April 23, 2025 • 49 mins
Eric and Nick hang out with EDM icon/music producer Dillon Francis in his hometown of Los Angeles. Convincing his parents to let him drop out of college to fulfill his dreams and sleeping on a couch. Blacking out at Coachella and fun dipping MDMA, craziness that led to him being sober. Irrational fears of accupunctures during an earthquake and being tortured by his siblings. Dillon wants everyone to know that his dad never tortured him with needles and Eric wants everyone to know Dillon looks like the guy from Smash Mouth and Guy Fieri.
Follow Dillon Francis at @dillonfrancis and check out Sorry My Love, Waterparks, Dillon Francis - Forget ft. Albert Hype
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
What's up at Sarah Andre and This is Bombing, the
podcast where I talked to comedians, artists, and other interesting
people about the worst bombs of their careers. On today's episode,
I talked to DJ and music producer Dylan Francis about
his starting the music industry, blocking out while performing at Coachella,
My Appoyment with a Sperm Doctor, and more. Check out
Dylan wherever you listen to music and enjoy the episode.
Speaker 2 (00:23):
Bombing with Eric Andre.
Speaker 1 (00:30):
He we're going to talk about bombing. We're gonna talk
about your worst show.
Speaker 2 (00:33):
Oh yeah, time.
Speaker 1 (00:34):
Where are you from? Rusa La? Really? Yeah? Well part
so is he and you didn't ask him a single
fucking thing. I haven't even looked at.
Speaker 2 (00:44):
What is he?
Speaker 1 (00:44):
Fucking Chopped Liver? This is Nick's world? Man, We're living
at it. Yeah, thanks for coming to my show. Chop
Liver with Nick and by the end we're gonna be
holding hands out what he did now? Yeah, he's got
two emmys, right one, He's got one Emmy. Emmy go
Rick and Morty Hero for SNL. Hell yeah he wrote
for uh Eric Andre show, dream work. Sometimes you just
(01:10):
take yeah, yeah, sometimes you take it. We're having a
good report. Okay, Okay, Now, yes, you're from l A
l A born and raised Culver City area, Westwood in
National was like proper l hospital. Were born in Cedar Sinai. Okay,
but in Miami, No Mount Sinai. I'm sorry. I feel
like they might be connecting something from Yeah, the Sinai
(01:32):
is a little cide. It sounds like too much like side.
It sounds too similar to Mount. That's a religious thing, right,
I guess. So doesn't mean it's a Jewish hospital. My
mom's Jewish religious. It's a Jewish hospital. Okay. So where
do you get your start? They get my start? Yeah,
tell us a little bit. Give us the bio, man.
The bio is, what were you doing in teenage years?
(01:54):
Doing backyard wrestling? Teenage years? Skating and smoking? Smoking? No, no, no,
skateboarding didn't. I don't know about that. You don't know
about skateboarding. It said, So there's a board and then
wheels are attached to it. I'm bored. Did you get
did you get sunburn? Yeah all the time. Yeah, a
(02:14):
good question. That's a good question. All the way guys
did Yeah, but I don't now I don't have as
much sun because I'm not just you know, skating all
day well, but you wear SPF right, not anymore? You
got to daily, got to do it daily. I will
behind the ears for you. I will. Okay, So you
grew up skating is spoken, and then you got did
(02:35):
you get into DJ and the music? I went to
art school and I was at Loxa. Where's that Los
Angeles count of High school for the arts? On went
to a high school, art school, high school on the
arts magnets a couple of artists right there. I really
wanted you to be on the show. You didn't, No, dude,
that's not true. A music video or something. Yes, what
(02:58):
happened all that you didn't want to do it? That's
not true. Bring up the would I would love for
you to know what you know what? He is right
about that? Okay, I'm the one that fucked that one up.
I thank you. Lies with Eric, Yeah but uh but yeah.
I went to LASA. I was doing art. I was
(03:18):
in photography and as I was, as I graduated, I
went to SMC and I dropped out because I was
Santa Monica Community College. Oh, it's like a legendary, it is,
though it is. I mean like like fucking Samuel Jackson
went there and sh right, he's the dean. You know,
famous people went there. Yeah, I think it's like also
(03:40):
went there, somebody, somebody that big went there. I'm not
making a joke. You're moved here in like like twenty five. Yeah,
you can just say names. Somebody's got to stop it.
Jo whatever fucking celebrity. Yeah. If I we have known
that Arnold Chorsanger was at SMC, I probably would have
stayed somebody like that is that when you're thinking, are
(04:00):
all right? You are right? It has like a because
Santa Monica back in the day was like a dreamy,
sleepy little beach town. It wasn't expensive. Yeah, back in
the day, Malibu, that area that was like a damn
tech companies with the microphones and no I even think
before the tech companies started getting Richard famous, it used
to bebster, the lobsters, you know people you like, like
(04:22):
lobsters for poor people. Yeah, like it used to be
for prison exactly, and then the lobster used to be
for prisoner. Yeah, Santa Monica, go there if you can't
afford real college head that before Yeah, so yeah, so
that was you. That was I was the prisoner that
was eating lobster. You go there? Yeah, I go there,
(04:42):
and then I dropped me Samuel Jackson. I meet Samuel
Jackson as the dean. I'm like, this will sucks. He's
like you need to DJ. Yeah, and he's like, we
got to get these kids off of this plane or something. No,
but horrible, Joseph, I didn't even commit to it. Did
you dropped that? You dropped that just like you dropped
(05:03):
out of college.
Speaker 2 (05:04):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (05:04):
I dropped out of it. So I called my dad
and I was like, hey, I I quit doing school.
I don't want to do anymore. He's like, okay, cool,
just figure how to make money. So I did a
bunch of foot but check out this, dad. I mean,
my parents definitely they supported me, but I definitely think
(05:26):
that they were like, our kid is so dumb. What
does the DJ dude you press play and somebody else's
music plays, or do you make the music? Make the
music and do that. You're like a producer producer, so
you produce the music and sometimes you press play on
the thing and people and the wild wait, wait, can
I show you their hoods? They don't do that. They
(05:47):
do and the guys show you their gone. Yeah, I
asked them in one of the shows if they everyone
could of course. Okay, so you go to SMC, you
drop out, you tell you dad, I'm gonna I'm gonna
do fuck this ship, and then what was your plan?
From there? I just somehow started getting into DJing and
(06:09):
I was like, you know what my plan is? I
want to play Centaspace, which Stevie Oki democ Tuesdays was there,
and I at that point realized, like, the only way
I can play it is if I make my own
music and then I'll get booked. So hustling as hard
as I could. I met my friend Corey Nita, who
was a music producer in Atlanta, and I was like, hey,
(06:29):
I would Corea. He went by Corey enemy, last name Nita,
last name Nita, A little Corey, little Corey.
Speaker 2 (06:38):
Oh.
Speaker 1 (06:38):
I thought he's Japanese. He is Japanese. But Corey Nita, No,
I'm saying, let's get please figure in percentages, not on
both sides, non Mexico Japanese. We actually got Cornitas. He's
(07:00):
having bloody. We got a drop of his blood. We
sent it in, put it on the screen. Japanese thirties.
Here he comes out neck, put the blood back inside.
I'll put it back in. Okay, So tell me, tell
me a little bit more. You going to stop your story,
(07:22):
little child? What were you like a musical child? Oh no,
I dabbled in everything like a saxophone, guitar, bass that
sounds like a musical Yeah no, no, but no, but I
mean like I did two weeks and I was like,
I'm out. I don't want I don't want to do
this anymore. And then for some reason, a computer just
made sense for playing exactly what else is it? Do
(07:49):
you count back? Did you check out the count? Penis?
Speaker 2 (07:57):
Two?
Speaker 1 (07:58):
Penis is? Okay?
Speaker 2 (08:00):
So you're with.
Speaker 1 (08:02):
Cordnita and I got you in backstage or something. No,
we're writing music. So he was like, hey, if you
if you fly yourself to Atlanta, you can sleep on
my floor, be my assistant. I'll teach you how to
make music. So for two months my floor. What do
you fucking his feudal surf. We got a fucking statistic
ship that works in Atlanta. That's how it works. Yeah,
but sleep on the couch. There is no couch. No,
(08:25):
come on, we got to blow up mattress. Spider man. Okay,
that's good. That's better. Yeah, it was nice. I was
in the dining room, so he taught you that was
like your kill Bill Montage exactly. And then I went
home after two months of working there, and I stayed
in the back house of my parents' place for a year,
and I paid them five hundred bucks every now and
then every time, and your dad would come over with
like a cup of coffee, like thinking about going back
(08:47):
to school. He did, so he made a big deal.
We made a deal. Actually, we made a deal where
he was like, look if if I was like, if
this doesn't work, I will go back to SMC and
I will do my ge stuff and I'll go to
UCL like you want me to. And it worked. And
hey Dad looking at that camera and say, fuck you, dad,
fuck you, that's right you did. I did it. And
(09:13):
his cell phone number. But now are your parents very
They're proud. They gott to be proud and very proud,
very proud. You go to my house or are they
still together? I paid back for my DUI that I
got when I was eighteen. That was expensive. It was
very expensive drink it was so worth it. That's when
you stopped drinking. No, I didn't stop drinking, kept going,
(09:34):
and you were like boo, oopsie, hey stop exactly, this
is a great this is exactly what I was doing.
Wait a minute, that's what got you to stop the
duy to stop drinking. Yeah, no, no, no, I mean
I didn't stop drinking until three years ago. Oh ship,
(09:57):
sixteen duys later, sixteen dus later. Yeah, I can't get
a license. What was the last drink? The last drink
was probably like a tequila shot or something. Were you
was it like, whoa, I'm going fucking hard or was
it like you were kind of I was already on
the down petering out of it. Yeah, you know, not
everybody hard stops. Some people just I petered off. Get
(10:21):
the hangovers too long? Exactly, superainful. He knows me. This
guy can't get a hangover. You and Carl, you might
be born with that gene that you don't get hungover.
I get a hangover occasionally, occasional. Every time I drink,
I get a hangover. Yeah, and that's that's that's not
I smell it and I get a hangover. Yeah. I
want to I want to have nineteen DUI so I
can quit drinking. You can't it's actually really simple. Yeah,
(10:45):
well I don't well driving something on the way somewhere
and on the way back. Yeah, he drinks a road
study like I don't do that. I don't do that anymore.
That's like fucking decades you talking about it the other day.
Oh wait, what are you talking about? Drink and tribe
all the time? Do you You've never been in my
(11:07):
I've never been in your car in seven eight years.
You look like a guy that would have cherries and
his cup holder that have Ever Clear. You're just chopping.
Don't do this podcast anymore. We're supposed to attack this guy.
What the hell is this? Turn on? Nick with aarondre.
I don't like this. Wait there's that you could put
(11:27):
ever Clear and cherry? Yeah you can. Now we can
talk about the premise of the show. What is the
worst show you've ever done? What is the worst gig
you ever had? What is the worst day job? Worst day?
