The Sin-Eaters

Kevin helps Harley cover up an accidental crime. Plus: A cat in a backpack!

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:23):
Good evening, kids, and welcome to beardless dickless me. I'm
Kevin Smith and I'm Harley Quinn Smith and we're just
here to say.

Speaker 2 (00:30):
Hello hello hello hello hello.

Speaker 3 (00:37):
Hello hello hello hello hello hello hello?

Speaker 1 (00:43):
What what hello hello hello hello good?

Speaker 2 (00:54):
And that's our theme song, hello.

Speaker 3 (01:00):
Hello hello hello hello what say what hello hello hello
hello hello hello hello hello?

Speaker 1 (01:16):
Break it? Damn hell no.

Speaker 2 (01:18):
Maybe you and I should also have a band.

Speaker 1 (01:22):
Yeah, not a band so much as like we can
busk man, we hit like the street corners and ship.
Oh yeah, yeah hello hello. Well, I mean, fuck, at
the very least, we can go down to Hollywood Boulevard
just in our outfits from Jaye's Bobbery boot with the
bucket pictures for ten bucks. I mean, let's do it.

(01:45):
Or we can earn that money by singing.

Speaker 2 (01:49):
Hello hello hello, hello, hello.

Speaker 1 (01:57):
Hello hello hello.

Speaker 2 (02:00):
Car When you do that? I love when you do that.

Speaker 1 (02:08):
Welcome back kids. We're still beardless, still dickless, still all
about me. Yep, Harley. Right before we started the show,
I had a little adventure in the street.

Speaker 2 (02:24):
Oh, I did have a middle adventure in this telling
me the story.

Speaker 1 (02:28):
I was like, why are you wasting this? We're about
to put it on.

Speaker 2 (02:31):
I can't even talk to you, never even worth it
anymore for the show. Shut. Yes, indeed, So after being
an hour late, I showed up and I got out
of my car with uh the panini maker that my
my parents gifted me and then asked for it back.

Speaker 1 (02:55):
It was to explain we have this panini maker. And
the kid was like, I take pi. I wish I
could panini thing. And I was like, oh my god,
We'll get a panini maker. And we got a brand
new panina maker. And so I was like, well, of
course we'll keep the new one and she could have
the other panini maker. And so she took that panini
maker home mm hmm. And it's a it's not even

(03:19):
a high end panini maker, but we made a lot
of Panini's on it.

Speaker 2 (03:21):
It makes a grade ass panini flawless. This new lawless
is like how much was it more expensive because it
was restaurant grade?

Speaker 1 (03:34):
Oh yeah? And like it requires.

Speaker 2 (03:38):
Don't say over one hundred.

Speaker 1 (03:42):
Yeah, what fucking planet are you from? I don't know
you're saying it. Don't say more than a hundred.

Speaker 2 (03:48):
It's it's it's kitchen grade. I don't know what that
means thirty dollars.

Speaker 1 (03:54):
Well, I mean, I wouldn't call it cheap. Even the
panini maker that we had that we gave to you
that I asked for back over one hundred bucks.

Speaker 2 (04:00):
It was like I thought it was like thirty five bucks.

Speaker 1 (04:04):
Is it? I don't know, I can think of it.
I don't know.

Speaker 2 (04:11):
Yeah, shut up, stop acting you, I know.

Speaker 1 (04:14):
It's the one that we got replaced with. I know,
was like more expensive and ship and restaurant grade, meaning
like you know, we intend to make a lot of
paninis on this motherfucker. Whereas the other one. They're like, oh,
they only was this like once in a blue moon.
They probably grow out of it. Little did they know
that was not the purse. Oh yeah, everything, the sandwiches, Panini,

(04:38):
fucking fucking ice blendids, we fucking we Panini dignity, anything
that can be Panini. We fucking Panini.

Speaker 4 (04:48):
Our dreams, get Panini dignity, nightmares.

Speaker 1 (05:00):
Bean Panini is good. There's something really satisfying. I don't
know if you're supposed to do this, but maybe you
just post closed lid and let it go. But I
like to, oh same, I'm always like, yeah, if there's
there's a real feeling of like I am coquering the sandwich.
It makes you feel like you're cooking.

Speaker 2 (05:21):
When my muscles tremble because I'm pushing so hard. Oh
my god, mother, I put it on the ground.

Speaker 1 (05:32):
I stomp on it.

Speaker 2 (05:35):
The other day, Austin was so appalled because remember the
bagels that you and mom brought from the farmer's market, Yeah,
which he ate both the fucking everything bagels and left
me with the other ones. But anyways, jerk, I was
gonna make a movie and has he pay it back?
Heats and I was like, obviously, I'm gonna fucking make

(06:01):
a panini out of this bagel. It's gonna be awesome.
And I did, and it was awesome. But Austin was
so appalled because I pressed it down so hard and
he was like, the fluffiness of the bagel was the
best part. And I was like, yeah, but I'm making
a panini.

Speaker 1 (06:14):
Well it stopped being a bagel and became a fucking panini.

Speaker 2 (06:19):
Yeah, it was transforming into what it was always meant
to be.

Speaker 1 (06:24):
You got to remember there's a built in prejudice in
Austin because he comes from a restaurant world.

Speaker 2 (06:30):
That's true.

Speaker 1 (06:30):
Food is properly prepared, that is true. And if somebody
were to in a restaurant brings somebody an overly panini,
say bagel, that is this thing, because for a bagel,
this is a cracker. Oh no, our NEI chef, We'll
bring her.

Speaker 2 (06:46):
Out, you know, like get way.

Speaker 1 (06:54):
Hello, II your approval.

Speaker 2 (07:00):
I put nean p needy, like I was so needy
for Europe.

Speaker 1 (07:11):
But this panini maker, I tried using it and it
was just too much power. You know what it is.
It'll be well handled by Austin by Puff himself. Why
not a star of the four thirty movie, because he
comes from a restaurant background.

Speaker 2 (07:29):
You don't, you were Who's to say.

Speaker 1 (07:32):
Fucking cooked for you your whole life?

Speaker 2 (07:34):
Who did?

Speaker 1 (07:36):
I said your food was cooked for you?

Speaker 2 (07:39):
It was you?

Speaker 1 (07:41):
It was you. We all ate from the same trough.
My friend, that was fucking Nana. Yeah, that was Nana.
Nana gives Nana earned a lifetime past, you know, just
by being Nana and ship. But I gotta say I'm
not at at a minimum m twelve years straight of

(08:01):
four thanksgivings a week. That's how fucking spoiled this family.
That was and nobody bitched. I mean, you know why
because turkey mashed potatoes, some brand of vegetable that I
never eat. That's a meal. I knew there was something
going on, but no, we're all vegan.

Speaker 2 (08:20):
Anyways, I'm so sorry for all the turkeys.

Speaker 1 (08:25):
Enough so much so that when it came time to
be like you better go vegan or you might die,
I was like, well, I've had enough turkey fucking dinners. Listen.
I'm very proud.

Speaker 2 (08:34):
I'm proud of you every day for your dedication to veganism.

Speaker 1 (08:39):
Captain, I too, am like fucking I can't believe it.
I've said it before, man. Anytime, like when I have
dreams where I like, I drink something that's like just
got milk in it, I feel like, oh my god,
I gotta tell Harley that's.

Speaker 2 (08:50):
How it should be. Live in fear, budd, You live
in fear.

Speaker 1 (08:54):
I'm living in fear. You're never gonna finish this fucking story.

Speaker 2 (08:56):
Okay, So yeah, anyways, I belonged to the house.

Speaker 1 (08:58):
You get out of the car scrambling like qwent Smith
and you're like, what do you?

Speaker 2 (09:06):
Oh my god, did I just get killed? In that scenario?

Speaker 1 (09:11):
In my world, you shot him because you were so terrified.
You're like, oh, my god, when it was the neighbor
putting his garbage out and he was like, I watched
you grow up.

Speaker 2 (09:23):
My god.

Speaker 1 (09:25):
No, then you immediately first thing you do is get
into the house and be like, I shot the neighbor.

Speaker 2 (09:33):
Yeah, this is what he made a sound effect.

Speaker 1 (09:38):
He's playing along. She's like, I like being I like
making pretend.

Speaker 2 (09:40):
Okay, anyways, I'm I don't like that story.

Speaker 1 (09:43):
So in the house, do you think not? Oh? Yeah,
well I know right away. If your mother sees you
and hears like fucking three words in the story, she's
gonna be like, let's bury this motherfucker in the backyard.
M Me, I don't know what would you want to

(10:05):
do in this scenario.

Speaker 2 (10:06):
Wait, I'm sorry, I'm unclear. Did I kill this person
or did this person kill me?

Speaker 1 (10:11):
This person was? And why do I have a gun?
Because you know you fucking you, why do you have
a gun? In this scenario? You're in a half gift
that you forgot. Oh here it is so while you

(10:33):
were stopped in a light on your way here, you
looked over and you saw a fucking gun sitting on
a bus stop bench, and you were like, I mean,
if I leave it there, this is fucking Los Angeles,
anything could happen, so true. So she went over and
you picked it up like fucking they do in the movies,
with like two fingers, And so you brought to the car.

(10:54):
So when you were getting out of the car, such
a this is right. You see what's happening right here? Wow?

Speaker 2 (10:59):
Right, I'm honored to watch in real time.

