January 7, 2025 • 24 mins
Feeling like you’ve already fallen off the New Year train?
Don’t worry, we’ve all been there. In this episode, I’m sharing my favorite tips and little mindset shifts to help you get back on track without the guilt. We’ll chat about why slipping up isn’t failing, how to create habits that actually stick, and how to stop being so hard on yourself. Let’s embrace the ebbs and flows of life, celebrate the small wins, and make this year about loving ourselves through the messy moments.
What Was Discussed:
00:00 Intro
01:30 Falling off track is not failure
02:51 Back on the same track or get on a new track?
04:20 Golden behaviours
04:42 Schedule your new habits
06:04 How feelings keep you stuck
10:31 Overcoming my hatred of working out
11:40 Create new narratives and reminders
12:56 Breaking free from emotional control
13:43 Prepare and plan yourself for your new habits
14:24 Get out of the “I’ll do it tomorrow” mentality
15:57 Have an accountability partner
17:28 Stop letting guilt hold you back
19:36 Books suggestions for building habits
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Something a lot of people, including myself, struggle with, is
the negative talk and the feeling of guilt and disappointment
in ourself if we do fall off or go back
into our lower habits. So you tell yourself you're a failure,
you haven't done well, you haven't succeeded. That negative thought
pattern intersects the positive thought pattern, So even if you
were thinking him getting back on track, you are constantly
pulling yourself down and telling yourself that you don't even
(00:22):
deserve to get back on this positive habit. I'm Rady
Wukiah and on my podcast A Really Good Cry, we
embrace the messy and the beautiful, providing a space for raw,
unfiltered conversations that celebrate vulnerability and allow you to tune
in to learn, connect and find comfort together. Hey everyone,
welcome back to this week's episode of A Really Good Cry.
(00:44):
I hope that you have had such a lovely, heartwarming,
belly filling, magical Christmas and New Year. I recommend listening
to the last solo episode that I did if you
haven't heard it yet. It's on manifesting and goal setting,
and it is a great episode to get you in
the mood and mindset for dreaming and thinking big for
this year. Now, I honestly find New Year's goals a
(01:04):
little overwhelming. I feel like everyone's energy online is new, yeah,
new you, But really most people are just feeling sheer panic.
Everyone is just trying to get ahead and trying to
create new habits, trying to stick to their new habits,
make new plans, or become a whole new person. Or
if you're anything like me, you're probably just trying to
crawl your way back onto the train of life again.
(01:27):
So for any of you who are struggling to get
yourself back on track, I hope that this episode will
help you. This one is definitely for you people. One
thing I want you to take out of your head
first and foremost is that by falling off track, that
you have failed in some way. Because listen, we are
all human, We're not robots, and falling off track is
not failure. It's just part of the ebbs and flows
(01:49):
of life. Even the most successful people in the world
slip up on their habits, and it's not just their
willpower or motivation that makes them successful. It is their
ability to fall and get back on track quickly. It's
their ability to bounce back from the nose and the
failures and the derailing, because there will be times where
following your regular routine or your ideal routine is just
(02:12):
not possible, whether it's busy workdays, or having a child
that's sick, or maybe just not feeling up to it mentally.
And actually, sometimes you just need a break from your
usual schedule. I know I needed that this Christmas. Sometimes
you just need time off from your extreme discipline, the
regular schedule that you're used to, the timings, the work schedule.
You just need a break. But if you are ready
(02:33):
to get back into your better habits and your motivation
isn't quite there, maybe your willpowers flickering a little bit,
what you really need is reliable strategies that can pull
you back on track whenever you fall off. I have
definitely been through these ebbs and flows a lot, and
I know that this journey is not easy, and I
know it very well. So I wanted to share some
of the things that have actually really helped me. I've
(02:55):
tried and tested many things, but I thought I share
some of the ones that really stuck with me and
I found super useful. So, first of all, when you're
thinking of getting back on track, you really have to
decide do you want to truly get back on track,
meaning getting back to the same good habits that you
already had in place before, or do you want to
get on a whole new track. So really figuring that
(03:16):
out is useful because sometimes we can just be on autopilot.
Right You're going back to the same routine that you've
had for years and years and years, and you're just
jumping back into it, that same rhythm, the same morning routine,
the same work routine, the same evening routine. You just
get back into this rhythm. But sometimes you have to
reflect on whether that is the route that is still
serving you or helping you grow, or inspiring you or
(03:39):
bringing you joy, because that is what is so important
in life. Is this routine is this track doing what
I needed to do for me? Is this track bringing
me joy? Is this track helping me achieve what I
want to achieve? And I think either way, the first
step is recognition. So you have to ask yourself what
habits am I trying to build or rebuild? Is it
(04:00):
eating better? Is it working out? Is it a project
you want to complete? Is it actually creating a morning
or evening routine. And then what are the steps I
need to take, the things that I need to change
to start again. But then what are the things that
I need to also maintain this practice or golf Because
starting something is easy, but continuing it is what's difficult.
I actually heard someone call the things that make us
(04:21):
feel good golden behaviors, and I really love that Golden behaviors.
They are the things that you know will always make
you feel good after doing them. So identifying them and
then identifying the hurdles so that you can adapt your
day or your lifestyle to avoid those hurdles is just
the beginning. And then you can pick one or two
of them to get started on. And then the next
step is scheduling those habits or practices because let me
(04:44):
tell you, you will think you're able to stick to
them forever. At the start, because you're excited, the adrenaline
is pumping, you have new year, New Year energy in you,
and all the motivation that you need to get started.
But from my experience, some of that motiva is just
rooted in absolute delusion. I like to call it being
(05:05):
a delusional optimist, and I am the Queen of delusional optimism.
