December 24, 2024 • 22 mins
This special Best Of edition episode features some our favorite messes! If you missed a relatable story, this might be your second chance to listen!
Clip 1 Episode Title: Honeymoon Phase
Clip 2 Episode Title: Friends Can Be Lovers
Clip 3 Episode Title: 2 Dirty Girls
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Peace of the planet, Charlamagne to God here and as
we come closer to closing out this year, I just
want to say thank you for tuning into the Black
Effect podcast network. There have been so many great moments
over the past year. Take a listen to some of
those captivating moments in this special best of episode.
Speaker 2 (00:14):
I Jess, So, I've been dating this guy for about
six months, and things just get better over time.
Speaker 3 (00:20):
I'm going that's right.
Speaker 2 (00:21):
We always do things to keep the connection there and
date each other as if we were still trying to
win each other over.
Speaker 3 (00:27):
To keep the spark. Oh.
Speaker 2 (00:28):
I like that. That's nice. That's what a lot of
these mergers should be doing. Okay, recently, I got back
in touch with some good old friends of mine and
have been going out a little more than usual, which
he loved at first, but now I could tell it's
starting to bother him.
Speaker 3 (00:43):
Just let me tell you this, Jess.
Speaker 2 (00:45):
I'm literally with this man all the time and give
him all of my time every time I do have time,
okay time. I just don't understand why this would be
a problem. It started about three weeks ago when I
came in from a girl's night and yes, a hell
but that's what happens when you go out and have
a good time.
Speaker 3 (01:03):
Yeah. I come in the house and the first thing
he says to me is you've been drinking. Damn as
clear as day. I've been drinking. But why is it
a problem? Is what I said to him, And he
shook his head and walked off. Girl, completely threw my
energy off, so I just went to bed. Another time
is when he invited me out to breakfast one morning
and I told him I had plans with my friend
(01:25):
later that evening. He still had a problem with that.
It's not like I canceled on him. I just told
him that I had plans that evening, and he completely
started giving me attitude, which was really sassy.
Speaker 2 (01:37):
Hey, don't lessen, ladies, stop throwing a fucking sassy word
around for some of these men, because a lot of
shit that y'all be saying be sassy, don't ain't really
be sassy. Y'all just got a problem with men that
have a problem with the shit that y'all be doing.
That'll mean the nigga's sassy all the time. Everybody got
problems with everybody. Don't agree with everything, but stop throwing
(01:58):
that sassy word around that shit, all right. I mean
there's some sassy niggas out here, some sassy behaviors by
these men out here.
Speaker 3 (02:06):
Yeah, but everything is not sassy.
Speaker 2 (02:09):
Now. I feel like I have to hesitate to even
tell him that I'm going out. But it shouldn't be
like that. It shouldn't have to be like that. So
my question is, how do I approach him with a
conversation like this to figure out what exactly is the problem?
Any advice? Okay, so this is not all that bad, Okay,
you have like an easier case, I would say, in
(02:31):
my opinion, I do feel that maybe because it's so abrupt,
I feel like it's probably out of the norm of
your pattern, Like you have a normal pattern. It's not
what he's used to And this just kind of came
out of nowhere. You even said it, you know, you said,
I recently got back in touch with some.
Speaker 3 (02:49):
Old, good, old friends of mine.
Speaker 2 (02:51):
You know what I mean that you probably used to,
like really really run the the fucking streets with when
you were single or in your younger days or whatever.
You didn't tell me how old you were, but I'm
just saying that really don't even matter.
Speaker 3 (03:03):
But like you know what.
Speaker 2 (03:04):
Happens when you get caught up with them good old friends.
Speaker 3 (03:07):
You know what I'm saying. See the keywords is good
old Like you ain't.
Speaker 2 (03:12):
Say I caught back up with my couple of my
friends that you know, you said good old friends, Honey,
you g O O D O L good old So
y'all used to have a good old time everywhere y'all
fucking went. I know what that's like, you know what
I'm saying. And those are the friends that I don't
really hang with anymore. We talk, but I don't hang
(03:34):
out with them anymore because I'm not really looking for
them good old times I used to have back in
the day before shit really started mattering to me, you know,
going out, drinking, coming in all hours of the night
and shit like that, like, you know, really living life
like we was living in college dorms. You know what
I'm saying, Like those those things, it sounds like he
(03:58):
is just more of a traditional guy.
Speaker 3 (04:01):
I could say. You said things get better with time.
Speaker 2 (04:03):
Y'all are constantly trying to, like, you know, reinvent ways
that y'all can keep the spark, you know, by by
staying in love with each other.
Speaker 3 (04:11):
Complimenting each other, doing whatever that you guys do.
Speaker 2 (04:14):
Because you didn't really go into depth with that, but
I know what that means. You know, you guys don't
want to lose the spark. You're happy, he was happy.
But I'm gonna challenge you here because you even told
me that he was happy for you reconnect them with
your good old friends at first, and then he wasn't anymore.
Speaker 3 (04:31):
He didn't really seem thrilled about it anymore.
Speaker 2 (04:34):
I bet you what happened is that you started going
out a lot a lot, a lot a lot and.
Speaker 3 (04:39):
Not spending that much time at home.
Speaker 2 (04:41):
Now, I also can empathize with you as a woman
when you say, yo, I'm around him all the time,
like you know, But it wasn't a problem for you
until you got caught up with your good old friends,
you know. So maybe that can be a conversation, not
maybe that that should be the conversation. You know, I
(05:02):
spend all my time with you, baby, you know, before
even meeting back up with my friends or reconnected with
my friends, you know, which you thought was great for me.
It was just us, It was you and I it
was you know, because I'm like that in my relationship.
Speaker 3 (05:14):
Now. You know, I don't want to run the streets.
Speaker 2 (05:16):
I mean, I'll go out here and there, well since
I've been pregnant, even doing shit, but before then, yeah,
like I'm a fun girl, you know. I do like
to hang out with my best friend, my cousins, my homegirls.
I have like a very very small tight circle. Everybody
doing their own thing. Everybody got their own.
