July 4, 2024 • 40 mins
Chelsea and her dog discuss squeaky sounds, documentaries (Tell Them You Love Me), Rie Parenting, and assess inventory of how product is moving. Also: gramma impressions, hummingbird asmr, big dogs. A blood pants customer calls to discuss carbon underwear. Chelsea tries to speak italian to the probable great shame of her ancestors.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Okay, wow, here we are.
Speaker 2 (00:03):
What is you know, when a dog starts sniffing something
really intensely, You're like, did someone pee all along this couch?
What is he sniffing? And he's done? Did you resolve
this cold case? Oh my gosh, I watched that documentary
about that lady that fucked that dude. It's like every
(00:28):
documentary anyway. Okay, I'm all scattered. I have a new
co host. New co host is.
Speaker 3 (00:37):
My doggy. Oh my goodness. Look at the cutest cust
ev leak at the cute is leader cutes?
Speaker 2 (01:02):
Oh my goodness. I missed talking to my son like that.
And I really do have an issue with Rye because like,
I love talking like that to a baby.
Speaker 4 (01:12):
You're cuty.
Speaker 2 (01:14):
Ry is like talk to your baby like you would
like an adult, which I'm just like, I just listen, Colin,
if you want to talk about Rye parenting, maybe you
can convince me it is the way to go. I
was just like, listen, I think I've talked about this before,
but Portlandia I pitched this thing where they talk like
(01:36):
to a baby, like what do you want to get
for dinner tonight? You want to get Chinese anyway, the
fact that I could be looking at this little pepper
and he's so cute and like I'm supposed to not be.
Speaker 1 (01:50):
You didn't lead kitty, Nick Kroll. We did that a
little bit when he was here.
Speaker 2 (01:56):
He can make me laugh almost any time by squeaking,
in fact, to the extent that sometimes he calls.
Speaker 1 (02:03):
Me and it's just like creak, creak, and then I laugh.
Speaker 3 (02:08):
And that's what friends are for.
Speaker 1 (02:11):
He's little Papa.
Speaker 3 (02:14):
He's a good boy.
Speaker 2 (02:17):
I've never seen my dog this co hosty ever, he
is the perfect Andy Richter to my conan.
Speaker 3 (02:27):
Look at this, my little mister Papa, mister Papa.
Speaker 1 (02:34):
All right, so we listen.
Speaker 2 (02:38):
We're in an identity crisis this podcast. We're trying to
decide do we.
Speaker 1 (02:44):
Play by the rules or do we get a little crazy?
You know, sometimes the answer is unclear. Uh what do
you think? Pooch? So cute? Wow? All right? Oh yeah.
So the documentary I watched.
Speaker 2 (03:01):
Was this lady and she was like supposed to be
like she was a professor and she was like her
whole thing was like, you don't have to have language
to be intelligent. And then she gets this guy who's
like an adult but like severely retarded, which I'm like,
is that really still the term? It feels out moded,
doesn't it. I'm sorry your child is severely retarded. It's
(03:24):
like doctor feels a little casual. Anyway, this guy, you
gotta watch it. I don't want to ruin it for you.
Speaker 1 (03:32):
What is it called? Uh, it's called sorry.
Speaker 2 (03:38):
I started answering some texts. This is kind of how
I want the podcast to be though, Like I was
like today, what I'm in the mood to do is
podcast in sunglasses, wildlie text and honestly, I feel like
there's entertainment value there Isn't that relatable? Isn't that how
everyone feels?
Speaker 5 (03:54):
Now? Yeah?
Speaker 2 (03:58):
Yeah, yeah, Okay, let me see the movie is called Okay,
tell Them You Love Me?
Speaker 1 (04:04):
That's what it's called on Netflix. Netflix kind of back.
Speaker 2 (04:07):
Lately, Like I feel like Baby Reindeer was the first
time I've had like six people text me and be like,
you gotta watch this in a while and now whatever
I just said. That documentary was called it Tell Them
You Love Me on Netflix. It is disturbing.
Speaker 1 (04:28):
And you know what else I watched.
Speaker 2 (04:29):
I don't know if this was on Netflix, but it's
about like some weird reality show where a guy.
Speaker 1 (04:35):
Is like literally in a room for like a year.
It is called the Contestant on Hulu, and.
Speaker 2 (04:41):
He's just trapped there for so long. It was so disturbing.
I I mean, the whole bit was just he literally
couldn't leave this room.
Speaker 6 (04:53):
And like.
Speaker 2 (04:55):
I always confuse like munchausends with Stockholm, all those kind
of vaguely Germanic names. But he didn't just simply get
up and leave. One thing I have to say I
pride myself on is getting up and leaving when it's
time to. I don't like entertaining. Well, I was gonna say,
(05:20):
like boundaryless people dangers like I would rather nip it
in the bud as soon as I can rather than
see how it plays out. So we did this advertising podcast.
We are selling product like you wouldn't believe since we've
since we've aired. I'm trying to pull up the stats here.
Speaker 1 (05:43):
I know that we've sold.
Speaker 2 (05:47):
Like pulling up my paperwork, hord On, may just enter
this into the database. Okay, we have sold thirty million
ccs of No Bear Fear.
Speaker 1 (06:00):
Wow. I didn't even think it was going to be
that high.
Speaker 6 (06:05):
We've sold two thousand four hundred and eighty three yoga
blood paints. We've sold four hundred and eighty five leaf
blowers Lucy's Lethal leaf Blowers.
Speaker 1 (06:19):
Wow, I didn't know this was going so well.
Speaker 2 (06:22):
My doctor dot com saw eighty thousand new subscriptions. Congrats
and congratulations to you starting your health journey VPH. Their
stock prices soared, and I'm proud to say I'm a
new investor meat shampoo. We sold forty nine bottles Celestial
(06:46):
Waters we have let me see here, that's on a
different page. Okay, Yeah, we sold thirty crates and there
were of popping, big bright, shiny blue circles with sharp
(07:06):
green triangles. You just look those numbers up one hundred downloads.
Speaker 1 (07:16):
So you know, overall, incredible, incredible, and.
Speaker 7 (07:22):
It felt so good, it fell so good. My co
host degrees, Oh, look at my little co host.
Speaker 1 (07:37):
You did a little cool host, You did a little colost.
I gotta say I bought some jeans. They're not the high.
Speaker 3 (07:48):
Oh my goodness, look at my coast. What a little puppy,
cutest little co host.
Speaker 1 (07:59):
That's exactly how my grandmother laughed.
Speaker 2 (08:04):
Oh my god, so my grandma who was on my
podcast in its first iteration shout out to the earlier listeners.
Speaker 1 (08:11):
My grandma would talk about hello.
Speaker 2 (08:13):
That's how she talked, and I realized, like, sometimes my
dad calls me and I'm like hello, I'm like, wait,
I'm just doing his dead mother's voice.
Speaker 1 (08:22):
Like there's nothing cool about that. Hell the hell are you?
Speaker 2 (08:25):
It's like it's one thing to be like, oh, I
miss Grandma, but to just start doing an impression of
her where someone doesn't even have a choice, because it's
how you're answering the phone.
Speaker 1 (08:35):
Not very cool. Great news, we just sold another leaf blower.
Speaker 7 (08:52):
It's crazy, man, It's crazy.
Speaker 1 (08:56):
Oh my goodness. Right now is sae SMRF I.
Speaker 8 (09:00):
Go right now, I'm watching a video of three hummingbirds
being fed out of a little syringe and they're sticking.
Speaker 5 (09:11):
Their beaks inside the syringe and cobbling up some nectar.
There's one, two, three hummingbirds in the nest. They're having
delicious nectar out of a syringe with a wide mouth
(09:32):
relatively speaking.
Speaker 2 (09:33):
Because this is why I couldn't do as MR. I'm
like too neurotic.
Speaker 5 (09:37):
I'm like, well, I said wide mouth, but what I
meant was more like the tip is cut off, so
it's wide, but only for Oh I just saw me
birds stung. That's cool. You can see more on wildcare
bait Areas Instagram account out here saving Birds.
Speaker 2 (09:59):
Do you know that I've muted almost everyone I follow?
I really would love to know if that's the case
for everyone. Also, is there Like I feel like I'm
like getting to where I'm like, where is the party?
Like it's not on Instagram, but that's all I really
(10:19):
mess around with. Also, I'm starting to like cover your
ears co host Big dogs.
Speaker 5 (10:26):
Big dogs are so cute, do you guys?
Speaker 1 (10:30):
Look at that doggiest account on Instagram, the Doggist or something.
He had these dogs king corsos and they can kill coyotes,
which I think would be so cool in La.
Speaker 2 (10:46):
Just let it off leash and just watch it fucking
massacre coyotes throughout your neighborhood. And then you're like, come back,
come back, they're covered in blood.
Speaker 1 (10:56):
You like, you what a cud little baby. But right
now I'm looking at a great Pyrenees. Ooh, there's a
kyote pa toti.
Speaker 5 (11:09):
So cute.
