Jay Shetty: His Past, Presence, and Purpose — An Honest Conversation With His Wife Radhi - A Really Good Cry

Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
Being understood is such a special thing because it's so rare.
If you feel understood by everyone, then you would love everyone.

Speaker 2 (00:07):
He is many things, a best selling author, a former monk,
the host of On Purpose, and an entrepreneur. Today I
get to ask him the questions that no one else can.
My husband, Jay s you know a very low meintance.
You didn't come with the entourage or anything. We get
you the raw, unfiltered version today everyone.

Speaker 1 (00:23):
I don't believe I deserve this. I can't believe this
happened to me, and so my hard work is a
way of me showing gratitude back to God in the
universe for the opportunities I've been given.

Speaker 2 (00:34):
People's idea of material success and spirituality not being something
that you can combine. I would love to have a
discussion on that, like saying that, oh my god, we've
just started what's your favorite podcast?

Speaker 1 (00:49):
I'm actually a reader. I don't listen to bout what's.

Speaker 2 (00:51):
Your favorite podcast? And asking that question again. I'm Radi
da Lukiah, and on my podcast Really Good Cry, we
embrace the real, the messy, and the beautiful, providing a
space for raw, unfiltered conversations that celebrate vulnerability and allow
you to tune in to learn, connect and find comfort together.

(01:12):
I forgot to ask you, did you want a Junie?
What flavor do you want?

Speaker 1 (01:15):
I'll take.

Speaker 2 (01:17):
Peples, great choice. Mine's always strawbery hibiscus. I know, I
think I go through phases of just having one flavor
every single day and then I switch the next thing. Yeah, well, thanks,
thanks Stage Chance. Appreciate you, Jay Shessi, you are officially
on my podcast. Honestly, professionally, I am absolutely in all. Personally,

(01:43):
I'm very excited because I'm going to ask you a
questions and you have to answer them even though we're
on camera and on audio. So I feel like I'm
going to get a version of you that nobody really
gets to hear. I'm very excited about it.

Speaker 1 (01:56):
I'm so is the first time you're interviewing me.

Speaker 2 (01:58):
I know, you know what, normally I'm a little bit
nervous when guests are coming on, and I have to say,
my nerves were overridden by excitement with you coming on.
So thanks for being here. Thank you for making the
really long journey from your podcast room in your office
to my podcast room in my office.

Speaker 1 (02:17):
I know I didn't get greeted, No, offered me a drink.

Speaker 2 (02:20):
Very low maintenance. You didn't come with the entourage or anything.
Just you. We get you, the raw, unfiltered version today.
Everyone who's ready because I am. You went from being
a monk to leaving being a monk, to being broke,
to dating me and still being broke, to working at Accentia,
which I still don't really remember what it is, but

(02:41):
it was something to do with like consulting.

Speaker 1 (02:44):
That was good.

Speaker 2 (02:44):
Yeah, thank you. To moving to New York to now
being in LA and I feel like the one thing
years how many years.

Speaker 1 (02:53):
That's in eleven years?

Speaker 2 (02:54):
Eleven years, it's eleven years. Like we're completely new people
in so many ways. But one thing I realized when
I was thinking about you, when I was writing the
questions was the one thing that stood out most to
me about you from the moment I met you to
now whenever reflects back, is that your deep intention has

(03:15):
always remained the same. From the moment I met you
after you being a monk, or we started talking after
you being a monk, to now, it is literally like,
never ever change, your deep intention has always sayed the same.
So I guess my first question for you is what
is your intention in life? Like, what is your deep
purpose and your deep intention? And the second part of

(03:36):
it is how do you maintain such a deep, meaningful
intention and distinguish between what is and isn't part of
your journey.

Speaker 1 (03:43):
I'm so happy and grateful to be here as well.
Watching you grow over the last eleven years has been
I don't think anything's brought me greater during life. I
was talking about it last night. I've about to cry
and just like saying.

Speaker 2 (03:53):
That, oh my god, we've just started.

Speaker 1 (03:56):
Yeah, literally, but yeah, watching you grows and amazing. To
explain my intention, I have to explain a bit about
how our Eastern tradition works and also how monk training works,
and so in our tradition, our intention is very much

(04:16):
about service. There are two things that come to mind
when someone asks me what my intention is, And the
first is to serve and please my teachers, my gurus,
my guides. The people that have poured into you, invested
in you, have given you all the incredible skills and
qualities and attributes and abilities. Everything that you have has

(04:40):
come from someone else, and so your first desire is
to serve them and to please them and the second
is to use all of those skills, abilities, qualities, everything
that you've been given in the service of others. And
so my intention has always been very simple to try
to serve my teachers and guides and then to use

(05:00):
my nature and my skills my abilities in the service
of others. And it's almost this idea of like, how
can you at the end of your life actually be
completely empty because you gave everything, you used everything, and
you left everything behind to someone else, and so you
weren't trying to take anything with you, but you were

(05:22):
actually trying to empty everything out to the last drop,
because you were leaving everything that you were given because
it was never yours to keep in the first place.
It was always for you to pass on to someone else.
So that is my intention every day that I wake
up to.

Speaker 2 (05:37):
That's so nice, and I honestly can say that I
feel like I've witnessed that every single day, and I've
witnessed you refining that intention every single day. And one
thing I always wondered, and I feel like I've never
really asked you, like, how do you know what is
part of this journey? What is part of your intention?
Because so many things come to us. I feel that way,

(05:58):
like I have so many things that come to me,
and so many times I'm like, I don't really know
whether it's part of my journey or not. Like I
don't know whether I should or shouldn't be doing this.
I don't know whether this is the route I should
be on and whether this is meeting me on the
route or whether I'm going completely off course. So how
do you distinguish between those things that are internally you
know they are part of the journey, even if externally

(06:20):
people may see them and be like, oh, what is
this person doing?

Speaker 1 (06:23):
If you live life in the external world, you're basically
looking at an activity and you're giving importance to an activity.
So I'll give you an example. Two people externally could
give to charity. Is their charity equal? The impact of
the charity may be equal if they gave the same
amount of money or the same amount of time, But

(06:44):
the intention with which they give it, which is in
the invisible world the internal world, defines the quality of
that act for them charmically and then in how it
makes them feel and ultimately how it will sustain whether
the keep doing it or not. What I focus on
is on the invisible world. And what I mean by

(07:05):
that is I'm focused on why I do something more
than what I'm doing, because what I'm doing could look
the same as what someone else is doing. So over
the last few years, I've worked really hard. I've worked
really crazy hours. I've put in my time, and my
thought to do that was, honestly, I couldn't believe it

(07:27):
when I got my first breakthrough from God, from the universe,
and I just said, I said, from this day forward,
I never want to take it for granted. So my
hard work has been my way of showing gratitude for
the opportunities I was given. My hard work. Yes it
was to achieve certain things, Yes it was to accomplish

(07:48):
certain goals, but really it's come from a place of
I don't believe I deserve this. I can't believe this
happened to me. I can't believe my first video went viral.
I can't believe that I got to connect with so
many people. I can't believe that so many people message
me or stop me on the street and say your
video stop me from committing suicide, or your video save

(08:10):
my marriage, or your book has helped me get over
my heartbreak. When I heard those things, I thought, from
this day forward, I will never ever take for granted
what I've been given. And so my hard work is
a way of me showing gratitude back to God in
the universe for the opportunities I've been given. No one

(08:32):
would ever know that or see that. It just looks
like you're working hard to accomplish some stuff. And so
for me, I don't live in the world of what
people see and what people know, because I don't think
you can tell anyone's intention, forget mine. There's loads of
people in the world doing amazing things with deep intentions,
and you'd never see it. And so I think the
way you do it first is you live in the

(08:53):
invisible world. I think too many of us live in
the external visible world. I think we live in the
world which is about what do people think of me?
And what is people's perception of me? And I try
to live in the world of what is my perception
of me? And what do the people that I look
up to and admire because of their character think of

(09:16):
what I'm doing and why I'm doing it. And so
the other habit that I have is I call it
seeds and weeds and what I mean by that is
I'm constantly trying to plant seeds in my heart, and
I'm trying to uproot weeds. So if I sat here
and said I've never had a thought that was impure
or slightly selfish or slightly personally motivated, I'd be lying,

(09:38):
We've all had that. That's natural, that's what it means
to be human. So I've had all those thoughts. I'm
not perfect. I have plenty of flaws.

Speaker 2 (09:46):
You're not perfect.

Speaker 1 (09:48):
And I try every day, every week, every month, every
year to sit down and ask myself is this spiritually motivated?
Or is this materially motivated? How is it spiritual? How
is it material? And that's not easy, and it's actually
not that clear. And what I realized is that that
activity in and of itself is the only way to

(10:10):
hold yourself accounter right. And so sometimes the external perception
can actually be a great way of checking internally. Feedback
can be a beautiful thing if you use it as
self reflection, not self dejection. Yeah right, you're not rejecting yourself.
You're actually reflecting and saying, I'm using what I'm maybe

(10:30):
hearing or seeing as a way of reflecting and seeing
where I may need to change. Does that make any sense?

Speaker 2 (10:35):
Yeah, it makes so much sense. And I feel like,
I mean, I feel like I've definitely seen you refine
that intention over and over again, and it's been incredible
to watch. But I didn't think i'd ever asked you
how you actually do it in your mind. Like I
see the gratitude every single day. I see that you're
so thankful even when something goes wrong. You're like, yeah,
but I'm just so grateful for this life, Like this

(10:56):
life is amazing, and regardless of whether it's this or that,
like you're always you're always very grateful for it. And
I guess, yeah, now it makes sense that you're just
linking it to this is how I can repay the
people that have given to me, how I can even
repay them. And actually, if you think about it, when
you were saying that, what I thought about was the
concept of what I've spoken about before about preparing for

(11:19):
your blessings, And it reminded me of that, because I
feel like the preparation is getting ready to do the
hard work, and then once you receive the blessings, are
you actually ready to hold them, harness them, utilize them,
and carry them with you for as long as you
want to have them, Because there's one thing about receiving blessings.