Speaker 3 (05:31):
Business, everybody work, everybody, you know.
Speaker 2 (05:33):
But on those times where we come together, we come together,
and then a lot of times we double date, you know,
and we'll triple date. We'll have game night at our house.
You know, y'all just have to come to a medium
about it. You know. See, if he's open to like
game nights at yall house with your friends, and he
has friends, you know, does he have friends that he
(05:53):
hangs out with? You know, does he have guys nights
and shit like that? Maybe that's also a suggestion that
you can have. You know, if he has friends, Yo,
how about you you hang out with your guys. I
hang out with my girls.
Speaker 3 (06:06):
You know.
Speaker 2 (06:06):
How about we do like a joint thing where we'll
have game nights. You know, how about we double date?
We go out with my friends and their significant others
or whoever they would, you know, unless all them pictures
single done as a problem, because that's what his problem
at If all I'm single and all they doing is
going out, is working and drinking and shit, you know,
(06:29):
it ain't really nothing left to do other than getting
into some shit. At do you've been drinking? It's working
and coming from the club all night. If that's all
y'all doing, You know, I'm just saying. I'm just saying
so I understand you, but I also understand him as well.
Speaker 3 (06:46):
You have to give him some grace.
Speaker 2 (06:48):
You just went from being his being around him so
much and you know, soaking up each other's energy. And
like how your message started off like I sating this
guy for six months and they y'all still early in
this shit.
Speaker 3 (07:02):
You know what I'm saying, Like, don't get round your motherfucker.
Speaker 2 (07:05):
Home girls and had them bitches criticizing your relationship and
have you second guessing your relationship. You get what I'm saying,
because that could happen to a lot of people. Can
be an influence, and these your good old friends. I
ain't gonna never stop saying it like that. They your
good old friends, Your bitches from back in the diday,
you know. And also if they ain't got what you got,
(07:29):
then it's going to show you know what I'm saying.
You on a relationship, you got to remember that at
the end of the day, you can't live like you
used to.
Speaker 3 (07:41):
Hey, what's up, Jess.
Speaker 4 (07:43):
So over time, I date this girl who really like
became one of my best friends. My friends love her,
and my family love her too. But we never made
it official because of different circumstances, like either I was
in relationship or she was. And now I think we've
got too close to even really be in a relationship.
I think there will always be a what if with us,
but we both agreed that we will just remain friends.
Speaker 3 (08:05):
So here's the kicker.
Speaker 4 (08:06):
I am dating someone new and she went through my
phone and saw that me and my friend were more
than friends before. Now, yes, I did lie and to
say like, that's just my friend, and now she wants
me not to be friends with her anymore.
Speaker 2 (08:20):
I found out, yeah, that she was texting a girl. Okay,
and there's another gay story said she was a woman.
Speaker 3 (08:30):
I dated this girl who really okay.
Speaker 4 (08:37):
So I'm dating something new okay, and he has her
life about me and my friends relationship to her because
I feel it's none of her business to know, and
I knew she would react. I mean, just like this
wanted me to break up the friendship. But what's crazy
is my friend is no threat. She's not a homeworker,
even if she did have more feelings for me. So
my question is what should I do? I really like
(08:59):
this girl, but me and my friend been friends, like
been friends for like ten years now? Why would I
just stop being friends with her?
Speaker 2 (09:07):
Help me out, Jess, mmit like this, that's a little
you have. I've never been in a situation like this,
you know, I see mine a little different. Mine is
a little different because all right, I'm a share mine
a real quick. See, I was dealing somebody and they
was intimidated by me and Rome's bond, Like Rome is
my beef other y'all, y'all know that Ashton dad and
(09:28):
he and y'all know how we are. We're like brother
and sister, fucking siblings. Like we're not we're good together,
you know what I mean, Like we we're cool.
Speaker 3 (09:36):
We're just friends like you know.
Speaker 2 (09:38):
But he liked my family and I talked to him
almost every day like you know, and that was an
issue for God, like I don't know, like, but Rome
is my friend.
Speaker 3 (09:49):
But it is different because hee, my beef father was
your situation.
Speaker 4 (09:53):
I had a friend and me and him like mess
around before.
Speaker 3 (09:59):
But it's kind of something like we had like.
Speaker 4 (10:05):
We just never actually made it official his family and
everything else like that only with your friends first, and
then got into whatever and then he uh dated someone
that already was jealous, like that had jealous issues already
and his dumbass was like, we'll always talk about me though,
(10:25):
so that was probably also sparked like of course whatever.
So she found out and yeah, she didn't want him
to be friend to me no more. And mind you,
I didn't even know he even had a girlfriend. He
didn't tell me any of that or nothing like that.
It is fucked up because I told him when I
got into relationships.
Speaker 2 (10:44):
Like, yeah, but anyway, your friend liked you, Yeah, I guess,
but wouldn't he tell you about about his girlfriend exactly?
I don't know that was real with him, but whatever,
did he ever give you signs that he did like you?
Speaker 3 (10:57):
Though?
Speaker 4 (10:58):
Yeah, I already knew he liked people were always friends,
but he was like in the army or I'm sorry
he's in the navy and I was in school or not,
like like this.
Speaker 3 (11:11):
Is what it is, Like that's my I was gonna
love for you, but it's no.
Speaker 4 (11:15):
So he ended up Actually we didn't speak to like
for a year or whatever, and like and his mom
was mad at him because he's like, yo, she's been
like there for you, Like how you just gonna who's
this girl to like.
Speaker 3 (11:30):
Yeah, make you yeah with your friend.
Speaker 4 (11:32):
Basically they ended up breaking up because she was crazy
and yeah, and I tell him to this day like
he's the only guy that's like like that was able
to get Like me and him are cool. So yeah,
but like because he had to like really like I
knew it was like he really felt bad. He had
(11:53):
his friends calling me.
Speaker 3 (11:56):
Like just talk to him.
Speaker 2 (11:57):
Like you know, yeah, no, I get it because that
was a friendship.
