October 30, 2024 • 32 mins
Today on “Golden Hour,” Kathy and Susan are sitting down with James, the brother of our former Bachelorette Jenn! James stole our hearts when we saw him come to Jenn's side during the end of her journey and he is here to help dish out some advice to Bachelor Nation. We kick off today's episode getting to know James a little better. Then, we get into our big advice questions: How do you break toxic patterns? What should you look out for while dating? James is here to tell us all that he knows! Tune in now to hear all this and more, and be sure to subscribe so you never miss an episode.
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Speaker 1 (00:07):
Welcome back to Bachelor Happy Hours Golden Hour. Thank you
for joining us. We're so excited to be back. How
you doing, Susan, I'm doing great.
Speaker 2 (00:15):
I'm so excited about today. And I can't believe I'm
actually going to say this again, because if you haven't
done it yet, you gotta follow us. How are you
going to know what we're saying, what we're doing if
you're not following, It's so darn easy. Just search for
a Bachelor Happy Hour in your podcast app, hit the
(00:36):
follow button, and then we'll be there.
Speaker 1 (00:39):
We're like a ray of sunshine, right If you hit
the follow button, you're going to be notified every time
we put out a new podcast and you'll never miss one.
So make sure you hit the follow button and leave
us a review while you're there.
Speaker 2 (00:54):
Oh, I love that too, and ask some questions. Yes, Kathy, Yes,
and make sure to check out all of our past
episodes because we have had some good ones. We've been
having so much fun. I mean some of those questions.
How about the ones a little earlier about getting to
know us, the things we tell I'm telling you that
don't want to miss that one?
Speaker 1 (01:14):
Yeah, you don't? You want to hear about Susan's Catholic
school upbringing and how she dodged the boys. It's very interesting.
Speaker 2 (01:20):
And you guys know how to do it by now.
You just go Bachelorhappy Hour dot com slash Golden Hour
and we have some great questions and a fabulous guest.
Speaker 1 (01:31):
Today. Oh we do. Today we have a true gem
from Jen's season on The Bachelor atte her brother James. Hi, Jay,
Hi James for joining us. Are you okay?
Speaker 2 (01:44):
Are you excited or nervous?
Speaker 1 (01:47):
Okay, I'm just going to come straight out with it.
I used to be a newspaper writer. I'm an interviewer.
I'm just gonna I'm just gonna start asking questions. She
will ask you all about the answers.
Speaker 2 (01:57):
So you're going to start with that hat.
Speaker 1 (01:59):
I think the first thing is I'm starting with hat.
So the hat I know came from when Jen Oh
came Fenry Park. James, you know where I'm from.
Speaker 3 (02:09):
You're from Boston, No.
Speaker 1 (02:10):
I am, And do you know what I want?
Speaker 3 (02:13):
My hat?
Speaker 1 (02:14):
That's right? So I believe that you've got a few
of those hats, so Bachelor Nation.
Speaker 2 (02:20):
I have a really small head, so get me a
small one.
Speaker 3 (02:23):
Are you going to say it.
Speaker 4 (02:24):
Yes, I will promise on this recording. I will send
you a hat.
Speaker 3 (02:28):
Yes.
Speaker 2 (02:28):
Okay, you heard it, ladies, and you are definitely here
since and we're going to get to our questions a minute.
Speaker 1 (02:33):
I just got to fire a few more. How old
are you, James? Where do you live?
Speaker 2 (02:37):
What do you do?
Speaker 1 (02:38):
We want to know what.
Speaker 3 (02:40):
Let's start in the beginning. I am old.
Speaker 2 (02:43):
What's too old?
Speaker 3 (02:45):
Too old?
Speaker 4 (02:46):
Too old is when you first wake up and you
feel all you know, things start to creak and you
feel sore.
Speaker 2 (02:51):
Maybe wait to your mind, Oh my gosh, Okay, I'm
not too old.
Speaker 3 (02:56):
I am your age. I am your age.
Speaker 2 (02:58):
I'm sixty seven.
Speaker 3 (03:01):
I'm close. If you round up, if you.
Speaker 1 (03:03):
Round up a twenty. Okay, wait a second. Where in
Boston do you live?
Speaker 3 (03:09):
So on my Assembly Road? It's a little bit north
of Boston.
Speaker 1 (03:12):
Where I'm trying.
Speaker 4 (03:12):
I didn't hear what you said, Assembly Row, Assembly Road, Somerville, Cambridge.
Speaker 1 (03:18):
Oh, Somerville.
Speaker 3 (03:19):
I lived.
Speaker 1 (03:20):
I lived right on the river in Cambridge.
Speaker 3 (03:22):
So we were neighbors.
Speaker 1 (03:23):
We were neighbors. Well you were. You were just a
twinkle in your parent's eye when I lived there. But yeah, okay,
and then tell me what you do for a living.
You know, what's your life like.
Speaker 3 (03:34):
So I've had an interesting career path.
Speaker 4 (03:36):
I've gone through many, many different careers, from an engineer,
it's a cardiac technician to an EMT.
Speaker 3 (03:42):
So currently I manage the wine and.
Speaker 4 (03:44):
Beverage programs for within a group of restaurants in Boston.
Speaker 1 (03:48):
Wow, I'm coming, never mind, I'll come and get there.
Get me out for dinner.
Speaker 3 (03:54):
A bottle of wine.
Speaker 1 (03:56):
I love that I've got one right here. I'm toasting
to you right now.
Speaker 3 (04:00):
All right, I'm getting I don't have a glass.
Speaker 2 (04:03):
Well, just you know what sends for the wine and
he'll send us hats.
Speaker 1 (04:09):
James, there's one career that you did not mention that
you excel at and we're going to get into it
a little bit. Yes you do. You are an incredible
dating coach for your Yes, hey, we watched you. We
watched Kudos to you, baby, and we'll get into that.
We're going to get into that in just a second.
(04:31):
But I just want you didn't you can add that
to your resume.
Speaker 2 (04:34):
Okay, if we have a good question for you, what
is something that is a deal breaker for you in
a relationship?
Speaker 3 (04:43):
Cigarette smoking? Cheers.
Speaker 1 (04:47):
I literally just drank to that. How about for you, Kathy,
cigarette smoking? I'm with you.
Speaker 2 (04:55):
What's what other deal?
Speaker 1 (04:57):
Break?
Speaker 2 (04:57):
We just talked about this about a date being rude
to the wait staff.
Speaker 3 (05:01):
You know, that's another thing. Absolutely be staff.
Speaker 1 (05:05):
Bad breath, that's another one. Uh, just rudeness in general,
being chic. How about a guy that invites you out
on a date and ask you to go to happy
hour and then want you to split a drink and
an appetizer. I've had that, so I always.
Speaker 3 (05:27):
Pay for the first. I will always pay for the first.
Speaker 2 (05:29):
I will pay my way if I know I'm never
going to.
Speaker 1 (05:32):
See them, saus can you hold this down? I got
to go book a flight for Boston. I'm gonna go
beat him.
Speaker 3 (05:37):
There's no there's no happy hour in Boston though, you're.
Speaker 1 (05:41):
Just happy to live in Boston.
Speaker 2 (05:45):
Tell me about go ahead.
Speaker 4 (05:47):
I will always pay for the first date for the
first drink, but then we'll split the second.
Speaker 3 (05:52):
So that's usually how it goes.
Speaker 1 (05:53):
Okay, wait a minute, Wait a minute.
Speaker 4 (05:55):
I think that's fair. I think that's fair. You know,
I'm just trying to be myself and the way.
Speaker 1 (06:00):
You in a relationship. James, we're going you.
Speaker 3 (06:04):
I am not in single.
Speaker 2 (06:06):
James, that might be why pay for the second class?
Speaker 1 (06:09):
Why you know what? I don't care, you gotta you
just got to be generous. I don't care what your
you know what ship you're sailing. You got to be
generous or.
Speaker 3 (06:23):
I'm generous in a lot of different ways.
Speaker 1 (06:25):
OK, give me your top three?
Speaker 3 (06:27):
Fair enough?
Speaker 5 (06:28):
Three?
Speaker 3 (06:30):
So let's talk about love language. So one of my
love languages.
Speaker 1 (06:34):
Is what I love the love Susan loves the language
I love. I love the conversation. I get confused, James,
because it's whether is it what I want or what
I want to give to you?
Speaker 2 (06:49):
It's how you received love, how you feel love for.
Speaker 1 (06:53):
Me, It's how I give my love. Language is how
do you want to You want.
Speaker 2 (06:58):
To give love to your partner the way they receive love.
