Sarah Jakes Roberts

Sarah Jakes Roberts opens up about her journey towards understanding happiness and purpose. From discussing the complexities of trusting happiness to reflecting on the challenges of motherhood and personal growth, Sarah shares her insights on finding fulfillment through faith, serving others, and the importance of authenticity. The episode delves into the realities of balancing personal life with professional obligations, the nuances of prayer, dealing with public scrutiny, and the redemptive power of forgiveness. Sarah's candidness offers a unique and relatable perspective on navigating life’s various seasons. 

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:00):
And Martinez in real life podcast? Are we rolling?

Speaker 2 (00:07):
Can we start? All?

Speaker 3 (00:08):
Right?

Speaker 2 (00:09):
Well, then I ask you, missus, Sarah James Roberts, how
happy are you on.

Speaker 1 (00:13):
A scale one to ten? Today?

Speaker 3 (00:15):
Today? Aminton? Today? Aminton?

Speaker 1 (00:18):
Are you always a ten?

Speaker 2 (00:19):
No?

Speaker 4 (00:20):
Well that's I don't want to get deep so fast,
but I don't always trust.

Speaker 1 (00:23):
Let's just go right. I'm so excited about today.

Speaker 4 (00:26):
I don't always trust happiness, so it takes me a
while to feel safe and happiness. But I will say
today I'm really grateful for all of the things that
I have put as seed into the ground. I'm beginning
to see the harvest seven and that brings me joy.

Speaker 1 (00:41):
I'm so excited.

Speaker 2 (00:42):
First of all, congratulations on this, on this new book.

Speaker 1 (00:46):
Look at all my notes, look at all my post its.

Speaker 2 (00:48):
These are all moments either that it provoked a question
or it just was like a word that I neither
maybe I needed, or that I wanted maybe to expand on.
So I don't know if we're gonna get to all
of these today, but I just put them here as marker,
and I wonder from you, Like when I think about
this pod, I always think I told you this before
we started.

Speaker 1 (01:09):
I think of it as an offering, right.

Speaker 2 (01:10):
It's also a business, and it's sometimes tricky navigating that
for mem h. But then you take into consideration like
numbers and business saying so for you, where I would
imagine that your first purpose is to serve, for sure,
serve God? Right?

Speaker 4 (01:27):
Does it get noisy under their You know what I
love that you did though with the themes when you
first started is that's what I started doing with Women Evolved.
I wanted to seek God about what is woman evolved
as a whole? And like, what do you want these
women to know from me this year? What is it
that I can tell them? And so one year guy
gave me the word hope, and so everything we did

(01:50):
that year was surrounding hope. So I took the word
hope and then we were like, hope for your heartbreak,
hope for your purpose, divide it up.

Speaker 3 (01:57):
In twelve months, every.

Speaker 4 (01:59):
Podcast video that we produce all centered around hope with
this specific emphasis. And so once I receive that message
from God about what it was supposed to be about,
then I was able to filter our content and our
vision all through that lens. So I actually like the
idea of you like consulting, God, praying, meditating, Like, what

(02:19):
is it that's in me? What do they want now?
What's going to through numbers?

Speaker 2 (02:23):
Like?

Speaker 4 (02:23):
What is in me that I can offer to them
as a lesson that you've taught me? How can I
serve them from the place where I have been feeled?

Speaker 1 (02:31):
How do you stay so locked into that? Do you
ever like feel off?

Speaker 2 (02:37):
Because sometimes I feel I'm in my bag and the
world is going on right now. I'm like, I know
I'm doing exactly what I'm supposed to be doing right
now because it's just oozing out of me. And then
sometimes you fight it and you're not. Sometimes I don't
all the way feel like I'm in my bag.

Speaker 1 (02:53):
Yeah, I'm searching for it.

Speaker 2 (02:55):
Do you always feel like you are in your pocket
and in your purpose.

Speaker 3 (03:00):
In some way?

Speaker 4 (03:02):
In some way, even if it looks different than maybe
what most people know. So like when I'm at home
with my kids, like I'm in my bag, Like when
me and my husband are kicking around and we're like
playing and joking and then having deep conversations and growing together,
that feels like my bag. That it has been the
most liberating thing for me to not feel like my

(03:24):
power has to have one specific form when I'm resting
and I'm tired, when I'm having conflict that I need
to address, like that feels like my bag. So I
don't always feel like I'm in the same bag. But
not to upset Erica, buta do. I'm a bit of
a bag lady.

Speaker 2 (03:41):
So nobody wants to sound up about you.

Speaker 4 (03:45):
But I do think that depending on what stage of life,
I'm int like, I can't wait to be in my
rest bag, like when this season is over. Yeah, my
sleeping bag. I just I want to go home. I
want to go home and just be in my space,
in my world, just walking around my house.

Speaker 3 (04:05):
That's for me.

Speaker 4 (04:06):
I'm introverted, so being home helps to restore me and
refuel me.

Speaker 1 (04:12):
You just called on a part in your book.

Speaker 2 (04:13):
I remember you saying we are not meant to burn
with power every single second of your life. Yeah, oh boy,
do I struggle with that because I feel so good
when I'm in my bag. M M that if I'm
being too quiet or if I'm home marinating, I feel
like I'm not doing anything and I have I'm learning

(04:35):
as I get older that that's okay.

Speaker 1 (04:36):
Like, yeah, those periods of your sleep of being in
your sleeper bag. Yeah, and your rest bag. It's okay,
But you seem you like that.

Speaker 4 (04:45):
I think that when I start like I, you know,
I've only had a few hours of sleep the last
few days, Like I can go, but then when I'm
out of it, I know that I need a rest.
But I do think that it is like this give
and take, like it's a season, and I know that
it's a season, so I have energy for this season,
and then the season's going to change and my exertion
will look different. But I mean, I do think that

(05:08):
for me because my father's a boomer. Heat work ethic
is what we apply the most in my family, and
so I know that part of me feeling lazy when
I sit down is cultural, Like I feel this need
to constantly be working because if I'm not working, I'm lazy.
It's very much so something that I have inherited. And

(05:28):
so I see him leaning more into rest and sensitivity.
That great, and it makes me feel like maybe it's
okay if you take your break.

Speaker 2 (05:37):
There is a thing even I'm sure even in your
world of work addiction.

Speaker 4 (05:41):
Oh yeah, for sure, especially when it feels virtuous.

Speaker 1 (05:44):
Yes, yes, helping people.

Speaker 4 (05:46):
You never stop exactly, But like we're called to lead
people to God, not to become their God, and to
remind ourselves of the areas where we need God, which
means that there is a humility that we have to
have in what we do. That's okay, But when's the
last time you were just like in God's presence for yourself,
not to get a message, not to just take something
and turn it around to someone else. Like where's God

(06:08):
teaching you, growing you, healing you? And can you rest
in that tension before trying to avoid it by helping
someone else.

Speaker 2 (06:16):
Yes, everything can't go out, yeah, exactly, Sometimes there has
to be incoming.

Speaker 3 (06:20):
Yeah, it's so funny.

