Loren Ridinger: Living Your Best Life After Losing Your Greatest Love

In the latest episode of the Angie Martinez IRL Podcast, Angie kicks off a new season by delving into an intimate and inspiring conversation with Loren Ridinger. Loren, a long-time friend and the CEO of Market America Worldwide and Shop.com, discusses her new book 'Scrambled or Sunny Side Up,' which chronicles her experiences navigating life after the loss of her husband and business partner. The episode explores themes of love, resilience, and the necessity to pivot in the face of adversity. Lauren shares her journey from building a billion-dollar empire with her husband to facing the immense grief of his loss, while also touching on the lessons of self-belief and the importance of contributing positively to the world. The conversation also delves into the complexities of parenting, highlighting the lifelong commitment and the challenging realization that it's a one-way relationship in terms of emotional investment. This episode is a heartfelt exploration of personal and professional growth.

Buy Lorens Book: https://shp.to/scrambled-or-sunnyside-up

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:00):
Andrew Martinez in Real Life Podcast. Hey guys, welcome back
to a new season of IRL. I am thrilled to
be back. I have absolutely missed our interaction, our conversations.
It's not just my conversation with the guests. I enjoy
the conversation that happens after. So I've definitely been missing that.
There's been a lot happening in the world. I'm sure

(00:21):
there's been. Everybody's in real life has been going through
ups and downs, and the world has changed. The country
has changed, People have gone through trauma, grief, joy, new experiences,
new jobs. I think just life keeps ticking and it
requires us to pivot at every turn. And I think
that's going to be a really big theme this season
is talking to people who've had to pivot, whether it

(00:42):
was by choice or by circumstance. And so my first
guests I've known for many years, Lauren riding Ger. Let
me tell you first of all, this is her new book,
Scrambled or Sunnyside Up, and it's about her journey after
losing her husband for many years, but also her partner.
Lauren is the CEO of Market America Worldwide and shop

(01:02):
dot Com. Her and her husband together built a billion
dollar commerce business. She's had a lot of success in
her life. There is a lot to learn from Lauren.
Click the link in the description to get Lauren's book Today,
The Amazing Lauren writing, Girl, Yeah.

Speaker 2 (01:22):
Here we are, baby. What a year, What a big
year for both of us. It's been a long up
and down, a long up and down roller coaster over rides.
You know, we both go through changes and life changes
and the world changes.

Speaker 1 (01:37):
And it's funny because I was saying this before that pivoting.
I think the pivot is the actual theme of this
first season back of this podcast, because I've had to
so many times. First of all, Lauren, is the story
of you is like, you have this amazing love story.

Speaker 3 (01:53):
It's an American dream, right.

Speaker 1 (01:54):
You meet the love of your life, you have a
thirty plus year marriage, you build an empire, a billion
dollar empire, and then you suffer great.

Speaker 2 (02:04):
Loss, the greatest loss, the greatest loss. But I think
it's a beautiful story of love. Thirty six years is
a long journey, you know, and we met with nothing,
We had nothing. I know. People assume that you came
for money. Oh, people assume you're the gold digger. You
wanted it all and you're like, no, baby, yeah, because
he had nothing when you met, right when you say
nothing is nothing. We borrowed macaroni and cheese from my

(02:26):
mom and dad. We rode around in his beat up
tourists for turists.

Speaker 3 (02:31):
So what was it? He was broke, he was older
than you. Why did you think?

Speaker 2 (02:38):
I just fell in love with him?

Speaker 3 (02:40):
And you know, he was in the streets.

Speaker 2 (02:42):
He was in the streets. He was messy, and he
was messy. He wasn't even clean.

Speaker 3 (02:45):
About you know what I mean, honest about.

Speaker 2 (02:47):
I know he lied like a dem We lied. He
come out and I put him in the corner and
come out fighting, you know. But he had just come
out of a marriage, he'd filed bankruptcy. You know, he
didn't have anything. And I just saw this person who
I was intrigued by. He just saw the futures, like
one day for the mall without walls. That's the world

(03:08):
by that way, his vision, that was his vision.

Speaker 3 (03:10):
It's crazy now I'm thinking, of course you shop online.

Speaker 2 (03:12):
But then people looked at when were They thought we
were crazy. They thought we were saying I have computers.
They didn't have computers, and I just really believed in
everything he said, and he really made me believe in me.
And that's really what the book's about. It's about it's
not even a book of grief because I couldn't give
someone the answer and how to overcome grief.

Speaker 1 (03:31):
I have so many questions about grief and you and
and it is a large part of the book too.

Speaker 3 (03:35):
You know, you really do talk about it, but I
just don't want to go back.

Speaker 1 (03:38):
To the beginning a little bit because you talk about
just the love story of it. All Right, you're thirty,
You meet this guy. He does change for you, which
is not a small thing. There were women that is
the big thing in their life. It's like, you meet
a guy, you really like him, but he has all
these women. How do you know that he will change?

Speaker 3 (03:56):
How do you know?

Speaker 2 (03:57):
I saw him coming around all the time. I saw
just believe you know, he wasn't perfect, and I knew it.
And I always knew when he was lying. You know,
I was really good at catching his lives. But when
he was trying to change, I could see it too.
He always knew how to talk to me. He always

(04:17):
would tell me, like, I'm not perfect. I want to
be perfect. For you, but I'm not honest about the change.
He was honest that he was working on it. And
that was a lot for me. And I think doing
the work is part of the problem that most people
won't do. He was willing to do the work. And
I used to tell me, I only know how to
operate from love. Where do we go from here? How

(04:38):
do we survive in this relationship if I'm the one
coming in and putting all the love in and I
feel like you were taking advantage of it. And I
think he didn't want to lose that. And I think
he realized like he had just come close enough to
the fine line of I could have left, and you know,
I was at that point, I was probably twenty or
twenty one, you know, And he did not want to

(04:59):
lose that. And he really put in the time and
the energy and the work, and I would see him
working on himself.

Speaker 3 (05:05):
I think ultimately you believed in him. That's the difference.

Speaker 1 (05:08):
It's like everything you believed, not only that he was
gonna build this empire together, that you guys were gonna
do that, but you believed that he was going to
show up for you as the husband that you that.

Speaker 2 (05:18):
He could be believed that I was incredibly special.

Speaker 3 (05:24):
He believed in you too, Yeah.

Speaker 2 (05:26):
He did. And you know, we used to drive all
around town, all around the United States, and he would
tell everybody, one day, we're gonna have them all without
walls and people. There be four or five people in
a room, not like today where we have eighteen twenty
thousand people in a meeting to come see a speed
But he would, you know, go into these meetings five
or six people, and we drive from city to city
across the nation to tell people, hey, you should join

(05:48):
our business, you know, and get involved with Market America.
And they would look at him like he was crazy,
because they're like, who's going to go we don't have computers,
who's going to shop online? And you know, he would
come out of the meeting like Rocky, like we we
killed it, we were awesome. I was like, I'm not
sure if they agreed with us. They look at us
like we're crazy, and he'd say, what do you think?

(06:09):
What do you think? Do you believe in us? I said,
of course I believe. He said, then you do the
meeting tomorrow. I was like, I can't do the meeting tomorrow.
At eighteen, I don't know how to speak. You know,
most people are scared of death of public speaking. I was.
But in order for him to believe that, I believed
he wanted me to do it, I got up and
I said Hi, my name is Lauren Ashley. And I fainted.

(06:36):
I'm actually seven people. I fainted first time speaking publicly.
I was traumatized and I was on the ground and
when I looked up there was people over fanning me,
you know, and he was like, get up, get up.
Somebody turned the ac off. Anybody would have fainted in here.
You were incredible. Get up. And I thought, I've got

(06:58):
to break up with this guy. And he got in
the car and I was so embarrassed. I didn't say
anything and said, you know, you were amazing, right, I
was like, I was awful. I fainted. He goes, you
were great. It was San Antonio. It was ninety two
degrees and hot, and anybody would have passed out. You're
going to be great in Houston tomorrow. And I thought,

(07:20):
can you not just get in the car and say
you don't have to do this. He didn't get in
the car and say, you know what, You're right, you're
not good at public speaking. You just drive. He said,
you're gonna be great again. And I did it over
and over and over again until I became really great
at it. And I really didn't attribute that to him
until I lost him.

