Liz Moody: Simple Ways to Break Bad Habits and Change Your Life

Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
Self trust is the basis for self love, and we
don't talk about this very often because.

Speaker 2 (00:04):
We're like, oh, you should love yourself.

Speaker 1 (00:05):
She'd be able to look in the mirror and say
that you love yourself. We do affirmations all these things,
and then we're like, why isn't this working?

Speaker 3 (00:10):
Liz, thank you for coming hundreways to change your life.

Speaker 1 (00:13):
One of my life mottos is never be the one
to say no to yourself.

Speaker 2 (00:17):
If you have a dream, go for that dream.

Speaker 1 (00:18):
And if the world redirects you, that's great information to have.
We build our self trust by making promises to ourselves
that we can keep, and that's going to build you
that really stable foundation onto which you can build your
best life.

Speaker 3 (00:34):
I'm Radiabluka and on my podcast a Really Good Cry,
we embrace the messy and the beautiful, providing a space
for raw, unfiltered conversations that celebrate vulnerability and allow you
to tune in to learn, connect and find comfort together.

Speaker 4 (00:49):
Thank you so much.

Speaker 3 (00:50):
I have my little cards here is you can see
because I have so much to talk to you about.

Speaker 4 (00:53):
But Liz, thank you for coming.

Speaker 3 (00:54):
Honestly, I just have to tell you, firs that reading
your bookwa to Change Your Life. Honestly felt like I
changed my life a little day of time as I
was reading it, and it's because I felt like it
was not only filled with wisdom.

Speaker 4 (01:09):
I love books that are just.

Speaker 3 (01:12):
Infused and packed and like decadent with wisdom, and I
felt like you've done such an incredible job of bringing
not only wisdom that feels okay, cool, we've got experience,
we've got clinical studies, and we've got this, and we've
got all the information, but then what you've done, because
of your own personal experience is bring it to life

(01:32):
through your experience, and I thought that was what was
really beautiful.

Speaker 4 (01:35):
Because it feels so practical, and.

Speaker 3 (01:37):
Even though a hundred ways seems like a lot, they're
all such easy, useful, easy to implement things that you
can do throughout your day that don't feel overwhelming. So
thank you so much for creating this book, because I
think it's going to help so many people, And who
doesn't want to live a better life, Like, there's nobody
in the world who doesn't want to live a better life.

(01:57):
And I think that all the changes that you have
recommended in this honestly feel like they.

Speaker 4 (02:03):
Could do wonders for so many people, so well, thank you.

Speaker 1 (02:06):
I received that so much and I really appreciate that,
especially coming from you.

Speaker 2 (02:11):
And one hundred does feel like a lot.

Speaker 1 (02:12):
But I definitely don't intend somebody to pick up the
book and be.

Speaker 2 (02:16):
Like, I'm going to change all these one hundred things.

Speaker 1 (02:18):
I really wanted it to be a resource that people
would come back to at different points in their life.
They would leave it out on their table and when
they were feeling a little bit lonely, maybe one week
they'd pick up the section about how to up level
your friendships.

Speaker 2 (02:30):
If having gut troubles, they could turn to that section.

Speaker 1 (02:33):
I wanted it to be a long term resource and
pack in I always say the value of fifty books
in one book.

Speaker 3 (02:39):
I totally felt that when I was reading it, because
I also think it's one of those books where you
feel like you can pick up and have a gap,
and then pick it up and have a gap, and
even if you don't make it through the whole book
and the beginning to read it straight, I would be
like I would maybe have a chapter, you know, a
section every couple of days, and you feel like you've
got so much from it, just from reading, and I'll
actually love how small the chapters are because they feel

(03:02):
so bite sized and so manageable. So even if someone's
trying to get into reading, for example, or sure, such
a great way of doing that well.

Speaker 1 (03:08):
And I like it as an alternative to picking up
our phone in the little moments, like when you're past
the water is boiling, you can pick up the book,
you can read a chapter. You feel so much better
than just spending that time scrolling on social media, which
I know is so many of our defaults, including my own.

Speaker 4 (03:20):
Oh yeah, me too.

Speaker 3 (03:22):
So I want to start off because I feel like
I already feel like I know you so well through
reading your book. But for anybody who's listening and it
doesn't know your journey, you know you're someone who's gone
from being is it agoraphobic?

Speaker 2 (03:33):
Gooraphobic?

Speaker 1 (03:34):
Glora Phoe might say it different though in England I
always you're right, You're right. I wasn't calling it that
when I was living there, and I'm like, how would
my British friends?

Speaker 3 (03:41):
But you said agoraphobic, So you've gone from being agoraphobic, which,
from what I understand, is somebody who couldn't even leave
the house or couldn't leave you a room to being
someone now who is traveling the world and sharing all
this incredible wisdom with people, and you did that through yourself,
like you created it for yourself to share a little
bit about yourself and how you got to whey you

(04:02):
won't now, Yes.

Speaker 1 (04:04):
Thank you for asking, And I won't shut up about
that journey. Sometimes I'm like, am I over talking about
this period in my life? But when I was in
that period of my life, all I wanted was to
hear stories of other people who had been where I was,
who were thriving, who were living successful lives. I would
google every celebrity whoever had anxiety and be like, oh,

(04:24):
well they had anxiety, and look at them on this
talk show now, and it would make me feel so
much hope. So I won't shut up about the fact
that at one point I would have panic attacks.

Speaker 2 (04:33):
Literally, whenever I got out of that I would have
panic attacks.

Speaker 1 (04:35):
When I went downstairs, I would abandon my shopping cart
at the grocery store because I was having a panic
attack and I needed to run home. And when I
was in that period when I was having this really
really extreme anxiety, I'd already been a journalist for a
decade at that point, so I relied on the only
tools that I really knew how to do, which was

(04:56):
talking to experts trying to figure out what they recommended doing.
I emailed these people that I had absolutely no right
to email. I email like the head of neuroscience at Stanford.
I emailed a psychiatrist at Harvard, and ninety five percent
of them did not write back because they were like,
why are you bothering me? But one of my life
mottos is never be the one to say no to yourself.
There's a tip in the book about never being the

(05:18):
one to say no to yourself. It's what I've shared online,
and it's so rewarding because people will tell me there
never be the one to say no to themselves.

Speaker 2 (05:25):
Stories.

Speaker 1 (05:25):
They'll be like, I didn't think I could get a raise,
but then I was like, I'm gonna not say no
to myself.

Speaker 2 (05:30):
I'm gonna let my boss say no to me.

Speaker 1 (05:31):
And then they get a raise, they get a partner,
they get a house, they get dream jobs, all of
these things.

Speaker 4 (05:37):
That's a good massa. Oh.

Speaker 1 (05:38):
It's the thing is the world will sometimes say no
to you. This is not a carte blonde to do
anything that you want, get anything that you want in
the world. But you should be your own biggest cheerleader.
You should not be the one saying no to yourself.
So you should if you have a dream, go for
that dream, and if the world redirects you, that's great
information to have. But then again, you were on your side,

(06:00):
so I never be the one to say no to myself.
I email all these people, and the five percent that
did write back really gave me a different understanding of
what was happening in my brain, what was happening in
my body, and.

Speaker 2 (06:13):
These little tools that I could begin to use to
feel better. Yes, so I started to piece together, like what's.

Speaker 1 (06:19):
One tiny thing I could do, and then another tiny thing,
and then another tiny thing. And I don't want to
say I'm healed. I actually think it's really important to
say I still struggle with anxiety, but like you said,
I'm living a life that feels big and exciting and
like myself again, and that feels really really.

Speaker 4 (06:36):
Good, amazing. I feel that from you too.

Speaker 3 (06:38):
When I came on your podcast, I honestly felt that
I love the how inquisitive you are and how your
zest for life was so apparent, Like you really want
to want to learn, and I think that's such a
big part of creating a life that you love. Is
the zest for life, right, Like is the curiosity, the inquisitiveness,
the feeling of knowing that there is so much.

Speaker 4 (06:59):
More to learn and to grow.

Speaker 3 (07:01):
And I think if you don't lose that, there's always
a place that you can go, like there's always a
journey left to be had.

Speaker 2 (07:07):
I completely agree.

Speaker 1 (07:08):
I always say that curiosity is my superpower, and it
really is.

Speaker 2 (07:12):
People will ask me like, oh, how are you good
at hosting a podcast? What are your best tips? Whatever?

Speaker 1 (07:16):
And I'm like, be genuinely interested in the people that
you're interviewing, because I so am.

Speaker 2 (07:20):
I want to know every little part of their story
and what they've learned.

Speaker 1 (07:24):
And the advice that they have to give in all
of these things. And I'm so fascinated by human beings
and I feel so lucky that my job is to
sit down with them and get into their brains.

Speaker 3 (07:34):
For Yeah, you do it so well, and it feels
like it comes from such a genuine place. Now, obviously
there are one hundred things in this book and so
much more so I thought i'd pick out a few
bits that I really benefited from, and I thought maybe
would also resonate with the community. So the first thing is,
I just loved the first thing I read, which was
defining your best Life, because I think when it comes

(07:55):
to our life, we either can be somebody who allows
life to happen to us and we feel like we
are on a journey that we're not in control of,
which you know partly we are, but we can also
be choosed to be an observer or a participant. And
so I loved that you even started with that because
it made me question, like, what is what is my

(08:16):
version of my best life? And I don't know whether
we often sit and even think about that. And the
first thing you spoke about was above all suffer Less,
and I love how short and simple you keep it,
but it makes you think so deeply. So I picked
out that because I feel like we are so used
to thinking about, you know, our physical pains, Like our
physical pains are so apparent to us, right like, oh,

(08:38):
I've got a shoulder ache, or my head's hurting, or
I'm feeling sick, you know, whatever it is. We feel
our physical pain a lot what we're not used to
doing is tuning into our mental, emotional and spiritual pain,
our vacancy inside. And so what are your tips and
what did you learn about this and how to actually
do that to like suffer less but also tune in

(09:00):
to ourselves to know what suffering were actually going through.

