November 1, 2023 • 35 mins
Eric and his travel buds Nick Rutherford, Karl Hess, and Cornell Reid (also his friends in comedy) talk about their funny escapades together. Cornell talks about an awkward comedy spot he did in college, Nick talks about a crazy encounter with a married woman in Texas, and Karl witnessed too much cocaine in an empty attic. This is for sure the wildest episode of the season and you will not want to miss listening to it!
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Welcome back to Bombing with Eric Andre, the podcast where
I talk with comedians, musicians, friends, chefs, and.
Speaker 2 (00:08):
Known murderers convicted murderers. Actually, we have a lot of
them on the show.
Speaker 1 (00:13):
This episode we featured three of my best drinking buddies,
Nick Rutherford, Carl has Cornell Red some of my favorite
standup comics. They're my vacation and adventure buddies. We've all
gone to the worst open mics in the world together
for the past twenty years, and collectively we've had the
most absurd, raunchiest nights. As always, follow the podcast for
(00:34):
new episodes every week. Rate us five stars of check
out Big Money Players Diamond on Apple Podcasts to get
exclusive weekly bonus content plus ad free episodes.
Speaker 2 (00:41):
Let's get into it, Bobby.
Speaker 3 (00:50):
With aeric Andre.
Speaker 2 (00:51):
We'll start with our worst bombing stories, and.
Speaker 3 (00:54):
Then we'll.
Speaker 4 (00:56):
Take turn saying the N word. Okay, I heard you
had a fuck. Do you want to kick it off
or do you want to make sure I can hear
you like boom?
Speaker 2 (01:09):
Yeah?
Speaker 5 (01:10):
Yeah, yeah, I'm of.
Speaker 2 (01:11):
The century story.
Speaker 1 (01:13):
Yeah.
Speaker 6 (01:13):
Should I start now?
Speaker 2 (01:14):
We're recording? Oh yeah, yeah, we're recording.
Speaker 6 (01:17):
All right, So this was right when I started doing
stand up comedy. I was still in college and my Ra,
who was I was kindly friendly with, she comes up.
She's like, hey, knocks on my dorm room, open the doors, Hey,
I got you a set some fifteen minutes. Come follow me.
And I was like, okay, so I walk with her.
I follow her.
Speaker 7 (01:38):
We go to like the how people get booked from
comedy shows all the time.
Speaker 6 (01:43):
Most of them start doing comedy, and I was just like, wow,
I'm a new comic. This sounds like an opportunity to shine,
you know. And I started walking to the little like
center they have. And as we start walking to this
little event center, I see signs all over for uh
(02:03):
Soul Night.
Speaker 5 (02:06):
I'm like, surely this can't.
Speaker 2 (02:08):
Be like a neo soul like an Eric or what.
Speaker 6 (02:17):
Uh No, it was just black in general.
Speaker 5 (02:21):
It wasn't especial.
Speaker 6 (02:24):
Yes, yes, yes, Soul Night. I walk inside, following my Ra,
who wasn't black either. I don't know how she got
this booking on this.
Speaker 8 (02:36):
She's like, I got a guy. I got it.
Speaker 5 (02:39):
I got the perfect guy for you.
Speaker 6 (02:41):
My brother, well, my name's Cornell too, so they probably
don't even bad. And EYE like that sounds great. I
walk in and it's full. It's packed. There's like three
hundred people there in the seats, and on State is
spoken word poetry going on.
Speaker 2 (03:05):
Yeahtry slam.
Speaker 6 (03:10):
CSU Northward poetry slam going down, and they are loving it.
After that gospel choir comes off, you were like perfect, yeah, yeah,
you know it's so naive. Back then, I was just like, well,
I'm gonna get up there and kill him. This is
(03:30):
gonna be great. Comedy fits in line with this programming.
So gospel choir finishes and the like up next for
some comedy. Here's Cornell read and I walk on stage
immediately silent record. Yes, absolutely, I start telling my first joke. Nothing,
(03:57):
absolutely nothing.
Speaker 2 (03:58):
Remember the joke.
Speaker 6 (03:59):
I don't remember the joke, but I do remember.
Speaker 5 (04:02):
It was, what's the deal with black people?
Speaker 2 (04:09):
Too many?
Speaker 6 (04:13):
Cornell, Hey, I'm glad you guys are here, because no
one's not robbing my car right now.
Speaker 9 (04:22):
She just started doing Bernie Max sat from Comedy Jam.
Speaker 5 (04:26):
But I was very scared.
Speaker 3 (04:27):
I was.
Speaker 8 (04:29):
I am scared, very scared.
Speaker 6 (04:34):
So I started doing jokes and then they just start
they're talking, they're not paying attention.
Speaker 5 (04:39):
They start heckling me.
Speaker 6 (04:42):
Like before I would I would start setting up a joke,
they would go like haa before I even got to
the punchline, and they're heckling like me like that I was,
you know, and I was like two years into it.
Speaker 2 (04:54):
It doesn't sound like a heckle. Well, that sounds like
they were having fun.
Speaker 5 (04:57):
What's your problem with black people?
Speaker 8 (05:02):
That guy killed?
Speaker 5 (05:02):
Hell, he's doing really well. My favorite comedian.
Speaker 9 (05:05):
It's really mad at for some.
Speaker 6 (05:06):
Reason though they know, they're like trying to uh shut
me up, like like uh.
Speaker 5 (05:14):
Mocking me.
Speaker 6 (05:15):
And you know, I'm so early on into comedy. I'm
doing like what's the deal with transformers? I mean, with
that one robot transforms into a tape player? What tap player?
In the future at least be a CD player? You know.
Speaker 8 (05:31):
That's very strong.
Speaker 6 (05:35):
Sure, my material for.
Speaker 8 (05:40):
He's outdated a little bit.
Speaker 6 (05:42):
So I'm doing these jokes and I'm still going even
though no one's giving me anything. I'm powering through. These
people are legitimately trying to interfere with my set. And
I bring up one joke and this guy goes like
the hah before I it anywhere, and I look at
him and he had one sleeve rolled up on his
(06:06):
T shirt. And for some reason. It sparked a memory
in me. I got the feeling to riff to finally
win this audience on my side up yeah yeah, And
he had one sleeve rolled up, and it reminded me
of the movie Sunset Park. I don't know if you've
(06:26):
remember that movie, but it's like Ray Pearlman coaches an
inner city basketball team.
Speaker 3 (06:32):
That movie I have.
Speaker 6 (06:35):
Yeah, it was not a hit, but it was in
the late nineties that movies around. And one of the
guys on the basketball team had one of his sleeves
cut off of his shirt underneath his jersey. I remember
that because I thought it looked cool, and I did
it when I played basketball in seventh grade for a
little while.
Speaker 5 (06:49):
It's kind of early days of like the Kobe sleeve, you.
Speaker 6 (06:52):
Know, yeah right right, Well, people were doing like sleeveless shirt.
So this is the first guy I saw it doing
one sleep.
Speaker 9 (06:58):
I don't think I've ever seen that.
Speaker 8 (06:59):
It's kind of.
Speaker 6 (07:00):
Nobody has he has. So I that guy heckles me.
He has one shirt sleeve rolled up. So I pointed,
I'm gonna go, oh, Sunset Park over there like that joke,
and I didn't No one made the connection that one
kid in Sunset Park off.
Speaker 2 (07:19):
That black guy.
Speaker 6 (07:20):
Looks like an inner city basketball player. That came off,
and that was finally the whole crowd just goes okay.
Speaker 5 (07:29):
Now they had something to sink their teeth into, right.
Speaker 6 (07:32):
And I distinctly remember having some hearing a woman in
the front row say verbatim that white motherfucker's going to
get his ass. And the lady comes up, literally takes
the microphone out of my hands and walk off stage
(07:55):
and just went straight back to my dorm room and
just like hit in my bed.
Speaker 5 (08:02):
And that that ra is still your manager.
Speaker 3 (08:06):
It's to be fair.
Speaker 5 (08:09):
She's gotten better at Cornell's gotten better. They're growing.
Speaker 10 (08:12):
He did tour later with that gospel band that you
know they I have.
Speaker 7 (08:18):
I I have a similar like they just stopped. They
just stopped me from doing comedy. That's the worst one
stopping there. We don't even finish your time what I
was in.
Speaker 3 (08:31):
Uh.
Speaker 5 (08:31):
I went up to I went up.
Speaker 7 (08:33):
To Alaska with Brooks for for Brits Wheelians like thirtieth birthday.
We camped to like Denali and our way back down
to the airport, we stayed one night in this little
town called Talketna, which is like this little mountain toown
is really cute. It's like a real quirky little mountain town.
Like there's a bar that like the manager is a cat,
you know, it's like one of.
Speaker 5 (08:53):
These yeah, like the.
Speaker 3 (08:59):
Beret.
Speaker 5 (09:01):
I guess the cat doesn't like cursing and something.
Speaker 7 (09:04):
Then when we went to that bar, they were like, oh,
you know if you if you curse it all, you're
kicked out immediately. And we were like, are you fucking serious?
