Deepica Mutyala & Francia Raísa: Single, Married, or It’s Complicated? Society’s Expectations on Women and How To Find Your Identity Beyond the Stereotypes

Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
On this week's episode of A Really Good Cry, we
find out what happens when three best friends going through
different phases of life sit down together and lay it
all out.

Speaker 2 (00:10):
I can't tell you how many times I go out
on a date and it still happens. And one of
the first few questions that they asked me is can
you cook?

Speaker 3 (00:18):
I'm like, boy, can you build a car?

Speaker 4 (00:23):
And finding myself being so hypocritical because I'm sitting there
saying I want a guy who's six foot.

Speaker 5 (00:30):
And muscular and like looks a certain kind of way.

Speaker 4 (00:33):
But then I would be so mad if a guy
said I want a girl who's a size zero or
a certain height or something like that.

Speaker 1 (00:40):
Right, I'm thirty How am I? They two? They two?
I'm thirty three, and I have zero rush to have children.
And that scares every single person around me except for me.
I'm rather Deablukiah and on my podcast A Really Good Cry,

(01:02):
we embrace the messy and the beautiful, providing a space
for raw, unfiltered conversations that celebrate vulnerability and allow you
to tune in to learn, connect and find comfort together. Hey, everyone,
welcome to A Good Cry podcast, where we try to
have discussions about topics and things that can be sometimes
difficult to process alone. Hopefully this is a space where

(01:24):
you can cry, you can lean into your emotions and
let go and if you really need to have a
good cry and don't feel bad about it. So today
I have two of my best friends sitting on the
couch with me. We've got deep cut in frontcier. We've
both been friends for years. I think it feels like forever,
but it's been at least five years that we've known
each other and we're going to have a good old chat.

(01:47):
But to start off, I just want to set the
scene for you all. We currently have cookies, homemade cookies,
homemade chai that we're sipping on, and frontiers incredible homemade
salsa and chips. I'm going to do a bit of
ASMR for you. Should we start off with a bit
of am Yeah, But.

Speaker 3 (02:01):
First of all, I got to say, I'm so proud
of you. We're over here like cheesing over you. What
a good little.

Speaker 1 (02:05):
Intro face has gone red? Honestly, I guess so nervous
doing this to say you like the third podcast we're doing,
But yeah, why don't we do that? I want everyone
to get the feeling of yourself there. We've both tried
different versions of it. Deep you've tried her, Yeah, you.

Speaker 5 (02:19):
Had like four different versions. But you said you just
made this.

Speaker 3 (02:21):
So I just made this one yesterday.

Speaker 2 (02:22):
And this one's a little more roasted than what you
both have tasted.

Speaker 1 (02:26):
And what's the difference, like roasted tomato?

Speaker 3 (02:28):
Yeah, tomatoes, handy? Oh tomato?

Speaker 2 (02:31):
Can I do that?

Speaker 3 (02:32):
Or tomat and the chilisia.

Speaker 1 (02:35):
Okay, let's do it, all right, go for it.

Speaker 3 (02:37):
I'm gonna have you guys go.

Speaker 1 (02:38):
First, do it, and then everyone here and pray.

Speaker 3 (02:42):
Just dipingy in it it.

Speaker 1 (02:46):
Oh my god, m hm, just do spice you but
the right amount of spice. It's got like the sweetness
and sourness of the tomatoes, the cilantro Oh my god,
it tastes so good.

Speaker 5 (02:58):
Okay, this was really descriptive. I was just gonna say
it was.

Speaker 1 (03:02):
I want the smokiness in the back.

Speaker 3 (03:04):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (03:05):
Okay, guys, this is by far going to be the
best seller you've ever ever tried. I can't wait till hopefully. Yeah,
you've got some of this job. Yes, we also have
a bit of masala tie. I feel like we should
all do a slap. I feel like we're having chai
and salsa right now. I'm not sure that's good.

Speaker 5 (03:23):
That actually didn't taste weird together.

Speaker 3 (03:29):
I love this chie so much, but I do I
can't tell.

Speaker 1 (03:32):
The different difference.

Speaker 3 (03:33):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (03:34):
The first time Francie had my chai, it was a
homemade massala, and this time I didn't have any left.
So we've used a normal massala and it's just not
the same. It hits different.

Speaker 2 (03:42):
Yours is just I don't like chai, but for some
reason I couldn't stop drinking at that thing.

Speaker 3 (03:47):
No, so next time makes some things.

Speaker 1 (03:49):
Yeah, there isn't. Yeah, it's so good.

Speaker 5 (03:53):
I'm still going.

Speaker 2 (03:54):
Yeah, I roast them longer, so it could be that
smoky so good.

Speaker 1 (03:58):
You really mastered it.

Speaker 3 (03:59):
Yeah, doing it since I was eighteen years old, so
I hope. So I didn't know it was that good.

Speaker 2 (04:04):
Well to me, I was like, oh, I can't find
salsa that I like, and so I just learned how
to make it, and I was I don't know why
I was used to be so shy and embarrassed about
sharing that before.

Speaker 3 (04:13):
Yeah, and then I just started and people love it.

Speaker 1 (04:16):
I feel like everyone in the different cultures gets embarrassed
when they're younger about their cultural food, and then suddenly
it becomes something that's popular in the world. I feel
like we both probably had.

Speaker 3 (04:24):
The same Yea.

Speaker 4 (04:26):
I didn't want friends coming over because I didn't want
them to smell the curry.

Speaker 2 (04:29):
Oh my god, Yes, because I always had beans at
the house and I ate beans every day. And when
I brought them to school one time, they sang that
song to me, Beans, Beans and make you fine in
the morn and I was so embarrassed.

Speaker 4 (04:41):
I had a friend come over and she asked to
leave because she couldn't didn't smell no, And so I
was so mortified. I didn't have anyone come over ever after.

Speaker 3 (04:49):
And where was this in school?

Speaker 5 (04:50):
In Texas?

Speaker 3 (04:51):
In Texas? Yeah, this is La too.

Speaker 5 (04:52):
Ye it was rough, But now I want everyone to come.

Speaker 1 (04:56):
Everyone wants to be curry.

Speaker 2 (04:57):
Yeah. Now, anytime I meet any or anyone where, can
I get good Mexican or can I try your Mexican?

Speaker 1 (05:02):
But growing up in a very good way, full circle. Yeah,
it is the reason I actually was so excited to
have you both on is because, just to give you
all a bit more context, me and Francis and deepica,
whether or on a hike, whether we are in a
cold plunge or sauna, whether we are sitting on a couch,
we always have meaningful conversations that I feel has helped
me grow so much in my life. And it's just

(05:24):
so nice to have friends where your relationship is built
on talking about things that help us grow versus many
other things that we could be talking about. And so
I really value that in my life to have friends
that I can do that with. And one of the
things that I feel that we've all seemed to relate on,
no matter what phase of life we're in, is the
judgment that we kind of face when it comes to
being married and not having kids, being in a relationship

(05:45):
or not being in a relationship. And I think there's
so many different dimensions to it that we've discussed before.
But I really want to talk about it because I
think it's something that can relate to so many people
across cultures, and yeah, I want to I want to
just hear from both of you, like what your experiences
have been it and how it's made you feel, what
you've done about it.

Speaker 2 (06:03):
I mean, that's such a huge topic. I mean, I'm single,
hold I'm I'm single, not married. Yes, I'm okay, this
is single, not married, not even a boyfriend.

Speaker 3 (06:15):
I'm not crying yet, but I knew it was going
to happen at some point. I hope you have tissue.
I did.

Speaker 1 (06:18):
Oh, I did. Actually, I'll get another books.

Speaker 3 (06:20):
No, it's okay.

Speaker 2 (06:20):
Well, anyways, I think it was a little more harder
for me to accept that at this age I have
not even like one prospect, nothing. But at the same time,
I'm happier. Yes, some family members have made comments. I
think when I was twenty four, an uncle was concerned
that I hadn't had a kid yet.

Speaker 3 (06:42):
I was twenty four.

Speaker 1 (06:43):
What's normal in your like in your culture of like
marriage and well as well, I guess in the older generation,
what did they see as being normal of having kids
and being married?

Speaker 3 (06:52):
I mean as soon as you can, So what's.

Speaker 1 (06:55):
Known as like the expiration date? Like you're done now.

Speaker 2 (06:57):
I mean you should probably be getting married or at
least having a child by the time.

Speaker 3 (07:03):
You're twenty one.

Speaker 1 (07:04):
Wow.

Speaker 2 (07:05):
Yeah, no, unless you go to college. If you go
to college, just a different story. But then still by
twenty two to twenty three, like you should be popping
them out. So it's school and then marriage and then kids,
and you're not even allowed to move out of your
house until you're married.

Speaker 1 (07:21):
Yeah.

Speaker 3 (07:21):
I broke that.

Speaker 2 (07:22):
Rule in my family, and oh my mom was pissed.
I was commuting so much from I lived in Northridge
growing up, so from Northridge to Hollywood, I was commuting
so much and trying to go to school and trying
to do auditions. I was like, I can't do this anymore.
So shortly before I turned eighteen, I moved to Loshiela's.
And it's just culturally like, no, you don't get it.

(07:43):
And I have so many friends that did wait until
they got married, and a lot of them got married
young because they wanted to leave their house.

Speaker 1 (07:50):
Yeah, and I feel that's the same in all culture.
It's completely abnormal to even think about. I mean, you
can go to college and you can live away for that,
but if you're moving in with a boy, or if
you're thinking of moving out. Once I got back from
UNI or from college, there wasn't even a question of
whether I would live out. And I wish that I
had because it would have helped me grow so much more.
But in our culture, is just not normal to live

(08:12):
with the boy before you're married.

Speaker 5 (08:14):
It's just funny.

Speaker 4 (08:14):
They go from stay away from boys, don't ever day boys,
to all of a sudden, it's like, why aren't you
with the boy?

Speaker 3 (08:20):
Oh my gosh, that was so true. I've never even
thought about that.

Speaker 4 (08:23):
It's so frustrating because it's like, you actually gave me
no tools to know how to do this. Yeah, but
all of a sudden, I hit like a certain age
and it's like get married tomorrow.

Speaker 1 (08:33):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (08:34):
Yeah, If you really think about it, the idea of
having to wait until you're graduated from college to start
dating like that is so much of your life.

Speaker 3 (08:42):
It is.

Speaker 1 (08:42):
And also it doesn't give you space to you basically
expected to get into to leave college, get into a relationship,
and get married within such a short period of time
that doesn't actually allow you to get to know the
person as deeply as you should. And I know so
many people who got married at a young age and
have not regretted being married to that person, but wish

(09:02):
that they had and I can.

Speaker 3 (09:03):
I can life.

Speaker 1 (09:04):
Yeah, and I feel that way where I think Jay's
a lot older than me, and so he has not
a lot He's like three years older than me. But
I gave him a good amount of time to grow
a little bit more than I had. Yeah, and so
I ended up doing the growth in my relationship, which
is a lot more difficult on your partner versus me
having had that time by my I had never spelt
spent time by myself before I got married, and so

(09:26):
I'm trying to figure out how to spend time by
myself while being married, but while also being in a relationship,
figure out who I am, right, I.

Speaker 4 (09:32):
Think what's so cool? Like you said, I feel like
so much. It's nice to hear that you feel like
you've grown from conversations with us.

Speaker 5 (09:38):
I mean, we definitely grow with conversation.

Speaker 3 (09:41):
Yeah, you always What did you get out of this?

Speaker 4 (09:45):
I don't know much, but I do think that, like
what you and Jay have shown me is that there
was some judgment on my end of all my friends
because I grew up in Texas. So it's the layer
of being Indian and growing up in Texas where you
just you get married quick like most of the people
who went high school, they're on like baby number three.

Speaker 5 (10:02):
For me, I thought that I had.

Speaker 4 (10:05):
A little bit of judgment of people who got married
at an early age. Because I felt like maybe it
was a little bit of me trying to be rebellious,
but also part of it was like, you haven't grown,
and there's so much more growth that you can do
and figure out who you are without the partner kind
of influencing how you're going to grow. But what I
realize now is that because I'm just so proud, like

(10:25):
even though we're supposed to be having all this shame
about being single, I feel like I'm finally at a
place where I'm proud that I've developed independently to be
who I am through the friends and families, family, and
my life, to be who I am today. However, literally,
like you said, you and Jay have grown together so much,
and it's such a healthy way to see that, Like

(10:46):
you can't get married at a young age and grow
and be independently two different.

Speaker 5 (10:51):
People but still together.

Speaker 4 (10:52):
Yeah, which quite honestly, what i'd seen some examples of
is that you end up growing together but not into
dependently at all.

Speaker 5 (11:00):
When you're in a relationship early at early.

Speaker 1 (11:03):
Yeah, you kind of become the same person. And I
think that wasn't possible because we were so far apart
in our journeys that it wasn't even possible to mold
into one person because that would require him to slow
down in his journey and me to speed up at
a rate that I wasn't able to. And even now
I think, like, even though it is a nice thing
that I'm able to do that, it can be very
difficult on the other person who's done the work and

(11:25):
got into the thing, And then you end up either
being babying the other person and trying to help them
grow in some way when sometimes that's not really your
responsibility as a partner, where you know you're there to
mutually give to each other and you can in different ways,
but at the same time, it definitely what I'm saying
is me being the other person. I can see it
puts a lot of pressure on the partner and if

(11:45):
they don't have the ability and the space to do
that for the other person, which a lot of people don't,
which is also fair, I think that can be quite
a strain on the relationship if you don't have that.
And I also think, like when we're thinking about all
of our friends, I think there's such a different and
I don't know whether you've noticed this, but of people
from here versus people from your hometown, like I have. Again,

(12:07):
I get nervous going back home to and I hear
between my friend groups. Some of my friends end up
telling me where oh this person was asking me, you know,
you guys have been married for so long, why have
you not had kids? And I'm like, they're on their
second baby, and I'm like, Okay, I'm not judging them
for having their second baby, but they're fully judging my
relationship for not having had a child. And I think
the older generation is also like that, where it's like, oh,

(12:28):
you've been married for three years, you've been married for
five years now, like that's a long time. Then people
end up thinking like you've got issues, either fertility issues
or relationship issues. Those are the two things that people assume.
Whereas here, when I moved here, I just I was
someone who wanted kids when I was like eighteen, Like
in my mind, I was like, all I want to
do is be a mom. All I want to do
is have babies. I had zero career goals. I had

(12:51):
no aspirations of what I wanted to be. I did
things because I knew I had to go to college,
not because I wanted to. I studied what I studied
because my mum recommended it, Like I had no to
be like anything in business or have that of my own.
I just so I'd get married, stop working and probably
have babies.

Speaker 3 (13:07):
Yep.

Speaker 1 (13:08):
And when I moved here, meeting you and meeting you
and meeting Pyle and meeting all of our friends who
have broken those stereotypes and done it so well to
the point where they are so content that they're so
happy that they met their partners at a later age.
They're so happy that they very healthily had babies at
an older age and then people would expect And that
for me opened up my eyes so much because I

(13:31):
now am at a stage where I'm thirty old? Am
I they thirtwo? They two? I think thirty three, and
I have zero rush to have children And that scares
every single person around me except for me. Yeah, And
I think, like it's such a change for me where
people are like all you wanted was that, and I'm like, well,
And I think allowing people to have changes through their

(13:52):
life allows great friendships, which I think we all do
for each other too.

Speaker 2 (13:55):
One of the things I'm trying to accept is it's
okay to change your mind and even as someone that says, well,
I want to do this, I want to do that.
Especially out here in LA you're so afraid to come
off as fake or phony to anyone because there's so
many people are so you know, I'm a huge person
where I'm like, if I say something, I have to

(14:16):
stick to it because I have something to prove, and
eventually it's like, well what do I have to prove?
So anyway, But I think also with your point circling back,
I think you have to meet people where they're at.
I'm the type of personality I can't grow with someone.
I was way too immature and I knew that I
had to do it by myself the hard way because
of how I grew up.

Speaker 3 (14:35):
And I think same with you.

Speaker 2 (14:37):
It's like you, I don't think you'd be able to
go or do what you need to do if you
had to grow with someone because totally and you and
I I'm just gonna say we're similar.

Speaker 3 (14:47):
When we're in a relationship. We give it are all.