Speaker 1 (11:11):
I don't know. Maybe a big dog is the way
to go cover your ears. Covery hear umong his ears.
Speaker 5 (11:20):
You're so cute.
Speaker 2 (11:21):
Fuck, I've never seen my dog this calm. It's like,
I don't want to say it's a turn on, but
it's so cool.
Speaker 1 (11:28):
I mean, if I could.
Speaker 2 (11:30):
My dog woke me up this morning. At first of all,
I'm all over the place. I want chocolate cake really
bad right now. I was thinking about ordering it from Superba.
Speaker 1 (11:39):
They have a good one. Oh, let me just take
a call Hello, Hello, Hi, Oh my god, Hi, how's
it going? Which of our products did you purdass? What's that?
Speaker 5 (11:57):
Oh?
Speaker 1 (11:57):
Which of our products did you purchase? We're consumer feedback.
Speaker 5 (12:01):
Oh.
Speaker 9 (12:03):
I think I bought the shit yoga pants. I can't
remember what they're called.
Speaker 2 (12:07):
They're called blood yoga pants. You're not supposed to be
shitting in them. That's a different product.
Speaker 9 (12:12):
You can use them for shit though, too.
Speaker 1 (12:15):
Right did you try that?
Speaker 2 (12:17):
I mean I haven't tried that personally, But that actually
is a fantastic idea if it weren't that we were
simultaneously in labs right now creating diarrhea yoga pants for
when you.
Speaker 1 (12:36):
Gotta go but you also gotta go to yoga.
Speaker 9 (12:39):
I guess it's a pro tis though, for anybody who
bought them for blood.
Speaker 2 (12:43):
You can use them for shit too, Okay, but you
know it's probably good to have them in different color
ranges so that you don't mix them up.
Speaker 9 (12:50):
Oh, yeah, you're right.
Speaker 1 (12:51):
You're right.
Speaker 10 (12:52):
When you're right, you're right.
Speaker 1 (12:53):
So you've been pretty happy with them overall?
Speaker 9 (12:56):
Oh, I've been super happy. I will say, though, I've
heard have you heard of carbon underwear?
Speaker 4 (13:05):
No?
Speaker 9 (13:07):
Okay, Well, it's basically like it's basically a shield that
helps shield uh, the smell of farts and other things
that come out of your body. And so I just
feel like that could be a good addition.
Speaker 2 (13:22):
What like stealing someone else's product or just no, you're
not creating your own proprietory.
Speaker 9 (13:29):
Yeah, it's kind of like a.
Speaker 10 (13:32):
What do they call it?
Speaker 9 (13:33):
It's a combo, it's a it's a I don't know
who makes those.
Speaker 2 (13:37):
I have a lot of questions though about these this product,
carbon underwear. So is the idea that you're I mean,
are you just farting constantly and it stinks so bad
that you need carbon installed into your asshole to like
go about your day? Like how bad do your fart smell?
Speaker 9 (13:54):
Ultimately, do though, like they will, like, I honestly think
they're built for people that I can't control their sphincter.
Oh you know, yeah, yes all the time, and so
that kind of provides a right shield for that.
Speaker 1 (14:11):
But does it still make noise?
Speaker 2 (14:13):
I mean they need to have like actually soundproof Shout
out to my own album an ep A Soundproof Bathroom.
Speaker 1 (14:20):
Is it downloadable right now? You can watch the full
video on YouTube and can listen on Spotify, Apple Music,
et cetera.
Speaker 2 (14:28):
That was part of my coffee album ep of the
the Abandoned Coffee Album like an underwater civilization that you've
happened upon on a scuba dive.
Speaker 1 (14:38):
What the fuck?
Speaker 2 (14:39):
I gotta finish this coffee album anyway. Yeah, all this
to say they should be soundproofed as well as smellproof
to or it's absolutely pointless.
Speaker 9 (14:50):
No, I totally agree. It definitely is for the stinkers.
Speaker 2 (14:54):
Yeah, but I'm just saying, like, walk through the logic
of that. So you're far stink great, Okay, So you're
walking around You're.
Speaker 1 (15:02):
Like, oh no more, am I in the prison of stench?
Fart fart, fart.
Speaker 2 (15:07):
You're just walking around just farting wildly, and people are like,
you know, never mind the stink lady, you are.
Speaker 1 (15:16):
Affecting the noise barrier lest.
Speaker 9 (15:20):
They can't help that though. It just slits out, you know,
And at least you can make a joke out of
like the sound, but like when it's stinks.
Speaker 1 (15:29):
Like it's hard to go.
Speaker 2 (15:32):
I don't know if you can make a joke out
of the sound if you fart constantly, if you're just if.
Speaker 3 (15:38):
You're just walking up there, I go again, Oh up.
Speaker 2 (15:44):
It's like how many of those can you do before
people are just staring at you like the joke's gone cold?
Speaker 1 (15:50):
Young lady, Old lady, I don't know.
Speaker 9 (15:53):
Hey, quick question, how do you feel about spam?
Speaker 1 (15:56):
Spam the food? Yeah? Or spam? What's in my email?
Do you know that?
Speaker 5 (16:03):
Now? What I do?
Speaker 2 (16:04):
This is how I spend my days. I go onto
Instagram and I mute, scroll, mute, scroll, mute scroll, And
I go on my email and I unsubscribe scroll, unsubscribe scroll,
unsubscribe scroll.
Speaker 1 (16:20):
It's like, why why do I have to do that?
Why do I have to do that?
Speaker 9 (16:23):
Labor, You're so right, And it's like it's unstoppable too,
because then you'll buy something else and now you're subscribed
to I know, emailing. They like ought to subscribe you
to like three different mailing lists.
Speaker 2 (16:35):
I know, And at the bottom it's like, no, I
do not want you to not subscribe me to this
email list. And you're like, oh, you just see no
I do not and you're like great, click and then
you read, oh, this actually did subscribe me. They use
like not Not only do they use double negatives, they
use like fifteen. Like if it was like I do
(16:57):
want you to not do had it? Could you do
more than a double negative? I feel like my brain
is actually all over the.
Speaker 1 (17:06):
Place right now. I don't know what to do here anyway.
Spam the food I have not really I don't know.
If I've ever tried it, I'd be into.
Speaker 2 (17:18):
It, Like you know where it looks good. Spam looks
good with the masubi kind of thing that Hawaiians do.
Speaker 9 (17:26):
Yeah, I mean it's very popular in Hawaii. And then
but I highly recommend it it. Basically, I fry it up,
so I cut it into little pieces and then I
fry it and then I kind of make a BLT
type situation. Yeah, and honestly, it tastes almost exactly like bacon.
Speaker 2 (17:44):
I feel like maybe someone I dated made me spam
at one point for breakfast, It's like sounds vaguely like
if I if I just digging through the archaeology, if
my brain somewhere vaguely, it's like ding ding ding. Yeah,
but you know what, you know, I used to think
that bolooney was gross, and now uh, there's this Italian
(18:10):
place that I like, they have this Mortadella sandwich, and
now I'm like, wait, I think I understand boloney now
just basically like Mortadella is just glorified boloney.
Speaker 9 (18:22):
I've you know what I want to haven't had boloney
a long time either.
Speaker 2 (18:27):
I actually think that's what it was. I think someone
made me a balooney fried baloney sandwich.
Speaker 9 (18:35):
That's I mean, I'd be willing to try it. I
bet you've kind of got the same vibe as spam.
But I kind of feel the same, like if all
the lunch meats that you could choose from, yeah, always
going to be the last. Like who's actually buying like
the sin oscar Meyer baloney? Who's eating that?
Speaker 2 (18:55):
I bet a lot of people, probably more people than aren't.
I got turkey. But you know it's funny, this is
I muted everyone on Instagram and now all I get
is like I get such weird things, but a lot
of it is like cautionary tales, like do you know
that eating processed meats like takes twenty years off your life?
Speaker 1 (19:16):
Remember?
Speaker 2 (19:16):
I was like eating a chomp on the like a
couple episodes back and then like you know, Mortadella, Soalami
things like that. I'm like, wait, don't Italians live pretty long?
They eat all that shit. I just feel like now
it's like Instagram is just people saying whatever they want,
and it's all cautionary tales. Like there was this guy
(19:36):
like I open my Instagram, it's like or maybe my
friend sent this to me, but it was.
Speaker 11 (19:40):
Like, uh, your paranoid is a gift. It's like the
CIA loves fucking paranoid, neurotic, anxiety ridden people because anxiety
is a life saver.
Speaker 1 (19:53):
It will save your life.
Speaker 2 (19:54):
And I'm like, all right, cool, I'm like scrolling that
and then I'm like, wait, who is that guy? What
is he a filiate with the CIA? Like they definitely
wouldn't make an Instagram video saying that, like, don't.
Speaker 11 (20:04):
Worry if you have anxiety. The CIA loves that it's
gonna save your life. To freak out, every fucking.
Speaker 1 (20:12):
Where you go anyway, I don't know. But and then
like all these workout people, they're like, don't do this,
but do this.
