February 26, 2025 • 53 mins
Eric sits down with a viral TikTok legend The Queen of Melrose aka Cosmo Lombino alongside his high school friend, Megan. They talk about stories of living in New York City, gruesome fisting accidents, being on the show COPS, and having ties with The Mob. This episode is the blueprint of Bombing in every single of the way, plus poppers are involved.
Follow Queen of Melrose at @queenofmelrose on Instagram and @cosmo_queen_of_melrose on TikTok!
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
We's have y'all.
Speaker 2 (00:00):
It's Eric Andre and this is Bombing, the podcast where
I talk to comedians, artists and other interesting people about
the worst bombs of their careers. On today's episodes, we
have none other than the Queen of Melrose aka Cosmo Lombino,
an absolute legend. You recognize Cosmo's voice the second.
Speaker 3 (00:16):
You hear it.
Speaker 2 (00:17):
She's a fashion designer with a crazy life story and
we get into it about everything growing up with family,
ties to the mob, low points with drugs, in sobriety,
fisting accidents, styling celebrities, and the.
Speaker 1 (00:27):
Time she got fusted on cops.
Speaker 2 (00:29):
If you're in La you gotta check out her stores
on Melrose Avenue in Joy.
Speaker 3 (00:37):
Bombing with Eric Andre.
Speaker 2 (00:43):
Okay, ladies and gentlemen, my name is Eric Andre and
the podcast is Dull Bombing and I am here with
the Queen of Melrose aka Cosmo Lombino.
Speaker 1 (00:57):
Legend. She does it all aashion runway.
Speaker 2 (01:01):
She used to get cracked in the projects Queen's Bridge,
the Queen's Bridge, she was part of the projects.
Speaker 1 (01:08):
She was part of the loofthansa height story Loofane. That
is good fellas, you did your homework.
Speaker 2 (01:16):
So tell us a little bit about your backstory. You're
from the Bronx Manhattan.
Speaker 1 (01:20):
Where from Harlem East?
Speaker 2 (01:22):
I moms from Harlem West Harlem really one twelve between
Broadway and Amsterdam.
Speaker 1 (01:26):
One hundred and sixteen and Pleasure Spanish Haarlem Spanish Harlem.
Speaker 3 (01:30):
Wow.
Speaker 1 (01:31):
So it was like West Side story for you, west
Side Storry. They made the Godfather and my grandmother's apartment.
Speaker 4 (01:36):
You're making a joker.
Speaker 1 (01:37):
No, I kid, you're not. You're Italian or Porto Ricans Italian,
but you knew a weakened by injection by beef In Jackson.
You look like you have a little Puerto Rican.
Speaker 2 (01:47):
I know, I get that a lot. But my dad
was from Haiti. My mom's a Jew from Harlem.
Speaker 1 (01:51):
Oh my god.
Speaker 4 (01:51):
So that gives a Puerto Rican child.
Speaker 1 (01:54):
Yeah?
Speaker 2 (01:54):
Yeah, it was a bent like a hockey stack. Though,
like jay Z a little we like that. You want
to do poppers or do you know what when was
the last time you did poppers? Because you've been sober
for eight years?
Speaker 3 (02:06):
Eight years?
Speaker 1 (02:07):
What was the rock bottom? When did you stop doing drunk? Poppers?
Was eighties and early nights back.
Speaker 2 (02:13):
So these kids, these gen Z kids, they're bringing everything
back perhb is back, Poppers is back.
Speaker 1 (02:20):
It all comes back when it comes back. Music fashion, yep,
and popp is.
Speaker 2 (02:26):
Did you used to shoot drugs? I never shot up,
but you were a cocaine. I was coke and.
Speaker 1 (02:31):
Booze or what I was coke?
Speaker 4 (02:32):
And then it went to crack and you were just
having to.
Speaker 1 (02:34):
And it wasn't cracked though. It was freebase. Freebase is
the high class. Yeah, that's how it was. Richard Bryarways,
yeah did you see Joe Joe answer?
Speaker 4 (02:42):
Yeah, I loved it.
Speaker 1 (02:43):
So that was his thing. But he went on fire,
tried to kill him. I don't know. When you cook
the eighth with the cocaine, sometimes it explodes.
Speaker 2 (02:51):
Oh yeah, it's dangerous, so I think it exploded. What's
your craziest drug story? What's the most fucked up you
ever been?
Speaker 1 (02:57):
Do you want to hear it?
Speaker 3 (02:58):
Yes?
Speaker 1 (02:58):
I'm like, are you ready? Though, I'm so ready?
Speaker 2 (03:01):
And then after this story, we're gonna introduce my high
school friend again, because we love you.
Speaker 1 (03:05):
I love your friends. I feel like I know them
for years. Yes, okay, drug story, this just came to mind.
I have a million of them. Yes, but okay, so
I'm seventeen. I moved to California, right because after I
lived growing up in Harlem. After growing up in Harlem,
then I moved to Queens Long Island City. Okay, you
know which is like Manhattan right now, like beautiful right?
(03:25):
And then it used to be yeah, it never used
to be. It was all crack and prostitutes. I loved it.
I cried when they left. Anyway, you know that New
York you know that.
Speaker 2 (03:36):
Was yeah, well I got a little taste of it
was a little kid because my mom would bring me back.
Speaker 1 (03:40):
Yeah, you're Florida, right, Yeah, tell me some Florida story.
Speaker 3 (03:43):
I got you.
Speaker 1 (03:44):
If there is one, I got you.
Speaker 4 (03:46):
Oh there's plenty. Yeah, okay, kidding me.
Speaker 1 (03:47):
So I moved. I moved to uh, California. My father
got a job in the Palm restaurant. My mother was
teasing the hair like a Margaret. I'm going to do
the whole thing for you, no, suh.
Speaker 2 (04:00):
So I moved to California, and I think I heard
about this Jehovah's Witness.
Speaker 1 (04:03):
No. I was Catholic all my life. Then my grandmother
was about Catholic every Sunday in church. What happened was
in Astoria Queens. My grandmother had a house. She was
the mattriarch of the family. All of a sudden, like
Jehovah's witnesses come to her door. That's the men. The
next thing I know, we're going to fucking Kingdom Hall.
(04:24):
Were Jehovah's witnesses converted her? She converted? Are you kidding me?
Speaker 4 (04:30):
Italian?
Speaker 1 (04:31):
So here, I am eight years old. You can't be gay.
You can't have a birthday, you can't have a Christmas,
you can't touch yourself, you can't be gay. I said,
fuck you all. I might be the Bible says the
truth will set you free. There you go, literally eight
years old and I'm gay and that's the truth. So
I was so defiant from the gay girl. Yeah. But anyway,
(04:52):
and then my mother couldn't be a Jehovah's winners. She
tried to please him. My father was still in the Bronx,
you know what I mean. He was like doing the
Liluftanza thing. Yeah, so it didn't really work out, but
my grandmother did try.
Speaker 4 (05:03):
You know what, your dad was in the loof Ends
of Heist along with he.
Speaker 1 (05:07):
Like you know, Goodfellas. Yeah, so that that lufthansa heist
in Queens. Yeah, so my father was implicated in that.
That was the biggest heist. But they tried mill. They
tried to implicate everybody.
Speaker 4 (05:21):
They fucked up the whole family.
Speaker 1 (05:23):
The five family was crazy. They all ride it on
each other. And then after the kind of went, you know,
it wasn't the mob anymore. But that's when my father
said fuck New York because he was indicted, you know.
And I always had FBI agents in my yard looking
at my father.
Speaker 2 (05:41):
Jesus. They would follow me to school. Some of them hot, yeah,
you know what. One like a man in a suit.
Speaker 1 (05:47):
One was hung like a horse. I remember he was uncut.
It was like, wow, that's it looked like an amadilla.
But anyway, that was another thing that was my That
was the Queen's first experience. That was like, what do
I do with this? He has the biggest cock. Dominican guys.
I got to stay between the Puerto Ricans and the Dominicans.
(06:07):
I think it's a tie tie, but they're big boys.
You hung.
Speaker 4 (06:11):
Have you ever taken off a guy's pants? And it's
going to be a long night, you know what?
Speaker 1 (06:15):
Not too long ago?
Speaker 4 (06:16):
Really? Yeah, but the guy had like a fucking bowling
pin or what.
Speaker 1 (06:19):
So anyway, my neighbor says, My neighbor says, I just
moved in my back. Neighbor is hung like a horse
and he's obsessed with you. I'm like, really, give me
his number. So because I just broke up with somebody,
so now you know she's queen and you know she's
queen and soba right, so unavailable. So anyway, he comes
(06:39):
So anyway, he sends me a picture and I'm like, okay.
Then he goes, could I come over. I want to
give you a massage. So I just bought a massage table, right,
So anyway, perfect, He comes over and he takes off
his pants and I'm like, you can landa aircraft on
that thing. This thing was like a dream. I think
(07:02):
it's even like everybody's dream. But you're a straight gay whatever.
Everybody wants to play with this thing, right. So anyway,
so I said, your picture does no justice. I says, yeah,
you were big in the picture, but you're like you
know this size small, medium, large, yeah, and oh my god,
yeah was oh my god.
Speaker 3 (07:24):
Yeah, you know what I mean.
Speaker 1 (07:25):
And their heart's very rare to find that like that
John Holmes Cock, you know what I mean.
Speaker 4 (07:30):
But that's a tough You're like, it's going to be
a long night.
Speaker 1 (07:32):
It wasn't that long, you know what I mean. As
a matter of fact, I just looked at it, you know,
it's like you know, and threw it over my shoulder,
you know what I mean. A little pre ejaculation occurred.
I'm like, can I thank you very much? Yeah? Because
it's like, when it's that big, what do you really
do with it?
Speaker 4 (07:49):
Are you going to hang out with this guy again?
Speaker 1 (07:51):
I fell in love. I'm in love. No. I text
him all the time.
Speaker 3 (07:57):
Yeah yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, I do.
Speaker 1 (07:59):
Boyfriend.
Speaker 4 (07:59):
Well out any further.
Speaker 1 (08:00):
You got to keep those aside yet.
Speaker 2 (08:02):
I want to introduce one of my oldest friends, my
bestest friends from high school. We made a pack to
do comedy together when we were twenty years old and
Christina's bedroom Ladies and gentlemen, you know her from Driver
school yards Megan Blanchat everybody, I'm Magan. Megan is here
for specific reason because we are super fans. We became sisters,
(08:24):
and we love your content. We're obsessed with you, and
I wouldn't have it any other way than to be
drinking some good wine right here with Megan and you,
and Sony.
Speaker 1 (08:34):
Is here too if she's feeling there's We just.
Speaker 2 (08:39):
Wanted to vibe out with you because you're our inspiration. Okay,
where's the strangest place you've ever read?
Speaker 4 (08:44):
Sex?
Speaker 1 (08:45):
Oh? So I didn't finish tell my story? Should tell me?
Speaker 3 (08:47):
Tell you? I want to know.
Speaker 4 (08:48):
I want to go.
Speaker 2 (08:48):
I want to know crazy sex stuff, crazy drug stuff. Okay,
and then we'll talk about bombing.
Speaker 5 (08:53):
Are we still on the armor one?
Speaker 1 (08:54):
No? No, no, we're passing that girl.
Speaker 2 (08:56):
Oh okay, queen, yes, girl, Okay, anytime you want these
to go around like.
Speaker 1 (09:03):
We could share it.
Speaker 5 (09:03):
I feel like I would scare me, like I'd be stressed.
Speaker 1 (09:05):
Yeah for a minute, and then you'll be like yeah,
I just said yeah.
Speaker 5 (09:09):
Like I see it, I see it.
Speaker 1 (09:11):
You got to face your fears. We'll have a freak.
Yeah I have a little freaking.
Speaker 5 (09:15):
Yes seriously, but not an army like I feel like
I would stress.
Speaker 1 (09:18):
But what's your thing?
Speaker 3 (09:18):
Like?
Speaker 1 (09:19):
What is a quart of weekend? Is Italian? Like what
you'll like freak?
Speaker 5 (09:22):
Okay, So deep down I have I have a thing
for like guidos, like proper, like like the really cheesy,
like with the neck, the whole Joey.
Speaker 1 (09:30):
But yeah, we love Joey. Yeah, like I have a
twin brother that would love you. Okay from Florida. He's
like last of the hot Italians. Okay, you know, yeah,
and it's the boy. I'm the girl, so you might
have to be my sister in law. Okay, Okay, Megan,
is it married men?
Speaker 4 (09:49):
Kind of your freak?
Speaker 1 (09:50):
Oh no? Do we go there? How dare you? Because
that's what I heard.
Speaker 4 (09:55):
She likes a little bit of the danger.
Speaker 1 (09:57):
Oh really, Yeah, that's cute and all, but they karma karma.
Speaker 5 (10:01):
It's awful. No, it's the wrong choice. I hate you.
Speaker 1 (10:04):
And what happened to show me? Butterfield coat? Yeah, the lady,
she got a face blown off girl, not a good
idea girl. But she likes the danger of it. You know.
Speaker 2 (10:14):
It's like shoplifting, Like yeah, you don't need to do it,
but yeah.
Speaker 5 (10:18):
And also on that topic, I got caught for shoplifting
when I was like fourteen from j C Benny from
JAZ Benny. I wasn't allowed to go in for a year.
Speaker 1 (10:25):
Oh year, I was Okay, so you're you're stealing and
you're stealing people's husband. So it's telling me a lot
about you. Okay, stay away from me, bitch.
Speaker 5 (10:34):
Don't do that dusk. Such a girl, you have such
a bright future.
Speaker 1 (10:41):
That was and she's passed. I was going to day
are you over right now?
Speaker 5 (10:44):
Right now?
Speaker 1 (10:44):
Okay, okay, starting to right now. I was bad girl
club too.
Speaker 5 (10:48):
Oh yeah, I was real crazy? Okay, very easy.
Speaker 1 (10:51):
Did you did you? I did it all? Did you
get somebody? I'm on?
Speaker 3 (10:56):
I'm on? Yeah?
Speaker 1 (10:58):
What happened?
Speaker 5 (10:58):
Can you tell the story?
Speaker 3 (11:00):
Okay?
Speaker 1 (11:00):
So I lowe? Is the story of the most high
you've ever been?
Speaker 3 (11:02):
Yeah? Yeah, yeah?
Speaker 1 (11:03):
Which one do you want for?
Speaker 3 (11:04):
Hest?
Speaker 2 (11:04):
I want to know what like rock bottom eyes a
come story, copy story.
Speaker 1 (11:09):
So let's just do the story when it came out,
because you said something about getting high the word what
was the first question?
Speaker 4 (11:16):
Well, it was like what happened eight years ago that
got you sober?
Speaker 1 (11:19):
Oh? That was the that's another question. So which one
are we going with?
