Call It with Stefania Spampinato

Jess & Camilla are talking all things SEX with Stefania

She reveals why her sexual preferences since her days working at Grey Sloan Memorial may not be the same as they once were.

Plus, the trio has a giggle about vibrators and more…

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:01):
Call It What It Is with Jessica Capshaw and Camil Luddington,
an iHeartRadio podcast.

Speaker 2 (00:15):
Hello, Hello, Hello, Hello Call It crew, and welcome to
another episode.

Speaker 3 (00:20):
Of Call It What It Is.

Speaker 4 (00:22):
For this one a little juiced.

Speaker 3 (00:25):
Really juice, because why who are we sitting across from
right now?

Speaker 2 (00:33):
I love that you're like the last name. Let's not
say the last name? Are we saying it's a neat autumn?

Speaker 1 (00:43):
Normally to totally be like no, obviously, Safania, I've got it.

Speaker 3 (00:48):
I know, but you caught me. I was like, Stefani,
I know it's the last This is a common last
name in Italy, in the South.

Speaker 2 (01:00):
I have a funny Starbucks name spelling story. Sorry, I
was in line with Starbucks and Steven Spielberg.

Speaker 1 (01:11):
How is this by the way, in the d said
what please have Stefania tell her.

Speaker 3 (01:15):
Story two stories?

Speaker 2 (01:18):
Doesn't like the story with Steven Spielberg. When I realized
that you guys were to yes, so we were already
together exactly. I just like a couple of first couple
of episodes. I was meeting a producer there and he
was like, oh, come, Stefania, let's go say hi to Stephen.
And I was like, who's Steven. It was like literally
the first words that came out of my mouth were like, Hi,

(01:40):
I always make out with your daughter.

Speaker 3 (01:42):
Yeah, that's what I've never heard that story. What did
he say? I was like, FROs and I was like
he was like, that is so funny.

Speaker 2 (01:55):
And then it was like, let's do a video for
her stories that I had made a short film with Steven.

Speaker 3 (02:04):
A short film with Steven Spielberg.

Speaker 1 (02:09):
And by the way, just for the record, I think
people are always surprised by this. I'm leading the witness.
Just how fantastic and nice is he?

Speaker 2 (02:17):
Come on? I mean, come on.

Speaker 3 (02:22):
Warmer and kinder and less assuming.

Speaker 1 (02:25):
And I've watched it my whole life obviously, but the
way that he, you know, is in the world and
and just treats the people around him, and it's just
he's he's pretty special.

Speaker 2 (02:39):
Even after the third time the guy asked to spell
to tell him his name, he was like, fully like
zero ego and face.

Speaker 1 (02:51):
Well, as long as we're on the story of Starbucks
and Steven Spielberg, He's there a lot.

Speaker 4 (02:55):
I'm just saying, there is a morning thing. Yeah, it's
a morning thing.

Speaker 1 (03:01):
There was a tipping point where obviously our entire lives.
If people came up to talk to us when many
of us were out, they were clearly going to talk
to him, right, And then there was this tipping point
where all of a sudden, it was like, everyone's to.

Speaker 4 (03:13):
Talk to me.

Speaker 1 (03:14):
So I don't know, it's maybe a couple of months ago,
and we're in New York City and we actually were
not We hadn't even we weren't going to start works together.

Speaker 4 (03:23):
I had gone somewhere else.

Speaker 1 (03:24):
He was at the Starbucks and I came in and
he didn't know that I was there, and then I.

Speaker 4 (03:30):
Run into him, which I love running into your family.

Speaker 3 (03:34):
So I was like, oh Jesus. So we're hanging in.

Speaker 1 (03:37):
And this woman comes over and then she joins in.

Speaker 4 (03:42):
The and he's like, oh gosh, what's happening.

Speaker 1 (03:45):
She was like just like a really big fan, and
he got just sort of just stand there and be
like just a guy.

Speaker 3 (03:51):
He didn't get.

Speaker 4 (03:56):
Even look at him.

Speaker 3 (03:59):
Listens exactly.

Speaker 4 (04:02):
What can I say, come on.

Speaker 3 (04:04):
Okay, I'm so happy that you're here.

Speaker 1 (04:07):
And I feel like we just could could start off
with the fact that.

Speaker 3 (04:13):
I mean, it.

Speaker 4 (04:14):
Seems like a long time ago, but it wasn't that
long ago.

Speaker 1 (04:18):
When when we last Seffania came into our lives.

Speaker 3 (04:22):
Well, what's funny is that we did a rewatch up,
but we did our first rewatch of Grey's Anatomy and
you you guys, it's a weird cookie episode, you guys.
So we just talked about her first impression of you,
because I was like, if you have a love interest
and Stefania walks in, you're.

Speaker 1 (04:39):
Like, yeah, you're like when you're like when, So, how
long ago.

Speaker 3 (04:46):
Was it that you start on Grace.

Speaker 2 (04:47):
I think it was seven years eight years ago, eight
years ago, and I was like, that's that long it was.

Speaker 3 (04:57):
It's like this weird time where that people don't understand
it just goes so fast.

Speaker 2 (05:02):
Yeah, okay, So.

Speaker 1 (05:03):
This is what we were saying, was that when okay,
so eight years ago, I had just had Josie. Because
so we were saying that we started a new season
and Christa came and said, you know, the love interest
from last season is not coming back.

Speaker 4 (05:18):
You're going to have a new love interest.

Speaker 1 (05:19):
We're going to figure it out. I don't know what
it's gonna be, we're gonna figure it out. And in
the meantime, it had been positioned. Stefani was going to
be a tweeny like and in between me, like you know,
passion relationship whatever, and I was like okay, great, So
we didn't really get to have like a chemistry read

(05:40):
like hey.

Speaker 3 (05:41):
Where do you like where do you see like what
do you both like?

Speaker 4 (05:44):
What are your hidden talents?

Speaker 2 (05:46):
Like?

Speaker 3 (05:46):
How do you see this going?

Speaker 2 (05:47):
Like?

Speaker 1 (05:47):
We got nothing? We were like thrown into the deep end. Yeah,
and yeah I just had a baby. We had this
like makeout scene because my character was like going back
and that was the.

Speaker 3 (05:55):
Best makeout that this is where de Luca walks in
on you.

Speaker 4 (05:58):
Yes, this was pre intimacy coordinator.

Speaker 3 (06:02):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (06:02):
Yeah, and Stefani was saying brand new first like puppy energy.

Speaker 2 (06:08):
I was like, yes, sure, jump from the window.

Speaker 3 (06:11):
I though it, yeah, like you're off and she was.

Speaker 1 (06:13):
Puppy energy and I was postpartim entergy and I was like,
you know, you have your wordroom meeting where they're like okay,
so you know what do you what do you want
to wear? And then what do you want to take off?
Because all those scenes are so much better. Clothing comes off,
you know, around and they're like what do you want
to take off?

Speaker 3 (06:28):
On my nothing or you make it so there's twenty layers,
so you're like, you just can't.

Speaker 2 (06:36):
Yes, the episode of.

Speaker 3 (06:37):
Joey and Friends when he's in all the clothes, you'll
never get to skin.

Speaker 1 (06:45):
I never landed on a boost a type thing, yeah,
which was so cute.

Speaker 4 (06:49):
Oh, I don't think I ever saw that stuff. I
was just way too hard on myself.

Speaker 3 (06:52):
Guys, it's like, and I've seen that, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 (06:55):
And then so then, but you were fantastic and you
honestly you were saying you had puppy energy.

Speaker 4 (07:00):
I mean, I've been.

Speaker 1 (07:01):
There for a whole lot longer, and I was a
whole lot less comfortable, Like I just was like, what.

Speaker 2 (07:06):
What are we doing?

Speaker 4 (07:06):
Okay crag And she was so fantastic.

Speaker 3 (07:08):
Was that the first thing you show?