Speaker 2 (20:19):
And also I'm in this algorithm. If all these people
who just eat like meat with butter on it, you
know how that's a thing. Wait, it's so gross, Like
all these people, It's like me, no, like just chunks
of meat with butter on it, and they eat like
like literally sticks of butter. It's like this whole weird
Instagram world where they lose weight eating like that because
(20:42):
they eat no carbs and no sugar. And it's supposed
to be like maybe like early hunter diet people ate
a bunch of fat or something when they killed an animal.
Speaker 1 (20:51):
I don't know. It's just a weird, old wild world.
I need out of there. I need a new world
to get into online.
Speaker 9 (21:00):
How do you how do you feel about like do
you like how do you feel about Instagram watching you?
And like targeted at are you for targeted ads?
Speaker 10 (21:10):
Or again?
Speaker 1 (21:11):
No, I'm not into any of it.
Speaker 2 (21:13):
If I could turn back time, if I could turn
back down, if I could fly away.
Speaker 1 (21:22):
Also, ps, speaking of did you see Celine Dion trying
to sing in her Tree Person videos it.
Speaker 9 (21:31):
No, I didn't, but Porten she is trying.
Speaker 2 (21:34):
To belt out a song and it's like, well, actually,
the funny thing is I don't know enough about singing,
Like she sounds fine, like she sounds all right, but
she is.
Speaker 1 (21:45):
She's showing a demo of like see what happens, and
she's like.
Speaker 2 (21:49):
That, like it's like strained, but it literally sounds how
I sound when I sing, Like if I'm trying to
belt it out, I sound like I have that.
Speaker 1 (22:02):
That issue. What a heartbreak?
Speaker 7 (22:03):
Though?
Speaker 2 (22:04):
It's like if you know, wasn't there a pianist who
like had something where he couldn't move his hands? This
I feel like all my thoughts are Instagram videos. That's
how psychotic I need to get off there.
Speaker 1 (22:15):
And before that it was Twitter.
Speaker 2 (22:17):
Everything I knew about and thought about was because of Twitter,
and now everything I know about and think about is
because of Instagram. It's like, I myself know that that
isn't cool, but I don't know where everyone is off to,
like is this where everyone is? Because it doesn't feel
like it. TikTok oh, yeah, TikTok I forgot. I'm not
into it. I'm not into it it's the first time
where I've like not gotten. I'm like, I just am
(22:40):
not getting the bug that everyone's getting with TikTok.
Speaker 9 (22:44):
That's a good thing, though, because it does infiltrate your life.
Like I definitely spend more time on TikTok than I
did on Instagram.
Speaker 2 (22:52):
I think for me, it feels less curated, Like I
just feel like I go on there and it's like,
I mean that said, everything I'm seeing about Instagram is
the same right now. But like there was a time
when I followed all these nature accounts on Instagram, and
I followed people I thought were funny, and I followed
like makeup and hair people that I was interested in,
like how to do better hair and makeup. And then
(23:16):
it's like, I don't know, it just became like someone
saying the CIA loves anxiety and someone eating like piles
of meat with butter on it and saying this is
the healthy way to eat. And I'm like, what happened?
Speaker 1 (23:30):
What happened?
Speaker 9 (23:32):
The algo is getting Yeah, but.
Speaker 1 (23:34):
Why am I even in that meat butter algo? I
think someone sent me this. You know what I did today?
I ran sprints?
Speaker 9 (23:45):
Damn?
Speaker 1 (23:46):
Can you believe it? Yeah, what are you cooking? We
got a pot of chili, going, what's going on?
Speaker 9 (23:52):
I have to tell you my water bottle?
Speaker 1 (23:55):
Good?
Speaker 9 (23:56):
I actually, tragically I do have to go, oh good,
I'm glad.
Speaker 1 (24:00):
No I was, I know I am going.
Speaker 2 (24:04):
Tragically wait, but that reminded me that I had therapy
today and we do it on the phone, and my
therapist was fucking making so much noise in the background, and,
as you know from this podcast, like that makes me nuts.
But like when you're actually paying someone to listen to you,
I like the whole session. I was like thinking, can
(24:26):
I say, hey, I'm hearing a lot of background noise?
Do you mind sitting down and putting your hands on
your knees?
Speaker 1 (24:33):
Like I don't know.
Speaker 2 (24:35):
But then I felt guilty because I'm like, well, I
do that when I'm in therapy, but I do feel
like it's a one way street of how the money
is flowing. So then I'm like, is it fair to
expect him to be dead silent when I'm like in
the bath, putting on my running shoes, walking my dog.
You know, It's like, what's fair to expect?
Speaker 12 (24:56):
Oh?
Speaker 2 (24:57):
I missed a call from Italy? Hate to see it
really hate to see it, but someone has called so
many times.
Speaker 1 (25:02):
That I'm like, remember, baby Reindeer.
Speaker 2 (25:05):
Okay, what if I just start calling these people? I
don't know what time it is in Italy? Should I
just call that number?
Speaker 1 (25:12):
Would it work? That'd be funny. Let's see if it works.
I've never done this. It's one am. Let's see what happens.
This is actually funny. Hi, Hello, did you call Chelsea Peretti?
Speaker 5 (25:32):
Yeah?
Speaker 1 (25:33):
Okay, Hi, I'm calling you back. Is it one am?
Speaker 5 (25:35):
There? Yeah?
Speaker 12 (25:38):
Yeah?
Speaker 1 (25:39):
Is this a good time? So crazy? Okay? Where are
you Sardinia? I want to go there?
Speaker 2 (25:57):
Ah, I've never been. I've never been there. My dad
says it's beautiful. And what what is uh the last
thing you ate today?
Speaker 1 (26:11):
Okay?
Speaker 2 (26:11):
Let me try to speak Italian. I speak Italian so
badly though I met my family. I met Italians in
my family in Luca Sang di compito.
Speaker 1 (26:22):
Do you know that area?
Speaker 2 (26:24):
And they like look disgusted with my Italian? Okay, let
me think kay a manjata og.
Speaker 8 (26:37):
And I'll know.
Speaker 1 (26:43):
Pasta pasta Okay, hold on and kiopo di pasta chicken
with the.
Speaker 12 (26:57):
Okay people?
Speaker 13 (27:00):
Carbonara pesche pesche now pasto pasto, Mi piace, mi piace pasto?
Speaker 1 (27:20):
Is my Italian terrible? Pretty bad? Right? I don't.
Speaker 2 (27:23):
I took Spanish, so I don't speak Italian as well
as I speak Spanish. To disgrace. Okay, so you had
some pesto?
Speaker 5 (27:32):
Yeah?
Speaker 1 (27:37):
Are you sisters so Relee? Yes, yes, quanti ani.
Speaker 3 (27:45):
And I'm.
Speaker 10 (27:49):
Twenty one. Brava, I'm a fifteen.
Speaker 1 (27:55):
Brava, brava. Ah, thank you, thanks for calling mi le
grazi mile grazier. Okay, chiao.
Speaker 2 (28:13):
Well that was funny, all right, Well, I don't know
if it was funny, but it was interesting. That's so
funny that I just called them back at funny. I
can't believe how bad my Italian is. I really would
love to speak better Italian. What if I kept calling
them all night? I was just reading about like how
Americans say choo choo all the time, and they're like,
(28:34):
that's really Honestly, I wasn't reading. It was an Instagram video,
if I'm being honest. Someone sent me an Instagram video
and it's like, don't say bona note to people, because
you should say buona serrata. And then it was like,
don't just say choo don's just blah blah blah. But
it's just like I remember a while ago, I tried
(28:56):
to learn French before going to Paris, and I did Duolingo,
and it's just like so hard, so hard to learn
a language, mom Ma me. Isn't it crazy that my
grandfather's first language was Italian and now I speak none?
(29:17):
How fast you can lose your culture.
Speaker 1 (29:20):
Okay, let's see what else we got here?
Speaker 5 (29:23):
Uh?
Speaker 1 (29:24):
Hello, Hello?
Speaker 5 (29:26):
Hi?
Speaker 1 (29:26):
Are you doing dishes?
Speaker 5 (29:27):
Hi? How are you? Oh?
Speaker 12 (29:29):
Hi, it's Pilosa. I'm so sorry. I wasn't holding the phone.
I put it down for one second to get some flour.
Speaker 1 (29:35):
Flower. Yeah, what are you making?
Speaker 12 (29:39):
I'm making like a curried veggie for my family, like
you creed veggie stew and just throwing in a little
bit of flower to help it congeal at the end.
Speaker 1 (29:47):
Really, I did not know there was flower and curry.
Speaker 12 (29:52):
There might not be technically, but it's what the recipe
says to do.
Speaker 1 (29:55):
What is the recipe in?
Speaker 12 (29:57):
It's an old recipe from Madder jazz Free.
Speaker 5 (30:00):
Do you know her? No?
Speaker 12 (30:01):
Remember her? I think she was really popular in the nineties.
She had a really great cookbook and I forget what
it's called but her name is Mattter Jeffrey. She introduced
me to vegetarian cooking.