Speaker 1 (11:03):
I'm how blessed am I? You might need a drink
after that after seeing the power creation right in front
of your eyes. Oh my gods. So you're getting out
of the car. You can't leave it in the car? Right?
You know what? You know why I can't leave it
in the car? Why Hollywood Bowl. There's a big show tonight.

(11:24):
So that means at the end of our.

Speaker 2 (11:26):
Street, there's security.

Speaker 1 (11:28):
There's a cop security. It's a fucking cop car. Bro
Lately it's been a cop.

Speaker 2 (11:33):
Olivia has done that job.

Speaker 1 (11:35):
Olivia has been one of those.

Speaker 2 (11:38):
Well, let me tell you, Olivia ain't a cop.

Speaker 1 (11:41):
Is both Cagney and Lacy then, because they have literally
a black and white car with a cop in uniform. Now,
so let's play with my scenario, not yours. Olivia's on
the fucking jobs. It's really awkward because then now Olivia
is in on and ship and then we have to
have it be a.

Speaker 2 (11:57):
Part of part of these crimes.

Speaker 1 (11:58):
Exactly because then we have to like, Olivia, you can
never tell anybody.

Speaker 2 (12:02):
I would never want to put her in that position,
damn right.

Speaker 1 (12:04):
So it's a cop. So as you turned, you saw
the cops. So you're like, I definitely can't leave the
gun fucking sitting on the in the car and where
you park as you turn, like the cop can't see
you get out of the car. So you felt safe
enough to get out of the car and take the
gun with you, which you were going to take in
the house, and be like, oh my god. We go
and then we call Pop because Pop used to be
a cop and he would know what to do. Yes,

(12:27):
but cut to dang holl Like Quinn, You're like, and
you just turn and shoot? What?

Speaker 2 (12:38):
Who sounds like that? Who are you impersonating.

Speaker 1 (12:40):
What it was? It's like, uh he Holly, Gwinn, it
is who it is. Now just don't justify it, but
it's gonna make it a little easier to this was
uh a TMZ guy, guy with the camera, and he
was going to ask you fucking questions about ben Affleck

(13:01):
a reason to shoot you don't again, you didn't even know.
I'm just saying that's why he was in the environment.
But basically, it's a girl getting out of a car
on a dark street with a gun in her hand
nor experience necessarily handling guns, and somebody scares the ship
out of her. So it's a completely understandable accident, manslaughter, manslaughter,

(13:29):
accidental death. But it's but it's an accident. I was premeditated.
But did the.

Speaker 2 (13:37):
This is this is getting pretty complicated.

Speaker 1 (13:41):
Political but nothing political about this whatsoever. We haven't called
anybody yet. Nobody's made any calls to him or whoever
the marror is if who knows.

Speaker 2 (13:55):
But he didn't do anything to scare me.

Speaker 1 (13:59):
He just he did, and you were just fucking scared.
He came out of him and you and you turned
and your fucking hand was on the gun and it went.

Speaker 2 (14:08):
Off and we both reached for the gun.

Speaker 1 (14:13):
He had no gun, but he what he was shooting
with was a camera, you know, because he's TMZ dude.
So all right, scenario, well, we all do going on
I'm like sitting upstairs, like fucking watching videos and ship
like that, watching like old s NL sketches and whatnot,

(14:36):
and like life is good. And then fucking like I
heard the front entry door and fucking.

Speaker 2 (14:43):
Like you didn't hear the gunshot?

Speaker 1 (14:47):
No, man, I was listening to at a high volume.

Speaker 2 (14:50):
Yeah, because you really fucking do. It's insanity once again.

Speaker 1 (14:57):
So you come in and tell us that you shot
a dude and he is he is in our four
yer that way we want to die. He didn't live?

Speaker 2 (15:11):
Is he is he dead?

Speaker 1 (15:12):
Yet? You didn't check.

Speaker 2 (15:15):
I didn't check.

Speaker 1 (15:17):
No, because he fell on you and you're like, ah,
and he fell inside the door, and fucking that's when
you quickly again. You're at the front door of your parents' house.
In the door, the front door. You got in the car,
details you got the car, you had to gun with you.

(15:38):
I'm taking you all the way to the door. So
it's not like, Okay, I'm at the door, yeah, because
I want him to be in the house. Otherwise it's
like then we got to go drag his body into that.

Speaker 2 (15:46):
Okay, Well I thought I was on a sidewalk or something.

Speaker 1 (15:48):
Good enough, fair enough, all right, So You're at the
front door and fucking you entered the code, but it
takes a few seconds before it catches up and Ship
and that's when he was like, when you fire and
he fucking falls on yet and you both fall against
the door. The door goes open, so you roll onto
the into the four floor. You look over and this
dude is fucking shot. First thing you do, scramble to

(16:12):
your feet, close the door.

Speaker 2 (16:14):
Uh huh Is that a question or a statement?

Speaker 1 (16:17):
That's what I'm telling you? Oh, okay, because.

Speaker 2 (16:19):
You're like, wait, but also did the gun accidentally go
off or it was on purpose accidentally?

Speaker 5 (16:28):
Oh?

Speaker 1 (16:28):
It was accidental, You weren't You've never fired a fucking
have you ever fired a gun in your life? No? Exactly,
So this is in your hand but in the house. No,
but you turn and just fire when it just okay,
your fingers on the tray. I don't safety is not
and you don't know ship about a gun and you
just turn and just the motion and the fear and

(16:50):
one tightens up.

Speaker 2 (16:51):
Okay, finger it was unintentional.

Speaker 1 (16:53):
It was a simple. Well, yes, but what are you
doing with stolen gun? You know what I'm saying? Like
you just picked this gun.

Speaker 2 (17:05):
More importantly, is this poor man alive for no?

Speaker 1 (17:09):
Hey, man, things are all everything's happening at once. I
can't slow this ship down for you. I can do this.
This is you should have picked up that gun.

Speaker 2 (17:21):
That was where it was wrong in the first place.
But the first thing I do is obviously fucking called
nine one one and try to save this man. Absolutely
not the first thing I try to save this man?

Speaker 1 (17:31):
He's dead.

Speaker 2 (17:32):
No, how do you know?

Speaker 1 (17:33):
I told you no, I told you as you felt
to the floor. In the floor, he looked over in
your hello and you move them with your foot. You know,
he just does this ship?

Speaker 2 (17:46):
No, some people don't.

Speaker 1 (17:48):
That's when you cloth get to the feet and close
the door.

Speaker 2 (17:50):
Sometimes people don't die that fast.

Speaker 1 (17:52):
I feel like, bro, you ain't calling a cop. First
thing you're doing is calling up to mom or dad
because you're literally in the foyer of their house.

Speaker 2 (17:59):
Oh yeah, I just thought of the dark dark?

Speaker 1 (18:06):
Really does he get turned to do a human walls? Dark?
Is it marketable? Dark? Can we make a movie out
of it?

Speaker 2 (18:17):
I don't want to say say it.

Speaker 1 (18:22):
The dogs eat his body. I'm with your sister, but
start the fuck down, I mean ship don't go right
for my fucking clip work, my nipples. We got to
go before we get to the dogs eat the corpse.
But I like where you're going at all costs. I
was gonna say, is wacky hungry Sweeny Todd this fuck sorry,

(18:45):
but first we got a dollar back. Me and mom
come running down the stairs. Dead body. You with a
gun in your hand. You know, naturally there's.

Speaker 2 (18:53):
So many musicals running through my head right now, Todd, like,
it's all it's.

Speaker 1 (19:00):
It could also be lembits, rob because you're an innocent man.
You're about to be going on the fucking run. I can't.
So your Mom's like, oh my god, what happened? And
you fuck? I got up and I found him a car,
and I was like, where'd you get a Where the
fuck did you get a gun? I found an don't
yell me any panicking and fucking This is a real
panic attack situation, Like think about anything you've ever had

(19:22):
a paddic attack for. There's a dead man and the
man is dead because of a gun in your hand.
You didn't mean to kill him, but he's fucking dead.

Speaker 2 (19:28):
Why did I take the gun?

Speaker 1 (19:30):
Because you were being a good fucking citizen. You're like,
I'm not gonna leave this on a bench, like you
know what. You look down the police because you're on
your way to the house, and you were gonna call Pop.
Pop being the next cop, he would know what to do.
That's what we always do in this out Let's let
Pop do it. Let's ask Pop. So this is no different.
And here I'll make it even easier for you. You

(19:50):
stopped it the light, you're seeing it on the park bench,
and then you see straight ahead two kids eleven twelve,
heavlin towards it on bike. They don't see it yet,
but as they get close to that boat.

Speaker 2 (20:02):
God Jesus fucking Christ.

Speaker 1 (20:08):
I'm setting the stage.

Speaker 2 (20:09):
Your brain is weird.

Speaker 1 (20:11):
You get a weird weird head. I'll be honest with you.
I spent a lot of time thinking about every possible scenario.
The idea captured my imagination years ago when I read
a Batman comic book and they were just like Batman
spends all his free time contemplating every possible scenario he
confronts or could possibly confront, so that he's never surprised,

(20:33):
so he's just ready. So my mind does a lot
of fucking wheel turning and ship. Now, I've never fucking
been involved with the dead body, but I tell you
I've run a lot of back. You're ready when it happens,
I'm ready to fucking move. So, oh my god, naturally
you give us the skinny. You're in a Panican shit.