(11:39):
You may do good things, you receive the blessings you want.
You receive the things that you want in your life.
But that's just the beginning. Like the rest of it,
is what can I do to keep purifying myself and
to keep nourishing myself and doing the things to be
worthy of it for a longer period of time, not
just in that instant moment where I received it. And

(12:00):
so I thought that that was really beautiful. Thanks for
sharing that. You thought, Oh, you were going to come
on here and I was going to interview you as
like your wife. No, I'm interviewing you as a student
and a fan and someone who has many questions for
you that I realized I hadn't asked over these past
years of knowing.

Speaker 1 (12:15):
Whenever I'm with you, though, I'm already in my heart,
so it's a very different conversation. I know.

Speaker 2 (12:20):
That's why I'm really excited. I want to be able
to get things out I've been wanting to for a while.
How have you always known what you wanted to do?
Because from the moment I met you even though you
had no idea where your life was going to go.
It was so interesting to me that you were I mean,
I don't mean to say this in a rude way,
but like you're a bit of a bum like you
came out of you were't a bum in terms of
I don't mean it in like a rude way, but

(12:40):
like technically to the outside world, whether it was like
some of my family members or you know, if you
met people in a professional manner, they'd be like, what
were you doing for the last whatever many years?

Speaker 1 (12:50):
Oh?

Speaker 2 (12:50):
I was trained to be among to them, it's like
I was just not working. And then you come out
and literally from the moment you came out, you were
trying to find a job straight where you were like futoring.
You were doing so many things to get yourself back
on your feet. But did you always know what you
wanted to do? And how did you come to the
conclusion of what you wanted to do, Like how you

(13:11):
were going to channel everything you just said your intention
into the actions that you actually decided to make them into.

Speaker 1 (13:17):
I was lucky that I tried a lot of things
out when I was young. So when I was fourteen,
I became a paper boy, and I would stack papers
and deliver papers down my streets and the streets around
my area. And I think I used to get around
like three pounds per street, and so I was like,
the more streets I do, the more money I could make.

(13:38):
And so I used to do like five streets to
get fifteen pounds, and I'd use ten pounds of that
to top up my phone. Now, anyone who's not not
old enough to understand what a top up is, it's
basically when you had to pay to make calls. Yeah,
so you didn't get unlimited minutes on a contract. You
paid ten pounds and you got ten pounds worth of
calls and unlimited texts and unlimited text Maybe I don't

(13:59):
even know, but I don't think so. Yes. And so
there was this idea of like I'd been a paper boy,
so what does that mean. It meant i'd have a
good relationship with the person who owned the paper. I
had to make sure I did my job on time,
and then I had to report and I had to
plan my time out after school or before school to
do that. Then a few years later, I worked at Morrisons.

(14:21):
Morrisons is the equivalent of Walmart or something similar to that.
There I got an understanding and learning of like what
it felt like to be in the warehouse to stack shelves,
to realize how clumsy I was when I spilt too
many bottles of wine which are probably too expensive, and
having to stack them back up, and what it felt

(14:41):
like to work at a supermarket, and how hey, if
I worked on a Sunday, I got paid time and
a half, or if I worked on a bank holiday
or a day off, I got double pay. And so
start learning about how it works. And then later on
I worked in retail. I worked at River Island. You know,
I was working in a retail store. I was selling denim,
and I remember my official title was like Denim Expell

(15:03):
or something like that, and I was selling denim and
I understood how River Island. So I was just very
very lucky that I started working very very young. And
I remember doing some incredible work experience at this event's
company that would organize these incredible events and exhibitions at
the Business Design.

Speaker 2 (15:20):
Center in London. I think I need.

Speaker 1 (15:22):
It was the first time I had to do cold calling,
so I'd get a list of three hundred companies linked
to that exhibition. It can be a bike's company, a
car company, whatever, and I'd have to literally call these
people that I didn't know. I was like sixteen years old,
and I'd have to sell them exhibition space. And I
remember people teaching me how to do that and what

(15:43):
they looked like. And literally, out of the three hundred
people you called, two hundred and ninety four were going
to reject you. So I got really good at dealing
with rejection and understanding that failure was the journey to success.
And so I look at all of that as such
great exposure so early on to everything from sales to

(16:03):
customer service, to marketing to business to stacking shelves. I've
done every part of the journey. And then finally after
I met Gorongapurbu, my monk teacher, who inspired me by
his example because he would study the scriptures so deeply
the legend. Yeah, and you love him now, which makes
me so happy. And you watch how he studies the

(16:26):
scriptures and how he presents them in this really innovative, accessible,
practical way, and seeing that, I was just like I
love that, Like That's what I'd love to do. And
so then I started spending lots of time studying spiritual texts,
studying Eastern philosophy, reading books about psychology and science and
everything else, and trying to find the juxtaposition and where

(16:48):
they fit. And so, if I'm honestly being completely truthful,
I didn't ever try to find the thing I love.
I just did a lot of things. And then once
you've done a lot of things, what you're actually doing
is you're collecting and connecting ideas. And I think most
of us don't have enough collection to connect enough. And

(17:11):
so I've been exposed to so many different roles, so
many different jobs, so many different things, and I was
never there going, God, I hate being a paper boy,
Why am I doing this? Or hate being in Morrison's?
Why am I doing this? Or I hate being in retail?
Why am I doing this? That was never what I
was saying. What I was saying is what can I
learn from this? What skill did I pick up from this?
What's a value? What's a example? What's a case study

(17:34):
that I can take from this? And so by the
time I met you, the reason I knew what I
wanted to do was because for so long I'd been
collecting and connecting ideas and I really believe today that
I wouldn't be able to do what I do if
I hadn't been a monk, if I hadn't worked at Accentia,
if I hadn't been a paper boy, if I hadn't
worked in retail, if I hadn't worked at a grocery store.

(17:55):
I am who I am because of the sum total
of all of my experiences. And I think often we're
looking for that one thing that we are, and the
truth is none of us are one thing. All of
us are so many more things. And so if everyone's
in a job right now and they hate it, or
if anyone's in a role right now and they don't
like it, or if anyone's in a position and they're
just like I can't wait to get out of here,

(18:18):
I encourage you to ask yourself, what can I learn
from this? What can I take from this experience that
could be useful in my next phase, rather than how
do I get out of this situation? Because I promise you,
in everything you're trying to avoid, there's something that you
need to build the future you and that's what you're
trying to chase, and that's what you're after.

Speaker 2 (18:40):
Yeah, I feel like when I was really young and
I made the decision of what I wanted to be,
I didn't even think about whether who I was was
suited to what I thought I wanted to be. So
let's say I want to be a patritrician. I want
to be a children's doctor. So I see a children's
doctor and I'm like, oh, that means I have to think,
like this, do this be really good at this, look

(19:00):
like this, whatever it is, you create this form of
what you believe that looks like. So then instead of
leaning into your strengths your skills, learning what they even are,
you tell yourself that's what you have stain and if
you don't do that and you don't have the skills
for that, then you're failing. And so I feel like
most of us do that the wrong way around, because
for me, now, if I look back, my skills actually

(19:22):
and the way that I think, as much as I
love caring for people, it really wasn't suited to being
a doctor, Like that was not actually what I was
supposed to do, which is why I'm not doing it.
But I also think because I kept thinking that was
what I had to do and what I wanted to do,
my whole life, I kept thinking, Oh, I've just failed,
Like I didn't do the thing I said I was

(19:44):
going to do, so everything else I was like, Oh,
I just did a dietitian degree because my mom told
me I should do it. And I just did this
degree because what else was I going to do? And
I just went to this college because I'm the only
ones who took me. So everything that I was doing,
it was coming from a place of failure from before
i'd even figure o who I was or what I
was good at. And so what you said makes so
much sense. I gained the experience, collect the experience to

(20:07):
then see what you're best suited to, like to really
channel those things into the right thing. And then I
imagine it kind of comes to you, and when it
comes to you, you have way more alignment in yourself
to know that's it. Like that is I believe whatever
this opportunity has come to me, that is what I'm
supposed to do, because I've done all this work beforehand

(20:30):
to show me that this is the path and this
is the room.

Speaker 1 (20:32):
Yeah. And also I don't think it's an activity, Like
I don't think it's a job title. I think that's
the mistake, right. I always struggle with the question when
someone says, so what are you, and yeah, what are you?
I don't like to say I'm just an author because
I'm a podcaster. I don't like to just say I'm
a podcaster because I'm also a coach. I don't like
to just say I'm a coach because I'm also whatever

(20:54):
it may be. And the truth is, if someone asks
me who I actually am, I'm someone who wants to
help people find their purpose. That's why I app whatever
vessel in whatever way that gets talked about. So I
may write a book about that, I may record a
podcast about it, I may coach someone on it. But
so you're not ever defined by your job title. And
I think that's the mistake. We're looking for the ideal job.

(21:15):
There is no ideal job. We're looking for the ideal title.
There is no ideal title. We're looking for the ideal role.
There is no ideal role. There's only a deep sense
of this is what I'm trying to do, and I'm
infusing my job, infusing my role, infusing my title with that.
And so I think I would discourage people from finding
the thing they love or the one thing because I

(21:38):
don't think it is one thing, and I think it's
healthier when it's evolving and you're just learning and growing.
And as humans, we have this addiction to certainty and
finding something like the one thing, Like we're like, I
want to find the one. Whether it comes to relationships,
I want to find the one, whether it comes to jobs,
I want to find the one to do what I love.

(22:00):
And the truth is life is more about what am
I willing to work towards, what am I willing to
put effort into, what do I want to grow into.
It's not this is it, I've found it, I'm done.
And so I discourage people to think like that because
I think it creates an unhealthy.