Speaker 2 (07:10):
Yeah, and with Willen directing, so.

Speaker 3 (07:12):
Shitting myself, I was like, oh my god, she's.

Speaker 2 (07:15):
Like but the thing they gave me make me like
grounded is that we're speaking Italian. So I was like,
she doesn't know, nobody knows. I'm fine.

Speaker 1 (07:25):
And then that was most saf because I was in
between you and I was looking at him, and then
I was looking at you, and I was like, yeah,
that was really exactly.

Speaker 2 (07:31):
I also come from the dance world, and in Italy,
when you dance, you're half like in a bikini all
the time, so it was very comfortable.

Speaker 4 (07:37):
Only in Italy you dance in biginnis pretty much pretty much.

Speaker 2 (07:42):
I have a funny story actually, so my dancing career
started in Italy and we literally go to auditions with
bikinis and high heels, and then I moved to London.
I mean, I go to London for a week to
check it out and see if I can work there.
And I literally show up at the audition room wearing
the same thing that I will wear at an audition
in Italy, but everybody else was like super hip hop.

(08:04):
I looked like a stripper, like everybody was like down.

Speaker 1 (08:12):
The Halliday were like yes, you were like oh maybe no, no, but.

Speaker 2 (08:16):
I did it. I actually booked a job because stood
out like a sore thumb.

Speaker 4 (08:21):
I was like, yeah, that was great, Yeah.

Speaker 3 (08:23):
Oh my god, that's so you felt that was honestly
your first scene that you shot. I don't think I
knew that. That's amazing. What did you think of, Jessica,
What was first impression?

Speaker 2 (08:32):
I loved everybody. I felt like I was super nervous.
I and everybody was so welcoming and warm. Everybody came
like like came to introduce themselves, and she was super
sweet and like we were reading next to each other,
and I was like.

Speaker 3 (08:46):
I feel like it was excited, but I.

Speaker 2 (08:49):
Had read so many horror stories about me people getting
specifically her. I really put one out there dress no
people getting fired after table reads. So at the table
reader was actually very very nervous because I was like,
oh my god, if they don't like me, this is
not going to happen. So I was like, again, yeah, I've.

Speaker 1 (09:08):
Had it happen in a sitcom where I was how
it happens more in sitcoms, I guess people to.

Speaker 3 (09:13):
Be fun and you got yeah.

Speaker 2 (09:17):
But I was definitely super intimidated. I mean, I also
my best friend. My best friend's favorite show was Crazy Anatomy,
and she's in a gay relationship. They have just adopt
the two kids by the way, and and like Calli
and Arizona were like their favor So I.

Speaker 3 (09:33):
Was like, so now you're coming in to pressure. Oh wow.

Speaker 4 (09:37):
Yeah, And so I was like, oh my god, oh
my gosh, so crazy. Yeah.

Speaker 1 (09:42):
I just think that there there is this pressure to
be exactly as you were before you had a baby
and just come back and hit the ground running and
just like that. There's only like a physical act of
having a baby or delivering a baby, but right if
you have a baby, there's so many other things going
on and you're in your brain and your mind and
your function and your sense of self and.

Speaker 4 (10:03):
Your security and everything is kind of like wild. So
you got that part of me.

Speaker 2 (10:09):
I mean, I apologies didn't feel that. But a party
takes a woman's body two years to fully recover from
a delivery.

Speaker 4 (10:16):
I believe that.

Speaker 2 (10:17):
What.

Speaker 3 (10:18):
Yeah, I love the I'm ob on the show and
I'm like, I'm sorry, why there it is two years.

Speaker 2 (10:24):
Years to fully recover.

Speaker 4 (10:27):
Yeah, that's crazy.

Speaker 1 (10:28):
Well you came on honestly everybody. I remember everybody loving you.
You were just so kind and so fun and you
always brought energy. I remember you telling me a story.
I remember because I also that was the other thing
I was going to say, is that that was my
fourth baby. And I do remember being super preoccupied, Like
I remember being like I was at work and then
I was like as soon as I was out of work,
I was.

Speaker 4 (10:48):
In the car and like speeding home.

Speaker 1 (10:50):
So I was definitely in that part of my life,
the vulnerability and like just the because, like you said.

Speaker 4 (10:57):
When you you came with such excitement.

Speaker 1 (11:00):
But then when you when you get to work together
for a while and you have this time sat at
the chairs or whatever, you actually do get to know people,
and then all of a sudden you do hear these
you hear these stories and you get a different sense
of them and it's not all just you know, one thing,
like we're all going through something or have been through
something and how we deal with it and sharing that

(11:21):
is actually I do think very much contributes to our
chemistry together on shows.

Speaker 3 (11:26):
Yeah, it's funny because when we were watched during the
rewatch back, you guys have a couple of scenes together
and I was like, damn your chemistry, Like if you
had stayed on our show, like this could have worked.

Speaker 4 (11:37):
Yeah, why was it that?

Speaker 3 (11:39):
Do you remember? Creatively? Why why that did not end
up happening? What was the conversation of you going from
one show to the other.

Speaker 2 (11:47):
Oh, there was no conversation at first. That was just
like no, it was like going from episode to episode
to episode and again because it was so new, I
was like any every epis it was like yeah, yes.
And it wasn't until season three, my third season, so
season sixteen of Grade that I started going to station

(12:10):
and then it was like kind of a random pitch
from Christa and then at the table read, the chemistry
between THEO and I was so good that they were like, yeah, okay,
let's keep it going.

Speaker 3 (12:21):
Yes, okay, let's talk about the chemistry. Yes, you felt
that instantly even at the table read.

Speaker 2 (12:28):
Yes, wow, yeah, wow?

Speaker 3 (12:32):
Is there okay? So your characters, because it's just sometimes
this happens on shows, and it happened on Station nineteen
where you have all that, you have an ensemble cast,
and you have all these different couples and then just
one couple ends up just being explosive, like the fans
just blow up. Oh and that happened for you guys,

(12:55):
It did for sure. Did you know that the fan
reaction to you guys? Did you feel that very early
on or did it take time? I felt like.

Speaker 2 (13:08):
That's a good question. I feel like we felt that
it was easy, but it was effortless. It was easy.
It wasn't like, let's make this work, let's make this special.
It was just like it was easy to show up
and yeah, but I feel like it was a similar
thing between Arizona and Karina, Like I was supposed to
be there for two episodes and then it was just
easy and worked and from two episodes, and like it

(13:31):
was supposed to be like a quick love, like yes,
the passionate thing, it just ended up becoming more like
a love story. Yeah.

Speaker 3 (13:38):
Did the fandom embrace this station intin relationship instantly?

Speaker 1 (13:43):
Yeah?

Speaker 2 (13:43):
Yeah, because I think also the way the Karina in
Arizona broke up was very like definite. She went to
Cali and nobody was mad at that.

Speaker 3 (13:55):
They were like sure like.

Speaker 1 (13:56):
Arizona when I left on season fourteen. Yeah, yeah, I'm
imagining or I'm making up that Meg Meg bringing Arizona.
She had to like come up with whether or not
she was going to address where Arizona was and she
was CALLI.

Speaker 4 (14:13):
Or wasn't And so we didn't. They didn't, they did.
They left it.

Speaker 1 (14:17):
So I you know, there was like a little bit
of a moment at the at your wedding that was
it teased it.

Speaker 4 (14:25):
But it never said it.

Speaker 3 (14:26):
Yeah, Okay, I think it's smart to leave that money. Yeah,
because I feel like it's potential for story. Yeah, yeah,
you're not locking yourself into anything in one episode that
you're back for.

Speaker 4 (14:35):
Yeah, that's true. I think Arizona.

Speaker 1 (14:37):
I mean I feel like what we probably needed that
would have like sealed deal sealed the deal is if
we'd had some kind of obstacle. We needed an obstacle.