Speaker 3 (12:02):
That was you know, how long were you all friends? Now?
Damn it's been like fifteen.
Speaker 2 (12:09):
Yeah, like that, like friendships don't come don't come by
like that nowadays, you know what I mean. So it's
always good to have those good people and keep those
keep those people close. But this this person here that
that's writing us a story their friend.
Speaker 3 (12:24):
I feel like they said they were friends for ten years.
Speaker 2 (12:27):
Yeah, but at what point do you feel like this
this friendship is a little questionable when your girlfriend going
your fucking phone and see and did they even say
what they read?
Speaker 1 (12:40):
No?
Speaker 3 (12:41):
Well, yeah, you know what I'm saying. I feel like
you're leaving out parts of it, like what did they where?
Speaker 4 (12:44):
You?
Speaker 3 (12:45):
Are you guys? Flirty? A little bit too friendly?
Speaker 2 (12:47):
You know what I'm saying, because friends need to talk
like friends, and you know, and y'all need to sort
out what's appropriate and inappropriate in a relationship. Did your
girlfriend feel like was y'all weren't talking on a friendly basis?
Speaker 3 (12:59):
Like it may have been some ship to her like this,
not y'all motherfuckers.
Speaker 2 (13:03):
If y'allin't doing nothing now, y'all talking like y'all have
done something before and it didn't work out, so now
y'all friends like that would make me feel a little
insecure in the relationship because.
Speaker 3 (13:12):
Y'all friends, this is your friend, y'all got ten years
of history.
Speaker 2 (13:14):
You feel me like y'all could be sneaking around or
you know what I'm saying, hot and ship from me
and I don't know so those type of situations are
very touchy.
Speaker 3 (13:23):
You know, it's even more crazy.
Speaker 4 (13:24):
The girl the guy was living in My friend was
living in Hawaii.
Speaker 3 (13:29):
What the fuck?
Speaker 4 (13:31):
Like, we're not why you think He's like, we're not
doing nothing?
Speaker 3 (13:34):
That was so cool? Okay, so that they're so they
were in Hawaii. No, No, I'm just saying my situation. Yeah,
that's what I'm saying.
Speaker 2 (13:43):
The friend that she was talking, Wow, from Philly to Hawaii.
Speaker 3 (13:48):
Y'all cheating, Yo, it's calling my phone.
Speaker 4 (13:51):
And he lied to me too, because he was just
trying to be on speaking stuff because they ended up
getting secretly married and all. She was like, he was
like like leave my husband, like just going off, And
I was so confused. I'm an asshole too though, because
like gave me going.
Speaker 3 (14:16):
A night. Yeah, like tailor.
Speaker 2 (14:19):
Why So let's get into it, Taylor.
Speaker 3 (14:28):
What they got to say?
Speaker 4 (14:29):
Okay, he was I'm twenty three. I've been with this
girl since eighth grade. I cheated on her all through
high school. And some girls she knows about and some
she don't. As far as I know, she's only been
with one other guy. I've seen little ship that makes
me think otherwise. I mean Honestly, I don't care if
she did back then, because I've been wild with hello people.
My thing is the sex hasn't been that good. We
(14:52):
argue a lot more. And the biggest thing is she's dirty.
Speaker 3 (15:00):
Nigga whit What the fuck you means? She dirty? Like?
Speaker 4 (15:04):
I care for her a lot, but I can't tell
if I actually love her or if I'm just used
to her, and if I should leave while I'm young.
I'm scared to leave, honestly, because I can get girls.
It's just trusting these new females has me worried because
one thing I can say is if I was to
have a baby with the girl i'm with now, I'd
be cool. But I don't know if I can deal
with getting another girl pregnant. And then I got a
(15:27):
baby mama from hell?
Speaker 3 (15:28):
What should I do? Oh? Okay, so that's not even her,
the dirty girl. This is somebody the.
Speaker 4 (15:33):
Baby by baby mom. And then he is a girlfriend
who's dirty. Yeah, okay, the fat Okay? So what did
it end with a question? Yeah?
Speaker 3 (15:42):
What should he do? Should you bring up with his girl?
I guess because she's dirty like the fine And.
Speaker 4 (15:48):
Then but then he's talking about one thing I can
say if I have a baby with the girl.
Speaker 3 (15:53):
Why I think about having no baby is twenty three?
Speaker 2 (15:58):
Yeah, because he probably going raw all the time, and
he knows there's a big chance that he may get
someone else pregnant. He probably don't like condoms, or he
just wants some more kids.
Speaker 4 (16:08):
I guess, man, he's saying, like if he's done for
her or not, I guess.
Speaker 3 (16:12):
I don't know.
Speaker 4 (16:13):
M Yeah, it's going down to pregnant.
Speaker 2 (16:17):
Yeah, so he's twenty three. He been with this girl
since he was in high school. He cheated on her
all throughout high school.
Speaker 3 (16:24):
Why do you say she's dirty? Though?
Speaker 2 (16:26):
Is that?
Speaker 1 (16:27):
I don't know.
Speaker 2 (16:27):
He didn't give us no context clues, like is she
is she dirty? Like as far as like she's sneaky
because a lot of men refer to that.
Speaker 3 (16:37):
I know a lot of a lot of guys.
Speaker 4 (16:40):
Maybe like di, she's just not organized, Like maybe she's
just junkie.
Speaker 3 (16:45):
Yeah yeah, not a junkie, but she's yunkie.
Speaker 4 (16:47):
Yeah maybe.
Speaker 3 (16:48):
I like because if you with her for that one.
Speaker 2 (16:50):
Yeah, you was where her dirty is all the time,
and now she's dirty, Like, boy, I've been that.
Speaker 3 (16:55):
What's up?
Speaker 4 (16:55):
Like?
Speaker 2 (16:56):
So clean me up? That's like, what's okay? So I
think you knew your answer. It's very simple. I think honestly,
you even saying am I comfortable with her? Is that
whine with her? Like you know, are we growing apart?
And shit like that? Like that's basically what you're asking me.
