May 11, 2021 • 57 mins
Model/Actor Don Benjamin and Musician/Influencer Liane V join the ladies of Lip Service this week to promote their book, podcast, and clothing line. Don and Liane are a beautiful couple who had a very public breakup, and they graciously speak on their healing stages involved in getting back together. Don and Liane open up about where things went wrong, how each others families got involved, their first time having sex since getting back together, and much more. Enjoy!
Instrumentals produced by PERFXN and Big Len
Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
What upp it is lip service and you know we
start every episode with a woman on top, and this
week is really special and very dear to my heart self.
First of all, let's get our little Delian ready. You
see this and I want to give this week to
Ingrid Best. We all love Ingrid, but she just recently
got promoted to executive vice president and head of Global
(00:21):
Marketing at Combs Enterprises Spares. That is where from. That's
where y'all get yours to rock from. And let me
tell you something. I have personally done work with Ingrid.
And when you see this woman in a meeting, right,
and every time we've been in a meeting, you know
that business is Sparens. Business is mostly white men. But
when you see Ingrid come in there and command the room.
(00:41):
Another thing that she has made sure she has done
is successfully hire black marketing executives. So she's hired seven
black marketing executives within her first few months of working. Yes,
so again we want to make sure that we give
this close to miss Ingrid Best. She is super amazing.
You know they recruit did her she was working at
do say obviously Sean loved homes the reason she was
(01:07):
and that's why he gave her her position and then
just recently promoted her. She's been doing everything when it
comes to diversity, when it comes to sales, when it
comes to marketing. She knows every single aspect of the business.
And I think that's one of the most important things
that you can do to be successful at what it
is and no matter what business that you're in. So
this toast to see great. She's the best best fears.
(01:34):
What up? It's a lip service. I'm Angela, Yee, I'm
s Santiago, I'm Laria, Hey, Leanne, what's up? I'm yes,
and welcome to the show. You guys back together again? Yes, yes, man, Listen,
(01:58):
this is gonna be so enlightening for people today because
you know, a lot of people go through breakups and
Liam V I know you can share with us, you know,
just how to effectively break up with somebody, because sometimes
we break up with people and it's not like a
clean break and we end up going back and forth
and it really drags out. And for you for a dime, Benjamin,
(02:19):
I know you have a lot of advice to us
and how you actually had to work on yourself so
that you guys to get back together. And while we've
seen y'all on YouTube together, you guys have never actually
sat down and done an interview together. Yeah, that's the
first together. That's the first one. Crazy. We're soul to
be here with you guys. I think that this is
gonna be a great competition to share just because we've
(02:41):
talked about on YouTube, you know, briefly, but we want
to be able to continue to just reach out to
our audience and let people know like we're real people.
People experience, you know, breakups, heartbreak, like all the things
that we go through. It's normal, you know, and we're
to talk about it and share our experiences. So so
many questions. First off, before we even get into it,
(03:03):
how did y'all even meet and start dating? We met
actually through mutual friends. We were in um we were
also in different relationships, and we just got connected through
some work. I had just came off of America's Next
Tour Model. She was blowing up on vine and so yeah,
so some friends connected us and we just started like
working together. We started shooting videos and and our whole
(03:25):
group of circle of friends was just hanging out and
then um, the relationship actually came like three years, were
friends for three years and then um, and it happened. Yeah,
who's idea was it to start documenting the relationship because
you have so many followers and so many fans, you know,
just because you two are together and we're together before
(03:47):
broke up together, whatever. But you know whose idea was
it to say, like, let's just jump into this. Well,
I only documents so much of my life, and I
feel like, you know, people want to who you're doing
and what the relationship is like. And I decided, you know,
we should come up with our own channel and just
share our relationship all the questions that people ask, let's
(04:08):
totally share with the world. And I feel like it's
an organic thing. I don't like to do anything for
us or film anything for us, so I felt like
it was such a natural thing for us to just
start creating content and just sharing all our experiences together,
travel blogs and you know, challenges and even pranks. I
kind of want overboard on the pranks so much. I'm
doing all these. I definitely stepped into her world. She
(04:30):
was she was, she was running a social media world.
I stepped into it and kind of just let her
run this show. I don't know you guys. Guys first
started doing like I started noticing you guys on Instagram.
I really, I'm a fan of you guys, I really,
But that is a lot of pressure, right when people
are watching you and watching your relationship and some people
(04:52):
are like relationship goes, but you know, everything is not
perfect all the time. I think it's so important though,
for any anybody that wants to go public and a
relationship and do content, make sure your partner is for
sure that they want to be public, because I think
the issue is we're back then it was more of
me and Donald was just Okay, I'll go with the flow.
(05:13):
I'm enjoying it. It's you know, for our fans and
an audience, and um, you know, it's great content. I'm
enjoying it. But he wasn't fully wanting to do it
as much as me. So it's so important to make
sure your other partner wants it just as much as
you do or is willing to do it, because you
don't want your other partner to feel obligated because that's
where I can create, and that's the pressure to like, yeah,
(05:34):
the pressure just like you said, like making it seem
like everything is all like of course, we're shooting videos
that make people happy, so it's a lot of comedy videos.
But I think what we've learned is trying to find
that balance to let people know that, yeah, we have
real issues and go on in our relationship too. So yeah,
there's definitely that pressure, you know, because the world, you
(05:56):
know how it is, like the world expects us to
be perfect and they expect us not to have issues.
So if they see any little slip up there in
them comments and they're on our head and then we
got to deal with it. And so yeah, the pressure
in the spotlight is different when you're a couple in
spotlight for sure. I feel like when I watched the
video of YouTube explaining that you got back together, I
(06:16):
feel like, even though you kind of told a lot,
you kind of didn't tell us anything right, you did
a good job at that because I was you was
talking to us for like forty minutes. I was like, okay, why, okay,
why the job break up? Exactly? So that's that's what
I kind of want to get to, like the the why,
you know, what was the final straw and what did
(06:37):
you do to get to the point where it was
just like all right, I can't take it no more
and vice versa. Right, So we came up with a
second video, which was it wasn't the reason why, the
reason why we broke up. Why we did talk about
like there was infidelity and all of that involved in
the situation, so we can we came clean on that,
and like, I didn't want to be who I didn't.
(07:00):
We didn't want to just come out and say what happened,
because you know how it is like if you say
you have to be be very particularly with how you
say things, because not like as a man, for me,
I didn't want to see like I was making excuses
with the situation or trying to like be like, well
I did this, but uh, this is why or anything
the reason why I wrote my book and I really
(07:22):
went in the depth with not only things that I
have been battling in my generational curses and and trying
to figure out how to move in the industry as
a man, and and all of these things that I learned.
I wanted to tell the full story to paint the
picture better. So on the video, we didn't want it
to be like, oh, well don did this and then
leave it at that. We kind of wanted to tell
the whole story of what I yeah, you know, yeah exactly,
(07:48):
and I admitted my wrong doing, but it was like
the read like I just wanted to, like, you know,
be cautious with how I did it and be able
to let men know, like, look, we mess up, but
you have the choice to either get back up and
learn from your mistakes or you know, most men are
are ego and pride come in and we're like, yo, well,
I don't got to explain nothing. I don't I could
(08:10):
do what I you don't like if you can leave,
like all these weird egotistical things coming to plane. I
didn't want it to be that situation. So you know,
it's just great to explain a little bit how it happened.
Because we were together for going to be four years
and he proposed to me, um two years ago and
(08:31):
write two years ago like three years and it doesn't
count to you. And it's crazy because you you dream
at this moment when someone proposes to you and you're like, okay,
this is a bit like I'm gonna say yes, this
is going to be the person I'm spending the rest
of my life with. That's how I'm supposed to feel.
I have some confusion, I have some doubts, but I
(08:52):
love him and my family loves him, and everything seems perfect.
But everything that just looks perfect doesn't mean it's perfect within.
So I felt like there were things that, of course
dating done. When we first met, he got off America's
Next Top Model. He was a good looking, you know,
bad boy kind of vibe like he was didn't have
the cleanest reputation, like what from my friends were telling
(09:12):
my girl, he's a player, blah blah blah blah. But
you know, us girls, sometimes when we're not aware of
our self love and really digging into knowing what's best
for us and our worth, we tend to settle for less,
like oh I like the challenge, or I can change him.
And those are the issues that I feel that us
women deal with as we grow and mature and pick
the person that we want to spend the rest of
our life with. So it wasn't even expected when I
(09:35):
met Don. We're friends and it just slowly gradually grew
grew into a relationship. If our family got real close,
like my mom's best friend is his mom, and my
dad loves Done and looks at him as a son
like everything just seems so great and we're super compatible
and we enjoy the same things in life, and I
feel like, you know, everything is perfect, But there were
things that don is dealing with personally that I wasn't
(09:58):
aware of. And there's also expectations on my end. As women,
we want to we want to be loved this way
when we want to be treated this way, and it's
just it's really tough when you just kind of endlessly
date or get to know someone. You want to make
sure that you're checking the boxes that you know that, okay,
this person has the same values, the religion, Like there's
(10:19):
so many little aspects that you have to pay attention
to through our relationship, you know. Once he proposed to me,
I you know, I do see myself spending the rest
of my life with him, But there were questions of
his loyalty, like there are things that he did in
the past that broke my trust. And it's like that
weird transition, you know, getting women are men have to
you know, for me, I was, I came off of
(10:41):
the phase of from America's Next Top Model all the
way up until you know, two nineteen, that was six years.
But I was kind of cut stuck in this route
of not really doing things the right way, you know,
and and I had to break these things. And there
was flirtatious. It wasn't like this situation that came up.
(11:01):
We didn't really talk about it. You can talk about it,
but there was like you can talk about it. Talk
about it. In my book, I talked about how there
was like a girl that was a friend and and
there was like some conversations that were being had about
hooking up before I become a married man and stuff.
And I knew the girl too, and so it was
it was I thought that that girl was a safe girl,
(11:22):
like that was his friend. And I met first. I
met her as Don's friend, and it wasn't like my
it's a different one. It's my girls, but it's someone
because he doesn't have a lot of homegirls. So when
he has a one particular friend or two whatever, I
usually need them. I haven't met her, and he made
it a point for us to me at one point,
and I'm like, okay, so she seems really nice, but
(11:44):
I'm gonna keep my eye on her. I just don't
know I got on. He was right, it's always you
attation because you know, it's it's weird because you like
our mind was a crazy thing, Like you have to
really be in control your mind as a man, Like
(12:05):
I was in a phase where I was, you know,
I wasn't doing as much work, so I was bored.
My mind was kind of running weary. I'm about to
get married, so I was in my head like, damn
about to be with this one woman. There was a
lot of things that you have to tell me. And
now you have to really be in the right mindset
if you're really going to commit to a relationship and
commit to one woman. Because as men, especially in the industry,
(12:26):
or if you're attractive, like you have all these things
that you think it's okay for a man, Like a
lot of men they're like, oh well, as long as
you don't get caught, or as long as you do
it every once in a while, or it's just talk,
or there's so many excuses that men will make for
these things that as I had to reshift my mindset
and realized, like none of this stuff is cool that
(12:46):
so many women have to deal with on a daily basis,
with men being funk boys and blas blah, and so
you know, with this situation, like I totally in like
as much as like in the moment when it happened,
it was like a gift for me because it kind
of was like an awaken and where it's like, yo,
I don't like my father wasn't with my mother, and
(13:07):
I was like in this path, was like I don't
want to move in the same steps that my father
was moving in. There's so many men that I've seen
around me moving in, but yet I'm out here, I'm cheating,
I'm doing this reckless ship to LeAnn, who has never
done nothing but being an amazing woman. It's so hard
to come by, and so for me when it happened,
it was like it needed to happen. And again it
(13:28):
was weird because, like I said, I don't want to
I wasn't trying to make an excuse, but it's like
it sucks that sometimes these things have to happen and
the right person is gonna wake up at the right time.
Like some men, they will go through that experience and
they won't really learn from it. They'll be like, well,
I lost my woman. I'm gonna go and and go
to the club boys and we're gonna turn up and
I'm gonna find the next girl. Yeah. But for me,
(13:51):
it was like, Okay, let me learn from this situation.
Sit down, figure out why I did this to her?