Speaker 2 (14:47):
We didn't get like a fule like you can't be
together because right something.

Speaker 1 (14:53):
Yeah, and so then because then if we could have
overcome it, then people would have championed it.

Speaker 3 (14:58):
Okay, So then was there any storyline that you guys
had on the show that you were not into that
you kind of have wished had played a different way.

Speaker 2 (15:09):
I mean, everybody knows that, the zion Art fans know that.
But I feel like at the end, I was a
little sick of talking about IVF. I was like, yeah,
I was like, okay, well, she's almost being pregnant for
three years for three seasons. But because I feel like
we were tied to Gray's anatomy and the interns thing

(15:29):
was that it three seasons was one year, So three
seasons of trying one year of trying to be pregnant
became a little bit like yeah, yeah, but that's the
only thing. And also I love that storyline. When we
first started, it's just that we.

Speaker 3 (15:47):
Because we screwed up the grace. Yeah did, Yeah, we did.
It's true. Is there a storyline that or a moment
that was your favorite moment?

Speaker 2 (16:02):
There was like a couple. There was one episode that
was a stand alone and we all shot it in
the apartment with Peter Page. It was the first episode
Peter Page directed, and it was so much fun because
he felt like a play. We had like ten pages
of intense dialog. We shot it all as a one,
like one scene, and so there was as an actor
was so.

Speaker 3 (16:22):
That's really fun.

Speaker 4 (16:24):
Yeah, we got to meet Peter we did. Yeah, and
he was so fantastic. Yeah, he's so God's so smart.

Speaker 3 (16:32):
Yes, yeah, man.

Speaker 2 (16:33):
He's super passionate.

Speaker 3 (16:34):
Love that show too, You can love the show. He
love the characters.

Speaker 4 (16:37):
He really cared.

Speaker 3 (16:38):
Yeah, Hey, does anyone care if we talk about sex?
Because why because it's it's it's a love Okay, it's
love month. It's Valentine's Day month. And we teased you

(17:00):
out to the to the the whole fandom of the universe,
the Raised Sage nineteen universe. They went crazy. The fact
that we said we're going to talk about.

Speaker 2 (17:09):
Sex with her.

Speaker 3 (17:10):
We made them even crazier, made them, yeah, out of
their minds, let's do it. And this started from a
conver It's not just out of nowhere. This started from
a conversation. We saw Stefania.

Speaker 1 (17:22):
When was it that Chicago. We're just sit around talking
about sex either. Yeah, you want to know what we do?

Speaker 3 (17:28):
Yeah, we were at convention and we're talking about Well,
we got to go to dinner together and then we
got to see each other at the convention. And what
happens it is when we haven't seen each other for
a while, there's a download, right, there's like, what is
going on?

Speaker 2 (17:42):
Are you?

Speaker 3 (17:42):
What's how the kids? And that's what happened, and we
got on the subject of sex. We got we talked
about sex, and so we're going to get into it.
But first I found it very interesting and I wanted
to start with this. Gen Z is not having.

Speaker 4 (17:59):
Or gen Z gen Z is between thirteen and twenty.

Speaker 3 (18:02):
Eight years old. They're having less sex and previous generations.
Many people tightened their social circles when the pandemic. Search
In general, people coming of age in an era of
dating apps say the notion of starting a relationship with
someone they meet in person seems like a piece of nostalgia.

Speaker 1 (18:21):
That's sad, funny sad though, like a piece of nostalgia,
like a relic from the oldie days, like a relationship.

Speaker 4 (18:30):
What are you talking about?

Speaker 3 (18:32):
That's it?

Speaker 2 (18:33):
No more relationships people than do that because it's nostalgic.

Speaker 1 (18:37):
By the way, I've told this story before, I did
talk to someone who's probably in the twenty eight year
old category and they were like, oh my gosh, I
would never talk to someone in real life. I'd never
say hi to someone I thought was cute at a bar,
and I was.

Speaker 3 (18:47):
Like, wow, there's no meat cutes out in the world.
They call to meet you, right, like when you're out
a meet cutes. When you meet someone in the real
world and you have that like sitcoming like cute, you're
like you had that, like hey often, so the meet
c isn't happening.

Speaker 2 (19:04):
I've never had that before. By the way, in my life,
nobody I'm talking to me at a bar never. But
I also am a weird like when I see somebody
you never.

Speaker 3 (19:12):
Sat at a bar and someone's like a bar if
no one's ever connected. While happened.

Speaker 4 (19:19):
So he sat at bars and no one's come.

Speaker 2 (19:20):
No one, No one has come, never to me with friends,
with friends or alone. No, I've never gone alone with friends.

Speaker 3 (19:26):
But like male, I doesn't have to term people.

Speaker 2 (19:32):
But this is one thing that I have to disclose
by myself. Like if I like somebody, I'm like, where
do I hide?

Speaker 3 (19:39):
Oh?

Speaker 2 (19:41):
I don't make eye contact. That don't provoke the like.

Speaker 3 (19:45):
Little nudge nudge, way I die.

Speaker 4 (19:49):
Is very I was just talking with the iconac is
very important.

Speaker 1 (19:53):
Right, you have to like the first step in the
how much in that nostalgia?

Speaker 2 (19:59):
How many don't I can't? Right? Right? Right?

Speaker 3 (20:01):
When does he get creepy?

Speaker 2 (20:03):
Like? When is it? Okay?

Speaker 1 (20:04):
Like?

Speaker 2 (20:04):
How many seconds? Oh?

Speaker 1 (20:05):
I think I'm talking to my friend her and I'm like.

Speaker 3 (20:09):
Oh my gosh, she's so cute. Oh no, it could
have been two seconds last.

Speaker 1 (20:16):
But five seconds worked because.

Speaker 3 (20:26):
I guess what can I say?

Speaker 4 (20:27):
I've got moves.

Speaker 2 (20:28):
Why I'm gonna try to Okay, Okay, So we're talking
at the bar again. Yeah, I like you, my.

Speaker 3 (20:39):
Friend I was in I was ready to leave that.

Speaker 4 (20:49):
I was you nicer. Guess.

Speaker 1 (20:55):
Yeah, I'm just saying, maybe the reason why these people
are not having sex is they're not from my generation.
We're I Banging was the first step of foreplay, and
for play is a very important.

Speaker 3 (21:05):
Part of sex.

Speaker 2 (21:06):
That's a point.

Speaker 1 (21:07):
And I think that what's happening is that there's so
much digital.

Speaker 3 (21:12):
Diddling.

Speaker 1 (21:13):
That's like there's no real foreplay. There's no there's no look,
there's no brush by, there's no like skin Grays made
an entire meal and they got me every time when
they'd have Meredith and Derek and then elevator together, and.

Speaker 3 (21:33):
They don't have that anymore.

Speaker 2 (21:34):
So, yes, it starts with the eyes.

Speaker 3 (21:36):
You get on in there.

Speaker 4 (21:38):
And then and then you brush by, and then you and.

Speaker 3 (21:41):
Then there's the foreplay.

Speaker 1 (21:42):
And I think for play is probably happening less and
so people are missing out on the banging, the real banging.

Speaker 2 (21:51):
I think there is definitely true. I think there is
multiple reasons today they feel less pressure to have a relationship,
Like they're more focused on their career, they're more ambitious,
that they just give less attention to having a relationship
with boys or.

Speaker 3 (22:04):
Girls or yeah, or making a family right exactly exactly exactly.

Speaker 1 (22:08):
But then you always hear what what ends up happening,
which is that they bump up against the thing that's
harder to control, which is like the timeline of you know.

Speaker 4 (22:20):
Liability, right if they want to you know what.

Speaker 3 (22:23):
I think that we used to think that like it
had to be done in twenties, early thirties.

Speaker 2 (22:27):
It's not true, not anymore. Yeah.