Speaker 2 (14:49):
Yeah, And You're so good at being independent in a relationship,
and Jay's so good at allowing both of you are
good at allowing each other to be independent within the
relationship and we're.

Speaker 5 (14:58):
Just yeah, no, I might.

Speaker 3 (15:00):
I have an example of that.

Speaker 4 (15:02):
Every relationship I've been and it's been high high low lows,
and you come around healthy couples where it just feels
like there's and not to say everything, everybody has their
hig high low lows, but at least from everything I've witnessed,
which I lived with you guys for I lived with
the all during the pandemic for like a month, it's
like it still is so healthy, even in the fights, right,

(15:23):
there's gonna be fights that happen, but it's nice to
see healthy fights, which really just means that you allow
space for each other, and whether that means that you
step away from each other or it's like you decide
that you're going to give it a beat before you
just address it. I just think it's shown me that
it's not normal or healthy to have these high high
low low kinds of life. And I don't think I

(15:44):
could have been in a relationship in the way that
I want to now going forward when I was first
starting to build my career. Yeah, that's just me, but
there's other people who can do it.

Speaker 5 (15:56):
Yeah, I just don't.

Speaker 4 (15:57):
And Jay said this to me once, and I fully
feel it is like you can have everything, just.

Speaker 5 (16:01):
Not all at once.

Speaker 3 (16:02):
Yeah.

Speaker 4 (16:03):
And I think that now I'm at a place where
I like can't wait to date and discover who we
will be with a healthy partner.

Speaker 2 (16:10):
Yes, exactly, now that we know ourselves a little more.
Now that we are, you know, growing in our careers
and we have a little more control of how that
is going now, I mean, I think we're in.

Speaker 3 (16:19):
A better place.

Speaker 4 (16:20):
What's also cool is I like talk to my mom
about this the last time I went home, and my mom,
a very Indian mother who for so long has said
like she's worried that I'm going to achieve all my
career wins, but be alone. She actually said to me
the last time I went home, which was like major growth,
you know, Dipica, Like, I really recognize. I don't think
you would have been as happy of where you are

(16:40):
in your career if you had focused on dating someone.
I know how much it takes to make a relationship work,
and I don't think you could have done both well together. Yeah,
And to hear her say that, and she just was like,
you know, I know you're not going to get married
at a traditionally normal age, which also is just annoying
that that's a thing, but you.

Speaker 5 (16:57):
Know it's growth. She's an Indian mom.

Speaker 4 (17:00):
It was such a relief to have her say, I
don't want you to rush this because she also doesn't
want to be the wrong person.

Speaker 1 (17:06):
No, And I think even just seeing you grow over
the past few years, if you think about the people,
and no disrespect to anybody, but if you think about
what you were attracting in your life as you've grown,
as you've changed, it's kind of like it ends up
being a measure of what you have within you that
you're attracting to yourself. And so I feel like when
I've noticed the characteristics of people as you've been growing

(17:29):
and as you've been becoming so much more comfortable in
your own skin, it's like you're attracting better and better.

Speaker 5 (17:34):
And I think what you evers to toxic not even.

Speaker 1 (17:37):
Toxic, I just think as opposed to people who like
If you think about the people you attracted, then it
probably was a reflection of what you were really wanting
to like, what you were thinking in your mind, that
you wanted in your life. But now I feel like
seeing you more comfortable than your own skin, seeing you
as someone who feels that way where there is no rush,
not forcing the situation, and with the growth that you've had,

(17:59):
it's like the tie of people, whether it's friends or
romantic relationships. I just noticed you're like attracting a higher
type of connection with people and people who have that
to give to you.

Speaker 5 (18:10):
And it took time.

Speaker 4 (18:11):
But I think that whole saying of you can't make
someone else happy until you find happiness with.

Speaker 3 (18:16):
Yourself is so that is so real. That is so real.

Speaker 2 (18:20):
Yeah, And you have a lot more grace for people
when you're happier with yourself. You're understanding of a lot
more things. When you're happier with yourself, when.

Speaker 4 (18:27):
You're confident with who you are, you attract confident people
around you. Yeah, And so I realize now that, like,
because I'm so secure with who I am in my
business and as a human being. Yeah, right, Like there's
I also feel like the most I've told you guys,
Like I just feel mentally, physically, emotionally the best I
ever have in that entire life.

Speaker 5 (18:45):
But that took thirty three years, you know, thirty three years.

Speaker 4 (18:48):
And so I think anyone who's trying to rush it
in their twenties and say, like, how can I get
to this confidence level? I don't think I could have
without just life experience.

Speaker 1 (18:56):
Right, And I think that way slowly changing. Like if
you think about our generation of friends, especially the ones here,
I think that we really are changing that norm for
the age of things to happen and allowing things to
like just flow in the direction that is because you know,
I think about even if all of if you think
about five of our friends that were close to, so
many of them have been in relationships or got married

(19:18):
after the age of what thirty five, thirty six, Yeah,
I've had babies, second baby that age of forty year plus,
And I just think that is such a beautiful thing
to be able to have that. And I know when
I started changing my mind what you were saying about
it's okay to change. I used to feel so guilty
and I still randomly get spouts of like feeling guilt
for not wanting what I did then and like we're
not wanting to have a baby as much as I

(19:40):
did then, and thinking, oh my god, does that mean
I'm like just not as feminine or as womanly as
I think I should be, or does that mean I'm
being selfish in the way that I am wanting to
build my career or the way that I want more
time for myself. Like, is there is that a selfish
thing to do? And I think that's something as women
we are so used to doing, is feeling selfish. It's
like your train not to really want career goals, You're

(20:02):
train not to really want not Well, you can have them,
but not more ambitious than your partner. You can have them,
but not to the extent where it jeopardizes your chance
to have a child. You can have them, but you
should still be able to look after your family in
the way that you should as a woman whilst having
a job and a career. And I definitely saw my
mom was able to do that. She had a job,
she looked after us, she looked after my dad.

Speaker 5 (20:23):
How you do it, I don't know.

Speaker 1 (20:24):
It was like a different generation of women and human
and also different things that they had, Like the distractions
we have in life now and the things that we're
able to get done in the day is so different
because of how stimulated we are and how many other
things that we have in our life and our social situation.
We will have so many more friends and our parents
probably reject them.

Speaker 4 (20:44):
And I also feel like we should be. I see
it as like I think them. Instead of having this
like how can I be like her? I more see
it as like, because of the foundation she laid, I
now can live a life where I have even more ambition,
even more of a social life, even more of these
things that bring me happiness. He didn't do like my
mom didn't enjoy vacations. That wasn't a thing that they did.
They just worked into near the kids and cook.

Speaker 2 (21:05):
I have two thoughts before they go away, tell me sorry,
two thoughts. We are the last generation that's gonna know
life without the internet.

Speaker 3 (21:13):
No, I know, we are the last one.

Speaker 2 (21:15):
So everything that we're talking about right now is so
relevant to people in our age range. But thankfully because
of us, things are changing. So that's a thought that
I want to discuss because you were saying generation, But
then we were talking about confidence earlier, saying most confident
I've ever been in my life, and I know that
that was something that I kept saying, I'm a very
confident one very confident, But I didn't know what that

(21:37):
meant or what it was essentially, so I started changing
that language. Instead of being like, you know what, I'm
not as confident as I haven't been before. I trust
myself now and that with the trust confidence comp and
now with a man. What I say is I don't
need a confident man. I need a man that trusts himself.
Once you trust yourself, then that confidence builds and you

(21:58):
exude it and then.

Speaker 3 (21:59):
That's what you receive. So it's about trusting yourself.

Speaker 1 (22:02):
And I think confidence is such a like you can
have so much false confidence and I think I've had
that so much in my life, where I because of
the things that I have or because of the person
that I know I can be, Yeah, I end up
you end up kind of falsely putting yourself into that
person or like you you kind of want to like
be that person before you actually get there. And that's
a good way to get there. But if you're not

(22:23):
actually making the journey, you're kind of just faking it
till you make it. And I personally feel that traps
you into like being a person that you are pressured
to become before you've actually made it there. And I
found that really difficult to like have false confidence in,
like oh, because you know, I do do all the
things that un necessary. I eat well, I meditate, I
do all the things that are great for my mind.

(22:44):
But like, do I actually still feel good about myself? Like,
do I actually still feel confident? Do I still feel
great walking into a room? I actually start have so
much anxiety when I walk into a room. I still
have so many things that I'm working on where I think, like,
the confidence has to be something that you actually genuinely
feel inside. And usually what that means is you're quieter
when you go out and about, like you're not actually
that person that you exude it, but in such a natural,

(23:06):
quietless way. It's so powerful, especially when it's through like
feminine energy versus masculine energy. It's like feminine energy has
such a power when you walk into a room and
you're so comfortable with the energy that you have within you,
it exudes it but in such an attractive way, like
people are just attracted.

Speaker 2 (23:22):
To you who you are, and you can't say you're
like that, it's just exactly it just is. And you
when things don't get to you as much, when you're
not when your ego isn't bruised, then you know, oh,
I trust myself because I know what's going on I
don't have to respond to any of this.

Speaker 1 (23:35):
And I have to respond. I don't have to react.
I don't have to prove myself. That's something I find
so hard with. Even when you know, when you get
comments on your Instagram, it's like all the sweet ones,
you're like, uh, cut whatever, whatever, that one that one
that's like, oh how come you and J haven't had
babies there? Or oh is this like do you really
think you should be doing this at this age?

Speaker 2 (23:53):
That I'm like, oh when that one hits, and that's
when I limit my comments and I'm like, I don't
want to do it.

Speaker 4 (23:59):
But isn't it crazy that we notice the one and
just kind of remembering like hundreds of other ones that
are so positive.

Speaker 1 (24:05):
But that's why, you know when something triggers you, I've
noticed that as if this is triggering me, it's something
that I have to work on. I know that the
comments that trigger me are the ones which I have
stuff to figure out in myself before I end up
responding or reacting.

Speaker 4 (24:19):
That was really good advice you gave me Once. I
was talking about a guy I was dating, and I
remember you specifically saying, why does it bother you that
somebody is saying that about him, and if I really
think about it, it's because I'm insecure about that aspect
of him.

Speaker 5 (24:32):
Yeah, that was like a mind blowing thing for me
to hear.

Speaker 4 (24:35):
I was like, dang, you're right, because if somebody said
he's not X enough or whatever, you wouldn't actually be
phased by it if you yourself were secure with that.
So clearly that's something I need to work on. Like look,
and I think it was you who said this, Like
look in word versus outword is like why is that, Bob?

Speaker 2 (24:49):
Well, At the end of the day, anything that we
get upset about as humans, it's because it's a trigger
from something.

Speaker 1 (24:55):
Because if you think someone is like so good looking,
like I remember back in the day when I used
to find people so attractive, and someone would tell me,
oh my god, he's not even that good looking, or
why do you even like him? No matter how, no
matter what thousands of people other people would have said
to me, if I found them attractive, it would never
trigger me. I'd be like, whatever, he's I think he's
the best looking guy I've ever seen. But if you're

(25:15):
if you actually subconsciously don't feel that way, and someone
says it, You're like, you've tried to defend it because
it's something that you probably feel in your core as well. Yeah,
and so yeah, I feel like it's uh, it's difficult.
But the confidence that you guys, I feel like I've
seen even your growth from the moment that I met
you when you were a podcah, my god, see who
you are now?

Speaker 3 (25:36):
Girl?

Speaker 2 (25:36):
I need to do that podcast again because I was
so mean to myself on that podcast and I remember
I was it took everything for me to get out
of bed. And you know that's true because I didn't
put on makeup, I was in sweats, I was in
a hat.

Speaker 3 (25:47):
I was so depressed. I just didn't want to let
Jay down.

Speaker 1 (25:49):
But no, but so beautiful that you even have that
as like as like a memory of of this is
where I was and this is where I've come to.
Like how amazing that you have that record and you
even have that memory, like, don't even think of it
as a negative memory.

Speaker 4 (26:03):
No, it's so cool to think like it season ten
of your past what we're saying right now and like
ten episodes from now?

Speaker 3 (26:11):
How we how who were we are? Like remember back then? Yeah?

Speaker 1 (26:15):
Yeah, I mean I feel like you've both done so
much growth, And I have to say, like, even from
mine and your conversations that we've had about your about
everything that you've been through, you feel I feel like
seeing you now is where you are attracting the most
in every part of your life. Like you are wanting
to go out there, and you are wanting to work out,

(26:36):
You want to go out there, and you want to
do like all these things that are good for you.
And I think when you choose to do things that
are good for you, good comes to you. But if
that's so true, and it seeps from every part of
your life, like if you choose in your life that
I'm gonna and I've noticed in my life whenever I'm
like comfort of eating and doing activities in my life
that actually bring me down in some way, it then
that attitude and that mentality seeps through every part of it.

(26:59):
So then I'm late in my relationships, I'm lazier in
my friendships, I'm lazier in my day to day life.
Because you can't just control being like not bad, I
don't like using bad, but you can't control yourself just
being a lower version of yourself in one area of
your life, because if you are that in one area,
it ends up trickling into every other area of your
life too, So you have to elevate in every area.

Speaker 2 (27:20):
One of the things that I love about the three
of us that we all do is, let's say we're
venting about something or something triggers us.

Speaker 3 (27:27):
All three of us do this.

Speaker 2 (27:28):
We stop ourselves and we look at each other and
we say, I know that's ego talking, but that's just
how I feel right now, or I know I'm just
being triggered and it means this, but I just need
to let this out and then we move on. And
we're so good at calling ourselves out and then letting
it go, which is now why I'm saying it's important
to trust yourself because you trust your character so much,
you trust who you are, You trust who you are,

(27:49):
You're like, I know.

Speaker 3 (27:50):
Where I'm going with this. Let me just get it
out and keep it moving and.

Speaker 4 (27:53):
Accepting that there's phases to life, right because when we
first met, I just started building my company. And I
think it just because if there's anyone listening to this
that is an entrepreneur like building their own business, I
just want them to give grace to themselves too, because Yeah,
I wasn't healthy. Then I was drinking a lot, I
was eating like crap, I wasn't sleeping well. I was

(28:14):
taking melatonin to try and fall asleep, and then I
would maybe like drink a glass of wine. I was
doing all these things that I knew was not good
for my body. That said, I think the journey of
building a business is so mentally, emotionally physically taxing that
I'm giving myself grace and knowing that, like, I had
to do certain things to cope with how I was feeling.
I'm not saying or excusing or saying that that is

(28:36):
the way to do it, but I think when you
reflect on it, you have to give yourself grace and say, like,
that was a season of life that I went through
to get to where I am now. To now say
I'm prioritizing me. It's just too hard to say you're
doing it all. You can't give you all you want
to this business that you're literally building from scratch, and
to yourself and to your friends and to your family
and to you know, your employees and everything. It's like,

(28:59):
I think you just have to be okay with the
fact that there are seasons to life, and you can't
do everything great at once, no, I think, if anything,
and this drives you crazy when people think it. And
that's why I'm glad you're doing this podcast, honestly, because
everybody is human, even RADI, which I know.

Speaker 5 (29:13):
Is hard for everyone to say that, but she is, no.

Speaker 4 (29:17):
But you are, because like it is interesting to hear that,
like everybody goes through their journey. She's just more like
working on herself and it inspires everyone around her to
work on herselves, like I genuinely want to. I'm not
a perfect vegan at all, but I try right and
I feel better when I do it. But it's okay
if I'm not perfect, and I think that's the key thing.

(29:38):
I just want like people listening to know that, like
it is a journey, yes, and that's okay.

Speaker 1 (29:43):
Oh it's so okay. I feel like even though I
love food and I talk about healthy food, it's like
my comfort just like yours was maybe wine or yours
maybe something different, Like I know, mine is always food.
And so in every single part of thing, like there
is there is a good aspect to something and there
is a bad aspect to it, and so over indulging
in anything, whether it's alcohol, whether it's a stimulant, whether

(30:03):
it's a melotonin, whether it's food, Everything can have a
negative effect to you. So for me, it's like my
uncontrollable nature is towards food. Like I know, when I'm sad, mad, angry,
I either cry or I eat, Like those are my
two releases and so and that's not a healthy place
to be in. And so for me, I'm trying to
control that. And people may be like, oh, it's just
food whatever, but it's still a vice, Like it's still

(30:24):
something that takes control over me. And so I think,
and it has to be things that you do little
bit at a time. I know, I've always been that
person where I wake up and I'm like, today's reset.
I'm going to reset every single thing in my whole
entire life. We're gonna eat good, we're gonna sleep good,
We're gonna for a workout every single day. And then
you say all the oh, I'm gonna read sixty minutes
a day, I'm gonna journal, I'm gonna do gallon of water.