I actually was going to call this podcast delusional Optimist,
because I really think it represents my mind so perfectly
in so many ways. But for this example, let's say
you're trying to commit to a workout. You have to
book in the classes at the top of the year,
or you need to know exactly what routine you're going
to be doing at home and then decide what time
(05:27):
every single day you will do that workout. It just
increases your chances of doing them because I find there's
this sense of accountability, and even better, if it's scheduled
on your phone or on your calendar, your mind is
just constantly aware of it. You get your notifications about it,
you get your reminders about it. You're kind of already
prepping for a subconsciously before you even do the practice,
(05:49):
and so you're more likely to stick to it. Your
body wants to be prepared for things. It doesn't like surprises,
and so like, I just find that this scheduling process
helps your body and your mind adjusted this new habit.
One thing that I find difficult is living in my feelings.
I don't know about any of you, but this is
by far the biggest and most important part of trying
to get back on track and move into better habits. Feelings, moods,
(06:12):
and emotions are so fleeting. My feelings and emotions are
changing on an hourly basis. And the problem is that
most of us live our life through them. We make
decisions based on them, and then they can end up
really dictating what we do or don't do during the day.
So let's say you go to bed and you plan
to wake up early to do your workout. You've set
(06:33):
your alarm, you've already started preparing for it, you've set
out your clothes that night before, you're prepped, You're ready
to go. You go to sleep, the alarm goes off,
and the first thing your body and mind say is
go back to sleep. You don't want to get up.
Don't get up. You deserve this rest, You deserve to
lie in for another hour working out. Do you really
(06:53):
need that in your life? What you really need is sleep.
And so your behavior has directly been impacted just by
you're feeling in the morning. And so I think we
just had this false narrative in our mind that we
have to feel good before we do something. We need
to have a positive feeling about it before we do it.
That's so far from the truth. The fact is, instead
of framing it as I think I want to do something,
(07:14):
I feel like doing something, and then I do something,
it should actually be I think about doing something, I
do the thing, and then I feel the feeling. So
first you have a thought that you want to do something,
then you act on that intention, and then that leads
you to feeling a certain way. This expectation that oh,
I'm going to feel motivated and then I'll do it,
or I'm going to feel like getting up in the
(07:36):
morning and then I'll get up in the morning. That's
not true. You have to do something to feel the
goodness from it, and then that creates this beautiful cycle
that this positive feedback. Okay, I've done this action, it's
made me feel good. That's going to help me wake
up again and do that over and over again. So
don't wait to feel before you do the thing. Just
do the thing and then you'll feel and then you'll
(07:58):
want to keep doing it. I read this that said
talking about doing the thing is not doing the thing.
Thinking about doing the thing is also not doing the thing.
Just doing the thing is doing the thing, and so
don't wait to think it feel it, don't be in
your emotions. Emotions are so fleeting, so temporary. Most of
(08:18):
us don't even feel like doing the things that are
good for us at first because we've never done it before.
So whether it's good or bad, it is still unfamiliar
and an unknown to your mind and your body. So actually,
whether it's good or bad, it's still feels scary. Your
body doesn't know the difference. It's just, oh, this is unfamiliar,
and so your nervous system will choose the familiar hell
over the unfamiliar heaven. I'm sure you've heard that before,
(08:39):
but it is so true. Our nervous system has been
with us since the day we were born. It is
designed to keep us safe, and it does that by
finding our patterns and predictability in everything that we do
in our environment, in our actions. It's just part of
our protective mechanism, which by the way, is so useful
when there's real threats in our life. But the disadvantage
(08:59):
is when it comes to our personal growth and accomplishments.
So actually, if you think about it, waiting to feel
good from things that are good for you if you've
never done them actually makes no sense because you've never
triggered a positive response with that behavior before. So just
because someone says this mango is so sweet, it doesn't
mean you're going to feel the sugar rush before you
actually taste it. And so just because someone says when
(09:21):
you work out, you're going to feel amazing after your workout,
you're going to feel so good. Your body's going to
feel amazing, your mind's going to feel so clear. You
may theoretically know it, but that feeling hasn't been created
in your body. And usually we feel good about the
things that aren't good for us because they bring us
this immediate but temporary satisfaction. But the things that actually
take time and feel bad at first are usually the
(09:43):
things that bring us long term change and joy. It's
like you go for a workout, your muscles aren't used
to it, your body's not used to it. The next
day you can barely walk down the stairs. I've actually
come to love that feeling, but in essence, your body's like, no,
don't do this. You're hurting me. It's too much pain,
it's too out of my comfort zone. So yeah, first
working out may not feel good, but then you start
getting that good feeling after doing it a good few
(10:05):
times and you'll never be able to let it go.
So really, the change from the alarm going off that
story about working out is I want to work out.
I don't feel like working out. I work out anyway
I feel good, and that feeling good makes me feel
like waking up the next day to work out again,
and that is the ideal habit making cycle. I'm going
(10:26):
to tell you my personal experience of that, because I
know working out can be something that people find really difficult,
or like getting into the habit of working out with
something people find really difficult. So when I was younger,
I absolutely despise working out. My mom was a personal trainer.
She would like do fitness classes and she said, drag
me to them. I absolutely despised it. But one day
(10:46):
I realized how important movement was for the body, and
I was like, I want to do this for myself.
I want to show myself that I can commit that
I can do this, and so I started. I pushed through.
I didn't base it on feeling. I just knew this
is something I have to do, but this is something
I want to do, and so I'd wake up, I'd
go to the gym after work or before work, and
(11:07):
then eventually, once I got into that habit, I honestly
am like what ten years in and I can't imagine
a day with that movement in my life. I just can't.
Most of the time. It's not even linked to physical
or aesthetic goals. It's linked to how this makes me feel.
A day without movement in my life feels staggnant, it
feels energyless, and so that's really what connection has been
built in my mind. So for me to feel this way,
(11:29):
it just showed me how important that mechanism really is
and how much it actually works. So start creating these
new narratives and remind us for yourself every single day
to rewire your natural thought pattern. I might not feel
like meditating, but after sitting for twenty minutes, I'm more
grounded and clear headed. I might not feel like getting
a tough workout in, but I'm more energized after doing it.