Speaker 4 (06:22):
I preached a message in Dallas It's caught back by power,
and I talked about how there's a silent transition of power.
And I use the analogy of like mid term elections
and how people don't really engage. But then the things
that we complain about have a lot to do with
the mid term elections, But that silent transition of power
happens in our day to day lives as well, where
silently we're giving power into our hustle, power is seeping

(06:47):
into our need to constantly experience success in little by
little we end up losing ourselves because we allow that
to become more powerful then whatever our core values are
supposed to be. That's why in the book I talk
about like what are your core values? What do we
wanna highlight? It's things that are non negotiable for you,
and how do we align your decisions with those core
values so that those can be more powerful than these

(07:10):
seasons where power can be stripped away from us very easily.

Speaker 2 (07:14):
Yeah, what do you what do you what do you
teach your kids about that? Cause it you know, for me,
I always worry that my kids feel like they have
to do what we do right or or that they
have to live up to a certain uh level of success,
which to me, I think success is different to everybody.
So like we teach the kid, our kids the things

(07:34):
that we learned that work for us, but also you gotta.

Speaker 3 (07:37):
Let them have their own journey, have their own journey.

Speaker 2 (07:40):
Yeah, so how do you figure that out as a
mother and then also as.

Speaker 4 (07:44):
A child, Mm like w W what are what are
the tricks of finding your own way? I always say
so my my husband, Now we're blame the family. We
got six kids together. Uh, my oldest biological child is
twenty one years old. M and so I always tell
people I have I haven't received my parenting report card yet,
like I've got a few more years before he tells

(08:05):
me all of the things. And then I started with
him at fourteen, so you know, it was a struggle.
But each of my children have different personalities I think
based off of the conditions they were raised in. So
when I was raising my twenty one year old, I
think that he's got that work ethic thing because he
saw me doing all that I could to build a
life for ourselves. I was determined to not be dependent

(08:26):
on my parents, to the point of me cutting myself
off before they cut me off. I was like seventeen,
I'm like, I'm moving out. I've got to take care
of my child. I've got to grow up. I don't
want any help. And so he's seen me work very
hard to build a life. My fourteen year old and
my eight year old are in this transition where I've
kind of got a foundation and things started moving. But
with them, I try to teach them one. I try

(08:48):
to lean into where they're showing strength, so to put
them in positions where their gifts and talents are being highlighted.
So she's athletic, she likes volleyball. One of them likes theater,
and so they are doing things that do not look
any like what I do, but it's what they're passionate about.
So I think as soon as we can sow into
their passion, even if it doesn't look like ours, it
gives them permission to explore. My biggest thing is that

(09:11):
you feel fulfilled and purposeful and that the world is
better in some way because of the space that you occupy.
It doesn't have to be preaching, it doesn't have to
be ministry at all, but your life itself should be
a message. And so allowing that to take root means
giving them space to explore, but also reminding them who

(09:33):
they get to be at their core, as a person
of integrity and goodness and light and love in the world.

Speaker 2 (09:40):
What about the younger you, the kid you did.

Speaker 1 (09:45):
You feel that growing up too?

Speaker 3 (09:46):
Or did the pressure to do well?

Speaker 2 (09:49):
No?

Speaker 4 (09:50):
But you know my story is a little different. So
my sister, when we were graduating kindergarten, she's like, I'm
five years old. When I grow up, I want to
be a preacher. So she has known her whole life
that she wanted to be administered crazy at five years old.
And I never really felt connected to church. I didn't
really feel connected to faith, and so I think at

(10:11):
a certain point, especially after I had my son, I
felt like being an administrative assistant or an executive assistant
is probably going to be the safest path for me.

Speaker 3 (10:19):
There will be job stability.

Speaker 4 (10:20):
I love logistics, I love being behind the scenes, and
so I felt like that would be my space. I
never felt the pressure, and then when I got pregnant,
I was like, there's definitely no pressure.

Speaker 3 (10:28):
Now, don't nobody want you preaching nothing? So I was like, okay,
I won't do that.

Speaker 4 (10:32):
I really did stumble into this space of ministry and purpose.

Speaker 1 (10:37):
What was the moment that you knew it.

Speaker 4 (10:39):
Was probably when I started blogging. I started blogging in
like twenty ten, and I was in my first marriage,
and so I was blogging under my married name. It
wasn't like a tdj's daughter has a blog, which made
it safe for me because I'm like, now I can
pour all of these thoughts on paper.

Speaker 3 (10:53):
And I was going through it.

Speaker 4 (10:54):
I was in a real bad space, really depressed, really anxious,
and I was just putting all of that darkness to
the world. And then at the end I would just say, like,
what would you pray over this person? Like I didn't
know if I believed it for myself, but like, what
light can you add at the end of this? And
when people started telling me that you just gave me words.
I've been going through a dark time. You just gave

(11:15):
me words. You just helped me. I feel seen. I
don't feel like I'm in it by myself. I felt like,
oh my gosh, this blog has the potential to be
something that really helps people. And honest to God, I
was like in the blog, like, it'll just be a blog.

Speaker 3 (11:29):
And that's I love writing. The blog is fine for me.

Speaker 4 (11:33):
Then someone invited me to come speak and they were like, okay,
well can you share your story this team pregnancy and
I was like, okay share. It was like forty women.
I'm like, yeah, I'll share my story. That's easy, that's
no problem. And then you know, same kind of response,
and I was like, it'll just be me sharing my
story and just me doing them all. I'm like, all right, God,
stay right here, stay right here. And it wasn't until

(11:54):
I met my husband. He's got this incredible community that
he founded in Los Angeles, and he was like, if
there's any space where you could come and share your
story on a Sunday, it's my church. And I was like, oh,
I don't do Sunday speaking because that's too much like
a sermon and I'm not the sermon girl. And he
was like, no, this is totally different. I go to
speak there and we fell in love. Right if we

(12:16):
would not have fallen in love, I probably would have
spoke there and went back to my corner. But we
fell in like I like you and I like this,
And I was like, Okay, I will only speak here
and I'll share my story and it'll be a blog.
But I kept getting these testimonies that made it kind
of undeniable that something was happening when I spoke that

(12:36):
was helping people in a way that they felt like
they had never been seen or heard or validated from
a space of faith before. And so I do it
for those testimonies. And I feel like, as long as
God gives me something to say, as long as God
is growing me and changing me and transforming me in
a way that I feel like could benefit others that
I will share that in whatever avenue.

Speaker 2 (12:58):
That is good for you for not being afraid of
that when you have so much to live up to.

Speaker 1 (13:04):
If you could have easily been in.

Speaker 2 (13:05):
Your own head of I'm not my father or people
going to you know, just outside noise, expectations, opinions.

Speaker 4 (13:14):
I don't know if I was delusional, but sometimes you
know that sometimes the edge off a little bit. But
I just really felt like I'm so different from him,
Like I am so different that I'm not even in
his footsteps at all. Like this is completely different than
what I experienced for him.

Speaker 3 (13:35):
And the more that.

