November 27, 2024 • 61 mins
Former Bachelorette, now single, DeAnna Stagliano, is not holding back for the holidays. She’s struggling and sharing all about it. Navigating the holidays with an ex and co-parenting is not easy. Are Kelly & Cheryl the best to be giving advice? We’ll see.
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:11):
I Do, Part two is an innovative podcast all about
finding love the second time around. But sometimes on the
road to finding love the second time around, you end
up staying in singles town, maybe longer than you anticipated.
I'm one of your celebrity mentors, Cheryl Burke, and I'm
joined today by fellow mentor Kelly ben Simone, and today
(00:31):
we also have former star of The Bachelorette Dianas Dogliano.
Welcome ladies to the podcast. How are you doing good?
What's new?
Speaker 2 (00:41):
Just preparing for the big day?
Speaker 1 (00:45):
What big day?
Speaker 2 (00:46):
The big day of being thankful and grateful?
Speaker 1 (00:51):
Which one? There's a big day of gratitude, Thanksgiving? Happy Thanksgiving?
Speaker 3 (00:56):
Yesterday was my birthday and just a week, you know
what I mean, it's just been I think, like all
of the things, like I'm just reeling in, like the
kids and being divorced and wanting to have companionship, but
(01:20):
not because I don't, you know. So I think I've
just like really like rode the waves of all the
things this week.
Speaker 1 (01:30):
How long have you been single?
Speaker 3 (01:32):
My divorce was final this year, but I have been
single for probably three years.
Speaker 1 (01:36):
Got it same? I'm in the same boat, except I'm
definitely not looking for companionship, and I'm loving it so
much with Caeryl.
Speaker 3 (01:43):
I'm not either. I'm not either. I think it's deeply overrated,
deeply overrated. I believe that we are built for companionship,
and I really want that, I think in the long run,
But like today, nah nah.
Speaker 2 (02:02):
See, I'm ready for I'm ready to meet someone I
want to. I've been going to therapy. I've been, you know,
going through this whole process on the podcast. Cheryl and
I have had some really great moments together with TJ
and Amy and Jenna, and I've just learned so much
about myself. And I'm not saying that I'm ready to
(02:29):
get married tomorrow, but I am am I The way
that I'm dealing with my life, both personally and professionally,
is different.
Speaker 3 (02:38):
Do you actually think that you'll get married again? Because
I have a hard pass for me. I don't ever
want to get married again.
Speaker 1 (02:45):
Deanna. People want they know you obviously from the Bachelor
Bachelorette franchise. What I guess, tell our listeners a little
bit about your love story and your journey.
Speaker 3 (02:54):
I guess, yeah, Well, I went on the show, so
I did the Bachelor, and I was the final one.
Was I was everyone's like pick at the end, like
I was the one that I choose.
Speaker 2 (03:13):
Of course.
Speaker 3 (03:14):
And then I went on to be the bachelorette and
I chose someone not not so great, but I did.
And then I met my ex husband through the show
because his twin brother was on a different season of mine.
So I met my ex husband through the show, and
(03:38):
we were married for twelve years and wow, together for
what fifteen. So I'm very careful at this point because
Addison in particular is very aware and seeing can see things,
(03:59):
and her friends know who she is, they know who
she is at school, they know me, and so I
try to be really careful what I share. I had you,
how I share it all good.
Speaker 2 (04:15):
I mean, I can understand that too because when I
was on I was on the Real Housewives of New
York when when my kids were five and seven, so
I was on two thousand and nine, ten and eleven,
and so when my kids were white because we're really
young as well, and you know, I didn't feel like,
first of all, I didn't feel like it was a
safe place for me to talk about anything. And second
(04:37):
of all, you know, I was when I was single
being single in two thousand and nine was not sexy
being you know, it was like, oh my god, I
cannot believe you're not married, Like what's wrong with you?
The choice of like you're saying like this empowered choice
of saying I don't really know if I ever want
to meet someone or you know, that kind of narrative
just didn't exist. And so I commend you for being
(05:01):
such a good mom and for protecting your daughter and
your your children, because it's not easy in this important environment.
Speaker 3 (05:09):
Had a week, I literally have had a week, and
I don't want to cry.
Speaker 1 (05:13):
But oh no, you should cry. It's good for you,
it's good for everyone.
Speaker 3 (05:16):
I know. I know I've cried all week. We went
to dinner last night for my birthday, and I was
saying to my girlfriends that I was just like.
Speaker 1 (05:29):
That.
Speaker 3 (05:30):
I just feel like I am going to great links
to protect my children. You know, I don't think I
always realized this when I was younger, but I'm a
product of divorce and the great links that my mother
(05:55):
went through to protect me and my brother and my sister.
But I find that I'm doing the same things for
my children, and man, is it freaking exhausting. It's exhausting.
Speaker 1 (06:12):
Yeah, I also come from a I'm a product of
a divorced family as well. And I don't know if
this is the reason why I don't have kids or
I don't I'm not I have no interest in it,
but like it's just yeah, it's but what you're doing
and by being aware of what you say, because you know,
kids are very observant and smarter than we think. And
(06:36):
I remember seeing my parents fight before they divorced, and
it's just not like and then also talking about each other.
It's just not healthy. It's not healthy.
Speaker 2 (06:46):
I mean, I raise my two kids on my own,
so I was a full time single parent. It was
no co parenting. And you know what you're going through
right now is you know natural too. I mean, those
feelings are real, and you know there's a lot of
stress and pressure and you know it's our job to
(07:11):
raise amazing kids the next generation. And it's like, you know,
I would die. Don't come from a divorce. Both my
parents were together for our entire life, and I never
thought I would get divorced. But I got divorced because
I wanted something better for my children. I wanted I
thought it was better for me to parent my children
just myself than to be in an environment that wasn't
(07:34):
good for them. And you know, it's not easy. And
I mean, you know, I'm not trying to say don't
be hard on yourself, but you know, it's okay to
feel to feel that pressure because it's it's it's heavy,
it's heavy.
Speaker 3 (08:00):
I know you don't have kids, but like, I just
sat in this space this week where I just felt
like deeply sorry for myself, you know, as we're talking
about like dating, going into the Hall of Dame stuff,
you know, and I feel like deeply alone.
Speaker 1 (08:14):
By choice, by choice, but not lonely, right.
Speaker 3 (08:20):
I feel lonely mostly because I believe that we are
built for companionship and partnership. They say, yeah, they say,
they say. I also just like really love my life,
and I make a.
Speaker 1 (08:32):
Love I hear you. But holidays bring like trigger something.
Speaker 3 (08:35):
Obviously I can do all the things that I this
week in particular, and I don't know if it's just
because it's been my birthday.
Speaker 1 (08:44):
And and Pluto just moved into a queries just saying yeah,
after nineteen years, yes, yeah.
Speaker 3 (08:53):
And I feel like like lonely, you know, And I
know that I'm not so deeply lonely that i would
choose anyone because I have options, but they they aren't
like great, and I'm okay with that. And I feel,
(09:14):
I guess, really empowered in a place that I can
say no, you know what I mean.
Speaker 1 (09:23):
It's a complete sentence.
Speaker 2 (09:25):
Yeah, do you have your kids with you, Diana? Foriday?
Speaker 3 (09:29):
My first Thanksgiving a loved kids, and my dad is
going to come out with his wife. And I'm really grateful. Yeah,
I'm really really grateful. It's just really difficult a few years.
And I have really wonderful friends and I have I
have a really great family and surroundings, you know, for
(09:53):
people who will just come in and be with us
when we need it. So my my dad is coming
in this week, and I have the kids, and so
I'm just trying to create really wonderful memories for them,
make them happy and make them feel loved and make
(10:13):
them want to be here.
Speaker 1 (10:15):
Yeah, thank you for your vulnerability, because like, first of all,
there's so many I can relate in many ways though
I don't have kids. I mean, I can't say I
never get lonely, Like it's literally I moved out of
La to where I am with my frenchie and it's
just me and my frenchie, and I don't have tons
of friends in this where I live, in this town.
(10:35):
And I also haven't really made much of an effort,
like there has been a part of me that has ghosted,
not just my ex husband, but like also my friend,
like everything around me. I just feel is you know,
we evolve and evolving until the day we die, and
sometimes there is this feeling of loneliness. But I think
(10:57):
I don't know. I like to not say it as
only more like alone because of the transition that you know,
people change and it's not bad nor good. It's not
bad or good, Like there's no label other than the
fact that I just want to give back to myself
because I don't remember the last I don't think I've
ever done this before where I've chosen me.
Speaker 3 (11:18):
You know who's first, who was first?
Speaker 2 (11:21):
Right?
Speaker 1 (11:21):
And I didn't know who was first until I actually
had quiet time around me, because it's so easy to
put everyone else in front of you.
Speaker 2 (11:31):
But they always say that you know, you're supposed to
put your safety belt on first. And that's the other
thing that has been really like a big lesson for
me because I have always been the kind of person
like whatever my kids want, whatever they want, whatever they need,
Like what can I do? And when you put your
safety belt on first and you protect yourself, then you
(11:52):
are even a better protector of your children obviously what
you're already doing. But it's just you know, when you're
going through the birthday and kind of processing everything, it
gets to be. You know, it gives me a lot.
And you know, the nice thing is that you have
this your friend group, which is amazing. Like I literally,
I literally was so like mortified of like what I
(12:17):
had done. Like I thought that I had like done
this horrible thing by getting divorced and this like awful,
you know thing that I shouldn't have done. I used
to cry in my closet and you know, I just
sit there on the floor because I don't want anybody
to know.
Speaker 3 (12:32):
Kelly though, and Cheryl, maybe you feel the same. I
felt so much grief and so much I was really embarrassed,
so was I.
Speaker 1 (12:45):
Yeah, I mean I haven't dated and I've been like
celibate for three years since my divorce, and I think
that's all has to do with shame underneath all of it.
Speaker 3 (12:54):
Yeah, same for me, Same for me. I mean I
think that there is this space that you just feel
this deep, immense amount of pain and grief and just
shame surrounding divorce.
Speaker 2 (13:10):
You know.
Speaker 3 (13:10):
I swear we were going through a divorce for a
year before I ever said anything out loud because I
was so embarrassed. I was so embarrassed. Yeah, and there
is a cleansing piece of divorce and breakups, you know
what I mean, Like you, you lose friends, and I
lost really great friends and people that I thought that
(13:32):
I really cared for. But there is a really beautiful
grieving process when it comes to divorce and being single
and loone and really sitting, you.
Speaker 1 (13:47):
Know, because the easiest thing is to numb and find
somebody else quickly and find another physical body, you know,
especially during like the holidays and exhibit a you go
and do that, and men do that. Let's dive into
the holidays. Speaking of the holidays, what's everyone's thoughts on
on the holidays in general?
Speaker 2 (14:06):
I guess yeah that you go first.
Speaker 3 (14:08):
For me in particular, I'm just pouring into the kids,
you know, Yeah, And I'm looking I have them their
their mind, and I just I think for me, I
have really gone out of my way and by healing
and my therapy and everything else to make sure they're okay.
(14:29):
I really worry about my children and what this will
do to them and the damn it will cause.
Speaker 1 (14:39):
Are they in therapy? Do you put them in there?
Speaker 3 (14:41):
Yeh?
Speaker 1 (14:42):
I have to say, that's one thing my mother did
with me, and God thank her, because it's just about
putting a voice to the pain, right like, and if
you can't and if you can't translate whatever you're feeling
into a language, that's when it eats you up.
Speaker 3 (14:56):
Okay. I'm like, if they can just get to like
six team, and I hope that they will look back
and think, my mom went.
Speaker 1 (15:05):
To great lengths one hundred and that's what I think
about my mother, like though the generation even though she
needs to go to therapy, but she'll never because but
at least she knew what to do with me. Because
I have to tell you the trauma I've dealt with
my stepsister who dealt with a similar story. She just
died of an overdose. And it's like you literally can
(15:25):
see like it was interesting. I mean, it's so sad
and this happened a little over a year ago. But like,
that's the difference between being in therapy versus not and
it's like, yes, you need an outlet.
Speaker 3 (15:39):
And trauma affects us all. And I have said this
openly across the board. When my ex husband asked to
leave me, I chose to go to trauma therapy. I
went three days a week for three hours a day,
and it was literally the best decision that I ever
(16:00):
ever could have done for myself, you know, and with
that an example for my children.
Speaker 1 (16:06):
Absolutely. Well, let's talk about since this is a holidays episode,
we're going to talk about my first year I guess
of the holidays without my ex husband. I stayed busy
(16:27):
because my new I'm sober for six years, but my
new drug of choice is now productivity. So I numbed
through making sure everyone came to my house so that
I had to decorate, I had to cook, I had
to do I had. My to do list was so
freakin packed, jam packed that I didn't even think about
(16:48):
the sadness. Now, is that the solution? Hell no, it's
not the solution. I'm just running away from my problems.
But now I have no plans as far as I'm
not cooking I'm not cleaning. I'm going to meet my
family at my sister's in laws or her in law's
two bee's house, so that should be interesting. But at
least it's driving distance, so I can always get in
(17:09):
the car and go if I need to.
Speaker 3 (17:12):
Does that feel good for you? What to go and
spend time with them.
Speaker 1 (17:17):
I don't know. I've never done it before, so it's
a little bit scary for me, to be quite honest.