And what's the most fucking wasted you've been on stage?
And how how is the the person you loved the most?
How did you hurt them?
Speaker 2 (11:47):
Yeah?
Speaker 1 (11:47):
Okay?
Speaker 3 (11:48):
And what's your favorite child trauma? And one's the one
you can't stop raving about favorite childhood trauma. Do you
remember the movie Hook? Remember the roodio? Yeah, the blue box,
I don't remember. I got a the boo box. It
was the scorpion. So they put a guy in a
box and there's the scorpion and they dropped the scorpion in.
So my brother and his friend Cash wanted to do
(12:10):
the boo box, but we didn't have a scorpion, but
we did have a.
Speaker 1 (12:13):
Dog cage, so they put me in a dog cage.
Hog Tide put a sock in my mouth and scraped
me with water. My childhood, it's like Alabama fucking torture.
Speaker 4 (12:25):
Also, to go from the boot box to like, it's
just like.
Speaker 1 (12:31):
That's bucks. We're playing Steven Spielberg's Hook. Mom and dad,
leave us alone, dude, Stephen super for real? Yeah really.
Speaker 5 (12:44):
Whoa, let's put yeah.
Speaker 2 (12:50):
With Adre with a recD.
Speaker 1 (13:01):
This is the best bombing experience ever. Later in the show,
so tell us something else. I like, you guys, you're cool. Hey, okay, okay, okay,
well not say it yet, okay, And I'll say it now.
I was playing at this very crusty festival up in
(13:23):
It's I think it's upstate New York called Camp Bisco,
and I was, it was the first time I was
headlining a stage. So me and a friend whose name
I won't say, I was, we'll put it up, We'll
put it up on the screen, put up on the
screen for me. His number I was, I was drinking
a lot and he was drinking Choice. I was, I
(13:43):
was drinking Greg Goose at the time, and I think
I drank a whole bottle to myself. And then he was, yeah,
I was thirsty, it's it's hot and uh. And then
my friend was just like basically fun dipping ecstasy into
his mouth so or M D M A, and he
was emceeing for me. I don't think there's any footage
(14:05):
of this online, thank god, but he's m seeing for me.
And I got so drunk. I think halfway through the show.
I couldn't really see my computer screen as I was
djaing off of it, and I could not send emails
or checkin, Yeah you're playing tickets and all that stuff.
I can I can do. I can't do any work.
(14:25):
I couldn't even see the song. So I so you
were faded, I was, I was like, your eyes are
like and you're like like this, yeah, yeah, and there's
like a song ending over here. There's a song ending,
and I had no idea what to play next. And
the song ended, and I still couldn't see the computer.
So I look over at him and I'm like, talk
on the mic, and he's like, I can't. Fun No,
(14:52):
he doesn't get on the mic. There is probably like
thirty seconds of silence at a music festival, Juda. So
we're just standing there and I try to pick up
the mic and talk. I don't even think I said anything.
I maybe even mumbled some words lips yeah, And then
(15:15):
I found a song and I just clicked it into
the the turntable goes en serato. Basically, you're it's like
fake vinyl. We know, okay? Cool. I wanted to let
you demo, dude, demo Hell yeah? Sign him right now, dude,
(15:35):
if you want the bravery, you would sign on her,
just knowing that I have a USB driver.
Speaker 2 (15:41):
Yes.
Speaker 1 (15:42):
Does Hulu represent Yes, that's the name of that on
DJ Hulu. You don't even want that ship Holy you
want to ship here?
Speaker 2 (15:52):
Ship?
Speaker 1 (15:53):
Dude? Did you go over the King speech? That's the
King speech? Man, That's what I call all my music.
I wish I could have used this that night. You
needed that, Yeah, I could have fucking fun up. Okay,
So you know, thirty thirty seconds of silence, and I
just clicked a song in and during this time, songs
(16:16):
are five minutes long for anything you're playing, so it's
a drum intro that's usually a minute, so we So
I clicked a song in that was a minute long.
Just boom boom, like a track. Yeah, basically basically playing
a TIC track exactly. Is the stage managor is anybody
(16:36):
that like runs this concert? Like, oh fuck no, I
don't even think I had a tour manager at the time.
It was like a concerto. Yes, that's cool, halfway climbing
out the stack of speakers like maybe. Okay. So the
great thing is my old photographer, his girlfriend was actually
at Camp Bisco when that happened, and he asked her
(16:58):
about it, and she said, oh yeah, when that happened,
we all just thought he was fucking with us. We
thought he was just playing a huge joke on the crowd.
So I got away with it Scott free because I
was just it was so off. Yeah, and then joke. Yeah, man,
he's changing the game sometimes he doesn't even play music.
(17:19):
So that was my that was my worst bombing experience.
What do I do with me? He listened to it
to your label? All right, I got this. So you
get off stage and that night you're puke and blood right, No, no, no,
that that was it. That was the time. I was like,
well we got off and I was like, dude, why
didn't you say anything? And he's like I couldn't. He's
(17:40):
just and why don't you drink water? At that point? No,
we just kept drinking more. Oh boy, So that is
I kind of the activity that I feel like, you're like, well, well,
might as well drink more. Yeah, I failed up again.
I haven't Yea, I didn't throw up. That's him when
he drives. Yeah, sorry, office here, I'm going to fail
up again. I don't like this beat.
Speaker 2 (17:59):
Used to.
Speaker 1 (18:02):
About it, telling him, why this guy do you lie? Okay,
this guy talking to me? Give me that? Give me
you're telling me. I used to have a joke about it.
You've never been a little tipsy like driving home? No? Okay, okay, okay,
I mean yeah, honestly, you remember the stories about your drinking. Yeah,
(18:27):
And I just remember him one of the greatest. Yeah,
and I just wish you would still do it. Yeah,
I just wish he would drive again. This was your driver,
drink again, both drinking. He will do driving, He'll know.
It was one of the most iconic things ever happened
in like the way Los Angeles history. What him drinking
and driving. I would be standing in a line waiting
(18:50):
for him to come down, just knocking, no, just to
see him driving down and you know what car was
he going to drive? Who was he going to do for?
He was at the top of the hill and people
down please, it was like marathon. They were like trying
to pass me shots of Vodkas. Okay, so tell us
some more bombing stories. Okay, more bombing stories. Relationship, relationship.
(19:14):
Did you have a bomb this week ago? Yeah? So,
I mean there was one where I played like I
played a like a like a PTA mom. Maybe you
had a bomb movie. I'm just trying to get the
attention out of me. There there was no bomb this week.
There was one show that I played that I went
to Dallas, Texas and I was playing at the House
(19:37):
of Blues. I think it was a five hundred cap And.
Speaker 6 (19:40):
You know, okay, nice they take that I'm telling everybody
else right right, I forgot about them.
Speaker 1 (19:48):
It's not just us here, it's everyone else out there.
We're not rolling. Cameras are made out of candy. I'm
gonna eat one later, that's for sure. And all those
pills back there was a real mo candy. Are you
got it? And you have to pick ten and take
them all? Some will make your heart pop like a balloon.
I'm in, I'm in. We can eat those later. People
(20:12):
under a small show for you now. Well this was
at the beginning of my career, and the promoter was like,
it's so good, It's gonna be great, what a what
a fun night ahead. He texted me. He's like, hey man,
can you like maybe show up a little bit later,
Like it's a little light I'm a walk up right now.
I was like, yeah, cool whatever, and he's like, Dallas, Yeah,
this is Dallas, dude. I walked in. There were three people,
(20:35):
yeah yeah, and the lights were on, so like lights
like this on in in a five hundred cap venue
just shows a lot of space. Yeah yeah. And so
the guy's like, hey man, like like do you mind
just like going on for fifteen minutes? I was like, yeah,
of course, like whatever played for that's sick. I played
for three people for I think maybe thirty and they
were just doing the Bernie the whole time. Yeah, and
(20:56):
the and I shook their hands from over the DJ
booth and said, thanks for being here. Fans for life,
I hope. So what if that turned them? If they're
like coming like that guy sucked and he shook my
hand and it was greasy. Why did he touch us?
Speaker 2 (21:12):
Yeah?
Speaker 1 (21:12):
I came here to dance, not gonnassault. What the fuck
is wrong with that guy? Dylan? Guys problem? And yeah,
so why don't we do a music video together? Dude,
let's do it. That's a bomb. I would love to
That's a bomb. Please, I'm free. I'm trying to think
of more bombs that I've had. I mean, I I
blacked out during Coachella. What do you mean two years ago? No,
(21:32):
I fully, like twenty minutes into the set. I don't
remember any of the set. You were drinking, though, I
was drinking that weekend, so not drinking is pretty good. Okay, sorry,
so four years ago, oh you blacked out drinking? I
blacked It wasn't that bad of a bombing that everyone
was like, oh, you were fine. I did play the
wrong song at the end, but you don't remember any
of it. That's kind of cool. Yeah, and I said,
please don't show me any footage. That's my goal of
(21:54):
each of these podcasts. I'm so drunk. You don't remember him.
I get it. Yeah, they still did good back not
even have any responsibility to real life severance. Yeah, yeah, yeah,
this is my There was a I haven't seen the
show and I don't get the reference, so I felt left.
Do you mind if we just talked then?
Speaker 2 (22:15):
Yeah?
Speaker 1 (22:15):
You guys, what are you talking about Lost? Or the
first season? I'm starting to watch. I've never seen Lost.
I just started Lost. I'm going to text you about it. Okay,
please do we can go back and forth. You have
your finger on the pulse. I can't wait to tweet
about it. Have you guys seen this thing? It's incredibly
(22:36):
smoke monster.
Speaker 4 (22:39):
Talking about there's one of the best pieces of TV
in the world.
Speaker 1 (22:43):
I keep there's a lot of holes and Lost. It
is like it's kind of a mess. Yeah, you can't
think about it though they captivated the nation. Why it's fun?
You're enjoying it? Yeah, but it's crazy. It's crazy. Yeah,
and They're not going to answer any of those questions. Man,
there's no they can't. If you guys have talked about
your worst bombs already, right, so I can't hear any
(23:03):
of them. We're not allowed to talk on the podcast.
They cut out that. It's just me. Yeah. The way
they do it, it works good. Yeah. I can't wait
to see this.
Speaker 2 (23:16):
Now.
Speaker 1 (23:16):
Are you California sober? That means you smoke a little
of the green, No, I can't. I wish I could
smoke weed.
Speaker 2 (23:22):
I don't like.
Speaker 1 (23:23):
Are you Nevadis sober? Where you got to do a
little bit of that? What about New Mexico? Okay sober?
Where you're like punch out of bake swind Now I
think I'm probably yeah, yeah, yeah yeah. Are we all
little angry yeah yeah, angry organs sober?
Speaker 2 (23:44):
Now?