(11:51):
I might not feel like waking up early when my
alarm goes off, but I feel so good when I
make it through my morning routine or get so much
done before my work starts. And so repeating these thoughts
in your head when you're getting to bed when you
wake up in the morning, just like having that as
a constant mantra that's going through in your mind. A
mantra is just simply something that you repeat over and
(12:11):
over again to create these new thought patterns. So next
time you're considering choices in the moment, and you might
be in your feels, there are two options that you have.
You either let your lower self choose. This lower self
is basing the decision on your current moment. You're asking
do I feel like doing this right now? Or you
have your higher self make that decision, the self that
is grounded in what you care about most, your values,
(12:33):
your future goals, and you choose by asking how would
future me feel after doing this? So those are the
two options. Do I feel like doing this right now?
Or how will my future self feel after doing this?
Obviously the winning answer is choose your higher self. I've
just noticed that I don't want to be controlled by
my senses, like am I controlled by my senses and emotions?
(12:54):
Or am I in control of my senses and emotions
and able to make decisions that benefit my future and
the values that I want to instill in my life
despite my emotions and despite my temporary feeling and being
able to do that is really the goal and the
secret of building good habits that last. It also just
makes you feel so good about yourself, like every time
I commit to something and I follow through with it,
(13:15):
even when I don't want to. To build these habits,
after you've done it, there is never a regret like,
oh I wish I hadn't worked out and made myself
feel good, Oh I wish I hadn't done this meditation practice,
or my mind feels so clear, how horrible, Like you
just don't feel like that. After those habits, it just
builds this like confidence and this self worth in you.
At the same time, the next step is like preparing yourself.
(13:37):
And so let's say you're trying to start running in
your life, making sure you have the right leggings, the
right shoes, the right stuff that you want to make
yourself feel good when you're doing that practice is really
important because, for example, if you don't get good shoes,
you could end up running injuring yourself and that will
stop you from doing it for the rest of the week.
Or let's say you want to cook more at home,
then you need to make sure that you have the
(13:57):
ingredients to do that, maybe have some recipes save so
you know exactly what you're making. So doing the planning
and then starting the habit is really important. So making
sure that you actually have a plan in place to
set you up for success is really important because you
want to make sure you've got everything that you need.
That makes you feel a little bit more comfortable about
doing that practice. However, I will say at the same
(14:19):
time getting out of that, I'll do it tomorrow. Mentality
is so needed. Why do tomorrow? What's meant for today?
A wise quote that my mom would say constantly to
me growing up in various different ways, and it used
to really great on me. I was like, no, I
want to do it tomorrow. I'll do it tomorrow, Mom,
I'll do it tomorrow. Tomorrow never came. I really understand
this practice now, I really do. Why wait for tomorrow?
(14:41):
What is meant for today? And it makes such a
difference when you shift your mindset to this. So let's
say you want to do a sixty minute work out
every day, but you only have thirty minutes. Do you
just not do the thirty minutes and only wait till
you have those sixty minutes no, you do the thirty minutes.
Don't give yourself these strict all or nothing mindsets. You
only lose out when you do that. And so if
you have thirty minutes, if you have fifteen minutes, just
(15:03):
do it. It will all like even the fifteen minutes.
The thirty minutes will make you feel good. Yes, the
sixteen minutes why I made you feel fantastic, But the
fifteen minutes will make you feel great too. And so
don't wait till you have the perfect moment or the
perfect time. Start doing it, and you will lead up
to whatever that perfect is for you. So do it anyway,
even if it's a little flawed, even if you're not
fully equipped. And this may sound counter productive to what
(15:25):
I said before, but there is a significant difference between
not being fully equipped to start something and trying to procrastinate,
trying to find any reason to get out of it.
And so it comes with a little bit of awareness.
Am I saying I'm not prepared for this because I'm
trying to avoid it, or am I saying I'm not
prepared for this because I really do need a little
bit of time to get all my things together to
(15:46):
set me up for success. Only you will know the
answer to that. Another thing that really helps me is
having an accountability partner, finding yourself a buddy or a
friend with the same goal, or someone who's trying to
stick to another habit. It doesn't really have to be
the same as yours. It just needs to be someone
who's motivated to also change something in their life. But
you can hold each other to it. You can hold
(16:07):
each other accountable, you can check in with each other,
you can share the ups and downs of the process.
I remember when I was trying to get more protein
in my diet. Growing up in an Indian family, we
had proteins from lentils, beans and things like that every
single day. But I was really trying to up my
protein because I wanted to build some muscle in my
life and get better in the gym. And so I
(16:28):
remember when I was trying to do that, my sister
was also doing the same and it was so nice
to share recipes with each other, to check in and
talk about what was working what wasn't working. I also
created like a special bond between us because we were
both trying to improve something together. And I've noticed that
a lot. I've created a lot of friendships around better habits,
(16:48):
like let's work out together, let's go to yoga classes together,
let's go on walks together. And this feeling of doing
something that's good for you together actually creates like a
different type of bond, like a positive with each other.
And you know what, change can feel lonely sometimes, so
having someone that you can admit your struggles to, that
you can be honest with about the ups and downs
(17:09):
of it also makes it easier to stick to habits
because you don't feel bad about it, you hear someone
else struggling to, or they can give you words of
encouragement at the times that you're down and you can
do the same for them. Ends up being a really
lovely relationship. And I think something a lot of people,
including myself, struggle with is the negative talk and the
feeling of guilt and disappointment in ourself. If we do
fall off or go back into our lower habits, we
(17:31):
get mad at ourselves, We start talking negatively, just feeling
so bad about ourself and just not being nice to
ourself either. And the problem with that cycle is it's
the same as you know how the positive cycle was,
or you do something based on your behavior and then
it creates a positive feeling. This negative feedback actually disrupts
the cycle of even getting back on track. So you
(17:52):
tell yourself you're a failure, you haven't done well, you
haven't succeeded. That negative thought pattern intersects the positive thought pattern,
So even if you thinking of getting back on track,
you are constantly pulling yourself down and telling yourself that
you don't even deserve to get back on this positive habit.