Speaker 4 (11:22):
What's the most fucked up you've ever been?
Speaker 1 (11:23):
Okay, let's do that one first?
Speaker 4 (11:24):
What got you sober? And why were you on cops?
Speaker 1 (11:27):
Okay? So I moved here and then I'm a hairdresser,
some cutting people's hair. So this lady goes, could you
come up in my house in Woodland Hills. And my
husband is makes movies. His name is a big director whatever.
And I go to this house and it's fucking beautiful.
She goes, but I think my husband's my fiance is gay.
(11:48):
She goes, and I want you to tell me because
you're gay, So come and do my hair. So I
go in the house, right beautiful, and then he's on
the bed right literally, okay, literally fisting himself. No, old girl,
he had arrah. He was ammy dextrous, his like his
(12:10):
leg was up here. So I'm in there, going welcome
to La, because I came to La to get away
from the drugs and the freaking nest. Oh no, it's here.
So anyway, I'm like, girl, what is he doing? So
she takes out a april. I can't what he did
on the bed, you know, as long as I'm like
doing the apall, you know, I'm obsessed. So I do
(12:31):
a hair and everything. So he calls her over. He goes, honey,
show Cosmo what we do. Literally new to La, and
I thought I'd seen it all. So she has like
little little, little tiny fist and wrist, and she looked
like Sweet Polly from Underdog, you know what I mean.
She had like a really big nose, you know, no
discrimination of big noses. That was usually you know, Jewish,
(12:54):
you're Italian, that we go.
Speaker 5 (12:55):
You know, I'm happy with my nose.
Speaker 1 (12:59):
And you probably portion. But anyway, so what happened was
she's like, Babe, let's show Cosmo what we do. So
I'm cutting her hair or whatever, and then she goes Cosmo. Wait,
so they want to have this party with me. I'm sixteen, right,
seventeen girl talk about grooming, okay, and.
Speaker 4 (13:20):
They were like forty years old, right the eighties or.
Speaker 1 (13:22):
What this is the eighties, nineteen seventy nine, nineteen eighty
when I first moved here.
Speaker 2 (13:28):
So cocaine was flowing in April everywhere, and I was
already addicted. Okay, because I'm doing this from from New York,
from being from Freebase and all that with the mob,
that's another story, you know, the ones there, Free Based,
you know. So she goes to the bed and she
puts gel on her hand and she's fisting him.
Speaker 1 (13:46):
My first fucking, weird, old, motherfucking experience. So anyway, she's
fisting him.
Speaker 5 (13:52):
And you're just standing there watching girl.
Speaker 1 (13:54):
I'm like, just give me more coke. I could watch
this all day.
Speaker 5 (13:58):
Are you like interacting?
Speaker 1 (13:59):
Were you like no, I didn't want to interact, girl,
not something like I will suck a dick and a heartbeat, queen.
When it comes to shit like that. I was like, wow,
are they making it fascinated? They were looking right at me.
So she's fisting hand and he's getting aggravated.
Speaker 6 (14:17):
He goes, no, you're not doing it right. You're not
doing it right. Your hand is so small. You got
to go hard, hard or harder. He goes, Cosmo, your turn.
Speaker 1 (14:28):
So there's the coke, right, I wouldn't did anything. I'm like, sure,
why not? I would talk about this fucking plant for
five hours, you know.
Speaker 3 (14:35):
What I mean?
Speaker 1 (14:36):
So my turn. So she goes drawing this glove, honey.
So I drew on the glove and I put my
hand in the jew and there's this gorgeous man, gorgeous
in the bed, this producer. Yeah, and and then I
go and I'm like this, and he's psychotic, and he's
getting aggravated with her, like, get the fuck away from me,
(14:59):
or your hand is just small and me he's like,
oh wow, yeah, he's loving it right like that. So
all of a sudden, I had a pinky ring on
something like you had on it, you know, because we
love gold of New York, right, So I had the
little you know, Italian nuggets pinky ring and I'm doing
this and as I'm doing it, I feel a rupture.
Speaker 5 (15:21):
No, what do you mean a rupture?
Speaker 1 (15:23):
A rupture my ring and his asshole it busted something.
I love it in him horror movie. So this will lood.
Speaker 3 (15:31):
Now.
Speaker 1 (15:32):
This is one from doing a haircut to you know,
partying some cocaine cut to the.
Speaker 2 (15:38):
Terrif Blood infect Terrifire Part three. Yeah, blood eagle matter.
I'm like, oh my god.
Speaker 1 (15:46):
So I fucking take my hand out and there's like
literally blood on it, and I'm like, oh my god.
She's like, oh my god. It was like a horror
He goes, don't trip, don't trip. I got this, it
happened to me before her. And I'm like, I need
more coke, you know, anywhere. So he goes in the
bathtub and I'm like, girl, not only is he I
(16:08):
think he's gay, but I think he's fucking I degenerate, girl,
Like you know what I mean, you're gonna I don't
know about I would think twice about marrying this guy
because she was engaged to him. So she's crying. It's
just a nightmare.
Speaker 3 (16:20):
Girl.
Speaker 1 (16:21):
Why why the queen from Queens, why why? Oh my God,
give me some more. And so he comes out of
the bathroom. He goes, I'm fine, and I go to
the bathroom and I see all the blood in the tub, right,
maybe even a few veins, and ship, oh yeah, word,
(16:43):
you know what I mean.
Speaker 5 (16:44):
Did you lose the pinky ring in the buttle?
Speaker 1 (16:45):
No? No, no, I still yeah, I still have it.
I still have it. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 5 (16:53):
Okay.
Speaker 1 (16:54):
So anyway, that's what happened. So he goes back in
the bed, right, takes out more coke. He goes, let's
do it again. Whoa. So that was my first experience
in La, you know, and I heard they're freaky here,
like they take you home in the jacuzzi and you know,
you come your sister, your mother, your dog to bring
(17:17):
it on. But never that. So that was like the
most terrifying experience to La. Okay, so that's what happened.
That's a lot at ye. Yeah, yeah, it's pretty good.
Speaker 3 (17:30):
Yeah, yeah, with a recondre with arindre.
Speaker 2 (17:46):
Okay, so you got some more questions. What happened eight
years ago that you stopped doing drugs?
Speaker 1 (17:51):
Okay? So eight years ago? Okay, last time you got hired? Okay,
so eight years ago?
Speaker 4 (17:58):
Twenty What.
Speaker 1 (18:00):
It was the eight Uh? It was Friday the thirteenth,
Friday the.
Speaker 4 (18:05):
Thirteenth before the election before Trump gets them?
Speaker 1 (18:08):
Yeah, okay, Friday thirteenth. Are you literally going to do that?
Speaker 5 (18:12):
I don't think so. Okay, I can only do it.
Speaker 1 (18:14):
We all do. You're gonna see, you're gonna go. I'll
do it if you do it. Okay, you do it first.
Speaker 5 (18:17):
Yeah, I'll do it if you first. Sunday does the first.
Speaker 1 (18:20):
I called my sponsor. Yeah, that's she's not speed sile anyway.
As long as we're not fisting, we're fine.
Speaker 2 (18:29):
Well, no time, So eight years ago, it's twenty sixteen.
Speaker 1 (18:37):
So you know it was getting like I try to
get sober. Was the relapse queen? Like bad things were happening.
I'm up for nine.
Speaker 4 (18:44):
Days doing blow and then pillowing blow.
Speaker 1 (18:47):
No pills, just vodka and blow and free base. You know,
free base.
Speaker 5 (18:53):
Are you sad and crying?
Speaker 1 (18:55):
Girl, serical suicidal. Yeah, like drug addictes. Yeah, like hope
to die drug a draddeck. But I wouldn't die. I
just kept on coming back, girl, like Tina Turner and Share. Yeah.
I just kept on coming fucking back girl. Yeah. So
I was like yeah, so anyway, and everybody in AA
(19:15):
was like, you know, she could keeps some God bless her.
She keeps on coming back. The pitch is forty nine
years old and she's still out there doing fucking crack
with you know, downtown behind a dumpster bitch. And then
I had weys had clothing stores too, so I had
to go to work. But I had this crazy work
ethic that I would always go to work, and then.
Speaker 4 (19:33):
I would have to if you're in like one hour sleep.
Speaker 1 (19:35):
You know what. When I used to work for these
Israelis that's who got me started, and they're.
Speaker 3 (19:40):
Like used to sleep.
Speaker 1 (19:42):
I wake you and they bring me like a fucking falafel,
you know what I mean. They'd open my windows, you
know what I mean. Because I made so much money
for them, you know what I mean. So they they
were like, you know, okay, yoused to leave me two
o'clock and I wake you up. Two o'clock in the afternoon.
That's when I get busy. So I go back to
work and they're like push, push, you know what I mean.
(20:03):
So they taught me how to do the Shmata business. Really,
that's why I have a store of forty years today,
you know what I mean, because they really taught me.
Speaker 3 (20:10):
You know.
Speaker 1 (20:11):
So I to your store. I would love for you
to come to Can we all do a field trip there?
I would love to go today. Where is the store?
Speaker 4 (20:17):
Where is it?
Speaker 1 (20:18):
It's on Melros and Fuller, and then I have another
one on Melros and Stanley by Starbucks. And then I
have another one called shoehor La.
Speaker 4 (20:26):
What are the first two golds? Can you shout them out?
Speaker 3 (20:29):
Okay?
Speaker 1 (20:29):
For audio? So there's Cosmo's Glam Squad. Yeah, see Glam
Squad that's on Fuller Okay. And then I have Cosmo
and Zanata. Yeah, so that's a label I had to
pull on a business partner. That's who was my sponsor
in AA boy who helped me get sober. Okay, So
I trust him so much. I mean, I'm a partner,
you know, because the store is like it's a monster
to run and I can't really do it all by myself,
(20:51):
So I pulled him in. So we did a label.
Speaker 4 (20:53):
Even when you were on vodka and you're doing club.
Speaker 2 (20:55):
You're still working hard. Yeah, so it still working. So
you're really not sleeping. You're you're drinking, you're doing your
freebasing coke. You're kind of half sleeping. When the Israelis
talk you into it, then you get up. You're working
your ass off, your opening stores. It was he you're
han't falling out with business partners. Yeah, it's a lot
of stress. It was so stress.
Speaker 1 (21:16):
It was a lot. So you hit a wall, you know,
I have to go to the hospital. And it was
like really bad because they always say, you know, if
you keep on using, it's going to get worse, never better, right,
And it was always getting worse. Bad things happened, my
person getting stolen, whatever. I have to fight gangsters, you know,
I'm downtown in a hotel room, you know, with these
fucking eighteenth Street and they will put the mattresses no.
Speaker 5 (21:38):
Really yeah, and they would put the.
Speaker 1 (21:41):
Paranoia and they will put the mattresses on the windows
and a gun on the table, you know what I mean.
And I'd be partying with them, like you know, it's
like that. It's like it's time like. But I would
get so high. I'd be like, just put your dick away.
I didn't want the dick, just give me a your coke.
(22:01):
And they didn't like that. So I had to jump
out a few windows, you know what I mean, because
it was dangerous down there. I don't know if you
heard them out this park. Yeah, so you know it's
still Echo Park. It's far right, so you know, let's sketchy.
We got this park. It's like it's legendary for like
people hanging out there and not coming home. And then
in that lake there was like bodies they would drain
(22:21):
the lake. There would be cork carcasses in that lake
from like and I loved it. I was in the
middle of it all. I'm like, oh my god, I'm
still oh how's my hair?
Speaker 3 (22:30):
Girl?
Speaker 1 (22:31):
But I would come home just like fucked up girl,
like and you know, thank God, there was like a
kind of an angel on my shoulder. But I would
always come home unscathed. They would actually cut people's throats
down there, but they love me. They're like, we call it,
We're going to call you Hollywood. We love hanging out
with you. Hollywood. Yeah.
Speaker 4 (22:51):
So when you get out of the hospital, do you
go right into AA.
Speaker 1 (22:54):
Was it where you're just like I've been going to
AA from many.
Speaker 2 (22:57):
Oh you were relapsing. Yeah, but this is the longest
you've been sober. Yeah, So what was what? What was
about this that.
Speaker 1 (23:05):
You were I was done? Like I knew I was done,
you know, because.
Speaker 4 (23:10):
I drank all your drinks.
Speaker 1 (23:12):
You did it all you did it. I did it
behind dumpsters. I did it Beverly Hills movie. Never did acid.
I did acid yet when I was younger, I put
a little snoopy on my tongue.
Speaker 3 (23:21):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (23:22):
I did some locker room that was the eighties. That
was fun because you know, in the beginning, it's fun, Yeah,
and then it's fun with problems. Yeah, and then it's
fun with more problems.
Speaker 3 (23:31):
Yeah.
Speaker 5 (23:31):
How long was it that you knew that you had
to stop, like that you were struggling.
Speaker 1 (23:36):
I was dancing with the double for many years, like
the last fifteen years of my addiction, Like I knew
I had to stop. Years stop. I can't stop.
Speaker 3 (23:44):
You know.
Speaker 4 (23:45):
Do you think it comes from inside like a depression
or something like that. No, you know that I think
it's a gene your parents were.
Speaker 1 (23:52):
My father was CoA and my mother was alcohol It's
my grandparents too. Yeah, it's in you, so I think.
But then there's also people would white pick offences, you
know that their parents are not alcoholic, and they become
like Crystal met fucking degenerates.
Speaker 5 (24:07):
You have abandoned the issues.
Speaker 1 (24:09):
I think we all do. I know. Yeah, yeah, yeah,
even though I had a twin in the same sack
with me, you know, but I had a twin, I
have an identical twin, Joey set you. No, he's the boy.
I'm the girl. So Joey straight, Joey straight, there's a
(24:30):
straight you identical.
Speaker 5 (24:33):
That I may end up.
Speaker 1 (24:37):
You know, I got to see, don't you give him
a little locker room? But no, Joey Straight. He's one
of the last Italians in New York. He was my
twin brother, so he was like my protector to in
New York growing up. You know, he had your back
because he played hockey and he was going to be
and we're kids picking on you, you know what It's like.
I became the bully. I became the boil.
Speaker 4 (25:01):
Your dad picking on you because you're gay or.
Speaker 1 (25:04):
Now my father Okay, so he told me I got
that one beating when I was younger.
Speaker 4 (25:09):
I'll be honest, did you come out out to him?
Or did you?
Speaker 1 (25:13):
Was never in you? You were singing shou y you
were you.
Speaker 2 (25:19):
Were like a course line Eliza and Lvhs's and they
knew right away.
Speaker 1 (25:25):
I was three years old. I was in love with
Donny Osmond and the Monkeys. Who was the Monkeys Davy Jones.
