker 3 (24:59):
To like watch what's happening in our industry and watch
watch all of the women and the ages that they
are at achieving what they're achieving, Like look at the
year that Pamela Anderson had, look at the year that
Demean Moor had, look at June's squib, like, look at
these women. You know, you used to be considered valueless
after forty and now Hollywood, which is kind of like
(25:22):
the leading influence over culture and always has been for
a long time. I mean, maybe TikTok will take over
or already has, but Hollywood has a pretty strong is
a pretty strong indicator of what's to come. It's pretty
beautiful to see women excelling at these ages and getting.
Speaker 2 (25:40):
More beautiful and more self assured and really being, you know,
stepping into who they are as women.
Speaker 3 (25:48):
I like, I love seeing that, and I never will
prescribe or subscribe to the belief that a certain age
prohibits you from doing a certain thing, Like I was
talking about my shoulders somewhere that like, doesn't getting old suck.
Speaker 2 (26:04):
I'm like, this has nothing.
Speaker 3 (26:05):
To do with age, Like I will never relent to
like I will never be like I just give in
and give up, like, oh I'm getting old. No, no, no,
this is another bump in the road, and I will
get past it.
Speaker 1 (26:16):
Watch me, what if you did just lay down and
then you're like, oh, well, I'm falling apart. So I
guess I'll just put myself up to pasture.
Speaker 3 (26:23):
I know, I would love to euthanize myself at some point.
Apparently you have to be you have to be seventy.
I said that to my sister. I'm like, I'm just
looking for a euthanasia doctor. And she said, you have
to be seventy, sissy, you have some time.
Speaker 1 (26:35):
Oh man, that's disappointing to hear.
Speaker 3 (26:37):
Actually because I love that feeling, not because I want
to be gone from this world.
Speaker 2 (26:41):
I mean, the world is a scary place, but I
love I had. When I had surgery on Friday, I
was like, whatever you get put under, I love that feeling.
So and then they count back.
Speaker 3 (26:52):
They're like count back from ten and they go ten,
nine and then it's over. And I said to the anesthesiologist,
I go listen, I want I want to party.
Speaker 2 (27:01):
I want like.
Speaker 3 (27:02):
Ten minutes of a good time. And he's like, I
want to be awake, don't just put me out and
it's over. I'm like, I'm getting surgery, but feel it. Yeah,
let's turn this into a fun vibe. I love talking
and I'm like, just get let me be on the
drugs for like ten minutes in the o R and
then you can put me out.
Speaker 2 (27:19):
And that's what he did. And who do you want
to party with him? Like, you guys, let's party.
Speaker 1 (27:24):
Wait when you woke up for They're like, this is
what happened. This is what you said.
Speaker 2 (27:28):
My doctor's like, oh, you hadn't met Chelsea before. She
loves drugs.
Speaker 3 (27:34):
So no, I remember everything I said. I'm a great
drug user. We've talked about this. I was fully cognizant.
And it's not like we were even we were talking
about geography and world wars and the history of wars.
But I just love that warm feeling, you know of
like conversation while you're you know, on opioids.
Speaker 2 (27:51):
You know, I can't really do those in my real life.
That would be a disaster.
Speaker 1 (27:54):
Yeah, that's that's too far.
Speaker 2 (27:56):
Yeah, too far, Michael Style, can't go there. There. Even
though I've thought about that, doctor.
Speaker 1 (28:03):
Well, there's still time tells. I know that you've gone
through breakups in the public eye as I have. And
right now with this beautiful chapter that you're in, what
does love mean to you? Like, what are you looking
for in a relationship?
Speaker 3 (28:23):
I mean, right now I have a relationship with someone.
I'm in one relationship. I'm not limited to being in
one relationship, Okay, I'm open to everything. I like the
idea of lots of lovers throughout my life. I like
the idea of lots of love stories. I've never been
someone to subscribe to this kind of Prince Charming fantasy
bullshit that we've all been fed our whole lives. I
(28:45):
want someone who knows that I need my space, that
I'm independent, that I don't need anything from.
Speaker 2 (28:51):
You except for your care. Like I woke up the
other morning.
Speaker 3 (28:55):
I was with my boyfriend in Whistler, Canada, and up
the other morning and he goes, do you know how
lucky I feel to wake up next to you?
Speaker 2 (29:03):
He goes, do you know how many men would die
to wake up next to you? And I wanted to
be like, not as many as you think.
Speaker 3 (29:08):
But I was like, what a sweet thing for you
to think about. And then to say I would.
Speaker 1 (29:14):
Like to articulate. Yeah, yeah, my part part.
Speaker 2 (29:17):
You would keep that to yourself. Most men, you know
what I mean, Like, I don't want to give her
too much power, too much love for me, But what
is to say out loud?
Speaker 1 (29:25):
Yeah it is? We need that because we can do
anything we need to do on our own. We're all
such capable women, you and I especially, we call our
own trots, you know. And the men can feel really
intimidated by strong women such as us.
Speaker 3 (29:40):
Yeah, and a lot of men think no, no, no,
I'm good. I like, I like your strength, like, yeah,
not going to emasculate me. And usually they say yeah,
right right, yep. What are you gonna do for your birthday? Well,
my book comes out on my birthday, so I'll be
doing my press tour.