Why did I feel like it was cool to have
this conversation who was around me that that I really
have influenced me to do the right things? And so
I took this situation. I was like, let me step
back from my circle, let me put myself around the
talk to people like Davon Franklin, like passers to Terray,
(14:13):
you know, like go find people that I'm not usually
watching videos of or talking to and learn and see
what they did. Like how are you in this happy marriage?
How did you overcome the temptations of women in this industry?
You know what I'm saying. And like in the midst
of it at first, like I was blowing her up,
like yo, like let's make this work, Like I'm sorry
(14:34):
after that moment when we broke up, like I told
he was out of town actually, and I FaceTime him
and I'm like, when you come back, all your stuff
is packed, you're leaving, you're out. Well yeah, well yeah,
back up, So tell us what you say that made
you while people away be like so so we've all
been guilty, Like all the girls have been guilty. When
(14:57):
you get that intuition where you want to go through
their phone or go through something and like your anxieties
like oh my god, I want to go through something
I had to do and then but it wasn't a phone,
so he had an Apple And it's funny because differences
the same thing, and like I had a feeling that
(15:20):
when he left town, I checked his Apple Watch and
I saw a conversation from that girl that And it's
funny because I only looked at her text message because
you knew that what she was looking I want and
I know what. I've seen it before. And Don's very
open with like he'll I know his passwords and everything.
But that doesn't mean anything because people can delete things,
you know. And I went through his Apple Watch and
(15:43):
I've seen a conversation and it was pretty much what
he said. How she actually was entertaining, like oh my god,
I'm so excited for guys to get married, like what
are you gonna do? Like like how are you gonna
You're gonna do a bachelor party? Blah blah blah, and
talking about I can plan on your whole bachelor party,
you're gonna be to dance fast. And then I listen
they went down memory lane and I just found out
(16:05):
that they hooked up a long time ago. Okay, So
I was just like, you know what this is, it's over.
And I my girls were there at the moment. They
were asleep and I woke them up, and I'm just like,
it's over. I'm breaking up with them. It's real, like
it's over, and like they helped me pack all his
stuff and how was it. I facetimed him and I
(16:26):
called him and he was just shocked. He shook like
he did not even know what I was talking about,
because I'm sure he thought that he deleted the messages.
But the apple watch pretty much collects all the conversations
that you help on your phone. So I went through
his apple Watch. I saw everything. And then he came
back and you know, we split up, and he just
like begged just to have one last conversation with the family,
(16:48):
because honestly, the breakup wasn't just between me and Dawn.
It was between our two and parents, like our mother's
are best friends, so it was like a whole family breakup.
So I let him have like the whole conclusion of everything, like, hey,
this is what happened, and you know we're breaking up.
Did his mom's had to convince you to stay with him?
(17:09):
My mom went? My mom honestly the point went crazier
than me, Like she was, she was, she was, Oh
my god. It was really bad because it just felt
like the longest breakup ever. Usually when you're having a
breakup is just between you and that person, but it
felt like everyone was going through a breakup. My mom
(17:29):
was so heartbroken. My dad was really disappointed. And it's
just tough because when you're so used to a routine
of like having someone around and having your friends, like,
you know, help with the wedding and all this stuff.
It's like you were planning for a wedding and all
of a sudden it's completely over. And one thing I've learned,
like just overall, for women that go through this, it's
(17:52):
not your fault. I don't know because I was questioning
me at one point, and I was doing so much
research like why did men cheat? Did I not do
something my drawing? At some point like what is wrong
with me? Me? Me? It's not even about you. A
woman will never be good enough for a man that's
not ready and understanding that, you know, I felt more
at peace with myself and knowing that this is Dawn's
(18:13):
problem and cutting him off completely. So we just completely
part of ways. I told him, if you ever try
to sneak up and pop up at the house and
clone cops like, don't care, come over. Wait a minute,
was this the first time you cheated or got intuition
that he did cheat? No, so there have been an
(18:33):
issue like early in our relationship, like the first year,
and then um, there was like certain situations where she
would be worried where again I was on the road,
I was hosting clubs, I'll be out all night, and
so there was a lot of just recklessness that was
that was happening that wasn't given her the confidence to
be like, yo, he's out here actually doing the right thing,
(18:54):
you know. So I like, that's why I said, as
a man like I didn't I have all the reason
and for her to wake up and be like, look,
you haven't been the right man always, regardless of how
much we love each other, how happy we are when
we are together, like I was still doing dumb stuff
that wasn't really really securing her and so when this
(19:14):
situation happened, that's why it was like it was the
last straw, because it's like over the past few years, like, yeah,
you haven't done the craziest things, but for a woman,
like one small thing like this is like it's not cool,
you know what I'm saying. And we don't really think
like that a lot of times, and and in this situation,
I was That's why I was like, man like, like why,
(19:37):
like why I don't want her to feel like it's
hurt because it wasn't. It had nothing to do with her,
Like we're happy, she's beautiful, Like the sex life is amazing,
Like everything was good. It's just there was things that
I was dealing with as a man that when this
kind of came to the light, you know, it was
like God was like, Yo, this is something you want
to do with it or otherwise y'all will be back together.
(19:57):
You know what I'm saying. How accountable is the other
one in right? Because obviously you two are in a
relationship with each other, and a lot of times women
get mad at the other woman as well. Do you
think because she knew that you guys were in a relationship,
that she's at all accountable as well. And that's the
thing with me, like I take all blame because me
as a man in this relationship, like I should be
(20:17):
strong enough to know how to cut that conversation, you
know what I mean, Like even if the other like, yeah,
she she shouldn't have went there. But I feel like
me as the man in the situation, like I should
be strong enough to represent my woman, like I'm not
gonna let you disrespect our relationship like that, like whatever
we had to pass, you know. And so in the
moment I was in my mind, I was like, man,
she got me. Why she do this? Like it's her fault,
(20:39):
we're not we're breaking up. But but once I went
in a full accountability mode, like everything really falls on me,
Like I need to know how to handle myself around
women a man in relationship, we need to know how
to have them boundaries if it is a female friend,
a worker and acquaintance, whatever it is, you know. And
we talked about that on our YouTube video, where is
it okay for your significant other to have the opposite
(21:01):
sex friend? And I think that it should be okay,
But there needs to be boundaries, there has to be
helps in respect because at the end of the day,
I'm not going to be the same girl that I
was last time, where I'm checking your phone and I'm
feeling insecure, like it's taking too much away from me
where I'm not able to focus and be at peace
with myself. So that's another thing, was a year of
(21:21):
self love and growth and just really becoming more at
peace with myself because getting involved and trying to check
his phone and worrying about him that I'm never going
to be in a relationship like that again. And of
course it takes time to heal, because right now I'm
still healing. I'm not I'm gonna be honest. I'm not
trusting Dob. I don't know if I ever I was
going to actually has to be. So we also talked
(21:47):
about this too, where building trust, it's healthy to set
rules where don knows I tell him all the things
that I feel uncomfortable with, I'll write it down and
the things that would made me feel comfortable if you
did this same thing vice versa, and you just make
sure even because no one can read minds, so it's
good to actually write it down and show that person
(22:10):
and say, listen, this is not what I feel comfortable
with I don't feel comfortable with that, and then you
just check it off the list and just be communicating
all the time. You have to communicate. I feel like
that's the number one thing, and just be considered to
the other person's feelings and just build that trust because
it's it's it's not impossible, but it is possible to
build the trust back. And another thing that we shared
(22:31):
was that, you know, my dad, of course he loves Don,
but he had like a whole hard, hard talk with me.
I had to hard talk with my with Don talking
about his history because my dad they've been together. My
mom and my dad have been together for like forty
five years, and so they know what what love is.
I feel like they've given me the best example. I
(22:52):
grew up with them together, you know, opposite from Don.
Don had, you know, his parents work together, so it's
a whole different story on his end. And my dad
was telling me, you know, I cheated on your mom
when I was in my room and you never knew that. Well,
he did tell me that before, but I didn't think
anything of it. I was like, I don't know, I
don't know how he did A mom I could not
(23:12):
do it, and I was the one that was like,
once you tell me, it's a wrap over, and it's
different when you're actually in the situation. Yeah, because it's
got a lot of people that past jasmine, right, because
even because your relationship was so public, then when you
get back together, people a way in and they're like, oh,
it depends on the circumstances. That depends on the person.
It depends on the timing. Because we didn't speak for
(23:34):
six months, we were completely over. But well back to
my dad. My dad was explaining to me, said, listen,
you know when I cheated on your mom, I was stupid.
I wasn't thinking your mom. So she was a workaholic.
She she was a nurse at the time, and he
was bored and he was taking care of the kids
and he ended up cheating my mom. My mom found out.
But he said, just because I cheated on her does
not mean I don't love her. I just wasn't on
(23:57):
my right mindset. I knew I didn't want anything else
more than just that one moment, but I want to
be with your mom. But I was careless. And he said,
I'm not saying to get back with don but I'm
letting you know that forgiveness and healing and time, and
people can truly change if they want. People were born
to evolve if they want to. People can grow and
(24:17):
develop new habits and break off the old habits and change.
And I do believe in change. I don't believe people
were meant to stay the same. You know, we're not
the same thing we were last year. I believe that
people can truly change an elevated to become a better person.
But here's a lip service question for you guys. Right, So,
when you guys finally did get back together. I saw
he came to the house, you know, and it was
(24:40):
by accident that he saw you. I'm sure you are
looking cute in the kitchen or whatever. Right, So, whoever,
wasn't like when you guys finally had sex again for
the first time because it had been so long, you know,
you were so used to each other and like you said,
the sex life was amazing. So what was that like?
(25:03):
Was it emotional? Did you cry? Did you keep thinking
about you know, like what happened? Boy? Stop? But that
really when it was like it was like, I mean,
it was passionate. I mean I feel like it's always
(25:23):
just I wasn't emotional. I was just first I was like,
it's just really right because you know that one word
I heard, And then I like, right now, I don't know,
but it was I mean, our connection to me, it
was like actor felt like I won the NBA Champion
he saw flash before. It was like, I'm back, like
(25:45):
I don't know, I don't know, but you're sleeping with
other women in between the time that y'all broke up. No,
I actually I was reading, Uh. I had read Devon's
book Um Devonna Megan's book The Way, and so I
was like, actually, like I had shifted in my mindset.
I was about to like I was working on abstinence.
(26:06):
Like it was crazy. I did like a whole three
Like I went from like like I used to watch
pornography like I used to like I had like me,
you know what I'm saying, and so like when this happened,
like I cut, I stopped watching pornography, like I stopped
drinking liquor, like I tried to shift my whole minds,
like I started reading, like like at least like a
few hours a day, I was reading books. I was
(26:28):
talking to de von von Franklin kind of on the
regular and so I had read his books, so I
was like practicing abstinence at the time. So like when
it happened, I was like, I was like, a damn,
it's gonna be twenty seconds. But was it quick? Was
it really bad? We're not asking you answer it. It
(27:00):
wasn't quick, but it was just not long, really, And
and I know he had to um probably do a
whole lot of four play and everything right first, because
just pissing up happened because I actually I wasn't seeing
(27:21):
anybody else. I felt like, honestly, this is when the
COVID was happening. And it was like the worst time
because I was ready to travel with my girls and
just be out and COVID happened, everything shut down. I
was like, lower, please let the whole world shut down
so she can't so you cause you cause this if
I got to be in the house without her, like
make sure she's in the house. And then also happened.
(27:44):
I was it was the worst timing because you know,
once you break up, you want to just go out
with your friends and just you know, travel or just
not be at home. And I had to sit with
my feelings. It was just honestly the craziest timing. And
I didn't want to go and date because I feel
like everyone of COVID, I was just if you cheated.
I was like, oh, I don't want to be wrong.
(28:10):
I felt like the reason why I didn't ask you
if you slept with somebody in between the time is
because I didn't think you would. And I'm gonna be
honest with you. I think you can tell me I'm wrong,
and I know you're gonna say I'm wrong. But I
kind of think you had in the back room. I yea,
I might get back together, and you just wanted him
to do right. Oh no, No, I hated you did
you really hated him for him at him? After that point,
(28:33):
I was so fed up and we're about to get intried.