And I've noticed that a lot. Sometimes when I fall
off my meditation practice, I really feel so guilty and
(18:12):
I'm like, oh, my gosh, do I even deserve to
sit in my meditation room? Do I even deserve to
sit there if I can't dedicate the full two hours
to it, And you kind of convince yourself that you
are undeserving of it, or you end up using that
as an excuse, And what good does that do? Nothing,
you don't get back into the habit, you feel bad
(18:32):
about yourself. It's actually just taking you completely in the
wrong direction. And so just be, you know, a little
bit kinder to yourself and celebrate every step that you take,
like the fact that you are taking one step forward,
even if it feels small. Celebrating your wins is really important.
And it also creates this self confidence again and self
assurance in that I can do this, and I will
(18:54):
do this, and I'm able to stick to something and
it makes me feel good. We get down on ourselves
so easily, but we forget to know and recognize what
a big deal it is every single time that you
feel the resistance but you still do it anyway. That
is such an achievement. It is such a win. So
see that as you're moving towards the person you want
to be, and recognize that you are making moves, even
(19:15):
if it's slow. You are reshaping your identity to be
someone who follows through on what they care about most.
And that is pretty epic. And if and when you
do fall off, you can just bounce back and see
it as part of the plan, not as failure. I've
actually read some really good books on this topic and
I wanted to share them with you because it's so
lovely reading words from people who are articulate and have
(19:37):
done research and it just, you know, it makes you
feel good, and it also just creates motivation in you
when you need it most. So there's this book called
Power of Habits by Charles Douhig, and he talks about
the ins and outs of habit change. It gives strategies
and tools on how to change your habits, and it
introduced me to this concept of the habit loop, which
is what I spoke about before, the process of how
(19:58):
habits form. So it begins with a que or a trigger,
followed by a routine which is your behavior, and ends
with a reward the benefit that's derived from that behavior,
so the feeling coming after the action. And he says
that this loop is fundamental to understanding how habits function
and how they can be changed. There's also the infamous
(20:19):
Atomic Habits by James Clare, which by the way, has
been in the New York Times bestseller list for lord
knows how long years. I'd say, Gears, this book is
actually such a great reminder of how tiny, little changes
can lead to huge results over time, and it just
gives practical strategies for building new habits and breaking bad ones.
And he says that rather than aiming for the drastic transformations,
(20:40):
focus on the one percent improvements every single day, and
that can lead to profound change. And I really love
that concept. Like little things daily that's all it takes.
You don't need to make extreme changes in your life.
He also covers a habit loop, but in a slightly
different way. He says that it's actually a four step process.
There's a queue, which is the trigger that initiates the behavior,
the craving, which is the desire that motivates the routine.
(21:01):
So basically, your why, the response, which is the actual
habit or behavior that's performed, and then your reward the
benefit that's gained from that habit. So very similar. The
only difference there is that initial desire or motivation to
actually get started. He also covers the four laws of
behavior change, and he says that to create good habits,
you have to design your environment to make room for
(21:22):
these good habits. You have to make the habit attractive.
So pair your new habits with things that you enjoy
to increase motivation. Sometimes I always tell my friends, I'm like, Okay,
if you want to walk more, put a walking pad
in front of your favorite show and just do it there.
You have to make it easy, reduce any friction or
hurdles that might be there that stops you from doing
that habit, and then you have to make it satisfying,
(21:42):
like use immediate rewards to reinforce those behaviors. It's a
really great book. It's an easy read and definitely very motivational.
The next one is Discipline is Destiny, great book by
Ryan Holliday. Oh my gosh, it's one of my favorites.
It talks about the power and importance of self control
and present discipline as a skill that you can practice
to master your desires, emotions, and impulses or you know.
(22:05):
When I read this book, it made me feelally understood
because I feel like I've worked really hard to create
discipline in my life, and I always get questions about
how restrictive it is, like don't you just want to
live your life or live a little like stay out
a little bit later, or eat this or do this.
And I always say, I've lived an undisciplined life, and
all it did was make me a victim to my senses.
All it did was make me unhappy. I was a
(22:27):
constant servant to my senses. But when I created discipline
in my life, it was the only time that I
have felt freedom because I was in control of my
senses rather than them controlling me. And so discipline is
actually freedom. People think doing what you want, whenever you
want creates freedom, but actually it makes you a prisoner
of your senses. You are then not in control. You
(22:47):
are being controlled by your fleeting desires. And that's what
he says in the book. He says, the disciplined life
allows you to live according to your values and pursue
your goals without being enslaved by your fleeting emotions or temptations,
and honestly, that's when you feel your best. The next
book is Liz Moody A Hundred Ways to Change Your Life.
I really enjoyed this book, and I've also had Liz
on the podcast She is wonderful. It was such a
(23:10):
great episode, and the book is organized into one hundred concise,
easy to implement strategies that allow you to make meaningful
changes without feeling overwhelmed. So every tip is super easy,
and like you think, one hundred sounds like a lot,
but it's actually very manageable, bite sized tips, and it
covers everything from physical, mental, and emotional health too. It
feels so relatable and doable, which is what I loved
(23:31):
about the book. She also gives really real personal experiences
and it made me feel very good. About myself, which
is always needed. Like a book that makes you feel
positive and excited about life is always a book that
is worth reading. So in conclusion, take it slow, don't
be a hater to others or yourself. Speak kindly to
you and to other people, and give yourself and everyone
(23:53):
else grace because we are all just humans trying to
do better. And most importantly, when you do fall off,
which you most probably will, because that's just life, don't
see as a loss. See it as another opportunity to
prove to yourself just how epic you are and just
how able you are, and honestly, just don't stop bouncing back.
