December 31, 2024 • 23 mins
This special Best Of edition episode features some our favorite messes! If you missed a relatable story, this might be your second chance to listen!
Clip 1 Episode Title: Survivor's Guilt
Clip 2 Episode Title: I Got the Wrong Sister
Clip 3 Episode Title: Keep It In the Past
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Peaks of the planet charlamagine the God here and as
we come close to closing out this year, I just
want to say thank you for tuning it into the
Black Effect podcast network. There have been so many great
moments over the past year. Take a listen to some
of those captivating moments in this special best of episode.
Speaker 2 (00:14):
Hey, Jess, I need some on relationship advice, as in,
how do you get rid of someone who just won't
let relationship go. I'm completely over the father of my children.
We've been together almost ten years and I was completely
in love with that man and thought he was my
best friend and somate. It must have been the sex
because I was completely digmatized. He played me damn near
(00:35):
the entire relationship, but I didn't find out until two
years ago, and it's.
Speaker 3 (00:39):
Been a complete mess.
Speaker 2 (00:41):
I suspected him cheating and things fell off, but I
never had proof or he made it seem like I
was crazy. Two years ago, I was eight months pregnant
and engaged at him. I picked up his pants and
his phone fell out his pocket unlocked. It's like God
was basically telling me to see the truth. What was
in the phone way more than I ever expected and
(01:02):
he was complete slut, even fucking around with women I
knew and saying them money as gifts while not helping
with the household. To make it worse, he messed with
women at the apartment complex we've lived at, even our
most recent place.
Speaker 3 (01:16):
I'm so over his lives and bullshit.
Speaker 2 (01:19):
Last year, I was ready to get my own place,
but he guilt tripped me and said it was best
for the kids to stay together another year. Well, this
year has been hell. He's so tossic and it still
has drama with females coming to my door. Tells me
I'm making things up. I can't deal with this. So
recently I got my own place without him knowing. The
lease is almost up, and I'm doing everything in my
(01:41):
power to jump start this man into finding a place
to live or even rehome him to another bitch for
all I care, But he refuses to accept it and
still makes it seem like we are going to be together.
His family refuses to help and even encourages him to
stay with me. I don't even know what to do
to get rid of this man because he literally needs
me for everything housing and transportation. Yes, he works, but
(02:03):
rarely helps with household bills. I don't want the father
of my kids on the street, and he still needs
to watch the kids while I work, but I also
don't want him laid up in my new apartment. Think
he could say there, we don't have family that can
help with the kids, so it's just us taking care
of them. So we're basically stuck with each other. Any
advision be homing my baby daddy? And so don't fill
in the blinks. They are not having sex at all,
(02:26):
and there's no chance of ever getting back together.
Speaker 4 (02:29):
Just big with everything, y'all. Listen, I have but everything
before I jump into our story. I got everything bagel
for the first time, so it's gonna have my breath
like real oniony but the cream cheese and it's tosted
to with extra butter. Baby, thank you, That's all I
gotta say.
Speaker 3 (02:46):
Now.
Speaker 4 (02:48):
I do not like calling my beautiful black woman clowns,
but baby, i'd be lying if I say you as
in lying, you are a clown. And sometimes we have
to tell each other this so we can pick ourselves up.
And that'slves off and try again. Why are you worried
about a man who don't give a damn about your
feelings at the end of the day being put out
(03:10):
on a damn street.
Speaker 3 (03:11):
Oh, because he the father of my children.
Speaker 4 (03:13):
He didn't give a fuck that she was the mother
of his kids when he was cheating on your ass
for the past ten years. What you just found out
about two years ago, all because his phone was slipped
out the pocket and you.
Speaker 3 (03:22):
Washing his clothes. What I believe.
Speaker 4 (03:26):
If he ain't putting his hands on you, if he
ain't got no gun to your head, if he is
not holding your children hostage, if he ain't doing none
of this, car, you can leave his ass.
Speaker 3 (03:36):
Let him be on the fucking streets now. Listen.
Speaker 4 (03:39):
What he may do is go be with somebody else
for the convenience of it. Because he seems to like
being taken care of. And his family raised them wrong.
Don't give a fuck with nobody say they raise them wrong,
because they're still encouraging his cheating ass to be with you.
That's because you're taking care of him. You're not responsible
for your children's father. You're responsible for the children, just
like he is. Leave his ass some about Oh, and
(04:01):
don't there's no feeling the blanks. We're not sleeping together,
We're not what happens when you want to date the
fuck because I know he's still dating, he just probably
ain't bringing the bitches around you. And also, if you're
able to take care of him, then you should be
able to take care of getting a babysit up for
your kids.
Speaker 3 (04:17):
Why you gotta do anything? I don't care. I do
not care.
Speaker 4 (04:19):
I see mom's do it all the time without their families,
without friend groups, without support groups, all that. Like we
do it women, We do it all. No discredit to men,
because every man out there and not like that. And
we have a lot of heartworking dads. But women, come on, now,
we do this shit. You feel sorry for him yourself?
A soft spot for him? That's crazy. He didn't have
(04:42):
not one fucking soft spot for you. You can't seem
to shake them. You can't, girl, like I said, unless
he beating your ass up and down the house, or
like I said, holding you hostage, gun to your head,
all that. You can walk the fuck out of his
life period. Get a restraining order. Oh, but then he
can't see the kids. See what I'm unning about that?
When he was with Denise, Vanessa and Rudy and Clara,
(05:04):
he wasn't thinking about none of that, girl, No, I think.
Speaker 3 (05:07):
You have lost your everlast of mind.
Speaker 4 (05:10):
And I'm sorry for all my aggression, but sweetie, you
can do better. And sometimes a lot of us women
need to be told that by other women who are
completely unbiased. Like I'm not your friend, I don't know you,
never saw you a day in my life, you know
what I'm saying, So I don't know you. This is
just like anonymous. You know, I'm hearing a story and
I'm telling another woman what she could do, what she
(05:32):
should do.