And like I said, it's in Newport and where I live,
it's about a couple hours away. But I can always
get in the car and come back home if I
need to. It's gonna be interesting because it's just, yeah,
you're right, like, I've never really I don't even know
who her in laws are personally.
Speaker 3 (17:37):
Struggle with that. I love love to my core. My
ex husband's family, Oh yeah, I do. I really love them.
I love my father in law. There has been some
trauma within the family, and so that makes it really hard.
(17:59):
So I think, you know, the whole piece of switching
holidays and yeah, doing all of the things, it's there's
also a piece of just like grief, do you know,
of course, the family, not just my ex husband. There
is grief in the family, like grieving my mother in law,
(18:23):
who I just like literally love love at my core
and she is salt of the earth, wonderful human being.
Speaker 1 (18:32):
I love that that at least you still feel like
that after Do.
Speaker 2 (18:35):
You have any connection with her still or no?
Speaker 3 (18:38):
I do, Kelly. I think that we're just figuring it out.
Speaker 1 (18:42):
You know.
Speaker 3 (18:43):
I think that it's hard for her because it's her son, right,
and I think at the end of the day, I
have a lot of grace for the fact that she
can't separate the two. Do you know what I mean?
It's her son.
Speaker 1 (18:57):
Has he moved on? Has he is he dating?
Speaker 3 (18:59):
Do you know you're he's got a girlfriend?
Speaker 1 (19:01):
For Okay, Kelly, are you you were saying that you're
still single?
Speaker 3 (19:09):
I am so single. I have chosen to do like
dive into myself and do it. And he rushed into
another relationship, which is there's also.
Speaker 1 (19:20):
That's the easiest, that's the easiest way to go, by
the way it is, Kelly, say more, Kelly, come on, girl.
Speaker 2 (19:28):
Cheryl's like, I love Cheryl's celibate, She's sober, she's amazing,
and I am I was like a complete train wreck,
like until I started this podcast.
Speaker 1 (19:36):
Stop it. If you were to ask me why I'm
choosing this path, that's a whole nother podcast.
Speaker 2 (19:41):
Okay, well I want to hear more about that.
Speaker 1 (19:44):
No, tell us your story for the holidays.
Speaker 2 (19:46):
You know, since I my ex husband is French and
a lot older than I am, we spend a lot
of time with my family. So I'm just so grateful
to have been able to spend time with my twin
brother and my sister and our family and my kids
and their children, like always had like a really nice
(20:08):
time together. Going by myself on a train or in
a car or on a plane with my two kids.
Always traveling alone was something that you know, I used
to dread so much, and it was always like, you know,
the kids, and then there's Kelly, and like, who's Kelly's
going to sit next to because she's by herself. And
I mean, obviously my family's beautiful to me, but I
(20:32):
don't think that they ever knew that that would affect me,
But it was always you know, where am I going
to sit or who am I going to sit next to?
Speaker 3 (20:40):
Are you starting new traditions? Like now that you have
this space of being your own and your your most
powerful self. Are you starting new traditions with the kids.
Speaker 2 (20:51):
Well, so my but both of unfortunately both my parents
are now deceased, and so I've been spending a lot
of time, you know, continue to spend time with with
my twin brother. This year, we're going to be with
some family friends, which is really nice. But we were
going to originally just be together, just the three of us.
And it was very like strange how last year we
(21:17):
had spent time with a man that I was going
to be getting married to with his family.
Speaker 3 (21:23):
No, Daryl, tell her, don't ever do it again.
Speaker 1 (21:28):
So ever, Kelly, it was a godsend that it didn't happen.
I'll just say that I.
Speaker 2 (21:32):
Was gonna see me on the street she met Kelly. No, Kelly,
no bat see.
Speaker 3 (21:36):
I don't.
Speaker 1 (21:37):
I don't. The whole marriage concept is like it is
what it is like. Look, I just don't think there's
a rush. I think it's overrated. I'm decigned a contract.
Speaker 2 (21:46):
To get married, but I would like to have I've
always wanted to have the life and the the relationship
that I saw with my parents. I've always wanted that.
I've always looked up to that and not like it's
some like Disney movie. But I mean I literally like
that's what. That's how I see myself throughout the next
(22:10):
chapter of my life with a partner.
Speaker 1 (22:12):
Are you putting a lot of pressure on yourself, because
I believe it's generational too, don't you think like in
a way back then, maybe it's like there was no
talk of divorce. I would assume Listen, I'm just going.
Speaker 2 (22:23):
Through this process. I just started this podcast, so I
am like, you guys are like way beyond me. I'm
still like, I'm still in like the guppy stage. So
you guys have to give me a break because I
literally just my first like one person podcast where I
literally was crying and I couldn't even get the words out.
Speaker 3 (22:40):
I think I'm with Cheryl. I feel like I was like,
I'm sure I value companionship, I value partnerships, I value commitment,
all of those things I know longer now that I've
already done it, I don't need to coke goal my money.
Speaker 2 (23:02):
My god, no, that is a hard lin know we
are two individuals. Oh yeah, I literally called off my
I called off my engagement because I was like, if
you're not going to sign this prenup, there's no had
a girl, no prenup, no me, no, no no co mingling,
no no nor.
Speaker 3 (23:21):
Mama works hard and mama pays for her own place,
and I pay for my own groceries and my own
car and my own house children, And I don't need that.
Correct love for someone to walk along beside me, I
would like that, but a contract that binds it.
Speaker 1 (23:39):
We're not one just because we're together, does it not
mean like it does two separate people, two separate lives,
and hopefully we're compatible.
Speaker 2 (23:47):
Great, So, Diana, Like, what if you're walking, if you're
in the super market, because you know that's where you meet.
The hottest guys is always in the super Really, if
you're a market you meet some hot gyme, what are
you gonna do?
Speaker 3 (24:05):
No, they are not in Whole Foods. They are not.
They're not standing next, they're not doing it. They're not.
Speaker 2 (24:13):
They probably are you just Chelsea, though I seriously never
leave my house. By the way, just because you're wearing
a hat doesn't mean that makes you hotter, by the way,
it does.
Speaker 3 (24:22):
Stopping attention, I'm not listening to anyone and I don't
pay attention at all whatsoever.
Speaker 1 (24:29):
But also's energy, right, Like if you are ready. When
you are ready. There, you know, it's like, I'm my
energy is like, don't look at me twice, that's what
my energy is giving off.
Speaker 2 (24:38):
Meanwhile, you're so gorgeous. That's hard for a lot of people.
They're like, You're like, don't look at me. They're like, oh,
I don't.
Speaker 1 (24:43):
Leave my house, like I instacart, I don't go to
grocery stores.
Speaker 2 (24:47):
By the way, I know a lot of people in
Santa Barbara, like really good people. I'm gonna I'm gonna
introduce you to.
Speaker 3 (24:51):
Okay, almost makeup here. It looks so.
Speaker 1 (24:54):
Perfect, Well, thank you, and it's just therapeutic for me.
It takes me three hours get ready. I'm not kidding.
Speaker 2 (25:01):
Oh that's two three hours.
Speaker 1 (25:04):
But I don't have it.
Speaker 2 (25:05):
I'm a fifteen minute. Well today I got my hair
blown out, but like if it's my own self, I'm
like fifteen minutes, I'm I'm lay my clothes. I know
exactly what I'm wearing. Boom.
Speaker 1 (25:16):
What can my listeners do that are listening on this
Thanksgiving Day? What can they do to really, you know,
I guess feel the void of being alone? Like any
suggestions as far as keeping their spirits up.
Speaker 3 (25:30):
I okay, Kelly, forgive me. But I believe there is
a really safe space being alone. I I genuinely love
being alone. I think there is a spot where you
can sit in your own self and get to know yourself.
Speaker 1 (25:49):
And that's so make sure of you.
Speaker 3 (25:52):
Oh, it's not always easy.
Speaker 1 (25:54):
It's called adulting.
Speaker 3 (25:56):
Like, wow, I'm like truly adulting.
Speaker 2 (25:58):
You guys, don't use words I don't know what they
mean yet, don't use adulting and things like that.
Speaker 1 (26:02):
It's not fair adulting, Kelly, you better know what that means.
Speaker 3 (26:06):
I would say, it's not always easy. I have had
a really tough week. I've looked at some heart in
my life this week, and I have felt really lonely.
I felt really really alone. And I think that's a
very humanly nature thing to do, you know, to just
(26:27):
sit in your own space and just feel really alone
and want.
Speaker 1 (26:31):
Do you I mean, like, honestly, is it better? Like
when someone feels let's say, lonely and they're having to
go like this is the worst, Like when I have
to go to a family gathering and the last thing
I want to do is just pretend I'm happy and
like all festive and like, you know, everyone's all in
their couples, and my sisters with her fiance, my mom
and my stepdad, and then it's like me and my
(26:53):
little frenchie, who like snores really loud. And there's always
this like awkward thing where it's like, ohky, hey, do
I help with the deck? Or like what do you
need help? Like what do I do? I guess what
do you?
Speaker 3 (27:06):
I thrive? And it's like that I thrive like that
I do because I do feel like a very strong woman.
I feel very confident, I really empowered.
Speaker 1 (27:18):
Where do you get that from?
Speaker 3 (27:19):
You're raised, right, lots of trauma therapy, a lot, you know.
I always was kind of this person, and then I
got married and I lived in a marriage where there
was a lot of brokenness and and trauma and just
(27:48):
gaslighting and manipulation, and there was a lot of things.
I was never going to please the man that I
was with. I was never going to be pleasing. But
to me, that's okay, because I'm not a pleasing human being.
I love me and I love myself, and I feel
(28:09):
very strong and very kind and secure and who I am.
And there was a moment in time that that got
taken away from me. Someone that I loved so much.
I truly wanted to be a pleasing wife and what
(28:30):
I thought the Bible designed for a woman to be.
And I think that that just took everything from me.
I lost who I was. And I think through tons
of therapy and diving in dogs diving into me again,
(28:55):
I'll never lose that ever again. I know who I am,
I know what I want, I know how I want
to be treated, and I will never ever settle and
I will never ever lose me again. Preach I'll never
do it.
Speaker 2 (29:10):
I mean, you know, it's interesting we were talking when
you were talking about Cheryl. You know, you're talking about
being being alone and gaslighting and you know all these
things that are trying to like keep you know, break
you down, and you know there is there have been moments,
you know when because I am the provider, I'm the
mom and the dad for my children, and you know
(29:32):
when you're being like really pushed down like that, or
you know, like just people are you know, trying to
like make you feel like you're not doing what they
you know, how they you should be doing it, or
the way that they want you to do it, or
you know the best way, this way whatever it is,
or you're just not good enough for that moment. I
(29:54):
think that, you know, for me, that was one of
the times where I would just I could I could
just feel it. I have really bad psoriasis, and I
could just feel my psoriasis like it was just all
it would just would just like start to go crazy
and I could literally feel it, and and then I
(30:15):
would just like close my eyes and I would just
be like that. I'm like, I am not going to
let anybody take me away from me. And for some
weird reason like swearing at myself. This is after someone
had gas let me and you know, told me that
I was like awful and you know and liked me,
(30:36):
and I had no friends and dah da dah I
was going to be nobody, and I was always going
to be nobody. Like every single guy I've ever dated,
You're a nobody. You're an absolute nobody. You're a nobody,
and uh even on television, like I was always a nobody.
You're awful, human, fat, ugly, nobody, uneducated, I mean, even whatever.
And I would literally just say that to myself with
(30:59):
my eyes closed, and I swear to God, the energy
just shift it and I'm like I'm not going to
put up with anyone, and like the next day I
would do something like wildly successful or you know, really
good like whatever. I would run faster or do whatever
it was. I don't know if that's healthy, but that
was my way of coping with you know, just feeling
(31:21):
like like really feeling like and I could feel myself
also just like I could my adrenaline would be so
high that I could feel myself actually losing weight. I
know that sounds like a weird thing, but I could
literally feel myself losing weight.
Speaker 1 (31:36):
No, I hear. I can relate so much. Like it's
interesting because the body keeps the score, like it really does.
So like when it comes to you know that book
Cheryl A million times?
Speaker 3 (31:46):
I love it a million times.
Speaker 1 (31:48):
Have you read it, Kelly? You have to read it.
Speaker 2 (31:49):
Oh, I have to read this.
Speaker 1 (31:50):
I'm going to get it for you for Christmas. It
is I mean, you can also listen to it on audible.
It'll it's a doozy though, so maybe it's better to
read it. But it is so true, like when you're talking,
your sosias is being like activated in a way. It's
your body, it's we I mean, I still have so
much trauma. And this is why I also do somatic
therapy as well. But like, this is why dance saved
(32:11):
my life because it's like there is a way to
tap into it, right and your body's telling you something, Kelly.
So when you stood up for yourself, did it go away?
Speaker 2 (32:21):
For my own self? I told myself like I didn't
have anyone. I didn't tell anyone. Oh my god, this
is happening right. I just like, no one is going
to tell me that I'm not good enough and I'm
just going to go and be better because I wasn't
going to like put up with it anymore.
Speaker 1 (32:37):
And you did it affect your body?
Speaker 3 (32:39):
Though?
Speaker 1 (32:39):
Like did you did it go away?
Speaker 2 (32:41):
I mean I would you know? I you know it
would be you know EDB and flow of course throughout that,
but you know it was not exactly the easiest thing.