Speaker 1 (23:45):
Did you meditate? Do you meditate? Do I meditate? Do
healthy stuff? Now? Yeah? I try to. Like Max de
Marco was on the podcast, he says he doesn't drink anymore,
but he does like acupuncture and all these crazy like
I don't like tea and ship I did. I've done
acupuncture twice. I don't like I have a really irrational
fear of getting acupuncture and then an earthquake happening and
(24:07):
having the room that's like naked gun. Yeah, that's like
final destination ship.
Speaker 2 (24:11):
Right.
Speaker 1 (24:11):
Yeah, yeah, I have a crazy fear. So I've only
done it twice, but it's great. It's a specific drama.
I wonder if it's tied to you being hog tied
in a fucking dog cage. I have two dogs. We
don't have a dog cage for that reason. You're married now,
I'm not married. But you think I can't marry a dog,
(24:33):
and you're sertain we can't marry too. I don't know
if that's true. I don't know that's true every country
last time about you? All right, that's true, but I
mean that's that's Colorado sobers what you're talking about. Okay, now,
let me ask you. You're not married. I'm not married.
(24:55):
It says in my notes you're married. It does it
says you're recently married? No? You see that? Well? Are you?
That's show him ring her out? Okay, fine, come on, Nicole.
Have you ever had a relationship, a long term relationship? Yeah?
Are you one now? Yeah? I'm in one now? But
you feel trapped? No?
Speaker 2 (25:18):
No?
Speaker 1 (25:18):
Yeah, it's okay to say it. I love her. Maybe
that's what it is. By Dylan, would marry Nicole? Just
say you feel trapped and oftentimes marriage won't solve the
problems that you have. Thanks guys, Yeah, I'm glad I
came on here to talk about this.
Speaker 2 (25:39):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (25:39):
Yeah, yeah. I have been feeling like you were a
Latin Grammy nominee for sex. So did you have sex?
So with the girl you're trapped? Yes? I did. I'm
trapped with her. We've had we had sex. So all
the time? Are you looking for an own X tone? No? No,
I'd like about this podcast solely to look for way,
(26:08):
don't you have to cut out a Spanolis? Nick says,
MOLLI caroo t uh me musica when it can on?
(26:34):
Oh my god, another one? I don't album? I can
do this?
Speaker 2 (26:40):
Yeah?
Speaker 1 (26:40):
Can you that one? And you gotta watch the movie Bridesmaids? Please?
You have to? Would you please think you can make
some moves for it? Like you could really change our life?
I can't wait. I hope you have a Blu ray player.
I got all of this, it's all going in the pocket.
I got two c ds. My your Dad's an alternative
(27:03):
medicine stuck. Yeah, so he's the one that gave me.
Is that witch craft where the traumas from where the
trauma is from. No, I don't have trauma from that.
Your dad hurt you with those never hurt me. That's
what acupuncture. That's how the acupunctures torture their kids. No looks, Yes, No,
(27:24):
you torture dad. So that's why you have that that
recurring I have that fear. Really, Yeah, you don't feel
like what I think. He has tortured you with needles.
Your brother put you hog tide, you in an Alabama
(27:45):
heroin and you married two dogs. What's what's what's the
what's addicted? Something you enjoy and it helps you out
every day? Yeah, okay, then I'm a I thought was
the amount of times you're doing it, But now you
did a a lot of heroin. You helped popularize moombton
(28:13):
musically mom Button for the rest of the and then
going back to your dad hurt you. Brother is a
piece of you got it. Don't pull the curd back
too far. The podcast starts strong and then and then
it just starts random. Like media forms, loom Button mixes
(28:33):
the rhythmic origins of Dutch house or house music, the
slow Temple to promote you. Check I can't wait. Check
that out for me, just because play it at your
next show in contemporary concerto play I recorded over it.
Oh my god, this is this is just a piece
of cardboards, a cardboard. I'm promoting this piece of cardboard
(28:58):
coming out. Anybody can buy that, anyone. Anyone will play
at your nick I'll make a one hundred of them.
This is mine.
Speaker 2 (29:05):
No, we need that.
Speaker 1 (29:06):
It's part of the set. Why did you give it
to me because I was doing a bit come having fun? Yeah,
mixes reggaetne, Dutch house, and it's usually between one hundred
and one hundred and ten bpm. Would you say, yeah,
if that record gets scratched, if that record I'm lost,
get sibilists, We're good. I got it you kind of.
(29:32):
They remind me of the guy from Smash Bath a
little bit. Do you get that a lot?
Speaker 2 (29:35):
No, that just died.
Speaker 1 (29:37):
No, you remind me of that guy. Maybe I'm a
I like that guy incarnation of him?
Speaker 2 (29:42):
Maybe? Yeah?
Speaker 1 (29:43):
Just were you born in the same year he died?
Do you feel like last night I got reborn? After sex?
So and your dad became an alternative medicine doctor. Yeah right,
he's by the way, was was an alternate medicine doctor
before I was. Wait, what else did you do besides
really macu function?
Speaker 2 (29:58):
Yeah?
Speaker 1 (29:59):
Is that what got him into giving herbal medicine? Is
that what got him into having you? Having you having kids? No? No, no,
I was, I was. I was a hot tub baby,
were you? Yeah? It was a water bird. It was
a water bird. No, no, no, I mean like they
were having sex in a hot and I survived. So
your parents are freaking. Yeah, they're freaks. Do they still
(30:21):
have sex? Probably? They've been for like thirty nine years.
You really did they ever open up their relationship like
a polycule kind of?
Speaker 2 (30:31):
I don't know.
Speaker 6 (30:32):
They might have sounded like they did that one night
in the hot time they das You never get that, no,
cause you remind.
Speaker 1 (30:43):
Me of Yeah, I gotta see a little bit. Okay,
I can see that we may be related. Guy and
he's a cool dude. Guy and guy, and let me
see the smash mouth dude a point phone figure. Hey,
we were in trolls, we were I didn't you even
(31:04):
tell me that? Yeah, you didn't tell me that either. Hey,
this info would have been great to have. Uh, we
were in trolls together. Ago I saw it. I saw
it nine times in the theater. I didn't I wasn't
in it. You weren't in it. No, I just sit
over here. There was a typo on your platinum record
for get Low. Yeah, what's up with that? That's the
question for the r i A. They sent it over
(31:25):
and it said certificate. It said certificate showing certificate chowing.
First plaque I ever got, oh congress, Hey, so like
it was the actual plaque was on the little things,
like you had a platinum record. Yeah, that's big, and
it said certificate chowing instead of certification. What is platinum
five hundred K? I don't know now, I don't know.
(31:47):
You also remind me of Violent J from Insane Clown Bossy.
You're kind of like the three of those guys mixed together.
Speaker 2 (31:53):
What the is that?
Speaker 1 (31:55):
How I sounds horrible mixed with Violent Jay and mixed singer?
What's what's his what's his name? Johnny? He doesn't like you.
I don't tell. I don't think you wanted to text
him about absolute. You never got any of those guys.
Come on, no, I gotoki really the Benny Hannah guy's son.
(32:22):
I really heard that. Yes, and his sister is in
Fast and than Furious. Yes, power family. That's a power family.
That's Jackson And I was like and even watching. Okay,
well that's that's again. That's the question he asked everybody
at the end. That's amazing that no confirm it. Yeah,
he doesn't believe it every time they're lying. Now, well
(32:45):
he needs to hear it constantly weekly. You kind of
look like Vin Diesel. I get Vin Diesel and who else?
Sandra Bernhardt? Sandra Bernhardt? You know that is that the
Vendra Banhart no wife friend label, Andrew Burnhart and who else?
And like a little bit, I mean a little bit
(33:07):
of Jeff Ross. Yeah, I can see Jeff Ross. You know,
when I shaved my head, I look like Jeff. Yeah,
I can see that. It looked like Jeff. But I
just lost twenty five pounds, So I don't know. You
look good, Tommy looks good. You do not look good.
You kind of look yeah a little nick.
Speaker 2 (33:23):
Are you not jumping?
Speaker 1 (33:23):
Well, I'm doing everything. I'm like a pin cushion. At
the end of you will go v o zempic in
one way, Yeah, yeah, John, Yeah, Sam Yeah, goop dot com,
you goop dot net. He's eating the vagina channels TV.
Speaker 2 (33:47):
With aericdre with aericdre.
Speaker 1 (33:59):
One time in Normals, I put uh an opiate up
my butt and I saw New Orleans. Yeah yeah and someone.
They were all were like, you're not gonna do it.
I was like, okay, I will. I'm a DJ, goddamn it. Yeah,
and then I yeah, and we saw I think I
saw Quentin Tarantino. Is what happened. The story is gonna
(34:21):
be like, that's what over happened. I think I saw
Quentin Tarantino, and then I didn't like him that much.
I didn't like it that much. No, me neither. I
was super stony, blooney, not social and just like there
and me and Carl watched Nagga Gun one two and
think like nine hours uh man were thinking, I get it,
(34:49):
that's what they wanted to do, but they didn't even
have the technology yet. They big cushion. That reminds me
of when I did acid. One time, I put on
what's the movie like something Cleopatra foxing.
Speaker 2 (35:05):
Movie?
Speaker 1 (35:06):
No, oh my god, I forgot there is a movie
called Cleopatra. It might be Cleopatra, Elizabeth Taylor. No, no, no,
who's the girl from Spider Man? Oh, Devin Yoki? No,
she's from past and Furious Emma Stone. No, I quit
take that out? Does anyone know who who was in? It?
(35:34):
Was like the first Spider Man every podcast Kreson Dunce.
She and that's called Cleopatra? Is it called just Cleopatra,
called Cleopatra's cat, it's called part No. I don't know.
That's where the moon's coming in that. I don't know what.
Maybe I dreamed it to the producer because he's been
(35:56):
lying the whole time. Dads name, I don't even have parents, DJ.
Did your dad go to med school? Dude, I don't
have a dad. He just went to He just went
to g n C and he goes, I'll figure it out.
Give me the ging go below bo pack of needles.
Please exactly give me a pack of needles and your
best gingk go below, bore a start experiment on my kids.
(36:18):
They're hog tied at the dog gates and an earthquake
to come and I get feel it in my bones. Yeah,
oh man, that's ow the ben Did you ever get
did you ever go to Benny Hona's I've been to
BENNI I love Benny Hon. I would go there every
year for my never in a bad mood of Benny. Honest. No,
I met Jennifer love Hewett there. Get the fuck out
(36:40):
of it. I was like seven, and I gave her
my number and for me way dream. I think it's
illegal as well. You're allowed to wait. She just turned sixty.
She did it? Yeah, No, I don't know. No, she didn't.
You want to you want to feel me confirm her
to not want to feel really old? Ristome eighty. I
(37:05):
don't believe anything that's coming out of your mouth anymore.