Speaker 3 (05:33):
You know what I'm saying. You still love him? I
know you do. You know I'm not saying that you
are attracted to him or you don't.
Speaker 4 (05:39):
You know what I'm saying, because all right, taking account
me and my son's father, we are way past intimacy.
We're not, you know, attracted to each other anymore. I
haven't dated Rome since before our baby turned one year old.
Like that's just how that is, you know. And I
often say that we're like brother and sister. So I
would give Rome the shirt off my back, yes I will,
but I would not give him a place to stay
(06:00):
in my house because I am in a relationship.
Speaker 3 (06:03):
I'm moving forward. That's just that's a no.
Speaker 4 (06:05):
No.
Speaker 3 (06:05):
There are still boundaries. That's why I'm telling you this.
Speaker 4 (06:08):
There are still boundaries that has to be set and
have to be put between you and your baby daddy.
What's wrong with him getting a fucking job if he
ain't got no record with even niggas with records, fuck
a record. Even men with records are able to get jobs.
He got to start from somewhere. You cannot carry him
as one of your kids. That's just not what it is.
That's not what it's supposed to be.
Speaker 2 (06:31):
Hey, Jess, I can't believe I'm even saying this, but
I'm very much attracted to my sister in law.
Speaker 3 (06:36):
Wait a mint, and what the hell is going on? Oh?
Speaker 4 (06:39):
I can't even believe I'm saying this. I can't believe
you feel that way with that fire All right, go ahead.
Speaker 2 (06:45):
Me and my fiance have been together for almost sixty
years now. I'm thirty years old, in my fiance is
thirty one. Don't get me wrong. I love my girl
and I want to be with her. I don't know
where these feelings for my sister in law came from,
but here we are. This certain law has always been
around and me and her are real close because we
bonded over smoking. Even showed her how to roll her
(07:07):
first blunt. She ended up moving to Virginia last year
because her husband is in the military and got stationed
out there. She came back here to Arizona after being
going for about seven months. She started for like two months,
and I didn't even I didn't get the feelings until
like two days before she was about to leave. I
always thought she looked good, but never looked at her
in the way I do now. We have been texting
(07:29):
every day since she has left and went back to Virginia.
Nothing crazy, just TikTok videos and talk about random shit.
I would never tell her how I feel because I
don't want her sister my fiance to find out and
wanted want to mess up our close relationship either.
Speaker 4 (07:45):
Well, if you got damn wife listened to ca't Fley
reckless baby, you'll be divorced by them all.
Speaker 3 (07:50):
Wait.
Speaker 2 (07:50):
I don't know what to do. You ever, just think
sometimes you ended up with the wrong sister.
Speaker 3 (07:56):
Oh god, Oh my god.
Speaker 2 (08:00):
The sister in law is ambitious, sexy, and a hustler.
My fiance, on the other hand, isn't too ambitious. I
think that's the reason I'm so attracted to my sister
in waw help me out, give me some advice on
what I should do here?
Speaker 3 (08:11):
Oh my god, what is the matter with you?
Speaker 4 (08:14):
You already married to the system, be married yet you're
not married yet?
Speaker 3 (08:19):
Talking about no they ain't married yet? Girl would still hope?
Speaker 4 (08:22):
Oh gosh, Okay, Now I'm not even gonna lie negger
like I've never been in this situation, but not the same.
Speaker 3 (08:29):
Not not mess with the wrong brother, no, but the friend.
Speaker 4 (08:34):
Like you know how you be like, damn, I gonna
mess with the wrong friend because you jumping out. They
are early in shaite. You see this nigga drive like
you cute, He got his head on straight. And then
you see another nigga got his head on a little straight.
You be like this onn boy, Damn, I made a choice.
She was quick, all right. So I've been in that
situation before, however I did not act on it.
Speaker 3 (08:55):
But this is even worse because these are siblings. Bookie,
the fuck? What the fuck is wrong with you?
Speaker 4 (09:02):
Your fiance is going to be mighty pissed with you.
Speaker 3 (09:07):
Now.
Speaker 4 (09:08):
You said you didn't want to sell the sister. How
you feel do you think the sister feels the same
about you. That's something that you didn't let me know.
And then I'm bonding over smoking baby, I even sort
of how to roll her first blunt.
Speaker 3 (09:19):
What the hell is yo? That is crazy? That is
so crazy to me.
Speaker 4 (09:29):
It's a little childish, you know, y'all bonding over being
high and shit, that's crazy. But you said there are
certain things that you do like about her, her ambition
and so on and so forth. Are you insinuating that
your fiance does not have ambition, she does not have
like goals and you know, potential success? Is that what
(09:52):
she lacks? Because I'm trying to figure out how you
are more into her sister? And then you said at
first you wasn't you know, did the we do all
that like make you attract this her two days before
she left? And then honestly, I don't think it's just
innocent tiktoks and random shit that y'all was speaking about.
If you feel this strongly about her, and if you're
writing me about her, it has to what you think, Taylor,
(10:14):
I feel like it's it's definitely more.
Speaker 3 (10:16):
Don't get to Hay, just answer, and that's it.
Speaker 2 (10:20):
I think this sister likes him too, because why are
you talking to my fiancees like y'all too close to talking?
Speaker 3 (10:28):
Yeah? Yeah, do you believe they don't they did anything.
I don't know.
Speaker 4 (10:32):
Yeah, I wouldn't just jump ahead and say like, yeah,
they've had sex, but I do believe that they've probably
had conversations about it lightly or they have mentioned, oh,
if I could be with you, this will happen if
you weren't dating my sister, or I wish things were
different those type of situations, as innocent as they could
probably get it without crossing that line of physical intimacy
(11:00):
or whatever.
Speaker 3 (11:01):
But I but what was the question again? How do
I go about it? Or what the hell? Because what
do you do? Well?