It was completely over. You could even a stone or
my parents, they was completely sure he got sick. I
didn't care. I was so mad. I was so I
was so mad, and I didn't care. I was already
I had the COVID. She didn't give it down. You
got COVID real bad. No. I was like, it was
(28:54):
like I had like a fever for the night and
then the next day. But either wait, I call their parents,
and I think it's how I was so mad that
my parents were still friends with him, and I'm not
going to take that away from him and my parents.
So I said, whatever you guys have plan, just keep
(29:14):
it away from me. If he tries to come over
here for any any reason, I'm not going to be home.
So the only reason why he came by was when
our dog was sick and he was communicating with my
sister about it because, um, my sister was telling you, oh,
biggs be sick and we have to take him to
the vet. And he volunteered to take Biggsby to the vet.
So I knew that he was going to come. So
the first few visits when he came, I wasn't there.
(29:35):
So when the last time he came to drop Biggsby off,
I was there in the kitchen and that's when I
saw him. And it's like such a weird feeling because
after five six months and you see someone again, it's
like that feeling in your heart where your heart drops
and you're just like a little heart attack. Yeah. I
was like, I became a mechanic now. You used to
(30:03):
try to meet sweet through that time, and I told
him I said, don't leave any gifts or anything. I
threw everything away. Wow, you know you have a lot
of willpower, because you know how difficult that is, especially
during a pandemic when you're not meeting anybody new, you're
not able to go outside and go anywhere. Like, how
were you able to do that? Because I'm sure there
were times that you felt weak. I have amazing friends.
(30:24):
I am so grateful for my girls because we stay,
you know together, Like through that time, I only had
my friends and my family, and sometimes I really was
by myself, and I just really wanted to fight that
feeling because what am I fighting for? If I get back,
how am I going to make this situation different? So
I kept on the back of my mind and I
really got into manifestation UM journaling, reading, and I started
(30:46):
doing a lot of YouTube videos of talking about self
growth and love. So it kind of helped me stay
hould myself accountable. So I really just dug deep and
just stayed stay strong through that situation. And then like again,
when Don started coming around and he's we actually shared
the same life coach Tony Gaskins, So I love Tony Gaskins.
(31:06):
So he's been with us since the beginning of our relationship,
and he started mentoring on the first time when he
had that situation happened, and the differences from before and
now before I took him back too soon, it was
like a week later after that situation had happened. This time,
I really was over him, and Tony was telling him, like,
bro leave her alone, Like she completely is over you,
(31:27):
Like I talked to her, and you just need to
focus on you. And down the line, Um, Tony calls
me and he checks on me, and then um, you
know he was telling me, also, oh, yeah, don't actually
doing really well. Um, he's writing a book and he's
been consistent with his courses. Before he didn't finish his courses.
Now he's actually following up with his classes and finishing everything.
(31:50):
So I'm like in the back of my mind, that's
when I was like, Okay, well I'm happy for him,
good for him. And I just didn't think, oh, now
I want to get back with him. It was more like, well,
I'm glad he's choosing that route. Then to just be
in the in the beginning, and in the beginning, it
was when I was working with Tony and I messed up.
It was a desperation to get her back and to
(32:11):
like what I had to do to get her back.
This time around, I think I have matured and it
was more of I need to do what I need
to do to get my life right and figure out
where I really want my future to go. And by
doing that, I pray that it brings us back together.
And so I was really working with Tony this time around,
just to really learn from Tony and what because he
(32:32):
had gone He's gone through some crazy stuff in his life,
you know, and and before I was just like, man,
teach me, show me how I can get my girl back.
You know what here for the first year now it's
like four years in something was like, man, I really
want Yeah. So but Tony, Tony is amazing. He's been
such a big Tony is amazing. Dan, You've learned a
(32:52):
lot about yourself. Clearly during that time you wrote your book,
right My Truth. So what do you think about you know,
your parents and even your grand parents and how that's
affected you and how you deal with relationships. I mean,
I think it's heavily influenced my life. You know, my
my grandparents separated, My my grandmother was addicted to crack cocaine.
My father was addicted to crack um, his father was
(33:16):
addicted to heroin. Um. There was, like I think I
witnessed so much unhealthy relationships in my life. I never
really knew how to carry a relationship the right way.
I never really had that so called couple to look
up to, like how her parents together. My mother was
in and out of abusive relationships, and so, like I said,
(33:36):
I didn't try to make an excuse for it, but
it's real, Like when you see these patterns, you don't
really know that it carries on in your life. And
so for me, I had to go back and like
backtrack and be like, Okay, what was my father doing that?
Like him and his father were constantly making excuses for
their wrong doings, but they were never fixing it. You know.
It'd be like, oh, I got high this weekend, I'm
(33:58):
not gonna do it no more. And then by the
next weekend, I don't hear from him, and he's getting
high again. And for me with women or if I'm
out of the club and I don't call you till
six in the morning, in my mind, it's the same
thing as my father going and getting high again. You
know what I'm saying. And so I was like, I
don't want to. For me, I kind of use those
It's like I don't want to carry the same patterns
(34:19):
that has been in my generation year after year after year.
Um and so as little as those things, like luckily
I didn't follow that pattern with drugs, but you know,
it can attack you in different ways, and so for me,
I was like, what's attacking me? What's stopping me from
reaching that next level of my life? And so luckily
the pandemic and me and her breaking up, I was
(34:40):
able to sit down and focus on myself and kind
of separate from my friends when all my friends were like, Yo,
let's go hit the club like you're single again, let's
go turn up, And I'm like, I don't want to
do that no more, Like that's not really I don't
feel that feed in my soul. And I feel like
I need been different for my life, you know I've been.
It's weird because like I was going through like a transition,
(35:02):
like my agency had dropped me, my manager dropped me.
Like I was like I was low key, like stressed out.
I had like one little gig that was carrying me
through and social media was attacking social media like a
lot of things were everything was weighing on me. I
was like a point where I was like, yo, everything
is weighing on me. And I was like, but I didn't.
(35:23):
I could have liked, I could have went out and
did some club appearances and made a quick bag, but
I was like, I don't want. I need something more
soothing for my soul, and so like, let me sit
down and figure some write things out. And for me,
this situation ended up being the biggest blessing for me
because after I sat down and locked in, like, shoot,
my blessings blew up times ten. So would you not
(35:44):
drinking and doing any kind of smoking or anything like
that right, because both you don't smoke either, I'll smoke
without doing any drinking anything. Does that like change? Yeah?
You guys? Sex life like didn't make it better? Or
does it? Did it change at all? I mean I
didn't really drink. I wasn't like an alcoholic just an alcoholic,
(36:04):
but it was it was more so like I drank
excessively when I was partying, and so it wasn't in moderation.
It was like overboard drink. I'm gonna go hard, I'm
gonna turn up like crazy. So for me, I'll let
me just chill and cut it out. But it didn't
really like make our sex life better or work affected.
And she's never drank or smoked ever, so she performed
(36:28):
with or without this. That's fun. I want to take
a shot. Listen, we will drink to that for you guys.
So now are you guys discussing marriage again? Yes, we are.
We're talking about it. Um, there's some plans but we
(36:49):
haven't announced anything yet. But we might have to come
back on here for the start over because it's like, um,
do you say I'm engaged? I gotta propose. I know
that's right, right, right, that's right. I'm only personal ring
(37:10):
on everything. Okay, dream we dream of a wedding. It's
gonna be a real big every woman deserves their dream wedding,
especially you know, going through something like this, like you
only big you know, yeah, yeah, whatever, she says. I've
(37:37):
been trying to, like three time, like I feel a
certain way, I try to. I'll sit back an assess
and be like you know what this is how it's
gonna go. Like at first, I was like we proposed,
like what I already got you a nice ring, like,
but then I was like, you know what, I funked up?
I want this, what's gonna make you happy? All right?
I'm willing to do it, you know. And so for me,
I've just been wanting to challenge myself in every aspect
(37:58):
as a man, to wear things that I would like move.
If I feel like I was moving on prior to
Ego before, then I'm gonna sit myself down and be like,
you know what, if this is what she wants, I'm
gonna make her happy and try this for her, you know.
And at the end of the day, me, if I
can say that I've given it my all and if
it still doesn't work or she's like I still can't
trust you, you know, I'm still broken that situation. As
(38:19):
long as at the end of the day me as
a man, I can say that I did everything that
I could to really change the man that I've become
and what I'm doing to make you happy as a woman,
then that's really all I can do, you know. Being
totally transparent, hat do you bring it up? Do you
ever bring up the fact that he can bring it
up sometimes? And it's only when it triggers when certain
situations happened where um, certain movies, certain movies. Yeah, and
(38:44):
I still get that, like you look at him like
I know guys like you have to mines And I
wake up and I'm like, I'm pissed at my dream.
She wakes up like qushing. But but as a man,
you have to be patient and understand that, right because
you grow up the trust, so now you have to
(39:05):
build that back up. And there's gonna be times when
she might ask you some questions she's asked you before.
She might bring it up again. But I think also
as a woman, if you forgive somebody, right and you
want to move on, you have to work on that
yourself too. Right. I do love though about our situation.
There's so much growth And I didn't think that i'd
(39:27):
ever get back with someone that ever cheated on me.
And once I feel like, once trust is broken is
completely broken. You can't fix it. But going through this
process with down and having a counselor and really forgiving
someone and seeing the growth and change um and Don
and him like quitting drinking and him not going out
his new fun things to do with golf and like
(39:48):
spend time with the family and like, you know, things
that I feel that I can be involved in and
feel comfortable him doing and not being in temptation where
he's not going to the clubs, he's not hosting clubs,
he's not around random girls. Like it's very like clean.
But let's say he does have to go out right
for whatever reason, it's a friend's birthday or whatever, would
(40:09):
you be comfortable he invites me. So he invites me,
He involves me, and he gives me the option to
come or not. And when he does, he's been communicating
with me like who's They're like, hey, just saw you
know ball blas here like but for the most part
we've been together, I've been like a little like a
triple my guys, the Palm Springs, you know, it was
(40:30):
golfing at the casino. But things that I wouldn't do before,
for example, like if we're out and there's some girls,
like my boy's got some girls around, Like I'm not
gonna be like, I'm not gonna worry about him just there,
but now I'm gonna call her and let her know, like, yo,
just let me know. You know. The thing is to
find out from someone else. Yeah, because that's what I learned,
(40:51):
like because somebody coulds like you know, we're out, people
could take a video or something and then tackture make
it look like something more than what if something is not.
So now I just I've learned how to handle myself
in situations better to make her comfortable as to where
before it's like I'm gonna do what I want to do,
like I'm gonna maneuver how I want to maneuver, and
(41:13):
that's what it is. But now it's like, let me
do things to where I'm building her trust the right
way where it's like, yo, there's some girls around just
letting you know so you don't have to hear nothing
from nobody, but this is what it is. I'll keep
you and you know, saying in touch, like I tried
to maneuvering ways to where she doesn't have to worry
about it no more. And a lot of people ask
me like how can you trust somebody after they've broken
(41:34):
your trust like that? And just gradually growing like how
do you transition from being the paranoid girlfriend and wondering
and questioning to being more of you know, like you said,
not going crazy and not bringing it up all the
time I think it. It happens through time, and it
happens through communication. Because in the beginning when we started
seeing each other again, you know, I was bringing it up.
(41:54):
I was letting him know how much I was heard.
There are times I would just start crying because it
would just hurt me and I would get triggered, and
through time it will just go away. But I feel
that it's good to really focus on, you know, not
bringing it up all the time, because you don't want
to always throw it in their face. I don't you know,
you're not going to go from that if you consistently
keep throwing it in their face. She's good, she's good
(42:16):
about not bringing it up too often, and if and
if it does get brought up, we're good about like
working through it. It doesn't blow up into wherever? Right now?
Where's the girl friend? No more? Yeah? Do you have
you guys spoken at all? Block? And you don't see her?
How like y'all don't see her? How nah? Did you
(42:39):
ever see Chris Rock especially where he's like when he teated,
He's like, did you make a left with that bitch?