And then they kicked us out. Like so it was
a really quirky little town. And we go to this
one bar and they had an open mic and it
was just you know, like poetry, like singer songwriters. It's
a super little local open mic and Brookes.
Speaker 2 (09:26):
Can do something stand up.
Speaker 3 (09:28):
Yeah.
Speaker 5 (09:28):
We're like, we're from La, let's shake this town up.
Speaker 6 (09:33):
Yeah, like a small town Alaskan town loves more than.
Speaker 2 (09:40):
Slam bo tree and a singer songwriter.
Speaker 5 (09:43):
Yeah, the cat came out and did a trick.
Speaker 7 (09:46):
He's like hard working, like blue collar, like lumberjacks are like,
what's this guy think about?
Speaker 9 (09:51):
Airlines?
Speaker 7 (09:53):
So we signed up for the open mic and it
was a pretty rowdy crowd and I go up and
I was doing this bit at the time that was
about ants eating my Like, giz, you're still doing.
Speaker 5 (10:04):
I haven't done it. I love doing it for a while.
Speaker 8 (10:13):
It's it's pretty funny.
Speaker 5 (10:14):
Yeah, it's about ants to your ji.
Speaker 7 (10:16):
Yeah, it was like back when I lived with like
like three guys like I like.
Speaker 6 (10:22):
That.
Speaker 5 (10:23):
It's not important, but similar in a lot of ways,
drinking a lot of happier than Yeah, you're trying to
keep your roommates happy. And I just remember.
Speaker 7 (10:36):
Apparently, but I just remember like like just ants going
after my little like jerk off towels like in the
in the trash.
Speaker 5 (10:45):
Yeah, I know it's gross. It's a gross bit, but
it's about these.
Speaker 7 (10:47):
Ants, like me meeting like a nick ant hybrid doesn't matter.
Speaker 1 (10:51):
It's a gross bit, like the ants eat your come
and then they have a little baby.
Speaker 7 (10:54):
Yeah yeah, Like there's like a.
Speaker 5 (10:59):
Calm his father like that about this great act out.
Speaker 7 (11:04):
Okay, And so I jumped into my aunt seating my
cum stuff, and the crowd just turns like people.
Speaker 2 (11:14):
Are like like what the hell?
Speaker 5 (11:20):
People were disgusted. And this is in the no cursing bar. No, No,
this was not I had no rule, but they have
one rule.
Speaker 7 (11:32):
Took the bartender like screams out like you're done, and
then cuts the power to the microphone. And then the
host came up and like grabbed them and I was like, okay, cool.
And then and then Brooks went up and crushed really no,
I don't remember what he did, but we we hung
out at the bar for like the rest of the night.
Speaker 8 (11:54):
That's that's brave.
Speaker 5 (11:55):
Yeah, you just d didn't.
Speaker 3 (11:59):
Fun.
Speaker 5 (12:00):
They had the bell.
Speaker 8 (12:01):
We couldn't go back to the cat bar.
Speaker 9 (12:02):
It was there was only two bars in town.
Speaker 5 (12:04):
I wanted to learn my lesson.
Speaker 2 (12:08):
Because they had a bell.
Speaker 7 (12:09):
They had a bell and if you rang the bell,
if somebody rang the bell, that person had to buy
everybody in the bar a drink. So like there would
be like Brooks and I felt like we were like
locals at this point, so like there'd be.
Speaker 10 (12:20):
Like, you know, disgusted by everyone.
Speaker 7 (12:29):
Hey, I'm tal keating a knick, not everyone. Because the
night ended up with like Brooks and I sitting at
the bar and this kind of buxome like mountain, like
a much older mountain woman had really taken a shining
to me.
Speaker 5 (12:43):
She really liked me.
Speaker 8 (12:44):
She's like I like that kum talk. I don't care
what anybody said.
Speaker 5 (12:48):
I want to be one of those.
Speaker 7 (12:50):
Baby, And so she was very aggressive and we were
like sitting at the bar and she was on the
other side of Brooks and we were like he was
like holding my hand behind Brooks.
Speaker 5 (13:02):
And then I was just trying to like kind of
be nice and like, you know, be like I'm not
really interested. I'm good and somebody.
Speaker 6 (13:10):
You're sitting in a seat there.
Speaker 7 (13:15):
On your date, Yeah, exactly, because I was trying to
be away from her, but she would like sneak her try, Yeah,
she would. Well, she has a big, strong, lumberge lumber
Jane hand. She got this callous lumber Jane hand. So
she she does what she wants to. And so I
think she went to the bathroom and I was like
(13:37):
talking to somebody else and I was like, I just
I don't I don't know what to do about this.
And the guy was like, seems like Dave's wife really
likes she.
Speaker 8 (13:46):
Oh, yeah, Dave's.
Speaker 7 (13:48):
Wife and never got her name is Dave's wife. And
she kept saying, I just really wish you would walk
me home, Like I'm only five minutes away.
Speaker 5 (13:56):
If you walk me home, I'd really make him.
Speaker 3 (13:58):
Worth your while.
Speaker 2 (13:59):
God don't want to know.
Speaker 7 (14:00):
Dave, did you ever catch you? No, no, nothing happened.
We just like, you know, I went home. We fucked
for a day's Uh no, nothing happened. We just baby
comes out at the end of the story.
Speaker 2 (14:14):
You never saw.
Speaker 3 (14:17):
The son of a bitch.
Speaker 5 (14:18):
You got my wife.
Speaker 6 (14:20):
Dave's listening to this podcast right now, jumping up and
down on his cowboy hat. Dave's wife, you call that too.
Speaker 7 (14:31):
It felt like that's just kind of a thing she does.
And she, you know, she she seduces all the l
A comedians that come through.
Speaker 5 (14:37):
Tell nobody.
Speaker 7 (14:39):
Nobody was like, beware, that's Dave's wife. They're like, oh yeah,
Dave's wife. Like she she lives right down the road,
walk her home. It felt like that was just how
it works. They wanted to have you killed because because
it comes to the way.
Speaker 2 (14:51):
I love that you told the income story. And then
they were.
Speaker 5 (14:54):
Like, fuck you get out here, I will say for
four more.
Speaker 3 (15:00):
On to the bar.
Speaker 7 (15:01):
And you were like, who's married here?
Speaker 5 (15:08):
Do you know if she's.
Speaker 8 (15:10):
Brooks stand right here?
Speaker 3 (15:13):
Brother?
Speaker 9 (15:14):
Did you see your set?
Speaker 7 (15:16):
Do you know if Day's wife was there for I imagine
she was there wasn't a lot to like this guy.
Speaker 5 (15:21):
Yeah, I think she liked the gall you know.
Speaker 9 (15:23):
Yeah, I feel like my story is nor near as
bad as these do.
Speaker 5 (15:26):
But okay, here we go.
Speaker 6 (15:28):
Oh wow, I've never I'm actually never.
Speaker 10 (15:32):
I don't know why I'm here. I've never done that.
It was it was early on. I probably knew in
comedy like two years and I somehow got a gig.
Speaker 9 (15:42):
I forget the town name.
Speaker 10 (15:43):
I really tried to look it up on Google Maps,
but I couldn't find it. Somewhere in central California, just
like a tiny town, and they were like, you can
do forty five minutes, right, I was like, your goddamn.
Speaker 1 (15:53):
Right, it's going for three weeks.
Speaker 9 (15:59):
Probably had like fifteen minutes maybe.
Speaker 3 (16:02):
Yeah.
Speaker 10 (16:03):
It was like it was like one local comic and
then like just me, And it was like there wasn't
even like a host and the place is like packed
because it's one of those small towns where there's like
not a lot going on. It wasn't as charming as Telkeena.
It was just like pretty bleak, and like it was
like a place where like you you would see like
a guy. It was like a place where there'd be
(16:25):
like a fight at a thing and you would take
like break a pool cube.
Speaker 8 (16:29):
It was it was like a roadhouse.
Speaker 9 (16:31):
It was like a rough bar.
Speaker 6 (16:33):
It's like a bunch of Punisher logo.
Speaker 10 (16:35):
I mean, there was definitely like biker dudes and it
was like a very meth vibe.
Speaker 9 (16:41):
And it was just like I drove up specifically for
this show.
Speaker 10 (16:45):
I booked it through like another comic or like, oh yeah,
there's like this show you can do a.
Speaker 9 (16:49):
Long and I was just like I want to do
a long set.
Speaker 10 (16:52):
No, it was north. It might have been Toulari. It
wasn't that areacked. It wasn't even that big. It was tiny.
It might have been too lare. And I just right
off the bat, I'm just like eating ship. It's like yeah, no,
it's like nothing's working. And like the guy before me,
I think it was a local comic like ate it
so bad that I was terrified. I was like, I
was like, why are these people even here?
Speaker 3 (17:14):
Like that?
Speaker 10 (17:14):
Do you want to be here? Like the entire town
seemed like it was there. And like one of my
early bits was like a five minute chunk about Hitler and.
Speaker 5 (17:25):
His glies.
Speaker 10 (17:28):
I was just like, this is a bit like I
just go into it and it is just like not
doing well.