That is actually when you create failure in your life
(24:13):
is when you stop believing that you can. I really
hope you that you enjoyed this episode, Share it with
your friends or tag me when you listen to it,
and follow a really good cry on whatever platform you
listen to your podcast so that you don't miss an episode.
Oh and the guest episodes are also available on YouTube
to watch so you can see our lovely faces. Have
a great day and sending you so much love.
Something a lot of people, including myself, struggle with, is
the negative talk and the feeling of guilt and disappointment
in ourself if we do fall off or go back
into our lower habits. So you tell yourself you're a failure,
you haven't done well, you haven't succeeded. That negative thought
pattern intersects the positive thought pattern, So even if you
were thinking him getting back on track, you are constantly
pulling yourself down and telling yourself that you don't even
(00:22):
deserve to get back on this positive habit. I'm Rady
Wukiah and on my podcast A Really Good Cry, we
embrace the messy and the beautiful, providing a space for raw,
unfiltered conversations that celebrate vulnerability and allow you to tune
in to learn, connect and find comfort together. Hey everyone,
welcome back to this week's episode of A Really Good Cry.
(00:44):
I hope that you have had such a lovely, heartwarming,
belly filling, magical Christmas and New Year. I recommend listening
to the last solo episode that I did if you
haven't heard it yet. It's on manifesting and goal setting,
and it is a great episode to get you in
the mood and mindset for dreaming and thinking big for
this year. Now, I honestly find New Year's goals a
(01:04):
little overwhelming. I feel like everyone's energy online is new, yeah,
new you, But really most people are just feeling sheer panic.
Everyone is just trying to get ahead and trying to
create new habits, trying to stick to their new habits,
make new plans, or become a whole new person. Or
if you're anything like me, you're probably just trying to
crawl your way back onto the train of life again.
(01:27):
So for any of you who are struggling to get
yourself back on track, I hope that this episode will
help you. This one is definitely for you people. One
thing I want you to take out of your head
first and foremost is that by falling off track, that
you have failed in some way. Because listen, we are
all human, We're not robots, and falling off track is
not failure. It's just part of the ebbs and flows
(01:49):
of life. Even the most successful people in the world
slip up on their habits, and it's not just their
willpower or motivation that makes them successful. It is their
ability to fall and get back on track quickly. It's
their ability to bounce back from the nose and the
failures and the derailing, because there will be times where
following your regular routine or your ideal routine is just
(02:12):
not possible, whether it's busy workdays, or having a child
that's sick, or maybe just not feeling up to it mentally.
And actually, sometimes you just need a break from your
usual schedule. I know I needed that this Christmas. Sometimes
you just need time off from your extreme discipline, the
regular schedule that you're used to, the timings, the work schedule.
You just need a break. But if you are ready
(02:33):
to get back into your better habits and your motivation
isn't quite there, maybe your willpowers flickering a little bit,
what you really need is reliable strategies that can pull
you back on track whenever you fall off. I have
definitely been through these ebbs and flows a lot, and
I know that this journey is not easy, and I
know it very well. So I wanted to share some
of the things that have actually really helped me. I've
(02:55):
tried and tested many things, but I thought I share
some of the ones that really stuck with me and
I found super useful. So, first of all, when you're
thinking of getting back on track, you really have to
decide do you want to truly get back on track,
meaning getting back to the same good habits that you
already had in place before, or do you want to
get on a whole new track. So really figuring that
(03:16):
out is useful because sometimes we can just be on autopilot.
Right You're going back to the same routine that you've
had for years and years and years, and you're just
jumping back into it, that same rhythm, the same morning routine,
the same work routine, the same evening routine. You just
get back into this rhythm. But sometimes you have to
reflect on whether that is the route that is still
serving you or helping you grow, or inspiring you or
(03:39):
bringing you joy, because that is what is so important
in life. Is this routine is this track doing what
I needed to do for me? Is this track bringing
me joy? Is this track helping me achieve what I
want to achieve? And I think either way, the first
step is recognition. So you have to ask yourself what
habits am I trying to build or rebuild? Is it
(04:00):
eating better? Is it working out? Is it a project
you want to complete? Is it actually creating a morning
or evening routine. And then what are the steps I
need to take, the things that I need to change
to start again. But then what are the things that
I need to also maintain this practice or golf Because
starting something is easy, but continuing it is what's difficult.
I actually heard someone call the things that make us
(04:21):
feel good golden behaviors, and I really love that Golden behaviors.
They are the things that you know will always make
you feel good after doing them. So identifying them and
then identifying the hurdles so that you can adapt your
day or your lifestyle to avoid those hurdles is just
the beginning. And then you can pick one or two
of them to get started on. And then the next
step is scheduling those habits or practices because let me
(04:44):
tell you, you will think you're able to stick to
them forever. At the start, because you're excited, the adrenaline
is pumping, you have new year, New Year energy in you,
and all the motivation that you need to get started.
But from my experience, some of that motiva is just
rooted in absolute delusion. I like to call it being
(05:05):
a delusional optimist, and I am the Queen of delusional optimism.
I actually was going to call this podcast delusional Optimist,
because I really think it represents my mind so perfectly
in so many ways. But for this example, let's say
you're trying to commit to a workout. You have to
book in the classes at the top of the year,
or you need to know exactly what routine you're going
to be doing at home and then decide what time
(05:27):
every single day you will do that workout. It just
increases your chances of doing them because I find there's
this sense of accountability, and even better, if it's scheduled
on your phone or on your calendar, your mind is
just constantly aware of it. You get your notifications about it,
you get your reminders about it. You're kind of already
prepping for a subconsciously before you even do the practice,
(05:49):
and so you're more likely to stick to it. Your
body wants to be prepared for things. It doesn't like surprises,
and so like, I just find that this scheduling process
helps your body and your mind adjusted this new habit.