And then you go on to say you don't feel
(17:17):
like getting to know somebody else, you don't feel like
gaining that trust with somebody new, so you are just comfortable.
You're in this relationship for convenience at this point, because
you voice.
Speaker 3 (17:26):
Clearly what you don't like about it.
Speaker 2 (17:29):
Yeah, he said, the sex is not good, but it's
the sex not good because you don't wore that fucking
dick out in all these other boxes.
Speaker 3 (17:37):
Shit, you busy, you busy, honey.
Speaker 2 (17:40):
And then you got a baby mama from hell because
she was probably one of the motherfuckers that she was
fucking with around on your girlfriend, you know what I mean.
Speaker 3 (17:48):
And then Shorty got pregnant.
Speaker 2 (17:49):
She didn't want to get rid of it, she probably
wanted to be with you, kept the baby to be
with you, And now you ain't leaving this goddamn girl,
and you ain't even making her a priority. So now, yeah,
she he's the baby mama from hell. You know, you
also didn't tell me if she lets you see a
child and out or whatever. But you up here something
about another having another baby, because that's what you did.
(18:10):
You better reread what you wrote because that's exactly what
she's talking about now. Like I said the Sailor, it's
either that you want more kids or you just don't
like condoms. You're one of those raw dog niggas, and
it is what it is. And I don't like saying
niggas because you know we shouldn't these days, but our raw.
Speaker 3 (18:26):
Dog niggas a raw dog nail. You just don't like condoms.
Speaker 2 (18:29):
Tell me if I'm right now, I honestly think you
need to be by yourself.
Speaker 3 (18:35):
You're twenty three. You don't know what you want.
Speaker 2 (18:38):
And the reason why I say you don't know what
you I'm not saying that you're confused about your life
as a whole, but you don't know what you want
because on one hand, you're comfortable in your relationship.
Speaker 3 (18:49):
You want to be in a relationship, but you don't.
Speaker 2 (18:51):
Want to be with the girl that you're with no
more because you think it's something out dead better you
think there's no fixing which or whatever y'all got. Now,
if she dirty, clean up pussy ain't good, tell it
ain't and y'all can figure out other ways to make
it good unless it's stretched out a place like a
fucking rubber band. But I don't see that happening because
she's young as well. You say you think she only
been with one other guy, so it ain't the vagina.
(19:14):
Maybe maybe you ain't making how wet. Maybe that's what
it is. Does she know you've been cheating on it
and doing your fucking things since y'all been in grade school?
Speaker 3 (19:22):
Does she know that? Because maybe you don't do it
for her either. Have you talked to her about it?
Speaker 2 (19:28):
But she'd rather stay with show ass because that's just
what women do sometimes, you know what I'm saying. This
may be a phase and on the other hand, you
want to do what you want to do.
Speaker 3 (19:40):
And then on the other other.
Speaker 2 (19:42):
Hand, now, because if we on the third hand, you
got a baby with a spawn of Satan of a
baby mother, so it ain't really you don't got too
much wiggle room, baby, like you should be by yourself.
Speaker 3 (19:52):
To be honest, you should get to know yourself you
should focus.
Speaker 2 (19:55):
On being a dad, even if you got to go
through the courts like to be a dad. And I
don't even know if this is your situation because you
just briefly hints it on the fact that you have
a baby.
Speaker 3 (20:04):
But you have to focus on.
Speaker 2 (20:08):
Preparing for what's next, not the now, because you are
already grown.
Speaker 3 (20:14):
You got to grow the fuck up your father. So
it is what it is.
Speaker 2 (20:17):
Twenty three. You're still young, but you're a young father now.
So just because you're young, don't mean you got signed
to be a kid and play childish games like sweetie.
You can be by yourself and just be a fucking
bachelor strapped the fuck up, because it's more than just
babies that can be consequences of raw sex.
Speaker 3 (20:35):
I know you know that.
Speaker 2 (20:36):
Yeah, I'm just trying to lead you in the right direction, brother,
because I don't like where you're going. I don't like
where you are. So sit down, talk to your girlfriend,
letting know sheit a little dirty, and you know, figure
out where her head is at first of all, before
you go to a figure out what you want. Don't
go trying to fix it. If that's not what you
want to do. You gotta be honest with your girlfriend.
I don't care if you're comfortable. I don't care if
(20:57):
it's convenient. I don't care if you know you can't
hold on somebody because you don't want to get to
know nobody new because these holes this and these holes that.
Nigga you a hoe. So come to grips with yourself.
Be truthful, fix yourself. Then go to your girlfriend and
let her know exactly what it is about her and
about you, about you, because don't make it.
Speaker 3 (21:19):
All about her.
Speaker 2 (21:19):
Gods can be very selfish and do that as well,
and that's why women playing themselves and be all types
of insecure and shit because we think it's us whole time.
Speaker 3 (21:27):
It's your ass or it's our ass.
Speaker 2 (21:30):
Let her know, work on yourself, be a dad, let
her go shit, and just do what you want to do.
Speaker 3 (21:37):
Single. That's it. That's the only way it's going to
work for you, for her and your baby. The fuck.
It ain't about the baby.
Speaker 2 (21:45):
Mother. She just got your baby, that's it. But you
have to remain cordial enough to raise the child. You know,
he said, well he had a son.
Speaker 3 (21:52):
Or a girl. He's insane.
Speaker 2 (21:55):
Okay, Well, if you got to do it, I'll tell
you right now, you better make it right because you
wouldn't want no nigga playing on her face like that.
And if you got a son, you definitely don't want
them to be running around all fucked up like you.
Speaker 1 (22:08):
Once again, thank you for tuning into the Black Effect
Podcast Network. Seeing you in twenty twenty five for more
great moments from your favorite podcast
Peace of the planet, Charlamagne to God here and as
we come closer to closing out this year, I just
want to say thank you for tuning into the Black
Effect podcast network. There have been so many great moments
over the past year. Take a listen to some of
those captivating moments in this special best of episode.