Speaker 8 (17:36):
It was like one of them.
Speaker 10 (17:37):
There's multiple parts, but one part is about like the
Hitler family name was originally chickel Gruber and Hitler changed
it. It might have actually been his dad who changed it.
And I was like the joke had something to do
with how like it would have been way funnier if
like he didn't change it, because like chickel Groover is
such a fun name.
Speaker 2 (17:55):
Yeah, so Hitler is like his stage name.
Speaker 10 (17:57):
Well it was like chicicle Grover was like a family
name with it and changed to Hitler. But I was
like it would have been he would have been more
deadly because no one would have taken him seriously. You know,
you hear like, oh, Hitler's invaded pol and you're like,
oh my god, we got to do something. You hear
like chicle Gruber has just invaded pol and you're like,
that fucking sounds hilarious. He's up to his old tricks
(18:17):
clowning friends.
Speaker 8 (18:19):
As you can see, very solid joke.
Speaker 10 (18:21):
And I had like a bunch more shot I don't
even remember, but it was like a huge chunk and
it was just not doing Get this is the only
time someone's actually done this, because I feel like this
only happens in movies when someone's getting heckled.
Speaker 9 (18:34):
But like someone was literally like, you suck like.
Speaker 8 (18:37):
That never happens.
Speaker 10 (18:40):
Usually hecklers are like too drunk and they're just talking loud.
Speaker 9 (18:43):
But like I got like a full on you suck like.
Speaker 5 (18:46):
A perfectly, and it was just like a dagger to
the herd.
Speaker 10 (18:51):
And then I was like, I was like, you know,
I'm floundering. I'm like, I'm just gonna go into crowd work.
So I start talking to these guys and like somehow
we started talking about meth because I think there was
like a it was.
Speaker 9 (19:01):
Like a meth type of vibe.
Speaker 10 (19:03):
Yeah, and I like kind of I kind of got
a few laughs, like making fun of the town down
the road.
Speaker 9 (19:08):
I was like, what are you doing a small town?
You sit on the next small town.
Speaker 10 (19:11):
I was like, I bet that town fucking smokes way
more math, you know.
Speaker 9 (19:15):
But and then someone was like, we actually smoked more math.
Speaker 8 (19:23):
Proud of man.
Speaker 10 (19:23):
I was like, oh, I mean, you guys, this is
the math town.
Speaker 8 (19:28):
Springfield was like.
Speaker 5 (19:30):
Towns trying their hardest coming.
Speaker 8 (19:32):
From you show fucking sweating.
Speaker 10 (19:35):
I remember At one point there was like a stuffed
bear and I like went into a riff about how
like the bear was the mayor of the town and
like they did not love that. And then I think
I just started getting more drunk on stage and I
just like did crowd work for the rest of the time.
But like it was bad. There was definitely like biker dudes.
I was like, these guys are gonna like beat the
(19:56):
shit out of me. I'm like making fun of their town.
You know, they all kind of came together over.
Speaker 9 (20:01):
The med stuff. So you know, at least I had
that silver lining.
Speaker 11 (20:04):
You got them with a Recondrey, with a Condrey.
Speaker 2 (20:21):
Okay, so we got our bombing stories. What were the
other two parts of my podcast? Quick?
Speaker 1 (20:28):
Oh, the worst bob you've ever witnessed in public? Like
people getting bottles thrown at them on stage, or they just.
Speaker 9 (20:36):
Get segue into Nick's other stories.
Speaker 2 (20:40):
Humble.
Speaker 5 (20:40):
Oh yeah, I don't. Well, let's transition into that later.
Speaker 8 (20:46):
I do have.
Speaker 1 (20:49):
A quick trying to get out of here tomorrow. Well
I have well, what is this humble story?
Speaker 7 (20:58):
So Cornell run a festival up and Humble at Savage
Henry Comedy Club.
Speaker 2 (21:03):
It's great.
Speaker 5 (21:04):
Every year.
Speaker 7 (21:05):
It's super fun, super chill. It was one of the
first times I had gone up there, maybe the second
time i'd gone up there for the festival, and it
was the final show of the weekend. It was the
big like headliner show, right, this huge, beautiful venue, beautiful
like theater. And so they decided to like book like
thirty comics on the show.
Speaker 6 (21:24):
Guy, I don't run it.
Speaker 5 (21:29):
I don't know story. Yeah you don't run it, but
you're a big part of the scene up there.
Speaker 12 (21:37):
And yeah with the comics you deal the drugs else
from our listener.
Speaker 6 (21:49):
But you know the guys, the guys who run it.
It was like the first time putting any of this
ship together. I didn't really understand.
Speaker 1 (21:56):
You always say thirty comics or nothing. Yeah, comic comedy
gets at the three hour mark, warming up the crowd.
Speaker 6 (22:05):
Literally every show was at least two and a half hour.
Speaker 2 (22:07):
It was ridiculous.
Speaker 6 (22:08):
It's like buy a bracelet for the whole weekend. They
go to one show like.
Speaker 2 (22:13):
Comedy.
Speaker 6 (22:14):
I never want to see comedy again. It's like all
your favorite comics from tilarryo yea.
Speaker 5 (22:23):
And check it out. Dave's wife is in the lobby.
Speaker 8 (22:27):
Do not walk her home.
Speaker 7 (22:30):
So we so it was like all of our comedy
buddies and we all had we all were like, on
this show is the last like blowout night of the festival.
Speaker 6 (22:38):
Yeah, it's a old movie theater too. Was really cool
on stage in front of the big screen.
Speaker 7 (22:43):
With like like there's what are those things called like
where they shot Lincoln There's like yeah, yeah, Like it
was just really cool.
Speaker 5 (22:52):
It's a really beautiful venue.
Speaker 7 (22:53):
Lincoln Murder vibes, Yeah, and uh, somebody had cocaine and
so we're like, let's do a little bit of cocaine
before our set. We'll go up there like Richard pryor,
you know, we'll just have a good time on stage.
But the show is like three and a half hours long,
and when you do a little bit of cocaine, you
want to do a little more.
Speaker 3 (23:12):
Yeah.
Speaker 6 (23:13):
That other is my home town. My mom's in the island, step.
Speaker 5 (23:19):
Grandma, Grandma, grandma's there, everybody's there. It's a big day.
We're in this like attic space.
Speaker 6 (23:27):
Yeah yeah, because you go behind the screen and everyone's
like kind of hanging out back there as a green room.
But then Nick, Carl and I find this ladder up
to a mystery at it, just like.
Speaker 7 (23:38):
A blare Witch projects like Addic that was like dusty
and chalky, and so we're like that's where we're go
do our drugs, and we go and we just keep
doing cocaine and we're like go down and check them
with the host, like am I up next?
Speaker 5 (23:51):
And be like yeah, nine more comments? Okay, great, Well
I guess yeah, And I remember I think I was last.
I don't I might have been last headline and I
don't think. I don't.
Speaker 7 (24:07):
I don't know what we were doing, but I was
like so like numb mouthed, like something like clenching my teeth,
and I'm trying to get through this like already miserable.
Speaker 9 (24:16):
Show, like a full mental breakdown on stage.
Speaker 5 (24:19):
I definitely I've.
Speaker 9 (24:20):
Really never seen anything.
Speaker 2 (24:21):
Wait what happened?
Speaker 7 (24:22):
I mean, I just was like the place was packed,
but of course people trickled out because it was going
on way too long, so there's nobody there.
Speaker 6 (24:28):
There are fucking exhaust exactly the other commedia.
Speaker 5 (24:33):
I hate comedy. At this point, next doing.
Speaker 9 (24:36):
The cum joking front Cornell's grandmother.
Speaker 7 (24:38):
Yeah, I'm screaming about my and how you get on stage?
I can't on stage, and I'm like, I can't even speak,
man Like, I was so like cracked down.
Speaker 2 (24:46):
Tell them you were coked up, audience.
Speaker 5 (24:48):
I want to say that was my I think.
Speaker 6 (24:52):
My cover there. I think my mom was like, Oh,
that's why Corner was acting so.
Speaker 9 (24:58):
Put together.
Speaker 5 (25:00):
We usually bulge that much.
Speaker 6 (25:02):
He was a bit bulge.
Speaker 5 (25:05):
Yeah, I'm gripping the mic and it shattered in my hand.
Speaker 8 (25:11):
So you did.
Speaker 10 (25:11):
You could have done like like ten fifteen and just
gotten out of there like a mercy, but you you
did like forty headline.
Speaker 7 (25:23):
Also, if you remember an Hour four, oh you brought
him over into Tomorrow. I remember like Andre Hyland performed
in that show too, and he had this like video
of like this was.
Speaker 5 (25:34):
Like a bomb.
Speaker 9 (25:34):
I would love to watch this said on this video
was like it's just like a.
Speaker 5 (25:38):
Different horse a c g I horse horse.
Speaker 2 (25:41):
Have you seen it?
Speaker 3 (25:42):
Yeah?
Speaker 7 (25:42):
It was also did not go below, so he said
set the tone, and I was like, I need some chemical.
Speaker 9 (25:49):
Influence to get these guys back.