Speaker 1 (07:37):
What was the thing in you to take you back
to like that moment of like, because I think I
think that's something that a lot of people can relate to,
is like you get cald, you get an opportunity. And
so now you're dating, you're young, you're dating this guy.
He's trying to build something. You don't know what this
thing is that he's gonna build. You don't you don't,
but you're presented with an opportunity to be a version
of yourself that you don't even believe it yet.

Speaker 3 (07:58):
How to be You're going to speak in front of people.

Speaker 1 (08:01):
You're like, I didn't plan to do this, but you
have this opportunity now to rise. You faint and then
somebody's there to say.

Speaker 2 (08:07):
Hey, get back up.

Speaker 3 (08:09):
Oh my god. I just had this happened to me
in the third grade. I did a play.

Speaker 1 (08:12):
I cried because I was so scared, and my third
grade teacher said to me.

Speaker 3 (08:17):
You're okay. He waited, he said, now start again. He
didn't let me go off to.

Speaker 2 (08:21):
The thing, say step aside.

Speaker 1 (08:23):
He didn't say step aside, go to the next thing.
And then then I killed it. And the next day
he came into school and tapped me on the shoulder
and said, me and my wife were talking about you
last night, and I was telling her how when you
when you stopped crying and you started again, how amazing
you were. And as a little kid, I just remember thinking, oh,
what was his name, mister Devanoff. Don't we need more,

(08:45):
mister dev mister, because in those moments to take take
you right, this young girl, in those moments, it could
go either way. If you faint and you never speak again,
then you live a whole life of fear of public speaking,
which when we see Lauren rding her now conference and convention,
it doesn't seem possible. But you could have lived a
life of like fear of public speaking.

Speaker 2 (09:06):
If and I would have. Yati had got in a
car and said, you're right, just this ain't your thing.
He said, he told me I was great when I
was awful, and then by the way in Houston, I
didn't do much better. I did say that was awful.
I don't think I knew what I said, but he
was like, you know what, You're going to be even
better tomorrow. And he had the patience for me.

Speaker 1 (09:29):
I remember you saying to me one time that he
would tell you, oh, you were yeah, you were really
good tonight.

Speaker 3 (09:34):
Next time you're going to be great. Then you were great, great?
And what do you tell you when you were great?

Speaker 2 (09:40):
Now you're going to be the greatest female speaker of
all time, even better than me. And I said, say,
this guy's crazy. That's how I knew he really loved
me because he would never get free compliments. But he
always believed in people. He knew exactly how to make
people feel how valuable they were. You know, he did it.

(10:01):
His love language was getting my input, you know, which
is why, of course the book is called Scrambled or
Sunday side up. Every day his whole life he asked me,
scrambled her Sunday side up.

Speaker 3 (10:11):
He was asking me what kind of eggs out of breakfast?

Speaker 2 (10:13):
He wake up say the same thing, good morning, baby,
good morning, scrambled ter Sunday side up today, I say, well,
scramble today. One day it be Sunday side up. You
do that for ten years. After ten years, you're kind
of like Jesus there and now it's your stomach. What
do you want scrambled or Sunday side up? And today
I do anything for him to ask me scrambled or
Sunday side up and the things. After ten years of

(10:35):
him asking me that I never really realized so after
he was gone, that that was his love language. His
love language was my input. His love language is what
should I wear tonight? Baby? Big one? Isn't it? Don't
we often overlook that? Yeah, we forget that some people's
love language is different than ours. My love language was

(10:55):
deep communication with him. His was my input with him.
It let him know how much I loved him. If
I did it. He didn't ask for much, but I
saw it as a burden because I was busy sometimes.
And now when I think about it, like why didn't
I just say scrambled or Sunday set up with a smile?
So you get so pissed off at yourself because you

(11:16):
don't see it while they're alive. And that's part of
the book is about seeing those things.

Speaker 3 (11:21):
Yeah, okay, or you have to live grace with that.

Speaker 1 (11:23):
I mean, we all it's the term you don't know
what you got, so it's gone. Is made for a reason,
Like we never think about the things in the moment that.

Speaker 2 (11:31):
There it is, we are going to be there, it is,
and I guess part of it is is seeing them
why you have a moment.

Speaker 1 (11:36):
But at some point, I mean, we all need those
people and we cherish those people in our lives that
when we faint they say, no, no, you're fine, You're great.
But like, at some point it has to come from
inside with it. It does you Like, when is the moment
that you say to yourself, wait a minute, not only
can can I speak, but I'm actually pretty great at this.

Speaker 2 (11:55):
I think it took about ten years in I mean,
the company's thirty years old. It took me ten years
to really go up there and be like, I'm great
at this, I can do this well. I have the
respect of leaders. I love them. This is my community,
It's where I belong. But when he died, that all
died with me with him. A part of me died

(12:17):
that day. You know, five months after he passed away,
I had to walk out on the stage in front
of you know, five thousand people.

Speaker 3 (12:24):
I cannot imagine.

Speaker 2 (12:25):
It was hard. It's the hardest time in my life,
and I thought I never once thought why am I
doing this? Why don't I cancel this? I just thought
to myself, I've got to do this for him. I've
got to do this for me, to show myself I
can do it. And even though I'm broken, doesn't mean
the company, Yeah, was broken, But.

Speaker 1 (12:46):
The gravity of that when you think about how much
of a champion he was of you, even early in
your life, and then you build something together and now you're.

Speaker 2 (12:53):
Alone in it alone, and by the way, it's as
lone as someone can be. Remember, I've never been alone
since I'm eighteen. Ever slept alone, never been alone. Jaredn't.
People don't understand manager's relationship wasn't like we worked together
nine to five. He didn't want to travel without me,
he didn't take vacations or trips without me. Were together
three hundred and sixty five days a year except for

(13:14):
the three days I pushed him to go skiing. Every
year for thirty six years, that's a long time.

Speaker 1 (13:20):
I just can't imagine you that morning, dealing still deep
in your own grief, with the responsibility to show up
for this company. I just can't imagine like I was
really transparent.

Speaker 2 (13:36):
I walked up there. I walked I still no obviously,
you know there's some days you're in more of a
haze than others. That was cloudy, and I just told him,
I'm not sure what's going to come out of my mouth,
but I want to tell you it's going to come
from my heart, so I can't go wrong. And I
just told him, you know that he gave us the opportunity.
I don't know how many companies were the that are

(13:58):
you know, private companies were a company and he's founder
passes away and there isn't some major transition and there
was no checks went out laid, Everything still went out
on time. He has spent his whole life building something
that would last for people. And I walked out there
and I told him, you know, I'm broken, but we're
not broken, and we will be okay, and I will

(14:21):
be okay and I will find a way through this
and you'll have to work with me on this. But
I'll lead you somehow or another. I'm going to lead
you because I know I can, and I know that's
what he wanted. And I did it, and it was
I was as scared as I've ever been. It was
like the first time I fainted. You know, the funny
thing about your confidence is when it's robbed from you
because you're not ready for it to be robbed from you.

(14:43):
You actually have it, you just don't know it, and
you have to talk to yourself and convince yourself, just
like you did in the early days. Yes, he was
the believer in me. Yes he deserves all the credit
for that. But he was right. He knew if I
told myself enough that my brain would eventually believe it.
We brainwash it ourselves to be nothing.

Speaker 3 (15:05):
What is that thing you tell yourself?

Speaker 1 (15:07):
Where does the leadership? Where does the confidence? What is
the voice inside?

Speaker 2 (15:11):
It's that what you just said, it's that inner voice.
It's that inner voice says and you go start your
own show. Yeah, you're the one. You're the one. You're
the voice in New York. You're the one that people
love and respect and listen to. And we put that
off because we sometimes get to a space where we
question that.

Speaker 3 (15:31):
Yeah, but the voice in our head, it's.

Speaker 2 (15:33):
The one that's the softest voice that we got to
listen to.

Speaker 3 (15:37):
So what is the one for you?