Speaker 1 (09:04):
I'll answer that in a second, but I want to
roll back to something that you just said because I
found it so interesting the idea of being an active
participant in your life, and it's something that I'm thinking
about a lot lately because I am a huge fan
of like what do I want my life to be
and trying to create the life that I want. But
also I think that that can veer into a sense
of wanting control over things that you don't actually have

(09:25):
control over. And I experienced this really recently. Have a
bunch of friends who work in the tech world, and
I was like, Oh, their jobs are so stable, they're
so good, and I'm doing this thing where if the
algorithm turns against me any point of people stop listening,
like I can't do this job anymore. And I felt
like they had a degree of certainty that I didn't have.
And I was really, really jealous of them, and then

(09:45):
these huge tech layoffs happened, and all of a sudden
their jobs felt incredibly uncertain. And it was this little
minor example in my life that shifted my entire perspective
that instead of trying to control everything and make every
things certain, which I was expending so much energy doing,
I needed to expend that same energy becoming comfortable with uncertainty.

Speaker 2 (10:07):
So I do think there's an.

Speaker 1 (10:08):
Interesting balance of being in the driver's state of your
life but also becoming comfortable with the things that are
out of your control. And I think that's a really
beautiful practice and something that I've been working on a lot.
Really I love that, so wanted to touch on that
in terms of above all suffer less. In the wellness world,
we have a huge problem where people make their lives

(10:31):
worse thinking that they're performing in some sort of act
of wellness.

Speaker 2 (10:35):
They think that they're.

Speaker 1 (10:36):
Going to achieve wellness if they self flagellate themselves into that,
and that can include things like filling up your time
with things that you don't have time for, feeling stress
as you run from one healthy habbit to the next
healthy habbit, while you're trying to make money while you're
trying to participate your family. It can include things like
spending a bunch of money that you don't have on
supplements that you don't need. It can include things like

(10:58):
being mean to you yourself. I didn't meditate today, I
didn't work out today. I can't eat as well as
this person that I see online. Why am I just
throwing down this Annie's mac and cheese at eight pm? Actually,
like with some frozen braccoli mixed Dannye're like yeah, And
there's so many ways that we act like we're being well,

(11:22):
but in fact we're making our life worse. And one
of my mottos is that wellness is a tool, and
the second that wellness is making your life worse, it's
no longer wellness because our goal, again is to live
our best lives, to feel our best now and to
feel our best later. So if we're sacrificing one of
those two things, then we're not actually being well. Even

(11:43):
if it's cloaked and essentially a capitalistic ideal of what
wellness is. Yes, I yeah, I can definitely resonate with that.
You know, when you think about workhouts, it's like you
see all these intense workhouts that if you're not aching,
and if you're not, you know, in pay off your workout,
you haven't worked hard enough. And then you know, when
you're thinking about eating, well, it's like, you know, the

(12:06):
way that people think about it is, oh, I have
to starve to look good, like to look good and
to feel good. If I'm not feeling hungry and I'm
not starving myself will making myself feel feel like I'm
eating a smaller amount. That means I'm not successful in
the way that I'm eating. And there's just so much
You're so right, everything is linked to pain. That pain

(12:27):
is like without pain, like no pain, no gain.

Speaker 2 (12:29):
Right, that's what you literally and it's so not true.

Speaker 1 (12:31):
Even with the eating, we think that if food tastes good,
it's probably not good for you. And then so, I mean,
it's one of the reasons I love your book so
much is You're like, we can use all of these
beautiful spices, and not only do they make our food
taste good, they're also really good for us. We use
all these beautiful herbs, all these delicious vegetables. We're sold
this idea that something has to be uncomfortable or unsatisfying

(12:56):
to be healthy, and it's so not true, and I
think it prevents so many people from doing things that
feel really good and benefit them.

Speaker 3 (13:04):
Yeah, And I think a part of it is also
I've been thinking about this a lot, even from patterns
and patterns that form in my mind when I see
certain foods, or when I look at myself in.

Speaker 4 (13:15):
The mirror, whatever it is.

Speaker 3 (13:18):
Sometimes we do create pathways that aren't necessarily good for us,
Like there are foods that feel like they're comfort foods
that we think are going to make us feel good,
but they actually don't.

Speaker 4 (13:27):
And so part of.

Speaker 3 (13:28):
Me also believes that there will be times we have
to create new pathways in our minds where this may
not feel good right now, but actually it is for
my benefit later on. But distinguishing and differentiating the difference
between things which actually are not making us feel good
versus this is just me sitting in discomfort for a

(13:49):
moment for a short period of time, when in fact
I know it's going to be beneficial for me later
because discomfort is never good. We are wired to want
comfort in our life, We're wired to, but we want
to stay safe. That's what our nervous system wants. We
want to stay safe and in a place that feels familiar,
and so sometimes we can mistake discomfort for suffering, and

(14:10):
I think there has to be a difference between the two.

Speaker 4 (14:12):
Suffering.

Speaker 3 (14:13):
I don't think any of us should be doing if
we can avoid it. But discomfort is something that is
a place where growth happens, right, And so I love
how you said that way. Yes, you have to also
be in the discomfort and be able to sit in
it and be able to move through it to know
whether it's going to bring you joy or whether it's
going to actually be something that just teaches you a
lesson and you move away from.

Speaker 1 (14:33):
I just did a podcast about the science of cravings
and how we can break bad habits with doctor Jared Brewer,
who's an incredible researcher and clinician, and he talks about
really getting into your brain and identifying the difference between
what we want and what we need. And often we
are trying to satiate a need with the want, and

(14:55):
the need might be I want comfort, I feel lonely,
I want satisfactor in some sort of way, and the
want is a cookie. By eating the cookie is never
going to satisfy the actual need. And that is an
area I think we can really stand to explore some
discomfort because sometimes that minor discomfort in the moment can
be the thing that leads us to what do we

(15:17):
actually need and how can we satisfy that need?

Speaker 4 (15:19):
Yeah, I can definitely relate to that.

Speaker 3 (15:20):
I have a habit of going towards food specific foods
when I feel very anxious, and so I think that
that food for some reason is going to reduce my anxiety,
but it actually but actually when I eat it, it
doesn't reduce my anxiety.

Speaker 4 (15:36):
I'm still thinking about the thing. It just brings me comfort.

Speaker 3 (15:39):
And so but for some reason, I've created this association
between those foods and my anxiety because that's where I've
tennded to for comfort.

Speaker 1 (15:46):
It's not for some reason, it's literally you've built those
exactly things happening on a biological level.

Speaker 3 (15:52):
Ex Actually, Yeah, was there anything that you found that
helped people up from the podcast and also anything that
you have in your book that helps people create new
pathways for that?

Speaker 4 (16:02):
Like? What is it?

Speaker 3 (16:03):
How do you stop that habit that you've created for
yourself over and over again? Because I still struggle with
that to actually create this new pathway in those hard moments.

Speaker 1 (16:12):
One hundred person and the magic word that he shared.
I was like, how do we stop reaching for phones
when we don't want to reach for phones? How do
we stop eating things that we don't want to eat?
And I was giving him all these different very specific scenarios,
and over and over and over he was like, be
curious about that thing, like, lean into the idea of curiosity,
and curiosity is the thing that can help us push

(16:35):
back on those bad habits, cultivating a sense of awareness.
So even what you just said, your first step is saying,
I'm looking to first solve for my anxiety in these moments,
and it's not actually giving me that, it's giving me
a sense of comfort. And then you can walk back
to well, is it giving me a sense of comfort
or is there something else that could give me a
sense of comfort? Really having that almost a childlike sense

(16:56):
of curiosity and exploration, and I.

Speaker 2 (16:58):
Found that really useful.

Speaker 1 (17:00):
What am I looking for when I'm reaching for my phone?
How am I feeling in these moments? And really turning
that curiosity dial way way up?

Speaker 3 (17:08):
Yeah, So tuning in almost like internalizing and reflecting inwards
of the reasons behind it, and I think sometimes we
avoid that because we don't want to go there. Like
there's so many times I don't want to advantage just
going to the comfort because tuning in and going fine.

Speaker 2 (17:23):
To being a human is so hard.

Speaker 1 (17:26):
So for me, I'm like, let's get the tool, so
if we want to make changes, great and also let's
be so gentle with ourselves because being a human is
so hard and we need to allow space for that too.
And that could mean that some days you're so curious
and you're like, oh, what could I really use for comfort?
And maybe you call a friend, maybe you call your husband,

(17:47):
maybe you go for a walk something like that. Maybe
you just hold yourself for a little bit. But other
days maybe that's.

Speaker 2 (17:52):
Just means it For me, that's okay to Yeah, you eat.

Speaker 1 (17:56):
Your bread and you're so happy with it, and I
think that there's space in this world for both.

Speaker 3 (18:00):
Yeah, I love that, Thank you. The next one that
I want to go on to is sticking to your
habits and goals. I thought that was a great topic
because I think so many people struggle with that, and
I loved why you said the best workout is one
you enjoy enough to stick to that is It's such
a simple line, but it's so true.

Speaker 4 (18:17):
It's like, there are so many people.

Speaker 3 (18:18):
Who are wake up and I just really dislike doing
this way training, but I know I have to do
it because this person does it. And you keep seeing,
you know, other people doing things. And that was another
part that I loved in your book, where you have
to really see what works for you, right, you have
to see what actually is good for you. So just
because this person has done it and it was amazing

(18:39):
for them and it works for them, is this really
aligning with myself and with my goals? Is this really
helping me fulfill what I.