Speaker 2 (22:14):
Mindset and sometimes says what are you or who are you?
Should be like, I'm complex. That should basically be the
end of the sentence, I'm a complex human. Yeah you
could pull that, Yeah, okay. So the next thing I
wanted to move on to was your emotional availability, because
I feel like, you know, whether it's from our culture,

(22:35):
whether it is the expectations of a man being less
emotionally available, whatever those sorts are. It definitely grew up
thinking that, and then my experiences of people generally were that,
you know, there was a big difference between a man's
emotions and a woman's emotions, Like men are not emotionally available,

(22:55):
women are emotionally available. Like that's how the split was
in my mind. How did you unlock the ability to
be emotionally available? Because you're like that with your friends,
You're like that with your partner, You're like that with
your family, you're like that with You wear your heart
on your sleeve a lot, and it's literally just who
you are. You will tell your friends how much you

(23:16):
love them. You will remember to message them and be like,
I just want you to know that I'm thinking about you.
Like you are emotionally available to me every single day.
You really do share your emotions a lot. And so
one have you been like that from a young age?
And two what do you think molded that and allowed
you to come into that ability to just wear your
heart on your sleeve.

Speaker 1 (23:36):
I think it developed from being very emotionally available for
my parents. And so my parents I don't even think
they knew what therapy was growing up. Yeah, of course,
and so they came to me ever since I was
a kid, and a lot of.

Speaker 2 (23:49):
People the oldest child.

Speaker 1 (23:52):
Yeah, and a lot of people look at that as like,
oh my god, you didn't have a childhood, And I
look at it as like the best training for adulthood.
I had a great childhood in the sense of I
have some good memories, I have some bad memories, I
have some great experiences, I have some tough experiences, and
my life's so wonderful today that I don't actually look

(24:12):
at that as a negative thing. I look at it
as an experience that molded who I am today. And
so I had to be so emotionally available to both
my parents to hear them out, to mediate, to see
how they felt, to see what they were going through,
doing it for my sister too, who's younger than me.
It's the role I've always played. But what I found

(24:34):
is that when I became spiritual, my monk teachers had
the greatest ocean of capacity. So what happened was you're
a little river trying to carry lots of different things,
but then you're being carried by an ocean, so you're
like a river to the sea, as our Peful friend

(24:55):
Janavie's album is called, So You're a river, But then
your teacher of the ocean, and they're able to hold
so much, and so you're able to hold a little
bit as well because they're holding you. That is what
humanity is meant to be, is that you're held, and
then you hold others, and then they feel held, and
then they hold others. And so I think it would

(25:15):
have been unhealthy if I never found where I was held.
But I feel so deeply held by my Guru and
my teachers, and I find them to be such a
abundant vessel, expensive vessel of mercy and of blessings that
I feel I have an incredible capacity to hold others.
And it's not something I feel like I carry in

(25:37):
a way that weighs me down because I don't believe
I'm doing the carrying. I think the challenges we think
we have to fix people, and actually we have to
love them while they fix themselves. And when you think
you have to fix them because you think they're broken,
you're now taking all of that responsibility. And so now

(25:59):
when they don't change, you're triggered. But when you can
love someone and hold space for them and provide compassion
for them in their transformation, now you're not carrying it.
Now you realize it is their journey, it's not your journey,
and so I don't feel a pressure to carry other
people's weight. I don't feel weighed down by other people's weight.

(26:20):
I feel like I'm allowing them to be who they are,
to evolve at their pace, in their own time, the
way they want to grow, and I don't have any
expectation or obligation for them, just as my teachers don't
have any expectation or obligation for me. I don't want
to be led by someone who's forcing me to be someone.

(26:41):
I don't want to be led by someone who's judging
me to be someone, and so I don't want to
force someone, or judge someone, or criticize someone or compare
someone either. And so for me, I think it came
from having had a lot of practice when I was young,
and I'm really grateful for that skill because I like
being that person. And I think you also know this.

(27:04):
I'm also very good at setting boundaries, so it's not
like I feel overstretched or overwhelmed by holding other people's space,
because if I don't feel like I want to, I
will happily step out and distance myself. So I don't
see it as me feeling like I'm this people please

(27:25):
are wanting to be there for everyone that I don't
identify with that because I will gladly step out and
bow out and put my hands up and say I
don't think I can do this. And so I think
it's something that I have a healthy relationship with. It's
not like I'm trying to overly sacrifice myself. And I
think there was a time when I probably did have

(27:46):
compassion fatigue. And I think a lot of people experience
compassion fatigue because we're trying to fix people, not love them.
We're trying to solve people's problems, not hear them out.
We're trying to save people, not hold their And I
think for me, I'm not trying to fix, save, or
solve for anyone. Yeah, because I can't. No one can.

(28:07):
Only they can. I'm just trying to be their friend
as they figure it out.

Speaker 2 (28:11):
So that's one side of it, that's how you are
with other people. But how do you feel if there
are people who find it really difficult to give out emotions?
So there's one thing about helping people and being there
for other people, But really what I'm asking is like,
how does someone become so okay with sharing their heart

(28:31):
with other people. So for you, how are you so
emotionally available to people? So number one, how can someone
who really struggles with sharing their emotions with people? Do
you have any tips of like what did you do
through your life to do that? Because you know, do
you feel like you came from people who were emotionally available?
Like would you say that your parents were overtly emotionally available?

(28:51):
Your mum definitely was, so a lot of the times
you end up taking on their natures. So I feel
like you definitely have that from your mum. But maybe
I don't know whether your dad was very emotionally available
growing up, but I think and that's a very natural
thing in our culture for like the parents to be
they'll provide, but they're not necessarily the dad will provide,
but not necessarily saying I love you all the time,
or like telling you how they feel about things, so

(29:13):
you know, don't necessarily grow up with the nature of that.
So for people who find it hard to share emotions,
were there any tools and techniques that helped you? And
then another question is for people looking for emotionally available people,
how does that look like? How do you distinguish that
and how do you seek that in someone.

Speaker 1 (29:33):
I have to give my mom credit because I feel
like my mom's so sweet. My mom's love was and
has been always a shield. I've never questioned whether I'm
lovable because my moms love me so. Yeah, and that's
a beautiful thing mothers can do for their kids.

Speaker 2 (29:51):
Well, I think your parents are nothing like it.

Speaker 1 (29:54):
I think there's that very stable foundation of a healthy
attachment style with that with my mom, I've just realized
that life's too short. If you care about someone and
you want them to know, tell them. I know. If
you love someone, tell them. If you believe in someone,

(30:14):
tell them, because I don't know when my last experience
with then will be that person I never want to feel.
I think my tool or technique is I don't like regrets. Yes,
I don't believe in regrets. I don't subscribe to regrets.
I don't like the idea that my future self may

(30:36):
regret something I did or didn't do.

Speaker 2 (30:38):
I think I mentioned to you, don't you feel like,
don't you get worried about being too much? Sometimes? Like,
don't you get worried about sending that message to a stranger?
Not a stranger, but someone that you've met like once
or twice, and you're telling them how happy you are
to have met them, or you know, really really sharing
your heart with them and truly saying how how you feel.
And I remember you saying like, no, I actually, I

(30:59):
actually don't have any thoughts like that, because I'm saying
what's truly in my heart, Like I'm just being honest.

Speaker 1 (31:06):
Yeah, yeah, yeah, it's just being honest and the tool
of just like I have regrets, obviously, we all do.
Like there are things I wish I didn't do. There's
so many things, of course, but I don't want to
keep creating those, Yeah, And I think the biggest thing
you'll ever regret in life is not telling someone how
you felt about them and that you believed in them
and that you saw something in them and that you

(31:28):
love them. And I think I look at it as
I want to do for others what I wished people
did for me. Right. There have been times in my
life where I think someone could have been more loving, yeah,
or someone could have been more encouraging, where someone could
have believed in me a little bit more. And if
I want to live in that world, I've got to
be the person doing those things. And so I can

(31:50):
either sit here and say I wish someone told me
they believed in me. By the way, I barely heard
that when I was young. Yeahah, I could sit here
and say I wish someone told me that, whatever it is,
And I don't feel that that's healthy. I don't. I
feel that creates more bitterness in my heart. And I
don't want to live with resentment and bitterness in my heart.

(32:11):
And so in order to make my heart a place
that I want to live, I have to create that
space myself. And so for me being able to give
to others what I never got has made my heart
better and helped other people. And so I just want
to live in a home. It's almost like saying, like,
if someone comes into your house and messes it up,

(32:31):
do you just leave it messy, yeah, because you're just
mad at it? Or do you clean it up because
you want your place to be cleaned?

Speaker 2 (32:38):
That's so true.

Speaker 1 (32:39):
And so if someone came and messed up my mindset
or didn't say the right thing, I can either sit
here and just sit there and sit in the mess,
or I can solve it, because I don't want to
live in that space room out. Yeah, and so yeah,
I get your rumor. So I think that's the first part.

Speaker 2 (32:52):
I also just wanted to add there that you know,
when you were talking about being expansive in nature, and
that's the ability when you're doing the river to the
sea and the ability to just give expansively. I would
say that. I mean I met some of your teachers,
you know, rather than Aswami and growing up probably it
which just all had and my tea. I think it
was the first time I experienced what it would feel

(33:13):
like and understood what it would feel like to not
be jealous. And the reason I say that is because
I remember, rather Aswami would just I would meet him
and his energy was like, Oh, this person loves me
so much. But then I'd also see him with like
other people and I'd be like, God, he loves them
so much, and I was like, wait, he just met

(33:34):
the stranger and he loves them so much. And what
it made me realize was when you have unlimited capacity,
when you have decided to be a full vessel of
what life brings and a full vessel of God, the
expansiveness of that is unlimited, which means you may get
physically tired, but you never get depleted emotionally because you

(33:55):
are constantly pouring into other people. But somehow they constantly
have this charge coming in towards them. So that meant
and I realized that when he is being so loving
to one person, he has just as much left for
the other person, and just as much left for the
person after that. And that is when I really because
at first I'll be like, wait, but he really liked

(34:17):
my pumpkin pie, but like now I cook for a
rather nasami a lot, and so okay, it's like kind
of part of our relationship now. And then someone else
made pumpkin by like this pumpkin pie is amazing. I
was like, what do you mean? But he truly means
it because he has that heart that is so expensive
and so to have watched that I've only seen. I've
seen way smaller glimpses than you have of that. But

(34:39):
I imagine once you experience somebody like that, it's just beyond
like you can't help but want to be like that.
So a question on that, because we talked about mentors.
I think people find it really hard to find mentors
in their life. I find it so hard to find
people to look up to and turn to. And so
you know, I've noticed with you you really do connect
to a lot of people throughout your life. And you're

(35:00):
the type of person everyone Jay's the type of person
who whether it is his art teacher from school, you
still remember them, whether it is your mentor that took
you from like accentia, you still go back and you
see them, like you have remained grateful and connected to
your teachers from when you were at school up till now.
And so how do people one have mentors at an

(35:24):
older age if they're past all of that, they haven't
stayed in touch with them. What's the process of finding
a mentor? And like how do people do that?