Speaker 4 (13:35):
I grew in it and became comfortable, I definitely saw
the similarities. But I didn't start it thinking I was
going to be in his footsteps. I just kept thinking
that this would be my little corner, This will be
my little corner. I'm like, all right, no more, no
more confident even when it was all I mean, you
can there are times when I'm speaking now and you

(13:56):
can hear me trembling in my voice, like yeah, part
of the reason. Like so when I go places and
they're like, you know, fancy place, they were like the
headsets when they're speaking, I could never do that because
my hands would tremble so bad that I liked holding
the microphone because it helped me to steady my hand.
I don't feel like I'm a speaker, like naturally a speaker, but.

Speaker 3 (14:20):
I stand up to it.

Speaker 1 (14:22):
Yes, you show up.

Speaker 2 (14:23):
Yeah, that's the most amazing thing about you to me
is the way you show up.

Speaker 1 (14:28):
You just show up like you're like, yes, Okay, I
hear you, I got it.

Speaker 3 (14:31):
Here we go, Here we go, here we go.

Speaker 2 (14:34):
And I mean, at the end of the day, we
should all just aspire to do that. Yeah, Because I
always feel like if we just had some kids at
at radio station, end of the day, we had a
bunch of kids in the studio and they were asking
me questions and I was like, everybody, you got something
in there? Yeah, everybody's god that just do you listen
to it?

Speaker 1 (14:49):
Do you show up for it?

Speaker 3 (14:50):
Take a chance on it.

Speaker 4 (14:51):
Yes, there's some things you will not know about what's
in you until it's outside of you. And once it's
outside of you, it's gonna grow, what's gonna change, It's
going to and developed. But as long as it's trapped
inside of you, it's like a woman holding a baby,
we even telling my motherhood like a woman pregnant with
a baby. There comes a point where until you release
it out, it can't grow, like it's going to reach
its capacity. And you do not know the limits of

(15:15):
what's inside of you until you put it in an
environment where there are no limits. And I feel like
that's the greatest gift that any of us can give ourselves.
I mine was trapped by shame, by insecurity, by depression,
and when I finally got to a place where I'm like,
you know what, forget it, like this is my story,
this is my truth, my testimony, this is my testimony,
and I'm gonna accept it and embrace it. If no

(15:37):
one else does, I'm gonna do it. And I just
I didn't know that I'd be showing other people that
they could do it too.

Speaker 2 (15:43):
Was there a prayer that's associated with that or around
that time, like something that you would go to to
pick you up out of just I don't know insecurity or.

Speaker 4 (15:54):
I will say that the one thing I I feel
like it was God told me in this moment where
I wasn't even like trying to fool with like church
or spirituality, I felt I feel like it was God.
Now I said I can do better than this, like it,
and I was at a really low point when I
said it, But I just heard I can do better
than this, and for me, better didn't have a destination.

Speaker 3 (16:16):
It was the starting point.

Speaker 1 (16:18):
That's good.

Speaker 4 (16:19):
It was just the starting point. So each day it
was just like, what can I do that's better than this?

Speaker 1 (16:24):
Like I was.

Speaker 4 (16:25):
I mean, I had two kids, I'm twenty two years old.
I'm like, this cannot be the rest of my life, Like,
I can't feel this way about me for forever. I
think I can do better than this, and I do
feel like I'm still chasing that. So even when I'm
finished steeling, yeah, I think, like when I'm finished speaking,
I'm like, sometimes I feel like, oh my gosh, I

(16:46):
did exactly what God told me to do. So there
are some moments where I'm like, I felt restricted, I
felt like there was something wrong. I think I can
do better than this, and I think I've just been
chasing that incremental better better for a little while.

Speaker 1 (17:01):
Now, Wow, that's good. That's really good because we can
all do better.

Speaker 3 (17:08):
You know, it's a little better.

Speaker 4 (17:10):
I think the big better scares people, right, of course,
the big so like I cannot because most of us
know the area of our life where we need a
total overhaul. When I'm talking to girls who feel like
I'm stuck in this toxic relationship, I don't know. I
can't leave. I can't leave, and what should I do?
Should I say or should I go? I'm like, I
think you should leave, but I think you know that.
But part of the reason why we don't leave is
because it would require a complete overhaul. So what does

(17:32):
a little bit better look like? Like, let's take the
pressure off. We don't have to figure out five to
ten years down the road, like what is just a
little bit better from here? And that gives people permission
to inch their way into transformation.

Speaker 1 (17:45):
That's so good.

Speaker 2 (17:47):
Yeah, because even if you would have started young, you thirteen,
you like, Okay, I'm gonna have this whole all these
New York Times best selling books.

Speaker 1 (17:54):
Oh my god, I'm gonna have this whole group of
people that need me.

Speaker 2 (17:58):
And you know, you couldn't image even that I thought
of where you are.

Speaker 3 (18:02):
Now, not at all.

Speaker 4 (18:03):
Yeah, I don't know that I thought when I got pregnant,
I don't know that anyone was even telling me, like,
you know, you're gonna be okay. Everyone made it seem
like I was in such a bad place that it
was going to take everything I have grace, prayer, and
I still may not make it that. I just felt
like I am on a sinking ship.

Speaker 3 (18:22):
And it's so.

Speaker 2 (18:23):
Interesting to me because you would think that the people,
not not just your family, just everybody surrounding you and
your family would would be of the notion of everybody
has a testimony.

Speaker 4 (18:34):
Mmm.

Speaker 2 (18:35):
You would think that you would be encouraged to say,
one day, yeah, this right once could serve your story,
could serve someone.

Speaker 3 (18:44):
No.

Speaker 4 (18:44):
I think I think that my parents were probably just
completely just devastate, Like what do you even do with
a thirteen year old pregnant child?

Speaker 3 (18:53):
Like what do you even do with it?

Speaker 4 (18:54):
And your like on the cover of Time magazine as
America's Next Preacher and she's been having sex, Like what
do you even do with that? So I think that
they were grappling with whatever that meant for them, and
all I could perceive was their grief. And so now
I'm getting a message, it's like, you have grieved this family,
get your life has brought on grief, and so coming

(19:16):
to a space.

Speaker 1 (19:17):
Or a little baby, thirteen year old baby, they're sad.

Speaker 4 (19:20):
That's so and that's so young, my yd Sometimes when
I because my daughter's fourteen now, which has been traumatic
because I'm like, now I'm seeing what it means for
somebody fourteen to become a mother, and how much more
responsibility that as my son he's twenty one. Now, I'm
like a had a seven year old and twenty one
years old, and I think I'm just now realizing how

(19:43):
difficult that was. But I am a stand up to
a kind of girl. That's why when I'm preaching on
beating my chest, like, I am a stand up to it.
But when you get finished standing, you got to take
a minute and sit down and look at how much
it cost you to stand up to some of the
things you had to stand up to.

Speaker 2 (20:00):
Because you wish for your for it to be easier
for other people and your children especially.

Speaker 4 (20:03):
And if we never assess the path the journey, then
we don't get to extract the wisdom. And so that's power,
that's courage within itself to say, I know I could
stand up to this, but right now I need to
sit down because I'm tired, Like my feet hurt, you know.

Speaker 1 (20:18):
It's like, do know, So that's always my thing.

Speaker 2 (20:20):
It's like knowing when to sit down and knowing when
to listen and pay attention. And you know, surrendering is
always challenging.