So you have this kind of.
Speaker 1 (07:05):
Problem if then the derivative of D square, I can't,
I caty.
Speaker 2 (07:11):
I'm buying you that cute little book. It's really simple.
Speaker 1 (07:13):
I've had I've had it given to me before. Did
you read it? I did, but I.
Speaker 2 (07:18):
Just don't because not understanding.
Speaker 1 (07:22):
Because I was an English major, you would think I would, right,
I don't know I can't.
Speaker 2 (07:27):
Okay, so you're single. So were we?
Speaker 1 (07:29):
Okay, so we're with.
Speaker 2 (07:32):
Tell me your relationship with your sister growing up?
Speaker 3 (07:37):
It was it was shaky and we weren't always close because.
Speaker 1 (07:40):
You're a big age difference, right for sure?
Speaker 3 (07:43):
For sure? And so we were both how many years?
Speaker 1 (07:45):
How many years are you two?
Speaker 3 (07:47):
We are nine nine years apart?
Speaker 1 (07:48):
Okay, how old is she? How old is that?
Speaker 2 (07:51):
We'll figure this out later.
Speaker 1 (07:53):
It's not even forty, you're thirty five. You are a child?
Speaker 2 (07:58):
Yeah, no, no, you just your nine year You know what,
when you're fifty five, you're going to rephrase that statement,
you know.
Speaker 1 (08:07):
Could I have a round of applause? Please for go
for figuring out how to find out how old he was?
Speaker 2 (08:12):
Wait, so you weren't that close, or sometimes you were,
sometimes you weren't. She was like your pesty little sister
or a little bit.
Speaker 4 (08:19):
Yeah, and so we were both like super stubborn, and
so we always kind of got under each other's skins,
and then we refused to apologize, and.
Speaker 3 (08:26):
So I remember there were like years where we just
wouldn't talk to each other at all.
Speaker 1 (08:31):
Wait a minute, you were born in Vietnam.
Speaker 3 (08:33):
Right, I was yeah, how old.
Speaker 1 (08:36):
Were you when you came to the United States?
Speaker 3 (08:38):
Four?
Speaker 1 (08:38):
I was four, so your sister. And of course you
didn't speak English when you came. Not right away, okay,
but by the time your sister came along there was
no language.
Speaker 3 (08:50):
Bearrier, no, no, so she was Yeah.
Speaker 2 (08:52):
Was she spoiled? Did you think she was a spoiled
little girl.
Speaker 4 (08:55):
Or honestly she wasn't. She just never She like always
kind of was brooted down to earth, you know, grew
up very hard working, so she wasn't spoiled. If anything,
I was a spoiled first child, right.
Speaker 1 (09:08):
Yeah, okay, it's just you and your sister, just you
and Jen Me?
Speaker 3 (09:13):
Yeah, me and Jen just us.
Speaker 2 (09:15):
Well, I'll tell you what for having all those ups
and downs. You sure showed up for her.
Speaker 1 (09:20):
You sure did.
Speaker 3 (09:21):
I did.
Speaker 1 (09:21):
Yeah, And can I want to ask you, so, when
I watched the show before I knew I was going
to get that fabulous happens on your head, I was
impressed that you didn't give your blessing to Devin, that
(09:42):
you said you couldn't do it. I want to know
was it set a feeling you had or was it
just struck me, especially given how the whole thing ended up.
Speaker 2 (09:52):
Did you prepare for it?
Speaker 1 (09:53):
Did you an did you have a miracle? What's it
called a crystal ball? I mean, let's tell me, tell
me about that.
Speaker 4 (09:59):
No, I mean honest, To be honest, I just didn't
feel either of the guys, and so it just felt
wrong to give my blessing, especially before talking to the
other guy and before talking to Jen about Devin, and
so I felt like it was just too premature to
ask my blessing.
Speaker 3 (10:14):
So there's no way I was I was going to
give it. There was no way.
Speaker 1 (10:17):
So what advice did you give her? What advice did
you give her after you met the two guys? If
I mean, if you could say.
Speaker 4 (10:25):
Yeah, I mean I I told her what I thought
about both guys where I felt like, you know, Devin
didn't really say anything about her, it was all about him,
and then Marcus just didn't really say anything at all,
So like all he said was kind of just just
stuff that.
Speaker 3 (10:41):
Just wasn't relevant to my questions, all.
Speaker 2 (10:43):
Right, Son, So exactly, Yeah.
Speaker 1 (10:48):
Given that clearly you're a guy who gives advice and
cares about your sister, I wouldn't know what advice you
would give two family members or friends of people that
are trying to date like that trouble with toxic relationships
and really and how do you support people in that situation, because.
Speaker 3 (11:08):
I mean, you need to recognize the patterns.
Speaker 4 (11:11):
You know, if you've always been in toxic relationships and
you need you need to kind of sit down and
ask why, you know, what does this guy have the
same in similar with like this guy? You know, compare
your exes and be like, why am I falling for
the same type over and over again?
Speaker 3 (11:25):
Why isn't it working? And that's kind of how you
get out of that that pattern. So it's all about recognizing.
Speaker 2 (11:32):
So that's what you think would be most important that
you would tell young women from your point of view
to look out for when they're dating.
Speaker 4 (11:41):
I mean, it's more it's more about themselves, right, So
like what I told Jen was, she knows what she deserves, right,
she knows how she wants to be treated, and she
knows how she doesn't want to be treated. And so
as long as you come into a relationship with that,
then you can easily rule guys out who don't kind
of put in that effort that you deserve. And it's
more about recognizing that sign early and kind of cutting.
Speaker 3 (12:03):
It loose where it feel. It feels that most people
that we speak of, yes, right, but most people.
Speaker 4 (12:08):
Kind of stay in that relationship and try to change
that person.
Speaker 3 (12:12):
It's going to get aware it never will. It never will, so.
Speaker 1 (12:17):
I know I don't want so from their point of view,
we've cut Wait, you know what, We've cut so many
loose it's shredded on the floor at this point. What
do you think is? Uh, some things you think is
most important for a young woman to look I would
ask you to look for when they're dating, but also
(12:38):
to look out for.
Speaker 3 (12:41):
Definitely communication. I think it's the most important party word.
Speaker 4 (12:45):
Yeah, but it's not just communicating about, you know, what
you want to eat at the time.
Speaker 3 (12:48):
It's more about.
Speaker 4 (12:49):
Having those difficult conversations because that's how you know if
you're on the same page or not moving forward.
Speaker 2 (12:55):
And it's okay to agree to disagree about that.
Speaker 3 (12:58):
Absolutely, yeah, as long as you're both in the no.
Speaker 1 (13:02):
Yes, yes, very good point. Very it's so hard.
Speaker 2 (13:07):
So how do you go about dating? Do you go
on dating sites? If you don't mind me.
Speaker 4 (13:12):
I am on a few dating sites yes, now, primarily Hinge,
And it's it's been eventful.
Speaker 1 (13:19):
Can I tell you that's how my son, That's how
my son Susan officiated their wedding back in March. He
met his and he met her on hinge.
Speaker 3 (13:28):
Yeah yeah, I mean it's it's the new way to date.
Speaker 1 (13:30):
So it's not really it's the old round. There's there's
a big push now to get off to I hate
the word organically, but there you have.
Speaker 2 (13:40):
It's don't you think some guys like the windows shop?
I mean it's about a look because you're not talking
to anybody, you're not seeing them physically, so you're window
shopping and you're scrolling through.
Speaker 1 (13:53):
Who's going to swipe? Which way?
Speaker 3 (13:56):
I mean appeals to me. I love windows shopping. Okay,
is looking at what they're selling. Can't afford any of it?
Speaker 2 (14:02):
I always buy everything. That's my problem.
Speaker 3 (14:04):
Trust.
Speaker 1 (14:05):
What does Okay, So wait a minute, what advice were
you given in terms of dating relationships? You know, because
you're you know, you're you're over thirty advice way back
when you know, really way back when you know, when
you were thirty four? What advice do you still hold
on to? Like, what are those nuggets that you still
hold in your Arsenal of dating weaponry.
Speaker 3 (14:29):
Yeah, I mean things that I look for is.
Speaker 1 (14:32):
That's kind of very aggressive.
Speaker 3 (14:34):
Emotional emotional intelligence for sure.
Speaker 2 (14:37):
Emotional availability too, availability, Yeah, definitely, communication and so just
all the basics.
Speaker 4 (14:45):
And I know it's it's basic sounding, it's very cliche,
but it's hard to find out there, very hard.