(20:54):
If I know anything about your mother, there is no
talk of fucking police whatsoever. I like, here, I'll be
the rational one. Oh all right, well that that makes sense.
I mean, funk, this is crazy, but like that makes sense.
We need to call the police. And that's when your
mom's like, oh, no, no one's calling the police. Were
you be you? I'll be I'll be. No one's calling

(21:15):
the police. Kevin Well, why why what? Harley? I forgot
who I was playing? Fuck? Bro, Holy Ship, you spend
fucking hours memorizing ten pages of a script you hope
to be a part of. With these, I literally give
you the role of the lifetime ally yourself, and you're like, uh,

(21:38):
don't do it. Mah, where the fuck is John Propter?
Oh my god, let that was a real crucible as ship. Yet,
I'll be honest with you. Take fucking two Jesus, all right,
my bad.

Speaker 2 (21:59):
Now that I'm clear on myself my roll.

Speaker 1 (22:03):
Listen, I don't too much.

Speaker 2 (22:04):
It was in the past two fucking days.

Speaker 1 (22:07):
I'm just gonna tell you this in case you don't
read the papers. Not making as many shows as Easter anymore,
you gotta be sharp as a tag in this business,
you know what. All Right, here we go. Okay, I'm me,
who are you? I'm both me and mom and your mom?
Because I can't prepare you have I can play two

(22:27):
roles the drop.

Speaker 2 (22:29):
Then you have to differentiate your voices.

Speaker 1 (22:34):
Get this, bro, But you looked like Cindy fucking Brady
when she froze up on TV. There's an episode The
Brady Bunch and Cindy Brady is the youngest Brady and
fucking she was on camera and the fucking red light
went on and she froze up like that. That was you,
And I was like, what do we do, queen? You're
fuck you? Fuck you? What a separate, good level and

(23:00):
probat living two stake just put you back there. Perhaps
you needed a little preparation.

Speaker 2 (23:14):
Okay, now, yes, thank you. That in my in the
version of the craft of acting that I study, I
need a backstory in preparation.

Speaker 1 (23:23):
Well, I mean it is your own personal Baxter.

Speaker 2 (23:25):
Well, I, well, I wasn't sure who I was playing,
so just shut up.

Speaker 1 (23:29):
And could go. Wait, my mother, what would have to
play your mind?

Speaker 2 (23:35):
I don't know you wanted me to play you in
a movie.

Speaker 1 (23:41):
Shut up? Well that went. I'm never gonna ask you
to play the big part again. Man.

Speaker 2 (23:49):
Okay, anyways, I'm ready.

Speaker 1 (23:53):
Just for the record, I'm both me and I'll play
on the saying the role of your mother. All you
have to do is she not pop fuck, you'd just
be Harley Twinn who has accidentally killed somebody whose dead
body beyond her parents head, his soul, that shovel, looseness,

(24:15):
mortal coil. He is onto his great reward. His cares
are behind him. Uh, there's a dead body in the room.
The dogs aren't at play, okay, because they'd be all
over this body. Okay, they will come into play, stewing
fucking dove too. And I was like, holy shit, I
thought I knew my kid, but she was like, you
know what, the dogs can eat fucking body. I'm like, wait, wait, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

(24:39):
You were the one that introduced me. Aw let's work
up to this.

Speaker 2 (24:44):
Okay, okay, I mean in.

Speaker 1 (24:46):
Your scenario, we don't even have to come down the stairs.
Where we come down the stairs, you're already actioning on
this fucking body sitting there showing on fingers going.

Speaker 2 (24:54):
Look, she's so peacefully asleep.

Speaker 1 (24:57):
Right now because she's dreaming of eating a a vagrant
that you killed, who's not even a vagrant. He's a
t mzot just he's just he's just man. He's just
a man. Oh now, yeah, you're ready to hold monlague.

(25:18):
He's just a man. And what is a man like?

Speaker 2 (25:23):
Dubtail right in a broct No, that's what he said
as he was dying.

Speaker 1 (25:27):
Give me back my name. No, he's like, give me
back my name? What? Because he was a massive and
that's why he was there with the TMZ camera.

Speaker 2 (25:43):
He was the one that left the nice review on
Apple podcast.

Speaker 1 (25:47):
He was doing what he was wanted to shoot your reaction.
He was bringing you the written version of that we
ever got. Yeah, I did man like digital words. You cheat,
I'm gonna cry. I'm gonna cry. You mean it tall
accents all an accident. But what happens next is up

(26:10):
to you. Here feed him to our German shepards passion
or ration.

Speaker 2 (26:24):
I mean what he would enjoy it, I guess.

Speaker 1 (26:26):
I mean that's a whole different conversation. What you introduced
the human blood. It's like, I don't, I don't trust.

Speaker 2 (26:33):
These My cats can have some too.

Speaker 1 (26:37):
I don't. Then I don't want to be around your cats.
I don't want to be around any animals. Hum, Mommy
is so human leg this tastes like a fan Mommy.

Speaker 2 (26:52):
I just found a really really nice review written on
his letter in this man's pocket before I.

Speaker 1 (26:57):
Ate it, Mama, okay't read, but I'm pretty sure this
is a good review. I'm happy for you, Mommy. You're
doing a good job. You treat your friends right, Mama,
have some more of that, Pete. I could never tell
me I can't do this.

Speaker 2 (27:27):
That was pretty good acting. That was honestly, really intense.

Speaker 1 (27:31):
I had to come from something that was.

Speaker 2 (27:32):
Stage acting right there. Acting up for a camera that
would be a little much, but for stage acting.

Speaker 1 (27:37):
Though. You know who's that talking to? So weird? You
mentioned that? Was it me?

Speaker 2 (27:43):
Because I had a similar conversation about this recently.

Speaker 1 (27:46):
You know what? It was fucking one of my favorite
people now on the entire planet, Ken John.

Speaker 2 (27:52):
So true, Oh my, oh my god, angel on this earth.

Speaker 1 (27:56):
Fucking angel and beyond talented, funny as fucking nice, nice man, truly.
He came out to do the four thirty movie premiere
at Smartcastle Cinemas, and I thought he was on the
East Coast doing something else. I was like, thanks for coming, man,
what are you have here for? He goes just this
and I was like, Ken, like, I didn't even invite
him because I was like, it's too far invited, and

(28:16):
he just decided to come. So when I was in
New York last week doing Good Morning America, it was
me and Ken did GMA three, not The Morning America
GMA three, and I asked him and I was like,
what now, you got to tell me you're doing something
here in New York, that's why you're here. And he's
like nope, and I was like what. He's like, this

(28:38):
is the only thing I'm doing. He's going. But I
was up in Toronto this time. I just wrapped on
this thing. So he's on a TV show that's coming
up and I don't want to spoil it and stuff,
so I don't even know if the show exists shit,
or if this is like not the Master singer. No, no,
well he does that TV show, but this is like
he actually got to act and not be funny. He's like,
I did my first dramatic really yeah, talking about that

(29:02):
dramatical and what brought this point up? What was the
thing that I was just like, somebody have just said
that to me?

Speaker 2 (29:06):
Oh, stage acting versus camera actor.

Speaker 1 (29:09):
His director was Michael Chickless, who yeah, played the thing
in the Fantastic movies, but who led the shield was
the guy who played Blushi in the Wired movie. Interesting,
so Cam was being direct and he knows Michael. He says,
going way back, but you know, Michael is it's a
dramatic thing. And so you know, Ken is like I'm

(29:31):
trying to get rid of everything, just like you know,
anything remotely even like amusing. I'm trying to like just
honor the material, honor what Michael wants. And he said
one of the pieces of direction he gave him was
just like do way less.

Speaker 2 (29:49):
Because the camera picks up every single every single tour.

Speaker 1 (29:53):
I was listening that, who were like, what do you
mean to waitless? I was waving my hand in front
of my face almost like John Cena, like you can't
see me, but wait, do less, meaning, don't use your
face so much because, like you just said, the camera's
like he's like, I am right up in you. It's
a close up, so everything reads.

Speaker 2 (30:12):
Remember what Deb told me? What my deb Aquila Angel
on the.

Speaker 1 (30:17):
Starts fantastic, my acting coach, my everything.

Speaker 2 (30:22):
Also one of the greatest actors. But she doesn't act,
but when she acts with me, when we coach, she's
she's everything. Anyways, She's taught me like everything you know
besides you and also Donna wrong, my other coach. Anyways,
just had to give all the shout outs.

Speaker 1 (30:41):
Would you just win? I was ready to play off
myself like I was gonna.

Speaker 2 (30:46):
Be like, remember never mind, I was gonna start saying
the book a morment. But Deb, when I first started acting,
was like if she's very very straightforward.

Speaker 1 (31:03):
Yeah, yeah, she doesn't mince words, and she'll just be
like she doesn't give a fuck.

Speaker 2 (31:07):
She's she's gonna say how it is, which I appreciate
even though I made me cry many times.

Speaker 1 (31:13):
But your daughter cast Logics movie, yeah and worked with
Logic and Tea Man.

Speaker 2 (31:19):
I've coached with her daughter as well, and they're they're
fucking samely talented family absolutely. But dev told me once,
if you don't learn to control your eyebrows, you will
never work in this business. And I was, like, my
father told me that eyebrow work was everything.

Speaker 1 (31:42):
Who's your father, Smith, Oh, poor son of a bit,
learn everything. I've learned it all, kid, anymore. This is
Hollywood in the twenties.

Speaker 2 (31:58):
It's crazy though. It's a he huge difference between acting
on camera when it's the camera is picking up every
single little detail on your face, But on a stage,
you can that's you. That's where you belong. That's where
your acting belongs. You're like, because you're the your acting
is so big.