Speaker 3 (20:28):
For yeah, the way you said, because so hard, so hard.

Speaker 1 (20:33):
It's like, do have great faith?

Speaker 2 (20:34):
But also I am somebody who likes to control things
and and and be in charge, and sometimes surrendering is hard.

Speaker 4 (20:43):
So that's the other thing, Like when being in charge
it served you well, like it's created a lot of
opportunity in your life, and so being willing to let
that go, I can imagine that would be difficult.

Speaker 1 (20:54):
Not for you.

Speaker 3 (20:58):
My marriage has taught me a lot about render.

Speaker 1 (21:02):
Oh yes, doesn't it? Know, doesn't marriage automatically do that?
Excuse me?

Speaker 4 (21:09):
You know, when I married my husband, I was by
then i'd gone through I was like, I can do
better than this. I was at best, we'd gone from
better to best. And then I meet this man who
wants to partner with me to take my best to great.

Speaker 3 (21:25):
But that requires a level.

Speaker 4 (21:27):
Of intimacy and surrender and trust that I felt hurt
me in the past to allow someone access to my life,
your heart, my part of it, my children, I moved
to Los Angeles. That was challenging, but what I have

(21:51):
become so much better as a result of the partnership.
And I realized that I was robbing myself of the
very gift that God gave me, which means for me,
I was robbing myself of who I could becoming God
because I believe when God brings someone into your life
that their role is to help cultivate all that God's
placed inside of you. But if I don't let them

(22:13):
have access, then the cultivation can't happen. And so leaning
into this beautiful journey of becoming one has required me
to let my defenses down and to trust my resiliency
and to trust my balance. I can use my words,
I can say that doesn't feel safe. Can you take
me slower?

Speaker 3 (22:32):
Like?

Speaker 4 (22:32):
I can show up. I don't have to surrender. Doesn't
mean that I don't have a voice anymore.

Speaker 2 (22:38):
How do you know when to How does a woman
especially know when to do that? Because I think especially
young women and just going into a new relationship or
maybe coming out of heartbreak or coming out of a
failed relationship, how do.

Speaker 1 (22:54):
You know when?

Speaker 2 (22:56):
Because this compromise that has to happen on some of
your independence, even when you partner with somebody like that,
how do you know when is that moment?

Speaker 4 (23:03):
I feel like I came to a crossroads where I
realized that if I don't do this, I'm going to
miss out on me, not just on him, because I
think a lot of times were like, if I don't
do it, I'm going to lose him. But I felt
like my destiny was connected to his, like there was
something about who he was, like when I fell in
love with him, I literally told him, I love the

(23:25):
way the world looks through your eyes. I love the
way you think. I love the way you reconcile, I
love the way you forgive, Like I felt better because
he was in the world and I did not want
my inability to trust to keep me from experiencing the vibrancy.

Speaker 3 (23:43):
Of what life looks like through his eyes.

Speaker 4 (23:46):
Because I felt like there was something about the way
that he saw that was gonna make me change the
way that I see it. And so I think if
we think less about oh my gosh, I'm going to
lose this person, because then that has a scarcity mentality
connected to it, and more abundance, like who am I
going to become in a form of abundance by being
loved by you and by pouring my love into you,

(24:09):
and that allowed me to I'm not I'm not gonna
say it having overnight because he's in the room and
he'll tell me I'm lying, but I will say that
he created an environment that made it safe and I
begin to release some of that slow.

Speaker 1 (24:26):
Slow release. It was a release.

Speaker 2 (24:27):
Yeah, it was slow, you know, that's you do it
as you can.

Speaker 4 (24:30):
Yeah, it feels good, but I feel like I lean
into it fully.

Speaker 1 (24:33):
Now how long did that take?

Speaker 3 (24:35):
We've been married almost ten years.

Speaker 1 (24:38):
Just doing it, you know.

Speaker 4 (24:39):
I mean eight is like new beginnings, So I would
say year eight was probably like why I was like,
really that foundation was that.

Speaker 1 (24:47):
Everything else was.

Speaker 4 (24:48):
A transitional season, you know, trying to find my sound.
I had a baby in that time, I was form on.
All things were wild.

Speaker 2 (24:55):
That is important to know, though, because it doesn't happen
right away. No, even now you're married, you're one of
marriage doesn't mean everything is clear and you're not still
holding on to stuff from before and exactly and trust
comes easy, isn't It takes time?

Speaker 1 (25:15):
No?

Speaker 3 (25:15):
Yeah, it takes time.

Speaker 4 (25:16):
I am grateful, like I never had any fracture like
where I felt like he was he wouldn't be faithful
to me. So like the infidelity that I experienced in
the past, Like I never felt like that with him,
So that made me feel safe that I would never
experience that again. But I didn't know that once you
don't have that on the table, that there are all
these other areas where.

Speaker 3 (25:37):
You have to learn to trust. Someone tell me what.
Like I thought it was just, you know, don't cheat
on me.

Speaker 4 (25:42):
I didn't know it was like, I have to trust
the way that you parent, and trust the way you communicate,
and trust how you deal with finances, and trust that
we're going to make the right decision about whether we
buy this house or do we move to Dallas? Do
we stay in LA Like I didn't know that there
were all these different areas of trust.

Speaker 3 (25:58):
I thought it was just like, don't cheat on me. Now,
now what.

Speaker 1 (26:04):
I gotta trust the way you manage money.

Speaker 4 (26:06):
I gotta trust the way you eat sometime, like what.

Speaker 1 (26:08):
Is to pass out?

Speaker 3 (26:09):
I got to trust you to take me to the hospital.
Just don't cheat.

Speaker 1 (26:13):
I thought that was it definitely not trusting the parenting too.

Speaker 2 (26:19):
Those people parents so different and people gonna talk about
that enough in relationships and choosing partners. All of a sudden,
you're raising a human being in the world and you parent.

Speaker 4 (26:28):
Completely because we have to decide, like who do you
want this kid to be? Because like if you want
this kid to be an astronaut and they need to
be in school twenty first sent and the best, Like
who do you want this to be? Do you just
want them to be a good person? And how are
you going to teach? Like we may want to have kids,
but do we agree on who these children will become?
Because it's gonna take both of us to do it.

Speaker 2 (26:49):
But how do you manage when there's when you're in
different places on something?

Speaker 1 (26:56):
How do you manage that?

Speaker 4 (26:57):
Okay, well I have to know where my weakness is.

Speaker 3 (27:00):
So girl, this podcast so good. Okay, I'm done.

Speaker 2 (27:08):
I'm done here.

Speaker 4 (27:10):
Okay, So you know, we have to know where our
soft spots are.

Speaker 3 (27:13):
So I'm a punk. I love the kids.

Speaker 4 (27:17):
Just about anything they want to do. I'm gonna be good,
like not dangerous, but like you know, what's a little candy.
You know, let's go to the movies, like like there's
no limits. You're the soft I'm the soft parent, and
you know, I have to know where the strengths are
because something they do need to hear no about things.