Jennifer Love Hewitt is nine. Honey booboo child grew up
and got smoking. She's gorgeous and smartest. F Jennifer Love
Hewes is forty six years old. What that's a different one.
That's just forty six. That's a different one. Sixty working
(37:28):
asshole told me when she's sixty nine.
Speaker 2 (37:32):
You know what I mean?
Speaker 1 (37:34):
Honey booboo Child's she's a genius. Now that makes sense.
You play this at your next concert, yes, pace, Will
you play that? Can you show the camera? This is
a how High to the Moon by? Please play you
just put it in the computer at your next concert. Yeah,
I got it. Morgan Lewis and Nancy Hamilton. Yeah, it's
(37:57):
an f mind you know to see it now. But
where do you live now? You're still in l A. Yeah,
well part of town. I'm over in West Holly. Want
specific address? Uh, you know you're gonna buy a house?
What are you gonna settle down? Marry this girl? She's nice,
You get a house. But next thing I know, you're
(38:18):
in upstate New York. You're putting opium of your button
being a fucking cuckaa manga. Yeah, I don't know. Is
she cool with all that? No? I don't want to push.
I don't want to push. She's cool with all that.
You're going with the flow. You been with her. I'm
going with her for three years. I'll get one with you.
I'm getting snipped. Let's do it. I'm done, all right.
Our friends are all getting them. We're snipping. It's like
a fucking hop, like throwing ropes. You can actually get
(38:43):
a lot of research into it, and you can, Yeah,
you can get But there also is the version where
you don't then nothing comes out. There's another version. Yeah,
there's another version. Where it's just that's like tantricout what
I got going on? Now that's what you got, and
then your month's all offt.
Speaker 2 (39:03):
Is that?
Speaker 1 (39:04):
What? Is that a side effect? You just can't throw
a rope anymore. I'm trippy, dude, Are you Are you
actually gonna go and get a sectivity?
Speaker 2 (39:11):
Yes?
Speaker 1 (39:11):
All right? Cool. I consulted with a doctor in Pasadena
and I'm prime candidate prime And you started some sperm?
Speaker 2 (39:21):
Did you not? I did?
Speaker 1 (39:22):
And I didn't just so I went to the sperm bank?
Did I share those? Yeah? You did? I How was
I gonna praise my sperm? It's so bably awkward? I
bet I get there and I'm like, I'm gonna have
to fucking jerk off at the doctor's office. And I
was like, but whatever, they're used to it.
Speaker 2 (39:40):
It's it's fine.
Speaker 1 (39:41):
So they s They're like, sir, wait for for me
to be out of the room. They're like, not in
the lobby, sir, please sign. I thought this was a space,
so we went to I go into this little room
and they have a little TV and a USB thumb
drive in it, and like instruction. The guy didn't really
tell me anything. He just gave me a little cup.
He's just in this. I'm like, okay, no, he told
(40:01):
me about sperm, but he didn't tell me like about
the little room. So you go in the little room.
Here's a cup. What did you tell you about sperm?
He told me about like everything when you freeze and
unfreeze him? How much? Like there's thirty nine million sperm
cells and one load typically, and like all you need
is one one functional sperm cell, one guy. How much
(40:23):
is like a big load? How much is a small load?
How much sperm per load? He told me, Like all
these stats, what goes into freezing them unfreezing them? If
I wanted to donate, I was like, I don't want
to donate. Well, if you love your job, you never
work a day in your life. Yeah, that's true. You
only hate mondays if you hate your job. Brother, Hey,
well I got you. Can I tell you a little
bit about sperm?
Speaker 2 (40:43):
Wait?
Speaker 1 (40:43):
So how was it? So I go in this little
room and there's a flat screen TV, like a little
flat screen and instructions and I'm like, oh, there is
like porn here. There's like he didn't mention that in
the fucking sperm Ted doc. But there is porn and
so I'm like, look at it. It's like presentive and
and right before you leave, I go, these remotes are clean, right,
like they've been cleaned. He goes, we clean them every ever.
(41:05):
They're clean every every month, every year, we clean every year,
we clean them. Clease on Christmas Day, that's when we do. So.
So okay, okay, this is I go. I turned on.
You know. At first, I'm like, I'm like, oh no,
HDM I A V one. I've been like technical problems.
Then I get it going and I can't.
Speaker 2 (41:26):
I don't.
Speaker 1 (41:26):
I'm not gonna. I can't say this at work, but
I'll show you the pictures of it's like the nineties,
like nineties and early two thousands, like video vixen, maximum
highlight porn. And I'm like just sending pictures to my bro.
I'm not even drinking off. I was like, I'm like
ten years old. I'm like, and then I jizzed in
(41:50):
a little cup. But then he came out.
Speaker 5 (41:52):
He told me, and he goes, you just too little.
Speaker 2 (41:55):
I think you knew it because I think you.
Speaker 5 (41:58):
Jerked off to too little. No, he goes, he too
let but he goes, I think you're jerked off too recently.
He goes, you ejaculated to recently and your and he goes,
when did you ejaculate before you came here?
Speaker 1 (42:12):
And I went, I jerked off that morning. I forgot.
I forgot. I forgot. I was doing the part of
my routine. He's like, oh, no, you gotta save up, man,
And I was like, I know, I know, you gotta
save up.
Speaker 4 (42:30):
But in the shower, and you just come over in
the morning with the little cup you gotta catch, I
won't even think about it, and that will happen again.
Speaker 2 (42:44):
You won't even be there.
Speaker 1 (42:47):
I'll pretend you're not there. Pretty, you gotta keep shuirt
on it. Can I take this out of my pants? Yeah,
you don't have to do that. Thanks, Yeah, you don't
have to commit to sit. We can't even see it. Wait,
going back there, you're gonna go back and get Yeah,
I gotta go back freeze my sperm. Then once he
re checks my sperm, make sure I have viable donors
(43:08):
if I ever wanted kids, then I'm gonna get It's
all right. I'm fucking opening my life to you. I
ruined his mixtape somebody that prop. Yeah, this is prop comedy.
I didn't realize this was a Carrot Top show. Yeah, birthday,
and he was fucking hilarious, and he writes it. He
(43:31):
makes sure he writes one new joke every day, so
it's like the set constantly changes, and he performs every night,
damn constantly. It's like a night it's it's on a
new hour every day. That'd be impossible, but it's like
just at least a few new minutes, constantly shifting. So
it's just like he never figured it out where he
(43:52):
never gets sick of Yeah, that's not getting sick and
he can still innovate. And he was really he was
a super nice backs. I love my Carrot Top apologist. Okay,
you're Karen Maxing guy fear. That was the peak. That
was Yeah, that's when we peaked. And then when I
started talking about Benny Hahnaes, that's when it dipped. Got there, Yeah,
(44:14):
but then you brought it back up with Devendra Banhart's wife. Oh,
Sandra Banard, I end up there we get it yet,
yeah Banhart plug something. Yeah, you're coming up. I got
this new project that I'm doing called Sorry My Love,
which is like a pop punk project. You can't talk
about it related. It's really good. Now we can't do featuring.
(44:36):
I'm still plugging right now. It's featuring water parks. You'd
love it. You like lugging. This is my fitbit. Check
out the stepside got dude, this is a real fitbit.
Yeah yeah, it has been charging years. Holy ship. It
doesn't work. So you're high school reunion and you're like
the king of the town. Actually, our high school reunion
(44:56):
didn't happen because many people didn't want to go. There
was a facebook. Man, I'm having a rough kind of
couples for it. I don't know, it'd be nice to
just talk to the old gang. I felt really bad.
They had one group and then they were like, hey,
since not enough people are talking in this, we're gonna
make a smaller group. They made the smaller group and
then said they were like, hey, sadly, not enough people
(45:17):
want to go to this, so we can't do it.
Did you go to your high school? I went to Yeah,
I went to my money. This is your bombing story. Now,
well I found out that like a lot of my
Oh that's me, I got fuck, I can see it.
Oh that's not me. Oh I thought it was. I
get it. You know, what I don't like the the
(45:39):
smash mouthed guy. Oh that is no, just so when
his hair is okay, now it feels meaner. Yeah, no,
it feels mean. It's like you'd say it. I like that. No, no, no, no,
that's too mean. That's too mean. Put up Guy Fiery.
(46:00):
This guy is a mess. Guy Fiery and him kind
of look similar. So now I get it. I think
they're all one in the same. I met Guy Fieri
at the at the All Star Game, the NBA Al
Star Game, the fucking best, the best, the best, Ye love. Yeah,
we're gonna watch me at the sperm Bank. Oh sick.
(46:21):
So you got a pop punk thing going. I got
a pop punk project coming out. It's called Sorry My
Love with my friend Albert Hype, and the first single
just came out. It's doing amazing. So yeah, it's been
really fun. Anything else you wanted to talk about before
we leave? You say all your bombings show? Yeah I did.
I mean I probably have more. Where we're gonna start
(46:42):
watching this Disney show. We have to sign up. Hey,
what's your password? That's his nines. I got a couple
of scenes like that's Eric Guilty. We're getting you in
a music video. I would love to you said that before.
(47:03):
I'm not gonna get my hopes up. I'm trying to
think of it. If there's any other bombing stories that
I've that I had, I thought I was only supposed
to think of one. Yeah, one thing to talk about
that crazy. This podcast is five hours. This is the
first act. I got okay, yeah, what's the second act?
What do we talk about next? We're talking about Nicole
(47:23):
and how you really feel about it? God, Nicole, I
love you. Don't listen to these people, Dude, don't funk
that up. I'm not don't fuck that up. I won't.
I probably hope you don't tell her how you really
feel right now. You're You're lucky, Nicole. You're the best
thing that's ever happened.
Speaker 2 (47:37):
Man. I love you. Good.
Speaker 1 (47:39):
Let's see, we'll put it this out next Valentin's Day,
that's whurber. That's actually her birthday is February thirteenth. That's tough.
Oh Friday the thirteenth. Yeah, she's like, you got you're
going to cut your be up in your Sleep's fine,
(48:01):
I'm ready to just end it. Yeah, yeah, that makes
sense if that's my phasectomy. Yeah, that is the whole
thing just coming off, you know, in China, and they
would the eunuchs testicles and penis. Yeah, yeah, they turned
into the angels from Dogma. Wow, that's bombing with everybody.
Speaker 2 (48:26):
Let him hear with Adre.
Speaker 1 (48:32):
All right, listen up, we got something special for you.
Got a burning story that you're itching to tell about
when you bombed or absolutely failed in life. Now's your
chance to tell me all about it.
Speaker 2 (48:42):
Mabe.
Speaker 1 (48:43):
I want to hear your worst, most cringe worthy What
the fuck was I thinking? What just happened moment? So
pick up your phone and dial seven one six bombing.