Speaker 2 (15:38):
Like, now I scream it out, Now, I scream it
out in the mirror. I'm like, you're great, you can
do this, You're so great, go tackle the world. And
I scream like a Lunda ticket myself and like out loud,
like out loud, like this, like I love you, Lauren,
you can do this. You're awesome, You're great. I love you, Jared,
thank you for believing in me always. I love you
Lauren for not giving up on yourself. I do it

(15:59):
every day, do every day, and I do it and
it really helps set my day and it really and
I tell my children to do it now. I tell
my grandkids. I always tell my grandkids every day. Do
you realize how great you are? Yes? Remind yourself every
morning and every night before you go to bed, remind
yourself how great you are. And you have to eventually
take action.

Speaker 3 (16:17):
Yeah, for sure.

Speaker 2 (16:18):
People just can't manifest something you people like, oh, I'm
gonna manifest this. Well, manifest requires not just thinking, it's action.

Speaker 3 (16:25):
What is the thing that you learned?

Speaker 1 (16:26):
Because you know we started I started this pile with Lauren.

Speaker 3 (16:29):
You've watched, by the way, I love how.

Speaker 2 (16:30):
Much you love everything I love. I watched every single
episode at least once, maybe Lauren London's two or three times.

Speaker 1 (16:38):
I know.

Speaker 3 (16:38):
I love that you watched that little bit. The funny
thing is that you watch that at a time where
you were in your own grief. Yeah, I did so
her episode.

Speaker 2 (16:46):
It was very helpful to me. It was very she
was in her and I became friends on Instagram, and
really I told her how beautiful I thought she was
on that and she was just really amazing. And I
watched that episode at least three or four times. But
I've watched all your episodes so many times, and I
think there's a person that you feel really comfortable with
talking about things that hurts, that are real.

Speaker 3 (17:09):
What was it about, I don't know.

Speaker 1 (17:11):
I'm just curious of what you resonated to in what
Lauren's episode or what she said about grief.

Speaker 2 (17:16):
If there's I think that she learned to navigate it,
and I think she didn't expect it to go away,
and that helped prepare me. I didn't there was no
silver lining. She was very clear. If you really look
at her message in your podcast that day, if you
look at her message was I'm navigating it. I'm getting

(17:40):
up for my kids, I'm doing the things I have
to do. I want to make them proud. I followed
those exact same things I wanted to make Jared proud.
I got up when I realized saw my children suffering.
I saw them see me suffering. You know. I remember
Aiden on Christmas. Jar died August. Christmas, he wrote a
letter to Sanna, Dear Sannah, all I want for Christmas

(18:02):
is the Darth Favor, Darth Vader helmet, and for me
and me to find some happiness without Bop Bob. I
remember thinking, oh my god, they can feel my pain
so bad. And Lauren had expressed that she had incredible
pain and that it didn't go away. And in a

(18:23):
roundabout way, she saw children things that would have to
make her get up and move, and for me, I
did the same thing. And I think her message was
very clear that there is no solution for grief. It's
really just an extension of love, So you will grieve
as hard as you have loved heart.

Speaker 3 (18:42):
It's funny because she said something to me.

Speaker 1 (18:44):
I don't know if it was inside the episode or
while we were talking after. I think it's in the episode,
and she talks about love almost it's.

Speaker 3 (18:53):
Like Rose, Yes, like Rose like. Her relationship with Nip
was still very.

Speaker 2 (19:00):
Has grown even more without Jeff, that's even possible.

Speaker 3 (19:04):
It has.

Speaker 2 (19:04):
And you know, I never kept a journal before. Now
I keep a journal on my phone. It's thousands of
pages long. You know, I communicate all the time. Our
love grows all the time. I thank him all the time.
I think grief is an extension of love. And she
says it love grows after we lose someone. Because she's right,
grief and death don't eliminate love. It makes it grow

(19:27):
even more and we end up having a better relationship.
But that in some strange way, and I learned that
from that podcast.

Speaker 1 (19:36):
There's something that I haven't experienced and don't know and
people that I know that have gone through grief.

Speaker 3 (19:41):
This is a thing too. Is like the way people
perceive you. Like the word widow awful.

Speaker 2 (19:47):
I hate the word widow. Do you know that the
state terminates your marriage upon death. I didn't know that,
but I didn't know that, Like you're no longer married,
you know, you don't because they terminate your marriage upon
death of a spouse. So that's why they have a
box for widow, because you're not you can't check the

(20:07):
box married. And that pissed me off. I was like,
I don't think it's anybody's responsibility terminate my marriage but
me and we chose not to. But they do. They
terminate your marriage. That's why there's another box called widow.
And I didn't understand. I searched for the answer. I
didn't know why I hated the word. And I was like,
you know, I check marriage. Still, I'll still check me out.

Speaker 3 (20:31):
I still check married.

Speaker 2 (20:32):
I don't give a shit. I didn't like it, but
they do. That's why it's there. The state terminates your
marriage upon the death of a spouse, which means you're
no longer married. And to me, I felt that death
isn't the decision of that, and so I would still
check marriage. But the word widow's painful. It's almost like

(20:54):
a taboo word. It's almost like people say it, not
the people who love you. And it's not that they
people me any harm by it, but it's like, oh, well,
she's widowed, instead of just saying she lost her husband,
or she they lost her wife, she lost her wife,
or he lost his wife. You know, it's it's a
hard word. Night. I really despised it.

Speaker 3 (21:14):
You, because you're capable of this, should create a new word.

Speaker 2 (21:19):
Yeah, we could create.

Speaker 3 (21:20):
A new way.

Speaker 1 (21:22):
You are totally capable of that, because it is a
very dark word.

Speaker 3 (21:27):
It is even the word widow. It just sounds I
seek the color black.

Speaker 2 (21:31):
When I think of that, it's me too. It feels
like the awful and it's like a black wise, it's
like a black scar fighter. I don't even like it
the way it looks. It's like it's a scar it is.
It's like I still check marriage and I just it
despises me that so many forms that the doctors have
that on there.

Speaker 1 (21:50):
My very good friend of Vett lost her son at
he was twenty six years old and died unexpected unexpectedly
from a cardiac arrest. It's just a couple of years
ago too, not that long ago. It's heartbreaking, heartbreaking. But
she still checks when they when they say how many
children do you have?

Speaker 3 (22:06):
Because she also has a daughter. She still writes, two children.
I have two children.

Speaker 2 (22:10):
I would write the same thing.

Speaker 1 (22:12):
She still has two children. She says, he's he transitioned,
That's what she says. He's transitioned. He is no longer
here in physical form, but she still has him.

Speaker 2 (22:23):
She's and that's beautiful that she says that, and that
I would write that too, and I think, you know,
there's gotta be a different world. We're gonna figure it
sucks for God's sake, Let's find something else. It drives
me nuts. Widow is an all who chose that one

(22:45):
to begin with? Why so I just want to this
car like Superstar? You know she made it. She's a survivor.
How about survivor anything other than widow. Don't label me
as that.

Speaker 1 (22:59):
I love your theory about parenthood and how because there's
so many things about parenthood that nobody tells us, right even.

Speaker 2 (23:06):
When you're fraid to talk about it.

Speaker 1 (23:07):
Give birth to this baby, you're terrified something's gonna happen
to the baby. All of a sudden, you got all
the nervousness, and then you realize, oh shit, for the
rest of my life I have to be worried about.
Somebody explains that to you.

Speaker 3 (23:20):
Out of the gates.

Speaker 2 (23:20):
Nobody tells you from the time your child's born, you
will never have a peaceful night sleep ever, as long
as you have children. It is the most beautiful love yet. Yeah, tormenting,
tormenting and sometimes unrewarding. And I say that as somebody
who's very close with her daughter, an incredibly cose like

(23:43):
she's the love of my life. I call her all
day and my three grandkids. However, we look as our
children get older, you know, we look to be like, okay,
well I'm here alone now, what can you do to
help me right now? And they have their own life
and you realize that our job is to fill our

(24:04):
children's cup, but it's not their job to fill ours.
And that's been a hard lesson for me in my life,
one of the hardest, and hard because it hurts, hard,
because it's sensitive, hard because it's like, hey, do you
remember me, the one who would help you through anything,
the one who would be there for any of the
one who would starve so you can eat, who would sacrifice,

(24:26):
who would sleep on a floor so you could sleep
on a comfy bed. And that's like, okay, mom, but
that's what you should do. You're my mom, And you're
kind of like, oh, and to strangle you, you know,
but you realize that it's relationship. It's not it's not
and nobody wants to say that it's not a two way. Yes,
we get fulfillment from our kids, Yes we our kids

(24:47):
love us. They would do anything for us, But yet
they don't realize that the sacrifices we make as parents
along the way and it's not their job to fill hours.
So for the rest of your life, if you go
through your lif life knowing that it's only your job
to fill up their cup and you don't expect anything
in return, it will be the most beautiful relationship ever.