Speaker 8 (25:50):
I love horses and I love come.
Speaker 9 (25:52):
That's a good idea for a joke.
Speaker 2 (25:54):
God, it was a nightmare. So were you just like.
Speaker 7 (25:56):
It's just like you couldn't even like talk bo I
did some cocaine in the back three hours.
Speaker 8 (26:04):
I was like, I've been in the attic doing.
Speaker 7 (26:06):
Cod for hours, people like just NY nine one one
and hovering the finger over sand.
Speaker 5 (26:21):
You learned a lot.
Speaker 1 (26:21):
That Is that the most wasted you've ever been on stage?
Speaker 3 (26:28):
Would you say?
Speaker 7 (26:29):
Oh, yeah, definitely, definitely, for surely. I'm sure I've been
like Drunker on stage because I was crystal clear.
Speaker 3 (26:46):
With aeric codre. With aeric codre.
Speaker 7 (26:57):
My worst like other people bombing story was the very
very first time I did any open mic and I
went to the Haha Cafe in North Hollyway.
Speaker 5 (27:05):
Oh yeah, I got some nightmare stories.
Speaker 7 (27:07):
From I had my my really good friend Brandy was
the only one who came to support me, which was
fine singer or the singer, no, the beverage, and so
(27:27):
I was, you know, I was like fortieth in the
fucking lineup or whatever, and it started packed and then
it just kind of get in like people left and
people left, and I was like very very late in
the show and right before I go up, it was
probably like half full at this point. Right before I
go up, this guy comes on stage and brings up
like a real dog and takes out like a gun.
There's a toy gun, but brought out a gun and
(27:48):
holds it to the dog's head and says, if you
guys don't laugh at my jokes, I'll shoot this.
Speaker 5 (27:54):
It's a fucking hack lampoon bit.
Speaker 9 (27:56):
And lastic national lampoon thing if you don't come to
this movie.
Speaker 7 (28:00):
But it was an awful bit, and they walked the
entire crowd. The entire crowd left. He did shitty four
minutes of comedy and then it was just me my
friend Brandy, and like the next comic was in the room,
and I went on stage did my three minutes, and
she laughed loud and hard enough that I was like,
I'm going to do this for the rest.
Speaker 2 (28:17):
Of Thanks, Brandy, better than.
Speaker 8 (28:22):
You're my favorite singer.
Speaker 2 (28:27):
Dude.
Speaker 1 (28:27):
Julie Ashton, who's a casting director, very lovely casting it
was always.
Speaker 2 (28:32):
Very sweet to me early on when I didn't know
what the fuck I was doing.
Speaker 1 (28:37):
I asked her one time, what was the worst, what's
the worst audition you've ever experienced? You've seen like a
billion actors come through your your casting studio, Like, what's
the worst, what's the worst you've ever experienced?
Speaker 2 (28:51):
She goes.
Speaker 1 (28:51):
A guy pulled out a gun during an audition, a
real gun, a loaded gun, because there was a gun
in the scene. He was like a villain in the
you know, some drama.
Speaker 5 (29:00):
To bring a gun today.
Speaker 1 (29:03):
Pulled out the gun and aimed it at her and
like did the scene and she was like.
Speaker 6 (29:07):
Okay, thanks for coming in.
Speaker 5 (29:10):
Christ worked, It worked, Lauren.
Speaker 6 (29:18):
There was this comic who did open mics back in
the day, and he would always bomb, but I thought
he was the funniest man in the world. He went
by the name gay Lord Dingler.
Speaker 5 (29:30):
Already laughing already.
Speaker 2 (29:33):
That was Hitler's original.
Speaker 6 (29:38):
End of the show, kay Lord Dingler. And he would
always he'd just be sitting out in front of an
open mic, just sitting on the ground, drinking of forty
of mickeys before the started, and he would go up
and he had the same act every single time. You
know those crazy guys who just do open mics and
(29:58):
they'd never change a fucking word verbatim.
Speaker 5 (30:02):
He's one of those guys.
Speaker 6 (30:04):
And every time he would just bomb at these crazy,
weird open mics and I would be dying laughing. The
only joke of his I really remember it was he
had remember two jokes. One joke he go, he go, uh,
you know, I open up the newspaper and I see
all these these ads for garage sales.
Speaker 5 (30:26):
Garage sales.
Speaker 6 (30:27):
Yeah, but uh, you know, I've been driving around with
my dog and he hasn't seen one garage for sale.
It always involved his dog for some reason.
Speaker 2 (30:36):
I don't know.
Speaker 6 (30:38):
That. The other joke, he yeah, he goes, this was
this was my favorite one. He goes, Yeah, this woman
was working at a gym. She lost thirty pounds in
one day. Yeah, can you believe it? Thirty pounds in
one day? Yeah, a machine ripped her leg off.
Speaker 7 (31:12):
On that gun shooting guy, the gun and dog guy.
I saw him like months later at the cafe and
I was like.
Speaker 8 (31:20):
Where's your dog?
Speaker 5 (31:21):
He goes, He's like.
Speaker 7 (31:22):
I did nobody, and he had he now had complete
like huge fake veneers, like the masks, and they were
like poppins. They were like dentally, like a dentist installed them.
And he was wearing a suit and he was like,
I'm working on my new bit and I was like, oh,
(31:44):
cool man, what is it? And then he pants himself
and he had sewn out of like nylon and like
flesh colored threads, photorealistic stuffed penis. This was like outside
of the comedy club. He was like, you got to
I'm going on the later show. You got to check
my bit out. I was like, what is it? And
then he just exposed himself. But it's not exposing if
(32:06):
it's not real, but it is kind of exposing if
you can't tell it's not real. So his bit was
having crazy mask teeth and just showing his dick to.
Speaker 9 (32:15):
The crows better than a dog.
Speaker 5 (32:18):
Yeah, I mean it is a step up.
Speaker 9 (32:20):
Everybody's got their journey.
Speaker 10 (32:21):
I used to work at this bar in Venice and
I was like just starting stand up. So we found
out there was gonna be a stand It was like
a music though there was never any stand up there.
We found there's gonna be a stand up night, and
it was like Howard Stern guys, but not like the
A tier. It was like sal the stockbrokers, like Jim
Florentine Scream and Cindy. I forget who it was, but
(32:43):
one guy closed his set by bringing a woman on
stage and pouring ranch dressing into her ass crack and
then licking it out of her whole.
Speaker 8 (32:52):
He had multiple women who.
Speaker 9 (32:53):
Wanted to get on stand WHOA And I was like,
that's a.
Speaker 5 (32:56):
Ranch pioneer right there.
Speaker 3 (32:58):
Like I was.
Speaker 8 (33:00):
Literally like people were like big me, big man.
Speaker 10 (33:04):
It's like, I guess this is like a thing, but wow,
I was like, that's a closer.
Speaker 1 (33:08):
Any other any other fucking things. This is a great
this is phenomenal, fantastic. Yeah, I'm surprised that you're wasted.
Stories weren't that.
Speaker 5 (33:17):
I got to think crazy.
Speaker 2 (33:19):
I got the three of you. I think you guys
have been so often wasted on stage.
Speaker 1 (33:24):
It's kind of like normally you're like, yeah, whatever, it's
called Thursday, my man, you know you're gonna be like
I dropped ten hits of acid in my eye and and.
Speaker 2 (33:33):
Board on stage.
Speaker 5 (33:35):
The stage is precious, man, that's a precious space.
Speaker 9 (33:38):
Is a temple.
Speaker 5 (33:39):
Yeah you don't. You don't.
Speaker 6 (33:40):
And it's not so funny of a story of it
was like, I've been getting drunk on stage for fifteen
years and it's probably be successful.
Speaker 9 (33:46):
That's not really a story so much.
Speaker 5 (33:48):
As I've wasted my life. I can't face the audience
unless I.
Speaker 6 (33:53):
Myself my life. I've days away from giving it all up.
Speaker 7 (34:02):
But it is interesting. That's like, why you put us
on the podcast. He's they're gonna have it once. I
ship myself and suck my own dick.
Speaker 9 (34:13):
That was my closer for most of the early two thousands.
Speaker 2 (34:18):
All right, thank you, gentlemen.
Speaker 1 (34:20):
I'll probably see you guys, like in a few hours,
like best vision or something like that.
Speaker 2 (34:25):
Ye bye, guys, Thank you Bye.
Speaker 3 (34:32):
With Ericdre.
Speaker 1 (34:33):
Bombing with Eric Andre is brought to you by Will
Ferrell's Big Money Players Network and iHeart Podcast.
Speaker 2 (34:38):
It is executive produced by.
Speaker 1 (34:39):
The handsome Hansani, the wickedly talented Olivia Aguilar, edited and
sound designed by the stupendous Andy Harris, and are artist
by the genius still in Vanderberg.
Speaker 2 (34:51):
I want to thank the four of them very much.