That's seven one six two six six twenty four sixty
four and leave me a voice bail and we might
just play it on a future. Your episode, Bombing with
Eric Andre is brought to you by Will Ferrell's Big
(49:03):
Money Players Network and iHeart Podcasts. Our executive producer is
Olivia Aguilar. Our producer is Bei Wang, Our research assistant
is David Carliner. Our editor and sound designers Andy Harris,
and our art is by Dylan Vanderberg. Go rate us
five stars and drop a review on your podcast app
a choice
What's up at Sarah Andre and This is Bombing, the
podcast where I talked to comedians, artists, and other interesting
people about the worst bombs of their careers. On today's episode,
I talked to DJ and music producer Dylan Francis about
his starting the music industry, blocking out while performing at Coachella,
My Appoyment with a Sperm Doctor, and more. Check out
Dylan wherever you listen to music and enjoy the episode.
Speaker 2 (00:23):
Bombing with Eric Andre.
Speaker 1 (00:30):
He we're going to talk about bombing. We're gonna talk
about your worst show.
Speaker 2 (00:33):
Oh yeah, time.
Speaker 1 (00:34):
Where are you from? Rusa La? Really? Yeah? Well part
so is he and you didn't ask him a single
fucking thing. I haven't even looked at.
Speaker 2 (00:44):
What is he?
Speaker 1 (00:44):
Fucking Chopped Liver? This is Nick's world? Man, We're living
at it. Yeah, thanks for coming to my show. Chop
Liver with Nick and by the end we're gonna be
holding hands out what he did now? Yeah, he's got
two emmys, right one, He's got one Emmy. Emmy go
Rick and Morty Hero for SNL. Hell yeah he wrote
for uh Eric Andre show, dream work. Sometimes you just
(01:10):
take yeah, yeah, sometimes you take it. We're having a
good report. Okay, Okay, Now, yes, you're from l A
l A born and raised Culver City area, Westwood in
National was like proper l hospital. Were born in Cedar Sinai. Okay,
but in Miami, No Mount Sinai. I'm sorry. I feel
like they might be connecting something from Yeah, the Sinai
(01:32):
is a little cide. It sounds like too much like side.
It sounds too similar to Mount. That's a religious thing, right,
I guess. So doesn't mean it's a Jewish hospital. My
mom's Jewish religious. It's a Jewish hospital. Okay. So where
do you get your start? They get my start? Yeah,
tell us a little bit. Give us the bio, man.
The bio is, what were you doing in teenage years?
(01:54):
Doing backyard wrestling? Teenage years? Skating and smoking? Smoking? No, no, no,
skateboarding didn't. I don't know about that. You don't know
about skateboarding. It said, So there's a board and then
wheels are attached to it. I'm bored. Did you get
did you get sunburn? Yeah all the time. Yeah, a
(02:14):
good question. That's a good question. All the way guys
did Yeah, but I don't now I don't have as
much sun because I'm not just you know, skating all
day well, but you wear SPF right, not anymore? You
got to daily, got to do it daily. I will
behind the ears for you. I will. Okay, So you
grew up skating is spoken, and then you got did
(02:35):
you get into DJ and the music? I went to
art school and I was at Loxa. Where's that Los
Angeles count of High school for the arts? On went
to a high school, art school, high school on the
arts magnets a couple of artists right there. I really
wanted you to be on the show. You didn't, No, dude,
that's not true. A music video or something. Yes, what
(02:58):
happened all that you didn't want to do it? That's
not true. Bring up the would I would love for
you to know what you know what? He is right
about that? Okay, I'm the one that fucked that one up.
I thank you. Lies with Eric, Yeah but uh but yeah.
I went to LASA. I was doing art. I was
(03:18):
in photography and as I was, as I graduated, I
went to SMC and I dropped out because I was
Santa Monica Community College. Oh, it's like a legendary, it is,
though it is. I mean like like fucking Samuel Jackson
went there and sh right, he's the dean. You know,
famous people went there. Yeah, I think it's like also
(03:40):
went there, somebody, somebody that big went there. I'm not
making a joke. You're moved here in like like twenty five. Yeah,
you can just say names. Somebody's got to stop it.
Jo whatever fucking celebrity. Yeah. If I we have known
that Arnold Chorsanger was at SMC, I probably would have
stayed somebody like that is that when you're thinking, are
(04:00):
all right? You are right? It has like a because
Santa Monica back in the day was like a dreamy,
sleepy little beach town. It wasn't expensive. Yeah, back in
the day, Malibu, that area that was like a damn
tech companies with the microphones and no I even think
before the tech companies started getting Richard famous, it used
to bebster, the lobsters, you know people you like, like
(04:22):
lobsters for poor people. Yeah, like it used to be
for prison exactly, and then the lobster used to be
for prisoner. Yeah, Santa Monica, go there if you can't
afford real college head that before Yeah, so yeah, so
that was you. That was I was the prisoner that
was eating lobster. You go there? Yeah, I go there,
(04:42):
and then I dropped me Samuel Jackson. I meet Samuel
Jackson as the dean. I'm like, this will sucks. He's
like you need to DJ. Yeah, and he's like, we
got to get these kids off of this plane or something. No,
but horrible, Joseph, I didn't even commit to it. Did
you dropped that? You dropped that just like you dropped
(05:03):
out of college.
Speaker 2 (05:04):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (05:04):
I dropped out of it. So I called my dad
and I was like, hey, I I quit doing school.
I don't want to do anymore. He's like, okay, cool,
just figure how to make money. So I did a
bunch of foot but check out this, dad. I mean,
my parents definitely they supported me, but I definitely think
(05:26):
that they were like, our kid is so dumb. What
does the DJ dude you press play and somebody else's
music plays, or do you make the music? Make the
music and do that. You're like a producer producer, so
you produce the music and sometimes you press play on
the thing and people and the wild wait, wait, can
I show you their hoods? They don't do that. They
(05:47):
do and the guys show you their gone. Yeah, I
asked them in one of the shows if they everyone
could of course. Okay, so you go to SMC, you
drop out, you tell you dad, I'm gonna I'm gonna
do fuck this ship, and then what was your plan?
From there? I just somehow started getting into DJing and
(06:09):
I was like, you know what my plan is? I
want to play Centaspace, which Stevie Oki democ Tuesdays was there,
and I at that point realized, like, the only way
I can play it is if I make my own
music and then I'll get booked. So hustling as hard
as I could. I met my friend Corey Nita, who
was a music producer in Atlanta, and I was like, hey,
(06:29):
I would Corea. He went by Corey enemy, last name Nita,
last name Nita, A little Corey, little Corey.
Speaker 2 (06:38):
Oh.
Speaker 1 (06:38):
I thought he's Japanese. He is Japanese. But Corey Nita, No,
I'm saying, let's get please figure in percentages, not on
both sides, non Mexico Japanese. We actually got Cornitas. He's
(07:00):
having bloody. We got a drop of his blood. We
sent it in, put it on the screen. Japanese thirties.
Here he comes out neck, put the blood back inside.
I'll put it back in. Okay, So tell me, tell
me a little bit more. You going to stop your story,
(07:22):
little child? What were you like a musical child? Oh no,
I dabbled in everything like a saxophone, guitar, bass that
sounds like a musical Yeah no, no, but no, but I
mean like I did two weeks and I was like,
I'm out. I don't want I don't want to do
this anymore. And then for some reason, a computer just
made sense for playing exactly what else is it? Do
(07:49):
you count back? Did you check out the count? Penis?
Speaker 2 (07:57):
Two?
Speaker 1 (07:58):
Penis is? Okay?
Speaker 2 (08:00):
So you're with.
Speaker 1 (08:02):
Cordnita and I got you in backstage or something. No,
we're writing music. So he was like, hey, if you
if you fly yourself to Atlanta, you can sleep on
my floor, be my assistant. I'll teach you how to
make music. So for two months my floor. What do
you fucking his feudal surf. We got a fucking statistic
ship that works in Atlanta. That's how it works. Yeah,
but sleep on the couch. There is no couch. No,
(08:25):
come on, we got to blow up mattress. Spider man. Okay,
that's good. That's better. Yeah, it was nice. I was
in the dining room, so he taught you that was
like your kill Bill Montage exactly. And then I went
home after two months of working there, and I stayed
in the back house of my parents' place for a year,
and I paid them five hundred bucks every now and
then every time, and your dad would come over with
like a cup of coffee, like thinking about going back
(08:47):
to school. He did, so he made a big deal.
We made a deal. Actually, we made a deal where
he was like, look if if I was like, if
this doesn't work, I will go back to SMC and
I will do my ge stuff and I'll go to
UCL like you want me to. And it worked. And
hey Dad looking at that camera and say, fuck you, dad,
fuck you, that's right you did. I did it. And
(09:13):
his cell phone number. But now are your parents very
They're proud. They gott to be proud and very proud,
very proud. You go to my house or are they
still together? I paid back for my DUI that I
got when I was eighteen. That was expensive. It was
very expensive drink it was so worth it. That's when
you stopped drinking. No, I didn't stop drinking, kept going,
(09:34):
and you were like boo, oopsie, hey stop exactly, this
is a great this is exactly what I was doing.
Wait a minute, that's what got you to stop the
duy to stop drinking. Yeah, no, no, no, I mean
I didn't stop drinking until three years ago. Oh ship,
(09:57):
sixteen duys later, sixteen dus later. Yeah, I can't get
a license. What was the last drink? The last drink
was probably like a tequila shot or something. Were you
was it like, whoa, I'm going fucking hard or was
it like you were kind of I was already on
the down petering out of it. Yeah, you know, not
everybody hard stops. Some people just I petered off. Get
(10:21):
the hangovers too long? Exactly, superainful. He knows me. This
guy can't get a hangover. You and Carl, you might
be born with that gene that you don't get hungover.
I get a hangover occasionally, occasional. Every time I drink,
I get a hangover. Yeah, and that's that's that's not
I smell it and I get a hangover. Yeah. I
want to I want to have nineteen DUI so I
can quit drinking. You can't it's actually really simple. Yeah,
(10:45):
well I don't well driving something on the way somewhere
and on the way back. Yeah, he drinks a road
study like I don't do that. I don't do that anymore.
That's like fucking decades you talking about it the other day.
Oh wait, what are you talking about? Drink and tribe
all the time? Do you You've never been in my
(11:07):
I've never been in your car in seven eight years.
You look like a guy that would have cherries and
his cup holder that have Ever Clear. You're just chopping.
Don't do this podcast anymore. We're supposed to attack this guy.
What the hell is this? Turn on? Nick with aarondre.
I don't like this. Wait there's that you could put
(11:27):
ever Clear and cherry? Yeah you can. Now we can
talk about the premise of the show. What is the
worst show you've ever done? What is the worst gig
you ever had? What is the worst day job? Worst day?
And what's the most fucking wasted you've been on stage?
And how how is the the person you loved the most?
How did you hurt them?
Speaker 2 (11:47):
Yeah?
Speaker 1 (11:47):
Okay?