Speaker 1 (35:31):
I think mentors when you become an adult, it gets
harder unless you find a coach and you build a
professional relationship out of it, which I highly recommend I
do that, and I think it's a really important investment.
But let's say that's not your path. I believe the
goal is to be mentored by people you've never met,

(35:51):
and I think we live at a time when you
can feel mentored by people to reading about their life.
You can be mentored by people by watching their doctors, mentory.
You can be mentored by people by studying how they
made certain decisions. We have so much access today to
a plethora of information about people's lives and decisions and

(36:13):
challenges and failures and stresses that you can be mentored
by deep study. And we believe this in our philosophy too,
that we talk about our teachers who are no longer here,
that me and you have never met, but you still
feel their presence in your life. And in the Vedic tradition,
there are two words that are very important. One is
vapu and one is vanni. Vapoo means the physical presence

(36:37):
of a mentor. Vanni means the wisdom of a mentor.
And we believe that the vanni, the wisdom of a
mentor i e. The written word, the listened word, whatever
it may be, is actually even more important than the
physical presence of a mentor. So I think today we
kind of feel like, I wish I could be close
to this person and they'd mentor me and they'd guide me.

(36:58):
And that's great. If you can do that, that's brilliant.
But for most of us, picking up a book, listening
to a podcast studying someone's life is sometimes going to
be the deepest bond you'll ever build with something. And
I feel really connected to people that I've never met
in my entire life through books, and so I think
books are underestimated. Now if you're looking for a physical mentor,

(37:21):
I think the first thing you have to realize is
there are certain people who are happy to mentor and
they exist. You need to turn up at those events.
You need to go and meet them, you need to
go put yourself in front of them. But mentors also
want to see accountability. I think with me and my mentors,
what they always rewarded was that I was ready to
take their advice. I was ready to put into action

(37:42):
what they said, and when they saw growth, they invested more.
I was talking to someone recently actually on my podcast.
He name's Cody Sanchez, and Cody was talking about how
when she wanted a mentor, she'd get their information and
she'd update them on anything she heard them say anywhere
and how things were going for her.

Speaker 2 (38:02):
Interesting.

Speaker 1 (38:03):
So if she heard someone at a talk and that
person said, hey, you should start an Instagram account, for example,
she would start an Instagram account. After you got their dtail,
she'd message them and be like I loved your talk.
I started an Instagram account, as you said, I've been
posting every day and that person may or may not respond.
Now three months later she's like, I posted every day,
just like you said, and I've got X amount of
followers now and I just wanted to let you know.

(38:23):
Maybe they do respond, maybe they don't. The third term,
she'd update them again and say like, oh, you know what,
I just started my first business. Now this person responds,
goes congratulations. That's amazing. And so she held herself accountable
to that person and now those people are in her lives.
And I love that example because I thought it's you
not saying, well, how much do you have to give
to me, invest in me, build me. It's no, I'm

(38:46):
going to show you that I take your advice seriously
and I'm going to let you know and our relationship
is going to develop in the background. So I love
that piece of advice.

Speaker 2 (38:53):
That's so cool. But she did that cool. You also
touched on boundaries and something I struggle with a bit,
and I feel like lots of people struggle with and
what I've seen you do is be able to help people,
whether it's people you're very close to or sometimes people
who aren't. But the people that you're close to, you're
able to help them but not feel like you have

(39:16):
to fix them. And I think that that's a really
difficult line that I struggle with of what is then
helping and what is then overstepping. How have you learned
to create boundaries, what's the mindset behind it? And how
can someone be okay with other people in their life
feeling pain and not trying to constantly fix it.

Speaker 1 (39:39):
I wrote about this idea that I share and think
like a monk, which I call radius of care. So
if you think about it, radius how far you are
from someone. And so sometimes you can help someone by
being really close to them and being really close to
the problem, and sometimes you can help someone by not
being involved. And what I realize is that, I mean,

(40:01):
you've been talking about this a lot, lady, but yeah,
what I realize is that we live in a illusion
that if I solve this for someone else, it solves
the problem, not realizing that you're taking away their skills
and the muscles they need to grow. It's like me
saying or actually you saying, because you're stronger than me,
But it's like you saying I'll lift your weights for you,

(40:24):
I'll run your mouths for you today, don't worry about it.
I'll meditate for you today. Right, But it doesn't help.
How would that ever transfer your meditation? Sure, you can
send energy, sure, but your meditation doesn't transfer into someone
else's comments. You running on a treadmill doesn't transfer into
someone else's fitness. Your weightlifting doesn't transform into someone else's strength.

(40:49):
It doesn't transfer or transform. So then why would you
doing everything else for someone else cause them to grow?
So then the real question is do you want to
help them or do you want to feel like you're
helping trout and most of us want to feel like
we're helping people rather than actually help them. So sometimes

(41:10):
the hardest thing is to receive a call from someone
you love and say to them, I'm not going to
get involved, not because I don't love you, but because actually,
if I get involved, it's going to take away the
exact thing and step you need to take in this
situation in order to make this a long term benefit.
And that isn't a cop out. That's not me saying

(41:31):
I'm stepping away because I don't want any responsibility. This
isn't an excuse to get away from offering help and
helping your friends.

Speaker 2 (41:38):
Which if you love someone you want to anyway.

Speaker 1 (41:40):
Exactly, it's actually saying I love you so much that
this is the right decision.

Speaker 2 (41:46):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (41:46):
Now, if someone right out asks you for help and
be like I need you to do this, sure maybe
you will step in. But I think often it's about
having that healthy conversation with them and asking them what
will actually solve this problem?

Speaker 2 (41:58):
Right?

Speaker 1 (41:59):
What will actually create a long term harmony to this
challenge that they have? Yeah, And to me, that's the
best way to set boundaries because I think often people
think of boundaries as like I've said it, that's it now, Yeah,
And that's not how I think of it.

Speaker 2 (42:13):
You think of boundaries as also being set for you.
Like you think that a lot of the times when
you think of boundaries, it's like, I'm setting this boundary
because it's going to protect me. But you never think about,
I'm going to set this boundary to protect the other person.
I'm going to set this boundary to help the other person.
Like boundaries always seem like a selfish thing or not.
I wouldn't say selfish, but it's for yourself. You're setting
them to protect yourself, but like I just realized, you

(42:36):
can also be setting boundaries from what you said to
protect other people. Let me not overstep, let me not overhelp,
let me not oversay, so that they can't come to
the conclusion for themselves. And you know, you really did
that for me in the beginning of our relationship, because
I felt like I was pretty lost about a lot
of things, especially when we moved to New York, and

(42:56):
you know, I really didn't know what I was going
to be doing. And for a lot of people when
they end up in relationships with somebody like that, especially
if you're the person that's a little bit more stable.
But if you're stable in what you want to do,
but you're still a little bit emotionally immature, you could
easily end up being an enabler or expecting that person

(43:17):
who's a little bit weaker in the relationship, you're like, great,
this is my opportunity to make her fully dependent on me. Like,
and that's happened a lot, even subconsciously, Like, Okay, if
she's a damsel in distress, which I wasn't, but like,
let's just call myself a damson in distress, then I'm
never a damson in distress. If I'm an independent woman.
But let's say I was a damsoning distress, then you

(43:39):
had a choice then as.

Speaker 1 (43:40):
An independent woman but still loves to stay with her
mum when she's in.

Speaker 2 (43:43):
London, suspect. Let's say I am an independent Let's say
I am I'm damseling distressed, and you have the opportunity
to be the night in shining armor. Who wouldn't take
that opportunity but you, annoyingly At the time, I was
very annoyed by this. I would ask you every single question.
I would try and get you to make decisions for

(44:04):
me and be like, no, I'm not doing it. I'm
not making that decision for you. I'm not telling you
what you should do. I'm not picking your Instagram paption
for you. I would have no, that's a joke. But like,
whatever it was, you really made me come to the
conclusion myself. You made me make the decision myself. And
I think I was in the habit of with my
family always tending to them for help, and naturally I've

(44:27):
loved they would always help me, but they didn't help
me create a version of me that I trusted. And
so you didn't take advantage of that, and I think
that that was very interesting for me to reflect back on,
because you really could have become a crutch for me,
but you didn't allow yourself to do that, like you
were like, no, no, create your own life, do your

(44:48):
own thing. After that, I was thinking about how from
the beginning of our relationship you've always been like, you
do what you love doing. I'll do what I love doing.
And of course we want to do things together, but
I will you. I'll never sacrifice what you want to do,
and I will never sacrifice what I want to do.
How do you think people can create this independence in
a world where I'd say relationships are shown to be

(45:10):
this constant intertwinement of every part of your life, like
every person you know, with your watching a movies, whatever
you're doing. It's like the expectation is you do everything together,
you sacrifice in inverted commerce for the other person, and
everything is kind of like a give and take in
that way. What would you say the healthy way of

(45:30):
actually creating that independence is but not be bitter.