Speaker 1 (32:18):
I feel kind of chat out. That's where you belong,
special place where you.

Speaker 2 (32:24):
Like, I mean, it would suit you so well, it would.
It would suit you so well it.

Speaker 1 (32:31):
Would, and it suits me when I'm on stage.

Speaker 2 (32:33):
Yeah exactly. But like I want to see you also,
like in Chicago, but I also want to see you
in the Book of Mormon, I know, but I also
want to see you in swingey Todd.

Speaker 1 (32:47):
So instead of doing all the shows, we just pick
like one song from each like that, here's my here's
my new dream, righty okay, beardless dick lets me gets
so big that we can like take the show out,
like I'm planning a tour for Fat Worry. That's uh,
shows of me by myself and shows with me and
Jay so Jane sob. So if we can do that

(33:09):
where we have ten shows and we get to do
whatever we want and one of those shows is literally
just us doing musical numbers from musicals bro full but
not just like me, you and a piano like full out.

Speaker 2 (33:25):
I would love. We have been preparing for this four years.

Speaker 1 (33:33):
Some of it could be musical pieces, but some of
it can be dramatic, so you can fucking relive Proctor.

Speaker 2 (33:39):
Thank God, thank God.

Speaker 1 (33:41):
No, no, you do. No, you have to because we
do it on the show. So it's like we want Proctor,
we want Proctor. I turn around.

Speaker 2 (33:51):
No, I'm absolutely fucking doing the song from Sweet Todd
where he's calling his knives his best friends.

Speaker 1 (33:59):
That's the song you wanted to do these.

Speaker 2 (34:03):
My food, See how they listen.

Speaker 1 (34:09):
This isn't as fun as Beard. Let's pick this. I
thought it would be just kind of creepy. The fucking
weirdest song about the she singing the Sweeney Todd. She
played Proctor in the.

Speaker 2 (34:20):
Sh just just let her do it, okay, just you
stop the show like I'm doing something singing about how
the knives are my friends?

Speaker 1 (34:31):
Please? Where was I? Oh? Yeah, my friend, I'm so
sid got it?

Speaker 2 (34:42):
And you can sing Perelli's miracles.

Speaker 1 (34:46):
I didn't pick that. If I was going to sing
a Sweeney Todd song, what would I sing? Oh? By thee,
that's your fun song? But I think I I think
I would go for Nothing's gonna not well, but I
would do it like we went to see the show
and it was the kid from Stranger Things, and he

(35:09):
wouldn't He wasn't cockney enough for my taste. I can
say it, I'm not. He was great and he had a.

Speaker 2 (35:14):
Beautiful don't don't you nothing?

Speaker 1 (35:18):
With the Stranger Things?

Speaker 2 (35:20):
Yeah, for real, he was very good.

Speaker 1 (35:23):
He was. But I'm used to the old performance. The
first performance they ever shot with Angela Lansbury in it
with a guy was like nothing's gonna you around, like
really leaning into the cockney of it, which like almost
the Dick van Dyke of it. So I missed that.

Speaker 3 (35:44):
To know, mister, I know you love you and me.

Speaker 1 (35:54):
Anyways, would you know.

Speaker 2 (36:02):
It's the closest I'll ever get to Proctor again, my
dear Proctor.

Speaker 1 (36:07):
That is what if Austin was like I I you
were like, oh I've got the part, but you know what,
let me finish my other you forgot, oh way, we
got to figure out what to do with I really
thought you were forgot to forget the dogs. Yeah yeah,
oh my god, listen to what a little brat you aren't?

(36:28):
Ye feeding the dogs? That's what it was a human life.
He was a fan, a beardless talking about the musicals.
That's fine. The sooner he's disposed of. Soon you can
go back to your life singing Sweeney Todd songs, not
thinking about accidental.

Speaker 5 (36:50):
But now knowing deep down the ultimate truth Jesus, the
power of one life over another. Suddenly you're changed, even
though you don't want to be. And it's not guilt.
It's the feeling of perhaps I meant to do this
more often?

Speaker 2 (37:09):
Was were you reciting something?

Speaker 1 (37:12):
Or was that that was just good improv I mean,
I don't know if I call it improp, but I
was writing out loud. I was really good making fun
of me.

Speaker 2 (37:23):
No dead ass, I was. I thought you were reciting
a monologue.

Speaker 1 (37:27):
I'm just starting to think that your bar is rather low.
If that's impressive. Either that or I'm much better than
I've ever given myself credit for.

Speaker 2 (37:34):
Well, whenever you don't act like hey, kids.

Speaker 1 (37:40):
I'm always like I'm amazed. I'm like, whoa you in?

Speaker 2 (37:44):
When you rein it in, you're truly like I'm like,
I'm like, wow.

Speaker 1 (37:48):
There is an acting gig coming up where like I
was using words, I think the thing that last week that.

Speaker 2 (38:00):
The thing from today today I sold the show.

Speaker 1 (38:05):
Oh well yeah yeah, and I'm in the show and
I actually I mean, we'll see, but if it goes forward,
like I would actually be acting in the show, which
I find ironic after a thirty year career of this.

Speaker 2 (38:27):
Yeah but okay, but I for those who are not
seeing the visuals.

Speaker 1 (38:35):
Of the show twelve eighteen.

Speaker 2 (38:38):
And insane, insane facial expressions, But I really really think
that you're so so. I mean, it's really funny when
you're like doing the big stuff or whatever, but like,
I really think you're really good when you when you
rein it in and I just like I want to
see you perform like that more.

Speaker 1 (38:54):
I don't feel right, No, no, no, no, did you ever
see signs? Did you ever watch Signs. We talked about
little bit she did know I haven't Joaquin Phoenix. I
mean this is relevant because Joker's about to go.

Speaker 2 (39:06):
Don't call out me, everybody.

Speaker 1 (39:07):
I'm sorry, nobody. I assure you, nobody is coming at
you for not really. A Mel Gibson movie in twenty
twenty four, a Mel Gibson movie Signs stars Mel Gibson.
Oh who, while he has come back to work, still
pretty oh yeah yeah yeah devisive? Okay, yeah yeah, but

(39:28):
signs an M Knight Shaalan movie. Yeah yeah, has Joaquin
Phoenix in it. Who is in the New Joker movie?
Of course? Joker himself won an oscar for it? Of
course has a Vegan been a one and a Vegan
has always been a wonderful actor. But M Knight gives
him a character to play who He was a baseball

(39:49):
player in high school and he like he, I don't
understand baseball stats, but he s wung every time, so
like he when he one time, he like hit the
ball fucking ya far and shared record breaking and whatnot.
But he would like always swing, So he had a

(40:11):
lot of strikeouts as well. I guess if I remember
that part correctly. And when he's talking about it like
somebody's kind of going over his past and stuff and
kind of telling him, telling him and the audience this information,
and then he goes, it just never made sense not
to swing, Like I love that. I thought it was

(40:34):
so beautiful. And that's how I feel about like anytime
anytime I do some creative it's like it just didn't
make sense, like not to swing.

Speaker 2 (40:43):
That's really cool.

Speaker 1 (40:44):
So the idea of like being big, Yeah, I'll always
swing because of Joaqui and Phoenix and.

Speaker 2 (40:58):
Whatever gets you there, Buddy, in.

Speaker 1 (40:59):
One most subtle performances you'd ever see that, guys.

Speaker 2 (41:02):
I would really for this new chitching project or speaking
of I would really I would really like to see
you give a give a more reserve performance.

Speaker 1 (41:15):
Well, it's comedy. I don't want to be a straight man,
or would I? I was wondering, like if you wind
up being the straight man, because I'd be surrounded by.

Speaker 2 (41:24):
Very fun that you should be.

Speaker 1 (41:25):
Honestly, I don't want to be fun. Bro, could come
on now, Yeah.

Speaker 2 (41:29):
Your dreams are already coming true.

Speaker 1 (41:31):
You gotta show. Come on. But maybe I don't have
a show. I have a deal. I mean, we'll see
if it becomes a show. But if is it a
show I enjoy? If for ten seasons, I'm not playing
necessarily the role I like. Like, for example, if they're
like I can't.

Speaker 2 (41:46):
Wear back like smidian Son. When somebody was like, you
wouldn't accept this million dollars deal for smidian Son?

Speaker 1 (41:53):
You want grateful little bit still sitting on your dick?
Yeah it is. It does sit on my dick. What
are you referring to specifically.

Speaker 2 (42:03):
Overview I happen to see.

Speaker 1 (42:05):
Oh wait, let me just stop you there. You've read
the reviews. I do check in. Why would you do
that to yourself?

Speaker 2 (42:13):
I gotta know, I gotta know what the people got
to say.

Speaker 1 (42:16):
I guess I'm more familiar with what the people saying
as much as like, I see people's reaction on social
media and stuff like that, but I've never read the reviews.

Speaker 2 (42:27):
You've been going off in your Instagram stories.

Speaker 1 (42:32):
Is that a bad thing?

Speaker 2 (42:35):
It's not a bad thing, but doing somebody.

Speaker 1 (42:40):
It?

Speaker 6 (42:40):
Maybe laugh so fucking much when you posted something of
someone being like, whoever is running Kevin Smith's social media
needs to stop? And I was like, oh no, no,
that's him.

Speaker 2 (42:53):
It is, Yeah, except you did post that one thing
that you know that AI thing.