Speaker 4 (18:46):
Need in my life?

Speaker 3 (18:48):
And so I love you to talk about this topic
a little bit and then yeah, share what you found
and what actually helps someone stick to their goals.

Speaker 4 (18:56):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (18:56):
So there's some really great tools for that. And I
will say to the of knowing what you need. I
had a cancer researcher on the podcast recently and I
was trying to be like, what's the best diet for cancer?
And he's like, Honestly, the more we find out about this,
the more we realize there's a different best diet for everybody.
Our physiology is different. Our genetics are different, are the
way that our cells are literally functioning on, our environmental

(19:18):
exposures are different. There are so many different things. And
so that's when he was like, we get this data
from people who are like, oh, this die is the best,
this die, so I ate this and this happened, and
all of those things could be true simply because things
are working differently in their body, which is why I
think it is so important to tune out the social
media a little bit, take it all as information, try

(19:38):
stuff out, and then see what actually sticks with you.
There's some really fun tools for sticking to your habits.
Commitment devices is one of my absolute favorite ones. It's
from the research of doctor Katie Melckman who's from Wharton,
and it's essentially coming up with ways to force yourself
to stick to habits because we're very quick to let
ourselves down the first and do I wish that wasn't true?

Speaker 2 (20:02):
Absolutely? Is it true? Yes?

Speaker 1 (20:04):
So when you add on these little things that make
something sticky, because you are letting yourself down in a
different way which I'll get into in a second, or
you're letting somebody else down, you're so much more likely
to stick to the habit, so that can look like
a financial loss for you. If you sign up for
a class that you prepay in advance, you can't get
that money back.

Speaker 2 (20:23):
She has some great.

Speaker 1 (20:23):
Research where she talks about how people who won't go
on vacation, if you get them to prepay for a
vacation that's non refundable, they'll actually take their vacation.

Speaker 2 (20:31):
Days, which is a huge problem in the US.

Speaker 1 (20:33):
There's so many people who don't take their vacation days
despite so much research showing it makes you better at work,
it makes you better at home, all these things. So
sign up for a prepaid vacation that you can't get
a refund on. But you can also do commitment devices
with other people. So if you have a friend that
you always do a walk with, you're not going to
let down that friend, even if you would let down yourself.

(20:54):
Whatever your habit is, if you can either find a
way to do it with another person. My whole cookbook
was called Health There Together, because I believe in the
power of people doing things together. There's so much science
to support it. But either find somebody else to do
it with, or find somebody to hold you accountable. Because again,
we're so much less likely to let somebody else down.

Speaker 4 (21:13):
That's true.

Speaker 3 (21:14):
I remember when I was working as a dietitian and
I would do an elderly clinic and it was so
interesting because the people who would come in who had
lost their partners had no desire. They used to love
food and would be This is usually when they're a
bit malnourished, and so I would be trying to help them,
you know, put on some weight and gain some get

(21:37):
some better nutrition in them.

Speaker 4 (21:38):
And they would have.

Speaker 3 (21:40):
Such a love for food and they used to love it,
and then as soon as they lost their partner, they
lost the desire to cook, they lost the desire to eat.
They were just not interested. And community and being part
of something and having somebody that helps to encourage you
and be around you and and just feel that love
and support.

Speaker 4 (22:00):
It affects everything.

Speaker 2 (22:02):
And so what did you tell them to do? How
did you help?

Speaker 3 (22:05):
Well, there were lots of wonderful community centers that had
been created in our area. And so like my mom
set one, I'm actually for elderly people who spoke my
native language, which is because you're outdy, because my grandma
didn't speak English, and so what she did for them
was create every single Friday, and I think every single Tuesday,
all these cute old like Indian women would get together

(22:26):
and they'd sing together, and they'd eat together, and it
would really uplift them for the rest of their week.
Because some people don't even have other family members to
like spend time with them, that would be sometimes their
only interaction, but that small interaction would make such a
difference to their week they'd look forward to it. And
so it's almost like, what am I keeping myself healthy for?
Like what am I keeping myself well for? What's the

(22:48):
need for it if I don't have someone to interact
with or share it with or create memories with. And
so I think there's always a sense of there's a
beauty to accountability, but also so it makes you feel
so much happy at doing something with someone well.

Speaker 1 (23:03):
And there's research to show that the number one predictor
of longevity and happiness is our relationships. It's from doctor
Robert Wadinger at the School of Adult Development at Harvard
is the longest running study of human happiness and health
in history. It's over eighty years long, and they found
that the number one predictor of health and longevity was
our relationships, the strength of our relationships.

Speaker 3 (23:24):
Yeah, actually I remember Dan butna yea Dan Buttnah. I
loved when he had a section where he talks about
or on a podcast. He said keeping this is a
little bit off topic, but keeping elderly part of the
community and making them feel useful is also It goes
off the topic of what you just said. It keeps
them alive for longer because they have a purpose and

(23:45):
they have a sense of like being part of something.

Speaker 1 (23:48):
Well, and I think it works. It's so nice for
younger generations too, Like we can learn from our history,
we can learn from the wisdom all these things. My
husband's father is ninety six years old and stories that
he can tell are just the best. He was born
in the Great Depression. He was born when milkman came
around on like a horse and a carriage.

Speaker 2 (24:08):
In his small town in Texas.

Speaker 1 (24:10):
He had a refrigerator at one point that they got
and they had to feed coins into to like keep you.

Speaker 2 (24:15):
Know what I mean.

Speaker 1 (24:15):
You're like fought World War two, and I'm like, this
is so cool that I get to hear these stories.

Speaker 3 (24:20):
It is, Yeah, I know, I completely agree, and yeah,
companionship and having an accountability partner is just so important,
especially when you're trying to like stick to a goal.

Speaker 2 (24:28):
It's bilateral.

Speaker 1 (24:29):
It's like it's gonna help you stick to your goals,
but then sticking to your goals is going to make
you relationships or it's just gone better like it's it's
it's good from all around.

Speaker 3 (24:37):
Yeah. And I also think fear is never an instrument
of change, Like when you're scaring yourself into something and
you're telling yourself even if it's I'm not going to
lose weight if I don't go to this workout, or
I'm gonna you know, all those all those things that
we internalize and tell ourselves and the negative self talk
we have to get us to do things, It's never

(24:58):
an instrument of long term change. And so I think
we have to also learn how to change the way
we're phrasing things in our minds and also change the
way that we are looking at an activity. Like if
your mind is saying to you, I'm not going to
lose weight until I go to this workout, try and
change that to you know, I'm not going to feel
my best if I don't go to this workout or

(25:19):
I want to feel better in myself and that's why
I'm going to this workout, or this workout makes me
feel happy, and even if it doesn't right now, keep
telling yourself that, because affirmations make such a difference. And
so yeah, I think we can't scare ourselves into doing things.
It's literally like a child, you can't. You can't scare
them into not touching something. They'll still touch it. But

(25:39):
if you love them and you explain it to them,
and you with grace and love and patience tell them
that they're gonna understand and they're going to want to
do it for their benefit. And that's the same with ourselves.
We have to treat ourselves like a little child that
doesn't want to be taught out of fear.

Speaker 1 (25:55):
I love that analogy, and I would add to it
that we can't shame ourselves. And I think we've been
told so many messages about who is lovable, what body
types are lovable, what faces are lovable, what jobs are lovable,
what salaries are lovable, all these different messages that we've internalized,
and we feel so much shame and we feel like

(26:16):
we need to have these things to be lovable. And
I think that if we can internalize that we are
lovable and we have worth exactly as we are, and
we get to do all of these things to take
care of us because we are so worthy of that love,
it completely changes the narrative around it.

Speaker 3 (26:32):
What was some of the things that you struggled with
in this area and then how did you change your
mindselling it? Like what did you do to make yourself
feel better or talk to yourself better in these situations.

Speaker 1 (26:43):
I didn't work out until I was in my thirties. Like,
I worked at a wellness magazine and all of the
editors would like, do all these little workouts. I'd be like, no, no,
I'm cool, thank you so much. I'm the food director.
I'll be over here like making you guys yet me food,
which my desk was very popular because I always had
all the snatch. I bet the beauty editor was the
only one who is like more, she had better stuff
than me.

Speaker 2 (27:03):
But I was right below that.

Speaker 1 (27:05):
But it was because I would go work out for
a little bit and then I'd be like, surely I
have abs now, and I would lift up my shirt
to check my abs in the mirror, and then I
still wouldn't have abs because I'd just been in the
gym for like twenty minutes, and then I would do
it like all week long, and I'd be like, I
bet my Boddy looks like this supermodel that I see
and it's like, oh no, I'm still feup.

Speaker 2 (27:24):
Two, I still have the shit that I have that's
so cool.

Speaker 4 (27:27):
That stretching did nothing, and it.

Speaker 1 (27:30):
Was so disappointing, and I was so mad at myself.
I felt like I was a failure. And of course,
when you're just putting yourself in a situation over and
over and over in which you feel like a failure,
You're not going to be motivated to continue to do that.
But when I was in my thirties, I made the
connection between working out and feeling calmer all day, having
my stress relieved, having more energy, and suddenly I had

(27:53):
motivation to do it because I had that one a
why that really really resonated with me. It's one of
my first tips in your book is find your why,
which we've talked about a lot. It's so so key
to making sure that you're not building a life that
might be dreamy for somebody else, but it is actually
dreamy for you.

Speaker 2 (28:08):
So I figured out why.