Speaker 2 (30:45):
We give ourselves so much responsibility and there's only really
what twelve.

Speaker 3 (30:50):
Hours that we have energy.

Speaker 1 (30:52):
H disappoint yourself, like I've disappointed myself so much, and
you know what that does. It makes you not trust
in yourself and then you actually feel so about yourself
and I know that.

Speaker 3 (31:01):
Don't set yourself up for failure. And that's what we do.
Like I send myself three things to do in a day.
That's even a lot.

Speaker 2 (31:08):
Like if it's five o'clock and I'm done, even though
that's after work hours, I'm like, I'm there, I'm wasting time.

Speaker 4 (31:14):
It's also the extreams of like saying I'm cutting out
alcohol complete God.

Speaker 3 (31:19):
And I said and done that I say it.

Speaker 2 (31:21):
I mean, I say I'm not drinking during the week,
and I haven't seen that totally.

Speaker 4 (31:25):
But like it's it's the extremes of that rather than
just saying, like, you know what, I'm gonna have like
a glass instead of.

Speaker 5 (31:30):
A bottle whatever your version of that is right and.

Speaker 3 (31:37):
Exactly.

Speaker 4 (31:37):
So it's like but that, but but then you woke
up today, we went to hot yoga this morning, and
like now we're having chi with Roddy. We're gonna have
dinner at Roddy's, which is obviously going to be cleansed
and good breast here. I just think it's like, I
don't want to be so hard on myself.

Speaker 5 (31:50):
We're so hard at ourselves, and.

Speaker 4 (31:53):
It's just so important to remember that, like we're doing
the best we can and that idea of gratitude, which
again is something you've taught me, and like reflecting at
the end of the day to say, I did better
than I did the day before, and maybe today wasn't
as great as the day before, but I'm going to
try again better tomorrow.

Speaker 5 (32:07):
Yeah, but it doesn't have to be so black and white, No.

Speaker 1 (32:10):
Yeah, it doesn't. It puts too much pressure. And you
have to remember you're comparing yourselves against the best of
everybody that you see. And I'm going to be the
first day that I wow comparing yourself to the best
version that you are seeing of another person, and just
like the best way to actually take that away is
compare yourself to the day before and even if today
is even worse what you're saying, like, even if today

(32:30):
is worse than it was yesterday, just no better exists
the next day. And you have to set yourself up
for the opportunity to do that if you start, like
every time I have bad bouts of meditation, or like
I can't concentrate in it, or I feel really distracted
during the day. I like focus throughout my day a lot,
and I'm so hard on myself when i get to
the end of the day and I'm like, why can't
I just get so much done like Jada's or like

(32:51):
deep Sus or like anybody else is like why is
it so difficult for me? And I realize, I'm like, okay, cool,
even if it's an extra fifteen minutes the next day,
then I'm sitting at my desk and working, even if
it is a little bit more attention that I'm paying
in my meditation the next day. It doesn't have to
be so extreme, Like it just doesn't have to be.

Speaker 4 (33:07):
Because like you do in our meditation a day, right, Yeah,
And I am so proud of my five minutes exactly.
I'm not kidding, because that is five minutes instead of
grabbing my phone and like doing something. I've been listening
to the Daily Jay in the morning. That's seven minutes.
And while it's I'm making my bed, it's not like
I'm you know what I mean, that's still meditative.

Speaker 5 (33:24):
I think this.

Speaker 4 (33:24):
Idea of like the way that I've seen Rady do
it where she's sitting there for an hour and half
chanting is like a dream goal. But I know myself
and I think, as long as it works for me
and creates the stillness I need in my day, that's enough.

Speaker 1 (33:36):
That's what I'm a worry for completely. And the comparison
just has to be between us and ourselves. Like every
time you do it with anybody else, it's always setting
yourself up for fat. You can have aspirations and people
that you admire, but I think like there's a difference
between admiring and putting someone and idolizing someone to the
point that you're trying to, like trying to create the
life they have, because we all have individual lives. Like

(33:58):
it just doesn't make anything.

Speaker 4 (33:59):
But also think of how completely different all three now
there's so much same same, but there's obviously so much
different stuff, right, Like you're not looking at me and saying,
oh my gosh, I need to learn how to start
a company and raise X amount of.

Speaker 1 (34:11):
Dollars to stand for it.

Speaker 4 (34:13):
And I admire you for your hour and a half
in the morning meditation and your your daily commitment to
exercise and eating well. But I also know that I
need to make that version for my own life, the
same way you are doing all these amazing things like
starting this podcast, writing your book, what makes sense for your.

Speaker 2 (34:27):
Life, but you're not putting the pressure on yourself to
do it right now. And what I and what I'm
proud of and I want everyone to understand, is it's
a goal of yours. You have five minutes, but you
have other priorities and you're focusing on that right now,
and you know eventually you want to get there.

Speaker 3 (34:42):
You're not putting so much pressure on yourself.

Speaker 2 (34:44):
We can have goals and we can have dreams and like,
eventually I want to get here, but we don't have
to do it right now.

Speaker 5 (34:50):
I'm seeing it with you with this Alsa brand I know,
so dope.

Speaker 4 (34:53):
Like she's like, right now you're not doing you know,
you're in between seasons for your show, and it's like,
you know what, I'm going to focus on some something
else that brings me join. I'm seeing this whole other
business side to you that you're tapping in so.

Speaker 1 (35:04):
We didn't even know about.

Speaker 3 (35:05):
I don't know.

Speaker 2 (35:06):
I really do, and I really appreciate when you talk
about your business. You're very open about it because I'm
learning and you know, both of you, I've come with questions.

Speaker 3 (35:13):
I'm like, I don't really know what I'm doing.

Speaker 2 (35:15):
This is new, and you guys are so willing to
share knowledge because you guys want to see me win.

Speaker 3 (35:19):
It's a great friendship to be a part of it.

Speaker 4 (35:21):
I will say the greatest value that has come in
my life at this age is having a circle of
friends that want to see you win. There has never
been a conversation that we have had that is negative
about others. We have no time to talk about or
gossip about others because we're too busy focusing on helping
our You can breathe in each other.

Speaker 1 (35:39):
Yeah, I know, I really I completely agree and I
one of the things I wanted to ask you guys
is how have you found building a community? Have you
had a time in your life where you haven't had
friendship or community? And then the other thing I wanted
to talk about was us how you know you are
a good friend and how how you assess your friends
as being good friends. So let's the off. Have you

(36:00):
always had like, have you always had people in your
life that you feel have got you, understood you and
been part of your life in a positive way.

Speaker 4 (36:08):
I'm so curious to hear you say this because she
was born and raised in Los Angeles, so it's interesting.

Speaker 2 (36:14):
Yes and no, I mean, I'm one of the lucky
ones to say that I'm still best friends with my
best friends from high school. That is like less than
a handful of people. I've met a lot of people
in the business growing up. Some I've been close with,
some I'm not so close with anymore. I've had a
different season of friends, and then there was a season

(36:36):
or two or three where I had no friends, and
I blamed everyone else at that time for those things.
But again, I didn't trust myself. I didn't like myself,
and there was no reason I was going to look
into myself to see what the common denominator was with anything.
And even around the time, like after I met you,
like I mean, it took a while for us to
get close. But I love how long it took because

(36:58):
that means it was natural and it just flowed easily.

Speaker 3 (37:01):
Yeah, I wasn't forced at all.

Speaker 2 (37:03):
But anyways, so I've learned that there's seasons for people
and sometimes not only are some people not good for
you where they're at in life, but I had to
accept that I just wasn't in a place where I
was healthy for someone because I was so toxic and
depressed and just talking crazy and thinking differently. I essentially,

(37:26):
you know, I grew up with both my parents. My
dad was focused on work and my mom you know,
had again other not I don't want to say it's
about other priorities, but she had two other kids just
to worry about. And I started working when I was sixteen,
so I was off on my merry way.

Speaker 3 (37:40):
I raised myself. Yeah, so it took a while for
me to catch up. So here.

Speaker 2 (37:44):
Yes, there are a lot of friends that were very
patient with me throughout those rough seasons in my life,
and then there are those that weren't. And even though
I'm where I'm at right now, I think it's just
healthier this way, and I've had to accept that.

Speaker 1 (37:58):
And even the friends that you do have, that guy
think with us, we had seasons where we were in
each other's life and then suddenly we had a gap
where we probably didn't speak for a little bit. I
remember we had like at least a year or something
where we were meeting a lot, and then we kind
of lost.

Speaker 3 (38:10):
Na I never even went to that last house you
lived in. Yeah, like I didn't even know about it.

Speaker 1 (38:14):
And there wasn't like a serious reason for it. I
think you just it's so nice to be able to
flow in and out of friendships, not that you don't
want to commit to them or show up for them,
but when it doesn't feel right, it's okay to take
a step back. I've done that with friends in London,
where we actually were just fundamentally not getting along and
we were pushing it trying to like stay friends, irritating
each other every time we were on the phone to

(38:35):
each other, just not on the right wavelength at all,
and it got to a point where we just had
to be, like, I think we need to Just like
one of my best friends, we had to have like
a two year gap where we basically didn't speak and
now we're best friends again. Every other day we connected again.
We both had different changes we had to make to
be able to understand and tolerate and accept one another

(38:56):
for who we were. But I think it's nice to
have you have seasonal friends, but then you also have
seasonal friendships and relationships. Even with us, like we haven't
gone out of being friends but there will be plenty
of months where if I'm not here, we won't even speak.
Well maybe message here and there. Ye, But as soon
as we're back in contact or as soon as we're
back in the same place, we reconnect in the same way.
There's no hard feelings, there's no sense of you weren't

(39:19):
there for me, or you didn't do this for me.
I think it's just the understanding of where everybody's at
and when you put too much pressure, just like in
a relationship, if you put too much pressure on another
person and you're in a friendship, it can be so suffocating.
And I've had that in my life.

Speaker 2 (39:32):
Suffocating that you just wonder, I mean, and maybe this
is just an LA thing, what are the motives?

Speaker 1 (39:37):
Like?

Speaker 2 (39:37):
That's why I keep talking about how ours wasn't forced. Yeah,
I mean, neither one of us had a motive behind anything.
And I've noticed a lot that when people try to
force a friendship with me, there was alter your motives
and or vice versa. Sometimes you know, you try to
force a friendship with someone and like you.

Speaker 3 (39:53):
Have to sit back and be like, why am I
doing that?

Speaker 1 (39:54):
Yes, but I will say there is something that I
love about you know, I used to be really shy
at starting friendships because I to worry of what people
would yes about, Like, oh, do they think I'm too much?
Do they think that I'm like want to talk to
them for a reason? Do they want so I would
like set my intention of why I wanted them as
my friend, But then I would go hard. I'd be like,
come here, go to this place, come to this.

Speaker 3 (40:14):
Did you prove to you that I'm fun?

Speaker 2 (40:16):
Yeah?

Speaker 1 (40:16):
Every single day. But what I mean is once I
set the intention, it allowed me to just be freely myself.
So I love when I met someone that I like,
I will want to Like if I'm by myself and
like Jay's not here, I will want to spend every
single day with that person. I'll be like, Let's go
to this yoga class, this yego class, this yoga Classlet's
go for a walk, Let's do this the next day,
Let's go for a meal, come over, hang out.

Speaker 2 (40:35):
Like yes, maybe that is a real thing because I
am so full on and I don't think.

Speaker 5 (40:40):
They're like that.

Speaker 3 (40:41):
Yeah, I love it, though.

Speaker 1 (40:42):
I don't like hiding that because I feel like that
is part of me. But at the same time, I
have to know my intention before I'm doing it. That
makes me feel comfortable, and I think it helps to
just break the ice so much faster of I like
getting to That's the same as I'm in a relationship.
But I'm like, listen, let's go in, let's figure out
if we like each other, let's spend ten days in
a row sick. If we get along, we get along.
If we don't, we don't. I going first.

Speaker 2 (41:04):
That's why I can't date, because the love bombing I
fall for and I'm speedy Gonzales.

Speaker 3 (41:09):
Yep.

Speaker 1 (41:09):
We do have this thing about like not wanting to
go first. And I think even when you're in a
room full of people, or you meet someone that you like,
or you meet someone as a friend, there's this fear
of like I feel like for me, it was ego
where I don't want to go first. I don't want
to call them first. I don't want to message them first.
Relationship or friendship, right, it's kind of like I want
to know this person is invested before I invest. But

(41:30):
in reality, you have to give to receive. Like if
you go into a friendship or a relationship wanting to
receive before you want to give, it's you're wanting before
you actually want to give, And I think the whole
top of it is, well, I don't even know whether
it's like a conscious choice of manipulation, and I think
it's like we just want to protect ourselves before we

(41:51):
get hurt. But if you put yourself out there in
that way, you are just opening yourself out to receive
the same thing back. So I had to get over
the like not wanting to go first, and I was
just like, you know what if I go first and
it doesn't work, final, at least I know I've put
my all into it. Yeah, I wanted to actually touch
on I know we were talking about all three of
us being so different, but the other thing I feel
we all can relate to is our view of what

(42:14):
masculine and feminine qualities are in a relationship.

Speaker 4 (42:17):
It is crazy that you're saying this, because I was
going to ask if we can come back to talking
about masculine feminist. It is such a thing that is
on in all of our conversations, as it's such an
interesting discovery of self. Yeah, I find myself always overcompensating
in one versus the other in all parts of my life.

(42:40):
So I feel like until now, I've really overcompensated in
the masculine piece of it because I've built a business,
I've had to raise all this money and like to
go into rooms with these men that I'm trying to
get money from. I've had to extra exert this like
masculine side of myself. And now I'm finding myself as
I'm like going into the dating world of trying to
over exert is feminine side of myself, when in reality,

(43:02):
it's like very normal and okay to have levels of
both in you and want to exert those parts of yourself. Yeah,
And it's a weird journey when you've tried to exert
so much masculine energy to discover a feminine energy in
yourself because quite honestly, I forgot how.

Speaker 1 (43:20):
Yeah, and also what we think of what masculine is
in other men. So I found that the topic of
the conversation that I've had with Deeps and even with
you is like when we end up thinking guys are
too nice or she whatever, like what we end up
seeing like, Okay, we've all grown up in different ways
being attracted to different types of men, but the one
thing that we all seem to have in common is

(43:41):
that we had this perception of what a masculine man
should look like, ye, what they should act like, what
they should look like, how they should treat us. And actually,
when we all discussed it, what we realized was, damn,
that was actually pretty toxic. Actually that mascul And the
thing is, what we're not used to is seeing men
who are actually in tune with their feminine energy, but

(44:03):
how that actually completes a massive like They cannot be
masculine with that feminine We all have it within us,
and what we have found uncomfortable in the past is
allowing a man to sit in his being comfortable with
his feminine energy, being in touch with his emotions, being expressive,
being someone who holds space for you when you have
your emotions. But we also want that man, But then

(44:23):
we also want the man who is I'm just gonna
be When you have the extreme masculine energy, they're shut off.
They don't have ability to tune into the emotions or yours.
They have a neglectful like feel about them. And so
I don't know, it's something that I think all of
us have.

Speaker 6 (44:39):
Definitely me, I've always dated guys who over exerted the
definitely because as society, like everyone kind of rewards that energy.

Speaker 1 (44:50):
Have you seen a guy cry in a movie except
for The Notebook?

Speaker 2 (44:52):
No?

Speaker 1 (44:53):
Yeah?

Speaker 5 (44:54):
Right?

Speaker 1 (44:54):
And have we?

Speaker 3 (44:55):
I do think it's I don't like seeing guys cry.
I'll be honest with you.

Speaker 1 (44:58):
I don't way it makes you uncomfortable.

Speaker 2 (45:01):
How I think that's I think what you said. My
dad's a little bit of a machista.

Speaker 1 (45:06):
Yeah, is a cultural thing.

Speaker 2 (45:08):
So I grew up that way. And people seeing me cry.
I cry all the time. I cry all the time,
but I hate it. I was because it's too vulnerable
for me.