One thing that I find difficult is living in my feelings.
I don't know about any of you, but this is
by far the biggest and most important part of trying
to get back on track and move into better habits. Feelings, moods,
(06:12):
and emotions are so fleeting. My feelings and emotions are
changing on an hourly basis. And the problem is that
most of us live our life through them. We make
decisions based on them, and then they can end up
really dictating what we do or don't do during the day.
So let's say you go to bed and you plan
to wake up early to do your workout. You've set
(06:33):
your alarm, you've already started preparing for it, you've set
out your clothes that night before, you're prepped, You're ready
to go. You go to sleep, the alarm goes off,
and the first thing your body and mind say is
go back to sleep. You don't want to get up.
Don't get up. You deserve this rest, You deserve to
lie in for another hour working out. Do you really
(06:53):
need that in your life? What you really need is sleep.
And so your behavior has directly been impacted just by
you're feeling in the morning. And so I think we
just had this false narrative in our mind that we
have to feel good before we do something. We need
to have a positive feeling about it before we do it.
That's so far from the truth. The fact is, instead
of framing it as I think I want to do something,
(07:14):
I feel like doing something, and then I do something,
it should actually be I think about doing something, I
do the thing, and then I feel the feeling. So
first you have a thought that you want to do something,
then you act on that intention, and then that leads
you to feeling a certain way. This expectation that oh,
I'm going to feel motivated and then I'll do it,
or I'm going to feel like getting up in the
(07:36):
morning and then I'll get up in the morning. That's
not true. You have to do something to feel the
goodness from it, and then that creates this beautiful cycle
that this positive feedback. Okay, I've done this action, it's
made me feel good. That's going to help me wake
up again and do that over and over again. So
don't wait to feel before you do the thing. Just
do the thing and then you'll feel and then you'll
(07:58):
want to keep doing it. I read this that said
talking about doing the thing is not doing the thing.
Thinking about doing the thing is also not doing the thing.
Just doing the thing is doing the thing, and so
don't wait to think it feel it, don't be in
your emotions. Emotions are so fleeting, so temporary. Most of
(08:18):
us don't even feel like doing the things that are
good for us at first because we've never done it before.
So whether it's good or bad, it is still unfamiliar
and an unknown to your mind and your body. So actually,
whether it's good or bad, it's still feels scary. Your
body doesn't know the difference. It's just, oh, this is unfamiliar,
and so your nervous system will choose the familiar hell
over the unfamiliar heaven. I'm sure you've heard that before,
(08:39):
but it is so true. Our nervous system has been
with us since the day we were born. It is
designed to keep us safe, and it does that by
finding our patterns and predictability in everything that we do
in our environment, in our actions. It's just part of
our protective mechanism, which by the way, is so useful
when there's real threats in our life. But the disadvantage
(08:59):
is when it comes to our personal growth and accomplishments.
So actually, if you think about it, waiting to feel
good from things that are good for you if you've
never done them actually makes no sense because you've never
triggered a positive response with that behavior before. So just
because someone says this mango is so sweet, it doesn't
mean you're going to feel the sugar rush before you
actually taste it. And so just because someone says when
(09:21):
you work out, you're going to feel amazing after your workout,
you're going to feel so good. Your body's going to
feel amazing, your mind's going to feel so clear. You
may theoretically know it, but that feeling hasn't been created
in your body. And usually we feel good about the
things that aren't good for us because they bring us
this immediate but temporary satisfaction. But the things that actually
take time and feel bad at first are usually the
(09:43):
things that bring us long term change and joy. It's
like you go for a workout, your muscles aren't used
to it, your body's not used to it. The next
day you can barely walk down the stairs. I've actually
come to love that feeling, but in essence, your body's like, no,
don't do this. You're hurting me. It's too much pain,
it's too out of my comfort zone. So yeah, first
working out may not feel good, but then you start
getting that good feeling after doing it a good few
(10:05):
times and you'll never be able to let it go.
So really, the change from the alarm going off that
story about working out is I want to work out.
I don't feel like working out. I work out anyway
I feel good, and that feeling good makes me feel
like waking up the next day to work out again,
and that is the ideal habit making cycle. I'm going
(10:26):
to tell you my personal experience of that, because I
know working out can be something that people find really difficult,
or like getting into the habit of working out with
something people find really difficult. So when I was younger,
I absolutely despise working out. My mom was a personal trainer.
She would like do fitness classes and she said, drag
me to them. I absolutely despised it. But one day
(10:46):
I realized how important movement was for the body, and
I was like, I want to do this for myself.
I want to show myself that I can commit that
I can do this, and so I started. I pushed through.
I didn't base it on feeling. I just knew this
is something I have to do, but this is something
I want to do, and so I'd wake up, I'd
go to the gym after work or before work, and
(11:07):
then eventually, once I got into that habit, I honestly
am like what ten years in and I can't imagine
a day with that movement in my life. I just can't.
Most of the time. It's not even linked to physical
or aesthetic goals. It's linked to how this makes me feel.
A day without movement in my life feels staggnant, it
feels energyless, and so that's really what connection has been
built in my mind. So for me to feel this way,
(11:29):
it just showed me how important that mechanism really is
and how much it actually works. So start creating these
new narratives and remind us for yourself every single day
to rewire your natural thought pattern. I might not feel
like meditating, but after sitting for twenty minutes, I'm more
grounded and clear headed. I might not feel like getting
a tough workout in, but I'm more energized after doing it.
(11:51):
I might not feel like waking up early when my
alarm goes off, but I feel so good when I
make it through my morning routine or get so much
done before my work starts. And so repeating these thoughts
in your head when you're getting to bed when you
wake up in the morning, just like having that as
a constant mantra that's going through in your mind. A
mantra is just simply something that you repeat over and
(12:11):
over again to create these new thought patterns. So next
time you're considering choices in the moment, and you might
be in your feels, there are two options that you have.