Speaker 1 (28:09):
That resonated with me, and that made it so that
I was motivated because I could feel those results every
single day. I wasn't waiting for some sort of ephemeral
future that didn't resonate with me, that might not never
come or that might not ever come. Instead, every single
day I was like, Wow, I feel better right now today.
And before I did the workout, I'd be like, ugh,
I don't want to do it. I don't want to

(28:30):
do it, but I knew if I did it, I
would feel better right.

Speaker 2 (28:33):
Then, right away.

Speaker 1 (28:34):
So I'm proud to say I stick to some form
of movement every single day, and sometimes the bar is
much lower, and sometimes the bar is higher, and that's
good too. I do think women particularly have been sold
a lot of messages about working out for burning calories
and for having our bodies look a certain way, and

(28:55):
there's so many unfortunate side effects of that. But one
is that the things that we classify workouts fit into a.

Speaker 2 (29:01):
Very very very tiny knot because you're like.

Speaker 1 (29:03):
Oh, a walk doesn't count because I'm not burning calories,
and burning calories is the sole goal for moving my body,
because that's what every magazine has told me since the
second I could read and why to need. My definition
of moving for my mental health to feel the way
I want to feel, to live as long as I
can to feel happier.

Speaker 2 (29:20):
Has extended what workouts I can do. I can do yoga,
I can do walks. I can dance around to a
Taylor Swift song. I can lift weights sometimes too. I
can do pilates.

Speaker 1 (29:29):
I can do all these things and they all count
because my definition of what counts has broadened.

Speaker 3 (29:34):
Yeah, I think even the way that you think you
have to now it's even crazy. I feel even the
way that you think you have to look when you
do a specific workout, don't.

Speaker 2 (29:42):
Get me started. It's like it's wild. I do not
wear cute workout houses. I wear like the Bay T shirts.

Speaker 3 (29:48):
Okay, yeah, the baggy T shirts and the sweats that
you would never wear out.

Speaker 4 (29:54):
That's what we need to get back in.

Speaker 2 (29:55):
Back in LA.

Speaker 1 (29:56):
I feel like it's probably ten times that like if
you're not writing, you're like little set, you're not.

Speaker 3 (30:01):
Not at school well, or you don't even want to
feel like, you don't feel like you deserve to be
doing the pilates because you don't have the cue outfit together.
With it.

Speaker 4 (30:07):
I do not.

Speaker 3 (30:08):
I actually, you know, I love I have to say
because I love. I do enjoy movement, and I really
enjoy working. I love trying so many different things, and
that was something that really helped me. It was just
trying out as many things as possible to see what
I actually loved doing. I tried roller skating, I tried
trump I've got trampoline in the back.

Speaker 4 (30:24):
I tried trampolining, a big one, the little ones.

Speaker 2 (30:27):
Yeah, the trubs are so good for your.

Speaker 3 (30:31):
Shaking everything out, like it really helps every time I'm
feeling a bit sluggish in the morning or feeling a
bit stuck.

Speaker 4 (30:36):
And stagnant and jump in like sense of it does.

Speaker 3 (30:42):
So I tried out so many different things and that
really helped for me to break out of the narrative
of what working out should look like. But at the
same time, I actually realized what a big part of
getting myself to go work out was having some really
cute clothes to do it in. As I felt like
there was a good balance of it of actually having

(31:02):
an outfit, just like you have outfits to go to
work or you haven't. You put on an outfit uniform,
a uniform yeah, or I'll get dressed to go out
to see my friends, or I'll get dressed to you know,
get onto camera. And there was a part that made
me feel excited that I have a section in my
wardrobe of clothing that is specific to when I choose
to move my body and work out and associate that

(31:23):
with good feelings. And so I think there was there's
the one extreme, but then there's also that feeling of oh,
I actually love waking up putting on my work out
outfits because I know that that sits me in the
mindset and the mood to get my body going and
makes me feel happy and energized.

Speaker 1 (31:38):
Well, and I think the secret is figuring out what
is going to motivate you.

Speaker 4 (31:41):
Exactly if it's going to.

Speaker 1 (31:43):
Motivate you, to make it so you can literally roll
out of your bed and do some movement on the
ground next to your bed and your Sweatband's amazing. If
putting on an outfit and making yourself feel you know,
a little a little uniformed up is going to motivate you,
that's amazing too.

Speaker 3 (31:56):
Totally, it's all such a personal experience. This was another
quote that I loved and I wanted to share it.
You said, instead of hating the way your cellulite looks
at the gym and pushing your limits on the ways
to try to hate yourself into a body you love,
focus on how strong your body feels. How do you
want to use this strength you're creating? And I just
love that because it's so true, especially the part where

(32:17):
you say when you try to hate yourself into a
body you love, and that's what that's literally what we've
been talking about. You end up telling yourself all these
horrible things just to try and get yourself into a
body you love. But by that point you said so
many terrible things to yourself that even when you potentially
get that body that you've been desiring and craving, you've
poured so much hate into yourself that you can't even

(32:39):
see yourself in that way anymore.

Speaker 4 (32:41):
And so it ends up kind of being this vicious cycle.
There isn't it one.

Speaker 1 (32:44):
Hundred percent one of my mantras if we're sharing all
the mantras here, Yes.

Speaker 2 (32:48):
Your body is for living, not looking. And that has
been so so helpful for me.

Speaker 1 (32:52):
And I just did a podcast with doctor Lindsay Kite,
who does she has our PhD around how we perceive
our bodies and all these different things, and she took
it a step further, which is, not only have a
mantra like that, but also in those moments where you're
feeling caught up in your body being for looking, maybe
you're trying to close and you're not liking how they look,
and yourself berating because of that, maybe just feeling bad

(33:13):
about how you look in some way, go live in
your body in those moments instead. Go jump on your trampling,
Go put on a song and dance to it, Go
make out with your partner, Go figure out a way
to get into the experience of living in your body.
And I find that really really helpful. But just the
mantra alone, my body is for living, not looking. I
do not exist to be perceived. I exist to live

(33:34):
a full, rich, exciting, satisfying life has been incredibly helpful
for me.

Speaker 3 (33:38):
Yeah, me and Jay were talking about this when we
were on a retreat in India, and it's so easy
to get into the bodily mindset from the moment you
wake up, because you brush your teeth, you looking yourself
in the mirror, you get you're looking yourself in the
mirror from the moment we wake up. And so you know,
I constantly now every morning I wake up and I'm saying,
I'm not this body. I'm a spiritual Like That's what

(33:59):
I telling myself before I even look in the mirror.
I keep reminding myself like I'm here to like be
an instrument, I'm here to be a vessel. I'm here
to be I have a physical body, but I am
not this physical body. And even just saying that to myself,
from the moment I wake up, I look at myself
in the mirror, and I see myself a little bit differently. Yeah,
I might see bits like oh, I've got the spot

(34:19):
on my face, or you know, oh, maybe I do
want to change these bits about myself, but I don't
get bogged down in living from the perspective of my body.
And it really changes everything. It changes my interactions with people,
It changes how I view other people, and it allows me,
if I'm seeing myself as the soul and not this
physical body, allows me to also see other people in

(34:42):
that way.

Speaker 4 (34:42):
Because what you.

Speaker 3 (34:43):
Are feeling about yourself or how you're treating yourself is
also how your energy is going to be perceived to
other people, and so.

Speaker 2 (34:49):
That makes me not when I have a mirror in
my bathroom.

Speaker 1 (34:52):
Yeah right, So interesting that like the second because I
brush my teeth very first thing is like literally the
first thing that I do in the morning. Yeah, and
it is interesting that you're staring.

Speaker 4 (35:00):
Yourself in the mirror.

Speaker 3 (35:01):
I remember that I went to this village in Rwanda,
and I remember somebody telling me there. And I may
have got this wrong and the interpretation may be wrong,
but he told me that they one don't like taking
pictures of themselves because they believe that that a part
of you is like taken away every single time a
photo is taken, and they don't keep mirrors to look
at themselves because they feel the same thing. As soon

(35:23):
as you're captured in some way, even if it is
through your own eyes, you are you almost like your
souls being taken away from you.

Speaker 2 (35:32):
So do none of us have souls left with.

Speaker 3 (35:34):
I know, right, but I thought that was such an
interesting philosophy. And imagine living like a full day without
looking at yourself in the mirror.

Speaker 1 (35:44):
Oh, I feel like so many of us would feel
such a sense of freedom. Yeah, I feel definitely amount of.

Speaker 4 (35:50):
Brain like a lot of anxiety and then freedom.

Speaker 1 (35:52):
I feel like the amount of brain space we all
devote on a daily basis to thinking about how we
look and how we're perceived this wild and if we
freed up that brain space, I'm like, what could we do?
Especially women, I'm like, it almost feels like a trap
in some ways. And a way that we keep women
out of power is to like set the perception that
women need to wear makeup on a daily basis to

(36:13):
go into public and men don't need to. So how
much time is that women need to wear high heels
to wear all these outfits and men men don't have
the same requirements to show up. And I'm like, gosh,
if we could get if we if you like it,
I'm not shaming you, Like I'm wearing makeup right now,
I'm wearing a.

Speaker 2 (36:28):
Cute outfit all of these things.

Speaker 1 (36:30):
But if that wasn't the expectation, if that wasn't where
the bare minimum bar was said, I'm like, what could
we be doing with all that time?

Speaker 4 (36:38):
And that Pamela Anderson has done that? Have you seen that?

Speaker 3 (36:41):
Yes, it's just so and it's it's crazy because refreshing,
and it's a refreshing, but so so sad that it is.
She's probably one of the only parent Alicia Keys and
probably two of the only people like it.

Speaker 2 (36:52):
And that it's like headline news, That's what I mean,
such a big thing. It's like she's nobody's like George
Clooney is nowhere with that exactly.

Speaker 4 (37:01):
And it's and it's.