(25:08):
And it's true, though it's like, you know, and it's okay.

Speaker 3 (25:12):
I've never really heard anybody talk about that, but isn't
it true. Of course, it's true. It's not their job.

Speaker 1 (25:16):
And if you really are honest about it, you do
want your children to have their own life and their
own children's cup to fill and their own spouse's cups
to fill.

Speaker 2 (25:25):
One hundred per Jared gave me a poem every Mother's Day.
I never I love the poem so much. It was
called Mothers Build Cathedrals, and it was a story about
how these beautiful cathedrals were built over time, eighteen hundreds
and all these beautiful cathedrals were built, but nobody knows

(25:46):
exactly who built them all. We know some of the
famous artists, right, but we don't know exactly who built
them all. But it's like motherhood. We do all this
building our whole life, but we don't really know it.
And Amber said to me when she had her own baby,
Jara gave her that poem and she said, Mamma, you
know what, I've read that poem every year that dad

(26:08):
gave me it, and you know what it means. And
she got it. So the funny thing is she's probably
going through the same thing we're going through now that
I'm an adult. Now that she says babies, But she's like,
we don't want our kids to come home and say, hey, mom,
thanks for making the best sandwich for us when I
was hungry, or mom, thanks for feeding all ten of
my friends that showed up after basketball, because we don't

(26:30):
really want them to say. We don't need that. We
just want them to come home, and that what we
really want. And so I think that's the ultimate.

Speaker 3 (26:37):
So that's what people should know that going in.

Speaker 2 (26:41):
You will have a better journey going in and peaceful,
more peaceful, and you can deal with it better. But
if they don't know that, it's somewhat of a wake up.

Speaker 3 (26:48):
Dollars, like, hey, this is an unfair relationship.

Speaker 2 (26:51):
Don't you see this. You're like, Okay, how many more
kids are you going to invite in this house? You
with two boys?

Speaker 3 (26:57):
I got two grown boys, and sometimes it's ten of them.

Speaker 2 (27:01):
Is there anybody asking like, hey, I need this, I
need this.

Speaker 1 (27:05):
No, but you know what, that's why as mothers, the
little things matter. So I have I always have a
ton of boys in my house, right because you know,
you know my family. I have my two sons, but
then also I had I have my son and my stepson,
and then I have four godsons, and so sometimes I
have six boys in.

Speaker 3 (27:18):
My house, especially in the holidays and all that lot.

Speaker 1 (27:21):
And every now and then, like just the other day,
I got a text message from one of my godsons
and he's away in school.

Speaker 3 (27:27):
He's like, tit.

Speaker 1 (27:28):
He goes me, t I just want to say thank
you for everything you've ever done for me and I
love you so much. And he never has ever said
that to me or I don't know where. I was like,
are you okay?

Speaker 3 (27:37):
Do you need something?

Speaker 1 (27:39):
He was like you actually after Scrammo Sonny said I
I need something, he was like, no, I just wanted
you to.

Speaker 3 (27:46):
I just wanted to tell you I love you.

Speaker 2 (27:48):
Whatever he took that day, We want to take it.

Speaker 3 (27:50):
But as mothers, it.

Speaker 2 (27:52):
Feels so good. That's everybody love note and that's, by
the way, another beautiful thing. Send messages of love, send voices.
There's so much of been there. No. I happen to
be fortune because Jared was more of a public speaker,
so I could have lots of messages and videos of
him saying, my wife's aw some, my wife's this, my

(28:13):
wife's at But to have voice in its sent to you,
and thousands of letters like Jara wrote me about why
he loves me, a trunk full five thousand letters that
he wrote me over time. And when I think about
how fortunate I am, how lucky I am that I've
had that in my life, that I will have that forever,
and that one day my children, at any point that

(28:36):
they want, can go in there and read that know
what love looks like. And that feels good to me.
And there's a lot in there. There's like, you know,
don't be a bitch and forgive me and let this go.
And I didn't hide any of it because you know why,
because that was our journey.

Speaker 3 (28:51):
Yeah, it's a part of it.

Speaker 2 (28:51):
It's a part of who we are. For anybody to
think that it didn't have major speed bunks, major mountains
to overcome. I just believe like you that we don't
throw in the towel every time things go wrong. And
that is the message. Right when you think about it,
it's like, it's so much easier to say I'll forget

(29:12):
about it, I'm done with this. It's so much harder
to put the work in and stay and stay. Yeah,
and that's important.

Speaker 3 (29:20):
Okay, in real life? How happy are you.

Speaker 2 (29:22):
On the scale of once a ten personally or professionally? Personally,
I'm probably a three or four?

Speaker 3 (29:29):
Really?

Speaker 2 (29:29):
Yeah, that makes me so don't make it. Don't let
it make you sad. It's grown a lot, and that's
what I look for, is growth. I mean, if I
were to say, how do I measure myself from where
I've been to where I'm today, I would say I'm
a ten. But when I think of me personally, like
how still lonely it is after two years?

Speaker 3 (29:49):
That's hard? Oh baby, that's honest.

Speaker 2 (29:53):
Though, if you want to lie or you want.

Speaker 3 (29:54):
The truth, do I want the truth? That's why I ask.

Speaker 2 (29:57):
You, you want the truth through a life? Shit?

Speaker 3 (29:59):
People don't always answer that question truthfully. That's right.

Speaker 2 (30:03):
Fuck saying we never got a two or three. Yeah,
we get to never get to two or three. But
I think that's the truth. I think if I were
being really honest about where life has been, where were
you zero? I was at a zero. I was at
a I don't know if I can get off the ground.
Even though I was functioning, even though I was answering emails,

(30:25):
even though I was working, even though I was doing
all the shit that nobody else could do, I was functioning,
I was still at a big zero. So to get
to three or four, probably more like a four, that
was big for me. And I'm really proud of it actually,
So don't be sad, because I love you and that's
actually a good space. And by the way, I'll get
to the ten. On a professional level, I would say

(30:47):
that my thinking, my mind, my vision is operating at
a level ten or more, you know, And it's really
great when they can get really close to each other.
And that's micheal, because it's hard to operate functionally and
really clear minded unless they are equal. I don't know
if they'll ever get quite equal. I'm at a ten plus.

Speaker 1 (31:08):
You know yourself enough to be able to compartmentalize the two.
It's tricky when you put everything, when you bury.

Speaker 2 (31:16):
Yourself in work, it's hard.

Speaker 3 (31:18):
Sometimes it can help, you know it can help.

Speaker 2 (31:19):
You can do both. It can do both. You just
can't lose yourself in it. You know you have to
find I will have moments that I break in the
middle of a phone call, and I've found grace for
myself in those moments. Meaning I could be on a
conference call, everything's great, my team knows everything will be
going great. I'll have a great conversation and something triggers me,

(31:41):
and it could be just a word, a thought. I
hear something in the background, and I just start crying,
and I realize that my life is different than it
used to be, and I miss that life and I
wish it wasn't like that. How do I keep pushing through?
How do I keep going? But instead of punishing myself
because I can't explain that wave of pain, I don't
think you can. I don't think you know how to

(32:02):
say like it hurts. People will never really understand it
till they go through it because of exactly what you said.
The only answer is what you said. We don't talk
about it. The only answer is what you said. We
don't talk about death. Isn't that crazy? Yet we all
have it in common, so we're not ready for it.
So when I start crying, I just say, excuse me, guys,
give me a moment. And I've learned to say this,

(32:25):
if my grief makes you feel uncomfortable, it's not my problem.
And I have to forgive myself for that. And I
have to have grace for myself in times of the
hardest moments of my life. And I've learned to realize
that I can still do things even in it. And
that's the thing. So often we use what we're dealing

(32:46):
with as an excuse not to get where we need
to go. We use as an excuse and we procrastinate
life and time. I know that you were a victim
in your past, but that doesn't mean you need to
continue to be a victim in your future. Yeah, And
so I try not to be that girl that says

(33:06):
I have all the excuses in the world not to
push through it today, and I'd pushed through it anyway.
So right now it's two or three. But I'm honest
about it, and I'm really transparent about it, and I
know what it is, and I work on it in
some days it's better than others.