So I didn't know what gay was. I didn't know,
but I told my mother I'm going to marry Donny Osmon,
and here I am. I had a towel on my
head and our heels. They couldn't stop me. So they like,
when did you come out? Cosmo? I was never in right,
(25:47):
like I came strumming up, you know. But my father
was in the mob. So one day my older brother's
playing basketball, so he's with all of his friends in Harlem, right,
so he's mortified that I'm gay. My older brother, you
know what I mean. My father was okay with it
because he knew I was going to be like somewhat
successful after the drug addiction, of course. But so I'm
(26:08):
in the park and I'm like Tommy and I'm running
like a girl because I always wanted to run like this,
you know, like my aunts, my mother's sisters. I thought it.
So I thought it was normal to run like this.
So anyway, Tommy comes home from playing basketball. He goes, Dad,
Cosmo embarrassed me on purpose. He acts like a fag
on purpose. I didn't act like a fag on purpose.
(26:30):
That's how I was, you know what I mean. I'm like, Tommy,
I was so happy, you know, it's being in the park,
and I thought it was perfectly normal. So he goes,
how dare you embarrass your brother? So I got that
one beating like maybe he's not going to be gay anymore,
you know what I mean. But I came out of
the fucking the beating like you know, you know what
(26:50):
I mean, or doing a runway more gay. So then
my father told me. He goes, I work with a
lot of gay people. I'm in the club scene. And
he goes, I just don't want this life for you
because I think you're going to be unhappy. He goes,
and I love you very much. So long story short,
I became a hairdresser. I was the first one to
(27:11):
open my own business. So before he died, he wanted
me by his bed, so he always loved and supported me.
That's great because it doesn't always work out that way.
Speaker 2 (27:20):
Yeah, it's a lot of people get rejected by their
there's so many tough Italian you're right, right.
Speaker 1 (27:26):
But even in the South people getting thrown out. Like
if you see the all around the world, you see
mostly homeless gay people, you know in the streets. It's
because they were their parents didn't support them. So I
blamed the parents, I really do. That's why I wish
some people would come out, like big celebrities.
Speaker 5 (27:43):
Like you know who and you know who?
Speaker 4 (27:46):
Donald Trump is gay. They're saying, I'm.
Speaker 1 (27:49):
Trying this upside down, trying to upside down. We all
need anal bleaching. I agree. I've said that a million times.
Speaker 3 (28:02):
With a recondre. With a recondre.
Speaker 2 (28:15):
Now, I want to know, why are you on cops.
That's a bit of a bomb, and I love that
you ever selling a perfume called my Cunt?
Speaker 1 (28:25):
That's what we have to put this image up on
the fucking he serving.
Speaker 4 (28:29):
You're selling a signature cent called my Cunt.
Speaker 3 (28:32):
You know what?
Speaker 1 (28:32):
It's pretty and soft? Yes?
Speaker 2 (28:35):
Wow, why you guys get wow? I sold out? Yes,
I need I need something cut.
Speaker 1 (28:41):
You want to smell Cosmos cut?
Speaker 4 (28:42):
I want to smell Cosmo cuns. I never thought I did.
Speaker 3 (28:45):
Now I do.
Speaker 5 (28:45):
I always know, I always do.
Speaker 4 (28:47):
I was on the fence, but now I'm now I'm
no longer of fence.
Speaker 1 (28:51):
I'm okay. So cops, we got to talk about why
are you on cops? So I'm in LA. This is
when I first come to l A again, and I'm
here for a few years, and I go, let me
go buy some drugs. So I wear like this Adida
sweatsuit and my twin brother and a baseball hat. And
I don't look like this at all. I look like
(29:12):
my twin brother, right, going to go bad neighborhood. So anyway,
I'm a Caton and Santa Monica Boulevard. There was the
drug spot there, so there I go. I'm buying drugs
and then all of a sudden, they're like, you're on cops.
And I turn around, right, and it's meeting these two
guys ready to go and get our freak on and
have fun. And I have the drugs in my hand,
(29:35):
and I turn around and the first year of Cops,
my face and twitch feet for me, don't move.
Speaker 3 (29:44):
Okay, sure, all right, Johnson for New York. How long
you've been out here?
Speaker 1 (29:57):
Have you got an your pockets? You know, anything, shop
or anything?
Speaker 3 (29:59):
I jam my cell phone to email.
Speaker 1 (30:02):
Well, I'm gonna cut my cell phone and poke myself. Okay,
do you have identification or anything? No idea? I just
poked down here. But I just got a job on
no roads?
Speaker 3 (30:11):
Did it?
Speaker 1 (30:12):
If you see, yeah, where you live at? I'm staying
with my mom at w Hill. You've done over new
part of the neighborhood. I was looking for my friend.
Got wan't you do my favorite? Want to step back?
Watch step okay and step one over here for me? Okay,
stand next to the wall here, and they're like, we're
gonna go see if you have a warrant, you know,
and then if you sign this release, we'll let you go.
(30:34):
So I had all cocaine crack in my mouth and
they're asking me questions and I'm praying that one don't
fall out right right?
Speaker 5 (30:45):
So anyway, So do they like arrest you, put you
in the car, and then have you sign a release.
Speaker 1 (30:49):
And so they said, if you sign this release to
show your face on cops, we're gonna let you go
because I had a warrant, so otherwise they would have
set me in. I would have signed anything to go
smoke my coke and get away from them, right So,
and I'm like, it's not a thing because who heard
of Cops. Nobody heard of A few weeks later, they're
(31:11):
calling me from New York because it's three hours difference there,
and they're like, I hear Cosmo in my living room.
I go look at the TV. Cosmo's on Cops, you know.
Speaker 3 (31:21):
So they just kept on.
Speaker 1 (31:22):
Playing that episode. It was the first year of Cops,
but till this day. You know, the repeats what you're
going to do when they come for you. They keep
on playing that fucking episode. Oh my god, there's nothing
I could do about it. I signed my cunts away.
Speaker 2 (31:36):
I absolutely that I was on to catch a predator.
I thought that those twelve year old girls won in
Mike's hard lemonade.
Speaker 3 (31:48):
And I was wrong.
Speaker 5 (31:49):
I always feel bad for the guy.
Speaker 1 (31:51):
I feel a little bit better.
Speaker 5 (31:52):
I always, while always.
Speaker 1 (31:55):
I don't feel bad for pedophiles in general, but on
the show, so God like.
Speaker 5 (32:00):
Well, I'm always give him a break.
Speaker 1 (32:03):
Remember, I'm like Georgia a little bit, you know, he's
all big stuff because the other side of it is
the Chris Hansen Nazi guy.
Speaker 4 (32:13):
And then this fascistic swat team that comes in.
Speaker 2 (32:15):
You're like, I don't really like a fascistic swat team either,
like police power destroying.
Speaker 1 (32:21):
Yeah for lower class guy, that feels weird.
Speaker 4 (32:25):
Too, But I can't fuck kids, I got it.
Speaker 5 (32:27):
Yeah, there's no My heart always goes out to the
guys on that way.
Speaker 3 (32:32):
It's overkilled, like.
Speaker 1 (32:35):
Yeah, devastating. Yeah, that's kind of how I was, you know.
So yeah, that's what happens, you know, And these fucking
shows they set you up. You know what celebrities have
you worked with? So I work with and Sank back
in the day, I made them the first outfits they
have a performed. Really, they came in with them.
Speaker 4 (32:55):
You need your own museum.
Speaker 1 (32:57):
Remember the manager that they fired, Yeah, the freak. Yeah,
So he came in with them and they wanted my outfits,
and he didn't want to pay for them because they
were kind of pricey. So I had like Nikki six
in my outfits back.
Speaker 3 (33:09):
In the day.
Speaker 1 (33:10):
You know, he did Motley Crue. I did Motley Crue.
Speaker 2 (33:13):
Now you see all your connections through your Dad's restaurant.
How did you you so into the pipeline of it's
celebrity in LA.
Speaker 1 (33:20):
Just opening a store in Melrose and you have good
taste and I have them. You'll see you made things
well and you have good taste.
Speaker 3 (33:27):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (33:27):
So the word was out, there was a big bus
this is Queen on Melrose and your charisma, you know,
and you personable. Yeah, so there was a vibe.
Speaker 4 (33:36):
You know, I think you should run from mayor of
Los Angeles to it. I'm gonna be honest with you.
Speaker 1 (33:40):
You know, I just got into proclamation. Did you hear
about that?
Speaker 2 (33:43):
What is that?
Speaker 4 (33:43):
Like the Emancipation proclaim? No, it's Queen of Melrose day
or so.
Speaker 1 (33:50):
Now the mayor of West Hollywood gave me a proclamation
like the Keys to the City a few weeks ago.
What is it?
Speaker 4 (33:57):
Unlock?
Speaker 1 (33:58):
Yeah, you know, it's just like basically maybe a free
gym membership at the new gym.
Speaker 4 (34:08):
Why don't you run for mayor or something?
Speaker 5 (34:10):
Run for something.
Speaker 1 (34:11):
You never know something city council, never know what's going
to happen. I mean, like I went on the internet
to sell a dress and here I am getting like
sitting with you right now in your podcast super fans.
They just flew me. They just slew me to New
York to do a huge brand deal for boys Smell.
So it's a candle of luxury canoys smell Boys Smell.
(34:34):
Google it luxury candles. Right, they have a locker room candle. Yes,
and they have like a like smelly nuts candle and
all that. Anyway, Jesus. So they flew me there for
like three days, and I'm going to be on the
billboard Christmas. I do yes on the digital billboard like
pinch me, pinch me, deserve it. She went from burnt
(35:01):
me polls said sme on. So it's a moment. That's
why I cried a little when you said something good,
because it really is a pinch me moment, saying I
never thought this was happening, Like you're so bad leg
really behind a dumpster, like down down, you're a star.
Speaker 2 (35:20):
It's so charismatic and likable and down to earth that
easy to work with.
Speaker 3 (35:25):
Thank you.
Speaker 4 (35:25):
Come on, have you ever eaten ass?
Speaker 1 (35:29):
You know what?
Speaker 4 (35:29):
I don't eat ass anymore?
Speaker 1 (35:34):
Because this guy's dick was so big and he was
so like impossible.
Speaker 5 (35:38):
What is it about the ass that makes you know it?
Speaker 1 (35:41):
Was really hard. Why not.
Speaker 2 (35:47):
Down there, help yourself, help yourself to the go down.
Isn't it amazing that it's the best feeling. She's a
bit of a freak.
Speaker 5 (35:56):
Yeah, let's move forward to.
Speaker 1 (36:00):
Joke. Let's chase this.
Speaker 5 (36:01):
It's about you, this is your show.
Speaker 4 (36:02):
Okay, okay, what's the worst gig you ever had?
Speaker 1 (36:04):
What's the biggest bomb?
Speaker 2 (36:05):
Bomb at a fashion show or a storf went under
because you had a shady business partner, or some celebrity
fucking lashed out at you because you fucked something up.
Speaker 1 (36:13):
So you guys, the biggest bomb you guys know all
for one? They sing that song, I swear.
Speaker 7 (36:21):
That's my Ryo profile song. We can't afford this part
of the back guy, I love you and give me
those poppers.
Speaker 1 (36:40):
Thank you so much. I want to stick them on
my whole right now. So anyway, I are you working
for them? So I did their tuxedos for the Miss
America pageant and look New Jersey. You got some high
steaks gigs. I did a lot of pressure. I did
a lot of good. It's more pressure than people think.
It's fun, but it's stress.
Speaker 3 (37:00):
Yes.
Speaker 1 (37:00):
The queen was like, yeah, yeah, but I really love
that a little bit about that, so, but I really
love what I did, and that's what I came here for.
I came here to cut hair, but I cut somebody's
ear lob off and I want to high on crack.
Speaker 5 (37:17):
So that's waiting to take a couple of stories.
Speaker 1 (37:24):
So my father was all hooked up, so he harried
the lead on that one. He had me and he goes,
when you come out here, I'm going to put you
in the salon. I'm telling you, Farah faucet.
Speaker 3 (37:35):
Liz.
Speaker 1 (37:35):
Tell her you're going to be hooked up. This is
where they get their hairds on. It's called Zach Taylor
and Sunset Boulevard. So I come out here, I go
to somebody's house. So she wants a.
Speaker 4 (37:44):
Bob, so I can.
Speaker 3 (37:48):
I'm wired right?
Speaker 1 (37:51):
Can you tell us who it is?
Speaker 3 (37:52):
Slaps?
Speaker 1 (37:53):
Thank god, Barbara streisup.
Speaker 2 (37:56):
This was She's not a celebrity, but she was a
beautiful girl, you know, until you're mutilated party girl.
Speaker 1 (38:03):
So her hair was so thick, and I'm like, girl,
you have thick hair? Girl, why is it that dick?
So I go cut it in the mirror. She's crying
and I'm like, why are you crying.
Speaker 5 (38:15):
She's not saying, how did you cut my ear?
Speaker 1 (38:18):
Oh? You coming so anyone? I went no, I did.
There's no blood and it was just such a clean cut.
And then when I went like this, like blood came out.
I was like, oh my god, that's my career as
a hairdresser. I was devastating. It was like another horror
movie Terrifire Part four.
Speaker 5 (38:38):
Did the lobe come off?
Speaker 1 (38:39):
No? No, it was cut. But thank god she didn't
ensue me, and she she loved her haircut. By the way,
I was like that Bob, I was like, shaved on
one side. I was like, she loved it. That's a
momb She did have to get stitches though, but we're
still friends to this day.
Speaker 4 (38:57):
So what's the worst bomb gig? The worst gig? You're
all for one?
Speaker 2 (39:01):
Swear you're putting the tuxedos on them by the moon,
this guy, and then what happened the tuxedos were?
Speaker 1 (39:10):
They were asking Miss America and New Jersey. I made
them these beautiful car wash tuxedos. Right, this is the
first big gig I got. It was all for one.
Speaker 4 (39:21):
Yeah, and then after so you're nervous.
Speaker 1 (39:24):
It was like instinct came in and oh, boy man,
it was a big break because of them, right, they
were so big. Anyway, they called me up. They're like Cosmo,
the manager calls me. I don't know what to do,
Like all the buttons are popping off, the toxedo as
shit fuck Like mortified. I'm like, do they have they
got to have a seamstress, Miss America. I'm like, do
(39:45):
they have somebody there?
Speaker 3 (39:47):
Yeah?
Speaker 1 (39:47):
They do, they do, they do, but we just want
to tell you, Like they were all kind of like
the buttons were falling off, you know. So I'm like,
when they come home, I'm never gonna make clothes for
them again.
Speaker 3 (39:56):
Ever.
Speaker 1 (39:57):
I was so devastated, you know what I mean. Yeah,
and then were they fine, We're good. Could you make
these for me? This little you know? And then I
was like after that, that was when all the boy
bands came to me. Brittany came to me. Uh in sank.