Speaker 1 (34:54):
If you want to confess to your own bombing moments
or give us a shout out, go rate us five
stars and drop a review on your podcast app of
write about your own stories of bombing at life. If
you're on Apple Podcasts, you can also subscribe to Big
Money Players Diamond to get exclusive bonus content with every
episode and listen to all my episodes ad free. The
guests I'm Bombing with Eric Andre were recorded before the
SAG after strike bye,
Welcome back to Bombing with Eric Andre, the podcast where
I talk with comedians, musicians, friends, chefs, and.
Speaker 2 (00:08):
Known murderers convicted murderers. Actually, we have a lot of
them on the show.
Speaker 1 (00:13):
This episode we featured three of my best drinking buddies,
Nick Rutherford, Carl has Cornell Red some of my favorite
standup comics. They're my vacation and adventure buddies. We've all
gone to the worst open mics in the world together
for the past twenty years, and collectively we've had the
most absurd, raunchiest nights. As always, follow the podcast for
(00:34):
new episodes every week. Rate us five stars of check
out Big Money Players Diamond on Apple Podcasts to get
exclusive weekly bonus content plus ad free episodes.
Speaker 2 (00:41):
Let's get into it, Bobby.
Speaker 3 (00:50):
With aeric Andre.
Speaker 2 (00:51):
We'll start with our worst bombing stories, and.
Speaker 3 (00:54):
Then we'll.
Speaker 4 (00:56):
Take turn saying the N word. Okay, I heard you
had a fuck. Do you want to kick it off
or do you want to make sure I can hear
you like boom?
Speaker 2 (01:09):
Yeah?
Speaker 5 (01:10):
Yeah, yeah, I'm of.
Speaker 2 (01:11):
The century story.
Speaker 1 (01:13):
Yeah.
Speaker 6 (01:13):
Should I start now?
Speaker 2 (01:14):
We're recording? Oh yeah, yeah, we're recording.
Speaker 6 (01:17):
All right, So this was right when I started doing
stand up comedy. I was still in college and my Ra,
who was I was kindly friendly with, she comes up.
She's like, hey, knocks on my dorm room, open the doors, Hey,
I got you a set some fifteen minutes. Come follow me.
And I was like, okay, so I walk with her.
I follow her.
Speaker 7 (01:38):
We go to like the how people get booked from
comedy shows all the time.
Speaker 6 (01:43):
Most of them start doing comedy, and I was just like, wow,
I'm a new comic. This sounds like an opportunity to shine,
you know. And I started walking to the little like
center they have. And as we start walking to this
little event center, I see signs all over for uh
(02:03):
Soul Night.
Speaker 5 (02:06):
I'm like, surely this can't.
Speaker 2 (02:08):
Be like a neo soul like an Eric or what.
Speaker 6 (02:17):
Uh No, it was just black in general.
Speaker 5 (02:21):
It wasn't especial.
Speaker 6 (02:24):
Yes, yes, yes, Soul Night. I walk inside, following my Ra,
who wasn't black either. I don't know how she got
this booking on this.
Speaker 8 (02:36):
She's like, I got a guy. I got it.
Speaker 5 (02:39):
I got the perfect guy for you.
Speaker 6 (02:41):
My brother, well, my name's Cornell too, so they probably
don't even bad. And EYE like that sounds great. I
walk in and it's full. It's packed. There's like three
hundred people there in the seats, and on State is
spoken word poetry going on.
Speaker 2 (03:05):
Yeahtry slam.
Speaker 6 (03:10):
CSU Northward poetry slam going down, and they are loving it.
After that gospel choir comes off, you were like perfect, yeah, yeah,
you know it's so naive. Back then, I was just like, well,
I'm gonna get up there and kill him. This is
(03:30):
gonna be great. Comedy fits in line with this programming.
So gospel choir finishes and the like up next for
some comedy. Here's Cornell read and I walk on stage
immediately silent record. Yes, absolutely, I start telling my first joke. Nothing,
(03:57):
absolutely nothing.
Speaker 2 (03:58):
Remember the joke.
Speaker 6 (03:59):
I don't remember the joke, but I do remember.
Speaker 5 (04:02):
It was, what's the deal with black people?
Speaker 2 (04:09):
Too many?
Speaker 6 (04:13):
Cornell, Hey, I'm glad you guys are here, because no
one's not robbing my car right now.
Speaker 9 (04:22):
She just started doing Bernie Max sat from Comedy Jam.
Speaker 5 (04:26):
But I was very scared.
Speaker 3 (04:27):
I was.
Speaker 8 (04:29):
I am scared, very scared.
Speaker 6 (04:34):
So I started doing jokes and then they just start
they're talking, they're not paying attention.
Speaker 5 (04:39):
They start heckling me.
Speaker 6 (04:42):
Like before I would I would start setting up a joke,
they would go like haa before I even got to
the punchline, and they're heckling like me like that I was,
you know, and I was like two years into it.
Speaker 2 (04:54):
It doesn't sound like a heckle. Well, that sounds like
they were having fun.
Speaker 5 (04:57):
What's your problem with black people?
Speaker 8 (05:02):
That guy killed?
Speaker 5 (05:02):
Hell, he's doing really well. My favorite comedian.
Speaker 9 (05:05):
It's really mad at for some.
Speaker 6 (05:06):
Reason though they know, they're like trying to uh shut
me up, like like uh.
Speaker 5 (05:14):
Mocking me.
Speaker 6 (05:15):
And you know, I'm so early on into comedy. I'm
doing like what's the deal with transformers? I mean, with
that one robot transforms into a tape player? What tap player?
In the future at least be a CD player? You know.
Speaker 8 (05:31):
That's very strong.
Speaker 6 (05:35):
Sure, my material for.
Speaker 8 (05:40):
He's outdated a little bit.
Speaker 6 (05:42):
So I'm doing these jokes and I'm still going even
though no one's giving me anything. I'm powering through. These
people are legitimately trying to interfere with my set. And
I bring up one joke and this guy goes like
the hah before I it anywhere, and I look at
him and he had one sleeve rolled up on his
(06:06):
T shirt. And for some reason. It sparked a memory
in me. I got the feeling to riff to finally
win this audience on my side up yeah yeah, And
he had one sleeve rolled up, and it reminded me
of the movie Sunset Park. I don't know if you've
(06:26):
remember that movie, but it's like Ray Pearlman coaches an
inner city basketball team.
Speaker 3 (06:32):
That movie I have.
Speaker 6 (06:35):
Yeah, it was not a hit, but it was in
the late nineties that movies around. And one of the
guys on the basketball team had one of his sleeves
cut off of his shirt underneath his jersey. I remember
that because I thought it looked cool, and I did
it when I played basketball in seventh grade for a
little while.
Speaker 5 (06:49):
It's kind of early days of like the Kobe sleeve, you.
Speaker 6 (06:52):
Know, yeah right right, Well, people were doing like sleeveless shirt.
So this is the first guy I saw it doing
one sleep.
Speaker 9 (06:58):
I don't think I've ever seen that.
Speaker 8 (06:59):
It's kind of.
Speaker 6 (07:00):
Nobody has he has. So I that guy heckles me.
He has one shirt sleeve rolled up. So I pointed,
I'm gonna go, oh, Sunset Park over there like that joke,
and I didn't No one made the connection that one
kid in Sunset Park off.
Speaker 2 (07:19):
That black guy.
Speaker 6 (07:20):
Looks like an inner city basketball player. That came off,
and that was finally the whole crowd just goes okay.
Speaker 5 (07:29):
Now they had something to sink their teeth into, right.
Speaker 6 (07:32):
And I distinctly remember having some hearing a woman in
the front row say verbatim that white motherfucker's going to
get his ass. And the lady comes up, literally takes
the microphone out of my hands and walk off stage
(07:55):
and just went straight back to my dorm room and
just like hit in my bed.
Speaker 5 (08:02):
And that that ra is still your manager.
Speaker 3 (08:06):
It's to be fair.
Speaker 5 (08:09):
She's gotten better at Cornell's gotten better. They're growing.
Speaker 10 (08:12):
He did tour later with that gospel band that you
know they I have.
Speaker 7 (08:18):
I I have a similar like they just stopped. They
just stopped me from doing comedy. That's the worst one
stopping there. We don't even finish your time what I
was in.
Speaker 3 (08:31):
Uh.
Speaker 5 (08:31):
I went up to I went up.
Speaker 7 (08:33):
To Alaska with Brooks for for Brits Wheelians like thirtieth birthday.
We camped to like Denali and our way back down
to the airport, we stayed one night in this little
town called Talketna, which is like this little mountain toown
is really cute. It's like a real quirky little mountain town.
Like there's a bar that like the manager is a cat,
you know, it's like one of.
Speaker 5 (08:53):
These yeah, like the.
Speaker 3 (08:59):
Beret.
Speaker 5 (09:01):
I guess the cat doesn't like cursing and something.
Speaker 7 (09:04):
Then when we went to that bar, they were like, oh,
you know if you if you curse it all, you're
kicked out immediately. And we were like, are you fucking serious?
And then they kicked us out. Like so it was
a really quirky little town. And we go to this
one bar and they had an open mic and it
was just you know, like poetry, like singer songwriters. It's
a super little local open mic and Brookes.
Speaker 2 (09:26):
Can do something stand up.