Speaker 1 (45:16):
And I've always tried to see crying as like we
were talking about this in the Sawner the other day,
where like crying doesn't have to be something which and
I understand what you're saying, like I used to see
my dad, I've never seen my dad cry. If my
dad was crying when even his grandma, his mom passed away,
I remember him going to the bathroom and I remember
him coming out. I could tell he'd been crying, but
I've never seen him cry. And so I've seen like

(45:37):
random tears in his eyes when things have happened, but
never seen him cry. And again, I think it's a
cultural thing where if you are too soft, too in
touch with your feminine side, it doesn't make you a man.
And I think that's so sad that we have that
in society.

Speaker 3 (45:50):
Or what My mom never cried in front of me either. Yeah,
I get uncomfortable if I do see your cry.

Speaker 1 (45:54):
But do you think she had to? Like, was your
mom someone who had to be strong? Because she had
to she went through a lot Like yeah.

Speaker 5 (46:00):
That's probably why you're you are as well.

Speaker 2 (46:02):
Yeah.

Speaker 3 (46:03):
Same.

Speaker 1 (46:03):
Yeah, I'm gonna get you crying all over the place.
You just wait.

Speaker 2 (46:07):
And that's the thing is I cry all the time,
but I get so mad when I cry, and I'm like,
I'm fine, I'm just gonna take a second.

Speaker 1 (46:13):
Wait, So are you both? How is it for you
guys in maturing in your mindset of like of a
man and what the actual definition of a man and
masculinity is for you when you're dating m I think around.

Speaker 5 (46:29):
Journey, but it's still journey.

Speaker 4 (46:30):
Yeah, finding myself being so hypocritical because I'm sitting there
saying I want a guy who's six foot.

Speaker 5 (46:37):
And muscular and like looks a certain kind of way.

Speaker 4 (46:40):
But then I would be so mad if a guy
said I want a girl who's a size zero or
a certain height or something like that. Right, So, then
when you look at it from the other lens, you
find yourself being like, that's just unfair to look at
a guy this way.

Speaker 5 (46:53):
And quite honestly, the guys who are six foot.

Speaker 4 (46:56):
From my experience, haven't had to work on every other
part of themselves because they're tall, and Beauciety tells them
that there that's true, and so I find that, like,
so I've definitely broken that the six foot is the
bar of what I need and it's.

Speaker 1 (47:10):
Time for the short men to win.

Speaker 3 (47:13):
I should win.

Speaker 5 (47:14):
Yeah, for the wind, she's still not about it.

Speaker 1 (47:19):
I feel like you're in the middle. I feel like
from all of us, you're in the middle. I've made
I've like somewhat got myself to be more accepting of it,
and you're still.

Speaker 2 (47:27):
You know what, because my boyfriend was five four and
I'm never doing that again.

Speaker 1 (47:32):
No, okay, but why do you think it was his
height that made him that way? I think it was
his height that made him the way he went syndrome.

Speaker 3 (47:39):
Yes, I wasn't allowed to wear heels.

Speaker 2 (47:41):
I was like, I don't want to. I don't.

Speaker 1 (47:44):
He needed to be more like comfortable in his height.

Speaker 3 (47:46):
It's funny, and I didn't realize how short he was
when I was with him.

Speaker 1 (47:50):
Energy he had like vibrant, and I.

Speaker 3 (47:53):
Just put him on such a pedestal. Yeah, I had
him on a pedestal. Like when people told me, I
was so confused. I was like, what when.

Speaker 1 (48:00):
You talk, I just not show them what do you mean?

Speaker 3 (48:03):
I was like, why were you talking about? Like you know,
it's perfect for me.

Speaker 2 (48:07):
And then after we broke up and I was with
someone six foot, I was like, oh yeah, what a life.

Speaker 4 (48:11):
So when I realized was again going inward versus outward,
the reason I wanted somebody six foot and tall was
because it made me feel little.

Speaker 5 (48:20):
And so when I think about if I.

Speaker 4 (48:22):
Go deeper than that, it's because I was insecure with
my body and what I look like. And so now
that I'm at a place where I feel like the
healthiest I felt probably in my entire life.

Speaker 5 (48:32):
Yeah, I'm less bothered. Bring on that shortcare yeah, because.

Speaker 1 (48:36):
I you know, but I said, all the short men listening,
just so you know, anything what show anything below five five? Sick?
Let's I'm just letting you know deeps is ready for
so many Yeah.

Speaker 3 (48:52):
Real these days, no shape at anyone.

Speaker 4 (48:55):
But no, no, no, all, this is just all going
back to masking forsu femine in your partner. We do
as a society need to allow and applaud men who
are vulnerable and cry because otherwise they're not. Literally, the
last guy I dated told me he was like, by
you not being okay with that makes this is why
men don't do it.

Speaker 2 (49:15):
It's such an interesting question because again I'm going to
bring up the fact that we are the last generation
to be raised without internet and know the difference because
we are.

Speaker 3 (49:25):
Now learning and unlearning a lot of things.

Speaker 2 (49:29):
So I can't I mean, I'm still old school when
it comes to that, and I know that I'm old
school and I've admitted it, and I'm trying to change
my mindset. Like at the end of the day, it's
about who the person is internally, and now that I'm
hitting thirty five this summer, I'm like, all right, listen,
I have to really understand my needs versus my wants
based on how I was raised. Yes, I want the

(49:50):
sixth foot and over, Yes I want you know, someone
who's well established. But at the same time, I'm like,
I just want someone that has good credit because I'm
not going to deal with that.

Speaker 1 (50:00):
I just want someone who really loving heart. No, she
wants someone with good credit.

Speaker 3 (50:05):
Because if you have good credit, that tells me you're responsible.

Speaker 1 (50:08):
It does, but I always, yeah, I also think there
are men with good credit who also don't have good credibility.

Speaker 3 (50:14):
Oh right, right, right right.

Speaker 1 (50:15):
No, I'm not sure and I said it earlier.

Speaker 2 (50:17):
You know, I need that as well, But I need
to know that you have good credibility and good credit.

Speaker 1 (50:21):
Yeah, And I think that also, you know, when I've
spoken to you, that also comes from a place of
you having and just because I feel like that could
be taken in the wrong way, just knowing Francia, she
has had to work hard her whole life to make
it to where she is right now. So when she
says good credit, it's because she has had to work
extremely difficult on her own two feet to get No
one's handed anything to her. And so yeah, for her,

(50:44):
having someone who can also live up to that have
that same drive, have that same ambition is really important
to you. And I think just a real context behind it, like.

Speaker 2 (50:52):
That's a real friend, you're putting context behind it. I
also know what it's like for someone to mess up
a credit oh right, Yeah, and I've.

Speaker 3 (50:58):
Dealt with stuff like that. That's why I like, I've.

Speaker 2 (51:01):
Really gotten into finance lately, really learning the ins and outs,
and I've just.

Speaker 3 (51:05):
Understood how important that is.

Speaker 2 (51:07):
And that just speaks to a lot a lot to
me about you know, how someone sees the world, you know,
and if it's aligned with how I see it, so
I appreciate it. Yes, good friend, yes, but also a
good heart that is, at the end of the day.

Speaker 3 (51:20):
The most important thing. Yeah.

Speaker 4 (51:21):
And I think it's so deep rooted to let men
feel more feminine because even when it comes to women
who are earning money on their own and letting men
feel okay with potentially being with a woman who earns
more than them, how are they going to be okay
with that if you don't allow them to exert this
more feminine side of themselves. If we're sitting here saying that, like,

(51:46):
we work really hard to provide for ourselves and not
need a man, but want a man, right, And I
think that what I'm finding with dating is that it's
really hard to find somebody who's potentially going to be
earning more than me or where my goals and aspirations are.
And I'm okay with that, but they have to be
okay with that. And I think a lot of men

(52:06):
aren't okay with that because of what society tells them
that they need to be in What the definition of
being a masculine, being a man is.

Speaker 1 (52:13):
Yeah, being comfortable in a room knowing that people are
going to be asking you about those things, people are
going to be highlighting it. But how comfortable are you
with that? And you're right, I think when you don't
allow like, if you can't be vulnerable and open and
emotional with your partner, then you're never going to feel
safe doing it with anybody else. And we've talked about this.
There has been so many things which I have had

(52:33):
to adapt my view of when it comes to even
with me and Jay, like the way that he used
to do certain things. I spoke to you about this
baby voice that he used to do with his mom.

Speaker 5 (52:42):
I didn't know we were going to go there on it.

Speaker 1 (52:45):
There's so much on his podcast now I don't even
know goes on there. I don't think that. Just to
give context again, when we first started dating. There was
this baby voice that Jay used to do. It's only
it was like specifically when he was speaking to his
mum and his sister they would all do together so
sweet as like in theory, but actually experiencing it. It
was him going into his like childlike state with his

(53:07):
mom and his his kind of vulnerable state with his sister.
It was something that they all did together. It was
very sick, no, but you know, as I say in theory,
it's so sweet when I describe it, but in my mind,
and it is sweet now that I think about it,
But at the time I had this image of why

(53:30):
is a man doing this his sister and his mom.
And I used to say to him, you can do
that with him. And I feel terrible for this, and
I'm sure people won't be happy all your Jay levels.
I'm so sorry, But I used to be like, you
could do that with them, but please, I don't like
the baby boys. Please don't do it around me, Like,
don't do that voice around me. It really annoys me.
And I used to think that was valid feedback. It
annoys me, so don't do it. But then I realized

(53:52):
it was taking away this like childish nature of his
which he never really gets to express when he's at work,
when he's doing all these like different things that he's doing,
like vulnerable state that he naturally goes into, and I'm like, no,
you need to so then he would start doing, well,
I'm gonna say this in this voice because I know
you don't like the other voice. Can you please bring
me this or like he'll put on a like a

(54:12):
more husky voice just so that and he has to
think about how he's acting around me, and you shouldn't
have to do that. And so and even when it
comes to like dress sense or whatever it is, I
think you have to be so okay with your partner
not necessarily doing what you want them to do, but
being happy in their own body, in their own mind,
in their own ability to be themselves. If I'm stopping

(54:33):
a person, a friend or a person that I'm in
a relationship with being themselves, there's an issue because I'm
not accepting them for who they are. I'm trying to
adapt them based on my likes and dislikes. And I
think that that's okay when it comes to like fundamental values,
but when it's about them being their own personality, it
was so mean of me to do that. I feel so.

Speaker 3 (54:51):
Bad, but I get it.

Speaker 2 (54:52):
Like I said, you know, we grew up differently and
we're still learning and unlearning, and I think, you know,
it's cultural and stuff.

Speaker 1 (54:58):
So my dad used to be the who would be like,
he does all the handyman work in the house. He does,
he looks after certain finance. So when Jay couldn't use
a screw driver, I was like, bro, But.

Speaker 2 (55:08):
Also like, I can't tell you how many times I
go out on a date and it still happens. And
one of the first few questions that they asked me
is can you cook?

Speaker 1 (55:18):
Yes?

Speaker 3 (55:19):
I'm like, boy, can you build a car? Yeah?

Speaker 1 (55:23):
And I am someone who loves cooking. I love cooking
so much. And what I've realized is actually not because
because I'm in tune with my feminine nature. It's not
because I am such a good housewife. It's not because
I am a great daughter in law who likes to cook.
I am so actually, if someone got to know me,
I'm actually very different to that stereotype. I just love

(55:44):
food and I love cooking. But every time someone hears that,
I'm like older generation. When I was in marriage age
heard that I love cooking. It was a game chan.
It was like every every mom wanted me to marry
their son just because they knew I like making Indian
food and I could roll a routley, which is like
a like a flatbread. But you know, all the simple
things of like this is what determines you being a woman.

(56:05):
Like if you went into your mother in law's house,
would you feel comfortable saying I actually don't want to cook,
I don't want to clean, I don't want to do
all those things. And naturally it makes you feel uncomfortable
even saying that, because you know the judgment.

Speaker 3 (56:16):
Maybe they're growing up.

Speaker 2 (56:18):
There's a saying and sometimes like my friends will say
as a joke, but like it's not Cooking is something
I do enjoy and I do, but it's not something
that I go around talking about. And in Spanish, if
someone tastes your food and it's good, they say ah
ye at the post cassade.

Speaker 3 (56:35):
I know it's a lot of approval.

Speaker 2 (56:38):
Say it again, they say ay at the post cassade,
like oh this is really good.

Speaker 3 (56:43):
Now you can get married.

Speaker 1 (56:45):
Oh yeah yeah yeah, So that was my lot.

Speaker 2 (56:47):
Of approval, Like I'm a woman, not exactly you can
make a man happy. But again it goes I am
so quick to argue that like that doesn't that's not
what makes me feminine. But yet at the same time,
I'm like, well, I would like someone that knows how
to hang a frame on a wall.

Speaker 3 (57:02):
You know, I don't want to do that.

Speaker 4 (57:03):
That's I think it's the hypocrisy of it, all right.
I'm finding that in myself. It's like I want to
be taken out on a date and have the guy
pay for it, but then I don't want to so
then that's the traditional way.

Speaker 2 (57:16):
I'll go deeper than that. I want you to ask
me out. I'm not going to ask you out.

Speaker 3 (57:19):
Wow. Yeah, I'm old school. I'm like, you call me.

Speaker 2 (57:23):
I had a guy tell my friend Kathy Kelly have
her reach out to me.

Speaker 3 (57:26):
I'm like, if you're interested, you contact me, And I never.

Speaker 1 (57:31):
Did with anyone who wants to date Frontier. You better
call her, you bet a message her. There is no
in betweens. Do not come into my DMS to get
in touch with her.

Speaker 3 (57:37):
Okay, preach, go ahead. I know.

Speaker 4 (57:39):
I just think that I'm getting comfortable with the answer
not being what I thought it was, Like the guy
paying for this, and then because then it's like you're
saying that you're okay being the person who's cooking at
home and doing the dishes, which I am not that human.

Speaker 3 (57:51):
But at the same time, there's between okay, shoes, makeup, hair, outfit.
I want you, I am spending money for this day
to look the way I do.

Speaker 2 (58:02):
You can pay for a damn meal, you can pay
for it, and you can pick me up and pay
for the gas.

Speaker 4 (58:07):
Yeah yeah, yeah, And that's again like I'm just starting
to date, so I'm like figuring it out. Yeah, and
my guy friends and my girlfriends tell me this, we
are going to have a tough time dating because because
we can get so much to time day were here
sitting on this couch. But I think it's because we
can do everything for ourselves.

Speaker 3 (58:27):
Yeah.

Speaker 5 (58:27):
You know, we just went to know with this last
weekend and we were with the group and us to
split the bill.

Speaker 2 (58:32):
Yeah you know what I mean, not just nobu, but
remember Soho house too before that.

Speaker 4 (58:36):
But that's what I'm saying, like men are not used
to women who are just like we got this, but
we should also normalize women who's just got this.

Speaker 1 (58:43):
Yes, and let them feel bad about the fact that
they didn't have it, Because if you want to be
the person who can have it and and give off
that persona and the energy that you do have it,
sometimes it can get confusing for the other person. It's like,
even for me when I I rebelled against the thing
that everybody would say to me that oh, you're like
the good housewife thing, the thing of being in the kitchen.

(59:03):
So I end up fighting against having this feminine energy.
Where Jay is so loving and kind and so the
person that accepts whatever I am. But every time he
tries to be like the person looking after them. I
can do things myself, He's like, I'm not saying you can't.
I'm just I'm just wanting to do it for you,
all right, and fine about that.

Speaker 5 (59:21):
I just think the coolest part is he never pressures
you to cook for.

Speaker 4 (59:23):
Him, no ever, even though obviously, I mean, we all
love it when you do. But it's it's so cool
that it is not an expectation like, oh, when you
weren't working right when y'all first came, when y'all were
in New York and stuff, he was working and you
were at home. But it's not like he expected you
to do it.

Speaker 3 (59:39):
No.