You either let your lower self choose. This lower self
is basing the decision on your current moment. You're asking
do I feel like doing this right now? Or you
have your higher self make that decision, the self that
is grounded in what you care about most, your values,
(12:33):
your future goals, and you choose by asking how would
future me feel after doing this? So those are the
two options. Do I feel like doing this right now?
Or how will my future self feel after doing this?
Obviously the winning answer is choose your higher self. I've
just noticed that I don't want to be controlled by
my senses, like am I controlled by my senses and emotions?
(12:54):
Or am I in control of my senses and emotions
and able to make decisions that benefit my future and
the values that I want to instill in my life
despite my emotions and despite my temporary feeling and being
able to do that is really the goal and the
secret of building good habits that last. It also just
makes you feel so good about yourself, like every time
I commit to something and I follow through with it,
(13:15):
even when I don't want to. To build these habits,
after you've done it, there is never a regret like,
oh I wish I hadn't worked out and made myself
feel good, Oh I wish I hadn't done this meditation practice,
or my mind feels so clear, how horrible, Like you
just don't feel like that. After those habits, it just
builds this like confidence and this self worth in you.
At the same time, the next step is like preparing yourself.
(13:37):
And so let's say you're trying to start running in
your life, making sure you have the right leggings, the
right shoes, the right stuff that you want to make
yourself feel good when you're doing that practice is really
important because, for example, if you don't get good shoes,
you could end up running injuring yourself and that will
stop you from doing it for the rest of the week.
Or let's say you want to cook more at home,
then you need to make sure that you have the
(13:57):
ingredients to do that, maybe have some recipes save so
you know exactly what you're making. So doing the planning
and then starting the habit is really important. So making
sure that you actually have a plan in place to
set you up for success is really important because you
want to make sure you've got everything that you need.
That makes you feel a little bit more comfortable about
doing that practice. However, I will say at the same
(14:19):
time getting out of that, I'll do it tomorrow. Mentality
is so needed. Why do tomorrow? What's meant for today?
A wise quote that my mom would say constantly to
me growing up in various different ways, and it used
to really great on me. I was like, no, I
want to do it tomorrow. I'll do it tomorrow, Mom,
I'll do it tomorrow. Tomorrow never came. I really understand
this practice now, I really do. Why wait for tomorrow?
(14:41):
What is meant for today? And it makes such a
difference when you shift your mindset to this. So let's
say you want to do a sixty minute work out
every day, but you only have thirty minutes. Do you
just not do the thirty minutes and only wait till
you have those sixty minutes no, you do the thirty minutes.
Don't give yourself these strict all or nothing mindsets. You
only lose out when you do that. And so if
you have thirty minutes, if you have fifteen minutes, just
(15:03):
do it. It will all like even the fifteen minutes.
The thirty minutes will make you feel good. Yes, the
sixteen minutes why I made you feel fantastic, But the
fifteen minutes will make you feel great too. And so
don't wait till you have the perfect moment or the
perfect time. Start doing it, and you will lead up
to whatever that perfect is for you. So do it anyway,
even if it's a little flawed, even if you're not
fully equipped. And this may sound counter productive to what
(15:25):
I said before, but there is a significant difference between
not being fully equipped to start something and trying to procrastinate,
trying to find any reason to get out of it.
And so it comes with a little bit of awareness.
Am I saying I'm not prepared for this because I'm
trying to avoid it, or am I saying I'm not
prepared for this because I really do need a little
bit of time to get all my things together to
(15:46):
set me up for success. Only you will know the
answer to that. Another thing that really helps me is
having an accountability partner, finding yourself a buddy or a
friend with the same goal, or someone who's trying to
stick to another habit. It doesn't really have to be
the same as yours. It just needs to be someone
who's motivated to also change something in their life. But
you can hold each other to it. You can hold
(16:07):
each other accountable, you can check in with each other,
you can share the ups and downs of the process.
I remember when I was trying to get more protein
in my diet. Growing up in an Indian family, we
had proteins from lentils, beans and things like that every
single day. But I was really trying to up my
protein because I wanted to build some muscle in my
life and get better in the gym. And so I
(16:28):
remember when I was trying to do that, my sister
was also doing the same and it was so nice
to share recipes with each other, to check in and
talk about what was working what wasn't working. I also
created like a special bond between us because we were
both trying to improve something together. And I've noticed that
a lot. I've created a lot of friendships around better habits,
(16:48):
like let's work out together, let's go to yoga classes together,
let's go on walks together. And this feeling of doing
something that's good for you together actually creates like a
different type of bond, like a positive with each other.
And you know what, change can feel lonely sometimes, so
having someone that you can admit your struggles to, that
you can be honest with about the ups and downs
(17:09):
of it also makes it easier to stick to habits
because you don't feel bad about it, you hear someone
else struggling to, or they can give you words of
encouragement at the times that you're down and you can
do the same for them. Ends up being a really
lovely relationship. And I think something a lot of people,
including myself, struggle with is the negative talk and the
feeling of guilt and disappointment in ourself. If we do
fall off or go back into our lower habits, we
(17:31):
get mad at ourselves, We start talking negatively, just feeling
so bad about ourself and just not being nice to
ourself either. And the problem with that cycle is it's
the same as you know how the positive cycle was,
or you do something based on your behavior and then
it creates a positive feeling. This negative feedback actually disrupts
the cycle of even getting back on track. So you
(17:52):
tell yourself you're a failure, you haven't done well, you
haven't succeeded. That negative thought pattern intersects the positive thought pattern,
So even if you thinking of getting back on track,
you are constantly pulling yourself down and telling yourself that
you don't even deserve to get back on this positive habit.