Speaker 1 (37:03):
Also interesting if you start to look at like magazines,
the men's magazine covers that like they have like the
forehead wrinkles and like people like that sort of like
wizzled look.

Speaker 2 (37:12):
And women air brush within an inch of their lives.

Speaker 3 (37:15):
Yeah, no, I I yeah, it's slowly but surely Pamela
Anderson and Alicia Kisa head in the movement.

Speaker 1 (37:24):
Well, and it's so I also think this is another
area we need to be so gentle with ourselves, because
I think it's really hard to live in a world
that is filled with these judgments and want to change
it and then be berating yourself for participating in all
of that. So I could sit here and say, oh,
it's really shitty that I wear makeup, that I have
hair extensions, all of these different things, or I can

(37:47):
say I can be gentle with myself. I can want
change I can do the things that are within my
power to create that change, and I can be gentle
the fact that I have to live in this world
and I have to be perceived in these ways.

Speaker 3 (37:58):
And I noticed that when I moved to La, everybody
was hanging out going to the nail salon and like
going to get their nails done a lot, and it
was a regular thing that happened. And so I actually
started doing my nails a lot, even though I fundamentally
didn't enjoy spending time in the nail salon, absolutely despise
spending I could not believe I was spending that many

(38:19):
hours in the nail salon doing my nails, and I
didn't enjoy the fumes, and I like, there was so
much about the practice, and I have such a thing
about putting toxic things on my body, and I know
that that's what it was. But because it was a
value and something that everybody around me enjoyed, I made

(38:40):
myself believe it was my value and part of my
like what I like doing. And last year I just
said to myself, I said, do I really if I
count up how many hours I will spend for the
rest of my life doing my nails, is that something
I want to do and then going and getting them
taken off? Forget about putting them on and getting them
And this is such a my new example, but it

(39:00):
just brought me back. I thought of that when you said,
are the habits and goals? Are the habits and goals
that I'm doing like rooted in my value belief values
and beliefs and in my goals and in my life journey.

Speaker 1 (39:12):
And it was so interesting because in some ways you
had a goal and a value around community and being
social and then that was coming against another value goal.

Speaker 3 (39:23):
A complicated it is, but then it also made me
realize that but because I started that trend for myself,
I kept going and doing it even though I didn't
want to. And anyway, it just made me realize. I
made a decision last year that, Okay, I of course
I love spending time on myself like I but I
would prefer to get a massage for myself versus getting
my nails done. So not saying getting your nails done
is bad, but it wasn't aligning with it with many

(39:45):
of my values or how I wanted to spend my time,
and so I stopped doing my tonails, and I stopped
doing my fingernails and I was just like, and I
stopped doing my eyebrows, and I was just like, all
these things are so minute, but actually they made me
feel so much more like myself and all those and
we don't realize that it's those micro things that we
do we can keep. The more micro things that we

(40:05):
end up changing about ourselves that are not aligned with
our values and our goals, the further and further we
slowly are etching. So even if it's not a big leap, Okay,
we're not making a really bad decision or you know,
making something that's so against our values, but the micro
things build up. And so I was noticing the micro
things were building up for me, and that's why it

(40:26):
kept making me feel uncomfortable. And so yeah, just making
that little it felt like a little step back towards myself,
and a little step back towards myself, which felt so lovely.

Speaker 2 (40:36):
I think that all the time about micro thoughts that
we have.

Speaker 1 (40:39):
Yeah, because we'll be like, oh, I spent this time meditating,
why don't I feel calm and peaceful and like I
love myself all day? And it's like, well, you spent
twenty minutes meditating, and then you spent eight hours being
incredibly stressed out, feeling angry to your boss, feeling mad
at yourself. We're not getting enough done running from thing
to thing, and it's like, well, that's so much more time.
And I think it's so important to think about the

(41:01):
thoughts that we are having throughout our day in addition
to these larger practices.

Speaker 2 (41:06):
Which is I think it can be a little disheartening
for people.

Speaker 1 (41:09):
Sometimes they're like, oh my god, I have to I
can't like have this space to think, you know, whatever
I want. And it's like, yes, But also it means
that that five seconds when you're not reaching for your
phone while you're at a stap light and instead you're
sitting and being with yourself. It means that catching yourself
when you're yelling at yourself in your head and saying,
how would I talk to my friend, how would I
talk to my sister, how would I talk to a

(41:31):
child about this? It means all of those little things
are actually making a huge, huge, huge difference, And it
means that every single moment we have the power to
choose to make that difference.

Speaker 3 (41:41):
Yeah, I love what you said. About this stoplight, because
filling the silences is something that I I've tried to
work on. Because I'm in the car, I'm listening to music,
or I'm catching up with friends on the phone, or
you know, so many of us were on the toilet
and we're on our phone scrolling, and there's just so
many moments which could be moments of internal reflection and

(42:02):
just hear not even internal reflection, hearing our thoughts. Yes,
they could be moments of just listening and tuning in
and listening to what is actually being repeated over and
over again in our mind again, micro moments of seeing
what are the words, what are the thoughts, what are
the things that I'm telling myself all the things that
other people have said that are staying in my body

(42:23):
and in my vessel, because those things, if they keep
repeating and we're not noticing them, they're going to leave
deeper imprints in us well.

Speaker 2 (42:30):
And having those moments to tune in is when you can.

Speaker 1 (42:33):
Realize that's not my voice, that's my mom's voice, that's
my teacher's voice, that's my ex boyfriend's voice. And I
think that that's a really powerful differentiation to make too.

Speaker 3 (42:42):
It is the other thing that you said about the
rest of the time that you're spending after your meditation.
My teacher, rather than not Sami, he would always say, like,
we're spending two hours meditating, but what are you doing
for the other twenty two twenty two hours of the day,
Because if and how can we expect to have this
calm meditative practice for those two hours if those other

(43:04):
twenty two hours are fully chaotic. So it's not that
you know, there's never gonna be perfection. Perfection doesn't like whatever.

Speaker 4 (43:10):
That even means.

Speaker 3 (43:11):
But if you do want a beautiful and peaceful meditative practice,
you have to find a way to create those moments
during the day and think every single thing that you're doing,
is this bringing me closer to that moment or is
this bringing me further away from it? Yeah, And so
those little micro decisions, the micro moments, the micro thoughts
that we have, they do accumulate, and so we do

(43:34):
have to be a little bit more mindful about those things.
But again, give yourself grace because you don't know what's
going to come at you that day and how you're
gonna end up reacting.

Speaker 1 (43:41):
Well, and at every moment you're practicing something. So in
moments where you're practicing distraction, you're getting better at distraction.

Speaker 2 (43:48):
At moments where you're practicing focus, you're getting better at focus.

Speaker 1 (43:50):
At moments that you're practicing being reactive and stressed, you're
practicing that, and of course you're getting better at that.
So I love thinking about it that way because it
means that even if I can just grab a tiny
moment of reacting a little bit different, being closer to
the self that I aspire to be, that's a practice
and that's going to make it so I'm getting better
at that versus the opposite.

Speaker 4 (44:10):
Absolutely.

Speaker 3 (44:11):
Another thing that you wrote about is temptation bundling. I
love that to stick to your.

Speaker 4 (44:16):
Habits, and I realize I do that all the time,
but I.

Speaker 3 (44:18):
Didn't realize it was, you know, I didn't believe a
au conscious things. So I'm trying to do I've read
Glucose Goddess's book, and I've been trying to do even
like a ten minute walk or something after I eat.
So in the evening, I find it the most difficult
because sometimes I just want to sit.

Speaker 4 (44:31):
And not not be active.

Speaker 3 (44:34):
So whether it's a little show or a clip of something,
or you know a voice, know that my mum sent me,
I will I'll be okay, that's like ten minutes long.
Let me find something that's ten minutes long and let
me watch it or hear it. And our partner something
I know I love doing with something that I don't
want to do so much, and it's just been such
so easy to get into it, and so I really

(44:54):
appreciate that, because why not take something that you love
with something that you want to love and pare them
together so that you have like more opportunity for success.

Speaker 1 (45:04):
Yeah, A huge other part of my workout, beyond the
telling myself different messages and all of that, but has
been saving my very favorite podcast to listen to while
I work out. And the key with temptation bundling is
you don't allow yourself that thing unless you're doing the
thing that you don't want. So if you never want
to fold laundry, which is me, it's like my one
household chore. Yeah, and my husband's like, I do everything else,

(45:26):
can you fold the launch?

Speaker 2 (45:27):
And I'm like, I don't know, it's so.

Speaker 4 (45:28):
Hard, but I it's hard.

Speaker 1 (45:31):
It's so hard, and then it just piles up and
then it's dirty again because it's been staying a pile
for an hour or for days. But I saved Real
Housewives of New York, which was my first foray into
the Real Housewives franchise, and I loved it, and it
was like my favorite show, and I would save that
And I only got to watch that when I was
folding the laundry. And you better believe that when the
show was airing, I was folding the laundry on a

(45:53):
regular basis because I wanted to catch up in my
favorite episodes. Unfortunately it's over now I have to find
a new show that I like. But you save your
favorite thing for the thing that you don't want to
do so that you have that motivation. If it's washing
dishes for you, save your favorite podcast for that time,
and save your favorite show for doing chores. Save a

(46:13):
catch up with a person that you really want.

Speaker 4 (46:15):
To catch up with.

Speaker 1 (46:16):
And it's a really, really powerful, a little treat. You know,
you can only get this fancy coffee drink that you
really like if you're doing your email inbox when you're
drinking that fancy coffee drink. But there's so many ways
we can temptation bundle, and there's really powerful research behind
how effective it is.

Speaker 3 (46:31):
I I temptation bundle with recently it's spin. I didn't
actually mention this, and I just remembered. I was like,
I'm lying, there is another thing I watch, But I
realized that I pair it with my walking so that
I then don't keep watching it because it's such a
good I watch Love Island.