Speaker 1 (45:33):
I think most people when they get into relationship, they
don't know themselves and that's okay. I did not and
what happens is the person who knows themselves slightly better
the person who doesn't know themselves starts following that person, Yeah,
for sure, and then five years later goes, well, I've
just been following you. Why did you make me do that?
And the person's like, I didn't. I just knew it's direction.

(45:56):
I was going, yeah, really. It starts with everyone taking
owner of their own life and saying, is this what
I want to do? Is this what brings me joy?
Is this what I want to focus on, because otherwise
you naturally will follow the person who has a tiny
bit of direction. And then I've seen this, and this
is why I didn't do it with you. I was
so lucky to spend time with couples who were in

(46:17):
their fifties and sixties as part of my work, and
I just constantly saw, especially women who had sacrificed their
passion for the man's passion. And in their twenties it
was fine. In their thirties, it was fine, in their forties,
it was fine. But when they turned fifty and the
kids left, and that was usually the mark where they

(46:38):
realized it. They now felt they'd sacrificed their purpose and
their partner had gone on to achieve all of his goals,
and I didn't want to be in a position ever
with you that you would feel I achieved all of
my goals and that you didn't achieve yours. How would
that be fair on either of us? And even if
it felt easy for thirty years, I don't want you

(46:59):
to feel that when you're years old. Yeah, And so
I really believe that if anyone wants a healthy relationship,
doesn't matter what gender you are, doesn't matter what type
of relationship you're in. You want your partner to pursue
their goals and you want to pursue your own, because
you don't want your partner to ever say to you,
I didn't achieve or become who I could be because
of you. And I think a lot of people don't

(47:20):
realize that. A lot of us think we'd rather our
partner become who we want them to be, because that's
easier and more comfortable, then become who they want to be.
But the problem is when they become who we want
them to be, they are so sad because they didn't
become the person they were destined to be, and now
you've taken away everything you love about them. I think actually,

(47:41):
this is at the core of it. The thing that
your partner wants to pursue is what makes them attractive.
That's what you fell in love with, right, That's what
makes them who they are. I always say this, like
the way you've loved your family, the way they've loved you,
it's what made you the person that I love. I
want to If I want you to change that, I'm

(48:03):
actually taking away your superpower. It's like you're saying to me,
I don't want you to be ambitious anymore. I don't
want you to be driven anymore. I would be sad,
unattractive potential. I wouldn't be who I am. So you're
taking away your partner's superpower by saying stop doing that,
start doing this. I want you to do this thing
that I want to do that I think is important. Now.

(48:25):
When it comes to health, that could be true. When
it comes to mental health, that could be true. There
are certain habits where actually healthy. Like when you would
say to me, you would always say to me like, oh,
you're so mentally sharp, But imagine how sharp you'd be
if you worked out more. Like you'd say that to me,
and I'd always be like, yeah, right now. I don't
have time. I just got to figure this out. And now,
as someone who works out a lot, I fully fully

(48:48):
agree with you. You are spot on. So there are those
kinds of things that we should be open to changing
and learning. But if you're looking at your core personality
and your core trait, and the point is, if you're
trying to change someone, you don't want to be with them.
You want to be with the type of person you're
trying to change them to. Yeah, so go find that person,
don't try and mold your person into that person.

Speaker 2 (49:07):
Yeah, it's so true. I feel like people get really
trapped in that idea, the idea of sacrifice having to
be part of a relationship. I imagine you talk about
this in your second book. Obviously I've read it. You
talk about that, I do, oh amazing. Yeah, I must
have just missed that chapter. So you know, whenever you
go through hard times, whether there's ups and downs, as

(49:30):
everybody does ups and downs in life, I feel like
you've always repeated this one thing to me, and it's
always stayed with me. It's just purification and part of
the journey, no matter what it is in your life. Professionally,
personally everything. It's always it's just purification. It's just part
of the journey, and it's something that I have really
turned to whenever I felt like I've gone through hard

(49:50):
times because I think it's so easy to get into
this like why me mentality and like, I don't think
I've ever heard you say why me? Why has this
happened to me? Oh, whether it's a small thing of
like like oh, why did this person park in front
of me to or block me? To why did this
horrible thing happen in my life that wasn't meant to Like,
There's never been a point in time where I've heard
you say why me the whole time I've known you.

(50:11):
I guess my question is how do we get out
of this idea of like this victim mentality of feeling
like when bad things happen, the first thing you think
is why me? Like why did this happen to me?
This is horrible? How did you work through that? And like,
you know, have you had those thoughts? How do you
then get to the point where you were just like, no,
it's just purification. This is just what I have to

(50:32):
go through.

Speaker 1 (50:33):
Life is a school, a hospital, and a mountain. Life
is a school because it's a place to learn. Life
is a hospital because it's a place to heal, and
life is a mountain because it's a place to grow.
Life is not a.

Speaker 2 (50:50):
Sina roses and daisies on a field. It isn't the daffodils.

Speaker 1 (50:55):
So if you look at the purpose of life, and
if the purpose of life is to learn, grow and heal,
then you have to look at everything that comes your
way as either helping you learn, either helping you heal,
or either helping you grow. And sometimes some things make
you do all three at the same time. And so
for me, when I say life is about purification, it's

(51:17):
me accepting and admitting to myself that there is something
I can learn from this, there is something I have
to heal from this, and there is some way in
which I have to grow from this. This could have
been sent to me to break my ego. This could
have been sent to me to heal my heart. This
could have been sent to me to push me towards

(51:37):
my higher self. And I feel like I've lived through
enough different ups and downs now where I can identify
all of those. The worst things that have ever happened
to me have been some of the best things that
have ever happened to me. And that is the hardest
thing to say in the moment, in the moment, and
I didn't feel it in the moment, but I had

(51:58):
to recognize it in the moment then, And I would
honestly say that there are people on the planet who've
been through way harder things than I have, and they
feel that way. So don't trust me because of my experience.
I trust those people who've been through the most atrocious,
horrific events on planet Earth and they're saying that, So
don't don't take my word for it, take their word

(52:18):
for it. And so what I'm trying to say is
that our pain, most of our pain in what we're
going through, is actually caused from our resistance to it, right,
so when we don't want it to be the case.

Speaker 2 (52:32):
It's almost like the struggle that you have to like
to close the door versus just letting it open and
allowing the water to come through you could be swimming
into it, versus the resistance it takes to keep that
door closed against the water coming in.

Speaker 1 (52:47):
Yeah, I mean, you should try to keep that door
closed in that circumstance, for sure. Sometimes, Yeah, It's like
saying I wish it was easier. Yeah, that is what
causes the pain.

Speaker 2 (52:58):
Rather than trying to think how can I get stronger
in this situation to handle what is coming at me?

Speaker 1 (53:04):
And by the way, I think all the time, I
wish this was easier. Do you so?

Speaker 2 (53:07):
No?

Speaker 1 (53:07):
No, What I'm saying is like perfect, like as in,
this is something that I feel like you're constantly learning this.
This isn't something that I've mastered and I've perfected. It's
like every time there's a new challenge, the first thing
I'm like, why me, really, why does this happen to me?

Speaker 2 (53:21):
Like?

Speaker 1 (53:21):
Why am I going through this? And then what did
I do?

Speaker 2 (53:25):
Like, you know, let's say you are going through a
hard time in your life. What the practical things that
you do on a daily basis that you're like, Okay,
I'm in a funk. Stuff's gone wrong. Life is a
bit unfair right now. But then you wake up you
feel that way.

Speaker 1 (53:39):
I've got a few things.

Speaker 2 (53:40):
What are you going to do?

Speaker 1 (53:41):
The first thing is I remind myself of the famous
quote there's no strong person with an easy past. Every
single person I admire has been through hardship, difficulty, and challenges.
The second thing I remind myself is of the stoic
phrase the obstacle is the way. The obstacle is the path.
This is the way. There is no other way, there

(54:04):
is no shortcut, This is the path.

Speaker 2 (54:06):
The pain is part of the past.

Speaker 1 (54:08):
Correct. And the third thing I do is I find
that being alone by myself, for me making sense of
everything is more important than outsourcing that work to twenty
people on a text throat. So I don't enjoy outsourcing

(54:28):
mental processing to other people because I believe it's something
that I can build that muscle myself, and once I
feel confident and confirmed in where I'm at, I'll share
that with others, or if I'm feeling really weak, I'll
turn to someone who I believe can help me. I
won't ever turn to just twenty people that I love
and care about, because they may just say things that

(54:50):
sound helpful, but they don't change how I feel about myself.

Speaker 2 (54:53):
It also magnifies it so much. I did that recently.
I had like a thing with someone that I was
so fond of, and I had a disagreement or just
was feeling a certain way about them, and for the
first time, I usually process things, and I don't talk
about it, but I decided randomly it came up in
conversation with you, and I had to chat about it
with you, And then someone else brought that person up,

(55:15):
and then I had to chat about that person with them.
And suddenly something that I would have forgotten about within
a day became something that I was talking about every
single day. And then my my pain towards them became larger,
my annoyance towards them became larger, my thought became larger

(55:35):
about them. And so whether it's about that's just a person,
but it's literally the same thing that you're talking about
right now, Like when something bad is happening in your life,
the more you give energy to it, the more you
talk to people about it, the more that you're fixated
on it, the larger it may be larger, But the
larger it will feel in you. It's like fear, and
I feel like a lot of our pain is also
linked to fear. And so the larger that you make

(55:57):
it and the more you think about it, talk about it,
act on it, the bigger it becomes, and the harder
it becomes. It then overcome that hurdle and that hurdle
becomes something enormous where you feel like you can't even.

Speaker 1 (56:08):
Yeah, the practical question or practical step is asking myself
what is the root of this problem? Right, and what's
the root of it? Because we're all so distracted by
the branches. This is what in my book Think like
a monkey, talk about the difference between the monk mind
and the monkey mind. Right, the monkey is jumping from
branch to branch, jumping from leaf to leaf, grabbing the fruit.