Speaker 3 (33:23):
Get do you have?

Speaker 2 (33:24):
Yeah? It was a zero before, and so if you
can get to a two or three and some days
you could have a four or five and laugh? And
what about you? What about you? When you ask yourself,
you have to ask yourself the same question.

Speaker 3 (33:38):
I didn't think you were gonna ask me.

Speaker 2 (33:39):
No, I'm asking you it again. I'm not letting you
off the hook.

Speaker 1 (33:43):
I think I'm in a weird I'm in And it's
funny because my life will reflect in this podcast. Like
so when you started to say I lost, those people
had that big change in my life. I watch good
friends go through serious loss and grief, and I think
right now, this season being about pivoting, I think I'm
in that right now. And like in real time, in

(34:05):
real life, you know, it's like scary. Sometimes I'm just
not I'm uncertain about the I feel very uncertain about
the world, my place in it. Am I doing what
I'm supposed to be doing. I'm normally really confident in
what I'm doing, and I don't know right now if
I've figured out what the pivot is for.

Speaker 3 (34:24):
Me right now, if I'm being normal.

Speaker 1 (34:29):
This test I don't want to get into too much
because it will require me to tell other people's business.
But I have been working on something for the past year.
I've been putting a lot of time and effort and care,
putting other things in my life aside for something that
I thought he was.

Speaker 3 (34:48):
Deep in my heart.

Speaker 1 (34:48):
And I've been working on something for a year that
is no longer happening.

Speaker 2 (34:52):
That's question.

Speaker 1 (34:54):
Yeah, it was really disappointing. So you take that away,
then you put it in that the world is different.
And so I'm like, I'm in a weird state of life.

Speaker 2 (35:03):
Right Where do I fit in all this?

Speaker 3 (35:06):
My purpose? What is my purpose right now? What's making
me happy right now? How do I serve right now?

Speaker 2 (35:15):
I just had the best idea how you served in
my head? That just came to my mind right now. Yea,
share it. You can share it, or you can cut
it if you want. But I just had this vision
that you go in now and you're going to start
doing documentaries about people live or not alive anymore. You're
the best person to tell the story. Oh my god,

(35:36):
it just hit me like a ton of bricks. Christian's daying. Yes,
He's like, yes, that imagine that nobody feels more comfortable
than talking to you. Just hit me, let's talk about this.
But it's you talking to people who are telling the
story because you know they'll be honest with you. I
would never have this conversation with anyone else but you.

(35:57):
And I'm not one of your people, Like I mean,
I'm not one of that the artist the famous people
I'm we're having I'm not one of those artists, famous people.
We're just having a conversation about life, right and pivoting,
because that's what this is about. But there's so much
of that that people do rely on you for.

Speaker 3 (36:15):
I do think my.

Speaker 1 (36:15):
Purpose and gift is in storytelling and helping other people
tell them and seeing the story, seeing people right, and
seeing the seeing people going to the point of it,
and seeing people for.

Speaker 2 (36:25):
And loving them even in the bad ye of it all.

Speaker 3 (36:27):
Yeah, so that's what I was trying to do.

Speaker 2 (36:29):
Well, I think we just might have been, honestly, definitely.

Speaker 1 (36:32):
Hit a large bump in the road, and so I
feel a little defeated and a little tired.

Speaker 3 (36:37):
So I think that's it.

Speaker 2 (36:38):
I just need I need a kick ass. We need
a work session, you and I. We need a real
work that.

Speaker 3 (36:44):
Would help, That would be nice.

Speaker 1 (36:46):
Yeah, so I'm in that. I'm by the way, I'm fine.
There's like real shit happening in the world. I have
friends that are really in the depths of troubling times.

Speaker 3 (36:55):
So I'm fine.

Speaker 1 (36:56):
But if I'm being honest, it's terms of like happy
on one to ten or emotionally. Right now, I am
in a place where I am ready to pivot, and
normally I know what that pivot is. Right this second,
I do not, and it makes me a'm very uncomfortable.

Speaker 2 (37:14):
Listen, I told you you felt bad for me when
I said a two or three and I said I've
had a zero. And I think, if we're really honest
about this, this show and how it helps people, it's
like everybody out there should be doing the same question
of themselves.

Speaker 1 (37:27):
Yeah, but I tend to on a normal days, normal times,
on an average, I tend to operate. I think I
operated a seven, and I have days that.

Speaker 2 (37:37):
I'm like, I did great mood.

Speaker 3 (37:38):
I'm in eight, nines, even tens.

Speaker 1 (37:41):
Is you know that's like the best times of life,
Like you know, we save it for that, But I
operate mostly out of seven.

Speaker 3 (37:46):
I think, so being at a five is not comfortable.

Speaker 2 (37:49):
But I think part of it is that you got
to separate the two a little bit.

Speaker 3 (37:55):
Ooh, that's good. I needed that.

Speaker 2 (37:57):
You got to separate the two a little bit and
to put the and you personal aside. You your family life,
your home life. What makes you happy there at home
is a different number than where you are in your
professional mind and where you're going. And that's a big step.
And I think, people, my god, that's so good for me.
I need that because I only have one number. Yeah,

(38:17):
it can't be. It can never be exactly the same.
It's never they can be close for mine, their way
off right now right but and mine is only a
ten plus in business only because I'm looking in the
future and I know it's coming, and there's the world
of AI. Technology is changing, e commerce is changing. People
don't care about necessarily just shopping online anymore. It's going

(38:39):
to change. I'm just going to be ahead of it.
But I love when they're closer. I don't like that
ones at two and a three and ones a ten,
but one day they'll get closer. If I could get
seven and eight, i'd be really happy. That's great. But
here's a good thing. If you do it every day.

(39:00):
When you think of it on a personal level and
a professional level, you can gauge your growth each day.
You can start to see what it was that affected me.
And I choose not to put myself around certain things
that might have affected it.

Speaker 3 (39:13):
Right.

Speaker 2 (39:13):
Yeah, I think in order to really get where we
want to go, if we keep them separately, we can
still grow on both sides.

Speaker 3 (39:20):
Yeah, for sure, You're amazing.

Speaker 2 (39:22):
I love you. I think that's beautiful.

Speaker 1 (39:24):
We were talking about the pressure of you. You know,
you were talking before about how like you would sleep
on the pillow by yourself and have to get up
and that day of you having to do convention that
day and just now running this Emperor hire on your
own and.

Speaker 3 (39:38):
All the stuff that the pressure that comes with that.

Speaker 1 (39:43):
And it's funny too, because you know, I have golf,
like I golf now, and that's really been such a
therapeutic thing for me. And every time I mentioned golf
around you, You're always like, I'm so.

Speaker 3 (39:51):
Happy you have that.

Speaker 2 (39:52):
I'm so happy you have it because I think we
all need something.

Speaker 3 (39:55):
Yeah, I was wondering what your thing is. Do you
have something?

Speaker 2 (39:59):
I don't know it yet. I think sometimes it's like
I'm OCD anyway. You know, you know I keep a
perfectly clean house. If I start a lego, I've got
to finish it with the kids.

Speaker 3 (40:09):
You know, A thousand piece, a.

Speaker 2 (40:12):
Thousand piece puzzle. You know, I like things that make
me think. I like to keep this really sharp. It's
the thing I got to And you know, Jerry used
to say, what's the one thing you worry about? The
moss is like keeping this really sharp? And that's really
my message too. It's like, I really work on that.
I don't how do you rest it? Though? It's hard,
it's hard to turn it off. You know, sometimes you

(40:33):
just got to get around your girls. That's where your
girls fill the space of saying, no, we're going let's
go put your clothes on. We're gonna go down the street.
We're gonna go grab a bite, d We're gonna watch
this ridiculous we're gonna watch By the way, last night
I watched this great. I watched you and as the
nurse on on Lifetime. It was so good. I'm watching

(40:54):
the movie at three am.

Speaker 3 (40:57):
I was in it.

Speaker 2 (40:57):
Hell no, I didn't know you were in it. By
the way, I was working and watching and I wasn't
trying to watch it, but I was thinking Jennifer and
I used to ooh, baby, I think I love you.