(27:38):
And he's better at that than I am with some
with some of the children, because with some of the children,
I'm the only backbone they'll ever see. There's a young
one that runs our house and she he thinks she
is she thinks. He thinks she is so clever, he
thinks she is so funny, and I'm like, she about
to get be that and I'm trying a gentle parent.

Speaker 3 (27:58):
She's about to break me out of my because you're not.

Speaker 1 (28:02):
Because you see her different because.

Speaker 4 (28:04):
I'm like, she's really try and get so I think,
and he trusts when I'm like, hey, babe, like I
know it's funny, but like in five years, that's gonna
be cute, and he'll be like you think. So I'm
like yeah, and then so he'll let me. He was like, Okay,
I'll trust your lead on that. And so sometimes, especially
blending a family, we had to have a huddle because
there were things that he would maybe let slide or

(28:25):
things that I would let slide that we were uncomfortable with,
and so we had to huddle and wrestle and like
who's right, who's wrong, and why are you right?

Speaker 3 (28:32):
And why do you think that way?

Speaker 4 (28:33):
And then get the same game plan so that we
could present that to the kids.

Speaker 3 (28:36):
It's a united front.

Speaker 2 (28:38):
That's good, yeah, because you have to be on your
night in front you down.

Speaker 1 (28:46):
Spirits.

Speaker 4 (28:48):
Oh my gosh, it's amazing. That's like I miss my
kids when I'm gone, I miss them. My son, he
doesn't live with us anymore, and still he comes home
and I'm like, my baby's like six four or full beer,
like my baby.

Speaker 2 (29:01):
One of the things you talk about in the book,
I don't know if you operate like this too. And
when you're I write all these no time, all these questions,
and then I said, with somebodys, but there are things
in there that really just stick with me that I remember.
It's like, oh, you're talking about parenting and mothering and
that we make these sacrifices. And sometimes you sacrifice so much,

(29:22):
or you start not being truthful to who you are
because you're like spending all the time, or you're not
living in your truth because you say, oh that's fine,
oh okay, I'll do that, and then all of a
sudden you're like a version of yourself that you have
to now live up to. And I think mothers especially
do that all the time. Like we like, we don't
ask for people to show up for us, even our kids.

Speaker 1 (29:42):
Like you talk about asking your.

Speaker 2 (29:43):
Kids to do things around the house, because you don't.
I'm tired.

Speaker 3 (29:47):
I'm tired. It costs a lot to be me.

Speaker 4 (29:50):
Yes, And then I think it also helps them to
understand what all goes into creating their world, because when
you're a kid, you have the luxury, you're not you know,
paying the bill, you're not doing a lot of the
heavy lifting. And so allowing them to engage in what
it takes to create this environment, I think it's helpful
for them in the long run, but especially for me,
because I had this idea of motherhood that was like

(30:13):
some sitcom something on television. I'm like, I gotta cook,
I gotta do the laundry.

Speaker 3 (30:17):
I have to do that.

Speaker 4 (30:18):
It needs to be finished by six And I also
want to be in purpose and I want to work,
so I'm gonna do this.

Speaker 1 (30:22):
And you want to be a good mom.

Speaker 3 (30:23):
I want to be a good mom.

Speaker 4 (30:24):
I gotta pick them up, I gotta, you know, bring
them home from school, they got to be an extracurricular activity.
So I had all these boxes, and I was starting
to get really not just exhausted, but resentful because I
was holding myself to a standard that literally I didn't
even know where it got sept from. And so to
be able to ask myself, actually, like, in the perfect world,

(30:45):
what would.

Speaker 3 (30:46):
You want to do?

Speaker 4 (30:47):
Like are you really trying to cook breakfast, lunch, and
dinner every single day?

Speaker 3 (30:51):
Like does that scene?

Speaker 1 (30:52):
This is what you're asking yourself.

Speaker 4 (30:53):
Yeah, especially when they were homeschooled, I mean breakfast, lunch,
and dinner every single day.

Speaker 3 (30:58):
And I realized that, like.

Speaker 4 (31:00):
It'll be okay if they figure out lunch on their own,
Like it'll be okay, if we order in, it'll be okay.
If I get additional support, allowing myself to no longer
be living on this tight rope that was causing me
to be resentful, I think it made me more enjoyable
for them, because to be that tightly wound up, is

(31:23):
this my mother or boot camp?

Speaker 3 (31:24):
You know what I'm like, You're messing up the.

Speaker 1 (31:26):
Image, Go bane, go loation up.

Speaker 4 (31:29):
And to be able to take a deep breath and
to be in the room and be present with them
has helped.

Speaker 1 (31:34):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (31:35):
I think people do that, not just moms, but moms
especially do that, but even friends. I have a girlfriend
who's like always everybody's always talking about she's.

Speaker 1 (31:43):
Such a good friend.

Speaker 3 (31:44):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (31:45):
I mean, okay, that's great, good for you. Yeah, But
if you're exhausted because you're giving to all of your
friends who are like pulling at you all day, who
does that really serve?

Speaker 1 (31:56):
You can't be happy in that you got. At some point,
you gotta create.

Speaker 2 (31:59):
You have to be good and full so you can
give for sure. This is just coming to me now.
So we were talking about prayer before.

Speaker 1 (32:09):
I always.

Speaker 2 (32:11):
It's what I'm One of the things I admire is
when people can pray well, okay, you know sometimes I
have I'm always like the house everybody comes to my
house with Thanksgiving, Easter, and I have family members who
pray really well, you know what I mean.

Speaker 1 (32:25):
When it's time for the prayer before.

Speaker 2 (32:27):
We eat, I know that's the person that's the one
you're gonna say the word because everybody's gonna feel it.

Speaker 1 (32:31):
It's gonna be so good. I'm never that person.

Speaker 2 (32:35):
I never could do it. I never feel like I
could do it. As good as some of the members
of the family. And I realize it's because I am
an I pray quietly.

Speaker 1 (32:43):
I always have.

Speaker 3 (32:44):
Oh yeah, I always.

Speaker 2 (32:45):
Feel like my prayers I feel them the most when
it's like when I'm inside myself and it's quiet. I've
never been an out loud prayer person. Yeah, so I
wonder from you is there a right way to pray
a wrong way to pray?

Speaker 4 (32:59):
Since say and authenticity is the only right way to pray.
It doesn't have to be superformal. We don't need, you know,
the King James version. It doesn't have to be that.
If that's what comes natural to you, that's beautiful. If
invoking scripture is what comes most natural to you, that's amazing.
But I have found that the prayers that are the

(33:20):
most sincere and authentic are the ones that resonate the
most with people. I would have said, like you that
I'm not an out loud prayer person.

Speaker 3 (33:28):
And here we are.

Speaker 1 (33:29):
It's weird. But even when I'm like.

Speaker 4 (33:31):
Praying before I speak, like, I'm like, all right, God,
you've gotten me in this.

Speaker 1 (33:36):
It's not formal.

Speaker 4 (33:37):
Yeah, so I'm asking for you know, no fear, no nerves,
no anxiety, just your presence flowing through me, like that
is my prayer before I speak, and I say that
out loud in front of everyone, because that's what's real
for me. And I can't pretend to be someone I'm
not just because someone's watching. And there are so many

(33:57):
times throughout scripture where there are these, you know, miraculous
moments that are about to take place, and we see
Jesus praying, we see a prophet praying, and basically when
they begin praying, what they're saying is like, we know
what we got, now we're about.