Speaker 1 (43:00):
Yes that you told me to post. I didn't tell you. No,
I didn't tell you about that.

Speaker 2 (43:03):
What the fuck I didn't tell you about that?

Speaker 1 (43:07):
Why are you trying to blame that on me?

Speaker 2 (43:10):
I didn't tell you to post that. No, that's fake.
And then people start fake.

Speaker 1 (43:13):
People started, well, it's.

Speaker 2 (43:14):
Not fake, but it's like, not gonna fucking do anything
by putting up a post. Instagram isn't going to be
like okay, they.

Speaker 1 (43:20):
Said stories being like idiot.

Speaker 2 (43:23):
Everybody like to everybody who? Because so many celebrities posted
it and people were like, fucking stupid it was and
I almost texted you it's almost text down because it
was going around everywhere, but it's just like then who who?

Speaker 1 (43:41):
Oh?

Speaker 2 (43:41):
I think it was Zelda Williams. I saw she posted
and she was like, you guys, realize this is not
going to stop anybody from, like the fucking doing anything.

Speaker 1 (43:54):
And I was like, whoever sent it to me? With
somebody trustworthy enough that I was like, oh, I'll put
it in my story. Who are you mistaking with me? Well,
that's what I'm saying. It would have to be somebody
like Jordan. Maybe it would make sense of like she runs, Jason.

Speaker 2 (44:09):
You have some secret other daughter.

Speaker 1 (44:11):
Wow, Bertie, She's laying right there by the door. But
Bertie's like, I stopped posting for my mental health. I
feel so much. I get it. Yeah, I get a
lot more time. And I don't know. I'm just not
too shoot you with people. I heal you.

Speaker 7 (44:29):
Bird.

Speaker 2 (44:30):
Should I tell the story of what happened outside?

Speaker 1 (44:32):
ORT know? I would love it. I mean, oh, the
real story, the real the real one interesting as the
other one and the no, it's.

Speaker 2 (44:44):
Gonna be a real letdown now, but I feel like
it's got.

Speaker 1 (44:48):
To be said the conclusion. All right, step out of
your car. It's gonna be a real letdown now.

Speaker 2 (44:55):
Okay, step out of my fucking car with the panini
maker trying to balance the panina maker with my ear bamante.

Speaker 1 (45:00):
I got my hands full.

Speaker 2 (45:01):
And there's this lady walking by and I just say hello.

Speaker 1 (45:03):
She doesn't hear me, and I'm like, okay, that's embarrassing.

Speaker 2 (45:05):
And then she's going and then I see she has
a backpack. And then I don't have my glasses on,
but I can tell it's a pet backpack, and so
I was.

Speaker 1 (45:13):
Like, is that a petackpack and shaped like a pet
or a back like a.

Speaker 2 (45:18):
Backpack with a window, and so I was like, oh
my god, is that a cat? And she turned around
and she was like yes, and I was like what
can I see you?

Speaker 8 (45:27):
And she had two dogs too, but I didn't really care.
And I was like, oh my god, I have this backpack,
but none of my four cats will accept it.

Speaker 2 (45:40):
They hate it. And she was like, oh my god,
my cat loves My cat loves going out, like she
cries if if I leave without her. And I was like, okay,
well I'm jealous. But then she was like I just
lived down the hill and I was like, oh, I'm
just here. I'm here at my parents' house. And she
was like, oh, the house with the German shepherds.

Speaker 1 (46:05):
And I was like, yeah, what kind of dogs did
you know?

Speaker 2 (46:09):
Little I have to be so honest with you, I
was not looking at the dogs.

Speaker 1 (46:15):
Really.

Speaker 2 (46:16):
If there's a cat, I'm sorry the dogs around.

Speaker 1 (46:21):
That means you have preferences crazy. No, that's not crazy.
Crazy preference like a dog doesn't do it very as
much as a cat. But it proves you're not a
sociopath because at least you're interested in one.

Speaker 2 (46:38):
Of them, right, and I do. I loved I love
I'm a I'm a fucking vegan. I love animals, so
I love all animals, but I just really really prefer cats.
And it never used to be that way, but I
just I just I love them so much. They all
just sleep on my bed and they're just curled up

(47:00):
and like little balls, and it's just crazy crazy.

Speaker 1 (47:03):
Scully and Molder our first two dogs. I love, Louis Shecky,
mad Martigan, the five who went before of the Magnificent Seven. Yeah,
Lucky and Birdie being here right now, you're all looking
down from the Rainbow Bridge and they're being like, fuck cats.

Speaker 2 (47:23):
Okay, Well, Marty and I have a fucking I have
a big backstory.

Speaker 1 (47:28):
So Marty young, but Marty's up there going fuck you,
and then she goes off the rainbow bridge.

Speaker 2 (47:40):
She's a lookiew, I'm surprised Marty didn't kill me. To
be honest, like Marty was scary.

Speaker 1 (47:50):
She was very protective like scary as you know, some
dogs get real like territorial and protective of humid and
she was super protective of she.

Speaker 2 (47:59):
Was She was so traumatized, and it was understandable. She
had a really terrible, terrible life which.

Speaker 1 (48:05):
I never could explain to us. It's like what traumatized
her was a person looked exactly like you.

Speaker 2 (48:10):
I guess because, oh my god, it was crazy.

Speaker 1 (48:14):
I used to belong to a butcher and it looked
like your daughter butcher not unsure. Actually a dog would
be like I used to be hold by a butcher.
Do you guys have any scrats or meats? We're vegan here? What? Oh?
What the fucking what?

Speaker 2 (48:35):
Oh my gosh. The Texas chainsaw mask her maze at
Hornights is crazy. It's it is like exactly the same,
and it's butchering everywhere. It's blood, a lot of blood,
a lot of butchering. When you go in first, there's
a human wearing a fucking I found it extremely fense.

Speaker 5 (48:59):
A cow's oh cow.

Speaker 2 (49:01):
It really bummed me out. I really did not like it.

Speaker 1 (49:03):
Dude wearing a pig's head if he has got overalls
and a big chainsaw, Yeah, that's farmer Vincent from Hotel Hell.
Takes a lot of critters to make farmer Vincent fritters.
I can't I don't know who put a cow head on.
It could be from a newer version of it.

Speaker 2 (49:17):
Was a cumuli, a cumulation, A lot of it was
all of all the iterations of Texas Chainsaw Masker.

Speaker 1 (49:27):
How was too represented? I ask?

Speaker 2 (49:30):
I couldn't tell you because my eyes were very close.

Speaker 1 (49:35):
Texas Chance I'm Masker Part two one of my favorite
movies of all times because it's so fucked up. At
any time I try to make a fucked up movie,
that is the bar I'm reaching for. So Tusk, Red State.
Those exist because of Texas Chainsaw Masker two, which came
out in nineteen eighty six.

Speaker 2 (49:51):
It's did it?

Speaker 1 (49:53):
I believe it did?

Speaker 2 (49:53):
No, I don't think so.

Speaker 1 (49:54):
Texas chains Imascar Part two.

Speaker 2 (49:56):
Oh no, sorry not for two.

Speaker 1 (49:58):
Nice your face. I was here with mamily. We had
come out to California to visit her relatives who live
in the Riverside, which is like out by the desert
and ship yeah, and you know, she was like, your
god today, would you like to go to Hollywood? And
I was like yeah, and me and her and I
was like sixteen years old, and we came to Hollywood

(50:20):
and there was a massive billboard for Texas Chainsaw mask
Her Part two. We went to the Bullwinkle Store. She
let me drive home. I was only sixteen.

Speaker 2 (50:31):
Sounds like a good ass day, it.

Speaker 1 (50:34):
Was, man, And you know, I'm sure like me. I
went to see Mamilly last week, who's probably getting out
of the hospital this week, and she had a like
a dust up with Donald, my brother. Oh yeah, and
you know, the next day she was feeling, you know,
kind of contrite about it, and she said, like one

(50:54):
of the most revealing things, she goes, it's really hard
to let go of control, and that really like defines
like my mom has spent years, yeah, in control, and
you know, even though her kids grew up, she still

(51:15):
able to exercise a large degree of control over them.
And but the older one gets, the harder it is
to control. And yeah, it really it bummed me out.
But at the same time it was very like like,
oh yeah, she's like, I don't you know, it's not
so much to getting old hurts and whatnot. But you know,

(51:37):
she was like, man, I used to be able to
do shit, and more importantly, I used to be able
to make y'all do things.

Speaker 2 (51:46):
But ultimately one can really only control themselves.

Speaker 1 (51:50):
True, And that's a sentiment I've repeated to myself a
lot lately, which is like I can't control your emotions, yeah,
you can't only control mine.

Speaker 2 (52:00):
Yeah, and your reaction to others' emotions.

Speaker 1 (52:04):
What do you mean the second part that sounds important,
I've been leaving.

Speaker 2 (52:09):
You can control how you feel, and you can also
control how you react to other people's feelings, That's what
I'm saying.

Speaker 1 (52:20):
But I can't control how other people react, yes.

Speaker 2 (52:22):
But you can control how you react to their reaction.

Speaker 1 (52:27):
Yeah. Yeah, yeah ideally.

Speaker 2 (52:30):
Yeah, ideally, But most of the time it don't work
for me. But that's that's the ideal scenario.

Speaker 1 (52:38):
Listen book.

Speaker 2 (52:41):
He was breathing really long. I'm going to see Texas Chains.
I'm asking at the cemetery for the fiftieth anniversary this weekend.