They all want to know who's this queen a Melrose
doing all these fabulous things?
Speaker 2 (40:17):
Right, what was the worst job you ever had? What
was the biggest asshole boss you ever worked for? Just
like a devastating job, Like before hair.
Speaker 1 (40:24):
Before hair, I kind of worked on an insurance company,
like I tried to do behind the desk. If I
wanted to blow my mind out and I couldn't do it,
I don't think that's it. I don't think that's your
coup of tea. So I said, I got to be
real creative, real quick. I got to think of something.
Speaker 2 (40:47):
And then what was it like working for Shaquille O'Neil,
Because that's a big guy. Okay, so did you see
his cock through his bands?
Speaker 3 (40:52):
You know what?
Speaker 1 (40:52):
He did? Answer the door because I had to go
to Jimmy Kimmel.
Speaker 4 (40:56):
Do you think he's got a big fucking hog or what?
Speaker 1 (40:58):
I don't know, Like I heard some stories he's got
to be a fun and I heard some stories. Well,
if your proportion, your size is twenty four foot, right,
it's gotta be a this guy's fucking nine feet tall.
Speaker 2 (41:09):
It's got to be like baseball bat. No, you know,
I'm you were you fitting him and you were kind
of touching around.
Speaker 1 (41:16):
I know, a penis enlargement doctor. He says. The biggest
clients hell he has is the NFL because they kind
of weirdly have small dicks, you know, because it's like
the whole myth, like yeah, you got to have like
you know, but that's I heard about a lot of
men aren't proportions. So I don't know. And I heard good,
good stories about Shack and I heard, you know, bad stories.
(41:39):
So I don't know. But he's did an answer the
door in his underwear and he looked really good, like
I was hoping, like I would be the snack that
I was hoping. Do you think some of those basketball
players are on the down loan and they have, like
I think, little boy toys? Ninety percent of them.
Speaker 2 (41:53):
Are ninety percent of them have a little Boy Yeah. Yeah,
I think so little sides. Especially now if you watch YouTube,
they're all coming out. It's okay.
Speaker 1 (42:01):
You know the rappers that say you're a faggy, you're faggy,
you're the first one in the alley.
Speaker 3 (42:07):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (42:07):
Yeah, they're taking it at the bottoms. Yeah, and it's
all out there. Yeah you know what I mean. Yeah,
so yeah, that's all there. And what about Big Frieda.
Speaker 2 (42:19):
I love Big Frida, Big Frida big She did my
birthday party, she did my show.
Speaker 1 (42:26):
She's my sister. I love Big FRIEDA. Well, she comes
in here, we totally hang out. Yes, we have a
great time. We go to the Shake Shock. She loves
to Shake Shock.
Speaker 4 (42:36):
Ye have the New Orleans Yeah yeah, she's good people.
Speaker 2 (42:40):
Yeah yeah. And Meghan the Stallion. You got to do
doja cat? Fucking Beyonce. These are big clients. What did
you do for all the Nicki Minaj, Gwen Stefani.
Speaker 1 (42:49):
So Beyonce back in the day? She comes in? Who
was the biggest.
Speaker 4 (42:53):
Diva pain in the ass that fucking lit you a
new one? Did you ever have j Lo?
Speaker 1 (42:59):
Because I heard she's a fucking pill Madonna? Tell me
about Madonna's She's not very nice? Oh really wasn't?
Speaker 2 (43:05):
She was rude to I still love her and Roquel Welch.
I still love them both. You know what, you know,
if you're that up at that echelon.
Speaker 1 (43:14):
I wouldn't expect anything less from the both of them,
because I know they're both fucking divers, but they were
both just really fucking bitches, you know, And I kind
of like them more after that because I'm like, that's
exactly what I expect. Were they being rude to you directly?
Like give me a little Exna's like, no get away
from me. I don't want that. No pictures to my friend.
(43:36):
She comes to Melrose, right, and you know what, you
just got signed. She's Madonna. She just did Borderline and
all that. Back in the days she first she was
instant cun yeah, instant cun yeah, and everybody knows about it,
you know.
Speaker 4 (43:52):
Yeah, she came mellowed out.
Speaker 1 (43:53):
I think after the kids, like and I went to
a concert and it just seemed like a different Madonna.
I think the kids change your perspective.
Speaker 4 (44:01):
They changed her little yea. They make you not so
worried about the small things.
Speaker 3 (44:04):
Yeah. Yeah.
Speaker 2 (44:06):
Deontay Wilder, Okay, so he said you lost him the fight.
This is so, can I give a little so Deontay
Wilder very famous boxer. He fights Tyson Fury, another one
of the best heavyweights in the world. There's two Titans, right,
These guys are gigantic to the best boxers in the world.
Tyson Fury has a little bit better strategy. He knows defense,
he knows how to fuck with Deontay. Deontay just has
(44:28):
this mega punch wherever he lands at your toast. So
you do the crazy helmet he wore for that fight,
for that final fight, I did five fights. You did
five fights previous, but you did the final fight. You
did the final fight with Tyson Fury. Correct, I did
the fight, so he hires you. Doesn't final fight. You
can make up this crazy thing.
Speaker 1 (44:46):
You know.
Speaker 2 (44:46):
These guys have a big, flashy Liberaci entrance. But Tyson
Fury is coming out like a king. He looks like
the fucking King of Hearts or whatever it looks. But
it looked like party city.
Speaker 3 (44:55):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (44:56):
I was cheaper, had much.
Speaker 2 (44:59):
More creative outfit, but he had a heavy he says
he had a heavy helmets.
Speaker 3 (45:04):
Like you know what you do.
Speaker 2 (45:06):
You test a helmet on, you test, You do a
fitting before you do any any performance. There's tests, there's
makeup tests, there's there's hair tests, and you put on
your outfit. There's a fitting and you see what's comfortable.
Speaker 4 (45:17):
It's not what you like.
Speaker 1 (45:18):
You take pictures of it.
Speaker 2 (45:19):
You have time to decide. You don't put it on
on the day right before you go out there and
complain about it. So it's a little bit of bullshit.
And the guy lost look so he puts on the
he put and I met him on an airplane. It
is very nice, but he's got the scariest punch in
the world.
Speaker 1 (45:31):
He's a sweetheart.
Speaker 3 (45:32):
You know what I mean.
Speaker 1 (45:33):
He's a big old ham. He loves clothes, he loves fashion. Yeah,
absolutely beautiful. Yeah, he's a runway.
Speaker 3 (45:39):
You know.
Speaker 1 (45:40):
I Lovediance. He got really close with Fiance. But that
particular fight, we planned the outfit like six months before.
He goes that one.
Speaker 4 (45:48):
This is a fight where millions of people worldwide. Wi yeah, yeah,
million people.
Speaker 3 (45:52):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (45:52):
He goes, I want something really menacing for this fight.
He said, well, okay, we're gonna make her for you.
He goes, Money's no object. He did this fucking amazing outfit.
Did you guys see it? You saw it?
Speaker 4 (46:03):
It looks like something out of a back Yeah.
Speaker 3 (46:05):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (46:05):
So it was voted the best ring walk outfit and
boxing history.
Speaker 4 (46:10):
Yeah, it looks incredible.
Speaker 1 (46:11):
Okay, but the Caesars Palace didn't close the lights. Otherwise
you would have seen laser beams coming out of it,
so they fucked up with the lights. We did a
dress rehearsal the day before. You're so right. He tried
it on in the hotel room Seesars Palace. We did
everything fit. It wasn't too heavy. He loved the outfit.
(46:32):
The day of the fight, I go in the locker
room and he's in there and he's not himself. I
think Fury got in his head because when you go
to Vegas, you see Fury, Fury, Fury on every hotel.
So you know what I mean.
Speaker 2 (46:45):
And that's what Mike Tyson said in his documentary. He goes,
boxing is all psychological. Yeah, he goes, I could beat
up a guy twice my size and a guy half
my size could beat the shit out of me. All psychological.
You have a bad day, you're fucking in your head.
Speaker 1 (46:55):
Every fight I with, he's all happy, go lucky, you
know what I mean. He won a few them with me.
The outfits were amazing. He didn't look like Party City anymore.
His girlfriend Kelly, you know Telly. So anyway, she's the
one who brought him in the store. You know, she's
my boyfriend's a fighter. This is what he's wearing.
Speaker 4 (47:13):
And I'm like, oh, she was the connector. She had
the stop like.
Speaker 1 (47:16):
Is he really wearing that? That looks like party City?
Speaker 3 (47:18):
Right right?
Speaker 1 (47:19):
And you know she goes and this guy's fighting the best.
What could you do? We did five outfits then cut
you We got this outfit okay, beautiful black. You know
he tries it on the day before like practice loves it.
The next day is the fight. I walk in the
locker room. He's not Deontay. He's not even there. He's like,
(47:41):
and I'm like, Deontay, are you all right? It's cars
like are you okay?
Speaker 3 (47:44):
You know?
Speaker 1 (47:45):
Yea, like something happened to him, right, So, and he's
got all these yes men around him, you know, but
nobody's like, come and sit down, let's pray, let's meditate,
let's do you know whatever to get you snap out
of it. You're fighting fewer right, So then I go
and we walk out. It's Black History months for real, okay, okay.
Speaker 4 (48:05):
So we had this whole thing going on. It was
like amazing.
Speaker 1 (48:09):
And then he goes, let's walk out and then he
goes Cosmo, So he goes walk out with me. So
I'm dressed with now you're in there. I'm walking out
with Giance. He goes, I want Cosmo, like you know,
we really got closed, you know what I mean? So anyway,
I'm like, i gotta walk. So we walk out and
then all of a sudden, I'm like, okay, I'm walking
with Yance, bitch is okay? And I hear fuck you yeah,
(48:32):
like there was going they were all shouting, here we here,
we cure. I'm like, we're gonna get I'm gonna somebody's
gonna throw a fucking meady, you know what I mean.
I thought it was gonna be all gro It was
just a nightmare. It was a nightmare. Some like as
soon as we hit uh, Caesar's powers cursed. So I
go sit down and my beat in my seat. Siance
(48:54):
goes to fight and then all of a sudden, I'm like,
oh my god, guy's getting this like.
Speaker 3 (49:01):
A rag doll. That fight. I could not.
Speaker 2 (49:05):
Believe it, but there was I'll tell you, I'm not
a boxing expert, but Tyson Fury went into that fight
because they fought before, and Deontay knocked him down right,
and the guy's like Frankenstein. He got back up from
the heart punch of the way right, getting punched by
Deontay's like getting hit with a fucking metal baseball bat,
you know, I mean, like a bat to the skull.
So the fact that Tyson Fury got up from the
first fight is insane.
Speaker 1 (49:26):
Right, He did a thing.
Speaker 2 (49:28):
He went into that with a strategy specifically for Deontay Wilder,
because he knows Deontay is all about that punch. He's
not about defense, he's not about other skills. He's just like,
if you get hit by that punch, your fuck So Tyson,
if you watch again, Tyson, Fury is constantly just holding
onto him and draining.
Speaker 1 (49:46):
His energy, energy, draining his energy, draining his energy.
Speaker 2 (49:50):
So by the whatever fifth or sixth round, then he
starts fucking digging him up, and Deontay doesn't have the
energy left to do his signature fucking Mortal Kombat punch.
So he really Tyson went into that fight really kind
of educated and had a customized attack for that specific fighter,
and that's what fucked him up through the Yeah, but
(50:12):
most fighters when they fight Deonte, they just are shitting
and pissing their pants and they get hit by that one, right.
But he doesn't have a good defense. He doesn't have
He just knows how to fucking nail you that. I
wish he was a better fighter, but.
Speaker 1 (50:23):
I didn't like that they blamed it on you and
that mask that that you created for him. Give me
a break. It's up to the fighter to fight, it's
up to the athlete to perform.
Speaker 3 (50:34):
Thank you for that.
Speaker 4 (50:35):
And he was up against one of the toughest. I
wake up right and I give you death threats.
Speaker 3 (50:40):
Yeah it was bad.
Speaker 1 (50:41):
Well, he's escapegoat. He lost the fight because of his outfit.
Speaker 4 (50:46):
That's all eagle, that's fragile mail ego.
Speaker 1 (50:48):
He can't take the truth came out. Who's that sportscaster
from New York. He goes, he didn't lose the fight
for the fucking outfit. He just got his ass. Motherfucking
there we go. Okay, he was not prepared for that fight.
Don't blame that fucking designer. And then on the cover
I think of La Times was like the outfit one. Yeah,
(51:08):
there loss. So I'm waiting for Deyonce's phone call. I'm like, Deyonce,
why'd you throw me under the bus? You know, I'm
pissed right because he goes, You'll be with me forever.
Cosmo Beyonce said the same thing. So I finally I'm
at the Daigna and me and my business partner were
pissed off. We're like, why do you do that to us?
(51:30):
He goes, Guys, I'm so sorry. He goes it was FaceTime.
He goes, it wasn't me, It was my coach who
wanted who blamed you. It got out there with social media.
He goes, Cosmo, you're going to be with me to
the end. But that was the end. It was, and
then he fought again. I made the outfit again. I
(51:51):
blessed it from African Uh we did these beats from
Africa really got into it.
Speaker 3 (51:58):
And then he just like he.
Speaker 1 (51:59):
Started losing losing. Yeah, it got really bad. It's actually
I got more publicity from Deioncey. But Shaq called me
from beyond Deioncey. He goes, whatever you made Deiancey, could
you make me something? So you call me FaceTime? And
I answered the phone. I'm like, oh my god, it's Shaq.
Speaker 4 (52:15):
Yeah, he goes Cosmo.
Speaker 2 (52:17):
He goes, I got your number from Deioncey.
Speaker 3 (52:19):
Could you hook me up?
Speaker 1 (52:20):
And then I started making clothes for Shock. Okay, this
is my final question because I have to go to
the airport.
Speaker 2 (52:26):
Can you style me the next time I do a
red carpet? I would love to name your price. Yeah,
I would love to name your price. We'll talk, we'll talk,
we'll talk in the dress. Someone with the gloryhole.
Speaker 1 (52:36):
Okay, perfect. I would love to style you. I'll put
it on now, I'll put it on that, but then
I gotta go to the airport. Okay, you guys, I
could talk to you all this, and I just got you.
Speaker 2 (52:46):
Aimingful for me to walk away from this because I
can talk to you all day, but she's got to pay.
Speaker 1 (52:51):
You gotta pay, Benny, get the car.
Speaker 2 (52:53):
I gotta pa the Queen of Melrose aka Cosmo Lomino.
Speaker 3 (53:02):
I'll be with eric Andre.