Speaker 1 (22:29):
No, but well no, but sometimes if you that's a
privilege on some level because you might need medical and
that's expensive.

Speaker 3 (22:37):
So I think the generation is willing to take the risk. Yeah,
I think that, you know, and they're willing to be like,
you know what, it's still not right right now, and
whatever happens will happen. Yeah, and they're not feeling that
pressure just to get it done so that they can.

Speaker 4 (22:50):
Yeah, it's very specific.

Speaker 1 (22:53):
So this this generation thing, you know, I mean, yeah,
they did go through COVID and everything else, but I
don't know.

Speaker 2 (23:00):
I mean, I have two nieces. They're like twenty nineteen
and twenty three. And I was talking to one of
them and she was like I met somebody, and I
was like, okay, and then what now? And she was like, well,
I'm gonna see them for a few weeks to see
if I even like them as a person. And then
I'll take it from there. And I was like, I'm sorry, Yes.

Speaker 4 (23:18):
They're gonna get banged. They banging party there st.

Speaker 2 (23:24):
I was like, wow, this is so machure, so so
and I was like, I am a disaster. I got
into like a bomb. But then there's fires and ashes
and you're like, no waits as a person. Yeah.

Speaker 3 (23:39):
I text my nieces for gen z yeah, and I said,
why do you think you guys are having less sex
and as a generation with you? And they were like,
no one we know goes out.

Speaker 2 (23:50):
Wow, that's no good, Like we don't go out anymore, right.

Speaker 3 (23:54):
Phone, And so I think it's the same. I think
even just like socially, there's not you know, everyone's sort
of content because they have social access on their phones, right,
so they're feeling like they're being social. We would sit
and be like, we haven't talked to anybody. We got
to go get out. We would get bored.

Speaker 2 (24:10):
There is it's so important to get bored because then
you come up with things to do and say and
to I get out of the border and I feel
like they don't get bored anymore.

Speaker 3 (24:19):
Did you grow.

Speaker 4 (24:20):
Up feeling comfortable talking about sex?

Speaker 5 (24:22):
Oh?

Speaker 2 (24:22):
Not at all.

Speaker 4 (24:23):
I mean it's like massive taboo. Yeah you too, Oh.

Speaker 1 (24:26):
God, I have said, I don't think I put all
the letters that are in masturbation together to form masturbation.

Speaker 4 (24:34):
Until I was in my thirties, it just was not.
It was There were so many reasons.

Speaker 2 (24:40):
Why I was just no what dance for me was
my outlet or my sensuality because I felt like I
was on stage, I was playing a.

Speaker 4 (24:47):
Character so could be very centraal.

Speaker 2 (24:49):
So I loved it because I could express a part
of me that I wasn't really allowed to express at
home obviously or like amongst.

Speaker 1 (24:56):
People there, and also respected for it exactly and seen
as doing something wonderful exactly.

Speaker 3 (25:03):
How do your family feel that you're on a show
that talks about also your O B. Yeah, we're talking
about sex, toys and like all of it.

Speaker 2 (25:12):
I don't think I've had a lot of conversations with
them about I feel like I have an older aunt
that is very conservative. She was like, would you know
I have picked a different role? I was like, if
you only knew how hard was to get this one.

Speaker 4 (25:29):
When you arrive in Los Angeles.

Speaker 2 (25:32):
But I was like, that's Funny's just so lets you
know how a little perspective they have, and I was like,
you know, you were all the products around, not bringing
She was also brought up in a Catholic environment, very conservative,
but I was like liberation. It felt so good to
just talk about.

Speaker 4 (25:47):
All of that.

Speaker 2 (25:48):
Yeah, but for me it was a late awakening as well.
Like I got my first vibrator five years ago, and
I was like, what.

Speaker 1 (25:55):
Was I.

Speaker 3 (25:57):
Vibrator five years ago?

Speaker 2 (25:59):
Seven years ago?

Speaker 3 (25:59):
Yes, seven years ago?

Speaker 2 (26:01):
Years ago?

Speaker 3 (26:02):
Can we ask which one? Because we had a whole
sex toy episode, you know, Yeah, I.

Speaker 2 (26:06):
Tried a few, and I feel like I've settled on
the little what is it.

Speaker 3 (26:11):
The little curve. That's when we got lifted right, the
little kurvy curve.

Speaker 4 (26:15):
I don't remember the curvy curve.

Speaker 2 (26:16):
The curvy curve is good.

Speaker 3 (26:18):
We really reach all the story that Pop had a
really funny story about Jessica going and buying her very
first vibrator because she was.

Speaker 4 (26:24):
It wasn't my first, wasn't one of them.

Speaker 3 (26:27):
One of many collection, And she pretended in the store
that it was like a gift to somebody else, like gift,
but when you went in to buy your first vibrator
seven years ago.

Speaker 2 (26:40):
Oh oh, no, no, no, I couldn't.

Speaker 4 (26:42):
Or did you were like a sampling?

Speaker 2 (26:44):
I did, and then I figured out and returned then
because obviously, again vibrators, I don't know a lot too many.

Speaker 3 (26:54):
I love that. I love that you did that for yourself, though.
Are you seeing someone now?

Speaker 2 (26:58):
No?

Speaker 3 (26:59):
You are single? Oh my god. Okay, so we talked
about sex in Chicago, Yes, we did. And you had

(27:21):
read a book or many books about sex.

Speaker 2 (27:25):
Several seven. Yeah, and I my sex revolution era?

Speaker 3 (27:29):
Right about the sex revolution? Okay, yeah, what started the
sex revolution era?

Speaker 2 (27:37):
I feel like there was so much I didn't know,
and I was like, I'm having a like a great
time having sex on my own, like being sexual on
my own, and when there is a partner involved, it's
always so hard. There's like so much people pleasing you
don't want. I feel like we don't get told how
to communicate our needs. We don't get we don't get
taught how to prioritize ourselves and our measure. It always like,

(28:02):
you know, it's always like the other person and you're like,
I want to make sure that they're comfortable. I'm I'm
sure that they orgasm, and you want to sure and
in doing that, I feel like we I was fully
neglecting myself and I was like, hang on a second,
let me read more about it. And it's also there's
like I think porn messed us up because it is
like this perception that sex is vaginal intercourse when eighty

(28:26):
percent of women statistics again, do not reach orgasm through
vaginal intercourse alone. They need Every time I say this,
I think about careinga because she said it in one
of the first.

Speaker 3 (28:37):
Yes, a perfect little bundle.

Speaker 2 (28:39):
On the outside outside simulation.

Speaker 1 (28:42):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (28:42):
So I was like, there's a beautiful book called Come
as You Are.

Speaker 3 (28:46):
Yes, Okay, it's like people read it.

Speaker 4 (28:48):
I'm not I have it. I might even have as
an audiobook, but.

Speaker 1 (28:52):
I've heard of it and people reade about it.

Speaker 3 (28:55):
Tell me, I don't know what that is.

Speaker 2 (28:57):
We're all different, and I feel like raising our differences
is such an important part of our own sexuality and
figuring out what is it that we like, what is
it that we don't like, and learning how to communicate
that to our partner, like listen, I need, yeah this,
I need that. I am not comfortable with this, and
I feel like I feel like I've always felt bad
saying I don't like this. It's so funny because I

(29:20):
feel like I'm a pretty confident person in real life,
but then in the intimate settings it's like this, like
weird old school, like the woman has to please.

Speaker 1 (29:28):
Yeah, but also don't you remember, like I can't reaching
way back in my memory, but you would do the
like you do the scoot or the like you like
move like if something was happening sexual. Yeah, you would
be like you would like you wouldn't want to say
like you're not there, or like you go to the
left or the right.

Speaker 4 (29:48):
I agree, like no one it didn't.

Speaker 1 (29:50):
No one made it like a thing that instruct instruct
or even like it would feel like construction as opposed to.