Speaker 1 (52:47):
The original Toby Hooper classic and be you many ways
I would like to be you. I've seen that fucking
movie so many times. Do you want to come? Being
in a cemetery is a novel approach to it. Now,
if it was Texans Chains, I'm asking too, I'll be
right there next to you. I love and respect the

(53:09):
first because it is like, for lack of a better description,
even though it went before me, we just saw. We
call it saw for sure. Those fus who loved the
not to be confused with the other one well existed long.

Speaker 2 (53:24):
Before, okay, but but now there's those and you can't.

Speaker 1 (53:27):
Be the old school sister. That's so different from old
school man. You think I fuck with jigs, song classics,
leather face, Michael Myers, of course, Freddy Krueger, Freddy.

Speaker 2 (53:44):
You know my my song Dead and a Lake, Yeah,
which one day will be out.

Speaker 1 (53:49):
You know the part did you pick a band name yet?
From you to douche? It's a great name, you know it?
That's not it memorable? But so I have a song
called then the Lake. What about what if you called
it the Beardless Dickless Band?

Speaker 2 (54:03):
No, and the lyrics are really like fucked up. But
every time I didn't write it with thinking about this,
But now every single time we played and rehearse it,
I think about the end of Friday thirteenth, when that
kid's in the boat and he survived, and then he's
just and then it's.

Speaker 1 (54:18):
Hopeful, and then the then.

Speaker 2 (54:19):
Fucking Freddy goes out of the water and then like
kills them.

Speaker 1 (54:23):
Okay, just a few notes. Yeah, that kid was a
girl and Freddy doesn't come out of the water. Who
is it young Jason. Oh, I'm sorry, not Freddy.

Speaker 2 (54:33):
My fucking bad. I messed it up. I messed it
up all.

Speaker 1 (54:36):
Your horror fans out there. I profusely apologized. We tried
to raise around.

Speaker 2 (54:40):
I'm so sorry, Freddy Krueger, Jason Voorhees and Michael Myer's
got to get him straight.

Speaker 1 (54:45):
My bad. The uh the yeah. Don't let anybody ever
fucking tell you. You can't tell you can't call Texas
chainsaw'm Saw.

Speaker 2 (54:56):
Well, you're really gonna be miss. I just wouldn't want
anybody to think that you're talking about Saw. I really wouldn't.

Speaker 1 (55:06):
When we were kids, the shorthand was Texas Chainsaw Massacre.
That's the whole title, because all of it was awesome,
all those three words together. Now you take for granted
because you entered a world where those three words have
always existed together. But there was a time and that
title was horrifying and fucking ludicrous at the same time.

(55:28):
Texas Chainsaw, like, when you really think about.

Speaker 2 (55:32):
It, so scary, It truly scary movie.

Speaker 1 (55:37):
It's a bocket and then it feels like a headline.

Speaker 2 (55:39):
It's probably to me the scariest at all of the
classics two, I.

Speaker 1 (55:44):
Think it's scarier. I'll be honest with madness on displaying too.
So you're gonna die either way at the fucking because
the Sauce family, but the fucking like if you have
to die while people are fucking acting.

Speaker 2 (55:59):
Bad share oh yeah, so much.

Speaker 1 (56:02):
Using corpses to talk.

Speaker 2 (56:04):
It's so bad.

Speaker 1 (56:07):
So you're going out terror and they want to terrify
you because that's what's going to make the meat taste good.
So cutting back to the foyer when the dogs back,
when the dogs are unleased, like the corpses, it's like,
fear more of this, right, lucky, yes?

Speaker 2 (56:30):
Yeahs like what's going on?

Speaker 1 (56:33):
Then there become sin eaters because they've eaten your sin
and it doesn't exist anymore. It's a medieval role that
goes back centuries exactly, but it now puts you in
league with the church because the sin eater was somebody
that you paid a Catholic a service in the Catholic
church to eat some horribly prepared meal that had your

(56:53):
fucking sins baked into it.

Speaker 2 (56:56):
You're lying, say that again.

Speaker 1 (57:00):
The concept of a sin eater is essentially you know
what penance is. Yeah, okay, so take it a step further.
So the idea that like I have this evil, this weight,
this guilt, this sin, and I carry it. I hire
you the sin eater, who is a the lowest, I

(57:21):
swear to Christ. You can look it up while I'm talking.
You have to look at me while I explaining, to
look on your phone, and I'll watch your fucking expression
change as you're like this is real.

Speaker 2 (57:29):
Well, I just keep thinking you're saying cinnamon.

Speaker 1 (57:36):
That's even worse sin, as in, Wow, that's a word
that's like not even big in your world.

Speaker 2 (57:41):
Sin.

Speaker 1 (57:42):
Yeah, because it's a moral Catholic term, or a religious
term at the very least. But I mean just even
the word s. I M like I was raised in
a world where like that fucking word was constantly sin
eater s I n e a t or So you
pay this fucker and he eats this meal that your

(58:05):
fucking guilt. Wait, it's his job. You're paying this person.
But it's like the same way you'd pay the executioner
before it cuts your head off, or the same way
like a geek at a circus bites a chicken's head
off or something. Well, it don't really exists anymore as
far as we know. But you're seeing it right, I'm
seeing that it's a real job. Yes, yeah. Birdie and

(58:34):
Lucky become your sin eaters, and you realize, once they've
eaten this fucking murder, they're not murder but accidental killing.
You realize that they could be good for almost any
any sin they can eat, and they love it. They
love eating sins. So are there people that bother you?

(58:54):
People that maybe shouldn't be here anymore.

Speaker 7 (58:58):
People who are in order to cast the hungry gods?

Speaker 2 (59:08):
These are terrifying images. Who says, though, is this like?

Speaker 1 (59:13):
Is this was he in a comic a comic character,
No doubt, because it's a great name. Concept was in
the meal, probably full and horrible ship that nobody wants
to eat like it? And I don't even know if
ofal is something that people don't like to eat for
all I know. Oh.

Speaker 2 (59:32):
He then muttered in incant wait, wait, wait, wait. When
a person died, the friends sent for the sinator of
the district. There were many men you were like County Mounting, who,
on his arrival placed a plate of salt on the
breast of the defunct and upon the salt a piece
of bread. Then he muttered an incantation over the bread,

(59:55):
which he finally ate, thereby eating up all the sins
of the deceased. But he didn't eat the person.

Speaker 1 (01:00:03):
No, no he didn't. I never said he ate the person.
But it's a weird concept. This picture makes it.

Speaker 2 (01:00:11):
In this instance, this picture makes But in.

Speaker 1 (01:00:14):
This instance, Bernie, Birdie and Lucky are literal sin eaters.
That's why the movie is called the sin Eaters. That's
I mean, you know what. I'm sorry. And this is
how we write. This is how we make a house movie.

Speaker 2 (01:00:32):
Come on, blom House, give us some of that.

Speaker 1 (01:00:34):
Sweet winding up our schedule. We got Smitty and Son.
No great, now, we got.

Speaker 2 (01:00:40):
Fucking this, no before anything. What's my man's name in
the ocean?

Speaker 1 (01:00:50):
Yeah, we can't take that. Somebody did that movie, your
little Owl. I'll tell you, uh Lovecraft for one. He's like,
uh invented a bruh?

Speaker 2 (01:01:06):
How in the fuck do you spell cas zulu?

Speaker 1 (01:01:09):
Ce? Oh h u l u? And there might be
two els. I think it's not.

Speaker 2 (01:01:16):
Oh my god, I love him.

Speaker 1 (01:01:19):
All right, passion ration, you got a list? Oh yeah,
let's do it. Let's do it. There was only a.

Speaker 2 (01:01:25):
Casula movie in two thousand and seven.

Speaker 1 (01:01:27):
And the whole Lass movie. But like you know the concept.
I'm just saying, yeah, I know about the Senators. That's
new Cado, scary dogs that will fucking eat anything in
anyone you need them to.

Speaker 2 (01:01:42):
That's actually yeah, maybe we shouldn't give away our ideals.

Speaker 1 (01:01:48):
That's what I always say to Mark when we're on
Fat Man Beyond Marco rip a really good idea. I'm like,
what are you fucking man? All Right, we've reached that
part of the show. Yeah, passion over.

Speaker 2 (01:02:02):
I think we should just do the quick fire ton
go all right, tramp stamp of Moo's face.

Speaker 1 (01:02:10):
On any more information beyond that on.

Speaker 2 (01:02:16):
A two part question on you and not ration on me?

Speaker 1 (01:02:21):
On me, A further question location for this.

Speaker 2 (01:02:26):
Tattoo A tramp stamp.

Speaker 1 (01:02:28):
Over your ass, the crack of your ass, yes, Moo's face. Yeah,
like I'm never going to see it, so do whatever
you want your body. I believe this is a passion
or ration to ask Austin.

Speaker 2 (01:02:38):
Thank you, thank you for that answer.

Speaker 1 (01:02:41):
I believe Austin will be seeing it more than anybody else,
even you, unless you stare at your back in the mirror.
That is true. You got to run it past him
because he might be like, Okay, I can't. I can't
do anything with Mo looking at me like that.

Speaker 2 (01:02:54):
What about a portrait of an this is this is
an extension of the passionate Russian like a like a
very big and realistic portrait of a pet on your back,
Like if.

Speaker 1 (01:03:07):
You got like you have Ben Affleck as the giant
Phoenix tattoo on his back. Yes, this is a move. Yeah, yeah, yeah,
you want to put this on your back?