Speaker 1 (30:14):
Really, are you vegetarian?
Speaker 12 (30:16):
I am vegetarian?
Speaker 1 (30:17):
You know what's actually? Oh my god, hold on? Do
you know what? It is so crazy? And I do
not eat this ever. Do you know what I had
for lunch today?
Speaker 6 (30:27):
What?
Speaker 1 (30:27):
Fucking hold on?
Speaker 5 (30:34):
Oh what?
Speaker 10 (30:34):
Oh?
Speaker 1 (30:35):
Pro to be a vegetary young curry?
Speaker 12 (30:43):
No, unbelievable, a vegetarian curry?
Speaker 1 (30:54):
Wow?
Speaker 12 (30:58):
Yes, yes, I keep it going.
Speaker 2 (31:09):
I had to actually take my ear pieces out because
it was blastingly hearing off.
Speaker 10 (31:13):
You know.
Speaker 1 (31:13):
My doctor was like, avoid loud sounds, and then I.
Speaker 2 (31:17):
Just jackpotted my ears into oblivion. I guess it just
creates hearing loss. And something that's quite discouraging is that
my husband, if he watches TV, can listen to it.
Speaker 1 (31:30):
At a volume that is just slightly out of earshot
for me.
Speaker 12 (31:36):
Oh so do you do close capture?
Speaker 5 (31:40):
We do, we do, but that.
Speaker 1 (31:42):
Doesn't fix it for me. I still need I'm always like,
can you keep it the volume up?
Speaker 3 (31:47):
Keep it the volume up?
Speaker 12 (31:48):
It's like annoying.
Speaker 2 (31:49):
Yeah, it's like that just faint enough that I can
hear every like other syllable or every two things and
then one.
Speaker 1 (31:56):
I can't keep it?
Speaker 11 (31:58):
Can you click the volume up.
Speaker 1 (32:01):
Of a cup?
Speaker 12 (32:03):
Sometimes I find when do you ever have like when
you're watching movies, it's it's too loud sometimes, but then
it's too it's too quiet when they're talking, but then
when the action happens, it's too loud.
Speaker 1 (32:13):
Yes, all the time.
Speaker 2 (32:15):
I actually read something or knowing me it was probably
an Instagram video, but I read something that was saying
that there's a reason for that. It has to do
a streamers somehow not. Uh yeah, I don't know what
the answer was.
Speaker 12 (32:27):
I do find it when I'm streaming that's happening, and yeah,
you have to be annoying, like turn it up, turn
it out, it's too loud.
Speaker 5 (32:34):
You know.
Speaker 1 (32:35):
Guess who my co host is today?
Speaker 5 (32:37):
Oh?
Speaker 12 (32:37):
I don't even know who.
Speaker 1 (32:40):
He's tiny.
Speaker 12 (32:42):
Tiny, yeah, like short or or heat or like frail.
Speaker 1 (32:50):
Short ampetite but not frail.
Speaker 12 (32:52):
Oh my gosh, I just have no idea.
Speaker 2 (32:55):
It's the cutest, little, tiniest little colde. My co host
is like yawning, what do you think is a good topic?
Speaker 1 (33:04):
W A l k's t R E A T S.
Speaker 10 (33:11):
T I T T I E S.
Speaker 1 (33:15):
P U s s y. He doesn't know how to
spell anything.
Speaker 5 (33:21):
But what I get, hoti?
Speaker 3 (33:24):
What I get yet?
Speaker 2 (33:27):
Oh my gosh, I've never been more charmed by my dog.
This dog has a real barkin problem. I was thinking
about doing some sort of boot camp for that, and
then like I just got cold feet, Like I don't
want someone being mean to my dog.
Speaker 1 (33:44):
You know what I mean? Oh, I should make him
he's making little licking sounds.
Speaker 8 (33:50):
You say.
Speaker 10 (34:00):
I am interested in buying half a brick?
Speaker 1 (34:03):
Okay, of what you know?
Speaker 10 (34:06):
You were selling a brick half a brick?
Speaker 1 (34:08):
A Sorry, I have a few jobs, I wear a
few ats. You mean a literal brick available?
Speaker 2 (34:17):
I mean, I don't want to say that there's only
one half a brick because I would be lying to you.
But there are about fifteen hundred half bricks in a
box in my garage. So if you want to buy them,
we are selling them in.
Speaker 1 (34:43):
Groups of three. That would be one and a half
bricks total for twenty nine ninety nine.
Speaker 10 (34:52):
Okay, I'll take the whole lot.
Speaker 1 (34:53):
Great.
Speaker 2 (34:55):
I'm going to have my producer take your info down
and you'll be receiving a brick and a half in
the mail or through your front window?
Speaker 10 (35:03):
What's your preferred payment method?
Speaker 1 (35:07):
This is gonna sound crazy, but gold bricks.
Speaker 10 (35:12):
Oh you are so lucky. I have a whole truckful
down in my garage.
Speaker 2 (35:18):
Great, this is all working on sort of almost too perfectly.
This is one of those calls that's almost too perfect
from top to bott Guess who my co host is today?
Speaker 10 (35:36):
Is it a male or female? Or neither?
Speaker 1 (35:39):
Male?
Speaker 10 (35:42):
Rain Wilson?
Speaker 5 (35:43):
No?
Speaker 10 (35:46):
Are they funny? Oh? Silence, yes, silence is saying everything.
Who is a funny male? I don't know any. I'm sorry,
(36:07):
I only know funny females. Men are not generally funny.
Speaker 1 (36:13):
Could you hear these mouth sounds? What can you hear
these mouth sounds?
Speaker 10 (36:21):
No?
Speaker 1 (36:23):
How about this?
Speaker 5 (36:26):
No?
Speaker 10 (36:27):
Who is it?
Speaker 1 (36:28):
I can't tell you that?
Speaker 10 (36:31):
Well, damn. Are they just listening to the calls today?
Are they saying anything?
Speaker 1 (36:36):
Let's let them answer that. Can you figure it out? Now?
Speaker 10 (36:46):
Bear?
Speaker 1 (36:47):
Yeah, it's a baby bear?
Speaker 10 (36:50):
Oh my gosh, this is amazing.
Speaker 1 (36:52):
I finally did it. I finally fucking pulled it off.
Speaker 2 (36:56):
I stole a baby bear from the mom, unscratched from
head to toe, and now I have.
Speaker 1 (37:03):
A baby bear host.
Speaker 13 (37:04):
Yeah.
Speaker 10 (37:05):
Dude, I'm proud of you for facing your spears.
Speaker 1 (37:10):
Yeah fuck yeah done.
Speaker 6 (37:18):
Give me come here, Come on, come up to your podcast,
Come up to your podcast station.
Speaker 1 (37:25):
Come on. You're co hosting, you're under contract. Come on,
come on, come up, your co host. I need you,
come up, Come up, come on, come on up.
Speaker 4 (37:41):
Yeah wooya, all right, that's actually not the command.
Speaker 1 (38:02):
It's paw, not my choice.
Speaker 2 (38:06):
Oh you're just a little angel toll, a little angel
baby dog.
Speaker 3 (38:11):
You USh your bobby us you bobby soft as silk,
you like a little flower petal.
Speaker 1 (38:18):
I don't know why I was obsessed.
Speaker 2 (38:19):
Like one of my friends, his mom, he had one
of those like French terrier or what are those ones
that always get kidnapped, French bulldogs or something. It was
black and white and he said that his mom.
Speaker 3 (38:32):
Said it looks like cream was spilled all over his
back or something.
Speaker 2 (38:37):
And like I, for some reason, I always stuck in
my head, like what a silly cute characterization of your
dogs for?
Speaker 3 (38:43):
Oh, just a little spiel on you, you little baby.
You look like you were digging around in the fireplace.
Yes you do. You little lash gotored, little flu flu.
You're a little flu for loony.
Speaker 1 (38:58):
I know, let's get out of here.
Speaker 2 (39:01):
This has been my final podcast. This has been my
final podcast. Yes, that this has been it. I loved
this run. I loved getting to know you all. I
loved chatting with you. I loved chatting with you.
Speaker 1 (39:20):
That's how my voice sounds. I loved chatting with you,
me and my co host all.
Speaker 13 (39:26):
Look at you.
Speaker 1 (39:29):
I wish I could get my doctor talk a.
Speaker 3 (39:31):
Woof woof woofoo, come on, a woof woo.
Speaker 1 (39:49):
I've never seen you this, calme, little child? Is it
bad to make doc how?
Speaker 5 (40:00):
Like?
Speaker 2 (40:00):
I bet you someone on Instagram would say that it's
bad to make dogs how. I guess I should get
over to TikTok because I need a new reference point.
But honestly, I keep waiting for someone to lead us
off the internet entirely. I really think that's gonna be
like the next civil rights issue. It's gonna be like
(40:20):
someone who's just like, we all need to go. We
all need to put this behind us. It's gone too far.
We need to get.
Speaker 1 (40:29):
We need to get off the grid.