Speaker 2 (53:05):
Fombing with Eric Andre is brought to you by Will
Ferrell's Big Money Players Network and iHeart Podcasts. Our executive
producer is Olivia Aguilar. Our producer is Bei Wang. Our
research assistant is David Carliner. Our editor and sound designers
Andy Harris, and our art is by Dylan Vanderberg. Go
rate us five stars and drop a review on your
podcast app a choice
We's have y'all.
Speaker 2 (00:00):
It's Eric Andre and this is Bombing, the podcast where
I talk to comedians, artists and other interesting people about
the worst bombs of their careers. On today's episodes, we
have none other than the Queen of Melrose aka Cosmo Lombino,
an absolute legend. You recognize Cosmo's voice the second.
Speaker 3 (00:16):
You hear it.
Speaker 2 (00:17):
She's a fashion designer with a crazy life story and
we get into it about everything growing up with family,
ties to the mob, low points with drugs, in sobriety,
fisting accidents, styling celebrities, and the.
Speaker 1 (00:27):
Time she got fusted on cops.
Speaker 2 (00:29):
If you're in La you gotta check out her stores
on Melrose Avenue in Joy.
Speaker 3 (00:37):
Bombing with Eric Andre.
Speaker 2 (00:43):
Okay, ladies and gentlemen, my name is Eric Andre and
the podcast is Dull Bombing and I am here with
the Queen of Melrose aka Cosmo Lombino.
Speaker 1 (00:57):
Legend. She does it all aashion runway.
Speaker 2 (01:01):
She used to get cracked in the projects Queen's Bridge,
the Queen's Bridge, she was part of the projects.
Speaker 1 (01:08):
She was part of the loofthansa height story Loofane. That
is good fellas, you did your homework.
Speaker 2 (01:16):
So tell us a little bit about your backstory. You're
from the Bronx Manhattan.
Speaker 1 (01:20):
Where from Harlem East?
Speaker 2 (01:22):
I moms from Harlem West Harlem really one twelve between
Broadway and Amsterdam.
Speaker 1 (01:26):
One hundred and sixteen and Pleasure Spanish Haarlem Spanish Harlem.
Speaker 3 (01:30):
Wow.
Speaker 1 (01:31):
So it was like West Side story for you, west
Side Storry. They made the Godfather and my grandmother's apartment.
Speaker 4 (01:36):
You're making a joker.
Speaker 1 (01:37):
No, I kid, you're not. You're Italian or Porto Ricans Italian,
but you knew a weakened by injection by beef In Jackson.
You look like you have a little Puerto Rican.
Speaker 2 (01:47):
I know, I get that a lot. But my dad
was from Haiti. My mom's a Jew from Harlem.
Speaker 1 (01:51):
Oh my god.
Speaker 4 (01:51):
So that gives a Puerto Rican child.
Speaker 1 (01:54):
Yeah?
Speaker 2 (01:54):
Yeah, it was a bent like a hockey stack. Though,
like jay Z a little we like that. You want
to do poppers or do you know what when was
the last time you did poppers? Because you've been sober
for eight years?
Speaker 3 (02:06):
Eight years?
Speaker 1 (02:07):
What was the rock bottom? When did you stop doing drunk? Poppers?
Was eighties and early nights back.
Speaker 2 (02:13):
So these kids, these gen Z kids, they're bringing everything
back perhb is back, Poppers is back.
Speaker 1 (02:20):
It all comes back when it comes back. Music fashion, yep,
and popp is.
Speaker 2 (02:26):
Did you used to shoot drugs? I never shot up,
but you were a cocaine. I was coke and.
Speaker 1 (02:31):
Booze or what I was coke?
Speaker 4 (02:32):
And then it went to crack and you were just
having to.
Speaker 1 (02:34):
And it wasn't cracked though. It was freebase. Freebase is
the high class. Yeah, that's how it was. Richard Bryarways,
yeah did you see Joe Joe answer?
Speaker 4 (02:42):
Yeah, I loved it.
Speaker 1 (02:43):
So that was his thing. But he went on fire,
tried to kill him. I don't know. When you cook
the eighth with the cocaine, sometimes it explodes.
Speaker 2 (02:51):
Oh yeah, it's dangerous, so I think it exploded. What's
your craziest drug story? What's the most fucked up you
ever been?
Speaker 1 (02:57):
Do you want to hear it?
Speaker 3 (02:58):
Yes?
Speaker 1 (02:58):
I'm like, are you ready? Though, I'm so ready?
Speaker 2 (03:01):
And then after this story, we're gonna introduce my high
school friend again, because we love you.
Speaker 1 (03:05):
I love your friends. I feel like I know them
for years. Yes, okay, drug story, this just came to mind.
I have a million of them. Yes, but okay, so
I'm seventeen. I moved to California, right because after I
lived growing up in Harlem. After growing up in Harlem,
then I moved to Queens Long Island City. Okay, you
know which is like Manhattan right now, like beautiful right?
(03:25):
And then it used to be yeah, it never used
to be. It was all crack and prostitutes. I loved it.
I cried when they left. Anyway, you know that New
York you know that.
Speaker 2 (03:36):
Was yeah, well I got a little taste of it
was a little kid because my mom would bring me back.
Speaker 1 (03:40):
Yeah, you're Florida, right, Yeah, tell me some Florida story.
Speaker 3 (03:43):
I got you.
Speaker 1 (03:44):
If there is one, I got you.
Speaker 4 (03:46):
Oh there's plenty. Yeah, okay, kidding me.
Speaker 1 (03:47):
So I moved. I moved to uh, California. My father
got a job in the Palm restaurant. My mother was
teasing the hair like a Margaret. I'm going to do
the whole thing for you, no, suh.
Speaker 2 (04:00):
So I moved to California, and I think I heard
about this Jehovah's Witness.
Speaker 1 (04:03):
No. I was Catholic all my life. Then my grandmother
was about Catholic every Sunday in church. What happened was
in Astoria Queens. My grandmother had a house. She was
the mattriarch of the family. All of a sudden, like
Jehovah's witnesses come to her door. That's the men. The
next thing I know, we're going to fucking Kingdom Hall.
(04:24):
Were Jehovah's witnesses converted her? She converted? Are you kidding me?
Speaker 4 (04:30):
Italian?
Speaker 1 (04:31):
So here, I am eight years old. You can't be gay.
You can't have a birthday, you can't have a Christmas,
you can't touch yourself, you can't be gay. I said,
fuck you all. I might be the Bible says the
truth will set you free. There you go, literally eight
years old and I'm gay and that's the truth. So
I was so defiant from the gay girl. Yeah. But anyway,
(04:52):
and then my mother couldn't be a Jehovah's winners. She
tried to please him. My father was still in the Bronx,
you know what I mean. He was like doing the
Liluftanza thing. Yeah, so it didn't really work out, but
my grandmother did try.
Speaker 4 (05:03):
You know what, your dad was in the loof Ends
of Heist along with he.
Speaker 1 (05:07):
Like you know, Goodfellas. Yeah, so that that lufthansa heist
in Queens. Yeah, so my father was implicated in that.
That was the biggest heist. But they tried mill. They
tried to implicate everybody.
Speaker 4 (05:21):
They fucked up the whole family.
Speaker 1 (05:23):
The five family was crazy. They all ride it on
each other. And then after the kind of went, you know,
it wasn't the mob anymore. But that's when my father
said fuck New York because he was indicted, you know.
And I always had FBI agents in my yard looking
at my father.
Speaker 2 (05:41):
Jesus. They would follow me to school. Some of them hot, yeah,
you know what. One like a man in a suit.
Speaker 1 (05:47):
One was hung like a horse. I remember he was uncut.
It was like, wow, that's it looked like an amadilla.
But anyway, that was another thing that was my That
was the Queen's first experience. That was like, what do
I do with this? He has the biggest cock. Dominican guys.
I got to stay between the Puerto Ricans and the Dominicans.
(06:07):
I think it's a tie tie, but they're big boys.
You hung.
Speaker 4 (06:11):
Have you ever taken off a guy's pants? And it's
going to be a long night, you know what?
Speaker 1 (06:15):
Not too long ago?
Speaker 4 (06:16):
Really? Yeah, but the guy had like a fucking bowling
pin or what.
Speaker 1 (06:19):
So anyway, my neighbor says, My neighbor says, I just
moved in my back. Neighbor is hung like a horse
and he's obsessed with you. I'm like, really, give me
his number. So because I just broke up with somebody,
so now you know she's queen and you know she's
queen and soba right, so unavailable. So anyway, he comes
(06:39):
So anyway, he sends me a picture and I'm like, okay.
Then he goes, could I come over. I want to
give you a massage. So I just bought a massage table, right,
So anyway, perfect, He comes over and he takes off
his pants and I'm like, you can landa aircraft on
that thing. This thing was like a dream. I think
(07:02):
it's even like everybody's dream. But you're a straight gay whatever.
Everybody wants to play with this thing, right. So anyway,
so I said, your picture does no justice. I says, yeah,
you were big in the picture, but you're like you
know this size small, medium, large, yeah, and oh my god,
yeah was oh my god.
Speaker 3 (07:24):
Yeah, you know what I mean.
Speaker 1 (07:25):
And their heart's very rare to find that like that
John Holmes Cock, you know what I mean.
Speaker 4 (07:30):
But that's a tough You're like, it's going to be
a long night.
Speaker 1 (07:32):
It wasn't that long, you know what I mean. As
a matter of fact, I just looked at it, you know,
it's like you know, and threw it over my shoulder,
you know what I mean. A little pre ejaculation occurred.
I'm like, can I thank you very much? Yeah? Because
it's like, when it's that big, what do you really
do with it?
Speaker 4 (07:49):
Are you going to hang out with this guy again?
Speaker 1 (07:51):
I fell in love. I'm in love. No. I text
him all the time.
Speaker 3 (07:57):
Yeah yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, I do.
Speaker 1 (07:59):
Boyfriend.
Speaker 4 (07:59):
Well out any further.
Speaker 1 (08:00):
You got to keep those aside yet.
Speaker 2 (08:02):
I want to introduce one of my oldest friends, my
bestest friends from high school. We made a pack to
do comedy together when we were twenty years old and
Christina's bedroom Ladies and gentlemen, you know her from Driver
school yards Megan Blanchat everybody, I'm Magan. Megan is here
for specific reason because we are super fans. We became sisters,
(08:24):
and we love your content. We're obsessed with you, and
I wouldn't have it any other way than to be
drinking some good wine right here with Megan and you,
and Sony.
Speaker 1 (08:34):
Is here too if she's feeling there's We just.
Speaker 2 (08:39):
Wanted to vibe out with you because you're our inspiration. Okay,
where's the strangest place you've ever read?
Speaker 4 (08:44):
Sex?
Speaker 1 (08:45):
Oh? So I didn't finish tell my story? Should tell me?
Speaker 3 (08:47):
Tell you? I want to know.
Speaker 4 (08:48):
I want to go.
Speaker 2 (08:48):
I want to know crazy sex stuff, crazy drug stuff. Okay,
and then we'll talk about bombing.
Speaker 5 (08:53):
Are we still on the armor one?
Speaker 1 (08:54):
No? No, no, we're passing that girl.
Speaker 2 (08:56):
Oh okay, queen, yes, girl, Okay, anytime you want these
to go around like.
Speaker 1 (09:03):
We could share it.
Speaker 5 (09:03):
I feel like I would scare me, like I'd be stressed.
Speaker 1 (09:05):
Yeah for a minute, and then you'll be like yeah,
I just said yeah.
Speaker 5 (09:09):
Like I see it, I see it.
Speaker 1 (09:11):
You got to face your fears. We'll have a freak.
Yeah I have a little freaking.
Speaker 5 (09:15):
Yes seriously, but not an army like I feel like
I would stress.
Speaker 1 (09:18):
But what's your thing?
Speaker 3 (09:18):
Like?
Speaker 1 (09:19):
What is a quart of weekend? Is Italian? Like what
you'll like freak?
Speaker 5 (09:22):
Okay, So deep down I have I have a thing
for like guidos, like proper, like like the really cheesy,
like with the neck, the whole Joey.
Speaker 1 (09:30):
But yeah, we love Joey. Yeah, like I have a
twin brother that would love you. Okay from Florida. He's
like last of the hot Italians. Okay, you know, yeah,
and it's the boy. I'm the girl, so you might
have to be my sister in law. Okay, Okay, Megan,
is it married men?
Speaker 4 (09:49):
Kind of your freak?
Speaker 1 (09:50):
Oh no? Do we go there? How dare you? Because
that's what I heard.
Speaker 4 (09:55):
She likes a little bit of the danger.
Speaker 1 (09:57):
Oh really, Yeah, that's cute and all, but they karma karma.
Speaker 5 (10:01):
It's awful. No, it's the wrong choice. I hate you.
Speaker 1 (10:04):
And what happened to show me? Butterfield coat? Yeah, the lady,
she got a face blown off girl, not a good
idea girl. But she likes the danger of it. You know.
Speaker 2 (10:14):
It's like shoplifting, Like yeah, you don't need to do it,
but yeah.
Speaker 5 (10:18):
And also on that topic, I got caught for shoplifting
when I was like fourteen from j C Benny from
JAZ Benny. I wasn't allowed to go in for a year.
Speaker 1 (10:25):
Oh year, I was Okay, so you're you're stealing and
you're stealing people's husband. So it's telling me a lot
about you. Okay, stay away from me, bitch.
Speaker 5 (10:34):
Don't do that dusk. Such a girl, you have such
a bright future.
Speaker 1 (10:41):
That was and she's passed. I was going to day
are you over right now?
Speaker 5 (10:44):
Right now?
Speaker 1 (10:44):
Okay, okay, starting to right now. I was bad girl
club too.
Speaker 5 (10:48):
Oh yeah, I was real crazy? Okay, very easy.
Speaker 1 (10:51):
Did you did you? I did it all? Did you
get somebody? I'm on?
Speaker 3 (10:56):
I'm on? Yeah?
Speaker 1 (10:58):
What happened?
Speaker 5 (10:58):
Can you tell the story?
Speaker 3 (11:00):
Okay?
Speaker 1 (11:00):
So I lowe? Is the story of the most high
you've ever been?
Speaker 3 (11:02):
Yeah? Yeah, yeah?
Speaker 1 (11:03):
Which one do you want for?
Speaker 3 (11:04):
Hest?
Speaker 2 (11:04):
I want to know what like rock bottom eyes a
come story, copy story.
Speaker 1 (11:09):
So let's just do the story when it came out,
because you said something about getting high the word what
was the first question?
Speaker 4 (11:16):
Well, it was like what happened eight years ago that
got you sober?
Speaker 1 (11:19):
Oh? That was the that's another question. So which one
are we going with?
Speaker 4 (11:22):
What's the most fucked up you've ever been?
Speaker 1 (11:23):
Okay, let's do that one first?
Speaker 4 (11:24):
What got you sober? And why were you on cops?