And he did a car with his wife and make
a left turn and he did, right, And that's exactly
how it is. That yeah, how it is. Yeah, this
show is lip service and we do get a little
nasty sometimes, so I gotta ask you this, right, So,
(43:00):
being that you fucked up but you're in that, do
you ever just say you just lay down, let me
please you. I'm just gonna go down on you. You
ain't even got to do nothing for me. I just
want to do everything for you, me to her. Yeah,
yeah of course. And Leanne, have you ever been okay
with just that and been like I know, I'm just
gonna lay here and just accept all this and you know, yeah,
(43:22):
yeah in my head, man misses up where you know
it's crazy. It's like it's crazy because like after I
read the weight and I started like that whole six
months and not having sex and just like being in
that moment like like I'm now like cool with like
(43:45):
you know, if it's a week or so, if I
just got to please her, like I'm more on my
mindset is different where I'm cool with that now, Like
of course I still want it, but it's like more
you gain that self control as a man like you,
You now gain that control because it's a man like
the section that set shool Dog and us is like
it's fierce, you know what I'm saying. So once you
gain control of that element, it's like I could I
(44:06):
want it? Yeah, I still like I look at her
and I'm like, I want it. But I can be
cool with it and be like, let me just please
you and make you happy. You know, I feel like
it's about to go down after this. Well, listen, I
do want to thank you guys for being so open
about everything, because I'm gonna be honest. Like one of
(44:27):
the main things that people always talk to us about is,
you know, guys and girls to sometimes mess up and
want to figure out how do they repair a relationship?
And you know, do you think it helped me in that?
All throughout? Even though you know you told him, don't
pop up or I'll call the police, but he still
was trying to get you know, still sending things, still
making sure that you knew that he still cared and
(44:49):
doing things like that. Or do you think it's better
to just leave somebody completely alone like you said you
wanted you know, for me, I wanted him to leave
me completely alone because there's there comes a point where
a woman is fed up and they're like, I don't
care what you do. I don't want anything that has
to do with you or connected to you. So I
think that if a woman really is there has to
(45:11):
be a situation where you know if you should fight
for it or you should let go. And I think
this point, at this point, it was time to let go.
And and and it's because I felt that I did all
I could and everything that he needed to do was
within himself. Until he comes and he's completely in a person.
I feel that that's when I can actually allow his
(45:32):
presence to be around me because I was just really
protecting my energy. At that point, I was just over
it completely. But I think that it's it was nice
like after like that time that I was able to
be by myself and Donald started doing those thoughtful things,
that's when I was open to it because I was
healing and I was also at piece of myself. I
think it just depends on a woman. If a woman,
(45:52):
you can tell when a woman wants you to fight
for them, Yeah, because sometimes you say let me alone
and you don't really and then he leaves you alone
and you're like, yeah, we don't care. That's a struggle
that we can because when I was in and I'm like,
I don't know if I'm supposed to be doing nice
things or if I'm really supposed to leave you alone.
And so we really, as men, we don't know. It's
like you tell us leave me alone, but then if
(46:12):
we leave you alone, and it's like, what, you didn't
even fight for me? And then and then it's like,
if we're fighting for you, it's like, leave me alone.
Because when I was talking like, I would talk to
her friends because we're all in the same circle. So
like when we broke up, I would still be talking
to friends and I'd be like, what am I supposed
to be fighting for or not? And they're like, we'll
fight for her, but do it at a distance and
(46:32):
don't talk Like what then does that mean? How does
this mean? I'm profused? Look at her, but not with
your eyes. That's the most tricky thing for guys. So yeah,
y'all need to let us know the girl. Yeah, and Louis,
(46:53):
but don't buy me no snacks and don't pull up
arrangements then bags and you're And for the guys, I
guess they would have to read your book to figure
out how to you know, change theirselves or to know
when that woman is worth it for them, because are
they really changing for themselves? Are they changing for the woman?
(47:14):
I think it's of course that's something like you want
the woman, but it's ultimately something and that woman that
brings out what you want to change in yourself. If
that makes sense, I guess, um, because it's like there's
I mean, I've been in relationships and I've never like
I've always at the end of the relationship, I'm like, man,
I'm gonna do me like she's losing out, like it
is what it is, you know. And then from in
(47:36):
this situation, it's like I need to fix some things
to myself as a man, like I don't need to
be maneuvering the same. So yes, I think ultimately it's
like for the woman, but it's for you, like because
regardless of if me and Leanne got back together, the
things that I was doing, it might be it was
gonna be for whoever's gonna be my wife, you know
what I'm saying. So um, But it usually is that
(47:57):
when it takes that right woman to bring it out
of the man, it's always either like a woman or
money that makes a man really change like either you
broke lost a woman and your your dreams. It makes
this want to really change some things around. But that's good.
It feels like you know yourself a lot better now. Now.
I feel like I'm with somebody that is walking with purpose,
(48:17):
that is being aware of everything and setting healthy boundaries
and communicating way better. Like it sucks to say, like
us when we go through things, but then something's just happened,
you know, for a reason. I believe that everything happens
for a reason, and it's either we grow from it
or we just stay the same. And I think that
this definitely helped us grow to be a better person,
(48:37):
you know, individually and also together. But if you felt
like something was missing a little bit there at some point,
what made you say yes to him in the first place, Well,
because it was when he proposed to me. I already
did see myself spending the rest of my life with him,
But it was also the pressure I felt like, I
think this is it. I was just confused also because
(48:59):
it was more on his end. I know I wanted
to be with him, I know I was happy with him,
but I was just unsure and I didn't have the
full trust that I wanted. But that was also a
lack of something like am I going to pull it
together after you're married? And it was just, you know
this because I didn't trust on you know. I think
that's where I felt the confusion. But I loved him
(49:21):
and I would spend the rest of my life with him,
but he has to act right. But like that was
the only thing that I was like confused about. Other
than that, like we're so compatible. We enjoy the same things,
we believe in the same things. We love family, our
family loves each other. It was just it's per a
perfect situation. But the thing is every relationship is not
gonna be perfect. Every person you get with, there's always
going to be some kind of challenge. It just depends
(49:42):
on what battle you want to fight. You gotta choose
your battles. If this person has an alcoholic addiction or
a drug addiction, or you know, a weakness and scenarios,
you have to figure out what those problems are and
see if you can actually deal with it, because that's
the battle you're gonna have to fight. So between us,
it was more of him being too nice to girls
to where it got confused as being flirtatious. And him
being too nice to his boys were Okay, I guess
(50:04):
I'll go out and drink with you guys when he
knows he shouldn't. But now I feel like this situation
allowed him to learn to say no. And you have
to learn the power of the word no. It goes
a long way. You have to be able to say
no to things in life. And I feel like he's
just grown so much and I've seen it and also
like hearing it from you know, Tony Gaskin, someone that
(50:25):
I completely trust, you know, talk and he looks out
for me too, so it's not like he's just on
dawn side. I feel like he wasn't fighting from me
when when we leave her alone, what he told me,
leave her alone, Bro, I'm fighting. I was like, bro,
just go like, drop some Oh, I'm not fighting for you. Lean.
Was there anything about yourself you had to change? And
(50:45):
then we talked a lot about Dan and things he
had to change, But what about yourself? I think that
for me, the self love was a big part, because
when you're getting into a relationship, you get so consumed
in the other person where you forget to do things
for yourself, and everything was just all about me and
Donnie and don but I was also focusing on me,
but so much more focused on trying to make it work.
(51:06):
And sometimes we are brains. We think about the potential
instead of the reality of things of our relationship. But
I feel that for me, I really wanted to work on,
you know, self love, and I feel like now I
feel like I know my worth more, I know what
I want to settle for, I know what I deserve. Before,
like I said, when I got was on, I already
(51:27):
kind of knew the situation I was getting into, but
I was just I'm single, and we'll see where this goes.
And then we start wanting more and then hoping that
it would be this and trying to create something that
I saw in my head, but it wasn't the reality because,
you know, don situations like his whole upbringing everything his
habits was not aligning with mine. That's why I think
(51:48):
it's so important to come in whole as a person
and him coming in whole so we can be whold together,
rather than me being whole on him being half empty
and I gotta contribute to him. It's exhausting. So I
feel like I've just grown so much where individually as
a person to love myself more. And I think that's
what was lacking. Well good and now he's the best
selling author and guys back together better than ever. So
(52:11):
congratulations and a way with all this women, thank you. No,
I'm a guide and looking about a friend, she's saying
that we owe the friend that thank you. I mean, honestly,
you know everything it sucks because everything happens for a reason.
(52:32):
Everybody's leeing our life for a reason. And as much
as like we can hate somebody in a situation or
you know, whatever the case is. Yeah, it's so weird
because I don't even I don't hate her. It's weird
when you come from a place of just I forgive you.
I know you know you're broken when you want to
send the person is broken. It was just like the
people that talk bad about you, it's not about you,
(52:54):
it's about them. There reflect what they are. Thank you
you made us go harder for us. Thank you didn't work,
your plan didn't work right with was stronger now. And
I don't like I think that it's so bad to
walk with unforgiveness and hate in your heart. I think
that it's poison. It just makes you a horrible person.
So when you hate on somebody or talk to about somebody,
(53:17):
it doesn't make you better, it doesn't. You know, it's
I feel like it's a toxic thing to do, man.
I mean, that's how you entertaining that somebody trying to
steady man. So that's why I think, you know, it's funny.
I was doing so much research and talking to tell
you ask us about why men cheat. He has. He
(53:37):
explained so much about Don's situation where he his upbringing
really affected his choices today. And also like their insecurities
and sometimes it just strokes their ego. When women still
like approach them, they like that it makes them feel
more of a man so about what they do. Because
(53:59):
and you feel like, once your dad admitted to you
that he cheated, that you kind of had a doubt
in the back of your mind now and may cheat
because in your idea of a perfect marriage, it would
have been your parents, right, They've been together forever, you've
seen them, been totally in love. So do you feel
like once you found out he cheated, then you kind
of got something in the back of you had to
be cautious. So when my dad told me that, I mean,
(54:21):
it's so funny. When I moved out here, I really
my mind. I was, well, I'm from Adustal, California, in
a small city, and I was in a Christian school,
Like I was such in a bubble. So moving to
l A was a reality check, Like, oh my god,
people out here really really cheating and lyning and using
people and it's just crazy. And because I equal cheating
to killing, like that's murder to me. So I when
(54:43):
he cheated on me, it was just so much like
I can't believe he did it. But when my dad
told me he did that, um, it just made me
feel like, man, does every guy cheating now like my
dad did? Then? Like is this everyone? Is this something
that we all experience? And at the same time, I
don't believe that every man does cheat. I feel that, um,
(55:04):
a lot of people do. It's just about how you
grow from it. But I felt like it kind of
gave me some kind of comfort to knowing that I'm
not the only one that's going through it. And it's
it's amazing to me though now that I've because all
of our content has always been happy and family and
love and now talking about the heartbreak and crying in
(55:25):
front of camera, not being afraid to be vulnerable to
my audience. It opened up another hole. There's ask me
advice and Dawn advice and I love now. I love
being a part of the conversation helping them. So I
think that if this is the purpose for us to
go through this, you know. Yeah, and you have a
(55:46):
you have a podcast right that just when I make
sure we plug that. Well, I'm I've just started. I've
been alive yet, but I'm starting up podcasts and it's
called Lovers and Friends. So we're talking about love, relationship,
friendships and just you know, surviving, you know, life experiences
and the things that I've been through. So don you
have club Bed club Bed? Yeah, clothing on the market,
(56:11):
home goods as well. Yeah, there was a real there
was a real club in New York club Bed and
the Miami and Miami. Yeah, but yeah, club there's something
different for you that is a luxury brand. Yeah, we
all wear a side small. I'm gonna send you guys.
(56:33):
I'll see you guys all some what was that you
have stuff for the house, you said, betting we got candles.
I want to see that stuff. Yeah, we have the
candles now that betting is in production, so but I'll
get you guys a bunch of all that stuff for
smore So, we kind of grass guys, and it was
really nice to hear this. Like you know, everything is
(56:54):
not always smooth and not a straight path. So we
do appreciate you all for being so open and sharing
everything with us, and we look forward to everything you
had in the future for sure. Thank you guys, Thank
you guys. Please get married, don't break up, he said,
we won't. I can't wait to see the ring, that
big old ring, and yeah, yeah, yes, I can't wait
(57:18):
to see it. I'd love to see it. Well, thank
you so much. It's a lost service. Ly V and Benjamin.
We appreciate y'all. Thank you for by
What upp it is lip service and you know we
start every episode with a woman on top, and this
week is really special and very dear to my heart self.