And I've noticed that a lot. Sometimes when I fall
off my meditation practice, I really feel so guilty and
(18:12):
I'm like, oh, my gosh, do I even deserve to
sit in my meditation room? Do I even deserve to
sit there if I can't dedicate the full two hours
to it, And you kind of convince yourself that you
are undeserving of it, or you end up using that
as an excuse, And what good does that do? Nothing,
you don't get back into the habit, you feel bad
(18:32):
about yourself. It's actually just taking you completely in the
wrong direction. And so just be, you know, a little
bit kinder to yourself and celebrate every step that you take,
like the fact that you are taking one step forward,
even if it feels small. Celebrating your wins is really important.
And it also creates this self confidence again and self
assurance in that I can do this, and I will
(18:54):
do this, and I'm able to stick to something and
it makes me feel good. We get down on ourselves
so easily, but we forget to know and recognize what
a big deal it is every single time that you
feel the resistance but you still do it anyway. That
is such an achievement. It is such a win. So
see that as you're moving towards the person you want
to be, and recognize that you are making moves, even
(19:15):
if it's slow. You are reshaping your identity to be
someone who follows through on what they care about most.
And that is pretty epic. And if and when you
do fall off, you can just bounce back and see
it as part of the plan, not as failure. I've
actually read some really good books on this topic and
I wanted to share them with you because it's so
lovely reading words from people who are articulate and have
(19:37):
done research and it just, you know, it makes you
feel good, and it also just creates motivation in you
when you need it most. So there's this book called
Power of Habits by Charles Douhig, and he talks about
the ins and outs of habit change. It gives strategies
and tools on how to change your habits, and it
introduced me to this concept of the habit loop, which
is what I spoke about before, the process of how
(19:58):
habits form. So it begins with a que or a trigger,
followed by a routine which is your behavior, and ends
with a reward the benefit that's derived from that behavior,
so the feeling coming after the action. And he says
that this loop is fundamental to understanding how habits function
and how they can be changed. There's also the infamous
(20:19):
Atomic Habits by James Clare, which by the way, has
been in the New York Times bestseller list for lord
knows how long years. I'd say, Gears, this book is
actually such a great reminder of how tiny, little changes
can lead to huge results over time, and it just
gives practical strategies for building new habits and breaking bad ones.
And he says that rather than aiming for the drastic transformations,
(20:40):
focus on the one percent improvements every single day, and
that can lead to profound change. And I really love
that concept. Like little things daily that's all it takes.
You don't need to make extreme changes in your life.
He also covers a habit loop, but in a slightly
different way. He says that it's actually a four step process.
There's a queue, which is the trigger that initiates the behavior,
the craving, which is the desire that motivates the routine.
(21:01):
So basically, your why, the response, which is the actual
habit or behavior that's performed, and then your reward the
benefit that's gained from that habit. So very similar. The
only difference there is that initial desire or motivation to
actually get started. He also covers the four laws of
behavior change, and he says that to create good habits,
you have to design your environment to make room for
(21:22):
these good habits. You have to make the habit attractive.
So pair your new habits with things that you enjoy
to increase motivation. Sometimes I always tell my friends, I'm like, Okay,
if you want to walk more, put a walking pad
in front of your favorite show and just do it there.
You have to make it easy, reduce any friction or
hurdles that might be there that stops you from doing
that habit, and then you have to make it satisfying,
(21:42):
like use immediate rewards to reinforce those behaviors. It's a
really great book. It's an easy read and definitely very motivational.
The next one is Discipline is Destiny, great book by
Ryan Holliday. Oh my gosh, it's one of my favorites.
It talks about the power and importance of self control
and present discipline as a skill that you can practice
to master your desires, emotions, and impulses or you know.
(22:05):
When I read this book, it made me feelally understood
because I feel like I've worked really hard to create
discipline in my life, and I always get questions about
how restrictive it is, like don't you just want to
live your life or live a little like stay out
a little bit later, or eat this or do this.
And I always say, I've lived an undisciplined life, and
all it did was make me a victim to my senses.
All it did was make me unhappy. I was a
(22:27):
constant servant to my senses. But when I created discipline
in my life, it was the only time that I
have felt freedom because I was in control of my
senses rather than them controlling me. And so discipline is
actually freedom. People think doing what you want, whenever you
want creates freedom, but actually it makes you a prisoner
of your senses. You are then not in control. You
(22:47):
are being controlled by your fleeting desires. And that's what
he says in the book. He says, the disciplined life
allows you to live according to your values and pursue
your goals without being enslaved by your fleeting emotions or temptations,
and honestly, that's when you feel your best. The next
book is Liz Moody A Hundred Ways to Change Your Life.
I really enjoyed this book, and I've also had Liz
on the podcast She is wonderful. It was such a
(23:10):
great episode, and the book is organized into one hundred concise,
easy to implement strategies that allow you to make meaningful
changes without feeling overwhelmed. So every tip is super easy,
and like you think, one hundred sounds like a lot,
but it's actually very manageable, bite sized tips, and it
covers everything from physical, mental, and emotional health too. It
feels so relatable and doable, which is what I loved
(23:31):
about the book. She also gives really real personal experiences
and it made me feel very good. About myself, which
is always needed. Like a book that makes you feel
positive and excited about life is always a book that
is worth reading. So in conclusion, take it slow, don't
be a hater to others or yourself. Speak kindly to
you and to other people, and give yourself and everyone
(23:53):
else grace because we are all just humans trying to
do better. And most importantly, when you do fall off,
which you most probably will, because that's just life, don't
see as a loss. See it as another opportunity to
prove to yourself just how epic you are and just
how able you are, and honestly, just don't stop bouncing back.
That is actually when you create failure in your life
(24:13):
is when you stop believing that you can. I really
hope you that you enjoyed this episode, Share it with
your friends or tag me when you listen to it,
and follow a really good cry on whatever platform you
listen to your podcast so that you don't miss an episode.
Oh and the guest episodes are also available on YouTube
to watch so you can see our lovely faces. Have
a great day and sending you so much love.
Host
Radhi Devlukia
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