Speaker 2 (00:14):
I Jess, So, I've been dating this guy for about
six months, and things just get better over time.
Speaker 3 (00:20):
I'm going that's right.
Speaker 2 (00:21):
We always do things to keep the connection there and
date each other as if we were still trying to
win each other over.
Speaker 3 (00:27):
To keep the spark. Oh.
Speaker 2 (00:28):
I like that. That's nice. That's what a lot of
these mergers should be doing. Okay, recently, I got back
in touch with some good old friends of mine and
have been going out a little more than usual, which
he loved at first, but now I could tell it's
starting to bother him.
Speaker 3 (00:43):
Just let me tell you this, Jess.
Speaker 2 (00:45):
I'm literally with this man all the time and give
him all of my time every time I do have time,
okay time. I just don't understand why this would be
a problem. It started about three weeks ago when I
came in from a girl's night and yes, a hell
but that's what happens when you go out and have
a good time.
Speaker 3 (01:03):
Yeah. I come in the house and the first thing
he says to me is you've been drinking. Damn as
clear as day. I've been drinking. But why is it
a problem? Is what I said to him, And he
shook his head and walked off. Girl, completely threw my
energy off, so I just went to bed. Another time
is when he invited me out to breakfast one morning
and I told him I had plans with my friend
(01:25):
later that evening. He still had a problem with that.
It's not like I canceled on him. I just told
him that I had plans that evening, and he completely
started giving me attitude, which was really sassy.
Speaker 2 (01:37):
Hey, don't lessen, ladies, stop throwing a fucking sassy word
around for some of these men, because a lot of
shit that y'all be saying be sassy, don't ain't really
be sassy. Y'all just got a problem with men that
have a problem with the shit that y'all be doing.
That'll mean the nigga's sassy all the time. Everybody got
problems with everybody. Don't agree with everything, but stop throwing
(01:58):
that sassy word around that shit, all right. I mean
there's some sassy niggas out here, some sassy behaviors by
these men out here.
Speaker 3 (02:06):
Yeah, but everything is not sassy.
Speaker 2 (02:09):
Now. I feel like I have to hesitate to even
tell him that I'm going out. But it shouldn't be
like that. It shouldn't have to be like that. So
my question is, how do I approach him with a
conversation like this to figure out what exactly is the problem?
Any advice? Okay, so this is not all that bad, Okay,
you have like an easier case, I would say, in
(02:31):
my opinion, I do feel that maybe because it's so abrupt,
I feel like it's probably out of the norm of
your pattern, Like you have a normal pattern. It's not
what he's used to And this just kind of came
out of nowhere. You even said it, you know, you said,
I recently got back in touch with some.
Speaker 3 (02:49):
Old, good, old friends of mine.
Speaker 2 (02:51):
You know what I mean that you probably used to,
like really really run the the fucking streets with when
you were single or in your younger days or whatever.
You didn't tell me how old you were, but I'm
just saying that really don't even matter.
Speaker 3 (03:03):
But like you know what.
Speaker 2 (03:04):
Happens when you get caught up with them good old friends.
Speaker 3 (03:07):
You know what I'm saying. See the keywords is good
old Like you ain't.
Speaker 2 (03:12):
Say I caught back up with my couple of my
friends that you know, you said good old friends, Honey,
you g O O D O L good old So
y'all used to have a good old time everywhere y'all
fucking went. I know what that's like, you know what
I'm saying. And those are the friends that I don't
really hang with anymore. We talk, but I don't hang
(03:34):
out with them anymore because I'm not really looking for
them good old times I used to have back in
the day before shit really started mattering to me, you know,
going out, drinking, coming in all hours of the night
and shit like that, like, you know, really living life
like we was living in college dorms. You know what
I'm saying, Like those those things, it sounds like he
(03:58):
is just more of a traditional guy.
Speaker 3 (04:01):
I could say. You said things get better with time.
Speaker 2 (04:03):
Y'all are constantly trying to, like, you know, reinvent ways
that y'all can keep the spark, you know, by by
staying in love with each other.
Speaker 3 (04:11):
Complimenting each other, doing whatever that you guys do.
Speaker 2 (04:14):
Because you didn't really go into depth with that, but
I know what that means. You know, you guys don't
want to lose the spark. You're happy, he was happy.
But I'm gonna challenge you here because you even told
me that he was happy for you reconnect them with
your good old friends at first, and then he wasn't anymore.
Speaker 3 (04:31):
He didn't really seem thrilled about it anymore.
Speaker 2 (04:34):
I bet you what happened is that you started going
out a lot a lot, a lot a lot and.
Speaker 3 (04:39):
Not spending that much time at home.
Speaker 2 (04:41):
Now, I also can empathize with you as a woman
when you say, yo, I'm around him all the time,
like you know, But it wasn't a problem for you
until you got caught up with your good old friends,
you know. So maybe that can be a conversation, not
maybe that that should be the conversation. You know, I
(05:02):
spend all my time with you, baby, you know, before
even meeting back up with my friends or reconnected with
my friends, you know, which you thought was great for me.
It was just us, It was you and I it
was you know, because I'm like that in my relationship.
Speaker 3 (05:14):
Now. You know, I don't want to run the streets.
Speaker 2 (05:16):
I mean, I'll go out here and there, well since
I've been pregnant, even doing shit, but before then, yeah,
like I'm a fun girl, you know. I do like
to hang out with my best friend, my cousins, my homegirls.
I have like a very very small tight circle. Everybody
doing their own thing. Everybody got their own.
Speaker 3 (05:31):
Business, everybody work, everybody, you know.
Speaker 2 (05:33):
But on those times where we come together, we come together,
and then a lot of times we double date, you know,
and we'll triple date. We'll have game night at our house.
You know, y'all just have to come to a medium
about it. You know. See, if he's open to like
game nights at yall house with your friends, and he
has friends, you know, does he have friends that he
(05:53):
hangs out with? You know, does he have guys nights
and shit like that? Maybe that's also a suggestion that
you can have. You know, if he has friends, Yo,
how about you you hang out with your guys. I
hang out with my girls.