Speaker 2 (14:50):
And can you figure that out on the first date?
Speaker 3 (14:53):
Usually?
Speaker 4 (14:54):
Yeah, So I'm pretty good at being able to kind
of read people on the first date and knowing whether
there's going to be a second day or a date.
But at the same time, I feel like I jump
into the first dates very very soon.
Speaker 3 (15:06):
And so when I'm on Hinge, I like, I'll I'll
answer back and forth probably four or five times.
Speaker 1 (15:11):
Yeah, let's meet's let's happen to me.
Speaker 2 (15:14):
I can't go back, even if it's just a quick
cup of coffee. Let's meet if there's some chemistry we
want to know more than we'll plan a date. I
don't even call that a date.
Speaker 1 (15:24):
That's what I was going to say. I have gone
on date. I've talked to guys, you know, four or
five times and oh, you know this guy, I'll meet
him for a drink or a cup of coffee or
split an appetizer. But then when I meet him, he
is so different than the conversation we had. Do you
find that as well?
Speaker 4 (15:42):
Usually yeah, but not not too differently. It's you can
kind of tell by the tone of how they text
what kind of person they'll be.
Speaker 3 (15:48):
And so I'll go on record here and say that
I've never had a bad first date.
Speaker 2 (15:53):
I don't think that's nice.
Speaker 3 (15:55):
Yeah, we did pretty well, even if.
Speaker 2 (15:59):
I have happy James, I had one bad first I
want to ghosted me.
Speaker 1 (16:08):
He didn't show up. I've got I've got a worse
first date, which I have never told, but I'll tell
you if you want to hear it. It was a
guy I met online and he was coming from I
can't remember. We lived in a different state, but he
spends a lot of time in Austin for some reason,
which is where I live, Okay, And we talked three
(16:32):
or four times because I did exactly what we were
just saying, and he seems super fun and interesting in
my kind of guy, and active in sports and all
of it. And somehow we got on the subject of whiskey.
I like a good whiskey, and Blanton's is if you're
listening out there, send me a bottle Blon's. Yeah, I
(16:56):
love Glen's right. It's a very expensive but really good.
But so I said to him, I says he wanted
to come and stay with me on the weekend. I'd
never met the guy and I and I said, look,
if you can get me a bottle of Blantons, you
can come and stay at my house. Thinking that you
(17:17):
can't get it in Texas, it's impossible. So I thought,
I'm good. Yet guess what. He shows up with a
bottle of black I'm not kidding. And I looked at
that bottle and it was like I was sick, look
at and so I said, I was speechless. I said
I was joking. He goes, you can't back out now,
(17:38):
I said, oh yes, I really can't. Yeah, I said,
yeah I can, and I am. It was a joke
where you didn't tell me it was a joke. And
I spent a lot of money. It's very well.
Speaker 2 (17:48):
I would have bought it.
Speaker 1 (17:48):
I would have paid for it.
Speaker 3 (17:49):
No, no, no, no, I.
Speaker 1 (17:51):
Was so fearful at that point when he he was
you know, I know you probably think I'm aggressive. I'm
really not. I just it's just way I was scared
to death. I was like, oh my god, how do
your address? No, we met at a restaurant for dinner,
and he thought he was coming back to my house.
(18:14):
I said, because I told him to make a hotel reservation.
And he said, I said, but if you you know,
if you show up with a bottle of wlimbs, you
could stay with you. I mean, talk about Kathy running
her mouth. So anyway, that's my worst dating story.
Speaker 3 (18:27):
So how was that. How was the rest of dinner?
Speaker 2 (18:30):
Yeah, did you sit through dinner?
Speaker 3 (18:32):
Yeah?
Speaker 2 (18:33):
Honestly, honestly, give me the bottle.
Speaker 1 (18:36):
Here's the money. He did give me the bottle of whiskey.
I never saw him again. It was I've blocked it.
If we're being honest, I did get the bottle. The
bottles long gone, but she drank the bottle. You know what,
don't make a what is it? Don't make a promise.
Your ass can't catch Like, oh my god, never again,
(18:57):
will I say?
Speaker 3 (18:58):
You know, that's the question. When you drink plans, do
you still think of him and that date? Well?
Speaker 1 (19:03):
No, no, no, Why would I ruin good whiskey with
a bad memory? Okay too, I need to move on.
Speaker 3 (19:12):
I think Yeah, I think.
Speaker 2 (19:13):
Too, so James. We're gonna go through some people's questions
that they sent into us, and we're all three going
to share what our advice would be to them.
Speaker 3 (19:23):
Sound good, Okay?
Speaker 1 (19:24):
Cool, So listen because you're going to be given. You're
gonna be giving your opinions here.
Speaker 2 (19:36):
The first one is from Charlie and she's twenty six
years old. Hi, Kathy and Susan. I love your podcast
and I'm really hoping you can help me out. I've
been single for about a year and a half. I'm
in no rush to start dating again, but for the
first time in a really long time, I feel ready.
(19:56):
I've had a lot of time to reflect on the
things I want in a relationship, and it's making me
realize how much better my friends than I deserve.
Speaker 1 (20:06):
We've always joked that we've.
Speaker 2 (20:07):
Been the blind leading the blind, just lover girls, always
giving men the benefit of the doubt. How do I
start dating with a balanced mentality and how can I
help my friends do the same. I don't want to
be closed off and unfairly accusatory of kind men, but
I definitely don't want to be back in the same
(20:30):
cycle I've always been in bending over backwards for the
bare minimum, then feeling disappointed when I finally had enough heartbreak?
What are some things I can do or keep in
mind so I can also share with them With my friends.
I know we can be such a great support system
(20:51):
for each other. We just need some guidance. Thanks so much.
She's twenty six.
Speaker 1 (20:59):
What do you think I.
Speaker 4 (21:01):
Mean, she's she's also a great start. You know, her
and her friends know that they deserve better, and so
the first line is always recognizing that and then from
then on, I think it's easy. You know, it's it's
kind of you start dating in a relationship, right and
you kind of have to sit back and be like,
is he giving me what I deserve?
Speaker 3 (21:20):
And if the answer is yes, you keep going, and
if the answer is no, you stop.
Speaker 4 (21:25):
And I feel like that's the hard part where most
people are like, I'm going to give him the benefit
of the doubt. He's going to change, He's going to
change for me, and usually it doesn't work out. And
so when she's on the right path.
Speaker 2 (21:34):
Yeah, just realizing it.
Speaker 1 (21:36):
Yeah, Well, I think I think when a couple of things.
I think when someone shows you who are who they
are the first time, believe them. I would say that.
But also I think that I can't speak for men
because I'm not one. But I think that women often
the fear of I won't find someone, so I have
(21:59):
to make this one or try to make this one.
What will work? I'm not sure that I think it's
as easy. I love your philosophy. You believe you deserve better,
So go get better, right, go get But I'm not sure.
I think it's really hard for I don't know about men.
Is it hard for men?
Speaker 3 (22:18):
It's hard. It's hard for men too.
Speaker 4 (22:20):
I get attached very easily, and I kind of hang
on and kind of hope that things better.
Speaker 2 (22:24):
That I'm hopeless.
Speaker 3 (22:25):
Jane just yeah, so I'm with you. But you know,
I'm great at giving advice, not so much taking my
own advice. But that's the single.
Speaker 1 (22:34):
But that's exactly the point. This girl knows. But it's
almost like she can't, you know, she said, I'm she's tired,
she wants she doesn't want to be back in the
same cycle of bending over for the bare minimum, and
yet she knows it. But I think that's what we
all struggle with is.
Speaker 4 (22:52):
But she has a support system now, and so that's
kind of where you rely on your friends, where your
friends are like, hey, this guy's doing this right, he's
not like treating you well, but.
Speaker 1 (23:01):
Her friends aren't getting it. Sounds like from Charlie's her
friends are in the same boat.
Speaker 2 (23:07):
And she also says, I don't want to be closed off,
like that's total opposite. You don't close yourself off to
just be more aware.
Speaker 4 (23:16):
But it's hard though, because after you're getting hurt so often,
you naturally just close up. Trust your gut, trust your friends,
and you know, don't settle.
Speaker 2 (23:25):
Kathy would say, but red flag is a red flag,
and it's not going to turn any.
Speaker 1 (23:29):
Other kind of red flag, white or beige a red flag.
There's red flags, and there's bleeding red flags, you know what.
Speaker 2 (23:36):
And I believe, definitely, for most of my life exactly
what this girl has said. I'm a giver. I get excited,
I fall hard and fast, and then I do everything.