Speaker 4 (11:09):
The whole family knows you, so say if you do
act like you in the movie, because they do the
shit in the movies, they'll leave what they wit and
go with who that heart lies with the family gonna
hate your ass, favel because if this is your fiance
the sister, you've met her family already, and they'll hate
(11:33):
the sister and they'll hate you. They're gonna be looking
at you off and the rest of you all lives
like these clown ways holes. You know what I'm saying,
They're gonna look at y'all real crazy. And then think
about the heartbreak that the sister would feel, that your
future wife would feel and you tal much y'all wanted
to find out. This is a big secret that you
would be keeping from her. I have no idea how
(11:54):
this will play out for you, but I do think
both of your asses need to be put on blast.
And I'm sorry you are very wrong, and you should
go about it by first sitting down with your fiance,
telling your fiance how you feel. I know he probably
listening to this shit like bitch, I would never go
sit down with my but I think you should because
this feeling is not gonna go away. And then you
(12:14):
let her sister and then you talk to the sister like, well,
I told her so where sol? And for some reason,
I don't know if the sister will be with him though.
Speaker 3 (12:24):
I just think it's or the.
Speaker 2 (12:26):
Sister could be trapping the fiance like see, I told
you he need shit, nigga.
Speaker 4 (12:30):
M If they play a little games like that and
my baby drop, I'm hungry, I'm pregnant the baby.
Speaker 3 (12:40):
If they playing little games like that, bitch.
Speaker 4 (12:44):
I ain't gonna lie. I would do that, sho, I
ain't gonna lie. Uh my sister, I would cry lad
on thinking everything. They'll be like, I got you. But
that's why you not if they really doing that's all petty.
That shit that I did in my early twenties, late teen,
It's like, no, we're not doing that just is somebody's life.
(13:06):
Y'all planning on walking down the aisle, be real with
your wife. Sarpy can get you do any and everything.
Tom he was all wounds. I don't know about this one,
but buddy, you gotta be honest with the one that
you're walking down the aisle with because when y'all exchange
those vows, y'all are best friends. You're making a commitment,
like you gotta be honest, and sometimes honesty definitely pierces,
(13:27):
like it hurts. But Tom hells all wounds, and I
think that she would respect your honesty. She probably want
to beat the hell out of her sister and push
back the wedding, if not break up with your ass.
But at least you got your truth out because if
you don't tell her, i'mna tell him.
Speaker 3 (13:41):
So we got we got his name. His name is Jeremy.
Speaker 4 (13:45):
Jeremy Jeremy Taylor Jeremy. Like I said, I will find
your wife, your fiance and tell her. If you don't
tell them, giving you two weeks, get back with me,
update me.
Speaker 3 (13:59):
Love you.
Speaker 4 (14:05):
I am a seventeen year old woman who lives in Nigeria.
I was born in the US, but I am from
Congo and have spent most of my life living in Africa.
I'm in the serious need of your help. Oh wait
a minute, is this about some money, because I don't.
Oh well, okay, girl, Well you start off like that
and be like I'm in serious need of your help.
Speaker 3 (14:24):
It's like, oh no, no, no, no, okay, Okay.
Speaker 4 (14:28):
My dad is cheating on my mom, who is currently
in North America trying to find a job so we
can finance me going to university. Okay, this is not
the first time my father has been unfaithful. Once my
mom packed her bags and threatened to leave, he begged
her on his dusty as.
Speaker 3 (14:46):
Knees not to go. I know it's right.
Speaker 4 (14:49):
I had to carry her thirty pounds suitcases up the
stairs when she decided to stay, and I was only twelve. Okay,
the same thing happened about two years later, but this
time she went back to Cameroon, threatened to divorce him,
but was magically cooking his favorite meal in the kitchen
two months later.
Speaker 3 (15:07):
Oh, I see what are we going? Okay?
Speaker 4 (15:09):
My dad's infidelity has been a consistent issue in their marriage,
and I know my mom will not leave him. He's
a good father most of the time, and I could
care less if they are together or not, because I
honestly think they're better parents when they are apart. About
two years ago, when we were moving to a new
city in Nigeria, we lived alone with my dad. I
(15:29):
had to do all the motherly duties which I am
used to modern slavery type things. Girl, okay, okay, baby.
Speaker 3 (15:40):
He was cheating then too.
Speaker 4 (15:41):
I found condoms in the trash can and he was
coming late every night. I decided to mind my own
business as I had my own shit to deal with,
and honestly, I was hoping my mother was doing her
thing as well. This time is different, as I am
too soon to leave the house and I can't have
my brother having to pick.
Speaker 3 (16:00):
Up after my sloppy, horny father. I'm sorry, I do
not mean to laugh.
Speaker 4 (16:08):
I'm just trying to figure out what is the problem,
like you know what I'm saying, Like, okay, because it
seems like more of a venting session. But I got you, baby.
I'm gonna keep on because it's about four more progress,
all right. He is so disrespectful and does not even
have the decency to cover his tracks. He bought cheap
ass condoms when we went grocery shopping and thought he
was slick, making me go get salad while he quickly
(16:30):
paid for it. We are a carnivorous family. Yeah, okay, girl,
so do everybody else. I don't have to You don't
have to say we are a carnivorous family. Oh, let
me finish. Nobody in this bitch eats salads. Oh a girl.
I'm like, all right, but you did, and I have
to say we're not. We are a carnivorous family. Like girl, okay,
(16:54):
so technical, I know she going to college. Okay, nobody
in this bitch salas. Later that night, he gave me
the receipts to throw away and I saw condoms written
at the top of the receipt. His first chaps were
his priority before our school snacks. He has come home
twice with dirty cheats that have wet spots on them.
(17:18):
Dirty draws, you mean that have wet spots on them,
and he asked me to put them in the washing
machine so it can be ready for the next bitch.