Speaker 3 (06:06):
You know.
Speaker 2 (06:06):
How about we do like a joint thing where we'll
have game nights. You know, how about we double date?
We go out with my friends and their significant others
or whoever they would, you know, unless all them pictures
single done as a problem, because that's what his problem
at If all I'm single and all they doing is
going out, is working and drinking and shit, you know,
(06:29):
it ain't really nothing left to do other than getting
into some shit. At do you've been drinking? It's working
and coming from the club all night. If that's all
y'all doing, You know, I'm just saying. I'm just saying
so I understand you, but I also understand him as well.
Speaker 3 (06:46):
You have to give him some grace.
Speaker 2 (06:48):
You just went from being his being around him so
much and you know, soaking up each other's energy. And
like how your message started off like I sating this
guy for six months and they y'all still early in
this shit.
Speaker 3 (07:02):
You know what I'm saying, Like, don't get round your motherfucker.
Speaker 2 (07:05):
Home girls and had them bitches criticizing your relationship and
have you second guessing your relationship. You get what I'm saying,
because that could happen to a lot of people. Can
be an influence, and these your good old friends. I
ain't gonna never stop saying it like that. They your
good old friends, Your bitches from back in the diday,
you know. And also if they ain't got what you got,
(07:29):
then it's going to show you know what I'm saying.
You on a relationship, you got to remember that at
the end of the day, you can't live like you
used to.
Speaker 3 (07:41):
Hey, what's up, Jess.
Speaker 4 (07:43):
So over time, I date this girl who really like
became one of my best friends. My friends love her,
and my family love her too. But we never made
it official because of different circumstances, like either I was
in relationship or she was. And now I think we've
got too close to even really be in a relationship.
I think there will always be a what if with us,
but we both agreed that we will just remain friends.
Speaker 3 (08:05):
So here's the kicker.
Speaker 4 (08:06):
I am dating someone new and she went through my
phone and saw that me and my friend were more
than friends before. Now, yes, I did lie and to
say like, that's just my friend, and now she wants
me not to be friends with her anymore.
Speaker 2 (08:20):
I found out, yeah, that she was texting a girl. Okay,
and there's another gay story said she was a woman.
Speaker 3 (08:30):
I dated this girl who really okay.
Speaker 4 (08:37):
So I'm dating something new okay, and he has her
life about me and my friends relationship to her because
I feel it's none of her business to know, and
I knew she would react. I mean, just like this
wanted me to break up the friendship. But what's crazy
is my friend is no threat. She's not a homeworker,
even if she did have more feelings for me. So
my question is what should I do? I really like
(08:59):
this girl, but me and my friend been friends, like
been friends for like ten years now? Why would I
just stop being friends with her?
Speaker 2 (09:07):
Help me out, Jess, mmit like this, that's a little
you have. I've never been in a situation like this,
you know, I see mine a little different. Mine is
a little different because all right, I'm a share mine
a real quick. See, I was dealing somebody and they
was intimidated by me and Rome's bond, Like Rome is
my beef other y'all, y'all know that Ashton dad and
(09:28):
he and y'all know how we are. We're like brother
and sister, fucking siblings. Like we're not we're good together,
you know what I mean, Like we we're cool.
Speaker 3 (09:36):
We're just friends like you know.
Speaker 2 (09:38):
But he liked my family and I talked to him
almost every day like you know, and that was an
issue for God, like I don't know, like, but Rome
is my friend.
Speaker 3 (09:49):
But it is different because hee, my beef father was
your situation.
Speaker 4 (09:53):
I had a friend and me and him like mess
around before.
Speaker 3 (09:59):
But it's kind of something like we had like.
Speaker 4 (10:05):
We just never actually made it official his family and
everything else like that only with your friends first, and
then got into whatever and then he uh dated someone
that already was jealous, like that had jealous issues already
and his dumbass was like, we'll always talk about me though,
(10:25):
so that was probably also sparked like of course whatever.
So she found out and yeah, she didn't want him
to be friend to me no more. And mind you,
I didn't even know he even had a girlfriend. He
didn't tell me any of that or nothing like that.
It is fucked up because I told him when I
got into relationships.
Speaker 2 (10:44):
Like, yeah, but anyway, your friend liked you, Yeah, I guess,
but wouldn't he tell you about about his girlfriend exactly?
I don't know that was real with him, but whatever,
did he ever give you signs that he did like you?
Speaker 3 (10:57):
Though?
Speaker 4 (10:58):
Yeah, I already knew he liked people were always friends,
but he was like in the army or I'm sorry
he's in the navy and I was in school or not,
like like this.
Speaker 3 (11:11):
Is what it is, Like that's my I was gonna
love for you, but it's no.
Speaker 4 (11:15):
So he ended up Actually we didn't speak to like
for a year or whatever, and like and his mom
was mad at him because he's like, yo, she's been
like there for you, Like how you just gonna who's
this girl to like.
Speaker 3 (11:30):
Yeah, make you yeah with your friend.
Speaker 4 (11:32):
Basically they ended up breaking up because she was crazy
and yeah, and I tell him to this day like
he's the only guy that's like like that was able
to get Like me and him are cool. So yeah,
but like because he had to like really like I
knew it was like he really felt bad. He had
(11:53):
his friends calling me.
Speaker 3 (11:56):
Like just talk to him.
Speaker 2 (11:57):
Like you know, yeah, no, I get it because that
was a friendship.
Speaker 3 (12:02):
That was you know, how long were you all friends? Now?
Damn it's been like fifteen.
Speaker 2 (12:09):
Yeah, like that, like friendships don't come don't come by
like that nowadays, you know what I mean. So it's
always good to have those good people and keep those
keep those people close. But this this person here that
that's writing us a story their friend.
Speaker 3 (12:24):
I feel like they said they were friends for ten years.
Speaker 2 (12:27):
Yeah, but at what point do you feel like this
this friendship is a little questionable when your girlfriend going
your fucking phone and see and did they even say
what they read?
Speaker 1 (12:40):
No?