I jump into their world and do everything they like
to do, and everything's so fun and this, and then
three months in you want to do something that you
(23:57):
like and it's not it's not and then you start realizing, oh, well, yeah, yeah,
it's not me.
Speaker 3 (24:05):
That close to home it does.
Speaker 1 (24:07):
But you know what, James and Susan, here's the hope
for all of us that we we see it and
that maybe this this will be the time that we'll
make that person. No, but you have to have faith,
right if.
Speaker 2 (24:20):
Not everybody does like the same exact things as we do.
So where do you draw that line?
Speaker 1 (24:25):
You know, I'm just saying, maybe this is the time
where we are aware and cognizant of what's going on
and we choose to get off the bus before you know,
we've ridden all the way through the city.
Speaker 3 (24:39):
You know what I'm saying, Yeah, this is the turning point.
Speaker 2 (24:41):
Yeah, all right, hopefully we're all strong enough to do that.
And Charlie, I wish you luck, but you do have
a short system with your friends, take each other's and Charlie's.
Speaker 1 (24:51):
Maybe reach out to James.
Speaker 3 (24:53):
Yeah we do.
Speaker 2 (24:54):
Please, We've got an available young man here.
Speaker 1 (24:57):
Here we are, all right. Next question is from I'm
an anonymous mom. Hi, ladies, I need your help. I'm
a mom to three kids, a daughter who is fifteen,
a son who is twelve, and another daughter who is ten.
I've been through a lot in my life, beginning in
my childhood and I've worked very hard on my mental
health ever since college. I've made sure to heal from
(25:20):
my trauma, establish healthy coping mechanisms, and do therapy anywhere
from once a month to twice a week. I'm fifty now.
I have a great husband who steps up when I
need time for my mental health. I still struggle with
some depression, anxiety, and PTSD. For the most part, it's manageable.
(25:40):
So here's my question, how do I talk to my
oldest daughter about these things? When I become a mom.
I promised myself that I wouldn't let my kids see
me when things get really bad, because I never want
them to worry about me. But I feel it's important
that I teach my daughter and my other kids when
I feel old enough and ready, that it's okay to
(26:01):
not be one hundred percent okay. Sometimes I don't want
my kids to work thinking I was perfect and had
it all together all the time, because that's just not
how life works. I want to be honest and human
with my daughter while still being a parent that she
sees as our sturdy foundation. My husband is so great,
but he doesn't have the struggles that I do, So
(26:23):
this conversation is really up to me. He'll be there
with me to weigh in if things get murky, but
he trusts me to do this. Thank you, ladies, and James,
love you and James, and so what do you think, James?
Speaker 4 (26:38):
This one also hits close to home, and so it's
something that I struggled with growing up, where my dad
was definitely more the you know, never show emotion, everything
is always okay, and so that's what I learned growing up.
Speaker 3 (26:49):
So I never showed emotion.
Speaker 4 (26:51):
And so when I was on the show with Jen,
that was the first time that I'd ever cried in
front of anybody and actually a dog, my parents, anybody,
And here I was on TVs crying, and so it's
something that I've had to work through just showing more
emotion and just letting people know that I'm not feeling okay.
And so I think she has the right idea here
(27:12):
where you know, that's something that her kids need to
kind of see and learn and that's kind of how
they become more in touch of their emotions and get
and kind of develop that side better.
Speaker 3 (27:23):
So I definitely a platter for doing that.
Speaker 2 (27:25):
Yeah, absolutely, I wonder how bad this when she needs
time for her mental health and her husband's steps, and
so she could have private time less she freak out
or you know, the PTSD what is it from? But
maybe you're one of your children has the same issue, right,
would do you so well to educate them? And you
(27:47):
know why mommy leaves sometimes because mommy gets depressed or
mommy gets stressed out. Share it definitely, and that's okay,
And that's that is okay.
Speaker 1 (27:55):
It is I am. I agree with both of you wholeheartedly. James.
I literally my mouth dropped open when you said truly,
when you said that was the first time you'd ever cried,
because to me, that was such a heartfelt moment on
the show, and just a little bit we've talked, I
(28:17):
would have said, oh, he's a very warm, heartfelt share
is feeling kind of guy. I mean, that's how you
come off.
Speaker 2 (28:26):
But you know what, a lot of men boys are
taught that, Kathy, not today so much. Now, it's okay.
Look at the men on A Jones season the very
first night when their daughters came up and it happened
to be filmed on Father's Day and they all cried.
Speaker 1 (28:42):
I thought that was beautiful.
Speaker 2 (28:44):
Whereas our parents or our grandparents when they raised the sun,
that was you're less of a man. You have to
be able to be strong and hold it back. I
don't think that's necessary. It's good to show feeling.
Speaker 4 (28:57):
It is, but we come from different generations, you know,
Like in my generation back in the day, about sixty
years ago, we just weren't weren't taught to show emotion.
Speaker 1 (29:07):
Wait, I have questioned James for you, and I don't
know if we have enough time, but we'll just jump
into it really quickly. Sure, you obviously have come from
a different culture, your parents come from a different culture.
How important is that for you to date? I know
they talked about it with Jen. Is it important to
you to date within your culture? Just give me a
(29:29):
little down and dirty version of what you're thought.
Speaker 3 (29:31):
It has to be within my culture?
Speaker 4 (29:32):
I think I just need to find somebody that is
accepting of my culture and is willing to learn more
about it and kind of immerse themselves in it, And
obviously I would do the same for their culture. Right,
it's right, So it doesn't have to be within my culture.
It's more about just learning about each other and culture included.
Speaker 1 (29:50):
So I like that.
Speaker 2 (29:51):
It's like Jewish people with Christian people or Catholic people
that do Christmas and Hanukkah, you know, right?
Speaker 1 (29:59):
Yeah, I just think you are an incredible guy, are
you are? You're You're caring and you obviously love your sister, and.
Speaker 2 (30:10):
I just I have to admit that when you were
first you were a little like I was like, who,
You're not going to give these guys an easy you.
Speaker 3 (30:18):
Know, I shouldn't, right.
Speaker 1 (30:24):
What I'm sacking. Yeah, but I will say when you
cried to hear that, that's the first time you've ever cried. Wow,
So are you in generally close now?
Speaker 4 (30:32):
Then we're getting closer. So we still have things to
work on, but we're definitely aware of it. And I
think the show kind of brought us a little closer
and kind of pushed us towards reconciliation because.
Speaker 3 (30:43):
I know before this we were a little bit rocky.
So but she is your sister, yes, and I love her,
you know so.
Speaker 2 (30:51):
Regardless, right, but regards on that relationship and have good
times and make memories as important.
Speaker 3 (30:56):
Yeah, I mean, she's still a brat ninety percent.
Speaker 1 (30:59):
But Jen, can I just say she has beautiful hair?
Speaker 4 (31:05):
God, people say that she looks beautiful and I just
don't see it.
Speaker 3 (31:08):
I think she's ugly. She's an ugly dougling. And I
don't know.
Speaker 2 (31:13):
I liked you for five minutes.
Speaker 1 (31:15):
I'm over. I don't believe you.
Speaker 2 (31:17):
See her dancing right now.
Speaker 1 (31:19):
You're a handsome guy and she is a beautiful girl.
Just say you're right, Kathain. We can move on.
Speaker 3 (31:25):
You're right, Kathy, okay.
Speaker 2 (31:27):
And you're a hard one, Dave, You're a hard one.
I don't know. You tell me when you fall in love.
Speaker 3 (31:31):
I like to pick on her.
Speaker 1 (31:34):
And I'm sure she loves it. You know what.
Speaker 2 (31:36):
Thank you so much for joining us today. We've enjoyed.
I hope you did. I hope you don't hate us.
Speaker 3 (31:43):
No, not at all.
Speaker 2 (31:45):
Oh no, James, I cry in front of everybody.
Speaker 1 (31:47):
I'm just saying it's easy for me and James. You're
not going anywhere because I need to give you my
address for that hat.
Speaker 5 (31:54):
Absolutely, I remember again, Thank you and loved love getting
chat with you, and thank everybody for joining us.
Speaker 1 (32:05):
Please guys be sure to follow us on Bachelor Happy Hour.
Who wants to miss this conversation with James. Let me
just say we have new episodes coming out every week.
They might not be as good as this one with James,
but yeah, they're all pretty good.
Speaker 2 (32:19):
And what would we do without these questions? I mean,
who would think to ask something like that? You guys do,
and we love it, so keep them coming. Please just
go to bachelornation dot com slash Golden Hour, hit us
up on social at Bachelor Happy Hour.