Speaker 5 (40:36):
My goodness, why are you going?
Speaker 1 (40:38):
Oh that's it?
Speaker 5 (40:43):
Wow?
Speaker 1 (40:44):
What an app
Okay, wow, here we are.
Speaker 2 (00:03):
What is you know, when a dog starts sniffing something
really intensely, You're like, did someone pee all along this couch?
What is he sniffing? And he's done? Did you resolve
this cold case? Oh my gosh, I watched that documentary
about that lady that fucked that dude. It's like every
(00:28):
documentary anyway. Okay, I'm all scattered. I have a new
co host. New co host is.
Speaker 3 (00:37):
My doggy. Oh my goodness. Look at the cutest cust
ev leak at the cute is leader cutes?
Speaker 2 (01:02):
Oh my goodness. I missed talking to my son like that.
And I really do have an issue with Rye because like,
I love talking like that to a baby.
Speaker 4 (01:12):
You're cuty.
Speaker 2 (01:14):
Ry is like talk to your baby like you would
like an adult, which I'm just like, I just listen, Colin,
if you want to talk about Rye parenting, maybe you
can convince me it is the way to go. I
was just like, listen, I think I've talked about this before,
but Portlandia I pitched this thing where they talk like
(01:36):
to a baby, like what do you want to get
for dinner tonight? You want to get Chinese anyway, the
fact that I could be looking at this little pepper
and he's so cute and like I'm supposed to not be.
Speaker 1 (01:50):
You didn't lead kitty, Nick Kroll. We did that a
little bit when he was here.
Speaker 2 (01:56):
He can make me laugh almost any time by squeaking,
in fact, to the extent that sometimes he calls.
Speaker 1 (02:03):
Me and it's just like creak, creak, and then I laugh.
Speaker 3 (02:08):
And that's what friends are for.
Speaker 1 (02:11):
He's little Papa.
Speaker 3 (02:14):
He's a good boy.
Speaker 2 (02:17):
I've never seen my dog this co hosty ever, he
is the perfect Andy Richter to my conan.
Speaker 3 (02:27):
Look at this, my little mister Papa, mister Papa.
Speaker 1 (02:34):
All right, so we listen.
Speaker 2 (02:38):
We're in an identity crisis this podcast. We're trying to
decide do we.
Speaker 1 (02:44):
Play by the rules or do we get a little crazy?
You know, sometimes the answer is unclear. Uh what do
you think? Pooch? So cute? Wow? All right? Oh yeah.
So the documentary I watched.
Speaker 2 (03:01):
Was this lady and she was like supposed to be
like she was a professor and she was like her
whole thing was like, you don't have to have language
to be intelligent. And then she gets this guy who's
like an adult but like severely retarded, which I'm like,
is that really still the term? It feels out moded,
doesn't it. I'm sorry your child is severely retarded. It's
(03:24):
like doctor feels a little casual. Anyway, this guy, you
gotta watch it. I don't want to ruin it for you.
Speaker 1 (03:32):
What is it called? Uh, it's called sorry.
Speaker 2 (03:38):
I started answering some texts. This is kind of how
I want the podcast to be though, Like I was
like today, what I'm in the mood to do is
podcast in sunglasses, wildlie text and honestly, I feel like
there's entertainment value there Isn't that relatable? Isn't that how
everyone feels?
Speaker 5 (03:54):
Now? Yeah?
Speaker 2 (03:58):
Yeah, yeah, Okay, let me see the movie is called Okay,
tell Them You Love Me?
Speaker 1 (04:04):
That's what it's called on Netflix. Netflix kind of back.
Speaker 2 (04:07):
Lately, Like I feel like Baby Reindeer was the first
time I've had like six people text me and be like,
you gotta watch this in a while and now whatever
I just said. That documentary was called it Tell Them
You Love Me on Netflix. It is disturbing.
Speaker 1 (04:28):
And you know what else I watched.
Speaker 2 (04:29):
I don't know if this was on Netflix, but it's
about like some weird reality show where a guy.
Speaker 1 (04:35):
Is like literally in a room for like a year.
It is called the Contestant on Hulu, and.
Speaker 2 (04:41):
He's just trapped there for so long. It was so disturbing.
I I mean, the whole bit was just he literally
couldn't leave this room.
Speaker 6 (04:53):
And like.
Speaker 2 (04:55):
I always confuse like munchausends with Stockholm, all those kind
of vaguely Germanic names. But he didn't just simply get
up and leave. One thing I have to say I
pride myself on is getting up and leaving when it's
time to. I don't like entertaining. Well, I was gonna say,
(05:20):
like boundaryless people dangers like I would rather nip it
in the bud as soon as I can rather than
see how it plays out. So we did this advertising podcast.
We are selling product like you wouldn't believe since we've
since we've aired. I'm trying to pull up the stats here.
Speaker 1 (05:43):
I know that we've sold.
Speaker 2 (05:47):
Like pulling up my paperwork, hord On, may just enter
this into the database. Okay, we have sold thirty million
ccs of No Bear Fear.
Speaker 1 (06:00):
Wow. I didn't even think it was going to be
that high.
Speaker 6 (06:05):
We've sold two thousand four hundred and eighty three yoga
blood paints. We've sold four hundred and eighty five leaf
blowers Lucy's Lethal leaf Blowers.
Speaker 1 (06:19):
Wow, I didn't know this was going so well.
Speaker 2 (06:22):
My doctor dot com saw eighty thousand new subscriptions. Congrats
and congratulations to you starting your health journey VPH. Their
stock prices soared, and I'm proud to say I'm a
new investor meat shampoo. We sold forty nine bottles Celestial
(06:46):
Waters we have let me see here, that's on a
different page. Okay, Yeah, we sold thirty crates and there
were of popping, big bright, shiny blue circles with sharp
(07:06):
green triangles. You just look those numbers up one hundred downloads.
Speaker 1 (07:16):
So you know, overall, incredible, incredible, and.
Speaker 7 (07:22):
It felt so good, it fell so good. My co
host degrees, Oh, look at my little co host.
Speaker 1 (07:37):
You did a little cool host, You did a little colost.
I gotta say I bought some jeans. They're not the high.
Speaker 3 (07:48):
Oh my goodness, look at my coast. What a little puppy,
cutest little co host.
Speaker 1 (07:59):
That's exactly how my grandmother laughed.
Speaker 2 (08:04):
Oh my god, so my grandma who was on my
podcast in its first iteration shout out to the earlier listeners.
Speaker 1 (08:11):
My grandma would talk about hello.
Speaker 2 (08:13):
That's how she talked, and I realized, like, sometimes my
dad calls me and I'm like hello, I'm like, wait,
I'm just doing his dead mother's voice.
Speaker 1 (08:22):
Like there's nothing cool about that. Hell the hell are you?
Speaker 2 (08:25):
It's like it's one thing to be like, oh, I
miss Grandma, but to just start doing an impression of
her where someone doesn't even have a choice, because it's
how you're answering the phone.
Speaker 1 (08:35):
Not very cool. Great news, we just sold another leaf blower.
Speaker 7 (08:52):
It's crazy, man, It's crazy.
Speaker 1 (08:56):
Oh my goodness. Right now is sae SMRF I.
Speaker 8 (09:00):
Go right now, I'm watching a video of three hummingbirds
being fed out of a little syringe and they're sticking.
Speaker 5 (09:11):
Their beaks inside the syringe and cobbling up some nectar.
There's one, two, three hummingbirds in the nest. They're having
delicious nectar out of a syringe with a wide mouth
(09:32):
relatively speaking.
Speaker 2 (09:33):
Because this is why I couldn't do as MR. I'm
like too neurotic.
Speaker 5 (09:37):
I'm like, well, I said wide mouth, but what I
meant was more like the tip is cut off, so
it's wide, but only for Oh I just saw me
birds stung. That's cool. You can see more on wildcare
bait Areas Instagram account out here saving Birds.
Speaker 2 (09:59):
Do you know that I've muted almost everyone I follow?
I really would love to know if that's the case
for everyone. Also, is there Like I feel like I'm
like getting to where I'm like, where is the party?
Like it's not on Instagram, but that's all I really
(10:19):
mess around with. Also, I'm starting to like cover your
ears co host Big dogs.
Speaker 5 (10:26):
Big dogs are so cute, do you guys?
Speaker 1 (10:30):
Look at that doggiest account on Instagram, the Doggist or something.
He had these dogs king corsos and they can kill coyotes,
which I think would be so cool in La.
Speaker 2 (10:46):
Just let it off leash and just watch it fucking
massacre coyotes throughout your neighborhood. And then you're like, come back,
come back, they're covered in blood.
Speaker 1 (10:56):
You like, you what a cud little baby. But right
now I'm looking at a great Pyrenees. Ooh, there's a
kyote pa toti.
Speaker 5 (11:09):
So cute.
Speaker 1 (11:11):
I don't know. Maybe a big dog is the way
to go cover your ears. Covery hear umong his ears.
Speaker 5 (11:20):
You're so cute.