Speaker 3 (09:28):
Yeah.
Speaker 5 (09:28):
We're like, we're from La, let's shake this town up.
Speaker 6 (09:33):
Yeah, like a small town Alaskan town loves more than.
Speaker 2 (09:40):
Slam bo tree and a singer songwriter.
Speaker 5 (09:43):
Yeah, the cat came out and did a trick.
Speaker 7 (09:46):
He's like hard working, like blue collar, like lumberjacks are like,
what's this guy think about?
Speaker 9 (09:51):
Airlines?
Speaker 7 (09:53):
So we signed up for the open mic and it
was a pretty rowdy crowd and I go up and
I was doing this bit at the time that was
about ants eating my Like, giz, you're still doing.
Speaker 5 (10:04):
I haven't done it. I love doing it for a while.
Speaker 8 (10:13):
It's it's pretty funny.
Speaker 5 (10:14):
Yeah, it's about ants to your ji.
Speaker 7 (10:16):
Yeah, it was like back when I lived with like
like three guys like I like.
Speaker 6 (10:22):
That.
Speaker 5 (10:23):
It's not important, but similar in a lot of ways,
drinking a lot of happier than Yeah, you're trying to
keep your roommates happy. And I just remember.
Speaker 7 (10:36):
Apparently, but I just remember like like just ants going
after my little like jerk off towels like in the
in the trash.
Speaker 5 (10:45):
Yeah, I know it's gross. It's a gross bit, but
it's about these.
Speaker 7 (10:47):
Ants, like me meeting like a nick ant hybrid doesn't matter.
Speaker 1 (10:51):
It's a gross bit, like the ants eat your come
and then they have a little baby.
Speaker 7 (10:54):
Yeah yeah, Like there's like a.
Speaker 5 (10:59):
Calm his father like that about this great act out.
Speaker 7 (11:04):
Okay, And so I jumped into my aunt seating my
cum stuff, and the crowd just turns like people.
Speaker 2 (11:14):
Are like like what the hell?
Speaker 5 (11:20):
People were disgusted. And this is in the no cursing bar. No, No,
this was not I had no rule, but they have
one rule.
Speaker 7 (11:32):
Took the bartender like screams out like you're done, and
then cuts the power to the microphone. And then the
host came up and like grabbed them and I was like, okay, cool.
And then and then Brooks went up and crushed really no,
I don't remember what he did, but we we hung
out at the bar for like the rest of the night.
Speaker 8 (11:54):
That's that's brave.
Speaker 5 (11:55):
Yeah, you just d didn't.
Speaker 3 (11:59):
Fun.
Speaker 5 (12:00):
They had the bell.
Speaker 8 (12:01):
We couldn't go back to the cat bar.
Speaker 9 (12:02):
It was there was only two bars in town.
Speaker 5 (12:04):
I wanted to learn my lesson.
Speaker 2 (12:08):
Because they had a bell.
Speaker 7 (12:09):
They had a bell and if you rang the bell,
if somebody rang the bell, that person had to buy
everybody in the bar a drink. So like there would
be like Brooks and I felt like we were like
locals at this point, so like there'd be.
Speaker 10 (12:20):
Like, you know, disgusted by everyone.
Speaker 7 (12:29):
Hey, I'm tal keating a knick, not everyone. Because the
night ended up with like Brooks and I sitting at
the bar and this kind of buxome like mountain, like
a much older mountain woman had really taken a shining
to me.
Speaker 5 (12:43):
She really liked me.
Speaker 8 (12:44):
She's like I like that kum talk. I don't care
what anybody said.
Speaker 5 (12:48):
I want to be one of those.
Speaker 7 (12:50):
Baby, And so she was very aggressive and we were
like sitting at the bar and she was on the
other side of Brooks and we were like he was
like holding my hand behind Brooks.
Speaker 5 (13:02):
And then I was just trying to like kind of
be nice and like, you know, be like I'm not
really interested. I'm good and somebody.
Speaker 6 (13:10):
You're sitting in a seat there.
Speaker 7 (13:15):
On your date, Yeah, exactly, because I was trying to
be away from her, but she would like sneak her try, Yeah,
she would. Well, she has a big, strong, lumberge lumber
Jane hand. She got this callous lumber Jane hand. So
she she does what she wants to. And so I
think she went to the bathroom and I was like
(13:37):
talking to somebody else and I was like, I just
I don't I don't know what to do about this.
And the guy was like, seems like Dave's wife really
likes she.
Speaker 8 (13:46):
Oh, yeah, Dave's.
Speaker 7 (13:48):
Wife and never got her name is Dave's wife. And
she kept saying, I just really wish you would walk
me home, Like I'm only five minutes away.
Speaker 5 (13:56):
If you walk me home, I'd really make him.
Speaker 3 (13:58):
Worth your while.
Speaker 2 (13:59):
God don't want to know.
Speaker 7 (14:00):
Dave, did you ever catch you? No, no, nothing happened.
We just like, you know, I went home. We fucked
for a day's Uh no, nothing happened. We just baby
comes out at the end of the story.
Speaker 2 (14:14):
You never saw.
Speaker 3 (14:17):
The son of a bitch.
Speaker 5 (14:18):
You got my wife.
Speaker 6 (14:20):
Dave's listening to this podcast right now, jumping up and
down on his cowboy hat. Dave's wife, you call that too.
Speaker 7 (14:31):
It felt like that's just kind of a thing she does.
And she, you know, she she seduces all the l
A comedians that come through.
Speaker 5 (14:37):
Tell nobody.
Speaker 7 (14:39):
Nobody was like, beware, that's Dave's wife. They're like, oh yeah,
Dave's wife. Like she she lives right down the road,
walk her home. It felt like that was just how
it works. They wanted to have you killed because because
it comes to the way.
Speaker 2 (14:51):
I love that you told the income story. And then
they were.
Speaker 5 (14:54):
Like, fuck you get out here, I will say for
four more.
Speaker 3 (15:00):
On to the bar.
Speaker 7 (15:01):
And you were like, who's married here?
Speaker 5 (15:08):
Do you know if she's.
Speaker 8 (15:10):
Brooks stand right here?
Speaker 3 (15:13):
Brother?
Speaker 9 (15:14):
Did you see your set?
Speaker 7 (15:16):
Do you know if Day's wife was there for I imagine
she was there wasn't a lot to like this guy.
Speaker 5 (15:21):
Yeah, I think she liked the gall you know.
Speaker 9 (15:23):
Yeah, I feel like my story is nor near as
bad as these do.
Speaker 5 (15:26):
But okay, here we go.
Speaker 6 (15:28):
Oh wow, I've never I'm actually never.
Speaker 10 (15:32):
I don't know why I'm here. I've never done that.
It was it was early on. I probably knew in
comedy like two years and I somehow got a gig.
Speaker 9 (15:42):
I forget the town name.
Speaker 10 (15:43):
I really tried to look it up on Google Maps,
but I couldn't find it. Somewhere in central California, just
like a tiny town, and they were like, you can
do forty five minutes, right, I was like, your goddamn.
Speaker 1 (15:53):
Right, it's going for three weeks.
Speaker 9 (15:59):
Probably had like fifteen minutes maybe.
Speaker 3 (16:02):
Yeah.
Speaker 10 (16:03):
It was like it was like one local comic and
then like just me, And it was like there wasn't
even like a host and the place is like packed
because it's one of those small towns where there's like
not a lot going on. It wasn't as charming as Telkeena.
It was just like pretty bleak, and like it was
like a place where like you you would see like
a guy. It was like a place where there'd be
(16:25):
like a fight at a thing and you would take
like break a pool cube.
Speaker 8 (16:29):
It was it was like a roadhouse.
Speaker 9 (16:31):
It was like a rough bar.
Speaker 6 (16:33):
It's like a bunch of Punisher logo.
Speaker 10 (16:35):
I mean, there was definitely like biker dudes and it
was like a very meth vibe.
Speaker 9 (16:41):
And it was just like I drove up specifically for
this show.
Speaker 10 (16:45):
I booked it through like another comic or like, oh yeah,
there's like this show you can do a.
Speaker 9 (16:49):
Long and I was just like I want to do
a long set.
Speaker 10 (16:52):
No, it was north. It might have been Toulari. It
wasn't that areacked. It wasn't even that big. It was tiny.
It might have been too lare. And I just right
off the bat, I'm just like eating ship. It's like yeah, no,
it's like nothing's working. And like the guy before me,
I think it was a local comic like ate it
so bad that I was terrified. I was like, I
was like, why are these people even here?
Speaker 3 (17:14):
Like that?
Speaker 10 (17:14):
Do you want to be here? Like the entire town
seemed like it was there. And like one of my
early bits was like a five minute chunk about Hitler and.
Speaker 5 (17:25):
His glies.
Speaker 10 (17:28):
I was just like, this is a bit like I
just go into it and it is just like not
doing well.
Speaker 8 (17:36):
It was like one of them.
Speaker 10 (17:37):
There's multiple parts, but one part is about like the
Hitler family name was originally chickel Gruber and Hitler changed
it. It might have actually been his dad who changed it.