Speaker 1 (32:33):
And please listen to Bachelor Happy Hours Golden Hour on
the iHeartRadio app or wherever you listen to podcasts. Till
Nextill next time, See you later,
Welcome back to Bachelor Happy Hours Golden Hour. Thank you
for joining us. We're so excited to be back. How
you doing, Susan, I'm doing great.
Speaker 2 (00:15):
I'm so excited about today. And I can't believe I'm
actually going to say this again, because if you haven't
done it yet, you gotta follow us. How are you
going to know what we're saying, what we're doing if
you're not following, It's so darn easy. Just search for
a Bachelor Happy Hour in your podcast app, hit the
(00:36):
follow button, and then we'll be there.
Speaker 1 (00:39):
We're like a ray of sunshine, right If you hit
the follow button, you're going to be notified every time
we put out a new podcast and you'll never miss one.
So make sure you hit the follow button and leave
us a review while you're there.
Speaker 2 (00:54):
Oh, I love that too, and ask some questions. Yes, Kathy, Yes,
and make sure to check out all of our past
episodes because we have had some good ones. We've been
having so much fun. I mean some of those questions.
How about the ones a little earlier about getting to
know us, the things we tell I'm telling you that
don't want to miss that one?
Speaker 1 (01:14):
Yeah, you don't? You want to hear about Susan's Catholic
school upbringing and how she dodged the boys. It's very interesting.
Speaker 2 (01:20):
And you guys know how to do it by now.
You just go Bachelorhappy Hour dot com slash Golden Hour
and we have some great questions and a fabulous guest.
Speaker 1 (01:31):
Today. Oh we do. Today we have a true gem
from Jen's season on The Bachelor atte her brother James. Hi, Jay,
Hi James for joining us. Are you okay?
Speaker 2 (01:44):
Are you excited or nervous?
Speaker 1 (01:47):
Okay, I'm just going to come straight out with it.
I used to be a newspaper writer. I'm an interviewer.
I'm just gonna I'm just gonna start asking questions. She
will ask you all about the answers.
Speaker 2 (01:57):
So you're going to start with that hat.
Speaker 1 (01:59):
I think the first thing is I'm starting with hat.
So the hat I know came from when Jen Oh
came Fenry Park. James, you know where I'm from.
Speaker 3 (02:09):
You're from Boston, No.
Speaker 1 (02:10):
I am, And do you know what I want?
Speaker 3 (02:13):
My hat?
Speaker 1 (02:14):
That's right? So I believe that you've got a few
of those hats, so Bachelor Nation.
Speaker 2 (02:20):
I have a really small head, so get me a
small one.
Speaker 3 (02:23):
Are you going to say it.
Speaker 4 (02:24):
Yes, I will promise on this recording. I will send
you a hat.
Speaker 3 (02:28):
Yes.
Speaker 2 (02:28):
Okay, you heard it, ladies, and you are definitely here
since and we're going to get to our questions a minute.
Speaker 1 (02:33):
I just got to fire a few more. How old
are you, James? Where do you live?
Speaker 2 (02:37):
What do you do?
Speaker 1 (02:38):
We want to know what.
Speaker 3 (02:40):
Let's start in the beginning. I am old.
Speaker 2 (02:43):
What's too old?
Speaker 3 (02:45):
Too old?
Speaker 4 (02:46):
Too old is when you first wake up and you
feel all you know, things start to creak and you
feel sore.
Speaker 2 (02:51):
Maybe wait to your mind, Oh my gosh, Okay, I'm
not too old.
Speaker 3 (02:56):
I am your age. I am your age.
Speaker 2 (02:58):
I'm sixty seven.
Speaker 3 (03:01):
I'm close. If you round up, if you.
Speaker 1 (03:03):
Round up a twenty. Okay, wait a second. Where in
Boston do you live?
Speaker 3 (03:09):
So on my Assembly Road? It's a little bit north
of Boston.
Speaker 1 (03:12):
Where I'm trying.
Speaker 4 (03:12):
I didn't hear what you said, Assembly Row, Assembly Road, Somerville, Cambridge.
Speaker 1 (03:18):
Oh, Somerville.
Speaker 3 (03:19):
I lived.
Speaker 1 (03:20):
I lived right on the river in Cambridge.
Speaker 3 (03:22):
So we were neighbors.
Speaker 1 (03:23):
We were neighbors. Well you were. You were just a
twinkle in your parent's eye when I lived there. But yeah, okay,
and then tell me what you do for a living.
You know, what's your life like.
Speaker 3 (03:34):
So I've had an interesting career path.
Speaker 4 (03:36):
I've gone through many, many different careers, from an engineer,
it's a cardiac technician to an EMT.
Speaker 3 (03:42):
So currently I manage the wine and.
Speaker 4 (03:44):
Beverage programs for within a group of restaurants in Boston.
Speaker 1 (03:48):
Wow, I'm coming, never mind, I'll come and get there.
Get me out for dinner.
Speaker 3 (03:54):
A bottle of wine.
Speaker 1 (03:56):
I love that I've got one right here. I'm toasting
to you right now.
Speaker 3 (04:00):
All right, I'm getting I don't have a glass.
Speaker 2 (04:03):
Well, just you know what sends for the wine and
he'll send us hats.
Speaker 1 (04:09):
James, there's one career that you did not mention that
you excel at and we're going to get into it
a little bit. Yes you do. You are an incredible
dating coach for your Yes, hey, we watched you. We
watched Kudos to you, baby, and we'll get into that.
We're going to get into that in just a second.
(04:31):
But I just want you didn't you can add that
to your resume.
Speaker 2 (04:34):
Okay, if we have a good question for you, what
is something that is a deal breaker for you in
a relationship?
Speaker 3 (04:43):
Cigarette smoking? Cheers.
Speaker 1 (04:47):
I literally just drank to that. How about for you, Kathy,
cigarette smoking? I'm with you.
Speaker 2 (04:55):
What's what other deal?
Speaker 1 (04:57):
Break?
Speaker 2 (04:57):
We just talked about this about a date being rude
to the wait staff.
Speaker 3 (05:01):
You know, that's another thing. Absolutely be staff.
Speaker 1 (05:05):
Bad breath, that's another one. Uh, just rudeness in general,
being chic. How about a guy that invites you out
on a date and ask you to go to happy
hour and then want you to split a drink and
an appetizer. I've had that, so I always.
Speaker 3 (05:27):
Pay for the first. I will always pay for the first.
Speaker 2 (05:29):
I will pay my way if I know I'm never
going to.
Speaker 1 (05:32):
See them, saus can you hold this down? I got
to go book a flight for Boston. I'm gonna go
beat him.
Speaker 3 (05:37):
There's no there's no happy hour in Boston though, you're.
Speaker 1 (05:41):
Just happy to live in Boston.
Speaker 2 (05:45):
Tell me about go ahead.
Speaker 4 (05:47):
I will always pay for the first date for the
first drink, but then we'll split the second.
Speaker 3 (05:52):
So that's usually how it goes.
Speaker 1 (05:53):
Okay, wait a minute, Wait a minute.
Speaker 4 (05:55):
I think that's fair. I think that's fair. You know,
I'm just trying to be myself and the way.
Speaker 1 (06:00):
You in a relationship. James, we're going you.
Speaker 3 (06:04):
I am not in single.
Speaker 2 (06:06):
James, that might be why pay for the second class?
Speaker 1 (06:09):
Why you know what? I don't care, you gotta you
just got to be generous. I don't care what your
you know what ship you're sailing. You got to be
generous or.
Speaker 3 (06:23):
I'm generous in a lot of different ways.
Speaker 1 (06:25):
OK, give me your top three?
Speaker 3 (06:27):
Fair enough?
Speaker 5 (06:28):
Three?
Speaker 3 (06:30):
So let's talk about love language. So one of my
love languages.
Speaker 1 (06:34):
Is what I love the love Susan loves the language
I love. I love the conversation. I get confused, James,
because it's whether is it what I want or what
I want to give to you?
Speaker 2 (06:49):
It's how you received love, how you feel love for.
Speaker 1 (06:53):
Me, It's how I give my love. Language is how
do you want to You want.
Speaker 2 (06:58):
To give love to your partner the way they receive love.
So you have this kind of.
Speaker 1 (07:05):
Problem if then the derivative of D square, I can't,
I caty.
Speaker 2 (07:11):
I'm buying you that cute little book. It's really simple.
Speaker 1 (07:13):
I've had I've had it given to me before. Did
you read it? I did, but I.