And like when you can see something, it's different when
you it's different to feel something than when you actually
see it on your body. And people are like, wow,
you're you know, you're really irritated today or something's going
on with your own and I'm.
Speaker 1 (33:00):
Just like you, I got hives all over my face, Okay,
So I used to be a heavy drinker, and I
was the type of drinker where you didn't know if
I was drunk or sober. So that's the most dangerous
(33:22):
type of alcoholic, I think. And when my father passed away,
all of a sudden, I took one sip of a
vodka soda, which was my poison of choice, and I
just broke out into hives because I hadn't dealt like literally,
I mean, I stopped drinking for material reasons straight up,
and then I just decided I just don't have any desire,
(33:43):
I guess, to continue drinking. But like, it is very interesting,
how like your boy, like you can feel it, like
when I get anxiety, when my heart drops to my stomach.
It's like and then yet we're all intuitive, like all
of us have it right. It's just about trusting yourself
and listening to your body, I guess, which is interesting.
Speaker 2 (34:04):
Well, yeah, I don't want anyone to gaslight you. And
if they are gaslighting you, text me and I will
talk to you because I don't like that. So I'm like,
now I'm going to be like the gaslighting cop. That
just doesn't work for me, And I won't let anyone
talk to me like that, and I definitely am not
going to let anyone talk to you like that. So
that's just not happening.
Speaker 3 (34:24):
A really unhealthy relationship teaches you what is not right.
So I hopefully, hopefully I was a very secure attached
human being before I got married.
Speaker 1 (34:38):
I feel like you are still. I was going to
say that.
Speaker 3 (34:41):
Well, I am now, I know because I've tested since.
Speaker 1 (34:45):
I've Kelly, who are you remember we talked about this
last time.
Speaker 2 (34:49):
I'm working on it. I'm a working progress.
Speaker 1 (34:51):
I've got to center that test.
Speaker 3 (34:53):
I am a very securely attached human being now, and
I was before I got married. But somewhere along the
way in a relationship, as I tried to find myself
and tried to become this we I mean codependent, that's
what we were, you know what I mean.
Speaker 1 (35:12):
I'm definitely there still.
Speaker 3 (35:14):
This person who relied on another human being. It took me.
It was very hard for me to learn to rely
on another human being. So there was the lines were
very flawed with me when it came to relying on
another human being and then being my own. And so
(35:36):
when the mayor ended, it was very hard for me
and very traumatic to reshape the lines.
Speaker 1 (35:45):
Because you were vulnerable and you basically let go of
control right in order to be able to be that
vulnerable person with somebody.
Speaker 2 (35:54):
Yes, And I see, I've never had that because I
was a provider. I never I never was. I was
codependent in the way that I would try to make
myself feel like I needed that person even though I
was the one doing all the work. And so it
was this very like you know, this this crazy strong
(36:16):
dynamic with myself of like, you know, can I trust
this really trust this person, like you know, how much
can I ask of them? And never like asking anything,
like never saying like asking them a question or you know,
second guessing anything like just never you know, which.
Speaker 3 (36:33):
Was codependency in general is really really really gross. I mean,
it's just off.
Speaker 1 (36:39):
Have you read the book Codependent No More?
Speaker 2 (36:41):
I think I. But I definitely have had some codependency
with some guys that I've dated in the past. I
definitely have had that.
Speaker 3 (36:47):
Absolutely, there's a waterfall effect when you have codependency. Yes,
you know how to be codependent. I think that it
is a it is a slippery slope.
Speaker 1 (36:59):
But it's also different forms. Like I'm rereading it right,
there's a new codependent. No more like a newer version,
and I'm actually listening to it right now, and I'm
shocked as to what I was hearing, because I was like, wait,
I thought codependency meant like codependency like I need you
in my I need another person in my life that
I'm going to just rely on for everything. But it's
not that. It's also being the breadwinner and also wanting to.
Speaker 3 (37:22):
Good morning, good morning, good morning. It's so great to
hear from you. It's all the thing. So we were
talking about dating into the holidays, and it's all of
those things. I think about, why do I even bother?
Why do I even bother dating simply because you slip?
(37:44):
Or I also think, and Cheryl and Kelly tell me
if I'm wrong, But I think I'm in a place
that I'm too healed, I'm too therapized. I've had too
much therapy.
Speaker 1 (37:57):
You think there's a such a thing as too much therapy?
Speaker 3 (38:00):
I am too therapies.
Speaker 1 (38:01):
Absolutely interesting. I've never heard that before.
Speaker 2 (38:04):
I haven't either.
Speaker 1 (38:05):
I've been in therapy since I was four. You're no,
you're very you have it.
Speaker 2 (38:09):
You have such empathy, and you know, you're very verbal,
and you're very open and communicative.
Speaker 3 (38:16):
Also in a place where like every time some god
texts me every single morning, he's like, hey, good morning,
and I'm like, nope, nope, this is a red flag.
It's a red flag, hard red flag. No one should
text you every single day. What aren't you doing? Don't
you have a job? What is life?
Speaker 1 (38:33):
It takes two seconds, though, mind you to text good morning.
Speaker 2 (38:36):
I think that's nice that he's saying good morning. I
think that's so thoughtful.
Speaker 1 (38:41):
No, it's not a red I think I think you're
just not ready to be maybe in a relationship. That's okay, though, Yeah.
Speaker 2 (38:48):
I think it's good. It's nice to when you're when
someone there's someone that you care about, when they say
something like they send you like a meme or say
good morning or wait.
Speaker 1 (38:58):
Why is it a red flag? I'm just out of cureuriosity.
Speaker 3 (39:01):
For me, it's a red flag because they don't know
you yet. So I'm only saying that in a sense.
Speaker 1 (39:06):
I totally hear you. I get it.
Speaker 3 (39:08):
Yes, if you've only known that morning or two, they
don't truly know you. Know, that's weird, depth of like
your core. Uh, they shouldn't be texting you every single day.
Speaker 1 (39:20):
Like, I guess you asked for that, right, Like, that's
one thing which I'm pretty sure I can bet my
right ass cheek. You didn't ask for that.
Speaker 2 (39:27):
I didn't know, but I'm a Texter, so I that's
what I do with my friends like work. I'm like,
good morning, How are you hoping you have a drake
great day? Like I'm that's like my way of.
Speaker 1 (39:36):
Maybe I'm too maybe I'm Can you start texting me that?
That would be nice. I would definitely like put me
on that chain. Copy paste, copy paste.
Speaker 2 (39:46):
No, I don't copy and paste. I write it myself.
Speaker 1 (39:48):
That's what I would do. I don't have the freaking
I'm like, come on, how do we can how can
I multitask though there's no such thing? What do you
girls think about splitting the holidays with your kids? Like
I remember I did that or I until my dad
decided to move out of the country. But how do
you feel about all that?
Speaker 3 (40:06):
I don't know if you're doing it yet, Kelly, are you.
Speaker 2 (40:08):
I've never split my I've always had my kids. I've
only had I've been on holidays with my kids. I've
never I've never i've had my ex's kids with us,
but I've never not been with my children and I will.
I mean, that's something that I'm in fear of. Is like,
you know, I'm excited for them because my kids are
so much older. Man, they're twenty four and twenty six.
Speaker 3 (40:31):
Oh yeah, yeah, but.
Speaker 2 (40:34):
What happens when they meet these there are these guys
and they're like, Mom, we're going to go to so
AND's ho's house. I want to be devastated. I'm I'll
be like, what where.
Speaker 3 (40:43):
I would tell you my children are almost nine and
almost and we split, and I would say it's really
really hard. Oh, I see them. So this is my
first Thanksgiving alone with the kids. So I'm thankful my
dad and his wife will come out and be with us,
because I was really worried about us being alone, you know,
(41:05):
because I feel like I'm in this space where I'm
just trying to go above and beyond to make sure
the kids are are full and happy and loved and
have this really wonderful life that they feel really full
when they're with me, because I want them to love
(41:27):
to be with me, and because I am single and
he has a girlfriend. I also sit in this other
space where I just want to choke her.
Speaker 1 (41:38):
Totally, girl, thank you.
Speaker 3 (41:41):
I am really grateful that she is kind.
Speaker 1 (41:44):
Totally you are, let's talk, let's be real.
Speaker 3 (41:47):
It is like a double edge. I am really thankful
that she is kind to my children and that she
is kind.
Speaker 1 (41:55):
She better be with the hell. You don't get a
gold star to be kind.
Speaker 2 (42:00):
Husband up with a girl, I mean a woman, so
that I could be like we're done. I literally was like,
here's your new girlfriend or done?
Speaker 1 (42:09):
Stop it.
Speaker 2 (42:09):
I couldn't take it anymore.
Speaker 3 (42:11):
I did not do that.
Speaker 2 (42:12):
I did.
Speaker 3 (42:13):
You are with someone for so long, like I was
with my ex husband for fifteen years, and.
Speaker 1 (42:18):
Then it is.
Speaker 3 (42:20):
Okay, So overnight I don't feel like I know him
at all, Like like literally I went to sleep and
I woke up and I'm like, who the heck is
this human being? And just that alone, for me in particular,
is really hard and it's really hard to grasp because
when you marry someone and you're you're with someone for
(42:43):
that long, you are most intimate with that human being.
Speaker 2 (42:48):
And so.
Speaker 3 (42:50):
From that and again, I didn't ask for divorce. It
was his choice. Although I'm grateful for it now, I'm
very happy now. It is amazing to me how it
goes overnight you do not know that person anymore. They
are no longer you're human.
Speaker 1 (43:07):
Is it the communication or like what happened?
Speaker 3 (43:11):
I think it's a number of things.
Speaker 2 (43:12):
See, mine was a slow death. Mine was like mine
was like a Mine was like a crockpot where I
was like in there just boiling up, boiling up. I
was like, I was like, Okay, it's continuing, it's continuing,
there's continuing. I can only handle so much, Like I
couldn't take it.
Speaker 3 (43:31):
Because I am so loyal to a fault. I am
loyal to a fault to myself that I likely would
have wrote it out for sixty years. I would have
stayed married. I would have been in this unhappy marriage
for sixty years for the rest of my life. I
would have seen my children graduate high school and college
and get married and have children themselves. And I would
(43:52):
have lived in this unhappy marriage had he not chosen
to leave.
Speaker 1 (43:58):
But it's a blessing because like if I my mom
didn't choose to leave my father, I don't think I
would be here today because kids are very observant, as
you know, and we can feel it all. So it's
like at the end of the day. What's the healthiest scenario?
Speaker 2 (44:14):
You know, I mean, I agree with you down too, Like,
I mean, I would have stayed even though it was
just such a horrible situation. Like I didn't know any
I'm from Rockford, Illinois. I mean, no one gets divorced
in Rockford.
Speaker 3 (44:24):
Illinois and they're like, Kelly, no one.
Speaker 2 (44:28):
I'm just saying, like I'm old is but I just why.
No one knows the true story. No one knows what
Rockf Illinois is exactly. But like people, people would get
divorced there, and I was like, my when like someone
got divorced my parents be like they got divorced. I
was like, oh my god, what does that mean? What happened?
Like is it infectious? Like is it contagious?
Speaker 1 (44:49):
But that's why it's important to have these conversations because
it's normal, I know.
Speaker 2 (44:53):
But my point is I'm with like Deanna, like I
would have stayed. I just I just could. I just
couldn't do it anymore. My kids were growing up and
it was just like so much. It was I was
alone so much, and then what I was exposed to
on top of that, it was just like I couldn't
handle it.
Speaker 1 (45:12):
It's glad you guys didn't stay.
Speaker 3 (45:14):
The kids said to me once I finally moved into
a place on my own and we were here for
a year, and I said to the kids, how are you?
How are you feeling? You know? And again, I'm pro
mental health. I have had them in therapy. I'm doing
all of the things to make sure that they, god,
I hope turn out okay and as as possible, I'm
(45:34):
trying all of the all of the things. But I
remember saying to my kids, you know, how how are you?
What do you think now that it's just me here
and Daddy's in his own space. And the kids looked
at me and they said, we're really grateful we don't
have to hear you fight anymore.
Speaker 1 (45:51):
Oh, right do they are? They open? Wow to you
with the feelings.
Speaker 3 (45:57):
Tell me that's all like gut wrenching. Tell me that
not just got wrenching real To this day, I could
sob right now because I would say that Stephen and
I both thought we were doing a really good job
to hide it from them.
Speaker 1 (46:13):
To oh, it's just like we're like my parents never
fought in front of me, but like I felt it heavy.
It was heavy.
Speaker 3 (46:21):
Yeah, yeah, So I think I thought we were doing
a really good job of protecting the kids.
Speaker 1 (46:29):
But really, but you did by breaking up. Seriously though seriously,
I can't even it's hard probably to see. I mean,
for me, I don't I honestly think I would have.
I already have a bad pattern of picking of men
because I never really had a stable man in my
life as far as when I was a young girl.
But like, I don't even think I think I would
(46:50):
have been off my rock or if I if I
witnessed more than what I witnessed with my parents.
Speaker 3 (46:56):
Yeah, I think that I learned through lots of that.
I come from a long history of abandonment. Like my
mother died when I was young, and that's a source
of a man. I'm sorry my dad left my mom,
and that is a source of abandonment. And I'm like,
he ever chose me. He always chose women over me,
(47:19):
And pretty much every relationship that I have had since
has been men that have abandoned me. So I think
that I am finally in a place in my life
or I'm just I'm not willing to do that any longer.