Speaker 2 (46:48):
Oh I haven't got into that.

Speaker 4 (46:49):
Don't do it. It's a don't do it.

Speaker 3 (46:53):
Yeah, you don't want to watch it, but you can't
help yourself. So my temptation bunding is also for the
benefit of myself not trying to get into bed or
not trying to sit in front of the TV and.

Speaker 4 (47:05):
Watch episode after episode of it.

Speaker 3 (47:06):
So I'm like, okay, you get one episode of this
while you walk and that's it.

Speaker 1 (47:10):
So it's that's such a smart use of it too,
like or if you like want to walk some yeah,
you're like, I only get to do this when I'm
doing this. That's the really smartest of it. As I
want to call out, you've mentioned the voice note from
your mom, and I feel like you're better at staying
in touch and like keeping close relationships with long distance
people than anybody I've ever met, and I feel like

(47:32):
it's such an inspiring thing, especially so many of us,
like I have so many friends in New York, I
have so many friends in the UK and LA, like
all over, and it's such an important skill that we
should all be cultivating these days.

Speaker 2 (47:44):
And I feel like you're so good at it.

Speaker 4 (47:45):
Thank you.

Speaker 3 (47:45):
I would say that a lot of my friends who
are actually in LA probably laugh at this because everyone
tells me I just never text back, and it's so
funny because what's true is the further way they are,
the more I try to keep in touch with people.

Speaker 4 (48:00):
And it's probably good.

Speaker 3 (48:02):
And bad, but I am I am infamous in my
friend group and my family group for never messaging back.

Speaker 2 (48:09):
Have you suggested that they just move away and I
never respond that.

Speaker 4 (48:13):
Would be yeah, I should do that.

Speaker 3 (48:14):
But I also have told them I'm just What I
realized is I'm not a messager. I'm someone who if
you call me, I will always pick up, and if
you voice notoe me, I will voice it you back.
But I because my phone is used so much for
my work, I find it so difficult because people are
messaging me during the day personal things, and then at
the same time I have my work messages going on,
and so I think I've kind of got a block

(48:37):
on messaging people back on my phone for some odd reasons.
I'm like, well, did you try to call me? Did
you try voice? Not me, I've never not picked up
your call.

Speaker 1 (48:44):
But this is that's an important part of like figuring
out how to stand touched to its figuring out what
are the ways that actually work for you that you
can stick to. Voice notes for me are the way
that I stay in touch with people, and I love it.
I just it feels like a connection, but it was
like a connection, not on demand, and in the time
that you can want to connect.

Speaker 4 (49:04):
Yeah, I'm like, I wrote you back just a month later.

Speaker 3 (49:06):
Yeah, I wrote you back a month later. Okay, there
was no time period pot on this message. I am
very good at keeping in touch with my immediate family, though,
I just I talk to my mom every single day.
I'll talk to my grandma if she remembers how to
use her face timing way whenever I can. And the
easy way I figured out with my mom because it's
the busier I got, the more she'd be like, where

(49:28):
are you.

Speaker 4 (49:28):
I haven't spoken to you? And she's used to talking
to me.

Speaker 3 (49:30):
About three times a day minimum, and so I bundle
that with whenever I'm making my meals. So if I'm
making my breakfast for her, it's like her lunch time.
If I'm making my lunch, it's her dinner time. And
so I kind of have tried to pick those moments
because otherwise I'm with teams and days just go by
and I don't get to have it.

Speaker 4 (49:49):
Actually, have it stank, Yeah, have it stanky?

Speaker 3 (49:53):
I love I love all the little One line is you,
how can I favor it? The last thing that I
loved in that section not the last thing, but so
many things in that section was think about your death.
And the reason I picked that is because I actually
honestly think about my death every day, and not in
a morbid way at all, not just my own death.

(50:13):
I think about people's deaths a lot, and it's been
something that has motivated me to stay closer to people,
to connect with people more.

Speaker 4 (50:23):
But I became more aware of it.

Speaker 3 (50:26):
Because we were talking about waking up feeling anxious, and
I said I was saying to Jay, I was like,
I realized, I actually think I wake up anxious a
little bit every day, and he was like why, And
it was because I was always reaching for my phone
just to be like, let me just make sure, like
my mind would always wake up and the first thought
from the moment my consciousness comes into, like, you know,

(50:46):
play in the morning. That's been my first thought from
the moment I moved away, and that was seven years ago.
And so it's been an interesting practice to allow that
to be because I don't think that ever really goes away,
because as much as I believe what is will be,
you can't help how much you care about people. And
so it's been a really beautiful way to connect to people,

(51:10):
to love people deeply, but also to realign myself, Like
every time I think about my own death or even
other people say that, I'm like, is.

Speaker 4 (51:17):
This what I really want to like every day? If
I am.

Speaker 3 (51:20):
Doing these these little things, or if I'm saying yes
to a deal, or if I'm saying yes to spending
the next six months focusing on this, is this really
aligned with who I want to be? And I think
it's the one thing that is inevitable in life. But
the thing we talk about the least, like death is
the one thing that is one hundred percent certain for
all of us, but we just don't speak about it enough,

(51:43):
and it feels like such a scary thing because there's
this fear of the unknown. But I really love you
that you touched on it in your book because it
really is such a great way to realign yourself.

Speaker 1 (51:57):
Yeah, and one hundred percent is And I love that
you asked about it. I will say that nobody has
ever asked me about that tip in an interview.

Speaker 2 (52:03):
I'm always trying to like shove it in because I
think it is so important.

Speaker 1 (52:07):
But nobody ever asked about it. And I think it
is because it is scary. And the reason that it's
in the book is because I think it gives us
an incredible sense of perspective. You can both think about
the ways that you want to be spending your days.
You can think about, Gosh, if I'm ninety five years
old and I'm looking back at my life, will I
be happy with the amount of time that I scrolled

(52:28):
on social media today? Will I be happy with not
having taken this chance or taken this risk? And research
shows by the way that the vast majority of us
will far regret not taking a risk than taking a risk.
And I think that thinking about your death can kind
of push you in that direction in a nice way,
but also it can help you reframe the moments that

(52:49):
you're living in your life. If you're ninety five years
old and you're looking back in your life, I don't
think there's going to be a single person who will
be like Gosh. I wish I had worried about my
salulatee more at the beach, covered myself up with a
towel and not really like that that was what mattered
that day. That ninety five year old is going to
be like I wish I had played with my friends.

(53:09):
I wish I had enjoyed the feeling of the sunshine
on my skin and the sand in my toes. I
wish I had drinken that cool drink and really savored
every single second of it, and eaten a fun little
snack and just enjoyed every single moment in these bodies
because they are so precious. And I find that zooming
out and giving ourselves that perspective can provide a lot

(53:29):
of clarity in how we're spending our time.

Speaker 3 (53:32):
I love that you gave the example because I think
that I've had so many moments, especially since moving to
La where it's been like a pull moment or a
sea moment, and because there's been too many people around,
and I felt so conscious about like running into the
sea or or you know, that became such a normal
thing for me, of not participating in something because of
my worry of how I'm going to look or how

(53:52):
I'm going to be perceived, or not dancing at a
party because maybe my dance means aren't as cool as
this other person, or I can't dance, or I don't
have rhythm.

Speaker 1 (54:00):
Or I have a firm belief about dancing. And I
tell this to my husband all the time, which is,
there is no such thing as a bad dance, right,
There's literally no such thing in the amount of us
who prevent ourselves from doing something that for thousands of
years has been part of every culture throughout history because
it is such an important way that humans express themselves,
They feel things, they communicate. The fact that we don't

(54:22):
allow ourselves to do that because of what we think
is like I know, all or good is insane to me.

Speaker 2 (54:27):
A good dancer is somebody who is enjoying dancing. Period.

Speaker 3 (54:31):
I completely agree, and I think over time, I've reminded
myself of all those what you're saying of just am
I really going to be worried about this when I'm older?

Speaker 4 (54:41):
Like?

Speaker 3 (54:41):
Am I not going to really regret not running into
that sea and the ocean and feeling, you know, the
waves and feeling the sun on my face and doing
all of those things?

Speaker 4 (54:49):
Am I not gonna get?

Speaker 3 (54:50):
But you really have to remind yourself of that otherwise
if you're daily pract serious in the moment.

Speaker 2 (54:55):
Yeah, it does. And I do think every time we
have the opportunity to dance that we dance, we will
at it.

Speaker 3 (55:01):
I agree with my team. We said every Friday we
would meet and the two girls on my team we
would put on this one song. And I'm like, Okay,
we have to do a little dance party to our son.
It's called Dumpling And it's the Dumpling remixed Stylo G
and Sean Paul and Spice Ready for the Bee. And

(55:30):
this is like all of the we're doing like the
funniest dance knows me. So anyway, that is the song
everyone should play. Probably unexpected. It's so one of the
things that people find so unexpected about me is my
music choice.

Speaker 2 (55:47):
But I think you're just listening to like Xen.

Speaker 3 (55:49):
I feel like they are like you don't know what
I grew up doing or playing or going to the
listening to.

Speaker 4 (55:56):
But yes, I agree about the dancing.

Speaker 3 (55:57):
It makes me you feel so happy, just shaking out
body and just enjoying life. I like that you touched
on energy in your book because I think we live
in serious fatigue culture where everyone is just always tired,
Like everyone is just always feeling this lack of energy
in their body. And yeah, share a little bit about

(56:19):
that and what you learned about it from all the
research you did.