Speaker 2 (07:18):
Just don't because not understanding.
Speaker 1 (07:22):
Because I was an English major, you would think I would, right,
I don't know I can't.
Speaker 2 (07:27):
Okay, so you're single. So were we?
Speaker 1 (07:29):
Okay, so we're with.
Speaker 2 (07:32):
Tell me your relationship with your sister growing up?
Speaker 3 (07:37):
It was it was shaky and we weren't always close because.
Speaker 1 (07:40):
You're a big age difference, right for sure?
Speaker 3 (07:43):
For sure? And so we were both how many years?
Speaker 1 (07:45):
How many years are you two?
Speaker 3 (07:47):
We are nine nine years apart?
Speaker 1 (07:48):
Okay, how old is she? How old is that?
Speaker 2 (07:51):
We'll figure this out later.
Speaker 1 (07:53):
It's not even forty, you're thirty five. You are a child?
Speaker 2 (07:58):
Yeah, no, no, you just your nine year You know what,
when you're fifty five, you're going to rephrase that statement,
you know.
Speaker 1 (08:07):
Could I have a round of applause? Please for go
for figuring out how to find out how old he was?
Speaker 2 (08:12):
Wait, so you weren't that close, or sometimes you were,
sometimes you weren't. She was like your pesty little sister
or a little bit.
Speaker 4 (08:19):
Yeah, and so we were both like super stubborn, and
so we always kind of got under each other's skins,
and then we refused to apologize, and.
Speaker 3 (08:26):
So I remember there were like years where we just
wouldn't talk to each other at all.
Speaker 1 (08:31):
Wait a minute, you were born in Vietnam.
Speaker 3 (08:33):
Right, I was yeah, how old.
Speaker 1 (08:36):
Were you when you came to the United States?
Speaker 3 (08:38):
Four?
Speaker 1 (08:38):
I was four, so your sister. And of course you
didn't speak English when you came. Not right away, okay,
but by the time your sister came along there was
no language.
Speaker 3 (08:50):
Bearrier, no, no, so she was Yeah.
Speaker 2 (08:52):
Was she spoiled? Did you think she was a spoiled
little girl.
Speaker 4 (08:55):
Or honestly she wasn't. She just never She like always
kind of was brooted down to earth, you know, grew
up very hard working, so she wasn't spoiled. If anything,
I was a spoiled first child, right.
Speaker 1 (09:08):
Yeah, okay, it's just you and your sister, just you
and Jen Me?
Speaker 3 (09:13):
Yeah, me and Jen just us.
Speaker 2 (09:15):
Well, I'll tell you what for having all those ups
and downs. You sure showed up for her.
Speaker 1 (09:20):
You sure did.
Speaker 3 (09:21):
I did.
Speaker 1 (09:21):
Yeah, And can I want to ask you, so, when
I watched the show before I knew I was going
to get that fabulous happens on your head, I was
impressed that you didn't give your blessing to Devin, that
(09:42):
you said you couldn't do it. I want to know
was it set a feeling you had or was it
just struck me, especially given how the whole thing ended up.
Speaker 2 (09:52):
Did you prepare for it?
Speaker 1 (09:53):
Did you an did you have a miracle? What's it
called a crystal ball? I mean, let's tell me, tell
me about that.
Speaker 4 (09:59):
No, I mean honest, To be honest, I just didn't
feel either of the guys, and so it just felt
wrong to give my blessing, especially before talking to the
other guy and before talking to Jen about Devin, and
so I felt like it was just too premature to
ask my blessing.
Speaker 3 (10:14):
So there's no way I was I was going to
give it. There was no way.
Speaker 1 (10:17):
So what advice did you give her? What advice did
you give her after you met the two guys? If
I mean, if you could say.
Speaker 4 (10:25):
Yeah, I mean I I told her what I thought
about both guys where I felt like, you know, Devin
didn't really say anything about her, it was all about him,
and then Marcus just didn't really say anything at all,
So like all he said was kind of just just
stuff that.
Speaker 3 (10:41):
Just wasn't relevant to my questions, all.
Speaker 2 (10:43):
Right, Son, So exactly, Yeah.
Speaker 1 (10:48):
Given that clearly you're a guy who gives advice and
cares about your sister, I wouldn't know what advice you
would give two family members or friends of people that
are trying to date like that trouble with toxic relationships
and really and how do you support people in that situation, because.
Speaker 3 (11:08):
I mean, you need to recognize the patterns.
Speaker 4 (11:11):
You know, if you've always been in toxic relationships and
you need you need to kind of sit down and
ask why, you know, what does this guy have the
same in similar with like this guy? You know, compare
your exes and be like, why am I falling for
the same type over and over again?
Speaker 3 (11:25):
Why isn't it working? And that's kind of how you
get out of that that pattern. So it's all about recognizing.
Speaker 2 (11:32):
So that's what you think would be most important that
you would tell young women from your point of view
to look out for when they're dating.
Speaker 4 (11:41):
I mean, it's more it's more about themselves, right, So
like what I told Jen was, she knows what she deserves, right,
she knows how she wants to be treated, and she
knows how she doesn't want to be treated. And so
as long as you come into a relationship with that,
then you can easily rule guys out who don't kind
of put in that effort that you deserve. And it's
more about recognizing that sign early and kind of cutting.
Speaker 3 (12:03):
It loose where it feel. It feels that most people
that we speak of, yes, right, but most people.
Speaker 4 (12:08):
Kind of stay in that relationship and try to change
that person.
Speaker 3 (12:12):
It's going to get aware it never will. It never will, so.
Speaker 1 (12:17):
I know I don't want so from their point of view,
we've cut Wait, you know what, We've cut so many
loose it's shredded on the floor at this point. What
do you think is? Uh, some things you think is
most important for a young woman to look I would
ask you to look for when they're dating, but also
(12:38):
to look out for.
Speaker 3 (12:41):
Definitely communication. I think it's the most important party word.
Speaker 4 (12:45):
Yeah, but it's not just communicating about, you know, what
you want to eat at the time.
Speaker 3 (12:48):
It's more about.
Speaker 4 (12:49):
Having those difficult conversations because that's how you know if
you're on the same page or not moving forward.
Speaker 2 (12:55):
And it's okay to agree to disagree about that.
Speaker 3 (12:58):
Absolutely, yeah, as long as you're both in the no.
Speaker 1 (13:02):
Yes, yes, very good point. Very it's so hard.
Speaker 2 (13:07):
So how do you go about dating? Do you go
on dating sites? If you don't mind me.
Speaker 4 (13:12):
I am on a few dating sites yes, now, primarily Hinge,
And it's it's been eventful.
Speaker 1 (13:19):
Can I tell you that's how my son, That's how
my son Susan officiated their wedding back in March. He
met his and he met her on hinge.
Speaker 3 (13:28):
Yeah yeah, I mean it's it's the new way to date.
Speaker 1 (13:30):
So it's not really it's the old round. There's there's
a big push now to get off to I hate
the word organically, but there you have.
Speaker 2 (13:40):
It's don't you think some guys like the windows shop?
I mean it's about a look because you're not talking
to anybody, you're not seeing them physically, so you're window
shopping and you're scrolling through.
Speaker 1 (13:53):
Who's going to swipe? Which way?
Speaker 3 (13:56):
I mean appeals to me. I love windows shopping. Okay,
is looking at what they're selling. Can't afford any of it?
Speaker 2 (14:02):
I always buy everything. That's my problem.
Speaker 3 (14:04):
Trust.
Speaker 1 (14:05):
What does Okay, So wait a minute, what advice were
you given in terms of dating relationships? You know, because
you're you know, you're you're over thirty advice way back
when you know, really way back when you know, when
you were thirty four? What advice do you still hold
on to? Like, what are those nuggets that you still
hold in your Arsenal of dating weaponry.
Speaker 3 (14:29):
Yeah, I mean things that I look for is.
Speaker 1 (14:32):
That's kind of very aggressive.
Speaker 3 (14:34):
Emotional emotional intelligence for sure.
Speaker 2 (14:37):
Emotional availability too, availability, Yeah, definitely, communication and so just
all the basics.
Speaker 4 (14:45):
And I know it's it's basic sounding, it's very cliche,
but it's hard to find out there, very hard.
Speaker 2 (14:50):
And can you figure that out on the first date?
Speaker 3 (14:53):
Usually?
Speaker 4 (14:54):
Yeah, So I'm pretty good at being able to kind
of read people on the first date and knowing whether
there's going to be a second day or a date.
But at the same time, I feel like I jump
into the first dates very very soon.