I want someone and I don't care who they are.
I don't care what they look like. I don't care
(47:41):
what they do for a living. I don't care how
much money they make. I just want to feel loved
and chosen, and I won't settle for less than that.
Speaker 1 (47:52):
That's beautiful. I was attracted to the bad boy, so like,
I hope to get to where you are, because that's all.
I didn't have that father figure, you know. Yeah, but yeah,
(48:13):
I also come from abandonment. I am very much anxious attachment. Hello,
my name is Cheryl Burke, and I am anxious attachment
and recovering alcoholic. So, uh, there's that. How about you, Kelly,
Are you into solo traveling during the holidays or in
general when you're single.
Speaker 2 (48:31):
I mean, I've done it for the entire time, always
just traveled.
Speaker 1 (48:35):
With my kids, like for the on vacation and stuff.
Speaker 2 (48:38):
And that you know that mom just with her kids.
Everyone else is like, you know, the kids are the mother.
Father and mother are screaming at their kids, and I'm
just like sitting there, my kids are not moving. And
I also I'm like, wait a minute, this is so
not fair, Like I'm the one that's sitting there and
my kids are well mannered, and everybody else has like
a co parent and the kids are running around like
(48:58):
like you know wild. I'm like, how is this fair?
Speaker 1 (49:02):
You have your kids in check and then you've got
two grown ass adults.
Speaker 2 (49:06):
Yeah yeah, Why why do I have to be that person?
Why can't I Why can't my kids be like, you know,
drinking too much coca cola? And like, how.
Speaker 1 (49:13):
About solo traveling without kids?
Speaker 3 (49:15):
Way too much sugar coca cola.
Speaker 2 (49:17):
I'm just kidding. We did miss a flight though, once
because my kids were like on their phones and I
just was like, okay, you guys are to be responsible.
We totally missed the flight. My twin brother was like incensed,
what are you guys doing. I'm like, we missed the flight.
We never missed a flight since them.
Speaker 1 (49:32):
How about solo traveling without kids? I love traveling solo.
Speaker 2 (49:35):
I have so much anxiety when I travel.
Speaker 3 (49:37):
No, Kelly, it's.
Speaker 1 (49:38):
The best thing to me, and you love it so much.
Speaker 2 (49:40):
But because I wasn't. When I wasn't, I was. I
started modeling when I was fifteen, so I traveled so
much as a young as a young person and just
traveling like all over the place. Like people are like, oh,
modeling is so great. You are always by yourself on
a plane to like Asia to your to California to
(50:01):
New York, and it's like one day here, one day there,
and by yourself. It was so much. And then when
my kids travel, I mean, I couldn't even travel with
my kids. I couldn't even drive a car for a
long for a long period of time, I couldn't be alone.
Speaker 3 (50:17):
I'm a corporate flight attendant. I've done it for over
fourteen years. I love it. If I am home too long,
I feel lost. I need to be on the road.
I need to be traveling. I need to go and
be somewhere and stay in a hotel. And I love
hotels all of the things. But Kelly, you said, people
(50:39):
are always like, oh my gosh, your life is so amazing.
You're traveling to all these places and you're going all
over the world. And you know what I would say
is I do it alone. I am alone most of
the time. And I do genuinely love my job. I
love what I do. I love the family that I
(51:00):
I am so deeply grateful for them and for the paycheck.
And I could put a roof over the kids heads.
But I do it alone all the time. I'm alone
on the road ninety nine and a half percent of
the time.
Speaker 1 (51:16):
Would you like to not be alone? Would you want
someone to travel?
Speaker 3 (51:19):
I think that if I could live in a perfect
world and I were to have someone and choose someone,
I would love it if they would join me. Yes,
that would be because I genuinely love to travel and
I deeply love my job. I think if I were
to find someone and they were a good match for me,
it would it would be for them to join me
(51:41):
on the road. Yeah.
Speaker 1 (51:41):
Has it ever been like a thing where you were
dating and let's say it's just too hard because of
your schedule of traveling.
Speaker 3 (51:47):
Or yeah, I'm listen, why do you think I'm still single?
Speaker 1 (51:52):
Well, I mean I don't travel so now I would
say that it is literally my life revolves around my
job or I.
Speaker 3 (52:01):
Have the kids.
Speaker 1 (52:01):
Yeah. Have you met anyone traveling like that?
Speaker 2 (52:04):
I have?
Speaker 3 (52:05):
And I think that I meet really great people when
I'm on the road. I would I meet people that
I would actually really like to have a relationship with.
But I'm on the road.
Speaker 2 (52:18):
You know, it's interesting, is that too? Like, you know,
I travel a lot for work now as well, and
you know, I find myself even though I can't. I
don't have to come home. I mean, my kids are older,
they go to work, they have their own jobs. But
I find still find myself. When I was a model,
I'd be like, I just take the right eye home.
I have to get home, you know. I always have
to get home to my kids. Always had to get
(52:39):
home to my kids. And I still do the same thing.
I'm like on a flight six am to Florida and
I'm on a flight coming home, like wait, I could
be staying overnight, i could be feeling gorgeous like wherever
I am, and I'm like on a plane to be
back home just in case. I'm always like just in case,
good mom, No, But I mean like dance right, Like,
I mean, it's one thing to be alone, and I understand.
(53:03):
I understand what I do and how I do it.
But you know, I also can like maybe give myself
a little I can actually give myself a little grace
and say, like it's okay to do some things that
I may like, yeah, like why.
Speaker 1 (53:19):
Not, and like pamper yourself and give back to yourself, right.
Speaker 2 (53:24):
I mean I think it's so I love when John
said she gave you know, she gives a lot of
other people all disgrace, But I think too we need
to also really give ourselves. I mean's you know, that's
the lesson, that's the takeaway that I'm getting from today,
is like giving myself some grace.
Speaker 1 (53:39):
And I think that's what we do when we choose
to be single. To be quite honest, though it's hard,
and at times especially I think around the holidays it
gets triggered for me at least, But what are also
some great things about being single over the holidays other
than I don't have to I mean, I used to
go all out with my ex husband. I paid for crazy.
Speaker 3 (53:59):
Yes, listen, you can come home. I have the best house,
I have the best neighbors, and I pay for it.
Speaker 1 (54:10):
All by myself.
Speaker 3 (54:11):
Good for you, and whatever I want, and I can
watch whatever I want, and I can do whatever I want. Amen,
A lot of piece in that.
Speaker 2 (54:20):
And eat whatever you want and whatever time you want. Yes,
we'll throw the mask on whatever in your pajamas, pimple patches.
No one can say a word.
Speaker 3 (54:32):
If someone is coming into this. If they are, they
have to be really great because it's going to take
a lot for me to give up what have right now?
Speaker 1 (54:42):
Why do you have to give up what you have?
Men are needy? Yeah, but then no, you're not. No. No,
You remember we talked about in the beginning with two individuals,
you know, right coming into this thing so called relationship.
Speaker 3 (54:56):
Yeah, yeah, that I will never ever again. I will not.
I'm going to I'm going to be me and live
my life and still full in this aspect. And I
will only ever choose to bring someone else into that
if they add to it.
Speaker 1 (55:16):
Correct.
Speaker 2 (55:17):
But I'm just trying to think back to to Cheryl's
question about like what are the things that like are
good to be when you're you know, why is it
good to be single during the holiday? So you can
eat what you want, drink what you want, where what
you want where, the makeup that you want, The fragrance that.
Speaker 1 (55:31):
You make gives for yourself instead of taking.
Speaker 2 (55:33):
It gifts for yourself. No one is micromanaging or.
Speaker 1 (55:38):
Also the in laws, like not everyone has great in
laws or had great in laws. You know, it's like
you were lucky, data, I was lucky.
Speaker 3 (55:46):
I'm still really lucky. I really love them.
Speaker 1 (55:48):
Before we wrap it up, what are you guys both
looking forward to this holiday season?
Speaker 2 (55:53):
What am I looking forward to? You know, I moved
out of my apartment into an apartment with my ex
fiance and back into my own a little apartment, which
I actually love. It's like a hug and to you know,
have our tree after things to you know, tomorrow we're
gonna get our tree and just really just enjoy our
(56:16):
holiday together and just do things together. And I told
my daughter, I was like, I want to go skating.
I just wanted to like do like real things together,
like not a much shopping, but just like whatever they
want to do or the movies. Just do things that
like make us a strong family.
Speaker 3 (56:32):
You know.
Speaker 2 (56:32):
Oh my god, I'm gonna cry.
Speaker 3 (56:34):
I know I've wanted to cry a thousand times.
Speaker 1 (56:37):
I don't have kids, Hence why there's a dry eye
over here.
Speaker 2 (56:40):
I'm just so happy to like be with my girls,
and I am I'm just like just be with us,
like us and like not like you know, if the
present's not right or you know, I just am like
I just don't want that. I want to just like
spoil my kids and show them how much I love
them and just wear pajamas with Vietnam.
Speaker 1 (57:01):
Oh, you guys are such good moms. Do you want
to adopt me. I'm just kidding.
Speaker 3 (57:05):
Oh, thank you. Send me your address. I'll send you
Christmas present.
Speaker 1 (57:12):
My love language is not a gift. It's not gift giving.
It's like, it's not it's what's the one where someone
has to like clean up after himself? What's that called
a grown man? Yeah? Right house? New Year's resident? Yeah exactly,
my babysitter. That's what I need for Christmas. What are
(57:32):
New Year's any New Year's resolutions scales?
Speaker 3 (57:36):
Oh, I'm not good with resolutions.
Speaker 1 (57:39):
I'm either I think like, actually, I need to stop shopping.
I'm an addict. Hi, my name is Cheryl and I'm
an addict. We know this, but now I find it
therapeutic to It's Black Friday right now on Amazon. Just
letting you know.
Speaker 3 (57:53):
I know shopping first step for the kids.
Speaker 1 (57:56):
It's in You should have seen it yesterday. It was
box like it was it, I mean whatever, it made
me feel good thought time.
Speaker 3 (58:03):
I think if I could just stop eating, that would
be really good. Like if I could just.
Speaker 2 (58:10):
We don't want you to stop eating, we want you
to be.
Speaker 1 (58:14):
And by the way, you're like a professional cook. I
swear I was looking for me.
Speaker 3 (58:20):
I am. I said it before but I am really,
really grateful that I love my job and I love
what I do, and I genuinely love to cook hot pockets.
Speaker 1 (58:32):
You don't understand. I was raised with hot pockets, so.
Speaker 3 (58:35):
Like hot pockets. I love anything between a pop past eating.
Speaker 1 (58:38):
I love me some hot pockets. See.
Speaker 2 (58:41):
I can make food, but I'm not sure if it's
good or not.
Speaker 3 (58:45):
I feel like I genuinely why don't.
Speaker 1 (58:48):
You taste it?
Speaker 2 (58:50):
Taste it? I have a windex on it. You kidding me?
Speaker 1 (58:54):
I bake because I'm O c D and I am
to the measurement.
Speaker 2 (58:58):
You guys are great for me to be around. I
need to be around more of you guys, you guys
more because like you're good for me, are a good balance.
I need more OCD. I need more, you know the
nerds from Diana like, I look.
Speaker 3 (59:08):
Like, okay, I'll put everything's gonna be okay.
Speaker 1 (59:14):
Everything will be okay. And if it's not just numb
through productivity.
Speaker 2 (59:18):
It works. Let's say I'm not a big resolution like,
I'm more of a solution kind of person. Yeah, that's
my thing with my kids. I'm like, okay, what's this.
We know what the problem was. What's the solution That's
what I tell them all the time. So we know
what the problem is from last year and I'm not
(59:40):
married and I am moving forward.
Speaker 1 (59:43):
Problem is that a problem?
Speaker 2 (59:45):
Yeah? Wait, where the solutions? It was a blessing, It
was a blessing. But this year. My solution for this
year is to do more things that make me genuinely happy,
so that like I went beginning when we were talking
about putting on my safety belt, just so that I
feel happy, and so then I can express that to
(01:00:07):
other people. And that's what I really really want, because
then I can be more productive and maybe a better cook,
maybe a kinder person, maybe a better human.
Speaker 1 (01:00:22):
Maybe you'll just love yourself more and realize, you know what,
I hate cooking, So I'm not going to waste my time.
Speaker 3 (01:00:27):
Don't don't do it.
Speaker 2 (01:00:29):
I'm just gonna go over to your eyes house.
Speaker 1 (01:00:31):
You like do you start coming from you stock her
Instagram like I did. She made some like amazing hot
pockets with like eggs in it.
Speaker 2 (01:00:39):
Love delicious.
Speaker 1 (01:00:42):
Oh god, that sounds good. I'm just gonna be over
here eating stuffing until I blow up. So thanks to
my single sisterhood, this was great chatting with you both,
and we want to wish all of you listening a
happy Thanksgiving and holiday season. Here for you listeners during
these colder months. So if you are single and want
(01:01:05):
some advice, we want to hear from you. Call us
one eight four four four I Do Pod eight four
four four four three six seven six ' three or
email us at IDO pod at iHeartRadio dot com, follow
us on Instagram and TikTok at id Part two pod.