Speaker 3 (34:10):
To show them what we have.

Speaker 4 (34:11):
And so to know that you have that relationship with God,
that you do have that inward focus, but when you
bring it out, you're just doing an outward expression of
what's already happening within you and allowing yourself to be
free in that has helped me.

Speaker 3 (34:25):
It's helped me.

Speaker 1 (34:27):
Yeah, I don't know. For me, I don't know. If
I'm never try it, I just have to lean into
it one day.

Speaker 3 (34:33):
Right now, let's not with you. I won't that's too
much pressure coming right now.

Speaker 4 (34:39):
Some way, whatever comes from your heart right now, that
just take over your podcast.

Speaker 3 (34:45):
I'm getting kicked out.

Speaker 2 (34:46):
No.

Speaker 1 (34:46):
No, my prayer is always and from inside. I'll put
it outside.

Speaker 2 (34:51):
Uh. My prayer is always that I'm in my purpose.

Speaker 3 (34:55):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (34:57):
Well, I don't know what makes me. I don't know
why that makes me emotional.

Speaker 2 (35:00):
No, I see, that's why don't pray alloud, because I
always get emotional. You do that, You don't cry when
you pray, when you pray all the time, Maybe because
I don't do it.

Speaker 1 (35:10):
I mean, you know you do, but not all the time.

Speaker 3 (35:12):
No.

Speaker 4 (35:13):
But I think what I feel from that is that
you are so serious about making God proud, about being
a reflection of light in a world that you know
very well to be hard and dark, and so for
you to your prayer to mean that much to you
that I just want to be aligned with who you

(35:35):
want me to be in the earth.

Speaker 3 (35:37):
It's so good, that's all I want.

Speaker 4 (35:39):
That the fact that it means that much to you,
I think that's incredible.

Speaker 2 (35:43):
It doesn't it's like, you're right, that's good. You're really good,
by the way. I think that's true about me. But
I think it's also hard in this world that we're
in right now to be outward and to be vulnerable
and to be and to just use your voice out loud.
The way the world is set up right now, for
especially social media or opinions, that we live in such

(36:05):
an opinionated world right now, that you know, sometimes it's challenging.

Speaker 4 (36:10):
I think what you said about wanting to be in
purpose can't be contested. I think it's hard when you
have a narrative or opinion that has the potential to
be divisive or to add more noise in an already
noisy world. But what I heard you say was light

(36:30):
that anyone can experience, and a hunger that most people
don't even know to have. Man, I'm just thinking about
what all this world tells us to be hungry for.
And the first thing that you pray for is God.
I just want to be in purpose, not famous legend,

(36:55):
not this iconic person like even me with all of
these accolades and all the achievements. If I'm not in purpose,
it means nothing. Yeah, that is virtue that is worth multiplying.

Speaker 2 (37:08):
But isn't that if we're being honest with ourselves, isn't
that what we all kind of?

Speaker 4 (37:14):
I wouldn't strive, I wouldn't I don't think so. I
think that our desires have been so contaminated by our trauma,
by our generational lived experiences, that sometimes we just want
to feel better by any means necessary. Sometimes we just

(37:37):
want out, you know what I mean, Like sometimes we
just don't want to be sad anymore. And all of
those are legitimate for the seasons that we're in. But
to get to a place where you're able to survive
all of those phases and to say, I just want
to be in purpose, whatever that looks like, whether it's

(37:58):
fame or obscure, whether it is having to be in
the forefront when I'd rather be in the back, Like
I don't love living my life out in front of people,
But I told God, I will do it authentically. If
this is who You've called me to be, I'll do
it even when it hurts. I'll do it even when
I'm rejected. And I just got a message on the

(38:20):
way over here. I had an event in Houston and
this woman was thanking me. She said I was planning
on committing suicide. I brought my eleven year old daughter
to the event because I didn't want to live anymore.
And what you said, that environment that was created made
me want to live again. Like this just happened to
me on the way over here. To get to that space,

(38:42):
to be that aligned with God's purpose, that someone would
say I want to live another day. You know, that
makes me say I'll overcome whatever in order to get
back to that place. That s try to get hijacked
from us. They try to say, you need to be rich,
you need to be famish, you need to be sexy.

Speaker 1 (38:57):
At every turn.

Speaker 2 (38:58):
Everything we see, everything was by that all day, every day.

Speaker 3 (39:02):
Stay anchored there.

Speaker 1 (39:04):
Yeah, always I try.

Speaker 4 (39:06):
When it boats anchored, it's ways, but it doesn't move.

Speaker 1 (39:09):
Yeah, that's good.

Speaker 3 (39:10):
Remind yourself.

Speaker 1 (39:11):
That's really good.

Speaker 2 (39:13):
You're so anchored. Do you ever fall out of that?
Do you ever have moments where you feel.

Speaker 4 (39:17):
Yeah, I mean I'm human, mm, I think what I
have to fight for? Like so after it's oh my gosh,
I'm just connecting these thoughts. After the Houston even I
was convinced that I was like, not gonna do any
more tour stops. I was like, this is not going well.
I am not enjoying it. It's too much vulnerability. It
doesn't feel good. I wish I would have done something

(39:38):
that didn't demand so much from me. Yeah, so I
think me staying anchored is reminding myself that what I
do matters, even if it doesn't always feel comfortable or safe.
And so I've been, like I was worshiping this morning,
I've tried to be really intentional about staying grounded while
I'm being tossed.

Speaker 1 (39:57):
I f tossed.

Speaker 2 (39:58):
Yeah you're in a press run too, and talking to people,
and yeah, there's lots of getting posted and.

Speaker 4 (40:03):
Yeah, lore stuff is going viral, which makes me want
to hide on the table. I wasn't that good to
stop stop sharing it?

Speaker 3 (40:12):
That's enough.

Speaker 2 (40:14):
Really, people are usually the opposite.

Speaker 4 (40:16):
Yeah, viral to me, like there's just more exposure, which
is more opportunity for you to become a target. And
I feel sometimes I feel more fragile than I actually am,
but I like to mitigate any opportunity for negativity. And
when you go viral, you just open yourself up to
all of the things.

Speaker 2 (40:36):
I know this is a battle anybody who lives a
public life is dealing with right now.

Speaker 4 (40:41):
And I think, you know, it's heightened by me having
like experienced my teenage pregnancy in the context of a
large church family and people talking about it. So anytime
I'm like, people are talking about me and they aren't
being nice. It's like, I just it brings up all
of my stuff.

Speaker 2 (40:58):
Yeah, we talk about this this age that we're in
where everything we say is like looked at under a microscope.
And when I think about like cancel culture, right, I
believe in redemption.

Speaker 1 (41:12):
I always have.

Speaker 2 (41:13):
Yeah, I'm pretty certain for you do as well. What
do you make of that in.

Speaker 1 (41:21):
The real world?