Speaker 1 (59:39):
But and that's what I realized at that time. It
was because I had I was so lost that I
was like, this is the only thing I know how
to do. So I would take him lunch every single day,
I would cook dinner every single day, and then he
doesn't have that expectation. But I think I put guilt
on myself because of what everybody had told me growing
up that you should be able to look after all,
like his mom being like, oh, I think he's unweld

(59:59):
because he's not eating well. And that's when I've like
stopped cooking for him. And I understand that concern, it's
a mother's concern, but it always felt like it was
on me. I felt guilty. He had like health issues,
and it was like, because I'm not cooking at home
every single meal he had these issues. It always ended
up feeling something I was feeling guilty for, and I
realized I was putting that guilt on him, getting mad
at him for Well, if you had asked me to cook,

(01:00:19):
I would have done it for you don't have to
get take out all the time, Like you don't have
to get someone else cook for you. And he's like
I'm just trying to make good life easier. And I'm like, yeah,
but okay, like you know what.

Speaker 3 (01:00:28):
Am I gonna say? Triggers?

Speaker 1 (01:00:30):
It's triggering because I feel guilty about It's something that
I'm insecure about. I'm like, well, if that's not where
my worth is, what am I doing?

Speaker 2 (01:00:36):
Like?

Speaker 1 (01:00:36):
Why is I don't have anything else valuable? But then
I'm still neglecting the role that I'm supposed to play.
And so I think I've slowly gotten more comfortable with that.

Speaker 4 (01:00:45):
But well, because you've done the work on yourself to
see what else you want to give to the world.

Speaker 5 (01:00:49):
Yeah, like this book, you know, like the things that.

Speaker 1 (01:00:51):
You are definitely and I would say even as friends,
the one thing that I appreciate is ever like all
of us allow each other to just change as people
and be like, Okay, cool, you don't want to do
that anymore, that's fine. You don't want to be that
person anymore?

Speaker 5 (01:01:06):
Cool?

Speaker 1 (01:01:06):
You want to you want to become Vegan cool? You
want to not become Vegan cool either way.

Speaker 5 (01:01:11):
Like I did a journey of our whole friendship and.

Speaker 3 (01:01:13):
I love that.

Speaker 2 (01:01:13):
I think at one point I looked at you guys,
I was like, you guys, every time you see me
and might have a different date.

Speaker 3 (01:01:18):
Yeah, And I' like that's fine.

Speaker 1 (01:01:20):
I was like cool, but like and on that note,
I guess I want to ask, like what I've got.
I've got a list of all these things of like
when I was thinking about what is a good friendship,
and what I realized is that for me, you guys
tick every box of that and I'll read them to
you and maybe we can like have a little bit
of a back and forth about them, because I feel
like it depicts us a lot. You feel good about
yourself around them. You don't feel like you're competing, which

(01:01:41):
I feel like I've never felt like I've been competing
in a room when we walk in together, when we
are speaking about things that we may even want to
do at the same time, Like nothing has ever felt
like a competition. There's been genuine support, love and care
like and I remember before you would be walking into
rooms and people people I would be meeting people, they'd
be like, yeah, we know about you. Deepaka told me

(01:02:03):
about you. Deeps was talking about me in like every
room she was going into. It was literally like she
was my wife.

Speaker 4 (01:02:08):
Well, I just felt like these brands were sleeping on
RADI I was like, Rebok, come on, like insert every
brand in the world, like this girl is it.

Speaker 1 (01:02:16):
They would be like, do you want to do a deal?
She's like yeah, but could you also do one with
my friend?

Speaker 5 (01:02:20):
And she was just always it's more fun to do
it with your friends.

Speaker 1 (01:02:23):
Yeah, it is, but no, you always you always did
that for me, and you should.

Speaker 4 (01:02:26):
Have friends who are talking about you in rooms. Yes,
when you're around in a possible a.

Speaker 1 (01:02:31):
Positive way, you want to spend time with them. You
don't avoid them. Being able to express how you feel
if there's been disagreements without their being offense or being
taken too seriously or remembering that negative interaction as part
of your relationship, like you can tell the person you've
upset me. This really annoyed me, but let's just keep
it moving like you resolve it at the.

Speaker 2 (01:02:50):
Time, and we haven't had any anything.

Speaker 1 (01:02:53):
Yeah, all right, we'll see about that on that.

Speaker 4 (01:02:55):
But I think that avoiding what you want to spend
time with each other, and you don't avoid each other, yes,
but also recognizing sometimes I just don't want to see humans.

Speaker 1 (01:03:02):
Oh, definitely is There's so many times where Deep's has
been like, oh yeah, coh, wait, we're gonna hang out.
We're gonna hang out. It gets to like ten minutes
before she's like, I'm not coming home on my cow
to call me bulb it to gap, and I'm like,
I mean.

Speaker 3 (01:03:11):
Oh my gosh.

Speaker 2 (01:03:12):
Or I was the one that got her started on
Love is Blind and she the day before text me
and was like, let's watch it together.

Speaker 3 (01:03:18):
We'll do this, we'll do that. And literally the next
day she tells me, she goes, I'm starting it now.
I can't get out of it.

Speaker 4 (01:03:24):
I want to tell you to sign up for hot
yoga and then.

Speaker 3 (01:03:28):
You know, not even mad about that.

Speaker 5 (01:03:30):
But I have to tell you what a relief it is.

Speaker 4 (01:03:32):
I was telling you yesterday, like such a relief to
know that your immediate assumption was this girl works really
hard and she just passed out instead of saying I
can't believe it is, how dare she doesn't care about me?

Speaker 1 (01:03:44):
Which happens, and it's so true.

Speaker 5 (01:03:45):
I woke up in a panic, freaking.

Speaker 3 (01:03:47):
Out Instagram videos.

Speaker 4 (01:03:49):
Yeah, like making fun of me as a joke, but like, honestly,
it is such a relief. I don't know anyone out
there who's listening to this who has friends that make
them feel so so bad about those things without recognizing
everything has a story behind why the person did it?

Speaker 5 (01:04:02):
Just your friends that know you know.

Speaker 1 (01:04:04):
You definitely, Yeah, I agree. And the reciprocation that we
have as well, Like I feel like even though we
may not reciprocate in the same way, like I may
give to you, I may cook for you, but then
you guys give back to me in different ways, and
there's reciprocation that keeps cycling, but but doesn't have to
be tip for tat. It's not like, oh, you got
my bills. So now I think everything everything doesn't have

(01:04:25):
to be so transactional.

Speaker 3 (01:04:27):
There's ever been an expectation.

Speaker 1 (01:04:29):
No, it's just you give with your heart and then
you don't care whether you get it back. But if
but everything is about you choose what you give to me.
I choose what I give to you. I'm not waiting
for you to give to me. Yeah, And I think
you know, I used to be that person who would
just want to pour into people. And I used to
be like, oh, you know, it doesn't matter if they
give to me or not, Like it really doesn't matter.
I'll cook for them. I'll do this for them, I'll
spend money on their kids. It gets to you, well,

(01:04:51):
it gets to you because there's no growth then in
the friendship, Like there's no growth if you don't have
a reciprocation cycle going, because then you're just stagnant in
one place. It's only so much. And that's the same
in a relationship, right, There's only so much that can
happen in a relationship if there's only one person giving,
if it's a ninety ten split, you're only making that
much progress. And so I feel like that's the same
in a friendship. I've noticed where I have given everything

(01:05:13):
and they haven't invited me back or reciprocated back. Over time,
it just fizzles out because there's only so much you
can keep doing.

Speaker 4 (01:05:19):
I think that's so important because I remember previously feeling
like you give so much to people, and I was
like Radie, like stop, like you're just doing so much,
And you told me they do so much for me
in a different way, and I didn't realize that. So
I think this idea of like love languages that we
think of romantic partners also exist with friends repress.

Speaker 5 (01:05:39):
And I didn't realize that.

Speaker 4 (01:05:40):
I was just like you're just giving and giving, and
it's like, no, actually, they give to me too. It's
not the same way you're seeing me give to them,
but they're still giving.

Speaker 1 (01:05:47):
And you end up getting for me. I know, I've
realized that I get so much more joy from being
able to just express my heart rather than subduing it
because of how other people react. And I just realized
people don't necessarily know how to give like that, Like
they don't necessarily know how to be that open. And
so over time I've noticed with friends where when I've
been like that, slowly it's chipped away at them to

(01:06:09):
then feel comfortable to also be that open and expressive.
And I feel like I'd rather be that way than
feel like I want to do this. But I don't
know how they're going to think, or what they're going
to what they're going to do, or how they're gonna feel.
You know, whenever I've seen you, guys, if there's certain
areas I feel like you are struggling with, like if
it was to do with or even me, when I'm
struggling with the way that I don't feel good about
myself or my health or my meditation, whatever it is.

(01:06:32):
I feel everybody is very instinct to know, you know
what you need a little bit more support in this
way right now. So I know, if I've noticed my
friends struggling with their body image, I'll compliment them all
in a genuine way. I'll support the way that like
telling them that they look nice in certain things, talking
about the hair, talking about the way that they look.
Because I think when you notice and you're actually more
attentive to your friends, you end up becoming so much

(01:06:52):
more in tune with what they need. So if I
know you're lonely, or if I know someone else is lonely,
I'll be like, Okay, come over to do this. Yeah,
And I just think that's it's not a it's not
a calculated thing. It's more of a I'm noticing what
my friend needs, let me fill that gap or let
me provide that for them.

Speaker 2 (01:07:10):
And it's also something that you love to do, Like
you love having people come over, so it's not so
crazy for you to offer that to someone or even
like the three of us we love all.

Speaker 3 (01:07:20):
Love working out.

Speaker 2 (01:07:21):
Yes, And so that is I feel like that's what
really went on a foundation. Yeah, Like I didn't even
know that you know you sometimes difficult through a hard time.
You walk going through one today and I hit her
up and I said, hey, come work out, and we
do that for each other. And then it's I mean,
it's not all good, but it's a nice way for
me to be there as a friend and an activity
that I know she enjoys and vice versa.

Speaker 1 (01:07:41):
Yeah, agreed. And then when we were just talking about
healthy friendships have healthy boundaries, I feel like knowing that
you don't have to be everything to one person. And
I remember wanting this one friend when I was younger
that did everything for me that it was just us
to no one else could get in between us. It
was like I had to tell her things, sh had
to tell me everything. We have to have this like

(01:08:02):
insane close relationship.

Speaker 3 (01:08:04):
You can't have anyone else in that.

Speaker 1 (01:08:06):
No, And that's another thing that I think. It is
a healthy friendship where even if we've even if we're
all together, even if I introduced my two friends, or
it makes me so happy when people hung out.

Speaker 5 (01:08:16):
I got a great example.

Speaker 2 (01:08:17):
Yeah yeah, we met through you and we're going yeah, yeah,
going on a trip to gat Like you know what
I mean.

Speaker 5 (01:08:23):
It's not a sense of like what.

Speaker 1 (01:08:25):
Yeah, No, not even if you guys. I think it's
just the feeling of when you feel comfortable in your friendships,
when you feel comfortable in how close you are or
know where you stand with the other person, there's no
sense of like, why didn't you invite me? Why am
I not included in this?

Speaker 3 (01:08:40):
Why?

Speaker 1 (01:08:41):
I think that's just such a and if you want
to be just tell them, like, can you just invite
me here?

Speaker 3 (01:08:45):
Yeah?

Speaker 4 (01:08:46):
I think the time, I feel like my cup is
filled seeing my friends together.

Speaker 5 (01:08:48):
I'm like, great, they're enjoying each other. Yeah, you go
take a nap.

Speaker 3 (01:08:51):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (01:08:52):
And I feel like we also have the friendship where
if like you know, I know you guys are doing something,
I just invite myself.

Speaker 3 (01:08:56):
Oh yeah, I love that exactly.

Speaker 1 (01:08:58):
That's what I mean, Like, rather than taking offense, it's
just like knowing that it would never be done intentional.

Speaker 3 (01:09:03):
Oh yeah, I just was like I'm coming next time.

Speaker 2 (01:09:05):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (01:09:05):
But I've been that friend who has been who when
I was younger, wasn't wasn't like comfortable in my friendship
where I was so upset when friends would hang out.
I would be so upset when they wouldn't invite me
places or get very nervous when two people were getting
closer to each other, and I was felt like I
was going to be kind of taken out of that equation.

Speaker 2 (01:09:23):
And that's such an interesting topic because sometimes you are
taken out of the wation and and that's happened to
me quite a lot.

Speaker 3 (01:09:29):
I'm a really good connector.

Speaker 2 (01:09:30):
And the amount of friendships that exist to this day
and I'm out of that circle, it's crazy. And I mean,
I've learned to be okay with it now, but it's
definitely a fear of mine. And I even you know,
I met deep through you. I was like, I never
want writy to feel that way, and whenever I genuinely
like hang out with you, but I'm very conscious of that,
and I think it's okay to be conscious of that sometimes.

Speaker 1 (01:09:51):
And there's different friends for different things. That's what I love. Like.
I love that I have my friendship with you that
I know if I want to work out, I know
I can hear up twice a day and we could
go out and work out and do anything. And you're
also a spontaneous friend where I can message you last
minute and you'll probably be up for doing things. And
I'm also that person. I love doing last minute things.
But then I also have friends who like things scheduled

(01:10:11):
and everything has to be because of their schedule. We can't.
We have to plan a week ahead. And then I
have friends that I go to for deep conversations. I
have friends that I go to just when I want
to have a lighthearted chat, friends that I go You know,
there are just so many different categories that friends can
can slip into that I think it's okay that. And
I know if I want to talk about business, I
know exactly who I'm going to. I think it's just

(01:10:31):
being okay with having those different angles with different people.

Speaker 2 (01:10:35):
Right now, it's definitely okay. And I think it's just
also understanding that there are other friends that maybe a
friend will go to like exactly. Yet's say for business,
you'll definitely go to deep. Let's say I was in
a different place in my life and I'm starting mine.
I think, if you're insecure with yourself and you're wondering, well,
why wouldn't they come to me?

Speaker 3 (01:10:54):
That's something deeper rooted.

Speaker 2 (01:10:56):
Yeah, it has nothing to do with the other person,
and nothing is personal. And that's what I love about
all of us too. Like we don't take anything personal
at all with each other. I mean, I think what
was it. We were supposed to go to pilates and
you were like, oh.

Speaker 1 (01:11:09):
I'm gonna go I'm going to a different class.

Speaker 3 (01:11:11):
Yeah, and I was like fine, but I was okay
with it.

Speaker 2 (01:11:15):
You know.

Speaker 1 (01:11:15):
Oh.

Speaker 3 (01:11:15):
Yeah.

Speaker 4 (01:11:15):
Even on Saturday we were like gonna hang out and
then we were like, hey, we're probably not going to
go anywhere.

Speaker 5 (01:11:19):
You're like, yeah, I'm just going to stay in.

Speaker 3 (01:11:21):
Yeah. Not taking anything personally is so cute. It never
has to do and.

Speaker 1 (01:11:25):
It can be difficult, and I think again it stems
from where you're at in life, right, and you can
go through different flows of that through your life, and
and maybe you have to support each other if you
want to maintain friendship. You notice when your friend needs
extra support and when you need extra support, and it
can go through those ups and downs. But I think
the essence of it is just if you're not comfortable

(01:11:46):
in your friendships, If anyone feels insecure in their friendships,
you have to either have a conversation about it or
you have to figure out what is it, where is
it rooting from? Because going through friendships in that way
are not friendships. Having that as your friendship is not
a healthy friendship to have.

Speaker 2 (01:12:00):
It's also meeting people where they're at, Yeah, understanding their
personality trades and not taking offense to them.

Speaker 1 (01:12:05):
No, because everyone's got weeds, they're just different. Yeah, just recognize.
Like I always think about this where I just have
so much ego about the things that I didn't do.
Like I go, I I was like, oh, I don't
drink and I don't never take whatever it is, like
whatever things I didn't do. And I realize every single
person like just because I don't relate to something and
I don't relate to someone else's weeds that they have
doesn't make my weeds any better than their. Every single

(01:12:28):
person has things that they're working on. I just call
them weeds, But every single person has weeds. Sometimes we
just think other peoples are worse than ours because we
don't recognize them in ourselves or we don't necessarily have
them to the same extent. And so I know there
may be things in my life that I have which
are huge weeds in my heart, and I may not
see them in other peoples. And at the same time,
I see huge weeds in other people that I don't

(01:12:50):
recognize at all, and so I think they're way worse
than mine, But they're so not. Everyone just has stuff
that they are dealing with and figuring out. We're all
going through the same stuff, but it just looks different
in each and that's why you just have to give
people so much grace.