(01:01:27):
All this information will be in the show notes. Make
sure to rate and review this podcast I Do Part
two and iHeartRadio podcast where falling in love is the
main objective.
I Do, Part two is an innovative podcast all about
finding love the second time around. But sometimes on the
road to finding love the second time around, you end
up staying in singles town, maybe longer than you anticipated.
I'm one of your celebrity mentors, Cheryl Burke, and I'm
joined today by fellow mentor Kelly ben Simone, and today
(00:31):
we also have former star of The Bachelorette Dianas Dogliano.
Welcome ladies to the podcast. How are you doing good?
What's new?
Speaker 2 (00:41):
Just preparing for the big day?
Speaker 1 (00:45):
What big day?
Speaker 2 (00:46):
The big day of being thankful and grateful?
Speaker 1 (00:51):
Which one? There's a big day of gratitude, Thanksgiving? Happy Thanksgiving?
Speaker 3 (00:56):
Yesterday was my birthday and just a week, you know
what I mean, it's just been I think, like all
of the things, like I'm just reeling in, like the
kids and being divorced and wanting to have companionship, but
(01:20):
not because I don't, you know. So I think I've
just like really like rode the waves of all the
things this week.
Speaker 1 (01:30):
How long have you been single?
Speaker 3 (01:32):
My divorce was final this year, but I have been
single for probably three years.
Speaker 1 (01:36):
Got it same? I'm in the same boat, except I'm
definitely not looking for companionship, and I'm loving it so
much with Caeryl.
Speaker 3 (01:43):
I'm not either. I'm not either. I think it's deeply overrated,
deeply overrated. I believe that we are built for companionship,
and I really want that, I think in the long run,
But like today, nah nah.
Speaker 2 (02:02):
See, I'm ready for I'm ready to meet someone I
want to. I've been going to therapy. I've been, you know,
going through this whole process on the podcast. Cheryl and
I have had some really great moments together with TJ
and Amy and Jenna, and I've just learned so much
about myself. And I'm not saying that I'm ready to
(02:29):
get married tomorrow, but I am am I The way
that I'm dealing with my life, both personally and professionally,
is different.
Speaker 3 (02:38):
Do you actually think that you'll get married again? Because
I have a hard pass for me. I don't ever
want to get married again.
Speaker 1 (02:45):
Deanna. People want they know you obviously from the Bachelor
Bachelorette franchise. What I guess, tell our listeners a little
bit about your love story and your journey.
Speaker 3 (02:54):
I guess, yeah, Well, I went on the show, so
I did the Bachelor, and I was the final one.
Was I was everyone's like pick at the end, like
I was the one that I choose.
Speaker 2 (03:13):
Of course.
Speaker 3 (03:14):
And then I went on to be the bachelorette and
I chose someone not not so great, but I did.
And then I met my ex husband through the show
because his twin brother was on a different season of mine.
So I met my ex husband through the show, and
(03:38):
we were married for twelve years and wow, together for
what fifteen. So I'm very careful at this point because
Addison in particular is very aware and seeing can see things,
(03:59):
and her friends know who she is, they know who
she is at school, they know me, and so I
try to be really careful what I share. I had you,
how I share it all good.
Speaker 2 (04:15):
I mean, I can understand that too because when I
was on I was on the Real Housewives of New
York when when my kids were five and seven, so
I was on two thousand and nine, ten and eleven,
and so when my kids were white because we're really
young as well, and you know, I didn't feel like,
first of all, I didn't feel like it was a
safe place for me to talk about anything. And second
(04:37):
of all, you know, I was when I was single
being single in two thousand and nine was not sexy
being you know, it was like, oh my god, I
cannot believe you're not married, Like what's wrong with you?
The choice of like you're saying like this empowered choice
of saying I don't really know if I ever want
to meet someone or you know, that kind of narrative
just didn't exist. And so I commend you for being
(05:01):
such a good mom and for protecting your daughter and
your your children, because it's not easy in this important environment.
Speaker 3 (05:09):
Had a week, I literally have had a week, and
I don't want to cry.
Speaker 1 (05:13):
But oh no, you should cry. It's good for you,
it's good for everyone.
Speaker 3 (05:16):
I know. I know I've cried all week. We went
to dinner last night for my birthday, and I was
saying to my girlfriends that I was just like.
Speaker 1 (05:29):
That.
Speaker 3 (05:30):
I just feel like I am going to great links
to protect my children. You know, I don't think I
always realized this when I was younger, but I'm a
product of divorce and the great links that my mother
(05:55):
went through to protect me and my brother and my sister.
But I find that I'm doing the same things for
my children, and man, is it freaking exhausting. It's exhausting.
Speaker 1 (06:12):
Yeah, I also come from a I'm a product of
a divorced family as well. And I don't know if
this is the reason why I don't have kids or
I don't I'm not I have no interest in it,
but like it's just yeah, it's but what you're doing
and by being aware of what you say, because you know,
kids are very observant and smarter than we think. And
(06:36):
I remember seeing my parents fight before they divorced, and
it's just not like and then also talking about each other.
It's just not healthy. It's not healthy.
Speaker 2 (06:46):
I mean, I raise my two kids on my own,
so I was a full time single parent. It was
no co parenting. And you know what you're going through
right now is you know natural too. I mean, those
feelings are real, and you know there's a lot of
stress and pressure and you know it's our job to
(07:11):
raise amazing kids the next generation. And it's like, you know,
I would die. Don't come from a divorce. Both my
parents were together for our entire life, and I never
thought I would get divorced. But I got divorced because
I wanted something better for my children. I wanted I
thought it was better for me to parent my children
just myself than to be in an environment that wasn't
(07:34):
good for them. And you know, it's not easy. And
I mean, you know, I'm not trying to say don't
be hard on yourself, but you know, it's okay to
feel to feel that pressure because it's it's it's heavy,
it's heavy.
Speaker 3 (08:00):
I know you don't have kids, but like, I just
sat in this space this week where I just felt
like deeply sorry for myself, you know, as we're talking
about like dating, going into the Hall of Dame stuff,
you know, and I feel like deeply alone.
Speaker 1 (08:14):
By choice, by choice, but not lonely, right.
Speaker 3 (08:20):
I feel lonely mostly because I believe that we are
built for companionship and partnership. They say, yeah, they say,
they say. I also just like really love my life,
and I make a.
Speaker 1 (08:32):
Love I hear you. But holidays bring like trigger something.
Speaker 3 (08:35):
Obviously I can do all the things that I this
week in particular, and I don't know if it's just
because it's been my birthday.
Speaker 1 (08:44):
And and Pluto just moved into a queries just saying yeah,
after nineteen years, yes, yeah.
Speaker 3 (08:53):
And I feel like like lonely, you know, And I
know that I'm not so deeply lonely that i would
choose anyone because I have options, but they they aren't
like great, and I'm okay with that. And I feel,
(09:14):
I guess, really empowered in a place that I can
say no, you know what I mean.
Speaker 1 (09:23):
It's a complete sentence.
Speaker 2 (09:25):
Yeah, do you have your kids with you, Diana? Foriday?
Speaker 3 (09:29):
My first Thanksgiving a loved kids, and my dad is
going to come out with his wife. And I'm really grateful. Yeah,
I'm really really grateful. It's just really difficult a few years.
And I have really wonderful friends and I have I
have a really great family and surroundings, you know, for
(09:53):
people who will just come in and be with us
when we need it. So my my dad is coming
in this week, and I have the kids, and so
I'm just trying to create really wonderful memories for them,
make them happy and make them feel loved and make
(10:13):
them want to be here.
Speaker 1 (10:15):
Yeah, thank you for your vulnerability, because like, first of all,
there's so many I can relate in many ways though
I don't have kids. I mean, I can't say I
never get lonely, Like it's literally I moved out of
La to where I am with my frenchie and it's
just me and my frenchie, and I don't have tons
of friends in this where I live, in this town.
(10:35):
And I also haven't really made much of an effort,
like there has been a part of me that has ghosted,
not just my ex husband, but like also my friend,
like everything around me. I just feel is you know,
we evolve and evolving until the day we die, and
sometimes there is this feeling of loneliness. But I think
(10:57):
I don't know. I like to not say it as
only more like alone because of the transition that you know,
people change and it's not bad nor good. It's not
bad or good, Like there's no label other than the
fact that I just want to give back to myself
because I don't remember the last I don't think I've
ever done this before where I've chosen me.
Speaker 3 (11:18):
You know who's first, who was first?
Speaker 2 (11:21):
Right?
Speaker 1 (11:21):
And I didn't know who was first until I actually
had quiet time around me, because it's so easy to
put everyone else in front of you.
Speaker 2 (11:31):
But they always say that you know, you're supposed to
put your safety belt on first. And that's the other
thing that has been really like a big lesson for
me because I have always been the kind of person
like whatever my kids want, whatever they want, whatever they need,
Like what can I do? And when you put your
safety belt on first and you protect yourself, then you
(11:52):
are even a better protector of your children obviously what
you're already doing. But it's just you know, when you're
going through the birthday and kind of processing everything, it
gets to be. You know, it gives me a lot.
And you know, the nice thing is that you have
this your friend group, which is amazing. Like I literally,
I literally was so like mortified of like what I
(12:17):
had done. Like I thought that I had like done
this horrible thing by getting divorced and this like awful,
you know thing that I shouldn't have done. I used
to cry in my closet and you know, I just
sit there on the floor because I don't want anybody
to know.
Speaker 3 (12:32):
Kelly though, and Cheryl, maybe you feel the same. I
felt so much grief and so much I was really embarrassed,
so was I.
Speaker 1 (12:45):
Yeah, I mean I haven't dated and I've been like
celibate for three years since my divorce, and I think
that's all has to do with shame underneath all of it.
Speaker 3 (12:54):
Yeah, same for me, Same for me. I mean I
think that there is this space that you just feel
this deep, immense amount of pain and grief and just
shame surrounding divorce.
Speaker 2 (13:10):
You know.
Speaker 3 (13:10):
I swear we were going through a divorce for a
year before I ever said anything out loud because I
was so embarrassed. I was so embarrassed. Yeah, and there
is a cleansing piece of divorce and breakups, you know
what I mean, Like you, you lose friends, and I
lost really great friends and people that I thought that
(13:32):
I really cared for. But there is a really beautiful
grieving process when it comes to divorce and being single
and loone and really sitting, you.
Speaker 1 (13:47):
Know, because the easiest thing is to numb and find
somebody else quickly and find another physical body, you know,
especially during like the holidays and exhibit a you go
and do that, and men do that. Let's dive into
the holidays. Speaking of the holidays, what's everyone's thoughts on
on the holidays in general?
Speaker 2 (14:06):
I guess yeah that you go first.
Speaker 3 (14:08):
For me in particular, I'm just pouring into the kids,
you know, Yeah, And I'm looking I have them their
their mind, and I just I think for me, I
have really gone out of my way and by healing
and my therapy and everything else to make sure they're okay.
(14:29):
I really worry about my children and what this will
do to them and the damn it will cause.
Speaker 1 (14:39):
Are they in therapy? Do you put them in there?
Speaker 3 (14:41):
Yeh?
Speaker 1 (14:42):
I have to say, that's one thing my mother did
with me, and God thank her, because it's just about
putting a voice to the pain, right like, and if
you can't and if you can't translate whatever you're feeling
into a language, that's when it eats you up.
Speaker 3 (14:56):
Okay. I'm like, if they can just get to like
six team, and I hope that they will look back
and think, my mom went.
Speaker 1 (15:05):
To great lengths one hundred and that's what I think
about my mother, like though the generation even though she
needs to go to therapy, but she'll never because but
at least she knew what to do with me. Because
I have to tell you the trauma I've dealt with
my stepsister who dealt with a similar story. She just
died of an overdose. And it's like you literally can
(15:25):
see like it was interesting. I mean, it's so sad
and this happened a little over a year ago. But like,
that's the difference between being in therapy versus not and
it's like, yes, you need an outlet.
Speaker 3 (15:39):
And trauma affects us all. And I have said this
openly across the board. When my ex husband asked to
leave me, I chose to go to trauma therapy. I
went three days a week for three hours a day,
and it was literally the best decision that I ever
(16:00):
ever could have done for myself, you know, and with
that an example for my children.
Speaker 1 (16:06):
Absolutely. Well, let's talk about since this is a holidays episode,
we're going to talk about my first year I guess
of the holidays without my ex husband. I stayed busy
(16:27):
because my new I'm sober for six years, but my
new drug of choice is now productivity. So I numbed
through making sure everyone came to my house so that
I had to decorate, I had to cook, I had
to do I had. My to do list was so
freakin packed, jam packed that I didn't even think about
(16:48):
the sadness. Now, is that the solution? Hell no, it's
not the solution. I'm just running away from my problems.
But now I have no plans as far as I'm
not cooking I'm not cleaning. I'm going to meet my
family at my sister's in laws or her in law's
two bee's house, so that should be interesting. But at
least it's driving distance, so I can always get in
(17:09):
the car and go if I need to.
Speaker 3 (17:12):
Does that feel good for you? What to go and
spend time with them.
Speaker 1 (17:17):
I don't know. I've never done it before, so it's
a little bit scary for me, to be quite honest.
And like I said, it's in Newport and where I live,
it's about a couple hours away. But I can always
get in the car and come back home if I
need to. It's gonna be interesting because it's just, yeah,
you're right, like, I've never really I don't even know
who her in laws are personally.