First of all, let's get our little Delian ready. You
see this and I want to give this week to
Ingrid Best. We all love Ingrid, but she just recently
got promoted to executive vice president and head of Global
(00:21):
Marketing at Combs Enterprises Spares. That is where from. That's
where y'all get yours to rock from. And let me
tell you something. I have personally done work with Ingrid.
And when you see this woman in a meeting, right,
and every time we've been in a meeting, you know
that business is Sparens. Business is mostly white men. But
when you see Ingrid come in there and command the room.
(00:41):
Another thing that she has made sure she has done
is successfully hire black marketing executives. So she's hired seven
black marketing executives within her first few months of working. Yes,
so again we want to make sure that we give
this close to miss Ingrid Best. She is super amazing.
You know they recruit did her she was working at
do say obviously Sean loved homes the reason she was
(01:07):
and that's why he gave her her position and then
just recently promoted her. She's been doing everything when it
comes to diversity, when it comes to sales, when it
comes to marketing. She knows every single aspect of the business.
And I think that's one of the most important things
that you can do to be successful at what it
is and no matter what business that you're in. So
this toast to see great. She's the best best fears.
(01:34):
What up? It's a lip service. I'm Angela, Yee, I'm
s Santiago, I'm Laria, Hey, Leanne, what's up? I'm yes,
and welcome to the show. You guys back together again? Yes, yes, man, Listen,
(01:58):
this is gonna be so enlightening for people today because
you know, a lot of people go through breakups and
Liam V I know you can share with us, you know,
just how to effectively break up with somebody, because sometimes
we break up with people and it's not like a
clean break and we end up going back and forth
and it really drags out. And for you for a dime, Benjamin,
(02:19):
I know you have a lot of advice to us
and how you actually had to work on yourself so
that you guys to get back together. And while we've
seen y'all on YouTube together, you guys have never actually
sat down and done an interview together. Yeah, that's the
first together. That's the first one. Crazy. We're soul to
be here with you guys. I think that this is
gonna be a great competition to share just because we've
(02:41):
talked about on YouTube, you know, briefly, but we want
to be able to continue to just reach out to
our audience and let people know like we're real people.
People experience, you know, breakups, heartbreak, like all the things
that we go through. It's normal, you know, and we're
to talk about it and share our experiences. So so
many questions. First off, before we even get into it,
(03:03):
how did y'all even meet and start dating? We met
actually through mutual friends. We were in um we were
also in different relationships, and we just got connected through
some work. I had just came off of America's Next
Tour Model. She was blowing up on vine and so yeah,
so some friends connected us and we just started like
working together. We started shooting videos and and our whole
(03:25):
group of circle of friends was just hanging out and
then um, the relationship actually came like three years, were
friends for three years and then um, and it happened. Yeah,
who's idea was it to start documenting the relationship because
you have so many followers and so many fans, you know,
just because you two are together and we're together before
(03:47):
broke up together, whatever. But you know whose idea was
it to say, like, let's just jump into this. Well,
I only documents so much of my life, and I
feel like, you know, people want to who you're doing
and what the relationship is like. And I decided, you know,
we should come up with our own channel and just
share our relationship all the questions that people ask, let's
(04:08):
totally share with the world. And I feel like it's
an organic thing. I don't like to do anything for
us or film anything for us, so I felt like
it was such a natural thing for us to just
start creating content and just sharing all our experiences together,
travel blogs and you know, challenges and even pranks. I
kind of want overboard on the pranks so much. I'm
doing all these. I definitely stepped into her world. She
(04:30):
was she was, she was running a social media world.
I stepped into it and kind of just let her
run this show. I don't know you guys. Guys first
started doing like I started noticing you guys on Instagram.
I really, I'm a fan of you guys, I really,
But that is a lot of pressure, right when people
are watching you and watching your relationship and some people
(04:52):
are like relationship goes, but you know, everything is not
perfect all the time. I think it's so important though,
for any anybody that wants to go public and a
relationship and do content, make sure your partner is for
sure that they want to be public, because I think
the issue is we're back then it was more of
me and Donald was just Okay, I'll go with the flow.
(05:13):
I'm enjoying it. It's you know, for our fans and
an audience, and um, you know, it's great content. I'm
enjoying it. But he wasn't fully wanting to do it
as much as me. So it's so important to make
sure your other partner wants it just as much as
you do or is willing to do it, because you
don't want your other partner to feel obligated because that's
where I can create, and that's the pressure to like, yeah,
(05:34):
the pressure just like you said, like making it seem
like everything is all like of course, we're shooting videos
that make people happy, so it's a lot of comedy videos.
But I think what we've learned is trying to find
that balance to let people know that, yeah, we have
real issues and go on in our relationship too. So yeah,
there's definitely that pressure, you know, because the world, you
(05:56):
know how it is, like the world expects us to
be perfect and they expect us not to have issues.
So if they see any little slip up there in
them comments and they're on our head and then we
got to deal with it. And so yeah, the pressure
in the spotlight is different when you're a couple in
spotlight for sure. I feel like when I watched the
video of YouTube explaining that you got back together, I
(06:16):
feel like, even though you kind of told a lot,
you kind of didn't tell us anything right, you did
a good job at that because I was you was
talking to us for like forty minutes. I was like, okay, why, okay,
why the job break up? Exactly? So that's that's what
I kind of want to get to, like the the why,
you know, what was the final straw and what did
(06:37):
you do to get to the point where it was
just like all right, I can't take it no more
and vice versa. Right, So we came up with a
second video, which was it wasn't the reason why, the
reason why we broke up. Why we did talk about
like there was infidelity and all of that involved in
the situation, so we can we came clean on that,
and like, I didn't want to be who I didn't.
(07:00):
We didn't want to just come out and say what happened,
because you know how it is like if you say
you have to be be very particularly with how you
say things, because not like as a man, for me,
I didn't want to see like I was making excuses
with the situation or trying to like be like, well
I did this, but uh, this is why or anything
the reason why I wrote my book and I really
(07:22):
went in the depth with not only things that I
have been battling in my generational curses and and trying
to figure out how to move in the industry as
a man, and and all of these things that I learned.
I wanted to tell the full story to paint the
picture better. So on the video, we didn't want it
to be like, oh, well don did this and then
leave it at that. We kind of wanted to tell
the whole story of what I yeah, you know, yeah exactly,
(07:48):
and I admitted my wrong doing, but it was like
the read like I just wanted to, like, you know,
be cautious with how I did it and be able
to let men know, like, look, we mess up, but
you have the choice to either get back up and
learn from your mistakes or you know, most men are
are ego and pride come in and we're like, yo, well,
I don't got to explain nothing. I don't I could
(08:10):
do what I you don't like if you can leave,
like all these weird egotistical things coming to plane. I
didn't want it to be that situation. So you know,
it's just great to explain a little bit how it happened.
Because we were together for going to be four years
and he proposed to me, um two years ago and
(08:31):
write two years ago like three years and it doesn't
count to you. And it's crazy because you you dream
at this moment when someone proposes to you and you're like, okay,
this is a bit like I'm gonna say yes, this
is going to be the person I'm spending the rest
of my life with. That's how I'm supposed to feel.
I have some confusion, I have some doubts, but I
(08:52):
love him and my family loves him, and everything seems perfect.
But everything that just looks perfect doesn't mean it's perfect within.
So I felt like there were things that, of course
dating done. When we first met, he got off America's
Next Top Model. He was a good looking, you know,
bad boy kind of vibe like he was didn't have
the cleanest reputation, like what from my friends were telling
(09:12):
my girl, he's a player, blah blah blah blah. But
you know, us girls, sometimes when we're not aware of
our self love and really digging into knowing what's best
for us and our worth, we tend to settle for less,
like oh I like the challenge, or I can change him.
And those are the issues that I feel that us
women deal with as we grow and mature and pick
the person that we want to spend the rest of
our life with. So it wasn't even expected when I
(09:35):
met Don. We're friends and it just slowly gradually grew
grew into a relationship. If our family got real close,
like my mom's best friend is his mom, and my
dad loves Done and looks at him as a son
like everything just seems so great and we're super compatible
and we enjoy the same things in life, and I
feel like, you know, everything is perfect, But there were
things that don is dealing with personally that I wasn't
(09:58):
aware of. And there's also expectations on my end. As women,
we want to we want to be loved this way
when we want to be treated this way, and it's
just it's really tough when you just kind of endlessly
date or get to know someone. You want to make
sure that you're checking the boxes that you know that, okay,
this person has the same values, the religion, Like there's
(10:19):
so many little aspects that you have to pay attention
to through our relationship, you know. Once he proposed to me,
I you know, I do see myself spending the rest
of my life with him, But there were questions of
his loyalty, like there are things that he did in
the past that broke my trust. And it's like that
weird transition, you know, getting women are men have to
you know, for me, I was, I came off of
(10:41):
the phase of from America's Next Top Model all the
way up until you know, two nineteen, that was six years.
But I was kind of cut stuck in this route
of not really doing things the right way, you know,
and and I had to break these things. And there
was flirtatious. It wasn't like this situation that came up.
(11:01):
We didn't really talk about it. You can talk about it,
but there was like you can talk about it. Talk
about it. In my book, I talked about how there
was like a girl that was a friend and and
there was like some conversations that were being had about
hooking up before I become a married man and stuff.
And I knew the girl too, and so it was
it was I thought that that girl was a safe girl,
(11:22):
like that was his friend. And I met first. I
met her as Don's friend, and it wasn't like my
it's a different one. It's my girls, but it's someone
because he doesn't have a lot of homegirls. So when
he has a one particular friend or two whatever, I
usually need them. I haven't met her, and he made
it a point for us to me at one point,
and I'm like, okay, so she seems really nice, but
(11:44):
I'm gonna keep my eye on her. I just don't
know I got on. He was right, it's always you
attation because you know, it's it's weird because you like
our mind was a crazy thing, Like you have to
really be in control your mind as a man, Like
(12:05):
I was in a phase where I was, you know,
I wasn't doing as much work, so I was bored.
My mind was kind of running weary. I'm about to
get married, so I was in my head like, damn
about to be with this one woman. There was a
lot of things that you have to tell me. And
now you have to really be in the right mindset
if you're really going to commit to a relationship and
commit to one woman. Because as men, especially in the industry,
(12:26):
or if you're attractive, like you have all these things
that you think it's okay for a man, Like a
lot of men they're like, oh well, as long as
you don't get caught, or as long as you do
it every once in a while, or it's just talk,
or there's so many excuses that men will make for
these things that as I had to reshift my mindset
and realized, like none of this stuff is cool that
(12:46):
so many women have to deal with on a daily basis,
with men being funk boys and blas blah, and so
you know, with this situation, like I totally in like
as much as like in the moment when it happened,
it was like a gift for me because it kind
of was like an awaken and where it's like, yo,
I don't like my father wasn't with my mother, and
(13:07):
I was like in this path, was like I don't
want to move in the same steps that my father
was moving in. There's so many men that I've seen
around me moving in, but yet I'm out here, I'm cheating,
I'm doing this reckless ship to LeAnn, who has never
done nothing but being an amazing woman. It's so hard
to come by, and so for me when it happened,
it was like it needed to happen. And again it
(13:28):
was weird because, like I said, I don't want to
I wasn't trying to make an excuse, but it's like
it sucks that sometimes these things have to happen and
the right person is gonna wake up at the right time.
Like some men, they will go through that experience and
they won't really learn from it. They'll be like, well,
I lost my woman. I'm gonna go and and go
to the club boys and we're gonna turn up and
I'm gonna find the next girl. Yeah. But for me,
(13:51):
it was like, Okay, let me learn from this situation.
Sit down, figure out why I did this to her?
Why did I feel like it was cool to have
this conversation who was around me that that I really
have influenced me to do the right things? And so
I took this situation. I was like, let me step
back from my circle, let me put myself around the
talk to people like Davon Franklin, like passers to Terray,
(14:13):
you know, like go find people that I'm not usually
watching videos of or talking to and learn and see
what they did. Like how are you in this happy marriage?
How did you overcome the temptations of women in this industry?