Speaker 3 (15:06):
And so when I'm on Hinge, I like, I'll I'll
answer back and forth probably four or five times.
Speaker 1 (15:11):
Yeah, let's meet's let's happen to me.
Speaker 2 (15:14):
I can't go back, even if it's just a quick
cup of coffee. Let's meet if there's some chemistry we
want to know more than we'll plan a date. I
don't even call that a date.
Speaker 1 (15:24):
That's what I was going to say. I have gone
on date. I've talked to guys, you know, four or
five times and oh, you know this guy, I'll meet
him for a drink or a cup of coffee or
split an appetizer. But then when I meet him, he
is so different than the conversation we had. Do you
find that as well?
Speaker 4 (15:42):
Usually yeah, but not not too differently. It's you can
kind of tell by the tone of how they text
what kind of person they'll be.
Speaker 3 (15:48):
And so I'll go on record here and say that
I've never had a bad first date.
Speaker 2 (15:53):
I don't think that's nice.
Speaker 3 (15:55):
Yeah, we did pretty well, even if.
Speaker 2 (15:59):
I have happy James, I had one bad first I
want to ghosted me.
Speaker 1 (16:08):
He didn't show up. I've got I've got a worse
first date, which I have never told, but I'll tell
you if you want to hear it. It was a
guy I met online and he was coming from I
can't remember. We lived in a different state, but he
spends a lot of time in Austin for some reason,
which is where I live, Okay, And we talked three
(16:32):
or four times because I did exactly what we were
just saying, and he seems super fun and interesting in
my kind of guy, and active in sports and all
of it. And somehow we got on the subject of whiskey.
I like a good whiskey, and Blanton's is if you're
listening out there, send me a bottle Blon's. Yeah, I
(16:56):
love Glen's right. It's a very expensive but really good.
But so I said to him, I says he wanted
to come and stay with me on the weekend. I'd
never met the guy and I and I said, look,
if you can get me a bottle of Blantons, you
can come and stay at my house. Thinking that you
(17:17):
can't get it in Texas, it's impossible. So I thought,
I'm good. Yet guess what. He shows up with a
bottle of black I'm not kidding. And I looked at
that bottle and it was like I was sick, look
at and so I said, I was speechless. I said
I was joking. He goes, you can't back out now,
(17:38):
I said, oh yes, I really can't. Yeah, I said,
yeah I can, and I am. It was a joke
where you didn't tell me it was a joke. And
I spent a lot of money. It's very well.
Speaker 2 (17:48):
I would have bought it.
Speaker 1 (17:48):
I would have paid for it.
Speaker 3 (17:49):
No, no, no, no, I.
Speaker 1 (17:51):
Was so fearful at that point when he he was
you know, I know you probably think I'm aggressive. I'm
really not. I just it's just way I was scared
to death. I was like, oh my god, how do
your address? No, we met at a restaurant for dinner,
and he thought he was coming back to my house.
(18:14):
I said, because I told him to make a hotel reservation.
And he said, I said, but if you you know,
if you show up with a bottle of wlimbs, you
could stay with you. I mean, talk about Kathy running
her mouth. So anyway, that's my worst dating story.
Speaker 3 (18:27):
So how was that. How was the rest of dinner?
Speaker 2 (18:30):
Yeah, did you sit through dinner?
Speaker 3 (18:32):
Yeah?
Speaker 2 (18:33):
Honestly, honestly, give me the bottle.
Speaker 1 (18:36):
Here's the money. He did give me the bottle of whiskey.
I never saw him again. It was I've blocked it.
If we're being honest, I did get the bottle. The
bottles long gone, but she drank the bottle. You know what,
don't make a what is it? Don't make a promise.
Your ass can't catch Like, oh my god, never again,
(18:57):
will I say?
Speaker 3 (18:58):
You know, that's the question. When you drink plans, do
you still think of him and that date? Well?
Speaker 1 (19:03):
No, no, no, Why would I ruin good whiskey with
a bad memory? Okay too, I need to move on.
Speaker 3 (19:12):
I think Yeah, I think.
Speaker 2 (19:13):
Too, so James. We're gonna go through some people's questions
that they sent into us, and we're all three going
to share what our advice would be to them.
Speaker 3 (19:23):
Sound good, Okay?
Speaker 1 (19:24):
Cool, So listen because you're going to be given. You're
gonna be giving your opinions here.
Speaker 2 (19:36):
The first one is from Charlie and she's twenty six
years old. Hi, Kathy and Susan. I love your podcast
and I'm really hoping you can help me out. I've
been single for about a year and a half. I'm
in no rush to start dating again, but for the
first time in a really long time, I feel ready.
(19:56):
I've had a lot of time to reflect on the
things I want in a relationship, and it's making me
realize how much better my friends than I deserve.
Speaker 1 (20:06):
We've always joked that we've.
Speaker 2 (20:07):
Been the blind leading the blind, just lover girls, always
giving men the benefit of the doubt. How do I
start dating with a balanced mentality and how can I
help my friends do the same. I don't want to
be closed off and unfairly accusatory of kind men, but
I definitely don't want to be back in the same
(20:30):
cycle I've always been in bending over backwards for the
bare minimum, then feeling disappointed when I finally had enough heartbreak?
What are some things I can do or keep in
mind so I can also share with them With my friends.
I know we can be such a great support system
(20:51):
for each other. We just need some guidance. Thanks so much.
She's twenty six.
Speaker 1 (20:59):
What do you think I.
Speaker 4 (21:01):
Mean, she's she's also a great start. You know, her
and her friends know that they deserve better, and so
the first line is always recognizing that and then from
then on, I think it's easy. You know, it's it's
kind of you start dating in a relationship, right and
you kind of have to sit back and be like,
is he giving me what I deserve?
Speaker 3 (21:20):
And if the answer is yes, you keep going, and
if the answer is no, you stop.
Speaker 4 (21:25):
And I feel like that's the hard part where most
people are like, I'm going to give him the benefit
of the doubt. He's going to change, He's going to
change for me, and usually it doesn't work out. And
so when she's on the right path.
Speaker 2 (21:34):
Yeah, just realizing it.
Speaker 1 (21:36):
Yeah, Well, I think I think when a couple of things.
I think when someone shows you who are who they
are the first time, believe them. I would say that.
But also I think that I can't speak for men
because I'm not one. But I think that women often
the fear of I won't find someone, so I have
(21:59):
to make this one or try to make this one.
What will work? I'm not sure that I think it's
as easy. I love your philosophy. You believe you deserve better,
So go get better, right, go get But I'm not sure.
I think it's really hard for I don't know about men.
Is it hard for men?
Speaker 3 (22:18):
It's hard. It's hard for men too.
Speaker 4 (22:20):
I get attached very easily, and I kind of hang
on and kind of hope that things better.
Speaker 2 (22:24):
That I'm hopeless.
Speaker 3 (22:25):
Jane just yeah, so I'm with you. But you know,
I'm great at giving advice, not so much taking my
own advice. But that's the single.
Speaker 1 (22:34):
But that's exactly the point. This girl knows. But it's
almost like she can't, you know, she said, I'm she's tired,
she wants she doesn't want to be back in the
same cycle of bending over for the bare minimum, and
yet she knows it. But I think that's what we
all struggle with is.
Speaker 4 (22:52):
But she has a support system now, and so that's
kind of where you rely on your friends, where your
friends are like, hey, this guy's doing this right, he's
not like treating you well, but.
Speaker 1 (23:01):
Her friends aren't getting it. Sounds like from Charlie's her
friends are in the same boat.
Speaker 2 (23:07):
And she also says, I don't want to be closed off,
like that's total opposite. You don't close yourself off to
just be more aware.
Speaker 4 (23:16):
But it's hard though, because after you're getting hurt so often,
you naturally just close up. Trust your gut, trust your friends,
and you know, don't settle.
Speaker 2 (23:25):
Kathy would say, but red flag is a red flag,
and it's not going to turn any.
Speaker 1 (23:29):
Other kind of red flag, white or beige a red flag.
There's red flags, and there's bleeding red flags, you know what.
Speaker 2 (23:36):
And I believe, definitely, for most of my life exactly
what this girl has said. I'm a giver. I get excited,
I fall hard and fast, and then I do everything.
I jump into their world and do everything they like
to do, and everything's so fun and this, and then
three months in you want to do something that you
(23:57):
like and it's not it's not and then you start realizing, oh, well, yeah, yeah,
it's not me.
Speaker 3 (24:05):
That close to home it does.