Speaker 3 (12:41):
Well, yeah, you know what I'm saying. I feel like
you're leaving out parts of it, like what did they where?
Speaker 4 (12:44):
You?
Speaker 3 (12:45):
Are you guys? Flirty? A little bit too friendly?
Speaker 2 (12:47):
You know what I'm saying, because friends need to talk
like friends, and you know, and y'all need to sort
out what's appropriate and inappropriate in a relationship. Did your
girlfriend feel like was y'all weren't talking on a friendly basis?
Speaker 3 (12:59):
Like it may have been some ship to her like this,
not y'all motherfuckers.
Speaker 2 (13:03):
If y'allin't doing nothing now, y'all talking like y'all have
done something before and it didn't work out, so now
y'all friends like that would make me feel a little
insecure in the relationship because.
Speaker 3 (13:12):
Y'all friends, this is your friend, y'all got ten years
of history.
Speaker 2 (13:14):
You feel me like y'all could be sneaking around or
you know what I'm saying, hot and ship from me
and I don't know so those type of situations are
very touchy.
Speaker 3 (13:23):
You know, it's even more crazy.
Speaker 4 (13:24):
The girl the guy was living in My friend was
living in Hawaii.
Speaker 3 (13:29):
What the fuck?
Speaker 4 (13:31):
Like, we're not why you think He's like, we're not
doing nothing?
Speaker 3 (13:34):
That was so cool? Okay, so that they're so they
were in Hawaii. No, No, I'm just saying my situation. Yeah,
that's what I'm saying.
Speaker 2 (13:43):
The friend that she was talking, Wow, from Philly to Hawaii.
Speaker 3 (13:48):
Y'all cheating, Yo, it's calling my phone.
Speaker 4 (13:51):
And he lied to me too, because he was just
trying to be on speaking stuff because they ended up
getting secretly married and all. She was like, he was
like like leave my husband, like just going off, And
I was so confused. I'm an asshole too though, because
like gave me going.
Speaker 3 (14:16):
A night. Yeah, like tailor.
Speaker 2 (14:19):
Why So let's get into it, Taylor.
Speaker 3 (14:28):
What they got to say?
Speaker 4 (14:29):
Okay, he was I'm twenty three. I've been with this
girl since eighth grade. I cheated on her all through
high school. And some girls she knows about and some
she don't. As far as I know, she's only been
with one other guy. I've seen little ship that makes
me think otherwise. I mean Honestly, I don't care if
she did back then, because I've been wild with hello people.
My thing is the sex hasn't been that good. We
(14:52):
argue a lot more. And the biggest thing is she's dirty.
Speaker 3 (15:00):
Nigga whit What the fuck you means? She dirty? Like?
Speaker 4 (15:04):
I care for her a lot, but I can't tell
if I actually love her or if I'm just used
to her, and if I should leave while I'm young.
I'm scared to leave, honestly, because I can get girls.
It's just trusting these new females has me worried because
one thing I can say is if I was to
have a baby with the girl i'm with now, I'd
be cool. But I don't know if I can deal
with getting another girl pregnant. And then I got a
(15:27):
baby mama from hell?
Speaker 3 (15:28):
What should I do? Oh? Okay, so that's not even her,
the dirty girl. This is somebody the.
Speaker 4 (15:33):
Baby by baby mom. And then he is a girlfriend
who's dirty. Yeah, okay, the fat Okay? So what did
it end with a question? Yeah?
Speaker 3 (15:42):
What should he do? Should you bring up with his girl?
I guess because she's dirty like the fine And.
Speaker 4 (15:48):
Then but then he's talking about one thing I can
say if I have a baby with the girl.
Speaker 3 (15:53):
Why I think about having no baby is twenty three?
Speaker 2 (15:58):
Yeah, because he probably going raw all the time, and
he knows there's a big chance that he may get
someone else pregnant. He probably don't like condoms, or he
just wants some more kids.
Speaker 4 (16:08):
I guess, man, he's saying, like if he's done for
her or not, I guess.
Speaker 3 (16:12):
I don't know.
Speaker 4 (16:13):
M Yeah, it's going down to pregnant.
Speaker 2 (16:17):
Yeah, so he's twenty three. He been with this girl
since he was in high school. He cheated on her
all throughout high school.
Speaker 3 (16:24):
Why do you say she's dirty? Though?
Speaker 2 (16:26):
Is that?
Speaker 1 (16:27):
I don't know.
Speaker 2 (16:27):
He didn't give us no context clues, like is she
is she dirty? Like as far as like she's sneaky
because a lot of men refer to that.
Speaker 3 (16:37):
I know a lot of a lot of guys.
Speaker 4 (16:40):
Maybe like di, she's just not organized, Like maybe she's
just junkie.
Speaker 3 (16:45):
Yeah yeah, not a junkie, but she's yunkie.
Speaker 4 (16:47):
Yeah maybe.
Speaker 3 (16:48):
I like because if you with her for that one.
Speaker 2 (16:50):
Yeah, you was where her dirty is all the time,
and now she's dirty, Like, boy, I've been that.
Speaker 3 (16:55):
What's up?
Speaker 4 (16:55):
Like?
Speaker 2 (16:56):
So clean me up? That's like, what's okay? So I
think you knew your answer. It's very simple. I think honestly,
you even saying am I comfortable with her? Is that
whine with her? Like you know, are we growing apart?
And shit like that? Like that's basically what you're asking me.
And then you go on to say you don't feel
(17:17):
like getting to know somebody else, you don't feel like
gaining that trust with somebody new, so you are just comfortable.
You're in this relationship for convenience at this point, because
you voice.
Speaker 3 (17:26):
Clearly what you don't like about it.
Speaker 2 (17:29):
Yeah, he said, the sex is not good, but it's
the sex not good because you don't wore that fucking
dick out in all these other boxes.
Speaker 3 (17:37):
Shit, you busy, you busy, honey.
Speaker 2 (17:40):
And then you got a baby mama from hell because
she was probably one of the motherfuckers that she was
fucking with around on your girlfriend, you know what I mean.