And I was like the joke had something to do
with how like it would have been way funnier if
like he didn't change it, because like chickel Groover is
such a fun name.
Speaker 2 (17:55):
Yeah, so Hitler is like his stage name.
Speaker 10 (17:57):
Well it was like chicicle Grover was like a family
name with it and changed to Hitler. But I was
like it would have been he would have been more
deadly because no one would have taken him seriously. You know,
you hear like, oh, Hitler's invaded pol and you're like,
oh my god, we got to do something. You hear
like chicle Gruber has just invaded pol and you're like,
that fucking sounds hilarious. He's up to his old tricks
(18:17):
clowning friends.
Speaker 8 (18:19):
As you can see, very solid joke.
Speaker 10 (18:21):
And I had like a bunch more shot I don't
even remember, but it was like a huge chunk and
it was just not doing Get this is the only
time someone's actually done this, because I feel like this
only happens in movies when someone's getting heckled.
Speaker 9 (18:34):
But like someone was literally like, you suck like.
Speaker 8 (18:37):
That never happens.
Speaker 10 (18:40):
Usually hecklers are like too drunk and they're just talking loud.
Speaker 9 (18:43):
But like I got like a full on you suck like.
Speaker 5 (18:46):
A perfectly, and it was just like a dagger to
the herd.
Speaker 10 (18:51):
And then I was like, I was like, you know,
I'm floundering. I'm like, I'm just gonna go into crowd work.
So I start talking to these guys and like somehow
we started talking about meth because I think there was
like a it was.
Speaker 9 (19:01):
Like a meth type of vibe.
Speaker 10 (19:03):
Yeah, and I like kind of I kind of got
a few laughs, like making fun of the town down
the road.
Speaker 9 (19:08):
I was like, what are you doing a small town?
You sit on the next small town.
Speaker 10 (19:11):
I was like, I bet that town fucking smokes way
more math, you know.
Speaker 9 (19:15):
But and then someone was like, we actually smoked more math.
Speaker 8 (19:23):
Proud of man.
Speaker 10 (19:23):
I was like, oh, I mean, you guys, this is
the math town.
Speaker 8 (19:28):
Springfield was like.
Speaker 5 (19:30):
Towns trying their hardest coming.
Speaker 8 (19:32):
From you show fucking sweating.
Speaker 10 (19:35):
I remember At one point there was like a stuffed
bear and I like went into a riff about how
like the bear was the mayor of the town and
like they did not love that. And then I think
I just started getting more drunk on stage and I
just like did crowd work for the rest of the time.
But like it was bad. There was definitely like biker dudes.
I was like, these guys are gonna like beat the
(19:56):
shit out of me. I'm like making fun of their town.
You know, they all kind of came together over.
Speaker 9 (20:01):
The med stuff. So you know, at least I had
that silver lining.
Speaker 11 (20:04):
You got them with a Recondrey, with a Condrey.
Speaker 2 (20:21):
Okay, so we got our bombing stories. What were the
other two parts of my podcast? Quick?
Speaker 1 (20:28):
Oh, the worst bob you've ever witnessed in public? Like
people getting bottles thrown at them on stage, or they just.
Speaker 9 (20:36):
Get segue into Nick's other stories.
Speaker 2 (20:40):
Humble.
Speaker 5 (20:40):
Oh yeah, I don't. Well, let's transition into that later.
Speaker 8 (20:46):
I do have.
Speaker 1 (20:49):
A quick trying to get out of here tomorrow. Well
I have well, what is this humble story?
Speaker 7 (20:58):
So Cornell run a festival up and Humble at Savage
Henry Comedy Club.
Speaker 2 (21:03):
It's great.
Speaker 5 (21:04):
Every year.
Speaker 7 (21:05):
It's super fun, super chill. It was one of the
first times I had gone up there, maybe the second
time i'd gone up there for the festival, and it
was the final show of the weekend. It was the
big like headliner show, right, this huge, beautiful venue, beautiful
like theater. And so they decided to like book like
thirty comics on the show.
Speaker 6 (21:24):
Guy, I don't run it.
Speaker 5 (21:29):
I don't know story. Yeah you don't run it, but
you're a big part of the scene up there.
Speaker 12 (21:37):
And yeah with the comics you deal the drugs else
from our listener.
Speaker 6 (21:49):
But you know the guys, the guys who run it.
It was like the first time putting any of this
ship together. I didn't really understand.
Speaker 1 (21:56):
You always say thirty comics or nothing. Yeah, comic comedy
gets at the three hour mark, warming up the crowd.
Speaker 6 (22:05):
Literally every show was at least two and a half hour.
Speaker 2 (22:07):
It was ridiculous.
Speaker 6 (22:08):
It's like buy a bracelet for the whole weekend. They
go to one show like.
Speaker 2 (22:13):
Comedy.
Speaker 6 (22:14):
I never want to see comedy again. It's like all
your favorite comics from tilarryo yea.
Speaker 5 (22:23):
And check it out. Dave's wife is in the lobby.
Speaker 8 (22:27):
Do not walk her home.
Speaker 7 (22:30):
So we so it was like all of our comedy
buddies and we all had we all were like, on
this show is the last like blowout night of the festival.
Speaker 6 (22:38):
Yeah, it's a old movie theater too. Was really cool
on stage in front of the big screen.
Speaker 7 (22:43):
With like like there's what are those things called like
where they shot Lincoln There's like yeah, yeah, Like it
was just really cool.
Speaker 5 (22:52):
It's a really beautiful venue.
Speaker 7 (22:53):
Lincoln Murder vibes, Yeah, and uh, somebody had cocaine and
so we're like, let's do a little bit of cocaine
before our set. We'll go up there like Richard pryor,
you know, we'll just have a good time on stage.
But the show is like three and a half hours long,
and when you do a little bit of cocaine, you
want to do a little more.
Speaker 3 (23:12):
Yeah.
Speaker 6 (23:13):
That other is my home town. My mom's in the island, step.
Speaker 5 (23:19):
Grandma, Grandma, grandma's there, everybody's there. It's a big day.
We're in this like attic space.
Speaker 6 (23:27):
Yeah yeah, because you go behind the screen and everyone's
like kind of hanging out back there as a green room.
But then Nick, Carl and I find this ladder up
to a mystery at it, just like.
Speaker 7 (23:38):
A blare Witch projects like Addic that was like dusty
and chalky, and so we're like that's where we're go
do our drugs, and we go and we just keep
doing cocaine and we're like go down and check them
with the host, like am I up next?
Speaker 5 (23:51):
And be like yeah, nine more comments? Okay, great, Well
I guess yeah, And I remember I think I was last.
I don't I might have been last headline and I
don't think. I don't.
Speaker 7 (24:07):
I don't know what we were doing, but I was
like so like numb mouthed, like something like clenching my teeth,
and I'm trying to get through this like already miserable.
Speaker 9 (24:16):
Show, like a full mental breakdown on stage.
Speaker 5 (24:19):
I definitely I've.
Speaker 9 (24:20):
Really never seen anything.
Speaker 2 (24:21):
Wait what happened?
Speaker 7 (24:22):
I mean, I just was like the place was packed,
but of course people trickled out because it was going
on way too long, so there's nobody there.
Speaker 6 (24:28):
There are fucking exhaust exactly the other commedia.
Speaker 5 (24:33):
I hate comedy. At this point, next doing.
Speaker 9 (24:36):
The cum joking front Cornell's grandmother.
Speaker 7 (24:38):
Yeah, I'm screaming about my and how you get on stage?
I can't on stage, and I'm like, I can't even speak,
man Like, I was so like cracked down.
Speaker 2 (24:46):
Tell them you were coked up, audience.
Speaker 5 (24:48):
I want to say that was my I think.
Speaker 6 (24:52):
My cover there. I think my mom was like, Oh,
that's why Corner was acting so.
Speaker 9 (24:58):
Put together.
Speaker 5 (25:00):
We usually bulge that much.
Speaker 6 (25:02):
He was a bit bulge.
Speaker 5 (25:05):
Yeah, I'm gripping the mic and it shattered in my hand.
Speaker 8 (25:11):
So you did.
Speaker 10 (25:11):
You could have done like like ten fifteen and just
gotten out of there like a mercy, but you you
did like forty headline.
Speaker 7 (25:23):
Also, if you remember an Hour four, oh you brought
him over into Tomorrow. I remember like Andre Hyland performed
in that show too, and he had this like video
of like this was.
Speaker 5 (25:34):
Like a bomb.
Speaker 9 (25:34):
I would love to watch this said on this video
was like it's just like a.
Speaker 5 (25:38):
Different horse a c g I horse horse.
Speaker 2 (25:41):
Have you seen it?
Speaker 3 (25:42):
Yeah?
Speaker 7 (25:42):
It was also did not go below, so he said
set the tone, and I was like, I need some chemical.
Speaker 9 (25:49):
Influence to get these guys back.
Speaker 8 (25:50):
I love horses and I love come.
Speaker 9 (25:52):
That's a good idea for a joke.
Speaker 2 (25:54):
God, it was a nightmare. So were you just like.