Speaker 3 (41:08):
Know, and I was like singing the song. And then
I look up.

Speaker 2 (41:11):
I'm like, oh, my god, is Alisa Lisa must be
her like show on Lifetime. I start watching it and
I'm working on a presentation of mine and I'm watching.
All of a sudden, I see she's in the hospital
and she's bound on breast cancer. Nobody knows which, By
the way, I was inspired by that moment. I was
really inspired. And I one thing I do do and
some people consider it work, but it's not work for me,

(41:32):
as I look for success stories like that in my
mind to keep me going. And I didn't know she
had breast cancer and that she was hiding it from
everybody else. And she's sitting on the hospital bed and
the nurse comes over and she tells the doctor that
she's gonna help her and go with her and take
care of her. And I turn around and it's you,
and I'm like, what, she's the nurse and I didn't
even know you acted in that. I was like, what,

(41:55):
I didn't know you were in it? How would I know?

Speaker 3 (41:56):
That if I got to tell you, I don't always
yell to me. She's like, you never tell me anything
you're doing. I'm like, I don't know, I just do stuff.

Speaker 2 (42:03):
I'm like, when did you do that? When did you
do that?

Speaker 3 (42:06):
Month ago? A couple of months ago.

Speaker 2 (42:07):
I was blown away. And by the way, the whole
movie is great. Have you seen it?

Speaker 1 (42:14):
I haven't watched the whole movie yet again, I watch
it again. I'm going to watch it tonight. I saw
like a rough cut when they were working on it,
but I haven't seen it.

Speaker 2 (42:23):
Oh, I thought it was an old movie.

Speaker 3 (42:24):
I just dropped the February first it came out.

Speaker 2 (42:27):
How I ended up watching it last night, and I
was so moved that I t vowed it so inspired,
and I didn't know her story.

Speaker 3 (42:34):
I just loved her.

Speaker 2 (42:35):
But isn't it funny how you can love someone and
not know their journey, And so that was That's something
that keeps me going. But especially that I turned it
on and there's Angie in it as the nurse. He's
getting ready to go on the tour with Lisa. Lisa,
and so I loved it so much. Many hats, many hats,
And that's why I love you so much because when

(42:56):
we think about grief, you don't have to lose someone
that grief, I mean, going through what you went through
in the accident is grieving part of you from then
is how do I get back to what happened? How
do I get back to where I was? How do
I get back to who I was and where I
was at that stage of my life?

Speaker 1 (43:16):
And for you even too, because really it's for the
end you'll see living your best life after losing your
greatest love, right, living your best life, but not you're
not over the grief.

Speaker 3 (43:27):
You didn't You didn't fix the grief. Day.

Speaker 2 (43:29):
I suffer every day. I just choose to get up anyway. Yeah,
you know, I suffer every day. There's not a night
I go to bed that I don't suffer crying for
at least thirty minutes. There's not a day that doesn't
goodbye that I don't miss the Lauren that I was
before with Dare. I miss that life. I miss our life,
I miss him, I miss me, I miss all of that.
I will never be the same, but I have to

(43:51):
get up anyway, And so I'm finding a way to
thrive through it and not just survive and I think
that takes real effort, and I know that, but I'm
up for it. I'm up for the challenge. I'm up
for the ride, I'm up for the journey. It's a
new page, it's a new chapter. And here's the good news.
We get to author our own life, we get to
author our own book, we get to be the director

(44:13):
of our own movie. And we only get one shot
at this that I know of I want to give
it the best shot I got. And that's why when
I see you, and you know, you don't talk about
it much, but I know that journey that you've been through,
that accident, that I know the Angie before and I
know the Angie now, and I love her both. But
there's a lot of changes that came with the new one,
right for sure, a new journey. And that was like

(44:34):
having to adjust yourself and find this. You know, you
look at your life and say, okay, well maybe I
like this a little bit better and this is not
as much. But then you learn to navigate no matter what.
You show up yeah for sure, and you realize you're like,
I have all this still and it all still exists,
and it will never leave me, and I will always

(44:55):
have him, and I will always be grateful for him,
because if it was for Jair, there would never be
Larn and Jair, you know, and I will always know
my best self as Larn and Jair.

Speaker 3 (45:08):
Oh, your best self. You might not have found her yet.

Speaker 2 (45:14):
I don't know about that.

Speaker 3 (45:17):
I still think there's I don't know. Maybe you haven't
become your best version of yourself?

Speaker 2 (45:21):
Shut out. No, seriously, I know I have. You don't
believe that. I just just take it day by day. Okay,
let's go day by day.

Speaker 3 (45:29):
Jesus.

Speaker 2 (45:30):
I love that she's like Jesus, that's just take it
day by day.

Speaker 3 (45:34):
She doesn't listen.

Speaker 2 (45:36):
Do you want me to find the best of me? Still?
I thought the best of me already happened.

Speaker 3 (45:39):
I listened to you. It doesn't have to mean the
best of you.

Speaker 2 (45:42):
The best you can still be ahead. I'm not sure
that mine are still ahead, but yours for sure.

Speaker 3 (45:47):
Why are you rooting me on like crazy?

Speaker 2 (45:49):
Why you don't have to find out love like that? Again?
You don't have to have like There could be other things, Yes,
I could have. My career is still popping, everything's still going.
I'm thinking sharper than ever. I'm clearer more than ever.
I'm more clear than ever. I'm more aware of life
like you are. You have to face death to see life.

Speaker 3 (46:09):
But you don't believe.

Speaker 2 (46:11):
Oh shit, here you go.

Speaker 3 (46:12):
No, I'm asking. That's a real question.

Speaker 1 (46:14):
What is it You don't believe that the best version
of you could still be in front of you.

Speaker 2 (46:21):
It's possible, anything's possible.

Speaker 3 (46:22):
But do you believe that?

Speaker 2 (46:24):
I believe it's possible. How's that?

Speaker 3 (46:26):
Okay?

Speaker 2 (46:26):
I believe it's possible. And the fact that I believe
is more than most people believe in them.

Speaker 3 (46:30):
The fact that you're ready to fight me over it.

Speaker 2 (46:32):
I'm ready to fight to it only because I'd rather talk.

Speaker 3 (46:34):
About you than me.

Speaker 2 (46:35):
But the truth of the matter is is because most
of us never believe as it is. And I already
believe in myself again, but you know I don't. I
just try to keep an open mind for what the
future looks like for me. I know the future's really
bright when it comes to work and my creative side exist.

(46:56):
That's what I have a gift for that, you know
I can. Jerry used to say you could take anything
and turn it into gold. I know that now. I
understand it now, and I don't need Jr. Present in
the physical presence to remind me of that. I remember now,
but it's taken a long time for me to see
what it looks like. And I know it makes you

(47:17):
and my other friends said, when I say I don't
know what this life looks like for me, it's personally
because it's hard to see that. No.

Speaker 1 (47:25):
I think that you believe in yourself, and I think
that you're I think you're probably proud of yourself. I
don't want to speak, but like in terms of your
business and what you've been able to, the shoes you've
been able to step into, how you've managed to in
this time.

Speaker 2 (47:37):
By the way, this is the first time I remember
talking about all deep shit like this. So yes, this
is hardcore stuff.

Speaker 3 (47:44):
We're this exclusives.

Speaker 2 (47:46):
This is exclusive exclusive guts. We're in the nitty gritty
and we're deep in the woods. Would say we're deep
in the woods right now.

Speaker 3 (47:55):
We're in the real life of it, all of it all.

Speaker 1 (47:58):
But I think if you take your real life out
and you take yourself as an entrepreneur and a leader
and a business woman.

Speaker 2 (48:05):
Proud of myself. I think learning to operating independently of
what my professional life look like has served its purpose
very well.

Speaker 3 (48:14):
Okay, you're ready for my in real life? Ready?

Speaker 2 (48:17):
We can I be ready for anything else?

Speaker 3 (48:19):
There?

Speaker 2 (48:20):
What else can there be?

Speaker 3 (48:22):
You don't have to answer them quickly because the.

Speaker 2 (48:24):
Laughing over there. What else can there be? Yes, I'm ready.
We know all of your business, tell me everything. We
didn't really go.

Speaker 1 (48:33):
So deep and you are listen, we're talking about the
human this book scrambled or sunny side up. It really
is like more about the human.