Speaker 1 (56:23):
Energy is one of the most underdiscussed and most important
reasons that we can't stick to the habits that we
want to have or to live the lives that we
want to live. Because if you are tired, the idea
of meditating, of working out, of making yourself a meal
that's going to make you feel good, of calling up
a friend to spend time with the community that we
know is so healthy, so beneficial, is going to make

(56:43):
us feel so good that all feels so daunting and
so overwhelming. Yeah, like you said, we live in this
completely energy drained state. So there's a few I think
that before we're doing almost anything else we should be
asking ourselves what are the energy drains in our lives?
And then what are ways that we can build more
energy into our life? And both of those are equally important.
So I think looking through your day and saying, what

(57:04):
is costing me significantly more energy than the benefit that
I'm getting for it, or what are these big energy
drains that I can maybe reevaluate and start to create
different routines, create different structures to buffer around, and sometimes
that can be people in our lives that we need
to set better boundaries for. I have tips about setting
better boundaries and they are in the energy section of

(57:26):
the book, and a lot of people are really surprised
about that.

Speaker 2 (57:29):
But our relationships can be.

Speaker 1 (57:31):
Huge energy builders or they can be huge energy drains,
and the ones that are drains, if we create boundaries
around that, it can get us so much of our time,
our energy. All of these things back, so identifying the
people who are sucking your energy and figuring out ways
to set boundaries around them, and then also building in
energy into your lives. So there's a few different pragmatic

(57:53):
ways that I talk about doing that. One is taking
care of your metabolism. We've heard metabolism talked about for
years and years and years is like fire up your
metabolism so you can burn those calories, And it almost
needs a complete rebrand because that's not what it's about.
It's about having the energy to fuel every single cell
in your body, every single sell in your body. And

(58:14):
so when we are out of metabolic balance, we're going
to be feeling drained on a day to day basis.
So a few little things that you can do to
help with your metabolism is eating fat, fibrin protein at
every single meal so they're not experiencing that blood sugar
spike and crash that's going to leave you feeling really depleted. Also,
if you move after meals, which you talked about, that

(58:35):
could be really really good for your metabolic health. It
can essentially help balance those glucose levels in your body,
and it can make you feel a lot more energetic.
So those are two big, big things for metabolic health.
But I think just that flip of thinking about my
metabolic health is not about calories, is not about firing
up my metabolism so I can look cute in genes.

Speaker 2 (58:55):
It's about having the energy that I need to.

Speaker 1 (58:57):
Fuel every single cell in my body is a really
important shift and a powerful one.

Speaker 4 (59:03):
Yeah.

Speaker 3 (59:03):
And I think there's also the if you're eating you
could be eating all the right foods and getting in
thinking you're getting in all the nutrients that you need,
but if your digestion is not there, and if your
digestion is weak, you may not even be metabolizing or
break By metabolizing, I mean breaking down the nutrients in
the right way to assimilate or absorb into your body

(59:23):
and actually create energy from it. And so you know,
taking a look at if you are someone who feels
drained of energy so often and it's become a regular thing,
have a look at one of the foods you're eating.
And I like that you touched on this as well,
the metabolic optimized meals, Like plan your meals honestly, write
a whole list and pop it on your fridge of
the areas where you're gonna get most nutrients. And I

(59:45):
know you mentioned antioxidants, fiber, amigas, probiotics, and so look
at all the main nutrients that you want to get
and maybe you know, get a blood test done and
see if you're lacking in any nutrients specifically. But if
you're not and you just want to create a balanced meal.
I recommend writing down all the main nutrient areas that

(01:00:06):
you want to have on your plate, write down all
the places where you know you can find them, and
then create your shopping list around these, and then create
your meal around these.

Speaker 4 (01:00:15):
So you pick one.

Speaker 3 (01:00:16):
From each category and you create your meal just around that.
And it can be as simple as that, or you
find three or four foods that you know or ingredients
that you want to include every week that are different,
that just allow you to have variety because nutrients, you know,
the way that nature works is all the different colors
and all the different textures that exist provide something different.

(01:00:36):
And so if you're also someone having the same thing
over and over again, make your diet diverse. Like taste
the Rainbow, is you know, a medical recommendation, No.

Speaker 2 (01:00:46):
There's great research behind that.

Speaker 1 (01:00:49):
So you're like, we need to be able to similate
our nutrients. And that's happening because of our microbion that's
happening because of the bacteria like that, and the American
Gap Project was the greatest research study that we have
done to date on the health of our microbiome and
the single biggest predictor of a healthy microbiome more than
any other thing was diversity of plants in our diet.
So there's literal research and the number of plants that

(01:01:10):
they used in that study was thirty plants per week.

Speaker 2 (01:01:13):
And I think that's a really fun, easy goal to
aim for.

Speaker 1 (01:01:16):
People are like, oh my god, that's insane, thirty plants
per week, But it's not. If you make a pesto,
you have like basil, you have a nut, you have garlic,
you have lemon, you have olive oil, you're already up
to like five, six seven plants right there. You can
make that ahead of time, freeze it, put it in
your scrumbled eggs, put it on your pasta. Add some
peas to your pasta. That's another plant. There's so many

(01:01:37):
ways that we can add these plants in, and again
the research really backs up that that diversity is so
much more important than any specific superfood.

Speaker 2 (01:01:46):
The superfood stuff is just branding and marketing.

Speaker 3 (01:01:48):
Yeah, have those thirty Like, have thirty of your favorite fruits, vegetables, nuts, seeds,
great good fats, Like, have them all written down so
you just know where you're going to get your nutrition. Yeah.

Speaker 2 (01:02:01):
I love the idea I haven't.

Speaker 1 (01:02:03):
I haven't done that before, where I list out my
favorites and then almost like check off throughout the week
if I'm getting If I'm getting them, I life.

Speaker 4 (01:02:08):
You get a little bit of happiness every time you
check something off.

Speaker 1 (01:02:10):
I think those those little micro rewards building in our
micro awards into our lives are so so important. I
think that's also important for goal setting. You don't want
just the larger goal. You want the little goals, the
bite sized goals that you can check off, that you
can achieve, that you can feel a sense of satisfaction.

Speaker 4 (01:02:28):
I love doing that.

Speaker 3 (01:02:29):
And I think about energy is this is a good sentence?
No is a complete sentence? Just no, Yes, that's it.

Speaker 4 (01:02:35):
Yeah, that's about you. It's a boundary one.

Speaker 3 (01:02:37):
And you just and what you said about energy drainers,
you know, being people. I also think sometimes and I
love thinking about my life in this way and my
relationships where there are what there's always going to be
people who you are giving to and people who you
are taking from. Like I feel like that's that is
also how as a human we're able to give back
and we're also able to receive from. And obviously there's

(01:02:59):
a different if someone is fully taking advantage of that.

Speaker 4 (01:03:02):
But I think you need to make sure you.

Speaker 3 (01:03:04):
Are clear about the people you are pouring into and
the capacity you have for that, because I noticed I
was someone who always over gave, and by that I
mean I think giving should never feel like a negative feeling.
And so as soon as you notice that your giving
is starting to feel you're starting to feel resentful or

(01:03:26):
used or abused in the situation where you are giving,
you need to peel it back and say, Okay, I'm
actually okay giving up till this point, and then I
start feeling sour about it because then it's not giving.
And so you have to create those boundaries of realizing
what feels comfortable to give, but then also know the
people that you are pouring into you, that you have
that are giving to you, and because sometimes the people

(01:03:48):
you're giving to aren't going to be the same people
giving back to you. And that was a really important
lesson I had to learn where my position in their
life is to be the giver, and the position of
me in this person's life is for them to give
a little bit more to me, Like my mum will
always be the person that's giving more to me than
I am to her, and you know, it's almost physically
impossible for me to pay back all the things she's
given to me. But then I can also give to

(01:04:10):
my friend who doesn't necessarily have a great relationship with
her mum, and I can be the person who's giving
to her in that way. And so that's really helped
me create almost like a system with my community and
you know, my nature around me, to have a beautiful
relationships that are all kind of pouring into one another.

Speaker 4 (01:04:31):
And seeing it in that way.

Speaker 1 (01:04:33):
Well, the interesting thing about giving is it actually is
an energy and richer to an extent, and then it
tips and it becomes an energy player. And I think
that recognizing it in yourself when they given, because we've
all been in the position of mentoring somebody, of giving
advice and we actually really like that and that boosts
our energy. But when it tips, then it begins to

(01:04:53):
take your energy, and developing that self awareness around when
that's happening is really vital.

Speaker 3 (01:04:58):
Another thing that I found the end of the year
last year, I was feeling so depleted, And by depleted,
I don't mean like physically, I mean I felt like
my everything felt dull. My conversations felt dull. With friends,
with family, I felt like I was sitting in rooms
sort of people and not wanting to contribute. I was,
you know, relationships were suffering. I felt like I felt

(01:05:20):
dull inside. Everything was just feeling dull. And I was
thinking to myself, why has this happened? And as I
broke it down, I realized I had stopped learning. Like
what I was doing was I had poured into my book.
I was doing all these projects that were that were
requiring me to just keep doing, doing, doing, And what
I had stopped was the reading that I loved doing,
the listening that I loved doing, of all the teachers

(01:05:41):
that I'm that I that I have taken so much
nourishment from. I had stopped reading, listening, observing and actually
participating in life, like actually being there and being someone
who was learning from every experience. And so in December,
when I stopped, you know, took time off for the holidays,
I just started reading and I started reading six books
at a time, and I started listening, and I started

(01:06:03):
enriching myself and I realized the conversation I felt like, oh,
this relationship is so boring, not my relationship, like a
friendship is so boring, like that kind of the conversations
with her anymore, and I realized it was all me.
It was me because I wasn't feeling like I was
contributing to this friendship, because I had nothing to give
or offer. So we would be sitting in a room
and it was because I didn't have exciting ideas or

(01:06:26):
fun new things to share, and so I felt drained
of energy because I hadn't replenished myself enough to be
able to give, and giving was such an important part
of how I felt.