You know what I'm saying. And like in the midst
of it at first, like I was blowing her up,
like yo, like let's make this work, Like I'm sorry
(14:34):
after that moment when we broke up, like I told
he was out of town actually, and I FaceTime him
and I'm like, when you come back, all your stuff
is packed, you're leaving, you're out. Well yeah, well yeah,
back up, So tell us what you say that made
you while people away be like so so we've all
been guilty, Like all the girls have been guilty. When
(14:57):
you get that intuition where you want to go through
their phone or go through something and like your anxieties
like oh my god, I want to go through something
I had to do and then but it wasn't a phone,
so he had an Apple And it's funny because differences
the same thing, and like I had a feeling that
(15:20):
when he left town, I checked his Apple Watch and
I saw a conversation from that girl that And it's
funny because I only looked at her text message because
you knew that what she was looking I want and
I know what. I've seen it before. And Don's very
open with like he'll I know his passwords and everything.
But that doesn't mean anything because people can delete things,
you know. And I went through his Apple Watch and
(15:43):
I've seen a conversation and it was pretty much what
he said. How she actually was entertaining, like oh my god,
I'm so excited for guys to get married, like what
are you gonna do? Like like how are you gonna
You're gonna do a bachelor party? Blah blah blah, and
talking about I can plan on your whole bachelor party,
you're gonna be to dance fast. And then I listen
they went down memory lane and I just found out
(16:05):
that they hooked up a long time ago. Okay, So
I was just like, you know what this is, it's over.
And I my girls were there at the moment. They
were asleep and I woke them up, and I'm just like,
it's over. I'm breaking up with them. It's real, like
it's over, and like they helped me pack all his
stuff and how was it. I facetimed him and I
(16:26):
called him and he was just shocked. He shook like
he did not even know what I was talking about,
because I'm sure he thought that he deleted the messages.
But the apple watch pretty much collects all the conversations
that you help on your phone. So I went through
his apple Watch. I saw everything. And then he came
back and you know, we split up, and he just
like begged just to have one last conversation with the family,
(16:48):
because honestly, the breakup wasn't just between me and Dawn.
It was between our two and parents, like our mother's
are best friends, so it was like a whole family breakup.
So I let him have like the whole conclusion of everything, like, hey,
this is what happened, and you know we're breaking up.
Did his mom's had to convince you to stay with him?
(17:09):
My mom went? My mom honestly the point went crazier
than me, Like she was, she was, she was, Oh
my god. It was really bad because it just felt
like the longest breakup ever. Usually when you're having a
breakup is just between you and that person, but it
felt like everyone was going through a breakup. My mom
(17:29):
was so heartbroken. My dad was really disappointed. And it's
just tough because when you're so used to a routine
of like having someone around and having your friends, like,
you know, help with the wedding and all this stuff.
It's like you were planning for a wedding and all
of a sudden it's completely over. And one thing I've learned,
like just overall, for women that go through this, it's
(17:52):
not your fault. I don't know because I was questioning
me at one point, and I was doing so much
research like why did men cheat? Did I not do
something my drawing? At some point like what is wrong
with me? Me? Me? It's not even about you. A
woman will never be good enough for a man that's
not ready and understanding that, you know, I felt more
at peace with myself and knowing that this is Dawn's
(18:13):
problem and cutting him off completely. So we just completely
part of ways. I told him, if you ever try
to sneak up and pop up at the house and
clone cops like, don't care, come over. Wait a minute,
was this the first time you cheated or got intuition
that he did cheat? No, so there have been an
(18:33):
issue like early in our relationship, like the first year,
and then um, there was like certain situations where she
would be worried where again I was on the road,
I was hosting clubs, I'll be out all night, and
so there was a lot of just recklessness that was
that was happening that wasn't given her the confidence to
be like, yo, he's out here actually doing the right thing,
(18:54):
you know. So I like, that's why I said, as
a man like I didn't I have all the reason
and for her to wake up and be like, look,
you haven't been the right man always, regardless of how
much we love each other, how happy we are when
we are together, like I was still doing dumb stuff
that wasn't really really securing her and so when this
(19:14):
situation happened, that's why it was like it was the
last straw, because it's like over the past few years, like, yeah,
you haven't done the craziest things, but for a woman,
like one small thing like this is like it's not cool,
you know what I'm saying. And we don't really think
like that a lot of times, and and in this situation,
I was That's why I was like, man like, like why,
(19:37):
like why I don't want her to feel like it's
hurt because it wasn't. It had nothing to do with her,
Like we're happy, she's beautiful, Like the sex life is amazing,
Like everything was good. It's just there was things that
I was dealing with as a man that when this
kind of came to the light, you know, it was
like God was like, Yo, this is something you want
to do with it or otherwise y'all will be back together.
(19:57):
You know what I'm saying. How accountable is the other
one in right? Because obviously you two are in a
relationship with each other, and a lot of times women
get mad at the other woman as well. Do you
think because she knew that you guys were in a relationship,
that she's at all accountable as well. And that's the
thing with me, like I take all blame because me
as a man in this relationship, like I should be
(20:17):
strong enough to know how to cut that conversation, you
know what I mean, Like even if the other like, yeah,
she she shouldn't have went there. But I feel like
me as the man in the situation, like I should
be strong enough to represent my woman, like I'm not
gonna let you disrespect our relationship like that, like whatever
we had to pass, you know. And so in the
moment I was in my mind, I was like, man,
she got me. Why she do this? Like it's her fault,
(20:39):
we're not we're breaking up. But but once I went
in a full accountability mode, like everything really falls on me,
Like I need to know how to handle myself around
women a man in relationship, we need to know how
to have them boundaries if it is a female friend,
a worker and acquaintance, whatever it is, you know. And
we talked about that on our YouTube video, where is
it okay for your significant other to have the opposite
(21:01):
sex friend? And I think that it should be okay,
But there needs to be boundaries, there has to be
helps in respect because at the end of the day,
I'm not going to be the same girl that I
was last time, where I'm checking your phone and I'm
feeling insecure, like it's taking too much away from me
where I'm not able to focus and be at peace
with myself. So that's another thing, was a year of
(21:21):
self love and growth and just really becoming more at
peace with myself because getting involved and trying to check
his phone and worrying about him that I'm never going
to be in a relationship like that again. And of
course it takes time to heal, because right now I'm
still healing. I'm not I'm gonna be honest. I'm not
trusting Dob. I don't know if I ever I was
going to actually has to be. So we also talked
(21:47):
about this too, where building trust, it's healthy to set
rules where don knows I tell him all the things
that I feel uncomfortable with, I'll write it down and
the things that would made me feel comfortable if you
did this same thing vice versa, and you just make
sure even because no one can read minds, so it's
good to actually write it down and show that person
(22:10):
and say, listen, this is not what I feel comfortable
with I don't feel comfortable with that, and then you
just check it off the list and just be communicating
all the time. You have to communicate. I feel like
that's the number one thing, and just be considered to
the other person's feelings and just build that trust because
it's it's it's not impossible, but it is possible to
build the trust back. And another thing that we shared
(22:31):
was that, you know, my dad, of course he loves Don,
but he had like a whole hard, hard talk with me.
I had to hard talk with my with Don talking
about his history because my dad they've been together. My
mom and my dad have been together for like forty
five years, and so they know what what love is.
I feel like they've given me the best example. I
(22:52):
grew up with them together, you know, opposite from Don.
Don had, you know, his parents work together, so it's
a whole different story on his end. And my dad
was telling me, you know, I cheated on your mom
when I was in my room and you never knew that. Well,
he did tell me that before, but I didn't think
anything of it. I was like, I don't know, I
don't know how he did A mom I could not
(23:12):
do it, and I was the one that was like,
once you tell me, it's a wrap over, and it's
different when you're actually in the situation. Yeah, because it's
got a lot of people that past jasmine, right, because
even because your relationship was so public, then when you
get back together, people a way in and they're like, oh,
it depends on the circumstances. That depends on the person.
It depends on the timing. Because we didn't speak for
(23:34):
six months, we were completely over. But well back to
my dad. My dad was explaining to me, said, listen,
you know when I cheated on your mom, I was stupid.
I wasn't thinking your mom. So she was a workaholic.
She she was a nurse at the time, and he
was bored and he was taking care of the kids
and he ended up cheating my mom. My mom found out.
But he said, just because I cheated on her does
not mean I don't love her. I just wasn't on
(23:57):
my right mindset. I knew I didn't want anything else
more than just that one moment, but I want to
be with your mom. But I was careless. And he said,
I'm not saying to get back with don but I'm
letting you know that forgiveness and healing and time, and
people can truly change if they want. People were born
to evolve if they want to. People can grow and
(24:17):
develop new habits and break off the old habits and change.
And I do believe in change. I don't believe people
were meant to stay the same. You know, we're not
the same thing we were last year. I believe that
people can truly change an elevated to become a better person.
But here's a lip service question for you guys. Right, So,
when you guys finally did get back together. I saw
he came to the house, you know, and it was
(24:40):
by accident that he saw you. I'm sure you are
looking cute in the kitchen or whatever. Right, So, whoever,
wasn't like when you guys finally had sex again for
the first time because it had been so long, you know,
you were so used to each other and like you said,
the sex life was amazing. So what was that like?
(25:03):
Was it emotional? Did you cry? Did you keep thinking
about you know, like what happened? Boy? Stop? But that
really when it was like it was like, I mean,
it was passionate. I mean I feel like it's always
(25:23):
just I wasn't emotional. I was just first I was like,
it's just really right because you know that one word
I heard, And then I like, right now, I don't know,
but it was I mean, our connection to me, it
was like actor felt like I won the NBA Champion
he saw flash before. It was like, I'm back, like
(25:45):
I don't know, I don't know, but you're sleeping with
other women in between the time that y'all broke up. No,
I actually I was reading, Uh. I had read Devon's
book Um Devonna Megan's book The Way, and so I
was like, actually, like I had shifted in my mindset.
I was about to like I was working on abstinence.
(26:06):
Like it was crazy. I did like a whole three
Like I went from like like I used to watch
pornography like I used to like I had like me,
you know what I'm saying, and so like when this happened,
like I cut, I stopped watching pornography, like I stopped
drinking liquor, like I tried to shift my whole minds,
like I started reading, like like at least like a
few hours a day, I was reading books. I was
(26:28):
talking to de von von Franklin kind of on the
regular and so I had read his books, so I
was like practicing abstinence at the time. So like when
it happened, I was like, I was like, a damn,
it's gonna be twenty seconds. But was it quick? Was
it really bad? We're not asking you answer it. It
(27:00):
wasn't quick, but it was just not long, really, And
and I know he had to um probably do a
whole lot of four play and everything right first, because
just pissing up happened because I actually I wasn't seeing
(27:21):
anybody else. I felt like, honestly, this is when the
COVID was happening. And it was like the worst time
because I was ready to travel with my girls and
just be out and COVID happened, everything shut down. I
was like, lower, please let the whole world shut down
so she can't so you cause you cause this if
I got to be in the house without her, like
make sure she's in the house. And then also happened.
(27:44):
I was it was the worst timing because you know,
once you break up, you want to just go out
with your friends and just you know, travel or just
not be at home. And I had to sit with
my feelings. It was just honestly the craziest timing. And
I didn't want to go and date because I feel
like everyone of COVID, I was just if you cheated.
I was like, oh, I don't want to be wrong.
(28:10):
I felt like the reason why I didn't ask you
if you slept with somebody in between the time is
because I didn't think you would. And I'm gonna be
honest with you. I think you can tell me I'm wrong,
and I know you're gonna say I'm wrong. But I
kind of think you had in the back room. I yea,
I might get back together, and you just wanted him
to do right. Oh no, No, I hated you did
you really hated him for him at him? After that point,
(28:33):
I was so fed up and we're about to get intried.
It was completely over. You could even a stone or
my parents, they was completely sure he got sick. I
didn't care. I was so mad. I was so I
was so mad, and I didn't care. I was already
I had the COVID. She didn't give it down. You
got COVID real bad. No. I was like, it was
(28:54):
like I had like a fever for the night and
then the next day. But either wait, I call their parents,
and I think it's how I was so mad that
my parents were still friends with him, and I'm not
going to take that away from him and my parents.
So I said, whatever you guys have plan, just keep
(29:14):
it away from me. If he tries to come over
here for any any reason, I'm not going to be home.
So the only reason why he came by was when
our dog was sick and he was communicating with my
sister about it because, um, my sister was telling you, oh,
biggs be sick and we have to take him to
the vet. And he volunteered to take Biggsby to the vet.
So I knew that he was going to come. So
the first few visits when he came, I wasn't there.