Speaker 1 (11:27):
Okay? So I moved here and then I'm a hairdresser,
some cutting people's hair. So this lady goes, could you
come up in my house in Woodland Hills. And my
husband is makes movies. His name is a big director whatever.
And I go to this house and it's fucking beautiful.
She goes, but I think my husband's my fiance is gay.
(11:48):
She goes, and I want you to tell me because
you're gay, So come and do my hair. So I
go in the house, right beautiful, and then he's on
the bed right literally, okay, literally fisting himself. No, old girl,
he had arrah. He was ammy dextrous, his like his
(12:10):
leg was up here. So I'm in there, going welcome
to La, because I came to La to get away
from the drugs and the freaking nest. Oh no, it's here.
So anyway, I'm like, girl, what is he doing? So
she takes out a april. I can't what he did
on the bed, you know, as long as I'm like
doing the apall, you know, I'm obsessed. So I do
(12:31):
a hair and everything. So he calls her over. He goes, honey,
show Cosmo what we do. Literally new to La, and
I thought I'd seen it all. So she has like
little little, little tiny fist and wrist, and she looked
like Sweet Polly from Underdog, you know what I mean.
She had like a really big nose, you know, no
discrimination of big noses. That was usually you know, Jewish,
(12:54):
you're Italian, that we go.
Speaker 5 (12:55):
You know, I'm happy with my nose.
Speaker 1 (12:59):
And you probably portion. But anyway, so what happened was
she's like, Babe, let's show Cosmo what we do. So
I'm cutting her hair or whatever, and then she goes Cosmo. Wait,
so they want to have this party with me. I'm sixteen, right,
seventeen girl talk about grooming, okay, and.
Speaker 4 (13:20):
They were like forty years old, right the eighties or.
Speaker 1 (13:22):
What this is the eighties, nineteen seventy nine, nineteen eighty
when I first moved here.
Speaker 2 (13:28):
So cocaine was flowing in April everywhere, and I was
already addicted. Okay, because I'm doing this from from New York,
from being from Freebase and all that with the mob,
that's another story, you know, the ones there, Free Based,
you know. So she goes to the bed and she
puts gel on her hand and she's fisting him.
Speaker 1 (13:46):
My first fucking, weird, old, motherfucking experience. So anyway, she's
fisting him.
Speaker 5 (13:52):
And you're just standing there watching girl.
Speaker 1 (13:54):
I'm like, just give me more coke. I could watch
this all day.
Speaker 5 (13:58):
Are you like interacting?
Speaker 1 (13:59):
Were you like no, I didn't want to interact, girl,
not something like I will suck a dick and a heartbeat, queen.
When it comes to shit like that. I was like, wow,
are they making it fascinated? They were looking right at me.
So she's fisting hand and he's getting aggravated.
Speaker 6 (14:17):
He goes, no, you're not doing it right. You're not
doing it right. Your hand is so small. You got
to go hard, hard or harder. He goes, Cosmo, your turn.
Speaker 1 (14:28):
So there's the coke, right, I wouldn't did anything. I'm like, sure,
why not? I would talk about this fucking plant for
five hours, you know.
Speaker 3 (14:35):
What I mean?
Speaker 1 (14:36):
So my turn. So she goes drawing this glove, honey.
So I drew on the glove and I put my
hand in the jew and there's this gorgeous man, gorgeous
in the bed, this producer. Yeah, and and then I
go and I'm like this, and he's psychotic, and he's
getting aggravated with her, like, get the fuck away from me,
(14:59):
or your hand is just small and me he's like,
oh wow, yeah, he's loving it right like that. So
all of a sudden, I had a pinky ring on
something like you had on it, you know, because we
love gold of New York, right, So I had the
little you know, Italian nuggets pinky ring and I'm doing
this and as I'm doing it, I feel a rupture.
Speaker 5 (15:21):
No, what do you mean a rupture?
Speaker 1 (15:23):
A rupture my ring and his asshole it busted something.
I love it in him horror movie. So this will lood.
Speaker 3 (15:31):
Now.
Speaker 1 (15:32):
This is one from doing a haircut to you know,
partying some cocaine cut to the.
Speaker 2 (15:38):
Terrif Blood infect Terrifire Part three. Yeah, blood eagle matter.
I'm like, oh my god.
Speaker 1 (15:46):
So I fucking take my hand out and there's like
literally blood on it, and I'm like, oh my god.
She's like, oh my god. It was like a horror
He goes, don't trip, don't trip. I got this, it
happened to me before her. And I'm like, I need
more coke, you know, anywhere. So he goes in the
bathtub and I'm like, girl, not only is he I
(16:08):
think he's gay, but I think he's fucking I degenerate, girl,
Like you know what I mean, you're gonna I don't
know about I would think twice about marrying this guy
because she was engaged to him. So she's crying. It's
just a nightmare.
Speaker 3 (16:20):
Girl.
Speaker 1 (16:21):
Why why the queen from Queens, why why? Oh my God,
give me some more. And so he comes out of
the bathroom. He goes, I'm fine, and I go to
the bathroom and I see all the blood in the tub, right,
maybe even a few veins, and ship, oh yeah, word,
(16:43):
you know what I mean.
Speaker 5 (16:44):
Did you lose the pinky ring in the buttle?
Speaker 1 (16:45):
No? No, no, I still yeah, I still have it.
I still have it. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 5 (16:53):
Okay.
Speaker 1 (16:54):
So anyway, that's what happened. So he goes back in
the bed, right, takes out more coke. He goes, let's
do it again. Whoa. So that was my first experience
in La, you know, and I heard they're freaky here,
like they take you home in the jacuzzi and you know,
you come your sister, your mother, your dog to bring
(17:17):
it on. But never that. So that was like the
most terrifying experience to La. Okay, so that's what happened.
That's a lot at ye. Yeah, yeah, it's pretty good.
Speaker 3 (17:30):
Yeah, yeah, with a recondre with arindre.
Speaker 2 (17:46):
Okay, so you got some more questions. What happened eight
years ago that you stopped doing drugs?
Speaker 1 (17:51):
Okay? So eight years ago? Okay, last time you got hired? Okay,
so eight years ago?
Speaker 4 (17:58):
Twenty What.
Speaker 1 (18:00):
It was the eight Uh? It was Friday the thirteenth,
Friday the.
Speaker 4 (18:05):
Thirteenth before the election before Trump gets them?
Speaker 1 (18:08):
Yeah, okay, Friday thirteenth. Are you literally going to do that?
Speaker 5 (18:12):
I don't think so. Okay, I can only do it.
Speaker 1 (18:14):
We all do. You're gonna see, you're gonna go. I'll
do it if you do it. Okay, you do it first.
Speaker 5 (18:17):
Yeah, I'll do it if you first. Sunday does the first.
Speaker 1 (18:20):
I called my sponsor. Yeah, that's she's not speed sile anyway.
As long as we're not fisting, we're fine.
Speaker 2 (18:29):
Well, no time, So eight years ago, it's twenty sixteen.
Speaker 1 (18:37):
So you know it was getting like I try to
get sober. Was the relapse queen? Like bad things were happening.
I'm up for nine.
Speaker 4 (18:44):
Days doing blow and then pillowing blow.
Speaker 1 (18:47):
No pills, just vodka and blow and free base. You know,
free base.
Speaker 5 (18:53):
Are you sad and crying?
Speaker 1 (18:55):
Girl, serical suicidal. Yeah, like drug addictes. Yeah, like hope
to die drug a draddeck. But I wouldn't die. I
just kept on coming back, girl, like Tina Turner and Share. Yeah.
I just kept on coming fucking back girl. Yeah. So
I was like yeah, so anyway, and everybody in AA
(19:15):
was like, you know, she could keeps some God bless her.
She keeps on coming back. The pitch is forty nine
years old and she's still out there doing fucking crack
with you know, downtown behind a dumpster bitch. And then
I had weys had clothing stores too, so I had
to go to work. But I had this crazy work
ethic that I would always go to work, and then.
Speaker 4 (19:33):
I would have to if you're in like one hour sleep.
Speaker 1 (19:35):
You know what. When I used to work for these
Israelis that's who got me started, and they're.
Speaker 3 (19:40):
Like used to sleep.
Speaker 1 (19:42):
I wake you and they bring me like a fucking falafel,
you know what I mean. They'd open my windows, you
know what I mean. Because I made so much money
for them, you know what I mean. So they they
were like, you know, okay, yoused to leave me two
o'clock and I wake you up. Two o'clock in the afternoon.
That's when I get busy. So I go back to
work and they're like push, push, you know what I mean.
(20:03):
So they taught me how to do the Shmata business. Really,
that's why I have a store of forty years today,
you know what I mean, because they really taught me.
Speaker 3 (20:10):
You know.
Speaker 1 (20:11):
So I to your store. I would love for you
to come to Can we all do a field trip there?
I would love to go today. Where is the store?
Speaker 4 (20:17):
Where is it?
Speaker 1 (20:18):
It's on Melros and Fuller, and then I have another
one on Melros and Stanley by Starbucks. And then I
have another one called shoehor La.
Speaker 4 (20:26):
What are the first two golds? Can you shout them out?
Speaker 3 (20:29):
Okay?
Speaker 1 (20:29):
For audio? So there's Cosmo's Glam Squad. Yeah, see Glam
Squad that's on Fuller Okay. And then I have Cosmo
and Zanata. Yeah, so that's a label I had to
pull on a business partner. That's who was my sponsor
in AA boy who helped me get sober. Okay, So
I trust him so much. I mean, I'm a partner,
you know, because the store is like it's a monster
to run and I can't really do it all by myself,
(20:51):
So I pulled him in. So we did a label.
Speaker 4 (20:53):
Even when you were on vodka and you're doing club.
Speaker 2 (20:55):
You're still working hard. Yeah, so it still working. So
you're really not sleeping. You're you're drinking, you're doing your
freebasing coke. You're kind of half sleeping. When the Israelis
talk you into it, then you get up. You're working
your ass off, your opening stores. It was he you're
han't falling out with business partners. Yeah, it's a lot
of stress. It was so stress.
Speaker 1 (21:16):
It was a lot. So you hit a wall, you know,
I have to go to the hospital. And it was
like really bad because they always say, you know, if
you keep on using, it's going to get worse, never better, right,
And it was always getting worse. Bad things happened, my
person getting stolen, whatever. I have to fight gangsters, you know,
I'm downtown in a hotel room, you know, with these
fucking eighteenth Street and they will put the mattresses no.
Speaker 5 (21:38):
Really yeah, and they would put the.
Speaker 1 (21:41):
Paranoia and they will put the mattresses on the windows
and a gun on the table, you know what I mean.
And I'd be partying with them, like you know, it's
like that. It's like it's time like. But I would
get so high. I'd be like, just put your dick away.
I didn't want the dick, just give me a your coke.
(22:01):
And they didn't like that. So I had to jump
out a few windows, you know what I mean, because
it was dangerous down there. I don't know if you
heard them out this park. Yeah, so you know it's
still Echo Park. It's far right, so you know, let's sketchy.
We got this park. It's like it's legendary for like
people hanging out there and not coming home. And then
in that lake there was like bodies they would drain
(22:21):
the lake. There would be cork carcasses in that lake
from like and I loved it. I was in the
middle of it all. I'm like, oh my god, I'm
still oh how's my hair?
Speaker 3 (22:30):
Girl?
Speaker 1 (22:31):
But I would come home just like fucked up girl,
like and you know, thank God, there was like a
kind of an angel on my shoulder. But I would
always come home unscathed. They would actually cut people's throats
down there, but they love me. They're like, we call it,
We're going to call you Hollywood. We love hanging out
with you. Hollywood. Yeah.
Speaker 4 (22:51):
So when you get out of the hospital, do you
go right into AA.
Speaker 1 (22:54):
Was it where you're just like I've been going to
AA from many.
Speaker 2 (22:57):
Oh you were relapsing. Yeah, but this is the longest
you've been sober. Yeah, So what was what? What was
about this that.
Speaker 1 (23:05):
You were I was done? Like I knew I was done,
you know, because.
Speaker 4 (23:10):
I drank all your drinks.
Speaker 1 (23:12):
You did it all you did it. I did it
behind dumpsters. I did it Beverly Hills movie. Never did acid.
I did acid yet when I was younger, I put
a little snoopy on my tongue.
Speaker 3 (23:21):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (23:22):
I did some locker room that was the eighties. That
was fun because you know, in the beginning, it's fun, Yeah,
and then it's fun with problems. Yeah, and then it's
fun with more problems.
Speaker 3 (23:31):
Yeah.
Speaker 5 (23:31):
How long was it that you knew that you had
to stop, like that you were struggling.
Speaker 1 (23:36):
I was dancing with the double for many years, like
the last fifteen years of my addiction, Like I knew
I had to stop. Years stop. I can't stop.
Speaker 3 (23:44):
You know.
Speaker 4 (23:45):
Do you think it comes from inside like a depression
or something like that. No, you know that I think
it's a gene your parents were.
Speaker 1 (23:52):
My father was CoA and my mother was alcohol It's
my grandparents too. Yeah, it's in you, so I think.
But then there's also people would white pick offences, you
know that their parents are not alcoholic, and they become
like Crystal met fucking degenerates.
Speaker 5 (24:07):
You have abandoned the issues.
Speaker 1 (24:09):
I think we all do. I know. Yeah, yeah, yeah,
even though I had a twin in the same sack
with me, you know, but I had a twin, I
have an identical twin, Joey set you. No, he's the boy.
I'm the girl. So Joey straight, Joey straight, there's a
(24:30):
straight you identical.
Speaker 5 (24:33):
That I may end up.
Speaker 1 (24:37):
You know, I got to see, don't you give him
a little locker room? But no, Joey Straight. He's one
of the last Italians in New York. He was my
twin brother, so he was like my protector to in
New York growing up. You know, he had your back
because he played hockey and he was going to be
and we're kids picking on you, you know what It's like.
I became the bully. I became the boil.
Speaker 4 (25:01):
Your dad picking on you because you're gay or.
Speaker 1 (25:04):
Now my father Okay, so he told me I got
that one beating when I was younger.
Speaker 4 (25:09):
I'll be honest, did you come out out to him?
Or did you?
Speaker 1 (25:13):
Was never in you? You were singing shou y you
were you.
Speaker 2 (25:19):
Were like a course line Eliza and Lvhs's and they
knew right away.
Speaker 1 (25:25):
I was three years old. I was in love with
Donny Osmond and the Monkeys. Who was the Monkeys Davy Jones.