STDs still exist, They certainly did. I am not an idiot.
I am not one of the boys, so I don't
know why he thinks it's okay to be so oblivious
with his adultery. I don't want to tell my mom,
(17:38):
as she won't leave him, and she is just going
to be stressed out on the other side of the world,
all right, because your mom is in North America and
your dad is somewhere else. Okay, this is none of
my business, so so what the fuck is you telling
me for?
Speaker 3 (17:54):
But I am.
Speaker 4 (17:54):
Already stressed out with school and teenager shit, so him
adding this to my plate is rev I already think
men are trash, and he is just reinforcing that narrative
for me. If I don't sell my mom, I also
fear bad karma might come to me. But I also
feel as though telling her selfish of me, as it
would just relieve my guilt.
Speaker 3 (18:15):
Hmm. I need help.
Speaker 4 (18:17):
My friends ain't shit, respectfully, damn and I go to
a predominantly white school, so I could barely afford my scholarship.
Speaker 3 (18:27):
The counselors and teachers there are no use. Girl.
Speaker 4 (18:31):
You did a good job of making your life sound
like the most shittiest of all shit lives in the world.
Speaker 3 (18:37):
Honey, Like, let me tell you something.
Speaker 4 (18:40):
I'm not gonna say we all have a cheating father,
because you know, I don't know about everybody, but yes,
I had a cheating father. And the reason why I say, hey,
it is because he's not a cheater anymore. My mom
end up getting the strength to leave after just you know,
after many, many, many affairs or whatever. But like your
mom will get the strength to leave. I do understand.
(19:01):
I thought the same thing about my mom at first.
You know, my mother gonna listen to this, like bitch.
First of all, don't try, you know, But yeah, I
think that, you know, every woman has a breaking point.
And who's to say that your mom is not doing her,
you know, but still in love with your father, you
know what I'm saying. Who's to say that your dad
is not in love with his wife but he's still
(19:21):
doing him, you know what I'm saying. And who's to
say that This is not this comes from. This is
deeply rooted. You get what I'm saying, Like this is
like generational although men at a certain age, man you
should know right for wrong. You got a woman that's
down for you. You got a wife. You cannot cheat
on her. That's just how some men are wired. You
get what I'm saying. As far as you complaining about
(19:45):
all the things you had to do for your mom,
I get it.
Speaker 3 (19:47):
I get it. But you are a child just like
she a mother. You get what I'm saying.
Speaker 4 (19:51):
You're talking about carrying thirty pounds bags up to the Listen.
Let me tell you something right now, my son is
twelve years old. I ain't lifting shit around that little bit.
You understand. Yeah, so we gonna carry thirty forty fifty
pound bags for me too. I get it, I understand.
But I'm gonna let you know. You do sound like
a bread a little bit, you know what I mean.
(20:11):
Because they still trying to figure out how they can
pay for you to get to school, to get through school.
Speaker 3 (20:15):
I get it.
Speaker 4 (20:16):
Your friends ain't shit. Get rid of them, make some
new ones. You understand what I'm saying. Everything you told
me is solvable. Everything you sold me is solvable. It
just seems like the only real, real, real issue. And
I'm not discrediting you for anything that you're going through,
but the real issue is that you really really have
a herding bone from your dad, like and I think
(20:38):
that that should result to therapy whenever you're ready. I
know you probably like, hell no, because you fed up
with him. You only got one mom. He cheating on
her bench, cheating on her. She ain't strong enough to leave,
what have you?
Speaker 3 (20:51):
Whatever?
Speaker 4 (20:51):
You know what I'm saying, I understand, But you can
clearly learn not to be that woman from your mom.
But we don't know what all she dealing with either.
Do you talk to your mom? Do you see what
else she going through? All this moving back and forth
and shit, trying to be a mom, trying to provide,
still trying to be a wife. At the end of
the day, you said she was cooking his favorite meal
(21:13):
two months after catching them cheating. Trusting me, I get
all of that shit. I've seen it myself, so I
get it.
Speaker 3 (21:20):
I get it.
Speaker 4 (21:21):
Figure out how to get a job as well. Like
you know what I'm saying, You got teenage shit going on,
Go get yourself a job. You know what I mean,
because at some point, if we see we can't rely
on our parents, we got to make it happen for ourselves.
We can't sit in sulk in misery. You understand what
I'm saying, So fuck all that teenage shit. I understand,
(21:42):
I understand. But if you got people that ain't shit,
drop them. You're still young. You got a lot of
life to live. Go get you a job, help your
parents put you through school, Help your mother put you
through school. I guarantee you won't regret it, because this
is your future. It ain't theirs, it's yours.
Speaker 2 (21:57):
You know.
Speaker 4 (21:57):
Sometimes as kids, we feel very entitled, you know, and
we always say things, you know, we always feel that
our parents should be doing this or should be doing that,
And no, it's my parents' job, all right. If they
ain't doing it, who's gonna do it? You?
Speaker 3 (22:13):
So get yourself together. You understand what I'm saying.
Speaker 4 (22:15):
Figure out exactly what you need to do to man
that relationship with your father, you know what I mean.
And it has to be a two player game. It
can't be just you. It don't even seem like it's
gonna be just you. You know what I'm saying. Now, I
will say him putting you through shit, like giving you
a receipt where you did see that condoms were on there,
or him making you go buy salad even though y'all
(22:37):
be eating meat and shit, you know what I mean,
just so you wouldn't see him by the condoms and shit,
or him making you wash his dirty drawers and shit
and all of that type of shit. These are the
things that you can bring up to him. You get
what I'm saying. You got to bring this type of
shit up, whether you do it in a therapy session,
whether you do it in a conversation with just you
and your dad, or whatever. You know, But I just want,
(23:01):
I want, I need y'all to get past that hump
one day in your life, because just like you get
one mom, you got one Dad.