Speaker 3 (17:37):
Struggle with that. I love love to my core. My
ex husband's family, Oh yeah, I do. I really love them.
I love my father in law. There has been some
trauma within the family, and so that makes it really hard.
(17:59):
So I think, you know, the whole piece of switching
holidays and yeah, doing all of the things, it's there's
also a piece of just like grief, do you know,
of course, the family, not just my ex husband. There
is grief in the family, like grieving my mother in law,
(18:23):
who I just like literally love love at my core
and she is salt of the earth, wonderful human being.
Speaker 1 (18:32):
I love that that at least you still feel like
that after Do.
Speaker 2 (18:35):
You have any connection with her still or no?
Speaker 3 (18:38):
I do, Kelly. I think that we're just figuring it out.
Speaker 1 (18:42):
You know.
Speaker 3 (18:43):
I think that it's hard for her because it's her son, right,
and I think at the end of the day, I
have a lot of grace for the fact that she
can't separate the two. Do you know what I mean?
It's her son.
Speaker 1 (18:57):
Has he moved on? Has he is he dating?
Speaker 3 (18:59):
Do you know you're he's got a girlfriend?
Speaker 1 (19:01):
For Okay, Kelly, are you you were saying that you're
still single?
Speaker 3 (19:09):
I am so single. I have chosen to do like
dive into myself and do it. And he rushed into
another relationship, which is there's also.
Speaker 1 (19:20):
That's the easiest, that's the easiest way to go, by
the way it is, Kelly, say more, Kelly, come on, girl.
Speaker 2 (19:28):
Cheryl's like, I love Cheryl's celibate, She's sober, she's amazing,
and I am I was like a complete train wreck,
like until I started this podcast.
Speaker 1 (19:36):
Stop it. If you were to ask me why I'm
choosing this path, that's a whole nother podcast.
Speaker 2 (19:41):
Okay, well I want to hear more about that.
Speaker 1 (19:44):
No, tell us your story for the holidays.
Speaker 2 (19:46):
You know, since I my ex husband is French and
a lot older than I am, we spend a lot
of time with my family. So I'm just so grateful
to have been able to spend time with my twin
brother and my sister and our family and my kids
and their children, like always had like a really nice
(20:08):
time together. Going by myself on a train or in
a car or on a plane with my two kids.
Always traveling alone was something that you know, I used
to dread so much, and it was always like, you know,
the kids, and then there's Kelly, and like, who's Kelly's
going to sit next to because she's by herself. And
I mean, obviously my family's beautiful to me, but I
(20:32):
don't think that they ever knew that that would affect me,
But it was always you know, where am I going
to sit or who am I going to sit next to?
Speaker 3 (20:40):
Are you starting new traditions? Like now that you have
this space of being your own and your your most
powerful self. Are you starting new traditions with the kids.
Speaker 2 (20:51):
Well, so my but both of unfortunately both my parents
are now deceased, and so I've been spending a lot
of time, you know, continue to spend time with with
my twin brother. This year, we're going to be with
some family friends, which is really nice. But we were
going to originally just be together, just the three of us.
And it was very like strange how last year we
(21:17):
had spent time with a man that I was going
to be getting married to with his family.
Speaker 3 (21:23):
No, Daryl, tell her, don't ever do it again.
Speaker 1 (21:28):
So ever, Kelly, it was a godsend that it didn't happen.
I'll just say that I.
Speaker 2 (21:32):
Was gonna see me on the street she met Kelly. No, Kelly,
no bat see.
Speaker 3 (21:36):
I don't.
Speaker 1 (21:37):
I don't. The whole marriage concept is like it is
what it is like. Look, I just don't think there's
a rush. I think it's overrated. I'm decigned a contract.
Speaker 2 (21:46):
To get married, but I would like to have I've
always wanted to have the life and the the relationship
that I saw with my parents. I've always wanted that.
I've always looked up to that and not like it's
some like Disney movie. But I mean I literally like
that's what. That's how I see myself throughout the next
(22:10):
chapter of my life with a partner.
Speaker 1 (22:12):
Are you putting a lot of pressure on yourself, because
I believe it's generational too, don't you think like in
a way back then, maybe it's like there was no
talk of divorce. I would assume Listen, I'm just going.
Speaker 2 (22:23):
Through this process. I just started this podcast, so I
am like, you guys are like way beyond me. I'm
still like, I'm still in like the guppy stage. So
you guys have to give me a break because I
literally just my first like one person podcast where I
literally was crying and I couldn't even get the words out.
Speaker 3 (22:40):
I think I'm with Cheryl. I feel like I was like,
I'm sure I value companionship, I value partnerships, I value commitment,
all of those things I know longer now that I've
already done it, I don't need to coke goal my money.
Speaker 2 (23:02):
My god, no, that is a hard lin know we
are two individuals. Oh yeah, I literally called off my
I called off my engagement because I was like, if
you're not going to sign this prenup, there's no had
a girl, no prenup, no me, no, no no co mingling,
no no nor.
Speaker 3 (23:21):
Mama works hard and mama pays for her own place,
and I pay for my own groceries and my own
car and my own house children, And I don't need that.
Correct love for someone to walk along beside me, I
would like that, but a contract that binds it.
Speaker 1 (23:39):
We're not one just because we're together, does it not
mean like it does two separate people, two separate lives,
and hopefully we're compatible.
Speaker 2 (23:47):
Great, So, Diana, Like, what if you're walking, if you're
in the super market, because you know that's where you meet.
The hottest guys is always in the super Really, if
you're a market you meet some hot gyme, what are
you gonna do?
Speaker 3 (24:05):
No, they are not in Whole Foods. They are not.
They're not standing next, they're not doing it. They're not.
Speaker 2 (24:13):
They probably are you just Chelsea, though I seriously never
leave my house. By the way, just because you're wearing
a hat doesn't mean that makes you hotter, by the way,
it does.
Speaker 3 (24:22):
Stopping attention, I'm not listening to anyone and I don't
pay attention at all whatsoever.
Speaker 1 (24:29):
But also's energy, right, Like if you are ready. When
you are ready. There, you know, it's like, I'm my
energy is like, don't look at me twice, that's what
my energy is giving off.
Speaker 2 (24:38):
Meanwhile, you're so gorgeous. That's hard for a lot of people.
They're like, You're like, don't look at me. They're like, oh,
I don't.
Speaker 1 (24:43):
Leave my house, like I instacart, I don't go to
grocery stores.
Speaker 2 (24:47):
By the way, I know a lot of people in
Santa Barbara, like really good people. I'm gonna I'm gonna
introduce you to.
Speaker 3 (24:51):
Okay, almost makeup here. It looks so.
Speaker 1 (24:54):
Perfect, Well, thank you, and it's just therapeutic for me.
It takes me three hours get ready. I'm not kidding.
Speaker 2 (25:01):
Oh that's two three hours.
Speaker 1 (25:04):
But I don't have it.
Speaker 2 (25:05):
I'm a fifteen minute. Well today I got my hair
blown out, but like if it's my own self, I'm
like fifteen minutes, I'm I'm lay my clothes. I know
exactly what I'm wearing. Boom.
Speaker 1 (25:16):
What can my listeners do that are listening on this
Thanksgiving Day? What can they do to really, you know,
I guess feel the void of being alone? Like any
suggestions as far as keeping their spirits up.
Speaker 3 (25:30):
I okay, Kelly, forgive me. But I believe there is
a really safe space being alone. I I genuinely love
being alone. I think there is a spot where you
can sit in your own self and get to know yourself.
Speaker 1 (25:49):
And that's so make sure of you.
Speaker 3 (25:52):
Oh, it's not always easy.
Speaker 1 (25:54):
It's called adulting.
Speaker 3 (25:56):
Like, wow, I'm like truly adulting.
Speaker 2 (25:58):
You guys, don't use words I don't know what they
mean yet, don't use adulting and things like that.
Speaker 1 (26:02):
It's not fair adulting, Kelly, you better know what that means.
Speaker 3 (26:06):
I would say, it's not always easy. I have had
a really tough week. I've looked at some heart in
my life this week, and I have felt really lonely.
I felt really really alone. And I think that's a
very humanly nature thing to do, you know, to just
(26:27):
sit in your own space and just feel really alone
and want.
Speaker 1 (26:31):
Do you I mean, like, honestly, is it better? Like
when someone feels let's say, lonely and they're having to
go like this is the worst, Like when I have
to go to a family gathering and the last thing
I want to do is just pretend I'm happy and
like all festive and like, you know, everyone's all in
their couples, and my sisters with her fiance, my mom
and my stepdad, and then it's like me and my
(26:53):
little frenchie, who like snores really loud. And there's always
this like awkward thing where it's like, ohky, hey, do
I help with the deck? Or like what do you
need help? Like what do I do? I guess what
do you?
Speaker 3 (27:06):
I thrive? And it's like that I thrive like that
I do because I do feel like a very strong woman.
I feel very confident, I really empowered.
Speaker 1 (27:18):
Where do you get that from?
Speaker 3 (27:19):
You're raised, right, lots of trauma therapy, a lot, you know.
I always was kind of this person, and then I
got married and I lived in a marriage where there
was a lot of brokenness and and trauma and just
(27:48):
gaslighting and manipulation, and there was a lot of things.
I was never going to please the man that I
was with. I was never going to be pleasing. But
to me, that's okay, because I'm not a pleasing human being.
I love me and I love myself, and I feel
(28:09):
very strong and very kind and secure and who I am.
And there was a moment in time that that got
taken away from me. Someone that I loved so much.
I truly wanted to be a pleasing wife and what
(28:30):
I thought the Bible designed for a woman to be.
And I think that that just took everything from me.
I lost who I was. And I think through tons
of therapy and diving in dogs diving into me again,
(28:55):
I'll never lose that ever again. I know who I am,
I know what I want, I know how I want
to be treated, and I will never ever settle and
I will never ever lose me again. Preach I'll never
do it.
Speaker 2 (29:10):
I mean, you know, it's interesting we were talking when
you were talking about Cheryl. You know, you're talking about
being being alone and gaslighting and you know all these
things that are trying to like keep you know, break
you down, and you know there is there have been moments,
you know when because I am the provider, I'm the
mom and the dad for my children, and you know
(29:32):
when you're being like really pushed down like that, or
you know, like just people are you know, trying to
like make you feel like you're not doing what they
you know, how they you should be doing it, or
the way that they want you to do it, or
you know the best way, this way whatever it is,
or you're just not good enough for that moment. I
(29:54):
think that, you know, for me, that was one of
the times where I would just I could I could
just feel it. I have really bad psoriasis, and I
could just feel my psoriasis like it was just all
it would just would just like start to go crazy
and I could literally feel it, and and then I
(30:15):
would just like close my eyes and I would just
be like that. I'm like, I am not going to
let anybody take me away from me. And for some
weird reason like swearing at myself. This is after someone
had gas let me and you know, told me that
I was like awful and you know and liked me,
(30:36):
and I had no friends and dah da dah I
was going to be nobody, and I was always going
to be nobody. Like every single guy I've ever dated,
You're a nobody. You're an absolute nobody. You're a nobody,
and uh even on television, like I was always a nobody.
You're awful, human, fat, ugly, nobody, uneducated, I mean, even whatever.
And I would literally just say that to myself with
(30:59):
my eyes closed, and I swear to God, the energy
just shift it and I'm like I'm not going to
put up with anyone, and like the next day I
would do something like wildly successful or you know, really
good like whatever. I would run faster or do whatever
it was. I don't know if that's healthy, but that
was my way of coping with you know, just feeling
(31:21):
like like really feeling like and I could feel myself
also just like I could my adrenaline would be so
high that I could feel myself actually losing weight. I
know that sounds like a weird thing, but I could
literally feel myself losing weight.
Speaker 1 (31:36):
No, I hear. I can relate so much. Like it's
interesting because the body keeps the score, like it really does.
So like when it comes to you know that book
Cheryl A million times?
Speaker 3 (31:46):
I love it a million times.
Speaker 1 (31:48):
Have you read it, Kelly? You have to read it.
Speaker 2 (31:49):
Oh, I have to read this.
Speaker 1 (31:50):
I'm going to get it for you for Christmas. It
is I mean, you can also listen to it on audible.
It'll it's a doozy though, so maybe it's better to
read it. But it is so true, like when you're talking,
your sosias is being like activated in a way. It's
your body, it's we I mean, I still have so
much trauma. And this is why I also do somatic
therapy as well. But like, this is why dance saved
(32:11):
my life because it's like there is a way to
tap into it, right and your body's telling you something, Kelly.
So when you stood up for yourself, did it go away?
Speaker 2 (32:21):
For my own self? I told myself like I didn't
have anyone. I didn't tell anyone. Oh my god, this
is happening right. I just like, no one is going
to tell me that I'm not good enough and I'm
just going to go and be better because I wasn't
going to like put up with it anymore.
Speaker 1 (32:37):
And you did it affect your body?
Speaker 3 (32:39):
Though?
Speaker 1 (32:39):
Like did you did it go away?
Speaker 2 (32:41):
I mean I would you know? I you know it
would be you know EDB and flow of course throughout that,
but you know it was not exactly the easiest thing.
And like when you can see something, it's different when
you it's different to feel something than when you actually
see it on your body. And people are like, wow,
you're you know, you're really irritated today or something's going
on with your own and I'm.