So I didn't know what gay was. I didn't know,
but I told my mother I'm going to marry Donny Osmon,
and here I am. I had a towel on my
head and our heels. They couldn't stop me. So they like,
when did you come out? Cosmo? I was never in right,
(25:47):
like I came strumming up, you know. But my father
was in the mob. So one day my older brother's
playing basketball, so he's with all of his friends in Harlem, right,
so he's mortified that I'm gay. My older brother, you
know what I mean. My father was okay with it
because he knew I was going to be like somewhat
successful after the drug addiction, of course. But so I'm
(26:08):
in the park and I'm like Tommy and I'm running
like a girl because I always wanted to run like this,
you know, like my aunts, my mother's sisters. I thought it.
So I thought it was normal to run like this.
So anyway, Tommy comes home from playing basketball. He goes, Dad,
Cosmo embarrassed me on purpose. He acts like a fag
on purpose. I didn't act like a fag on purpose.
(26:30):
That's how I was, you know what I mean. I'm like, Tommy,
I was so happy, you know, it's being in the park,
and I thought it was perfectly normal. So he goes,
how dare you embarrass your brother? So I got that
one beating like maybe he's not going to be gay anymore,
you know what I mean. But I came out of
the fucking the beating like you know, you know what
(26:50):
I mean, or doing a runway more gay. So then
my father told me. He goes, I work with a
lot of gay people. I'm in the club scene. And
he goes, I just don't want this life for you
because I think you're going to be unhappy. He goes,
and I love you very much. So long story short,
I became a hairdresser. I was the first one to
(27:11):
open my own business. So before he died, he wanted
me by his bed, so he always loved and supported me.
That's great because it doesn't always work out that way.
Speaker 2 (27:20):
Yeah, it's a lot of people get rejected by their
there's so many tough Italian you're right, right.
Speaker 1 (27:26):
But even in the South people getting thrown out. Like
if you see the all around the world, you see
mostly homeless gay people, you know in the streets. It's
because they were their parents didn't support them. So I
blamed the parents, I really do. That's why I wish
some people would come out, like big celebrities.
Speaker 5 (27:43):
Like you know who and you know who?
Speaker 4 (27:46):
Donald Trump is gay. They're saying, I'm.
Speaker 1 (27:49):
Trying this upside down, trying to upside down. We all
need anal bleaching. I agree. I've said that a million times.
Speaker 3 (28:02):
With a recondre. With a recondre.
Speaker 2 (28:15):
Now, I want to know, why are you on cops.
That's a bit of a bomb, and I love that
you ever selling a perfume called my Cunt?
Speaker 1 (28:25):
That's what we have to put this image up on
the fucking he serving.
Speaker 4 (28:29):
You're selling a signature cent called my Cunt.
Speaker 3 (28:32):
You know what?
Speaker 1 (28:32):
It's pretty and soft? Yes?
Speaker 2 (28:35):
Wow, why you guys get wow? I sold out? Yes,
I need I need something cut.
Speaker 1 (28:41):
You want to smell Cosmos cut?
Speaker 4 (28:42):
I want to smell Cosmo cuns. I never thought I did.
Speaker 3 (28:45):
Now I do.
Speaker 5 (28:45):
I always know, I always do.
Speaker 4 (28:47):
I was on the fence, but now I'm now I'm
no longer of fence.
Speaker 1 (28:51):
I'm okay. So cops, we got to talk about why
are you on cops? So I'm in LA. This is
when I first come to l A again, and I'm
here for a few years, and I go, let me
go buy some drugs. So I wear like this Adida
sweatsuit and my twin brother and a baseball hat. And
I don't look like this at all. I look like
(29:12):
my twin brother, right, going to go bad neighborhood. So anyway,
I'm a Caton and Santa Monica Boulevard. There was the
drug spot there, so there I go. I'm buying drugs
and then all of a sudden, they're like, you're on cops.
And I turn around, right, and it's meeting these two
guys ready to go and get our freak on and
have fun. And I have the drugs in my hand,
(29:35):
and I turn around and the first year of Cops,
my face and twitch feet for me, don't move.
Speaker 3 (29:44):
Okay, sure, all right, Johnson for New York. How long
you've been out here?
Speaker 1 (29:57):
Have you got an your pockets? You know, anything, shop
or anything?
Speaker 3 (29:59):
I jam my cell phone to email.
Speaker 1 (30:02):
Well, I'm gonna cut my cell phone and poke myself. Okay,
do you have identification or anything? No idea? I just
poked down here. But I just got a job on
no roads?
Speaker 3 (30:11):
Did it?
Speaker 1 (30:12):
If you see, yeah, where you live at? I'm staying
with my mom at w Hill. You've done over new
part of the neighborhood. I was looking for my friend.
Got wan't you do my favorite? Want to step back?
Watch step okay and step one over here for me? Okay,
stand next to the wall here, and they're like, we're
gonna go see if you have a warrant, you know,
and then if you sign this release, we'll let you go.
(30:34):
So I had all cocaine crack in my mouth and
they're asking me questions and I'm praying that one don't
fall out right right?
Speaker 5 (30:45):
So anyway, So do they like arrest you, put you
in the car, and then have you sign a release.
Speaker 1 (30:49):
And so they said, if you sign this release to
show your face on cops, we're gonna let you go
because I had a warrant, so otherwise they would have
set me in. I would have signed anything to go
smoke my coke and get away from them, right So,
and I'm like, it's not a thing because who heard
of Cops. Nobody heard of A few weeks later, they're
(31:11):
calling me from New York because it's three hours difference there,
and they're like, I hear Cosmo in my living room.
I go look at the TV. Cosmo's on Cops, you know.
Speaker 3 (31:21):
So they just kept on.
Speaker 1 (31:22):
Playing that episode. It was the first year of Cops,
but till this day. You know, the repeats what you're
going to do when they come for you. They keep
on playing that fucking episode. Oh my god, there's nothing
I could do about it. I signed my cunts away.
Speaker 2 (31:36):
I absolutely that I was on to catch a predator.
I thought that those twelve year old girls won in
Mike's hard lemonade.
Speaker 3 (31:48):
And I was wrong.
Speaker 5 (31:49):
I always feel bad for the guy.
Speaker 1 (31:51):
I feel a little bit better.
Speaker 5 (31:52):
I always, while always.
Speaker 1 (31:55):
I don't feel bad for pedophiles in general, but on
the show, so God like.
Speaker 5 (32:00):
Well, I'm always give him a break.
Speaker 1 (32:03):
Remember, I'm like Georgia a little bit, you know, he's
all big stuff because the other side of it is
the Chris Hansen Nazi guy.
Speaker 4 (32:13):
And then this fascistic swat team that comes in.
Speaker 2 (32:15):
You're like, I don't really like a fascistic swat team either,
like police power destroying.
Speaker 1 (32:21):
Yeah for lower class guy, that feels weird.
Speaker 4 (32:25):
Too, But I can't fuck kids, I got it.
Speaker 5 (32:27):
Yeah, there's no My heart always goes out to the
guys on that way.
Speaker 3 (32:32):
It's overkilled, like.
Speaker 1 (32:35):
Yeah, devastating. Yeah, that's kind of how I was, you know.
So yeah, that's what happens, you know, And these fucking
shows they set you up. You know what celebrities have
you worked with? So I work with and Sank back
in the day, I made them the first outfits they
have a performed. Really, they came in with them.
Speaker 4 (32:55):
You need your own museum.
Speaker 1 (32:57):
Remember the manager that they fired, Yeah, the freak. Yeah,
So he came in with them and they wanted my outfits,
and he didn't want to pay for them because they
were kind of pricey. So I had like Nikki six
in my outfits back.
Speaker 3 (33:09):
In the day.
Speaker 1 (33:10):
You know, he did Motley Crue. I did Motley Crue.
Speaker 2 (33:13):
Now you see all your connections through your Dad's restaurant.
How did you you so into the pipeline of it's
celebrity in LA.
Speaker 1 (33:20):
Just opening a store in Melrose and you have good
taste and I have them. You'll see you made things
well and you have good taste.
Speaker 3 (33:27):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (33:27):
So the word was out, there was a big bus
this is Queen on Melrose and your charisma, you know,
and you personable. Yeah, so there was a vibe.
Speaker 4 (33:36):
You know, I think you should run from mayor of
Los Angeles to it. I'm gonna be honest with you.
Speaker 1 (33:40):
You know, I just got into proclamation. Did you hear
about that?
Speaker 2 (33:43):
What is that?
Speaker 4 (33:43):
Like the Emancipation proclaim? No, it's Queen of Melrose day
or so.
Speaker 1 (33:50):
Now the mayor of West Hollywood gave me a proclamation
like the Keys to the City a few weeks ago.
What is it?
Speaker 4 (33:57):
Unlock?
Speaker 1 (33:58):
Yeah, you know, it's just like basically maybe a free
gym membership at the new gym.
Speaker 4 (34:08):
Why don't you run for mayor or something?
Speaker 5 (34:10):
Run for something.
Speaker 1 (34:11):
You never know something city council, never know what's going
to happen. I mean, like I went on the internet
to sell a dress and here I am getting like
sitting with you right now in your podcast super fans.
They just flew me. They just slew me to New
York to do a huge brand deal for boys Smell.
So it's a candle of luxury canoys smell Boys Smell.
(34:34):
Google it luxury candles. Right, they have a locker room candle. Yes,
and they have like a like smelly nuts candle and
all that. Anyway, Jesus. So they flew me there for
like three days, and I'm going to be on the
billboard Christmas. I do yes on the digital billboard like
pinch me, pinch me, deserve it. She went from burnt
(35:01):
me polls said sme on. So it's a moment. That's
why I cried a little when you said something good,
because it really is a pinch me moment, saying I
never thought this was happening, Like you're so bad leg
really behind a dumpster, like down down, you're a star.
Speaker 2 (35:20):
It's so charismatic and likable and down to earth that
easy to work with.
Speaker 3 (35:25):
Thank you.
Speaker 4 (35:25):
Come on, have you ever eaten ass?
Speaker 1 (35:29):
You know what?
Speaker 4 (35:29):
I don't eat ass anymore?
Speaker 1 (35:34):
Because this guy's dick was so big and he was
so like impossible.
Speaker 5 (35:38):
What is it about the ass that makes you know it?
Speaker 1 (35:41):
Was really hard. Why not.
Speaker 2 (35:47):
Down there, help yourself, help yourself to the go down.
Isn't it amazing that it's the best feeling. She's a
bit of a freak.
Speaker 5 (35:56):
Yeah, let's move forward to.
Speaker 1 (36:00):
Joke. Let's chase this.
Speaker 5 (36:01):
It's about you, this is your show.
Speaker 4 (36:02):
Okay, okay, what's the worst gig you ever had?
Speaker 1 (36:04):
What's the biggest bomb?
Speaker 2 (36:05):
Bomb at a fashion show or a storf went under
because you had a shady business partner, or some celebrity
fucking lashed out at you because you fucked something up.
Speaker 1 (36:13):
So you guys, the biggest bomb you guys know all
for one? They sing that song, I swear.
Speaker 7 (36:21):
That's my Ryo profile song. We can't afford this part
of the back guy, I love you and give me
those poppers.
Speaker 1 (36:40):
Thank you so much. I want to stick them on
my whole right now. So anyway, I are you working
for them? So I did their tuxedos for the Miss
America pageant and look New Jersey. You got some high
steaks gigs. I did a lot of pressure. I did
a lot of good. It's more pressure than people think.
It's fun, but it's stress.
Speaker 3 (37:00):
Yes.
Speaker 1 (37:00):
The queen was like, yeah, yeah, but I really love
that a little bit about that, so, but I really
love what I did, and that's what I came here for.
I came here to cut hair, but I cut somebody's
ear lob off and I want to high on crack.
Speaker 5 (37:17):
So that's waiting to take a couple of stories.
Speaker 1 (37:24):
So my father was all hooked up, so he harried
the lead on that one. He had me and he goes,
when you come out here, I'm going to put you
in the salon. I'm telling you, Farah faucet.
Speaker 3 (37:35):
Liz.
Speaker 1 (37:35):
Tell her you're going to be hooked up. This is
where they get their hairds on. It's called Zach Taylor
and Sunset Boulevard. So I come out here, I go
to somebody's house. So she wants a.
Speaker 4 (37:44):
Bob, so I can.
Speaker 3 (37:48):
I'm wired right?
Speaker 1 (37:51):
Can you tell us who it is?
Speaker 3 (37:52):
Slaps?
Speaker 1 (37:53):
Thank god, Barbara streisup.
Speaker 2 (37:56):
This was She's not a celebrity, but she was a
beautiful girl, you know, until you're mutilated party girl.
Speaker 1 (38:03):
So her hair was so thick, and I'm like, girl,
you have thick hair? Girl, why is it that dick?
So I go cut it in the mirror. She's crying
and I'm like, why are you crying.
Speaker 5 (38:15):
She's not saying, how did you cut my ear?
Speaker 1 (38:18):
Oh? You coming so anyone? I went no, I did.
There's no blood and it was just such a clean cut.
And then when I went like this, like blood came out.
I was like, oh my god, that's my career as
a hairdresser. I was devastating. It was like another horror
movie Terrifire Part four.
Speaker 5 (38:38):
Did the lobe come off?
Speaker 1 (38:39):
No? No, it was cut. But thank god she didn't
ensue me, and she she loved her haircut. By the way,
I was like that Bob, I was like, shaved on
one side. I was like, she loved it. That's a
momb She did have to get stitches though, but we're
still friends to this day.
Speaker 4 (38:57):
So what's the worst bomb gig? The worst gig? You're
all for one?
Speaker 2 (39:01):
Swear you're putting the tuxedos on them by the moon,
this guy, and then what happened the tuxedos were?
Speaker 1 (39:10):
They were asking Miss America and New Jersey. I made
them these beautiful car wash tuxedos. Right, this is the
first big gig I got. It was all for one.
Speaker 4 (39:21):
Yeah, and then after so you're nervous.
Speaker 1 (39:24):
It was like instinct came in and oh, boy man,
it was a big break because of them, right, they
were so big. Anyway, they called me up. They're like Cosmo,
the manager calls me. I don't know what to do,
Like all the buttons are popping off, the toxedo as
shit fuck Like mortified. I'm like, do they have they
got to have a seamstress, Miss America. I'm like, do
(39:45):
they have somebody there?
Speaker 3 (39:47):
Yeah?
Speaker 1 (39:47):
They do, they do, they do, but we just want
to tell you, Like they were all kind of like
the buttons were falling off, you know. So I'm like,
when they come home, I'm never gonna make clothes for
them again.
Speaker 3 (39:56):
Ever.
Speaker 1 (39:57):
I was so devastated, you know what I mean. Yeah,
and then were they fine, We're good. Could you make
these for me? This little you know? And then I
was like after that, that was when all the boy
bands came to me. Brittany came to me. Uh in sank.
They all want to know who's this queen a Melrose
doing all these fabulous things?
Speaker 2 (40:17):
Right, what was the worst job you ever had? What
was the biggest asshole boss you ever worked for? Just
like a devastating job, Like before hair.