(29:35):
So when the last time he came to drop Biggsby off,
I was there in the kitchen and that's when I
saw him. And it's like such a weird feeling because
after five six months and you see someone again, it's
like that feeling in your heart where your heart drops
and you're just like a little heart attack. Yeah. I
was like, I became a mechanic now. You used to
(30:03):
try to meet sweet through that time, and I told
him I said, don't leave any gifts or anything. I
threw everything away. Wow, you know you have a lot
of willpower, because you know how difficult that is, especially
during a pandemic when you're not meeting anybody new, you're
not able to go outside and go anywhere. Like, how
were you able to do that? Because I'm sure there
were times that you felt weak. I have amazing friends.
(30:24):
I am so grateful for my girls because we stay,
you know together, Like through that time, I only had
my friends and my family, and sometimes I really was
by myself, and I just really wanted to fight that
feeling because what am I fighting for? If I get back,
how am I going to make this situation different? So
I kept on the back of my mind and I
really got into manifestation UM journaling, reading, and I started
(30:46):
doing a lot of YouTube videos of talking about self
growth and love. So it kind of helped me stay
hould myself accountable. So I really just dug deep and
just stayed stay strong through that situation. And then like again,
when Don started coming around and he's we actually shared
the same life coach Tony Gaskins, So I love Tony Gaskins.
(31:06):
So he's been with us since the beginning of our relationship,
and he started mentoring on the first time when he
had that situation happened, and the differences from before and
now before I took him back too soon, it was
like a week later after that situation had happened. This time,
I really was over him, and Tony was telling him, like,
bro leave her alone, Like she completely is over you,
(31:27):
Like I talked to her, and you just need to
focus on you. And down the line, Um, Tony calls
me and he checks on me, and then um, you
know he was telling me, also, oh, yeah, don't actually
doing really well. Um, he's writing a book and he's
been consistent with his courses. Before he didn't finish his courses.
Now he's actually following up with his classes and finishing everything.
(31:50):
So I'm like in the back of my mind, that's
when I was like, Okay, well I'm happy for him,
good for him. And I just didn't think, oh, now
I want to get back with him. It was more like, well,
I'm glad he's choosing that route. Then to just be
in the in the beginning, and in the beginning, it
was when I was working with Tony and I messed up.
It was a desperation to get her back and to
(32:11):
like what I had to do to get her back.
This time around, I think I have matured and it
was more of I need to do what I need
to do to get my life right and figure out
where I really want my future to go. And by
doing that, I pray that it brings us back together.
And so I was really working with Tony this time around,
just to really learn from Tony and what because he
(32:32):
had gone He's gone through some crazy stuff in his life,
you know, and and before I was just like, man,
teach me, show me how I can get my girl back.
You know what here for the first year now it's
like four years in something was like, man, I really
want Yeah. So but Tony, Tony is amazing. He's been
such a big Tony is amazing. Dan, You've learned a
(32:52):
lot about yourself. Clearly during that time you wrote your book,
right My Truth. So what do you think about you know,
your parents and even your grand parents and how that's
affected you and how you deal with relationships. I mean,
I think it's heavily influenced my life. You know, my
my grandparents separated, My my grandmother was addicted to crack cocaine.
My father was addicted to crack um, his father was
(33:16):
addicted to heroin. Um. There was, like I think I
witnessed so much unhealthy relationships in my life. I never
really knew how to carry a relationship the right way.
I never really had that so called couple to look
up to, like how her parents together. My mother was
in and out of abusive relationships, and so, like I said,
(33:36):
I didn't try to make an excuse for it, but
it's real, Like when you see these patterns, you don't
really know that it carries on in your life. And
so for me, I had to go back and like
backtrack and be like, Okay, what was my father doing that?
Like him and his father were constantly making excuses for
their wrong doings, but they were never fixing it. You know.
It'd be like, oh, I got high this weekend, I'm
(33:58):
not gonna do it no more. And then by the
next weekend, I don't hear from him, and he's getting
high again. And for me with women or if I'm
out of the club and I don't call you till
six in the morning, in my mind, it's the same
thing as my father going and getting high again. You
know what I'm saying. And so I was like, I
don't want to. For me, I kind of use those
It's like I don't want to carry the same patterns
(34:19):
that has been in my generation year after year after year.
Um and so as little as those things, like luckily
I didn't follow that pattern with drugs, but you know,
it can attack you in different ways, and so for me,
I was like, what's attacking me? What's stopping me from
reaching that next level of my life? And so luckily
the pandemic and me and her breaking up, I was
(34:40):
able to sit down and focus on myself and kind
of separate from my friends when all my friends were like, Yo,
let's go hit the club like you're single again, let's
go turn up, And I'm like, I don't want to
do that no more, Like that's not really I don't
feel that feed in my soul. And I feel like
I need been different for my life, you know I've been.
It's weird because like I was going through like a transition,
(35:02):
like my agency had dropped me, my manager dropped me.
Like I was like I was low key, like stressed out.
I had like one little gig that was carrying me
through and social media was attacking social media like a
lot of things were everything was weighing on me. I
was like a point where I was like, yo, everything
is weighing on me. And I was like, but I didn't.
(35:23):
I could have liked, I could have went out and
did some club appearances and made a quick bag, but
I was like, I don't want. I need something more
soothing for my soul, and so like, let me sit
down and figure some write things out. And for me,
this situation ended up being the biggest blessing for me
because after I sat down and locked in, like, shoot,
my blessings blew up times ten. So would you not
(35:44):
drinking and doing any kind of smoking or anything like
that right, because both you don't smoke either, I'll smoke
without doing any drinking anything. Does that like change? Yeah?
You guys? Sex life like didn't make it better? Or
does it? Did it change at all? I mean I
didn't really drink. I wasn't like an alcoholic just an alcoholic,
(36:04):
but it was it was more so like I drank
excessively when I was partying, and so it wasn't in moderation.
It was like overboard drink. I'm gonna go hard, I'm
gonna turn up like crazy. So for me, I'll let
me just chill and cut it out. But it didn't
really like make our sex life better or work affected.
And she's never drank or smoked ever, so she performed
(36:28):
with or without this. That's fun. I want to take
a shot. Listen, we will drink to that for you guys.
So now are you guys discussing marriage again? Yes, we are.
We're talking about it. Um, there's some plans but we
(36:49):
haven't announced anything yet. But we might have to come
back on here for the start over because it's like, um,
do you say I'm engaged? I gotta propose. I know
that's right, right, right, that's right. I'm only personal ring
(37:10):
on everything. Okay, dream we dream of a wedding. It's
gonna be a real big every woman deserves their dream wedding,
especially you know, going through something like this, like you
only big you know, yeah, yeah, whatever, she says. I've
(37:37):
been trying to, like three time, like I feel a
certain way, I try to. I'll sit back an assess
and be like you know what this is how it's
gonna go. Like at first, I was like we proposed,
like what I already got you a nice ring, like,
but then I was like, you know what, I funked up?
I want this, what's gonna make you happy? All right?
I'm willing to do it, you know. And so for me,
I've just been wanting to challenge myself in every aspect
(37:58):
as a man, to wear things that I would like move.
If I feel like I was moving on prior to
Ego before, then I'm gonna sit myself down and be like,
you know what, if this is what she wants, I'm
gonna make her happy and try this for her, you know.
And at the end of the day, me, if I
can say that I've given it my all and if
it still doesn't work or she's like I still can't
trust you, you know, I'm still broken that situation. As
(38:19):
long as at the end of the day me as
a man, I can say that I did everything that
I could to really change the man that I've become
and what I'm doing to make you happy as a woman,
then that's really all I can do, you know. Being
totally transparent, hat do you bring it up? Do you
ever bring up the fact that he can bring it
up sometimes? And it's only when it triggers when certain
situations happened where um, certain movies, certain movies. Yeah, and
(38:44):
I still get that, like you look at him like
I know guys like you have to mines And I
wake up and I'm like, I'm pissed at my dream.
She wakes up like qushing. But but as a man,
you have to be patient and understand that, right because
you grow up the trust, so now you have to
(39:05):
build that back up. And there's gonna be times when
she might ask you some questions she's asked you before.
She might bring it up again. But I think also
as a woman, if you forgive somebody, right and you
want to move on, you have to work on that
yourself too. Right. I do love though about our situation.
There's so much growth And I didn't think that i'd
(39:27):
ever get back with someone that ever cheated on me.
And once I feel like, once trust is broken is
completely broken. You can't fix it. But going through this
process with down and having a counselor and really forgiving
someone and seeing the growth and change um and Don
and him like quitting drinking and him not going out
his new fun things to do with golf and like
(39:48):
spend time with the family and like, you know, things
that I feel that I can be involved in and
feel comfortable him doing and not being in temptation where
he's not going to the clubs, he's not hosting clubs,
he's not around random girls. Like it's very like clean.
But let's say he does have to go out right
for whatever reason, it's a friend's birthday or whatever, would
(40:09):
you be comfortable he invites me. So he invites me,
He involves me, and he gives me the option to
come or not. And when he does, he's been communicating
with me like who's They're like, hey, just saw you
know ball blas here like but for the most part
we've been together, I've been like a little like a
triple my guys, the Palm Springs, you know, it was
(40:30):
golfing at the casino. But things that I wouldn't do before,
for example, like if we're out and there's some girls,
like my boy's got some girls around, Like I'm not
gonna be like, I'm not gonna worry about him just there,
but now I'm gonna call her and let her know, like, yo,
just let me know. You know. The thing is to
find out from someone else. Yeah, because that's what I learned,
(40:51):
like because somebody coulds like you know, we're out, people
could take a video or something and then tackture make
it look like something more than what if something is not.
So now I just I've learned how to handle myself
in situations better to make her comfortable as to where
before it's like I'm gonna do what I want to do,
like I'm gonna maneuver how I want to maneuver, and
(41:13):
that's what it is. But now it's like, let me
do things to where I'm building her trust the right
way where it's like, yo, there's some girls around just
letting you know so you don't have to hear nothing
from nobody, but this is what it is. I'll keep
you and you know, saying in touch, like I tried
to maneuvering ways to where she doesn't have to worry
about it no more. And a lot of people ask
me like how can you trust somebody after they've broken
(41:34):
your trust like that? And just gradually growing like how
do you transition from being the paranoid girlfriend and wondering
and questioning to being more of you know, like you said,
not going crazy and not bringing it up all the
time I think it. It happens through time, and it
happens through communication. Because in the beginning when we started
seeing each other again, you know, I was bringing it up.
(41:54):
I was letting him know how much I was heard.
There are times I would just start crying because it
would just hurt me and I would get triggered, and
through time it will just go away. But I feel
that it's good to really focus on, you know, not
bringing it up all the time, because you don't want
to always throw it in their face. I don't you know,
you're not going to go from that if you consistently
keep throwing it in their face. She's good, she's good
(42:16):
about not bringing it up too often, and if and
if it does get brought up, we're good about like
working through it. It doesn't blow up into wherever? Right now?
Where's the girl friend? No more? Yeah? Do you have
you guys spoken at all? Block? And you don't see her?
How like y'all don't see her? How nah? Did you
(42:39):
ever see Chris Rock especially where he's like when he teated,
He's like, did you make a left with that bitch?
And he did a car with his wife and make
a left turn and he did, right, And that's exactly
how it is. That yeah, how it is. Yeah, this
show is lip service and we do get a little
nasty sometimes, so I gotta ask you this, right, So,
(43:00):
being that you fucked up but you're in that, do
you ever just say you just lay down, let me
please you. I'm just gonna go down on you. You
ain't even got to do nothing for me. I just
want to do everything for you, me to her. Yeah,
yeah of course. And Leanne, have you ever been okay
with just that and been like I know, I'm just
gonna lay here and just accept all this and you know, yeah,
(43:22):
yeah in my head, man misses up where you know
it's crazy. It's like it's crazy because like after I
read the weight and I started like that whole six
months and not having sex and just like being in
that moment like like I'm now like cool with like
(43:45):
you know, if it's a week or so, if I
just got to please her, like I'm more on my
mindset is different where I'm cool with that now, Like
of course I still want it, but it's like more
you gain that self control as a man like you,
You now gain that control because it's a man like
the section that set shool Dog and us is like
it's fierce, you know what I'm saying. So once you
gain control of that element, it's like I could I
(44:06):
want it? Yeah, I still like I look at her
and I'm like, I want it. But I can be
cool with it and be like, let me just please
you and make you happy. You know, I feel like
it's about to go down after this. Well, listen, I
do want to thank you guys for being so open
about everything, because I'm gonna be honest. Like one of
(44:27):
the main things that people always talk to us about is,
you know, guys and girls to sometimes mess up and
want to figure out how do they repair a relationship?