Speaker 2 (11:21):
Fuck, I've never seen my dog this calm. It's like,
I don't want to say it's a turn on, but
it's so cool.
Speaker 1 (11:28):
I mean, if I could.
Speaker 2 (11:30):
My dog woke me up this morning. At first of all,
I'm all over the place. I want chocolate cake really
bad right now. I was thinking about ordering it from Superba.
Speaker 1 (11:39):
They have a good one. Oh, let me just take
a call Hello, Hello, Hi, Oh my god, Hi, how's
it going? Which of our products did you purdass? What's that?
Speaker 5 (11:57):
Oh?
Speaker 1 (11:57):
Which of our products did you purchase? We're consumer feedback.
Speaker 5 (12:01):
Oh.
Speaker 9 (12:03):
I think I bought the shit yoga pants. I can't
remember what they're called.
Speaker 2 (12:07):
They're called blood yoga pants. You're not supposed to be
shitting in them. That's a different product.
Speaker 9 (12:12):
You can use them for shit though, too.
Speaker 1 (12:15):
Right did you try that?
Speaker 2 (12:17):
I mean I haven't tried that personally, But that actually
is a fantastic idea if it weren't that we were
simultaneously in labs right now creating diarrhea yoga pants for
when you.
Speaker 1 (12:36):
Gotta go but you also gotta go to yoga.
Speaker 9 (12:39):
I guess it's a pro tis though, for anybody who
bought them for blood.
Speaker 2 (12:43):
You can use them for shit too, Okay, but you
know it's probably good to have them in different color
ranges so that you don't mix them up.
Speaker 9 (12:50):
Oh, yeah, you're right.
Speaker 1 (12:51):
You're right.
Speaker 10 (12:52):
When you're right, you're right.
Speaker 1 (12:53):
So you've been pretty happy with them overall?
Speaker 9 (12:56):
Oh, I've been super happy. I will say, though, I've
heard have you heard of carbon underwear?
Speaker 4 (13:05):
No?
Speaker 9 (13:07):
Okay, Well, it's basically like it's basically a shield that
helps shield uh, the smell of farts and other things
that come out of your body. And so I just
feel like that could be a good addition.
Speaker 2 (13:22):
What like stealing someone else's product or just no, you're
not creating your own proprietory.
Speaker 9 (13:29):
Yeah, it's kind of like a.
Speaker 10 (13:32):
What do they call it?
Speaker 9 (13:33):
It's a combo, it's a it's a I don't know
who makes those.
Speaker 2 (13:37):
I have a lot of questions though about these this product,
carbon underwear. So is the idea that you're I mean,
are you just farting constantly and it stinks so bad
that you need carbon installed into your asshole to like
go about your day? Like how bad do your fart smell?
Speaker 9 (13:54):
Ultimately, do though, like they will, like, I honestly think
they're built for people that I can't control their sphincter.
Oh you know, yeah, yes all the time, and so
that kind of provides a right shield for that.
Speaker 1 (14:11):
But does it still make noise?
Speaker 2 (14:13):
I mean they need to have like actually soundproof Shout
out to my own album an ep A Soundproof Bathroom.
Speaker 1 (14:20):
Is it downloadable right now? You can watch the full
video on YouTube and can listen on Spotify, Apple Music,
et cetera.
Speaker 2 (14:28):
That was part of my coffee album ep of the
the Abandoned Coffee Album like an underwater civilization that you've
happened upon on a scuba dive.
Speaker 1 (14:38):
What the fuck?
Speaker 2 (14:39):
I gotta finish this coffee album anyway. Yeah, all this
to say they should be soundproofed as well as smellproof
to or it's absolutely pointless.
Speaker 9 (14:50):
No, I totally agree. It definitely is for the stinkers.
Speaker 2 (14:54):
Yeah, but I'm just saying, like, walk through the logic
of that. So you're far stink great, Okay, So you're
walking around You're.
Speaker 1 (15:02):
Like, oh no more, am I in the prison of stench?
Fart fart, fart.
Speaker 2 (15:07):
You're just walking around just farting wildly, and people are like,
you know, never mind the stink lady, you are.
Speaker 1 (15:16):
Affecting the noise barrier lest.
Speaker 9 (15:20):
They can't help that though. It just slits out, you know,
And at least you can make a joke out of
like the sound, but like when it's stinks.
Speaker 1 (15:29):
Like it's hard to go.
Speaker 2 (15:32):
I don't know if you can make a joke out
of the sound if you fart constantly, if you're just if.
Speaker 3 (15:38):
You're just walking up there, I go again, Oh up.
Speaker 2 (15:44):
It's like how many of those can you do before
people are just staring at you like the joke's gone cold?
Speaker 1 (15:50):
Young lady, Old lady, I don't know.
Speaker 9 (15:53):
Hey, quick question, how do you feel about spam?
Speaker 1 (15:56):
Spam the food? Yeah? Or spam? What's in my email?
Do you know that?
Speaker 5 (16:03):
Now? What I do?
Speaker 2 (16:04):
This is how I spend my days. I go onto
Instagram and I mute, scroll, mute, scroll, mute scroll, And
I go on my email and I unsubscribe scroll, unsubscribe scroll,
unsubscribe scroll.
Speaker 1 (16:20):
It's like, why why do I have to do that?
Why do I have to do that?
Speaker 9 (16:23):
Labor, You're so right, And it's like it's unstoppable too,
because then you'll buy something else and now you're subscribed
to I know, emailing. They like ought to subscribe you
to like three different mailing lists.
Speaker 2 (16:35):
I know, And at the bottom it's like, no, I
do not want you to not subscribe me to this
email list. And you're like, oh, you just see no
I do not and you're like great, click and then
you read, oh, this actually did subscribe me. They use
like not Not only do they use double negatives, they
use like fifteen. Like if it was like I do
(16:57):
want you to not do had it? Could you do
more than a double negative? I feel like my brain
is actually all over the.
Speaker 1 (17:06):
Place right now. I don't know what to do here anyway.
Spam the food I have not really I don't know.
If I've ever tried it, I'd be into.
Speaker 2 (17:18):
It, Like you know where it looks good. Spam looks
good with the masubi kind of thing that Hawaiians do.
Speaker 9 (17:26):
Yeah, I mean it's very popular in Hawaii. And then
but I highly recommend it it. Basically, I fry it up,
so I cut it into little pieces and then I
fry it and then I kind of make a BLT
type situation. Yeah, and honestly, it tastes almost exactly like bacon.
Speaker 2 (17:44):
I feel like maybe someone I dated made me spam
at one point for breakfast, It's like sounds vaguely like
if I if I just digging through the archaeology, if
my brain somewhere vaguely, it's like ding ding ding. Yeah,
but you know what, you know, I used to think
that bolooney was gross, and now uh, there's this Italian
(18:10):
place that I like, they have this Mortadella sandwich, and
now I'm like, wait, I think I understand boloney now
just basically like Mortadella is just glorified boloney.
Speaker 9 (18:22):
I've you know what I want to haven't had boloney
a long time either.
Speaker 2 (18:27):
I actually think that's what it was. I think someone
made me a balooney fried baloney sandwich.
Speaker 9 (18:35):
That's I mean, I'd be willing to try it. I
bet you've kind of got the same vibe as spam.
But I kind of feel the same, like if all
the lunch meats that you could choose from, yeah, always
going to be the last. Like who's actually buying like
the sin oscar Meyer baloney? Who's eating that?
Speaker 2 (18:55):
I bet a lot of people, probably more people than aren't.
I got turkey. But you know it's funny, this is
I muted everyone on Instagram and now all I get
is like I get such weird things, but a lot
of it is like cautionary tales, like do you know
that eating processed meats like takes twenty years off your life?
Speaker 1 (19:16):
Remember?
Speaker 2 (19:16):
I was like eating a chomp on the like a
couple episodes back and then like you know, Mortadella, Soalami
things like that. I'm like, wait, don't Italians live pretty long?
They eat all that shit. I just feel like now
it's like Instagram is just people saying whatever they want,
and it's all cautionary tales. Like there was this guy
(19:36):
like I open my Instagram, it's like or maybe my
friend sent this to me, but it was.
Speaker 11 (19:40):
Like, uh, your paranoid is a gift. It's like the
CIA loves fucking paranoid, neurotic, anxiety ridden people because anxiety
is a life saver.
Speaker 1 (19:53):
It will save your life.
Speaker 2 (19:54):
And I'm like, all right, cool, I'm like scrolling that
and then I'm like, wait, who is that guy? What
is he a filiate with the CIA? Like they definitely
wouldn't make an Instagram video saying that, like, don't.
Speaker 11 (20:04):
Worry if you have anxiety. The CIA loves that it's
gonna save your life. To freak out, every fucking.
Speaker 1 (20:12):
Where you go anyway, I don't know. But and then
like all these workout people, they're like, don't do this,
but do this.