Speaker 4 (01:06:38):
I felt nourished, and I wasn't able to give, and
I wasn't nourishing myself.

Speaker 2 (01:06:41):
I'm love that you had the self awareness to recognize that.

Speaker 4 (01:06:44):
And now I feel so good.

Speaker 2 (01:06:46):
And I think there's two additional layers there.

Speaker 1 (01:06:48):
One when we feel that sort of me feeling throughout
our day to day life, often that can signal a
dopamine imbalance. And so something like learning or doing something
that feels a little bit difficult actually can bring your
dopamine more into a state of balance. And things like
social media and binge and TV and things like that
can bring your dopamine too a.

Speaker 4 (01:07:07):
State you can doing a lot of that then too.

Speaker 1 (01:07:08):
That is out of balance. So literally doing something that
feels a little bit hard. I interviewed doctor Anna Lemke
for the book and on the podcast, and she talked
about even getting.

Speaker 2 (01:07:16):
Caught in the rain with your groceries.

Speaker 1 (01:07:18):
These hard moments that happen inadvertently in your life are
actually dopamine balancers. And when you bring your dopamine back
into balance, either through intentional hard moments like learning, like reading,
like cold showers, things like that, or through these inadvertent
hard moments, you begin to find that zest for life
again and you begin to feel more motivated in these
day to day moments, in these day to day interactions.

Speaker 3 (01:07:41):
You know, I remember when I lived in New York
and I got caught in the rain and I was
walking back from Whole Foods and I had paper bags
and I literally made it just to the door and
all my everything fell apart and everything was on the floor,
and I was like, oh my god, this is the
And then I picked everything up and I got upstairs
and I was like, I amade it, And that actually was.

Speaker 1 (01:08:04):
It's a resilience fielder, like you get to remind yourself
of your resilience, But also I love it because then
when I'm in these hard feeling moments, I'm like, well,
at least I'm balancing in my Dobamaine.

Speaker 2 (01:08:15):
Yeah, I get like a little upside out of it,
and it makes it feel a little bit better.

Speaker 4 (01:08:18):
It does.

Speaker 3 (01:08:19):
Oh my gosh, I could honestly talk to you all day.
This has been so incredible. Are there any other you know,
parts of your book that are calling to you right
now to share or anything else that you would want
to talk about or share with the listeners that you
are working on right now or thinking about right now.

Speaker 1 (01:08:37):
I feel like this is such a good interview, Like
I feel like we've touched on so many of my
favorite parts of the book and also my favorite parts
of what I'm doing in my life right now. I
will say, I just want to touch on as we're
wrapping stuff up, to be really gentle with yourselves. I
think sometimes that you can get this barrage of information

(01:08:57):
and be like, oh my gosh, I need to go
out and do this. This this even my book title,
it's one hundred Ways Change your life, But like, really,
you don't need to do everything. You can take a tiny,
tiny step for me with my anxiety. It wasn't I'm
doing this, I'm doing this. I'm doing this. It was
my very first thing I did was go downstairs and
I made a smoothie so I could get some nutrients
in my.

Speaker 2 (01:09:16):
Body in a way that felt really accessible, easy and
delicious to me.

Speaker 1 (01:09:19):
And then I stuck to my SMOOTHI habit for weeks
without adding anything else, and not one other thing, and
then that I was able to add in another tiny thing,
another tiny thing. I Actually a thing in my book
that I think is really important to talk about is
that self trust comes. Self trust is the basis for
self love. And we don't talk about this very often

(01:09:41):
because we're like, oh, you should love yourself, should be
able to look in the mirror and say that you
love yourself. We do affirmations all these things, and then
we're like, why isn't this working, And it's because we
don't have the trust with ourselves to believe the kind
things that we're saying about ourselves. We don't have that
trust because we're constantly breaking promises to ourselves. So when
we're saying I'm not going to reach for my foot
first thing in the morning, and you reach for your

(01:10:01):
phone anyway. That's a tiny broken promise to yourself. When
you're saying I'm going to meditate today and then you don't.
When you're saying I'm going to put my community on
a higher priority part priority list in my brain and
then you don't, you're breaking these tiny, tiny promises yourself.
It's like having a partner who says every single day, yeah,
I'll take the trash out, y'all take the trash out,
and then they don't take the trash out, And of

(01:10:23):
course you're not going to expect them to take the
trash out. You're not going to trust next time they
say they're going to do anything for you, because they've
broken that trust. So we build our self trust by
making promises to ourselves that we can keep, and we
make promises to ourselves that we can keep by making
those promises smaller, by not reaching too high, self berating, disappointing,

(01:10:44):
and breaking that self trust, which is going to lead
to a severance of that self love. So I'd say,
so much good information, your whole podcast is filled with
so much good information, your book, so much good information.
But take little things, make little changes, and that's going
to build you that really stable foundation onto which you
can build your best life.

Speaker 3 (01:11:05):
I love that you said that. I went through that
for a long time where I just didn't trust in
my own voice because I had constantly one, I had
other people saving me all the time. I would turned
to other people to save me, and what I had,
what that made me realize was in my mind, I
had kept telling myself, I can't do anything by myself.
I need somebody else to save me or at least

(01:11:26):
guide me through something. I will never be able to
do anything by myself because I'm just not good at
and I had told myself that for such a long time,
and then when I did start trying to do things myself,
I made those goals so big that I was never
able to achieve them. So on top of thinking I
could only do something with someone else, I then was
slowly thinking I was proving to myself that I actually
couldn't do things by myself, And so other people's voices

(01:11:49):
became stronger. I literally, you know, silenced mine so strongly
that I couldn't even hear my own voice. That everybody
else's voice was mine. And I did not believe in
my own voice or my own abilities because I kept
breaking these promises that I was making to myself.

Speaker 4 (01:12:05):
Over and over and over again.

Speaker 3 (01:12:07):
And it's exactly that I then felt like I had
such low self esteem based on what I was doing
to myself. It actually wasn't what other people were saying
to me. And what it made me realize was no
matter what other people were saying to me, because I
felt a certain way about myself, it made absolutely no difference.
So I was going into friendships and they will be
like start, they will start talking to me about things,

(01:12:28):
whether it was finance, or whether it was business stuff,
or whether it was a lot of things. And I
would say, oh, you know, I'm not really a good
person to talk to about that stuff. I'm not really
good at it. And so I kept saying that, and
when it made me realize what it created all these
friendships where they actually wouldn't want to turn to me
for things, and I thought, why is that? And I
realized it because that's the energy I'm putting out. I

(01:12:48):
kept telling people I'm not good at this, I'm not
a good person for this, I'm not an expert in this.
Oh you know, I'm not into this type of stuff,
or I'm just it's not me and I'm just not
great at it. And what it was it basically shut
off so many big parts of my friendships. And then
because I didn't trust myself, they would be like they
would end up feeling bad about me.

Speaker 4 (01:13:10):
And it'd be like, oh look she's late again.

Speaker 3 (01:13:12):
Oh look she's forgotten this, And now it's really biting
me in the back because I've become so organized and
I've become so good, I've worked so hard to actually
commit to things and actually complete things and do things
with commitment because I've built that up with myself slowly
over years and years, but still because I'd created that

(01:13:33):
narrative in other people's mind about me, I still have
people saying to me, Oh, you know, are you sure
you're not gonna lose your passport when you go out?
And are you sure you can travel by yourself? It's
so weird for you, Like I feel weird that you're
traveling by yourself because you're gonna forget something. And I'm like,
that is not who I am, But to them, it
is who I am because I haven't shown them that
I've even grown, or haven't shown that I believe in
myself more by the words than I'm using. So anyway,

(01:13:56):
I love that you touched on that because that's something
I it took me a long time to work and
I still feel like I am but I created this
narrative in other people's minds about me.

Speaker 2 (01:14:05):
But that's why it's so important to not only allow
ourselves to grow and change, but to allow the people
that we love.

Speaker 4 (01:14:11):
To grow and change.

Speaker 3 (01:14:13):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (01:14:13):
Yeah, and to constantly, constantly be checking in because people
are changing, even as little as like do you still
not like watching this type of TV show? Are you
still interested or not interested in this activity? We trap
the people that we love into boxes while trying to
evolve so much ourselves, and I think we're doing our
relationships our disservice. We're doing the people we love a disservice.
So I would say to you, keep showing up as

(01:14:36):
the person that you put the work into being. But
also I think the people that you love need to
create that space, even if you tell them like I'm growing,
I'm changing, I'm a body.

Speaker 4 (01:14:45):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (01:14:45):
I think it's really important to have people see us
in the way that we want to be seen, to
have people reflect the version of us that we're trying
to be back at us.

Speaker 3 (01:14:54):
Yeah, no, I agree, that's definitely something I'm working on.
But thank you, thank you so much for the conversation.
This was so wonderful, and for anyone listening, please go
and buy the hundred Way, hundred Ways to Change Your Life.

Speaker 4 (01:15:08):
Liz Moody.

Speaker 2 (01:15:09):
It was such a.

Speaker 4 (01:15:09):
Pleasure having you on.

Speaker 3 (01:15:11):
Thank you so much, so much, and I really hope
so many people get as much as I did out
of your book by reading it and listening to this.

Speaker 4 (01:15:17):
Thank you. Thanks

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Radhi Devlukia

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.css-14f5ked{margin:0;word-break:break-word;display:-webkit-box;-webkit-box-orient:vertical;box-orient:vertical;-webkit-line-clamp:2;overflow:hidden;}Liz Moody: Simple Ways to Break Bad Habits and Change Your Life