Speaker 2 (41:22):
Mm of like, cause I even feel now I see
people that they get taken down in different ways, uh
or canceled in different ways, and I'm always.

Speaker 1 (41:32):
Like, I like I pray for those people.

Speaker 2 (41:34):
Yeah, I really do believe like even the worst of
people at some point that could be their testimony at
some point they could maybe save somebody's lives with the
mistakes that they've made in theirs. But I feel like
you can't really say that publicly right now, right because
it's so scary about what will happen to you if
you even show sympathy or empathy even for somebody who's

(41:55):
been tossed away.

Speaker 4 (41:57):
I d I think it's hard to have a conversation
that knew wants on platforms that thrive off of sound bites.

Speaker 2 (42:04):
That that's why I would never say a specific person exactly.

Speaker 4 (42:08):
I no, no, yeah, But I think that that's why
it's hard. It's that sometimes to have the type of
conversation where we're talking about the ability for everyone to
access redemption regardless of whether they did or did not
do something, requires a level of real connection and communication
that you just don't get out of a social media post,

(42:30):
which I think is sometimes there is wisdom and not
saying something publicly because it's taken out of context and
people don't read the whole thing, like they read one sentence.
They don't even read your whole thing. They read one
sentence and log off and they're upset. So that is
a balancing act. But I do think that as it
relates to cancel culture and what's taken place publicly, that

(42:50):
there are.

Speaker 3 (42:51):
Some people who have proven that.

Speaker 4 (42:55):
Who they are publicly as a person who can be canceled,
its different than how they esteem themselves privately. Like I
wish I could say this better.

Speaker 3 (43:05):
I there was.

Speaker 4 (43:06):
Something that was going viral and my family was involved
about a year ago, and I was like, oh my gosh, Like,
is this what it feels like to be canceleder? To
have people coming for you, and I was fearful and
I was upset, and then I really feel like at
the end of the day, I got to this place
where I'm like, you are a person outside of how

(43:28):
they have dehumanized you in order to talk about you,
which means that the worst thing that can happen to
you in this instance is just them talking about you.

Speaker 3 (43:37):
Like your livelihood, your joy.

Speaker 4 (43:39):
The people who really know you outside of this are
not in any way affected by what's taking place in
this world and culture. And if I need them in
order to be okay, and I mean the culture, if
I need them in order to feel healthy and safe
and mentally balanced, then my life is always gonna be
up and down. So in those moments, I leaned into
what I knew to be true, Like I went to

(44:01):
Target and nobody was talking about me at Target, because
what's happening online is not always.

Speaker 3 (44:06):
Translating in the real world.

Speaker 4 (44:08):
And just reminding myself like I've got a world outside
of what's happening here and allowing that to be what
feeds me and season where it feels like the internet
is really noisy has been helpful. So I would tell
anyone who has a platform to cling close to what's real.
In the world of building the brand and pushing this

(44:28):
stuff and all of that that makes you an image
that's not human. You got to remind yourself that you're
human for sure.

Speaker 1 (44:35):
And I also think how we treat people.

Speaker 2 (44:37):
Everybody's so judgmental, such a judgmental world we're in right now.
It's like, sometimes, yes, that might seem terrible what somebody
maybe did or didn't do, but you don't really know,
and it's really their burden to live in their path
to live.

Speaker 1 (44:52):
And I always be you.

Speaker 2 (44:54):
I believe in karma, and I think God takes care
of things, and so I don't think we need to
throw stones at everybody who does so thing that we
deem terrible.

Speaker 4 (45:02):
That's why I started a Woman Evolved, which is like,
you know, everything that I do is basically built from
Woman Evolved. And it was based on Eve because like,
Eve is a girl in the Bible that everyone skips over.
They're like, okay, into the next woman because she ate
from the tree and gave it to Adam and messed
it up for everybody. And I'm like, she knew better
but didn't do better, which I can relate to, and

(45:23):
most of us can, and so if we can rescue Eve,
maybe we can rescue the parts of us that we
have a difficult time forgiving because we knew better but
didn't do better. And so Woman Evolved is like my
tribute to this woman who we have canceled. But yet it's,
you know, the first living woman if you are to
believe as I do. And if we can't embrace the
first living woman and connect to her, then how do

(45:45):
we take care of other women? So cancel culture been
around a long time.

Speaker 1 (45:50):
Since literally the beginning.

Speaker 2 (45:52):
Okay, marinate, Yes you talk about marinating. I am a
marinator as you are.

Speaker 3 (45:58):
I heard you say that.

Speaker 2 (46:00):
Oh yes, my problem is like over me don't activate?
You know I do activate sometimes like over marinates.

Speaker 1 (46:07):
Yes there is there's Yes we should.

Speaker 2 (46:10):
Marinates, But then sometimes do you do it too much?
Or when do you know when to let something go
and let it happen?

Speaker 4 (46:20):
Probably when the marinating has gone from being blessed about
what it is I'm working on and more about how
can I protect it from other people? So if I'm
marinating about a specific project I want to work on,
I marinate to make sure that it's flushed out the
program Because all of that. But then when I start
marinating too much about like, well, how will people attack it?

Speaker 3 (46:40):
What will people think about it?

Speaker 4 (46:41):
That's when I've turned the marination into me trying to
figure out how will people judge what God's given me
to release into the earth. And there comes a point
where I realize that me trying to live up to
their standard keeps me from living up to God. So
I release it and with the humility that says, hey,
maybe I did do something wrong, maybe I did miss
some but I'll learn, I'll grow, I'll apologize, and I'll

(47:03):
do differently next time. But if I keep this in
me for any longer, it's gonna spoil, which is what
I put in that Chatterick. You narrate it too long,
and now the chicken is bad.

Speaker 1 (47:12):
Don't let the chicken go bad.

Speaker 2 (47:13):
People, because really that applies to so many things in life.
You could be marinating how to handle a situation with
your child, Yeah, oh my kid, whatever, and I don't
want to jump on it.

Speaker 1 (47:23):
Let me think about how I want to deal with this.

Speaker 2 (47:25):
And you could think so long that you're onto the
next thing and never address.

Speaker 4 (47:28):
Never address it, or you know, you marinate and maybe
you do make a bad call, And you're like, you know,
you have to say, I think I made a bad
call with that, why don't we do X Y and
Z I apologize? I think what you suggested was different.
Like we have to be willing to say that what
I released initially is not going to be the final product.
And I'm okay modifying, learning and growing as it changes and.

Speaker 2 (47:49):
Develops and apologizing, apologize. Apologizing is a very challenging thing
for some people.

Speaker 4 (47:55):
Yes it is, but at it I have gotten better
at it. It takes us off the hook, though, when
we own the fact that, like I'm gonna mess up.
That's one of the chapters in the book, is no
your harm. Because I know a lot of us like
to think that we are out here only being the victim,
but some of us have been villains as well everyone,

(48:16):
and you know we gotta own that too.

Speaker 2 (48:18):
This prayer that you said here mm hmm, Lord helped
me to navigate this meeting without being frustrated. Lord give
me the wisdom to know how to navigate my husband's vulnerability.
You're asking for what you need, and it made me
think about prayer and maybe somebody who's not used to praying,
or somebody who's not connected to faith so.