Speaker 3 (11:48):
And what's your favorite child trauma? And one's the one
you can't stop raving about favorite childhood trauma. Do you
remember the movie Hook? Remember the roodio? Yeah, the blue box,
I don't remember. I got a the boo box. It
was the scorpion. So they put a guy in a
box and there's the scorpion and they dropped the scorpion in.
So my brother and his friend Cash wanted to do
(12:10):
the boo box, but we didn't have a scorpion, but
we did have a.
Speaker 1 (12:13):
Dog cage, so they put me in a dog cage.
Hog Tide put a sock in my mouth and scraped
me with water. My childhood, it's like Alabama fucking torture.
Speaker 4 (12:25):
Also, to go from the boot box to like, it's
just like.
Speaker 1 (12:31):
That's bucks. We're playing Steven Spielberg's Hook. Mom and dad,
leave us alone, dude, Stephen super for real? Yeah really.
Speaker 5 (12:44):
Whoa, let's put yeah.
Speaker 2 (12:50):
With Adre with a recD.
Speaker 1 (13:01):
This is the best bombing experience ever. Later in the show,
so tell us something else. I like, you guys, you're cool. Hey, okay, okay, okay,
well not say it yet, okay, And I'll say it now.
I was playing at this very crusty festival up in
(13:23):
It's I think it's upstate New York called Camp Bisco,
and I was, it was the first time I was
headlining a stage. So me and a friend whose name
I won't say, I was, we'll put it up, We'll
put it up on the screen, put up on the
screen for me. His number I was, I was drinking
a lot and he was drinking Choice. I was, I
(13:43):
was drinking Greg Goose at the time, and I think
I drank a whole bottle to myself. And then he was, yeah,
I was thirsty, it's it's hot and uh. And then
my friend was just like basically fun dipping ecstasy into
his mouth so or M D M A, and he
was emceeing for me. I don't think there's any footage
(14:05):
of this online, thank god, but he's m seeing for me.
And I got so drunk. I think halfway through the show.
I couldn't really see my computer screen as I was
djaing off of it, and I could not send emails
or checkin, Yeah you're playing tickets and all that stuff.
I can I can do. I can't do any work.
(14:25):
I couldn't even see the song. So I so you
were faded, I was, I was like, your eyes are
like and you're like like this, yeah, yeah, and there's
like a song ending over here. There's a song ending,
and I had no idea what to play next. And
the song ended, and I still couldn't see the computer.
So I look over at him and I'm like, talk
on the mic, and he's like, I can't. Fun No,
(14:52):
he doesn't get on the mic. There is probably like
thirty seconds of silence at a music festival, Juda. So
we're just standing there and I try to pick up
the mic and talk. I don't even think I said anything.
I maybe even mumbled some words lips yeah, And then
(15:15):
I found a song and I just clicked it into
the the turntable goes en serato. Basically, you're it's like
fake vinyl. We know, okay? Cool. I wanted to let
you demo, dude, demo Hell yeah? Sign him right now, dude,
(15:35):
if you want the bravery, you would sign on her,
just knowing that I have a USB driver.
Speaker 2 (15:41):
Yes.
Speaker 1 (15:42):
Does Hulu represent Yes, that's the name of that on
DJ Hulu. You don't even want that ship Holy you
want to ship here?
Speaker 2 (15:52):
Ship?
Speaker 1 (15:53):
Dude? Did you go over the King speech? That's the
King speech? Man, That's what I call all my music.
I wish I could have used this that night. You
needed that, Yeah, I could have fucking fun up. Okay,
So you know, thirty thirty seconds of silence, and I
just clicked a song in and during this time, songs
(16:16):
are five minutes long for anything you're playing, so it's
a drum intro that's usually a minute, so we So
I clicked a song in that was a minute long.
Just boom boom, like a track. Yeah, basically basically playing
a TIC track exactly. Is the stage managor is anybody
(16:36):
that like runs this concert? Like, oh fuck no, I
don't even think I had a tour manager at the time.
It was like a concerto. Yes, that's cool, halfway climbing
out the stack of speakers like maybe. Okay. So the
great thing is my old photographer, his girlfriend was actually
at Camp Bisco when that happened, and he asked her
(16:58):
about it, and she said, oh yeah, when that happened,
we all just thought he was fucking with us. We
thought he was just playing a huge joke on the crowd.
So I got away with it Scott free because I
was just it was so off. Yeah, and then joke. Yeah, man,
he's changing the game sometimes he doesn't even play music.
(17:19):
So that was my that was my worst bombing experience.
What do I do with me? He listened to it
to your label? All right, I got this. So you
get off stage and that night you're puke and blood right, No, no, no,
that that was it. That was the time. I was like,
well we got off and I was like, dude, why
didn't you say anything? And he's like I couldn't. He's
(17:40):
just and why don't you drink water? At that point? No,
we just kept drinking more. Oh boy, So that is
I kind of the activity that I feel like, you're like, well, well,
might as well drink more. Yeah, I failed up again.
I haven't Yea, I didn't throw up. That's him when
he drives. Yeah, sorry, office here, I'm going to fail
up again. I don't like this beat.
Speaker 2 (17:59):
Used to.
Speaker 1 (18:02):
About it, telling him, why this guy do you lie? Okay,
this guy talking to me? Give me that? Give me
you're telling me. I used to have a joke about it.
You've never been a little tipsy like driving home? No? Okay, okay, okay,
I mean yeah, honestly, you remember the stories about your drinking. Yeah,
(18:27):
And I just remember him one of the greatest. Yeah,
and I just wish you would still do it. Yeah,
I just wish he would drive again. This was your driver,
drink again, both drinking. He will do driving, He'll know.
It was one of the most iconic things ever happened
in like the way Los Angeles history. What him drinking
and driving. I would be standing in a line waiting
(18:50):
for him to come down, just knocking, no, just to
see him driving down and you know what car was
he going to drive? Who was he going to do for?
He was at the top of the hill and people
down please, it was like marathon. They were like trying
to pass me shots of Vodkas. Okay, so tell us
some more bombing stories. Okay, more bombing stories. Relationship, relationship.
(19:14):
Did you have a bomb this week ago? Yeah? So,
I mean there was one where I played like I
played a like a like a PTA mom. Maybe you
had a bomb movie. I'm just trying to get the
attention out of me. There there was no bomb this week.
There was one show that I played that I went
to Dallas, Texas and I was playing at the House
(19:37):
of Blues. I think it was a five hundred cap And.
Speaker 6 (19:40):
You know, okay, nice they take that I'm telling everybody
else right right, I forgot about them.
Speaker 1 (19:48):
It's not just us here, it's everyone else out there.
We're not rolling. Cameras are made out of candy. I'm
gonna eat one later, that's for sure. And all those
pills back there was a real mo candy. Are you
got it? And you have to pick ten and take
them all? Some will make your heart pop like a balloon.
I'm in, I'm in. We can eat those later. People
(20:12):
under a small show for you now. Well this was
at the beginning of my career, and the promoter was like,
it's so good, It's gonna be great, what a what
a fun night ahead. He texted me. He's like, hey man,
can you like maybe show up a little bit later,
Like it's a little light I'm a walk up right now.
I was like, yeah, cool whatever, and he's like, Dallas, Yeah,
this is Dallas, dude. I walked in. There were three people,
(20:35):
yeah yeah, and the lights were on, so like lights
like this on in in a five hundred cap venue
just shows a lot of space. Yeah yeah. And so
the guy's like, hey man, like like do you mind
just like going on for fifteen minutes? I was like, yeah,
of course, like whatever played for that's sick. I played
for three people for I think maybe thirty and they
were just doing the Bernie the whole time. Yeah, and
(20:56):
the and I shook their hands from over the DJ
booth and said, thanks for being here. Fans for life,
I hope. So what if that turned them? If they're
like coming like that guy sucked and he shook my
hand and it was greasy. Why did he touch us?
Speaker 2 (21:12):
Yeah?
Speaker 1 (21:12):
I came here to dance, not gonnassault. What the fuck
is wrong with that guy? Dylan? Guys problem? And yeah,
so why don't we do a music video together? Dude,
let's do it. That's a bomb. I would love to
That's a bomb. Please, I'm free. I'm trying to think
of more bombs that I've had. I mean, I I
blacked out during Coachella. What do you mean two years ago? No,
(21:32):
I fully, like twenty minutes into the set. I don't
remember any of the set. You were drinking, though, I
was drinking that weekend, so not drinking is pretty good. Okay, sorry,
so four years ago, oh you blacked out drinking? I
blacked It wasn't that bad of a bombing that everyone
was like, oh, you were fine. I did play the
wrong song at the end, but you don't remember any
of it. That's kind of cool. Yeah, and I said,
please don't show me any footage. That's my goal of
(21:54):
each of these podcasts. I'm so drunk. You don't remember him.
I get it. Yeah, they still did good back not
even have any responsibility to real life severance. Yeah, yeah, yeah,
this is my There was a I haven't seen the
show and I don't get the reference, so I felt left.
Do you mind if we just talked then?
Speaker 2 (22:15):
Yeah?
Speaker 1 (22:15):
You guys, what are you talking about Lost? Or the
first season? I'm starting to watch. I've never seen Lost.
I just started Lost. I'm going to text you about it. Okay,
please do we can go back and forth. You have
your finger on the pulse. I can't wait to tweet
about it. Have you guys seen this thing? It's incredibly
(22:36):
smoke monster.
Speaker 4 (22:39):
Talking about there's one of the best pieces of TV
in the world.
Speaker 1 (22:43):
I keep there's a lot of holes and Lost. It
is like it's kind of a mess. Yeah, you can't
think about it though they captivated the nation. Why it's fun?
You're enjoying it? Yeah, but it's crazy. It's crazy. Yeah,
and They're not going to answer any of those questions. Man,
there's no they can't. If you guys have talked about
your worst bombs already, right, so I can't hear any
(23:03):
of them. We're not allowed to talk on the podcast.
They cut out that. It's just me. Yeah. The way
they do it, it works good. Yeah. I can't wait
to see this.
Speaker 2 (23:16):
Now.
Speaker 1 (23:16):
Are you California sober? That means you smoke a little
of the green, No, I can't. I wish I could
smoke weed.
Speaker 2 (23:22):
I don't like.
Speaker 1 (23:23):
Are you Nevadis sober? Where you got to do a
little bit of that? What about New Mexico? Okay sober?
Where you're like punch out of bake swind Now I
think I'm probably yeah, yeah, yeah yeah. Are we all
little angry yeah yeah, angry organs sober?
Speaker 2 (23:44):
Now?
Speaker 1 (23:45):
Did you meditate? Do you meditate? Do I meditate? Do
healthy stuff? Now? Yeah? I try to. Like Max de
Marco was on the podcast, he says he doesn't drink anymore,
but he does like acupuncture and all these crazy like
I don't like tea and ship I did. I've done
acupuncture twice. I don't like I have a really irrational
fear of getting acupuncture and then an earthquake happening and
(24:07):
having the room that's like naked gun. Yeah, that's like
final destination ship.