Speaker 1 (23:09):
Once again, thank you for tuning into the Black Effect
Podcast Network. See you in twenty twenty five for more
great moments from your favorite podcast
Peaks of the planet charlamagine the God here and as
we come close to closing out this year, I just
want to say thank you for tuning it into the
Black Effect podcast network. There have been so many great
moments over the past year. Take a listen to some
of those captivating moments in this special best of episode.
Speaker 2 (00:14):
Hey, Jess, I need some on relationship advice, as in,
how do you get rid of someone who just won't
let relationship go. I'm completely over the father of my children.
We've been together almost ten years and I was completely
in love with that man and thought he was my
best friend and somate. It must have been the sex
because I was completely digmatized. He played me damn near
(00:35):
the entire relationship, but I didn't find out until two
years ago, and it's.
Speaker 3 (00:39):
Been a complete mess.
Speaker 2 (00:41):
I suspected him cheating and things fell off, but I
never had proof or he made it seem like I
was crazy. Two years ago, I was eight months pregnant
and engaged at him. I picked up his pants and
his phone fell out his pocket unlocked. It's like God
was basically telling me to see the truth. What was
in the phone way more than I ever expected and
(01:02):
he was complete slut, even fucking around with women I
knew and saying them money as gifts while not helping
with the household. To make it worse, he messed with
women at the apartment complex we've lived at, even our
most recent place.
Speaker 3 (01:16):
I'm so over his lives and bullshit.
Speaker 2 (01:19):
Last year, I was ready to get my own place,
but he guilt tripped me and said it was best
for the kids to stay together another year. Well, this
year has been hell. He's so tossic and it still
has drama with females coming to my door. Tells me
I'm making things up. I can't deal with this. So
recently I got my own place without him knowing. The
lease is almost up, and I'm doing everything in my
(01:41):
power to jump start this man into finding a place
to live or even rehome him to another bitch for
all I care, But he refuses to accept it and
still makes it seem like we are going to be together.
His family refuses to help and even encourages him to
stay with me. I don't even know what to do
to get rid of this man because he literally needs
me for everything housing and transportation. Yes, he works, but
(02:03):
rarely helps with household bills. I don't want the father
of my kids on the street, and he still needs
to watch the kids while I work, but I also
don't want him laid up in my new apartment. Think
he could say there, we don't have family that can
help with the kids, so it's just us taking care
of them. So we're basically stuck with each other. Any
advision be homing my baby daddy? And so don't fill
in the blinks. They are not having sex at all,
(02:26):
and there's no chance of ever getting back together.
Speaker 4 (02:29):
Just big with everything, y'all. Listen, I have but everything
before I jump into our story. I got everything bagel
for the first time, so it's gonna have my breath
like real oniony but the cream cheese and it's tosted
to with extra butter. Baby, thank you, That's all I
gotta say.
Speaker 3 (02:46):
Now.
Speaker 4 (02:48):
I do not like calling my beautiful black woman clowns,
but baby, i'd be lying if I say you as
in lying, you are a clown. And sometimes we have
to tell each other this so we can pick ourselves up.
And that'slves off and try again. Why are you worried
about a man who don't give a damn about your
feelings at the end of the day being put out
(03:10):
on a damn street.
Speaker 3 (03:11):
Oh, because he the father of my children.
Speaker 4 (03:13):
He didn't give a fuck that she was the mother
of his kids when he was cheating on your ass
for the past ten years. What you just found out
about two years ago, all because his phone was slipped
out the pocket and you.
Speaker 3 (03:22):
Washing his clothes. What I believe.
Speaker 4 (03:26):
If he ain't putting his hands on you, if he
ain't got no gun to your head, if he is
not holding your children hostage, if he ain't doing none
of this, car, you can leave his ass.
Speaker 3 (03:36):
Let him be on the fucking streets now. Listen.
Speaker 4 (03:39):
What he may do is go be with somebody else
for the convenience of it. Because he seems to like
being taken care of. And his family raised them wrong.
Don't give a fuck with nobody say they raise them wrong,
because they're still encouraging his cheating ass to be with you.
That's because you're taking care of him. You're not responsible
for your children's father. You're responsible for the children, just
like he is. Leave his ass some about Oh, and
(04:01):
don't there's no feeling the blanks. We're not sleeping together,
We're not what happens when you want to date the
fuck because I know he's still dating, he just probably
ain't bringing the bitches around you. And also, if you're
able to take care of him, then you should be
able to take care of getting a babysit up for
your kids.
Speaker 3 (04:17):
Why you gotta do anything? I don't care. I do
not care.
Speaker 4 (04:19):
I see mom's do it all the time without their families,
without friend groups, without support groups, all that. Like we
do it women, We do it all. No discredit to men,
because every man out there and not like that. And
we have a lot of heartworking dads. But women, come on, now,
we do this shit. You feel sorry for him yourself?
A soft spot for him? That's crazy. He didn't have
(04:42):
not one fucking soft spot for you. You can't seem
to shake them. You can't, girl, like I said, unless
he beating your ass up and down the house, or
like I said, holding you hostage, gun to your head,
all that. You can walk the fuck out of his
life period. Get a restraining order. Oh, but then he
can't see the kids. See what I'm unning about that?
When he was with Denise, Vanessa and Rudy and Clara,
(05:04):
he wasn't thinking about none of that, girl, No, I think.
Speaker 3 (05:07):
You have lost your everlast of mind.
Speaker 4 (05:10):
And I'm sorry for all my aggression, but sweetie, you
can do better. And sometimes a lot of us women
need to be told that by other women who are
completely unbiased. Like I'm not your friend, I don't know you,
never saw you a day in my life, you know
what I'm saying, So I don't know you. This is
just like anonymous. You know, I'm hearing a story and
I'm telling another woman what she could do, what she
(05:32):
should do.