Speaker 2 (29:58):
I have a ski video that I still need to to.
Speaker 3 (30:00):
Shoot, because every year I shoot a ski video of
me skiing down a mountain with my dogs and a
joint and the margarita.
Speaker 2 (30:08):
I'm just gonna have parties wherever I go. I'm gonna
have one in Whistler. I'll have one in New York
because I'll be there for my book release.
Speaker 3 (30:14):
I'll have one in La probably just kind of little
gatherings as I kind of go across the country in
different cities.
Speaker 2 (30:21):
I mean, I feel like I'll just celebrate it throughout
the year.
Speaker 3 (30:24):
And yeah, fuck it, I thought, you know, I thought,
oh god, I don't need it.
Speaker 2 (30:28):
Whenever my friends started like, what do we want to do?
We've got to blow this out.
Speaker 3 (30:32):
This is your fiftieth And as soon as my editor
said do you want your book to come out on
your fiftieth, I go, actually, yes, that's perfect because that
takes the load off of all of this planning and
talking about planning, but on another aspect of it, I
just feel like so much of my life is a party.
So much of my life is a celebration. I've had
(30:53):
so many nights where I felt like it was my wedding,
you know, like so many I get up on stage
every week and perform in front of thousands of people.
That feels pretty fucking awesome. That feels like at your
birthday party every single time. So I was like a
little bit like, I don't know if I want to
celebrate myself. But anytime now that I'm resistant towards anything,
(31:14):
I just go for it.
Speaker 2 (31:15):
I'm like, oh, yes, you have to do it.
Speaker 3 (31:17):
Like I'm really bad at dancing, and I'm decided I'm
just gonna start dancing.
Speaker 2 (31:21):
I'm very self conscious.
Speaker 3 (31:23):
I know I'm a bad dancer, and i feel like
everyone's staring at me, and I'm like, you know what,
this is good. You're going to start dancing at fifty
and it doesn't matter.
Speaker 1 (31:29):
That you were kind of dancing just like solo dancing.
Speaker 3 (31:32):
Any dancing, Like I can't even dance to a beat,
like at the tailor shone, like just go two step
and you feel like you.
Speaker 1 (31:38):
Want to dance, but you hold yourself back because it's
not nobody needs to see that.
Speaker 3 (31:44):
Yes, yeah, totally like self conscious. It's like, my self
conscious thing is my dancing.
Speaker 1 (31:49):
And you should be free to just dance. I'm happy
you get to dance the whole year of yours.
Speaker 3 (31:54):
I know I'm gonna I'm gonna start dancing and not
care what anyone thinks.
Speaker 1 (31:58):
I love this. This is good.
Speaker 2 (32:00):
Yeah, because I need I need new challenges.
Speaker 3 (32:02):
I've you know, I need something else to like be like, Okay,
this is I haven't done. I haven't done a lot
of acting work recently.
Speaker 2 (32:07):
I'm going to do that decided. I'm like, I'm going
to do stuff that isn't in my comfort zone.
Speaker 1 (32:13):
It's like a beauty of it.
Speaker 2 (32:15):
Yeah. I feel like.
Speaker 3 (32:15):
Fifty is like a reset, like a reset, like okay,
now let me go around. It's like you're going back
into the hotel room to look and see what you
forgot right before you check out, You're like, okay, you
let me do one more past.
Speaker 1 (32:29):
Okay, Chelsea Handler, before I let you go, what was
your last I choose me moment?
Speaker 2 (32:35):
Well, my breakup with Joe Koy was a big one.
I choose me. That was great.
Speaker 3 (32:40):
I came to like a moment where it was either
I would have to compromise my whole being and what
I've grown up to be or and I didn't want
to break up. You know, we were in love and
I wanted it to work out. And in that moment,
I just remember like thinking, I have to use this
(33:01):
or choose myself.
Speaker 2 (33:02):
And I chose me.
Speaker 1 (33:04):
That's a big I choose me moment.
Speaker 2 (33:07):
Yeah, I'm so glad.
Speaker 1 (33:08):
I'm so glad you did. You're so worth choosing. Like
you've proven time and time again your resilience and you're
so capable, You've reinvented yourself. And I really do look
up to you.
Speaker 3 (33:19):
Oh, thank you, Thank you so much. I really appreciate that.
Speaker 1 (33:24):
And I'll be celebrating your birthday by dancing from.
Speaker 2 (33:27):
Yes, please dancing throw something of you. You did dancing
with the Stars, and you really know how to dance.
Speaker 1 (33:33):
I don't. I don't anymore. Like once you do it,
if you don't do it more, you lose it. I've
lost it.
Speaker 2 (33:38):
So oh it's like Spanish.
Speaker 1 (33:40):
Yeah, but thank you so much for taking the time.
All the best with your book, tour. You're going to
have such a great year. I see it, I see it.
Speaker 2 (33:47):
Thank you, Jenny, love talking to you. Thank you so
much too.
Speaker 1 (33:50):
Okay bye,
Hosts And Creators
Tori Spelling
Jennie Garth
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