Speaker 3 (48:42):
Side of you. But if we take that away, because
I've witnessed the other.

Speaker 1 (48:45):
Side of you, which is this leader of this company and.

Speaker 2 (48:49):
This which in short term, by the way, is very simple.
We spent thirty six thirty well thirty three years now
helping other people become little entrepreneurs having their own ecoms business.
That's it. And they have done very well at it,
and we've done very well at it. And they don't
have to inventory a thing, and they can make as
much or as little as they want to empower them

(49:10):
to be the best version of themselves when nobody ever
really did in their life.

Speaker 3 (49:14):
When did you realize that business was successful?

Speaker 2 (49:16):
Oh gosh? And we started in ninety two by ninety
five it was starting to really kick. But what does
that mean, like meaning, we made our first like million
dollars and it was a big thing. And by nineteen
ninety six, we've made our first one hundred million dollars
four years in, unheard of. And Jared would push and
push on us all the time, used to drive me crazy.
It'd be like, yes, we did it with a five million,

(49:38):
ten million two years in, and he'd be like, keep going,
push while you have momentum. Momentum can stop if you
let the snowball effect happen. You know, you can either
build up or can roll backwards. He was really he
really focused on momentum. He never counted the checkbook, never
wanted basically what money existed, because he just kept investing it.

(49:59):
Nobody Mark was living with me, broke, my brothers living. No,
we were living in a three bedroom apartment that we
were all crammed in. Literally.

Speaker 3 (50:09):
Nobody was like a guy, we can buy a house now.

Speaker 2 (50:12):
No, he wouldn't let us. No, we didn't buy a
house until nineteen ninety nine. And the business is worth
what at this point a few hundred million a year.
We were doing, We were doing incredibly well, he didn't
believe in that. He cared about reinvesting in it. He
knew that something it disappear as fast as it came me.
It just came out of bankruptcy. When I met him,
he was scared. He I used to say, you're dating

(50:34):
me because I have good credit or no credit. I
was eighteen, I had no debt. I used to say,
you gotta stay married in me. You know, we teased
all the time, but yeah, you know, we did a lot.
We helped a lot of people, and it was like
we we just wanted people to be the best versions
of themselves and we had.

Speaker 3 (50:52):
Did money change you or your relationship or.

Speaker 1 (50:55):
Because that is a pivot, you go from having nothing
to all of a sudden you have an abundant.

Speaker 3 (51:00):
People don't really talk about that either. There's got to
be a shift there that happens.

Speaker 1 (51:04):
Almost even you becoming somewhat of an opportunity for people.

Speaker 2 (51:08):
That's hard. You know, that part's always the uncomfortable part.
You don't want to be seen like that, or you know,
phone rings and it's like, you know, you're not a
bank and I didn't get here doing that. Jared didn't
get here doing that, and none of us did. But
at the same token, I try to be a giver
and give back as much as I can, however I
can to the things that matter to me, because you know,

(51:29):
everybody ask, right, but you want to give to the
things that are dear to your heart. And I think
that money can change people. However, I also think that
money can help people help a lot of people, help
change people for the good. And I think it's a
it's like another taboo conversation, right when you think about
the fact that you ask that is such a wow

(51:51):
question because nobody wants to talk about what money can
do to people. I've seen it hurt people, and I've
seen it help people. And I've seen people like JayR
who just didn't fase them. And it's really a great
lesson for me because as women, we always like nice things,
We want pretty things, and he didn't care. You know,
he could wear the same T shirt and be happy

(52:13):
often he did. You know, had ten of them, and
we're laughing. I know the guys are laughing listening to this,
but you know he could buy ten of the same
T shirts and loved I said, can we get another
T shirt? They'd be like, no, I like this T shirt.
I was like, Okay, they didn't care about that. And
that was a big lesson for me to realize that
money for him wasn't the scoreboard. And I learned to realize.

(52:36):
And I'm trying to teach my children the same thing,
like even right now with money. I have a conversation
with Amber and I say, you know, we're partners in this.
I'm just a custodian of this. It's not mine, it's
not yours, it's not even your children's. It's we got
to be a custodian and be responsible. And how can
we help as many people as we can with it

(52:57):
while helping ourselves, but helping as many people as we can.
And I think that's got to be the message. I
think that's got to be the message that Dare didn't
just build us for it to belong to me to
have things or for him. And he wrote the word
you're a custodian, yeah, and a custodian meaning a custodian
for not just what I've given you, but what you'll

(53:19):
give and what she'll give. And I don't want us
to be foolish with it, because we can make it
last for a many of generations and help a lot
of people if we do something different. I look at
some of those big families, the Rockefellers, the carnegiese. Those
people are still around who still give. You know, I
hope my daughter can can spread it out like that
too one day, and I hope it can pass it

(53:40):
on to help other people one day. And I hope
she's very sensitive, so I know she knows the value
in helping people. And I think that's the real message
in it all, because we can't take it with us,
you know, and you go and God calls us. There's
no U haul behind us bringing it all with us.
The Burkens, the cars, the homes, I don't really matter.
And you know what I learned about money, but I

(54:01):
don't give a shit about it. After I lost the
person I love the most, I'd give it all back
just to have him back. You know.

Speaker 3 (54:10):
That was beautiful, baby.

Speaker 2 (54:11):
I love you. You know That's that's really what it's about.
Because people look at your life and they're like, she
married a rich guy. Okay, she got great friends, she
got this, But listen, my friends are all the same
as me. See. Money is just relative for all of us, right,
But putting money aside. It's success. We're not looking to
say I want you to be your best and you
so you can make the most money in the world.

Speaker 3 (54:33):
No, nobody says that.

Speaker 2 (54:34):
Nobody says that.

Speaker 3 (54:35):
Money is a thing, though I know it is.

Speaker 2 (54:37):
I know it's a thing, but it's it's a thing
that's it's the thing that it makes life easier. Certainly
can make life easier. It is a thing that exists.
It can affect certain people. We know that, we've seen it,
we're seeing it live right now, right But it's also
a thing that can hurt others in the ways if

(54:58):
it's used wrong. And I think it's it's how you
use it, It's how you see it, It's how you treat it,
it's how you For me, it's like I don't want
to touch it. I just wanted to keep growing, be
the custodian of it. Someway, what do you still want
to do? I want to do something that'll make Jair
so proud with this company. I want to be able
to make a big pivot. I want to be able
to make a pivot. I'm not even sure I'm ready

(55:19):
for it, but I'm going for I want all of
us to do that.

Speaker 3 (55:22):
How do you know when somebody's got it?

Speaker 1 (55:24):
Because you fostered a lot of talent leaders, you've made
other millionaires. How do you know when somebody's got the thing?

Speaker 2 (55:33):
I think when people have vision, when people can see
things before they happen, and they're nervous, and they get
that anxiety. I have anxiety every day. I wake up
with anxiety. I never have before, you know, because I
didn't have to think about it by myself. Now I
wake up and I think, I got to pay nine
hundred employees. Got to make sure all these thousands of
people are paid every week every Friday, you know, our salespeople.

(55:55):
I got to make sure that the business is growing.
E Commerce is not just the way any anymore. And
so I have anxiety every day. I have anxiety about
what the future looks like. How do I keep up
with technology? How do I keep up with AI AI?
How do any of us you know? Yet? I still
believe in my heart of hearts, a human touch matters,

(56:17):
and that you cannot replace a touch, a hug, love,
or life in that capacity, And so I think we
need both. How do we win by mixing both? How
do we win by getting where we need to go
by using the best of technology and the best of people.
And so when I say how do I know that

(56:37):
people have it because I look to see how much
research they do, how much they want to know, how
much they're looking at. What do they see like? For me,
I spend my days, my team will tell you, I
spend my days worrying about what the future looks like,
but not worrying about it, investigating it, researching it, learning
about it. I'm taking right now AI classes me. I'm
taking six AI classes a week to learn AI. I

(57:01):
do that because I want to be better at it.
I can't just rely on the guy at work to
do it. The people who you know were gonna make
it are the ones who are doing that. And then
there's always that occasional group of people who work with
you who are willing to do it too, and the
ones who are out the door when you're talking about
something important or they can't be there. You know, you
just know, and that's okay. Not everybody will be as

(57:23):
invested as you are. It's not their role too, okay.