Speaker 2 (01:13:02):
Right the minute I stopped taking things so personally, I
became so much happier. I'm like, Eh, they're in a season,
or Eh, they're probably going through something.

Speaker 3 (01:13:10):
It's not towards me whatever.

Speaker 4 (01:13:12):
I like my friends who are in relationships or have
a partner versus are single. I feel like I over
check on my single friends because in my brain I
used to think of it as they're already taking camera,
they already have somebody, and I think, like the intention
behind it is right and fair, like it's like, okay,
let me just see how this person's doing. Like I'll

(01:13:34):
randomly text you, will call you and just say how
how are you doing do because we're both like we're
both going through.

Speaker 1 (01:13:39):
So I mean, I didn't get those schools or texts,
but that's my.

Speaker 5 (01:13:43):
Point, right, And then recently, no, I mean it when
we recently went on like a hiker.

Speaker 4 (01:13:47):
When we were at the honor or whatever, you were
telling me things that I was just like, Wow, I
guess I just assumed because Roddy it has a husband,
and not only just a husband, but like the healthiest
husband in the world, that like, she's not going through things.
And I think, like it was such a good reminder,
and I think again, this podcast existing is such a
reminder that every bud he's going through things. So check

(01:14:08):
on all your friends, not just you know that's saying,
not just your strong friends.

Speaker 2 (01:14:12):
Or you're we yea, all your friends, even if they
don't respond because one thing with you for some reason,
I was like, I don't even know if you noticed this,
but Robbie doesn't respond half the time, by the way,
you guys know, she never responds.

Speaker 3 (01:14:25):
When she got to you, I did respond, but especially
when you're out of town. But that's okay.

Speaker 2 (01:14:28):
I don't take it personally though, because I still want
you to know that your thought of here.

Speaker 3 (01:14:32):
So I'll just text you, like I.

Speaker 2 (01:14:33):
Think one time I was going through something with that
dude whatever and then I said no, no, I did. No.

Speaker 4 (01:14:39):
You don't respond a lot, but it's okay. Jay says
you don't respond to him either, so it's like.

Speaker 3 (01:14:42):
No, I did, that's why. But I know that about
you when you're out of town.

Speaker 2 (01:14:47):
I know with your people that I just I'm like,
you know what, I want her to know that she
still has friends even though she's married.

Speaker 1 (01:14:53):
So I'm taking it better of that. I actually will.

Speaker 5 (01:14:56):
But you're being present with whoever you're wining.

Speaker 1 (01:14:58):
Yeah, that no good. It's something that I'm actually working.

Speaker 2 (01:15:00):
No, because if you have to be on your phone
all the time, I'm just saying, like, I know that
about you, so I go out of my way to
text you sometimes even if I know you're not going
to respond, just so you know, like I still want
you to be a part of my life. I want
you to know the update of my life and like
we'll talk about it when you get back.

Speaker 1 (01:15:13):
It's fine, okay, but I'm also gonna get better at that.

Speaker 3 (01:15:15):
Just fire.

Speaker 1 (01:15:16):
That was not a way for me to be like, yeah,
but I want to be better. Okay, trigger something.

Speaker 2 (01:15:20):
You're trying to say that I understand you and I'm
not asking for anything.

Speaker 1 (01:15:24):
I want to be better. Okay. Another thing, I think
this is our first fight. Yeah, I dealt with them
pretty Well, another thing that I have found in when
I was younger that I used to do which made
me not a good friend. In my opinion back in
the day was give just because you're close to someone
does not mean you have to give your your unrequested opinion,

(01:15:47):
like if they have not requested my opinion, I used
to have it. I just need you to know that
I don't think that the way that you dealt with
this was right or I actually think that you should
dump your boyfriend because whatever, like whatever it is, I
think unless no matter how close you are, whether it's
my sister or my friend, I have now learned that
it is not my place just because we are close

(01:16:09):
to give my unrequested opinion, like unless someone asks me
for it, there is no need for me to give it.
And there's a difference between an opinion and advice. Advice
is out of love and careen, like you are giving
them something that's going to help them in their situation.
Opinion is well, I think you shouldn't be doing this.
I think this person is not good for you. But
did they ask you for that opinion?

Speaker 3 (01:16:30):
Right?

Speaker 1 (01:16:31):
And so I think that's been a really hard thing
for me to balance because you care about people right
like you really want and I think there's a point
where you could maybe say, hey, I've you know, I've
been thinking about the situation of yours. Do you want
to talk about it? Do you want to have a conversation.
So even when you'll message me and be like, hey,
this happened, I don't want to talk about it, I
will literally be like I will not Yeah, i will
not mention it until you and I say I'm here

(01:16:53):
for you whenever you want it, but I will not
mention it until that person then wants to speak about it.

Speaker 2 (01:16:58):
I literally sir, I was like, it's a good thing,
We're going to write it today.

Speaker 1 (01:17:02):
But I think that that's important as well, because sometimes
when people are in a difficult place and you give opinions,
they either want you're always giving opinion from your own
point of view, which means that it could be right
or could be wrong for that person. And two, if
they're in a vulnerable state, they're going to take it
really offensively. And I've had that with friends where I
think I'm doing it for their better, but they are

(01:17:23):
not in a place to want to receive or hear it.
And actually it's put a you know, a dampen on
our relationship for sure. So I don't know how you
guys have dealt with that in your life, being that
person and receiving.

Speaker 3 (01:17:32):
I mean, I don't receive it well and.

Speaker 1 (01:17:36):
I don't receive it by give it.

Speaker 3 (01:17:37):
Okay, yeah, no I don't. I mean I think maybe
at one point I felt that way. It's crazy.

Speaker 2 (01:17:43):
I wasn't really so much allowed to have friends growing up.
My parents were super strict, so I did have friends
in school, but I wasn't allowed to hang out with
them after school or there were maybe the few that.

Speaker 3 (01:17:53):
Were allowed to come over.

Speaker 2 (01:17:54):
So I've had to really learn friendships as I was
getting older. And so I think at some point and
I was territorial over best friends and like, you have
to tell me everything, and I feel this way, and
I'm right because I know you and vice versa.

Speaker 3 (01:18:07):
Again.

Speaker 2 (01:18:07):
You know, I didn't see the healthiest relationships growing up,
so I just thought that's how it was. So I've
learned now that when someone's like that with me, I
know it's not personal again because I've done so much
work on myself. It's just insecurities and some people just
need to feel secure in something and I'm.

Speaker 1 (01:18:24):
They want to know they've got value in your life exactly,
Like I just need her to know this.

Speaker 2 (01:18:28):
So I just say thank you for your opinion, Yeah, totally,
and then I keep it moving. Now, this is where
it's unhealthy, where let's say someone give you an opinion
like I think you should break up with them, and
then you don't, and then they're like they hold it again.
So that's when it's that's when it's toxic, and it's like,
all right, it's too much because you're not in a
good place and then this it just doesn't feed me

(01:18:49):
right now, especially with what I'm going through this because
we can only do.

Speaker 3 (01:18:53):
One thing at a time.

Speaker 2 (01:18:54):
If you're going through a hard time with a significant
other and a friendship.

Speaker 3 (01:18:58):
It's too much. Yeah, you gotta make a choice.

Speaker 2 (01:19:01):
Yeah, And how many friendships have you, guys seen And
I've seen them too, where they're in a toxic relationship
and they're not ready to hear where they're you know.

Speaker 1 (01:19:10):
So many, so many we just have to I've noticed
that I just have to support right and then just
be there for them when.

Speaker 3 (01:19:17):
And that's what a good friend really does. Yeah, I
mean be there.

Speaker 2 (01:19:20):
I mean obviously there's different circumstances, but the best thing
you can do is just be there and listen and
if your opinion and or advice is asked for, and
then that's when you give it.

Speaker 5 (01:19:30):
Yeah.

Speaker 4 (01:19:30):
But I also have found that sometimes and again people
friends don't mean to do this, but I've asked for
advice and they give their opinion, or if I don't
ask for it, they give their opinion, but it's not
things that they themselves follow, right, which is really interesting.
And again, these are like amazing great friends in my life,
but it's like, girl, what are you doing with him?

Speaker 5 (01:19:49):
Blah blah blah because he's blah blah blah blah. But
then I'm like, oh, like who are you dating?

Speaker 4 (01:19:53):
Yeah, it was really interesting. And then again this hypocrisy
and hypocritical behavior is something that I really observed and recognized.
Everyone's coming from the best intentions, but it's almost like
it's the best way to learn and observe and grow
is by watching other healthy people in your life and
how they live their life.

Speaker 5 (01:20:11):
Rather than giving advice. Definitely, like, just let me observe
the way.

Speaker 4 (01:20:15):
That's how I feel about every single day when I
see you, It's like and you, but it's like no,
but for real, like honestly, like waking up today on
a Monday morning and going to yoga after the weekend
we had.

Speaker 3 (01:20:27):
It's like, you know, and we were recovering from yesterday probably, but.

Speaker 5 (01:20:31):
I wanted to wake up and do it in my
trainer canceled, and if you had a.

Speaker 3 (01:20:33):
Test, I wouldn't have gotten nothing you want. It felt
gross right now.

Speaker 4 (01:20:37):
But I think the best way that you can impact
my life, rather than giving me advice saying I think
you need to go to the gym, is just lead
by example.

Speaker 5 (01:20:43):
Hey, I'm going to the gym. Do you want to
come with me? I think that that is just like
a really powerful tool.

Speaker 4 (01:20:48):
The other thing that came to mind when you were
saying this was so many of the things that we're
talking about that you're talking about for friendships apply to relationships,
Like no guy i've dated wants me to tell them
I wish you have done this. I think you should
be doing this the same way. Friends don't want to
hear it. So it's really interesting reflecting on the similarities
the question.

Speaker 2 (01:21:07):
And this is kind of off topic but not a
little bit. So you're our married friend now again, friendships.
I'm trying to understand. And I've never been married, I've
never been engaged, and I just respect people's privacy. Now
I have come across it's not so much an issue,
just something that I've noticed. A friend of mine said

(01:21:29):
to me, if you're gonna tell let's say, your friend
something already, assume that their significant other is gonna know.

Speaker 1 (01:21:36):
Yeah, And there are.

Speaker 2 (01:21:37):
Times where I specifically say, like, could you please keep
this between us because it's something so personal. And one
of my friend's husbands got mad and said, can you
stop telling my wife to not tell me things about
like but this is about me. Why does she have
to share my business like that? And so I don't know.
And again I'm not married. I could change my mind

(01:21:59):
when I am, if I ever get married, but like.

Speaker 3 (01:22:02):
Can you talk to me for us about that?

Speaker 2 (01:22:05):
Because I feel like, you know, I understand you're married
and stuff, but like, when I talk to you, I'm
talking to you, and if something, if it's something I
want to share with Jay, I'll tell JA.

Speaker 1 (01:22:14):
So we had made it a point from very early
on in our relationship because he gets a lot of
people coming to him about things, and if we spoke
about everything other people spoke about spoke about to us,
we would never have conversation about anything else. And so
we decided from a very early point enough before we
were in married, that we will only tell each other

(01:22:35):
things that people tell us if it relates to us
in any way, if there is a reason for us
to be telling them, because otherwise there's not. Otherwise it's
just dis gossiping. And like, if a relationship is based
on gossip, friendship or relationship, it's just there is there's
no funct there's not a foundation to build on. And
so for us, it was if it's important to our relationship,

(01:22:56):
if it affects our relationship, or if it's something that's
going to affect you, then we will share it. So
I would say ninety nine percent of the time we
do never talk about what other people have told us.

Speaker 5 (01:23:07):
I've witnessed it with you.

Speaker 4 (01:23:08):
I remember sitting with you and Jay at dinner and
being like, Okay, well, Jay, you already know this because
I'm sure Raley told you and he literally had no idea.

Speaker 5 (01:23:15):
Yeah, And it was really really.

Speaker 4 (01:23:17):
Powerful for me to hear that and recognize that those
boundaries can't exist between friendships and their partners. Yeah, I
have other friends too, and obviously you guys are really
the people that people come to to confide in and
get advice from.

Speaker 5 (01:23:30):
But even my friends outside of these two.

Speaker 4 (01:23:32):
Who I just thought that was really really it was
just interesting to see, and I do want to be
that person that you can have that separate boundary between
the two.

Speaker 1 (01:23:41):
Well, yeah, I also think with you know, another thing
for me with friendships has been if I know I'm
spending most of my time with friends talking about other
people or gossiping about them, I know, well, one there's
a very big chance that whatever, if there's someone that's
gossiping with you, that gossiping about you in some way,
they feel that once you've broken that barrier of talking

(01:24:02):
about people, you end up having that with You end
up making that an easier thing to do about people
that you are even close to. And so I think
that's the same in relationships, where actually, if I think
about it, I didn't even talk about my relationship to
other people, and I think I've just gotten so you said,
Especially when I was living in New York and I
didn't really have people to talk to, I started really
figuring out how I can process things myself, and if

(01:24:24):
I can't, then I'll take it to people that I'm
close to, depending on who it makes sense to talk to.
But I would say just generally whether it's in it,
and people seem to think that when it's in a
relationship it makes it okay that when we're talking about
other people within our relationship, it kind of like it
doesn't exist, like it's not as bad as if I
was telling you about it or you about it, But

(01:24:44):
actually it is because you're just breeding that energy of
discussing other people. And usually we discuss other people when
you want to avoid trying to build a relationship yourself,
if your foundation is that. That's the same with friendship, right.

Speaker 2 (01:24:58):
I feel like it's a form of gossiping your right,
it really is. There's so many people that feel differently,
and I'm like, okay.

Speaker 1 (01:25:05):
But like, what is it. Let's say my friend told
me they were going through a hard time with their
boyfriend and told me really intimate things about their life,
about how he treats her, whatever, what benefit would jay
have or what benefit would you have? Or my friend
have to know for him to know about it, unless
he's going to be helpful in that situation.

Speaker 3 (01:25:23):
That's how I feel.

Speaker 1 (01:25:25):
Yeah, what's the other side. I'm just curious.

Speaker 3 (01:25:27):
I don't know.

Speaker 2 (01:25:27):
That's all because I've been, you know, young, because I
haven't seen the healthiest relationships growing up.

Speaker 3 (01:25:33):
I don't know.

Speaker 1 (01:25:34):
It's so we share everything. I think that's that mentality,
Like we talk about everything, and I think there is
talking about everything and sharing things that make sense to
help you both. But there are lots of things that
don't make sense and don't and I'm not judging them.
I'm just saying from a fundamental point of your friendships
or relationships, I don't think that's a healthy place to
start from or build. Like every Saturday we're sitting together,

(01:25:57):
we get our time together. But let me just tell
you what my friend and let me tell you what
happened with this person, and then, oh my gosh, you
have no idea.

Speaker 5 (01:26:03):
I read this thing about that it feels really silly.

Speaker 1 (01:26:06):
Right read and even talking about like celebrities that you
don't know. I find there's so many people who be like, oh,
and guess what I guess I just read about I
don't even know. I don't even name a celebrity, but
guess who I heard what I heard about this person,
It's like, okay, cool. There may be news and general knowledge,
but it's a really like it's a lower form of
conversation that actually doesn't elevate you in any way, and
you can have banter. You know. There are plenty of

(01:26:27):
times I've been upset about people and I've told you, like,
I actually felt really uncomfortable in a room with this person,
or this made me feel really upset when this person
did this. But I think that was me trying to
prevent emotion rather than make, rather than create a negative
view for you of that person. And that was more
me emotionally confiding in you versus me trying to bitch

(01:26:49):
about them or be like negative about them.

Speaker 2 (01:26:52):
Right, I guess I'm wondering too, is it possible to
have a friendship with someone you know separate from their
spouse or is it just and I might have no
problem with either one.

Speaker 3 (01:27:03):
Yeah, I'm just trying to understand.

Speaker 1 (01:27:06):
I think there is but a great agreed. I also
have friends who like to tell their partner everything, and
I think I'm just aware of that now when I
talk to them. There are lots of things I don't
want their partner to know, and so I will tell someone.

Speaker 3 (01:27:15):
Else to changes your friendship.