Speaker 3 (05:33):
You know what I'm saying. You still love him? I
know you do. You know I'm not saying that you
are attracted to him or you don't.
Speaker 4 (05:39):
You know what I'm saying, because all right, taking account
me and my son's father, we are way past intimacy.
We're not, you know, attracted to each other anymore. I
haven't dated Rome since before our baby turned one year old.
Like that's just how that is, you know. And I
often say that we're like brother and sister. So I
would give Rome the shirt off my back, yes I will,
but I would not give him a place to stay
(06:00):
in my house because I am in a relationship.
Speaker 3 (06:03):
I'm moving forward. That's just that's a no.
Speaker 4 (06:05):
No.
Speaker 3 (06:05):
There are still boundaries. That's why I'm telling you this.
Speaker 4 (06:08):
There are still boundaries that has to be set and
have to be put between you and your baby daddy.
What's wrong with him getting a fucking job if he
ain't got no record with even niggas with records, fuck
a record. Even men with records are able to get jobs.
He got to start from somewhere. You cannot carry him
as one of your kids. That's just not what it is.
That's not what it's supposed to be.
Speaker 2 (06:31):
Hey, Jess, I can't believe I'm even saying this, but
I'm very much attracted to my sister in law.
Speaker 3 (06:36):
Wait a mint, and what the hell is going on? Oh?
Speaker 4 (06:39):
I can't even believe I'm saying this. I can't believe
you feel that way with that fire All right, go ahead.
Speaker 2 (06:45):
Me and my fiance have been together for almost sixty
years now. I'm thirty years old, in my fiance is
thirty one. Don't get me wrong. I love my girl
and I want to be with her. I don't know
where these feelings for my sister in law came from,
but here we are. This certain law has always been
around and me and her are real close because we
bonded over smoking. Even showed her how to roll her
(07:07):
first blunt. She ended up moving to Virginia last year
because her husband is in the military and got stationed
out there. She came back here to Arizona after being
going for about seven months. She started for like two months,
and I didn't even I didn't get the feelings until
like two days before she was about to leave. I
always thought she looked good, but never looked at her
in the way I do now. We have been texting
(07:29):
every day since she has left and went back to Virginia.
Nothing crazy, just TikTok videos and talk about random shit.
I would never tell her how I feel because I
don't want her sister my fiance to find out and
wanted want to mess up our close relationship either.
Speaker 4 (07:45):
Well, if you got damn wife listened to ca't Fley
reckless baby, you'll be divorced by them all.
Speaker 3 (07:50):
Wait.
Speaker 2 (07:50):
I don't know what to do. You ever, just think
sometimes you ended up with the wrong sister.
Speaker 3 (07:56):
Oh god, Oh my god.
Speaker 2 (08:00):
The sister in law is ambitious, sexy, and a hustler.
My fiance, on the other hand, isn't too ambitious. I
think that's the reason I'm so attracted to my sister
in waw help me out, give me some advice on
what I should do here?
Speaker 3 (08:11):
Oh my god, what is the matter with you?
Speaker 4 (08:14):
You already married to the system, be married yet you're
not married yet?
Speaker 3 (08:19):
Talking about no they ain't married yet? Girl would still hope?
Speaker 4 (08:22):
Oh gosh, Okay, Now I'm not even gonna lie negger
like I've never been in this situation, but not the same.
Speaker 3 (08:29):
Not not mess with the wrong brother, no, but the friend.
Speaker 4 (08:34):
Like you know how you be like, damn, I gonna
mess with the wrong friend because you jumping out. They
are early in shaite. You see this nigga drive like
you cute, He got his head on straight. And then
you see another nigga got his head on a little straight.
You be like this onn boy, Damn, I made a choice.
She was quick, all right. So I've been in that
situation before, however I did not act on it.
Speaker 3 (08:55):
But this is even worse because these are siblings. Bookie,
the fuck? What the fuck is wrong with you?
Speaker 4 (09:02):
Your fiance is going to be mighty pissed with you.
Speaker 3 (09:07):
Now.
Speaker 4 (09:08):
You said you didn't want to sell the sister. How
you feel do you think the sister feels the same
about you. That's something that you didn't let me know.
And then I'm bonding over smoking baby, I even sort
of how to roll her first blunt.
Speaker 3 (09:19):
What the hell is yo? That is crazy? That is
so crazy to me.
Speaker 4 (09:29):
It's a little childish, you know, y'all bonding over being
high and shit, that's crazy. But you said there are
certain things that you do like about her, her ambition
and so on and so forth. Are you insinuating that
your fiance does not have ambition, she does not have
like goals and you know, potential success? Is that what
(09:52):
she lacks? Because I'm trying to figure out how you
are more into her sister? And then you said at
first you wasn't you know, did the we do all
that like make you attract this her two days before
she left? And then honestly, I don't think it's just
innocent tiktoks and random shit that y'all was speaking about.
If you feel this strongly about her, and if you're
writing me about her, it has to what you think, Taylor,
(10:14):
I feel like it's it's definitely more.
Speaker 3 (10:16):
Don't get to Hay, just answer, and that's it.
Speaker 2 (10:20):
I think this sister likes him too, because why are
you talking to my fiancees like y'all too close to talking?
Speaker 3 (10:28):
Yeah? Yeah, do you believe they don't they did anything.
I don't know.
Speaker 4 (10:32):
Yeah, I wouldn't just jump ahead and say like, yeah,
they've had sex, but I do believe that they've probably
had conversations about it lightly or they have mentioned, oh,
if I could be with you, this will happen if
you weren't dating my sister, or I wish things were
different those type of situations, as innocent as they could
probably get it without crossing that line of physical intimacy
(11:00):
or whatever.
Speaker 3 (11:01):
But I but what was the question again? How do
I go about it? Or what the hell? Because what
do you do? Well?