Speaker 1 (48:38):
Much, sure, or even a non believer.

Speaker 2 (48:41):
Yeah, do you think that prayer is useful to all
of those people?

Speaker 3 (48:46):
I do?

Speaker 2 (48:47):
Yeah.

Speaker 3 (48:47):
Yeah.

Speaker 4 (48:47):
When I first started praying, I think my prayers were
very much so like shoulder strike, here we.

Speaker 3 (48:52):
Go, you know what I mean? Like try so, Hey, God,
here's the thing.

Speaker 4 (48:58):
You know, I've heard about you. You've probably heard about
me because I've been outside. I've been and i'm you know,
if you're real and if you see me and if
you care about what's happening in my world, can you
just give me a sign and then to go out
and be open to just like I think you may

(49:18):
have done something today like continuing the conversation and that
that helped me a lot, But I do I think
it's useful for everyone.

Speaker 2 (49:26):
Yeah, I just I guess I was saying that also
because even outside of your relationship with God and the
immediate conversation that you're having with him, you're also forcing yourself.

Speaker 1 (49:38):
To look at yourself. For sure, because when you're talking.

Speaker 2 (49:40):
To God, you're asking for things that are in you,
inside of you, So you're giving yourself an opportunity to.

Speaker 1 (49:46):
Just get in touch with inside of you.

Speaker 2 (49:49):
So even if you approach prayer and you're not all
the way comfortable in your faith yet, even if you
just approach prayer as a point to connect to the
inside of you, hmmm, I think that's I can serve
you just at that basic level.

Speaker 4 (50:04):
Yeah. I think it's a good starting point to be
able to figure out what all is in me to
begin with, and then to allow that to be to
see that as a part of your prayer in initial stages.
I think it's great for me because of my faith.
I just feel that there is an incredible opportunity for

(50:26):
me to create, to co create my life with the
creator of all things. And so for me, prayer is
an opportunity to say, this is what I'm working with,
that's what I bring to the table, this is what
I would like you to bring. But because you are
co creator, if you have something in mind, can you
help me to see the value and you not doing
what I ask you to do because I did think

(50:49):
that it would have been better if we didn't have
the plot twist, But since you've got it in here,
helped me to reconcile this and to trust whatever the scene,
wherever this scene is gonna end, help me to to
stay in it.

Speaker 2 (51:03):
Many people want to be used by God mm, but
not enough people want to be prerepared. Yeah, we have
to learn to almost enjoy.

Speaker 1 (51:16):
Being prepared, right.

Speaker 4 (51:18):
For sure if we don't cause the per Like the
actual doing part is short in comparison to the preparation part.
But everyone's like, what's my purpose? What's my purpose? What's
my purpose? Instead, we should be asking like, am I
prepared for whatever my purpose is gonna be?

Speaker 1 (51:32):
Mm?

Speaker 4 (51:32):
What type of character do I need to have? What
type of integrity? What type of friendship circles do I
need to have or not have? Am I prepared for
my purpose? And what does that preparation looks like?

Speaker 3 (51:44):
For me?

Speaker 4 (51:44):
I feel like preparation starts with you doing the thing
that you know you shouldn't be doing. Like, let's stop
doing those things. Let's figure out why am I pulled
to them? What do I need to exchange in this place?
And that begins to position us.

Speaker 1 (51:56):
What do you pray for most? In real life?

Speaker 4 (52:00):
It's n My number one prayer is probably that I
won't miss my life, that I won't miss I mean, hello,
I'm sitting k like that I won't miss this, that
I won't be so busy trying to perform or do
well or not disappoint that I miss out on just
being present in the moment where like I'm sitting down

(52:22):
doing the Angie Martinez podcast in New York City with
my son, who I managed to keep, you know what
I mean, Like he's still here and this incredible husband
after I thought I'd lost it all with amazing babies
waiting on me home, Like I hope that I remember
that like this is really happening, this is my life,
and that God really really caused all things to work

(52:44):
together for my good in real life.

Speaker 2 (52:48):
What is your biggest challenge.

Speaker 4 (52:51):
In real life? I wanna answer honestly, it's not that
I don't have any challenges.

Speaker 1 (53:02):
No, I appreciate that.

Speaker 4 (53:05):
In real life, my biggest challenge is accepting that this
unique lane God's given me doesn't dead end quickly. So
I think because I never meant to be in ministry,
I didn't think that this would be my purpose. I

(53:26):
think sometimes I struggle in like really feeling like this
is my lane and not just a season, and so
I want to live like this is where I'm supposed
to be and to really accept that and embrace it
so that I can plan, like I'm going.

Speaker 3 (53:43):
To be here.

Speaker 1 (53:44):
Yes, this is your bag, You're so good at it.

Speaker 4 (53:48):
I don't even know what that means, you know what
I mean, I don't know what that means. I don't
know what that means. I don't. I don't. I don't
know what that means.

Speaker 1 (54:02):
Do you think you will?

Speaker 3 (54:03):
I hope, so I hope.

Speaker 4 (54:05):
I mean, I don't know if I.

Speaker 3 (54:06):
Need to know or if I.

Speaker 4 (54:07):
Just need to accept that something is happening that I
don't fully understand, but to trust it and lean into it.

Speaker 3 (54:12):
But I don't.

Speaker 1 (54:16):
In real life?

Speaker 2 (54:17):
What do you like most about yourself?

Speaker 4 (54:20):
That I am a strong man on the inside, Like
if you want to move this table, I will take
my shoes off. We can do it right now. I
will take it apart. We can do the TVs.

Speaker 3 (54:32):
Like I will hang something.

Speaker 4 (54:35):
It irritates my husband so bad, He'll be like, I'll
do that when I get home. He will come home.
I will have the hammer, like trying to do something myself.

Speaker 3 (54:42):
I'm a strong man.

Speaker 1 (54:44):
That's funny, that's the first thing that you thought of.

Speaker 3 (54:45):
I know, that's weird.

Speaker 1 (54:48):
That's really funny.

Speaker 2 (54:49):
What do you hope that people learn from you?

Speaker 4 (54:52):
I hope that people learn that being yourself will take
you further than trying to pretend to be someone else.

Speaker 1 (55:01):
Thank you that for that, Thank you for today.

Speaker 3 (55:03):
I'm grateful you made me cry today. You did that.

Speaker 4 (55:06):
I hate but the fact that you're acting like you
boohooed and all we got was a little bit of
water on the water.

Speaker 3 (55:14):
I needed a good cry.

Speaker 2 (55:15):
There wasn't how hard you see hard, I try not
to write it.

Speaker 4 (55:21):
I feel like we probably could have got one to
actually know.

Speaker 2 (55:23):
If you would have pushed, you would have got full water.

Speaker 3 (55:25):
Left it alone.

Speaker 1 (55:26):
Thank you.

Speaker 3 (55:27):
I was on.

Speaker 2 (55:31):
Everybody you shut up to Brittany, I'd be writing the
same boat with you going on.

Speaker 1 (55:36):
I'd be right there.

Speaker 4 (55:37):
This is Sarah Jakes Roberts in real life.