Speaker 1 (01:27:17):
Well, yeah, it changes what you can go to them about. Okay, right,
it changes what you can go to them about. If
you if there's certain things you don't want the partner
to know, you intimate things, then you know you're going
to have to share that with someone else because you
fundamentally already know you can't change how they how they
communicate with their partners and if the partner has an
issue with it, and that's a no go, you just

(01:27:38):
can't interact with that.

Speaker 2 (01:27:39):
Yeah, there's a version that does change the friendship if
it's they're that person that you.

Speaker 1 (01:27:42):
Need to usually for that, it's like, no, it'll changes
the dynamic a little bit. But yeah, I think that's
something you're not really in control of. You just have
to know where you stand and then yeah.

Speaker 3 (01:27:53):
That's fine. I'm just curious because you.

Speaker 1 (01:27:55):
Know, No, I'm glad you asked that because I didn't
really thought about that before. The next thing I wanted
to talk about is, oh, I remember this one time deeps.
I can't remember when it was, maybe like a year
or maybe to know, maybe even during the pandemic. You
had come to me and you said my friend told
me that I am this type of person or that
I don't do this enough for my friends, and it
really made me want to change as a friend, like

(01:28:17):
of what I want to be as a friend. And
so one both of you, what has something that you've
seen other people do in friendships or have you had
that that has made you want to do that in yours?
Or have you had to change who you are as
a friend because yeah, because you've suddenly realized that maybe
you need to step up your game as a friend
in different areas.

Speaker 4 (01:28:37):
Yeah, no, And I think this was probably what you
were talking what I was telling you, But I've had
multiple friends tell me, but it didn't stick until a
partner told me, which I'm not prouder yees, but a
guy told me that when I ask a question, he'll
be responding to that question. And in the middle of
him responding to that question, because my brain has always

(01:28:59):
raised thinking about forty five million things at once, mid
him responding to that question, I'll pick up my phone
and get on Slack and just start working. And then literally,
I know it's ridiculous. When I hear that out loud,
I'm like what And I am sitting here saying like,
I love that I have friends that are amazing listeners
that will like really hear me out. But then I
don't find myself to be a good listener. And that's

(01:29:21):
something professionally and personally you want to be. You want
to be a good listener for your friends. I think
that that's like a really poor quality of mind that
I want to work on, right, Like, nobody wants to
make their friends feel like they're not being listened to.
And honestly, he said it in a way that really
taught me, like it's about respect. Yeah, Like he literally
even said, I don't mind that you're working right now,

(01:29:42):
because it was a middle of a workday, right and
we were driving and whatever. It was the fact that
you literally asked a question in the middle of me
responding to it, you just stopped listening. But I said
this to one of my friends afterwards, saying like, Wow,
this really taught me I want to be a better listener.
And one of my guy friends was like, oh, yeah,
you do this all the time. I've kind of just
like accepted that about you because we know that you're

(01:30:02):
hustling and grinding and working really hard. But like, as
a human being I don't care how busy I am.
I'd rather just not be spending time with that friend
or that significant other than Like that was my lesson learned.
Don't even spend time. And I think you talk about
this too. It's about the quality time, not the amount
of time.

Speaker 1 (01:30:19):
Yeah.

Speaker 4 (01:30:19):
So like when I am there, if I am sitting
here with you, be present in that moment and actually
be there.

Speaker 1 (01:30:23):
And cut that meeting short to then do what you
need to do.

Speaker 3 (01:30:26):
It's really hard. It's really hard.

Speaker 4 (01:30:27):
Being present is the thing that I'm working on more
than anything, because I think it makes you a better
friend and a better human being and for yourself and
for the people around you. But yeah, I'm not proud
to say it, but like I want to be a
better listener.

Speaker 1 (01:30:39):
Yeah, and I love that you even had the It
takes a lot of swallowing your ego to one take
that feedback on board, and two to even feel comfortable
being like this person just said this to me and
I think they might be right. Like, all of that
takes so much. It takes you to want to be
a better person to be accepting of that. Because a
lot of the time we can get feedback, especially from

(01:31:01):
our partners where our ego just comes up and you
you just don't want them to be right about that
because you don't want to be seen to be a
bad person, will have negative traits.

Speaker 5 (01:31:09):
But but what do you say to this?

Speaker 4 (01:31:11):
Because I absolutely when somebody gives me feedback, I immediately
I have no ego. No, so I don't have any
ego about it. I'm very much like, oh wow, yeah great,
let me fix this. And what someone told me was
that that's a very female thing to do to immediately
want to fix it and solve it and just accept

(01:31:31):
that I did this, rather than even taking a step
back and saying, is there some truth on the other
side that makes that other person insecure? Not this specific example,
but I find myself anytime I get feedback from friends
or people I work with, I immediately am like, yeah,
you're right, I need to work on that. I'll get better,
because I think that's the control person in me. That's
like I have control of fixing myself. So I'm just

(01:31:52):
going to work on it and make it better because
that solves the problem, rather than like even taking a
second to reflect outside of that and say, yeah, maybe
there is some truth to the fact that I need
to work on this. However, let's take a step back
and see if that person is projecting something. Yeah, and
not the example about listening, but there's just been things
in my life. So I'm curious if you think, like literally,
somebody said to me that it's a female characteristic to

(01:32:15):
immediately take the blame on something rather than just like
potentially taking a step back and saying there could be
some truth to it, but there could also not be.

Speaker 1 (01:32:23):
I think it's such a beautiful quality that you have.
But at the same time, I think it's taking on
when someone tells you something, Who is the person telling you?
How much do you trust in? How much they know you?
How what is the situation they're talking about. Like if
someone's telling you at work, you're not listening to me,
I'd say, well, I like there's a time and place

(01:32:44):
for them to be coming to talk to you, So
are they coming to you at the right times for
you to be able to be a good listener. But
I think fundamentally, I think it's an amazing quality, Like
it's something I wish I had where I don't have
ego come up when people give me feedback. But I
think it's time, place circumstances like and how well does
this person know me? And what are they in? What
scenario are they telling me? Because if someone says to

(01:33:06):
you in a work scenario you're not a good listener,
that doesn't mean that you're not a good listener. Or
if someone says that to you and your partnership, that
doesn't mean you're not a good listener at work. And
so I think you have to play it according to
who the person is and what they're basing it off.
And then I think that time in between is exactly
what you need to reflect on. Okay, this has this
amount of truth to it, But at the same time,

(01:33:27):
I am busy and I do have a lot going on,
and so maybe that means I just need to organize
my time better. It's not a reflection of me just
not being a good listener.

Speaker 4 (01:33:34):
Yeah, Because again I had somebody say to me, like,
in the middle of a work day, just talk to
me for like five minutes. And I was like, wait, what,
it's the middle of a work day, Like I can't
just call you in the middle of the day to
talk on the phone. But that was just fundamentally a
difference that we had and I realized because I know
I can't be fully attentive to the conversation, so I'd
rather just.

Speaker 3 (01:33:52):
Not have it.

Speaker 5 (01:33:52):
Yeah, so it's just interesting.

Speaker 4 (01:33:54):
How I don't know, but being a listener, I guess
is my summary ANTEA.

Speaker 1 (01:33:57):
Yeah, what's yours?

Speaker 3 (01:33:59):
Oh my god? I mean I've definitely had a.

Speaker 1 (01:34:01):
Lot your top one right now that you're working.

Speaker 2 (01:34:04):
On well with feedback, I tend to shut down, so
I'm trying to be better about not doing that. But
I guess also just accountability. I was very good at
pointing fingers rather than owning up to my shortcomings, and
I feel like I almost do it too much now
where I blame myself too much that I really need
to find a balance because I still shut down. But

(01:34:25):
I feel like I'm definitely learned to be a better friend,
and I've been better at accepting good friends and just
meeting people where they're at.

Speaker 3 (01:34:35):
But yeah, I need to stop being so hard on myself.

Speaker 1 (01:34:38):
I think you think it's a Leo tray. I think
it's a Leo tray probably, well, no, the defensing su Yeah.

Speaker 3 (01:34:44):
That's probably the real thing.

Speaker 2 (01:34:45):
Yeah, because I'm like you two, where I need a
second before I have a conversation because I.

Speaker 1 (01:34:49):
Definitely need that. Yeah, mine's obviously communication seeing as that's
what both my friends here are telling me. No, I
have also done. I've definitely wanted to do communication better.
I think I have a really bad habit of like,
for example, if someone says me a voice no, if
I'm doing something in the middle of something, I will
think I will get back to them when I get
into bed and I'm like, got time, and then I

(01:35:09):
just completely forget. But what I've realized is that's also
non excuse. So now I'm starting to like if I
do do that, I write on my note section of
like people I need to get back to, or like
reminders or you can do stuff on like your messages
to bring them to the top. Just trying to like
figure out ways to become a better communicator, because I
do want to be there for you. If you message
me and you send me a message about something that
you're going through. It's never that I don't want to

(01:35:30):
be there for you. It is my lack of again
attentiveness or like being present or me being so scattered
in my mind that prevents me from doing what I
actually want to do. So for me, it's communication, being
better at responding, checking in with people, and yeah, like
piace knowing that like we're not no, but but for

(01:35:51):
me as we're no, I know you're not.

Speaker 4 (01:35:55):
And I think it's probably it probably goes a step
further of like over committing yourself and having so much
on your plate. Then when the day happens, it's so
hard to get back to everything because we're human.

Speaker 3 (01:36:03):
Yeah, the amount of texts.

Speaker 2 (01:36:04):
I also sam being like so sorry, I'm getting back
to you like blah blah blah, And I want to
be better about not having.

Speaker 3 (01:36:08):
To do that.

Speaker 2 (01:36:09):
Like if my friends know me and I get back
to you, I agree with that, then yeah I got
back to you, but I don't want to have to
explain why I was busy.

Speaker 5 (01:36:16):
Yeah yeah, yeah, Okay, how do you know this is random?

Speaker 4 (01:36:19):
When someone said text you happy birthday and you know
it's your birthday.

Speaker 5 (01:36:22):
And you get a million a million? Can the rule
be that, like, are you expected to respond to every
single happy birthday text?

Speaker 1 (01:36:28):
I said it if it's like above a certain amount
of lines, then I'll be like, yeah, okay, I'll respond
to that. Past it's like if it's just a happy birthday.
Sometimes I don't There are people yeah, yeah.

Speaker 3 (01:36:37):
Yeah, I think I either just harded and I'm not
going to respond on my birthday. I'll probably take yeah,
a week to respond.

Speaker 2 (01:36:42):
Sometimes I'll put up a post like thank you to everybody.
Then there are some people that write like such sweet messages,
and I feel bad when it's a week later. But again,
if you know me and I respond, yes, it's because
I was busy, but I took the time to respond,
So please don't make me explain myself.

Speaker 1 (01:36:57):
Yes, and don't feel bad like I always think we've
put such an in time limit to when things have
to be just love la. It's just so sad though,
because like, even if it says delivered, even if it
says seen or read, why do we get so upset
and angry when someone doesn't respond within like five minutes
or they're online and they don't respond. It's like we
have you have to be okay with giving people the
benefit of doubt. We have to send letters in the past, Okay,

(01:37:19):
we had to send physical letters that took days and
days to get to each other.

Speaker 3 (01:37:22):
Amount of times.

Speaker 2 (01:37:23):
I won't post on Instagram because I don't want people.

Speaker 3 (01:37:26):
People to know that way on my phone.

Speaker 1 (01:37:30):
It's so annoying like that, like I think we have
I actually think that actually what I think everyone should
do is slow down to my pace so that everyone yeah, no, no, no,
but we should slow down with our communication because I
think there's too much of an instant thing of I've
sent this person, like if deep doesn't reply with it
now and like, hey, did you get this? What happened,
I'm like, relax, Like she's probably driving, or she's got

(01:37:52):
this happening, or she's in the middle of a work meeting.
It does not need to be even within an hour,
even within three days, Okay, And this is something that's
you need a response to straight away. Give people a
bit of breathing space to like take their time to
get back to their phone. I think we expect everyone
to be glued to their phone, and even if they are,
maybe that's just not the biggest priority.

Speaker 3 (01:38:10):
And that's the thing.

Speaker 2 (01:38:10):
It's like I know who's glued, and I know who's
now like, yeah, take offense.

Speaker 3 (01:38:14):
But I tend to be glued to my phone.

Speaker 2 (01:38:16):
I just sometimes have an under not disturb which is
the best thing in the world.

Speaker 1 (01:38:19):
Yes, or I just don't feel like talking exactly and
that's a valid reason. You don't need that is such
a valid reason. And sometimes even like if you've messaged me,
I'm like, oh, I really want to put thought into this,
or I need to write along a message back. I
don't have energy for that right now. I'm going to
do it after.

Speaker 3 (01:38:33):
I hate when people hit it with the question mark.

Speaker 1 (01:38:35):
Oh yeah, yeah, not that urgent question question question mark.

Speaker 5 (01:38:40):
That's so annoying. I'm never going to do that to you.

Speaker 1 (01:38:43):
I'm going to do that all the time.

Speaker 4 (01:38:44):
Do you know in our group chat probably I love
voice notes because I love voice notes too.

Speaker 1 (01:38:52):
I like voice notes make me respond faster.

Speaker 2 (01:38:55):
Just that's why I like hearing the inflection behind your voice. Yeah,
me too, telling the stories.

Speaker 1 (01:39:01):
Yeah, messages are such a like dead way of communicating.
I was thinking about that the other day, Like we
end up even with you. It's like, if I want
to talk to you about something, I'm probably gonna call
a message you even if we're in the same place.
And like back in the day, you'd go over to
your friend's house, you'd sit, you'd have eye contact, you'd communicate,
you'd feel each other's energy, you'd be able to reciprocate,
so differently, and I think we do kind of dead
conversations a lot, or the depth that you can get

(01:39:24):
to just by messages. I really hate communicating by a message.
And if I am, I'm very sure. I always sometimes
read back our conversations and I'm like, yep, no, and
yeah it's very short, but that's not a reflection of
how much love I'm actually feeling for her at the time.
It's just like I'm not gonna I'm gonna do ten
hot emojis to you.

Speaker 2 (01:39:43):
You know what bugs me? And like my ex boyfriend
got so mad at mea for this. He would call
me when we live together. He would call me before
we were about to see each other and he wanted
to hear about my day. And I'm like, I'm about
to see you. Can we talk about this or like
be on the phone with my friends, and I'm like,
we're doing yoga later, we can talk about this later.

Speaker 3 (01:40:04):
Well, I just want to hear about it. That's such
a waste of time right now. I'm going to see
you later or talk later.

Speaker 5 (01:40:12):
The same about that. Yeah, I feel the same, like.

Speaker 3 (01:40:14):
I don't want to Like time is money. I don't
have time to talk about this. I'm going to see
you later. We could talk about it later. Like, nah, look.

Speaker 5 (01:40:20):
At this CEO.

Speaker 1 (01:40:21):
I know sell the Queen, I get it.

Speaker 3 (01:40:25):
I mean, what did I hear that?

Speaker 2 (01:40:27):
I think Bill Gates or someone said at one time,
like if a twenty dollars fall is on the floor
and you stop to pick it up, you just wasted.
You just lost one hundred thousand dollars, Like you got
to keep going. You don't have time to pick up
twenty dollars.

Speaker 3 (01:40:38):
Oh my gosh, you're like I felt that.

Speaker 4 (01:40:40):
I just feel like, it's so nice that because I
would say, the first time I lived in LA and
then the pandemic hap and I went to Texas and
now I'm back, I'm way more open to new friendships,
which I would have never thought I would say at
the age of thirty three, going up thirty four this year,
because I'm so like, I want fewer, better, stronger, deeper,
meaningful relationships and friendships.

Speaker 5 (01:41:01):
But if I had said that, like, we wouldn't be
this close.

Speaker 3 (01:41:04):
That's true, you know what I mean.

Speaker 4 (01:41:06):
So being open to new friendships is important even at
this age and then in my forties too, because what
I do realize is is like I also have friends
from high school, but I have like a friend or too.
It's like every chapter of my life, I've collected great people,
but very few of them, and this is a new
chapter of my life in LA. And I don't want
to just say, oh it's La. I'm shutting down to
like people in the industry, because then I.

Speaker 5 (01:41:28):
Would to meet you like.

Speaker 4 (01:41:28):
So I think it is just like even just a
conversation is such a reminder that you can make new, real, meaningful,
deep friendships.

Speaker 3 (01:41:35):
And every child, I just met your college banfast and yeah.