Speaker 7 (25:56):
It's just like you couldn't even like talk bo I
did some cocaine in the back three hours.
Speaker 8 (26:04):
I was like, I've been in the attic doing.
Speaker 7 (26:06):
Cod for hours, people like just NY nine one one
and hovering the finger over sand.
Speaker 5 (26:21):
You learned a lot.
Speaker 1 (26:21):
That Is that the most wasted you've ever been on stage?
Speaker 3 (26:28):
Would you say?
Speaker 7 (26:29):
Oh, yeah, definitely, definitely, for surely. I'm sure I've been
like Drunker on stage because I was crystal clear.
Speaker 3 (26:46):
With aeric codre. With aeric codre.
Speaker 7 (26:57):
My worst like other people bombing story was the very
very first time I did any open mic and I
went to the Haha Cafe in North Hollyway.
Speaker 5 (27:05):
Oh yeah, I got some nightmare stories.
Speaker 7 (27:07):
From I had my my really good friend Brandy was
the only one who came to support me, which was
fine singer or the singer, no, the beverage, and so
(27:27):
I was, you know, I was like fortieth in the
fucking lineup or whatever, and it started packed and then
it just kind of get in like people left and
people left, and I was like very very late in
the show and right before I go up, it was
probably like half full at this point. Right before I
go up, this guy comes on stage and brings up
like a real dog and takes out like a gun.
There's a toy gun, but brought out a gun and
(27:48):
holds it to the dog's head and says, if you
guys don't laugh at my jokes, I'll shoot this.
Speaker 5 (27:54):
It's a fucking hack lampoon bit.
Speaker 9 (27:56):
And lastic national lampoon thing if you don't come to
this movie.
Speaker 7 (28:00):
But it was an awful bit, and they walked the
entire crowd. The entire crowd left. He did shitty four
minutes of comedy and then it was just me my
friend Brandy, and like the next comic was in the room,
and I went on stage did my three minutes, and
she laughed loud and hard enough that I was like,
I'm going to do this for the rest.
Speaker 2 (28:17):
Of Thanks, Brandy, better than.
Speaker 8 (28:22):
You're my favorite singer.
Speaker 2 (28:27):
Dude.
Speaker 1 (28:27):
Julie Ashton, who's a casting director, very lovely casting it
was always.
Speaker 2 (28:32):
Very sweet to me early on when I didn't know
what the fuck I was doing.
Speaker 1 (28:37):
I asked her one time, what was the worst, what's
the worst audition you've ever experienced? You've seen like a
billion actors come through your your casting studio, Like, what's
the worst, what's the worst you've ever experienced?
Speaker 2 (28:51):
She goes.
Speaker 1 (28:51):
A guy pulled out a gun during an audition, a
real gun, a loaded gun, because there was a gun
in the scene. He was like a villain in the
you know, some drama.
Speaker 5 (29:00):
To bring a gun today.
Speaker 1 (29:03):
Pulled out the gun and aimed it at her and
like did the scene and she was like.
Speaker 6 (29:07):
Okay, thanks for coming in.
Speaker 5 (29:10):
Christ worked, It worked, Lauren.
Speaker 6 (29:18):
There was this comic who did open mics back in
the day, and he would always bomb, but I thought
he was the funniest man in the world. He went
by the name gay Lord Dingler.
Speaker 5 (29:30):
Already laughing already.
Speaker 2 (29:33):
That was Hitler's original.
Speaker 6 (29:38):
End of the show, kay Lord Dingler. And he would
always he'd just be sitting out in front of an
open mic, just sitting on the ground, drinking of forty
of mickeys before the started, and he would go up
and he had the same act every single time. You
know those crazy guys who just do open mics and
(29:58):
they'd never change a fucking word verbatim.
Speaker 5 (30:02):
He's one of those guys.
Speaker 6 (30:04):
And every time he would just bomb at these crazy,
weird open mics and I would be dying laughing. The
only joke of his I really remember it was he
had remember two jokes. One joke he go, he go, uh,
you know, I open up the newspaper and I see
all these these ads for garage sales.
Speaker 5 (30:26):
Garage sales.
Speaker 6 (30:27):
Yeah, but uh, you know, I've been driving around with
my dog and he hasn't seen one garage for sale.
It always involved his dog for some reason.
Speaker 2 (30:36):
I don't know.
Speaker 6 (30:38):
That. The other joke, he yeah, he goes, this was
this was my favorite one. He goes, Yeah, this woman
was working at a gym. She lost thirty pounds in
one day. Yeah, can you believe it? Thirty pounds in
one day? Yeah, a machine ripped her leg off.
Speaker 7 (31:12):
On that gun shooting guy, the gun and dog guy.
I saw him like months later at the cafe and
I was like.
Speaker 8 (31:20):
Where's your dog?
Speaker 5 (31:21):
He goes, He's like.
Speaker 7 (31:22):
I did nobody, and he had he now had complete
like huge fake veneers, like the masks, and they were
like poppins. They were like dentally, like a dentist installed them.
And he was wearing a suit and he was like,
I'm working on my new bit and I was like, oh,
(31:44):
cool man, what is it? And then he pants himself
and he had sewn out of like nylon and like
flesh colored threads, photorealistic stuffed penis. This was like outside
of the comedy club. He was like, you got to
I'm going on the later show. You got to check
my bit out. I was like, what is it? And
then he just exposed himself. But it's not exposing if
(32:06):
it's not real, but it is kind of exposing if
you can't tell it's not real. So his bit was
having crazy mask teeth and just showing his dick to.
Speaker 9 (32:15):
The crows better than a dog.
Speaker 5 (32:18):
Yeah, I mean it is a step up.
Speaker 9 (32:20):
Everybody's got their journey.
Speaker 10 (32:21):
I used to work at this bar in Venice and
I was like just starting stand up. So we found
out there was gonna be a stand It was like
a music though there was never any stand up there.
We found there's gonna be a stand up night, and
it was like Howard Stern guys, but not like the
A tier. It was like sal the stockbrokers, like Jim
Florentine Scream and Cindy. I forget who it was, but
(32:43):
one guy closed his set by bringing a woman on
stage and pouring ranch dressing into her ass crack and
then licking it out of her whole.
Speaker 8 (32:52):
He had multiple women who.
Speaker 9 (32:53):
Wanted to get on stand WHOA And I was like,
that's a.
Speaker 5 (32:56):
Ranch pioneer right there.
Speaker 3 (32:58):
Like I was.
Speaker 8 (33:00):
Literally like people were like big me, big man.
Speaker 10 (33:04):
It's like, I guess this is like a thing, but wow,
I was like, that's a closer.
Speaker 1 (33:08):
Any other any other fucking things. This is a great
this is phenomenal, fantastic. Yeah, I'm surprised that you're wasted.
Stories weren't that.
Speaker 5 (33:17):
I got to think crazy.
Speaker 2 (33:19):
I got the three of you. I think you guys
have been so often wasted on stage.
Speaker 1 (33:24):
It's kind of like normally you're like, yeah, whatever, it's
called Thursday, my man, you know you're gonna be like
I dropped ten hits of acid in my eye and and.
Speaker 2 (33:33):
Board on stage.
Speaker 5 (33:35):
The stage is precious, man, that's a precious space.
Speaker 9 (33:38):
Is a temple.
Speaker 5 (33:39):
Yeah you don't. You don't.
Speaker 6 (33:40):
And it's not so funny of a story of it
was like, I've been getting drunk on stage for fifteen
years and it's probably be successful.
Speaker 9 (33:46):
That's not really a story so much.
Speaker 5 (33:48):
As I've wasted my life. I can't face the audience
unless I.
Speaker 6 (33:53):
Myself my life. I've days away from giving it all up.
Speaker 7 (34:02):
But it is interesting. That's like, why you put us
on the podcast. He's they're gonna have it once. I
ship myself and suck my own dick.
Speaker 9 (34:13):
That was my closer for most of the early two thousands.
Speaker 2 (34:18):
All right, thank you, gentlemen.
Speaker 1 (34:20):
I'll probably see you guys, like in a few hours,
like best vision or something like that.
Speaker 2 (34:25):
Ye bye, guys, Thank you Bye.
Speaker 3 (34:32):
With Ericdre.
Speaker 1 (34:33):
Bombing with Eric Andre is brought to you by Will
Ferrell's Big Money Players Network and iHeart Podcast.
Speaker 2 (34:38):
It is executive produced by.
Speaker 1 (34:39):
The handsome Hansani, the wickedly talented Olivia Aguilar, edited and
sound designed by the stupendous Andy Harris, and are artist
by the genius still in Vanderberg.
Speaker 2 (34:51):
I want to thank the four of them very much.
Speaker 1 (34:54):
If you want to confess to your own bombing moments
or give us a shout out, go rate us five
stars and drop a review on your podcast app of
write about your own stories of bombing at life. If
you're on Apple Podcasts, you can also subscribe to Big
Money Players Diamond to get exclusive bonus content with every
episode and listen to all my episodes ad free. The
guests I'm Bombing with Eric Andre were recorded before the
SAG after strike bye,
Host
Eric Andre
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