Speaker 3 (17:48):
And then Shorty got pregnant.
Speaker 2 (17:49):
She didn't want to get rid of it, she probably
wanted to be with you, kept the baby to be
with you, And now you ain't leaving this goddamn girl,
and you ain't even making her a priority. So now, yeah,
she he's the baby mama from hell. You know, you
also didn't tell me if she lets you see a
child and out or whatever. But you up here something
about another having another baby, because that's what you did.
(18:10):
You better reread what you wrote because that's exactly what
she's talking about now. Like I said the Sailor, it's
either that you want more kids or you just don't
like condoms. You're one of those raw dog niggas, and
it is what it is. And I don't like saying
niggas because you know we shouldn't these days, but our raw.
Speaker 3 (18:26):
Dog niggas a raw dog nail. You just don't like condoms.
Speaker 2 (18:29):
Tell me if I'm right now, I honestly think you
need to be by yourself.
Speaker 3 (18:35):
You're twenty three. You don't know what you want.
Speaker 2 (18:38):
And the reason why I say you don't know what
you I'm not saying that you're confused about your life
as a whole, but you don't know what you want
because on one hand, you're comfortable in your relationship.
Speaker 3 (18:49):
You want to be in a relationship, but you don't.
Speaker 2 (18:51):
Want to be with the girl that you're with no
more because you think it's something out dead better you
think there's no fixing which or whatever y'all got. Now,
if she dirty, clean up pussy ain't good, tell it
ain't and y'all can figure out other ways to make
it good unless it's stretched out a place like a
fucking rubber band. But I don't see that happening because
she's young as well. You say you think she only
been with one other guy, so it ain't the vagina.
(19:14):
Maybe maybe you ain't making how wet. Maybe that's what
it is. Does she know you've been cheating on it
and doing your fucking things since y'all been in grade school?
Speaker 3 (19:22):
Does she know that? Because maybe you don't do it
for her either. Have you talked to her about it?
Speaker 2 (19:28):
But she'd rather stay with show ass because that's just
what women do sometimes, you know what I'm saying. This
may be a phase and on the other hand, you
want to do what you want to do.
Speaker 3 (19:40):
And then on the other other.
Speaker 2 (19:42):
Hand, now, because if we on the third hand, you
got a baby with a spawn of Satan of a
baby mother, so it ain't really you don't got too
much wiggle room, baby, like you should be by yourself.
Speaker 3 (19:52):
To be honest, you should get to know yourself you
should focus.
Speaker 2 (19:55):
On being a dad, even if you got to go
through the courts like to be a dad. And I
don't even know if this is your situation because you
just briefly hints it on the fact that you have
a baby.
Speaker 3 (20:04):
But you have to focus on.
Speaker 2 (20:08):
Preparing for what's next, not the now, because you are
already grown.
Speaker 3 (20:14):
You got to grow the fuck up your father. So
it is what it is.
Speaker 2 (20:17):
Twenty three. You're still young, but you're a young father now.
So just because you're young, don't mean you got signed
to be a kid and play childish games like sweetie.
You can be by yourself and just be a fucking
bachelor strapped the fuck up, because it's more than just
babies that can be consequences of raw sex.
Speaker 3 (20:35):
I know you know that.
Speaker 2 (20:36):
Yeah, I'm just trying to lead you in the right direction, brother,
because I don't like where you're going. I don't like
where you are. So sit down, talk to your girlfriend,
letting know sheit a little dirty, and you know, figure
out where her head is at first of all, before
you go to a figure out what you want. Don't
go trying to fix it. If that's not what you
want to do. You gotta be honest with your girlfriend.
I don't care if you're comfortable. I don't care if
(20:57):
it's convenient. I don't care if you know you can't
hold on somebody because you don't want to get to
know nobody new because these holes this and these holes that.
Nigga you a hoe. So come to grips with yourself.
Be truthful, fix yourself. Then go to your girlfriend and
let her know exactly what it is about her and
about you, about you, because don't make it.
Speaker 3 (21:19):
All about her.
Speaker 2 (21:19):
Gods can be very selfish and do that as well,
and that's why women playing themselves and be all types
of insecure and shit because we think it's us whole time.
Speaker 3 (21:27):
It's your ass or it's our ass.
Speaker 2 (21:30):
Let her know, work on yourself, be a dad, let
her go shit, and just do what you want to do.
Speaker 3 (21:37):
Single. That's it. That's the only way it's going to
work for you, for her and your baby. The fuck.
It ain't about the baby.
Speaker 2 (21:45):
Mother. She just got your baby, that's it. But you
have to remain cordial enough to raise the child. You know,
he said, well he had a son.
Speaker 3 (21:52):
Or a girl. He's insane.
Speaker 2 (21:55):
Okay, Well, if you got to do it, I'll tell
you right now, you better make it right because you
wouldn't want no nigga playing on her face like that.
And if you got a son, you definitely don't want
them to be running around all fucked up like you.
Speaker 1 (22:08):
Once again, thank you for tuning into the Black Effect
Podcast Network. Seeing you in twenty twenty five for more
great moments from your favorite podcast
Host
Jess Hilarious
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Decisions, Decisions
Welcome to "Decisions, Decisions," the podcast where boundaries are pushed, and conversations get candid! Join your favorite hosts, Mandii B and WeezyWTF, as they dive deep into the world of non-traditional relationships and explore the often-taboo topics surrounding dating, sex, and love. Every Monday, Mandii and Weezy invite you to unlearn the outdated narratives dictated by traditional patriarchal norms. With a blend of humor, vulnerability, and authenticity, they share their personal journeys navigating their 30s, tackling the complexities of modern relationships, and engaging in thought-provoking discussions that challenge societal expectations. From groundbreaking interviews with diverse guests to relatable stories that resonate with your experiences, "Decisions, Decisions" is your go-to source for open dialogue about what it truly means to love and connect in today's world. Get ready to reshape your understanding of relationships and embrace the freedom of authentic connections—tune in and join the conversation!