Speaker 3 (29:58):
So you would feel wrong, like you'd be like you
would feel like you're a moment.

Speaker 2 (30:03):
You also feel like there's something wrong with you because
shows you that women do it like that and they're
totally happy with that, but I'm not, So there's something
wrong with me. And so reading that book kind of
makes you understand that there's nothing wrong with each and
every one of us, and it's okay.

Speaker 3 (30:17):
But you have to have both partners.

Speaker 2 (30:19):
You have to have somebody.

Speaker 1 (30:20):
You have one partner, Yes, that and also it's like,
if you've seen one virginia, you've seen one vagina. And
also I was like, only like, you know, yesterday years old,
not quite close to when. Literally, I didn't even know
that vaginas looked as different as they do.

Speaker 3 (30:40):
Literally just had this conversation. I had no giants know
the vaginas could look so different.

Speaker 4 (30:45):
I have no idea so different. Phoenis has come in
lots of different shapes, sizes, vaginas do to.

Speaker 2 (30:51):
Okay, going back to sex, I feel like this is
one thing that pisses me off about penis vagina that
we women. For us is so much harder to have
casual sex. I've never been able to have a one
eight stand. I think they're so overrated. I think I
was like, so you never.

Speaker 3 (31:04):
Have I've never had a one I never had a
one eight stent.

Speaker 2 (31:07):
I tried the casual sex, but I think I'm doing
it wrong because there's nothing casual but no, because my
freaking oxydosin kicks in. And even though the person, I
was like, I'm not into this person, but I was like,
I'll reach out just you know, because to be nice,
thank you, And then I ended up getting freaking ghosted
by people that I didn't care about in the first place,

(31:27):
and then.

Speaker 3 (31:28):
My ego is that fair?

Speaker 2 (31:29):
Yeah?

Speaker 3 (31:31):
Yeah, we didn't do it right. Wait, this is the
conversation that we had in Chicago. I found really fascinating.
And you were telling me about that oxytocin. Yes, and
so can you tell it to our listeners right now,
because I was like, whoa.

Speaker 2 (31:48):
Apparently when women have sex for the first time, they
immediately release oxytocin, which is the hormone of love. They
call it now it makes you feel happy and in love,
and men only released stosterone. So if you happen to
have a one night stand with a man, the woman
walks away from it feeling like, oh my god, I
love it, and the guys like, I go Starbucks, I

(32:11):
go do something else, and they even if it.

Speaker 3 (32:14):
Was bad sex, Yes, it was bad sex.

Speaker 2 (32:18):
And and men only released oxytocin when they start developing
feeling for the other person.

Speaker 3 (32:25):
So there really is no emotional almost casual sex for
a lot of women. I feel like.

Speaker 4 (32:32):
Maybe there is.

Speaker 1 (32:33):
Well, go back to that, and do you know women
that are good at it?

Speaker 4 (32:38):
Do you casual sex?

Speaker 2 (32:40):
I wish? I mean, what's their secret? Are they just
very secure, maybe emotional.

Speaker 4 (32:45):
Because it's not me.

Speaker 1 (32:47):
So I don't know what I'm trying to think of
what they reported expectations.

Speaker 4 (32:52):
I think one thing I say.

Speaker 3 (32:54):
Like when they when they like.

Speaker 1 (32:57):
When they went into it, it was specifically for that.

Speaker 4 (33:02):
Yeah, I'm going to my first.

Speaker 2 (33:05):
Time always sucks because I'm not comfortable. I don't feel safe,
I don't feel secure. So I'm like, why am I
even doing this? Yeah? Yeah, so what's the point? And
so I've stopped and the casual sex is not for me,
But I feel like, yeah, is.

Speaker 3 (33:20):
There have you set like a new rule for yourself
where you're like you have you?

Speaker 2 (33:23):
You gave me a rule? It was like five dates?

Speaker 3 (33:25):
Well I had I had back that day. I was
a five date rule. You had to take me out
on five dates.

Speaker 2 (33:32):
Yeah.

Speaker 3 (33:33):
I felt like by five dates where I would be
able to have a vibe and I would sort of
know like what are you maybe looking for a little bit,
and then I could make the decision myself but also
make them wait, Okay, So.

Speaker 2 (33:44):
This is my problems that I meet somebody and I
see and I have a very objective perception of who
they are, red flags everything. The minute I get intimate
with them, the red flags disappear and I only see
the good things. And so I'm going to start adopting
my niece's thing a few weeks. If I like you
as a person, yeah, and like, also listen to my

(34:07):
first instinct.

Speaker 3 (34:09):
See.

Speaker 1 (34:09):
I don't know any thing about anything in the dating world,
but I feel like now with all this optionality that
I hear about happening in the app.

Speaker 3 (34:17):
World, that.

Speaker 1 (34:21):
Because I mean, let's face, it's not like every time
you meet someone or the first time you meet someone
it's like.

Speaker 4 (34:25):
Giant fireworks going off.

Speaker 2 (34:27):
Right.

Speaker 1 (34:27):
So let's say you like someone but you're still trying
to figure out if you really like them. Then if
you're waiting all this time, is there this moment where
the other person is like, Okay, great, I'm waiting. So
I guess if I'm waiting, this is casual. And so
if this is casual, then I'm still this is what
I'm imagining again, I don't have to wait.

Speaker 2 (34:45):
Queen of Blue Balls, When I was younger, what did
they tell us?

Speaker 5 (34:52):
Came up?

Speaker 4 (34:52):
And I felt bad, Oh my god, I gave you love?

Speaker 3 (34:56):
I love it? How can I am possibly give you
love it? I love it?

Speaker 2 (35:00):
Power because I lose the power I was.

Speaker 4 (35:04):
I clearly have just established myself as.

Speaker 3 (35:06):
More of a people. Oh no, you have blue balls?

Speaker 2 (35:11):
Okay, can we fix it?

Speaker 3 (35:15):
Sorry about I didn't give it a blue balls either.
Right now, you're on the sexual revolutionary journey for yourself.

Speaker 4 (35:26):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (35:27):
I tried that, like I'm going to have sex like
a man thing. It didn't work out for me.

Speaker 3 (35:30):
Okay, so I don't work out for you. That's okay.

Speaker 1 (35:32):
You know what, you have a basis now, you have
a starting point exactly, and maybe you're just not good
at it yet.

Speaker 2 (35:38):
No, I think I'm going back to my twenties how
I used to handle relationships in my twenties.

Speaker 4 (35:44):
Just time, be easy. Yes.

Speaker 3 (35:48):
Do you feel more confident now that if you were
to get into a relationship and become intimate, that you
can vocalize what you need?

Speaker 2 (35:55):
Yeah, definitely, that's awesome.

Speaker 4 (35:58):
She couldn't handle my five sec and stare a second ago.

Speaker 3 (36:03):
Believe she loved it. I said, calm it down, I'm sweating.

Speaker 2 (36:11):
See.

Speaker 1 (36:11):
I think that that's sort of a magical, wonderful thing.
And I think it's got to do with mindset and also,
you know how your life unfolds but looking at your
life and saying, I'm going to go back to where
I was in my twenties.

Speaker 4 (36:26):
And be.

Speaker 3 (36:28):
Clearly so much more grown.

Speaker 1 (36:32):
The other thing that I thought of when I was
thinking about you and sitting here with you today was
that you I see you with the fans, and I
see the way that Station nineteen has rolled out for you,
and just this incredible presence and relationship that you created
on television for people to see and to experience and
to again I see people with you, I see people

(36:53):
interact and like, they're so grateful to you for having
brought this role, because it allowed for them to see
themselves in a show there was mainstream and wonderful and
accepted and whole and all these things.

Speaker 4 (37:09):
So you have done that, and that is so beautiful
to watch. And I.