And you know, do you think it helped me in that?
All throughout? Even though you know you told him, don't
pop up or I'll call the police, but he still
was trying to get you know, still sending things, still
making sure that you knew that he still cared and
(44:49):
doing things like that. Or do you think it's better
to just leave somebody completely alone like you said you
wanted you know, for me, I wanted him to leave
me completely alone because there's there comes a point where
a woman is fed up and they're like, I don't
care what you do. I don't want anything that has
to do with you or connected to you. So I
think that if a woman really is there has to
(45:11):
be a situation where you know if you should fight
for it or you should let go. And I think
this point, at this point, it was time to let go.
And and and it's because I felt that I did all
I could and everything that he needed to do was
within himself. Until he comes and he's completely in a person.
I feel that that's when I can actually allow his
(45:32):
presence to be around me because I was just really
protecting my energy. At that point, I was just over
it completely. But I think that it's it was nice
like after like that time that I was able to
be by myself and Donald started doing those thoughtful things,
that's when I was open to it because I was
healing and I was also at piece of myself. I
think it just depends on a woman. If a woman,
(45:52):
you can tell when a woman wants you to fight
for them, Yeah, because sometimes you say let me alone
and you don't really and then he leaves you alone
and you're like, yeah, we don't care. That's a struggle
that we can because when I was in and I'm like,
I don't know if I'm supposed to be doing nice
things or if I'm really supposed to leave you alone.
And so we really, as men, we don't know. It's
like you tell us leave me alone, but then if
(46:12):
we leave you alone, and it's like, what, you didn't
even fight for me? And then and then it's like,
if we're fighting for you, it's like, leave me alone.
Because when I was talking like, I would talk to
her friends because we're all in the same circle. So
like when we broke up, I would still be talking
to friends and I'd be like, what am I supposed
to be fighting for or not? And they're like, we'll
fight for her, but do it at a distance and
(46:32):
don't talk Like what then does that mean? How does
this mean? I'm profused? Look at her, but not with
your eyes. That's the most tricky thing for guys. So yeah,
y'all need to let us know the girl. Yeah, and Louis,
(46:53):
but don't buy me no snacks and don't pull up
arrangements then bags and you're And for the guys, I
guess they would have to read your book to figure
out how to you know, change theirselves or to know
when that woman is worth it for them, because are
they really changing for themselves? Are they changing for the woman?
(47:14):
I think it's of course that's something like you want
the woman, but it's ultimately something and that woman that
brings out what you want to change in yourself. If
that makes sense, I guess, um, because it's like there's
I mean, I've been in relationships and I've never like
I've always at the end of the relationship, I'm like, man,
I'm gonna do me like she's losing out, like it
is what it is, you know. And then from in
(47:36):
this situation, it's like I need to fix some things
to myself as a man, like I don't need to
be maneuvering the same. So yes, I think ultimately it's
like for the woman, but it's for you, like because
regardless of if me and Leanne got back together, the
things that I was doing, it might be it was
gonna be for whoever's gonna be my wife, you know
what I'm saying. So um, But it usually is that
(47:57):
when it takes that right woman to bring it out
of the man, it's always either like a woman or
money that makes a man really change like either you
broke lost a woman and your your dreams. It makes
this want to really change some things around. But that's good.
It feels like you know yourself a lot better now. Now.
I feel like I'm with somebody that is walking with purpose,
(48:17):
that is being aware of everything and setting healthy boundaries
and communicating way better. Like it sucks to say, like
us when we go through things, but then something's just happened,
you know, for a reason. I believe that everything happens
for a reason, and it's either we grow from it
or we just stay the same. And I think that
this definitely helped us grow to be a better person,
(48:37):
you know, individually and also together. But if you felt
like something was missing a little bit there at some point,
what made you say yes to him in the first place, Well,
because it was when he proposed to me. I already
did see myself spending the rest of my life with him,
But it was also the pressure I felt like, I
think this is it. I was just confused also because
(48:59):
it was more on his end. I know I wanted
to be with him, I know I was happy with him,
but I was just unsure and I didn't have the
full trust that I wanted. But that was also a
lack of something like am I going to pull it
together after you're married? And it was just, you know
this because I didn't trust on you know. I think
that's where I felt the confusion. But I loved him
(49:21):
and I would spend the rest of my life with him,
but he has to act right. But like that was
the only thing that I was like confused about. Other
than that, like we're so compatible. We enjoy the same things,
we believe in the same things. We love family, our
family loves each other. It was just it's per a
perfect situation. But the thing is every relationship is not
gonna be perfect. Every person you get with, there's always
going to be some kind of challenge. It just depends
(49:42):
on what battle you want to fight. You gotta choose
your battles. If this person has an alcoholic addiction or
a drug addiction, or you know, a weakness and scenarios,
you have to figure out what those problems are and
see if you can actually deal with it, because that's
the battle you're gonna have to fight. So between us,
it was more of him being too nice to girls
to where it got confused as being flirtatious. And him
being too nice to his boys were Okay, I guess
(50:04):
I'll go out and drink with you guys when he
knows he shouldn't. But now I feel like this situation
allowed him to learn to say no. And you have
to learn the power of the word no. It goes
a long way. You have to be able to say
no to things in life. And I feel like he's
just grown so much and I've seen it and also
like hearing it from you know, Tony Gaskin, someone that
(50:25):
I completely trust, you know, talk and he looks out
for me too, so it's not like he's just on
dawn side. I feel like he wasn't fighting from me
when when we leave her alone, what he told me,
leave her alone, Bro, I'm fighting. I was like, bro,
just go like, drop some Oh, I'm not fighting for you. Lean.
Was there anything about yourself you had to change? And
(50:45):
then we talked a lot about Dan and things he
had to change, But what about yourself? I think that
for me, the self love was a big part, because
when you're getting into a relationship, you get so consumed
in the other person where you forget to do things
for yourself, and everything was just all about me and
Donnie and don but I was also focusing on me,
but so much more focused on trying to make it work.
(51:06):
And sometimes we are brains. We think about the potential
instead of the reality of things of our relationship. But
I feel that for me, I really wanted to work on,
you know, self love, and I feel like now I
feel like I know my worth more, I know what
I want to settle for, I know what I deserve. Before,
like I said, when I got was on, I already
(51:27):
kind of knew the situation I was getting into, but
I was just I'm single, and we'll see where this goes.
And then we start wanting more and then hoping that
it would be this and trying to create something that
I saw in my head, but it wasn't the reality because,
you know, don situations like his whole upbringing everything his
habits was not aligning with mine. That's why I think
(51:48):
it's so important to come in whole as a person
and him coming in whole so we can be whold together,
rather than me being whole on him being half empty
and I gotta contribute to him. It's exhausting. So I
feel like I've just grown so much where individually as
a person to love myself more. And I think that's
what was lacking. Well good and now he's the best
selling author and guys back together better than ever. So
(52:11):
congratulations and a way with all this women, thank you. No,
I'm a guide and looking about a friend, she's saying
that we owe the friend that thank you. I mean, honestly,
you know everything it sucks because everything happens for a reason.
(52:32):
Everybody's leeing our life for a reason. And as much
as like we can hate somebody in a situation or
you know, whatever the case is. Yeah, it's so weird
because I don't even I don't hate her. It's weird
when you come from a place of just I forgive you.
I know you know you're broken when you want to
send the person is broken. It was just like the
people that talk bad about you, it's not about you,
(52:54):
it's about them. There reflect what they are. Thank you
you made us go harder for us. Thank you didn't work,
your plan didn't work right with was stronger now. And
I don't like I think that it's so bad to
walk with unforgiveness and hate in your heart. I think
that it's poison. It just makes you a horrible person.
So when you hate on somebody or talk to about somebody,
(53:17):
it doesn't make you better, it doesn't. You know, it's
I feel like it's a toxic thing to do, man.
I mean, that's how you entertaining that somebody trying to
steady man. So that's why I think, you know, it's funny.
I was doing so much research and talking to tell
you ask us about why men cheat. He has. He
(53:37):
explained so much about Don's situation where he his upbringing
really affected his choices today. And also like their insecurities
and sometimes it just strokes their ego. When women still
like approach them, they like that it makes them feel
more of a man so about what they do. Because
(53:59):
and you feel like, once your dad admitted to you
that he cheated, that you kind of had a doubt
in the back of your mind now and may cheat
because in your idea of a perfect marriage, it would
have been your parents, right, They've been together forever, you've
seen them, been totally in love. So do you feel
like once you found out he cheated, then you kind
of got something in the back of you had to
be cautious. So when my dad told me that, I mean,
(54:21):
it's so funny. When I moved out here, I really
my mind. I was, well, I'm from Adustal, California, in
a small city, and I was in a Christian school,
Like I was such in a bubble. So moving to
l A was a reality check, Like, oh my god,
people out here really really cheating and lyning and using
people and it's just crazy. And because I equal cheating
to killing, like that's murder to me. So I when
(54:43):
he cheated on me, it was just so much like
I can't believe he did it. But when my dad
told me he did that, um, it just made me
feel like, man, does every guy cheating now like my
dad did? Then? Like is this everyone? Is this something
that we all experience? And at the same time, I
don't believe that every man does cheat. I feel that, um,
(55:04):
a lot of people do. It's just about how you
grow from it. But I felt like it kind of
gave me some kind of comfort to knowing that I'm
not the only one that's going through it. And it's
it's amazing to me though now that I've because all
of our content has always been happy and family and
love and now talking about the heartbreak and crying in
(55:25):
front of camera, not being afraid to be vulnerable to
my audience. It opened up another hole. There's ask me
advice and Dawn advice and I love now. I love
being a part of the conversation helping them. So I
think that if this is the purpose for us to
go through this, you know. Yeah, and you have a
(55:46):
you have a podcast right that just when I make
sure we plug that. Well, I'm I've just started. I've
been alive yet, but I'm starting up podcasts and it's
called Lovers and Friends. So we're talking about love, relationship,
friendships and just you know, surviving, you know, life experiences
and the things that I've been through. So don you
have club Bed club Bed? Yeah, clothing on the market,
(56:11):
home goods as well. Yeah, there was a real there
was a real club in New York club Bed and
the Miami and Miami. Yeah, but yeah, club there's something
different for you that is a luxury brand. Yeah, we
all wear a side small. I'm gonna send you guys.
(56:33):
I'll see you guys all some what was that you
have stuff for the house, you said, betting we got candles.
I want to see that stuff. Yeah, we have the
candles now that betting is in production, so but I'll
get you guys a bunch of all that stuff for
smore So, we kind of grass guys, and it was
really nice to hear this. Like you know, everything is
(56:54):
not always smooth and not a straight path. So we
do appreciate you all for being so open and sharing
everything with us, and we look forward to everything you
had in the future for sure. Thank you guys, Thank
you guys. Please get married, don't break up, he said,
we won't. I can't wait to see the ring, that
big old ring, and yeah, yeah, yes, I can't wait
(57:18):
to see it. I'd love to see it. Well, thank
you so much. It's a lost service. Ly V and Benjamin.
We appreciate y'all. Thank you for by
Host
Angela Yee
Show Links
WebsitePopular Podcasts
40s and Free Agents: NFL Draft Season
Daniel Jeremiah of Move the Sticks and Gregg Rosenthal of NFL Daily join forces to break down every team's needs this offseason.
Dateline NBC
Current and classic episodes, featuring compelling true-crime mysteries, powerful documentaries and in-depth investigations. Follow now to get the latest episodes of Dateline NBC completely free, or subscribe to Dateline Premium for ad-free listening and exclusive bonus content: DatelinePremium.com
Las Culturistas with Matt Rogers and Bowen Yang
Ding dong! Join your culture consultants, Matt Rogers and Bowen Yang, on an unforgettable journey into the beating heart of CULTURE. Alongside sizzling special guests, they GET INTO the hottest pop-culture moments of the day and the formative cultural experiences that turned them into Culturistas. Produced by the Big Money Players Network and iHeartRadio.