(56:29):
The monk mind is focused on the roots. And so, yes,
the monkey's cue, but it's distracting monk monkey, But it's distracted,
and so how can I focus on the root? Let
me solve for the root? And I think a lot
of us get distracted by what's the latest, what's the trendiest,
what's the new thing, all of that stuff, and it

(56:50):
just distracts us away. So my practical step is, what
is the root of what I'm trying to solve? What
will actually get me to where I want to get to,
What will actually get to the heart of the issue,
to the root of the issue, and to the depths
of the issue. Because if I don't focus on that now,
I'm just distracted.

Speaker 2 (57:08):
Yeah, you know, I feel like there's so much competition
in life, no matter what career you're in, no matter
what family you're in, Like, competition is something that surrounds
us so much. And you know, we're talking about mentors earlier,
and it reminded me that you often mentor a lot
of people who also want to do the things that
you've done, Like, you know, whether it's writing a book,
whether it's being online, whatever it is. I've always admired

(57:30):
that you really do put so much effort into sharing
that knowledge with other people so that they can also
succeed it. Have you been through times in your life
where you felt jealous of people, where you have felt
that competitive nature? And how can someone as I'm probably
asking for myself, really, how can one how can one person?
How can I get past the competitive nature that you

(57:53):
feel on a daily basis in so many different parts
of your life physically, emotionally, mentally, work, family, whatever, Like
how do you do that?

Speaker 1 (58:03):
The first thing I want to say, because I think
competition often gets a bad rap because it leads to comparison.

Speaker 2 (58:09):
I think it's a bad rep. Is it bad rap?

Speaker 1 (58:16):
I think competition gets a bad name. Because because it
leads to comparison and it leads to envy, and so
we just go, oh, competition is a bad thing. But
then everyone in their heads going, how do I win? Right?
And so here's how I look at it. If anyone's winning,
they've just understood the systems and patterns better than you.

(58:39):
That's it. And the question is are you willing to
study the systems and patterns as well as they have
or better than they have, a lot of us don't
want to put in that work, so we'd rather tear
that person down. We'd rather point fingers, or we'd rather
be like, oh, I don't I don't want to be
that popular anyway. I just I'm happy being me. And really,
all of that's coming the angst of I just don't

(59:01):
want to do the work to study that. That deep
the distraction. That's just the reality of it. That's just
the truth. I've rarely seen it where it's genuine because
if it was genuinely you didn't care, you wouldn't be
talking about that person in the first place. So you
really have to look at it, first of all, from
the perspective of anyone who is successful has just studied
the patterns, the algorithms and the systems. That is what

(59:24):
has happened. That's just a fact. If you look at
the best people in business, they understand business patterns. If
you look at the best people on social media, they
understand social media patterns. If you look at the best
people in marketing, fashion, beauty, they either are building patterns
that become the patterns that everyone studies, or they're studying patterns.
We have a choice. So knowing that it's factual and

(59:45):
that it's studiable means okay, Now it's a matter of
do I want to use do that with my time?
And if someone goes, actually I don't want to do
that with my time. I want to spend time with
my family, that's beautiful, that's great, But then don't expect
the same results, right, And if someone goes, oh, actually
I want to study that haten and do that, then
they may have to compromise somewhere else. So that's the
first thing. It's just factual, it's not that emotional. Then

(01:00:07):
I look at it as I of course I've felt
envious and jealous in my life. Of course I have.
I don't know anyone who doesn't feel that way. And
I think again. We've got to normalize it. It's a
human emotion. We shouldn't judge people for feeling that way.
It's very normal. We often ask ourselves do I want
what that person has? And instead we should be asking
do I want to do what they do?

Speaker 2 (01:00:29):
Right?

Speaker 1 (01:00:30):
Right? Am I willing to put in the work, the effort,
the sweat, the time, that hours, the miles to do
what that person does? And if the answer is no,
then you should accept with grace that you've decided to
prioritize something else. And that's what I find. We're only
envious and jealous of others when we don't know what

(01:00:51):
we're prioritizing. If I stand here and look at all
the other houses and what they're doing, I won't be
focused on my own. And if I'm not for focused
on my own, I'll be more distracted by everyone else's.
And so I find that if you're living in your truth,
if you're living in alignment, if you're working on the
things that matter to you and prioritizing them, and if

(01:01:11):
success is important to you, study the patterns. If happiness
is important to you, study the patterns. If health is
important to you, study the patterns, And so then you've
got to ask yourself in your limited time, what is
your top priority? And that person you're jealous of is
just prioritizing that as their number one priority, and chances are,
what's your number one priority? Maybe their tenth priority. There's

(01:01:33):
no one in the world who has mastered everything. The
strongest person in the world is not the most beautiful
person in the world. The most beautiful person in the
world is not the richest person in the world. The
richest person in the world is not the most followed
person in the world. Like, those things don't correlate because
everyone's had to prioritize and everyone's had to compromise. And
so I think we spend more time in envy and

(01:01:54):
jealousy when we don't know what our priority is and
when we don't answer the question what am I willing
to do? And we should look at endy and jealousy
as a sign of saying do I want that? Yeah,
and not do I want that? Do I want to
do what they did to get that? Am I willing
to learn that? That's the real question we have to

(01:02:14):
focus on. Yeah, So to me, feeling jealousy and envy
is normal. It will never go away, it will always
be there. It's what you do with that emotion, and
that emotion can be used as incredible fuel. But just
make sure that you're not focused on just the outcome.
You're focused on what the life might it takes to
get there and what it takes to get there.

Speaker 2 (01:02:32):
I feel like the times I've been most jealous in
my life have probably been times where I've seen people
do things that, in my eyes, make them feel happy
or like that make them happy. So for example, even
if let's say it's a physical appearancing, it's like, Wow,
that person looks so confident, and I think it's because
they look that way, that's why they are confident. And
so I'm like, oh, I want to look like that

(01:02:53):
because it's actually their behavior of being confident that I'm desiring.
Or I feel like we've spoken about this before, but
a lot of the time, even when I went to
New York, I did my yoga teacher training, and I
did that because I saw these two girls, Dana and Shama,
my teachers then, and I was like, God, they look
so happy, and like when they're teaching this, they look

(01:03:14):
so happy when they're living their life through yoga, they
look so happy, and I was like, that's what I
wanted to feel, and then to feel bad that means
I need to do my yoga teacher training. I did
my yoga teach training and I did not look or
feel how they did. And I was like, oh, I
did not need to do my yoga teach training. I
did because I really enjoyed it, but that was not
what got me what they wanted. And that was the

(01:03:35):
same with you. I saw you were so happy with
your purpose. I saw you were so determined and focused,
and I was like, oh, I don't think I was
jealous of you, but I was like, oh, I want that,
and so I'm going to try and mimic what you've
done to get that happiness. And I think sometimes we
crave the emotions that we think people have from the
things they're doing right, and we create jealousy in our

(01:03:57):
mind through that versus thinking, do I actually want to
do that? But do I want to do that? And
again it's do the work, but also do I want
to be that person? Is that really what I want
in my life? Because actually I realized it wasn't it
wasn't suited to me to be a yoga teacher, and
that wasn't what I wanted to do, but I did
want to feel happy. I didn't want to feel those emotions,
and so I think it's a really good mix of

(01:04:18):
both of those things.

Speaker 1 (01:04:19):
That's such a great point. I really love that, and
it's you know, everyone envies the result. No one envys
the process.

Speaker 2 (01:04:26):
I don't think I could do your process.

Speaker 1 (01:04:27):
Everyone envyes the result. No one envies the process, Like
no one's sitting there envying staying up at till two am,
like you know. I mean, I started working out a
little bit recently, and if you look at like Christiano Ronaldo,
you realize what it takes. Like when you start doing
the process in the smallest way, you get so much
more respect for someone. You actually don't envy them at all.

(01:04:50):
And that's what I find. If you get on the
path to becoming whoever you want to be, damn, you
actually go I get it, like good for you, Like
I really realized how hard that is. So now when
I see anyone who has a phenomenal physique, I'm like,
good for you. I geah, how is like that's hard work?
Whereas when you're not on the path, you're kind of like, oh,
I could have that for one of that bright you
have that chip on your shoulder, or like oh that

(01:05:11):
Oh you just care too much about how you look.
But really you have so much respect for someone because
you know what it takes. And that applies to anything.

Speaker 2 (01:05:18):
I remember thinking that when you used to do podcasts
and when you used to do content creation, and I
used to be like, oh wow, it's like so easy.
And then I started doing it myself and I was like, flipping, hell,
this is a full time job, more than a full
time job. And then I started getting in the habit
of it. And then I remember my friend in London
and she'll be like, God, it just seems so fun
what you don and I was like, yeah, it's fun.

(01:05:38):
I really I really enjoy what I do. And she
was like, well, how many hours, maybe like a couple
of hours a day, and I'm like no, I literally
work day and night. I edit, I do this, I
do this, I create, I have to think of ideas,
I have to whatever it is. And she started creating
content for herself and she was like, oh my gosh,
this is so difficult, like it is a full time job.
But until she actually did that, she had a perception

(01:06:02):
of what it looked like versus what the work it
took to actually create the thirty seconds may take two
hours worth of filming, editing, whatever. Anyway, it's just reminded
me of that because that's so true. You just don't
you don't know until you do it how difficult it
actually is.

Speaker 1 (01:06:17):
Yeah. And so the practical step is turn envy into
study and then apply it, because you'll keep envying someone
until you start studying them. When you start studying them,
you'll actually gain more appreciation, and then when you apply it,
you'll gain more respect. So envy's transferred into respect because

(01:06:37):
you took envy to study to apply. And so if
I envy someone, my number one question is, let me
start studying, because envy means I'm looking at them from afar.
That's what env is. Envy is looking at someone from
afar and wishing you had that. Studying is looking at
someone up close and realizing what they did to get there,
and then applying is actually taking the step and recognizing

(01:07:01):
how hard it is. Yeah, And so you can turn
envy to respect.