Speaker 1 (37:15):
Think that it made me also think of when I started,
And it wasn't so much more or so much before you,
but when I came to Grays and it was revealed
in episode three that my character was gay, there were
no other gay series regular characters on television. We were

(37:37):
doing something that other it just hadn't kind of hadn't
been done, and it was paired with the fact that
I had spent my entire career up until then doing
half hour sitcoms where it wasn't.

Speaker 4 (37:51):
A lot of sexy time.

Speaker 3 (37:52):
Wow, And then I was on you know, a.

Speaker 1 (37:54):
Legal show a lot of sexy time, and then here
I was in this show than a character and then
having all this sexy time, and I'd sort of seen
myself as this psch you know, I'm just gonna be
you know, I don't I don't even know what I'd
pegged myself as. But I hadn't seen myself as sexy.

Speaker 3 (38:11):
I just didn't.

Speaker 1 (38:11):
I didn't own myself as a sexy person. And so
I look at the time that you know, we were
telling all those stories, and I'm really proud that that
Sata and I were able to bring these scenes to life,
given that I kind of wasn't so confident, and then
you know, you and I getting to play and being
a little bit more confident.

Speaker 4 (38:31):
But again, what was the first thing I said? I
just had a baby.

Speaker 3 (38:34):
And like, I do.

Speaker 1 (38:35):
Think that when you talk about sex, this is all
going back to whether you're having it or or not.
I think that having a vibrant, healthy and robust sex
life does maybe come.

Speaker 3 (38:47):
Side saddle or at least there's a sidecar.

Speaker 1 (38:49):
Of confidence for you know, being knowing who you are
coming into a relationship and being like this is not
like this is how I like it, take it or
leave it, but like this is how I like it,
you know, like I like, I like a little of
this first and again the foreplay.

Speaker 4 (39:03):
Like and maybe you know, I don't, I don't know.

Speaker 1 (39:07):
Just having having role models that are showing you like, yeah,
that that the that the dance is fun. It makes
like coming a lot more fun and feel a lot better.

Speaker 3 (39:18):
When you have that, even if it's going to be casual.

Speaker 4 (39:21):
I guess I'm making this up.

Speaker 1 (39:22):
I don't know, but like you've gotten some sort of
like lead up. It's not just like you know, you're
straight into it because I don't think I'm not a doctor,
but I don't think that that's how you know, a
lot of people feel about it. I just don't think
that they can go straight into like banging and not.

Speaker 2 (39:41):
At least women, mostly women, I think for us is
a lot more. Yeah, but yeah, like I think even men,
like in general, like we need a little bit more
than just hey you want to hook up?

Speaker 4 (39:55):
Yeah, yeah, exactly, Yeah, yeah, definitely all right. Basically I
think that it's a funny and nice characters need to
come back to take two.

Speaker 3 (40:05):
I would love that, honest.

Speaker 2 (40:07):
Oh my god, you know what, you know what, I
can pitch this, let's pitch this, and there is the chemistry,
but they're never doing anything because.

Speaker 5 (40:20):
Which is so there's attention where these two characters you
can feel the tension, but they I'm like kids and
they never do so amazing.

Speaker 3 (40:46):
Okay, ready for this questions? Okay, you go, you got
to ask ask what is your biggest turn on on? Yeah?

Speaker 2 (40:59):
Patient?

Speaker 3 (41:00):
Oh wow?

Speaker 2 (41:02):
Yeah, tolerance, patience.

Speaker 3 (41:04):
Because I got that's very sexy.

Speaker 2 (41:07):
Somebody's patient. It means it's gonna say they're going to
take their tongue.

Speaker 3 (41:11):
That's a great.

Speaker 4 (41:13):
Yeah.

Speaker 3 (41:14):
Lena says, what is your favorite possession in bed?

Speaker 1 (41:18):
Wow? What the I was just so you know you
considering you kissing part of it?

Speaker 3 (41:27):
Kissing is your favorite part? Yeah?

Speaker 4 (41:28):
Kissing, y'all like I can make out forever?

Speaker 1 (41:32):
Yeah?

Speaker 3 (41:32):
I know why kissing?

Speaker 2 (41:34):
I know?

Speaker 3 (41:34):
Yeah, I love a makeout sash.

Speaker 2 (41:37):
Yeah.

Speaker 3 (41:38):
Okay, as Stella.

Speaker 1 (41:40):
This happens more than you would think. Estella wrote in
and said, I am twenty and have never had an
orgasm in my life. I have tried toys and I
feel like nothing works. Do you have any advice?

Speaker 2 (41:52):
And I feel like you're not alone in I'd like
to sell you alone in that does. I feel like
it's super important thing. I feel like there's a lot
of resources resources there. I feel like come as you
are as a great resource. There's also a lot of
sex therapists that actually do physical manipulation that can help
with like figuring out what some blocks can be. It's
mostly it's usually it's mental, it's psychological. It's like you

(42:14):
decide that you can't and it's like, yeah, you make
yourself not able to. But I feel like comas you're
as a great resource. And I feel like there's actually
a great TV series on Netflix about sex specifically, and
there's a few therapists that can be I mean, and
you know what it's called I can't, I can't sex life.

Speaker 3 (42:36):
It could be that possibly called sex life.

Speaker 2 (42:38):
Possibly called sex life. I think I'll get back, maybe
I'll comment on your guys on the podcast once it
comes out with like specific resources. Yeah, I love that.
Yeah absolutely.

Speaker 1 (42:48):
Shannas asked did you learn anything about sex from Korena well, I.

Speaker 2 (42:54):
Feel like my sex reinvolution started with her, Like because
of her study, I started research and looking into it,
and you know, like a Sarah Parell was amazing inspiration
and I feel like all this filled those I love
how free and willing to.

Speaker 1 (43:10):
I want to have ask her on this show. So
maybe you need to come back for that.

Speaker 3 (43:13):
Oh my god, would you come back on for it?
Oh my god, It's okay.

Speaker 1 (43:19):
She's amazing because she's also what I think is so
magical about her is that she really is talking about
the mind and the body.

Speaker 3 (43:28):
Exact and the relationships because.

Speaker 2 (43:31):
And she just makes everything okay, everything exactly, have a judgment,
just whatever it is, It's okay. Mating and Captivity is
such a good book.

Speaker 4 (43:41):
Mating and Captivity book. Why did you skip over the
first question? Why don't you read that it last?

Speaker 3 (43:49):
Jessica Capshaw would like me to read leases?

Speaker 2 (43:51):
What is it?

Speaker 3 (43:52):
What was it like to kiss the Queen? Jessica Capshaw
Queen the Queen's typo obviously, but what was hot?

Speaker 1 (44:03):
Hot?

Speaker 3 (44:05):
It was?

Speaker 2 (44:08):
It made up like a fair mom actually, But I
think one of the sexiest things that that Karina and Arizona.

Speaker 1 (44:18):
Was a little bit the dance of like I feel
like Arizona was always like trying to be at work.
Karina was always just like right.

Speaker 4 (44:24):
Over her shoulder.

Speaker 3 (44:25):
Yeah, I think I can like.

Speaker 4 (44:27):
Yes, And I was always like.

Speaker 3 (44:31):
Work, Mike. I just had a total memory.

Speaker 2 (44:37):
What do you remember the original scene?

Speaker 3 (44:40):
Please sell?

Speaker 2 (44:41):
Please do?

Speaker 3 (44:43):
I just thought about that too.

Speaker 1 (44:44):
I well, I'm actually so happy that I'm you never
remember anything. I never God, this is not self serving,
but this is so amazing that I just talked about
what I talked about.

Speaker 3 (44:57):
Because it makes this makes sense.

Speaker 4 (45:00):
Okay, so again everything I've already said, I'm back. I
just have a baby. I didn't.

Speaker 1 (45:05):
I really didn't consider myself super like sexual.

Speaker 4 (45:09):
I didn't have that like confidence in coming to these scenes.

Speaker 3 (45:12):
And and so the scene gets written and I read
it probably before the table read, and the table read.