Speaker 4 (11:09):
The whole family knows you, so say if you do
act like you in the movie, because they do the
shit in the movies, they'll leave what they wit and
go with who that heart lies with the family gonna
hate your ass, favel because if this is your fiance
the sister, you've met her family already, and they'll hate
(11:33):
the sister and they'll hate you. They're gonna be looking
at you off and the rest of you all lives
like these clown ways holes. You know what I'm saying,
They're gonna look at y'all real crazy. And then think
about the heartbreak that the sister would feel, that your
future wife would feel and you tal much y'all wanted
to find out. This is a big secret that you
would be keeping from her. I have no idea how
(11:54):
this will play out for you, but I do think
both of your asses need to be put on blast.
And I'm sorry you are very wrong, and you should
go about it by first sitting down with your fiance,
telling your fiance how you feel. I know he probably
listening to this shit like bitch, I would never go
sit down with my but I think you should because
this feeling is not gonna go away. And then you
(12:14):
let her sister and then you talk to the sister like, well,
I told her so where sol? And for some reason,
I don't know if the sister will be with him though.
Speaker 3 (12:24):
I just think it's or the.
Speaker 2 (12:26):
Sister could be trapping the fiance like see, I told
you he need shit, nigga.
Speaker 4 (12:30):
M If they play a little games like that and
my baby drop, I'm hungry, I'm pregnant the baby.
Speaker 3 (12:40):
If they playing little games like that, bitch.
Speaker 4 (12:44):
I ain't gonna lie. I would do that, sho, I
ain't gonna lie. Uh my sister, I would cry lad
on thinking everything. They'll be like, I got you. But
that's why you not if they really doing that's all petty.
That shit that I did in my early twenties, late teen,
It's like, no, we're not doing that just is somebody's life.
(13:06):
Y'all planning on walking down the aisle, be real with
your wife. Sarpy can get you do any and everything.
Tom he was all wounds. I don't know about this one,
but buddy, you gotta be honest with the one that
you're walking down the aisle with because when y'all exchange
those vows, y'all are best friends. You're making a commitment,
like you gotta be honest, and sometimes honesty definitely pierces,
(13:27):
like it hurts. But Tom hells all wounds, and I
think that she would respect your honesty. She probably want
to beat the hell out of her sister and push
back the wedding, if not break up with your ass.
But at least you got your truth out because if
you don't tell her, i'mna tell him.
Speaker 3 (13:41):
So we got we got his name. His name is Jeremy.
Speaker 4 (13:45):
Jeremy Jeremy Taylor Jeremy. Like I said, I will find
your wife, your fiance and tell her. If you don't
tell them, giving you two weeks, get back with me,
update me.
Speaker 3 (13:59):
Love you.
Speaker 4 (14:05):
I am a seventeen year old woman who lives in Nigeria.
I was born in the US, but I am from
Congo and have spent most of my life living in Africa.
I'm in the serious need of your help. Oh wait
a minute, is this about some money, because I don't.
Oh well, okay, girl, Well you start off like that
and be like I'm in serious need of your help.
Speaker 3 (14:24):
It's like, oh no, no, no, no, okay, Okay.
Speaker 4 (14:28):
My dad is cheating on my mom, who is currently
in North America trying to find a job so we
can finance me going to university. Okay, this is not
the first time my father has been unfaithful. Once my
mom packed her bags and threatened to leave, he begged
her on his dusty as.
Speaker 3 (14:46):
Knees not to go. I know it's right.
Speaker 4 (14:49):
I had to carry her thirty pounds suitcases up the
stairs when she decided to stay, and I was only twelve. Okay,
the same thing happened about two years later, but this
time she went back to Cameroon, threatened to divorce him,
but was magically cooking his favorite meal in the kitchen
two months later.
Speaker 3 (15:07):
Oh, I see what are we going? Okay?
Speaker 4 (15:09):
My dad's infidelity has been a consistent issue in their marriage,
and I know my mom will not leave him. He's
a good father most of the time, and I could
care less if they are together or not, because I
honestly think they're better parents when they are apart. About
two years ago, when we were moving to a new
city in Nigeria, we lived alone with my dad. I
(15:29):
had to do all the motherly duties which I am
used to modern slavery type things. Girl, okay, okay, baby.
Speaker 3 (15:40):
He was cheating then too.
Speaker 4 (15:41):
I found condoms in the trash can and he was
coming late every night. I decided to mind my own
business as I had my own shit to deal with,
and honestly, I was hoping my mother was doing her
thing as well. This time is different, as I am
too soon to leave the house and I can't have
my brother having to pick.
Speaker 3 (16:00):
Up after my sloppy, horny father. I'm sorry, I do
not mean to laugh.
Speaker 4 (16:08):
I'm just trying to figure out what is the problem,
like you know what I'm saying, Like, okay, because it
seems like more of a venting session. But I got you, baby.
I'm gonna keep on because it's about four more progress,
all right. He is so disrespectful and does not even
have the decency to cover his tracks. He bought cheap
ass condoms when we went grocery shopping and thought he
was slick, making me go get salad while he quickly
(16:30):
paid for it. We are a carnivorous family. Yeah, okay, girl,
so do everybody else. I don't have to You don't
have to say we are a carnivorous family. Oh, let
me finish. Nobody in this bitch eats salads. Oh a girl.
I'm like, all right, but you did, and I have
to say we're not. We are a carnivorous family. Like girl, okay,
(16:54):
so technical, I know she going to college. Okay, nobody
in this bitch salas. Later that night, he gave me
the receipts to throw away and I saw condoms written
at the top of the receipt. His first chaps were
his priority before our school snacks. He has come home
twice with dirty cheats that have wet spots on them.
(17:18):
Dirty draws, you mean that have wet spots on them,
and he asked me to put them in the washing
machine so it can be ready for the next bitch.
STDs still exist, They certainly did. I am not an idiot.