Speaker 2 (24:11):
Right.
Speaker 1 (24:11):
Yeah, yeah, I have a crazy fear. So I've only
done it twice, but it's great. It's a specific drama.
I wonder if it's tied to you being hog tied
in a fucking dog cage. I have two dogs. We
don't have a dog cage for that reason. You're married now,
I'm not married. But you think I can't marry a dog,
(24:33):
and you're sertain we can't marry too. I don't know
if that's true. I don't know that's true every country
last time about you? All right, that's true, but I
mean that's that's Colorado sobers what you're talking about. Okay, now,
let me ask you. You're not married. I'm not married.
(24:55):
It says in my notes you're married. It does it
says you're recently married? No? You see that? Well? Are you?
That's show him ring her out? Okay, fine, come on, Nicole.
Have you ever had a relationship, a long term relationship? Yeah?
Are you one now? Yeah? I'm in one now? But
you feel trapped? No?
Speaker 2 (25:18):
No?
Speaker 1 (25:18):
Yeah, it's okay to say it. I love her. Maybe
that's what it is. By Dylan, would marry Nicole? Just
say you feel trapped and oftentimes marriage won't solve the
problems that you have. Thanks guys, Yeah, I'm glad I
came on here to talk about this.
Speaker 2 (25:39):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (25:39):
Yeah, yeah. I have been feeling like you were a
Latin Grammy nominee for sex. So did you have sex?
So with the girl you're trapped? Yes? I did. I'm
trapped with her. We've had we had sex. So all
the time? Are you looking for an own X tone? No? No,
I'd like about this podcast solely to look for way,
(26:08):
don't you have to cut out a Spanolis? Nick says,
MOLLI caroo t uh me musica when it can on?
(26:34):
Oh my god, another one? I don't album? I can
do this?
Speaker 2 (26:40):
Yeah?
Speaker 1 (26:40):
Can you that one? And you gotta watch the movie Bridesmaids? Please?
You have to? Would you please think you can make
some moves for it? Like you could really change our life?
I can't wait. I hope you have a Blu ray player.
I got all of this, it's all going in the pocket.
I got two c ds. My your Dad's an alternative
(27:03):
medicine stuck. Yeah, so he's the one that gave me.
Is that witch craft where the traumas from where the
trauma is from. No, I don't have trauma from that.
Your dad hurt you with those never hurt me. That's
what acupuncture. That's how the acupunctures torture their kids. No looks, Yes, No,
(27:24):
you torture dad. So that's why you have that that
recurring I have that fear. Really, Yeah, you don't feel
like what I think. He has tortured you with needles.
Your brother put you hog tide, you in an Alabama
(27:45):
heroin and you married two dogs. What's what's what's the
what's addicted? Something you enjoy and it helps you out
every day? Yeah, okay, then I'm a I thought was
the amount of times you're doing it, But now you
did a a lot of heroin. You helped popularize moombton
(28:13):
musically mom Button for the rest of the and then
going back to your dad hurt you. Brother is a
piece of you got it. Don't pull the curd back
too far. The podcast starts strong and then and then
it just starts random. Like media forms, loom Button mixes
(28:33):
the rhythmic origins of Dutch house or house music, the
slow Temple to promote you. Check I can't wait. Check
that out for me, just because play it at your
next show in contemporary concerto play I recorded over it.
Oh my god, this is this is just a piece
of cardboards, a cardboard. I'm promoting this piece of cardboard
(28:58):
coming out. Anybody can buy that, anyone. Anyone will play
at your nick I'll make a one hundred of them.
This is mine.
Speaker 2 (29:05):
No, we need that.
Speaker 1 (29:06):
It's part of the set. Why did you give it
to me because I was doing a bit come having fun? Yeah,
mixes reggaetne, Dutch house, and it's usually between one hundred
and one hundred and ten bpm. Would you say, yeah,
if that record gets scratched, if that record I'm lost,
get sibilists, We're good. I got it you kind of.
(29:32):
They remind me of the guy from Smash Bath a
little bit. Do you get that a lot?
Speaker 2 (29:35):
No, that just died.
Speaker 1 (29:37):
No, you remind me of that guy. Maybe I'm a
I like that guy incarnation of him?
Speaker 2 (29:42):
Maybe? Yeah?
Speaker 1 (29:43):
Just were you born in the same year he died?
Do you feel like last night I got reborn? After sex?
So and your dad became an alternative medicine doctor. Yeah right,
he's by the way, was was an alternate medicine doctor
before I was. Wait, what else did you do besides
really macu function?
Speaker 2 (29:58):
Yeah?
Speaker 1 (29:59):
Is that what got him into giving herbal medicine? Is
that what got him into having you? Having you having kids? No? No, no,
I was, I was. I was a hot tub baby,
were you? Yeah? It was a water bird. It was
a water bird. No, no, no, I mean like they
were having sex in a hot and I survived. So
your parents are freaking. Yeah, they're freaks. Do they still
(30:21):
have sex? Probably? They've been for like thirty nine years.
You really did they ever open up their relationship like
a polycule kind of?
Speaker 2 (30:31):
I don't know.
Speaker 6 (30:32):
They might have sounded like they did that one night
in the hot time they das You never get that, no,
cause you remind.
Speaker 1 (30:43):
Me of Yeah, I gotta see a little bit. Okay,
I can see that we may be related. Guy and
he's a cool dude. Guy and guy, and let me
see the smash mouth dude a point phone figure. Hey,
we were in trolls, we were I didn't you even
(31:04):
tell me that? Yeah, you didn't tell me that either. Hey,
this info would have been great to have. Uh, we
were in trolls together. Ago I saw it. I saw
it nine times in the theater. I didn't I wasn't
in it. You weren't in it. No, I just sit
over here. There was a typo on your platinum record
for get Low. Yeah, what's up with that? That's the
question for the r i A. They sent it over
(31:25):
and it said certificate. It said certificate showing certificate chowing.
First plaque I ever got, oh congress, Hey, so like
it was the actual plaque was on the little things,
like you had a platinum record. Yeah, that's big, and
it said certificate chowing instead of certification. What is platinum
five hundred K? I don't know now, I don't know.
(31:47):
You also remind me of Violent J from Insane Clown Bossy.
You're kind of like the three of those guys mixed together.
Speaker 2 (31:53):
What the is that?
Speaker 1 (31:55):
How I sounds horrible mixed with Violent Jay and mixed singer?
What's what's his what's his name? Johnny? He doesn't like you.
I don't tell. I don't think you wanted to text
him about absolute. You never got any of those guys.
Come on, no, I gotoki really the Benny Hannah guy's son.
(32:22):
I really heard that. Yes, and his sister is in
Fast and than Furious. Yes, power family. That's a power family.
That's Jackson And I was like and even watching. Okay,
well that's that's again. That's the question he asked everybody
at the end. That's amazing that no confirm it. Yeah,
he doesn't believe it every time they're lying. Now, well
(32:45):
he needs to hear it constantly weekly. You kind of
look like Vin Diesel. I get Vin Diesel and who else?
Sandra Bernhardt? Sandra Bernhardt? You know that is that the
Vendra Banhart no wife friend label, Andrew Burnhart and who else?
And like a little bit, I mean a little bit
(33:07):
of Jeff Ross. Yeah, I can see Jeff Ross. You know,
when I shaved my head, I look like Jeff. Yeah,
I can see that. It looked like Jeff. But I
just lost twenty five pounds, So I don't know. You
look good, Tommy looks good. You do not look good.
You kind of look yeah a little nick.
Speaker 2 (33:23):
Are you not jumping?
Speaker 1 (33:23):
Well, I'm doing everything. I'm like a pin cushion. At
the end of you will go v o zempic in
one way, Yeah, yeah, John, Yeah, Sam Yeah, goop dot com,
you goop dot net. He's eating the vagina channels TV.
Speaker 2 (33:47):
With aericdre with aericdre.
Speaker 1 (33:59):
One time in Normals, I put uh an opiate up
my butt and I saw New Orleans. Yeah yeah and someone.
They were all were like, you're not gonna do it.
I was like, okay, I will. I'm a DJ, goddamn it. Yeah,
and then I yeah, and we saw I think I
saw Quentin Tarantino. Is what happened. The story is gonna
(34:21):
be like, that's what over happened. I think I saw
Quentin Tarantino, and then I didn't like him that much.
I didn't like it that much. No, me neither. I
was super stony, blooney, not social and just like there
and me and Carl watched Nagga Gun one two and
think like nine hours uh man were thinking, I get it,
(34:49):
that's what they wanted to do, but they didn't even
have the technology yet. They big cushion. That reminds me
of when I did acid. One time, I put on
what's the movie like something Cleopatra foxing.
Speaker 2 (35:05):
Movie?
Speaker 1 (35:06):
No, oh my god, I forgot there is a movie
called Cleopatra. It might be Cleopatra, Elizabeth Taylor. No, no, no,
who's the girl from Spider Man? Oh, Devin Yoki? No,
she's from past and Furious Emma Stone. No, I quit
take that out? Does anyone know who who was in? It?
(35:34):
Was like the first Spider Man every podcast Kreson Dunce.
She and that's called Cleopatra? Is it called just Cleopatra,
called Cleopatra's cat, it's called part No. I don't know.
That's where the moon's coming in that. I don't know what.
Maybe I dreamed it to the producer because he's been
(35:56):
lying the whole time. Dads name, I don't even have parents, DJ.
Did your dad go to med school? Dude, I don't
have a dad. He just went to He just went
to g n C and he goes, I'll figure it out.
Give me the ging go below bo pack of needles.
Please exactly give me a pack of needles and your
best gingk go below, bore a start experiment on my kids.
(36:18):
They're hog tied at the dog gates and an earthquake
to come and I get feel it in my bones. Yeah,
oh man, that's ow the ben Did you ever get
did you ever go to Benny Hona's I've been to
BENNI I love Benny Hon. I would go there every
year for my never in a bad mood of Benny. Honest. No,
I met Jennifer love Hewett there. Get the fuck out
(36:40):
of it. I was like seven, and I gave her
my number and for me way dream. I think it's
illegal as well. You're allowed to wait. She just turned sixty.
She did it? Yeah, No, I don't know. No, she didn't.
You want to you want to feel me confirm her
to not want to feel really old? Ristome eighty. I
(37:05):
don't believe anything that's coming out of your mouth anymore.
Jennifer Love Hewitt is nine. Honey booboo child grew up
and got smoking. She's gorgeous and smartest. F Jennifer Love
Hewes is forty six years old. What that's a different one.
That's just forty six. That's a different one. Sixty working
(37:28):
asshole told me when she's sixty nine.
Speaker 2 (37:32):
You know what I mean?
Speaker 1 (37:34):
Honey booboo Child's she's a genius. Now that makes sense.