Speaker 2 (45:17):
That's what we write, that's.

Speaker 3 (45:19):
What we talk about, making me red sweaty and like, Okay,
this is what I remember, but this could be different.

Speaker 1 (45:27):
Essentially, it was that she comes in while I'm working, yes,
and has the over the shoulder.

Speaker 4 (45:33):
Moment, but is under the table with a hand fully like.

Speaker 2 (45:41):
Full in.

Speaker 3 (45:44):
Stimulation, and you're using your hand to sort of she
down there, yes, and I I turned every ship read
like red and was like did you shoot?

Speaker 2 (46:05):
Because ABC was like you crazy? Read the table like,
what is it so hot?

Speaker 4 (46:13):
I start like beating faster than normal.

Speaker 3 (46:16):
I was like, oh my god, because I forgot about it.

Speaker 2 (46:19):
Oh, I just remember it, that's crazy.

Speaker 3 (46:25):
It was a student.

Speaker 1 (46:27):
Well you know what, I think you stimulated that memory
by saying kiss the Queen Jessica.

Speaker 4 (46:33):
When you said those.

Speaker 3 (46:34):
Lies, I can't really read it. Did you want to
borrow my glasses?

Speaker 2 (46:38):
And I said, okay, enough of that anyway, okay, okay.

Speaker 3 (46:46):
Hannah asks and we started this. I want to answer
this too. What are your X doing sex? What can
I go first?

Speaker 4 (46:55):
Which did you answer? I did?

Speaker 2 (46:57):
Let you smell? Smell wait, like natural.

Speaker 3 (47:03):
Smell. Ever have you ever had a Oh you've had
a stinky hasn't everyone. I'm trying to think. No, I
don't think I got a steak full on. They left.

Speaker 2 (47:13):
I had to change the sheets, like the morning, take.

Speaker 3 (47:17):
Shanley steamers, next morning, Steely, that's garbe it's cleaner.

Speaker 2 (47:25):
Yeah, that's my Stanley Steamers. At three o'clock in the morning, shower,
wash the hair, like everything. I was like, smell Yeah,
just wrong, body, just so wrong.

Speaker 3 (47:39):
I was like, it was like body, I think it
was like natural fair.

Speaker 2 (47:46):
Not agreed.

Speaker 3 (47:47):
Did you smell it before the clothes came off? God?

Speaker 1 (47:54):
Yeah, I think that's actually might be the best that
I've ever heard.

Speaker 3 (48:00):
What's I was gonna say? I really can't stand it
when guys keep their socks on.

Speaker 1 (48:07):
That alkay's funny they keep their socks.

Speaker 3 (48:12):
Specifically talking about that business business, just the s I
have and I have girlfriends who have had the experience
where a guys decided to keep their socks on.

Speaker 2 (48:32):
Naked.

Speaker 1 (48:36):
There may be a real good reason there may be well,
because that could be an that would.

Speaker 4 (48:40):
Be anick for me.

Speaker 1 (48:41):
Have you ever seen some of the nasty, nasty toes
some men are walking around with.

Speaker 3 (48:45):
Yeah, well, maybe the socks should be on.

Speaker 4 (48:47):
That's maybe they're doing you a favor.

Speaker 2 (48:49):
Could you date them long term.

Speaker 4 (48:51):
If they kept their socks on all the time?

Speaker 1 (48:52):
Yeah, they had disgusting I think we would just to
get a little pedicure, Yeah, and then feel.

Speaker 3 (48:59):
Really bad for the person that was Yeah, a little
Valentine Valentine. Maybe pad of cures are going to be
the gift yea, yeah.

Speaker 4 (49:09):
Yeah, yeah, yeah, what is your turn off?

Speaker 2 (49:11):
Uh?

Speaker 3 (49:13):
We got to dig back into no good, dig back
into you know, dating days.

Speaker 1 (49:21):
I oh, I mean remember when you had this problem before.
I mean because you basically you said that all my
all my ex were just really actually like knows like
you just could not do that. I think this one
guy smell is such a good one, and I really
because it's actually instantly repellent. But I definitely like kissed
a boy who man he was man. I kissed a

(49:42):
man who.

Speaker 4 (49:43):
Had breath like he smelled like hot dogs, and I
was like, this can't I don't even think I can
do the hot dog.

Speaker 2 (49:49):
Yeah.

Speaker 4 (49:50):
I actually tried a second time.

Speaker 1 (49:51):
I was like, maybe this is a fluke and then seconds.

Speaker 2 (49:53):
Not the worst, but it's not great either. No, I
don't know about cigarette smell. I kind of love it.

Speaker 1 (49:58):
Well that's because you're like a yeah, yeah, my and
also my advocate, my my, my, My. Funny part of
the hot dog smell guy was that it happened like
super early in my twenties, like New York, like makeout sash,
and then he went on to become very famous and
then when I saw him, whenever I saw him, I
was like, you maybe your breath smells like hot dogs.

Speaker 2 (50:20):
We want the name, we want the name. Initial issues.

Speaker 3 (50:25):
Absolutely, this is one of those af these conversations.

Speaker 6 (50:28):
Yeah, yeah, yeah, Isabelle, how important is sexual compatibility for
you in a relationship?

Speaker 2 (50:45):
Everything? Yeah that was your friends.

Speaker 4 (50:47):
Yeah yeah, yeah, yeah, I agreed. This is my question.
It's not from anyone, but it's an old question and
we've been debating it for a while. Because it happened.
We probably introduced it to the crew in the summer.

Speaker 3 (50:58):
Do you feel m oh, yeah, it is possible.

Speaker 4 (51:02):
For a man and a woman, uh huh to truly
just be friends.

Speaker 3 (51:12):
Yes, no, yes, we have different opinions on it, she says, yes,
I think, I think.

Speaker 2 (51:21):
No, but I I have some some of my closest
friends are men. Yes, a lot of them are women,
but I am so I have friends which when I'm
we met, we had a lot of chemistry, but we
never went for it, and so the chemistry is always

(51:42):
kind of somewhere that they're saying, but we've never we've
made the choice. And now the thought of having sex
with them it makes me giggle. I'm like, yeah, never
because we're like past that.

Speaker 1 (51:53):
Yeah, or you're in a relationship there in a relationship
and you wouldn't.

Speaker 2 (51:55):
Yeah, but I feel like we've just been so long.

Speaker 3 (51:59):
I mean I have to say, I say, it's not possible.
Of course it's possible. My very very best guy friend,
my very very best friend, is a guy and.

Speaker 4 (52:09):
He married us.

Speaker 3 (52:09):
He married me and Matt, and we can totally like
I was there, you were.

Speaker 4 (52:13):
There for it.

Speaker 3 (52:13):
We could go and we could go to the movie
theater and we could have dinner. However, I do think
it's extremely rare. I think that, like, could you if
you were both single, could you go have dinner and
get drunk and it not even be like a little
like that.

Speaker 2 (52:33):
It's always that, but it is never acted. Okay, I
have a lot of guy friends that are single and
we've been drunk and I feel like we're at home. Yeah,
but nothing has ever happened, but it's kind of fun.

Speaker 3 (52:49):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (52:49):
I add to this though, that I feel like, if
you are friends and there is anything that could make
it tip away or whatever, but once you do, you
can never go back to me exactly.

Speaker 3 (53:03):
I know that sucks. It changes for sure.

Speaker 2 (53:05):
And also that's why I don't.

Speaker 4 (53:07):
I think that's why you don't.

Speaker 1 (53:08):
Yeahnt especially Yeah, I have one where I wish I didn't.
I mean, listen, you can't wish that you didn't, because
I certainly enjoyed that the place of our relationship. But
it's ultimately it wasn't worth it because.

Speaker 4 (53:23):
You lost your friendships of friendship.

Speaker 3 (53:25):
Yeah, that sucks.