I am not one of the boys, so I don't
know why he thinks it's okay to be so oblivious
with his adultery. I don't want to tell my mom,
(17:38):
as she won't leave him, and she is just going
to be stressed out on the other side of the world,
all right, because your mom is in North America and
your dad is somewhere else. Okay, this is none of
my business, so so what the fuck is you telling
me for?
Speaker 3 (17:54):
But I am.
Speaker 4 (17:54):
Already stressed out with school and teenager shit, so him
adding this to my plate is rev I already think
men are trash, and he is just reinforcing that narrative
for me. If I don't sell my mom, I also
fear bad karma might come to me. But I also
feel as though telling her selfish of me, as it
would just relieve my guilt.
Speaker 3 (18:15):
Hmm. I need help.
Speaker 4 (18:17):
My friends ain't shit, respectfully, damn and I go to
a predominantly white school, so I could barely afford my scholarship.
Speaker 3 (18:27):
The counselors and teachers there are no use. Girl.
Speaker 4 (18:31):
You did a good job of making your life sound
like the most shittiest of all shit lives in the world.
Speaker 3 (18:37):
Honey, Like, let me tell you something.
Speaker 4 (18:40):
I'm not gonna say we all have a cheating father,
because you know, I don't know about everybody, but yes,
I had a cheating father. And the reason why I say, hey,
it is because he's not a cheater anymore. My mom
end up getting the strength to leave after just you know,
after many, many, many affairs or whatever. But like your
mom will get the strength to leave. I do understand.
(19:01):
I thought the same thing about my mom at first.
You know, my mother gonna listen to this, like bitch.
First of all, don't try, you know, But yeah, I
think that, you know, every woman has a breaking point.
And who's to say that your mom is not doing her,
you know, but still in love with your father, you
know what I'm saying. Who's to say that your dad
is not in love with his wife but he's still
(19:21):
doing him, you know what I'm saying. And who's to
say that This is not this comes from. This is
deeply rooted. You get what I'm saying, Like this is
like generational although men at a certain age, man you
should know right for wrong. You got a woman that's
down for you. You got a wife. You cannot cheat
on her. That's just how some men are wired. You
get what I'm saying. As far as you complaining about
(19:45):
all the things you had to do for your mom,
I get it.
Speaker 3 (19:47):
I get it. But you are a child just like
she a mother. You get what I'm saying.
Speaker 4 (19:51):
You're talking about carrying thirty pounds bags up to the Listen.
Let me tell you something right now, my son is
twelve years old. I ain't lifting shit around that little bit.
You understand. Yeah, so we gonna carry thirty forty fifty
pound bags for me too. I get it, I understand.
But I'm gonna let you know. You do sound like
a bread a little bit, you know what I mean.
(20:11):
Because they still trying to figure out how they can
pay for you to get to school, to get through school.
Speaker 3 (20:15):
I get it.
Speaker 4 (20:16):
Your friends ain't shit. Get rid of them, make some
new ones. You understand what I'm saying. Everything you told
me is solvable. Everything you sold me is solvable. It
just seems like the only real, real, real issue. And
I'm not discrediting you for anything that you're going through,
but the real issue is that you really really have
a herding bone from your dad, like and I think
(20:38):
that that should result to therapy whenever you're ready. I
know you probably like, hell no, because you fed up
with him. You only got one mom. He cheating on
her bench, cheating on her. She ain't strong enough to leave,
what have you?
Speaker 3 (20:51):
Whatever?
Speaker 4 (20:51):
You know what I'm saying, I understand, But you can
clearly learn not to be that woman from your mom.
But we don't know what all she dealing with either.
Do you talk to your mom? Do you see what
else she going through? All this moving back and forth
and shit, trying to be a mom, trying to provide,
still trying to be a wife. At the end of
the day, you said she was cooking his favorite meal
(21:13):
two months after catching them cheating. Trusting me, I get
all of that shit. I've seen it myself, so I
get it.
Speaker 3 (21:20):
I get it.
Speaker 4 (21:21):
Figure out how to get a job as well. Like
you know what I'm saying, You got teenage shit going on,
Go get yourself a job. You know what I mean,
because at some point, if we see we can't rely
on our parents, we got to make it happen for ourselves.
We can't sit in sulk in misery. You understand what
I'm saying, So fuck all that teenage shit. I understand,
(21:42):
I understand. But if you got people that ain't shit,
drop them. You're still young. You got a lot of
life to live. Go get you a job, help your
parents put you through school, Help your mother put you
through school. I guarantee you won't regret it, because this
is your future. It ain't theirs, it's yours.
Speaker 2 (21:57):
You know.
Speaker 4 (21:57):
Sometimes as kids, we feel very entitled, you know, and
we always say things, you know, we always feel that
our parents should be doing this or should be doing that,
And no, it's my parents' job, all right. If they
ain't doing it, who's gonna do it? You?
Speaker 3 (22:13):
So get yourself together. You understand what I'm saying.
Speaker 4 (22:15):
Figure out exactly what you need to do to man
that relationship with your father, you know what I mean.
And it has to be a two player game. It
can't be just you. It don't even seem like it's
gonna be just you. You know what I'm saying. Now, I
will say him putting you through shit, like giving you
a receipt where you did see that condoms were on there,
or him making you go buy salad even though y'all
(22:37):
be eating meat and shit, you know what I mean,
just so you wouldn't see him by the condoms and shit,
or him making you wash his dirty drawers and shit
and all of that type of shit. These are the
things that you can bring up to him. You get
what I'm saying. You got to bring this type of
shit up, whether you do it in a therapy session,
whether you do it in a conversation with just you
and your dad, or whatever. You know, But I just want,
(23:01):
I want, I need y'all to get past that hump
one day in your life, because just like you get
one mom, you got one Dad.
Speaker 1 (23:09):
Once again, thank you for tuning into the Black Effect
Podcast Network. See you in twenty twenty five for more
great moments from your favorite podcast
Host
Jess Hilarious
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