Speaker 2 (01:03:18):
No, I'm going to direct it to you. It's shacky
on your back.

Speaker 1 (01:03:23):
Never, I'm never gonna fucking see it. What good is
it you want to put check you on on mom's back?
I'm just saying how often I haven't seen my back
in fucking years. If I did, I'd shave it.

Speaker 2 (01:03:35):
What do you put check you around your neck?

Speaker 1 (01:03:37):
Fuck?

Speaker 2 (01:03:37):
No, you hate shacky.

Speaker 1 (01:03:40):
I'm trying. I just sold a fucking television show, So
I'm gonna make some poor makeup person have to cruver
that ship up every morning in the chair like two hours,
two hours because you can't live without his.

Speaker 2 (01:03:50):
But if you had like a Pamela Anderson tattoo, but
it was shacky.

Speaker 1 (01:03:54):
What do you mean a Pamela Anderson tattoo, like the
barbed wire thing. Do you know why she got that?

Speaker 2 (01:03:59):
Because of because she was in a movie called Huse
she was. Yeah, did she not have that before?

Speaker 1 (01:04:05):
I don't think so, But you know what, I'll follow
these things closely. I just happen to know she was
in Barboar. Yeah, I know she was. I think she
had before them. But I would I get no, I
wouldn't get checked.

Speaker 2 (01:04:14):
But that would be so cool if it wrapped around
your arm.

Speaker 1 (01:04:17):
Okay, well an ugly arm. I don't have leg.

Speaker 2 (01:04:19):
That is not true. Do not do not call yourself ugly?

Speaker 1 (01:04:25):
Would not look her best on life?

Speaker 2 (01:04:26):
Do not call your any part of.

Speaker 1 (01:04:28):
Your check on my calves rock hard calves.

Speaker 2 (01:04:31):
Well, then check's like, I'm back.

Speaker 1 (01:04:34):
It'll give you something else to look at it walk
in front of you. Okay. Anyways, your passion next, No,
you go, you do your fire your list.

Speaker 2 (01:04:43):
No, you know it's a back and forth situation.

Speaker 1 (01:04:45):
You go, all right, passion, I ration, Celsius, we already
did this ration. Uh yaba, mate.

Speaker 2 (01:04:55):
Someone seems like he did not prepare a list to.

Speaker 1 (01:04:59):
I prepared an entire scenario with a dog. I wrote,
a movie.

Speaker 2 (01:05:04):
First of all, it is yerba mate, and I am
truly reliant on it.

Speaker 1 (01:05:10):
Is it good for you? Is it a bad thing? Calories?
That's not it's just judgmental. Yeah, it's only though, Oh
great for.

Speaker 2 (01:05:20):
You, that's so fucking much worse for your heart, mister
heart attack.

Speaker 1 (01:05:25):
Like literally, so it was only gifted to me by
my daughter. So I've drank it ever since. I did
not you literally introduced miss Alsius. You were like, it's vegan.

Speaker 2 (01:05:35):
I was like oh, and I was like you can
have one?

Speaker 1 (01:05:38):
And then you were like that. You were like, how
many of those do you drink today? I was like ten.
You're like, god, it may kill a heart. Boy like you.
I was like what now looked at it and.

Speaker 2 (01:05:51):
Saw that it was you didn't even know what had caffeine.

Speaker 1 (01:05:53):
I didn't. I thought it was just a vegan drink.

Speaker 2 (01:05:55):
It's literally two hundred milligrams of caffeine anyways, And it's.

Speaker 1 (01:05:58):
Weird because I don't drink anything with caffeine. I'm not
a coffee guy or anything.

Speaker 2 (01:06:01):
You're just a way, which is so weird because you
really don't sleep that much. I don't understand how you function.

Speaker 1 (01:06:08):
I sleep not a peak efficiency.

Speaker 2 (01:06:11):
I think you really do you think so? I feel
like you're like always doing stuff, but for really you
fill your days so you're doing ship all the time.

Speaker 1 (01:06:25):
You're one of the hardest working people I've ever met.
Before we started the show, before you got here, I
was trying to figure out how to minimize the schedule
between now and the end of the year. I'm just
you know, it'd be nice to slow it down, but
I got a bunch of shows. You need a break.

Speaker 2 (01:06:45):
Everybody needs a break, or you're gonna.

Speaker 1 (01:06:48):
Have a passion irration, vacation, a.

Speaker 2 (01:06:52):
Passion, a passion. When I went to Hawaii for my
birthday earlier this year, as like my first fay vacation
and in like five years, and it felt like.

Speaker 1 (01:07:06):
Everything it was awesome, so weird. I don't know how
to do that.

Speaker 2 (01:07:12):
We never you never go on a vaca because you're
just traveling all the time. But there's nowhere you want
to go.

Speaker 1 (01:07:18):
I've been on permanent vacation since nineteen ninety, But don't.

Speaker 2 (01:07:21):
You want to go somewhere just to.

Speaker 1 (01:07:23):
Hang out here right here at the old Casa fucking
day Lucky and Birdie Lucky, all right, Your passion ration. Go, well, okay,
I seen somebody else's see you're very judging um passion irration.

(01:07:47):
Big ass Stanley cups, Oh I.

Speaker 2 (01:07:52):
Thought, yeah, I did think about hockey. Are you proud
of that?

Speaker 1 (01:07:58):
A girl ration?

Speaker 2 (01:08:01):
One does like have a tonne of fucking lead in them?

Speaker 1 (01:08:03):
Do they really? Yeah?

Speaker 2 (01:08:04):
And because they're so fucking and it's like the Karens
of the world are just like flocking.

Speaker 1 (01:08:11):
Does mom have one? Yeah?

Speaker 2 (01:08:15):
My point, just kidding, but yeah, no, the Karens of
the world flocked to the Stanley cup.

Speaker 1 (01:08:22):
It's so stupid.

Speaker 2 (01:08:23):
Also, it's like doesn't have a fucking cap, so like
the water just comes out if you spill it, like
in a normal ass water bottle, like a clean ante
I mean, I don't use clean canteens anymore, but I
whatever type of fucking reusable water bottle, there's like a
cap on the top, so if it like spills over,
water don't come out. The snailing cut the Stanley sounds

(01:08:44):
so weird saying a Stanley cup.

Speaker 1 (01:08:47):
Yeah, the Stanling cup.

Speaker 2 (01:08:48):
The water just fucking flows because it's a straw and.

Speaker 1 (01:08:51):
It falls out because it's a bowl more than a cup,
and usually people are spilling it to drink and celebration
of winning a hockey action.

Speaker 2 (01:08:57):
Exactly. It's so stupid it and it's just so overrated.
And I've seen videos of like fucking middle aged white
women like running and knocking each other over to get
fucking Stanley cups at Target and it's like Jesus, why
it's a cup and it's got let in it and
it's pretty stupid.

Speaker 1 (01:09:20):
Beardless stickless meat not sponsored by Stanley? Yeah, I mean,
unless you want to sponsor us, then I can change
my get my heart gone? Hey? Can you not abouts
up on Stanley? There? Karen?

Speaker 2 (01:09:33):
Y Oh, Okay. Passion? Well, I guess this isn't a
passion irration, but this is more just a question. Yeah,
side sleeper, backsleeper or stomach sleeper.

Speaker 1 (01:09:44):
Oh, stomach sleeper. So passion irration, stomach sleeper passion.

Speaker 2 (01:09:49):
Wow, I couldn't do it.

Speaker 1 (01:09:51):
What do you do?

Speaker 2 (01:09:52):
Has to be the.

Speaker 1 (01:09:52):
Side whole time? Always? Do you have like a pillow
you hug or some shit?

Speaker 2 (01:09:56):
Yes, cannot sleep unless it's the side.

Speaker 1 (01:09:58):
Do you have one of them bigil's long body? I do.
Look at you.

Speaker 2 (01:10:02):
I really comes from I'm pretty sure you got it
from me for Christmas This.

Speaker 1 (01:10:07):
Whole thing about my side comes from you. I don't know.

Speaker 2 (01:10:14):
I just cannot sleep any in any other position.

Speaker 1 (01:10:17):
Probably growing up in that fucking barn bed. I think. Also,
you're always terrified of rolling off and falling from the
top floor.

Speaker 2 (01:10:24):
It's also because I have an irregular tailbone.

Speaker 1 (01:10:27):
Right, so you can't lay on your back.

Speaker 2 (01:10:29):
Yeah, well I can't, but it turns out and then
my tail grows.

Speaker 1 (01:10:36):
Missus hide, scary, miss hide.

Speaker 2 (01:10:39):
I don't like that though. Scary.

Speaker 1 (01:10:42):
I mean horror movies are supposed to be scary.

Speaker 2 (01:10:44):
Okay, passionate rash.

Speaker 1 (01:10:47):
No fucking tim Burton joint where it's cute, see and
you want to wear the stuff because you bought it.
A hot topic. This is the real last harm.

Speaker 2 (01:10:53):
This is the It just sounds like, okay, passionate, passion.

Speaker 1 (01:11:05):
A passion, But I'll tell you why not for the
same reasons. Why, Well, your passion just because she's been yours.
She's my baby, yeah, and I'm all for it and stuff.
I want her to live forever. But my passion is
I want to like, I'll never want to see you
be like. And she's gone, So.

Speaker 2 (01:11:21):
Passion, she's gonna live forever. She's eternal, So.