Speaker 1 (24:07):
But you know what, James and Susan, here's the hope
for all of us that we we see it and
that maybe this this will be the time that we'll
make that person. No, but you have to have faith,
right if.
Speaker 2 (24:20):
Not everybody does like the same exact things as we do.
So where do you draw that line?
Speaker 1 (24:25):
You know, I'm just saying, maybe this is the time
where we are aware and cognizant of what's going on
and we choose to get off the bus before you know,
we've ridden all the way through the city.
Speaker 3 (24:39):
You know what I'm saying, Yeah, this is the turning point.
Speaker 2 (24:41):
Yeah, all right, hopefully we're all strong enough to do that.
And Charlie, I wish you luck, but you do have
a short system with your friends, take each other's and Charlie's.
Speaker 1 (24:51):
Maybe reach out to James.
Speaker 3 (24:53):
Yeah we do.
Speaker 2 (24:54):
Please, We've got an available young man here.
Speaker 1 (24:57):
Here we are, all right. Next question is from I'm
an anonymous mom. Hi, ladies, I need your help. I'm
a mom to three kids, a daughter who is fifteen,
a son who is twelve, and another daughter who is ten.
I've been through a lot in my life, beginning in
my childhood and I've worked very hard on my mental
health ever since college. I've made sure to heal from
(25:20):
my trauma, establish healthy coping mechanisms, and do therapy anywhere
from once a month to twice a week. I'm fifty now.
I have a great husband who steps up when I
need time for my mental health. I still struggle with
some depression, anxiety, and PTSD. For the most part, it's manageable.
(25:40):
So here's my question, how do I talk to my
oldest daughter about these things? When I become a mom.
I promised myself that I wouldn't let my kids see
me when things get really bad, because I never want
them to worry about me. But I feel it's important
that I teach my daughter and my other kids when
I feel old enough and ready, that it's okay to
(26:01):
not be one hundred percent okay. Sometimes I don't want
my kids to work thinking I was perfect and had
it all together all the time, because that's just not
how life works. I want to be honest and human
with my daughter while still being a parent that she
sees as our sturdy foundation. My husband is so great,
but he doesn't have the struggles that I do, So
(26:23):
this conversation is really up to me. He'll be there
with me to weigh in if things get murky, but
he trusts me to do this. Thank you, ladies, and James,
love you and James, and so what do you think, James?
Speaker 4 (26:38):
This one also hits close to home, and so it's
something that I struggled with growing up, where my dad
was definitely more the you know, never show emotion, everything
is always okay, and so that's what I learned growing up.
Speaker 3 (26:49):
So I never showed emotion.
Speaker 4 (26:51):
And so when I was on the show with Jen,
that was the first time that I'd ever cried in
front of anybody and actually a dog, my parents, anybody,
And here I was on TVs crying, and so it's
something that I've had to work through just showing more
emotion and just letting people know that I'm not feeling okay.
And so I think she has the right idea here
(27:12):
where you know, that's something that her kids need to
kind of see and learn and that's kind of how
they become more in touch of their emotions and get
and kind of develop that side better.
Speaker 3 (27:23):
So I definitely a platter for doing that.
Speaker 2 (27:25):
Yeah, absolutely, I wonder how bad this when she needs
time for her mental health and her husband's steps, and
so she could have private time less she freak out
or you know, the PTSD what is it from? But
maybe you're one of your children has the same issue, right,
would do you so well to educate them? And you
(27:47):
know why mommy leaves sometimes because mommy gets depressed or
mommy gets stressed out. Share it definitely, and that's okay,
And that's that is okay.
Speaker 1 (27:55):
It is I am. I agree with both of you wholeheartedly. James.
I literally my mouth dropped open when you said truly,
when you said that was the first time you'd ever cried,
because to me, that was such a heartfelt moment on
the show, and just a little bit we've talked, I
(28:17):
would have said, oh, he's a very warm, heartfelt share
is feeling kind of guy. I mean, that's how you
come off.
Speaker 2 (28:26):
But you know what, a lot of men boys are
taught that, Kathy, not today so much. Now, it's okay.
Look at the men on A Jones season the very
first night when their daughters came up and it happened
to be filmed on Father's Day and they all cried.
Speaker 1 (28:42):
I thought that was beautiful.
Speaker 2 (28:44):
Whereas our parents or our grandparents when they raised the sun,
that was you're less of a man. You have to
be able to be strong and hold it back. I
don't think that's necessary. It's good to show feeling.
Speaker 4 (28:57):
It is, but we come from different generations, you know,
Like in my generation back in the day, about sixty
years ago, we just weren't weren't taught to show emotion.
Speaker 1 (29:07):
Wait, I have questioned James for you, and I don't
know if we have enough time, but we'll just jump
into it really quickly. Sure, you obviously have come from
a different culture, your parents come from a different culture.
How important is that for you to date? I know
they talked about it with Jen. Is it important to
you to date within your culture? Just give me a
(29:29):
little down and dirty version of what you're thought.
Speaker 3 (29:31):
It has to be within my culture?
Speaker 4 (29:32):
I think I just need to find somebody that is
accepting of my culture and is willing to learn more
about it and kind of immerse themselves in it, And
obviously I would do the same for their culture. Right,
it's right, So it doesn't have to be within my culture.
It's more about just learning about each other and culture included.
Speaker 1 (29:50):
So I like that.
Speaker 2 (29:51):
It's like Jewish people with Christian people or Catholic people
that do Christmas and Hanukkah, you know, right?
Speaker 1 (29:59):
Yeah, I just think you are an incredible guy, are
you are? You're You're caring and you obviously love your sister, and.
Speaker 2 (30:10):
I just I have to admit that when you were
first you were a little like I was like, who,
You're not going to give these guys an easy you.
Speaker 3 (30:18):
Know, I shouldn't, right.
Speaker 1 (30:24):
What I'm sacking. Yeah, but I will say when you
cried to hear that, that's the first time you've ever cried. Wow,
So are you in generally close now?
Speaker 4 (30:32):
Then we're getting closer. So we still have things to
work on, but we're definitely aware of it. And I
think the show kind of brought us a little closer
and kind of pushed us towards reconciliation because.
Speaker 3 (30:43):
I know before this we were a little bit rocky.
So but she is your sister, yes, and I love her,
you know so.
Speaker 2 (30:51):
Regardless, right, but regards on that relationship and have good
times and make memories as important.
Speaker 3 (30:56):
Yeah, I mean, she's still a brat ninety percent.
Speaker 1 (30:59):
But Jen, can I just say she has beautiful hair?
Speaker 4 (31:05):
God, people say that she looks beautiful and I just
don't see it.
Speaker 3 (31:08):
I think she's ugly. She's an ugly dougling. And I
don't know.
Speaker 2 (31:13):
I liked you for five minutes.
Speaker 1 (31:15):
I'm over. I don't believe you.
Speaker 2 (31:17):
See her dancing right now.
Speaker 1 (31:19):
You're a handsome guy and she is a beautiful girl.
Just say you're right, Kathain. We can move on.
Speaker 3 (31:25):
You're right, Kathy, okay.
Speaker 2 (31:27):
And you're a hard one, Dave, You're a hard one.
I don't know. You tell me when you fall in love.
Speaker 3 (31:31):
I like to pick on her.
Speaker 1 (31:34):
And I'm sure she loves it. You know what.
Speaker 2 (31:36):
Thank you so much for joining us today. We've enjoyed.
I hope you did. I hope you don't hate us.
Speaker 3 (31:43):
No, not at all.
Speaker 2 (31:45):
Oh no, James, I cry in front of everybody.
Speaker 1 (31:47):
I'm just saying it's easy for me and James. You're
not going anywhere because I need to give you my
address for that hat.
Speaker 5 (31:54):
Absolutely, I remember again, Thank you and loved love getting
chat with you, and thank everybody for joining us.
Speaker 1 (32:05):
Please guys be sure to follow us on Bachelor Happy Hour.
Who wants to miss this conversation with James. Let me
just say we have new episodes coming out every week.
They might not be as good as this one with James,
but yeah, they're all pretty good.
Speaker 2 (32:19):
And what would we do without these questions? I mean,
who would think to ask something like that? You guys do,
and we love it, so keep them coming. Please just
go to bachelornation dot com slash Golden Hour, hit us
up on social at Bachelor Happy Hour.
Speaker 1 (32:33):
And please listen to Bachelor Happy Hours Golden Hour on
the iHeartRadio app or wherever you listen to podcasts. Till
Nextill next time, See you later,
Hosts And Creators
Joe Amabile
Susan Noles
Serena Pitt
Kathy Swarts
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