Speaker 1 (40:24):
Before hair, I kind of worked on an insurance company,
like I tried to do behind the desk. If I
wanted to blow my mind out and I couldn't do it,
I don't think that's it. I don't think that's your
coup of tea. So I said, I got to be
real creative, real quick. I got to think of something.
Speaker 2 (40:47):
And then what was it like working for Shaquille O'Neil,
Because that's a big guy. Okay, so did you see
his cock through his bands?
Speaker 3 (40:52):
You know what?
Speaker 1 (40:52):
He did? Answer the door because I had to go
to Jimmy Kimmel.
Speaker 4 (40:56):
Do you think he's got a big fucking hog or what?
Speaker 1 (40:58):
I don't know, Like I heard some stories he's got
to be a fun and I heard some stories. Well,
if your proportion, your size is twenty four foot, right,
it's gotta be a this guy's fucking nine feet tall.
Speaker 2 (41:09):
It's got to be like baseball bat. No, you know,
I'm you were you fitting him and you were kind
of touching around.
Speaker 1 (41:16):
I know, a penis enlargement doctor. He says. The biggest
clients hell he has is the NFL because they kind
of weirdly have small dicks, you know, because it's like
the whole myth, like yeah, you got to have like
you know, but that's I heard about a lot of
men aren't proportions. So I don't know. And I heard good,
good stories about Shack and I heard, you know, bad stories.
(41:39):
So I don't know. But he's did an answer the
door in his underwear and he looked really good, like
I was hoping, like I would be the snack that
I was hoping. Do you think some of those basketball
players are on the down loan and they have, like
I think, little boy toys? Ninety percent of them.
Speaker 2 (41:53):
Are ninety percent of them have a little Boy Yeah. Yeah,
I think so little sides. Especially now if you watch YouTube,
they're all coming out. It's okay.
Speaker 1 (42:01):
You know the rappers that say you're a faggy, you're faggy,
you're the first one in the alley.
Speaker 3 (42:07):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (42:07):
Yeah, they're taking it at the bottoms. Yeah, and it's
all out there. Yeah you know what I mean. Yeah,
so yeah, that's all there. And what about Big Frieda.
Speaker 2 (42:19):
I love Big Frida, Big Frida big She did my
birthday party, she did my show.
Speaker 1 (42:26):
She's my sister. I love Big FRIEDA. Well, she comes
in here, we totally hang out. Yes, we have a
great time. We go to the Shake Shock. She loves
to Shake Shock.
Speaker 4 (42:36):
Ye have the New Orleans Yeah yeah, she's good people.
Speaker 2 (42:40):
Yeah yeah. And Meghan the Stallion. You got to do
doja cat? Fucking Beyonce. These are big clients. What did
you do for all the Nicki Minaj, Gwen Stefani.
Speaker 1 (42:49):
So Beyonce back in the day? She comes in? Who
was the biggest.
Speaker 4 (42:53):
Diva pain in the ass that fucking lit you a
new one? Did you ever have j Lo?
Speaker 1 (42:59):
Because I heard she's a fucking pill Madonna? Tell me
about Madonna's She's not very nice? Oh really wasn't?
Speaker 2 (43:05):
She was rude to I still love her and Roquel Welch.
I still love them both. You know what, you know,
if you're that up at that echelon.
Speaker 1 (43:14):
I wouldn't expect anything less from the both of them,
because I know they're both fucking divers, but they were
both just really fucking bitches, you know, And I kind
of like them more after that because I'm like, that's
exactly what I expect. Were they being rude to you directly?
Like give me a little Exna's like, no get away
from me. I don't want that. No pictures to my friend.
(43:36):
She comes to Melrose, right, and you know what, you
just got signed. She's Madonna. She just did Borderline and
all that. Back in the days she first she was
instant cun yeah, instant cun yeah, and everybody knows about it,
you know.
Speaker 4 (43:52):
Yeah, she came mellowed out.
Speaker 1 (43:53):
I think after the kids, like and I went to
a concert and it just seemed like a different Madonna.
I think the kids change your perspective.
Speaker 4 (44:01):
They changed her little yea. They make you not so
worried about the small things.
Speaker 3 (44:04):
Yeah. Yeah.
Speaker 2 (44:06):
Deontay Wilder, Okay, so he said you lost him the fight.
This is so, can I give a little so Deontay
Wilder very famous boxer. He fights Tyson Fury, another one
of the best heavyweights in the world. There's two Titans, right,
These guys are gigantic to the best boxers in the world.
Tyson Fury has a little bit better strategy. He knows defense,
he knows how to fuck with Deontay. Deontay just has
(44:28):
this mega punch wherever he lands at your toast. So
you do the crazy helmet he wore for that fight,
for that final fight, I did five fights. You did
five fights previous, but you did the final fight. You
did the final fight with Tyson Fury. Correct, I did
the fight, so he hires you. Doesn't final fight. You
can make up this crazy thing.
Speaker 1 (44:46):
You know.
Speaker 2 (44:46):
These guys have a big, flashy Liberaci entrance. But Tyson
Fury is coming out like a king. He looks like
the fucking King of Hearts or whatever it looks. But
it looked like party city.
Speaker 3 (44:55):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (44:56):
I was cheaper, had much.
Speaker 2 (44:59):
More creative outfit, but he had a heavy he says
he had a heavy helmets.
Speaker 3 (45:04):
Like you know what you do.
Speaker 2 (45:06):
You test a helmet on, you test, You do a
fitting before you do any any performance. There's tests, there's
makeup tests, there's there's hair tests, and you put on
your outfit. There's a fitting and you see what's comfortable.
Speaker 4 (45:17):
It's not what you like.
Speaker 1 (45:18):
You take pictures of it.
Speaker 2 (45:19):
You have time to decide. You don't put it on
on the day right before you go out there and
complain about it. So it's a little bit of bullshit.
And the guy lost look so he puts on the
he put and I met him on an airplane. It
is very nice, but he's got the scariest punch in
the world.
Speaker 1 (45:31):
He's a sweetheart.
Speaker 3 (45:32):
You know what I mean.
Speaker 1 (45:33):
He's a big old ham. He loves clothes, he loves fashion. Yeah,
absolutely beautiful. Yeah, he's a runway.
Speaker 3 (45:39):
You know.
Speaker 1 (45:40):
I Lovediance. He got really close with Fiance. But that
particular fight, we planned the outfit like six months before.
He goes that one.
Speaker 4 (45:48):
This is a fight where millions of people worldwide. Wi yeah, yeah,
million people.
Speaker 3 (45:52):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (45:52):
He goes, I want something really menacing for this fight.
He said, well, okay, we're gonna make her for you.
He goes, Money's no object. He did this fucking amazing outfit.
Did you guys see it? You saw it?
Speaker 4 (46:03):
It looks like something out of a back Yeah.
Speaker 3 (46:05):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (46:05):
So it was voted the best ring walk outfit and
boxing history.
Speaker 4 (46:10):
Yeah, it looks incredible.
Speaker 1 (46:11):
Okay, but the Caesars Palace didn't close the lights. Otherwise
you would have seen laser beams coming out of it,
so they fucked up with the lights. We did a
dress rehearsal the day before. You're so right. He tried
it on in the hotel room Seesars Palace. We did
everything fit. It wasn't too heavy. He loved the outfit.
(46:32):
The day of the fight, I go in the locker
room and he's in there and he's not himself. I
think Fury got in his head because when you go
to Vegas, you see Fury, Fury, Fury on every hotel.
So you know what I mean.
Speaker 2 (46:45):
And that's what Mike Tyson said in his documentary. He goes,
boxing is all psychological. Yeah, he goes, I could beat
up a guy twice my size and a guy half
my size could beat the shit out of me. All psychological.
You have a bad day, you're fucking in your head.
Speaker 1 (46:55):
Every fight I with, he's all happy, go lucky, you
know what I mean. He won a few them with me.
The outfits were amazing. He didn't look like Party City anymore.
His girlfriend Kelly, you know Telly. So anyway, she's the
one who brought him in the store. You know, she's
my boyfriend's a fighter. This is what he's wearing.
Speaker 4 (47:13):
And I'm like, oh, she was the connector. She had
the stop like.
Speaker 1 (47:16):
Is he really wearing that? That looks like party City?
Speaker 3 (47:18):
Right right?
Speaker 1 (47:19):
And you know she goes and this guy's fighting the best.
What could you do? We did five outfits then cut
you We got this outfit okay, beautiful black. You know
he tries it on the day before like practice loves it.
The next day is the fight. I walk in the
locker room. He's not Deontay. He's not even there. He's like,
(47:41):
and I'm like, Deontay, are you all right? It's cars
like are you okay?
Speaker 3 (47:44):
You know?
Speaker 1 (47:45):
Yea, like something happened to him, right, So, and he's
got all these yes men around him, you know, but
nobody's like, come and sit down, let's pray, let's meditate,
let's do you know whatever to get you snap out
of it. You're fighting fewer right, So then I go
and we walk out. It's Black History months for real, okay, okay.
Speaker 4 (48:05):
So we had this whole thing going on. It was
like amazing.
Speaker 1 (48:09):
And then he goes, let's walk out and then he
goes Cosmo, So he goes walk out with me. So
I'm dressed with now you're in there. I'm walking out
with Giance. He goes, I want Cosmo, like you know,
we really got closed, you know what I mean? So anyway,
I'm like, i gotta walk. So we walk out and
then all of a sudden, I'm like, okay, I'm walking
with Yance, bitch is okay? And I hear fuck you yeah,
(48:32):
like there was going they were all shouting, here we here,
we cure. I'm like, we're gonna get I'm gonna somebody's
gonna throw a fucking meady, you know what I mean.
I thought it was gonna be all gro It was
just a nightmare. It was a nightmare. Some like as
soon as we hit uh, Caesar's powers cursed. So I
go sit down and my beat in my seat. Siance
(48:54):
goes to fight and then all of a sudden, I'm like,
oh my god, guy's getting this like.
Speaker 3 (49:01):
A rag doll. That fight. I could not.
Speaker 2 (49:05):
Believe it, but there was I'll tell you, I'm not
a boxing expert, but Tyson Fury went into that fight
because they fought before, and Deontay knocked him down right,
and the guy's like Frankenstein. He got back up from
the heart punch of the way right, getting punched by
Deontay's like getting hit with a fucking metal baseball bat,
you know, I mean, like a bat to the skull.
So the fact that Tyson Fury got up from the
first fight is insane.
Speaker 1 (49:26):
Right, He did a thing.
Speaker 2 (49:28):
He went into that with a strategy specifically for Deontay Wilder,
because he knows Deontay is all about that punch. He's
not about defense, he's not about other skills. He's just like,
if you get hit by that punch, your fuck So Tyson,
if you watch again, Tyson, Fury is constantly just holding
onto him and draining.
Speaker 1 (49:46):
His energy, energy, draining his energy, draining his energy.
Speaker 2 (49:50):
So by the whatever fifth or sixth round, then he
starts fucking digging him up, and Deontay doesn't have the
energy left to do his signature fucking Mortal Kombat punch.
So he really Tyson went into that fight really kind
of educated and had a customized attack for that specific fighter,
and that's what fucked him up through the Yeah, but
(50:12):
most fighters when they fight Deonte, they just are shitting
and pissing their pants and they get hit by that one, right.
But he doesn't have a good defense. He doesn't have
He just knows how to fucking nail you that. I
wish he was a better fighter, but.
Speaker 1 (50:23):
I didn't like that they blamed it on you and
that mask that that you created for him. Give me
a break. It's up to the fighter to fight, it's
up to the athlete to perform.
Speaker 3 (50:34):
Thank you for that.
Speaker 4 (50:35):
And he was up against one of the toughest. I
wake up right and I give you death threats.
Speaker 3 (50:40):
Yeah it was bad.
Speaker 1 (50:41):
Well, he's escapegoat. He lost the fight because of his outfit.
Speaker 4 (50:46):
That's all eagle, that's fragile mail ego.
Speaker 1 (50:48):
He can't take the truth came out. Who's that sportscaster
from New York. He goes, he didn't lose the fight
for the fucking outfit. He just got his ass. Motherfucking
there we go. Okay, he was not prepared for that fight.
Don't blame that fucking designer. And then on the cover
I think of La Times was like the outfit one. Yeah,
(51:08):
there loss. So I'm waiting for Deyonce's phone call. I'm like, Deyonce,
why'd you throw me under the bus? You know, I'm
pissed right because he goes, You'll be with me forever.
Cosmo Beyonce said the same thing. So I finally I'm
at the Daigna and me and my business partner were
pissed off. We're like, why do you do that to us?
(51:30):
He goes, Guys, I'm so sorry. He goes it was FaceTime.
He goes, it wasn't me, It was my coach who
wanted who blamed you. It got out there with social media.
He goes, Cosmo, you're going to be with me to
the end. But that was the end. It was, and
then he fought again. I made the outfit again. I
(51:51):
blessed it from African Uh we did these beats from
Africa really got into it.
Speaker 3 (51:58):
And then he just like he.
Speaker 1 (51:59):
Started losing losing. Yeah, it got really bad. It's actually
I got more publicity from Deioncey. But Shaq called me
from beyond Deioncey. He goes, whatever you made Deiancey, could
you make me something? So you call me FaceTime? And
I answered the phone. I'm like, oh my god, it's Shaq.
Speaker 4 (52:15):
Yeah, he goes Cosmo.
Speaker 2 (52:17):
He goes, I got your number from Deioncey.
Speaker 3 (52:19):
Could you hook me up?
Speaker 1 (52:20):
And then I started making clothes for Shock. Okay, this
is my final question because I have to go to
the airport.
Speaker 2 (52:26):
Can you style me the next time I do a
red carpet? I would love to name your price. Yeah,
I would love to name your price. We'll talk, we'll talk,
we'll talk in the dress. Someone with the gloryhole.
Speaker 1 (52:36):
Okay, perfect. I would love to style you. I'll put
it on now, I'll put it on that, but then
I gotta go to the airport. Okay, you guys, I
could talk to you all this, and I just got you.
Speaker 2 (52:46):
Aimingful for me to walk away from this because I
can talk to you all day, but she's got to pay.
Speaker 1 (52:51):
You gotta pay, Benny, get the car.
Speaker 2 (52:53):
I gotta pa the Queen of Melrose aka Cosmo Lomino.
Speaker 3 (53:02):
I'll be with eric Andre.
Speaker 2 (53:05):
Fombing with Eric Andre is brought to you by Will
Ferrell's Big Money Players Network and iHeart Podcasts. Our executive
producer is Olivia Aguilar. Our producer is Bei Wang. Our
research assistant is David Carliner. Our editor and sound designers
Andy Harris, and our art is by Dylan Vanderberg. Go
rate us five stars and drop a review on your
podcast app a choice
Host
Eric Andre
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