Speaker 1 (33:00):
Just like you, I got hives all over my face, Okay,
So I used to be a heavy drinker, and I
was the type of drinker where you didn't know if
I was drunk or sober. So that's the most dangerous
(33:22):
type of alcoholic, I think. And when my father passed away,
all of a sudden, I took one sip of a
vodka soda, which was my poison of choice, and I
just broke out into hives because I hadn't dealt like literally,
I mean, I stopped drinking for material reasons straight up,
and then I just decided I just don't have any desire,
(33:43):
I guess, to continue drinking. But like, it is very interesting,
how like your boy, like you can feel it, like
when I get anxiety, when my heart drops to my stomach.
It's like and then yet we're all intuitive, like all
of us have it right. It's just about trusting yourself
and listening to your body, I guess, which is interesting.
Speaker 2 (34:04):
Well, yeah, I don't want anyone to gaslight you. And
if they are gaslighting you, text me and I will
talk to you because I don't like that. So I'm like,
now I'm going to be like the gaslighting cop. That
just doesn't work for me, And I won't let anyone
talk to me like that, and I definitely am not
going to let anyone talk to you like that. So
that's just not happening.
Speaker 3 (34:24):
A really unhealthy relationship teaches you what is not right.
So I hopefully, hopefully I was a very secure attached
human being before I got married.
Speaker 1 (34:38):
I feel like you are still. I was going to
say that.
Speaker 3 (34:41):
Well, I am now, I know because I've tested since.
Speaker 1 (34:45):
I've Kelly, who are you remember we talked about this
last time.
Speaker 2 (34:49):
I'm working on it. I'm a working progress.
Speaker 1 (34:51):
I've got to center that test.
Speaker 3 (34:53):
I am a very securely attached human being now, and
I was before I got married. But somewhere along the
way in a relationship, as I tried to find myself
and tried to become this we I mean codependent, that's
what we were, you know what I mean.
Speaker 1 (35:12):
I'm definitely there still.
Speaker 3 (35:14):
This person who relied on another human being. It took me.
It was very hard for me to learn to rely
on another human being. So there was the lines were
very flawed with me when it came to relying on
another human being and then being my own. And so
(35:36):
when the mayor ended, it was very hard for me
and very traumatic to reshape the lines.
Speaker 1 (35:45):
Because you were vulnerable and you basically let go of
control right in order to be able to be that
vulnerable person with somebody.
Speaker 2 (35:54):
Yes, And I see, I've never had that because I
was a provider. I never I never was. I was
codependent in the way that I would try to make
myself feel like I needed that person even though I
was the one doing all the work. And so it
was this very like you know, this this crazy strong
(36:16):
dynamic with myself of like, you know, can I trust
this really trust this person, like you know, how much
can I ask of them? And never like asking anything,
like never saying like asking them a question or you know,
second guessing anything like just never you know, which.
Speaker 3 (36:33):
Was codependency in general is really really really gross. I mean,
it's just off.
Speaker 1 (36:39):
Have you read the book Codependent No More?
Speaker 2 (36:41):
I think I. But I definitely have had some codependency
with some guys that I've dated in the past. I
definitely have had that.
Speaker 3 (36:47):
Absolutely, there's a waterfall effect when you have codependency. Yes,
you know how to be codependent. I think that it
is a it is a slippery slope.
Speaker 1 (36:59):
But it's also different forms. Like I'm rereading it right,
there's a new codependent. No more like a newer version,
and I'm actually listening to it right now, and I'm
shocked as to what I was hearing, because I was like, wait,
I thought codependency meant like codependency like I need you
in my I need another person in my life that
I'm going to just rely on for everything. But it's
not that. It's also being the breadwinner and also wanting to.
Speaker 3 (37:22):
Good morning, good morning, good morning. It's so great to
hear from you. It's all the thing. So we were
talking about dating into the holidays, and it's all of
those things. I think about, why do I even bother?
Why do I even bother dating simply because you slip?
(37:44):
Or I also think, and Cheryl and Kelly tell me
if I'm wrong, But I think I'm in a place
that I'm too healed, I'm too therapized. I've had too
much therapy.
Speaker 1 (37:57):
You think there's a such a thing as too much therapy?
Speaker 3 (38:00):
I am too therapies.
Speaker 1 (38:01):
Absolutely interesting. I've never heard that before.
Speaker 2 (38:04):
I haven't either.
Speaker 1 (38:05):
I've been in therapy since I was four. You're no,
you're very you have it.
Speaker 2 (38:09):
You have such empathy, and you know, you're very verbal,
and you're very open and communicative.
Speaker 3 (38:16):
Also in a place where like every time some god
texts me every single morning, he's like, hey, good morning,
and I'm like, nope, nope, this is a red flag.
It's a red flag, hard red flag. No one should
text you every single day. What aren't you doing? Don't
you have a job? What is life?
Speaker 1 (38:33):
It takes two seconds, though, mind you to text good morning.
Speaker 2 (38:36):
I think that's nice that he's saying good morning. I
think that's so thoughtful.
Speaker 1 (38:41):
No, it's not a red I think I think you're
just not ready to be maybe in a relationship. That's okay, though, Yeah.
Speaker 2 (38:48):
I think it's good. It's nice to when you're when
someone there's someone that you care about, when they say
something like they send you like a meme or say
good morning or wait.
Speaker 1 (38:58):
Why is it a red flag? I'm just out of cureuriosity.
Speaker 3 (39:01):
For me, it's a red flag because they don't know
you yet. So I'm only saying that in a sense.
Speaker 1 (39:06):
I totally hear you. I get it.
Speaker 3 (39:08):
Yes, if you've only known that morning or two, they
don't truly know you. Know, that's weird, depth of like
your core. Uh, they shouldn't be texting you every single day.
Speaker 1 (39:20):
Like, I guess you asked for that, right, Like, that's
one thing which I'm pretty sure I can bet my
right ass cheek. You didn't ask for that.
Speaker 2 (39:27):
I didn't know, but I'm a Texter, so I that's
what I do with my friends like work. I'm like,
good morning, How are you hoping you have a drake
great day? Like I'm that's like my way of.
Speaker 1 (39:36):
Maybe I'm too maybe I'm Can you start texting me that?
That would be nice. I would definitely like put me
on that chain. Copy paste, copy paste.
Speaker 2 (39:46):
No, I don't copy and paste. I write it myself.
Speaker 1 (39:48):
That's what I would do. I don't have the freaking
I'm like, come on, how do we can how can
I multitask though there's no such thing? What do you
girls think about splitting the holidays with your kids? Like
I remember I did that or I until my dad
decided to move out of the country. But how do
you feel about all that?
Speaker 3 (40:06):
I don't know if you're doing it yet, Kelly, are you.
Speaker 2 (40:08):
I've never split my I've always had my kids. I've
only had I've been on holidays with my kids. I've
never I've never i've had my ex's kids with us,
but I've never not been with my children and I will.
I mean, that's something that I'm in fear of. Is like,
you know, I'm excited for them because my kids are
so much older. Man, they're twenty four and twenty six.
Speaker 3 (40:31):
Oh yeah, yeah, but.
Speaker 2 (40:34):
What happens when they meet these there are these guys
and they're like, Mom, we're going to go to so
AND's ho's house. I want to be devastated. I'm I'll
be like, what where.
Speaker 3 (40:43):
I would tell you my children are almost nine and
almost and we split, and I would say it's really
really hard. Oh, I see them. So this is my
first Thanksgiving alone with the kids. So I'm thankful my
dad and his wife will come out and be with us,
because I was really worried about us being alone, you know,
(41:05):
because I feel like I'm in this space where I'm
just trying to go above and beyond to make sure
the kids are are full and happy and loved and
have this really wonderful life that they feel really full
when they're with me, because I want them to love
(41:27):
to be with me, and because I am single and
he has a girlfriend. I also sit in this other
space where I just want to choke her.
Speaker 1 (41:38):
Totally, girl, thank you.
Speaker 3 (41:41):
I am really grateful that she is kind.
Speaker 1 (41:44):
Totally you are, let's talk, let's be real.
Speaker 3 (41:47):
It is like a double edge. I am really thankful
that she is kind to my children and that she
is kind.
Speaker 1 (41:55):
She better be with the hell. You don't get a
gold star to be kind.
Speaker 2 (42:00):
Husband up with a girl, I mean a woman, so
that I could be like we're done. I literally was like,
here's your new girlfriend or done?
Speaker 1 (42:09):
Stop it.
Speaker 2 (42:09):
I couldn't take it anymore.
Speaker 3 (42:11):
I did not do that.
Speaker 2 (42:12):
I did.
Speaker 3 (42:13):
You are with someone for so long, like I was
with my ex husband for fifteen years, and.
Speaker 1 (42:18):
Then it is.
Speaker 3 (42:20):
Okay, So overnight I don't feel like I know him
at all, Like like literally I went to sleep and
I woke up and I'm like, who the heck is
this human being? And just that alone, for me in particular,
is really hard and it's really hard to grasp because
when you marry someone and you're you're with someone for
(42:43):
that long, you are most intimate with that human being.
Speaker 2 (42:48):
And so.
Speaker 3 (42:50):
From that and again, I didn't ask for divorce. It
was his choice. Although I'm grateful for it now, I'm
very happy now. It is amazing to me how it
goes overnight you do not know that person anymore. They
are no longer you're human.
Speaker 1 (43:07):
Is it the communication or like what happened?
Speaker 3 (43:11):
I think it's a number of things.
Speaker 2 (43:12):
See, mine was a slow death. Mine was like mine
was like a Mine was like a crockpot where I
was like in there just boiling up, boiling up. I
was like, I was like, Okay, it's continuing, it's continuing,
there's continuing. I can only handle so much, Like I
couldn't take it.
Speaker 3 (43:31):
Because I am so loyal to a fault. I am
loyal to a fault to myself that I likely would
have wrote it out for sixty years. I would have
stayed married. I would have been in this unhappy marriage
for sixty years for the rest of my life. I
would have seen my children graduate high school and college
and get married and have children themselves. And I would
(43:52):
have lived in this unhappy marriage had he not chosen
to leave.
Speaker 1 (43:58):
But it's a blessing because like if I my mom
didn't choose to leave my father, I don't think I
would be here today because kids are very observant, as
you know, and we can feel it all. So it's
like at the end of the day. What's the healthiest scenario?
Speaker 2 (44:14):
You know, I mean, I agree with you down too, Like,
I mean, I would have stayed even though it was
just such a horrible situation. Like I didn't know any
I'm from Rockford, Illinois. I mean, no one gets divorced
in Rockford.
Speaker 3 (44:24):
Illinois and they're like, Kelly, no one.
Speaker 2 (44:28):
I'm just saying, like I'm old is but I just why.
No one knows the true story. No one knows what
Rockf Illinois is exactly. But like people, people would get
divorced there, and I was like, my when like someone
got divorced my parents be like they got divorced. I
was like, oh my god, what does that mean? What happened?
Like is it infectious? Like is it contagious?
Speaker 1 (44:49):
But that's why it's important to have these conversations because
it's normal, I know.
Speaker 2 (44:53):
But my point is I'm with like Deanna, like I
would have stayed. I just I just could. I just
couldn't do it anymore. My kids were growing up and
it was just like so much. It was I was
alone so much, and then what I was exposed to
on top of that, it was just like I couldn't
handle it.
Speaker 1 (45:12):
It's glad you guys didn't stay.
Speaker 3 (45:14):
The kids said to me once I finally moved into
a place on my own and we were here for
a year, and I said to the kids, how are you?
How are you feeling? You know? And again, I'm pro
mental health. I have had them in therapy. I'm doing
all of the things to make sure that they, god,
I hope turn out okay and as as possible, I'm
(45:34):
trying all of the all of the things. But I
remember saying to my kids, you know, how how are you?
What do you think now that it's just me here
and Daddy's in his own space. And the kids looked
at me and they said, we're really grateful we don't
have to hear you fight anymore.
Speaker 1 (45:51):
Oh, right do they are? They open? Wow to you
with the feelings.
Speaker 3 (45:57):
Tell me that's all like gut wrenching. Tell me that
not just got wrenching real To this day, I could
sob right now because I would say that Stephen and
I both thought we were doing a really good job
to hide it from them.
Speaker 1 (46:13):
To oh, it's just like we're like my parents never
fought in front of me, but like I felt it heavy.
It was heavy.
Speaker 3 (46:21):
Yeah, yeah, So I think I thought we were doing
a really good job of protecting the kids.
Speaker 1 (46:29):
But really, but you did by breaking up. Seriously though seriously,
I can't even it's hard probably to see. I mean,
for me, I don't I honestly think I would have.
I already have a bad pattern of picking of men
because I never really had a stable man in my
life as far as when I was a young girl.
But like, I don't even think I think I would
(46:50):
have been off my rock or if I if I
witnessed more than what I witnessed with my parents.
Speaker 3 (46:56):
Yeah, I think that I learned through lots of that.
I come from a long history of abandonment. Like my
mother died when I was young, and that's a source
of a man. I'm sorry my dad left my mom,
and that is a source of abandonment. And I'm like,
he ever chose me. He always chose women over me,
(47:19):
And pretty much every relationship that I have had since
has been men that have abandoned me. So I think
that I am finally in a place in my life
or I'm just I'm not willing to do that any longer.