Speaker 2 (20:19):
And also I'm in this algorithm. If all these people
who just eat like meat with butter on it, you
know how that's a thing. Wait, it's so gross, Like
all these people, It's like me, no, like just chunks
of meat with butter on it, and they eat like
like literally sticks of butter. It's like this whole weird
Instagram world where they lose weight eating like that because
(20:42):
they eat no carbs and no sugar. And it's supposed
to be like maybe like early hunter diet people ate
a bunch of fat or something when they killed an animal.
Speaker 1 (20:51):
I don't know. It's just a weird, old wild world.
I need out of there. I need a new world
to get into online.
Speaker 9 (21:00):
How do you how do you feel about like do
you like how do you feel about Instagram watching you?
And like targeted at are you for targeted ads?
Speaker 10 (21:10):
Or again?
Speaker 1 (21:11):
No, I'm not into any of it.
Speaker 2 (21:13):
If I could turn back time, if I could turn
back down, if I could fly away.
Speaker 1 (21:22):
Also, ps, speaking of did you see Celine Dion trying
to sing in her Tree Person videos it.
Speaker 9 (21:31):
No, I didn't, but Porten she is trying.
Speaker 2 (21:34):
To belt out a song and it's like, well, actually,
the funny thing is I don't know enough about singing,
Like she sounds fine, like she sounds all right, but
she is.
Speaker 1 (21:45):
She's showing a demo of like see what happens, and
she's like.
Speaker 2 (21:49):
That, like it's like strained, but it literally sounds how
I sound when I sing, Like if I'm trying to
belt it out, I sound like I have that.
Speaker 1 (22:02):
That issue. What a heartbreak?
Speaker 7 (22:03):
Though?
Speaker 2 (22:04):
It's like if you know, wasn't there a pianist who
like had something where he couldn't move his hands? This
I feel like all my thoughts are Instagram videos. That's
how psychotic I need to get off there.
Speaker 1 (22:15):
And before that it was Twitter.
Speaker 2 (22:17):
Everything I knew about and thought about was because of Twitter,
and now everything I know about and think about is
because of Instagram. It's like, I myself know that that
isn't cool, but I don't know where everyone is off to,
like is this where everyone is? Because it doesn't feel
like it. TikTok oh, yeah, TikTok I forgot. I'm not
into it. I'm not into it it's the first time
where I've like not gotten. I'm like, I just am
(22:40):
not getting the bug that everyone's getting with TikTok.
Speaker 9 (22:44):
That's a good thing, though, because it does infiltrate your life.
Like I definitely spend more time on TikTok than I
did on Instagram.
Speaker 2 (22:52):
I think for me, it feels less curated, Like I
just feel like I go on there and it's like,
I mean that said, everything I'm seeing about Instagram is
the same right now. But like there was a time
when I followed all these nature accounts on Instagram, and
I followed people I thought were funny, and I followed
like makeup and hair people that I was interested in,
like how to do better hair and makeup. And then
(23:16):
it's like, I don't know, it just became like someone
saying the CIA loves anxiety and someone eating like piles
of meat with butter on it and saying this is
the healthy way to eat. And I'm like, what happened?
Speaker 1 (23:30):
What happened?
Speaker 9 (23:32):
The algo is getting Yeah, but.
Speaker 1 (23:34):
Why am I even in that meat butter algo? I
think someone sent me this. You know what I did today?
I ran sprints?
Speaker 9 (23:45):
Damn?
Speaker 1 (23:46):
Can you believe it? Yeah, what are you cooking? We
got a pot of chili, going, what's going on?
Speaker 9 (23:52):
I have to tell you my water bottle?
Speaker 1 (23:55):
Good?
Speaker 9 (23:56):
I actually, tragically I do have to go, oh good,
I'm glad.
Speaker 1 (24:00):
No I was, I know I am going.
Speaker 2 (24:04):
Tragically wait, but that reminded me that I had therapy
today and we do it on the phone, and my
therapist was fucking making so much noise in the background, and,
as you know from this podcast, like that makes me nuts.
But like when you're actually paying someone to listen to you,
I like the whole session. I was like thinking, can
(24:26):
I say, hey, I'm hearing a lot of background noise?
Do you mind sitting down and putting your hands on
your knees?
Speaker 1 (24:33):
Like I don't know.
Speaker 2 (24:35):
But then I felt guilty because I'm like, well, I
do that when I'm in therapy, but I do feel
like it's a one way street of how the money
is flowing. So then I'm like, is it fair to
expect him to be dead silent when I'm like in
the bath, putting on my running shoes, walking my dog.
You know, It's like, what's fair to expect?
Speaker 12 (24:56):
Oh?
Speaker 2 (24:57):
I missed a call from Italy? Hate to see it
really hate to see it, but someone has called so
many times.
Speaker 1 (25:02):
That I'm like, remember, baby Reindeer.
Speaker 2 (25:05):
Okay, what if I just start calling these people? I
don't know what time it is in Italy? Should I
just call that number?
Speaker 1 (25:12):
Would it work? That'd be funny. Let's see if it works.
I've never done this. It's one am. Let's see what happens.
This is actually funny. Hi, Hello, did you call Chelsea Peretti?
Speaker 5 (25:32):
Yeah?
Speaker 1 (25:33):
Okay, Hi, I'm calling you back. Is it one am?
Speaker 5 (25:35):
There? Yeah?
Speaker 12 (25:38):
Yeah?
Speaker 1 (25:39):
Is this a good time? So crazy? Okay? Where are
you Sardinia? I want to go there?
Speaker 2 (25:57):
Ah, I've never been. I've never been there. My dad
says it's beautiful. And what what is uh the last
thing you ate today?
Speaker 1 (26:11):
Okay?
Speaker 2 (26:11):
Let me try to speak Italian. I speak Italian so
badly though I met my family. I met Italians in
my family in Luca Sang di compito.
Speaker 1 (26:22):
Do you know that area?
Speaker 2 (26:24):
And they like look disgusted with my Italian? Okay, let
me think kay a manjata og.
Speaker 8 (26:37):
And I'll know.
Speaker 1 (26:43):
Pasta pasta Okay, hold on and kiopo di pasta chicken
with the.
Speaker 12 (26:57):
Okay people?
Speaker 13 (27:00):
Carbonara pesche pesche now pasto pasto, Mi piace, mi piace pasto?
Speaker 1 (27:20):
Is my Italian terrible? Pretty bad? Right? I don't.
Speaker 2 (27:23):
I took Spanish, so I don't speak Italian as well
as I speak Spanish. To disgrace. Okay, so you had
some pesto?
Speaker 5 (27:32):
Yeah?
Speaker 1 (27:37):
Are you sisters so Relee? Yes, yes, quanti ani.
Speaker 3 (27:45):
And I'm.
Speaker 10 (27:49):
Twenty one. Brava, I'm a fifteen.
Speaker 1 (27:55):
Brava, brava. Ah, thank you, thanks for calling mi le
grazi mile grazier. Okay, chiao.
Speaker 2 (28:13):
Well that was funny, all right, Well, I don't know
if it was funny, but it was interesting. That's so
funny that I just called them back at funny. I
can't believe how bad my Italian is. I really would
love to speak better Italian. What if I kept calling
them all night? I was just reading about like how
Americans say choo choo all the time, and they're like,
(28:34):
that's really Honestly, I wasn't reading. It was an Instagram video,
if I'm being honest. Someone sent me an Instagram video
and it's like, don't say bona note to people, because
you should say buona serrata. And then it was like,
don't just say choo don's just blah blah blah. But
it's just like I remember a while ago, I tried
(28:56):
to learn French before going to Paris, and I did Duolingo,
and it's just like so hard, so hard to learn
a language, mom Ma me. Isn't it crazy that my
grandfather's first language was Italian and now I speak none?
(29:17):
How fast you can lose your culture.
Speaker 1 (29:20):
Okay, let's see what else we got here?
Speaker 5 (29:23):
Uh?
Speaker 1 (29:24):
Hello, Hello?
Speaker 5 (29:26):
Hi?
Speaker 1 (29:26):
Are you doing dishes?
Speaker 5 (29:27):
Hi? How are you? Oh?
Speaker 12 (29:29):
Hi, it's Pilosa. I'm so sorry. I wasn't holding the phone.
I put it down for one second to get some flour.
Speaker 1 (29:35):
Flower. Yeah, what are you making?
Speaker 12 (29:39):
I'm making like a curried veggie for my family, like
you creed veggie stew and just throwing in a little
bit of flower to help it congeal at the end.
Speaker 1 (29:47):
Really, I did not know there was flower and curry.
Speaker 12 (29:52):
There might not be technically, but it's what the recipe
says to do.
Speaker 1 (29:55):
What is the recipe in?
Speaker 12 (29:57):
It's an old recipe from Madder jazz Free.
Speaker 5 (30:00):
Do you know her? No?
Speaker 12 (30:01):
Remember her? I think she was really popular in the nineties.
She had a really great cookbook and I forget what
it's called but her name is Mattter Jeffrey. She introduced
me to vegetarian cooking.
Speaker 1 (30:14):
Really, are you vegetarian?
Speaker 12 (30:16):
I am vegetarian?