Speaker 4 (01:41:38):
It's connected so easy, and so I mean, yeah, it
was all the Spanish talking.

Speaker 1 (01:41:42):
Yeah, I've no I love. I actually have noticed that too,
because as my time has changed, and as I moved
to different places, I've had to put myself out there
to create friends, to like date girls and go out
and try and figure out who I'm going to be
friends with and build a community. I didn't have that
in New York much, but I felt like I got
more and more comfortable with what I had to offer

(01:42:03):
other people. It made it so much easier to just
put myself out there and make friends. So now I
feel like I make it a new friend every single month.
It's like every event that I have, every you do,
I just end up bringing like you.

Speaker 3 (01:42:14):
Know this One night Rady hit me and she was like,
I'm bar happy tonight. Y don't even drink? Could you know?

Speaker 1 (01:42:21):
My friend the weirdest going to tex My friend was
going through a divorce and it was a really rough divorce,
and she was like, I just need a night out.
I was like, you know what, I'm going to make
this the best night. I have no idea what I'm doing.
I'm going to make this the best night. I've never
been to any of the bars. She wanted to go out,
so I was like, cool, we will go to this
first place. We meet these girls who are just on holiday.

(01:42:41):
I'm like, do you guys just want to hang out tonight?
And just like yeah, have fun and they're like yeah.
So then there's four of us. Then I call you
and I'm like, listen, my friends. My friends just had
a divorce. She needs a really good night. We're going
from one place to another. Meet us there. She turns up.
I then call a few of my other friends. I
think I messaged you.

Speaker 4 (01:42:58):
I turned around and I had some other work thing
and then I was like but Roddy's at a bar.

Speaker 2 (01:43:05):
I know the thing.

Speaker 3 (01:43:06):
It's like, she's at a bar.

Speaker 2 (01:43:07):
This I was gonna go to bed, Remember, I wasn't
gonna go out, and I was like, but she's.

Speaker 3 (01:43:10):
At a bar.

Speaker 5 (01:43:11):
This is a suspectacle I need to see.

Speaker 3 (01:43:13):
Yeah, but it was so fun man, And that night
I remember.

Speaker 2 (01:43:16):
It's so funny because that night, just so you guys know,
there was a gentleman I had with me. But every
time I talked to him about that night, he was like, yes,
you and all your best friends.

Speaker 3 (01:43:24):
I'm like, I didn't know.

Speaker 2 (01:43:25):
Those girls a guy I only know yet, and they're
like literally watching this man love Bobby, and I was
like asking all of their opinions and they're so invested.

Speaker 3 (01:43:34):
And by the time the next day Roddy's like, I
don't know any of them.

Speaker 2 (01:43:37):
I was like, they just were such a part of
a personal part of my life.

Speaker 1 (01:43:41):
I love collecting people, not even in about not even
the way that it sounds, but I just love I
just love interacting with people now, I really do. I
love having conversations with people. And it might last just
for that night, which it did that day, or it
might be something where I've met someone in a lyft
and they've become one of my closest friends back in London,
Like I've had those moments too, So I think now
I'm just so much more open to the opportunity of

(01:44:02):
we have plenty of space in our heart, we have
plenty of space in our lives to create new relationships
in different ways, and I'm just so like, I'm happy
living my life that way.

Speaker 2 (01:44:10):
But you know what, I think it's easier for you
guys too because you're not from la So as someone
that grew up here, I mean, I'm now understanding and
accepting of that of change and new seasons and friendships
and stuff.

Speaker 3 (01:44:21):
But it was so hard, especially because.

Speaker 2 (01:44:24):
I haven't left, yeah, to go through that when certain
when I grew apart from certain friends and gaining new
ones and like, Okay, I have to do this again.

Speaker 4 (01:44:34):
And that's so hard for friendships, Like when you go
in you're like very loyal and very there, and I
think that that also makes it like that much harder
if they the fallout happens.

Speaker 2 (01:44:43):
Yeah, especially if they're still in the same city. So
many people got to get away.

Speaker 1 (01:44:47):
Yeah, I got away from London, so I was like
whoever I'm leaving behind.

Speaker 3 (01:44:50):
I'm leaving behind.

Speaker 2 (01:44:51):
But you were more open to having friends, so I
can't imagine people that you know still live where they
grew up.

Speaker 3 (01:44:56):
Like inviting new friendships in is hard, and.

Speaker 1 (01:44:58):
The intention that, like what we were saying, like, you
don't know sometimes what people are becoming friends with you for.
And I used to have so many people. As life
has changed and grown in different ways, the first question
people would ask me when I create new friendships is like,
are you sure they're friends with you for the right reason?
Like yeah, And I you know, my mom said that
to me throughout my life because I used to be
that friend that just would want to plan their birthdays.
We want to do just everything for my friend. And

(01:45:21):
I realized I say this time, my mom, over and
over again, because you asked me the same question every
single time. And I'm like, whatever they're coming to me,
whatever intention they're coming to me with as a friend,
that if their intention is to get anything out of me,
that's going to run out really fast because that friendship
can only last for so long if it's based on that.
But I know, if I'm going in just to have
a good time to build a connection to not have

(01:45:42):
it for face value, but be a real meaningful relationship.
If they're not wanting that, and I'm giving them that,
we're not going to be friends for very long. And
so I'm like, let me go all in and if
the other person is somehow changed through that interaction, then great.
If they're not, it's going to be an in and
out friendship. It's not going to last that long anyway.
So yeah, I think the intention is what intention you're
putting in, whatever intention they're putting in, you just have

(01:46:04):
to you kind of end up finding out in the
long run anyway.

Speaker 2 (01:46:07):
So and just for anyone listening, like, there is a
difference between intentions when people are trying to offend you
and then just someone who just wants to offer help
as friends, Like we all, you know, have businesses that
we all benefit from and we're so willing to help
each other out. But there was no but we all
know that wasn't the intention when our friendship started.

Speaker 3 (01:46:29):
So just to anyone listening, like.

Speaker 2 (01:46:31):
Don't ever you know, if you've been friends with someone
for five years, it's okay to be like, hey, I
started this venture, like can you help me out?

Speaker 3 (01:46:38):
Or can you advise me don't feel like, Oh, I
don't want them to feel like I take that way.

Speaker 5 (01:46:41):
You know, And I think in the beginning, I mean,
especially in this LA world.

Speaker 3 (01:46:44):
That well, that's what I'm saying. When it's too fast, Yeah, when.

Speaker 5 (01:46:48):
It's too thought hyper sensitive.

Speaker 4 (01:46:49):
When you were saying that earlier, like I remember we
were voice noting back and forth in our early parts
of our friendship and you.

Speaker 5 (01:46:55):
Were like, girl, send me some of your lift into products.

Speaker 4 (01:46:57):
And I would never have done that, yes, said that
I would never have because we were too early in friendships.
I never wanted you to think that the reason I
was excited to like grow a friendship with you had
anything to do with some.

Speaker 3 (01:47:10):
Sort of clout.

Speaker 4 (01:47:11):
I think it's like in this world of LA, I'm
just super And even when you said about going up
to people when you're at events and things like that,
I am way more of that person you said that
when I first met you, you too like, I'm very
like come up to people and introduce myself. But after
years of LA, I don't ever want to make anyone
think that like I need something from them. So it's

(01:47:33):
so important to have it organically happen. And it's up
to you and that friendship to recognize when that time is.
Because You're right, you shouldn't also be scared to say hey,
I need your help. I actually message Roddy the other
day and I've never done this, and I said, oh
my gosh, we didn't meet our like sales goal for
the month, but can you like she loves our SPF
And I was like, can you just like post it?
And I felt so weird. You literally said like, do

(01:47:57):
I have a code? Like can I post it to
all of my followers? I was more saying to send
it to you so you can text it to your
friends personally, and you were like, do you want me
to just post it to everybody? And I was like
that was just so sweet. But again it was like
I had a pit in my stomach to like ask, but.

Speaker 3 (01:48:11):
I know what you mean.

Speaker 1 (01:48:11):
I feel the same way about the podcast. You guys
are the only people that I felt comfortable like with
people just reaching out to you because you though, you're
the only two people that I've had that with everybody else.
I feel like I'm being really mindful about like can
I ask them? Should I not ask them? Like just
does it feel like I'm asking too much. And I
think because of Jay and how what his life is,

(01:48:32):
I was saying this to you, I never like being
invited as a plus one. I never like being I
never asked for invites to places that he gets invited to.
I have no desire to be in them if I'm
not invited myself, right, And I think there's this like
there's this feeling of never wanting to be in a
space where you're not welcome or invited, and in the
same way, never asking too much of someone. I've had that.

(01:48:53):
I feel like I still have that friendship with a
few people that he's become friends with where I know
I'm not close enough to ask them or to expect
anything from them. And I think there's again partner differentiation
of like, you can be close to people, but that
doesn't mean I am. And I can be close to people,
but that doesn't mean you are, and it doesn't it's
not interchangeable. I can't expect someone to be friends with
me if I haven't invested in them in the same

(01:49:14):
way as he has.

Speaker 3 (01:49:15):
Right.

Speaker 2 (01:49:16):
Tricky in friendships at the end of the day, it's
super tricky. And I think you just feel it and
you just know if you're a good person, it's easy.

Speaker 1 (01:49:23):
Yeah, agreed. Yeah, Okay, So to end the podcast, I'm
going to ask you, guys, what type of crier you are,
and I basically categorize the types of criers. I'm going
to tell you and then you have to give me
your best version of it. So there's a loud, ugly,
ugly crier, which is just kind. That's the ugly crier,
loud and ugly, the breathless, which is just what Okay.

(01:49:45):
The third one is the sniffler and snotty that's like, yeah,
it comes out of every single hole, the hype, the
high pitched, which is I just don't know why. We've
got those friends who just yeah, first you is then
there that I'm not crying, you're crying. I have something
in my eye. And then there's the silent crier where

(01:50:07):
they go to the bathroom they come up with puffy eyes,
but no one will ever know and they will never
admit to them.

Speaker 3 (01:50:12):
Okay, that's probably true.

Speaker 1 (01:50:14):
O can be you're an actress, Can you do something
like I can out? Yes, I can and go the
silent cryer? Everyone by Francier. It's been a hard day.
She's been through a lot. She runs to the bathroom.
She has a weep, tears stream from her eyes. She
walks out. She's welcomed by many faces staring at her,
and this is what she looks like. I feel sad

(01:50:38):
now it was really good. Oh my god, he's still going,
Oh my.

Speaker 5 (01:50:47):
Guy, Oh my gosh, give her an oscar.

Speaker 3 (01:50:52):
Oh my god.

Speaker 1 (01:50:52):
I've actually got tears in my eyes.

Speaker 5 (01:50:54):
Say I hate seeing friends cry.

Speaker 3 (01:50:55):
It makes me cry.

Speaker 5 (01:50:57):
Francia, Wow, I always wondered to help.

Speaker 3 (01:51:00):
Did that?

Speaker 5 (01:51:02):
Okay, first of all, I'm not an actress.

Speaker 2 (01:51:06):
Okay, that was really so that was the sixth.

Speaker 1 (01:51:12):
Wait, that was the silent crier.

Speaker 3 (01:51:14):
But like, wow, the silent cry that you'll never say.

Speaker 1 (01:51:17):
It's a silent but powerful.

Speaker 5 (01:51:18):
After her, I'm the second one, you are the breathless.

Speaker 3 (01:51:22):
Yeah.

Speaker 4 (01:51:22):
So, like I think because I have a business, people
think I'm Leo, but I'm cancer. I'm July fourthe yeah,
And I'm very sensitive and I think that like nobody
expects that from me. So anytime friends hurt me, I
think people expect me to be this like hard ass
person who's just like I'm fine and pretend like it
didn't hurt me. But I still the memory of a
friend we've talked about before that like I'm no longer

(01:51:44):
friends with that. I literally like in the middle they
were trying to be like more hard about it and
be like, well you didn't do.

Speaker 5 (01:51:49):
This, and blah blah blah blah blah.

Speaker 4 (01:51:50):
I was like, look like it just I couldn't even
get the words out because I was like, I'm just hurt.

Speaker 5 (01:51:55):
That's literally it. I'm just hurt.

Speaker 4 (01:51:57):
It's not like I'm angry about it or anything. I'm
literally hurt that you would do this to me. But
I remember we like went to get food and like
try to talk it out, and I couldn't get a
word out because I was just like choked up on
every word.

Speaker 5 (01:52:09):
And yeah, I'm like a very sensitive person.

Speaker 4 (01:52:13):
But I like, I don't know if that's the second
one or the one where you're trying to hide it.

Speaker 1 (01:52:17):
Are the breathless or trying to hide it?

Speaker 5 (01:52:19):
Yeah, it's definitely somewhere in between the two.

Speaker 1 (01:52:21):
And I didn't give us a little bit of into it.

Speaker 5 (01:52:25):
You like, did you make the other people? Did you
make it?

Speaker 1 (01:52:27):
She did it, Yeah, she was, but all the actresses
seemed to be like silent cries, where she was just like,
wasn't she Yeah, so Alexis so she was a silent one.

Speaker 3 (01:52:39):
Well, the silent is what you assigned me.

Speaker 2 (01:52:41):
So that's what I did, but I decided to do
that in public, that's what I'll do, but in private,
I let it go.

Speaker 5 (01:52:46):
So it's like a hardcore one. But okay, I can't
do it. You can, I can't.

Speaker 1 (01:52:51):
Oh God, is it a breath? If it's a breathfa
I just did all of them for you as an example.

Speaker 4 (01:52:55):
But but so you asked me to look for a
picture of me crying.

Speaker 5 (01:52:59):
I was that.

Speaker 4 (01:53:00):
I had a photo like from a couple of weeks
ago of just like a tear coming down my face
and it was on a plane. So I definitely was
that second one where I was like trying not to cry,
but it was just crying. Because again I think like
I just like hold all of it in, so like
even trying to.

Speaker 1 (01:53:13):
Do it right now, Okay, now you don't have to
do I feel really uncomfortable.

Speaker 5 (01:53:15):
But I'm glad you.

Speaker 1 (01:53:16):
Brought up the picture thing because I do want everyone
to just feel from doing this. The reason I wanted
to end with this is because I want everyone that's
listening to just feel so much more comfortable with releasing emotion.
And the reason I asked you to take pictures and
also send me your pictures of you crying because I
think we document so many happy moments in our life,
and sometimes we're sad and we end up taking a
picture of us happy because of the circumstance that we're

(01:53:38):
in and we have to get into a picture. But like,
if we want to be more real with ourselves and
with everybody else around us, like be okay with taking
pictures of yourself also feeling sad. I have so many
on my phone just to remember those moments, but also
to feel okay with seeing myself in that way and
recognizing crying is not necessarily a terrible thing or a
bad thing. It's actually just such a beautiful thing for

(01:53:59):
us to go. So I totally understand Deeper doesn't want
to do it.

Speaker 4 (01:54:04):
I'm gonna sometimes crying is not sad tears like I remember,
like at your thirtieth birthday, Jay had us all go
around the picnic and every person cried when they talked
about you, but because it was tears of joy.

Speaker 1 (01:54:17):
That was I know. I'm said, you miss it. You're
gonna be the next one there, But that's true, like
tears are so. All emotions, well, not all emotions, but
all physical representation of your emotions can be in such
different ways. People laugh sometimes when they feel uncomfortable. My sister,
when we were growing up, she used to laugh when
She used to laugh when it was in sad moments.
It was her way of releasing And so I think
let's not categorize the way that we release emotion for

(01:54:40):
a specific emotion. It should be free for all, depending
on who you are and how you want to release things.

Speaker 3 (01:54:45):
Oh girl, i'd laugh too, it's so bad.

Speaker 1 (01:54:47):
Do you laugh an awkward situation?

Speaker 2 (01:54:48):
Yes, especially like uncomfortable ones, like where someone's hurt and
I just can't help it.

Speaker 3 (01:54:52):
I start laughing because I don't know what to do.

Speaker 1 (01:54:54):
That's what my sister does. But thank you all so
much for listening to another episode of a good podcast.
I hope this has helped to get in tune with
your emotions, understand friendships better, understand relationships better, and ultimately
help you become the best version of yourself. So thanks
again for listening, and I'll see you next time.

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Host

Radhi Devlukia

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