You play this at your next concert, yes, pace, Will
you play that? Can you show the camera? This is
a how High to the Moon by? Please play you
just put it in the computer at your next concert. Yeah,
I got it. Morgan Lewis and Nancy Hamilton. Yeah, it's
(37:57):
an f mind you know to see it now. But
where do you live now? You're still in l A. Yeah,
well part of town. I'm over in West Holly. Want
specific address? Uh, you know you're gonna buy a house?
What are you gonna settle down? Marry this girl? She's nice,
You get a house. But next thing I know, you're
(38:18):
in upstate New York. You're putting opium of your button
being a fucking cuckaa manga. Yeah, I don't know. Is
she cool with all that? No? I don't want to push.
I don't want to push. She's cool with all that.
You're going with the flow. You been with her. I'm
going with her for three years. I'll get one with you.
I'm getting snipped. Let's do it. I'm done, all right.
Our friends are all getting them. We're snipping. It's like
a fucking hop, like throwing ropes. You can actually get
(38:43):
a lot of research into it, and you can, Yeah,
you can get But there also is the version where
you don't then nothing comes out. There's another version. Yeah,
there's another version. Where it's just that's like tantricout what
I got going on? Now that's what you got, and
then your month's all offt.
Speaker 2 (39:03):
Is that?
Speaker 1 (39:04):
What? Is that a side effect? You just can't throw
a rope anymore. I'm trippy, dude, Are you Are you
actually gonna go and get a sectivity?
Speaker 2 (39:11):
Yes?
Speaker 1 (39:11):
All right? Cool. I consulted with a doctor in Pasadena
and I'm prime candidate prime And you started some sperm?
Speaker 2 (39:21):
Did you not? I did?
Speaker 1 (39:22):
And I didn't just so I went to the sperm bank?
Did I share those? Yeah? You did? I How was
I gonna praise my sperm? It's so bably awkward? I
bet I get there and I'm like, I'm gonna have
to fucking jerk off at the doctor's office. And I
was like, but whatever, they're used to it.
Speaker 2 (39:40):
It's it's fine.
Speaker 1 (39:41):
So they s They're like, sir, wait for for me
to be out of the room. They're like, not in
the lobby, sir, please sign. I thought this was a space,
so we went to I go into this little room
and they have a little TV and a USB thumb
drive in it, and like instruction. The guy didn't really
tell me anything. He just gave me a little cup.
He's just in this. I'm like, okay, no, he told
(40:01):
me about sperm, but he didn't tell me like about
the little room. So you go in the little room.
Here's a cup. What did you tell you about sperm?
He told me about like everything when you freeze and
unfreeze him? How much? Like there's thirty nine million sperm
cells and one load typically, and like all you need
is one one functional sperm cell, one guy. How much
(40:23):
is like a big load? How much is a small load?
How much sperm per load? He told me, Like all
these stats, what goes into freezing them unfreezing them? If
I wanted to donate, I was like, I don't want
to donate. Well, if you love your job, you never
work a day in your life. Yeah, that's true. You
only hate mondays if you hate your job. Brother, Hey,
well I got you. Can I tell you a little
bit about sperm?
Speaker 2 (40:43):
Wait?
Speaker 1 (40:43):
So how was it? So I go in this little
room and there's a flat screen TV, like a little
flat screen and instructions and I'm like, oh, there is
like porn here. There's like he didn't mention that in
the fucking sperm Ted doc. But there is porn and
so I'm like, look at it. It's like presentive and
and right before you leave, I go, these remotes are clean, right,
like they've been cleaned. He goes, we clean them every ever.
(41:05):
They're clean every every month, every year, we clean every year,
we clean them. Clease on Christmas Day, that's when we do. So.
So okay, okay, this is I go. I turned on.
You know. At first, I'm like, I'm like, oh no,
HDM I A V one. I've been like technical problems.
Then I get it going and I can't.
Speaker 2 (41:26):
I don't.
Speaker 1 (41:26):
I'm not gonna. I can't say this at work, but
I'll show you the pictures of it's like the nineties,
like nineties and early two thousands, like video vixen, maximum
highlight porn. And I'm like just sending pictures to my bro.
I'm not even drinking off. I was like, I'm like
ten years old. I'm like, and then I jizzed in
(41:50):
a little cup. But then he came out.
Speaker 5 (41:52):
He told me, and he goes, you just too little.
Speaker 2 (41:55):
I think you knew it because I think you.
Speaker 5 (41:58):
Jerked off to too little. No, he goes, he too
let but he goes, I think you're jerked off too recently.
He goes, you ejaculated to recently and your and he goes,
when did you ejaculate before you came here?
Speaker 1 (42:12):
And I went, I jerked off that morning. I forgot.
I forgot. I forgot. I was doing the part of
my routine. He's like, oh, no, you gotta save up, man,
And I was like, I know, I know, you gotta
save up.
Speaker 4 (42:30):
But in the shower, and you just come over in
the morning with the little cup you gotta catch, I
won't even think about it, and that will happen again.
Speaker 2 (42:44):
You won't even be there.
Speaker 1 (42:47):
I'll pretend you're not there. Pretty, you gotta keep shuirt
on it. Can I take this out of my pants? Yeah,
you don't have to do that. Thanks, Yeah, you don't
have to commit to sit. We can't even see it. Wait,
going back there, you're gonna go back and get Yeah,
I gotta go back freeze my sperm. Then once he
re checks my sperm, make sure I have viable donors
(43:08):
if I ever wanted kids, then I'm gonna get It's
all right. I'm fucking opening my life to you. I
ruined his mixtape somebody that prop. Yeah, this is prop comedy.
I didn't realize this was a Carrot Top show. Yeah, birthday,
and he was fucking hilarious, and he writes it. He
(43:31):
makes sure he writes one new joke every day, so
it's like the set constantly changes, and he performs every night,
damn constantly. It's like a night it's it's on a
new hour every day. That'd be impossible, but it's like
just at least a few new minutes, constantly shifting. So
it's just like he never figured it out where he
(43:52):
never gets sick of Yeah, that's not getting sick and
he can still innovate. And he was really he was
a super nice backs. I love my Carrot Top apologist. Okay,
you're Karen Maxing guy fear. That was the peak. That
was Yeah, that's when we peaked. And then when I
started talking about Benny Hahnaes, that's when it dipped. Got there, Yeah,
(44:14):
but then you brought it back up with Devendra Banhart's wife. Oh,
Sandra Banard, I end up there we get it yet,
yeah Banhart plug something. Yeah, you're coming up. I got
this new project that I'm doing called Sorry My Love,
which is like a pop punk project. You can't talk
about it related. It's really good. Now we can't do featuring.
(44:36):
I'm still plugging right now. It's featuring water parks. You'd
love it. You like lugging. This is my fitbit. Check
out the stepside got dude, this is a real fitbit.
Yeah yeah, it has been charging years. Holy ship. It
doesn't work. So you're high school reunion and you're like
the king of the town. Actually, our high school reunion
(44:56):
didn't happen because many people didn't want to go. There
was a facebook. Man, I'm having a rough kind of
couples for it. I don't know, it'd be nice to
just talk to the old gang. I felt really bad.
They had one group and then they were like, hey,
since not enough people are talking in this, we're gonna
make a smaller group. They made the smaller group and
then said they were like, hey, sadly, not enough people
(45:17):
want to go to this, so we can't do it.
Did you go to your high school? I went to Yeah,
I went to my money. This is your bombing story. Now,
well I found out that like a lot of my
Oh that's me, I got fuck, I can see it.
Oh that's not me. Oh I thought it was. I
get it. You know, what I don't like the the
(45:39):
smash mouthed guy. Oh that is no, just so when
his hair is okay, now it feels meaner. Yeah, no,
it feels mean. It's like you'd say it. I like that. No, no, no, no,
that's too mean. That's too mean. Put up Guy Fiery.
(46:00):
This guy is a mess. Guy Fiery and him kind
of look similar. So now I get it. I think
they're all one in the same. I met Guy Fieri
at the at the All Star Game, the NBA Al
Star Game, the fucking best, the best, the best, Ye love. Yeah,
we're gonna watch me at the sperm Bank. Oh sick.
(46:21):
So you got a pop punk thing going. I got
a pop punk project coming out. It's called Sorry My
Love with my friend Albert Hype, and the first single
just came out. It's doing amazing. So yeah, it's been
really fun. Anything else you wanted to talk about before
we leave? You say all your bombings show? Yeah I did.
I mean I probably have more. Where we're gonna start
(46:42):
watching this Disney show. We have to sign up. Hey,
what's your password? That's his nines. I got a couple
of scenes like that's Eric Guilty. We're getting you in
a music video. I would love to you said that before.
(47:03):
I'm not gonna get my hopes up. I'm trying to
think of it. If there's any other bombing stories that
I've that I had, I thought I was only supposed
to think of one. Yeah, one thing to talk about
that crazy. This podcast is five hours. This is the
first act. I got okay, yeah, what's the second act?
What do we talk about next? We're talking about Nicole
(47:23):
and how you really feel about it? God, Nicole, I
love you. Don't listen to these people, Dude, don't funk
that up. I'm not don't fuck that up. I won't.
I probably hope you don't tell her how you really
feel right now. You're You're lucky, Nicole. You're the best
thing that's ever happened.
Speaker 2 (47:37):
Man. I love you. Good.
Speaker 1 (47:39):
Let's see, we'll put it this out next Valentin's Day,
that's whurber. That's actually her birthday is February thirteenth. That's tough.
Oh Friday the thirteenth. Yeah, she's like, you got you're
going to cut your be up in your Sleep's fine,
(48:01):
I'm ready to just end it. Yeah, yeah, that makes
sense if that's my phasectomy. Yeah, that is the whole
thing just coming off, you know, in China, and they
would the eunuchs testicles and penis. Yeah, yeah, they turned
into the angels from Dogma. Wow, that's bombing with everybody.
Speaker 2 (48:26):
Let him hear with Adre.
Speaker 1 (48:32):
All right, listen up, we got something special for you.
Got a burning story that you're itching to tell about
when you bombed or absolutely failed in life. Now's your
chance to tell me all about it.
Speaker 2 (48:42):
Mabe.
Speaker 1 (48:43):
I want to hear your worst, most cringe worthy What
the fuck was I thinking? What just happened moment? So
pick up your phone and dial seven one six bombing.
That's seven one six two six six twenty four sixty
four and leave me a voice bail and we might
just play it on a future. Your episode, Bombing with
Eric Andre is brought to you by Will Ferrell's Big
(49:03):
Money Players Network and iHeart Podcasts. Our executive producer is
Olivia Aguilar. Our producer is Bei Wang, Our research assistant
is David Carliner. Our editor and sound designers Andy Harris,
and our art is by Dylan Vanderberg. Go rate us
five stars and drop a review on your podcast app
a choice
Host
Eric Andre
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