Speaker 1 (30:17):
You know what's actually? Oh my god, hold on? Do
you know what? It is so crazy? And I do
not eat this ever. Do you know what I had
for lunch today?
Speaker 6 (30:27):
What?
Speaker 1 (30:27):
Fucking hold on?
Speaker 5 (30:34):
Oh what?
Speaker 10 (30:34):
Oh?
Speaker 1 (30:35):
Pro to be a vegetary young curry?
Speaker 12 (30:43):
No, unbelievable, a vegetarian curry?
Speaker 1 (30:54):
Wow?
Speaker 12 (30:58):
Yes, yes, I keep it going.
Speaker 2 (31:09):
I had to actually take my ear pieces out because
it was blastingly hearing off.
Speaker 10 (31:13):
You know.
Speaker 1 (31:13):
My doctor was like, avoid loud sounds, and then I.
Speaker 2 (31:17):
Just jackpotted my ears into oblivion. I guess it just
creates hearing loss. And something that's quite discouraging is that
my husband, if he watches TV, can listen to it.
Speaker 1 (31:30):
At a volume that is just slightly out of earshot
for me.
Speaker 12 (31:36):
Oh so do you do close capture?
Speaker 5 (31:40):
We do, we do, but that.
Speaker 1 (31:42):
Doesn't fix it for me. I still need I'm always like,
can you keep it the volume up?
Speaker 3 (31:47):
Keep it the volume up?
Speaker 12 (31:48):
It's like annoying.
Speaker 2 (31:49):
Yeah, it's like that just faint enough that I can
hear every like other syllable or every two things and
then one.
Speaker 1 (31:56):
I can't keep it?
Speaker 11 (31:58):
Can you click the volume up.
Speaker 1 (32:01):
Of a cup?
Speaker 12 (32:03):
Sometimes I find when do you ever have like when
you're watching movies, it's it's too loud sometimes, but then
it's too it's too quiet when they're talking, but then
when the action happens, it's too loud.
Speaker 1 (32:13):
Yes, all the time.
Speaker 2 (32:15):
I actually read something or knowing me it was probably
an Instagram video, but I read something that was saying
that there's a reason for that. It has to do
a streamers somehow not. Uh yeah, I don't know what
the answer was.
Speaker 12 (32:27):
I do find it when I'm streaming that's happening, and yeah,
you have to be annoying, like turn it up, turn
it out, it's too loud.
Speaker 5 (32:34):
You know.
Speaker 1 (32:35):
Guess who my co host is today?
Speaker 5 (32:37):
Oh?
Speaker 12 (32:37):
I don't even know who.
Speaker 1 (32:40):
He's tiny.
Speaker 12 (32:42):
Tiny, yeah, like short or or heat or like frail.
Speaker 1 (32:50):
Short ampetite but not frail.
Speaker 12 (32:52):
Oh my gosh, I just have no idea.
Speaker 2 (32:55):
It's the cutest, little, tiniest little colde. My co host
is like yawning, what do you think is a good topic?
Speaker 1 (33:04):
W A l k's t R E A T S.
Speaker 10 (33:11):
T I T T I E S.
Speaker 1 (33:15):
P U s s y. He doesn't know how to
spell anything.
Speaker 5 (33:21):
But what I get, hoti?
Speaker 3 (33:24):
What I get yet?
Speaker 2 (33:27):
Oh my gosh, I've never been more charmed by my dog.
This dog has a real barkin problem. I was thinking
about doing some sort of boot camp for that, and
then like I just got cold feet, Like I don't
want someone being mean to my dog.
Speaker 1 (33:44):
You know what I mean? Oh, I should make him
he's making little licking sounds.
Speaker 8 (33:50):
You say.
Speaker 10 (34:00):
I am interested in buying half a brick?
Speaker 1 (34:03):
Okay, of what you know?
Speaker 10 (34:06):
You were selling a brick half a brick?
Speaker 1 (34:08):
A Sorry, I have a few jobs, I wear a
few ats. You mean a literal brick available?
Speaker 2 (34:17):
I mean, I don't want to say that there's only
one half a brick because I would be lying to you.
But there are about fifteen hundred half bricks in a
box in my garage. So if you want to buy them,
we are selling them in.
Speaker 1 (34:43):
Groups of three. That would be one and a half
bricks total for twenty nine ninety nine.
Speaker 10 (34:52):
Okay, I'll take the whole lot.
Speaker 1 (34:53):
Great.
Speaker 2 (34:55):
I'm going to have my producer take your info down
and you'll be receiving a brick and a half in
the mail or through your front window?
Speaker 10 (35:03):
What's your preferred payment method?
Speaker 1 (35:07):
This is gonna sound crazy, but gold bricks.
Speaker 10 (35:12):
Oh you are so lucky. I have a whole truckful
down in my garage.
Speaker 2 (35:18):
Great, this is all working on sort of almost too perfectly.
This is one of those calls that's almost too perfect
from top to bott Guess who my co host is today?
Speaker 10 (35:36):
Is it a male or female? Or neither?
Speaker 1 (35:39):
Male?
Speaker 10 (35:42):
Rain Wilson?
Speaker 5 (35:43):
No?
Speaker 10 (35:46):
Are they funny? Oh? Silence, yes, silence is saying everything.
Who is a funny male? I don't know any. I'm sorry,
(36:07):
I only know funny females. Men are not generally funny.
Speaker 1 (36:13):
Could you hear these mouth sounds? What can you hear
these mouth sounds?
Speaker 10 (36:21):
No?
Speaker 1 (36:23):
How about this?
Speaker 5 (36:26):
No?
Speaker 10 (36:27):
Who is it?
Speaker 1 (36:28):
I can't tell you that?
Speaker 10 (36:31):
Well, damn. Are they just listening to the calls today?
Are they saying anything?
Speaker 1 (36:36):
Let's let them answer that. Can you figure it out? Now?
Speaker 10 (36:46):
Bear?
Speaker 1 (36:47):
Yeah, it's a baby bear?
Speaker 10 (36:50):
Oh my gosh, this is amazing.
Speaker 1 (36:52):
I finally did it. I finally fucking pulled it off.
Speaker 2 (36:56):
I stole a baby bear from the mom, unscratched from
head to toe, and now I have.
Speaker 1 (37:03):
A baby bear host.
Speaker 13 (37:04):
Yeah.
Speaker 10 (37:05):
Dude, I'm proud of you for facing your spears.
Speaker 1 (37:10):
Yeah fuck yeah done.
Speaker 6 (37:18):
Give me come here, Come on, come up to your podcast,
Come up to your podcast station.
Speaker 1 (37:25):
Come on. You're co hosting, you're under contract. Come on,
come on, come up, your co host. I need you,
come up, Come up, come on, come on up.
Speaker 4 (37:41):
Yeah wooya, all right, that's actually not the command.
Speaker 1 (38:02):
It's paw, not my choice.
Speaker 2 (38:06):
Oh you're just a little angel toll, a little angel
baby dog.
Speaker 3 (38:11):
You USh your bobby us you bobby soft as silk,
you like a little flower petal.
Speaker 1 (38:18):
I don't know why I was obsessed.
Speaker 2 (38:19):
Like one of my friends, his mom, he had one
of those like French terrier or what are those ones
that always get kidnapped, French bulldogs or something. It was
black and white and he said that his mom.
Speaker 3 (38:32):
Said it looks like cream was spilled all over his
back or something.
Speaker 2 (38:37):
And like I, for some reason, I always stuck in
my head, like what a silly cute characterization of your
dogs for?
Speaker 3 (38:43):
Oh, just a little spiel on you, you little baby.
You look like you were digging around in the fireplace.
Yes you do. You little lash gotored, little flu flu.
You're a little flu for loony.
Speaker 1 (38:58):
I know, let's get out of here.
Speaker 2 (39:01):
This has been my final podcast. This has been my
final podcast. Yes, that this has been it. I loved
this run. I loved getting to know you all. I
loved chatting with you. I loved chatting with you.
Speaker 1 (39:20):
That's how my voice sounds. I loved chatting with you,
me and my co host all.
Speaker 13 (39:26):
Look at you.
Speaker 1 (39:29):
I wish I could get my doctor talk a.
Speaker 3 (39:31):
Woof woof woofoo, come on, a woof woo.
Speaker 1 (39:49):
I've never seen you this, calme, little child? Is it
bad to make doc how?
Speaker 5 (40:00):
Like?
Speaker 2 (40:00):
I bet you someone on Instagram would say that it's
bad to make dogs how. I guess I should get
over to TikTok because I need a new reference point.
But honestly, I keep waiting for someone to lead us
off the internet entirely. I really think that's gonna be
like the next civil rights issue. It's gonna be like
(40:20):
someone who's just like, we all need to go. We
all need to put this behind us. It's gone too far.
We need to get.
Speaker 1 (40:29):
We need to get off the grid.
Speaker 5 (40:36):
My goodness, why are you going?
Speaker 1 (40:38):
Oh that's it?
Speaker 5 (40:43):
Wow?
Speaker 1 (40:44):
What an app
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