Speaker 1 (01:11:26):
The rabbit eternal? Thank you. Anyways, the hair, if you will,
She's not really hair right now? Do you know what
the proper term for a rabbit is? Bounce? This funny
because like, yeah, that sounds right.

Speaker 2 (01:11:42):
Cinnamon is a Holland Holland lop rabbit.

Speaker 1 (01:11:47):
That's her.

Speaker 2 (01:11:48):
That is her breed, Holland Lop, Holland Lop Holland. Okay,
Passion Irrasian Phantom.

Speaker 1 (01:11:57):
Of the Opera, the musical rash.

Speaker 2 (01:12:03):
That's so crazy to me?

Speaker 1 (01:12:04):
What did I ration it? Yeah? Why? Because it's should
be right up now?

Speaker 2 (01:12:08):
Yeah?

Speaker 1 (01:12:09):
Why? Well?

Speaker 2 (01:12:10):
One the songs are fired and two because if you
loved and stuff.

Speaker 1 (01:12:20):
Something against what listen to the music of the No,
it just seems right up your alley. And I can't
believe what. Never seen it? You think I've seen everything? Yeah,
actually I do. I'm a little busy having a career
bro thirty.

Speaker 2 (01:12:39):
Years, but I literally feel like you've seen everything that
has ever been made.

Speaker 1 (01:12:42):
I have seen a lot, but I've never seen that.

Speaker 2 (01:12:45):
Never saw We go see it?

Speaker 1 (01:12:46):
Where's the plane? I don't know? But should we see it?
Where's it? Not playing? This is always pleasure. I want
to go see it at high school.

Speaker 2 (01:12:52):
When the fucking chandelier falls, that's what happens.

Speaker 1 (01:12:55):
That's what happens. Yeah, spoilers like the Now, I don't
got it.

Speaker 2 (01:13:00):
See when we're in New York?

Speaker 1 (01:13:01):
Does it?

Speaker 2 (01:13:02):
I just assume it's like something that plays at all times.

Speaker 1 (01:13:05):
I would imagine it's coming to the pantages any second.
Now it seems like it tilor is constantly because it's
like a constant, it's like a brand when it comes.
Can we please see it? Fu? Yeah, I'm off. Oh
not if you're gonna sing along in the audience my mind,
then I gotta get a fight with some Broadway and

(01:13:26):
be like I was.

Speaker 2 (01:13:27):
Once jump Roger let me sing, I'm.

Speaker 1 (01:13:30):
Sorry she was once jumped. I'm sorry. I don't give
a ship what she was. I paid five hundred dollars
for these tickets and I can't hear the show. Well,
I mean, ironically, none of us fuck you and fuck
you singing kid? How about that? Like, now I gotta
do something. I can't just let them call her singing kid. Sure,

(01:13:51):
they've all stopped on stage and they're all staring and
the fucking phantoms like you're just gonna take that ship,
Like no. As a matter of fact, I'm not you, sir,
have insulted my only daughter.

Speaker 2 (01:14:04):
Oh my god?

Speaker 1 (01:14:07):
Why is it so violent because he's from Jersey Jersey.
I'm Central Jersey. If you're some Central Jersey, we talk
it out. Strikes first, strikes hard, No mercy, sir, makes sense.
Do we stay for the rest of the show. I
don't think we can passion.

Speaker 2 (01:14:30):
Passion irration after we get the entire production in the
audience involved in a fight. Do we stay or do
we go?

Speaker 1 (01:14:38):
Do you apologize because it's your Okay?

Speaker 2 (01:14:42):
Yeah, I apologize. I was passionate. I love the musical.
I apologize for my interruption.

Speaker 1 (01:14:48):
Are you saying this atlud in the theater? Yes?

Speaker 2 (01:14:50):
I have to. If everybody's looking at it.

Speaker 1 (01:14:53):
Get that little lass whole of night so everyone can
hear it.

Speaker 2 (01:14:57):
Okay, I'm sorry. I was really excited. I just wanted
to sing along. I didn't mean to interrupt. Please don't
fight with my dad, this weird New Jersey fight.

Speaker 1 (01:15:05):
Like, why don't you both just get the fuck out
of here, go back to Jersey, scar fucking tunnel.

Speaker 2 (01:15:10):
You're also from Jersey, so shut up.

Speaker 1 (01:15:12):
That was the phantom, That's what that was. A phantom.

Speaker 2 (01:15:14):
Oh well, it's sounded like you had a Jersey accent
or something.

Speaker 1 (01:15:17):
Well, he you know, he's from Jersey to a lot
of people. Oh, the phantom is from Jersey. Bro. Every
five six people you meet are in the entertainment business
come from New Jersey. And any event, what happens is
the phantom curses out all Jersey and now the guy
who fucking struck me, our enemy is suddenly on our side.
He says, hey, hey, fuck you, you ain't even that good.

(01:15:38):
I've seen this fucking twenty years ago with who else
was in it? Who is the big guy? Who? Everybody
that the soundtrack and shit like that in the movie. No,
in the fucking the big play, Like the play has
been around since I was a child. Yeah, there was
a dude, Michael Crawford. That was his I've seen this
show with Crawford. Your piece of Ship. You can't even
smell Crawford's take. Oh my god, I mean that's how

(01:16:00):
we go hard in Jersey. Holy sh But at this
point you can't be like holy Ship because now it's
us versus all these New York fucks. We need this.

Speaker 2 (01:16:08):
Oh we're in I thought we were at the pantagious.

Speaker 1 (01:16:11):
Is that where we are? Yes, in my mind we
were on Broadway story straight out here is way more chill.
You can fucking hear everyone be like, shut up, ship,
you can jump on stage and join the show out here.
It's like she joins the Rocky Picture Show. Feeling somebody

(01:16:34):
for here. Okay, I'm sitting in the audience going, that's
my kid, Like, no, stop cramming your kids on my phone?

Speaker 2 (01:16:41):
Can you take her home?

Speaker 1 (01:16:42):
Please listen. Look, I didn't plan for this. This is
my fault. This, this is the spirit of creativity. Seize
my kid. Uh, the spirit of creativity has just died.
Our show is at an end. Wow, we want a
long ass time. It's a long show.

Speaker 2 (01:16:57):
What what we are minutes? You're welcome. You're welcome, balistics,
meme fan base, you're.

Speaker 1 (01:17:07):
Welcome for that. Look at sass like you well good?

Speaker 2 (01:17:12):
No, thank you so much for listening.

Speaker 1 (01:17:15):
For reals, please, I.

Speaker 2 (01:17:17):
Think you truly from the bottom of my art, thank you.
I can't believe anyone wants to listen to my weird
ass boys.

Speaker 1 (01:17:23):
Now that you know she reads them, go write some
nice fucking reviews.

Speaker 2 (01:17:26):
No, now everyone's going to be like, fuck you.

Speaker 1 (01:17:29):
Yeah, they're like, oh you need some fucking reviews. Here's
one piece of ship. I'd rather listen to my own death.
Oh my god, I would have hurt so bad. I
was trying to fucking cut.

Speaker 2 (01:17:43):
I really hurt my feelings.

Speaker 1 (01:17:46):
You ain't got to worry, man, If you never read
the reviews, I will.

Speaker 2 (01:17:49):
But I just but thank you so much for listening.
It means a lot. Honestly, I truly truly cannot believe
anyone would ever want to hear me speak. It really
means a lot. They're hearing, they're they're hearing I guess.

Speaker 1 (01:18:05):
Questions whether they're liking us. Well, anyways, did you have
a good old beardless dickless time?

Speaker 2 (01:18:17):
Oh yeah, I did go crazy Wednesday night.

Speaker 1 (01:18:20):
Is that what it is? Yeah?

Speaker 2 (01:18:22):
I thought it was Friday, but it's Wednesday.

Speaker 1 (01:18:24):
This ship's dropping in a few hours. Will Wilkins is like,
come on, I got a life too.

Speaker 2 (01:18:31):
Yeah, we really got to wrap this up so people
can do their job.

Speaker 1 (01:18:35):
Thanks for hanging out with me and the kid. Uh
here at Beardless dicks Dickless.

Speaker 2 (01:18:39):
Central, Beardless stickless Central, have a beardless stickless day's end.

Speaker 1 (01:18:46):
Okay, sorry for beardless snickless me. I'm Kevin spent and.

Speaker 2 (01:18:51):
Have a beardless stickless day.

Speaker 1 (01:18:53):
You know what. I hate to be this guy, But
say it with more sincerity, would you?

Speaker 2 (01:18:56):
Okay, I'm sorry.

Speaker 1 (01:18:57):
Here you go and wait for it. MS, feel it,
find it. You're a starring your story right shire start
you have to say fucking action, I'm about to and action.

Speaker 2 (01:19:15):
Have a beardless stickless day.

Speaker 1 (01:19:18):
I mean that was nice, but like here do it
like like a little match girl, poor girl and like
you know, turn of the century and she's selling posies.

Speaker 2 (01:19:27):
For like a a beardless stickless day.

Speaker 1 (01:19:30):
Here You're like all poor people are, aren't they? Only
dickads stories?

Speaker 2 (01:19:40):
I'm done by.

Speaker 1 (01:19:43):
I have a beardless This is Venice Podcast Production podcast
podcast use our mouths on you since two thousand and seven.

(01:20:06):
Hey kids, did you like what you just heard? Well,
guess what. We've got tons more, man thousands of hours
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Go sign up now.