Speaker 2 (01:07:04):
Really simply, I love that little roadmap you just create
for us. I also feel like it's an abundance scarcity
to abundance mindset where I remember thinking in this way
before in my life and I still do sometimes when
I'm like, oh my god, but there can be only
one person that can do this, and if they're doing it,
then I won't be able to do it. And actually,
the world is so big that just because that person

(01:07:27):
is making the most amazing food videos doesn't mean you can't.
Just because that person is the most amazing doctor doesn't
mean you can't be an amazing doctor. It's almost like
we think that there's not enough I don't know what
we think there's not enough of for all of us
to be able to do it. Like, what do we
think is so limited? That means that we are so
limited in our ability to that there's only one person

(01:07:49):
or a few people that can do something amazingly.

Speaker 1 (01:07:53):
In the material world, there are a limited number of
VIP seats, there's a limited number of boxing, there's a
limited number of security seating, there's a limited number of
corporate event organization, right Like, there's all these limited numbers
that have been created. So our brain has started to

(01:08:15):
believe that the theater of happiness is limited, But there
are an infinite number of seats in the theater of happiness.
There's a seat with your name on it, and there's
a seat with my name on it. Because that's how
the universe is created. The universe doesn't have a VIP section.
There's not a limited number of seats that are you're
allowed to be happy and you're not. It's not like

(01:08:35):
the universe is running out of happiness.

Speaker 2 (01:08:37):
So we're capacity.

Speaker 1 (01:08:38):
Yeah, exactly. You're never going to hear that from the universe.
But because we see a line out of a nightclub
and we know that fifty percent of the room is
not going to get inside, we know the bounce is
going to stop you. We know you're going to hear
we're at capacity. We know we're going to hear it's
sold out, it's oversubscribed. The universe is never oversubscribed. The
universe is never sold out. The universe always has in

(01:09:00):
off happiness and joy for each and every person.

Speaker 2 (01:09:03):
Yeah, and we think it's a limited time only. Yeah,
a lot of the time it's like sold out or
for a limited time only. So there's an exploration day
on it too. On your happiness in the material world. Yeah,
it's so true. Oh, this was a really big one
that came up in my mind, and I feel me
and you talk about this a lot. I think it's
an idea that I have been speaking about with friends

(01:09:25):
and with family for a long period of time. People's
idea of material success and spirituality not being something that
you can combine that to be spiritually authentic. It means
you need to be materially poor or like not materially wealthy.
I would love to have a discussion on that, because

(01:09:47):
I feel like my mind shifted a lot as I've
grown up about that topic of feeling like you can't
be in abundance in your life and also be deeply spiritual,
and I've seen people be able to do both. But yeah,
I would love to hear your perspective on it, because
I feel like we've channed that thought a lot as
we've gone through our life.

Speaker 1 (01:10:06):
To be honest, even when you started this and you
were like you wanted a simple life, I think we
both visualized the simple definitely. I think I've become more
ambitious and driven over time, and I would say I
was always ambitious and driven. I've become more believing in
possibility over time. But when we first met, I mean
we both decided to live right near your parents definitely,

(01:10:28):
and the temple and our friends, and the goal was
to live in a beautiful community. Yeah, go to the temple,
serve help other people like that. That was our plan.
Like that was my plan too, my plan, I think.
I think sometimes it's really hard to explain that to
people because people kind of feel like there was always
a master plan. I would say I had no master plan,

(01:10:49):
did not And things have unfolded as time has gone on,
and so and I grew up in a family where
we didn't we didn't have a lot.

Speaker 2 (01:10:57):
Yeah, you know, shout out to would Green.

Speaker 1 (01:11:00):
Yeah, and I was always happy with what we could do.
But anyway, all of that to say that spirituality means
living in abundance, as in a spiritual mindset is an
abundance mindset because you've accepted that nothing is yours, everything
belongs to the universe. And so from that abundance mindset,

(01:11:24):
how could scarcity ever appear? It could only be abundant. Now,
I think that people misconstrue it because we've been trained
for so long to believe that success is bad and
that wealth is bad, and we always hear the phrase
money doesn't buy happiness. I don't subscribe to that statement,

(01:11:47):
because I think money can solve a lot of problems.
I don't believe that money buys happiness, but it decreases
problems and certain problems, and I wish more people had
access to that. And I think it also comes from
the phrase that we often hear, which is money is
the root of all evil. But actually someone told me
that the full phrase is love of money is the

(01:12:11):
root of all evil.

Speaker 2 (01:12:12):
Oh my gosh, they cut off the first.

Speaker 1 (01:12:13):
We always only hear money is the root of all evil. Yeah,
and love of money being the rule of all evil
makes more sense to me, definitely, because the point is
so I've always loved the monk teachings around this that
as humans we tend to idolize or demonize everything. We
either idolize money or we demonize it. We idolize fame

(01:12:35):
or we demonize it. And as a spiritual person, you're
learning not to idolize or demonize, but to purify and
to neutralize, and you do that by using everything you
have in the service of others. That's the principle. And
so I know plenty of people who are serving with
the little they have My parents were like that. We

(01:12:58):
always gave to charity, We always took care of people
out at home, we always fed people. I'd say my
parents gave more to charity than they spent on us sometimes,
and I love them for that.

Speaker 2 (01:13:10):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (01:13:10):
And I know people who have so much today, who
are doing so much for the world.

Speaker 2 (01:13:15):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (01:13:15):
And so it's not really about what you have or
what you don't have. It's about what you hold back.
It's about what you do with what you have. And
so I've grappled with this for a long time because
I grew up believing that if you were doing good
in the world, you had to be poor. But then
I realized you couldn't do that much good, Like how
much good were you going to be able to do?

(01:13:38):
And so I've changed my mindset about that. And I
think if more people build an abundance mindset, that will
impact all areas of their life. And I'd love to
see a world where spiritual people, people who wanted to
help others, were abundantly flowing in all aspects of their
success so they could serve others. That's the reason. The
reason is so you can give more totally.

Speaker 2 (01:13:59):
And I think people confuse abundance with greed, and I
think those two things can often get very entangled in
people's mind. That living abundantly or having things materially in
abundance does not mean you're greedy for it. You can
actually have a lot of things in your life and

(01:14:20):
actually be quite detached from them. You can appreciate them
for what they give you, but you can definitely be
a place where you're like, actually, even if I lost
these luxuries, and even if I went back to living
in the semi detached house that I started off in
eighty nine years ago and I was a tutor like
you were, to try and date me, even if I
went back to those things, Yeah, it would be an adjustment.

(01:14:42):
But would it change my level of contentment and joy
and want desire to help other people and desire to
live my life with purpose? Would it change that? And
if the answer is yes, then there is probably greed.
And if the answer is no, then really it's a
sign that you are trying to live from a place
of abundance, like you are trying to live from a
place of growth and welcoming whatever comes into your life.

(01:15:04):
I think I used to really struggle with that because
I would never know whether to say yes or no
to things which were depending on money, and I'd be like, oh,
but if I say And what I realized was like,
if I say no to this, of course I had
to allow my values. But if I say no to this,
I won't be able to give to this couch charity
that I want to give to here, or I won't
be able to give to midday meals how I want to,

(01:15:25):
or I won't be able to create the eventually create
this nonprofit that I want to create for whatever it is.
And then when you start thinking like that and that
becomes your desire, of course you're going to buy yourself things.
It's just part of life. Who doesn't whether you have
a lot of don't havem like you're gonna endupuying things
for yourself. But I think the overall mindset of what
is the reason I want to create more abundance in

(01:15:46):
my life, it's just so different.

Speaker 1 (01:15:48):
And I think it's being honest with yourself. Yeah, it's
not like everything you do is going to be completely perfect. Yeah,
And there are certain things you want, there are certain
comforts and luxuries and all that kind of stuff. There's
nothing wrong with that. It's more about being honest and
aware of what you're up to what you're doing. You know.
That's kind of how I see it, Yeah, a feeling.

Speaker 2 (01:16:07):
It's been really beautiful to have examples of that. I
feel like I've seen people who live in abundance materially
but have had such incredible spiritual practices throughout their life
and have really turned to God even when they're at
their peak of wealth or fame or whatever it is.
And I'm like, wow, it's kind of given me hope
that I'm like, if I end up living more abundantly,
more materially abundantly, that there is a possibility to have

(01:16:30):
both of these, And I think that that's such a
beautiful desire to also have. How do you deal with
criticism in your life? Because we're in a place where
Lord knows, everyone has something to say, and I find
we are very two different types of personalities in our relationship.
You are calm and composed in times where injustice has

(01:16:54):
been done, or in times where things necessarily haven't gone
the way that they should have, or when people are
saying things that are actually ridiculous, and I'm like, absolutely not,
I'm gonna come back and I'm going to reply, and
I'm going to make and I'm going to do all
these things, and especially when you to do with you,
because I'm like, I literally see this person every single
day and this is pathetic. And so I guess my

(01:17:15):
question to you is, how the hell do you stay
so calm and composed in times where people are saying
things that are like safer comments or whatever. People are
criticizing you, they know you, they may not know you.
How do you deal with that? Because whether you're famous
or not, whether you have a platform or not, criticism
comes in every form. And I really struggle with that.

(01:17:37):
And so how do you what actually goes through your mind?

Speaker 1 (01:17:41):
I remember being on a podcast a few years ago,
is on the Man and Of podcast with Justin Bow.

Speaker 2 (01:17:47):
That was a great episode.

Speaker 1 (01:17:48):
Jamie, who's Justin's co host, asked me what did you
used to value that you no longer value.

Speaker 2 (01:17:56):
You seen that clear and.

Speaker 1 (01:17:57):
I said being understood instead. I'm okay, being misunderstood.

Speaker 2 (01:18:03):
You really are.

Speaker 1 (01:18:04):
And I say that because if a hundred people saw
something happen and you ask them all their opinion, chances
are you'd get a hundred different. Now, if you ask
a million people about something that happened. Some of them
were standing up close, some of them are standing in
the bag. They'd all have a different perspective of what happened.