Speaker 2 (53:26):
That's the thing that I hate about relationships that a
lot of time, when a relationship ends, you're like, where
does the love go? Five years?

Speaker 4 (53:33):
Eight years?

Speaker 2 (53:33):
So you were everything for one another? Why can you
not say friends? I hate that.

Speaker 3 (53:38):
I don't think.

Speaker 1 (53:39):
I don't think the love goes away. I think it
becomes quiet.

Speaker 3 (53:42):
Well, I just think that you can. I just I
think it would be a very rare.

Speaker 4 (53:47):
All please write in and tell us that it's happened to.

Speaker 1 (53:49):
You were It's it's just so impossible to think that
these two people that are in relationship that were friends
the new each air like that are then in relationship
in a romantic way. They're not going to stop baking
each other in the exact same moment. And then I
think our ego comes in and then we go like
or you feel like on some level, now this.

Speaker 4 (54:08):
Friendship that was always.

Speaker 1 (54:09):
Equal is now not because you had something together and
now you don't and you know who it.

Speaker 4 (54:16):
Was that was like, true, this is not for us.
So true.

Speaker 2 (54:20):
It takes a very mature set of people, I think,
to be able to do that, and it also takes time.
I feel like you might be able to do that,
but after like maybe being a part for an extended
period of agreed.

Speaker 4 (54:32):
Yeah, yeah, yeah, it makes me very sad.

Speaker 3 (54:35):
It's self pleasure important to you.

Speaker 2 (54:37):
Oh, super important. I have a glorious time with myself.

Speaker 3 (54:40):
Amazing. We love that. Yeah, I'm glad, no, because I
feel like Grace was a great job of this. By
the way, I feel like for guys for so long,
they were like masturbation was like, yeah, that's guys do that,
But for girls it was like, oh yeah, don't you
feel that? And so like I just feel like that's
got to change. So I love Oh yeah, we've talked
about it, but I I love hearing the answer. Okay,

(55:01):
Helen wants to know in real life, did your sexual
preferences change at all when you decided to play a
bisexual woman.

Speaker 2 (55:10):
That's a good question. I definitely, I definitely asked myself questions. Yeah,
I definitely fantasized over like things that I were not
really my first kiss was with a girl, Like my
first ever kiss a kid was like to another girl.
So I feel like it's always been.

Speaker 3 (55:30):
Everyone or is that like you didn't kiss You don't know,
I've never kissed a girl.

Speaker 2 (55:35):
Interesting, but like I had full on like wife and
wife get dates with this little girl, husband and wife.
Yeah that's cute.

Speaker 3 (55:47):
Yeah, that's really cute.

Speaker 4 (55:48):
Practice, Like I see people doing this.

Speaker 2 (55:54):
Have you seen people doing this thing practice?

Speaker 4 (55:58):
Yeah?

Speaker 3 (55:58):
Apparently, but this is a workship but yeah, yeah, but
this question is not a workshop question, is.

Speaker 2 (56:05):
Yeah, I feel like definitely, And I feel like again
my sex revolution face started with like grays and stations.
I feel like I started like, oh exploring.

Speaker 3 (56:13):
Do you feel more open to sort of like whoever
you meet, it doesn't matter.

Speaker 2 (56:20):
And men and women all the time. Yeah, I don't know,
but I'm like right now, I'm like trying to give myself.
I'm gonna date myself for a bit. I feel like
that's good that and figure out.

Speaker 3 (56:30):
Yeah, yeah, I think that's I think that's really cool.
Have you talked about that before?

Speaker 2 (56:35):
No?

Speaker 3 (56:36):
Oh my god, they're going to go crazy. I'm going
to go crazy. No, I think it's such a beautiful
thing because I think that a lot of people, like,
there's a girl here who's written to us saying, I've
never had an orgasm in life, right, yeah, and she's
twenty yeah. And to be in our forties and still
figuring it out and knowing that it's a journey. I

(56:56):
just think it's very powerful to share with anybody.

Speaker 1 (57:00):
Yeah, I think that that's such an evolved way to
come at it.

Speaker 2 (57:04):
Yeah. Literally, I feel like lately, like like a few
weeks ago, I went out and that waitress was super cute,
like tomboy, short hair, like cute, and we were flirting
in the whole dinner, and I was like, Wow, I
think I need to have sex with a woman because
I think that's the only time that I would be
able to put all the preconception like having sex with

(57:24):
the man away and like interesting to be present, because
I feel like that's what happens sometimes when you have
sex you're not present. You're like, yeah, you can multitask naturally, ask.

Speaker 3 (57:38):
You know, so you just so I understand you're saying
that you feel like you might be able to be
more present with a woman.

Speaker 2 (57:45):
Thinks so interesting, What is it? What is it?

Speaker 4 (57:48):
Though that you.

Speaker 2 (57:49):
I think it's like upbringing this social like baggage that
we bring with ourselves, Like we have to be a
certain way with men, we have to be Like I
feel like I've definitely used sex to manipulate somebody to
like me more. Yeah, and where does that come from?
Why do I start like it's definitely another thought that

(58:09):
came from me? You know, like I'm battling a little
bit with like what's me and what's stuff that people
have told me? I've watched people do and I'm.

Speaker 3 (58:19):
Shaking it off. Yes, and so sex with a woman
maybe wouldn't have all that noise.

Speaker 2 (58:24):
That pressure, would just like exactly exactly, it wouldn't have
all that noise. That's what it feels like.

Speaker 4 (58:30):
I love this.

Speaker 2 (58:31):
Yeah, it is.

Speaker 3 (58:32):
A fantas Okay, I feel like you are in I
feel like you're in a Your vibration is very evolved
right now. Oh yeah, Like I feel like it's all
very feel journey. Yeah, yeah for sure.

Speaker 2 (58:44):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (58:45):
I usually I usually get to be older sister in
this little duo, but I'm feeling.

Speaker 3 (58:48):
Younger, a little bit stid a bit.

Speaker 1 (58:54):
I love this, but I know, I mean, dare I
say I do thing for those that have their eyes
and ears open to it. This kind of conversation is happening,
and I think it's so incredibly important, a great to
every age, right, I mean reprogramming. We talk about it

(59:15):
a lot where it's like it's the reset button that
which has not served you.

Speaker 4 (59:20):
What the do you need it for anymore?

Speaker 5 (59:22):
Yeah?

Speaker 2 (59:22):
Idea, like what's like sub conscious programming?

Speaker 4 (59:26):
The book is because you were talking about Come As
You Are.

Speaker 3 (59:28):
The other one is she comes first, She comes first.

Speaker 2 (59:30):
I love I So this is so hot hearing somebody.
I'm listening to it so to somebody explain how they're
going to go down.

Speaker 3 (59:48):
On the side of the one on one.

Speaker 6 (59:51):
She comes.

Speaker 4 (59:54):
You are, and she comes first.

Speaker 3 (59:56):
Authors of those books, which.

Speaker 2 (59:57):
Are Emily Nagowski. I think it's Come As You Are
and I and Curner is she comes first, come on?

Speaker 3 (01:00:06):
Oh my god?

Speaker 2 (01:00:07):
Yes?

Speaker 3 (01:00:08):
Then and then yes a third. Yeah, it feels right.
You can have the look I'll give you. Let's just
don't give me that look. We just all like, look
at look at what look? Okay, we have to let

(01:00:28):
you go. Thank you for being just so open for
the podcast and for all our listeners, I mean and
open in life.

Speaker 4 (01:00:35):
Truly, every single time I see you, I so enjoy it.
I love being with you, and thank you, thank you,
thank you.

Speaker 2 (01:00:42):
Yeah right, you guys, it's been such a pleasure. Thank
you so much.

Speaker 3 (01:00:46):
This is this is the first of many people. This
is not Stefani's only podcast true moment, but the

Speaker 4 (01:00:53):
End of the episode