Speaker 3 (57:27):
In real life, if today was your last day on earth,
what would you be doing?

Speaker 2 (57:32):
Calling my kids, my daughter, my grandkids, hugging them, loving them,
telling them how much I love them.

Speaker 1 (57:39):
What is have you figured out your real life purpose
while you're here.

Speaker 2 (57:44):
To help other people? Help other people, whether it be
through grief, and help them realize that there still can
be a way to get through this and survive and
there's still light at the end of this. And also
to help people succeed to become the best version of them.

Speaker 1 (58:00):
What has been the most important pivot that you've had
to make in your life, in your real life and
maybe in your business life.

Speaker 2 (58:09):
Well, obviously in our business life is the transition of AI.
I hate the thought of replacing people with technology. I
struggle with that. I struggle with it because I believe
in human touch. I believe that we need that and
that we need human connection to survive. And so although
I love where the future's going with AI, I resist

(58:32):
it some because of human nature. I prefer to be
with people. That's a struggle for me. But I'm learning
to deal with it internally and doing the right thing
still and having a good balance.

Speaker 1 (58:42):
You know what's so interesting about that, as you're friending
somebody who knows you, uh, you are never afraid to
keep learning, Like you were telling me.

Speaker 2 (58:50):
I'm my six classes a week right now for AI,
but I think I'm crazy. All my friends are like,
I want to take it with you. My office is
so jealous. I teach them stuff every day. But for me,
I keep growing all the time. I'm always learning, I'm
always taking in class and that helps fill some of
my sad times, you know, because I never have a
free moment. People are like, hey, are you free this week.

(59:11):
I'm like, I'm not free till sometime next year, but
I will make the time. I'm always filling empty space
with things because I know empty space is a danger
zone for me in grief. It's a danger zone that says,
uh oh, big speed bumps ahead. When you're alone. Things hurt,
But don't you have to have these I do. I
have them. They're often there. You can't feel every moment,

(59:33):
so sometimes it's the moment of me going in the shower.
I often cry a lot in the shower because it's
quiet and nobody's screaming Lauren, we need you, Mom, me
and me, where are you? You know? Or my office
is not calling. And the biggest pivot for me personally
is having to grow up and learn the things I
didn't know that, you know, learning to live alone has

(59:54):
been a big one. Living alone and having a quiet
house sometimes and walking through that house and seeing thoughts
of my former life, my life before with Lauren and Jr.
That's sad for me. And having to pivot and see
the world with different glasses and different vision. And I'm

(01:00:16):
trying to do that. I'm working on that all the time.
I don't I don't know it all innately right now.
I'm working on me.

Speaker 3 (01:00:24):
Are there any positive sides to grief?

Speaker 2 (01:00:29):
Knowing that love is that grand, that great, knowing that
the universal language, the only thing that matters at the
end of the day is love, you know. I we
can't take any of this shit with us. And if
people put as much time in their relationships, they end
up they would end up even being more successful in

(01:00:49):
their business. That's the funny thing, because when things are
successful at home, we succeed at the things we want
to do. That's why Jared and I were always so clear, like,
have to be good before we go to bed, because
we can't have a successful day tomorrow. If we'd have
a fight, knock down, drag out. He'd be like, before
we get in that bedroom. We gotta fix it or
fix it in the bedroom.

Speaker 3 (01:01:11):
You know what I mean?

Speaker 2 (01:01:12):
Because if you don't fix things, you can't be right
the next day. And if you work on having a
great relationship with your children and a great relationship with
your husband and your grandchildren like I do, then you
find a way to survive no matter what, and you
can still thrive. And I think that's what I've been
doing very well. And God's probably gonna give me a

(01:01:33):
long life and make me stick around for a long time.
Have I gotta I just kinda go. I gotta find
a way to navigate through it. And that's what I'm
gonna do. That's what I'm doing.

Speaker 3 (01:01:44):
One a Jr's favorite My favorite quotes of JR.

Speaker 2 (01:01:47):
Is the dash and go just to do? What are
you going to do with the dash?

Speaker 3 (01:01:52):
Make sure two mates right? What is the quote?

Speaker 2 (01:01:55):
Is that? A birthdate and a death date at the cemetery?

Speaker 1 (01:01:58):
You know?

Speaker 2 (01:01:58):
He took me to a cemetery and my second date.
He took me out and pulled up the ceminary and said, hey,
get out of the car. I was like, what are
we doing?

Speaker 3 (01:02:05):
This is your second date?

Speaker 2 (01:02:06):
My second day Greensboro, North Carolina and he was driving
like eighty five miles an hour down the road. I
was like, I'm not sure if you know this, cause
you're not from Greensboro and I'd lived there for a
while by now. I was like, it's thirty five miles
an hour here. He's like, well, that's okay. If I
had a license, i'd go faster, you know, JR. That's
exactly what he would do. And uh, he was going

(01:02:27):
so fast and I said, where are we going? He said,
it's a surprise. That's like a surprise. What are you
talking about as a surprise. We pulled up it was
a cemetery. I said, well, I don't know what kind
of surprise this is. Now it's starting to think I
was in danger. M really danger guy. No, I thought
I was going to die. I thought he was crazy,
and I was unsure because he was nervous energy and
I think he was nervous going eighty five miles an

(01:02:49):
hour down Wendover Avenue in Greensboro and he said get out.
It's like for what He's like, just get out. Pick
any one of them walking up and down them, Pick
any one of them. I was like, okay, that one
he's like, what do you tell me about that one?
I was like, I don't know, I don't know him.
He's like, no, what does it say? I was like,

(01:03:10):
he goes, every one of them have a birthday and
everyone have a death date, and there's a little line
in between, and all that matters is that line in between,
you know what? That represent their life, their journey. Most
of these people in this cemetery the most talented people,
except none of us ever heard of them because they
never did anything with it. Somebody told them they couldn't

(01:03:30):
do it, they weren't capable, and they believed them. Don't
be one of them. Let's go live our life. You
and I are going on a journey together. This is
the second day a date, second date. He must have
really liked me, and I must have really liked him,
because at that moment, I think, by the time I
walked to the car and I fell in love with them.

(01:03:51):
At that very moment, I thought I have a real
lunatic on my hands, and I did. He used to say,
yet one flew over the whockoo's nest. Baby, I'm Jack Nicholson,
and your nurse prechities to say, get in the car.
It's like, well, if you're going to do this with me,
we're going on a journey and all that matters in
our life is we fill up the dash. And you know,

(01:04:13):
at our thirtieth convention, the last final words that he
had said was is if you do something great with
your life, and you fill up that dash with beautiful things,
and you go places with your kids, and you do
the things that you want to do, and you help
people succeed in their life and reach out to people

(01:04:34):
when they need you, then when it's your time to go,
you don't feel so bad about leaving.

Speaker 3 (01:04:42):
Wow, that's true.

Speaker 2 (01:04:46):
Scrambled or Sunny said, go get the buck.

Speaker 3 (01:04:49):
What do you hope people get from them?

Speaker 1 (01:04:50):
Oh?

Speaker 2 (01:04:51):
I hope they find a better version of themselves by
the end of it. I hope they remember the teacher.
I hope they remember what he said. I hope to
remember that their husband or their daughter thought of the
same thing of them. I hope they look in the
mirror and they say, you know what, I can do this.
I believe in myself. I want to write my husband
a letter today. I want to write my wife a

(01:05:12):
letter today. I want to say thank you more. I
want to be more. I want to do more, and
I want to see the good in people. Live that dash.
Make that line me be more than a line. Make
sure that nobody tells you who you can be or
who you can't be. That's what the book's about. That's
what I hope people get out of it.

Speaker 1 (01:05:31):
I love that you ended at that way because I
believe the best version of you is it's still in
front of you.

Speaker 2 (01:05:40):
Well, we don't cheers the water, but I have a
sip for that. I love you.

Speaker 3 (01:05:44):
Can we get some shots?

Speaker 2 (01:05:47):
Yeah, we need a shot.

Speaker 3 (01:05:48):
Christian, the amazing Lauren Ritinger.

Speaker 2 (01:05:51):
Here's to all of you guys, to everybody being the
best version of themselves.

Speaker 3 (01:05:56):
I love that salute. Edge Martinez in Real Life Podcast