(01:18:28):
If we had a mirror in this room and it
fell and it broke, and everyone took a different piece
of the mirror home, they'd have a different reflection and
a different piece and a different part, and they'd have
a different perspective. I think it's more normal to be
misunderstood than it is to be understood. It's why we

(01:18:51):
fall in love because we believe that person understands us.
It's why we love our families or our siblings, or
are best friends because we believe they understand us. It's
why being understood is such a special thing, because it's
so rare. If you felt understood by everyone, then you
would love everyone, and then you'd marry everyone, and then

(01:19:13):
everyone would be your best friend. But it's such a rare,
special thing, so to be misunderstood. The more open your
life is, the more scaled it is, the more expansive
it is, the more natural it is for people to
misunderstand you. It would make no sense for everyone in
the world to understand me, you, or anyone we know,

(01:19:36):
and so first of all, you have to accept it's
just a probability exercise, like it's just math. It's just
math from a mathematical point of view. Chances are most
of us won't be understood. So I'm happy accepting facts.
I like accepting truths and facts and reality. So it's
kind of where I'm man in life. I don't like
to live in my made up world of I wish

(01:19:58):
or what if? I want to live in the world
and what is and where are we? The second thing
is you've got to look at the level of criticism
compared to the level of knowledge that person has of you.
So if someone's criticizing something you're wearing, and sure they

(01:20:20):
have an opinion about you're wearing in fashion and you
don't know them, and that's cool. But if someone's talking
about you very very deeply or feels like they're attacking
something deeply, but they don't know you deeply, why would
you take that seriously because they don't know you to
that degree. It's why when someone close to us says
something hurtful, it hurts more because we know they know us.

(01:20:42):
So that means if someone's far away from you, they
shouldn't have the ability to hurt you because they don't
know you. So I don't want to give them that permission.
I don't want to give them that ability to do
that because they don't know me. So I turned towards
and you've really helped me in these moments, Like I
feel you know me deepest of anyone in my life
by far, for sure, knowing that you love me and

(01:21:05):
see me for who I am. Knowing that my best
friends see me and know me for who I am,
knowing my teachers, my guides, my mom teaches, the people
that I actually care about their opinion. That's what I
turn to, and by the way, I think that's what
we all have to turn to. If you have a
colleague at work who's criticizing your effort, only your partner

(01:21:26):
knows you stayed up till two am yesterday, right, If
you have a boss who's always criticizing your effort, only
your kids know that you haven't slept for the last
three nights because you've been working all night, Like, those
are the people that know. So how are you going
to let that person have that much power over you
when they don't even know They don't have a clue.
And the third thing is I allow criticism to be

(01:21:48):
transformed into feedback and I'm open to change. I'm open
to being aware of my flaws. I'm open to being better.
So I'm not scared of reflecting and seeing where there
may be a glimpse of an opportunity to change for

(01:22:08):
me in that. And at the same time, the whole
time i'm practicing all of this, I'm thinking, God, I
wish I didn't have to deal with this. Oh yeah,
Like you know, it's not fun being criticized. I hate it.

Speaker 2 (01:22:19):
You're there going I don't like it.

Speaker 1 (01:22:21):
I don't enjoy it. It's the hardest thing to go through.
To be misunderstood is the hardest thing to go through.
To be misrepresented is the hardest thing to go through.
To be all of that is the hardest thing. I
don't like it at all. But at the same time,
I know it's amazing. For me.

Speaker 2 (01:22:35):
It takes way more, I feel, in those situations to
abstain from saying anything than it does to reacting. Like
for me, you're over there going through this process in
your mind. I'm there sending people voice notes back. I'm
actually I just want you to know that I didn't
actually wear an fur coat. It was vague and you
think you I am actually still vegan, So I definitely

(01:22:58):
need to practice that, Okay.

Speaker 1 (01:22:59):
I also don't want to convince I'm okay with If
someone doesn't like me or doesn't like what I'm doing
or what I'm actually okay, don't I'm like, I get
that there's there's plenty of stuff that I don't like
in the world, so I don't follow it. I don't comment.
I just don't follow it.

Speaker 2 (01:23:15):
I just moving.

Speaker 1 (01:23:16):
This is not that deep. It's like, there's so many
there's so many things in the world that I don't like,
so I just don't follow them and I don't comment.
I don't talk about it. But it's like, I don't
think it's that crazy that someone doesn't vibe with what
I do. Like, I don't find that that remarkable each
to their own. Like, there's so many TV shows and
movies that we didn't like that we watch. There's so
many that we love that.

Speaker 2 (01:23:35):
We I didn't message the guy I really didn't like that. Yeah,
this is cringe. Yeah, I say the best motto is
just if you don't have anything, I say, just keep
it moving. People keep it, keep it scrolling, keep it scrolling.
So to end, I've got some very serious questions to
ask you. You don't have long to answer them, to

(01:23:58):
ask them quickly. How many times have you felt your
driving test?

Speaker 1 (01:24:00):
Once in the UK? Twice? Here?

Speaker 2 (01:24:02):
Yeah?

Speaker 1 (01:24:03):
How many.

Speaker 2 (01:24:05):
Times did it take me to pass?

Speaker 1 (01:24:07):
You did it on your first time in the US
and the UK have no idea?

Speaker 2 (01:24:10):
Yeah, but we're not talking right now. How many times
it take me to pass the first time? Why do
you run stop signs?

Speaker 1 (01:24:16):
I don't. Why is this the target of my drive
stas game?

Speaker 2 (01:24:18):
We're in that phase right now because he's trying to
take his driving test.

Speaker 1 (01:24:21):
I do not run stop signs. I don't want this
reputation of being This.

Speaker 2 (01:24:27):
Was asked actually by your team members. These are some
of the questions. Why do you dislike talking about food
so much?

Speaker 1 (01:24:34):
I don't. I love talking about food.

Speaker 2 (01:24:35):
I just need a chocolate cake.

Speaker 1 (01:24:36):
I just feel educated.

Speaker 2 (01:24:39):
What's been your favorite hairstyle you have done this year
so far? My nice? What's your favorite podcast?

Speaker 1 (01:24:47):
I'm actually a reader. I don't listen to podcast.

Speaker 2 (01:24:49):
What's your favorite podcast? I'm asking that question again.

Speaker 1 (01:24:51):
I'm a reader.

Speaker 2 (01:24:52):
I don't I didn't get the hint, what's one of
your favorite books of all time?

Speaker 1 (01:24:56):
I would have to say Thinking Fast and Slow by
Daniel kN.

Speaker 2 (01:25:00):
If you could go back to any day in your childhood,
what day would it be?

Speaker 1 (01:25:04):
Christmas Day?

Speaker 2 (01:25:05):
Any Christmas days? I know you love Christmas so much.

Speaker 1 (01:25:09):
Going afterwards, a Christmas play, listening to Christmas music, making
a snowman, opening gifts?

Speaker 2 (01:25:16):
Do you want to budde a Snowman? Piece of advice
you got that really helped you.

Speaker 1 (01:25:22):
I remember saying to one of my monk teachers. This
was when I was experiencing compassion fatigue, So I remember
saying to one of my monk teachers, I feel like
I give so much love out and I don't get
love from those people back. And he said this to me,
and I'll never forget it. He said, just remember that

(01:25:42):
the people you love may not be the ones who
give it back. And there are people that love you
that you don't give love back to. So love's a circle.
You'll always get it back, just not from the same
people you give it to. And that has always made
me live in gratitude because it's so eat you to
walk around the world and go I'm not loved, No

(01:26:02):
one cares about me. And really we're saying that because
we're not getting loved back by the same people we love. Yeah,
but there are so many people who are constantly loving
on you, constantly taking care of you, constantly supporting you,
but we take them for granted.

Speaker 2 (01:26:16):
Sometimes even strangers give you love in your day. I've
noticed that your favorite hair care products right now Highland. Yes,
you've been using that alone. Favorite skin care.

Speaker 1 (01:26:28):
Doctor Dennis Gross.

Speaker 2 (01:26:29):
Yeah, we've been using him a lot. He's a gangster.
Repeat after me. A Really Good Cry is the best
podcast in the world. It's just a simple exercise.

Speaker 1 (01:26:39):
A Really Good Cry is the best podcast in the world.

Speaker 2 (01:26:41):
Perfect. Thank you so much for coming on. It's going
to be the best promo for my podcast. Thank you
for coming, opening your heart, opening your mind, opening the
door to my podcastroom, and just appreciate you so much.

Speaker 1 (01:26:57):
This was actually really great.

Speaker 2 (01:26:59):
Was it? We've been asked this question before, was I Like, I.

Speaker 1 (01:27:02):
Didn't ask me anything before. But also it's exactly what
you said, like, I'm just I'm different when I'm with.

Speaker 2 (01:27:07):
You, like I'm just I think it's actually effective.

Speaker 1 (01:27:10):
I don't share this part of me this deeply with anyone.

Speaker 2 (01:27:15):
You know, I really want to get it easy.

Speaker 1 (01:27:17):
To lock in with you because yeah, this is the
only type of conversation we have and you look real
cute too, so.

Speaker 2 (01:27:24):
Thank you so much. Well, all that emotional availability thing
stuff that we spoke about is coming true. Now I'm
not a DA person, so we're going to cut it
right there. Thank you so love, appreciate you all, and yeah,
thanks so much.

Speaker 1 (01:27:42):
Thanks

All Episodes

Jay Shetty: His Past, Presence, and Purpose — An Honest Conversation With His Wife Radhi

Episode Transcript

Host

Radhi Devlukia

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.css-14f5ked{margin:0;word-break:break-word;display:-webkit-box;-webkit-box-orient:vertical;box-orient:vertical;-webkit-line-clamp:2;overflow:hidden;}Jay Shetty: His Past, Presence, and Purpose — An Honest Conversation With His Wife Radhi