I want someone and I don't care who they are.
I don't care what they look like. I don't care
(47:41):
what they do for a living. I don't care how
much money they make. I just want to feel loved
and chosen, and I won't settle for less than that.
Speaker 1 (47:52):
That's beautiful. I was attracted to the bad boy, so like,
I hope to get to where you are, because that's all.
I didn't have that father figure, you know. Yeah, but yeah,
(48:13):
I also come from abandonment. I am very much anxious attachment. Hello,
my name is Cheryl Burke, and I am anxious attachment
and recovering alcoholic. So, uh, there's that. How about you, Kelly,
Are you into solo traveling during the holidays or in
general when you're single.
Speaker 2 (48:31):
I mean, I've done it for the entire time, always
just traveled.
Speaker 1 (48:35):
With my kids, like for the on vacation and stuff.
Speaker 2 (48:38):
And that you know that mom just with her kids.
Everyone else is like, you know, the kids are the mother.
Father and mother are screaming at their kids, and I'm
just like sitting there, my kids are not moving. And
I also I'm like, wait a minute, this is so
not fair, Like I'm the one that's sitting there and
my kids are well mannered, and everybody else has like
a co parent and the kids are running around like
(48:58):
like you know wild. I'm like, how is this fair?
Speaker 1 (49:02):
You have your kids in check and then you've got
two grown ass adults.
Speaker 2 (49:06):
Yeah yeah, Why why do I have to be that person?
Why can't I Why can't my kids be like, you know,
drinking too much coca cola? And like, how.
Speaker 1 (49:13):
About solo traveling without kids?
Speaker 3 (49:15):
Way too much sugar coca cola.
Speaker 2 (49:17):
I'm just kidding. We did miss a flight though, once
because my kids were like on their phones and I
just was like, okay, you guys are to be responsible.
We totally missed the flight. My twin brother was like incensed,
what are you guys doing. I'm like, we missed the flight.
We never missed a flight since them.
Speaker 1 (49:32):
How about solo traveling without kids? I love traveling solo.
Speaker 2 (49:35):
I have so much anxiety when I travel.
Speaker 3 (49:37):
No, Kelly, it's.
Speaker 1 (49:38):
The best thing to me, and you love it so much.
Speaker 2 (49:40):
But because I wasn't. When I wasn't, I was. I
started modeling when I was fifteen, so I traveled so
much as a young as a young person and just
traveling like all over the place. Like people are like, oh,
modeling is so great. You are always by yourself on
a plane to like Asia to your to California to
(50:01):
New York, and it's like one day here, one day there,
and by yourself. It was so much. And then when
my kids travel, I mean, I couldn't even travel with
my kids. I couldn't even drive a car for a
long for a long period of time, I couldn't be alone.
Speaker 3 (50:17):
I'm a corporate flight attendant. I've done it for over
fourteen years. I love it. If I am home too long,
I feel lost. I need to be on the road.
I need to be traveling. I need to go and
be somewhere and stay in a hotel. And I love
hotels all of the things. But Kelly, you said, people
(50:39):
are always like, oh my gosh, your life is so amazing.
You're traveling to all these places and you're going all
over the world. And you know what I would say
is I do it alone. I am alone most of
the time. And I do genuinely love my job. I
love what I do. I love the family that I
(51:00):
I am so deeply grateful for them and for the paycheck.
And I could put a roof over the kids heads.
But I do it alone all the time. I'm alone
on the road ninety nine and a half percent of
the time.
Speaker 1 (51:16):
Would you like to not be alone? Would you want
someone to travel?
Speaker 3 (51:19):
I think that if I could live in a perfect
world and I were to have someone and choose someone,
I would love it if they would join me. Yes,
that would be because I genuinely love to travel and
I deeply love my job. I think if I were
to find someone and they were a good match for me,
it would it would be for them to join me
(51:41):
on the road. Yeah.
Speaker 1 (51:41):
Has it ever been like a thing where you were
dating and let's say it's just too hard because of
your schedule of traveling.
Speaker 3 (51:47):
Or yeah, I'm listen, why do you think I'm still single?
Speaker 1 (51:52):
Well, I mean I don't travel so now I would
say that it is literally my life revolves around my
job or I.
Speaker 3 (52:01):
Have the kids.
Speaker 1 (52:01):
Yeah. Have you met anyone traveling like that?
Speaker 2 (52:04):
I have?
Speaker 3 (52:05):
And I think that I meet really great people when
I'm on the road. I would I meet people that
I would actually really like to have a relationship with.
But I'm on the road.
Speaker 2 (52:18):
You know, it's interesting, is that too? Like, you know,
I travel a lot for work now as well, and
you know, I find myself even though I can't. I
don't have to come home. I mean, my kids are older,
they go to work, they have their own jobs. But
I find still find myself. When I was a model,
I'd be like, I just take the right eye home.
I have to get home, you know. I always have
to get home to my kids. Always had to get
(52:39):
home to my kids. And I still do the same thing.
I'm like on a flight six am to Florida and
I'm on a flight coming home, like wait, I could
be staying overnight, i could be feeling gorgeous like wherever
I am, and I'm like on a plane to be
back home just in case. I'm always like just in case,
good mom, No, But I mean like dance right, Like,
I mean, it's one thing to be alone, and I understand.
(53:03):
I understand what I do and how I do it.
But you know, I also can like maybe give myself
a little I can actually give myself a little grace
and say, like it's okay to do some things that
I may like, yeah, like why.
Speaker 1 (53:19):
Not, and like pamper yourself and give back to yourself, right.
Speaker 2 (53:24):
I mean I think it's so I love when John
said she gave you know, she gives a lot of
other people all disgrace, But I think too we need
to also really give ourselves. I mean's you know, that's
the lesson, that's the takeaway that I'm getting from today,
is like giving myself some grace.
Speaker 1 (53:39):
And I think that's what we do when we choose
to be single. To be quite honest, though it's hard,
and at times especially I think around the holidays it
gets triggered for me at least, But what are also
some great things about being single over the holidays other
than I don't have to I mean, I used to
go all out with my ex husband. I paid for crazy.
Speaker 3 (53:59):
Yes, listen, you can come home. I have the best house,
I have the best neighbors, and I pay for it.
Speaker 1 (54:10):
All by myself.
Speaker 3 (54:11):
Good for you, and whatever I want, and I can
watch whatever I want, and I can do whatever I want. Amen,
A lot of piece in that.
Speaker 2 (54:20):
And eat whatever you want and whatever time you want. Yes,
we'll throw the mask on whatever in your pajamas, pimple patches.
No one can say a word.
Speaker 3 (54:32):
If someone is coming into this. If they are, they
have to be really great because it's going to take
a lot for me to give up what have right now?
Speaker 1 (54:42):
Why do you have to give up what you have?
Men are needy? Yeah, but then no, you're not. No. No,
You remember we talked about in the beginning with two individuals,
you know, right coming into this thing so called relationship.
Speaker 3 (54:56):
Yeah, yeah, that I will never ever again. I will not.
I'm going to I'm going to be me and live
my life and still full in this aspect. And I
will only ever choose to bring someone else into that
if they add to it.
Speaker 1 (55:16):
Correct.
Speaker 2 (55:17):
But I'm just trying to think back to to Cheryl's
question about like what are the things that like are
good to be when you're you know, why is it
good to be single during the holiday? So you can
eat what you want, drink what you want, where what
you want where, the makeup that you want, The fragrance that.
Speaker 1 (55:31):
You make gives for yourself instead of taking.
Speaker 2 (55:33):
It gifts for yourself. No one is micromanaging or.
Speaker 1 (55:38):
Also the in laws, like not everyone has great in
laws or had great in laws. You know, it's like
you were lucky, data, I was lucky.
Speaker 3 (55:46):
I'm still really lucky. I really love them.
Speaker 1 (55:48):
Before we wrap it up, what are you guys both
looking forward to this holiday season?
Speaker 2 (55:53):
What am I looking forward to? You know, I moved
out of my apartment into an apartment with my ex
fiance and back into my own a little apartment, which
I actually love. It's like a hug and to you know,
have our tree after things to you know, tomorrow we're
gonna get our tree and just really just enjoy our
(56:16):
holiday together and just do things together. And I told
my daughter, I was like, I want to go skating.
I just wanted to like do like real things together,
like not a much shopping, but just like whatever they
want to do or the movies. Just do things that
like make us a strong family.
Speaker 3 (56:32):
You know.
Speaker 2 (56:32):
Oh my god, I'm gonna cry.
Speaker 3 (56:34):
I know I've wanted to cry a thousand times.
Speaker 1 (56:37):
I don't have kids, Hence why there's a dry eye
over here.
Speaker 2 (56:40):
I'm just so happy to like be with my girls,
and I am I'm just like just be with us,
like us and like not like you know, if the
present's not right or you know, I just am like
I just don't want that. I want to just like
spoil my kids and show them how much I love
them and just wear pajamas with Vietnam.
Speaker 1 (57:01):
Oh, you guys are such good moms. Do you want
to adopt me. I'm just kidding.
Speaker 3 (57:05):
Oh, thank you. Send me your address. I'll send you
Christmas present.
Speaker 1 (57:12):
My love language is not a gift. It's not gift giving.
It's like, it's not it's what's the one where someone
has to like clean up after himself? What's that called
a grown man? Yeah? Right house? New Year's resident? Yeah exactly,
my babysitter. That's what I need for Christmas. What are
(57:32):
New Year's any New Year's resolutions scales?
Speaker 3 (57:36):
Oh, I'm not good with resolutions.
Speaker 1 (57:39):
I'm either I think like, actually, I need to stop shopping.
I'm an addict. Hi, my name is Cheryl and I'm
an addict. We know this, but now I find it
therapeutic to It's Black Friday right now on Amazon. Just
letting you know.
Speaker 3 (57:53):
I know shopping first step for the kids.
Speaker 1 (57:56):
It's in You should have seen it yesterday. It was
box like it was it, I mean whatever, it made
me feel good thought time.
Speaker 3 (58:03):
I think if I could just stop eating, that would
be really good. Like if I could just.
Speaker 2 (58:10):
We don't want you to stop eating, we want you
to be.
Speaker 1 (58:14):
And by the way, you're like a professional cook. I
swear I was looking for me.
Speaker 3 (58:20):
I am. I said it before but I am really,
really grateful that I love my job and I love
what I do, and I genuinely love to cook hot pockets.
Speaker 1 (58:32):
You don't understand. I was raised with hot pockets, so.
Speaker 3 (58:35):
Like hot pockets. I love anything between a pop past eating.
Speaker 1 (58:38):
I love me some hot pockets. See.
Speaker 2 (58:41):
I can make food, but I'm not sure if it's
good or not.
Speaker 3 (58:45):
I feel like I genuinely why don't.
Speaker 1 (58:48):
You taste it?
Speaker 2 (58:50):
Taste it? I have a windex on it. You kidding me?
Speaker 1 (58:54):
I bake because I'm O c D and I am
to the measurement.
Speaker 2 (58:58):
You guys are great for me to be around. I
need to be around more of you guys, you guys
more because like you're good for me, are a good balance.
I need more OCD. I need more, you know the
nerds from Diana like, I look.
Speaker 3 (59:08):
Like, okay, I'll put everything's gonna be okay.
Speaker 1 (59:14):
Everything will be okay. And if it's not just numb
through productivity.
Speaker 2 (59:18):
It works. Let's say I'm not a big resolution like,
I'm more of a solution kind of person. Yeah, that's
my thing with my kids. I'm like, okay, what's this.
We know what the problem was. What's the solution That's
what I tell them all the time. So we know
what the problem is from last year and I'm not
(59:40):
married and I am moving forward.
Speaker 1 (59:43):
Problem is that a problem?
Speaker 2 (59:45):
Yeah? Wait, where the solutions? It was a blessing, It
was a blessing. But this year. My solution for this
year is to do more things that make me genuinely happy,
so that like I went beginning when we were talking
about putting on my safety belt, just so that I
feel happy, and so then I can express that to
(01:00:07):
other people. And that's what I really really want, because
then I can be more productive and maybe a better cook,
maybe a kinder person, maybe a better human.
Speaker 1 (01:00:22):
Maybe you'll just love yourself more and realize, you know what,
I hate cooking, So I'm not going to waste my time.
Speaker 3 (01:00:27):
Don't don't do it.
Speaker 2 (01:00:29):
I'm just gonna go over to your eyes house.
Speaker 1 (01:00:31):
You like do you start coming from you stock her
Instagram like I did. She made some like amazing hot
pockets with like eggs in it.
Speaker 2 (01:00:39):
Love delicious.
Speaker 1 (01:00:42):
Oh god, that sounds good. I'm just gonna be over
here eating stuffing until I blow up. So thanks to
my single sisterhood, this was great chatting with you both,
and we want to wish all of you listening a
happy Thanksgiving and holiday season. Here for you listeners during
these colder months. So if you are single and want
(01:01:05):
some advice, we want to hear from you. Call us
one eight four four four I Do Pod eight four
four four four three six seven six ' three or
email us at IDO pod at iHeartRadio dot com, follow
us on Instagram and TikTok at id Part two pod.
(01:01:27):
All this information will be in the show notes. Make
sure to rate and review this podcast I Do Part
two and iHeartRadio podcast where falling in love is the
main objective.
Hosts And Creators
Alexia Nepola
Marysol Patton
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